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kalscattergood · 3 months

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"I used to be detail-oriented. That was before I was tired all the time."

- Animal Control, Hulu, S01E02, 13:50

#truth in comedy #animal control #animal control hulu #joel mchale

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druid-for-hire · 1 year

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[image id: a four-page comic. it is titled "immortality” after the poem by clare harner (more popularly known as “do not stand at my grave and weep”). the first page shows paleontologists digging up fossils at a dig. it reads, “do not stand at my grave and weep. i am not there. i do not sleep.” page two features several prehistoric creatures living in the wild. not featured but notable, each have modern descendants: horses, cetaceans, horsetail plants, and crocodilians. it reads, “i am a thousand winds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain.” the third page shows archaeopteryx in the treetops and the skies, then a modern museum-goer reading the placard on a fossil display. it reads, “when you awaken in the morning’s hush, i am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. i am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand at my grave and cry.” the fourth page shows a chicken in a field. it reads, “i am not there. i did not die” / end id]

a comic i made in about 15 hours for my school’s comic anthology. the theme was “evolution”

#dinosaur #evolution #comic #prehistoric #animal #wildlife #paleontology #biology #poetry #comics #original #my art #archaeopteryx has no direct living descendants i know #but i wanted something aerial and the dinosaur to bird connection is classic and well known anyway #also the chicken over any other bird is very on purpose #its the mix of truth and comedy and genuineness and the fantastic in the mundane #its me asking you to see something so wonderful in something taken so un-seriously #and to love it both ways #also the jurassic park thing #where someone saw the reconstructed gait of a dino #and said. hey hang on. i know that walk.#and pulled up footage of a chicken walking #which jumpstarted the entire study into the link between dinosaurs and birds #in the end take whatever you want from it i just thought id provide some insight #i always like it when other artists do #the point is that i enjoy when people laugh at the end and when they dont #and i like it when they cry. i like it best when they both laugh and cry. eeaao intent #anyway mourn your losses but to live is to change #also hi guys i finally figured out tipping after 5 months so no more annoying ko-fi link

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becomingvecna · 5 months

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“I don’t have enough brain cells for this” and “I’m too mentally exhausted for this” should be valid and justifiable reasons to excuse yourself from any task assigned to you by your employer without any consequences or punishment like actually

#text post #important #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled writing #spilled truth #meme #memes #humor #comedy #spilled ink #spilled heart #spilled feelings #funny #spilled emotions #shitpost

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lemonduckisnowawake · 6 months

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You know, it's a tragedy that there are no (or very little) Vampire x Christian stories out there, not for angst or theology or forbidden seductiveness or whatnot but for the sheer comedy of it all. I mean, the Christian would technically be immune to all of the vampire's shenanigans, like for example...

Vampire: Fool, I am the most powerful vampire in the West. Nothing but the force of an entire holy temple could even deign to scratch me Christian: Idiot, I AM a holy temple. 1 Corinthians 6:19, fear me and the Spirit inside that can burn you to ashes

#this thought was brought on by a conversation i saw on the km shea discord #and also my need to theologize everything #it would be so funny to me too if we added the fact that the human Christian was also anemic #(not because anemia is funny. especially not if it's chronic. just the fact that the vamp couldn't bite the human)#truth be told it doesn't even have to be a romance to me. just a chaotic comedy duo #lemon duck quacks #lemon duck tales #yeah this is funny #for the words!#one day i will write all my deranged supernatural story ideas that involve way too much Christian imagery and comedy #but for now....#anyway how to make the most unbiteable human that you cannot help be drawn to as a modernized vamp?#Christian and likely chronically iron deficient #i am very sorry if this is offensive #but you know #vampires

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spinjitsuburst · 2 months

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we still barely know shit about djinn wish magic and how it works and sure we heard the whole “no harm no love and only three wishes” thing

but y’know what would be so funny

Nya, having just made her second wish ever in front of Arrakore: man I gotta be careful with what I say now huh

Arrakore: wait what. Why

Nya: well I only have one wish left right? Djinn can only grant three wishes per person?

Arrakore: I- no. That’s literally just not correct who told you that

Nya: we’re not limited to three wishes???

Arrakore: no! That makes no sense!

Arrakore:

Arrakore: Nya you good

Nya: currently in the process of trying to kill Nadakhan with her mind

#I JUST THINK NADAKHAN LYING ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND NYA ONLY FINDING OUT YEARS LATER WHILE HAVING LUNCH WITH ARRAKORE #IS PEAK COMEDY #Nya: but nadakhan said-#arrakore: that carrot bitch has never told the truth in his life you can disregard everything he’s ever said #Nya #Nya Jiang #Nya smith #arrakore #dragons rising #Ninjago #lego ninjago #spinjitsu screams

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bottombaron · 9 months

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Yeah Nadja showing she cares for Guillermo and yeah Guillermo saying he loves Nandor out loud, I feel you I feel you bUT

Can we talk abt how much Guillermo Actually. Truly. Deeply. Cares for these group of misfit assholes??

He even lists Colin Robinson (as he should!) but Benji couldn't even be bothered to remember his name

And like, that's important!! Because Colin is one of them! He's a part of them. They are all a part of each other. To not love one of them is to not love them.

Guillermo is different. He does love them. He loves all of them. He loves all their silly bitchy faults. He loves things about them that have nothing to do with being 'a cool vampire' or what they can do for him. His genuine, inescapable love is what makes him different. Nadja, Laszlo, Colin, and Nandor can't not be affected by that, even though they try so hard to be.

I can't get over that this episode gave such a clear beautiful reason why these selfish, petty, dismissive, eternal beings would risk their lives to fight a whole clinic of their kind or keep a dangerous secret and try to help or hell, pretend that they don't care about that very big juicy secret just so Guillermo doesn't have to stress abt another person knowing (Colin definitely cares and probably already knows. Could he feed on Guillermo's anxiety and antics of keeping it from Nandor? ofc. But he doesn't and even lets Guillermo off the hook by indicating he both doesn't need to tell him or be bothered to try to hide it from him)

It's because of Guillermo's persistent love for them that they find the ability to love him back. It comes back to him. The love he gives to them, they give it back to him.

Look at what happened without even being a vampire: he became one of them.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz #wwdits s5 #they are not family because family is obligated to care by reasons of biology or other links #they are found family because they care despite nOT being obligated to #yes the characters are very heightened and toxic for comedy but there's real truth to getting out of what you put into relationships #Guillermo puts love and he gets it back!!!#this is so important!!!!#but also re: him being one of them...#what happens when two parts of the whole start fighting??#Guillermo has become so important to the pod that he can literally be it's destruction

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tonybynoe · 2 months

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yep

#funny #lol #life #comedy #humor #friends #jokes #motivation #truth #hilarious

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nevertheless-moving · 2 months

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I'm not quite there yet but I KNOW that after wind and truth featuring Szeth and Kaladin's Unwell Adventure, I WILL be adding Kalaszeth to my all encompassing mental cabinet of beloved possible Kaladin ships.

---

Which introduces a new funniest time travel companion for a new funniest post book 5 time travel scenario.

Stormlight au 31:

Szeth, having jump scared the bridge crew by appearing lightly glowing in the dark while they were having stew, been hastily ushered by the captain into the bridge four barrack, only to sit on the floor and stare dead eyed at nothing: Kaladin, standing between the crew and the man on the floor:

---

Lopen looked around. As usual, he could tell that the men were silently crying out for him, the Lopen, to take charge and speak.

"So!" he said cheerfully. "Gotta say gancho, very excited to meet an old friend of yours! Nice to take some mystery out of that mysterious past of yours, eh?"

Kaladin shifted from foot to foot, face twisting a bit. He had been acting strange since that terrifying glowy high storm vision of his a few days back. Even more broody than usual, which was storming saying something.

"It must be difficult," Rock said slowly. "Being Shin man with great powers and shardblade."

A shardblade which he had summoned unceremoniously, causing all of bridge four to scramble for weapons, only for the crazy man to hand it to Kaladin with a mumble, then sit on the floor.

Kaladin had sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, before placing it, very, very carefully, under his bed.

A storming shardblade. Under the Captain's bed.

"A Shin with a shardblade who wears white," Moash added sarcastically, eyes flickering to the Captain's bed even more than usual.

(White may have been a stretch, what with all the mud and possibly dried blood. Still. Lopen could perhaps see Moash's point.)

"Yes," Rock said. "Why, were I more suspicious man, I would say Captain, this man on the floor, he can not be Assassin in White? Surely most wanted, most dangerous man in all Roshar is not here, in the place we sleep, asking for aid. Surely it would have been mentioned if this man who caused the war we even now are a part of, was old friend of yours?"

"I..." Kaladin trailed off. "I promised to try and protect..."

The whole bridge crew groaned, Skar even throwing his spear at the ground. Bad form, that.

"Storm's sake lad!" Teft growled, arms in the air. "You can't befriend and save every wanted criminal you meet!"

"If it is of help -"

The men started at the unnerving dead voice coming from the so far quiet assassin.

"We are not truly friends. Merely -"

He said a word, presumably in his language, then frowned, the first recognizably human emotion that had crossed his face.

"I do not know this word in Alethi. In Azish it is I think -"

He said something that made Sigzil choke on air, jaw dropping. "Uh," the Worldsinger stammered out. "I. Ah. I think. That might be the wrong term."

The Captain seemed to pale slightly. "Szeth, we can talk about that later," he said quickly. "We should probably figure out a plan for you to surrender to Dalinar - or Elokhar - without you getting immediately executed - Yes, Dalinar is probably-"

"Perhaps," Sigzil interrupted, voice higher than usual. "You could define the meaning of the word you used before."

"Sigzil!" The captain hissed.

"Captain?" Sigzil challenged, voice still slightly too high.

"I was emotionally and mentally unwell," the assassin in white said in his monotone. He paused. "Even more so than currently."

A few of the men took a step back.

"Stormblessed..." he looked up at Kaladin, and his voice seemed to soften, just the slightest bit. "He felt pity for me. Then he helped me feel. Helped me think that perhaps, someday I would feel the desire for life. He did this despite no great love for my being."

Many of the men nodded at that. Sigzil's shoulders slumped in relief.

"He accomplished this primarily by fucking me in a cave."

The nods froze. Sigzil closed his eyes.

The Captain slapped a hand to his face.

"The translation for this from my language would be 'pity fuck', but there is more cultural nuance..." The Assassin shrugged. "In any case it is not a bond such as that of friendship. My soul is still far too damaged for that."

"Szeth..." The Captain said, looking down at him with obvious concern. He glanced at the room, blanched at the men's expressions, then slowly pressed his head back into his hand.

Moash made an indecipherable noise and stomped towards the door, before making another noise and stomping back.

The Captain kept his palm pressed to his face.

A sudden wave of epiphany hit Lopen. "Hold on. Now hold on just a storming minute!"

The room turned slowly from staring at their Stormblessed leader to staring at Lopen.

He pointed accusingly at the Captain. When the man failed to pull his massive hand from his beautiful face, Lopen faced the others, glaring.

"I know that I joined bridge four late! But are you telling me that before I got here, the whole famous 'pulling everyone out of bridge crew misery' was actually the captain...I mean did storming all of you..."

He made a deliberate gesture, pointer finger moving extra emphatically to make up for the missing hand with which to form a hole, meeting each man's eyes with a challenge.

Drehy let out a wheeze. He and Skar looked at each other before dissolving into quiet, helpless laughter. Drehy sank to his hands and knees, wheezing more, and Skar bent over, tears streaming down his face as he gasped around his laughing.

"That ain't an answer!" he said indignantly.

He looked at Teft, but the older man had put both hands over his face. His shoulders seem to shake occasionally. Lopen's eyes narrowed as he turned to Rock.

The horneater had a hand over his mouth, but he brought it down, coughing once as he stroked his beard.

"What," Rock said mildly. "You thought it my stew that bring back men's will to live? You honor me, the Lopen."

Lopen gaped at that, and he wasn't the only one. The handful of other 'late' additions, men who had been rescued on the field from other crews, started in shock.

The rest of the crew completely lost it at that point.

Skar and Drehy collapsed further, banging their fists on the floor. Bissig started laughing as well, falling onto Natam, who had made a strange grunting whine at Lopen's question, a whine which grew louder at Rock's reply.

Moash's lips turned up reluctantly before a snort escaped against his will. He fell back against a wall, knees seeming to grow weak. Another snort. "Imagine!" he gasped out. "If he just started punching people in the stomach, ran around like a madman, and expected people to follow him!"

Leyten went from chuckling to a booming laugh at that, clutching at Pete and Yake to stay upright. He looked at Lopen, who made another questioning gesture. That was enough to send all three toppling over, Leyten loud enough to be heard the next barrack over.

Renarin squeaked from the corner as Natam hit the wall beside him in mirth, howling. Talek's breath, he had forgotten the lad was there, light eyes wide in shock.

Shen was next to him. Was it Lopen's imagination, or did even his eyes seemed to be sparkling with mirth? No storming way...not the parshman...the Captain wouldn't...

"Crazy!" Torfin agreed, cackling. "What kind of idiots would start pooling all their pay to buy storming bandages for doomed men, start laughing during chasm duty, swear to stand by their storming bridge, if they didn't have at least one, um - uh -"

"Stormblessing!" Leyten offered with a gasp from the ground.

Torfin pointed at him, "Stormblessing!" he repeated with a yell. "To remind them that life was worth living!"

Lopen narrowed his eyes, finally coming to a conclusion. "You fellows are taking the piss out on me," he accused.

"You know Captain," Drehy said, whole body heaving, tears still streaming down his face as he lay helplessly on the floor. "I still get nightmares."

This inspired a new wave of laughter mixed with jeers about their own issues, and suggestions for how the captain could help. Lopen shook his head, grinning widely at the room full of uproarious men. Some of his best work. And mostly achieved on accident, which was the best kind of accomplishment!

The Captain finally pulled his hand from his face. There was color high in his cheeks, and he was frowning, but the corners of his eyes were creased with suppressed laughter.

"Sorry Drehy, one time offer," he said dryly, to hoots.

And Lopen," he said, faux apologetic. "I am sorry for the oversight. I... didn't realize you were interested."

The crew edged well into hysteria, most men only able to breathe in strangled gasps and wheeze out an occasional ''Stormblessing!'

Bridge four's captain was good at playing straight man, when the mood struck him.

The Lopen huffed, but decided magnanimously to move past the slight to his honor. Even if it turned out they weren't joking.

"It's still nice to be included," he sniffed. "Ain't that right, Renarin."

The Brightlord seemed to shrink as attention was drawn towards him, face a brilliant red as he pressed into the corner. Some of the laughter trailed off as the crew remembered he was there. More of it got louder, even less uncontrolled.

The Captain's eyes widened and the flush on his cheeks spread to his ears.

"Renarin! Oh - Jezrianssake, the men are full of chullshit, alright? I didn't - that wasn't -"

The Captain gestured helplessly. "The thing with Szeth was - we were - the world was going to -"

He threw up his arms as Renarin's eyes just got wider.

"It was the stew!" He said desperately, turning to look at Eth, who looked bemused back at him. "It really was the stew!" He pleaded.

"I know Captain," Eth said soothingly. "I know I came in a bit later, but I know. That's not exactly something these idiots would be able to keep secret."

"Things might have gone faster, though..." Skar said leadingly, which set off another round of helpless groans and gasps for air.

The Captain rolled his eyes, scoffing, still the perfect comedic straight man.

...He did get the whole joke though, right? The bit of truth in the jeers? The Lopen was not generally interested in the more manly sex but Storms. It was sometimes hard to tell if the Captain realized just how pretty he was, just how much people reacted to his general...Stormblessedness. Not to mention the glowing! Everyone loves a man who can glow and run up walls.

Hm. Maybe that helped explain the Captain and the Assassin.

Moash stumbled, still snorting, over to the Man in White - to Szeth - looking down at him, appraising.

Kaladin grew tense.

Gancho had been especially strange around Moash for the last few days.

"Assassin," he said thoughtfully. "Are you sure it was just pity?"

The wide eyed man, who had remained utterly impassive as the room fell apart around him, cocked his head as Moash leaned down.

"There's a certain kind of person who finds killing light eyes, especially powerful lighteyes, a rather..."

Kaladin cleared his throat, interrupting. "We're not killing the king."

Moash turned sharply, glaring at Kaladin.

"I do not wish to kill anymore," Szeth whispered. He paused, then spoke again.

"I will kill if the Blackthorn orders, or if you ask, Kaladin Stormblessed, son son Tanavast."

Kaladin winced. "Maybe let's not mention...that whole last part when we go to the King. We...we should definitely practice exactly how we're going to explain all this."

He starting towing the still blank faced - no there was a bit of confusion there, if you were looking - infamous Assassin to his office, the men letting out the best jeers they could (considering their incoherent state) as they went.

"You should for sure mention the 'pity fuck' thing though," Lopen called helpfully. "The King will definitely be interested in that."

#Stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #My au #stormlight fanfic #Stormlight au no 31 #Szeth/Kaladin #Words of Radiance au #lopen and szeth: untapped comedy tagteam??#lopen szeth and kaladin: three people who will just fucking say things???#i made myself laugh and as always that's whats important #New most entertaining kaladin sexuality: sex positive ace whose thing specifically is #he WILL happily have sex but ONLY if it will be emotionally healing for the other party #bridge four: that's just pity fu-#kaladin: IT'S PART OF A JOURNEY TOWARDS MENTAL RECOVERY I DON'T KNOW OKAY I'M STILL INVENTING THERAPY #wind and truth speculation #rhythm of war spoilers #crack #you know those two glowing men are going to have some feelings at the very least while adjacent to each other.#overnight in a cave is optional i can supply that myself if need be #cosmere #nevertheless cosmere

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snek-eyes · 8 months

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Andi Osho as Sitis (wife of Job) in Good Omens 2.02

[Image ID: A series of gifs from Good Omens season 2, featuring the character Sitis, an older dark-skinned woman dressed in blue.

The camera zooms into a Bible illustration of Sitis lamenting to the sky.

Sitis's face becomes concerned as Job says: "Sitis my dear, this person was looking for the children." She turns, looking defensive, and asks, "Why? Who're you?"

Sitis looks stressed as she chuckles humorlessly and gestures to their ruined house. It is slightly smoking. She says: "Not now, Bildad the Shuhite. Good of you to look in, but we're a tiny bit busy weathering the wrath of God."

Close up on Sitis as her face becomes confused, then changes to horror and disbelief. "…No. God wouldn't!"

Sitis holds back tears as she asks something of her husband. He is about to burst into tears as he shakes his head no.

Sitis implores the angels as Job falls to his knees beside her. "I don't, I don't want more children." A close up of her desperate face. "If my children are dead, then… I will curse God, and—"

Crowley, as Bildad the Shuhite, clasps his hands and rubs them together in a "let's get started" motion. Sitis looks scared and backs away.

Crowley stands framed between Sitis and Job, who are facing each other. He makes a switching motion between them as he says, "Now good lady, simply turn to your husband, reach into his robes…" Sitis looks dubious but reaches towards Job, who abruptly looks very surprised. Crowley interjects: "N-h-higher. Higher."

Sitis and Job's children stand between them. Jemimah throws her arms around her mother who embraces her joyfully.

Job, looking confused, gestures to his restored children as he says to the angels. "But, it is—" Sitis quickly reaches out to Job and interrupts. Clearly frantic and trying to hide it she says, "A-a miracle. It is a miracle, that our new son should look so much like our old son."

Sitis explains very deliberately to Job as she pats her son who is definitely not Ennon on the arm: "No, Job. Look, it's not Ennon, it's… a new child. These are all… They're all… new… children."

Sitis anxiously watches Job speak, and starts to relax until a baffled and annoyed Ennon says something. She tenses and turns to him.

End ID]

#good omens #good omens 2 #goodomensedit #good omens spoilers #job flashback #a companion to owls #v watches good omens #v posts things #there's that thing they say about how comedy works best if they're playing it honestly and not like they're trying to be funny #and that there has to come a moment when the comedy stops and it gets real #and i really liked Sitis as a side character because you feel that everything is real for her #it's got this absurd coat over it but this is a horrifying situation and she is devastated about it!#it makes the whole thing work.#also we usually bring up him saving the kids but #can we talk about Crowley starting out by breaking Sitis's faith just on the truth alone #but then swooping in right before she fully damns herself #yknow i uh. don't feel like God really won this bet

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coochiequeens · 1 year

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For Women’s History Month I present a new shero.

TikTok creator Shumirun Nessa, who goes by the username “The Real Overload Comedy,” has gone viral for her videos blasting trans activist Jeffrey Marsh.

Nessa posted a video to her TikTok on Feb. 24 captioned, “TO ALL PARENTS AND GUARDIANS PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND KEEP YOUR MUNCHKINS SAFE!” In it, she responded to activist Jeffrey Marsh, saying people should “stop telling trans people [they] are inspirational.”

“Stop telling kids to go on your Patreon and chat to you privately without their parents knowing!” Nessa responded in the video.

Nessa was referencing one of Marsh’s viral videos. He is a self-described non-binary content creator who markets his content to children, in which he tells viewers to contact him “in a way that has more privacy so that we can talk to each other in a way that is more open, and stuff that we wouldn’t share in the comments of a video like this.” (RELATED: ‘That Would Technically Be Homosexual’: Podcast Panel Implodes When Guest Says He Wouldn’t Have Sex With A Trans Woman)

Marsh has also gone after parents whom he considers “toxic gatekeepers for their child.”

“Meaning, the parent decides who’s good, who’s bad, who we like, who’s one of us, who’s not one of us, who we hate,” Marsh said.

In a more recent video posted Monday, Nessa responded to attacks from other TikTokers who claimed she was being transphobic for criticizing Marsh.

“I made this video NOT because they are trans, I would have created the same video for anyone who is trying to harm kids! PERIOD!” she said in the video’s caption.

“These people have also said they are not talking to the kids. So I did a little big of digging,” Nessa said, displaying a compilation of Marsh addressing his videos to kids.

Nessa waded into the pronoun debate earlier in a video posted Feb. 15, responding to a video of conservative commentator Ben Shapiro reacting to a video of a woman saying she had “pronouns e/em/eir/eirs or xe/xem/xyr/xyrs.”

“I’m trying to do the pronoun thing, I’m having a tough time,” Shapiro says in the video after trying to pronounce the woman’s pronouns. Nessa ended the video by laughing at Shapiro’s jokes.

If a Muslim woman criticized anyone else the woke lefties would deem any backlash against her “Islamophobic.” But a Muslim women criticizing an adult man who wants to chat with kids privately and without their parents knowledge is deemed transphobic. It’s like woke lefties know which way to twist things so the white men, even one in unflattering makeup, come out coddled. Yet those same white men are victims.

#Shumirun Nessa #The Real Lover Load Comedy #She’s telling the truth #Jeffry Marsh #Jeffrey Marsh wants to talk to minors without their parents knowing about it #If trans identified males don’t want to be called groomers maybe they shouldn’t try to talk to kids in secret

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