Tumgik
#trying so hard to ignore the actual d***s in my room and instead opting to get faded every night
cherubbarnes · 3 years
Text
Self Care
A/N: Hey y’all! Sorry I’ve been a lil MIA but I’ve been in a bit of a rut for a while, which was actually the inspiration for this fic because Bucky helps the reader get out of her rut. I made this super fluffy, with just the teeniest bit of angst if you really, really squint.
WARNINGS: references too poor mental health (nothing specific), references to body image (not specified but Y/N is plus size) one or two swear words.
As always feedback would be appreciated, as I’m new to the fic writing game. I hope y’all enjoy! <333
Y/N had not been feeling like herself for the last few weeks and it was starting to show. She kept her hygiene routine as simple as possible, so if her mental health did start to slip slightly, it'd be relatively easy to keep up with her routine. For the past few weeks though, that was certainly not the case.
Not even having bothered to set an alarm the night before in the very early hours of the morning, Y/N wakes up at 1pm, feeling like she hadn't slept for a good three days. Her room is trashed, her hair is greasy and matted and her face is so dry and beginning to throw a temper tantrum in the form of an aggressive breakout. Not to mention she's been wearing the same pj's for the last four days on account of having no clean clothes and feeling gross about her body in anything that wasn't too baggy for anyone else to be able to make out the shape of it. It happens.
She wraps a dressing gown over herself, sighing at her reflection in the mirror as she crosses her room, headed for the door. She drags herself to the kitchen for something to eat and anything to drink except water, despite her incredibly dry mouth suggesting water would be best. She opts for tea.
"You okay, Y/N?" Bucky asks softly, but loud enough to snap her out of her thoughts for a second.
"Yeah. 'M fine, Buck." Y/N replies, sitting down with a bowl of cereal.
"You sure? You look like you've been on a week long bender?" Tony chuckles, sipping his coffee, "Was gonna ask you for brunch, but your face tells me your liver needs a break." Y/N doesn't bite.
"Leave her, Stark!" Bucky retorts. He knows Tony means nothing by it, and he knows Y/N knows that, too. But the fact that she doesn't banter him back lets Bucky know she's not okay. As her best friend, he knew that already. He knew that on account of the fact that she hasn't been ready to face the day before 4pm for the last few weeks. He just needed confirmation. Tony realises what's going on and just flips Bucky off as he walks out of the kitchen. "Ready to tell me the truth now, Y/N?"
"I told you I'm fine, Bucky." Y/N grumbles, not bothering to make eye contact because she knows Bucky knows she's lying. And she can't handle it when he looks at her that way.
"Y/N. I'm serious. Please just let me help you?"
"I told you, I'm fine. I don't need help."
"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't need help." she doesn't even try, "You help me all the time, hell, you helped me feel human again after being The Winter Soldier for so long. If it wasn't for you, I still don't think I'd be quite healed yet." Tears begin to stream down her face.
"But-" she sobs "you d-deserve the help. You we- were brainwashed. I have n-no excuse, Bucky."
"No no no, of course you do, doll. You don't need an excuse."
"I do. What reason do I h-have to be feeling thi-this way, Bucky?" she sobs again, "I have a g-good life and, and friends and-"
"Shh, shh. It's okay. This can happen to anyone, I promise. Please let me help. Please?"
"Okay."
"Attagirl," he smiles, "finish your tea and get your butt in the shower."
---------------------------------
Y/N steps out of the bathroom with a fresh face, clean hair and some fresh clothes her favourite sweater to steal from Bucky and a pair of his boxers as shorts.
“Feelin’ a little better, doll?” Bucky grins. Oh my god, did Bucky just call me doll? She wonders to herself. “Hellooo, Earth to Y/N? You feelin’ better?” She can feel a blush creeping up her cheeks.
“Uh-uhhh yeah, yeah. Feeling a lot better already.” She stutters nervously, causing Bucky to flash that lazy half smile he only shows when he’s feeling smug. Damn, he knows. “B-but, uh, yeah. Thank you, Buck. I just gotta do my hair now.”
“Listen, I’m gonna put your bedding in the wash for you, so you can start brushing through your hair-”
“I think the word you’re looking for is “mane”, Bucky.”
“It’s not that bad,” he chuckles, “just get the tangles out and I’ll be back in a second.” with that, he begins to strip Y/N’s bed while she looks for her hair brush in the mess.
When Bucky comes back, Y/N is only half way through her hair. Their eyes meet in the mirror as he goes to sit behind her.
“What’re you-”
“Pass me the brush, doll.” Doll again? Y/N manages to stutter out a “thanks, Buck” to him as he slowly pulls the brush through the ends of her hair, smirking at the almost instant blush coming across her face in the mirror. “Do you have a hair tie?”
“Yeah, but I can do this part, I usually just put a braid it if I’m not going anywhere.”
“‘S fine, I got it.” he smiles at Y/N when she passes him a hair tie.
“A stone cold killer like you can braid hair?” Y/N attempts to say cooly whilst leaning a little too much into Bucky while he slowly pulls the brush through her hair one last time.
“Used to do my little sister’s before school. One less thing for Mom to do.” Bucky smiles sadly while sectioning Y/N’s hair into three parts.
“Aww. I’m sure you did a really good job of it.” She smiles back. Bucky begins loosely braiding Y/N’s hair, smiling and secretly revelling in the smell of her freshly shampooed hair.
“Tried as best as I could for her. Used to do it a lot when I still had long hair, too. There was something grounding about it when I was in a bad state.”
“It’s always nice when someone else does your hair, too though. If you still had long hair now, I’d return the favour.”
“I’m sure there’s a wig or two lying around somewhere. Gotta help disguise women a bit more, huh? Maybe I could put one on just for you to braid it.” He winks at Y/N in the mirror, only for her to stick her tongue out in response as he ties the end of the braid off. “There. All done. That must feel better?”
“It does. Thanks, Buck.”
“No problem.” he says kissing the top of her head as she lazily leans back into him for a hug, trying her best to ignore the butterflies in her stomach “Now, I don’t wanna cause you to burn out again so we’re gonna take this slow. You think you can sort out a pile of clothes for me to put in the wash when your bedding is done? Then we can go for a little walk around the grounds, get you some fresh air?” He tries to hide his smirk at her blushing as he helps her get up.
“Bucky, I really don’t want to be a burden, I can take it from here.” Y/N smiles shyly, “Thanks for all your help, though.”
“Listen, Y/N, I know you can take it from here but I’m staying because you don’t have to do this by yourself.”
“I feel like a burden though, Buck. You really don’t have to, I got it.” Y/N smiles sadly, causing Bucky to sigh.
“Please, Y/N, don’t ever think you’re a burden to me. You’ve always been there for me and I always want to be there for you, in whatever way I can. How about you let me help you for today and then tonight we can watch a movie together and get takeout, my treat?”
---------------------------------
“Pleeeaaase, Buckyyy?” Y/N pleads whilst chasing him around her room, wearing a face mask and carrying a tube and application brush, “Just lemme put it on you, promise it’ll be fun!”
“Nooo, Y/N!” Bucky chuckles, “the pizza’s gonna be delivered soon and I can’t answer the door looking like that!” He laughs while purposely running just out of Y/N’s reach. Y/N stops dead, feigning a highly offended facial expression.
“Like what, Barnes? What’s wrong with how I look right now?” she stifles a laugh, causing Bucky to smirk at how hard she’s trying.
“Well, y’know. All green-like.” he replies, to which Y/N feigns shock.
“What’s wrong with being green? Need I remind you that our strongest avenger, who could definitely break you like a twig no matter how much of you is metal or super serumed, is as green as green could get? And he’d probably hate to hear your contempt for his complexion… It’d be a real shame for him to find out about what you just said and something happens to you…” she jokingly threatens, flashing Bucky a devilish smile. Bucky gasps and feigns a quiver.
“Y-you wou-wouldn’t,” he pretends to stutter, “you’ve got way too much of a crush on me for that, doll.” he smirks at the way her face drops.
Holy fucking shit, he knows, Y/N thinks.
“Catch me if you can!” he darts away, leaving Y/N standing gobsmacked. Until he trips and falls on the floor, giving Y/N enough time to tackle him back down to the ground as he spins onto his back to get up.
“Gotcha.” she smirks, straddling him with her face mere centimetres from his. He stares back in disbelief, leaning up to kiss her. Instead, she squirts the product from the tube onto his face and begins quickly spreading it with the brush.
“You better hurry, I’m not answering the door with half a face mask on my face.” he chuckles, trying to play off the fact he tried to kiss her.
“I’m almost done. I’ll be done quicker if you stay still and shut up, though.”
“Damn, okay,” Bucky chuckles as Y/N finishes up but doesn’t move her face away, “what are you-” she kisses him gently, then slowly pulls away. Before either of them can say anything, her phone receives a notification.
“Pizza’s here,” she laughs at Bucky’s still shocked face, “Go get it, Hulk.”
“I’m gonna get you back for that,” he chuckles, pushing her off him onto the floor.
“Ow!”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic!” he laughs, running out of the room before she can chase after him.
210 notes · View notes
obeiii-mee · 3 years
Note
Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!
——————————-
This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)
——————————-
The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:
Lucifer:
-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived
-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable
-Not to mention all the treatment you would require
-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there
-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake
-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair
-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house
-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs
-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year
-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis
-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)
-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break
-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom
-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you
-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you
-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case
-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears
-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you
-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back
-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare
-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha
-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay
-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need
-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol
Mammon:
-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first
-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human
-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”
-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that
-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for
-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?
-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though
-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around
-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN
-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it
-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am
-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions
-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:
-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”
-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh
-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs
-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad
-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”
-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too
-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving
-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad
-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”
-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones
-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often
Levi:
-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom
-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year
-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot
-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often
-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you
-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him
-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”
-“The answer is no Leviathan.”
-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“
-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around
-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all
-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch
-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him
-Usually left out by other people, ignored even
-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself
-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking
-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’
-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)
-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !
-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven
-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings�� endless and dangerous shenanigans
-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being
-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure
-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol
-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it
-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-
-OK Levi, sit back down
-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything
-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room
-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe
Satan:
-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense
-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)
-He’s a smart boy, alright?
-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you
-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get
-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰
-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way
-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)
-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help
-But in a subtle way...?
-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside
-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here
-He wants to know how your wheelchair works
-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before
-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself
-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like
-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon
-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain
-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish
-But when others purposefully try harming you?
-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage
-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings
-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything
-You’re strong and he knows this
-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you
-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing
Asmo:
-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life
-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way
-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time
-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around
-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual
-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get
-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go
-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously
-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you
-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together
-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”
-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes
-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room
-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day
-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times
-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not
-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life
-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries
-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career
-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)
-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(
Beel:
-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances
-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is
-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius
-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?
-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around
-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(
-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way
-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so
-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best
-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him
-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help
-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’
-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most
-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”
-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound
-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt
-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do
-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough
-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times
-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself
-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation
-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair
-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what
Belphie:
-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak
-It didn’t matter that you had a disability
-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him
-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first
-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs
-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all
-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby
-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer
-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you
-Do not let him push you around
-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls
-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off
-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that
-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole
-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him
-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not
-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer
-But he doesn’t care
-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there
-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD
-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over
-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”
-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”
-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often
-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house
-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌
———————————
Al~
184 notes · View notes
flowerwrites06 · 3 years
Text
break my mind’s eye II — jjk
Tumblr media
Plot: Jungkook thinks marriage is the only way to seal a deal.
Pairing(s): Druglord!Jungkook x Fashion Designer!OC (Name: Belle)
Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+
Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series
Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Special 
Word Count: 5k+ 
Genre: Mafia | Angst/Smut/Fluff
Tags & Warnings (for entire series): drug dealing, marriage through trickery, explicit smut, drug use, dubious consent, prostitution, miscarriage, lots of manipulation, impregnation through manipulation 
Tumblr media
“You’re…letting me go?” Belle stared at her manager Yeeun who, by her clear frown was not mistaken in her harsh words. The two stood in the others’ office with her rack of clothing standing hopelessly in the corner of the room.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to book a venue for a designer with no prior backing?” She continued with her berating.
The younger female assumed it must have around an hour since she arrived and began the onslaught of scolding for missing her fashion show. Belle tried to explain that she needed to help her brother out in a personal situation but family commitment apparently to her was not deemed that important.
“I trusted you and you fucking humiliated me in front of fashion critics.” Yeeun gestured wildly before pinching the bridge of her nose. “You had so much potential too.”
Her heart dropped; slowly wishing that she would go back to just scolding her instead of reminding her of what could have been achieved if the fashion show went on. All the building blocks tirelessly built to get to this point now crumbling down. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t going to bring back what you just threw away.” The older female spoke in brutal honesty as she usually did except it hit Belle harder than normal. “Go on. I can’t help you anymore. Not when there’re plenty of other designers who actually care enough to come to their first fashion show.”
Belle bit down her bottom lip, sun dipping outside casting a dull grey-ish light in the minimalistic office. Photos of all the different designers Yeeun represented now staring down at her in disappointment as she dragged her rack of clothes out of the office.
-
The morning welcomed sharp chills even through her coat and scarf adorned her body. She grabbed the two pieces of clothing hurriedly since her new wardrobe was organized by Nana who didn’t really know how the girl usually kept everything. Of course that led to a crap load of confusion in the morning when Belle tried to pair something decent and it turned out to be too thin for the temperature she struggled through now.
It didn’t help her situation when her lower belly still ached a little from last night and her head pounded from the lack of proper sleep.
Belle stopped short in front of the office building to see two men standing in front of her, one of them familiar enough for her to realize who they were for. “He’s having you follow me now?” She seethed.
“Master Jeon found out your car was still in the carpark and you took a train so he asked us to drive it here.” Jongho explained plainly, gesturing to the Camry behind them.
Who knew the mere sight of a vehicle could bring this much relaxation in the midst of this stress?
The female sighed pushing the rack towards the hood. “Thank you but please don’t call him ‘Master Jeon’ in front of me.” Belle kept her voice firm, opening the hood and placing all her clothes into an empty box she had with all her discarded designs.
“But we have to.” Jonghos’ brows furrowed, pouting a little; silently reminding that he wasn’t all the much older than any of them, perhaps even younger.
The other guard besides Jongho took the liberty of pushing the rack away in front of the office building.
Belle dared to take another look at the building again. Not too long ago, she walked into this very building with bright eyes and possibly an even brighter future. Memories of Yeeun smiling at her newest designs, approving them to a point where she even got her a chance at a fashion show. Three critics sat at the audience that night and every single one of them looked more important than the last. Unfortunately Belle had someone far more important than any fashion critic or opportunity. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing grew harder and harder to determine.
“Out here, he’s Jungkook.” She spoke still looking up at the building with a more sour expression now at the sound of his name coming from her lips. “And I’m driving.”
Jongho didn’t protest much on the demand and gave her the keys.
“So what’s the real reason Jungkook sent you?” Belle asked as they drove through the city streets. The car had been pleasantly so much warmer than outside or in the train and she grew more thankful as the ice under her skin melted.
Jongho stammered lightly before sighing. “Master—” He cleared his throat. “D-Jungkook did get a little…suspicious that you might try to find a way to get out of the deal. It’s all still—fresh, I guess.”
The female scoffed, fingers tightening around the steering wheel. “He put my brothers’ life under threat and thinks I’m going to run away like some sorry bitch?” She spat pressing down the urge to stomp on the brakes and hopefully run over Jungkook accidently when they reached the mansion. “You’re both going home.” Belle finalized ignoring any stutter of disapproval from the two males.
“But he—”
“But nothing…if he’s so scared of me running away then he should come meet me himself instead of sending his men.” Past the bustling city, Belle drove into the familiar road towards the secluded mansion.
The last time she drove down this path her life was so much more different than it was now. How could it all just change in the span of a day? All because one man had too much power over others.
Then she stomped on the brakes, the shaking hand of the speed checker accelerating at a worrying rate up to the hundreds.
Muffled tire and engine sounds numbing her ears as her stomach jumped from the push across the slightly graveled road.
Heart pumping adrenaline, fueling the wildfire in her body, pushing away memories of his fucking hands on her skin, the disappointment she brought to everyone even herself.
“Ma’am!” A frightened voice called out from behind her, mentally slapping her back to reality.
Letting out deep breath Belle slowly braked the car again bringing them back down from the rush as the mansion now came into view. “Sorry.” She glanced over at Jongho who looked more concerned for the female compared to the guard at the back who feared for his life in a split second.
Into the courtyard she stared at the collection of guards who once again stood lined up the entrance of the mansion. An intense feeling of déjà vu flushed over her before turning to the two guards. “Alright, out you go. I need to get to work.” Going to the fashion-house now became the only thing that could make her day that little bit better.
“Master Jeon—he’ll be angry at us if we left you alone.”
Belle saw something oddly familiar in Jonghos’ eyes that she couldn’t shake off. Seeing the recognizable glint reminded her that Taehyung was not the only victim to Jungkooks’ power. “If Madame Saito sees two strange men with me, she’s going to try and call the police. I don’t want her involved in this whole mess.” She explained. “Is there any way you can keep yourself hidden so Jungkook at least knows that you were doing your job?” Both men nodded thankfully.
She rested back on the seat, closing her eyes as her body reminded her again of the anxiety burning her from the inside. “I need to get some warmer clothes anyway so stay here.”
-
Nana told Belle that Jungkook was out all morning and a little bit of the day on important business meetings around the city. Not that the younger female really gave a shit where he went but once again…common fucking courtesy.
The drive to the fashion-house was quiet aside from some light music playing on her radio.
They arrived at Madame Saitos’ fashion-house. An elegant slab of purple and gold with the monogram of the Japanese Kanji symbol that meant ‘elegant’. Belle remembered getting the job a few weeks before her parents passed away. It immediately turned from a dream job to the only thing keeping her from breaking down after Taehyung started going into a downward spiral.
Now more than ever she needed the sweet caress of fresh fabric under her fingers to calm her down, to prevent another incident like the one on the road from happening. As per her request, Jongho and the other guard who later introduced himself as Jisung, opted to walk into a nearby café.
Belle walked through the glass doors, all her worries seemingly melting away at the look of neatly organized clothes on the different shelves and stands. Her clothes fit warm and snug on her now and the level upstairs for designing awaited her arrival.
“Bella, darling!” She heard the familiar voice echo through the building.
Turning to the right Belle couldn’t help but smile seeing the bright woman walk over to her in a gorgeous purple pantsuit. She gave her a small bow which she waved away.
“How many times have I told you? You’re a fellow designer.” Saito tapped her chin which would have made her giggle.
But her stomach dropped when reality sunk in and she realized Saito was wrong. “I’m not a designer anymore.” Belle smiled sadly.
“And why is that?” She raised her own chin, deep purple lips looking more defined and her dark brows furrowed.
It was as if her mind opened up the millions of drawers she tried to lock up to help her survive the rest of the day but the younger female adorned a much smaller smile. “Yeeun let me go. I couldn’t go through the fashion show on a family emergency.”
Saito scoffed loudly before waving her hand. “Managers don’t make designers. Designers make designers.” She pressed hand over Belle’s heart. “She’s one manager, darling. Don’t let it get to you.”
If it were a less strange time than this, Belle would instantly be consoled by Saitos’ words but there was so much more. So many more things she wanted to talk about but she feared no one’s ears were understanding enough. Even she couldn’t hear herself talk about what happened. “Thank you.” She muttered forcing her mind to feel somewhat relaxed.
The older female smiled, patting her cheek. “I have to go personally deliver this to a client.” She rolled her eyes looking down at the cover hanging over her arm. “He’s this big businessman who wants a suit tonight and just needs to thank the designer in person.” She scoffed making Belle chuckle. “You’ll be in charge for the rest of the day, darling.”
Belle’s heart fluttered in excitement as she immediately nodded.
“Oh and…since you have more time on your hands without Yeeun pestering you. I was wondering if you wanted to work on a few designs for the Spring Line.” Saito smiled casually not entirely noticing that fireworks were going off in her mind in celebration.
She was getting a chance at another line. Another opportunity. Belle couldn’t help giggling a little but she quickly stopped herself. “You’re not joking?”
“Of course not. You’re the best designer I’ve had in years.” She patted her shoulder comfortingly. “One thing though, I’ll need four designs by tomorrow morning so we can be ahead of schedule. I’ve done six that you can look at to see what the concept is but let your wonderful mind run wild.”
A light hint of anxiety seeped through the thick elation bursting through her veins but Belle ignored it, merely smiling at the older female as she walked out of the building.
-
Sun dipped behind the skyscrapers, warm light shining through the glass giving the whole store a deep warm glow as Belle stood in front of the main counter. Hand ached a little from holding onto the pencil for too long. Grey scratches against the ecru paper of flowy trains and minimalistic patterns to symbolize re-birth in some way.
Something she admired about Saito was her excessive need to shy away from the norm of flowers and nature. Maybe thinking a little deeper into what spring meant and really bringing the art out of her fashion. Part of why despite their prices, people still walked in and out purchasing their numbers.
It was a breath of fresh air from the line of fashion and a wonder to behold during Fashion Week.
Unfortunately Belle’s little bubble of inspiration was rudely popped when the door opened with Jonghos’ voice echoing in the building.
“Ma’am…Master Jeon is asking for you at the mansion.” He tried to speak quietly but the walls resonated even the smallest of sounds.
Her brows furrowed, dropping the pencil on the table making her fingers cramp up ever so slightly. “What does he need me for?” Anger rose and burned through her eyes.
“He said it’s important.” Jongho shrugged.
The woman huffed averting her gaze before jumping off her chair. “Did he call you? Is he still on the phone?” Belle stomped over to the male who tried to back away a little but the glass door closed behind him. “What could he possibly want from me now that’s so damn important?” He already got everything else.
“I don’t know, ma’am…he—he didn’t say.”
“Well tell him that I have a lot of work to do and he can wait.” She glared at the young male even though truly he wasn’t the one she was angry at.
Eventually Jongho walked towards the car with slouched shoulders leaving Belle to go back to work on her counter. The scratches were a lot harsher due to her shaky fingers so she reminded herself to re-do some of these sketches again when it was time for coloring.
“Ma’am?” Jongho called out again in a much softer voice.
Belle’s pencil broke off making her fingers curl up into a fist but she forced herself to take a deep breath. “What is it, Jongho?”
“Master Jeon wants to speak with you.” He held out a phone walking towards the counter.
She glanced at the male before down at the phone, accepting it gently and putting it on her ear. “Yes?”
“Are you trying to be a fool?” Jungkooks’ tone took a dark turn from what Belle heard yesterday; more growly and deep like he had been yelling all day.
“I already said I’m working.” Belle muttered calmly. “What’s so important?”
“We need to go to an event. My aunt and uncle have invited me to come tonight and I need you to be there to get rid of any future suitor arrangements.” He explained with that same infuriating voice acting like she was doing something wrong trying to work.
“I need to some things done, Jungkook, can’t we re-schedule a meeting with your aunt and uncle?” Hands brushed away the pieces of led that broke off from her pencil.
“No we can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t think you realize just what’s at stake if you piss me off too much.” He challenged.
“Your deal was that you’ll stay away from Taehyung if I stay with you.” She corrected.
“You should know that I can change deals in an instant.”
Belle gripped onto the phone suppressing the urge to throw it across the room as she gulped down a lump in her throat. Her dormant anxiousness now fully erupting through every limb in her body. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She stated before hanging up not wanting to hear his voice anymore as she gave it over to Jongho.
Angrily packing up her stuff, she decided to let Jongho drive this time to prevent any incidents on the road from her heated up mind.
-
So much for fucking freedom. He couldn’t even re-schedule a meeting to let her work. Maybe it was an overreaction but looking at the situation, Belle thought that being livid and frustrated was called for.
The sky turned purple by the time they reached the mansion and Belle barely waited for the car to stop before she climbed out. Grabbing her things, she walked through the entrance ignoring any attempt at the guards trying to hold the bags.
“Finally her Majesty has arrived, what took you so long?” Jungkook, already dressed up in a black suit with a white shirt slightly unbuttoned, jabbed at the female right as she walked through the archway.
Belle merely glared at the male walking past him up the stairs while Nana followed her helplessly. The older female almost wanted to apologize for him but couldn’t find the time as she chased her.
In their shared room, Belle placed the bags of her work next to her side of the bed. Tears of frustration flooded in her eyes a little which she tried her best to hide when she saw Nana come up behind her.
“Dear…” She muttered comfortingly but the younger female shook her head.
“It’s okay, please. I’ll get ready myself.” Belle smiled through teary eyes before walking past her.
Ankle length daffodil-yellow dress adorned her freshly showered body, long curls with the top half clipped away from her face and some shoes to match. As she coated her lashes her mind tried to organize how she was going to rush to the event and then come back to finish all the designs. The deeper the thoughts moved, the more anxiety bubbled inside her almost making her makeup application a little dodgy but decent enough.
“Dear, Master Jeon is calling for you.” Nana spoke gently as if knowing that the sound of his name stroke a nerve in her constantly.
“I’m done, I’m coming.” Belle answered, hands leaning against the edge of the vanity table in the walk-in wardrobe trying to calm down her breathing. I hope you’re okay, Taehyung. It was only the first day and she could feel the weight of it all bearing down on her body. For the first time since yesterday, the woman almost wanted to admit that she may be lot more vulnerable than she thought.
Shaking her head roughly she stared at herself in the mirror. Dusty rose lips mimicking the light hint of colour on her cheeks and a glimmering eyes mostly from the illusion in the shimmery eyeshadow. At least she looked put together. Her body and mind were a whole different story.
Nana held onto her hand as they walked down the stairs, Belle held onto the dress to ensure she didn’t trip and make her stressful day even worse. Little bits of her hair dropped over her face but it was only when she reached the end.
Her eyes slowly trailed up to see Jungkook staring at her up and down the way he did the first time they met.
“What’s wrong?” She looked down at her outfit for a moment, seeing absolutely nothing wrong but Jungkook must have had something to say.
The man stayed silent for a few minutes shifting in his position. “Nothing. Let’s go.” He muttered coldly walking to the exit with three of his guards already walking behind him like robots.
Belle followed the trail, gripping at her clutch purse.
Dull blue hue adorned the sky when they were outside. The guards dispersed to the sides giving Belle way to move forward where she saw Jungkook looking over his shoulder as if he was searching for someone.
Not a word uttered, Jungkook raised an arm and let it hover over her back as they walked towards the luxurious black Sedan shining even in this grey-ish light.
-
Throughout the car ride, Belle tried to ask Jungkook what the event was for and what they would be doing for the rest of the night. All her questions answered with detached replies that gave her no explanation whatsoever making it highly difficult to keep her patience.
“At least tell me how long it’s going to be?” She asked in a much softer tone now.
“An hour or something, alright? Now just keep quiet and don’t embarrass me.” Jungkook snapped before looking out the window.
Belle wanted to be shocked at the sudden change in behavior from the dashing and charming man she saw yesterday but this just served as a good reminder. This was all a fucking joke. She was dressing up to play pretend with a scum of a man who had no care for anyone but his own needs and reputation.
The momentary silence broke by muffled sounds of flashing cameras and people calling out or yelling at the glimmering bodies on the carpet.
Jungkook had the car door opened for him and the second he walked out, he could hear the people growing more restless and the cameras going wild.
Belle shifted towards his side now keeping her clutch purse on her chest.
He held his hand out and she accepted it to keep up appearances, adorning an elegant smile on her rosy lips. Their fingers intertwined with one another as they walked past them with their personal line of guards on each side.
Sounds of violins made her ears prick up and the smell of chocolate touched her nostrils, her stomach rumbling a little. Thankfully the incessant noise from every corner was able to conceal it.
The event hall shone in golden light with a crystal chandelier centering the ceiling, buffet standing on the far left, slow dancing in the middle and a sitting area on the far right. People were crowded but nothing like a bustling city. Instead of strangers pressing against each other in trains or trying to push past to get to work, people kindly slithered through crowds or made pleasant conversation before they moved onto the next group.
Though Belle despised the reasoning for being here, for years this was an event she has always wanted to attend. The class, the culture, the clothes; all of it surrounded her like a welcoming hug and she didn’t really protest when Jungkook led her further into the hall.
Fake elegant smile now melted into something more genuine as she curiously peered over at the performers in gold satin dresses dancing in the middle of the hall. On her left, a vast selection of foods, some she didn’t even recognize but the chocolate fountain wasn’t hard to detect and her stomach shouted again.
“Auntie!” Jungkook called out, his usual sour mood moved to a smile as he leaned to press a kiss on an older womans’ cheek.
The lady looked as elegant and bright as the hall they were in, wearing a white dress with golden hair pins in her neat bun while the man next to her—Jungkook’s uncle wore the same simple suit his nephew did. Except he had a bow on unlike her ‘partners’ more unkept look. “I’m so happy you could be here!” His aunt cheered softly, her wide smile showing off all the lines on her face.
“Why would I not? Your events are always my favorite.” He smiled again almost to a point where Belle almost suspected it may have been fake.
“There’s someone I want you to meet.” His aunt nodded at the younger male whose lips twitched a little making him grin wider.
This one looking a lot more obviously forced.
His aunt turned to the side and called someone over. A woman who looked around their age, tall and slender with long black hair flowing past her lower back and her body adorning an azure dress, loosely stitched rhinestones in large clusters. All of that topped up with some bright red lipstick and shimmering blue eyeshadow to match the clothes. She gave Jungkook a big, advertisement smile.
Belle felt Jungkooks’ hand leave her and immediately hold his out towards the woman which she accepted happily. She introduced herself as Suyeon, only side-glancing her before fixating her gaze on the man instead.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Suyeon.” His charming tone sounded all too familiar.
“I think you two would hit it off really well.” Her aunt declared already off of a two second conversation. Finally the older woman managed to look over at her. “And who’s this?”
Jungkook hummed in question before looking at Belle. “Right this is—” He paused for a moment staring at the woman as if he was already starting to have second thoughts. “This is a friend…Belle.”
Belle smiled at the three new people even though her heart burned with anger at how quickly he changed his mind.
“Of course.” His aunt smiled.
The four elites dived into deep conversation as Belle quietly smiled and admired the performances instead; hoping they would distract her somehow. None of them really cared about her presence here which didn’t help her fury towards Jungkook.
Ah Jungkook.
He who conveniently shifted on the other side of her so he could stand next to Suyeon instead, conversing with her pleasantly. Everything about their deal now seemed long forgotten leaving Belle to worry about the fate of her brother.
“So…uh—” Suyeon spoke towards her now.
“Belle.” She answered softly, keeping up with that smile tiresomely.
“I’ve never seen you in these kinds of parties before.”
“This is my first time.”
“Ah—” Suyeon gave her a fake smile. “Makes sense.” She eyed her up and down as the other three of them laughed.
Even Jungkook didn’t seem to stop finding it funny.
“I mean…no offense, darling but yellow isn’t really a nice color for these events. They look a little—childish.” Venom flowed from her tongue when she spewed those words.
Whatever anxiety burning Belle from the inside now was momentarily pushed down as the fashion lover inside her scurried up. “It’s called daffodil…not yellow.” She emphasized the word making it sound like an uncouth description to use. “If we are talking about childish, perhaps you could take a closer look at the plastic rhinestones on your dress hanging on for dear life on a single thread.” She looked at her up and down this time. “I highly doubt that’s Louis Vuitton work.”
Her words silenced the four of them immediately. Suyeons’ photo-worthy smile now turned into an ugly frown, the aunts’ brows were raised in intrigue and Jungkook stared at her in shock. Belle merely smiled as the older woman of the group tried to change the topic now into something more lighthearted.
Once the confidence drowned out, anxiety kicked in again wanting to walk out of this vicinity right now and never look back. The four of them dispersed a little but Jungkook walked straight to her, holding her arm and bringing her close. “Behave yourself, alright? There’s no need to be rude.”
Belle scoffed yanking out of his grip and walking towards the buffet hoping that some food would help her mood. The clip in her hair began to prick at her aching head and her shoes felt like they were tighter by the minute. Nothing felt right about this night.
“Oh Belle…” She heard a drawling, sickly sweet voice.
Just her luck. Looking over to her side, she gave Suyeon a similar grin trying to look as friendly as possible even though their previous interaction was anything but that. “Suyeon—”
“I hope there’s no hard feelings about my comment.” There was no genuine nature in her tone in the slightest but Belle played along, once again playing pretend that everything was going swell.
“It’s all forgotten.” She shook her head.
“I also hope you could give me some more fashion advice.”
Belle turned to look at the female and a dampening chill trailed all the way down from her chest to her torso, body stepping back in shock. She looked down at her daffodil dress now stained with red almost forming into an orangish color. Gasps echoed throughout the room and she could feel the stares on her. Staring up at Suyeon, she was holding out an empty glass with a sinister smirk on her face.
“What color is that, little rat?”
“Suyeon!”
Belle could’ve sworn she heard Jungkooks’ aunts’ yelling but she was already heading for the bathroom, the whole day picked at her final straw.
-
If in a better mood, her eyes would have been shining in glee at the gorgeous white marble bathroom with bright gold detail. But right now they were flooding with hot tears that stained down her cheeks. Body shivering a little from the harsh chill on her entire front, some pieces of her hair completely damp and the skin on her chest reddened as well.
Belle whined lightly under her breath, lips quivering as she grabbed some tissues and dabbed off the excess liquid not wanting to face the crowd outside.
She heard a woman squeal a little when the door opened but she couldn’t care less to look.
Her head was numb, her body flushing from hot to cold and her body too stubborn to stop shaking from the cold and anxiety.
Finally her eyes flickered to the mirror to see a familiar figure standing next to her. The mere sight of him caused her to sigh in elevated frustration. “If you’re just going to yell at me—” Belle spoke in a cracked voice.
“I saw what she did.” Jungkook immediately replied in a mutter.
Belle sniffled washing off the liquid from the ends of her hair, feeling her clothes now sticking to her dampened skin.
The male padded closer reaching out to touch her shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.” She backed away as one hand held onto the dripping hair. “You chose your wife, now leave me alone.” Belle hated that Jungkooks’ previous behavior created a lump in her throat, fresh tears arriving at the brim of her eyes.
A sigh passed his lips as he lowered his head, leaning against the edge of the counter. “Her joke wasn’t funny.” Jungkook murmured. “I just laughed for the sake of my aunt, she stares at my every move when I make conversation with these suitors. I can never seem to gain the courage to upset her.” He shifted in his position. “Truth be told, you were the most beautiful one here.”
Belle shook her head, another tear dropping down her cheek even after touching up her makeup. “I just wanna go home…” She tried to hug herself but it only made the clothes on her front more uncomfortable. “Please.”
Jungkook searched the womans’ expression finding nothing but distress and discomfort in her whole being. He nodded before shrugging off his coat with a sigh. “Here.” He held his coat out.
She hesitated for a moment glancing up at the man before caving as she draped the coat on. Thankfully it was big enough to cover up most of her dress. Once again his hand hovered over her back as they walked out of the bathroom.
Most of the people were back to their own conversations save for Jungkooks’ aunt who still looked worriedly at the two.
“I didn’t know she was going to behave like that, sweetie.” His aunt genuinely looked like she regretted inviting the menace to the event. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” She rubbed her shoulder a little.
Belle smiled at her and nodded. “Thank you.”
“We’ll talk to you at a better time, auntie.” Jungkook kissed her cheek again before they walked out of the hall in silence.
Trying their best to ignore the paparazzi, the two were led into their car and were driven home in silence. Belle scooched on the far side on the back seat looking out the window hoping that this day would end. But it couldn’t.
Heat flushed at the back of her neck when she looked at the time. Her work tomorrow would start at around nine after she paid a visit to Taehyung in the rehab center. So that left only a few hours with no sleep to finish the rest of her designs for the spring line. Right up until they reached the mansion, her head began planning all the ways she would keep herself awake and finish the job she was set.
-
“What happened, mistress?” Nana asked and Belle just replied that a snake got a hold of a wine glass before they walked upstairs.
Jungkook walked over to the bar the last time she glimpsed back only for a second.
Forcing herself to have a cold shower, she put on simple pair of grey sweatpants and a matching sweater with her hair up in a ponytail. Her body million times more comfortable now in dry and warm clothing while her dress was being soaked. Annoyance washed over thinking of the possibility that she might not be able to take the stain off.
Belle sat on the floor of the walk-in wardrobe, the perfect place to lay out all her designs and begin her sketching session.
Jungkook walked into the room when she was figuring out where to add details on one of her dresses. He paused a little looking at her deeply engrossed in her work.
She merely glanced at the male before going back to her tasks. Talking to him or even looking at him would only remind her of the time he stole away and for what? Humiliation and a wine stain on one of her favourite dresses? Belle even physically shook her head at the thought. The fact he even threatened to break the deal for this shit only worsened the fury.
But she couldn’t break any more pencils over her anger. Now Belle had to work. If anything needed to go well, it was this. So as the hours kept ticking away, the woman did nothing but do what she did best.
While Jungkook giving one last glance at her, fell fast asleep on the bed assuming she might just come there when she’s ready.
Tumblr media
<< PREV CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER >>
314 notes · View notes
a-coda · 3 years
Text
Advent of Code
As a child, advent calendars always added to the sense of anticipation in the lead up to Christmas. In my day you would be lucky to get a small picture behind each of the doors. These days, children expect chocolates or sweets. My wife has once even had a "Ginvent Calendar", with gin behind each door.
This year I marked Advent by having a go at the "Advent of Code" which has Christmas-themed programming puzzles posted each day. Most days are in two parts, with an easier puzzle followed by a harder one. Traditionally, I've posted a (mostly ignored) programming puzzle to our development team each Christmas. Last year I just recycled one of the Advent of Code puzzles, but this year I suggested we attempt the whole thing. The puzzles are so well thought out, in comparison to my efforts, that it seemed pointless to compete.
In the end, several of the team had a go. Some of the puzzles were harder than others, but I managed to solve them all by Boxing Day. What follows are some personal anecdotes from the various days with some general thoughts at the end. Note that there are some spoilers and the notes won't mean much if you've not done the puzzles. So in this case just skip to the end.
a sum-finder. I implemented the search tree via recursive calls. I drifted into using Python right from the start. It just felt like the easiest way to hack the puzzles quickly. In the past I had thought about using the puzzles to learn a new language. A colleague had done that with Rust in a previous year. Despite these good intentions, expediency took a firm hold. That said, in several puzzles I would have liked immutable collections or at least Lisp-style lists.
a pattern counter. Not that interesting except patterns were emerging in the programs themselves. Regular expressions got used a lot to read in the puzzle data. I learnt about things like match.group(1,2,3) which returns a tuple of the first three match groups, so you don't have to write (m.group(1), m.group(2), m.group(3)).
a grid tracer. The first interesting one because it was unfamiliar. Some other patterns started emerging: problem parameters got promoted to command line arguments, and data structure printers got hacked to help debugging. These two were often added between part 1 and part 2 of each problem.
a data validator. This felt like a bit of a slog. It was mostly about capturing the validation rules as code. Even though I made a point of reminding myself at the start that re.search doesn't match the whole string I still forgot it later. Duh.
an indexing problem. I patted myself on the back for realizing that the index was a binary number (or pair of binary numbers as I did it). At this point the solutions were still neat and I would do a little code golfing after the solution to tidy them up a bit and make them more concise.
another pattern counter. Pre-calculating some things during data reading kept the later code simple.
a recursive calculator. This was one of those puzzles where I had to reread the description several times to try and understand what it was asking for. It entailed a slightly tricky recursive sum and product, which was again made easier by creating more supporting data structures while reading the input data.
an interpreter. Probably my favourite individual puzzle because it was so sweet, especially after a bit of refactoring to make the language more data-driven.
another sum-finder. I found I didn't particularly like these.
an order-finder. This was the first one that made me pause for thought. An overly naive search algorithm from part 1 hit a computational complexity wall in part 2. I beat the problem by realizing that the search only had to be done on small islands of the data, but a colleague pointed out there was a better linear solution. The code was starting to get a bit ragged, with commented out debugging statements.
the game of life. The classic simulation but with some out-of-bounds spaces and some line-of-sight rules. It helped to print the board.
a map navigator. I liked this one even though I forgot to convert degrees to radians and that rotation matrices go anti-clockwise. I even introduced an abstract data type (ADT) to see if it would simplify the code (I'm not sure it ever did - I mostly used lists, tuples, strings, and numbers). The second parts of the puzzles were starting to get their own files now (usually bootstrapped by copying and pasting the first part's file).
a prime number theorem. I actually got stalled on this one for a bit. It eventually turned out I had a bug in the code and was missing a modulus. In effect I wasn't accounting for small primes far to the right. I left the puzzle and went on to complete a couple of others before coming back to this one. I checked what I was doing by Googling for hints, but in the end I had to take a long hard look at the data and find my own bug.
some bit twiddling. Part 1 felt like I found the expected bitwise operations, but part 2 felt like I was bashing square pegs into round holes.
a number sequence problem. Another pat on the back, this time for keeping a dictionary of recent occurrences and not searching back down the list of numbers each time. Another recurring pattern is evident: running a sequence of steps over the data. I liked to code the step as its own function.
a constraint solver. A nice one about labelling fields that satisfy the known constraints. Half the code was parsing the textual rules into data.
another game of life simulation. This time it was in more dimensions. I generalized from 3 dimensions to N instead of just doing 4. This made it more of a drag. I started naming auxiliary functions with placeholder names (social services should have been called). Also, I tacked on extra space along each dimension to make room at each step. This felt very ugly. I should have used a sparser representation like I did for day 24.
an expression evaluator. I used another actual ADT and wrote a simple but horrible tokenizer. The evaluator was okay but I hacked the precedence by inserting parentheses into the token stream. Don't try this at home kids.
another pattern matcher. Probably my biggest hack. My code compiled the pattern rules into a single regular expression. This was cute but meant the recursive rules in part 2 needed special treatment. One rule just compiled into a repeated pattern with +. Unfortunately, the other rule entailed matching balanced sub-patterns, which every schoolchild knows regular languages can't do. Perhaps some recursive pattern extensions might have worked, but I assumed there would be no more than 10 elements of the sub-patterns and compiled the rule into a large alternative of the possible symmetrical matchers. Yuck.
a map assembler. I did this one the most methodically. It had proper comments and unit tests. Overall it took the most code but perhaps it was just dealing with all the edge cases (ba dum tss). But seriously, it seemed to take a lot of code for rotating and flipping the tiles even after knowing how they must be connected. So probably there was a better approach. It was still satisfying the see the answer come out after all that work. Curiously, this one involved little debugging. I wonder if perhaps there is some connection between preparation and outcome?
a constraint solver. I tried a dumb approach first based on searching all the possible bindings. That didn't look like it was terminating any time soon. So I reverted to a previously successful technique of intersecting the associations and then then refining them based on the already unique ones.
a recursive card game. This card game playing puzzle seemed to be going okay, but the real data didn't converge for part 2. Had a quick Google for a hint after battling with it for a while, and the first hit was from someone who said they'd misread the question. Sure enough I had too. My recursive games were on the whole deck instead of the part dictated by the cards played. Duh. The description was clear enough and included a whole worked game. I just hadn't read it properly. It still seemed to need some game state memoization to run tolerably fast.
a circular sequence. Took three attempts. A brute force approach using an array was good enough for part 1, but no way was it going to work on part 2. Even optimizing it to use ranges was still 'non-terminating' for the array-based solution. So I Googled for a little inspiration and found the phrase "linked lists" and slapped my forehead hard. I switched to a dictionary of labels to labels and the solution popped out very easily, without any further optimization. Embarrassing. Was it time to ceremonially hand in my Lisp symbol and fall on a sharpened parenthesis?
another game of life. This one sounded neat because it was about a hex grid, but I didn't know how hex grids are usually indexed. So for the first time I did a little bit of general research at the start. Turns out there are a bunch of ways to index a hex grid. I opted for using 3-axes as that seemed natural despite the redundancy. The map itself was just a dictionary of locations. I should have looked up how to have structured dictionary keys in Python (implement __hash__) but I couldn't be bothered so I (look away now) serialized and deserialized the locations to and from strings. I still had a bug which I couldn't find until I hacked a crude hex board printer and realized I wasn't carrying the unchanged cells over from one iteration to the next.
a cryptographic puzzle. Came out quite short but only after some faffing around. Main trick seemed to be to keep the transformation ticking along instead of recalculating it from scratch each time. There was slight disappointment (tinged with relief) that there was no part 2.
Some general lessons I felt I (re)learned:
Read the questions very carefully, then reread them.
Try and use terms from the questions. Don't invent your own terminology and then have to map back and forth.
Make the trace output exactly like the examples to help comparison.
Next time I'd consider using BDD to turn their examples directly into tests. Next time.
Try the problem for a while by yourself, then think about it offline, and only then Google for hints.
Next time I'd consider using some form of source control from the start, or just a better set of file naming conventions.
Regular expressions go a long way, but can then they can get in the way.
Next time I'll consider doing it using a language I'm learning.
Sometimes when you get stuck you have to start again.
During some low moments it all felt like make-work that I'd inflicted on myself, but in the end it was a nice set of training exercises. I'd encourage others to have a go at their leisure.
"Practice is the best of all instructors." -- Publilius Syrus
2 notes · View notes
evan-hand-soap · 5 years
Text
I wrote this last night because I got bored
Jeremy Heere x Reader:)
Basicallyyyyyyyy you/Reader are in the position of Jeremy and Jeremy is in the position of Michael... so Reader has a Squip while (not to readers consent) Jeremy’s on opt. nerve blocking. It’ll make sense later.
*bold and italics means it’s the Squip btw*
Word count- I think it was like 2071
Warnings: lil bit of cursing but it’s only like twice, the Squip putting reader in pain, crying, uh that’s it I think... let me know if there more.
-
Loud music blared through huge speakers in the Halloween party you were at- and had no idea why you even bothered to come. You didn’t know many people there. So why come? Oh yeah. The Squip told you too. It drives you insane. I N S A N E. You knew how to get rid of it, but didn’t know where to get a code red Mountain Dew. You’d searched everywhere but made no success. Parties used to give you panic attacks. You had the popular people there, sure. Doesn’t mean you liked them. And you didn’t want to stay either. After forcing the Squip to let you get your way, you were on your way out of the house. On the way you accidentally bumped into someone, who had taken all of your attention.
“I- sorr- oh my god! Jeremy! Where have you been for like the last two weeks??”
“Oh? You’re suddenly paying attention to me? You’ve been ignoring me!”
“I- I have..??”
“It’s called optic nerve blocking. I have been blocking Jeremy from your field of vision. Without your consent, of course.”
“You what???”
“What?”
“Not you Jeremy- Wait—“ you red solo cup in his hand caught your eye.
“Red- Red! Red! Mountain Dew! Code Red Mountain Dew! Do you have any!!?”
“What? No. I know a store that sells it-“
“I need it!”
“No you don’t! I’m helping you!!”
He looked at you like you were crazy and you begged him, tears forming.
“Jeremy please-“ you choked on a sob, “This thing— this voice- I-I- I need it gone! I-I-I’m going insane— plea-pleas—“
“What- What voice?”
“I’ll explain later! Just help me-“
“I- come with me.” He sighed and grabbed your wrist. He tugged you outside and into his car.
“I’ll get you your Mountain Dew. But why have you been ignoring me?”
“I-it it’s not intentional— t-this thing! I- it’s a- a robot— telling me what I need to do-“ tears streamed down your face as it yelled in your head.
“He’s yelling— and he’s not stopping! H-he’s driving me insane— I- it hurts- it got rid of you! I- it said it’s called o-“ you were zapped and you cried even harder.
“Get out of my head!” You yelled and held your head tightly while sobbing.
“I-it’s an opti-optic nerve blocking- it blocks out people— the ones it thinks I don’t need-“
“I’ll be right back-“ he said and threw himself out of the car and into the parking lot. He was off and into a mall while you were sobbing and screaming at yourself telling it shut up.
“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!” You sobbed and the car door flew open.
“Here-“ Jeremy told you and you shot your hand out to grab it. You were zapped and tried to resist the zaps. You took it into your shaky hands and just chugged. And chugged. As much of it as you could. You quickly screwed the cap on before the pain kicked in and held your head, bracing for pain you knew was coming soon. You heard it’s glitching voice and a faint ‘OVERRIDE’ bleeping. The pain kicked in and you sobbed and sobbed and held your head while it felt like you were being hit in the head with a sledgehammer while your brain was being tased. It felt horrible but thankfully it didn’t last that long. When it was gone you were shaking and panting.
“Deep breaths.”
“I-it’s gone— finally—“
“Okay what’s gone?”
“T-th-the the thing! It- it’s a computer- in a pill— it stays in your brain and tells you what to do and how to be the way you want to be. In this case, cool-“
“You need some rest, I’ll take you home.”
“I- I can’t be alone— I’ll have a panic attack.”
“Then I’ll stay with you. I’ll help you try and get your mind off things. Is your basement still in use of video games?”
“Always has been. But I upgraded it. With any money I could get. D- do you still remember my address?” You we’re still shaking but not stuttering as much, the tears still slowly streaming down your face in the moonlight.
“Yeah, your house isn’t that hard to find.” You nodded and put your head back, closing your eyes and trying to breathe normally. He pulled up in your driveway and got out of the driver side. You were just barley shutting the door on your side when he was on your side and helping you walk straight hence you were still shaking. He helped you inside the house and you walked him to the basement which was majorly upgraded. You flicked on the light, which was also connected to all the other machines and things in your basement. So everything else lit up. The basement was decorated with red walls, black carpet, and dark blue couch in front of a huge flat screen Tv. The walls had video game posters and what not on them, with a few neon light fixtures. You also had a vintage Pac-Man game machine that was still in function, that is almost impossible find. You had a mini fridge stuffed with sodas and snacks in one corner of the room. Beside the mini fridge was a bathroom which was literally nothing special at all. Had a shower, sink, toilet, the usual. And a huge dresser that was meant to be stuffed with movie dvds, but instead, you stuffed it with any video game, game controller, and or game console you own. Along with a popcorn machine for popping fresh popcorn beside the mini fridge. You had this room envisioned for years and decided to take any money you had and earn so more, into this basement. Along with trading any gift cards you had with your dad in exchange for money to add to the pile.
“Holy shit!”
“I know! I’m basically broke now but it was worth it. I haven’t been down here in a while since the Squip but... it’s still the same.”
“This is heaven—“
“Like I said.”
“Oh my god-“
“Are we going to just stare at it or actually use it? Because I’ve been desperate to.”
“Use it-“
“You can pick a game.” You made snacks and what not up stairs while starting popcorn in the machine while he dug through your collection. You came down stairs with a selection of snacks and sugar for the night while he was setting up a game. Which to his choice, was GTA.
-three weeks later-
You and Jeremy and Michael, who was at the party but you didn’t see him, had started hanging out again and the hanging out in your basement every night became a routine. Everyday after school they’d instinctively take the bus with you and get off at your stop. They even had a drawer of extra clothes in your dresser upstairs in your bedroom.
When they got over to your house with you after the bus, they went down stairs to pick a game while you stayed upstairs making food in the kitchen. While you were throwing things around trying to move quickly, you spilt a monster that you were drinking(that was probably the reason why you had energy) all over you. You quickly ran upstairs to your room to change. You changed into sweatpants and realized you hadn’t done your laundry in a while. Leaving you with no shirts. You quickly debated on just throwing a jacket on or grabbing something of Michael’s or Jeremy’s. You settled on wearing Jeremy’s clothes since if anything, it’d fit a little better. You threw on a black Pac-man t shirt he had with one of his hoodies. If you were being honest, you had a crush on Jeremy. It wasn’t too big or anything, but it was there. You had told Michael about it and whenever the three of you were in a room alone, he would wink at you or smirk or whatever, from behind Jeremy. The smell of his cologne flooded into your nose which caused you to blush and hug yourself, to hold the huge hoodie tighter. You ran downstairs and to the kitchen again, this time trying to be more careful. You were in the basement soon with the snacks and had them set on the table in front of the couch. You didn’t see Jermey, but assumed he was in the bathroom because you could hear the shower running. He probably got something on himself too. Michael didn’t notice you come down until he turned around and saw you on the couch, scrolling through your phone in Jeremy’s clothes.
“Looky looky. Already stealing his clothes.”
“In my defense, I haven’t done my laundry and I spilt a monster on me so I had to resort to your guys’s stuff. I chose his because his clothes would most likely fit me better than yours.
“Mhm.. sure.” You scoffed and looked back down at your phone. Michael sat down on a bean bag that was between the couch and Tv, slurping on a slushee. You heard the bathroom door open, causing you to look up and see Jeremy. Who was wearing the same sweatpants as before, and the same blue hoodie. But with wet hair. When his eyes met yours he looked you up and down. He approached you rather quickly and collided with the couch and was now in front of you.
“Are you wearing my hoodie??”
“Yeah.. I spilt a monster on me and I haven’t done my laundry in a while so I just resorted to taking your stuff. Which is super comfy, by the way. Michael’s would’ve been too big.”
“Yeah no- I know it is. Because it’s mine. It- it looks good on you..” you blushed a dark red and slightly smiled. You could practically hear Michael’s smirk. Before you could say anything, Michael took it upon himself to LEAVE.
“I think I left my phone upstairs.. I’ll be back.” You felt yourself start to panic while he got up, and was gone in a second. You, unknowingly, were lost in his eyes with big heart eyes. Which he was doing the same. Which of course, he didn’t know either. Before you could say or do anything, he cupped your cheek and pinned you to the couch, him on top of you, his lips planted on yours. It took a split second to react but you were soon kissing him back and it was probably the best thing to happen to you, besides him actually returning in your life in the first place.
“Woah—“ you mumbled once you’d both pulled away. He didn’t say anything but look into your eyes and flash you a small smile. He sat up, no longer pinning you down, and picked up a controller.
“Sorry, I was just desperate to do that.”
“Y-n- d- don’t be s-sorry. It’s- Fine—“ you sat up and reached for a controller, a deep blush covering your face. Throughout the game your mind was off in another world and you lost to Jeremy every time, which wasn’t normal. Michael was back in the room and sitting in front of you on the beanbag.
“You suck today, y/n.” Michael laughed and you shook your head.
“I- I wouldn’t if my mind was clear—“
“Will this help-“ Jeremy dropped the remote and dove over to press his lip to yours.
“I don’t think t-“ you were cut off by his lips on yours once again, this kiss even more intense and deeper than the last one. Your hands were up in his messy hair, slightly pulling at his head. One of his hands were low on your waist, holding you up to his waist while his other was holding your head. After you both had eventually pulled away he had a smile and so did you, along with a bright red face.
“I-“ Michael started clapping slowly and laughed.
“It’s about time this happened. It literally killed me every time I saw you two together because holy shit-“
“Michael, shut up.” Jeremy told him and you laughed.
“I’m just saying! So are you guys like dating now or what?” You looked back up at Jermey and gave him a questioning look.
“I don’t know, are we?”
“Only to your consent, of course.”
“Then you have it.”
“Wait really??”
“Yeah,”
“I- uh- awesome!” You laughed and pressed your lips to his.
“Your such a nerd.”
42 notes · View notes
chewing-scum · 6 years
Text
Best Served Cold
Summary: Deceit comes to realize that perhaps those with insomnia have the right idea.
Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472104
Warnings: Rape, violence, blood, the R slur
Silence reigned over the mindscape, only interrupted by the noise of the AC.
It would be interrupted as well by the soft creaking of the stairs- the kind only caused by pressure, that is- but Remy had long known how to avoid the ever-so-slightly weaker parts of the steps.
Armed with that knowledge, he easily slipped up into the hallway, moving intently towards the completely black door at the end of the hall, gold knob, all topped off with a snake decal that seems to glimmer in the low light.
Remy’s hand landed on the knob and he twisted slowly, cautious- it wasn’t locked. Ha. Of course. Too easy.
He easily slips into the room, shutting the door behind himself and locking it with a soft ‘click’.
There’s more light here- a soft glow that emanates from the strings of fairy lights across the headboard of Deceit’s bed- as well as hanging from the two opposing walls. The digital clock on the side-table reads a bright red 4:13.
Remy slowly takes in the room, scanning the floor to make sure there’s nothing to trip on. Nothing. Though, in the corner, a snake is curled up on the desk, seemingly asleep. That’s a slight kink in the plan, but Remy has a few ideas for making sure the reptile doesn’t wake.
He grins to himself as he slinks across the room, stopping at the side of the bed, his eyes raking down his conquests utterly relaxed form. Good.
Deceit is deep asleep, stretched out on his back, wearing nothing but a sweater and snake-patterned boxers. Remy chuckles under his breath, trailing one hand along Deceit’s thigh, his other hand coming to cup his own half-hard cock through his jeans.
Deceit twitches in his sleep, lips quirking into a slight smile, and Remy huffs another chuckle. ‘Right. You’re ticklish.’
Remy looks up to the fairy lights briefly as he settles a knee onto the bed. Huh. Stars.
Remy turns his gaze down to Deceit, cupping the side of his face, thumb stroking at the edge of his lips.
‘How cute.’ Remy muses aloud, eagerly licking his lips.
Then he’s shifting, sliding down the bed, spreading Deceit’s legs and easily settling between them in one fluid motion.
Remy briefly rakes his eyes over Deceit’s form once more, and with a quick snap of his fingers the Dark Side’s clothes are gone.
Remy smirked, ignoring the way Deceit shifted slightly.
He looks good with some meat on his bones, Remy muses to himself as he reaches to unzip his jeans.
-
Virgil frowns, pushing open Deceit’s door. ‘Dee?’
He slowly steps into the room, frown deepening slightly as he looks to the bed. It’s empty, the blankets on the floor, sheets mussed and only one of the pillows on the bed itself. Scout sits abandoned amidst the blankets, and Virgil absently picks him up, smoothing down his fur before setting him back on the bed.
He finally looks over to the bathroom, where Lionel is curled up in a ball, staring at the knob. Strange- the python normally curls up in Deceit’s bed while said Side is gone from the room.
The sound of the shower is loud behind the bathroom door- just as it was nearly an hour ago. With that thought, Virgil drifts over, shifting around Lionel and gently rapping his knuckles against the wood of the door.
‘Dee? Are you alright?’ He only raises his voice as much as he has to, hand hesitantly falling to the doorknob.
No response.
Virgil calls again, and once more, there’s no response. He frowns, anxiety steadily rising as he twists the knob. Locked.
‘Dee? Unlock the door?’ No response.
Virgil hates to enter without permission, but this isn’t normal- the bed, Lionel, and the fact that the shower’s been going for an hour. Virgil lived with Deceit since the other Side was created, he knows Deceit doesn’t take hour-long showers- as opposed to Roman.
Virgil doesn’t debate any longer, snapping his fingers, and it only takes a moment before he hears the lock click. He pushes open the door, wincing slightly when he’s met with a thick cloud of steam. Another snap of his fingers, and it’s gone, allowing him his God-given right of clear eyesight once more.
At the cleared air, he steps into the room, eyes scanning the area before falling to the bathtub.
Deceit is curled into a tight ball, arms around his legs, holding them close to his chest, face buried into his knees. He’s shaking horribly, skin an irritated red- Virgil assumes from the water. (Well, that, and scrubbing his skin raw, but.)
Virgil’s eyes widen briefly, and he freezes for a moment before jumping into action, like a rational human or something.
He shuts the door behind himself- making sure Lionel can’t come in and get in the way. The anxious Side is kneeling by the tub within a second, leaning over to quickly turn off the water, not noting or caring that the water splashes onto the arm of his hoodie.
Deceit’s head jolts up at the change, and he looks at Virgil with wide, scared eyes. It’s a look Virgil hasn’t seen on him in a long time, and one he hasn’t missed in the slightest, evidence by the way panic coils in his stomach, chills cascading down his spine.
‘Deceit, Dee, sunbeam, it’s me, it’s me, what- come on, come on.’ Virgil’s rambling that little bit as he slips out of his hoodie, draping it over Deceit’s shoulders and guiding the younger Side to his feet with little difficulty. Deceit is quick to cling to him then, hiding his face in Virgil’s neck the second he can.
Deceit weeps inaudibly against his skin, only noticeable by his hitching breath and little gasps- it occurs to Virgil briefly that the other Side’s shaking wasn’t only fear, and somehow, it makes it that much worse.
Virgil snaps his fingers for the last time, drying Deceit off and clothing him in the same motion. Deceit pays no mind, allowing Virgil to sink to the floor with him, the cool tile a relief against his skin- despite the fact that it’s not actually against his skin.
Virgil’s hand strokes through his hair, the other rubbing his back while the older Side murmurs endearments and reassurances, tone soft; a welcome change after the pounding shower and Deceit’s own sobs.
Deceit doesn’t feel calm by the time his tears dwindle into weak sniffles and hiccups. He doesn’t feel reassured, or like everything’s okay, or going to be okay for that matter. But he does feel safe- he always feels safe with Virgil.
‘What happened, treasure?’ Virgil rocks Deceit the smallest bit, hand still smoothing through the other’s hair, concern lacing his voice.
Deceit shivers at the question, the hair on the back of his neck rising.
Hands, he’d woken up to hands travelling his body, legs forced apart and a blunt, potent discomfort-
He curls further into Virgil, shaking hands grasping onto the anxious Side’s shirt.
The stench of cheap booze and cigarette smoke, invading his lungs and leaving him coughing, alerting Him that he was awake-
‘I- I-’ Deceit gasps for air, phantoms of those scents invading his noise before he turns his face into Virgil’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of the other Side that clings to his shirt.
Virgil doesn’t question again for the moment, instead opting to rock him, hushing him, and Deceit takes in a trembling breath. He doesn’t have to answer; he knows that. That doesn’t mean he won’t, though.
‘H-He, he, he c-came into mm-my r-room- c-c-couldn’t- didn’t- d-didn’t wake u-up until- t-til- til he w-wasss a-already- already- I-I- tr-tried to ffffight- h-he t-tied my hh-handsss-’ Deceit screws his eyes shut, swallowing thickly over the lump in his throat, ‘L-left at- at s-s-sssssix.’
Virgil’s gone still now, near tense against Deceit. He’s just misinterpreting, it’s not- no, that didn’t happen, no, it didn’t, it was just his mind jumping to the worst case scenario, nothing more, nothing more.
‘Dee, i’m sorry but...what do you mean?’ Virgil doesn’t want to ask, and the words seem thick on his tongue.
When he finally left all Deceit could do was curl up into a ball and weep, shaking horribly, skin sticky and release leaking out of him, staining the sheets, the scent of cigarettes and cheap whiskey still tainting the room.
Deceit swallows thickly, nails digging harder into the fabric of Virgil’s shirt.
‘H-he...he t-t...touched m-me,’ Deceit’s stomach turns, ‘A-and...and he...’
He fear if he continues he’ll throw up- not that there’s anything left in his stomach, as he’d done the exact same thing multiple times when he’d finally fled the bed, finding the lingering scent too much, nearly going into hysterics.
Deceit doesn’t have to finish the sentence- Virgil connects the dots. That being said, no single part of him wants to believe what he’s hearing, but he knows when Deceit’s lying- he’s not now. On that note, why would he be?
‘Dee, who?’ Virgil’s trying his best to sound calm, soothing, but Deceit can hear the fury in the older Side’s voice, and he winces slightly.
‘R-R-R-R-’ Deceit can’t manage to force the name past his lips- it chokes him, leaves him shaking that much more, but Virgil easily connects the dots once again.
‘Remy?’ Virgil’s tone is strained, and Deceit can only manage a nod. It’s enough.
Virgil twitches against him, and Deceit briefly fears he’s going to leave right then in a rage, or call bullshit- but all he does is nod, pressing a kiss to Deceit’s head.
‘Alright. I’ll take care of it, Dee, I promise, okay? I’m gonna keep you safe.’ Deceit lets out a breath he wasn’t really aware he’d been holding. He knows once Virgil leaves he’s not going to feel as safe as he does now, but he just allows himself to accept the contact and try to ignore the overwhelming feeling that his body is no longer his own.
-
Virgil knows he should tell the others what happened outside of sternly dragging Roman aside and ordering him to stay with Deceit while Virgil ‘takes care of something’. Roman confusedly agrees, even more confused by the added, ‘I mean it, do not leave him alone’, but agreeing nonetheless.
He knows.
But as it is, he’s storming down the hall to Remy’s room, dagger clutched in his hand, blood rushing in his ears. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s going to do- all he knows is he can’t kill the fucker. Sadly.
He knocks harshly on the door with his free hand, steadying himself in the moment it takes for a response. He slides his dagger into his pocket.
10 seconds pass- Virgil knows, he’s counting to try and keep his breath-, and then the door swings open.
‘Gurl, I swear you better ha-’ Remy is cut off when arm wraps around his neck, a hand covering his mouth as Virgil backs the figment into his room, kicking the door shut.
He lets go of Remy long enough to reach back and lock it, and Remy gasps for breath, glaring.at Virgil.
‘What the hell Virgil?!’ Remy practically snarls, straightening up quickly and smoothing out his shirt, wiping at his mouth exaggeratedly, scrabbling for his usual prideful aura. He’s not dressed in his normal tacky get-up- Virgil woke him up, then. Not that said Dark Side cared in the slightest.
Virgil thought he’d have a taste to talk, to tell Remy exactly what he’s going to do lest he face the consequences, but just looking at the figment, acting as though he’s done nothing wrong, leaves Virgil seeing red.
He slides his dagger out of his pocket before he can think about it, lifting it and pointing it right at Remy’s chest, eyes dark and movements sharp. Remy loses his confidence quite fast- nothing short of what Virgil expected, to be honest- going completely still, fighting a flinch, his eyes lowering to the weapon before returning to Virgil’s cold gaze.
‘Agaaaiinnn,’ There’s the vaguest tinge of fear to his tone, and it’s almost satisfying. Almost. But it’s drowned by the arrogance still very much present, the whiny quality to the other’s voice.
‘What’s your damage, retard?’ Remy snaps at him, but Virgil recognizes the terror in his eyes- good thing those stupid fucking shades were left lying on the nightstand.
‘I can’t believe you,’ Virgil’s voice is quieter than he’d meant, but he quickly raises it, ‘I- I mean, I knew you were a dirtbag, we all knew that, but to, to- to do that to Dee?’ Virgil practically spits the last part, hands shaking slightly with barely restrained fury.
Remy pauses at the words, processing them almost, and then slowly, he chuckles.
‘Oh- honey.’ Remy laughs, and Virgil physically feels his blood boil, ‘That’s what this is about? Sweetie, he’s deceit, he lies, that’s what he does. He knows he wanted it.’
Virgil growls, biting his lip so hard he feels blood sting his tongue.
He shifts, jerking the dagger forward and dragging, hard enough to cut straight through the fabric of Remy’s shirt, piercing his skin and leaving a red line in its wake, little droplets of blood sliding down the trail.
Remy stiffens, hissing at the pain, simultaneously jolting back and moving forward to grab the dagger. But Virgil is faster- not to mention he anticipated it.
The anxious Side quickly moves forward, grabbing Remy’s shoulder in a vice grip and yanking him forward, pressing him up against the line of Virgil’s body, plunging the blade into the figment without a second thought, just below his navel.
Remy is perfectly still as he cries out, hands grasping at the handle. Virgil smirks grimly- Remy is too wracked with pain to actually be able to pull at the dagger with any force.
Virgil stays that way for a long 5 seconds before pulling back slowly, dragging down purposefully for the ridges to catch, relishing in Remy’s twitches and little pained squeaks and yelps.
Virgil steps back, briefly glancing down to where blood stains his shirt- Deceit still has his hoodie.
Remy is clutching at the wound, blood seeping past his fingers, and it’s such a satisfying sight Virgil is sure he’ll remember it to the day he dies. But he’s not done quite yet.
He extends his arm, curving the dagger harshly over Remy’s shoulder, easily slicing through the figments shirt and into his skin. When Virgil pulls it back, he hums at the nasty-looking cut left behind, blood soaking into the white of Remy’s shirt.
Virgil watches it for a moment, burning the sight into his mind just like the first, before he meets Remy’s slightly glazed, though fearful, eyes, watching impassively as he sinks to his knees.
‘You...’ The word drips with poison and Remy winces, ‘Are going to leave. I couldn’t give any less of a fuck where you go, but you don’t belong here, or with the other Dark Sides. If I find out you went there, i’ll do far, far worse than i’ve just done- this was me being extremely merciful.’
Virgil briefly pauses, ‘Not that you deserve that.’
He impatiently waits for a reply, and when he doesn’t get one, he digs the dagger at the bleeding cut on Remy’s shoulder. Remy flinches harshly, nodding, not speaking- for once.
Virgil nods.
‘Good. The second I step out of this room, I want to see you, and this door gone.’ Virgil waits for another nod, and when he gets it, he turns on his heel, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.
It takes a solid 15 seconds, and Virgil waits anxiously, but after a moment, the door sinks level with the wall, melting away until there’s nothing left but a solid expanse of wall.
Virgil holds a breath for a long moment before sighing, looking down at the red-stained dagger in his hand, and then his equally stained shirt. Now, the only evidence Remy had even been there.
Well, that, and...
Virgil fights not to curl his lip, snapping the dagger away as he turns and strides down the hall, intent to explain exactly what their no-longer-resident dirtbag had done.
Virgil pauses at the stairs, hand landing on the banister.
After checking on Deceit.
Yeah.
79 notes · View notes
georgies-boat · 6 years
Text
Heartbreaker {Part 2B} // Bill Denbrough}
Word Count: 1155
Summary- Best friends keep secrets too. They could be breaking inside, and you wouldn't even know.
Warnings; N/A
A/n; This is the angsty ending! Enjoy! The happy one will be linked in this post, as well as part 1!
Requested; Yeah, kinda!
Part 1 | Part 2A (Happy)
-
They said time healed wounds.
They said it wouldn't hurt anymore.
They lied.
Because it hurt even more than it did before. You hurt in a way you never imagined you could.
Every day that passed since that day at the Quarry, when you said goodbye to Bev, one by one, the Loser’s Club fell apart. Richie and Eddie broke off from the group, but they were still best friends. You saw them walking around from time to time down the streets of Derry. Stan had joined the academic decathlon and debate teams, and had made friends with the smarter and nerdy crowd. Ben and Mike had also drifted apart, you assumed they bonded over being the later comers in the group, and now talked daily. Or so you assumed. You didn't actually know.
Unfortunately, that's not the worst part.
After Beverly left, Bill slowly began to shut you out. Once school started things got exceptionally worse. He stopped talking to you altogether. If you thought seeing him and Beverly together was painful, you weren't ready for the feeling that overwhelmed you when you lost not only Beverly, which was already hard on you, you lost every other friend you had as well. It was the worst you'd ever felt, and you were certain it was the worst you'd ever feel.
The days went by, days quickly turning to weeks, and weeks turning to months. Not a single word from Bill. Not even a sound. Not even a stutter.
You were alone, to put it shortly. Everyone you'd known and loved, everyone who meant something to you, left. You had no one, and you wanted nothing more than to leave Derry. Leave behind the pain and haunting memories of your past. So you took it to your parents. The idea wasn't exactly out of the blue; the three of you had been debating it for awhile. “Mom, Dad..” You started nervously, gaining their attention. “I think it's time we leave Derry.”
Timeskip- 2 weeks later
Bill walked sadly down the street, towards the place he'd been unintentionally avoiding. Your house. He'd only recently realized, after 5 months, how much he missed you, and how much he'd neglected you in the past few months. He couldn't believe himself; how had he managed to not only let go of Beverly, but you too? He should've gone to you, confided in you, but he was stupid, selfish. He wanted to shut everyone out. Bill now, crystal clearly, saw how stupid he was.
He knocked on your door twice. “I'll get it!” You called to your parents, who'd been packing the living room furniture up. You'd decided to move as soon as possible. You opened the door, but your expression turned to one of confusion as you saw Bill standing there, scratching his neck awkwardly. “H-H-Hey, Y-Y/N..” He said, smiling slightly. You didn't smile back.
“Can I help you?” You asked, rather rudely. You missed Bill dearly, but you were hurt. How could he just shut you out for all that time? Did you really mean that much to him? Bill was obviously taken aback by your tone. “I j-j-just w-want t-to say s-so-sor-sorry, y-you k-know, for ig-ignoring you.” “You're sorry?” You asked, ludicrously. Surely he was joking.
He looked completely confused. “Y-yeah?” “Wow. You think you can just come right back in here, smiling and apologizing, and everything would be fine?” You asked, and Bill audibly gulped, nervously. He opened his mouth to reply, probably stutter out a “yeah”, but chose to keep quiet and opted for closing his mouth instead. “Unbelievable.” You huffed, crossing your arms and shaking your head in disbelief at his behaviour.
“For 5 months, you completely ignored me, no late night conversations, no last minute homework dates, not a single word. You didn't even spare me a glance. 5 MONTHS, Bill.” You said, your eyes bleeding with tears. You held them back. “Do you know how much that hurt, Bill? I get you lost Beverly, but you're not the only one. I lost my best friend, Bill, and you should've been there for me, just like I was always there for you, but no. I didn't just lose one of my best friends. I lost both of my best friends.” You said, angrily.
Bill was speechless. He thought you'd be upset, he braced himself to be yelled at, but he couldn't have prepared himself for that. “Y-Y/N..” He stuttered, unsure of what to say. You both knew there wasn't anything he could say. “The others left me too, you know. After you disappeared, the rest of the group fell apart. One by one. I've been all alone for months.” You finished, your voice cracking. You waited quietly to see if Bill would speak. He didn't, only averted his gaze to the ground.
“It doesn't matter anyway, though. I'm leaving Derry. Tomorrow.” Bill’s head snapped up, eyes blown wide. “W-what?” He stuttered, and you sighed. “I'm moving. Tomorrow. And I'm not planning on coming back.” You said, determinedly, and trying not to cry in front of him, because honestly, every word you spoke was shattering your heart, bit by bit. “B-B-But w-what a-a-ab-about our p-prom-promise?” Bill asked, his face showing all the pain you'd felt over the past few months.
“I'll come back for that; but sure as hell, not for you.” You said. You were done with Bill. Yes, you were madly in love with him, but he obviously didn't feel the same, and he'd broken your heart, without knowing he did. “Y-Y-You d-don't mean th-that..” He said quietly, hurt evident in his voice. “Yes, I do Bill. For years, I've loved you, and watched you love someone else. I settled for being your friend; but you wouldn't even give me that. I'm leaving, and I'm not looking back. Hell, I don't even know where we're going. I just know it's far away from here.” At this point, Bill was crying, but you refused to cry in front of him.
“I-I'll m-miss y-y-you.” He managed, and you shook your head. “Will you?” He opened his mouth to answer, but you cut him off. “If you really cared, you would've been here. I wouldn't be leaving. It's your fault.” He looked down, ashamed. “Goodbye, Bill.” You said, shutting the door slowly. “Goodbye, Y/N.” Was all you heard, before the door clicked shut, and his tear stained face was gone from your view.
Both of you broke down, backs pressed against the door separating the two of you; the once inseparable best friends, saying goodbye one last time. You leaned back against the door, tears freely running down your face. Bill sat on the opposite side of the door, tears sliding freely down his face too. “I love you.” You both whispered, in sync. Of course, you'd never know that was said by each other.
Because that was the last time you ever saw Bill Denbrough.
233 notes · View notes
pupsung · 7 years
Note
*INTERNAL SCREAMS* YEEE ok YA . Could I request maybe a saeyoung x mc and saeran fic where Saeyoung has fallen into one of his depresed moments and needs chering up!
you can read on ao3 here if you prefer!
Word Count: 2,228
It wasn’t unusual for Saeyoung to lock himself away for a few hoursat a time so he could focus on his work. That left you and Saeran alone, and atfirst it was horrendously awkward because you barely knew each other. You triedto make small talk, but he often replied with one-word answers, or just didn’trespond at all. Quite regularly he would leave the room altogether,opting for his own bedroom which was quieter and safer – not to mention farless awkward and stressful.
But, gradually, he felt himself growing a little more comfortablearound you. He was still saturated with self-loathing and now possessedcountless nervous tics he had developed since getting out of the hospital, butit quickly became clear you didn’t mind his irritating habits which helped withhis anxiety.
He found you endlessly fascinating. How could someone be soforgiving? How could someone forget all that he’d done? How could someone act as though they cared about him? Itdidn’t feel possible.
It seemed genuine, though. You didn’t seem to be acting. You seemedentirely at ease around him, which he reluctantly admitted to himself wasrather comforting. He found himself staying in the room with you for increasinglylonger periods of time, and his answers getting less short and snappy. He stillnever initiated conversation, but he didn’t outright ignore it anymore.Admittedly, it was easier with Saeyoung there too, but he was starting to dreadthese quiet moments less and less.
As was usual for a Thursday evening at 6pm, Saeyoung had been lockedaway working for the past 4 hours, which left you and Saeran sat in the livingroom. He was absently staring at the TV screen while lost in his own thoughts,and you were sat on the other end of the sofa reading a book. That was onething he liked about you, actually. You always knew to give him personal space,and never crowded him. You seemed to know that intense, prolonged contact withpeople, physical or otherwise, set him on edge.
Saeyoung usually returned at around 9pm, whether he’d finished hiswork or not. He made the excuse that he just couldn’t bear to be away from his baby brother and hot ass girlfriend fortoo long, which always made Saeran roll his eyes and grumble.
It wasn’t long before you got up and headed into the kitchen, returninga little while later with two bowls of soup, one of which you placed on thetable in front of Saeran.
“Sorry it isn’t much. We need to go grocery shopping soon,” you apologised,and Saeran gave a small nod by way of thanks. He wasn’t particularly hungryanyway.
Once you’d both finished, you collected Saeran’s bowl and headedback into the kitchen to wash up. Saeran glanced at the clock. It was nearing7pm, so would only be a few more hours until Saeyoung returned.
Not that he cared, of course.
His phone started buzzing, and he checked it to see notificationsfrom the RFA chatroom. He still wasn’t used to being a member of theorganisation he’d tried so hard to destroy, and he very rarely botheredchecking the messenger, let alone talking on it. He didn’t turn thenotifications off, though. For some reason, the near-constant buzzing soothedhim.
He continued ‘watching’ TV and you continued reading as the hands ofthe clock crawled around its face. Eventually, it hit 9, which meant Saeyoungwould be out at any moment now.
But the hands kept moving and you both kept waiting.
Once it hit 9:15, he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye,but you didn’t seem too concerned.
Once it hit 9:30, he noticed you looking up at the clock too.
Once it hit 9:45, Saeran couldn’t handle it anymore.
“Where is he?”
You looked up, a hint of surprise on your face. “I don’t know.”
You looked thoughtful, and he noticed your eyebrows pulling togetherslightly in worry. It wasn’t unusual for him to be a few minutes late, but thiswas out of character.
“Maybe we should check?” you suggested. Saeran stared at you for amoment.
“Maybe,” he said by way of agreement. You closed your book and stoodup, and Saeran followed suit as you led the way to the door of Saeyoung’s room.You leaned closer to the door to see if you could hear anything from inside,and from the way you frowned Saeran could tell you couldn’t.
“Not even typing?” he asked quietly. You shook your head.
“Nothing.” You held up your fist hesitantly for a moment beforetapping gently on the door twice. “Saeyoung?”
No answer.
Saeran leaned closer to the door too, pressing his ear against itfor a moment before pulling away when he was met with silence. He reached forthe doorknob, ready to yank the door open but he felt your hand grab his wristgently. He looked at you incredulously.
“He’s not answering,” Saeran told you. The look in his eyes told youeverything you needed to know.
Saeran had always been scared of abandonment, and he was about topanic if he didn’t see Saeyoung soon.
You nodded wordlessly and let go of his wrist, and Saeran pushed thedoor open.
Neither of you were sure what you’d been expecting, but it wasn’tthis. Saeyoung was sitting there, staring at his computer screen. It wasn’t somuch what he was doing, but rather theatmosphere of the room. He was so completely still, he could have been astatue. His fingers were hovering over the computer keyboard, and when youlooked more closely you could see that they were the only part of him that wasmoving… they were shaking.
You and Saeran glanced at each other for a second, exchanging ameaningful look before you both slowly approached him in his chair.
“Saeyoung…?” you said his name softly as you reached him, standingeither side of the chair, but he didn’t respond. He wasn’t even blinking. Only hishands were shaking. It was as though he was in some kind of trance. Saeran sawyou gulp and look up at him, and you locked eyes for a moment as he saw yourface flood with worry. His brain was surprisingly numb, and he wasn’t sure whatto do. He folded his arms in an attempt to stop himself from falling apart, orto defend himself in case this turned out to be some kind of prank.
You slowly reached your hand out, and it hovered over Saeyoung’sshoulder for a moment before you gently lowered it to touch him.
As soon as you made contact, he jumped so much he left his seat andhis head snapped round to look at you. His breath was coming out in raspingpants and his entire body started shaking as you pulled your hand away, a lookof shock in your face.
“Saeyoung, what the fuck is going on?” Saeran blurted out, andSaeyoung spun round to face him instead.
“Saeran,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. The look in his eyes wasfull of such sadness and guilt that Saeran could practically feel it spillingfrom his pores and clogging up the room. Suddenly, Saeran felt Saeyoung grabhold of his arm and jerk him closer, forcing him to unfold them from his chest,“I-I’m so s-sorry.”
“What the fuck is this?” Saeran attempted to sound harsh, but hisvoice came out desperate. What was his brother doing?
Tears started spilling down Saeyoung’s face and he dropped Saeran’sarm, standing up so fast he sent his chair flying across the room. He clutchedhis head in his hands, tugging at his hair. You quickly placed a hand on hisback and leaned forwards, trying to pull one of his hands away from his hair.
“Saeyoung, listen, come with me,” you told him. Saeran looked at youquestioningly, and you just tilted your head to point to the door.
You successfully managed to pull one of his hands from his hair andnodded your head to gesture for Saeran to do the same with his other hand. Hedidn’t even hesitate, immediately grasping hold of his twin’s wrist and usinghis other hand to pry his fingers from his hair. The two of you led Saeyoungout into the living room, which wasn’t easy because of how badly he was shakingand sobbing. Saeran could feel the panic bubbling in his chest, but he pushedit down. He needed to help Saeyoung. That’s all that mattered right now.
Eventually, you reached the sofa and helped him down to sit on it,not letting go of his hands as you both crouched in front of him. You placed agentle hand on his knee.
“Saeyoung, what-” you were interrupted by Saeyoung violently shakingand jerking his head repeatedly until his glasses flew off his face and landedsomewhere on the sofa. He had a death grip on both of your hands.
“I’m n-not worth anything,”he sobbed, his words barely comprehensible through the guttural sobs, “NothingI’ve ever d-done has been good. Id-don’t want to be like this an-anymore.”
You and Saeran looked at each other, fear on both your faces.
“I c-can’t keep living like this. I don’t deserve anything y-you’veever done for me. I’m so disgusting, a mess, I can’t fucking live like this.”
“Saeyoung-” you tried to get a word in edgeways, but he interrupted.
“Don’t say my fucking name like that!” he all but screamed, but hisdeath grip on both your hands tightened even further, “Just leave! Both of you just leave!” His head shot up and he lookeddirectly at Saeran, “Leave me like I left you. Just fucking do it! I deserve to be hurt.” His eyesswitched to look at you, “Hate me. Say you don’t love me. Tell me none of itever fucking mattered, like I did toyou.”
“I’ll never l-leave you,” you stammered, trying to stop yourselffrom crying.
“That just makes it worse!”he yelled, sobbing hysterically, “I should just die.”
Saeran wasn’t entirely sure what brought him to do it, but as soonas the words were out his mouth he yanked his hand from Saeyoung’s and threwhis arms around his shoulders, pulling him down into a hug.
“Don’t fucking say that,” Saeran growled, his voice thick with tearshe hadn’t noticed were falling down his cheeks, “Don’t ever fucking say that.”
Saeyoung’s body shook and he buried his head into his brother’sshoulder, soaking through his shirt, but Saeran didn’t care. He was filled withthousands of conflicting emotions he couldn’t place, and hugged his twin tighterto him, suddenly needing to be closer. You grasped Saeyoung’s hand in both ofyours and leaned forwards, pressing your forehead against his knee as you criedsilently, stroking his knuckles with your fingers, occasionally pulling hishand to your lips to kiss his skin gently.
Saeran could feel Saeyoung gripping hold of the back of his shirt inhis fist.
Saeyoung was shaking and his body was jerking, but he was graduallycalming down. Saeran didn’t know whether to rub his back or do somethingsoothing like you were, but he stuck to just holding him close.
Eventually, Saeyoung let out a shaky sigh, which sounded somewhatfinal, and so Saeran pulled back, gripping his shoulders in his hands andstaring into his eyes. He looked exhausted.
“I’m sorry,” Saeyoung whispered, his voice hoarse. Saeran just shookhis head in denial. He didn’t understand why he was apologising.
Saeyoung broke eye contact and turned his head to look at you as youlifted your head from his knee. He squeezed your hand and gave you a shakysmile.
“I’m an idiot,” he said, attempting a joking tone, but it came outflat. You let out a small, slightly hysterical laugh.
“What happened?” Saeran asked.
“I… I don’t know,” Saeyoung shook his head, “I just realised… howworthless I am… I don’t know.”
“You’re not worthless,” you told him, “You never have been and younever will be. Not to me.”
“I-” he began, but Saeran interrupted.
“Or me.”
Saeyoung looked at him wide-eyed. “I thought you hated me.”
“I… no,” Saeran admitted, breaking eye contact, dropping his handsfrom Saeyoung’s shoulders and starting to pick at his nails, “I just think you’rean idiot sometimes.”
“Right,” Saeyoung let out a small laugh.
“But I know you’re trying,” Saeran continued. He knew if he didn’tsay this now, he probably never would. In all honesty, he hadn’t realised muchof it himself until the moment he’d watched Saeyoung break to pieces in frontof him, “And I know you care. And… as annoying as you are, I don’t… I don’twant you to think I hate you.”
There was a long pause, until Saeyoung eventually rasped, “Thankyou.”
It was small, but it was enough. Saeran felt his emotions closing upagain, but that didn’t undo the fact that Saeyoung had somehow manage to burstthem wide open and leave a hole in the walls he’d built around himself. He washit with a sudden realisation.
Saeyoung needed him just as much as he needed Saeyoung.
And both of them needed you.
68 notes · View notes