#trying to force words out

[millennium-queen]

No because I was so surprised at the amount of people who think Peeta would have pressured Katniss into having kids. Like did they not understand his character at all?? If anything the MOST he would have done is ask her over the years of she felt she was ready, and then backed off when she said no. It's more likely that Katniss could tell that he pined for children by watching him interact with the kids in the district, and others (possibly Haymitch) brought the topic up with her. But Peeta forcing her or guiltily her into it? Never!

HONESTLY!! HONESTLY!!

My personal headcannon is maybe a little controversial lmaoo but I actually think that Peeta wouldn’t be in a rush to have a baby post MJ anyway?

Just like how Katniss has her reservations about having kids because of the trauma that the games inflicted on every aspect of her life, (along with a very disjointed relationship with her own mother) Peeta has his own host of things to work through before I think he’d be ready enough to admit he wants to start a family.

Once he does tho I think he’d only bring it up the once, see she wasn’t on the same page, and then he’d leave it because hey!! he never even dreamed they’d get to where they are now!! Safe!! And in love!! He doesn’t need kids to be happy he just needs her!!

So in my head it’s Katniss who starts the first real conversation about having kids once she sees just how sweet and kind he is to the little ones coming into the bakery with their parents and even then I think he’d probably drive her insane just double and triple checking that she actually wants this?? And it’s real?? They can try for a baby??

This whole idea that he would pressure her is just Peeta slander!! plain and simple!! lmaoo

#anon #the hunger games #everlark #everlark headcannon #sorry I took so long to respond I was trying to figure out the best way to word my HC lmaoo #also not mentioned in the main post because I’m not articulate enough #but Peeta’s relationship with his family (from what we saw) was uhhh not the best #and he still has episodes and flashbacks #I don’t think he’d want kids until he felt like he’d healed enough from all that #- which is another reason why he wouldn’t force Katniss!! #because he knows she has to heal too!! #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #got super excited this morning to have an anon ask lmaoo

[erytherion]

Reading the webtoon and…

Does this imply that Kim Dokja also tried to write a questionnaire for her to fill in since she wouldn’t speak to him, that either he 1) never gave her in the end (especially if he couldn’t find her after she was released) or 2) gave it to her and she STILL refused to answer?

Because that is so so so so awful. It was already bad but if he tried so many ways to get her to speak and she still gave him no response, regardless of her reasoning… isn’t that still directly choosing to cut herself fully out of his life? Why in the hell did she lie for his sake and allow him to visit her if she wanted to never speak to him again?

I know everyone claims Kim Dokja is just like her in sacrificing himself for loved ones, but at least he tries his best to stay with them and to keep them in his life. He still chooses sacrifice, but it’s not because he intends to never return. He always returns (even if much later than planned).

The only time this differs is with 51%, when he STILL tried his best to stay with them - at least as much as he could.

I sometimes like Lee Sookyung, but I am mostly still SO mad at her for completely ignoring her child since he was 8 years old. Especially when he must have looked like shit any number of times from being mistreated and bullied by family, friends, army, employers.

But maybe that’s just the fragment in me being eternally pissed with her. She DOES love him, but like he says in the webtoon in this chapter - maybe such truths are painful enough to be false anyways, because they’re just SUCH bullshit. That’s not how affection should work, if you actually care about someone and want them to be happy.

#RAWWRGHHH I WANT TO SHAKE HER SO MUCH #LOOK AFTER YOUR KID #and if you can’t do that because of circumstances at least ACKNOWLEDGE HIM #yes I do know she cared and it’s just that she mistakenly believes he’s better off this way without her but like #then WHY does she still insert herself back into his life when he’s finally stopped trying to get her to speak? #yes yes others have great analyses on her and their relationship and I usually agree with their logic but it’s still. So. Hard. to like her #but then I remember that this story was the little Dream’s wishful thinking to cope back then on his own #and so maybe in his world Lee Sookyung never ever would speak to him again #he just wished she would so he wrote it down as happening for This older version of him #and that’s somehow worse because like #even in the story where he got her to speak to him again she still won’t speak so he has to force the words out some way (via outer god) #and if that’s true then it’s still just his interpretation of her actions and choices #and not her own since she never told him #so like ARGGHHH #but I like to believe that characters have autonomy despite their respective author’s efforts in documenting them #so she still chose to speak all of this too and he would have accurately interpreted her this way because she controls what she says #even if he (little Dream Kim Dokja) is the one writing it down as wish fulfilment fix-it fic #a fix-it for himself and not just for the other people he loves #😭😭😭 #orv #orv spoilers #omniscient reader’s viewpoint #lee sookyung #kim dokja

[margarethx]

I feel like the most typical interpretation of the "Sam found Bucky before Civil War" trope is that the rest of the team either didn't know about it at all or they were fine with it when they found out. Like... Steve is never truly mad that they were hiding this from him. Natasha either doesn't care or she already figured it out somehow. Other Avengers don't care.

But you know what would be fun to explore instead?

The Consequences™

What if someone realized that Sam has been seeing Bucky for months and withhold this information from everyone and they were actually angry about it. I can imagine a couple of darker scenarios here.

No one tells Sam that his secret has been discovered and they use him a tool to get to Bucky. And since Bucky has no idea that it's a trap prepared by Steve and Natasha, he feels betrayed by Sam, who had no idea he's basically a walking lure.

Everyone assumes that Sam's the victim and Bucky (still brainwashed) manipulated him to change sides. Steve makes the hard decision to terminate the Winter Soldier to protect his new friend.

Sam straight up gets arrested for treason. Or at least is kept in captivity by the Avengers, because they don't trust him anymore. Bucky has no idea why he suddenly stopped showing up and has to risk everything to find out what happened.

Steve gets so offended and hurt by Sam's betrayal that he removes him from the team. He's technically free, but he knows that everyone watches his every move, so he cannot safely contact Bucky and let him know they've been discovered.

Someone walks in on Sam and Bucky meeting in secret, but they misinterpret the situation and before anyone has time to explain the fight starts. One of them gets hurt in the chaos, so Steve and Natasha have to deal with guilt after making that mistake.

Feel free to add more.

I just like the idea of Sam and Bucky knowing that if someone discovers their relationship the consequences won't be just "well, Steve'll be sad for a week". If he's actually mad or if Natasha forces them out of hiding, the stakes are much higher. (And I don't mean "mad" as in "kinda jealous of a friend talking to someone else". I mean "mad" as in "furious".)

Or the idea of them being naive and thinking everything will play out in their favour, but they learn the hard way that it's not the case.

#sam wilson #bucky barnes #steve rogers #sambucky #winterfalcon #sam x bucky #onlysambucky #captain america #the falcon #winter soldier #mcu #marvel #i spent over a minute trying to figure out #how to spell the word betrayal properly... #it's embarrassing ;-; #next time i'll just type ''zdrada'' and force all of you to figure out what i meant

[fagkermit]

Im so fucking sick erughhh

#but thats when the best art comes out eyyyy!!! #also a old i believe dead joke sorry guys.. #eddsworld #eddsworld fanart #edd ew #matt ew #tom ew #tord ew #mini tangent i dont know how to spell that word tangint tyngent?? whatt... #im trying soo hard to get my style how i want and its FINALLY working #like theres so many doodle just behind the scenes of me just desperately trying to work out a balance so its not forced #and this is actually very close to what i want!! and it was supperrrr comfortable to draw and fun so yayayayay now onto figuring out color #coloring* (hell)

[worstloki]

People who think Palestinians wanting equal rights to live on their own land equates to wanting to genocide Jewish people are actually telling on themselves

#‘millions of Jewish people will be killed’ your Jewish majority state is going to have deaths if constantly engaging in warfare and genocide #if it wasn’t happening because of that then maybe it’s because your Jewish majority state professionally harasses civilians #instead of any form of oppositional military force while invading their land #the arrogance #‘millions of Jewish people would be displaced’ have you not heard of negotiating #have you not seen millions of Palestinians been displaced from their literal homes #this is not to mention the amount of refugees in the surrounding countries due to wars already #if you think a lack of Jewish supremacy in the area is tantamount to ‘killing millions of Jews’ idk what to tell you #Palestinians want to not die and Zionists are out here saying that means they want to kill everyone #and then they will accuse you of not knowing what Zionism is or what genocide is or what apartheid is or what oppression looks like #they will accuse you of not knowing what the word indigenous means #clownery #Palestine #if you pretend being in support of Palestine is about hating Jewish people instead of trying to resolve ongoing genocide by a colonial state #then you’ve lost legitimacy #there is enough antisemitism out there that you don’t have to conflate a struggle against oppression with it to prove it exists #the same way you don’t need to prove who is endorsing to commit genocide when people deny that is what’s happening #the same way you don’t need to prove which side wants peace in the region and which side continues torturing children even without a war

[s0fter-sin]

thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage

you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out

"i'm calling shepherd"

his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books; to go up the chain and sort it out democratically. that goes against everything we've seen him do; he’s quick to drop his enemies and bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns

he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer

there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends

nothing's happened yet

it doesn't have to go this way

but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy

he doesn't hesitate

it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from

only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat

and somewhere along the line, between civilians’ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for

"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"

he's learned the price of trust

just like ghost did

but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath

"good advice, It"

#i might crown myself the ceo of soap meta at this point i love digging into this boy #but it seriously fucks me up how much he tries to de escalate the situation #invoking shepherd like hes trying to remind graves of who funds him and the power he holds #the consequences he’ll face if he goes through with this. just stop and think it through first #only to be stricken silent when graves drops ‘general shepherd sends his regards’ #he doesnt say a single word after that #ghosts the one who picks up the lead for him ‘he knows about this?’ #he can still function through his shock and the gut wrenching betrayal bc he’s been through this before #and he knows freezing will get him killed #but soap doesnt #he freezes #getting shot is something he wouldve been through before but being shot by an ally? #at that moment he isnt sergeant mactavish #hes johnny and hes in shock #and thats why ghost yelling for johnny doesnt reach him #he only breaks through when he calls him soap. when hes forced back into a soldiers mindset #thats all thats keeping him going. he isnt johnny a man whos been betrayed by a friend #hes a soldier following direct orders to keep himself alive #i can only imagine the after #when he lets his rage run out and is faced with the vulnerable and painful betrayal #but ghosts there to help him through that too. there for johnny the way he wished someone had been there for him #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #cod mw2 #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #soapghost

[zerodaryls]

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private #calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao. #but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me #who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad) #who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother) #who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public) #like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it. #but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say #'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill' #(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖) #so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity. #the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even. #the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY. #i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate. #i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me. #i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way. #in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more. #but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME #/end rant #any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Happy New Year!!

*pops grape juice bottle* woooo we’ve made it, guys!

2023 was such a nice year in the fandom, in my opinion. There was s3 and that was a banger, but I feel like the stuff we were up to ourselves over here was amazing too. I got to talk more with some of my mutuals who I hadn’t been as close to before, and lovely people keep coming to this corner of the internet!! We had our first sketchbook event and are currently preparing for a general Hilda Appreciation Week, I feel like this is all amazing considering the size of this community.

Just wanted to thank everyone who’s been here for the ride as well! It’s certainly always more fun when you have people to be insane with you. I just. Get very touched thinking about the amount of support in this fandom and how we creatively fuel each other.

Anyway, just wanted to write this post as a thank you. I hope you’re having a lovely end of the year, and may 2024 be even better 💜

(I do have one small writing update to add, though! The first months of the year will probably be relatively devoid of new content from me. This for two reasons. One is that I churned out so many fics this year that I feel like even the people who like my writing are having a hard time catching up (I don’t know how this happened either-), and the other is that I’ll be using my free time to get ahead on preparing my content for the rest of the year! I won’t completely stop or anything (Hilda Appreciation Week will see to that), just wanted to leave this noted so no one things I’ve Vanished from the fic writing scene or anything. I’m just preparing my next attack. Anyways that was it happy new year!!)

#also saying it to force myself to take a breather from posting GEJDHJDHD #cause otherwise I’ll just post the ones that are ready asap and run out of prepared content lol #also! didn’t want to say this in the post bc I was afraid of coming across as self centered?? idk?? #but the people who read my tags will probably find it fun: I was checking my ao3 stats for the year and I posted 18 new fics!! #also posted just over 180k words in total. it’s my second biggest word count in a year #second only to 2020. for obvious reasons #and I’m soooo happy with what I wrote too. I feel like I’m finally beginning to like my own writing. excited to see how I can improve #also I finally played with writing things outside of my usual sketchbook formula!! dipped my toes in Raven Scientist *and* created an OC #it was really nice to try out these things and be pleased with the results!! #2023 really was the year to get silly goofy with writing and love it #if all goes according to plan 2024 will be decided into a ‘tying up some loose ends’ era #and a ‘write what you know and I’m a flipping nerd’ era #may college have mercy on me. and May my inspiration not leave me please :’))) #wife speaks

[steelthroat]

I was painting and the religious-fanatic teacher came to me and started asking questions about my work. I answered them and I was ready to go on with my day and she goes "we used to talk more when you were well..."

And I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her like "wtf" because lady you are under 2 wrong assumptions here:

I would let YOU of all people be aware of my mental state or personal life or anything that concerns ME at all.

That we had some kind of amicable relationship to begin with? No, I don't know how you got the wrong impression since I just ever talked to you after I disagreed with your views, criticized you and almost fought with you because you said something both incredibly stupid and triggering... just because I've kept things civil doesn't mean I don't consider you anything other than a pretentious asshole.

The audacity of this woman, to think she can come to me and act all motherly and attentive while trying to get her nose in my personal life while bringing up a past bond which never fricking existed????? What like do you miss our disagreements???

And I just told her, "But... I'm good tho" which is not 100% true, but that's none of her business anyway

And she goes "yeah but you were even better"

BITCH????? No I wasn't? I'm not doing super now but I've vastly improved since last year so idk are you tripping or something???? And then she says something else about my work and keeps talking to me and I'm being civil and cordial because I'm not a rude asshole even if he doesn't even deserve this courtesy for the way she treats us.

Idk what's wrong with her, like she thinks I'm some kind of "problematic kidTM" for the way I look who needs salvation?? Which is not true, I don't need you as a mother. I already have a loving family and friends. Thank you and get the hell away from me????

And even if I were looking for someone's help for anything, I would NEVER in a hundred thousand years go to her for it. Not even for a broken nail lol.

She would probably tell me to go to church and confess or some shit. She already told me to call a confessor for my grandma because she had a little accident when she heard me talking about it with someone else... fkn hell.

#the art school adventures are back #she makes me irrationally angry #steel rambles #I hate it when people assume things about me #and when they try to get close when I've made it clear I don't want them to #because fucking hell I know how it plays out and these people ever have goog intentions even if they think they do #becaus eyou don't force someone to get close to you #it either happens ornit doesn't #also because these peopel try to get close to me WHILE assuming wrong things about me so I just can't have normal interactions #because they're just so fucking certain they understood how I function and even having a heart to heart conversation doesn't do shit #they just can't see me as anything else #and it makes me fucking angry too because I hate being misunderstood but I also can't let the people understand me #because then I'm too vulnerable to them and their manipulation #so idk I guess I prefer being perceived as a “problematic youth” instead of letting her any closer because fuck no she gives me the creeps. #or bad vibes #yeah creeps is too strong of a word #honestly I'm tired of fighting and always feeling on the edge #and it doesn't get easier #or better #but i hate it.

[whumpshaped]

Im gonna be honest I was expecting comf but that was a very cool interpretation of plushies as a prompt.

New prompt! Tiny (injured, ofc) whumpee getting found by caretaker

~🪴~

tw tiny whump, accidental bad caretaker

"Caretaker!"

Caretaker spun around and slammed their hand over their newest acquisition, pretending they were only... casually leaning on the desk for support. They tried to smile and not think about the damage that might've caused to the little creature wiggling under their palm. "Yes, sir?"

Whumper walked over and placed a hefty pile of papers on their desk with a smile that told Caretaker everything they needed to know. "I need these done by tonight, yeah? If you'd be so kind."

Yeah. Of course there would be a sudden assignment and an increase in workload just as they'd found a fairy– or whatever the hell they'd found. "Of course, sir. Consider it done."

"Thanks. Just put them on my desk later."

They nodded, not moving an inch. Whumper's smile faltered a little, and their expression became more suspicious. "Why are you just standing there like that?"

"Oh, I–" They glanced around the office for some excuse, but came up empty. "I was just... stretching my back a little. Before I sat back down for... another four or so hours."

Their boss faked being impressed, then nodded towards them. "That's how you stretch your back?"

"Well, uh–"

"You're right. None of my business. None at all." Oh, thank god. "Just make sure the papers are ready. Your back suffering a little in the process is a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Not very surprising. "Of course, sir."

Whumper left the office without another word, and Caretaker immediately took their hand away to examine the little thing. Fuck. They looked so much worse than before.

"N-no more... please..." it whimpered, and Caretaker's heart broke.

"No more," they repeated quietly. "No more. I'm so sorry. I had to hide you fast, I, I didn't know what to do..."

"It hurts..."

"I know. I'm sorry. Let's try to help with that somehow, yeah?"

~

general drabbles taglist: @ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night

#ok u can tell its forced and i used it to try and get back into it lol #sorry #but also yay shrek reference #whump #whump drabble #tiny whump #bad caretaker #idk i just . the words dont come #and they dont make sense when i type them out #i feel like i forgot english #asks #plant anon

[jahiera]

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

Tagged by the lovely @thenightdayblogger! a lukewarm attempt at writing; bg3, of course, and jaheira, intimidating me personally.

Jaheira knows the signs all too well, their skin streaked with dirt, their eyes rounded and bruised to the bone.

I've slipped a bit, struggling to remember who's writing these days, so - @sidestepping @helenekuragina @ejunkiet @gingerbreton @the-rebel-archivist @kittlesandbugs @askweisswolf +whoever else would like to! <3

#I'm stuck at that insufferable writing brain lull where words have Returned to my mind but the habit isn't there so trying to #force them out? insufferable. arduous. feels like pulled teeth or a Clogged Drain. #but fallen hero is coming back & I'm hoping it'll slap my brain back into gear. #until then. sniffling and crying one forced word at a time

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it

#its like #people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards #except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that #and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option #and like #vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them #a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr #where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them #part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling #like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other #vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented #like? its not like theres any one way to fandom #and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs #but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like #idk #feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want #.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself! #im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend #i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me #but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs #which is a very different dynamic #its like. hmmm words #i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages #vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal #if that makes sense? #the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe #and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need #before returning to it later when i have more time/energy #its got Longevity that discord lacks u know #........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE

[kyurochurro]

only now ive lost the main piece;

where might it be?

(redraw of the MV art for puzzle by kuwagata-p ft. hatsune miku, originally illustrated by ryono ♡ )

#churro art #my art #illustrations #hatsune miku #miku hatsune #vocaloid #vocaloid fanart #drew this mostly to blow off some steam bec.. i could not draw at all today LMAO #i get frustrated when i cant draw chatracetrs as fluidly as i want to #it leads to making it harder for me to draw anything at all #cus the more i try to be fluid; the more forced everything looks for lack of a better word #so yknow i took a break from the comm sketch i couldnt figure out; and drew this!! #and i really like it :") it really reminded me of older art where i would mix colors way more #thats not rlly my style anymore but i always love experimenting with hues <3 #and this is one of my most fav voca songs EVER!! its SO underrated :( #i watched some live performances of it while drawing this ofc and it saddens me how little ppl give it fanfare ToT #maybe its nostalgia speaking but i rlly love it and it got me thur a tough part of the pandemic.... #like it was just a tough time but this song was a good emotional outlet for that heartbreak and loneliness yknow? #ANYWAYS! i really like this; i hope you do too! it was good for taking a break while still putting those drawin muscles to good use HEHE

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[sherlock-is-ace]

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#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...