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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Is there any chance we could have a round up of the Circus? I am so lost on how the dominoes fell over the last 40 days

Okay this is not comprehensive, because (a) my husband the politics nerd is currently on his way to a gig in west Wales somewhere and so cannot chime in and also (b) all our political journalist friends are understandably quite busy right now doing political journaling, but I seem to have an influx of new followers who are also very confused and don't understand what's going on, so I shall try.

Alright so what we're seeing here is the Second Clownfall of 2022, the hotly anticipated sequel to the Adventures of Big Dog the Clown. However it revolves around the character of Liz Truss, and will use some terminology, so

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

...okay I think that's everything. On with the show!

The Premiership of Liz Truss (2022-2022)

Week One

We begin our tale on September 5th, 2022. Coincidentally, that was also the date that I personally started my new job. Let's see which of us does better!

The Daily Mail is delighted, and runs a headline proclaiming "Cometh the hour, cometh the woman". Tory rag in a frock coat the Financial Times runs an op-ed:

So the results ARE IN! She will definitely fuck us up! But that's a good thing for vague reasons! Blitz spirit everyone. Tally ho, pip pip, shoot a servant and have sex with a wall, hey what. Good old Blighty.

(That's my best impression of Tories I'm good at their accents I hope you like it)

Truss does an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, and fellow guest and comedian Joe Lycett wildly and effusively applauds her every word. Even Liz realises no one would sincerely applaud her. Bafflingly, the entire right wing press and every member of the Tory party freak out about this, because they don't understand the function of a satirist and don't know how to defend against it. It is extremely funny. Joe Lycett announces he's a right-wing comedian now, and begins a new extended career bit effusively and sarcastically praising right wing politicians. They all cry extensively and call him mean.

SO, it's been a long hard leadership campaign! But she made it. For years, Tories have been blighted by the curse of the PM/Chancellor relationship, backstabbing and cheating and lying about each other to try and get power. But not our Liz, oh no; her Chancellor is Maths Mate and BFF Kwasi Kwarteng, an insipid and poisonous gnome known for three (3) things:

He once wrote a stupid book with Liz Truss about his stupid opinions on how he thinks economics work and everyone laughed at him and stuffed him in a locker

On the night of the Brexit vote he was overheard by a journalist gleefully saying “Who cares if sterling crashes? It will come back up again“ which are of course the words of a man who knows all about economics and how they work

This fucking bullshit back in July:

But hey IT'S OKAY! Everything is fine! Because Liz and Kwasi are BFFs who certainly never had an affair and are marching in lockstep and have each other's backs and both love maths more than their own children if they had any! Maths Friends!

Multiple resignations immediately follow.

Among them is Ben Elliot, the Tory Party chair, which is a pretty big deal from a man who just lived through the Johnson years; also, shockingly, Priti Patel, the deportation-happy Home Secretary, decides that even as an animatronic goblin she cannot support this nonsense.

It's not a resignation per se, but at ten to seven in the evening it's announced that Andrew Bridgen, the Troy MP for Leicestershire North West, has been evicted from his home and ordered to pay £800,000 in legal costs, and a possible £244,000 in rent arrears. Also described as "dishonest" by a judge.

This is not directly relevant to Liz Truss but look, it was a staggeringly weird day and this was basically the topper.

Anyway.

Liz goes to the Palace and is duly sworn in by the Queen, who promptly keels over and dies the very next day. Parliament is instantly shut down for mandatory mourning. As omens go, this one was not subtle.

This triggers the circulation of some very awkward footage of Young Truss talking about how she thinks the Monarchy should be abolished for being a gross relic of horrifying social stratification. However you must understand that it's not awkward because anyone thinks she murdered the Queen. It's because Liz Truss's attempts at public speaking are like sitting through a children's Christmas play when you're the only person in the audience and they can all see your face so you have to look encouraging for four hours when inside you are shrivelling into something approximating an apricot pit travelling to the core of Jupiter.

Take a look at her acceptance speech and wither.

Anyway we're now several MPs and a queen down so she's got to get on replacing those so she can focus on her real love: the much-anticipated mini-budget that she is preparing with Kwasi to save the UK from the harrowing quagmire of crippling poverty that Big Dog managed to drive us into (all while pretending it wasn't Big Dog who did it.)

Fortunately, she does not need to replace the queen! Monarchies take care of themselves, which many people would argue is very much the problem, of course. They had a proper reunion with Meghan From Suits and Meghan From Suits' husband, both of whom were banned from visiting Balmoral, and also the Nonce flew in, who was allowed to visit Balmoral. Such heartwarming scenes.

But the Cabinet, that's another matter. That's something Liz DOES have to do, and it's important she gets it right, Tumblrs, because you see, every time a Cabinet minister is replaced it's expensive and a hassle and it weakens a government by making them look all crumbly, like a packet of biscuits that's been rammed against a wall and now someone is opening it and everyone is bracing for Crumbs.

So, step forward to the Cabinet soulless ghoul Suella Braverman, the new Home Secretary. She immediately distinguishes herself by trying to legalise torture.

And then, naturally,

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TICK TOCK TERF O'CLOCK also FUCK the sovereignty of the Scottish Parliament amirite ladies lol Girl Power uwu

Not that she can actually do anything at this point, of course. As I say: Enforced Mourning is in process, which means Parliament is shut down for ten days. No work, no speeches, no appearances, no announcements, just taxpayer's money going on legal fees to see if she can interfere with another nation's elected government in order to strip away the human rights of queer people.

However, while we all weep over the corpse of Queen Lizzie Two and beat our breasts in grief, the already-beleaguered pound is slowly bleeding out through this inaction. And this, to the Maths Mates, is unacceptable.

Two things get quietly slid into the news cycle.

Thing the First:

BIG YIKES LADS

Thing the Second:

Fracking ban in England lifted in bid to boost UK gas supply - BBC News

For those who don't know, fracking is an energy extraction process. Water, gas and dust are pumped at high pressure into shale bedrock to crack it open, releasing pockets of natural gas that can then be harvested for fuel. It's environmentally disastrous for multiple reasons, both direct (earthquakes, groundwater pollution, social impacts) and indirect (IT'S STILL A FOSSIL FUEL YOU STUPID CUNTS ARE YOUR SKULLS FUCKING EMPTY). The Welsh and Scottish governments have both banned it outright, a straight-up "Foot down no, petal". England, though, is the Tory paradise, so the ban was less complete.

However, this is still a Huge Deal - the 2019 Tory manifesto was very clear that fracking would only be unbanned IF "the science shows categorically that it can be done safely". In fact, most Tories don't like it either. Their constituents REALLY don't. Also in March Kwasi Kwarteng literally went on record and said it wouldn't lower European gas prices anyway; but not anymore! Now he thinks it's a zippy idea. Just spiffing. Top hole, pip pip (I'm so good at their accents :))

Scientists who have been studying the environmental impacts of fracking produce their report -

And it is quietly buried, so as not to offend the corpse of Lizzie Two.

Here ends the first four days of the Reign of Liz Truss.

Second Week

Anyway, royalists have gone insane and started a REALLY BIG queue to see a box that supposedly contains the rotting cadaver of the old queen. Multiple people have to be hospitalised because they join the Queue and don't take food, water, warm clothes, or essential daily medications with them, even though the Queue is literally days long. Some die. Many take the ashes of their own loved ones so they can wave them at the box for the thirty seconds they get to be in front of it, like a sort of play date for ashes.

Prince Charles, now King Prince Charles, starts swanning about as King, demanding everyone be sad for him and clap him to cheer him up. Someone holds up a sign saying 'Not my King' and gets arrested. This triggers a whole wave of protests and arrests as free speech slides out the window, until the Met Police chief has to step in and explain to the police like they're five-year-olds that they can't do that, actually, and need to cut that shit out.

But we can't wholly blame the police, because the main pressure to clamp down on protestors actually came from...

The government.

Meanwhile the country goes bat shit fucking insane. In order not to offend the fragile sensibilities of royalists, now so brittle they need to be treated with the same delicate touch normally reserved for unstable nitroglycerin, the UK sees supermarkets lowering the volume of self-serve checkout desks, people's funerals cancelled, vital operations and other medical interventions postponed, Centre Parcs cancelling holidays, FOOD BANKS CLOSING, Nintendo Direct cancelling its live stream in Britain (but not cancelling the release of the recording onto You Tube an hour later because as we all know Queen Elizabeth II was a MASSIVE livestream fan and would have been DEVASTATED to miss it but she was very 'meh' about YouTube), cycle racks being closed, and this unhinged shrieking harridan:

Very normal, lads. Very normal.

Oh and also they cancelled Owain Glyndwr Day so as a Welsh person I am now legally allowed to forcibly ram a daffodil into the urethras of the landed English gentry.

However, the protests grow as the suppression wanes. By the time King Prince Charles comes to Wales, he is met with silent protests, this guy who learned a sentence in Welsh specially for the occasion, and a petition to abolish the Prince of Wales title.

Except government is still shut down, so the petitions are all suspended.

But not to worry! That gives the Maths Mates more time to work on their special mini-budget.

Week Three

More of the same at first, really, but she finally addresses the nation to announce that the Queen was the "rock" on which "modern Britain was built".

Also someone finally spots that the necklace she always wears is a day collar, so that was fun.

BUT THEN

The moment we have all been waiting for, with baited breath.

On the 23rd September, 2022, the mini-budget finally arrives. The golden egg of Kwasi and Liz, their beloved, beautiful child, the crowning glory, the culmination of their economic beliefs and values. They are so proud of it, so sure of it, that they do not even submit it for the approval of the Office for Budget Responsibility. Why should they? This is the moment Kwarteng can finally show the world that he was right; that this is the way to do economics after all; that he alone in his brilliance and genius has reinvented the field and will lead the country to a new era of riches and prosperity.

And the pound does this:

Yikes.

Truss goes into hiding for a day and a half, during which time her aids claim all her relatives have died so she won't have to speak to the press, which is obviously a simply fantastic quality in a Prime Minister. Finally, she resurfaces by doing a series of radio interviews for regional stations around the UK, hoping they'll be easier on her, starting with Radio Leeds. The good journalists of Yorkshire eviscerate her and strew her corpse through Adel Woods. It's downhill from there.

Week Four

One poll puts Labour 33 points ahead of the Tories.

It can be a little difficult to translate polls, because the electoral system is complex, so I asked my journalist friends. They cheerfully informed me that, if translated into a General Election, the Tories would have just 3 seats left.

Except! Of course, naturally, that is me reporting naught but the most extreme result, Tumblrs, dancing upon the bones of my enemies as I chant the rites to make the Tory party die faster. If I were to be fair about this - and I am, of course, a journalist of Integrity and Morals - I would actually give the average poll result. And I am wise and fair to all, ancient rites aside, so I shall.

The average poll result is still 19 points ahead.

Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory in 1999 was 12 points.

Rounding off the day, Labour declare that they are backing a change to a proportional representation voting system in place of the UK’s archaic first past the post system. Funny that.

Anyway, that mini-budget is going poorly. Realising unlimited borrowing rather than tax cuts for the rich is maybe Bad Actually, the Maths Mates decide to get the money for their bail-outs some other way. Can you guess, Tumblrs? Can you guess where they decide to get the money from?

Naturally.

Week Five

In a fascinating little twist, the papers claim Liz banned King Prince Charles from going to the Climate Summit in Egypt. This is interesting for about a billion reasons, not least of which is that the papers seem very angry about this and yet also that it's an unsubstantiated rumour - the phrase "it's understood that _" gets a hell of a workout.

She then does not go herself. Makes sense. They'll probably be mean to her about the fracking.

She then loses the support of the Daily Mail, a paper that five weeks before were ecstatic about her rise to power :( so sad. But why? What made them change their minds?

Well. What else from Truss, but a massive and catastrophic u-turn on the economy?

And she does! The absolute nutter!

Plans to cut the 45p tax rate for those earning upwards of £150,000 were abandoned, as were:

abolishing the planned rise in corporation tax

cutting the basic rate of income tax

the two-year energy bill support plan

scrapping the planned dividend tax hike

VAT-free shopping for international tourists

freezing alcohol duty

easing of IR25 rules for the self-employed

ALL GONE! All gone. The mini-budget is not working so lol jk we'll think of something else, that's how government works, right? The pound promptly implodes further. Of all people, Nadine Dorries is the one to criticise

WE ARE IN A TOPSY TURVEY UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

The Daily Mail still finds a way to say it's all Michael Gove's fault, though.

Anyway, the 5th October dawns bright and beautiful and YouGov polls rural voters:

THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUGE, because farmers just will not fucking stop voting Tory, AND YET. Wowsers. Not just popularity. Voting intention. She might as well have personally infected every farm in the South Downs with foot and mouth disease.

Truss realises her popularity is plummeting and she needs a new audience. She tries to appear down with the kids and declares that she's the only PM to have gone to a comprehensive school.

This is not true. Gordon Brown and Theresa May both did. However, it's certainly true that all three of them became PM by ousting a sitting PM, so there's that I guess.

Week Six

At this point I can start putting in PRECISE DATEs just call ME Robert Peston.

13th October

News reporters start speculating that she'll be done by the end of the month as the first rumoured letter of no confidence reaches us. People realise that her competition for shortest serving PM was a guy who died in office of TB at about the four month mark RIP king sorry about your lungs.

(A reminder - normally, if MPs want to oust a party leader, they must send in 54 letters of no confidence. This makes the 1922 Committee - a bunch of back benchers who preside over this shit - hold a vote of no confidence. A leader who loses gives way - this is very rare. A leader who wins is then immune to another such vote for 12 months, but they almost always crumble within a month or two anyway - this is much more common.)

This is extremely funny, because a newly-elected leader of the party has a 12 month immunity to votes of no confidence, same as people who've won such a vote. Likes charge reblogs cast apparently. MPs are getting desperate.

Pressure mounts. Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announces that he is "Not going anywhere."

14th October

Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng is sacked and blamed for the entire economic mess.

Incredibly, Liz does this without first planning a replacement, so it's several hours before Jeremy Cunt suddenly reappears like the spectre at the fucking feast.

Meanwhile here's Ed Milliband on Twitter

Seven and a half years he waited to retweet that. Seven and a half long years, look, to have the last laugh.

In the end, he still went too soon.

15th October

Deputy PM and also Health Minister Therese Coffey (side note - have they always doubled up in roles like that? Or are there just not enough of them anymore?) announces that she loves antibiotic resistance and dead kids and also breaking laws:

16th October

The Sunday Times calls for Extremely Corrupt Former Grand Vizier Rishi Sunak to take over, and then a General Election so that Labour can take the reins.

The SUNDAY TIMES

Calling for LABOUR

The Sunday Mail tries to stir up support for Ben Wallace taking over, because no one has heard of Ben Wallace so he needs the boost, but then accidentally publish their front page with a different man

In another YouGov poll for the Times, not a single political group, age group, area of the country, gender, or other demographic said that Liz Truss was the right choice for PM

This is the new predicted election graph:

Yikes

17th October

The projected election results are a Labour victory so complete the opposition would be the SNP. Legend suggests Nicola Sturgeon's cackle on finding out was so powerful she accidentally resurrected a witchfinder.

18th October

Meanwhile in the Senedd, Welsh Tory leader Andrew RT Davies, a sort of humanoid boil dressed in ham, tries to accuse placid and gentle First Minister for Wales Mark Drakeford's Labour of being responsible for long ambulance waiting times.

T'was a mistake.

youtube

19th October

Oh boy.

Well, first of all, Suella Braverman sends an official email from her private email address, and then promptly leaves the Cabinet at cannonball speeds as though she's seen a brown child about to be given citizenship. Was she quietly fired by Jeremy Cunt? Did she do it deliberately to resign? On her way out, she blames the true source of our problems - the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating Wokerati.

Nigella Lawson spends the day tweeting tofu recipes.

Meanwhile, Graham Brady, the Chair of the 1922 Committee, comes to Liz Truss to inform her that he has in fact now received 54 letters of no confidence. Normally, of course, that would be considered enough to trigger a vote in her leadership; but not now.

However, these are unprecedented times. So he changes the threshold - if half of the Tories send him letters, her immunity will be revoked.

But the thing is, Tumblrs, the thing is...

It is all about to kick off in the most spectacular and catastrophic fireworks since Guy Fawkes had a dream.

Because Ed Milliband, once accused of leading the country to chaos and now riding high on the joy of his well-timed Twitter jab of Some Days Ago, wakes this morning and chooses violence.

He has spotted, of course, that no one likes fracking; even the Tories are against it.

He has also spotted that Liz Truss is very stupid.

So he goes into the House of Commons, and he digs a big pit and covers it over with twigs and leaves so it can't be seen, and he bakes a big cake and he places it in the middle of the twigs, and he sets up a net to fall as well and a big stick of ACME dynamite, and he hammers in little signs everywhere saying CAUTION - TRAP, by which I am of course being metaphorical because what he actually does is table a motion to extend the moratorium on fracking. The signs aren't necessary, really. This trap is easy to avoid.

All Liz Truss has to do, you see, is not use a three-line whip on this vote.

The three-line whip, as you'll all recall, is the highest level of coercion. MPs cannot defy a three-line whip. MPs cannot even abstain on a three-line whip. MPs have two choices on a three-line whip: to vote as they're told, or to be removed from the party. You obey or resign. That's all.

For this reason, it's sometimes called a 'confidence vote', as it is effectively a stand-in for one. The vote is not about the issue at hand - this is now a vote of confidence in your leader.

(He's also laid lesser traps. Years back when fracking was first being heavily discussed, Ed was Labour leader and one of the main figures in those discussions. During today, before it all Kicks The Fuck Off, a Tory stands and challenges him on previous statements about fracking, trying to accuse him of hypocrisy.

He was fucking ready for it.)

Graham Brady pops his head back around the door. He's changed his mind - a third of the party is all that's needed now to trigger a vote of no confidence in Liz Truss. And legend says he's only 17 off.

This is presumably the reason for what comes next.

Liz panics. Liz sees she's desperately unpopular. Liz sees that she has to do something to shore up support; and she sees that her important fracking rule, which her party hates her for, is now being challenged by a former Labour leader, and if he wins (which he will) she'll lose all credibility and maybe they'll take her nice office away and tell her she was a Bad Girl.

And so, with the inevitability of gravity on the now-leaden pound sterling, she makes it a three-line whip, and a confidence vote in her government.

INSTANT CHAOS.

There is uproar! There is rage! There is blinding fury! Tory MPs are standing up in the Commons and snarling and pissing and moaning! No one likes fracking except Jacob Rees Mogg! For TWO HOURS they shriek and scream and gnash their teeth, yelling at Liz Truss, demanding to know why this is happening.

(Legend has it chaos-deity Ed Milliband simply leaned back, put his feet up on the chair in front, and made Christian Wakeford hand-feed him grapes and fan him with a palm leaf, but this is unsubstantiated.)

And then, at 6.55, FIVE MINUTES before voting is ready to begin, the Tory Minister for Climate Graham Stewart stands up and declares that everyone should vote how they want because it's not a confidence vote.

Did I say there was chaos before?

Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, in fact.

Now Tories leap to their feet and basically all scream one long, unending breath of WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-IT'S-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HAPPENING-IS-IT-OR-IS-IT-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE and so Stewart gets up again and says, right to everyone's faces, "It's not for me to say whether it's a confidence vote or not," which is an even faster and more spectacular u-turn than Truss herself could pull off given that he literally just said it wasn't and did so while being a minister.

And then the voting starts. MPs are now milling about like chickens who've sighted the hawk, clamouring to know if they're going to lose their jobs unless they vote for Satan. The Whips - specifically Chief Whip Wendy Morton and Deputy Chief Whip Craig Whittaker - descend upon them like fucking wargs on the hunt. They don't just spit vitriol and blackmail into MPs ears. They fucking bodily drag people into the right voting lobby. MPs are legitimately screaming. Grown men are crying literal tears. Labour's Chris Bryant reports holding multiple Tory MPs as they sob into his shoulder. Multiple MPs report similar scenes.

And Tories still don't know if this is even a damn confidence vote, or if they should just knock the Chief Whip's teeth out.

And then the Whips, filled with bloodlust and frenzy, suddenly realise that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO US, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO US SO WE FEEL POWERFUL -

Cue sudden meeting in a locked room with Liz Truss. For over HALF AN HOUR.

So is it a confidence vote? No one is sure. Deputy PM Therese Coffey thinks so, so in the absence of the Whips she decides physical assault is her job now and is seen by David Linden MP (SNP) physically carrying someone into the voting lobby. Jacob Rees Mogg thinks not and starts yelling "It's not a confidence vote!", to which his colleagues reply, "Fuck off." Meanwhile the Whips have possibly resigned, no one is sure. It is still uncertain if this was a confidence vote.

And Ed Milliband basks in the chaos, playing the fiddle while it all burns around him.

Finally, voting concludes. The Whips reappear to lurk.

The votes are in - the government wins, and fracking will go ahead. But.

32 MPs abstained.

And one of those is Liz Truss.

Which is WILD??!? What possible benefit could she get from that??? No one knows. Everything is uproar again. Guess who else abstained? Well, riveted reader, here's a list with important names highlighted:

Nigel Adams, Gareth Bacon, Siobhan Baillie, Greg Clark, Sir Geoffrey Cox, Tracey Crouch, David Davis, Dame Caroline Dinenage, Nadine Dorries, Philip Dunne, Mark Fletcher, Vicky Ford, Paul Holmes, Alister Jack, Boris Johnson, Gillian Keegan, Kwasi Kwarteng, Robert Largan, Pauline Latham, Mark Logan, Theresa May, Priti Patel, Mark Pawsey, Angela Richardson, Andrew Rosindell, Bob Seely, Alok Sharma, Chris Skidmore, Henry Smith, Ben Wallace, Sir John Whittingdale, and William Wragg.

Kwasi still smarting about that p45, I see.

In any case it then turns out that Liz DID vote, but incompetently, because her voting card didn't read properly, which is actually fair given that she was being screamed at by angry Whips waving Graham Stewart's severed dick and balls around while they demanded power and authority. While she's clearing that up, the press are understandably waiting open-mouthed for comment, but don't worry Liz! Your old pal Jacob Rees Mogg is here to fill in for you!

And thus it is that JRM willingly chooses to go on the live news and calmly confirm to the nation that no one knows if it was a confidence vote or not.

Chaos. Chaos again. Unbridled chaos. The Whips are furious. Everyone is furious. The rebels are now in limbo, unsure if they're now out of a job. Tories are weeping, trying to work out if Rees Mogg WANTS to sink the party. Back bencher Charles Walker MP delivers a frank interview to the press absolutely SHIVERING with rage, like the drummer in a Fleetwood Mac concert. Ex-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron, a bland man known only for the time he himself willingly chose to go on the news and calmly explain that he's a homophobe without provocation, tweets that Liz Truss is a Lib Dem sleeper agent they sent in to destroy the Tories, sparking what is likely to be a whole slew of conspiracy theories by next week. No one knows what is going on. They all decide to sleep on it.

The good folks at Wikipedia ultimately decide to make three separate pages for the UK 2022 government crisis, and to label them with the month "to leave room for another by the end of the year."

Ed Milliband skips all the way home, and treats himself to a bacon sandwich.

20th October

Okay, Liz thinks, the morning after. Okay. Last night was bad. But today will be better.

So first... the vote.

Because there's bad news for Tories who like money and good news for people who like liveable planets - there are problems with the vote. For one, the vote counts are being called into question. Are the results reliable?

For another, the Speaker of the House of Commons calls for an investigation into the reports of, um, assault. So will the result stand?

It's so unclear! And so is that ongoing issue of whether or not the damn thing was a confidence vote. Angry whips say YES, JRM says NO, Downing Street refuses to pick up the phone to the BBC, but does send ITV's Robert Peston a text at 1am to say it was definitely a confidence vote and, unrelatedly, the Whips aren't resigning :)

I think we have found the price paid to keep the Whips.

Meanwhile. Let's see what this has done for Liz's leadership stability!

13 letters of no confidence are confirmed submitted by Sky, 5 of which came in overnight. The 1922 Committee reconvenes the coven to discuss matters. Simultaneously, the One Nation Conservatives reconvene their coven to discuss the same. Presumably there is much "Girl what are YOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament?"-ing and "Same cloak, how embarrassing"-ing. MPs are CLAMOURING for her head. It is VICIOUS. It's like cartoon piranhas in a supervillain's lair; which is highly appropriate, because that's exactly what Tory MPs are.

Graham Brady, head jester of the 1922 Committee, demands to see Liz Truss.

He walks into a room with her, and the doors are closed. Half an hour later, he walks back out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she calls a press conference.

45 days after being appointed, Liz Truss breaks the record, and becomes the shortest-serving British Prime Minister.

#politik #the second clownfall of 2022

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 7 months

Text

Comte Drama CD Translations, Track Four: A Gentlemanly Escort

Once again folks, I am not a professional don't try this at home, these are just my rough transcriptions of each track in the CD because I need fodder for my simping. More beneath the cut, since most of these are pretty long, don't wanna clog anyone's dash:

So after Comte and MC go shopping for a dress, they leave for the party they're attending that night. This track begins with their arrival to the venue.

Every time we arrive at a ball together, it makes me remember when we stepped into your debutante side by side. There’s no need to thank me. …You were the one who dared to enter a new world, and that boldness attracted the people around you. All I did was lend a helping hand. …But I did enjoy decorating you with my own hands, styling your hair beautifully. The excitement I felt that night is still fresh in my heart… I was a little jealous when the eyes of the men all around you would linger, my dear. Come a little closer, I’d like to ward off their gazes. It’s best to show that you belong to me like this.

The way I went from awwww to clutches pearls lustfully 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 he is just the perfect mix of "that's adorable" and "oh. i like that--"

It’s time to dance. (When you listen to the audio he literally says: "HO? DANCE TIME" I'M DYING) My lady (OJOU-SAN!!!!!!), would you do me the honor of your hand…and join me for this dance? Come now, surrender yourself to an exciting and sweet night Beneath a dazzling chandelier, hands enfolded like this… Tucking our hips together, eyes on each other, stepping to the rhythm of the music, …my heart is always racing at times like these. (AWWWWWWWW)

I swear this man invented romance, what a smooth criminal. Although I can't lie, I love when he's charming 🥰 (I just love his honest self even more!)

Now, listen carefully to the waltz triplet/triple time… Un, deux, trois, un, deux, trois…on the first turn, turn right Yes…you executed that turn beautifully You seemed a lot more relaxed, spine straight. You did just as I taught you. Since we’re on the topic of dancing, men’s roles are often compared to frames. As a pair, they’re termed the Flower and the Frame The insinuation is that a man must lead a woman, who is the “flower” in order to make her movements shine as brightly as possible. So right now…my mission is to make you bloom the most beautifully on this dance floor. …I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You shine more beautifully than anyone else.

I love this bit just because I was like "lore. IS THAT LORE???? WOOOOOO GIMME THE L O R E" but also incredibly interesting when it comes to gender roles and Comte. Only because a lot of his content manifests at this fascinating crossroads: he's been raised under these sorts of conventions so, on some level, he acts on them without thinking. He also lives under the current impression that that's what people expect from him in the present to gain their approval. Yet, how he actually conceives of a significant other and how he is in private make for a disconnect by comparison.

(If I'm not being perceived, do I exist? Is honestly the uncharted territory that's saturated with so much intrigue for me when it comes to Comte)

Because when he feels comfortable being himself in more private settings/moments he calls MC his "life partner" (and is very adamant about regarding her in equal terms), and he tends to be the more relationally/socially/emotionally savvy of the two (which are qualities often relegated to women). I think I particularly enjoy the way he tries so hard to cultivate a working image of "a proper man" because he's just so accustomed to it for survival; he's doing it on a level of awareness and unawareness, all while believing something entirely different. It makes for such a vivid character study, a very realistic intersection of lived experiences and unspoken feelings.

Also. "You shine more beautifully than anyone else." stares into the distance with so many feelings. I just have such a fondness for the way he can be so silly and so smooth, but in the depths of his heart he's so truly in love. tackles him

Oh, the next turn is a bit tricky, so be careful. I’ll give you the signal…un, deux, trois, now, to the left… Yes, that’s it~ (HE’S HAVING FUN SOBS) My goodness…have you gotten so good at dancing I can hardly recognize you? Compared to when we first started, you don’t look away shyly as much as you used to. Every time I dance with you, I can see how much you improve Ah…I’m sure we’ve practiced quite a bit at home, but more than that, it’s the result of your endless effort.

I thought it was cute to see some of MC's growth here c: he's sweet to compliment her~

I would be honored…if you were trying to get better for the sake of dancing with me. I really enjoy dancing with you, too. When you’re in my arms, it makes my heart flutter to see you moving as smoothly as a bird flapping its wings. And every time our eyes meet, my heart tightens so sweetly in my chest. …None of my childhood tutors ever told me that dancing with someone else could feel this way. (HE SEEMS????? SO GENUINELY CONFUSED?????? TEARS IN MY EYES BABY NO) You’re the one who taught me the most important part about dancing Thank you

Aight but this was the part that hit me straight in the kokoro. So many things here I want to touch on (other than him ofc)

The way he seems so...genuinely, almost demure? In that first line? So 👉👈 about her trying to keep pace with him, trying to meet him halfway. It's even sweeter to me considering it's something that he really enjoys, so the idea that MC would want to learn because she wants to share it with him and make it more fun for him is so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 (personally I love dancing so this is a hard mood). Ig I'm so softe for how he's like 'not that that has to be the reason, but if it was I would be so happy.' (of course it's for you king, everything I do is for you because you're the sweetest 😚💜💜💜💜💜💜💜)

The way?????? He describes her enjoying herself??????? I. I'm not really sure if it's something specific to me, but I found it really moving. I don't know if it's the fact that he appreciates how much effort she puts into things, or this implicit like...recognition of her as her own person?? It's a little funny, it's going back to that contradictory idea I mentioned a bit ago. He's operating within the conceptualization of "the Flower and the Frame" but he's taken the conventional meaning and expanded/changed it, in a way. While he does recognize his role in it, part of it is operating more in line with the real parts of his personality: he thinks people who are talented and try hard at things are beautiful, and he likes to support them however he can. (There is an implication here that he assumes he's not special in quite the same way which makes me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 pls Comte, I think a considerate and mindful person is just as wonderful)

And then that last part. Like. Do you ever just want to stick your head into a volcano because that's where I'm at ladies and gentlemen. The absolute heartache????? The agony inside me, the way he seems so earnestly surprised that one of the few things he did enjoy could feel even better, that it could take on an entirely new meaning. That, where it was once a way to pass the time or entertain people, now it has become something charged with so much love. The way a relationship is being deeply in tune with someone, and how dancing together can bring out the full potential/another permutation of that building synergy. The way, for lack of better phrasing, he falls in love with her a little more each time they dance together. (JUST BURY ME IN THE BACKYARD AIN'T NOBODY GONNA LOVE ME LIKE THIS)

The little sincere "thank you" at the end, the very real gratitude to be able to experience that. That she would gift him that. GOD I AM SO UNWELL, RICH BOY STOP DOING THIS TO ME!!!!! "A heart is a heavy burden" ass mf 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm sorry I'm just that meme where I'm carrying him away from all those purebloods/aristocrats that make him feel like life is just one elongated and tiresome performance. Let me love him Crybird I'm fragile

…that went by so quickly. (IM YELLING HE’S SAD ITS OVER) Dancing with you is so much fun I find time just gets away from me all together. Well, let’s take to the floor again later and enjoy a little break for now. Are you thirsty? …Then I’ll get us some champagne, so please wait here. ---

And now we interrupt Minnie's sappy pining with a champagne break, we'll be back shortly.

Although man, he's like a little kid when he gets to dance--it's so cute??? The way he gets so excited, the way he's so clearly sad it's over despite this probably being like the hundredth time.

The implications. How he mentions that an eternity seems insurmountably long (and even after he runs the mansion, he felt that way), but dancing with her makes "time get away from [him]." What if I disappeared mysteriously into the ocean never to be see again

And his consideration for her, taking a break even though he could probably go for another song 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Sorry for the wait…Oh, who might this be? ("O Y A?" OMFG THE WAY HE’S LIKE 'bicc. Who u.' CRYING HIS TONE CHANGES SO FAST) …I see. Alas, she is my lover. I’m sorry, but could you give up on seeking her for a dance? Tonight is a special night, and I don’t intend to share her with anyone. It seems I can’t take my eyes off you for a single moment, that you were propositioned while I was only a few steps away. (Comte: NO TALK MC I'M A N G Y) I shouldn’t have let you go for a moment, even when the song was over.

…I don’t mind if you find it overprotective. I have no intention of concealing my possessiveness towards you. I won’t let it go like I used to. I decided to be more direct about my feelings when we agreed to be together. No matter who it is, I intend to proudly claim you as my lover. (O//O) …More, come closer. There is still another man interested in you. I’m in trouble if I don’t protect my beautiful lover from the likes of these opportunists.

Comte possessive and jealous makes brain go brrrrr, I regret to inform you all that--[obnoxiously loud Windows error sound]. Honestly it's hot every time I got nothing more to add, horny longing, awooga noises, be still my beating [redacted] etc.

…I think I’m full of contradictions. (LAUGHS AT HIMSELF BUT ALSO MURDER) I want to show off my beautiful lover, but I also don’t want anyone else to look at you. And when I look at you, my heart is at war between reason and instinct. …It takes everything I have just to hold back. …Is it repulsive/do you regret us now? I wouldn’t hold it against you if you said something like that. Then…shall we take our leave for some time alone? I’m not joking, I’m entirely serious. I always want you…

First of all Comte, contradiction is my kink (apparently?????? I am The Bearer of the Curse) so write that down. Second of all--

I love MC having the same brainrot as Comte stans of like 'oh no you being just a smidge yan is actually ungodly sexy and exactly what I signed up for, so dw about it 👍🏼.' I applaud Crybird for giving the people what they want. Although it makes me a little sad when he thinks he's too much/needy, I always want to pat him 🥺💜 I know who I married Comte CMERE

Also it will never stop being funny to me the way he's deadass that meme of the dog with the tennis ball/frisbee. It's hilarious every single time. Comte is seriously out here like:

Comte: Meet MC? Meet my lovely wife whom I cherish and is beautiful in every way conceivably possible?

Person: I like her too

Comte: NO TAKE ONLY PERCEIVE!!!! NO PERCEIVE ONLY SCRAM!!!!!!

Like this is peak comedy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I really do love how much Crybird has fun with the purebloods in the sense that they can be so mature but also a bit childish??? He's so adorably petulant and petty in these moments it's hard not to coo.

Also the way he always wants her like he hasn't seen her in 17 years every single time. I LOVE THE UNADULTERATED AND UNMITIGATED YEARNING!!!!!!!!!!!! I ALWAYS WILL!!!!!!!

Aight that's it for this CD track, but the upcoming one is the hank pank. Until next time everyone, hope you enjoyed this ???th installment of Minnie's Brainrot Hours.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp mc #not incorrect quotes #drama cd translation #**lies down on the floor**#do you ever just have so many feelings.......#i'd give my left kidney to dance with him just ONCE #'do you regret marrying me?'#comte if you ask me one more time i will not be held responsible for my actions #narrator voice: actions include “jumping him every waking moment and babying him”#“and/or redacted whatever the mood brings in the moment im not stingy”#but at the same time #**holds him gently in my arms** its okay gorgeous your vibes are immaculate and your companionship is invaluable #there's no one else but you for me

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asianmenarewinning · 1 year

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#Troy Ho

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cxhleel108 · 15 days

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LITG S8 Thots for this week: What a great day!

• Girl this compatibility test kinda made no sense like I’m just answering questions that so obviously correlate to Oakley or Shawn what is the point???😭

• And what guy would that be exactly?…

• Oakley being most compatible with me AHA! y’all are never tearing us apart idgaf😛

• She’s so me like why I’m kinda in love with her.

• Outfit time un!

• Ok um…roaring twenties!

• This is so Emel coded. Aw I kinda miss her a lil.

• That poem chile…Max you gotta go😭😭😭

• Claudia toying with Liam and Max lame asses ughh that’s my muva DOWN.

• Team Shawn and Kyle actually cuz Liam and Max fucking suck omg. Also yes Kyle romancers you’ve converted me a little bit, he’s cute.

• Pushing Liam in the pool wasn’t enough tbh like he needs to drown I’m sorry.

• “I can’t stop thinking about last night” You mean when I kicked you out and slept alone Shawn? Ok.

• Bro this same shit happened last season what the fuck did I need to put on a dress for just to go speak to niggas??? Fusebox will do anything for a bag😭

• Anyways, outfit time deux!

• Werk!

• Great! Now I have to deal with Liam for the rest of the season🙂

• Being forced to bring a boy back is actually so dumb. What is he gonna be there for other than to watch me ride Oakley’s dick constantly?

• As she should! Let’s not act like Theo wouldn’t JUMP at the chance to taste this coochie if I let him, please.

• Me just having the option to leave Shawn behind back at the Villa god I feel so bad. I still did it tho��

• AHHHHH EXACTLY BOO EXACTLYYYYYY!!!

• PFFFFFFTTTTT BE FOR REAL BRUH🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

• BAD BITCH PARTY OF ONE! BAD BITCH PARTY OF ONE YOUR TABLE IS READY!

• I’m sorry but-

• So glad I get to let Shawn know right away that I’m a girl on a mission and he’s just gonna have to be okay with that.

• Bitch don’t make my girl already have to slide yo ass after being back for three minutes.

• The daybeds chat ughhkdkdksns just give him back to me already like y’all keep playing with me!

• Ok first off, I looooove Hazel already she’s so cutesy and fun and girlypop. Second off, I really don’t give a fuck what happened while I was gone cuz at the end of the day…Sienna is NOT badder than me…like at all.

• Outfit time trois!

• Cheetah print so I can show this ho just how fast I can reclaim my man oh exactly!

• Bea sis I love you but you can’t be mad at Liam for being an ignorant fool when you brought said ignorant fool in here like…

• Ooo wait this different scenario options for different LIs gave me Choices tease for a second…why they can’t do this more often???

• This shit had me giggling and kicking my feet god I love this man.

• Hazel and Hari are lowkey goals I love this.

• LMAOOOOOOO LAME ASS🫵🏽🤣

• Uhhhh Luna don’t be mad just cuz I got the attention of four niggas in here and you only got the attention of one. We may have made up but TRUST I got enough smoke for you and Sienna!

• Everybody just watched Oakley and I share this romantic ass, dramatic ass, chick flick ass kiss but they still gon act like there’s a chance I want somebody else I hate it here.

• Course it was Liam that started the big blow up.

• How dare y’all assume I’d rat my bestie Claudia out omg?

• Them bringing my name up in that argument between Theo and Claudia just for it to not even mean anything…like I said earlier anything for a fucking bag.

• You’re telling me Jin and Luna were actually able to end their pointless arguement in a time frame of under two minutes this time? Wow shit really is changing around here.

• AHHHHH YOU MAD🫵🏽😝

• Oh brother can we just tell Oakley that we’d never cheat on him and get to fucking already jesus why do we have to wait for that AGAIN???

#so glad bae is back #i need amy schumer gone immediately tho #liam too he literally has no purpose #litg #love island the game #litg tempting fate #litg s8 #litg season 8

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the-babygirl-polls · 4 months

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Babygirl Polls Lineup: Week Three

Hi everyone! Here is the lineup for the third week of the Babygirl Polls! Thanks to everyone for your submissions!

Chris McLean (Total Drama)

Diego Brando (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Benjamin/Hokma (Lobotomy Incorporation)

Sir Crocodile (One Piece)

Leone Abbacchio (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

Getou Suguru (Jujustsu Kaizen)

Yami Bajura (Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters)

Troy Barnes (Community)

Cahara (Fear and Hunger)

Zuke (No Straight Roads)

Five Pebbles (Rain World)

Obito Uchiha (Naruto)

Matt (Eddsworld)

Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune)

Luo Binghe (Scum Villain Self Saving System)

Raphael (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Death (Discworld)

Kimimaro (Naruto)

Cronus Ampora (Homestuck)

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester (Fire Emblem)

The Doctor (Doctor Who)

Riddle Rosehearts (Twisted Wonderland)

Klaus (The Vampire Diaries)

Caroline (The Vampire Diaries)

Jammie Tartt (Ted Lasso)

Catra (She-Ra)

Adora (She-Ra)

Natalie (Yellowjackets)

Prince Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Caesar Flickerman (The Hunger Games)

Sasha Nein (Psychonauts)

Scott Pilgrim (Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off)

Vergil Sparda (Devil May Cry)

Aran Ryan (Punch Out!!!)

Raymond (Animal Crossing)

Randall Ascot (Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask)

Peter B. Parker (Into the Spiderverse)

DJ Octavio (Splatoon)

Tape (Paper Mario: Original King)

Tangent (I Was A Teenage Exocolonist)

Gargamel (The Smurfs)

Tobari Durandal Kumohira (Nabari no Ou)

Emil Castagnier (Tales of Symphonie: Dawn of a New World)

Israel "Izzy" Hands (Our Flag Means Death)

Deadpool (Marvel)

Viago (What We Do In The Shadows)

Julian Devorak (The Arcana)

Grimer Wormtongue (Fleetway Sonic Comics)

Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Sea Hawk (She-Ra)

Muriel (Good Omens)

Axel (Kingdom Hearts)

Crowley (Good Omens)

Castiel (Supernatural)

Crowley (Supernatural)

Jack Skellington (Nightmare Before Christmas)

Bow (She-Ra)

Scorpia (She-Ra)

Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death)

Oluwande Boodhari (Our Flag Means Death)

Dr. James Wilson MD (House MD)

Seeley Booth (Bones)

Will Graham (Hannibal)

Niklaus Hendrix (Just Roll With It: Riptide)

Ambrosius Goldenloin (Nimona (2023))

Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H*)

Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)

Kai (Kung Fu Panda)

Tai Lung (Kung Fu Panda)

Mikoko Mikoshiba/Mikorin (Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun)

Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill (Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul)

Doctor Starline (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Adam Stanheight (Saw (2004))

Infinite the Jackal (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Xenk Yendar (Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves)

Espio the Chameleon (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Neo (The Matrix)

Morgana Pendragon (BBC Merlin)

John Reese (Person of Interest)

Dr. Cameron (House MD)

Anthony "Anton" Herzen (Professor Layton and the Elysian Mask)

Drumbot Brian (The Mechanisms)

Ivan (Shadow and Bone)

Holland Vosjik (Shades of Magic)

Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal)

Jesus (The Bible)

Edgward/Nygma (Batman)

Gabriel Reyes/Reaper (Overwatch)

Big Boss (Metal Gear Solid)

Gunpowder Tim (The Mechanisms)

Gaueko (Nasty Dogs)

Hancock (Fallout)

Mothman (American Folklore)

Harry Wilson (Leverage: Redemption)

Kiyoka Kudou (My Happy Marriage)

Rand al'Thor (Wheel of Time)

Nam Seon-ho (My Country: The New Age)

Steven Grant (Marvel)

Howl Jenkins Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

Redos (cuz i messed up in one way or another)

Jason Todd (DC Comics)

#poll lineup #the babygirl polls

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hamsterclaw · 1 year

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You r never disappointing, i swear you're the one that keeps the Hoseok/YN Tag alive and going.

Hi lovely, you're in for a TREAT today. I went on one checking out my reblogs for all my fave Hoseok fics and here they are, a curated list of all the banging Hoseok fics that keep Hoseok/YN alive.

Category: Mafia Hobi/gang Hobi

Look no further than the sublime writing of @xjoonchildx - the Hobi in the drabble Close Call is only a taste of how excellent the Gentlemen of the Gajog series is, featuring the rapline.

I've re-read Heartbeat by @joonbird so many times because this Hobi's written so perfectly - a sexy, tough guy who's decent and insecure underneath and also so so so so hot.

Category: Sweet husband Hobi

@bonvoyagenoona is the writer I admire and aspire to be like. I got on AO3 just so I could read her writing. I adore all her work and The Cul-de-Sac cons is the story I come back to when I want to escape, genuinely escape. JK is the romantic pairing but the Hobi in this is such a sweetheart.

Lawn boy Hobi in Hot and Bothered by @sahmfanficbts is glorious crack at its very best. Sam's devoted to Namjoon but when she branches out, it's still ace.

Category: Soft Hobi/nice guy Hobi

Project Dream Girl, a holiday story that's heartwarming and snuggly and full of brilliant details, also written by @bonvoyagenoona She writes with such compassion and feeling I will never get over it.

I've lamented more than once that @gukslut is no longer active because her writing is incredible and if I could only read stories from one writer ever it would be her. The Holiday Hobi is a perfect mix of filthy and sweet.

Useless Magic by @reliablemitten is a feel-good romp of a story with clever, clever writing featuring a sexy banker Joon and a sweet sweet Hobi who teaches toddlers.

There's something about Hobi in the holidays, and Ho-ho-horrible by @ugh-yoongi is a sweet, heartwarming tale of a thoroughly decent Hobi.

For the first time by @candlewaxandp0lar0ids is beautifully written, and features a sexy neighbour Hobi.

Category: Sexy boss Hobi, with a helping of angst

I read the entirety of Jungle Park by the very excellent @jimlingss in one night. I've been reeling ever since. It's perfect. I've never seen better.

Category: Kinky Hobi

@btssmutgalore writes kinks in the most beautiful and inclusive way. Pas de Trois is so incredibly hot and also features a side of JK.

Category: Fuckboi Hobi

An underwritten trope, imo. The Hobi in Flight 18 by @noona-la-la-la is so funny and charming you're pulled in no matter that your thoughts are on that airport outfit.

Flip & Reverse It by @neonlights92 is funny, smart and so so entertaining, check it out, it's the best laugh you'll have all day.

Fuckboi rapper Hobi in Holiday Inn by @bangtanintotheroom is frankly irresistible and it's futile to even try.

I think putting Party Time by @sugakookitty under this category is underselling this Hobi because frankly, he's sexy, unhinged and way too entertaining for his own good.

Category: Historical Hobi

The Hobi in Kanalia by @xjoonchildx is the ultimate brooding sexy man of few words.

Category: Spy Hobi

Lightning never strikes twice by @vyduan is clever, sparky and so so funny.

Category: Supervillian Hobi

Versus by @minisugakoobies featuring Yoongi, Hobi and Namjoon and a kickass superhero lead, is one of the funniest and crackiest fics I've read on here.

Category: Demon Hobi

I honestly think about the demon Hobi from Not today, Satan, written brilliantly by @gimmethatagustd all the time, and the outrageous MC too.

Same for this unexpectedly soft sleep paralysis demon Hobi in Whispers in the Dark from the brilliant mind of @miscelunaaa .

Category: Crack Hobi

This tentacle-wielding, dancing Cthoseok from Unspeakable Horrors by @thatlongspringnight is straight-up crack and makes me ugly laugh.

Popping these at the end because they make me laugh every time:

@bang-tan 's fake subtitles in this have me crying.

@jeonjapan's hixtape tracklist is gold.

So hey, anon, for you and for me, Hobi's got a lot of strong players in his corner and writers who write him like he's the king he is. Happy birthday month, Hobi! 💜

#hoseok fic recs #hobi fic recs #lmk if you have more recs

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paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 · 1 month

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Scenario the DC and Marvel universe collide which Marvel hero would get along best with the following DC heroes and what would their friendship be like

Superman

Batman

Nightwing

Robin either Tim or Damian

Green Arrow

Arsenal

Wonder Woman

Donna Troy

Wonder Girl Cassie Sandsmark

Green Lantern either Hal Jordan or John Stewart

Starfire

Raven

Cyborg

And Beast Boy

Thank You! 😃

Oh Ho a Big One

@confusedhummingbird

Okey Dokey let’s see what I can think up ;-)

Clark Kent - Steve Rogers

Bruce Wayne - Both Tony Stark and Matt Murdock

Dick Grayson - Both Peter Parker (adult) and Kurt Wagner

Tim(my) Drake - Either Peter Parker (Teen/Ultimate Universe) or Miles Morales

Oliver Queen - Clint Barton though more like friendly rivals

Roy Harper - I can see him be a teacher figure to Kate Bishop

Diana Prince - Maybe she can befriend the Jane Foster Thor, maybe even try out lifting her hammer by herself…she did make it jiggle a little bit

Donna Troy - I can see her actually getting along with either Natasha or Gamora, as the type of the friend that can connect with them and encourage them in taking it easy every once in a while

Cassie Sandsmark - Kamala Khan, plain and simple

John Stewart - I see him being on good terms with Carol Danvers given how the both of them are familiar with differing branches of the military, the former a Marine and the latter an Air Force pilot

Koriand’r - Oh There are so many that can get along very well with her given Kory’s legendary friendliness but keeping in theme with Dick befriending an adult Peter Parker, I see Kory totally hanging out with Mary Jane Watson. Bonus points if MJ has some of Peter’s spider powers as Spinneret

Rachel Roth - Probably I see her sympathizers and talking with Wanda Maximoff. While Magneto is nowhere near a bad of a father as Trigon is, they still can both relate to having less than ideal fathers and how their friends are their real family. Oh And yeah I see Rae getting along well with Wanda’s kids Tommy and especially Billy

Victor Stone - I can see him no doubt fawning and being utterly amazed by the tech at Stark Industries especially all those various Iron Suits. Rhodey is the one giving him the extensive tour and they’d have so much to talk about

Garfield Logan - For him, I can see him paling around with all the Wolvies, in particular Laura and Logan themselves. He looks up to Logan no doubt for the latter’s coolness factor and in turn Logan looks at this green fella with some uncertainty for how overtly excited he is but he finds it charming. Also no doubt Gar can shift into an actual Wolverine if Jonathan the Wolverine needs anything

One things for certain everyone here; they are all very uncomfortable with both Frank Castle and Wade Wilson. For differing reasons but still

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ivo-oz · 2 months

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🩸🩸🩸

ℌ𝖊𝖊𝖇𝖊𝖘 : 𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖊

〖chapitre 3 〗 Attention, ce texte sera peut-être modifié à l'avenir afin de le perfectionner

Dans un sursaut, mes yeux s'ouvrent dans une salle sombre au mur de pierre. Toujours à genoux, je constate que ma situation n'a nullement changé. Les mains clouées à la froideur de la pierre, le sang s'échappant lentement des plaies béantes, peignant ainsi la pierre en rouge.

C'est drôle, il m'a fallu deux jours pour ne plus y penser. Les premiers jours se sont remplis de cris et de pleur. Ridicule ! La futilité de cette douleur me rend tellement honteuse.

Les blessures que je porte en moi sont plus grandes que ses clous. Il est vrai que c'est la première fois que je suis confronté à de tels châtiments physiques, mais j'aurais dû me réjouir.

Je ne penserai pas que l'humilier devant les représentants du royaume le pousserait à me souhaiter autant de mal. J'aurais préféré garder la mobilité de mes mains. Mais bon, si c'est le prix à payer.

Non, ne crie pas, ce n'est pas de la douleur.

Quelle image de moi j'aurais si je me réabandonne à cette facilité ? J'ai subi plus grave, plus longtemps. Ce ne sont que des plaies, elles s'effaceront. Mes vraies blessures, elles n'ont pas cicatrisé et pourtant, je les supporte. Succomber à de telles frivolités serait juste dévalorisant. La vraie douleur n'aurait plus de sens.

Un grincement métallique interrompit ma somnolence. La porte est ouverte. J'ai beau être dos à elle, je peux quand même sentir le son des talons frapper la pierre dans ma direction. Un son grave, puis aigu, grave et encore aigu. Une paire de bottes désassorties. Ho, c'est Fides qui a été chargé de me libérer.

Vous êtes en retard. J'en pouvais plus de lutter contre le sommeil pour m'éviter de m'ouvrir la peau davantage.

Tout en entrant dans mon champ de vision, Fides arrache les clous qui bloquaient mes mains.

Je n'ai pas crié, j'ai pu me contenir haha, mon sourire partit immédiatement quand je découvris les énormes trous béants que contenaient mes mains dorénavant. On peut y voir à travers.

J'ai . . .

C'est répugnant mon dieu.

Mes mains

qu'es que . . . comment . . .

mon dieu.

—Mes excuses, Père Inhonoris a tardé à me donner les clés.

— Vous pouvez me soigner ?

— Je n'ai pas ces compétences, un médecin vous sera assigné dans deux jours.

— Vous vous moquez de moi, mes plaies vont rester ouvertes pendant cinq jours en tout. Je ne pourrai plus jamais écrire.

— Vous m'envoyez navrer, mademoiselle.

Un ange passe.

— Navrée ‽ Vraiment ‽ Ôte-moi ce mot de ta bouche quand tu me parles ! Mais quel genre de soutien hypocrite, tu penses me faire avaler ! Ça ne sert à rien de me mentir si mon état ne t'inspire que de l'apathie !

Le souvenir de mes mains perforées aurait presque pu être oublié si mon sang ne s'était pas mis à accélérer dans mes veines. Mon cœur hurle dans ma tête, m'obligeant à me taire.

—Avez-vous du temps à m'accorder ? J'aurais besoin de coudre mes plaies. Bien sûr, je ne voudrais pas abuser de votre gentillesse. Vous pouvez déléguer le travail à un de vos collègues si c'est trop demandé. J'espère que je n'ai pas manqué de politesse, vous savez, trois jours sans pouvoir pleinement dormir me font perdre pas mal de notions. Comme la clémence par exemple.

— Pardonnez-moi Je m'exécute.

Toute pressée, elle s'engouffre dans l'ouverture de la porte. Elle ne m'aide même pas à monter... Haha, elle doit avoir peur de demander . . . Haaaa, j'en avais besoin tout de même.

Je sens l'air frais de la pièce effleurer les cavités de mes mains. Le sang a arrêté de couler et fait maintenant place au vertige et à la fatigue.

Ho, le temps, et puis qu'est-ce que c'est au final ? Tant pis si le soleil sera couché quand j'aurai atteint la fin des escaliers.

3 minutes après, Fides accourut pour m'éviter un malaise sur les marches et se mit à m'aider à atteindre ma chambre.

— N'ayez crainte, nous serons bientôt à vos appartements.

Mes yeux balaient le sol et les murs comme un pendule oscillant entre le conscient et l'inconscient. Un pendule se stoppant net lorsqu'une certaine odeur lui parvient. Odeur de café . . . de miel. Cela me sortit de mon vertige.

Hum

11h

Il est 11 heures, grand-père doit être dans son bureau.

— Que faites-vous ? Votre chambre se situe dans le couloir gauche.

— Ne me crois pas si bête. Je vais simplement dire bonjour à Papi.

— Vous entendez vous, c'est lui qui vous a châtié. Ne l'humiliez pas davantage, il risquerait de vous bannir.

— Tu n'es pas convaincante, cesse de mentir, bon sang.

Boitant en direction de la porte, je finis ma route en m'affalant sur la poignée de la porte. Haha, tant pis pour la surprise.

Je pousse la porte en m'aidant difficilement de mon épaule, mes mains étant inutilisables. Grand-père est juste derrière. L'encadré de la porte dévoile progressivement son visage et les émotions qui le parcourent quand il découvre le mien.

L'iris de ses yeux dilaté, la rigidité qu'adopte son corps. Toute cette attention pour moi. Il s'efforce d'être calme et ça m'est tellement jouissif.

Pourquoi est-il aussi surpris ? Pensait-il me soumettre ? Tu ne me connais pas assez. Que pense-t-il de moi ? Que penserait Inhonoris Cornecuus ? Toute sa vie et son existence ont servi à bâtir cet empire, à se hisser au rang de roi. Être à son niveau est la seule motivation qui me pousse à me faire violence dans mes études. Enfin, avec les blessures, ça va être plus compliqué. En marchant ou plutôt vacillant vers lui, le sang pulsant dans mes mains m'empêche de continuer. Aucun de mes muscles actifs ne m'épargne de douleur.

Finalement, je ne sais que dire, mon esprit m'échappe, des idées, des bribes me viennent, mais les paroles demeurent insaisissables.

Je lève faiblement ma main et avec un grand sourire, le plus beau que je puisse faire, je le salue avant qu'un voile noir ne mette fin à mon geste.

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#hèebes #licorne #unicorn #my ocs #my storys #ℌ𝖊𝖊𝖇𝖊𝖘 : 𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖊 #Hèebes : Genése #Heebes : Genese

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