#trying to move on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lover-of-mine · 7 days

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#appreciation post for this damn outfit cuz ive been thinking about it for days and i might be losing my mind

#911 #911edit #evanbuckleyedit #evan buckley #911verse #911 abc #911 fox #911 on fox #my edit #i have been thinking about this for days #trying to move on #i cant #i need this buck right here biblically #i need to climb him like a tree #i need to cling to him like im a damned koala #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #im gonna go now #i need to think about my digital footprint

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natjac · 7 months

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My entire life I’ve been forgotten. Being the closeted gay kid with only girl friends I didn’t get to go to the sleep overs and wasn’t invited to the parties cuz I was the quiet kid in the back. I had interests no one cared about when I talked to them or they would call me obsessed.

Adult life got easier. I made good friends but was still always felt like the plus one. Spending nights in country bars and other places where my friends met guys and I was their support cheering them on and protecting them but always alone after.

Guys treated me like shit when I would talk to them. Disrespectful, ghosting and putting me down to make themselves feel better.

Then I met you, and you did none of that. You listened to me, even with things you knew nothing about like when you saw my best friends had Pokémon types assigned to them in my phone and you went through all the types to pick yours out even though you knew nothing about Pokémon cuz of your religious parents.

Remember the map I made of all the meaningful places we had been to as a valentines present and I used all those bitmojis cuz that show you met me (you said my bitmoji on Snapchat was cute). Remember the home theatre we made at your apartment? Or when it snowed on campus and how pretty it was. Remember when we got our rescue do Brie?

Fixing my moms place after the contractors stole from her. Going to Del Rio and meeting your family. Your dad and mom both inviting me into their house to celebrate Christmas with them. Taking a secret Vegas vacation my sister and best friend payed for just so they could meet you. Remember when I would drive to Houston in summer with no ac just to have lunch with you during your internship? Remember all the amazing “alone” times we had? The things I could do that no one else could.

And so many more wonderful memories and moments.

You showed me love, affection, attention, and made me feel attractive for once in my life. You did so much good for me. You became my best friend and my boyfriend. And yea you messed up. A lot.

You cheated and I forgave you each time. I’d ask why and you wouldn’t give me anything but “i don’t know.” But those were a drop in the bucket compared to the good times. The laughs, the love.

I helped you through your mental illness, took you into the hospital and talked to your family when they thought I was just your roommate. Four times I did that. Never held it over your head but only wanted to help you. I moved from everyone I knew to be with you in North Carolina, to support and love you when you got into Duke. You said you wouldn’t get in but I knew you would. I never doubted.

At my sisters wedding you told my best friend you wanted to marry me. 5.5 years on my life all of the unfaltering love, dedication and sacrifice. All of it would have been more than worth it for a life time with you. That’s all I ever wanted.

A month later you told me you had cheated and didn’t think you could stop. You said it was something you needed to work on, on your own. With out me or anyone else. So we planned to break up. Maybe get back together after you grew. But we agreed I shouldn’t be in that pain anymore.

Then you got into a new relationship in less than 2 months. With a mutual friend that I was wary of your friendship with. And you spin the same story again. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t think the flirting and us texting till 4 am led to us getting together. You are just trying to make things fit in your narrative.” Even though you are supposed to be working on these issues on your own. That’s why we broke up right?

And after you guys got together and we were still trying to help me deal with the breakup the compassion and apologies changed to mean spirited comments and frustration. To the point of our friendship and all mutual friends with us had to be cut out. I lost all of them. Because you did wrong.

The worst part of this all though. You act like the last 5.5 years didn’t exist. You have no respect or compassion for what I did.

Because if you did I would get genuine apologies and answers for what you did. I wouldn’t have been forgotten about when you and your new boyfriend talked to our friends to make sure that they were ok with it and you hid it from me. You two apologized to them but not me. Neither of you are accepting or acknowledging that the flirting and shit led up to this. Or the lies you’ve told. Or possibly worse how you cared about others feelings but forgot about me.

And that’s my fault for believing that some measure of love you had for me would carry over. Or our friend and you to respect me and apologize for the months of flirting and pain you two caused me afterwards with the lies and backstabbing.

You will never understand what you did to me. To bring someone to such happiness and then utterly destroy them. To the point that I sit and wonder which parts of our relationship were real and which were fake.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring and loving you. You became my best friend, and I lost both that and my boyfriend at once. And the loss of respect and care on your end… nothing I could have done would have prepared me for that.

Now I sit here every day, trying to move on. Trying to find a reason to keep going. With thoughts of ending my life bombarding me because if someone that I cared for and loved that much can so easily forget about me and erase me from his life like I was nothing. What am I doing here.

Anyway I’m going to therapy starting this week. I think it may help. I hope it does and I hope I find someone who will accept every good and bad part of me and will embrace them.

I don’t wish you ill will despite all of this. I want you to be happy and healthy.

But I know you will be haunted by us. Even if you act like you aren’t. Haunted by memories of what you threw away. For who you threw away. For the pain that you caused me.

And I hope I forget you. Because you have now tainted all the good times. I never thought that I would feel this way towards you. I know I never will forget you. But if there was an option to I would take it now.

Our relationship was to date my proudest accomplishment. But you are my greatest disappointment.

#boyfriends #gay #breakup #heartbroken #sorry for being depressing #trying to move on #lgtbqia+

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denimnan · 6 months

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having deleted your pictures

thought i will be strong enough to not think of you

but memories of you just won't leave me

it's so hard to shut them out

i don't want to feel this helplessness

why can't you just leave my mind

instead of staying there all the time

leaving me paralyzed with your thoughts

- N.R.K.

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4s1na · 10 months

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right now, I'm looking at the bracelet you gifted me. the way it shines reminds me of your eyes, which once shined when they met mine

please, either come back or get out of my heart.

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contaminatedlamb · 5 months

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every once in a while, I walk past the closed door of our silent friendship. And when I do, I leave a gift of remembrance, of the love I still carry for you.

When I no longer gasp at the sight of a spider, instead carefully putting it on a piece of paper and placing it outside; I think of you.

When our songs come on and the lyrics swell out of my lungs, I dance with the ghost of your memory.

Whenever I mince garlic, I imagine you beside me, our mess of food scraps combining into one.

Whenever I enter nature, I imagine you, bare footed and laughing, taking quick steps towards the nearest river, your hair glittering golden in the sunlight, your voice calling for me to follow you.

When I am silent with a book, when I wear the noise cancelling headphones that are identical to the ones you own, when I am nestled under the weighted blanket you gave me on our friendship anniversary, when I glance at your detailed art in my room, when I see dragons, when I see birds, when I enter graveyards, when I, when I, when I— does it matter?? I always think of you.

As the months pass by our closed door of silence, just know you will always be with me, my friend.

You became too intertwined in my heart to be anything but a part of it.

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nathan-thiry · 10 months

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#truth #poetry #relationship #2 am thoughts #crush #hopes and dreams #if possible #trying to be happy #trying to cope #i’m trying to be positive #trying to move on #working on me

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voicesandthoughts · 1 year

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I really wanted us to work

I held onto you so tightly

but you've pulled straw after straw from my hand

snapped the last hope you were still right for me in half

I see now that the person I love

hasn't been the same for a long time now

and maybe I could have saved us, maybe if you had fought too

but I have to listen to your every push and shove

take off the rose colored glasses that let me disavow

and acknowledge that neither of us still know you

I'll hold on to the love we had

Every memory, it was the most perfect thing I've ever held

I'll forever grieve the loss of our weld

but I won't wear my funeral clothes much longer

all you do is make me sad and terrified of moving away

we've so much to say but pain is the only way you give me any time of day

so it seems our time has passed

I have to try moving on, at least somewhat, at long last

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megavanillabean · 1 year

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i don’t want the last person i kissed to be them

#mythoughts #thoughts #trying to move on #someone kiss me

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pickletrip · 1 year

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That feeling of joy and sorrow mixed into your cocktail of nostalgia -

Though I feel like a lost lemon seed that will never find any use for those who only love lemonade, maybe I'll find my worth with the patience to grow into a tree that will forever give lemons to my lost loved one.

#spotify #music #just gonna leave this here #ayumu imazu #sunshower #eternal yesterday #japanese bl #melanchaholic #despair #your yesterday has been my present for a long time #trying to move on #love in chaos

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simply-m-blog · 2 years

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At times I think that you just always constantly need to "be in a relationship" like if you have someone you are fine. And if you don't then you're not okay.

Or maybe it's just me making excuses and finding reasons to make all this okay

I hate that I still love you and miss you

#missing you #i miss u #i love you #trying to move on

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psychicuniiverse · 1 year

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I didn't give up on you.

I meant it when I said

I won't ever give up on you,

I never could, even if I wanted to.

I didn't give up on you.

I gave up on us.

I still believe in you.

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mommy-moon-child · 2 years

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I finally got brave enough to unfriended my friend who continues to be friends with my abuser years after the abuse.

I feel great

#living with cptsd #trying to move on #trying to heal #abuse ptsd

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romamoo · 2 years

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I totally forget Multiverse of Madness will be this week because I still can't get over with Heartstopper. lol

#heartstopper #multiverse of madness #trying to move on

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denimnan · 2 years

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are you listening

i am crying here

are you listening

as to why i am crying

my heart

that is so fragile

has been broken

the shards

are hurting me

i am unable

to remove them

trying my best

to find a way

hopefully soon

so i can heal

- N.R.K.

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firesoul125-blog · 2 years

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The fact that i felt mad anxiety from the possibility of being found and attacked by an online group is AWEFUL, i must be really messed by it. Bro my ex gave me her paranoia

#fml fr #actually paranoid #trying to move on

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oh-sopeachy · 2 years

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i want to get over you because we never were, but everytime i see your name i get butterflies. and when you text me my heart skips a beat. its like my heart is betraying my mind. its driving me insane.

#art #fav #overthinking #anxious #tired #heartbreak #sad truth #chadmichaelmurray #depressing post #this is depressing #trying to move on #failing #falling #my heart #mind #heal #feel

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