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(?) i keep self triggering nonstop i cant help it. i purposely search for nasty things related to my trauma just so i can feel bad. how do i stop it i cant stop i hate it

We have some information you might find helpful, because my friend you can stop harming yourself, you can heal. You are a person worthy of health and healing. 

Triggering oneself is a form of self-harm it can help to look at it that way when breaking down what you are trying to get out of it on the level of dysregulation and seeking to deal with it on a somatic level as well as bringing judgment from the situation. 

Coping Skills: Combating Self-Harm Urges

Self-harm urges can be so strong and are very hard to deal with, but we can work against them to better-coping skills.

Self-harm, self-mutilation or self-injury comes in multiple forms not just cutting that is normally discussed. Examples include compulsive masturbation, burning, hitting yourself against things, excessive scratching to the point of drawing blood, punching self or objects, infecting oneself, inserting objects into body openings, drinking something harmful and breaking bones purposefully.

These skills also work for self-triggering behaviours doing actions that cause yourself severe emotional distress like flashbacks or panic attacks.

Here is some advice to start finding safer coping skills:

The first step is to look at what is pushing you to self-harm.

Look at:

  1. What things tend to happen before you do the behaviour? Are their common external triggers?
  2. what emotional state are you in before you trigger yourself? For example are you angry, empty, keyed up, anxious? Do you feel like you need a realise? Are you experiencing intrusive thoughts?
  3. What physical sensation are you experiencing beforehand? Are you holding tension anywhere particular? Are you in physical pain? Are you already experiencing body memories?
  4. What emotions are you feeling afterwards? Do you feel less empty? After the panic subsides are you actually calmer?
  5. What physical sensation do you have afterwards?

Okay, now you can look for replacement actions that can handle the feelings without triggering yourself.

  1. knowing outside triggers can help you avoid them if possible, and prepare for them ahead of time if that’s not possible.
  2. If you recognize the emotional state the persists the actions you can try and work on bringing yourself down from this state first. Learn about coping skills to handle this feeling. (Coping skill suggestions: Anger, anxiety/stress 1 and 2, intrusive thoughts)
  3. If you are feeling specific body sensations beforehand look at ways to help that. For muscle stress this might help, heating pads or light stretching might help. If you have a headache ice pack might help. If you are already having body memories this or this might help.
  4. Now sometimes the emotion you are getting after the triggering is just as important as the emotion that was before. Now here you can look for a replacement action that brings you a similar emotional feeling that isn’t as harmful. This post gives some examples of replacement skills for self-harm. If something you find is you are looking to break an emotional blank, or you feel more “real” afterwards I could suggest finding emotional things (music, movies, books) that can still bring strong emotions.
  5. If you have physical sensations you are seeking again it is good to find a replacement action. Sensory aids might help info about that here.

Three important things to consider for long-term recovery

  1. Deeper things are always at play. Underlying mental health conditions (Like BPD, PTSD or Depression) and trauma. Working through these problems, often a professional can be helpful reaching out to them is important.
  2. Reaching out to friends and family can be really helpful in keeping yourself safe. Which is of the utmost importance.
  3. If you find yourself harming yourself greatly please look at our crisis resources.

[WordPress Link]

Intrusive thoughts are often present here and dealing with them can combat the urges you have to self-harm as it can help mitigate the severity of the urges and thought spirals involved. 

Coping Skills: Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that intrude into the thoughts process of those who deal with them. They are commonly associated with OCD, PTSD, eating disorders, addiction and self-harm.

Intrusive thoughts are not just thoughts that seem random or unskilled (that called thinking), and they aren’t always accompanied by the urge do something (compulsions). They can extremely distressing thoughts, violent, sexual or panic-inducing ideas and images are really common manifestations.

We dealing with intrusive thoughts an important first step is to understand while these thoughts are in your brain they don’t represent desires for the thoughts to happen or that it’s your real secret morality. It’s a function of what you are struggling with (mental illness, trauma and stress) not you being a bad person. Reminding yourself of that combats shame and paralyzation of feeling helpless to act.

next is letting them be. Intrusive thoughts happen, rumination, berating yourself for having them, or aggressively trying to push them away are all not helpful. Learning to just let them come into your brain and leave without a huge shift in behaviour and mood is important. Doing this robs them of their emotional power and lessens the pain. It’s okay to have them, It’s okay that they hurt you, letting these thoughts go is fine and healthy.

You don’t owe it all of your energy to trying to work them out,  make thoughts stop happening, or repressing the emotions till it hurts more.

This just takes practice when experiencing them letting yourself know its just a thought, not real or something you must act on. When you feel the emotions and stress from the thought take a deep calm breath. Do your best to steady your emotional/physical response. When you can’t distract or not panic that’s fine, don’t get angry just try again next time.

Another important thing to remember is to not modify your whole life around intrusive thoughts. Avoidance is, of course, something people with PTSD and anxiety suffer with in general, but it’s key to start working your life around what you want and not avoiding intrusive thoughts. Starting with small things that might be ignored because of the thoughts not linked to large trauma, This is an important step to remove the power of the thoughts.

If your thoughts are often based on catastrophizing logic talk might actually help. Intrusive thoughts about say natural disasters thinking about how unlikely something is to happen so not number one priority might help, remind your self “it is valid to worry but maybe not so much right this second.”

Distraction isn’t always bad, many intrusive thoughts can be let go but patterns sometimes do need to be addressed. If you have trauma-based intrusive thoughts healing from trauma is often key to making them better.

Be Blessed all

~Admin 2

[WordPress link]

So if it’s online porn you could turn of safe-search and block the sites. This can combat the easy patterns we get stuck into. It can have a withdrawal effect and don’t hate yourself for slipping up. When you feel the need try and chose another act. Distracting yourself with things that require a lot of brain space is often a good step.

If you need some kind of stimulation you could try using written erotica that doesn’t have the same possible damage on the people involved in the production. Because of the biological aspects of addiction sometimes if you cut “cold turkey” as it were can push to worse behaviour. 

Another tool for compulsive actions is to put it off, don’t judge yourself to just stop any and all behaviour but extend the time as long as you can combine with replacement behaviours. 

Due to the nature of sexual trauma, it can be really useful to breakdown the relationship to sex and how that is affecting you. Doing so can help work through triggers. Coping Skills: Healing A Relationship With Sex After Sexual Abuse

Our Coping Skills Masterpost might be useful in finding ways that help you deal with your trauma symptoms over time and reduce the regulation you automatically fall into. 

It’s important to disconnect from behaviours that harm you, and depending on what you are engaging with harm others. Participating in these don’t make you inherently a bad person, it just means you are in a place of struggle and need to work towards healing. 

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

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how come accidentally overhearing not even one whole scene of a movie that your roommate is watching, can trigger you so easily and make your day go from a relatively good day to an afternoon filled with crippling anxiety and what feels like you’ve just fallen into a deep dark pit of depression that you’re never gonna be able to climb back out of again, and all of a sudden you’re reliving your lived experience of a horror story and everything is all coming back and you’re spiralling into something i don’t even know like all you wanna do is just die cos this is some heavy shiiiit that you ain’t know how to cope with and i’m just being a sooky bubba now so i should stop but thank u tumblr for being an outlet i feel safe enough to just let this all out to….

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How to explain to people that while something is a major trigger for some alters, it’s just a discomfort for others

How to also explain that since this thing is extremely common, you are working as a collective to help desensitize yourself& to this thing

How to furthermore explain that romance can actually be a trigger for people, and that it’s so ingrained into society that other people don’t notice when it’s being expressed

How to express to people that even if some alters have a trigger, other alters can still indulge in that thing, especially if they are actively working on desensitizing themselves

How to actually go about enjoying content without feeling like you’re betraying your headmates since you& have fought so hard to have social circles tag that type of content for you&

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Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold

Characters: Belle (Once Upon a Time), Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Gaston (Once Upon a Time), Maurice | Moe French, Mad Hatter | Jefferson, Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Alex (OC)

Additional Tags: AU, Curse gone wrong, Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cruelty, Abuse, Triggers, Graphic depictions of violence, Eventual Smut, Romance, Character Death, Gaston is evil

Summary: Casting a spell, any spell - at least the ones that involve more than just the wave of a hand, or worse, the wave of an irritating fairy’s wand - takes time, and patience, and the right ingredients, and… just like any recipe, if you get it wrong, it doesn’t mean the cake won’t cook, rather then will, just with unexpected or unintended outcomes. All of Rumplestiltskin’s careful planning and manipulation, all of his hopes and dreams turn to dust; ashes in his bitter heart in the blink of an eye… in the fall of an equine heart.  Belle exchanges one terrible prison for another, and it’s one she is desperate to escape, and though Rumple’s fate as The Savior was severed from him centuries ago, sometimes fate itself has a way of finding an alternate route home.

NOTE: Not gonna lie - this is ugly and will quite likely be triggering. There is the heavy implication that Gaston took Belle against her will, nothing is ‘seen’ except the preceeding violence, but if you feel this will trigger you, just read the sections at the beginning (Jefferson) and the end (Rumple).

Read on AO3

[Chapter 1]  [Chapter 2]  [Chapter 3]

Chapter 4 - The Price Of Denial

Jefferson wasn’t surprised when Regina showed up on his doorstep later that evening. He opened the door, threw her a bored expression and then began to walk back into the house, not bothering to close the door, or to greet her, knowing that she’d follow him anyway, or beat the hell out of his door if he closed it in her face as he felt like doing.

“Jefferson,” she began, as she did, indeed, follow him.  “Where is she? Why isn’t she here?”

“You expect me to understand the nuances of magic?” he asked sarcastically, adding, “I”m just a portal jumper, remember? I expect because you cast it wrong.”

“What?!” Regina snapped.

“The curse,” he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, completely misinterpreting her reason for asking. “You know the reason we’re all here in this godforsaken place, living fake lives just so you can have your happy ending?”

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The dripping has started again.

Sometimes in dreams, sometimes in nightmares. Sometimes the rain. Sometimes a clock’s second hand. Occasionally, taps that haven’t turned off. Once, a piece of laundry left to dry.

The dripping has started again, at 3am. Northlight is in the top bunk of a double-decked bed, both duvets wrapped around him to stave off the cold of a house with no heating. The tenants are staying elsewhere with the boiler broken, and Northlight reaped the rewards of their misfortune.

It’s comfortable, nostalgic, and they like being surrounded by the planked sides of the bed, keeping them from falling into the dark. They were getting the best night’s sleep of their month.

Except something, somewhere, is dripping.

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Woke up to a wall of text from my older sister and abuser and now I’m anxious and hurting and paranoid that she’s still fucking stalking me somehow from somewhere and I just. I had enough energy to tell her I can’t trust her, nor can I deal with any of this right now. Rather than respecting that boundary, she sent another fucking wall of text. At least I know she still has no concept of or respect for even the most basic of boundaries. Which will probably be helpful in the future, but for now just kinda intensifies the paranoia.

So, E, if you’re still fucking following me or have any of your flying monkeys following me, this is your notice to cut it the fuck out if you genuinely want a relationship with me at some point. I don’t owe you a damn drop of transparency.

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I’d like to say that my anxiety level is usually quite low these days, but that’s not entirely true. Yeah, I can go through most of the day without feeling anxious, but only if nothing slightly unusual or stressful is happening.

Like damn. It only takes small triggers to make me feel stressed and anxious.

These triggers can be stupid little tasks like writing an email to someone, making a phonecall (I hate that anyway) or just reading a stupid email because I’m afraid the information could be slightly inconvenient for me.

I’m so damn afraid of what other people think of me.

I mean. Nowadays I can aknowledge that I’m a beautiful, intelligent and lovable person.

But when I have to communicate with people I don’t know very well I’m constantly thinking: “What if they think I’m stupid? Or lazy? Or maybe I sound rude and disrespectful? Maybe I come off as super incompetent?”

I know it’s irrational thinking, on a cognitive level I’m well aware of that. But I stil can’t get rid of all these fears.

I’m so afraid to mess things up that I try to avoid even starting certain things. But some tasks don’t run away just because I don’t do them immediately and procrastination only makes the anxiety worse.

But I’m trying to work on it. No, I’m not only trying, I’m actually working on it. For example, I try to answer emails for my jobs or university right away instead of pushing it away for another few days. Phone calls are still a problem, but I’m giving my best to pull myself together.

Let me end on a positive note: Although I’m extremely aware of my anxiety at the moment, maybe it isn’t such a bad sign. Maybe it’s a good start to acknowledge my fears and to get a closer look on the triggers which cause or worsen my anxiety. Maybe I’m not more anxious right now, maybe I’m just more attentive. I will try my best to find out a healthy way of how to deal with what is triggering me and with all the anxiety I’m feeling. And maybe I can reduce the anxiety in a long run. And until that, I should celebrate the small steps and victories.

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A list of weird/not-so-weird PTSD triggers that only I understand because it’s a way for me to flex my ADHD while processing trauma. Please ignore this.


“New normal”

The smell of roses

The health food store

My MIL’s house



Newborn Babies

Emergency Departments

“It’ll happen one day.”




This list could go on and on.

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The most random things can be a trigger for someone. The brain is reactive. Its important, when you realize you’ve been triggered, to stay calm and breathe. Think happy thoughts, think of how far you’ve come… Breathe in and out deeply… Breathe.

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Sometimes life feels like a weight sitting on your chest. Sometimes it feels like a pit in your stomach. Sometimes it feels like a frog stuck in your throat. Sometimes it feel like a blow to the head. Sometimes it feels like searing pain in your flesh. Sometimes it leaves us numb or tingly, as if we’ve been set on ice. Sometimes, it leaves us so overwhelmed that we’re not even sure what we feel.

Sometimes the feeling(s) change from day to day or even moment to moment. Other times, we feel like our feelings are stagnant or trapped in place.

Sometimes, life feels like a cruel and twisted joke that everyone finds the humor in except for you. 

Sometimes life leaves us feeling lost and wounded while we wander through a state of despair, depression, and anxiety.

Sometimes life leaves you wondering “How am I suppose to get through THIS?”

But there is hope.

Yes! Even this moment. Your time of darkness is much like a cloudy or stormy day. The sunlight may be obscure or complete obstructed by dark clouds, but there’s not doubt as to whether or not the sun is still here. Like you know that the sun is still there, remember that God is certainly still here. 

Sometimes our view of God is obstructed by pandemic, betrayal, failure, success, confusion, pride, helplessness, lack, or even greedy. Fortunately, regardless of whether you’re on the apex of a mountain or at the crux of a valley, God is still here!

How am I suppose to get through THIS? The answer is God. You may not “see” Him, but He’s is with you. Because of that, YOU will get through this!

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~ Characters: Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Lexi Ackles(OFC), Casey Jefferson, Jesse Spangler

~ Pairings: Jared x Lexi(OFC)

~ Warnings: Anxiety, Drinking, Age Gap, Relationship Abuse, Violence, Language

~ Word Count: 3,078

~ In Beta’d A;; Mistaked Are My Own


Lexi hadn’t gotten out of the house much in Vancouver. Thankfully she was done shooting her character for the season so she didn’t have to venture out very much unless she needed or wanted to. Which, she didn’t really care to.  Now, she wasn’t depressed or anything like that. She just didn’t want to be around people. Which, could you blame her?

In Texas she went to Jensen’s and Genevieve’s here and there and would go to the grocery store and such but wouldn’t venture out other than that. Every time Jared asked her she said she was okay. But that didn’t stop him from worrying about her. He knew receiving that subpoena was like a kick in the stomach. Aside from comments here and there, Chris was never in her mind. She had pushed him and what had happened way deep in the back of her mind where she hoped it would stay.

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Every now and then when I get a little too into the fandom sphere I’ll get a whif of and remember why I need to keep a lot of space between my mental being and this site. This is the only place online I feel like my neurotic mindset is both understood and embraced in a positive way, but I have to keep working with myself a lot to not let the inevitable shitty parts of any online community suck me into a void of destructive behavior again like it used to.

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing writing something like this but I feel like this would be good for me to remember, and possibly anyone else who might feel the same way. It helps ground the situation more and really helps me put it in better perspective.

Like “wait. Am I really getting upset over what Tumblr says? Lol I don’t need to give a single shit about that haha, I can just relax and watch Poketube videos and write about whatever is making me happy that moment.” ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

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Ive gotten asked what I do during isolating since I live alone: in the evenings I find myself reflecting a lot. Usually about why certain things didnt work out. I was trained early on(like most people) to not show what you really feel, in the case that it is related to “negative” emotions

for example: I think about why this or that was triggering.. Does it possibly relate to things I learned or observed.. or inflicted on me, growing up?from there I think about how to heal those sore spots. it’s really difficult to allow myself to be… vulnerable to ..well, me..but the more I open up and clean out those wounds and take care of them, the stronger I feel

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