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#trigger warning suicidal thoughts
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Suicidal thoughts in 2015, suicidal thoughts in 2016, suicidal thoughts in 2017, suicidal thoughts in 2018, suicidal thoughts in 2019, suicidal thoughts in 2020, suicidal thoughts in 2021, suicidal thoughts in 2022, suicidal thoughts in 2023, suicidal thoughts in 2024. I am tired. I'm so tired.
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wordsmadeofmoonlight · 7 months
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⚠️TW: suicidal thoughts⚠️
i've been writing about suicide again. i didn't realize how empty of it my notebooks had been.
and now these pages once again reek of death, which means even the only thing i have left has been enveloped by its scent.
don't come after me. please just let me rest.
♥️🪐
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hardtchill · 1 year
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Oh shit im so sorry about your coworker, that’s fucking tragic. And I get it, when people start discussing it it’s so triggering cuz it brings you back to the place where you’ve felt like that. And it makes you think if they couldn’t make it, what makes me so different? Take it easy this weekend if you can, be gentle to yourself
Yeah. I always describe it like this
It's like i'm standing on a cliff with hundreds of people; we’re standing behind a rope. It’s not there to hold us back, it’s meant as a warning to not go beyond that point. But i have been beyond it. I have spend weeks dangling my feet off the edge off that cliff and i know what it's like to jump.
Once you have been beyond it, the rope loses it's meaning and it might as well not be there. A lot of people stay behind the rope as that is their healthy boundary. I don't have a healthy boundary anymore, just a fear of jumping.
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jadeclaymoresworld · 9 months
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do you have a good therapist or a friend you can talk to (irl or online)? it hurts to see you go through it :/ I hope you can get someone to talk to and manage to get away from whatever's causing you pain
just know you are loved and people care about you <3 (it's me, I'm one of the people)
I have friends I can talk to, but I don't like burdening them with all my crap, they have their own shit to deal with, they don't need my crap on top of that.
Unfortunately I'm not in a position to get a therapist yet, I know I need one, but that can't happen till I move out away from my mum.
Thank you for saying you care, it means a lot and I know I can get through this, I've survived the last 15 years of these kind of thoughts, but thank you all the same.
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yournonbinaryicon · 1 year
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Tw s*icidal thoughts
Dysphoria sucks. I just don’t want to exist.
(don’t worry I’m not going to kms life is just terrible)
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rae-gunz · 1 year
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READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE READY TO DIE
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blueskittlesart · 6 months
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Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Now that you're gone
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disjointed-art · 9 months
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Catch my breath Part 2: sprout page 7
Tw: Steve low key talking about unaliving…it is not explicit suicidal ideation but Please skip this page if you’re no okay with this theme!!!
Basically Eddie assumes that’s what he means when he says “give up” which Ed’s isn’t wrong but Steve doesn’t admit that yet.
Me forever projecting onto Steve with my awful mental health from high school 😘
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Happy Monday! Only one page because the weather here is gross and rainy. I also impulsively cut my hair but it actually turned out great so slay!
Full comic
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artist-issues · 6 days
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I’m going to talk about something potentially suicide-related, so watch out.
Music can’t save you.
I keep seeing that all over the place—seriously, all over the place, not just from actual musicians— and I feel like someone needed to say it.
All you’re really claiming when you say “music saved me” is:
Music has a powerful effect.
During a time in my life where I felt like giving up, that powerful effect changed what I was feeling so that I did not give up.
Okay those two things are true, but let’s take a step back for a second.
If you’re lost in the woods and considering giving up, sitting down, and letting yourself starve or be eaten by wild animals, a bird could have the same impact. You might look up, see a colorful shape flying through the trees, and decide to follow it. Now you’re moving. Now you’re doing something, instead of giving up—regardless of whether or not you can keep up with the bird, regardless of where it’s leading you. So sure, that is a good thing. But it’s only temporary, a bandaid solution to your problem. Even if it leads you to water, or shelter, you’re not “saved.”
You’re not “saved” until you’re no longer lost, no longer in the woods. You have to get back to your home. You have to get back to a place where you know where you are in the world, and how to get what you need, and everything makes sense again.
It is the same way with music. Or any art.
Art can remind you of what’s good, and beautiful, and yes, true. But it is not the art that saves you. It is the truth that does the saving. The art just had a hand in reminding you of it. So it would be way more accurate to say “music helped me.” But you still have to deal with whatever it was that got you to the place where you felt like giving up. And part of that is making sure that you know what the song is saying has truth in it, and that truth actually applies to the problem you’re having, because you can lean on truth, and it’s what made the music worth anything in the first place. Otherwise, the music is just a distraction, and distractions end.
In that sense, it’s more like a tiger is stalking you through those woods. You can get away from it briefly, especially if something beautiful or good or true distracts you from the thought of laying down and letting it take you. But eventually you have to kill the tiger, or get out of the woods where it lives.
Truthfully—truthfully—a song can get you out of, or into, a state of mind and emotions. But those emotions have a source. And if you don’t get rid of the source, or neutralize the source, your songs are only going to be bloody bandages on a wound. Worse, the songs might make you start to love the sight of bloody bandages, when what you really need is disinfectant and actual healing.
I do know this from experience. I’m just saying, think about it.
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themindofmysty · 1 year
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When I go, I hope you think of me softly…
Sick to my stomach I fight the tears welling up inside me. There’s no one to blame but myself.
I hate what they’ve done, I hate what I’ve done, I hate who I am, I hate being alive.
My mind rewinds and erases memories that should never be forgotten, yet sticks to what could have been. Protection? Maybe. Annoying? Yes. Maybe daydreaming of what could have been is the only way to keep me sane, yet I find myself spiraling. every. time.
why am I still stuck on this. On you? Therapy, drugs, hospitalizations, medications, all proved useless to forget.
Suicide. I’ve attempted. But I’m always left with what if? What if one day you’ll change your mind. What if one day I see you again? Pathetic enough, those possibilities have kept me around. maybe I’ll change that.
“If one day, we have our own families, I’ll tell my children about you. My first love who I’ll never forget.” I’m gut wrenched.
Blades and all, I slash through your haunting memory. Blood seeps as I weep.
I lie across the steel, uncomfortable, but ready. All I have to do now is wait.
Thank you to everyone who is concerned. This is an old writing of mine and I’m in recovery. 💛
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jinx58062 · 23 days
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just because i carry it so well… doesn’t mean it’s not heavy…
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xxcherrycherixx · 5 months
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I know i like to talk about cupid and blondie just fucking every second but i legit just also want them to just do normal couple shit man, like cuddling on the sofa or treating the other to their favourite home cooked meal.
Kissing each others cheeks and foreheads sweetly, holding hands everywhere. Constantly telling their respective friends about how much they love their gf.
They go to the fair and try to win each other prizes! Theres an archery game and blondie keeps telling cupid she can totally win it, cupid misses miserably. Blondie has a turn and wins immediately explaining her skills with “sometimes i get bored when you’re not home so i shoot your bow in the house” cupid just stares gobsmacked unsure wether to tell her girlfriend off or kiss her right there. (She absolutely breaks that bow when she gets home just incase blondie has accidentally hit herself with one of the arrows)
Cupid eventually starts bringing blondie through the portal and to other worlds, they never stay for long and cupid makes sure they’re very careful to not get caught but they get to go on wonderful dates.
Blondie starts bringing cupid with her on field work days, cupid takes it very serious and helps as best she can (although she does sneak kisses in now and then which distracts blondie)
They live in a little cottage, near a forest so blondie can explore (occasionally cupid gets dragged along with her, she still isn’t a big fan of the woods though) they have multiple spare bedrooms and when people ask why they have so many empty bedrooms they just give each other a look and make an excuse about how the place just came like that and they didn’t really mind the extra space.
Those spare rooms quickly become kids rooms (and a cub room, blondie brings home a baby bear one day and cupid just sighs in acceptance of the fact that she’s now also a mother to a bear. She of course loves that little one just as much as their other kids though)
None of the children are cupid’s biologically, she states that shes not comfortable with the idea of birth so Instead they’re all either a mix of blondie’s genes and a donors genes or they’re adopted.
Cupid’s family happily take in blondie and the kids as family, but they always give cupid sad looks when blondie and the kids aren’t around. Nonetheless blondie gets invited to join their parties and get togethers as cupid’s plus one, Aphrodite likes the blonde girl very much and tells her to call her auntie too, she often invites the girl to join her and her friends for drinks claiming blondie is great at sharing gossip.
As the fairytale worlds society changes, Blondies family comes around to accepting the relationship. especially when blondie introduces their first child, a girl with golden curls. All the remaining walls drop and blondies mother scoops her daughter up in a tearful hug proud of her for becoming a mother too and apologises for not being there to support her through the pregnancy. Blondie’s mother makes sure to be there for every single one afterwards and it makes blondie so happy.
But not everything is “just right” in a relationship. ( hey guys trigger warnings here for like um lots of shit about death and suicide 😬 whoops it got angsty)
Theres a lingering dark cloud that hangs over cupid and blondie’s relationship. Cupid doesn’t bring it up but she knows and hates whats to come, Its a horrible realisation that strikes her not long after they start dating, its the reason her family gives her pitying looks, its the reason she refuses to have biological kids of her own even though she wants to. She notices her wife change, and she changes herself physically to match, but its never real.
Blondie is aging and she isn’t.
She confides in briar one afternoon, the girl was meant to sleep 100 years and outlive her friends and family, and while she wont have to do that anymore, she still had to live with knowing it was going to happen. Briar tries to comfort her, but fails. She tells cupid to tell blondie, but she refuses to.
Two years into their marriage blondie becomes pregnant with their first child. When their daughter turns one years old cupid visits her family alone and cries. She cries and screams about the future, how quickly one will turn to ten and ten will turn to her first child being lowered into a grave. Her father holds her silently, knowing that nothing he says can comfort her.
Cupid continues for the next decade trying to keep her fears at bay, and then blondie gets a call about a loss in the family. An older relative who had taken their own life not long after the death of their spouse.
Another horrifying realisation hits cupid. She doesn’t confide in anyone about this one.
one day Aphrodite finally lets it slip to blondie that cupid will outlive her and their entire family.
Blondie struggles with learning this, she had known her wife was immortal and very much older than her, but having it finally hit her that her wife will outlive her by thousands upon thousands of years with most likely many lovers after to replace her hurts. Knowing cupid and their family will be her forever, but she and their family will not be cupid’s forever, absolutely tears her heart to shreds.
One day she breaks and tells cupid, her wife tells her that she will in fact “be her forever”, that there will be no one else after her. Blondie accepts it as a lie to comfort her, but one day she realises what cupid really meant. she feels sick and terrified of her wife’s intentions, but she feels even more sick at the relief it gives her to know that she wont just be a short fling the other woman will one day forget.
They don’t speak on it again and they definitely dont tell cupid’s family of her future intentions, they continue to live happy and in love, but every now and then they think about the shared grave that awaits them.
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greychaos0 · 1 month
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I actually feel like fucking screaming
Im so fucking done with everything
I want to cry
I want to fucking throw shit
But no, i just sit here. Alone.
I want cuddles from my boyfriend, but this stupid fucking campus says no.
I want to be able to cry in his arms with out other people around
I want to be able to just be with him, with out being watched 24/7
I hate it here so fucking much
So. Fucking. Much.
I cant be myself
Im always getting misgendered and deadnamed
Bullied and picked on
Almost been killed twice
Been raped and abused
Been forced to sell nudes
Im so fucking done
Im so fucking done
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jadeclaymoresworld · 9 months
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I have never been more glad to wear a watch than I am right now, give me a good place to hide the marks cuz life is getting too much right now and I don't wanna be here!
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hersterical · 8 months
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How aware do you guys think Faith was of her own plan to provoke Angel into killing her in ‘Five by Five’? That was definitely her plan from at least the moment Wolfram and Hart hired her to kill Angel.
Within the context of the fight she had with Buffy in ‘Who Are You?’ I feel like even Faith would’ve taken some time to self-reflect just for a moment or two before going back to repressing.
I think that she was perfectly aware that that was the end goal of her plan the whole time but was very purposefully refusing to acknowledge it or put it into words even within her own mind. Her train of thought would go something like ‘I need to make Angel as angry as possible so that he doesn’t hold back when we fight’ and then stops her thoughts there because she knows what lies at the end of the path and if she continues to feign ignorance, then her death wouldn’t be her choice and not her fault.
It’s possible that her whole plan was totally subconscious, but that seems unlikely to me based on the end of ‘Who Are You?’ and some of her lines throughout ‘Five by Five’. It’s also possible that she was aware of her end goal from the beginning, but that just doesn’t sound like Faith to me.
I also love that it’s Angel who she chose to be the one to kill her. Besides the fact that he’s one of the few people in the world who would be capable of killing her when she goes all out (again taking the responsibility off of her), I love that she wants the guy who Buffy had tried to kill Faith over to be the one to do it. I love how she’s more upset about Buffy leaving the guy she stabbed Faith over and found a new boyfriend within a few months than the actual stabbing or anything else from their complicated history. Faith wants her death to be at the hands of someone else deemed unworthy by Buffy Summers. Someone else who is a monster but is still somehow better than her (why else would Buffy love him, even if it was just for a short time, when Buffy wouldn’t give Faith a second glance even before Faith screwed up?). Someone who is in many ways the same person as Faith and is still better than her even though he’s done worse things.
I wonder if Faith remembered a time when Angel tried to offer her compassion and understanding and if a part of her hoped that he would do the same thing again.
Faith already knew Buffy’s judgement of her, and that was before the whole kidnapping Buffy’s mom and stealing Buffy’s body and life thing. But Buffy is the ideal. How could perfect Buffy with the perfect life possibly understand? Angel though, Angel is just as much like Faith as he is like Buffy. He’s all honorable and good and he also knows what it’s like to be corrupted and to take a human life. Angel is her last chance. If he of all people thinks she deserves to die, then that’s what she deserves. Possibly even scarier than that is that if he thinks she deserves a second chance, then she might actually deserve a second chance.
Obviously these two aren’t the only people she seeks validation and guidance from, that’s one of her biggest things. Just look at her relationship with the Mayor. That’s why it’s so great in ‘Sanctuary’ when she makes the choice for herself to go to the police. I feel like every decision we’ve seen her make so far has either been something that someone else has told her to do, or because she’s felt like she’s had no other choice. She is definitely backed into a corner in ‘Sanctuary’ but she also has both Angel and Buffy fighting for her and the opportunity to skip town. The easiest way for her to avoid the responsibility of making a decision would just be to let whatever outcome of that fight to decide her future. The easiest way to avoid the consequences of her actions would be to run away. But Faith doesn’t do either of these things. She finally steps up and take on both the responsibility of choosing her own life path and the responsibility of owning up to her actions. Faith is the one who decides that she deserves to face punishment and the opportunity for redemption but that she doesn’t deserve to die. Faith made the decision that she deserved to live. “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.”
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slothinginorbit · 23 days
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Thinking of how cloud had lost all hope and possibly all will to survive in the lab.
It is often talked about how cloud was mentally weak and how jenova easily wormed through that, or how mako messed him up. But I don't think we talk much about his trauma at that point.
He had gone through major traumatic events but had no time to process any of it before thrown into another nightmare. When he first woke in that lab cloud had just lost his mother - only family, his crush tifa (he thought she died) his whole village, and at the hands of his hero no less. His best friend injured and locked in the same nightmare as him as they (probably) watched each other being experimented on. There was nothing or noone for him to go back to, nothing that made him want to hang on and live through the torture.
He momentarily snaps out of it on that cliff because now he is loosing his best friend too and in a terrible way. His self that was hiding deep inside surfaces before vanishing again. If not for zacks last words I am not sure he would get up and walk to midgar.
Zacks last words to cloud is for him to live "you are my living legacy" (or proof that I existed in jp? Not sure, need to check that). I think that tethered cloud more into living (and I also think guilt plays a role here, something something how he would betray zacks last wish if he didn't chose to survive something).
But he is back to being catatonic right after because, again, he has no one or nothing left for him.
He finds there is still someone when tifa finds him and thats what finally gets him out of the catatonic state he was in. But before tifa I don't think he had any will to live.
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