#truly makes the story more bearable though lol

[sophsun1]

hello hello!

it's been very cool to watch you power through Buffy, any thoughts so far? characters you like etc etc?

also you into season 5 yet?

Hey!

I've just started S5 and am on episode 2 at the minute so just processing the whole Dawn twist and how that will fit into everything.

It's easier to say who I don't like I guess Xander is my least favourite (I know he's a self insert Joss so that explains some of the writing) but I will say he was more way more bearable in S4 and his relationship with Anya kinda works and I absolutely love her. Riley has the personality of a wet paper towel and I was struggling through S4 and that whole initiative story and now I'm waiting for him to have a gruesome death because he's still in S5 and poor Buffy and me deserve better.

Adore Willow/Buffy's friendship. Gile's being everyone's surrogate father figure especially Buffy's and his closeness with Willow is everything. It's only Xander he doesn't care for as much lol. Faith was a good villain with the whole dark side of the slayer thing and Eliza was great but I can take her or leave her. Plus I'm expecting her redemption arc to come.

Oz and Willow were sweet but he was kinda a wasted character didn't really do much apart from the werewolf backstory they threw at him before he left. Tara seems like a sweetie waiting to see where she and Willow go and them both being witches. Cordelia was good as the bitchy girl but not developed after that and she isn't someone I think of when I think of the show.

Spike is great both as the evil vamp and his comedic side, James Marsters portrayal is why he's so loved because he really makes it work. They kinda didn't know what to do with him in S4 without Dru so he was the comic relief which gave fun moments but I'm waiting to see what they do with him now. Highkey terrified of the 'Spuffy' thing to come *prayer circle*

Harmony being an airhead useless villainous vampire - genius! Her and Spike I'm laughing a lot.

From previous seasons

I loved the Spike/Dru dynamic and was sad she wasn't in more episodes. I see she's listed in this season so it'll be fun to see her again and Darla because I'm intrigued in her backstory with Angel and the others plus Julie Benz is so beautiful <3

Wish we had gotten more of Angel/Spike/Dru being an evil OT3 than the bits we got.

Angel being Irish is the stupidest funniest thing because his accent like the many accents on the show is Not Great. It's not like they go deep into his Irish ancestry or it impacts his story it's random and the flashback outfits/wigs are so bad lmao.

I'm a bangel (terrible ship name) fan. They appeal to my teen self who would've loved them. Yes they're a romantic cliché in parts but idc I'm here for the whole doomed lovers/cliché tropes/always loving each other in any universe thing they have. Plus Sarah and David's chemistry is wow. I don't know how they'll end them truly seeing as they keep referencing them.

Season 2 and 3 have been the best so far loved the S2 finale with Buffy killing Angel and the S3 graduation ending.

The main cast are great there aren't any weak actors. SMG is the perfect casting can't imagine anyone else playing Buffy.

I'm glad I decided to finally watch it even though it is a slog with there being 7 seasons with 22 eps each. It's all kinda blurring into one very very very long movie and I'm forgetting each previous season as I go 😂

#soph asks #two seasons left #which from what i see are kinda controversial #in the fandom #in terms of what they like or dont #saving my thoughts on any ship stuff till ive seen it myself

[yourqueenb]

The reason I gave my MC the name that I did...

Idk I just find it hilarious that the characters look like they forget who she is from time to time 😂 It’s not like she’s super memorable in the first place 💀

#choices mtfl #choices my two first loves #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices #I got lazy with screenshotting after a while and missed out on a few gems lmao #figured I’d post what I have so I can get rid of them #truly makes the story more bearable though lol #choices app #pixelberry studios #pixelberry

[13apocalypse]

hello, i was wondering if you could write a story where joey is sick and you take care of him? if not is totally ok! also i love your little stories they’re very cute.<3

Aw thank you! And may i say i love your username lmaoo it makes me giggle

Sorry this took so long, ive been in hospital so ive been focusing on my recovery alot more than writing, hope you can forgive me!

Taking care of a sick Joey

- joey was sick with the flu. You could hear him sniffle beside you as you both sat together, watching tv

- ' i think im sick, y/n' he says in a nasaly voice. No shit sherlock!

- and so as the good partner you are, you grab him a blanket and a cold compress for his steadily rising temperature and bunker down for a week of coughing up each others lungs

- everyday he watched as you prepared soup for him, gave him his meds when his coughs became painful and even massaged him whenever he asked!

- he was truly grateful to have such a loving and doting partner such as you ~

- of course you didnt mind, you wanted your baby to get better quickly, heck maybe you even searched up old quack flu medicine recipes (one my mother used was garlic, black pepper and warm honey...tasted awful)

- also you got sick too from being around him so much lol oops

- you and him cuddled in bed as you both struggled between feeling too cold and having hot flashes like every other 20 minutes

- binge watching tv together helped, though you had to dim the brightness down to the lowest level before it was bearable

- joey thanked you with many kisses and cuddles so no need to worry :)

- after about 2 weeks you both were up and running again! joey didnt like taking time off from the band but needless to say he needed the time off.

#joey jordison x reader #fanfic #imagines #joey jordison #headcanons #smut #x reader #slipknot

[eeldritchblast]

You’re one of the few bearable wprg fans on this site, so I’m curious to ask what are your opinions on the bg3 companions?

We only get to know them as who they are for Act 1 right now, meaning we can only hypothesize where their character journeys will go through the rest of the game, but at least as of Act 1 I love them all dearly and think they’re all amazingly well done characters!

Lae’zel is my favourite. She’s this battle-hardened warrior raised in a meritocratic society to serve her queen with undying devotion, just now experiencing the outside world for the first time. She’s so judging and principled and expects everything to go the way she expects it to, so when it doesn’t, she lashes out. She speaks of the challenges she’s faced before, but none of them are like the journey she’s on now, because this journey so unpredictable and unexplainable. I have a fairly strong feeling that she’s going to become disillusioned with githyanki society eventually, because she is now an outcast.

Astarion is my second favourite. If I really wanted to sum him up in one word, it would be bitch, LOL. He is a vampire spawn enslaved by a cruel and torturing master, now free for the first time in 200 years. But that history hasn’t erased his noble background, and if anything he’s more pompous than before, revelling in the freedom and powers the magically-tampered tadpole grants him. Behind that though, Astarion has signs of trauma/insecurity that he hides with flourished words and more haughtiness, and is resistant to getting emotionally close to anyone.

Shadowheart is difficult to talk about, because her whole character is that she’s such a mystery! She’s a Shar worshipper who was sent on a secret mission to retrieve a githyanki relic, and before that mission, she willingly gave up her memories to protect Shar’s secrets. She will get her memories back if she completes her mission. At least, that’s the story she and we know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s far more to it. By nature of having no memories, Shadowheart doesn’t even know much about herself, and seems insecure about that—she’s very deflective if you try to poke at her about this. Well, she’s very deflective if you try to poke her about anything. Shadowheart is a master manipulator of conversations, and fully admits to it. Of all the characters, she has the most change from the start to finish of Act 1, assuming you gain her approval; you really feel like you gain a friendship with her, compared to the start of the game where she’s so on guard.

Wyll was tricked into a warlock pact, and while he revelled in his powers at first, now wants out of the deal. You get the sense that there are still details missing from that backstory, but I don’t expect we’ll get to hear them until the full game’s release. Wyll wants so badly for everyone to see him as a hero, and while I do think he is genuinely a good person who wants to do good things, I also think his desire for external validation is a big motivator for his heroism as well. He puts on a cocky and near perpetually happy front, but inside I think he feels a bit like a fraud due to the demonic source of his abilities. That, and he feels trapped in his deal, unable to be truly free. He’s willing to do some dark shit to find Mizora, including sacrificing his morals, and gets caught up in his revenge quest with a righteous fury about him. All that makes him much more complex a hero than what he’d like the world to think of him as.

Gale is literally the only jerk in this game who is willing to sit down and tell the PC his whole life story, LOL. The TL;DR version of that long story is, he was a prodigy wizard who drew the attention of the goddess Mystra herself, they had sex, he fell in love with her, when she moved on he tried to win her back by messing with dangerous netherese magic, that backfired and instead he was scorned by her, and now he has a netherese orb inside him that requires the absorption of magic, otherwise it will explode. So, Gale is looking for both a cure for the tadpole and a cure for his orb. That doesn’t stop him from wanting to go out of the way to help others on the journey, and while he has his morbid moments, he most of the time maintains what I think is a genuinely cheerful disposition. If I was forced to pick a least favourite character, it would be Gale, just because I find him to have the least amount of depth. But that’s not to say he’s a badly done character! Just not as much to my taste.

#ask

[idvcafe]

Can I request Joseph’s S/O taking care of him while he’s sick with the stomach flu?? If you’re comfortable writing it!!

Hello anon! you have no idea how much I enjoyed writing this lol! I hope you like it! And thank you for the request ;w;

- mod lucky (∴⊗︿⊗∴)

❥ one shot: taking care of sick joseph

words: 1,096

pairing: gn!reader x joseph 

genre: romance, hurt/comfort

Joseph honestly is one of the most dramatic hunters, and this is only more prevalent when he’s sick. Even if he only had a cold, he’d constantly whine about feeling feverish and faint and drape himself over a chair or couch or any nearby furniture. 

Aside from this though, it was painfully obvious that he just seriously did not feel well one day, he had mentioned his stomach bothering him one morning as well as feeling much too tired despite making sure he had gotten his 12 hours of beauty sleep (a man’s gotta look his best you know!). 

He hardly made a sound as you had made your way over to his side, placing your hand on his forehead. He was actually burning up! It was no wonder he hadn’t left the bed whatsoever or complained when you had gotten up to get dressed before. 

He had just about no energy and this was definitely not Joseph just trying to get away with you pampering him all day because he had a cold or anything. 

 “...” 

He was so quiet save for his heavier breathing. You were very concerned as you got the thermometer to take his temperature. It didn’t seem to matter much though, considering he was definitely warmer than what he should’ve been.

“...your hand feels very cool....please do not remove it again...” he asked, albeit with some trouble since the thermometer was currently in his mouth. 

Nevertheless, you left your hand on his forehead and pushed the stray hair to the sides. He smiled ever so slightly, he really did not feel well, but having you there was definitely making it just that much more bearable.

And just as you suspected, he definitely had a fever, and the way he placed a hand over his abdomen with a pained expression lead you to believe he had caught some sort of bug. 

It was still winter after all...maybe it would be a good idea to knit a scarf for Joseph or something.... 

 “....hn...” the soft groan brought you from your thoughts. It hurt to see the one you loved so much in such pain.. 

 “You don’t have to worry-“ you started. “-I’ll make sure you feel better quicker than you can snap a photo!” 

That joke was corny enough to get a small chuckle out of the photographer. Don’t tell anyone though, he’d only deny it. Though the short bit of laughter quickly died down as Joseph’s face twisted slightly at the pain in his abdomen. The smile on your face turned back into worry as well.

“Would you like me to go get Miss Emily? I’m sure she’d know what to do...” It wasn’t uncommon for Emily to be asked over to the Hunter Manor at the request of whomever was sick after all. 

The taller seemed to think for a moment before wrapping his arms around your waist. Seems like he didn’t want you to go anywhere....either that or he just want you to take care of him. 

“Haha, alright, I’ll see what I can do for you then.” You told him. It was sweet to see him all clingy like this, even though he was feeling terrible. “Though you will have to let go so I can bring some things in here.”

Joseph was hesitant, but released your waist, looking up at you for a moment before pouting and turning away. You could only laugh softly, the photographer would try to act all serious and be seen as this scary and powerful hunter all the while he would whine and pout if something didn’t go his way. 

Honestly...how on earth was he the one who watched over Robbie and did most of the cooking? That’s a story for another day.

Once freed from his grip, you gave his head a pat before heading off to the kitchen. Joseph’s stomach seemed to be the center of the problem here, so he most likely wouldn’t want to eat much, but he did need to stay hydrated.

 “Hm...some tea should be alright for him..” you mused aloud as you walked about the kitchen looking for a kettle. It didn’t take very long for you to find it and actually make the drink though, quickly pouring it into a mug and turning off the stove before making your way back to Joseph. 

He remained in his bed, no longer pouting; though whether it was because he had gotten bored or was just too physically tired to keep the act up, you had no idea. He seemed to brighten up a little once his eyes laid on you though. He definitely knew he was in good hands. 

You handed the cup over to him before placing a hand on his forehead again. “...still really hot...” 

“Why thank you mon chérie, but please keep in mind that I am still very sick. I felt much too nauseous for my own good right after you left!” 

 “...” 

 Yeah maybe it was better when he didn’t have the energy to poke at you like this... 

Kidding, you were relieved to see even the slightest improvement, even if it was a bit of a farce. He still looked like hell and most definitely felt like it. 

 “You know what I meant!” You told him, rolling your eyes while a smile played at your lips. A small chuckle escaped him as he took a few sips of tea. 

“Jokes aside, thank you mon chérie, you truly are too wonderful~” His words were genuine and soft, and they made you incredibly happy. You still wanted an actual doctor to take a look at him, but for now, you were content with doing your best to take care of him, running your fingers through his hair as he slowly drank his tea, his body practically begging him to go back to sleep. 

He seemed to doze off every now and then, until he finally just couldn’t stay awake any longer. You pressed a kiss to his forehead and fixed the blanket he was currently under. 

 “I promise you’ll feel better soon Joseph..” you whispered, gently touching his cheek before placing the now mostly empty cup of tea on the bedside table. You then made another promise, one that vowed to stay by his side no matter what.

 Joseph seemed to smile softly in his sleep....was he actually sleeping? It didn’t matter, he was just very happy to have someone like you in his life, and he would be sure to thank you for caring for him once he had more energy to. 

#joseph desaulnier x reader #idv x reader #idv photographer #idv imagines #idv headcanons #mod lucky #Anonymous

[anothertastelesstetrahedron]

Descole headcanons maybe 👀

Did someone say Descole? 👀 I’m just gonna put the whole thing under the read more cut, since this ended up being a very long post - and I mean looooooong - like almost 3000 words long. Major spoilers for most of the games - mainly the Descole Trilogy (looking at you AL), but there’s also one UF one.

Des has terrible handwriting. I just think it would be funny if that's the one thing he cannot change about himself while impersonating someone else. He can manage faking signatures, but free writing as someone else? He has to try very, very hard to get that (nearly) right. Tbh for most of his roles that’s also hardly a problem, so he doesn’t bother.

He dehydrated/had a heat stroke at least once while in full costume. There must be a reason why Raymond tries so hard to make sure the AL gang takes water bottles, sunscreen and so on with them. Des has no self-preservation instinct (unless having Raymond around counts as Des taking care of himself?) He also probably almost died in Monte d’Or due to the heat.

Des beat up those guys who hurt Layton in UF. Listen, no one is allowed to hurt his bro except for him.

The first thing Des did after AL was visit Umid - after getting the much needed medical treatment. Because I absolutely love their interactions he promised to do so. It would be funny for him to show up in full costume as well.

Des eventually got used to Kietz (because the cat is now living with Raymond and Des. You cannot change my mind about that) At first he hated Kietz. Des is basically the old cat in the Bostonius that now has to get used to the new one lol

I know it was just the writers having no idea about Des’ backstory in LS but I still can’t stop thinking about how Hershel felt that Descole (in full costume) was familiar. So what if young Hershel Bronev actually liked to dress up in a costume similar to the Descole one? And that had left an impression on young Theo...

I also still cannot get over the fact that Des knows how to make Layton the perfect tea. Well, he had Raymond make it, but still. How does he know what kind Layton likes? Theory one: Layton’s taste hasn't changed from when they were kids. Theory two: He stalked observed Layton’s tea-drinking activities. Maybe he even posed as a waiter sometimes to find Layton’s favourite tea.

Des had kept track of how Layton was doing for a long time. He also was very close to introducing himself a couple of times. Obviously he never did. One reason why he decided against it was certainly to keep Layton away from everything. Des had given him the chance to live a peaceful life, so he obviously didn’t want to risk that. But that’s not all to it. Though Des hated himself for even feeling that, he was a bit jealous. It’s not that he regretted his decision from back then, but he still couldn’t help feeling that way. Plus, Hersh was a reminder of his past life. So while Des had his family that was another reason why he didn't approach - though in the beginning, he had actually thought even more about talking to Layton. However, Des had really tried to let go of his revenge and thus also his past - so Layton couldn't be a part of Sycamore's life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also couldn't help but think about their father whenever he looked at Hersh. He knows that’s not fair, but it’s what it is. The same way he thinks about Bronev whenever he sees his own eyes in the mirror. After his family’s death and after he became Descole he stopped approaching Hersh altogether and kept his distance. Not only because, again, he wanted to keep Layton out of all of this - even more so than before, because Des had already lost his family again, so losing Hersh was not an option (I write even though Des tried to kill Hersh himself hjasdjd)-, but also because he was afraid of how disappointed Layton would be were he to find out about all the things Descole had done. Des feared that he’d hate him.

Relating to one point in the previous point, Des absolutely hates mirrors. His reflection is bearable while being dressed as Descole, but he still avoids them like the plague. Even more so as AL Desmond. He also absolutely hates it when someone compliments his eyes - the thing he hates the most about his appearance.

Relating to that, I know Des’ glasses are just for show, but what if they are optical glasses nevertheless? Like, he cannot stand seeing clearly (especially since he ran into Bronev a couple of times and he absolutely doesn’t want to see that guy’s face). Maybe it’s also to help him distance himself even further from the others - especially Layton(?).

Des only possesses one photo of his family. It had been in his wallet when they died. I am just gonna assume Targent blew up his house, leaving Des with almost nothing. As much as he wishes to have the photo with him at all times, it's far too dangerous to do so while being Descole. Maybe Raymond keeps it safe? Or Des just keeps it in Desmond’s office? Maybe that was one of the things he actually liked while being Desmond again, at least he actually could carry the photo around this time.

Des lies a lot (obviously) - also to himself. (This is also me just trying to make his writing make more sense, since it often seemed to me he was written by 4+ people who didn't tell each other what they’ve written). I am thinking of that one bonus scene in MM where Des acts all empathetic towards Randall. “Just the thought of those poor parents, desperately looking for their own child.” That line does sound a lot like something Des himself knows too well… And then, one moment later, after Randall has left, Des just admits to himself that he’s just using Randall. (srsly writers??) I’m not saying that’s not right, because he’s certainly using him - no point in sugar-coating that - but he’s also very much trying to distance himself from Randall and his issues and reminding himself to focus on his goals and to not get distracted. Because Des does care. And I also think that he could have achieved his goal without Randall, but when he had learnt that Layton lost his best friend, Des tried everything in his power to get him back.

What is Des’ “true self”?

That is the one question I’m thinking about the most. It’s probably gonna get a bit complicated now… Let’s see if I can make my own words make sense (I really tried haha). For clarity's sake I’m gonna use three different names now: First, we have Des - the name I’m gonna use for the “true(est)” version of him - whoever that really is. Then we have Desmond - the AL Desmond Des “played” during AL. And, finally, there is Descole which is of course the Descole “role”.

Des has some serious identity issues - because of course he does. Descole started as a role (Des is even literally wearing a non-practical costume) that served a specific purpose. Des initially “created” Descole to have an outlet for all his rage and despair - and to get back at Targent without revealing himself. And I imagine some characteristics of Descole are things Des added, because he wanted Descole to appear a certain way different from how Des presented himself outside the costume. No one was to find who was behind the mask after all, so Descole had to act differently. Descole’s arrogance comes to mind, like that one just strikes me as not (fully) being Des himself. Des pretty much hates himself and blames himself for a lot of things. But Descole is also much more than a simple role. He’s very much a part of Des himself - it’s Des' own anger and his own feelings Descole is based on after all. Over the years, the lines between Des and Descole got more blurry. And now Des pretty much cannot tell the difference anymore between the things that make him him and the things he had just put into the Descole persona. So while Descole was initially based on parts of Des himself, over time Des truly lost himself in Descole who had become its own thing as well. Think method acting gone completely wrong - or right?

In a similar yet also opposite way, (AL) Desmond is also a role Des played during the game. Des said that he had just assumed Desmond’s identity again to get close to Layton and use him (which I don’t believe is 100% true, because I am convinced that a part of Des wanted to be saved. And also longed to see his brother again - and wanted Layton to like him), but it does make me think that Des mostly runs around as Descole. Obviously Des had kept the Desmond persona alive enough for Desmond to be regarded as a world-famous archeologist. But then again, it clearly doesn’t matter in the PL-universe if people don’t do their jobs.

I still do not know how much of Desmond is the “true” Desmond. Even if Des based Desmond on how he used to be with his family, there’s still the question how close Des actually comes to that. Memories can be deceiving and I doubt Des remembers exactly how he used to be. So maybe Desmond’s speaking style, his mannerism could be an act instead of that being Des’ true (past) self. Or which I like better, it’s a confusing mix between “lie” and “truth”. Some things are exaggerated (people tend to romanticize the past, so even with his family Des(mond) might not have been as nice as he presents himself to be as AL Desmond). Some aspects are more or less really Des(mond) and some other things are just stuff Des added to the Desmond role - consciously or not.

Let’s take this thought even further. When Des tried to leave his revenge behind and concentrate on his family, was that Des(mond) really his true(est) self? Or did Des play a role during that time as well (at least partly)? Des cannot let go. That has been shown throughout the games. So while he had tried to put Targent behind him, he might not have been able to do that completely. Thus he buried some things deep inside him and concentrated on “playing” Desmond Sycamore. Who might be the person he wished to be(?).

Long story short, I think that maybe AL Desmond is an idealised version of the Desmond Des used to be. Des acted like how he used to be while his family was still alive - or as much as possible, since he absolutely cannot let go of the pain completely. So his AL Desmond appearance could also be how he had looked like back then. I honestly do not even know if AL Desmond is the “true face” under the mask. Or if Desmond is also kind of like a “costume”. His appearance could be inaccurate as to how present Des really looks like. Descole’s character model also makes no sense. Like the hair that is sometimes visible doesn’t really look like Desmond’s most of the time after all. So is Descole wearing another wig? Is Desmond? I kind of like the idea that Des met Layton with his true appearance, so I’m on the fence here. Maybe he’s not wearing a wig, but extensions?I very much like the idea of Des appearing with his true face though… So I am kind of reluctant to have Desmond look too different from Des. Plus, Layton could have noticed if Desmond was in fact wearing a wig and that might have made Layton suspicious. But maybe Des dyed his hair a bit, and/or is wearing extensions? Maybe he actually already has grey hair, who knows. I certainly don’t.

However, I also believe that Desmond is far less of a role than Des probably thinks/admits. Over the course of the game, he might have lost himself in the Desmond role in a similar way to how he has lost himself in Descole.

Des' time as AL Desmond changed him for sure. And he does act differently as Descole after he changed into the costume than in the previous games. (I’m gonna make a whole separate post about how the German version uses different forms of politeness - and Des does speak rather … strange/different after his revelation than in other games… Again, I know that that’s just the writers being the writers, but where is the fun in that?)

Present day Des has probably no idea who his true self is anymore… Him “playing” Desmond further complicated things. Which parts did he make up, which parts are truly him? I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that… But that also makes Des so fascinating to me. I also really wonder what name he prefers after AL…

As much as I like the idea that Des himself came up with the plan to approach Layton as Desmond, I also very much like the idea that it had been Raymond instead who had suggested it. Raymond probably has to listen to a lot of Des’ angry rants. And after hearing another one about Layton seeing through one of Des’ disguises, Raymond came up with the idea to just go as himself next time. Partly also because Raymond knows Des better than anyone else and he knows how much Des longs to see his brother again - even if Des himself doesn’t admit that.

Des has acquired quite a lot of scars over the years… He does fall down a lot, so it’s bound to happen. He was probably wearing a fair bit of makeup in AL to hide some of them - in addition to his visible lack of sleep. Speaking of, I don’t think Des slept all that much during AL. He probably has nightmares that wake him up screaming. No way he could (or would want to) explain that to the others. Maybe that’s what he has been doing while he was not with the gang. He was taking a much needed nap… Or ...

… or he goes into the one room in the Bostonius that’s completely sound-proof (because that surely exists) and just screams (and cries) for a bit. In full Descole costume. He cannot bear being Desmond and being around the others at all times. He needs to have an outlet for his emotions.

Des really tried to retain his (emotional) distance from everyone in AL. I noticed that in the beginning he hardly ever said anything while I was clicking everything (and I hope believe that I’ve really clicked everything for potential Des dialogue). But he says more over time. It also takes a long time for him to talk about his family. So maybe that’s him slowly warming up to the others. Des was also probably still figuring out how to be Desmond (again). In a way, I think Desmond was one of his easiest yet also his most challenging role he ever had to “play”. No one is more familiar to him and yet also a total stranger. Plus, he had to be extra careful not to reveal too much. Can’t have been easy (which is why he needed to go scream for a bit sometimes).

He feels immensely guilty about caring for Aurora. He was especially reluctant to get closer to her, but he also just couldn't help caring for her. Because she reminded him of his daughter. He just feels very conflicted as he got more and more attached to her, not only because he knew he would eventually betray her, but he felt like in caring for Aurora he was betraying his daughter in a way… This guilt could apply to Flora as well when he eventually meets her.

One day after AL he found the Popoño he had bought for Aurora. He keeps it close ever since.

His revenge is achieved after AL, so there should be no reason for Descole to continue existing. But I don’t think Des will be able to let go of Descole right away. The AL ending shows that anyway. I feel him putting the mask back on in his last scene makes sense for him. He still cannot bring himself to leave Descole behind and he also very much still cannot bear to see his father’s eyes whenever he looks in a mirror. It would have been too sudden for him to just put all the pain behind him. Des’ revenge was basically also the one thing that defined his whole life. And Descole has been a part of his life for a long time as well - the pain and anger that led to Des creating Descole have been inside Des long before his family got killed. I can’t imagine it easy to just let go of all of that. Des is truly lost at the end of AL. He has lost his purpose, the one thing that made him go on. And he needs to figure out who he is himself. Even more so after his whole posing as Desmond again. I like to think that Des will be able to let go of Descole eventually, but that will be a slow process and not something that’s gonna happen overnight. Instead he’ll probably put on the costume fewer and fewer times until, eventually, Descole just disappears. Maybe he’ll stop when he runs out of costumes lol. No matter what, it’s gonna be a long road for Des to be able to heal… (And he should totally go get back to Layton and apologise to Layton and to a loooooot of other people and then they both go to therapy)

#well that descoleated quickly I guess... #finally answered after a long time - sorry for the wait #thank you so so much for the ask - I obviously love rambling about my dear Des <3 #I really hope this makes sense #I struggled a lot with certain parts (especially that super long Who is Des anyway? part) #headcanons aka me rambling on and on about Des <3 #I have a LOT of thoughts about him #jean descole #professor layton #professor layton spoilers #azran legacy spoilers #Descole breaks tumblr #tastelesstetrahedronthings

[pocket-void]

Bro I am a sucker for world building, just read any of my AU's to see that lol. But if you like questions, the the SoH AU, how do they meet each other. I can imagine they all have a common goal it seems, well most, to stop the war and bring peace. But, I can also imagine that they do NOT trust each other.

World building is my absolute JAM! I can honestly do it forever, it’s just really fun crafting societies and worlds for stories to take place in, y’know? ^///^ It’s probably one of the reasons I like D&D so much.

But anyways, yes, you are absolutely correct! Everyone is more or less on the same page, but the main conflict centers around how they interact with each other! Character interaction based stories are my absolute favorites, and the SoH AU is mostly just interpersonal conflict. Can they work together to successfully reunite the kingdoms? Will the courts crush the rebellion before they reach that agreement? Or will they perhaps inadvertently destroy each other in the process? OOooh drama, one of my favorite flavors of it no less. o///o

I’ll give you a general plot run down I guess? Focusing on when they actually meet instead of like, actual plot threads. (This story has way too many layers, but what thing I make doesn’t at this point-) I wasn’t planning on putting tons of thought into this currently, but since you’re curious I’ll tell ya what I’ve got. ^///^

If this were a comic or fic, the story would be broken up into various points of views and basically tell different parts of the story at different times. Eventually everything gets pieced together by the climax, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Please note that these notes are out of order, but here’s how each of them eventually meet up:

Janus is the first person to meet everybody in the story at least once, under various different aliases thanks to his shapeshifting ability

He doesn’t approve of a lot of them

Mostly because they either seem unsuited for their cause or completely unwilling to cooperate

He thinks Roman is dangerous

He knows Logan is powerful but untrusting

He thinks Patton is valuable but soft

He and Virgil just flat out don’t get along

Patton and Virgil don’t realize that they’ve met Janus somewhere before when he’s introduced later

Logan and Roman do notice, but don’t really mention it

Well, Roman does, but like, vaguely and ominously for the aesthetic

---

Janus and Remus met a long long time ago. They’ve known each other for years.

They met in the land of Diamonds, which was strange because Remus is a Clover. 

He claims to be a runaway since he was young, though Janus finds that a little odd regardless.

They become pretty decent friends, and eventually skedaddle out of Diamond territory together once Janus gets cursed and is officially branded a traitor to the court

Eventually JOKER is formed and they’ve had eachother’s backs ever since. Though admittedly Janus doesn’t really know a whole lot about Remus in the grand scheme of things.

---

Remus kind of goes around acting like a wanted criminal very often; he has absolutely no fear

He is in fact Roman’s twin, their parents were of two suits and so they ended up being like that too

Unfortunately that causes a lot of problems when you’re a Clover in the Land of Diamonds, so he ended up being hidden away for safety a lot until he just ran off.

Remus’ core is actually unstable, which is why nobody (Not even himself) can figure out what his rank is

Patton eventually figures that out but he isn’t sure if there was a way to fix that

Honestly Remus thinks it’s super cool like that

He meets Logan by attempting to con him, but it ends up with them getting into an even larger scheme and busting some sort of underground trading ring

Logan thinks he’s insufferable, but a Clover is more bearable than a Diamond any day

---

Somewhere in the beginning in the Kingdom of Spades Logan comes to the realization of just how corrupt the higher court truly is.

He blows up at a higher ranking official for making clearly lackluster and inefficient decisions to manipulate and twist things in their favor and simultaneously quits and gets exiled for this. (Literally just “You can’t fire me, I quit”)

Well actually the court can’t just let him walk off like that, and basically try to get him assassinated

He realizes something is off and anticipates the ambush, but he’s still terribly outnumbered and gets really wounded, though he manages to escape into Hearts territory where he collapses in the snow and gets found by Patton

---

Patton’s workshop is in a really obscure alleyway, and there’s metal cuff latched onto his right wrist. He’s basically under house arrest for his history of trying to harbor fugitives.

He finds Logan during an outing and takes him in like a good Samaritan of course

Logan is still in his scholarly robes and so he’s instantly identifiable as a Spade, not that Patton wouldn’t find out regardless but still

Patton heals his wounds as best he can while Logan rests, since he was out in the snow for quite a while

Logan bolts up and almost causes a scene when he finally wakes, and Patton has to convince him he won’t turn him in to the high court

They don’t get along the best until Logan lowers his guard a little and figures out a way for Patton to escape house arrest (He fiddles with the bracelet along with Patton’s soul smithing abilities, not going in to the science of that rn)

Logan stays with Patton while he figures out his next course of action

He admittedly respects Patton’s profession and finds it very interesting, since the Spade court lacks a lot of info on the matter

---

Virgil has actually dueled Janus on a few occasions, and the main reason is mostly just because they don’t get along. He finds the man untrustworthy, which is a fair assessment ngl.

He meets Remus under better circumstances

They meet one day while Virgil is on patrol, since Remus is a Clover he’s the one in charge of doing errands in Clover territory

They get along alright and Virgil admits to him that he doesn’t think the high courts are doing what’s right for the people

Remus uses that opportunity to kind of nudge him into doing rebellion stuff, which Virgil actually declines

He does set out on a personal quest soon after though, and resigns from his position as a guard

It raises a few suspicions in the court, and a lot of people were against his choice, but Virgil was firm and he left before anyone could say anything more

He meets Logan somewhere down the line in Hearts territory with Patton, they’re pretty snippy with each other in the beginning

The three stay together at Patton’s for a while and are almost busted twice before deciding to leave

Patton stays at first but eventually he joins their plans to rebel and save the people, since he knows how much they’ve been suffering under the court’s rule

---

Roman gets a few visits sprinkled in various parts of the story

He meets Janus rather early, who visits him to ask for his assistance

It doesn’t work out very well

Janus is challenged to a duel, but because of the curse inflicted on him he was in no condition to fight a King ranked individual

He promises to find Roman a suitable opponent, to which Roman agrees to help the cause if Janus manages to do so

Virgil kind of stumbles upon his castle while travelling and gets roped into a bizarre tea party where Roman just kind of complains to him the whole time

Roman doesn’t take the Jack seriously but he enjoys company regardless

They quip a lot and kind of become friends, and Roman leaves him with some ominous words about the future and bids him farewell

Somewhere down the line Logan goes to formally challenge Roman to a duel, and they have quite possibly the most ridiculous and wild fight that ends in half of Roman’s castle in rubble and the Diamond court having a massive collective headache

Logan earns Romans respect and they settle stuff over tea

And those are my scattered and bare bone ideas written for you at 2:20 AM in the morn. o///o

#Obviously the story is better structures than that #but it's late and I'm having a t i m e #I kind of accidentally started formulating how the actual plot will be structured #but that's not gonna be touched upon because as much as I enjoy this AU #It's a really big story and probably needs a ton of polish #and better planning #but I do enjoy it a lot #there's some cool scenes and lots of developments #political drama is not my strong suit but inner turmoil is fascinating on a big scale #I love character stuff the most tho hahaha #sanders sides #sanders sides au #SoH au #jadespeedster17 #ask

[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter two

hey guys, here’s chapter two of LYIALG! won’t make this too long, i just hope that everyone had a great thanksgiving (or just a great thursday to lots of you!) and i hope you guys like this chapter. it’s probably a bit boring, but... hey, i write, i decide lol. if anyone is confused, this story takes place after 5x24, but before the merger. 

~*~

"i'm still fixing all the cracks"

~*~

"yeah. fuck."

____

the two sit in silence for god know how long. now matter how many times they go over it in their minds, it's still unbelievable to them, they cheated on their spouses. who the hell does that? who simply decides that who they married wasn't worth it and screws the first person they find attractive once they're alone? horrible people, that's who, and that's what they felt like right now. horrible freaking people.

at this point they weren't even sure why they were still in the room together. maybe it was the fact that they could dwell in their acts of adultery together, maybe they just found the presence of the other just enough to fill the void of loneliness that had never seemed to leave them, no matter what they did or who they were with. all they knew was that simply sitting there, on the cold tile floor multiple feet apart, made what they did a little more bearable for themselves, seeing the other look just as miserable about it as they did.

"we're horrible people." brooke mutters, mustering up the courage to sit and stand up groggily from her fetal position on the floor. she turns on the faucet and ducks her head under it, collecting the water in her mouth before swishing it around and then spitting it into the sink, leaving her mouth to feel much better than it did before, thanks to the fact that remnants of beer and tequila no longer seemed to coat the roof of her tongue and mouth.

"yeah, we are." alex agrees. it was the first time the girl had truly listened to him speak, and he had a deep voice, a bit of a gruffness behind it, but that might just be because of the hangover. she takes a good look at the guy, since she didn't have the opportunity to earlier.

he only had on a pair of boxers before he entered the bathroom and was currently the same now, but other than that he was completely bare. he was well built with a six pack and nice arm muscles. his eyes were a dark brown with a hint of green, and he had a sharp jawline. his hair was cut short, and he had a barely-there stubble on his face. a shiny gold wedding band sat on his left ring finger, which he fiddled with unconsciously.

brooke opens and closes her mouth a few times, nothing seeming to come out for a good minute. "did- did we think that we were our partners? maybe?" she suggests lamely, not missing the way the guy she now knew as alex scanned over her briefly.

"definitely not." he mutters, huffing out a breath as he leans back against the wall, one knee to his chest as the other lays straight out in front of him. "my wife is tall, blonde, and has dark brown eyes. you're like... the complete opposite of her."

"sounds like a model." brooke mumbles, a small smile on her face, attempting to crack a joke to ease the situation. oh who the fuck was she kidding? there was no way to ease this situation.

"she was. in med school, i mean. did a bunch of bethany whisper stuff." alex shrugs, missing the way the girl's jaw practically drops.

"damn." she mutters. she looks at alex a bit more, squinting her eyes at him, which doesn't go unnoticed by the man.

he turns and looks sharply at her, "what?" he gruffs out, trying his best to intimidate the younger woman, but to his surprise she doesn't even flinch. it was like she was used to sudden behavior changes.

brooke lips her lips, trying her best to form her thoughts as complete sentences. "you don't even really, i mean- you don't look like my husband... you just- look like my type." she settles on.

alex smirks the slightest bit, "your type?" he teases lightly, making fun of the way she sounded a bit like a middle school girl gossiping about the new boy in the english class.

she glares at him, "shut up."

she wasn't lying though, the man was her type. and by her type she meant dark hair and dark eyes. but she supposed that also meant over half of the male population, so she wouldn't consider him all that special.

alex chuckles softly, not trying to make his headache any worse than it was. he peers through the bathroom doorway, glancing at the clock on the hotel's nightstand, doing a double take after he turns around for a second time, hoping he was just seeing things wrong.

"shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." he curses out, abruptly standing up from his place on the floor, pulling brooke up with him. she lets out a groan in protest at the quick moment, but ultimately makes her way back into the room.

alex starts shoving on his jeans, looking at brooke as he does so. "you're here for the pre-med conference right?" he asks, making her nod.

"well, so am i, and my mentor needs me to help her with her speech and all that crap at nine thirty, and right now it's nine eighteen. and she goes on at nine forty-five" he says, making her nod. she still didn't quite get why that involved her though.

noticing her confusion he speaks up, "my mentor is arizona robbins." he says simply, making the girl go wide eyed.

"holy shit." she whispers. no way in hell would she wouldn't go to a lecture by the arizona robbins, who was practically a pediatric surgeon god.  

alex nods, "yeah, and i'm guessing you don't want to miss that." he states, making the girl bob her head up and down.

"y-yeah, thank you." she stutters out, going to her suitcase and quickly grabbing an outfit while she internally thanks the universe that they ended up back in her room at the end of the night and not his.

she hears the door to the hotel room open and him start to leave, before the footsteps stop, causing her to turn around. "i just want to say..." he trails off, ignoring his internal arguments from earlier, "i'm sorry. i'm really sorry, and if this is making you feel even half as guilty as i am... then i'm even more sorry." he says sympathetically, not missing the way her eyes fill with tears.

"don't be." she whispers, watching as the man nods and shuts the door behind him.

it was then she started to let the tears fall.

god, guilty.

that's all she was able to feel.

she felt guilty that she cheated on her husband. she felt guilty that she helped the man cheat on his wife. she felt guilty that she found the man she cheated with attractive. she felt guilty that alex apologized for what happened as if it was his fault. because it was her fault right? that's what paul would say.

he would say that it was her fault, which... it made sense that it was right? right. because that's what paul would say. she learned not to question him over the past year, the look in his eyes that he got when she would say something 'wrong' was a bit scary to her, but she shrugged it off every time, since the little flame always disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

but the guilt. oh, it was horrible. it was coursing through her veins like a rapid river, having no sense of direction as it splashed inside of brooke, coating her skin and organs in its treacherous layer of pain.

who knew feeling guilty could be so painful? she didn't. she had no idea what to do. was she supposed to tell paul? to tell her husband that she broke their sacred vows after only being married for three months? she loved him, oh, she loved him so much. he was so charming and sweet and looked at her like she was a beautiful rose, blooming fresh out of the ground. how was she supposed to let the man she loved know that she cheated? gone would be the way he looked at her like the reddest rose in the garden, and instead he would look at her like she had just told him that his father had died. no, she couldn't do that.

maybe it was selfish, actually, she knew it was selfish. because telling him would only be a way to make herself feel less guilty, but at the same time, not telling him was also selfish. it would be selfish in the way that she didn't want to see him hurt. how could she bear to see him hurt? after everything, she couldn't hurt him. he gave her food, a house, nice clothes, gifts, love. he gave her everything, she couldn't hurt him.

so she decided then, paul wouldn't know. it would be a secret, a secret that she knew for a fact would eat her up alive, but she knew it would be better than telling him. he'd been getting angrier lately, and she knew it was probably just a phase, but it was a phase she wasn't really liking much so far. she assumed that that's what happened after you get married. you are finally able to show all of the good, the bad, and the ugly. but it's okay, she can deal with a bit of ugly. that's what marriage is for anyways, sticking by your partner through everything.

she shakes it off. no matter how badly she felt, paul couldn't know. it was a one time thing. it would never happen again. she would never see this man again. it was a one time thing.

____

alex karev walked out of the room with his head down low, focusing on leather shoes he spent a crap ton of money on. he felt guilty. his wife had cancer and was currently in remission, and all he can do is go off and screw someone.

but he felt guilty for cheating on his wife, and for finding the woman that he cheated with hot. that was the worst feeling of all. that after everything she was just as attractive to him as she would've been if he wasn't married. how messed up was that?

he wasn't this guy anymore. he had hardly looked any other woman's way since he had been with izzie. how could he? she was perfect. she was beautiful and kind and funny. and he loved her. so how could he just throw all that away like it was nothing?

but he knew he couldn't tell her. she didn't deserve the pain that it would bring her. she had been through enough in her life. she had just beat cancer for god's sake, with a five percent chance of survival! she was so fucking strong. he admired izzie. she fought like hell and she pulled through. she didn't deserve to take another hit. especially not one front the husband who promised to love her and stay loyal to her through everything.

for better or worse. in sickness and in health. thats what the vows were right? so why the hell couldn't he do one god damn thing in his life right? why couldn't he keep the most important promise to the woman he loved? was he really that screwed up? was he really that terrible? why did he always have to screw himself out of everything good? and this time, he literally screwed himself out of it.

alex shrugs off his thoughts as he makes his way to his room on the seventh floor, quickly taking a shower and brushing his teeth, styling his hair to the best of his ability with the small amount of gel he had left, he made a mental note to pick some up when he got back to seattle. he made sure to use extra deodorant and the tiniest hint of a cologne he had for special occasions, the last thing he needed was robbins smelling any leftover alcohol on him. he would never get on her good side then.

he changes into a pair of black slacks and a button up white shirt. he tries to put on a dark blue tie but ultimately gives up after a multitude of half assed attempts, shoving it into his pocket gruffly. usually meredith did them for him.

he grumbles something incoherently under his breath as he grabs his phone from his nightstand, where he plugged it into charge a few minutes before. he shoves the device into his pocket as he makes his way out the door, immediately bumping into the last person he wanted to see at the moment.

"karev!" arizona chirps, her voice not only happy and cheerful, but loud too, making alex internally wince. he didn't need more loud noises right now, he had just popped a couple of aspirins and was still waiting for them to kick in.

but still, he forces a crooked half smile, "hey robbins." alex knew he needed to be on her good side. he had been getting really interested in peds lately, but arizona didn't think he would be good in it, meaning she was still skeptical. but he loved it. it was so... intense. and hardcore. heartbreaking, at times, of course. nothing was worse than losing a child patient, but that only made the successes that much more valuable.

with peds, he felt something. he liked to get to know his patients and make up random handshakes with them. but he didn't like kids though. don't think he did. he definitely didn't. he just admired those kids in the peds ward. they were all fighters in a fun sized package, and don't even get him started on the babies in the NICU.

those were the hardest fighters in the hospital, no question there. these tiny little lives battled so hard, they fought their absolute hardest from the second they were born, and for that, he had to admire them. how could he not?

the point was that he needed robbins to like him. actually, he really needed robbins to like him, because she was the best, and he wanted to learn from the best. he would do everything he possibly could to make sure he became the surgeon he wanted to be, the surgeon he left iowa to be. he practically had to beg robbins to let him join her, but that was okay, he didn't mind. he was determined. normally a fellow would be chosen to do lectures like these, but the blonde decided that she wanted to have a resident come with her this time, since they had been in med-school no too long ago. she wanted someone who could still relate to the pupils on a personal level.

arizona takes a glance over at him, her eyes narrowing at him a bit, "you look like crap." she deadpans.

alex purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair, temporarily forgetting that he had gel in it, which causes his finger to get stuck in a strand, making him wince as he pulls it through. "didn't sleep too well."

which was a lie. which made him feel guilty. he didn't necessarily feel guilty about lie, he felt guilty that his lie wasn't true. which he supposed, was the point of a lie... but still. the truth was, he couldn't remember the last time he had slept that well.

he shakes off his thoughts, thanking the universe the arizona looked to believe him and gives him a nod of understanding before she rattles on about her speech.

it was a one time thing. it would never happen again. he would never see this woman again. it was a one time thing.

____

#jolex #jolex is endgame #jolexau #jo wilson #jo karev #jolex fanfic #alex karev #jolex fic #jolex fanfiction #brooke stadler #alternate universe #affair #greysanatomy #greys anatomy #greys abc #greys anatomy fanfiction #greys anatomy au #med school #resident #jo x alex #alex x jo #i will die for them #married #arizona robbins #surgery

[fasa-umich]

Jolene Soriano, FASA 2020-21 Co-Social Chair

Oh, hey FASA, didn’t see you there. It’s me, one of your co-social chairs this year, Jolene. You’re probably wondering how I ended up here. My story begins in a small town in the west side of Michigan where I had no real ties to my culture other than whatever my mom decided to cook up for dinner and the functions my parents had with the very few other Filipinos in Holland. I grew up always feeling a little out of place and always feeling the need to hide my culture from my friend group. When it came to my junior and senior year of high school, one of the biggest factors for me in deciding where to go for college was wanting to be in an environment where I could comfortably express myself and my culture. With that being said, I put in a deposit for Grand Valley State University, another predominantly white school. Not to bash on that school or anything, it’s a good school, it’s just I would’ve had a repeat of my high school days. Obviously, I did not end up going to GVSU and I ended up changing my mind and submitted my deposit for the University of Michigan the day before deposits were due. The biggest reason why I ended up changing my decision was because of the opportunities available at Michigan, that I couldn’t get anywhere else. One of these opportunities being FASA. So, when I got to Michigan, I waddled up to the table at Festifall, got info for their mass meeting, sat in on the mass meeting, ate some Insomnia Cookies, and ended up committing a large amount of time to the org.

For those of you who met me last year, you may know that at the first few events I ever went to I spoke a total of maybe five words. So you might be wondering how this literally silent person wound up as social chair, a position that requires speaking maybe more than five words. For this, you’ll have to thank Aber John Espinoza. I know I make fun of him kind of frequently (every chance I get), but I do genuinely have to thank him for providing a space in his Modern Tinik sets for me to finally get comfortable and start opening up to people. AJ’s naturally friendly and sociable personality allowed me, an unbearably shy individual, to start forging the bonds and friendships I have now. He was the one to kickstart whatever “sociable” nature I have in FASA. When I ran for social chair, the main thing I wanted to accomplish was creating a space similar to the 8PM to 10PM Modern Tinik practices in all of my social events and initiatives. I wanted to make sure everyone, new or old, had a place where they could express themselves and open up safely and start making those friendships in FASA that really will last a lifetime. Hopefully, that was something I was able to accomplish during my time in this position.

modern tinik origin story s/o aj (black shirt in the back set of sticks)

Social chair was not exactly what I had expected, granted COVID did not help anything. The ideas I had originally envisioned were no longer feasible, and online events were the only thing that my co-chair Jason and I could do. After our first few online events in June with Independence Day Spirit Week, I disliked hosting online events. At first, the events felt awkward, there were lag issues, the list went on. However, we pushed ourselves to think outside of the box and committed to making these social events fun, even if they were virtual. It was not easy to say the least. We didn’t have anyone to ask about how to make an online event “fun” since no one’s ever had to pull one off, and even if we did have ideas that we wanted to do, they weren’t exactly always feasible online. Nonetheless, we were committed to making these events as fun as possible and the result of that were literally hundreds of meetings and thousands of hours spent over the course of the year. You may think I’m exaggerating that time, but honestly I don’t think I am. Not only were we busy with these events, we were also launching the first ever year long FAM competition-- POTTER. This initiative had its own set of challenges from making the rules, the scoreboard, points, keeping in communication with FAM heads, the list goes on and on. We juggled our events, POTTER, and all the other board responsibilities that were asked of us.

welcomed the weekend with the best people

You could maybe say that we were a bit ambitious in our goals for our tenure, which might have caused us more stress than if we had just stuck to the traditional social events done. There could be some truth in that statement. I mean, we didn’t have to put in that level of effort into our events or into POTTER. But it would also be literally so embarrassing if we were that org and just did something basic like Kahoot at every social event. More importantly though, especially in the times of a panoramic and isolation, maintaining friendships and being social is crucial to one’s well-being. This is one of the main reasons why we worked especially hard. Although there were many instances where I questioned why I was putting in so much effort or allowing myself to incur so much stress, I feel rewarded at the end of the day. When I look back on the year and the things I’ve accomplished, I feel proud that I was able to do all the things I wanted and more. It also makes me feel good that I might’ve been able to create the same space AJ made for me. I would say that whatever stress or negative emotions I felt during my time on board was worth it.

FASA board has provided me with many invaluable experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world, from the countless midnight parties, boardie hangouts, stressful weeks and events, and meeting so many amazing people. FASA board has pushed me out of my comfort zone in a good way, forcing my introverted self to initiate conversations with awkward freshmen trying to navigate their way through their first year and leading zoom calls filled with many people. I’ve also learned the importance of teamwork, collaboration, and asking for help. It’s so easy to think “this is my event, so I have to do this on my own,” but in reality that’s just making more work for yourself. I’ve never been a part of a team that has worked so closely together, and I am so grateful I had the opportunity to have been supported by an amazing cast of characters.

charlie ft. trad #charlie supremacy

Ok, so this is the part where I’m going to go through a list of thank yous and messages to certain individuals. To Board, I don’t think there are enough thank you’s in the world to express the gratitude for you all. You all have been there for me whenever I’ve needed it the most and helped me throughout all the tough times this year. You all are smashing individuals and I wouldn’t have wanted to work with anyone else this year. To AJ, thank you for being the foundation of my time in FASA. I don’t think you realize just how much your existence has impacted my journey in FASA and on board and without you I don’t think I would have had the experience I’ve had if it wasn’t for you. I will dearly miss you when you inevitably graduate and I will try to continue your legacy of making FASA a safe space for everyone. Ok, I think that it’s for all the sappy words for you we’ll go back to our regularly scheduled programming of roasting AJ. To Sean Herrera and Bea Fandino, thank you for being the boardie boomers I could always go to. I will always be grateful for Midnight Party being the thing that brought us all closer together and started a friendship that no one saw coming. Also, sorry for all the random and questionable texts I’ve sent at odd hours of the night, but I hope you were able to get some entertainment out of it. To Kristina Mallabo, thank you for always entertaining my shenanigans and driving me to Fuller when I don’t want to walk 20 minutes. You truly have become one of my best friends and I wouldn’t trade you for the world (except for my anime boys but that’s to be expected). Hmmm… I think that’s all for my messages and thank yous… LOL just kidding how could I ever forget to thank the one person who’s kept me sane throughout this entire year… Park Jimin <3

KIDDING! I’M KIDDING! The last person I’d like to talk about in this testimonial is none other than Jason Portugal. A somewhat unlikely friendship born from the 8PM to 10PM Modern Tinik practices and late night Victor’s Pushes at Mojo. Mr. Portugal has been one of my closest friends since I joined FASA, and I don’t think there was another person I would’ve wanted to run for social chair with. I was really lucky to have one of my best friends as my co-chair and go through thick and thin with him. I genuinely do not believe I would’ve been able to make it through this year without Jason. I would like to thank him for making all of the late night meetings, stress, and countless hours bearable, for all the laughs, memories, and shenanigans, and for being someone I can be vulnerable with. I don’t think I could envision a life without Jason Portugal and he is a pillar of my life that I could not go without. Thank you, Jason, for everything you’ve done for me this year and for working together with me to accomplish the things we’ve done. We did it.

putting the “jj” in “jjk” (we love you kris)

Before I wrap this testimonial up, I’d like to write a message for next year’s socials. This board position is a lot of work, but I assure you that if you truly love what you’re doing, it’ll all be worth it in the end. I don’t think I can stress the importance of having fun with what you’re doing. You can’t expect general members at your event to have fun, if you’re not also having fun. The energy you give is the energy you’ll receive. Also, be sure to rely on your co-chair! You don’t have to be best friends or anything, but they are with you for your entire tenure and you go through so much together. Be sure to always keep in constant communication with each other! My wish for whoever carries on the social chair legacy is that they are passionate about instilling a welcome and safe space at every social event.

With that being said, I’ve come to the conclusion of this testimonial. I will miss working with everyone on board, contributing to FASA’s community through social events, and turning visions of event ideas into reality. I will not miss spamming the GroupMe with all of my announcement messages though. I’m looking forward to what next year’s board brings and am excited to participate in social events rather than planning them! Thank you FASA for allowing me to provide you with hopefully fun social events and activities this year. FASA has become such a large part of my life and I could not imagine my life without it. Maraming Salamat from the bottom of my heart.

<3 you all are the best

See you around FASA!:)

Jolene Soriano

#FASASocial #2020.21

[dearmrsawyer]

attempting a bit of looking back and looking forward!

work stuff

wow. last year. what an unanticipated RIDE? good? bad? spectrum? my supervisor spent the first half of the year alternating between working from New Zealand and taking unpaid leave, both to stay with his elderly mother, and was deliberately very hands off during that period. I’ve always worked with very little oversight, but there were regularly decisions to be made that i considered above me. i spent a lot of this time floundering, mostly because he had indicated to me that he was going to resign, but didn’t do so until three months after telling me this, so i was never sure if i should defer to him, whether he cared, whether it was worth it since he would be gone shortly after making a decision, or whether i should wait because i didn’t want to be bound to a decision that may end up hurting the work i would need to do after he was gone. 

it felt like six months of frustration and inaction on my part, and by the time he officially resigned in June i didn’t have time to deal with much of the decisions left pending through all this, because we were due to launch an online course that sucked up the second 6 months of the year lol. I knew it was coming but i had no idea of the timeline. i was brought in about 2 weeks before the course needed to go live, NOT ideal since i was the one responsible for all content on our online learning platform. which we upgraded! and so i had to relearn! and the course content was all modified from the face-to-face version i’m familiar with! All i remember from June/July is downloading all the apps i used at work onto my phone so i could keep adding things to my to-do lists from bed at 1am. i remember not sleeping much and editing online content at 9pm and having the Head of Health email me back to take the rest of the night off LOL. i am the kind who needs to finish a task in one sitting/have only minor loose ends to tie up because if i come back to it the next day i need to go over everything i did yesterday, since the act of sleep performs a full memory wipe on all my mental systems. 

anyways it calmed down after July but it still took up the bulk of my workload for the rest of the year, so the rest of my duties (i.e. everything else that happens in the library because i am the one (1) library staff member D:) were really shafted. I feel really bad about that because i know the library suffered, but i also know there’s nothing i could do about it.

however i was also promoted to my supervisor’s old position so i’m officially Head of the library now!!!! i do feel like i earned it, and to be honest it won’t really change my role at all, my opinion will probably just be asked for more often. as i said, i always had very little oversight, partially because my supervisor trusted me to work independently, and partially because he split his role as an academic, so being head of the library was only 10% of his role. so thankfully there was no learning curve involved in this new role, its just business as usual! which is great because i truly didn’t have time for a learning curve lol! i got a bit of a raise, and i’ll be more involved in decisions that impact the library. i anticipate i will still be left out of the loop at times, purely because myself and the library live on the ground floor, and everyone else works on level 2. so the library falls into the trap of out of sight, out of mind very often, not through any malice, but because its just forgotten. in the last year though, maybe as a result of my supervisor leaving, i feel like the colleagues i’m closer to have put great effort into reaching out to me anytime they know a conversation that will affect the library is being had. this has really made me feel like i’ve got people looking out, so i still expect the library will be forgotten semi-regularly but that’s out of my control, and i will just do what i can with the help of friends!

so, goals: try to give all areas of the library equal attention, um perhaps convince someone to let me hire a second staff member lol??, maybe get a standing invite to one of the committees with executive staff so i can be in the loop on what’s like... happening generally, oh god sort out the ebook situation (currently: non existent and confusing to consider)

me stuff

due to a combination of factors (a few months of nausea, unbearable outdoor conditions, laziness) i didn’t start my usual six months of exercising before i once again switch off all movement for the winter months lol. since no longer having a dog, going on walks/jogs became really un-fun, but in the last few years i’ve found a new routine. i didn’t get back into this routine when i normally would, and my holiday ends this week, but i’m thinking i might loosen my plan this year. i’ve been good at eliminating any sense of guilt attached to ‘fitness’ the last few years, and replacing it with a satisfaction in feeling the capability of my own body. so my plan is, use the structure of a work week to build up my exercise routine, use more work mornings to try and fit in some exercise, go into work a little later when i want to because there are no repercussions on me or the library, and once winter hits try to go back to morning walks/jogs because they’re more bearable at that time of year. just to keep up some kind of activity year-long instead of stopping altogether. 

my success in finishing killjoys last year taught me i should really trust in myself to write something i don’t think i’ll be able to write. i’ve got another idea (less ambitious) that i feel would be best written by someone else, but i’m eager to write it anyway! courageous writing! i was also successful at writing more casually with all the tiny pokemon pieces, and hope to continue writing casually. yesterday i listened to a BBC reading of Neil Gaiman’s short story Chivalry, and it reminded me why i love Gaiman’s short stories so much. i’ve always found short stories fairly unpalatable for my own tastes, because of the dissection involved, the hidden messages that take me back to critical reading in university. and critical reading is a GREAT thing, but when i just want a story? i’ve always found short stories impenetrable. But Gaiman’s short stories are so ‘i had a neat idea, here’s 1500 words, thanks for your time’. LOL like they don’t GO anywhere? there are still often layers that critical reading will pull out but sometimes its just like ‘here’s a concept, enjoy’. and i love that idea of no pressure writing! just here’s an idea! i got nothing else, i just like the idea! so here’s to more of that!

also i remember at the start of the year i said i wanted to be more engaged in the community i have on here, and for the first few months of the year really felt like i was failing. a lot of it was a side effect of all the uncertainty at work bleeding into my general state of being, my own emotional state in other areas, working through being a living person etc lol, but as the year wore on i really felt like i did do that! i’ve met more of you on here, interacted either a) more widely, or b) more deeply with some of you, and i feel like i’ve ‘played’ more, and i’ve loved it. 

oh also my 2019 reading mission was to pull out any books i’d owned for 5-10 years, bought at another point in my life journey, and try as many as i could with the goal to get rid of any that no longer appealed to me. and i culled a healthy number of books! so this year is going to be about reading books i’m most excited to read. we’re following passion this year!

#key word: attempting #i've been writing this post in bits and pieces all week #its been hard to self reflect with the state australia is in but i go back to work next week and i wanted to do it before then #this is just thorough enough to probably be considered too long #so just long enough in my books! #tp

[yikesola]

Hospital Update—

howdy! did i emo post about feeling sick and going home from work and then didn’t post for a few days except to complain and say “i’m okay! i’m in hospital but i’m okay” 😦

oops, i guess i did

so if i worried you with that i’m truly sorry, and i want to emphasize the i’m okay bits of this story and the fact that i am still definitely okay but still definitely shook up and exhausted and processing that this week even really happened. so i’m gonna try to go over what went down and y’all aren’t allowed to make fun of me if it’s not as funny as my usual writing, deal? deal!🥰 i just have had a verrry shitty time with the fact that so much that happened is a blur and i kinda depend a lot on my interpretation of events, and i want to write it down so i have some kind of record before i lose even more details— and that can mean that while writing this out it’s gonna actually be a litttle tmi, and more medical mumbo jumbo than you care about, but hey what level of social media isn’t dripping in performativity? what else am i gonna do, besides type this out? watch more family feud? wait for my next potassium horsepill?

so i legit just thought i had a flu last week, thought i’d need to just sleep off the nausea and fever and body aches and tummy troubles, have some soup, have some sprite and gatorade, have some saltines, have some tylenol. i had been complaining for a few days about not feeling well and thought that’d be the worst of it as i never really get sick and when i do i never do much about it other than being a pioneer woman and suffering through it. and this post would be soooooo boring if that were the case— don’t worry, it was not the flu.

so something cracked in my blood after i went to sleep to try to feel better, and my body did that autoimmune thing that bodies do where it said “hey..... something’s trying to kill us. what if we died first?? that’ll show em!” and my blood platelets started eating themselves. not ,, good.....

meanwhile it was the next morning and i was supposed to get ready for work but i still felt like shit (because my body was torpedoing itself) so my dear memere coming to check up on me saw me wild and vomit-strewen, except i wasn’t actually wild at all i was just shutting down blood-utilizing organ by one and imagining that i was this wild Romantic mrs rochester in my burning nightgown while my aunt and memere quibbled over whether they could get me into the car to try urgent care. in my haze i heard that and my dumb ass was like “is it that necessary??” and luckily my dumb mouth wasn’t functioning at the time bc she didn’t say nothing and instead my relatives called an ambulance. our little mountain town has its own hospital, that’s a nice part of the story! it’s a nice little hospital!

the paramedic was lovely and tried to get me sweatpants because it’s november. i didn’t listen to her because my fever was insane and i was more concerned with making sure my cats weren’t in the way of the gurney 🤪#yikesolabranding

i had the same paramedic in the ambulance with me when they sent me to the hospital in the big city and i spent the whole 90 minute drive talking about how much i love those fucking cats

that’s beside the point, but i want to be clear about who i am at my core apparently, always talking about the gals 😻

so i get to the hospital and this is the first black out. i guess technically second because of when it all started, but let’s pick up with me waking up in the hospital. i have nine plasma. i have a fever of 105. i’m being given a blood transfusion, thanks high schoolers who wanted to get out of running the mile in PE that day!

they throw their dartboard tests and decide i have TTP—

basically, they just need to trick my blood into calling off the attack. how are they gonna do that? they’re gonna confuse the blood, overwhelm it, overcrowd it. they’re gonna get me to the fancy city hospital and treat my veins like frosting piping bags.

it’s snowing— no helicopter for me. i have a catheter at this point btw, and this is one of the parts that i know is tmi but ....... ladies and friends, y’all ever had a catheter?? 😩🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 i’m dying and legit think i’d rather piss myself to death, it hurts that bad. we take an ambulance down to the valley, i complain enough about the catheter that they finally take it out for which i apologize incessantly (something that’s probably more annoying than the original complaining but i could die in my own piss comfortable and happy so whatever let’s not worry about it.) i pass out again.

i wake up in ICU. i’m assured i am neither pregnant nor have AIDS. good news✌️ especially considering some family history i won’t dive into here. they’re saying the catheter word again and that scares me bc ow, but don’t worry! this one is going in my neck :) it’s how we’re gonna save my life—

we pump thirteen (13) bags of plasma into my neck via dialysis. it works so well they decide they’re gonna do it for a week! i am weeping through the entire 90 minute procedure btw, and apologizing for it. i’m a Fun Patient!

i pass out again.

i wake up to another assurance that i am still unpregnant and don’t have AIDS. hmmm glad those ones stick!

my aunt is begging me to rub my two brain cells together so i can unlock my phone. i do, which is interesting considering when asked the year i repeatedly answer 1992 and 1994. but my 4digit phone passcode? try and wipe that from me, bitch ass stroke

my aunt calls my dad. he is less of a jerk than he could be :) he thinks my uninsured ass should move to the hospital he works at in california. fucking comedian

i text some friends waiting in my hospital bed. it’s a messy text. if you’re a friend who got one of those texts, bless your reading comprehension abilities and please know that my intention was to say something like “i don’t want to worry you, I’ve checked into the hospital but am okay” but it was like in pooh’s grand adventure when pooh bear spilt honey all over christopher robin’s note that literally said “DONT worry about me, i’m NOT going far away” and read it as “worry about me, i’m going far away” and basically i should’ve taken the opportunity to pass out again instead of trying to text lol

i did call one friend instead of text and she was at dinner with her husband, so sent a little “call you back later!” before listening to the voicemail and the poor dear felt very bad for blowing me off, though i promise i did not feel blown off, i shouldn’t have called at dinner time like a damn telemarketer!

so i wake up again and it’s been two days 😞😞 whoopsie! they’ve done more plasma, i’m stable, and my brain is coming back. I’m BORED. i’m trapped in my body and can’t move and in incredible pain! i’m covered in bruises. i’ve vomited on myself. it’s time to pump me with more plasma. while they’re doing the 40min prep work for that, i am drenched in confusion, like that camouflage spell in hp5. i start screaming apologies (even when my brain is broke i can apologize, social feminization is a hell of a drug) to my doctors who ask me who the president is and i become the “don’t make me say it” meme. that made us all feel a little better.

they pump their plasma. my episode passes. i have a violet allergic reaction all over my body. they pump some benadryl. it goes away.

i can eat solid food! by “solid food” i mean strawberry jello. they tell me to order food of more substance. i order a meatloaf, and pass out before it arrives. i feel bad, eat it cold. i have Never had a better meatloaf, although if i’m being perfectly honest she was closer to a salisbury steak. genuilnely, *chefs kiss*

it’s day five, it’s time for me to leave the ICU. this fancy new room has a toilet :) and a shower! i finally get that vomit out of my hair. my aunt brings me my glasses; they’ve been on my bedside table this whole time

day six is a petulant day ..... idk why but my neck catheter was killing worse than usual and the plasma treatments had been slowly getting more bearable but then this day ,, wasn’t. and suddenly this all felt like a lot of hoops to jump through. and i had some “this isn’t fair🥺” moping as though not being dead isn’t wicked cool enough on its own. whatever, i’m feeling a lot better today, and y’all were really nice about my grumbling so thank you for that, without an ouce of facetiousness🥰

day seven, thanksgiving! i’m finally awake early enough for breakfast. i have fruit loops and laugh at mr amazing’s pain. i have hospital turkey for thanksgiving. it’s as bad as hospital turkey has to be, i can’t blame it for that. my memere sends two blank text messages. she’s 84, so i interpret them as “happy turkey day” and “love you”

i have what is supposed to be my last plasma treatment. before they pull my neck catheter out, they decide it willl not be. i’ll have at least one more in the morning. they’re still not comfortable, but i don’t cry through all 90minutes now. only like ,, 70 minutes of it🤙 maybe i’ll break under an hour tomorrow.

that’s all for now— at this time discharge is looking like monday or tuesday. my TTP recovery is likely, just a matter of time. i’m having a really hard time looking at my phone screeen (typing this has taken on and off 4hrs of dizzy and break) but so look forward to getting back into things that make me happy like japhan content and all the fests and kiss prompts i was working on before this. thanks for listening to this poor approximation of what i remember of my hospital experience! ✨✨🥰 sorry idk how to add a damn read more

#me talking #my face

[thatyanderecritic]

Perfect Days by Raphael Montes also has a crazy yandere. It takes place in Brazil and the female MC isn't stupid. Like this women actually catches onto the guy early on in the story. The ending is super creepy but well done.

Hey there anon. Kai here.

This story seems really interesting and looks like one of the more enjoyable yandere novels out there. Of course, Julie and I won’t be reading this anytime soon since we’re lazy and don’t like reading novels anymore lol. But this does hold some promise after I read some reviews.

It sort of makes me think that it’s a blend of You (TV show) and The Collector (Novel). For an the yandere score, I’m willing to give Teo a 4/5 based on what I read. He seems pretty yandere based on the summarizes. But of course, summarizes don’t really go in detail. As long as Teo wasn’t sadistic to Clarice and tortured her or something, he’s in the clear for being a yandere. Though I’ll share some thoughts about this book. (Spoilers below).

Firstly, I want to state that my information here is based on this review and explanation on the book that I found on this website. Since they go in depth and was rather neutral in the explanation till the end, I’ll believe them and their analysis.  

Anyways, what rubs me the wrong way about Teo and keeping me from giving him a 4/5 is Teo’s misogyny and how he wants a blank girl. Personally, I’m not sure if he’s really misogynistic or he simply have a hard time interacting with women/have a fear of women. IDK, I’ll leave that theorizing to you guys. But what rub me the wrong way is the “blank girl”. Seeing how this is a trend in the book and consequently the ending, I’m going to think that this was what Teo wanted all along. To explain what a “blank girl” is, it’s basically a girl who’s a blank slate and a guy could mold her how ever he likes. Personally, I don’t believe a true yandere wants to break their S/O to the point that their moldable. That’s going onto the territory of “treating the S/O as an object.” I see this as a common goal yanderes tend to have in these “yandere vs. the MC” stories and it makes me wonder: “Does this yandere truly love the MC or does he love the concept of her?” And yes, loving the person vs. loving the idea of that person are two different things. 

It’s debatable really. Is the character really a yandere if they only love the MC for “what the MC could be”? My opinion on this? I think they’re a yandere but a badly written yandere… close to being a clickbait yandere. For now, I don’t entirely mind if Teo is like this since it fits and makes the ending haunting for readers. Personally, I can’t help but cheer for Teo a little bit lol. It’s not very often that the yandere wins in the end. But still, it’s a rather cliche ending. I remember reading a yandere story on quotev where the yandere wins by mindbreaking the MC and she ends up pregnant. Pretty much same ending, though much more enjoyable than the endings where the unbearably annoying MC win. 

Talking about MCs, let’s talk about Clarice. She’s most certainly a much better MC based on the summary. Far better than Beck in every manner and a smarter captive compared to Gemma from Captive. She’s seems to be the bearable type though, she seems like a pain if you on Team Teo here. She sounds like the selfish MC type you commonly see in novels; but at least the author admits it and doesn’t paint her as a saint (I hope. I could be wrong). Though, what rubbed me the wrong way is that Clarice was a “twist” on the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. According to this review, MPDG trope is when a girl comes in and her only purpose is to fix the broken male lead. Personally, I don’t see the “twist” here nor is this a common trope for yandere stories. If anything, you only see the MPDG trope in shoujo mangas or otome games. The MC never wants to “fix” the yandere in these “yandere vs. the MC” stories. It’s rare… down right mythical in my opinion. The MC always harshly fights against the yandere and never really want to reach out or understand them. At most you would see the MC have a “change of heart” at the end where the author probably remembers that their audience actually likes the yandere and have the MC go, “UwU Yandere-Kun you need help. See actual professionals.” Honestly, I would love to see this “MPDG trope” at least once in a yandere stories. Then, I might have a chance to see a “yandere x the MC”.

In the end, Clarice isn’t really “changing the game” when it comes to MCs. She’s smarter than most MCs and have common sense. Am I suppose to pat her on her back? This was something an MC should have in the first place. And it couldn’t even last properly since the author made her act out of character for some reason just so the yandere can have his chance to break her. Though, I can appreciate the attempt. 

Do I recommend this book to people? Yeah. Looks like a decent read with a decent yandere. 

#anon #answer #Perfect Days #Raphael Montes #yandere #male yandere #mini review? #book #novel #Anonymous

[calliecosplay]

gf.me/u/jzzk36

I am overwhelmed with the outpour of love and support that you guys have shown me the last couple of days. I truly cannot say enough or express my gratitude to thank each and every one of you. This is absolutely the most difficult and trying time in my life and I am so desperately trying to keep it together. All of your love and support is so very dear to me and I am so very thankful that you all are here. It makes going through all this so much more bearable. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Love, light, and virtual hugs to all of you. xoxo <3 <3 <3 ***Read more for extended update*** Now, since I like to talk a lot and vent...AND write, this is why I have extended updates. I love expressing and sharing what I'm going through. One day I'd really love to advocate for empowerment of people with disabilities. People with any kind of illness have so many limitations. I'm going to focus on invisible, chronic diseases and illnesses because that is what I have first hand experience with. It is so depressing sometimes, realizing how sick I am at times. When I want to do something, say hiking a difficult trail or just going out for dinner or a movie, it is, most of the time, very hard for me. When you're in so much pain all of the time, you have to learn to suck it up and put on a face. It's so difficult sometimes. And sometimes, you just don't have the energy to put on a face. You lay in bed and take your meds, hoping they kick in so you can get at least *some* sleep before the weekend's over. This is your weak side, the side you don't always show to others. Only the closest people know this side of you...the sick side, the true side. But you don't want to be like this. It kills you a little bit each time the sick side wins. I have given in to the sick side so many times. I've had to. Sometimes, the weakness takes over. But inside, you still have hope. I feel the hope within me, even though at times it seems it's so close to dissipating and going away forever. But it's not going anywhere. I want to be strong. I want to fight against my limitations when I'm strong enough. I want to do the things I used to be able to do. That's what I'm fighting for. I really would like to reference Steve Rogers right now. He was sick, but he had a strong wonderful heart and ultimately, who he was inside was materialized and personified at last. His story gives me hope and inspiration. So very much of it. I hope to grow a community where this hope is widespread among people who suffer with invisible, chronic illnesses like myself. I want to become healthy myself and fight every limitation and show others that they can do anything they want to as well. I refuse to let my diseases define who I am as a person. They will always be a part of me, but they will not control me. *** I've been grieving a lot recently...something I wasn't expecting to do much or be so difficult. The emotional loss of a miscarriage is so much heavier than I thought it would be. This was a constant fear of mine, or that I'd never be able to conceive at all. After all of this, that fear is so very powerful now. The grief I have experienced has been coming in waves. Last night and early this morning it hit me so hard I almost lost it completely. It was the toughest time I've faced yet. Miscarriages are so common; yet, I didn't think it would ever even happen to me. So many couples go through this loss, and I can only hope it strengthens their love and spirits once time has eased their pain. Obviously, this is all horrifying for me, given what happened. So, my OBGYN said I hemorrhaged during surgery. He didn't know why. This is why he suspects it was a molar pregnancy instead of a blighted ovum. The pain has been very bad. I'm supposed to be on bed rest most of the time, but I'm also supposed to do light exercise such as walking and stuff. Yesterday evening, I went for a *very* light walk on my favorite trail in the Black Hills, a beautiful place called Stratobowl Rim. I did good, however all of my joints are way more out of whack than normal. I normally have a tendency to overdo it when it comes to my health. Sometimes, it's difficult for me to accept that I will never be able to do some things again, and I'll never be able to do anything like how I used to before I became so plagued with these chronic illnesses. Again, this is why I want to fight these limitations and get as healthy as possible. So that I can show myself and others that I can still do the things I want. Health wise overall, I'm doing fine. Sore after taking the very light walk yesterday. I'm supposed to get up and walk around a little so I don't get blood clots. It helped, and it really improved my spirits overall. I also proved to myself that I could do it and while it definitely wasn't easy, the benefits outweigh the cons. Another thing: nature always brings a light, glowing, joyful feeling within my heart. There's something wonderful about the fresh air and majestic scenery. It is healing in itself no doubt. We walked during the golden hour, so I was able to take some pics. Don't mind my bruised arms from all the IVs and needle pokes lol. I might have overdone it a little because I am sore as heck and poppy (my joints) all over. But again, I have to make sure, especially because I'm in bed most of the time, that I'm getting up and moving around at least a little bit so no clotting happens and my circulation is more efficient (so vital because my body is still replenishing a lot of blood for my anemic self). I'll take it easy for the rest of the weekend, but I will probably try another light walk/hike on Monday, it just depends on how I'm feeling. Anyway, I love all of you. I really want to make a video soon. Maybe later today or tomorrow. <3 I hope you all have a beautiful and happy Saturday! Love, Leah

[temsology]

If this works out (which I’m praying it does) I’m going to miss dressing up everyday. It’ll prob make me wanna go out every now and then too. I remember last time even on a day off I’d wear something similar to my work clothes and my dad dead used to think that I was about to go or just came in from work. Or when my cousins would want me to go out with them I’d have the toughestttt time getting ready because I felt so ugly wearing ”real” clothes because I was alwayssss dressed in some sort of athletic/leisure wear because of work. I told my SM that I miss coaching. I really do. And ironically enough I caught a IG live tonight after work of one of my fav coaches I have on ig (who’s actually from out here) and another coach who’s trying to get teams into HBCU’s (which is amazing). I’m really so in need of something that nurtures my heart and coaching was one of those. But I have to have standards and I have to have a goal. I don’t want to start off solely coaching though. Because I do need to be retrained and developed as a coach. When I was initially trained as a coach I kind of moved quick. From having zero experience except for taking classes as a kid and dancing throughout my youth I got the job. But never coached a day in my life and it was 10+ years since I took my last class. But I managed to find myself assistant coaching pre team and team practices, having my own pre team class as well as everything else that came along with it. Anddd I was being trained as a coach by Olympic coaches, an Olympic athlete and other international former athletes/coaches. But I was so drained. It was amazing that they saw potential in me. But I didn’t know what really was the deal inside that gym until after I got the job. I went in there so clueless. It started off as I need a job for some months and this is a place I used to take classes at. Also, a few years prior I had friends who worked there and told me I should apply but I never did cause I didn’t think it was really for me. So years pass and I finally apply and I get it and I excel but bc I intially went in with a set mindset that I was only going to be there for 6-7months it got tough after that 8th month. I was out of momentum and energy. And only made it to the end of the 9th month. like a day or 2 into the 10th month. I was so sickkkk. Sooooo sickkkkk. So this time around I’m thinking I have to set a goal. It was the same with my current job. My goal was only 1 year and I just made 2 years this past week. Like after that first year I was over it, but it was bearable because of COVID and I literally only had not even a full 2 month quarantine. And with the new limitations and rules that were implemented, I got through this second year. But now things are really opening back up and I’m like nahhhhhh. Nahhh! I can’t do it. I’m not a people person. I can be around people but I don’t like excessive interaction and with this pandemic, interaction has become limited which was an absolute blessing to me. Made it easier for me to be myself. Because I don’t really like to speak or be in close proximity with others, I don’t like eating around others or others eating around me really. its just been amazing. Honestly. But Im in need of more personal interactions. Too many people for too many hours for too many days has been doing something to me that I’m getting sick of. Lol. Of course I’d love to be home or elsewhere and make money in my sleep but I’m not at that point in my life just yet. So something that I truly love to do. Literally the only job I loved. Like I loved it and felt it in my heart ohde when I used to coach. Like literally how my heart used to feel sometimes was like how in the movie the grinch‘s Heart grew. It really used to feel like that when I would coach. I feel like it had a lot to do with the fact that gymnastics was always #2 for me. I had to knock dance down another one. Cause dance was literally only because my parents couldn’t continue with gymnastics payments (they’re sooo expensive!!!) esp if I was going to start team (which was my only route cause I

was too advanced for all of the classes). So because gymnastics meant so much to me specifically cause I couldn’t continue it when I was younger and a good number of things I leaned to teach my kids I didn’t know how to do myself but I could teach them it was amazing. And just by coaching I learned sooo much and it improved and motivated my workouts and Fitness. But I didn’t go in with a committed mindset it was a “for now type of thing” to me so I failed miserably at the end of it. I have more of a direction to where I wanna go with coaching now since I have experience. I wanna choreograph floor routines. I love floor and its the closest to dance routines out of all of the events. the owner of my last gym wanted to start a dance class for me to teach so he literally turned part of the toddlers play area into a dance studio. I wasn’t ready for that though, it was too much and overwhelming and it showed and I just got sick and left. It’s like the vision was amazing but those were never my plans. And they sprung onto me so quick and everything happened soooooo fast. And I just had to pause it and get off the ride. Wrong timing cause a lot was happening during that time too that was as equally important. so I diverted my attention to something else that I believed was more important and it didn’t lead me down the wrong road, I found so much I loved too that I wouldn’t know I’d enjoy if I didn’t trust the intuition God gave me. i probably should have just left when I planned too instead of attempting to take on more than I could handle. But what’s did is done and I’m ready to try it out again. Similar story to my current employment. First experience with this company was good but went horribly south so I made the choice to walk away, lived my life, gained more experiences, came back and everything went great. And now this has become the longest job I’ve held (consecutively) because working with a program for 4 years but only during the summer breaks does not count. But now it’s like, I still want to move on farther but not this way. I feel like I need a redirection, get my life and my mind onto a new page and then go from there and see where I’m at. Yeah I want to “retire by 30” = “stop clocking in and out on someone’s time”) but logically speaking ...can I do that in the next 2.4 years? when I tell my dad that he‘s like okay I believe you can do that but also laughs and says that he thought he was going to retire at 35 and that’s when he ended up having kids and getting married and didn’t retire for another 25 years. so I tell him he basically just retired his single life. But that’s my thing... like I literally want to retire clocking in and out on somebody’s time. I’ll work with you, but I’m not working for you. But I’m tryna figure out the details. I think very far ahead and miss out on what’s in front of me. But my future has always been important to me. I never wanted to get so warped up in the present that I don’t prepare for what’s to come. it always felt like my parents didn’t prepare for me/us when they were younger. i mean, they made it work I guess but being the oldest all that was heavy and it was like I was to blame for what had unfolded bc I was the first and if it wasn’t for me they just might have walked away from each other. Idk, I just don’t want to make those mistakes. So I’ve always been stuck in the future. And it’s like no one is on the same page as me. Hell, I’m not even on that page probably. But i read books and packets backwards anyway. you learn more about the story reading it from the end first That’s how the beginning makes more sense. I am also very okay with people telling me storylines before I’ve read/watched something or seeing something from the middle on. but I’ve been asked once why I take tests from end to beginning. i Actually start at the beginning , jump to the end then fill in the middle. But it makes more sense. I told them that at the beginning you’re given an intro of what it’ll all be about. At the end its usually a summarization and The middle is a bunch of the same

questions asked in different ways. The beginning and end give you an idea of what you’re about to get into. But I say all this to say, I believe my next experience will be a life changing one and I have every intention to make sure it guides me into the direction God is aiming me towards. Stability and execution should be my focus right now. Stability and execution. Sounds good to me.

#Re reading this and seeing all of these punctual errors are so cringy #But idc #Lol #this isn’t a paper I gotta turn in #I’m not getting no grade or check for this

[the-literary-witch-blog]

Trick fanfic: “Letters”

Ever since reading Dare I’ve been inspired to write something new, with complete respect to the main characters Flare and Jeryn its not about them though they do make a quick appearance lol I love them don’t get me wrong but Poet and Briars extended cameo and peek into their life several years after the events of Trick gave me all the feels! I can never seem to get enough of these two, their love story is just so romantic and inspiring I just can’t let it go! So once again here is a quick one shot from me of their life together in the Autumn kingdom. I’m an amateur writer and I do all my own proof reading and editing so forgive me if its not perfect grammatically. Natalia if you read this thanks again for creating these characters and inspiring people like me with their story, I apologize if i misrepresent them in anyway. 

It all started with the notes, his longing for her made clear with just a few words “I need to see you” or “I can’t stop thinking of you”, followed by a suggested place and time to meet that he scrawled hurriedly on to scraps of paper and then trusted to a faithful little ferret to deliver across the expanse of the spring palace. Her answers returned just as quickly, “I’ll be there” and “I’m counting the hours”.

These days however there was no need for secrets, in their autumn home they could hold hands in the hall without fear of someone seeing, take long walks and picnics in the orchard at sunset, and linger sweetly in a bed they shared. Still the notes never stopped, because life didn’t either, between the hectic routine of royal duties, performance training and parenting there was still so much their hearts wanted to say, and so those notes evolved into whole letters

Sometimes just a page that he had taken the time to write during breaks to catch his breath while practicing his acrobatics, other times whole pages that took a week to compose. Always she would find them hidden in places only she was sure to come across, such as under her pillow, in her desk drawer, or in the pocket of a gown. Poet, always the wordsmith never failed to perfectly express his love for her or to describe in detail his less than innocent fantasies which left Briar breathless and flushed. When she found time to write him in return she never felt like hers quite measured up to the beautiful and lyrical words He gifted her with, that was until one day - just a couple of years in to their life together in Mista - when she secretly watched from behind a corner as he found and read her most recent reply. His neutral expression lighting up instantly at the sight of fresh pages waiting to be devoured, she watched as his eyes roamed over her vows, and endearments, promises, and confessions that were just for him, he sighed almost dreamily and broke out in a boyish grin, not his usual devilish smirk but a genuine love sick smile that threatened to split his face, Briar knew it well for it was a reflection of her own. After that she never questioned the affect her letters had on him or what they meant to him again. 

 Time moved on, changes both happy and sad came to pass, Nicu grew and grew but his heart always remained a size larger than he was, with joy they welcomed children of their own, held each other in grief when their mothers left this world and ruled side by side with compassion and wisdom for many years. Yes, time changed many things, but not the way they felt about each other. Even as the decades passed and wrinkles were etched into their skin and their hair turned grey their passion and devotion only grew stronger.

Then came a change no one could have predicted so suddenly and that no one was ready for. One night In his 85th year Poet fell asleep beside his love and he never woke up again...

People from across the four kingdoms came far and wide to offer their support and condolences to Briar and to witness him laid to rest. The royals and nobels of the past who had scorned them were long gone, those who attended were loyal friends, subjects, and admirers from Poet’s performance days as a Jester. Among them were King Jeryn of Winter and his wife Flare, no two faces were more a welcome sight to Briar. Jeryn had kindly offered to have Poet’s body examined to determine his sudden death, promising he would be treated with the utmost care but Briar had firmly declined, “I don’t want him picked apart like that, knowing the why wont bring him back”. 

When it was all said and done, when the eulogies had all been spoken, when the feasts were over and the guests had all departed and her children and grandchildren had all been kissed and consoled one final time for the night, Briar retired to her chambers where she could no longer maintain the careful composer and strength of a Queen and mother and sank to the bed with sobs wracking her chest. She couldn’t take the damn silence or the emptiness of the room, every where she looked was the evidence of his life and yet they now became the painful reminders of his absence. She had been asking herself the same questions over and over since waking up to his still form days ago, what now? What would the remainder of her days be like without his presence? without his smile and laughter? Without his touch or his kiss? Exhausted, she fell asleep were she lay on his side of the bed inhaling his scent and willing it not to fade.

When morning came she declined her ladies and maids attempts to assist her in dressing for the day, all of her usual royal duties were either on hold or had been given to trusted advisors for the time being. Soon she would need to seek out Nicu and make sure he was well, despite his advanced physical age and the progress he had made over the years with the right care Nicu’s mind remained childlike in many ways as they had known it would, and because of this he was having a difficult time grasping the loss of his father. Briar thanked the seasons for her loving and patient daughters who had been there for their brother now that he needed them most and when Briar herself couldn’t always be at his side these last few days, they had made an impossible situation more bearable. For now she pulled herself from the bed, her tired muscles and aged bones groaning in protest. After shrugging off last nights gown and grabbing a robe to cover her chemise she wandered aimlessly around the large room, glancing from the side table where he had left some of his signature ribbons, to a lonely pair of boots on the floor. Eventually her eye’s could no longer avoid gravitating to the large portrait above the fireplace, a portrait her mother had had commissioned of the two of them shortly after they had moved into the castle as a couple and a family, other portraits had been commissioned over the years, portraits they had miraculously gotten Nicu to sit for and portraits to mark birthdays and anniversaries but this one, the first one, had remained most special. What made it so was the way in which they had chosen to pose for it, instead of facing the artist they faced each other, hands clasped and eyes gazing sweetly. The artist had truly been the best in the Four Kingdoms for In that one shared look he had captured everything they had been saying without words. Briar choked on a sob, they had been so young, where had the years gone? she wondered. How could their life together already be over? Desperate for air and unable to stand the confines of the room a second a longer Briar turned from the the fireplace and opened the doors to the private balcony where she stepped out and clung to the stone railing for support, thankfully the open lawn below was empty. It took her several moments but eventually she was able to wipe her eyes and the ache in her chest subsided.. at least for the time being. How many more moments like this would she have to endure before missing him became any easier? She couldn’t imagine it ever would. Slowly she sought out her usual chair and sank in to it only to be startled by the sound of crinkling paper. Confused, Briar lifted the edge of the cushion and pulled out a wrinkled but otherwise unharmed folded piece of paper toped off with a red satin ribbon. Briar brought her hand to her lips in shock, for she knew instantly what it was and who had put it there. Carefully so as not to untie the ribbon she gently slipped it off, unfolded the pages and began to read...

Sweeting 

As I write this you are currently dozing in the chair beside me, the picture of serenity and beauty. Our grandchildren are playing in the lawn below, their laughter more lovely than any musical composition could ever be. It is in perfect moments like these that I am most compelled to write my feelings down and share them with you my love. In my eighty odd years I have known more joy than I ever believed was possible to experience in one lifetime. It is to you that I have to thank for most of this. When I was young I use to be convinced that if I just trained hard enough and accomplished my dream of becoming a renowned performer and Jester that I would have everything my heart desired. And then Nicu came in to my life and I began to realize that true happiness comes from living for more than just yourself, he was my everything and I didn’t even think to wish for more, as it turned out I am apparently fates favorite fool, for more of course came in the form of you my lovely thorn, You so unexpected so surprising and yet my whole heart made room as if it had been waiting for you all along. I’ll never forget those weeks we spent in the spring castle giving in to our desires, falling in love and then the pain of our falling out, thankfully coming back together in the end. The journey since then hasn’t been without its trials, but I wouldn’t have missed a moment of it. Many (as we knew they would) despised the love we shared and expected us to fail in every way, and in every way we have defied their expectations. What they saw as fleeting infatuation has stood the test of time, our example has given others the courage to fight for love should it be found with someone of a different station. Moreover we’ve been blessed with three spectacular children and then gifted further by the birth of their children, and most importantly through our efforts and the efforts of friends we have witnessed extraordinary change in the treatment of born fools. What more could we possibly achieve out of life? I once told you that we were a tale for campfires, Nay my love we are a tale for the history books, when our lives come to an end and centuries pass they will still be telling the story of how the love between a Princess and a court Jester changed the face of the world, to be able to leave behind such a legacy with you is more than this peasant boy could have ever dreamed of. You are stirring in your sleep now and twill ruin the fun of a new letter if I am caught before I can hide it! 

until next time princess, Poet

Fresh tears fell and stained the bottom of the page, these however were tears not of grief but delight at having been gifted this final message from her love. It was as if Poet were speaking to her from beyond the next life, reminding her of all she had been blessed with and all she still had to live for. Briar reread the letter several times, each time helping to lift a little more of her sadness before clutching it to her chest. For Briar the moment of Poet’s death had eclipsed everything else, instead of reflecting on precious memories and being thankful for the time they’d had she couldn’t help but feel bitter. And while this final letter from him couldn’t magically heal her broken heart his words took root inside of the cracked places and gave her strength. “he wouldn’t like to see me looking so defeated” she thought. “there is still life to live and work to be done”. Briar carefully refolded the pages and replaced the scarlet ribbon before retreating back inside to pull a large dress box from under the bed, the same box she used to hold all his letters, she placed it gently on top of all the others, and tired not to think of it as the last she would ever receive. Instead she began to speak aloud...

“you’re right Poet, true happiness comes from living for more than just yourself, and so I will continue to live for you, our family, and everything we’ve stood for so that when I follow you into the next life I can leave with no regrets just as you did, until next time Jester”

#trick #natalia jaster #dare #foolish kingdoms #andshewaits #poet x briar #poet and briar #trick fanfic #trick fanfiction

[carinareviews]

PC/Steam Review: Nightshade

Overall: B+/A- Amazing tale of shinobi. I'm a sucker for men in kimonos so when I saw such high ratings on Steam I had to get it. OST is very well suited for the game and most CGs are passable in terms of quality. The VAs are amazing and bring each character to life. The localization is pretty decent, I think a couple parts could've been changed to be more consistent. My only gripe is the general story is pretty similar in all the routes even when each route branches out. I also wished there were a bit more CGs but thats just a personal preference. The character designs are so pretty though ;-;. Highly recommend this game for anyone into not all fluff and cute moment otome games but one with a dark touch on the story. However, the storyline can get pretty boring after 5 characters, but if you can get past that this otoge is great! One of my favorite otoges is Brothers Conflict and that had so much similar routes...I played almost all the routes too. Therefore the copy paste routes didn't bug me too much, except for the parts that were similar in other routes but since you were on a different character it didn't count as the same thing, now that was frustrating.

Regardless, really loved the game and like most people, Hanzo was bae.

Route reviews below!

Reviews might contain mild spoilers. Not going to add photos cause I don’t want to spoil it much. Enjoy the read.

Route I followed: Goemon > Chojiro > Kuroyuki >  Gekkamaru > Hanzo

Suggested route order: A: Goemon > Chojiro > Gekkamaru > Kuroyuki > Hanzo A is for best "story" progression. I think this order helps generally unfold the most story. However since the stories are slightly different in certain routes the main story can get a bit convoluted. Therefore I highly suggest B. to know which storyline is which. Hanzo should be played last imo, the ending is the best feel-good ending while feeling satisfies in multiple aspects.

B: Play one "timeline" then play the other "timeline". 1st timeline - Goemon  >> Kuroyuki 2nd timeline - Chojiro >> Gekkamaru 3rd timeline - Hanzo Choose a timeline and stick with it can help show what happened on each side. Thats the best way I can put it without spoiling much. Hanzo's route is a bit mix of both timelines due to the "game" taking a twist later. I originally had it in the 2nd timeline between Chojiro and Gekkamaru but decided that it deserved a different timeline entirely.

C: Fluff based Goemon > Gekkamaru > Kuroyuki > Chojiro > Hanzo** From most fluff to least fluff. If main story doesn't bug you and you just want more of your sweet sweet man. Follow this route suggestion. Go from right to left if you want least fluff to most. **Hanzo's route has fluff but since he doesn't particularly have feelings for you at all in the beginning I think it's the most fitting to play him last, as he has the most dramatic change in feelings. All the other characters are attracted to you/connect to you in some way prior to your "journey" but Hanzo isn't which makes his CGs during the journey the least romantic...don't mean it won't make your heart go dokidoki at the end.. in fact his route has the best fluff at the enddddddd <3 omfg

Personal Ratings of each route. I wrote these comments right after I played a route both good and bad ending. 

Goemon 8/10 CGs looked a bit weird sometimes (forced neck).... I love my playboy types in otome games so it's hard for me to not love this route... aaahhh this was so fluffy and the voice was so perf omg I'm dying. Little sad the story was a bit weak on this route. The one betrayal part was really good but since most of the story was just running away without "knowing"what you were running from made it very lackluster. I just loved his character so much though -1 for weird CGs -1 for weak story and rarely and development for other characters... but it makes sense since you're just running away with Goemon. But still left some obvious holes in the plot buttt thats the point of these games. Gotta play all the routes to get all the info. Man even the bad ending was so damn cute ffuuuuuuu <3 Onii-channnn next.

Chojiro 6/10 Depressing and uhhh sporadic. Not my type of route. Part of the route isnt even with Chojiro which was kinda meh. Goemon was the only saving grace of those parts. Chojiro's VA is one of my favorite VAs (Saito in Hakuoki <3) and it fit his character really well but the route didn't feel like it flowed well. I loved the serious storytelling but the romance aspect felt very forced. I'm usually all for pseudo-incest (Brothers Conflict is one of my favorite otome games), so I was super excited to play the Onii-chan route, but this felt...too depressing and it did not feel like he truly loved Enju. Overall it was a pretty underwhelming route since Chojiros character didn't really click with me... which is a shame since I love his VA and his character design. Felt like this route could've been better. Welp...speaking of depressing I'm going to the so called most depressing routes for the next two... yay.

Kuroyuki 5/10 OH GOD OH GOD YANDERE ROUTE >_> YANDERE SHOTA THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE... People say this is one of the most depressing routes but I think this is the scariest route... I'm never into shota or yandere routes in otomes games (Touma from Amnesia scared the shit out of me) so this route was very uncomfortable for me. The only really redeeming factor is the other people in your clan....All I can say is Kyara knows whats up. Honestly I would've preferred just cute shota kuroyuki... the yandere part...no thanks. His shota cuteness is pretty bearable which is weird for me cause I don't like the shota types. The general story of this route is actually really good, but I feel this route should be played later to not "spoil" certain things in other routes. CGs were not that nice imo I would've preferred more intimate ones, but it's a pretty story driven route so I understand. Bad ending was tragic but kinda cute too I semi preferred it over the normal ending XD Next is kuroyuki's oniichan...which I'm actually looking forwards to play cause he's a knight-type.

Gekkamaru 7.5/10 WOAW This route is really depressing... but it was similar to Chojiros so it wasn't really that depressing since you kinda knew what was happening. That and since this is my second to last route, having seen this game play out so many times I was half expecting dark story. The ending though of the "main story" was so beautiful ENJU IS A BEAST YOU GO GIRL What doesn't kill you makes your stronger at its best in this route <3 Honestly it was a sad route but I liked this one the best story-wise/MC development-wise the most (so far)! I love the ending chemistry between these two too~ Goemon was my favorite romance-wise since he was my favorite type (so far) but I think these two make the most sense (lol since he is poster boy it makes even more sense XD) Anyways, I found him to be a little overbearing at first, momma gekka, but the route played out so well it made sense. Didn't score as high for the depressing story... but if you played Chojiros before this... it doesn't really phase you. lolol SAVING BEST FOR LAST NEXT KENJIRO TSUDA IS MY #1 FAVORITE VA <33333 AND I heard so much good things about this route so I'm super excited to play this.

Hanzo 9/10 Okay so first I was a bit skeptical how this route is best route... only at the beginning though. This route it isn't little Miss useless shinobi MC anymore. Hanzo is "cold" but he helps the MC grow as well as growing himself. I can see why this route is so loved by others. The two characters really bond together...honestly I wish Chojiro's route went somewhere around the lines of this since their character types are very similar... in terms of their morals of the shinobi way. "You will get stronger. I promise you that." -Hanzo This line is seriously defines their relationship so well and it's very empowering for the MC which makes the relationship an A++ relationship. Wet hair Hanzo though.... mmmmmm boiii. The CGs were a bit weak and awkward at times.... there's one in particular where Hanzo doesn't even look like Hanzo but... thats just me being nitpicky. Even the final CG looked terrible which was the serious downer...-1 for shitty CGS on such a great character.

#PC Steam Review #Nightshade #otome game #PC:Steam version #Steam review #carina reviews #nightshade otome game #nightshade dating sim #dating sim