#trying to change my life for the better

[shorthaltsjester]

the mighty nein - critical role

this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.

#also with softer vibes. i offer They #every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit #the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family #also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9. #when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them #i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake. #the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor. #a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp #also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees. #the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay. #ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video. #crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives #as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes. #and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met. #rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed #posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc. #general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts #which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth. #critical role #the mighty nein #cr2 #caleb widogast #caduceus clay #jester lavorre #fjord #veth brenatto #yasha nydoorin #beauregard lionett #mollymauk tealeaf #my posts

[popponn]

it was not quite like a rot.

it felt just as slow, however. you knew the early signs should have been there since some time ago, yet you missed them and ignored them. it was also similar in the way that it was similar to dying.

but, it really was different.

when you saw a rot, it felt unpleasant. it could be sadness, it might be disgust. in this tale, you didn't exactly feel like that. when you realized it, you barely felt recognition for it.

when you realized you fell out of love with him, you merely stared emptily at the photo in front of you.

it felt cruel. because somewhere inside you, you still believed that he deserved a gentle, tender moment in his life after everything. you still wish that he would know a kindness that he understood enough to soothe every bitter unhappiness that was left inside there. because he, you know more than anyone, had tried his best to be gentle, to be good for you.

you knew it in the way he etched your name on his tongue, in the way he had softened many rough parts of him just to see you smile, and yet—

as the clouds continued to move, unveiling the blue sky, you knew that your time as "his" had come to an end. that day was peaceful. the sky and the world continued to move.

the night came and you decided to put an end to a story. seven hundred and fifty two days had passed, calmly and almost coldly, you offered him a quiet smile.

"hey, can we talk for bit?"

SAE, RIN, BAROU, reo, kaiser, WANDERER, DILUC, LEONA, azul, RIDDLE, malleus, IDIA, ruggie + your faves.

#“you change when you love when you are loved. what happen after that love fades?” #that was sort of the tragedy that is on my mind. like wow love make life gets better and take place. which mean it will left a trace #in either a hole or a speck. i think that was what “note me” think when writing this. aka thoughts and prayer for all the guys involved her #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #sae x reader #rin x reader #wanderer x reader #genshin x reader #leona x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #idia x reader #genshin angst #bllk angst #twst angst #bllk imagines #twst imagines #genshin imagines #okay yeah trying new format good night everyone #drabbles #blurbs #in a way

[wasyago]

Penitence

@silverskye13

#:')👍 #his hair is a mess and his life is too. this is funny because its true #<- this was the alternative caption but i went with the chapters name instead #tanguish lost his spiky spines unfortunately because i forgot them originally and then didn't want to change the pose to fit them😔 #also congrats me i only cried once while drawing! its hard to cry when you're trying to render a shirt #uhhh. wanted to say something else but i can't remember what...... #oh well #redstone and skulk #helsknight #tanguish #my art #yago but better

[larapaulussen]

#trying to get better at after effects #spring #blossoms #gif #animation #fading #I don’t even dare to have dreams anymore #every single spring of my life i spent completly alone #and this will never change #i am only good enough for winter

[botlabyrinth]

the percy jackson tv show is actually great when there isn’t a little shit in your ear telling you it’s not “book accurate”

#it’s book accurate enough FOR ME #god can we just try to enjoy something for once #it’s an ADAPTATION. it is not gonna be copy and pasted from the books #but they have the tone and the humor and the CHARACTERS and the themes right #isn’t that what really matters? #and some of yall are acting like they changed the entire plot when really it’s just small changes that service the tv format #and deepen character relationships and interactions #seeing book fans say the movies are better is the most absurd thing i’ve heard in my life… like did we watch the same movies #every single thing the show does wrong is still light years better than every single thing the movies got right #can’t we just enjoy that please #can you tell i’m sick of the nitpicking😭 #anyways maybe try to have fun for once in ur life idk #also ur allowed to have constructive criticism that’s so valid. or criticism at all #ofc u should critique the media u enjoy #but saying it’s not a good adaptation is kinda crazy to me idk #when it’s so clear how much thought was put in by the creators and cast to get it right this time #pjo tv #pjo tv show #pjotv #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo spoilers #percy jackon and the olympians #ruch rambles #sorry to hide all that in the tags but it feels very angry and i don’t want to be mean😭 i have the crit tag filtered for a reason lol #i’m choosing joy #but i just wanted to put these thoughts out there

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm. im not very big on new years resolutions, they're too much pressure. but... perhaps i can handle new years Desires

this year i want to complete a lil comic, fan-based or otherwise. i'd like to also complete some sort of storyboard/animatic thing. i want to develop a coloring style that i can be proud of. i want to get to a point with my dragons where they can have a coherent story & world to live in. i want to think of so many fun, trivial facts about my characters. i want to post more about them. i want to write and post an original thing, be it 1k words or 10k. i want to finish the rough draft of a book i outlined. i want to be kinder to myself. i want to create more gift art for others. i want to put more effort & care & love into my art. i want to force myself into the world and figure out how to live. i want to make an irl friend. try a new craft - scrapbooking, maybe, or making an enamel pin. i want to finish that last commission and make a new sheet for more. i want to be freer with myself. i want to finish at least three fics. i want to go whale watching again. i want to improve my art, especially in the matter of drawing people. i want to bake something tasty and share it with the neighbors. i want to be content with existing. i want to have more good things in life to list on bad days. i want to build a birdhouse.

#i also... want to buy sort & jar more clay sprinkles #and unpack everything in my room #last place i lived in for three years had boxes from that move that i never opened #not this time... this time Everything will find a place... #maybe ill try poetry! maybe ill volunteer on a tallship again! #maybe ill change my hair! spice up my style! leash train my cat! #i want to improve my writing as well #and read more books! even if im just rereading! #No! i want to read priory of the orange tree! #absolutely unprompted #the last few years ive just... had very little hopes or desires #it was just one month after the next with the knowledge that id do nothing the next year too #not this year please. not this year.... #i want to Try. i want to live. please? please #the beginning of this year is gonna be tough and my life's stability is being threatened #but! i will hold on hope with bloody teeth. im gonna make it this time. i want to change for the better #and i will. thats my only resolution. the others are maybes and what ifs #but i Am going to change. i want to be in the world and so i shall be. i want to be a person and so i will make it happen #clinging to that this year. im worth it! this time i really am worth it.

[holopossums]

[Hank Hill voice] That boy ain't right.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise casey jr #casey jones jr #casey jr #i'm a casey violence supporter. just in general. #making a shorter hairstyle that is equal parts cool and dorky was harder than i thought #trying to practice more complex or dynamic poses and i think i'm getting much better at it #rediscovering red and cyan as a color combo. my life has changed #holopossums

[fafrogke]

i did these bc i got inspired from some tags i got some months ago ehehe

im pretty sure the quality is going to die but when i flipped the canvas is like they're dancing go white boy go

#14 days with you #14dwy #14dwy ren #14dwy redacted #no christmas themed drawing.... cannot show my face here again /j #just think that they took you to the aquarium as a Christmas date! is the aquarium open in Christmas??? i don't know idon't think so #but i know he can make it real anyways #it's still christmas in here so i hope you have a great time a great life and eat something nice!!!!! #the first one i used an app from the phone but im never doing Ren there again i didn't like the change in colors from devices #also the quality omg mercilessly murdered rip they deserve better #the second one i was trying out some pencils in medib4ng my journey on trying to feel at home in a drawing program continues #okback to my enclosure 🍖

[skitskatdacat63]

"Bring on The Dancing Horses"(x) - Echo and The Bunnymen × Ferrari Drivers

#yes this web weave was titled 'Bring on The Prancing Horses' in my docs....yes im proud of that.... #long post whoop!!! pls scroll back thru and listen to the song while doing so if you wanna experience it better :) #this was originally supposed to be an edit but i have no patience for that and im very happy w this!! #i daydream to music a lot and when i first heard this song i could only think of ferrari seb then sebchal then ferrari drivers in general #but this hurt me a lot to make(for several reasons) #one: AAAAHHHH IT MAKES ME SADDDDDDD!! now im only gonna be able to think of the myth of ferrari when i listen to this song #it rly hurt to look up the pics for this bcs it still feels sore to me and it makes me so sad #but at least i didnt have to watch vids! id probably burst into tears #two: fighting for my life in google docs trying to format the text hahaha... i refuse to use photoshop #special thanks to cofi (@sweatyflytrap) for giving me the idea to put the TPs for the lies lyrics! #its both funny and unfortunate that domenicali was the TP for both felipe and fernando #it would be a bit better if there was a different tp for each but ah oh well #also hehe changed the lyric a tiny bit for the Kimi part. in the og lyrics its Jimmy not Kimi but yknow felt odd to leave it as it was so! #other than that i really really ardently feel that this song fits the cycle of ferrari drivers soooooo well #the 'bring on the new messiah' at the end of the song PLEASE IT FITS SO WELL! with how they drop their prev golden boy for whoevers next! #also omg the way seb's verse is 'you're breaking my brittle heart' rather than "im breaking your brittle heart' HURTS DOESNT IT?????? #i didnt included the original opening/middle verse. i def could make it fit but it wasnt a good opening for this post specifically #'Jimmy Brown made of stone' = kimi again. 'Charlie clown no way home' = charles of course! #anyways this is my magnum opus...but nah i really like it! ill only ever make web weaves w random 80s music i think hahah #ferrari #scuderia ferrari #felipe massa #kimi raikkonen #fernando alonso #sebastian vettel #charles leclerc #f1 #formula 1 #we do a little bit of f1 #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion

[okayto]

I'm in a reference class right now and I just get so irrationally angry about the requirements.

Like, obviously, the purpose of the class is to make sure all the theoretically-future (or sometimes current) librarians know how to actually look things up AND verify sources AND in a wide variety of subjects and topics. Yes, good, valuable, important.

BUT I hate it so much. I hate questions that sound like they came from an alien whose best human impression comes from old chatbots: "Who is Zora Neale Hurston? What is she known for? Does Sparkle Library have any of her books?" why are you asking the first two questions if you clearly know them enough to ask the third "What's this geologic feature I saw in town? What's its history? Where is it?" can I point you to Google Maps please "What is the meaning of the word fandom?" why am I required to find you four verified resources on a dictionary definition "Can you help me find articles about this topic" yes but our professor hasn't actually given us examples of how they'd 'verify' articles so IDK if this will work even though it's literally exactly how I'd do this in my actual library job where I provide reference services to college students.

#maybe it's that the prof wants things formatted in what feels like an unnatural way to me #like sorry if I cite Best Ref Websites 2003 to someone IRL I think that'd sound Dubious even if the site is still good 21 yrs later y'know? #I don't even know if I think there's a better way to teach this--I just hate the formality of it all #it feels so unnatural even though it's a valuable skill/knowledge #I'm currently signed up for the advanced reference class next and I think I'm gonna get my advisor to change my plan #because I will explode with another semester of this #library school #grad school #I am trying very hard not to assume I know things just because I already provide reference services #(especially since my job usually keeps to a fairly narrow type of reference) #but it's difficult when it feels like the alternative is 'Reference Provided by Exactly Zero Real Life People Ever'

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

frickin shite that was the worst small group I've ever been to in my life

#the eisegesis made me want to rattle out of my bones in frustration #got corrected for trying to cross-reference because ''we only stick to our one passage'' and nearly fucking cried about it #I PHYSICALLY CANNOT NOT CROSS-REFERENCE SCRIPTURE #not only is it a shitty hermeneutical process but it's also just Not How My Brain Works!! #y'all have seen me crossreference on this blog it isn't just the Bible! I can't Not crossreference things to save my life #and I basically got (admittedly she was trying to be kind about it) corrected in front of the entire group of 20somethings #and the couple that leads it are so PARTICULAR and nitpicky and it has to be done their way or you're gonna get corrected #my first introduction to her was her coming up to me while I was working the sound booth and telling me about something #wrong with my production setup that I KNEW ABOUT and WAS AND STILL AM NOT ABLE TO CHANGE #(our camera for livestreams doesn't have a high enough mount and I don't have space to extend it higher so we catch the tops #of people's heads in the camera shot) #and the girl I went bc I want to get to know her better WASNT EVEN THERE #I spent the entire time trying not to cry or look at anyone #I need to find a different small group... sorry all the kids my age were nice but I can't handle the structure or leaders #Lu rambles #adulthood woes

[yuridovewing]

thinking about how ivypool thought dovewing got favoritism from the clan growing up and continued to enforce the idea that dove was an entitled bitch, and then she participated when the clan was manipulating and guilt tripping dovewing into a relationship with an entitled creep who didnt respect her, telling her she owed him affection

#‘’my sister gets so much special treatment!! anyways my clanmates are bullying her into an unhappy relationship i better get in on that’m #idea here but what if ivypool was regarded as like a hero for spying on the dark forest and is seen as a respectable warrior now #(like ffs shes getting considered for deputy) #but dovewing is now the one getting ostracized and tossed aside now that shes not ‘’useful’’ and she didnt ‘risk her life’ #and now ivy has it all but she still insists on punishing dovewing for what happened when they were kids #because shes solidified the idea of dove as a whiny entitled spoiled brat who cries to get what she wants #and she absolutely refuses to change that view of her bc she wont let go of her spite #so shes controlling to dove and gets really guilt trippy when dove dares call her out on it #ok im trying not to seem like an ivypool hate blog. im not i think shes interesting and i think her being bitter is fine #my opinion of her has certainly soured over the years (and admittedly bc of the fandom) #also all this talk isnt ‘’omg this is canon this is why she SUCKS!!!!’’ its more ‘’this is probably how id go about it in my rewrite

[spaceratprodigy]

🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉

Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤

I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕

Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links

#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main #so much has happened in these past 10 years #I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future #but I did and I do #I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible #I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return #I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself #I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better #I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like #I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of #I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over #I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder #I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive #and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person #I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore #I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly #he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do #god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me #you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you #it's always been you #I fucking love you #more than anything in this universe and the next #forever and always #my art #glad I listened to my first tag lmao

[dustteller]

Now that I am mostly over the Absolutely Feral stage of my Radiant Emperor Obsession and can think again, I want to do a proper write up on how the series handles colonialism. I need to get my sources together and make it all pretty and stuff, but the gist of it is this.

I actually really respect SPC for not making it A Thing. Like, the colonialism is an inherent part of the serting, and a lot of important moments hinge around it, but there's also a pretty clear refusal by the author to turn it into A Statement. I think they do a really good job of walking the fine line between aknowledging it and making it clear that its an important part of the setting, without turning the book into a political thesis on Why Bad Actually.

I think a lot of fantasy authors that frankly have no business making their books into political science treatises try to be super philosophical about it, and inevitably have almost all their points ring flat bc the main character almost always ends up perpetuating the system they spent the whole book critiquing. The classic example being, of course, "We've destroyed The Evil Empire! We will now replace it with The Good Empire, which is functionally identical to The Evil Empire except Good bc our Main Character is in charge! This will totally change the systemic issues we've spent the last three million words exploring! How? Don't worry about it, absolute power only corrupts you if you're A Bad Person!" (atla. atla i am looking at you. my love for you does not mean I am letting you off the hook.)

The Radiant Emperor books interact with and aknowledge the colonialism. The empire canonically falls at least in part because of one guy's willfull ignorance of the differences between his culture and that of two of the people he loves the most, because his culture supercedes theirs to the point where he does not even consider the posibility of this difference truly existing as a real-life power imbalance. And still, these books are not about that! That is not the main theme! It is important. It is handled pretty well, it is aknowledged, and it is not The Point. I really appreciate that more understated approach that SPC takes, because ironically by refusing to partake in dramatic philosophical grandstanding the media often ends up making way better and more nuanced points, because then their point actually fits into the story they are trying to tell.

#white men really read three of the foundational texts of political science #none of which are from the last century and a half mind you #and immediately decide they're qualified to wax poetic about how politics should work actually #also white people really loooove writing about colonialism and imperialism while refusing to engage with any decolonial literature #you read The Prince and Hobbes' Leviathan huh. so did all polisci undergraduates. you are neither smart nor special<3 #like seriously at least read some of W.E.B. Du Bois. its the most basic accessible uncontroversial decolonial literature out there #it wont kill u i promise <3 try venerating a black man even half as hard as u do basic white men it'll change your life for the better. #by making you more interesting at the very least #ok ok i got derrailed there #thank you SPC! I appreciate you! please write more! #i promise the actual write up will be. less ranty. #my thoughts #the radiant emperor

[smilepaint]

anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.

the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.

it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.

you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.

#text tag #transgender #nonbinary #transition #gender #this is kind of a loaded take so to tack on some things #i am a trans person who's struggled with severe dysphoria for many years and was obsessed with passing as cis for a long time #there was a long time in which i would've preferred to stop living over going the rest of my life with visible surgery scars #just think about that.. idk how fucked is it that teen me thought it would be better to literally die than have one clear tell that im trans #im so much happier post surgery scars and all and like yes i fucking hate them. but i know i shouldn't and im trying to heal #also im very aware that passing as cis is OFTEN a safety issue and thats not what im speaking to here #im talking about mental health and longterm societal change and the gradual betterment of gender diverse peoples #not just from a gender standpoint but honestly from a decolonial standpoint #from a te ao māori perspective there was never an ideal of passing as “cis” for trans or takatāpui individuals #anyway yea obsession with passing wears people down into self hating wrecks and im sick of seeing that happen to our youth #and to every trans person regardless of where they're at in their journey

[fionnaskyborn]

very much related to that last post but i adore how nearly everyone that's ever played odst lives their life after having played the game imagining themselves as the game's protagonist trudging down the street with smooth jazz playing in the background whenever it rains during nighttime. i remember someone posted a video of some ambient jazz playing on a desolate bus station or something not too long ago and every single person in the comment section and the quote retweets was making an odst reference in one way or another. it's such a delightful phenomenon.

#logs #of course i am guilty of this i am so incredibly guilty of this and every moment i spend doing this soaks into my blood and makes me #incredibly happy #i'm very grateful for halo #and yeah it sounds silly to be grateful for videogames. but i am. they keep changing my life for the better in a world constantly trying to #change it for the worse. i'm very grateful for videogames.