#trust me im tired of it too but like the pandemic nothing is over bc youre tired of it or ignore it

[flintbian]

Ha. You know what? I'm fucking tired of this

#im tired of caring more #and just because my pain is constant and forever doesnt mean it should be ignored and that i dont still feel it and that it's not hell #trust me im tired of it too but like the pandemic nothing is over bc youre tired of it or ignore it #and im tired of being ignored #im tired of me handling my pain and disability with grace being taken for granted #and like everyone forgets how i learned and continuously learn to do that through so many tortures #if i cried and raged every time i was in pain id be doing it 24/7 but i don't have that choice and after ten years me even barely taking #about it gets fucking ignored bc 'it's just the usual' but hey newslash it's still the most painful illness in the world #im still struggling and no one wants to even listen or acknowledge that and #god others cant even have a shred of empathy occasionally they dont even have to live through it #so im tired and frustrated and my therapist says the only way to release my anger and frustration is to talk about it but i dont #really have anyone to talk to...i mean ive tried #so this is going here now #maybe i just want someone to care and it seems im always the one who cares more about others than they do me #always being the one to care more to forgive to be the bigger person to handle it to bare it to reach out to quell anger to put them first #no one ever put me forward enough to even manage and now my entire body and soul have been consumed and ill never get any of it back #if someone had fought for me back then maybe i could've gone into remission #but even back then as a kid that the masses are supposed to care about the innocent victims even then no one did #no one cares about cases like mine we just have to grin and bear it or die #the people who were supposed to be there for me condemned me and nowadays I'm so good at grinning and bearing... #but even when i reach out...so im tired and want to stop trying #yeah others cant fix you and i dont think i could physically rely on someone else enough to do so #but is it too selfish to want a single person to care enough for once? #well whatever #im going to try find the will to live in a book #unfortunately for me all the ones i read recently sucked but aint that just the way with me