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#trauma tornado

wonder how ms cadima is doing… shes the first person that ever looked at me and was like “wait you have adhd” and made accommodations for me even though i didn’t get a diagnosis 🥺

hope she’s ok, she scared me when we first met bc she had very big eyes and liked edgar allen poe but she became my favorite teacher of all time

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Bombarded by such vivid dreams to the point that sleep was impossible. Violent and surreal dreams.

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Bombarded by such vivid dreams to the point that sleep was impossible. Violent and surreal dreams.

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if it wasnt obvious enough im having a night where i feel terrible and talk about it because i dont have the energy to regret it

#wind howls#trauma tornado#not even sure if this counts as trauma for anyone else because im the only one who knows what im talking about.#but i am talking about traumatic events i have lived. im the only one who gets to know them however.#maybe its because im in a depressive state where i feel especially disconnected/inhuman/lonely as hell but god#this sucks. everything sucks. i can only blame things on my aunts presence for so long.#sure her being here makes me uncomfortable but i dont know for sure if thats whats making me have a trauma night rn#i. feel like im failing at everything. lately it feels like im especially failing at any interaction i do. like#i feel like whenever i open my mouth everyone around me goes like [affection - -] like in the sims like everything i do just fucking sucks#so to prevent that i dont say anything. i follow along others ideas and only add what i need when im really truly needed. but am i ever ?#but sometimes i get a burst of bravery and i share my ideas and then get so scared and insecure that i never go into detail about them#and everything gets so much worse its like a vicious circle of Fuck This Guy#i dont. necessarily envy the way i was a couple of years ago. i was carefree and far more gullible and i guess that#in a way. im scared that ive hardened to a point where its difficult to approach me. the last thing i want is to be intimidating#but im so scared all the time that im afraid im pushing other away and god this really sucks#sorry im having a night i started thinking about so many things at once
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bro being raised to have to deserve the bare minimum and get punished when i dont give more than the norm did really give me brain damage

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