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#trying to stay accurate but not relevant so
gurugirl · 6 months
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Just For Tonight | Ch. 3
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This is the last part of this mini series! We might have some more coming for you - stay tuned!
Series Summary: Harry spots an angel in the crowd and he can't keep his eyes off of her. And, as if by some cosmic pull, he can't help but ask her backstage. But it's only going to be just for tonight. Or is it?
Chapter Summary: Is it true what they say? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Y/n isn't so sure so she tries to move on. But Harry has other plans.
A/N: In this chapter I mention a particular ex (without naming her) as part of the plot. This does not mean I feel one way or another about her, nor do I think this is an accurate representation of how she's acted after their split. This was requested for the story. This is a work of fiction.
Warning: 18+ only, smut, mentions of an ex, angst
Word Count: 11.8k
Commissioned by anon (thank you!! xoxo)
Just For Tonight Masterlist
It had been difficult for Y/n to stop thinking about Harry. They connected so well and she loved the way he was with her and how he carried himself. Loved the way they could talk about nothing and have it feel like the most interesting thing.
They had a few calls after he left LA for his tour. But that quickly became hard to navigate with the different time zones. He said he liked her and wanted to see her again. And she was sure that when he said that he meant it. The distance won, however.
But with his absence, with him being in another country on tour, and hundreds of people begging for a chance of what she got lucky enough to experience, she figured that what she’d gotten was probably all she’d ever get.
And that was okay. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted more of him. Would have loved to have seen him but she knew he was too famous and too amazing to settle for someone like her. She knew better than to ever get her hopes up. He’d done nothing wrong.
Instagram showed pictures of him with his friends and a mystery woman. A woman who was with him at one of his concerts. And then another one. Photos of them walking along the streets together. A fuzzy snap of them at a small café huddled closely. That was also okay. There had been no promises or commitments made.
Y/n hated to do it, hated to open up Instagram but her curiosity about Harry and if he’d been spotted by fans was eating at her. A DuexMoi post with a screenshot from his recent long-term ex’s Instagram account had her feeling nauseated. It was a subtle thing. Nothing specific but everyone picked up on the meaning. The text was a quote from a book she’d been reading over a picture of a close-up of her wearing a cross necklace.
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The comments on what it meant were all over the place. And Y/n knew better than to read into anything too deeply or to fixate on something like this. Harry had brought up his ex once when their conversation was relevant to it. Said that she continued reaching out to him and that even when it was clear they were over the woman still called him and sent him messages on the regular.
And as much as she knew that it was probably nothing she couldn’t shake the way it felt to think of Harry and his ex getting back together somehow. She didn’t know anything about what he was doing at that moment because their calls had all but stopped by then. But the post from his ex was a signal. Did it mean anything? Maybe. But maybe it only meant something to his ex. Perhaps Harry hadn’t even seen it.
However, the comments on the post suggested they were talking again and reports of them trying to “work it out” were numerous.
And with that idea, she decided to log back into her stupid dating app. Try and get over the pop star once and for all. Move on if she could.
She’d had one good date from the app ages ago. The rest of the men who contacted her were absolute wastes but perhaps she’d find someone once again who she could tolerate for longer than a chat session. She’d give it a shot.
.           .           .
“But you did take her call?” Jeff spoke over the phone as Harry walked back to the hotel after a training session with Brad.
“Well, yeah. We have history. I didn’t want to be rude. Haven’t talked to her in a while. Thought maybe it could be important.”
“And was it?” Jeff sounded exasperated.
“No. She just said she missed me. Wants to see me when I get back to the States.”
Harry knew when he saw the incoming call from his ex that he probably shouldn’t pick up. But that was the thing about him. He was a people pleaser. He didn’t like when anyone was upset with him and he liked being on everyone’s good side. Even if it meant answering a call he didn’t want to take.
And part of him missed her. Missed what they had at the very beginning but he’d truly moved on. Especially with the idea that he’d be getting back to LA soon and seeing Y/n again. He hoped he hadn’t ruined it with her. It was hard to keep in contact with her. Too many missed calls and back-and-forth voicemails. Even the texts with Y/n had dwindled slowly. He understood that the distance was hard to overcome but that didn’t mean he wasn’t looking forward to hopefully seeing her again.
He knew if he had the chance to see her again and she still wanted to give it a shot with him he wouldn’t be letting go next time. He’d make it official. He’d want to really do it right with her. And he’d have a little time off from the tour to dote on her and give her lots of attention. Maybe even convince her that she should just travel with him wherever he went off to. Convince her that she should be his and that he would do everything he could to make her happy like she deserved.
He hoped it wasn’t too late.
And now with the new Instagram post from his ex the gossip had begun. Full articles written about how he and his ex were getting back together again, how it was true love, and a bunch of other nonsense that her story caused. And Jeff was pissed.
“I really wish you wouldn’t have taken her call. That’s sending her mixed signals and now with that godforsaken post she put up you’re already getting hate messages about taking her back. Calling you complicit. It’s a nightmare.”
Sometimes Harry really hated being famous. He didn’t even have to do much to get scrutiny. Sometimes one small little blunder, like answering a call could set off a chain of events that led him to where he was now, getting his ear chewed off by Jeff and having his fans upset with him.
But his main concern was if Y/n had seen it or not. He wondered what she thought about it. If she cared. He wondered how she was. If she’d seen anyone while he was gone. He missed her.
.           .           .
The job at The Dulcería had turned out to be one of the best things ever, income-wise anyway. She was exhausted and had little free time but she was pulling in pretty healthy tips and when it came time to pay her rent she had plenty left over to pay on time and stick the rest in savings.
Vyra steered clear for the most part but she did hover a bit any time Y/n had a table with a high roller or celebrity. Which, Y/n came to learn that not all celebrities tipped like Harry Styles. In fact, some tipped worse than normies to her shock.
One particularly demanding uber-famous model with her model friends was nice at first. Needed things brought out in a certain order, the wine had to be perfectly chilled or she wouldn’t drink from her glass, and then there was the lighting issue. She and her friends were snapping photos of themselves “eating” and the lights weren’t right.
Their table was full of The Dulcería’s most exclusive and expensive desserts (which the restaurant was famous for) and yet only a few bites were taken after uploading all their photos to Instagram. It was a shame that all of it had to be tossed when their table was cleared. It felt like it should be illegal. Belgian fine chocolate ganache, freshly made lemon curd, berries from the local market selected that very morning, handpicked herbs, candied pistachios, and fresh lavender cream. All that waste for nothing.
The tip that was left after that three-hour debacle was less than 5% of the bill. She assumed the woman who supposedly had many millions of dollars to her name would have given a better tip on a nearly $3,000 tab. Just imagine watching a rich woman clad in designer carrying a purse most people had to get on a waitlist for leaving a $145 tip on a $3,000 tab.
Still, even then, she was bringing in good tips and couldn’t complain often.
Her feet hurt and she smelled like the restaurant through and through at the end of her shifts. If she could have just collapsed into her bed and gone to sleep she would have. But the thought of not showering off first made her skin crawl. She needed the scent of food and spilled wine scrubbed from her pores.
And like she did nearly every night before falling asleep, she checked social media and then checked her dating app to see if there were any hits. Any worthy of a response from her.
One evening she did hear from a man who seemed intriguing. He appeared to be normal and handsome. So she sent him a response and opened up the chat option if he wanted to pursue something.
And the following day at the office she and Jimmy had chatted intermittently. She felt that sweet little familiar bubble of excitement in her tummy when her phone gave her a notification that he’d messaged her.
They made plans to meet up in person on a Wednesday after work at a bar near to her house.
It had been almost two months since she’d seen Harry. He did message her a few weeks prior but there was no call and when she responded he didn’t respond back. She figured it was time to look for something a little more serious. She knew better than to assume she and Harry were endgame. No matter how good the sex and connection were.
She stopped stalking Instagram and googling to find out where he was in the world. It was better for her own mental health to try and move on from him. He had been a fun fling. A great guy. Maybe one of the best “hookups” she’d ever had. Not maybe. He definitely was. He had been kind and thoughtful and fun. And he was great in bed.
But it was time to put that behind her now. A date with a nice, normal guy was in order. She just hoped she could erase the way Harry made her feel and that she wouldn’t compare every guy she tried dating to the pop star.
Jimmy was attractive in person to her delight. He worked downtown not far from where she did and they talked about mundane things like their commute (anyone living in or around LA will understand this is a hot topic), the buildings they worked in, and their jobs. When Y/n revealed she worked as a waitress on the side Jimmy seemed impressed by her even more.
After a few glasses of wine and for Jimmy, beer, they decided to part ways. It had been a good first meetup. Y/n was feeling buzzy and excited. Hopeful.
The chats with Jimmy continued but moved from the app to texts. They had plans to meet up again Monday evening.
Her weekend shift at The Dulcería was like any other. Tips were good. Some of the patrons were just so-so. Vyra was annoying but gave her space. But she was exhausted. She only worked an extra 18 hours a week as a waitress but after a few months, it began to wear on her.
So when Monday came around and she walked to the same bar to meet up with Jimmy she didn’t expect that the text she’d be getting wouldn’t be from her date.
Just as she was pushing through the doors to the bar she looked at her notification screen and nearly dropped her phone.
It was Harry.
She paused by the door for a moment, contemplating whether or not to read the text to see what he wanted or to wait until after her date. She decided on the latter out of respect for Jimmy.
The problem was, though, that Y/n couldn’t get it out of her mind what it was that Harry had texted her. It had been long enough that she figured he’d completely moved on. And was it fair of him to reach out again after all that time?
So, instead of feeling flattered, she started to feel the tiny crawling of annoyance and frustration dragging up her spine.
“I’d like to see you again soon. Maybe we can get dinner next time. Take a walk afterward along the boardwalk or something?” Jimmy said as he hugged Y/n goodbye before they went their separate ways.
“That sounds great. I’m free Sunday night if you want to do it then. Kind of hard most Fridays and Saturdays,” she shrugged as she felt Jimmy squeeze her hand.
“Sunday night sounds perfect. Can I pick you up?”
.           .           .
Hey, how are you? Miss you.
She read the text over and over again. That was all it said but why? Why send it? It wasn’t as if he couldn’t be allowed to text her. He had her number. They’d slept together a couple of times and had gotten to know one another beyond just surfacey stuff. But still.
Instead of texting him back, she decided to leave him on read. She needed time to figure out how to respond. What to say, or if she should say anything. Maybe she should just leave it so he got the hint about what was going on. That she didn’t want to open up that chapter again and get herself hurt. Because she would get her heart broken by Harry if she let herself get lost in it.
And it wasn’t like he’d done anything wrong at all. It was clear that what had happened between them had just been casual. Good, fun sex. So responding to him wouldn’t have been weird but there was a part of her that felt like maybe he’d dug his way into her heart a little more than she was ready to admit. If she was taking his innocent text so seriously and pondering it so deeply, perhaps there was more to it. Which meant she needed to let it go for her own good.
So she did leave him on read. But more for her sake than his she figured.
.           .           .
Harry couldn’t understand why she hadn’t responded. He could see that she’d read the text. But why not respond? He wondered if this meant she’d moved on. Maybe she’d seen that post from his ex and figured he was on his way to getting back with her somehow amidst all the rumors.
He was aware of how things were between himself and Y/n. He’d given in and fucked his own rule to not sleep with someone who was supposed to be a one-time thing more than once. To go back for more. But when he saw her that night at the restaurant he felt like somehow it was fate. Not like a deep sort of forever kind of fate, but more like a this is okay to indulge in more than once kind of fate. He usually didn’t like doing that but with Y/n it felt different. And she was hot. And funny. And the way she handled him in bed had definitely left a mark on him. She wasn’t just a fan or a casual sex partner. She wasn’t just some girl.
So that’s why he texted her. He was coming back to LA in a couple of weeks. Figured they could see one another again and have some fun. But maybe that was the problem. She was more than just fun for a night. He liked her a lot. And perhaps she was feeling something similar and needed to put that distance there so she didn’t get hurt. Harry could understand that.
While he was away he had one of his good friends along with him. He liked to have someone he trusted, which was rare in his world. He had a hard time trusting most people. She was easygoing and didn’t want anything from him sexually so she was a perfect confidant and companion to have traveling with him. It was nice to have friends like her. Something that didn’t need to be anything but friendly. Someone that he could joke around with and not worry much about being on his best behavior with.
She even gave him great advice about Y/n and then his ex after the disaster of her Instagram post. He knew he’d been snapped with her as he was out and about. On walks, in restaurants, in group settings. There were of course the usual rumors that they were dating but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
He imagined that Y/n had seen the photos of him walking with the girl next to him. Plus the post from his ex wasn’t helping matters. Maybe it had all been too much for Y/n? Or maybe he was overthinking it all. He wasn’t quite ready to give up but he’d let her be until he returned.
.           .           .
Jimmy took Y/n to a cute little Mexican spot Sunday night and they ordered margaritas and Baja tacos with guacamole and cactus salad.
And Jimmy looked extra attractive that evening. She hadn’t noticed before then that his forearms were so thick. He had a sweater on that he’d pushed up to his elbows baring his arms. A bit of scruff on his face. And he smelled nice.
She felt like maybe they’d had enough dates and had gotten to know one another well enough that going back to his place might be fun. She wouldn’t mind a fun romp in the sack with him.
So when they walked back to Jimmy’s car she decided to go out on a limb, “Would you… what do you think about maybe going back to your place together? Or mine? I was thinking we could kind of relax and continue our conversation a bit?”
Jimmy opened the passenger door for her to let her into his car, “Oh. Yeah! Absolutely. Whichever place is better for you. It’s up to you. Mine or yours.”
And because Y/n wanted to do more than just “continue their conversation” she figured his place was best since Brad was probably home. The last time she had a man in her bed was Harry and Brad hinted at having heard them the next day. Not something she wanted to repeat nor subject poor Brad to again.
Jimmy lived in a one-bedroom apartment. He had no roommates which was ideal.
“So, I just want to tell you that right now I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I still have my profile up and kind of chatting with another girl but it hasn’t gone anywhere. I think once we get to know one another a little more maybe we can talk about being exclusive. Does that sound okay?”
She appreciated Jimmy’s honesty. And she was glad that he told her before they’d gotten any further. Because they were both sitting on his couch and making out heavily. In fact, her hand was already slowly making its way up his thigh when he stopped her to come clean.
She paused and thought for a moment. Was that okay? She began to nod and turned her gaze back to her date, “Thank you for telling me. And yeah… I think I can agree to that. Let’s just keep being honest with one another like this and I think it’ll be really good,” she leaned in when Jimmy grinned at her answer and she climbed over his lap, not ready to stop the direction they were already headed.
And just as she’d intended when she left the restaurant with Jimmy they had sex after clearing the air about their status.
It was good. She liked having sex. She didn’t do it a lot. Maybe she’d have one or two a year at most. Hopefully, Jimmy would be someone she could keep around. She hated dating and finding someone she could trust.
Jimmy didn’t get her off, though. He tried. He ate her out, which she was already very pleased with. Not all men would go down on a woman without having to be prompted. Jimmy was eager.
But when that didn’t get her off she told him to get a condom so they could have sex.
Again, he was eager. Quite good really. But as was typical for having sex with anyone for the first time, she didn’t come. She was nice and wet and super turned on but it just didn’t happen.
She didn’t mind much. He did hit some really good spots that made her moan and got her close a few times. He tried rubbing her clit to get her off before he could come but it didn’t do it for her. She guided his fingers over her the way she liked but he needed time to figure out her body a little. Nothing wrong with that at all.
And he knew she didn’t come. He was disappointed in himself when he pumped into his condom and groaned in his orgasm. He apologized profusely and tried to eat her out again but she was tired. They’d been going at it for a while because his goal was to make her come.
“It’s okay. Really. Jimmy, you’re so good. It’s always like this the first time for me. I had so much fun with you.” She cupped his jaw.
While what she was saying was mostly true, she couldn’t stop imagining how Harry had gotten her off his first time. And the second time and the following morning before he left. She tried to swallow down those thoughts and not let that interrupt her moment with Jimmy but she couldn’t help it. Harry’s moves were just better and his dirty talk and his body. And his cock. And him.
She closed her eyes to squeeze out that image from her mind. There was nothing wrong with Jimmy’s body or his dick. He was fine. She was sure that after some work he’d be getting her off soon enough. They’d eventually get very comfortable with one another and sex would be better and she’d orgasm easier.
Really at the end of the day she wanted to feel close with someone. And she got exactly that with Jimmy. He pulled her into his chest and they fell asleep in his bed. She might have not gotten her orgasm but she got the connection and closeness she’d been craving and missing.
.           .           .
The following week they skipped going out for a date altogether and Jimmy cooked for her at his place. He was a pretty romantic person. A genuinely nice guy. Handsome, funny, smart. But their second time having sex was not different from the first. Y/n was sure she’d come and had gotten close a few times but it still just didn’t happen.
And for the first time in her life ever, she faked it. She felt she had to. The poor guy was suffering. He was hammering into her and grunting and shaking, continually pulling out before he could release. For nearly half an hour that was the scene.
He tried holding her legs to the side and thrusting into her as he hovered over her but she needed something more, she was sure. Her own fingers at her clit and his cock slipping in and out just didn’t do the job. So she got on all fours and Jimmy’s bed creaked and bounced and it felt really good. Just not good enough.
Finally, when she rode him she felt that yummy gooey thing she always got just before coming but the moment she began to quiver and just before she could come Jimmy’s words halted any further gooeyness, “Finally, fuck!”
That had done it. She wasn’t going to come. He didn’t mean it to be rude, she was sure. Jimmy was the sweetest guy, truly. But that little bit was all she needed and her orgasm was ruined. So when she felt him throbbing in his condom she moaned and clenched and did all the stupid acting a porn star would to fake her orgasm.
For him to say finally in response to thinking she was coming. Really? That had irked her. She wished he hadn’t said that.
But it didn’t deter her. She really did like the guy. And surely the third time would be the charm. Except it wasn’t. The following morning he ate her out and then they had sex and he got off while she faked it again. She had to get going anyway because it was Monday morning and she had to be at the office.
It felt good to be dating someone. Even if it was casual. Jimmy had mentioned he hadn’t seen anyone else, but she didn’t miss it when he said “yet”. And part of her preferred it casual with Jimmy. Liked that her options were still open for the time being. But it did feel good to be in a relationship of sorts. Felt nice to know that someone liked her enough to keep texting her and seeing her and wanted to sleep with her. It felt grownup. That’s what she wanted. Connection. Relationship. And that’s what Jimmy gave her. In due time they would be more sexually compatible. She was sure.
On Friday night at the restaurant, she was given a couple of large groups. They were relatively nice. Perfectly well-behaved groups. Jimmy had been texting her all night. He was hoping to see her and have her stay over until the following morning before she had to be at work.
She hadn’t decided if she would or not. She sort of wanted to sleep her morning away before needing to be on her feet all night again. And she figured she could use her dildo and make herself come because she was sure Jimmy couldn’t. She knew that he wanted to have sex with her and at that point it just sounded exhausting. Now every time they got together the night ended with sex and a failed orgasm on her part. She didn’t know if something was wrong with her or if maybe she wasn’t as compatible with Jimmy as she thought. But she knew one thing. He wasn’t getting her off like she needed. And her feelings about that were giving her pause. She wondered if she was just settling for casual dates with Jimmy. Wondering if Harry had ruined her for anyone else.
So when she was suddenly interrupted coming out of the kitchen to check on one of her tables she jumped at his voice. It had been unexpected.
“Harry? What are you doing here?” She looked around and the bustling restaurant and then back up at the handsome man. Her body tingled at his presence and she got that lightheaded excitedness that she felt every time she saw him. And she realized that that was something she never experienced with Jimmy.
“I just wanted to say hi. You hadn’t texted me back the last time I reached out and I’m here for dinner right now and saw you walking back and forth. Just wanted to see how you are.”
She didn’t realize Harry had been there. Usually, the servers would mention any time anyone famous came in.
“Oh. Yeah, I’m well. Just… gosh I’ve been really busy. How have you been? I didn’t know you were back.” She decided not to address the fact that she hadn’t responded to his text nearly a month ago.
“I’m great. Been back in LA for almost a week. Missed you.”
Missed you. Yeah, she missed him too if she were honest. But she’d been pushing it all down. Covering up her feelings with Jimmy.
“That’s… I uh… missed you too.” She didn’t know what else to say. Out loud anyway. Internally she was telling him all about how the guy she’d been dating was super sweet but terrible in bed. Well, not terrible. But not Harry. And he didn’t make her feel all floaty and full of syrup and butterflies and anticipation the way Harry did. How she was having trouble connecting with Jimmy the way she could with Harry. God, how she’d love to have another round with him again. Feel that yummy stretch he gave her, that sharp deep poke, listen to his deep voice in her ear as he coaxed her through an orgasm that had her shaking and slobbering into the sheets.
“Yeah? Maybe I can see you after? I’ll stick around til you get off.”
Her mind was playing tricks on her. Til you get off. Yeah, she knew that would happen if she allowed him to stick around. She’d get off all right. He’d see to it. She should say no. Should tell him she’s seeing someone. It’s not serious but she shouldn’t do that to Jimmy. But then again…
“Okay. Yeah. I’d like that. Should be done here in an hour and a half. Is that okay?”
“F’course. I’ll be here.”
She felt immediate guilt. Jimmy didn’t deserve to be put on the back burner. He was too sweet. And there was nothing wrong with him. Sex wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t bad and eventually, she’d get used to him and she’d orgasm with him. Surely. Right? But the biggest thing that nagged at her was the way she felt around Harry. Just having him standing before her and speaking to her had her feeling things she realized she never felt with Jimmy. Maybe Jimmy wasn’t a good match for her.
And she and Jimmy weren’t exclusive. That had been made clear at the beginning. Jimmy did say that he wasn’t ready to be serious with anyone and that he wanted to get to know her for a while before any commitments were made. So it wasn’t like she was actually doing anything wrong. And it wasn’t as if Harry was asking her to have sex with him. Not by any means. Perhaps it was just to chat. To just catch up.
.           .           .
It was most definitely not just to chat. But of course, she knew that. Harry had her in his bed nearly the minute they walked into his huge mansion. It was the first time she’d been to his place and she barely had a moment to look around before he was dragging her to his master suite. They’d made out the entire way from the restaurant to his place in the back of the car. She couldn’t help it. It was like magic between them. Like fate. Like they were meant to be. She felt powerless to it.
“God I missed you,” he whispered into her neck as he gripped the back of her head, “Have never kissed anyone with softer lips.”
She was wet nearly instantly. Jimmy had to work hard to get her in the state she was with Harry after only five minutes of a hot, backseat makeout session.
In his room, she pulled his pants down and dropped to her knees. She needed to see him. Needed to dig her nails into his thick, masculine thighs. She panted as she leaned in and pressed her lips over his tiger tattoo and ran her hands upward to cup his bulge.
Harry watched her from her position on her knees before him and finally felt like he was home. There was something about this girl that he couldn’t shake. He had missed her. And the whole reason he had gone to The Dulcería that night was to see her.
So he was surprised when she so easily said yes to seeing him after work. Surprised when she flirted with him and responded to his touch with touches of her own. Surprised when she kissed him in the back seat of the cab and now more than anything, was pleased by the direction the night was going.
He decided before he even saw her that night that he wanted to make her his. Wanted it to be official. He could see himself getting serious with her. Saw himself bringing her with him everywhere. Falling in love. The whole nine.
Her lips sucked and pulled at his cock and it was better than he remembered. There was certainly nothing like the real thing when it came to getting head and Harry had been doing a lot of imagining over the months. He’d missed her warmth and her eyes. Her wet lips slipping over his shaft.
She coughed and gurgled around him as she sat back for a breath and stroked him in her hand. He brushed his fingers along her temple to move her hair from her face and she was already looking up at him. Her top had been unbuttoned and he had a view of her big tits held in by her bra and her soft eyes looking up at him with his cock in her hand.
“Fuck, angel. Missed you so much.”
She smiled and leaned in with her pink tongue sticking out before licking over his balls, gently kissing and sucking at the skin. He moaned as she moved upward over his shaft and to his crown before popping him back into her mouth.
Another good gag had Harry pulling her up, “Darling, take your clothes off,” he said through soft breaths as he pulled his shirt off and kicked his pants down the rest of the way off his legs.
She removed her work outfit and could smell the restaurant on herself, “I should like, shower or something. I smell like kitchen and food…”
Harry dragged her into his arms and stepped her back toward the bed, “Just like you are. I need you now.” He spoke against her lips.
She was pushed into his bed, her naked body under his with his soft mouth drinking her in. His lips moved from her jaw to her neck and suckled at her tits for a while before he got down to business slurping away at her cunt.
Yes. Okay. That was good. Harry was good. And she knew it wasn’t just because he was so skilled. No. She realized that it was because of the way she felt for Harry. Her heart thundered in her chest wildly as she yanked his hair and ground her pussy into his face. Harry sucked and kissed and fingered wetly as he moaned into flesh. It was everything. Harry was everything.
When she splashed a bit on his face from her orgasm Harry sat back with a laugh as he massaged the inside of her thighs. She forced herself to open her eyes to look at him. He was breathing heavily, his chest flushed pink, his cock thickened and erect. Ready to be pressed right into her sloppy pussy.
He had a hand at his base as he smoothed his weepy tip through her hot and sticky crease. He small whine fell from his lips before he got up to grab a condom. He would have loved to have just fucked her raw but they’d need to talk about all that first. And they’d barely done any talking that evening.
She pushed herself up to her elbows to watch Harry as he stood next to the bed and looked down at his girthy cock, sliding the condom over himself. She couldn’t wait to feel him inside of her again. At long last.
His strong body was insane. She’d never get over it. Wanted to drag her tongue over every inch and drink up his sweat and taste the salt in her mouth. God, he made her insatiable.
Harry kneed up to her on the bed, his heavy condom-covered dick swaying until he pulled her toward him and planted his lips onto hers. Soft and sensuous. The way he kissed her was enough to call it all off Jimmy. It had her head spinning and her tummy doing somersaults. Never something Jimmy had accomplished in their couple of months of dating.
He was breathing hard as he backed from the kiss and looked over her bare body, “I needed this so bad. God… You have no idea how much I missed you, Y/n.”
She really didn’t know. Because she imagined he was getting plenty of ass while he’d been away.  
Harry laid her down on the bed, her back flat on the mattress as he leaned over her frame and attached his lips to her breasts one at a time. She could feel his cock dragging over her as he moved from one nipple to the other.
He felt her buck upward under him and he smiled as he popped off her nipple and looked down at her, “Need something, angel?”
She nodded with a grin, “Your cock. Please.”
Harry groaned and thumbed over moistened nipples before grasping his shaft with one hand and planting his palm down onto the mattress to hold himself up over her.
“Yeah? Please? You missed me, angel?”
“Oh my god…” she moaned as she felt his tip press against her entrance, “Yes. Oh my god, I missed you.”
Harry sat back onto his haunches so he could watch as he entered her. It was his favorite view. The way she spread open, the tight little snap of him entering her clenching muscle, how nicely she took all of him. He pushed in and pulled back, wetting himself as he inched in further and further. She was sopping and had coated his condom in her drippy juices. He moaned as he dipped in deeper and watched her mouth drop open in relief at the feel of him stuffing her pussy.
When he’d gotten in balls deep he sighed, “Oh fuck, angel. I’m gonna treat you so good.” And he didn’t just mean while he was fucking her. He meant it in every way one could. He was going to treat her exactly as she deserved.
 When he began to thrust in and out with long and languid strokes, the poke into her belly was toe-curling. She’d missed the way his cock felt and missed him. Missed him more than anything.
The patting of their skin slapping together wetly sounded as good as it felt. Harry moaned and Y/n gasped. He was deep. It was as if he’d somehow grown in size since he’d been away but she was sure it was just because Harry was Harry. She liked his dick but she just really liked him.
Harry had a nice grip on her thighs to keep them spread so he could have an unobstructed image of what he was doing to her, “God your little hole is just taking me, baby…” he groaned.
She peered up at him, his abs and his thighs flexing as he worked himself into her steadily. Every time he plunged in he nudged himself into her with a quick buck at the end to push himself as far in as he could get, causing her to jolt upward and whimper at the ache.
“Your cock… oh god Harry…” she didn’t know what she was trying to say. Except maybe just that she was really enjoying him. A compliment to how good he felt. How good he was.
Harry rhythmically rocked into her and released one of her thighs to use his thumb on her clit. He softly smoothed his pad over her sticky and aroused nub and she gasped. Harry grinned at her as she reached down to feel the mess they were making, her fingers slipping next to his and then lower, to feel where his cock was sliding in and out, spreading her pussy apart, the wet hair at his base, his balls as they nudged into her when he buried himself in.
“My cock? Yeah? That feel good inside you?”
“Yes, fuck… your gonna make me come so hard,” she moaned her words as she kept her fingers held against the spot where he was pushing into her, slick and creamy.
“Feel that? Feel how wet you get for me? How hard you make me?” He sucked in a sharp breath when her fingers glided along his balls and he stilled his hips, grinding himself into her. She was forced to move her fingers back up to her clit as Harry grasped her hips and pulled her over him so she could feel just how deep he was.
“God I wish I could fuck you without a condom. Come inside of your sweet cunt and fill you up like you deserve.”
She moaned at his words and the way he was buried inside of her guts. Her eyes fluttered closed as she continued to finger over her clit. That sounded exactly like what she wanted too. Wanted to feel him pouring into her and then watch it leak out slowly as he stuffed it back in with his tip.
“Oh my god, Harry. That sounds good…” She looked down at where his pelvis was pasted to hers as he circled his hips into her.
“Yeah? Gonna make you mine, baby and then I’m gonna fuck you raw and come inside of you over and over again. You want that?”
Nodding her head, she had a pained, fucked-out expression on her face, “Yess…” she panted.
Harry leaned over her body, not able to resist kissing her any longer. He needed his mouth on hers immediately.
The quick change of position had Y/n gasping as Harry shifted over her and pressed his lips to hers. The smooth strokes of his cock started up again as he planted his mouth over hers and licked against her tongue.
Intimate. That’s what it was. Harry was intimate but it felt especially real. Especially meaningful. She tried not to think about how soft and loving he was being with her because it felt so much like what someone would do if he was in love.
But then suddenly he took her hand and wound his fingers into hers, pressing their joined hands into the bed next to the pillow her head was on, as he continued thrusting and kissing. That gesture totally tipped her mind into that place she didn’t want to go. That place that told her he was just as into her as she was into him. That he wanted her and only her.
She bent her knees and planted her feet flat, lifting her hips upward each time he pushed in. It was wet and hot between them. Harry’s body over hers was solid and strong as he fucked into her with everything he had. She felt it too. Felt him put his whole body into each thrust.
Their hands stayed wound together tightly as Harry licked into her mouth. They parted only for gasps of air and to let out whimpers and moans.
“Please, Y/n…” Harry whispers against her lips before opening his mouth over hers and smoothing them together, closing his mouth around her tongue and then pressing his tongue passed her lips. She wanted to ask him why he said please but her brain was scrambled and focused on the way their bodies moved together. How good he felt. How good she felt.
Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. She was certain Harry could hear it too. His pelvis stayed pressed into her clit and each time he stuffed himself into the hilt he undulated his hips as she tilted her own pelvis into him.
“Oh fuck!” She cried when Harry hit something inside of her that made her body tingle. She’d felt nothing like it before but she was sure it wasn’t just something physical he was nudging into. It was something emotional. She was doomed to his charm. Doomed to fall for him whether she wanted to or not. But how could she not?
Harry pushed himself up, his hands still wrapped around hers, “Okay, angel?” His soft, beautiful eyes would haunt her. Dark lashes and a dark limbal ring that lined his already perfect shade of green…
“It just… it feels so good, Harry. You’re making me feel so good,” she panted her words.
Harry dragged his gaze from her eyes down to her tits, “Want you to ride me, okay? Want to see how you fuck yourself on me.”
Nodding her head Harry slid himself out with a soft hiss as he grasped his cock and watched the tiniest bit of liquid gush from her pussy. She’d only gotten wetter as he fucked her.
Harry took her hand and brought it to his lips, “What are you doing to me, Y/n?”
She sat up as they kept their eyes locked and Harry grasped the back of her neck and kissed her again. They sat in the middle of his massive bed, both on their knees, naked and kissing urgently until Harry sat back and pulled Y/n with him, dragging her body over his, never letting their lips part.
She straddled his lap as he grasped her hips and pressed her wet cunt to his impossibly hard erection. When he’d finally laid his back into the mattress she placed her palms over his pecs and felt his hands at her ass, guiding her up so she could put him back in as quickly as possible.
Letting her fingertips travel over his chest, feeling the hair on her palm, the sturdy muscle under his soft skin, she scraped lightly and leaned down to lick his nipple. She smiled when he moaned and as badly as she wanted to have his cock back inside of her she needed to show her affection to his gorgeous body. At least a little.
Moving her lips to his other side she licked over his pebbled nippled and looked up at his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth was dropped open. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as she nipped with her teeth gently.
Harry groaned and opened his eyes, lifting his head to watch her work over him with her teeth and her tongue, “Fuck, baby.”
Y/n grinned and lifted her mouth from his skin, “Harry, your body is fucking incredible. I could lick and kiss it all day long.”
With her eyes on his she leaned down and stuck out her pink tongue to drag up from the underside of his peck up to his other nipple. She pulled it into her mouth and scraped her teeth over it before kissing it. She dotted warm pecks upward to his clavicle and licked as she went.
Harry’s whimpers grew desperate as he watched her lick and kiss his skin. But he needed to have her on him. His cock was aching and with the sweet and adoring attention she was giving him with her tongue and her lips he was going mad.
Harry grasped her hips and the pathetic whine that fell from his throat had her peeking up at him again, “Please, angel. I need you to fuck me.”
And well, that was all it took. He had said please after all. She lined up herself over his tip and began to sink over him, her pelvis tilted into him, “Okay, baby. I’ll fuck you now. God I need you too…” they moaned loudly as she slid over him until her pussy lips were kissing the very base of his cock.
She kept her hands pressed to his chest as she gently rocked herself over him. Harry moved her up and down slowly, keeping his hands on her bottom, and watched her pretty face contort at the feel of him splitting her pussy apart on his big cock.
“God you’re already creaming all over baby. So fucking wet I can hear it.” Harry spoke through gritted teeth. He loved the way she looked on top, her tits gently jiggling at each roll of her hips, her wet mouth dropped open, her eyes fluttering open and closed in ecstasy.
“You make me so wet, Harry. No one gets me wet like you. I need you…” she groaned as she bucked her hips down over him.
“Yeah? Need me, baby? I can tell…” he gasped when she clenched over him, “Can tell by the way you’re fucking yourself on me. Gonna get yourself off on my cock, angel?”
Y/n keened when Harry lifted his hips up the tiniest bit, forcing his cock deeper yet. A delicious sting.
“Harry… fuck!”
Harry breathed in a shaky breath and pulled at her elbow to bring her body down toward his. He wanted more contact. Wanted her closer. Wanted to kiss her as they both released together because he could tell she was nearly there.
The moment her lips were pressed to his he bent his knees slightly and tilted his pelvis upward so he could thrust into her as she fucked herself down onto him. Wet squelches and soft gasps surrounded them as they kept their bodies connected, on edge, trembling.
One of Harry’s hands smoothed down to her bottom while he took his other to bring her fingers into his. He wanted it sensual, erotic, soft, lusty. There was something about fucking Y/n and having his lips on hers and her hand in his that was making his heart swell with affection. He’d never have enough of her.
She shivered over him and he knew it wasn’t because she was cold. There was no way her body was cold with the way they had been going at it. No. He knew her shiver was because she felt it. Felt what he was. Knew this was it for them.
Her breasts were smushed into Harry’s chest and her thighs were squeezing around him as she continued pushing herself down over him. Her small hand in his with her fingers threaded between his was warm.
“Shit… you coming baby?” Harry felt her limbs tense and the tight muscle at her entrance grip around his cock in pulses.
“Fuck… yess! Fuck!” She couldn’t stop her orgasm from finding its way to the surface. She hadn’t expected it to burst out of her so quickly but having her hand surrounded by his while his cock was buried inside of her was not a casual sex move and that notion alone had her spinning out of control.
He was holding her hand and kissing the edge of her mouth through it all and now that she was coming around him, he squeezed her hand tighter and whispered to her through her orgasm, “There you go, angel. Made for me, aren’t you? My good girl…” she writhed and whimpered in her climax and he could tell it felt good. Could tell she was getting what she deserved.
Harry let her spasm around him for a moment longer until he couldn’t hold on for another second. He lifted his hips and gasped as he spurt into his condom. Gushes of hot come filling the rubber tip as he throbbed inside of her.
She felt his prick pump against her slick walls as he came. His breath was caught in his throat as he released into his condom. The grasp he had on her hand was locked down hard. She would have complained that it hurt but the last thing she wanted to do was have him release her in any way. She always wanted this with him. The closeness, the intimacy. The insane connection they had.
When Harry finally filled his lungs with air and his face relaxed her felt her slumped into his chest. He loosened his grip on her hand but didn’t let go. He wouldn’t let go. Never.
She’d passed out. Simply exhausted after Harry had handled her body like he owned it. Exhausted after giving every inch of his body her attention and love because damn did he deserve it. He was breathtaking. The man deserved to be worshipped. He was stunning and the way he gave himself to her was mind-blowing.
.           .           .
Blinking her eyes open the morning light was barely peeking through the window. It must have been super early. He was still asleep next to her. Hair a mess, cheeks smushed, small breaths puffed out from his mouth (he slept with his mouth opened she learned after the few times they’d slept together).
She was feeling something deeper for Harry than she wanted. The guilt about ignoring Jimmy and going home with another man was eating at her. Jimmy didn’t deserve that. He was a nice guy. A normal guy. But Harry was different. And it wasn’t just because he was hot and famous. It was because they understood one another in a way that she didn’t know if she’d ever get to with Jimmy. And that didn’t feel great.
Especially because Harry was… well he was Harry Styles. Falling for him would be dangerous and she’d have her heart broken. She could fall for him too. Another round of sex like they’d had the night before and it would be over for her. She’d tip over the edge of no return and need him in a way he’d never need her. She might just have to settle for Jimmy in that case. Perhaps that would really be as good as it could get for her.
Slowly slipping out of his bed she went to the bathroom with her phone.
She powered it back on and cringed when she had a couple of missed notifications from Jimmy. Not only had she kind of betrayed his trust and slept with someone else after he asked her to come over, but she wasn’t totally honest with Harry either. Hadn’t told him about the guy she’d been dating. A guy she was working on getting to know and could see herself dating long-term. Well, she could have seen Jimmy as someone long-term had it not been for Harry being so goddamn perfect.
Could she see herself with Harry long-term? She could actually but the reality was he probably didn’t see her in the same way. She chalked up his words and the intimacy with him just being a very sensual and sexual and vulnerable man. He was probably that way with everyone he slept with. She didn’t want to assume it was because he liked her just as much as she liked him.
Splashing her face with water she sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She knew what she needed to do. To protect herself. To make things right.
She needed to go home and tell Jimmy everything. And then she needed to decide if she could see herself being exclusive with Jimmy or not. Could she settle? She’d let Harry get under her skin. She didn’t know how he’d done it so fast but maybe it was just his natural charm. Whatever it was, she knew Harry would be okay. Knew it was unlikely that he felt anything close to how she was feeling.
Her Uber driver arrived faster than she thought. She rushed out of Harry’s bedroom, down the stairs, and out the door, before she even had time to write a little note. She fully intended on doing that but it was too late. It was time to put it all behind her. Maybe this was going to get Harry out of her system once and for all.
But she could be dumb at times.
.           .           .          
Instead of coming clean to Jimmy right away, she broke down the moment she got into her bedroom. She regretted everything. The way she handled Jimmy. The way she gave in to Harry. The way she left Harry without saying goodbye.
What was she thinking? She was too young to be going through a midlife crisis but she was at an age where she needed to grow up and start making big girl decisions. Settle down with a good man. Jimmy was surely that man. A normal guy. Someone in her league. But maybe she so easily gave in to Harry because Jimmy still had his dating profile active and that stayed with her in the back of her mind. Their casual dating relationship meant they were allowed to see who they wanted.
But Harry was… There was something there. Something else that she didn’t have with Jimmy. That she wasn’t sure she’d ever have. But that was why she needed to cut it out with the famous man. He was famous. He was exceptional in so many ways and there was simply no way he’d feel for her what she felt for him. He was too good to be true.
The messages from both men continued through the day. She shut her phone off when she got to work. She just couldn't face it. Couldn’t deal with it. Tomorrow. She’d figure it out tomorrow. Explain everything to Jimmy and to Harry. Harry would be okay. She knew he would be. He’d probably felt relief that she didn’t stay in fact. Made it easier for him so he didn’t have to break it to her that that should be their last time together. Though, she hadn’t read any of the messages he sent (she simply couldn’t bring herself to) she was sure he would be the easy one to deal with. Jimmy, though… She hoped he’d forgive her. But she knew she needed to call it off with Jimmy as well. Nice enough, a great guy for just about anyone. But maybe not for her. Especially not when she couldn’t stop comparing him to Harry. So she’d made up her mind. She’d call Jimmy the following day and sort things out with him. Tell him they had a good run and then that would be that.
But sometimes things in life don’t always go as one imagines. Do they?
With her phone shut off, she had missed the calls and the subsequent texts from both men. She had not realized that they’d both texted her that they were going to be waiting for her at her house when she got home because they needed to talk. She had not imagined pulling up to her little rented bungalow to see three men standing in her front yard.
There was Brad, mediating the whole scene, standing between the two men she’d been ignoring for the entirety of the day.
Then there was Jimmy with a red face and posture that told her he was feeling quite insecure about something. Of which she was sure she had a good idea.
And there was Harry. Pacing. With his hands in his hair and his mouth moving as he said something that had him excited.
The three men suddenly stopped as she pulled in front of the house. All three sets of eyes on her. She had been avoiding simply responding to them. Assuming she’d have time to get her thoughts together. But now she had no choice. She was being forced to confront them.
Harry began to walk toward her car first. But then Jimmy followed too. Both men spoke to one another animatedly as she opened the door.
“Nahh… back off man,” Harry spoke to Jimmy but kept his eyes toward Y/n.
“No. I’m not going to back off…” Jimmy quickened his pace when he noticed she’d gotten out of her car.
“Y/n…” Brad spoke over the two bickering adults, “You probably have some explaining to do to these two. Do you mind taking over here?”
“I… yeah. Of course. I’m so sorry, Brad.” She looked between the three men as Brad waved and walked back into the house.
Jimmy’s face was bright red, “Y/n, tell him we’ve been dating. He seems to think you are his girlfriend.”
Looking at Harry she opened her mouth to respond but stopped at the insinuation that Harry implied she was his girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
Stepping into her yard Harry stood in front of her and then Jimmy next to him both men looking at her in question.
“Uh… I’m… I don’t know what to say. I’ve been dating Jimmy,” she gestured at the man and looked at Harry, “but we’re not exclusive, and then… Well, I saw Harry last night,” she stuttered her words. Her heart was pounding. She was not looking like a good person in this situation. But it was too late now.
“I don’t care that you were dating someone. What happened between us last night… that meant something to you. Didn’t it?” Harry spoke as he gently brushed his fingers against hers, a little spark of life, a signal that he was there and she was safe with him.
She was a bit stunned by all this. Hadn’t expected Harry to say that. Hadn’t expected to see both men in her yard, apparently arguing over her.
“But we’ve been dating for almost 2 months. I think she and I have something special. And I know we haven’t specifically said we were exclusive but–“
“Well, I’ve known her for nearly… what 5, 6 months now?” Harry looked at her as he spoke.
Y/n stood still looking from Harry to Jimmy who continued, “So what is it? Are you with me or are you with him? I didn’t know you were dating someone else.” He was flustered. In comparison to Harry, he was not calm nor gentle.
“I… I’m sorry,” She shook her head and felt her face grow hot and her head dizzy. She was embarrassed.
There wasn’t anything else to say. Except that she was sorry. She really had liked Jimmy. But with the way she folded so fast with Harry, she knew she didn’t like Jimmy as much as she assumed. Because all Harry had to do was say a few nice things to her to get her back to his place and in his bed. She was a weak bitch. What could she say except sorry?
“Look. I’m sorry. Both of you. I have some explaining to do and I was going to… but why are you both here?”
“I came here to talk about this morning with you, Y/n. You left without goodbye and didn’t respond to my texts,” Harry spoke first.
“And you didn’t text me back last night when I thought we were making plans. I was worried about you.”
Blinking her eyes she realized without a doubt, that she was the heavy here. The rotten one. This was all her fuckup. Both men came to find her because she’d blown them both off. Ran away from her problems.
But she fully intended on being truthful. She just needed a minute.
“Fuck.” She cursed and ran a hand through her hair. “I was going to talk to you both. I just… I don’t know. I felt bad that I flaked out on you, Jimmy. I was never going to meet up with you last night after work and I should have told you that off the bat. And I was going to tell you but then I saw Harry and… I just felt guilty so I figured I’d apologize later.”
“That’s… kind of fucked up, Y/n,” Jimmy said as he put his hands on his hips.  
She nodded and looked at him. He was upset, “I know. I’m sorry.”
“And so you didn’t want to come see me last night because of him?” He gestured toward the man standing to his left.
Shaking her head she looked from Jimmy to Harry, “No. Before I even realized Harry was at the restaurant for dinner I planned on just going back home after my shift. I just never got around to telling you that. I didn’t want to see you last night.”
“But you went back to Harry’s house?” Jimmy asked.
She sighed, nodding, “Yes. I didn’t plan on it. It just happened.”
The silence was all-consuming. Y/n didn’t want to look at Jimmy’s disappointed face any longer so she glanced at Harry whose energy was opposite of Jimmy's. He was all soft eyes with a gentle expression. Comforting. She smiled at him. He felt safe.
“Okay. Fair enough,” Jimmy spoke suddenly, “So that’s it? Should I expect to hear from you again or…” he shrugged and looked at her hoping to hear something that gave him anything to hang on to.
Should he expect to hear from her? She liked him. She really did. But she could see it now that she didn’t like him enough. Even if perhaps she and Harry didn’t wind up together, the way she fell into Harry’s bed so easily and the way she lit up at Harry’s smile in that moment. The way he made her feel… it was over with Jimmy. She’d never feel that way with him.
“I think that’s it. Yeah. I’m sorry, Jimmy. I’m not sure what I was thinking but… I think this has run its course. I’m sorry,” she shook her head at the whole situation. She felt awful. Jimmy had been nothing but kind. But she just wasn’t feeling it she guessed. Not when she was feeling so much more with Harry.
She watched Jimmy walk away to his car and felt Harry’s hands pull at hers, “It meant something. Didn’t it?”
Looking up at the tall man in confusion she responded, “What?”
“Last night. I know you left without saying anything but now I get it. You were feeling guilty about that bloke. Right?”
Swallowing thickly she nodded, “Yeah… I just… I don’t know why I went back with you but it felt natural and this morning I was overwhelmed with guilt and didn’t really know what you wanted. You know?” She raised her brows and continued, “You’re… you. You’re Harry Styles. I’m just… me. Felt like I was playing some silly game with myself that was just gonna get me hurt.”
Harry’s hands cupped her face softly, “No games. I like you a lot. Couldn’t stay away from you. Last night felt like the beginning of something really special and I hoped you felt it too.”
She stayed silent as she looked into his eyes. His warm hands on her skin felt soft and tender. His thumbs grazed her cheekbones and she felt it. She did. She knew exactly what he meant. To hear him say it, though…
“I need to know what that means for you. Because, yeah. I felt it. I just don’t want to get hurt, Harry. You’re gonna go back on tour and you’ll see your ex and some other woman and I’m gonna get left behind again–“
“My ex? I didn’t see my ex. Nor do I have plans for that,” he laughed softly as he spoke.
“Well, I mean… I did see her post about crossing paths with someone and that cross necklace,” she shook her head and felt silly for even bringing it up as she looked at the expression on Harry’s face.
“She called me and I answered. She thought that meant something but really it was just me being nice. I don’t miss her at all. Have no intention of seeing her again on any level.”
She nodded at his words, “And the pretty woman that was with you on tour. Lots of rumors there too. Which is fine! You’re totally allowed to see other–“
Harry pulled her in close, stopping her mid-sentence, “She’s a friend. Someone I trust who I can vent to and confide in. She gave me lots of advice about you, angel. Told me to go after you. Told me she hadn’t seen me so excited about anyone ever before. I couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“So, you never slept with her?”
Harry shook his head and fit his fingers between hers, blinking softly, “Never. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Now she felt really bad. He’d been missing her and thinking of her all the while she was off with Jimmy trying to erase Harry from her mind, “I had no idea. I’m sorry that I didn’t… I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I admit, I didn’t try hard enough to stay in touch. That’s on me. But I don’t want that to ever happen again.”
“But now you must really think I’m trash. After all that?”
Harry shook his head, squeezing her hand, “Not at all, angel. I want to be with you. Don’t want you with anyone else, though,” he laughed, “And I’m not gonna think about whatever you had going on with that guy because you were just trying to get to know someone else. You thought it was over with us. But I don’t want it to be over. I want it to be me and you.”
She stood stunned. She just hadn’t expected any of this but it was more than she could have hoped for. She genuinely thought she’d misread all the signs. Yes, last night it felt like intimacy and deep connection but figured that was all coming from her end. She had tricked herself into believing he didn’t feel the same.
“Well? What do you think? Would you want to be my girlfriend? Make it official?”
She swallowed the grit down her throat and blinked her eyes at Harry. It all felt like a dream. Surely it was a dream.
“I do want that. So much, but…” she shook her head just as Harry grinned wide.
“So you’re my girlfriend now?”
Y/n puffed out a laugh and nodded, “I guess so. Yeah.” She couldn’t tamper her smile.
Harry released one of her hands and gently held the back of her neck as he leaned down to kiss her. And just like every other time her lips connected with his, she felt flushed and buzzy. Her skin prickled with excitement. Her sinuses burned as she held back stupid tears.
But she needed to say something else. And if this fiasco had taught her anything it was that she needed to be better at communicating.
Parting from the kiss, Harry kept her in his arms as she tilted her head to look up at him, “But what happens when you leave again, Harry? To another city? Another country? What does that mean for us?”
He brought his lips to her forehead before looking down at her again, his crystalline green eyes taking her in. He inhaled a deep breath, a serious expression on his face suddenly that had Y/n worried about the next words he was going to speak, “Come with me.”
He squeezed her closer if that were possible and she opened and closed her mouth a few times, shocked at his words and at what was happening. It was crazy, wasn’t it? To just leave everything behind and travel with Harry wherever he went? Surely this was just a beautiful dream she’d be waking from at any minute.
Harry shook his head and the edge of his pink lips quirked up on one side, “I won’t take no for an answer.”
A/N: This is the last part of this series! What did you guys think? Would you like to see some more of these two? Thank you so much for reading!
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psychicuniiverse · 1 year
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The Conditions of Change
When adults seek change, they often focus on the intended result while hurrying through the practice. However, growth requires a bit more than 'just trying something out'. Here are some tips to help bring change upon your life, good luck!
Consistency
Real change, especially as an adult, requires many, many repetitions of a behavior or movement or position. 'Trying hard' is usually counterproductive as it tenses the muscles and the emotions. It is necessary to let the exercise or method work without undue ego participation over time. The practice has to become, for a time, 'just what one does.'
Willingness
The practices that change long standing blocks will usually seem, when presented to an adult learner, to be too subtle, too corny, not relevant, and mostly downright wrong. One must be willing to really try something different if one is at the point where one's own ideas have failed. Of course, discernment cannot be completely disposed of, but if a learner wants what another person has, they must be willing to do what that person did, however unnecessary or stupid it seems.
Sustainability
So often adult learners hurl themselves into an activity, and neglect other aspects of their lives. Soon they end up dropping the practice and rarely get back to it. A good practice must be one that can be 'what one does' for a good while. Immersion approaches exist, for example a 30 day retreat, but then carryover to one's regular life becomes the issue.
First Things First (Urgent Things Second)
In our over-busy, over-booked lives, if we wait for a 'free moment' to practice something, it invariably never arrives. To have consistency with a new practice it is necessary to make it a priority and see that it gets done first, leaving less important things, even if more urgent, to 'scroll off the screen'
The Plateau is Where the Work Starts
All people have latent abilities that come online easily and quickly when they start a practice (often called newbie or 'noob' gains). But once the latent abilities are developed and the participant is working to develop brand new capacities, the going is much much slower. This is where the large majority quit, discouraged, but this is where the work really is beginning.
Anticipate Anxiety
Real change even in small amounts will cause anxiety, which can be insidious and hard to attribute to the new practice. In an uncanny way, impulses to start something incompatible with the new practice, or new worries, confusion, or minor injuries will threaten to derail the change process. Barring gross demonstrable harm, the need is to 'stay the course!'
Don't Look to Validation or Approval
If another person is the reason to do something, in a moment they can become the reason not to. When a practice is undertaken to please someone (and yes this can be unconscious or semi-conscious) there are two big barriers: 1) effort gets substituted for the fruits of the practice, and the practice gets or stays sloppy because even sloppy practice shows effort, and 2) the instinct for autonomy (buried itself in some measure in the unconscious) will cause resistance
Frequent self-measurement is unhelpful
When one has undergone real change others will point it out, don't worry. Trying to get one's inner judge to validate oneself takes attention off the practice, apart from any concern that self-measurement will not be accurate.
The Placebo Effect is Not the Effect
Whenever one takes on a new promising practice there is going to be an immediate sense of elation. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this, but know that 1) it wears out in two to six weeks, 2) the real beneficial effect of the practice will be much more subtle at first then this elation, and take months or years to manifest. Many believe that when the elation stops, it means the practice has stopped working.
Understand the Difference Between Almost Nothing Happening and Actually Nothing Happening
When a ten-year-old wakes up in the morning no one notices a change in size from the night before, but actually there is, and over the course of years, that becomes very apparent. Real growth is like that, in that, almost nothing is happening. But with any practice, participants may worry that they are following a dead end. While some discernment and critical thinking may be needed in selecting a practice, once started attention should be focused on the actually practice, with some faith that results will come.
Work With Others
When working alone, long-standing defensive patterns can undermine the intended practice or even turn it into its opposite. Not that any growth practice is like an Olympic sport calling for perfect performance--one is simply seeking to stay in the 'stretch zone' or 'edge'. Other people, either peers or coaches can help with that by supplying explicit or implicit feedback. Not because they are know everything, but because they have gone or are going down the same path, and are more objective about you ('a different set of eyes').
Find Where You Are and Work From There
Don't try to work from where you want to be, that will be slower not quicker. This is about acceptance, a prerequisite for change
The Tightrope is an Illusion
When in new experiential territory, it can seem that the practice being encouraged will either quickly fall into a pitfall at one end, or into the opposite pitfall. There is no happy middle envisionable. This is just a lack of experience. For an experienced aerialist, the rope has come to appear like a sidewalk.
Don't Get Stuck in Inspiration
Inspiration, such as from most self-improvement materials and forums provides temporary elation by itself and therefore can become a habit. But nothing changes from inspiration. Slightly more important is turning inspiration into intention, definitely more important is turning intention into action, and absolutely more important is turning action into consistency.
There is No Such Thing as 'Ready'
Change is made by starting to work where you are with the tools at hand. In time, other tools will come to hand. The feeling of 'ready' does happen in life, but it has to do with situations already mastered. Also where aggression, anger, or desire is mobilized, the feeling of ready is not relevant.
Change is More About Unlearning than Learning
Here is what often happens: a man or woman wants to change a pattern so they focus directly on it and have initial success doing something different. Then they focus on other things, thinking the change is in the bag. The unwanted pattern comes back! The learner despairs that they cannot learn. Actually, the unwanted pattern was never gone (yet) it was just suppressed. It takes a longish trail of resuppression and practicing new habits until new practices become dominant.
Don't Make Effort the Focus
Many adolescent and adult learners have grown up in invalidating, emotionally treacherous environments where they could never be sure that their choices and criticisms wouldn't be attacked. This can lead to a over-emphasis of effort as a universally defensible good--remember the saying "You can't blame a guy for trying." But effort, increases arousal and tightens muscles, and strongly undermines some areas of change like breathing, relaxation, meditation, flexibility, and social skills. Of course with 'zero effort' nothing will change but effort should not be the focus.
Make Distractions and Irritants Part of the Practice
Everyone has had an experience of finding a quiet place, preparing to meditate or stretch, and BAM!, a loud sound like a leaf lower erupts. Or for nice guys they might have guilt at doing something 'selfish'. There is a temptation to wait to a better time, which often becomes never. Our ego fears we will do something badly! But the truth is, anything that cultivates growth will be done, at best, badly (really just imperfectly). Doing something even less perfectly is just as good, or greater an opportunity for self awareness as doing something just imperfectly. Awareness, attention, and mindfulness is increased.
The Rubber Band Effect
When we push against a homeostatic system, even one with a unhappy 'set-point', the system pushes back. To succeed, of course consistency and perseverance is necessary, but on occasion, several interventions need to be brought to bear simultaneously to reach a threshhold where the homeostatic set point is 'flipped', or reset.
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saintbleeding · 2 months
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do you have any advice for writing image descriptions? I’ve been wanting to add some to my art but I don’t know how to go about it
hello anon!!! that’s a wonderful thing to want to do and im happy to offer whatever help i can :3
so because image descriptions are very much a community effort, that does also mean there isn’t really a style guide or anything, which can be freeing but also quite intimidating! here are some kinda off the top of my head suggestions:
If ur comfier putting the ID in alt text than the post body, that is still much MUCH better than no ID at all (and side note, if someone copy+pastes ur id into a reblog, it’s not a suggestion that you did anything wrong, they’re just trying to make them maximally accessible. while a lot of ppl who need IDs will use screenreaders and will prefer alt text, there are ppl whose preference is plain text in the body of the post (i personally fall into this category))
similarly, if you are struggling to write an ID/don’t have the energy/etc, i cannot recommend People’s Accessibility on discord highly enough. there are some wonderful folks in there who can give you pointers or even write IDs for you! likewise, i can’t speak on others’ behalf but i’ve gladly written IDs for ppl’s posts before they’ve put them up before, and i’m happy to do so, even if we havent interacted before! you can shoot me a DM with the image you need described and i’m glad to assist
more specifically:
it’s good practice to include the name of the fandom and the characters, assuming it’s fanart. altho it’s likely that fanart will stay broadly within a circle where people are familiar with the source material, there may be ppl who encounter the post and wouldn’t know this detail without it being laid out explicitly
you’re welcome to mention whichever details you like, especially if you are the artist, because you know what’s important to the image as a whole. it’s also perfectly acceptable not to get super detailed on things like clothing/hairstyles, especially if they aren’t relevant to what’s going on
a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, if you didn’t have the image in front of you and just had the description, would it be a true representation of what the image looks like/portrays? would your mental image be accurate? that’s what you’re shooting for.
the best advice i can give is to just dive in and start, bc it gets a lot less intimidating once you’ve done a few, and it also gets easier the more you do it :3
also, i think trying to follow ppl who describe images helps a lot, because you will get more passive exposure to descriptions and what you think works/doesn’t, which can improve your own ID writing! on that note, highly recommend @princess-of-purple-prose/@pathos-logical (kay is a pillar of this and every community tbqh), @ryutarotakedown, @lucky-numberme, @fox-guardian, @squeeneyart, @hotdrinks, @samwise1548, and @rq-described (a breadth of interests represented here, but also if you’re asking me i presume you have at least a passing interest in audio drama and adjacent :3 )
thanks so much for asking and as i said i’m always happy to help however i can!!! happy describing, i believe in you!!!
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rachelamorph · 6 months
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"I found something on the net that has to be read to be believed, sir." Cody held up the screen. "Its slander about us."
Obi-wan quickly skimmed the text.
"Ah yes, you've stumbled upon something called fanfic." He swiped up and skimmed the next bit, his eyes widening and a bit of pink tinged his cheeks. "It's always better if you don't read the ones about yourself."
"Fiction is right! The only accurate thing in here is that I'm a clone and you're a Jedi."
"Oh I don’t know Cody. I do drop my light saber with alarming frequency and you are usually the one to hand it back."
"Yes, well, apart from that."
"So," Obi-wan smirked at him, "You don’t harbor secret feelings for me and handing my back my saber is a way to show it."
"I hand it back so you don't get killed. If your alive I stand a much better chance of also staying alive. It's purely selfish."
"I see," Obi-wan noticed their hands lingering in the air very near each other. "So we should probably stop reading then"
Cody also looked at their hands. "Yes that's probably for the best" he said then scrolled down further anyway "I mean look at this nonsense! You're not attracted to me. I look like all my brothers."
"Attraction is not always based on looks alone, commander. Infact some people are attracted soley to personally and only find someone attractive only after forming a connection with them."
Cody starred at him, concerned eyes meeting his.
Obi-wan cleared his throat. "But obviously it would be highly inappropriate for a general to have such feelings for a subordinate. I'm merely disputing your reasoning not the facts behind them. I'm only trying to broaden your understanding. I'm certain no one thought it relevant to go over the numerous ways people may be attracted to one another."
Cody swallowed. "I appreciate your insights, as always."
"At any rate it," His general continued, "I know its complete fiction. You're obviously not attracted to me. You've learned to speak your mind, open and honestly, I'm certain you wouldn't hide such a thing from me."
"You know everything there is to know about me, sir."
"Hmmm, do I?" His general ran a hand over his beard. "What is your favorite color?"
"I don't have one."
"Really? Or have you just never thought about it?"
Cody shrugged looked at the data pad for a moment.
"His blue eyes were the complement to Cody’s sun, and the sun always looked best on a clear blue sky." Cody's face wrinkled in disgust.
"Cody?"
He met his Jedi’s eyes. They were, at least, a pleasing shade of blue.
"Are you positive you don't have one?"
"I suppose if I had to choose. Then blue is nice."
The Jedi glanced at the page. "Yes, it is a nice color, it's a soothing color, because on many planets it is the color of a calm fair weather sky. And it complements my favorite, which has somewhat recently changed to orange."
"Like the sun?" Cody smirked.
His general's face darkened, "Its also my least favorite. It depends on context."
"The context?"
"On if the troopers wearing those colors are alive and well."
"Right..." Cody says quietly.
"You know fiction can be a wonderful escape. I wouldn't dismiss it entirely."
"Maybe other fiction, but not this." Cody scrolled down the page. "I mean just look at it!"
Obi-wan glance at the page. "Oh my! No that's not right. I would never!"
"Exactly," Cody agreed. "I can't imagine you letting perfectly good tea go cold. I'm sure you'd finish it before...engaging in those sorts of activities." Cody felt his face grow warm.
"Um, I was refering to..." His general's face grew pink once more. "I think it's best if we stop reading."
Cody eyes lingered on the page. "Obi-wan whispered in his ear. You're my entire galaxy, Cody." He tore his eyes away.
"Yes..." he said softly then cleared his throat "Yes, lets agree to forget this trash exists."
"Right." Obi-wan dropped his hand which had still lingering in the air near Cody's for some reason. "Should we have some tea why we working on our reports?"
"We don’t do that. You got that idea from this trash."
"Why, Cody, what ever do you mean?"
"This trash here." Cody wiggled the pad at him. "This absol- Cody caught the hint of a smile on his general's face "Oh, well played, sir, very funny."
"So, would you like some tea?"
"Yes sir. Just to help me stay awake."
"Of course and we can discuss questions as they come up instead of after the fact. It will be much more efficient. I wish I thought of it ages ago. I don't know why I suddenly just did." There was a full blown smirk on his general's face now.
Cody shook his head, repressing his own smile. He followed his general back to the ship to join him in his quarters for a purely professional and perfectly platonic cup of tea.
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sineala · 6 months
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Fall of X (Steve/Tony Edition)
For anyone else who is a comics Steve/Tony fan who doesn't usually read X-Men comics and is now finding themselves needing to wade through the Fall of X, this is everything I have found that's out now (or coming out very soon) in the order you should read it, that pertains to Steve and/or Tony. This is accurate as of today (September 16); we are obviously not done with the event so this list will not stay accurate, but if you want to hop on now, this is how you'd do it.
Iron Man #7
Avengers/X-Men FCBD 2023
Hellfire Gala 2023
Iron Man #8
Iron Man #9
X-Men #25
Uncanny Avengers #1
X-Men #26
(Uncanny Avengers #2 when it comes out, Sept. 20)
(Iron Man #10 when it comes out, Sept. 27)
(Iron Man #7 is not technically part of this but it does have some lead-up with a subplot involving Rhodey and Feilong. I am assuming you are all reading Iron Man anyway.)
I am also not a regular X-Men reader so it's possible that I've missed some stuff, but this is everything that has Steve and/or Tony or is directly relevant to them that I have found. So this isn't the entire event, but if you're just trying to get through Iron Man comics there are definitely some comics that you want to read.
I mention this because it might not be entirely obvious to anyone just trying to read through Iron Man that there are crucial events in the Free Comic Book Day issue that was released months ago. But there are. And I would like to save everyone else the trouble of getting halfway through Hellfire Gala and wondering why all of a sudden someone has been trying to assassinate Captain America off-panel and thinking that, wow, I really must have missed something somewhere. Which was the experience I had. So, yeah. That was actually depicted in the FCBD 2023 issue. Surprise!
(The most necessary part of the ordering, for our purposes, is Avengers/X-Men FCBD, Hellfire, and then Iron Man #8. There are several important events that we see from various points of view throughout these issues, which all take place on the same night, in that order. Iron Man #8 also assumes you have read Iron Man #182 but I feel like probably everyone has done this.)
Tony is on the main team (although the main Avengers book is not part of the Fall of X event); Steve is currently leading the Uncanny Avengers, which is part of the event. Both Steve and Tony actually appear together briefly in both X-Men #25 and Uncanny Avengers #1 as part of the meetings the remaining resistance is holding against Orchis. I don't know if Tony will be in this week's Uncanny Avengers #2. He wasn't in the preview and he isn't in the character list on the recap page, but that was also the case for both X-Men #25 and Uncanny Avengers #1. I think the character lists only cover the team members in this particular series.
I have reordered a couple of issues from the order they were released in. Uncanny Avengers #1 was released the week before Iron Man #9 but it has to happen in the opposite order. IM #9 takes place the night of the Gala and on into the next day; it picks up immediately after #8 and resolves the cliffhanger there. UA #1, even though it came out before this, takes place weeks after the Gala, as established in the issue. Judging by the preview, UA #2 will (at least partially) take place immediately after UA #1 but as it hasn't come out yet, I can't say for sure.
Similarly, since Iron Man #9 is right after #8, I've put X-Men #25 after that, since it also takes place weeks after the Gala, even though it came out before IM #9. I might end up moving Uncanny Avengers around some more later as well, but this works for now.
X-Men #26 is the X-Men half of the wedding issue along with Iron Man #10. The IM half isn't out yet, so we'll see what happens there.
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greatwyrmgold · 2 months
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OnK Chapter 137
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Oh shit, the cameras were still rolling? I thought Ruby's outburst was just her venting.
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Okay, from an thematic and emotional perspective, I get what's going on here. Gotanda had an epiphany about the real Ai Hoshino from watching her daughter's ad-lib or venting or whatever it was, and he wants to change the movie to reflect that reality.
But from a filmmaking perspective, can't you just shoot the scene again and remind Ruby to stay on-script? Surely their schedule isn't so tight that they can't do another take. Or just cut the bit where Ruby/Ai says "I hate everyone, screw them all, what did I do wrong?" off the end of the scene.
It seemed like the conversation was over and Ruby was walking off-set, so you probably wouldn't lose anything. Unless Ruby was supposed to say a different line, but since she was walking away, it wouldn't be hard to dub in audio from a different take.
And while "Ai wasn't a perfect idol, she's a normal girl who the adults around her forced into the mold of a perfect idol" is probably accurate, I find it weird that characters are coming to conclusions about Ai's true nature after watching Ruby's acting. After all—
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—yeah, what she said. Ruby isn't Ai, and she never will be. That's good! (I'm glad that Ruby will keep trying to be friends with Kana no matter how this movie goes.) However, having Ruby literally say that she's not like her mom, in key ways relevant to the scene she was just acting in, when those scenes were used as insight fuel for accurate-sounding insights about her mom's true nature...there's tension there.
For Gotanda's logic to be valid, Ruby's acting would need to in some way reflect Ai's true self. But at the same time, Ruby herself insists that she doesn't reflect Ai's true self. And while it's not impossible for Gotanda's conclusion to be accurate even if it's based on erroneous logic, Ruby undermining that logic within half a dozen pages of explaining his conclusion feels pointed. The proximity of those two related things feels significant, like one is supposed to make us question the other.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
On an unrelated note.
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Selling "the genius child actor who can cry in 10 seconds" as a genius actor? Seems pretty straightforward.
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autism-alley · 2 months
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ok full immediate finale thoughts!!! spoilers for everything below!!
LUKE NARRATION???? SAYING PERCY’S FIRST LINE??? YES HELL YES THE PARALLEL
FINALLY PERCY VS LUKE SWORD FIGHT TRAINING BETTER LATE THAN NEVER I GUESS
ok??? liking it so far
nvm not liking the kronos part and how he just Knows so earlyyyy
walker’s angry face is GOOD
god blood is gold!! glad they included that
ok dialogue feeling a little clunky again
why is hades’ helm bronze i thought it would be stygian iron like nico’s sword (edit: it’s not i looked it up)
don’t like that we’re just back at montauk and the police/press don’t show up which is like. what’s the point of making him a suspected domestic terrorist and national fugitive if it’s not relevant to this fight?? and it doesn’t play a role in how the trio gets home by percy making sad puppy eyes on national television as a way for the story to show percy’s cunning and grudge against gabe, and by cutting the flight back to new york there’s no sense of dread as percy takes the journey to olympus. i get they couldn’t have him fly if they changed the deadline being passed but like… maybe!! they shouldn’t have changed it. in the books it’s clear percy will be SMITED if the deadline passes and the bolt isn’t returned. IMMEDIATELY. he should already be dead. instead of in the books being shown zeus’ barely contained wrath, yet we. nothing. zeus’ first action is promised to be smiting percy and then nature will go to war with itself and i’m Not Getting The Impression At All that is happening. the radio says the weather is extreme and earthquakes are being used to break up storms but we aren’t seeing any of that. the sky is only partly cloudy here, you would think if nature is tearing itself apart it would be everywhere and very extreme. the book tells us it would be the apocalypse
lmao mrs dodds reappearance let’s see where this goes
they made her way nicer here lmao but i don’t hate it
yes!!! annabeth giving him her necklace for luck i love
those r pretty weak storm clouds like we’re finally getting some clouds and they’re just weak as hell. what happened to the sky being black. they’re so light and sparse. i had to rewind to see the lightning they so don’t look like storm clouds. and i know if they completely covered everything we wouldn’t see the establishing shot of the empire state building but maybe pick a different one. instead of a top down, we look up, feeling small in the shadow of the gods, as storm clouds swirl around the empire state building, obscuring the top, storms obscuring olympus itself as it is plunged into war
“i don’t have an appointment” lmao
“annabeth is afraid of spiders” just stated. once again telling not showing. but i LOVE the analogy about big things squishing small, scary things. i love it a lot that was rly good
hilarious that percy’s necklace’s cord is so thick compared to luke and annabeth’s like it highlights how empty it is
idk how i feel abt olympus. it’s grand, as it should be, and i presume empty bc of the war (but like. Everyone is gone? nobody… stays to fight? or people who don’t fight but olymous is their home? they all leave? they all leave their home? would all the demigods leave chb? no?? the books literally show the demigods prepare for war towards the end of the series?), it feels ancient as it should, but idk if it feels… godly? divine? like it should be radiating. i’m not getting paradise vibes but i can try to justify it to myself with the war
OF COURSE HE IS?????? (reading this back idk what this references lmao?)
zeus does not feel asshole enough. i love lance reddick. rly i do. i am heartbroken he is gone. i would never have cast him as zeus.
still hate the kronos thing
“i surrender” regardless of my feelings abt the show or this scene or the implications this has this does still make me emotional
bitch he’s one 2 talk lmaooo LMAO AND POSEIDON SAID AS SUCH
enjoying the greek idk how accurate it is will have 2 ask bestie but we love seeing the greek gods speak greek of course
“obedience doesn’t come naturally to you” “no. sir” LMAOO IDK IF I WROTE THAT DOWN RIGHT BUT THAT WAS KINDA FUNNY
“the sea does not like to be restrained” YES!!
…sally taught him ancient greek? hm. idk. they’re erasing the way percy knew so little abt the mythical, percy and annabeth’s dynamic in the book is he’s out of his element in the mythical world and she’s out of her element in the mortal world. they need each other. this annabeth is very clueless abt the mortal world’s culture, but this percy just knows so much abt the mythical world, i am not getting the impression they need each other
“do you ever dream about mom?” killed me. im dead. im six feet deep im gone. the rest of these notes will be written from the great beyond
oh ok i guess the pearl works for that too?
thalia tree looking kinda wimpy ngl. why is it so. skinny and like skinny all of a sudden in its trunk and its branches so thin. they should be full and lush THIS is the magical tree protecting camp’s borders? created by zeus to preserve his daughter??
stoll brothers?? maybe? idk? two kids of a similar age who could be brothers, mistaken for twins, even, seen for like half a second?? i’m leaping already
THE HUG
oh so excited for this scene let’s gooo luke and percy yes yes yes my excitement for this was so much my mom got annoyed lmaooo
ARE THOSE TEARS IN LUKES EYES
RECRUIT??? OKAYYY THIS IS INTERESTING!!! IT GOES BAD SO HE PULLS OUT THE SCORPION??
also you’re trying to recruit him after you tried to kill him by sending him into tartarus?? lmao?
BACKBITER??? IS IT HALF AND HALF?? IDK I CANT TELL?? BACKBITER??
ok yea backbiter. miss luke’s introduction of it in the book tho. how its deadly to the moral and the mythical
loving the ambiance of the fireworks through the trees omg
“i met your dad” being the thing that sets luke over the edge yes yes yes this fight isn’t Incredible but the fight scenes in this episode are LEAGUES BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS EPISODES
mixed feelings abt annabeth being there. i like that she got to hear luke’s betrayal first hand and obviously i like her defending percy but her being so hesitant abt luke is so important to the series. she had no hesitation at all. :/
also miss the scorpion. i do miss the premeditated attempted murder
we’re skipping all of percy’s stay at chb? :(( makes me so sad. but peep the new bead. wish we got more focus on that instead of it just being there we just breezed past percy’s summer at camp :(
“you are a leader in the eyes of your follow half bloods” no. No. NO. not until after the titan’s curse does percy step into the leader’s role STOP RUSHING THINGS, DAM(N).
OH WE JUST SKIPPED OVER ANNABETH DECIDING TO GO HOME?? WHAT ABT HER AND PERCY TALKING ABT IT?? WHAT HE SAYS IS WHAT MAKES HER SERIOUSLY CONSIDER IT RIGHT?? i can’t remember if the train scene was supposed to be that scene but what the hell
ALSO ANNABETHS HAIR YESSS I LOVE HER TO DEATH THATS MY GIRL!!!!! SHE LOOKS SO GOOD
GROVERS SEARCHERS LICENSE
SEARCHING THE SEAS YES THAT MAKES SENSE FOR THE CHARACTERS AND THE SEA OF MONSTERS SET UP OK
okayyyy trio being cute
theeee beach looks exactly the same? and the owners don’t lock the door? i get before maybe it was magically unlocked but the owners didn’t stop by? is it just magically unlocked again? (i guess. was it a dream?)
JACKSON REUNION STILL GETS ME
OH???????
lmao percy being sassy. well. ok no. he’s a little too confident. book percy even when he said bold things in the face of gods was usually a little scared still on some level especially in the first book we should be seeing some of that and why tf kronos just telling him his plans also idk if i rly like the grim reaper vibes he got going on
wait what
we’re skipping over their real reunion?? or was that real? what happened?
enjoying percy’s room tho it’s pretty close to how i imagined
they never explained the blue food as sally’s sign to percy she still has her sense of self, as her sign of rebellion against abuse. it’s just there. it feels like when the blue food became a fandom meme and it seemed to lose its meaning as a mother’s reassurance to her child that she was ok, she was herself, despite all the hell they’ve endured. now it’s just here. checked off on a list. tossed half-heartedly to book fans and horribly unexplained to new fans. ://///
SALLY DOESNT KILL GABE???????? SALLY DOESNT KILL GABE!!!!!! RICHARD RUSSELL RIORDAN JUNIOR. YOU FUCKER. YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER. IM COMING FOR UR ASS, BOY. RICK??? DISNEY??? WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS SOME FUCKING NERVE.
i. wh. this episode was pretty solid until this. i am devastated. how could they do this to sally. how could they do this to the story. just. how could they do this?? and for what? a joke? even in the movie where percy kills gabe it’s funny but it’s still INTENTIONAL what the fuck i don’t even. i don’t even know how to process this. i cant even say the wind has been taken out of my sails. my sails caught on fire and disintegrated. i am stranded in the middle of the sea with no sails at all.
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this might be a touchy subject and you don’t have to answer but, as one myself, how would Yves act with a chronically ill/physically disabled person? or even someone who constantly deals with chronic pain that is debilitating for everyday life? btw i love your writing, no matter how cursed. 🤍
Yves feels his heart wrench whenever he sees you break down in tears, frustrated at yourself for not doing as well as other able-bodied people, frustrated that you have to surrender your autonomy at times to Yves. He truly does, he hates to see you in such a state. While he doesn't mind, even prefers you to be dependent on him due to his strong caregiver personality, Yves doesn't want it to be at the cost of your happiness.
He will read up on all the papers published about your illness or disability. Past and modern ones, there must be a pattern or some sort that he could identify. Yves will try his best to find a cure or at least something that will improve your symptoms greatly.
But the first thing he will get done is to talk to you. Discuss what you ultimately want; is it freedom you seek? His undying support? The unyielding truth that Yves will stay by your side no matter how bad it gets? Do you want to keep fighting for yourself, or do you want Yves to do it for you?
You will have the latest, cutting-edge prosthetics if you're struggling with an amputated limb or body part. All the helpful, relevant, accessible gadgets will be installed in the house in hopes of making your life much easier and giving back the level of independence you need to maintain your mental health. Yves will remember all your appointments for you, that fills his planners up. Your dosages, your medication, and the procedures of your treatments.
He will remind you, pre-pack your pills, and help you with your IV drip. Yves is very careful with his tone and words, he knows the stress, humiliation, and pain that come with living as a chronically ill person can easily set you off. Everything can be overwhelming, he does not want to see tears of anger or hopelessness in your eyes. It's not your fault, you never wanted this and it just happened to affect you.
Yves spends nights perusing through all experimental treatments, weighing between the risks and benefits. He will present his carefully curated selection to you, but he makes sure to pace it out appropriately. Because if he were to show you thousands of pages of medical reports, chances are you're going to be upset, overstimulated, and angry at him. You have very limited energy and focus, he needs to get his words as concise and accurate as possible.
Watching him kneel with you on the bathroom floor, as you experience your seventh vomiting tonight, truly shocked you. Understandably, you're in such a terrible state, that you've barely gotten any sleep for the past month. But Yves sleeps even less, he is always awake, always looking after you. Ready for any emergencies and constantly preparing items or foods that will ease you. Yet, he looks glowing, as if he wasn't caretaking a bleeding ball of misery. His hair is always silky and brushed, no bags under his eyes, and his movement is still crisp. And he always knows what to do, much better than you or your practitioners.
He knows your body well enough to administer his own dose of painkillers, going against doctors' orders and obtaining drugs that fully alleviate your pain. Strategically timing your doses so it won't be too hard on your liver. Taking your blood samples himself and ran them through his own trusted pathology lab, potentially proving that your doctor might have misdiagnosed you. Maybe you wouldn't need to suffer, Yves could find a cure.
You were very apprehensive at first when Yves suggested that he does his own testing. He has no credentials, why should you trust him? The doctors have much more experience than him and they went to school for this. You're not trusting a random to cut you open either, he's a mathematician, not a medical doctor or a surgeon-
You were dumbfounded when he produced his own certifications and licenses. Proving that he worked in hospitals, researched institutes, and even published his own medical papers that universities used as teaching material for decades. Everything he presented is legitimate, he even demonstrated the validity of them by your request. You could call his universities and they will all confirm his contributions, You can confirm with the government and the relevant boards, you can search for him anywhere, and early pictures of him will resurface.
He looked so different. Yves looked unremarkable in them with short hair. He looks unhappier and more exhausted, though. Makes you wonder how old he really is.
But that was all. You cannot find further information on Yves other than the ones he allows you to know about.
So you reluctantly let him stick a needle in you, only to realize that he's done. You blinked multiple times and darted your eyes from your arm and his gloved hands holding vials of blood. Unlike the usual nurses or doctors, you can't feel the needle going in or out. Yes, you saw it, but it was unbelievably fast.
Your jaw dropped as he didn't even need to palpate your arm. Yves just calmly inserted the syringe, gathered what he needed, and finished. You didn't experience any bruising later, which was astonishing with the speed he was working with.
He labeled them and packed them in a plastic bag with a biohazard symbol on it and into a padded envelope. Yves disposed of his gloves and washed his hands.
You expected him to enlighten you. Tell you stories while he was in the field, brag about his accomplishments, complain about difficult patients, anything! You needed to know more! Just who the hell is he?
But all he did was smile, give you a kiss on the forehead, and help you back to your room.
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analviel · 5 months
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No hate, I do appreciate them since I learn new things, but I'm also baffled by people who try to fit SVSSS as.... historically accurate.
I'm.... not even sure how that works. Since xianxia itself is fantasy - wuxia would make sense of course.
For my part I just slap on that it's in a distant past, where the earth is mostly pangea shaped, with one culture from real world cropping up here and another here, and they just..... mix. Interact.
Like, for the sake of the genre itself I'd say it's mostly chinese, mostly chinese writing system, which is easy enough since as it so happens, it's the root of a number of other writing systems. Literally just think ATLA, the way they mixed real life culture with fantasy and not let that hold them back.
Oh hey convenient space to put my 'headcanon races if they were transmigrated in our modern era'. SJ and SQH I'd put as chinese, YQY and QQQ korean, LQG japanese, and MQF vietnamese, WQW thai, mostly because I have this AU I play with where they are reincarnated in modern world but have faint recollection of their old lives as CQMS Peak Lords (this would be after the happenings in my universe AU where SJ, rather than dying of heartbreak after seeing Xuan Su sword shards escapes instead this and yes, spoiler alert they stil die bcs I'm all for the whole 'if I can't ascend with you all then I guess let's just all die'), and I keep playing with this scene of SJ living in a compound with YQY (imagine SJ waking up going 'Qi-ge, Qi-ge, gege I want breakfast' and YQY humming indulgently while cooking on the stove💗💗💗💗💘💘💘 (I mean not really relevant AS MUCH but just note I imagine them as brothers brothers here) and they have it for rent at first but when they meet the other PL and realize the truth of their memories, they have it reserved only for their martial siblings. And live together like a group of really chill friends that are low key keeping a pulse on the underground cultivation world that is concealed from the public
Yes, SJ does annoy LQG for rent even if it's not yet time to pay. He just likes being annoying okay, let him be annoying.
..... My posts are losing any sense of order these days. Like I know I should stay at least on one topic on one post but whatever.
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ramshacklefey · 10 months
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When you want to dispel disinformation, focus on positives and shared values.
Part of the training for my new job (teaching sex ed to middle and high school students) included a short class on how to deal with disinformation. The class was taught by a woman who has spent her entire career doing PR work for political campaigns at high levels of government, and one of the things she had to say really stuck with me, because it's relevant to so many parts of my life:
If you're trying to correct a narrative or fight disinformation, you have to focus on positive information and the values you share with other people.
Why is this so important? Well, it turns out that human brains do a funny thing when you present them with a negative statement: they remember all the words except the "not." This means that if you show up and tell someone, "Trans women are not predators," the things their brain is going to hang onto from that is the association between the words "trans woman" and "predators." The "not" just gets tossed out. If you say, "Sex ed is not grooming," the association between "sex ed" and "grooming" sticks in their brain. The "not" goes away.
The same thing goes for any other disinformation you're trying to combat. You can write an entire essay telling someone why such-and-such is false, but what they're going to come away remembering is all the claims you told them were false, rather than the fact that they're false.
So, what to do instead?
Focus on presenting the right information. "Sex ed helps kids stay safe and gives them the language they need to communicate to trusted adults if something bad is happening," is an effective statement. It gives a person's brain a positive association to put with the concept "sex ed."
Look for opportunities for "Yes, and-" statements. Chances are, there are fundamental values that you and others agree on. You can build from these fundamental values! If someone says they want to protect children, you can say, "Yes, me too! And that's why I want them to have access to accurate information."
Related to this: telling people that they are being disingenuous about their values is never going to help. You may be able to see clearly that there's a contradiction between the values someone expresses and the policies they advocate for or the actions they take. But their beliefs are probably in earnest. By focusing on "Yes, and-" statements, you show them that you agree with their fundamental beliefs. You've just got a different way of acting on them. They may not immediately change their mind, but it opens the door for them to see another way of acting on their convictions.
Remember that most people who believe disinformation campaigns are being misled by a vicious minority with a specific agenda. There are a small number of conservative groups who are desperately trying to hang on to power. Most people disagree with them, but these groups are working hard to make it seem like that's not the case. By dispersing fear and disinformation widely, they create an atmosphere in which their accusations and lies seem to be coming from everywhere.
Spread the truth about what most people believe. 98% of Americans are in favor of sex ed being taught in schools. The majority of Americans support abortion rights, queer rights, etc. Spreading these facts helps make it more obvious that disinformation is coming from a small, but vocal, number of voices, and there isn't a mass consensus about it. Realizing where these lies are coming from helps people start questioning the motives of those who are spreading it.
If you find good infographics about these topics, ones that follow the suggestions above, save them! When you see disinformation being spread on social media, rather than needing to type out an entire reply, just post the infographic. People are more likely to see it and retain that information than they are to read a long essay anyway.
Post and share positive information. People need to see positive information being shared actively! You don't even need to connect that information to the lies you've seen. Just say the truth.
I hope that this helps any of you who are out there struggling with how to handle all of this shit going on. I love you all.
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echoingalaxies · 8 months
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Content/CW: branding, injury and blood, past torture, medical whump, team whump, post rescue
Words: 2608
This isn’t a chapter of anything. It’s more like a scene from the middle of a (mostly) non-existent story. Since I don’t introduce the characters properly here, have a little guide:
Josephine: head medic / Otto: caretaker / Laurent: whumpee / Frankie: field medic / Riina: team leader / other mentioned names less relevant
-----
“Are you sure?” Josephine looked hesitant. She had her arms folded across her chest. “It won’t be pretty. Maybe we should wait until morning, when the others get here.”
Otto ignored her question.
He couldn’t tear his eyes from the sleeping boy behind her, his body moving slowly with deep, steady breaths. It was slightly assuring to see him be so calm, momentarily unaware of all the agony he must’ve been put through, but Otto couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling caused by Josephine’s secretiveness.
Laurent’s broken fingers were now in a cast. The wounds on his arms had been bandaged. His previously long, beautiful hair had been buzzed nearly as short as Otto’s. The rest of him was covered under a light blue blanket.
That was what Josephine was preparing him for. To reveal whatever horrors were hidden underneath.
Otto had been the first one to inspect Laurent’s condition during the car ride home, but hadn’t had the opportunity to see under his clothes. They’d been glued to his skin by dried blood, but Frankie had assured him Laurent wouldn’t bleed out on them during the half an hour it took for them to safely return home.
Not a second went by Otto wouldn’t have praised the angel that Josephine was in his mind, for she had been there waiting for them when they’d brought Laurent in, dressed in scrubs and ready for action. Otto had spent the following hours sitting in the hallway right behind the hospital room door, his mind replaying images of Laurent’s beaten face like a never-ending slideshow. He had gotten himself through two panic attacks. Frankie, Hayden, and even Riina had stopped by every couple of hours to see if he had been let in yet, staying for a minute to console him each time, offering him food and water.
Otto had denied. Nothing mattered to him until he’d know Laurent was okay.
Whatever was under that blanket, whatever Josephine tried to protect him from, he had considered during those past hours.
“Otto.”
“Just… just let me see, Jo.”
Josephine gave him a look, disapproving his demanding tone, but stepped back to stand right next to Laurent’s bed, and with a final nod of confirmation from Otto, pulled aside the blanket.
Otto had experienced a fair share of pain in his life. The tendon on his calf had once been sliced, he’d been stabbed, yet neither of those things had been as efficient to bring him to his knees than the sight currently in front of him. His knees hit the tiled floor with a hard thud, but he instantly scrambled back on his feet, trying to get away, take back everything he’d thought about how he could take it.
He had noted Laurent lying on his side, and assumed there must have been injuries on his back. The guess had been accurate, but the specifics of what those injuries could have been like was where he’d been gravely mistaken. He’d assumed scars similar to the ones on Laurent’s arms. Bruises or stab wounds.
But this…
Rows upon rows of identical burn marks covered Laurent’s back like a pattern printed on a fabric, all the way from his neck to his pelvis, shaped like a coat of arms with something pointy in the middle. The skin surrounding the burns glowed fiercely red from infections.
Otto didn’t need to take another look to know what it was. He’d know the symbol from anywhere.
After Laurent had been taken three months ago, the team had received an anonymous letter, only containing this very same symbol, pressed on the paper in blood. The laboratory had confirmed the blood belonged to Laurent.
Riina hadn’t talked for four days after that, and anyone who had tried to talk to her had had a knife thrown at them. Everybody else had expressed their devastation in slightly healthier ways.
They had fought these people enough times. They had lost team members to them. Now, once again.
Otto’s skin crawled.
The Crowns, and their family crest, forever burned deep into Laurent’s skin, dozens of times.
“Otto?”
Otto’s vision was blurred by fury. He squeezed his trembling hands into fists, nails digging into his palms hard enough to draw blood. He took a reluctant glance at Laurent again, and noticed Josephine had pulled the blanket over his shoulders once more.
Good. Never let those repulsive marks see daylight ever again.
“Otto, I need you to breathe.” Josephine’s voice was coming from somewhere afar, and when there was a sudden touch on his forearm, though likely intended to be comforting, Otto flinched away. The initial shock was now rapidly making room for rage unlike he had ever known.
“Breathe?” He must have been yelling, because Josephine was shushing him, but Otto couldn’t contain it. Had there been something within reach he could just grab and break – there were supplies on Josephine’s medical cart, but no one was allowed to touch them if they wished to walk out alive – he would’ve smashed it to the ground.
He had no idea where to put all this anger.
Otto pointed at Laurent’s covered back. “Look at him! There’s… there’s like a hundred of them! He looks like a fucking Louis Vuitton bag!”
“It’s terrible, I know, but you have to lower your voice,” Josephine said. If she was feeling any distress about the situation, she didn’t show it. “If you need to lash out, by all means, I understand, but do it anywhere but here.”
As if on cue, Laurent let out a small whine, and Otto fell silent in an instant. He held his breath until Josephine, who was by Laurent’s side in a second, gave him a thumbs up signalling Laurent hadn’t woken up. She marched back to Otto and grabbed his arm, this time with way more force, and dragged him out of the room.
The hallway was empty, but despite it being late at night, Otto could hear noises from elsewhere in the building. He could vaguely make out Riina’s voice from her office two stories above, screaming at someone. He could hear Frankie and Hayden from their bedroom at the end of the hallway.
He was envious of all of them. He wanted to shout. He wanted to be the one in bed with his lover instead of witnessing his suffering.
“I swear I’m going to kill them,” Otto spat the second Josephine closed the door behind her. “I’m going to rip them apart, all of them.”
“Yeah, you’re not going to make it to the next mission’s team with that attitude.” Josephine leaned her back to the door. She had dark circles under her eyes, and Otto realised how exhausted she must be, having worked relentlessly to treat Laurent, for hours in the middle of the night, mostly alone. Frankie might have been helping her for a moment at some point. “Riina has asked to see him as soon as he wakes up to gather information about the captors before creating a plan.”
“But we already know who did this,” Otto said. He let out a hollow laugh. “They’ve literally put it all over him. We’ve known it was them even before.”
“Sure, but Laurent might’ve heard a lot of valuable things we need to take into consideration before going after them.”
“I wanna go.”
Josephine looked at him almost pitifully. “You’re too close to this, love. Riina barely let you join the rescue crew, so she won’t let you join the searches. And not that I have a say in it, but I think that’s for the best. Laurent’s going to need someone around when he wakes up.”
“He’ll have you –”
“Someone he knows,” Josephine said. “I joined after he was taken. He’s never met me. He’s going to want a familiar face around. Someone to calm him down as I have to poke at his injuries. We’re short on anaesthetics and won’t get a new supply until the end of the week, so you better be there to hold his hand through all the pain we won’t be able to help him with.” She paused, eyes fixating on Otto’s poorly bandaged shoulder peeking from under his torn shirt. “You need any? I’ll gladly give you some since we’ve still got some.”
Otto shook his head. He had completely forgotten about his own injury. The pain in his body was secondary to the one in his mind. It couldn’t compare to a single thing Laurent had been through. “It’s fine. Save it for him.”
Josephine didn’t look pleased. “Can I at least take a look?”
“You should go help Laurent inste–”
“For heaven’s sake, Otto,” Josephine groaned. She straightened her back, suddenly standing almost as tall as Otto did. She took a keychain out of the pocket of her scrubs and began to unlock the door opposite to the hospital room. “I’m not asking anymore. Let me fix you before you die from an infection, because if you always keep acting like this, some day you will. In you go.”
She pushed the door open and pointed inside. Otto stood still, glancing between her and the hospital room door.
“Laurie –”
“Is asleep and will manage a moment alone.”
Josephine crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows. Otto still wanted to refuse, but he knew if he did, Josephine would likely sneak into his room to stitch him up in his sleep. As kind-hearted as she was, she’d rather tie her patient to a chair to finish a procedure than let anyone walk away from her hurt.
“Be quick then.”
He had been to Josephine’s office a few times before. It was where she stored extra medical supplies, and performed minor procedures that didn’t require space for the patient to lie down.
“Why on earth didn’t Frankie take care of that?” Josephine asked as Otto sat down on the stool. Otto glanced down. He had bled through his shirt and the bandages he had quickly wrapped around his shoulder and upper arm while still on field. It had been a dumb, avoidable injury. They hadn’t come across a single soul while rescuing Laurent – Otto had managed to cut himself on the rusty, crooked fence around the mansion.
“I didn’t let her.”
Josephine let out a long sigh. She flicked her hair over her shoulders and tied it on a low ponytail, and ordered Otto to take off his shirt while she washed her hands. Moving his arm up and down, Otto realised how much in pain he actually was. He bit his cheeks to stop himself from gasping.
“You’re going to kill yourself at this rate,” Josephine said, starting to peel the bloodsoaked bandages off Otto’s skin. “This is deep. You have to let people take care of you next time.” 
Otto felt a pang of shame. Josephine was clearly worried, and he hadn’t meant to stress her out any more than she already was.
“Thank you,” he said quietly as Josephine began cleaning the wound. “And… Thank you for helping him.”
From the corner of his eye he could see how Josephine half-smiled.
“Do you only ever think everything through him? Did anyone ever tell you you’re allowed to think about yourself once in a while?”
Otto didn’t respond, but he didn’t need to for Josephine to know the answer. Her face turned serious again, and she slightly shook her head.
“Don’t thank me yet,” she said. “Patching up someone unconscious is easy. I can’t tell what he’ll be like when he wakes up. I pray they haven’t broken his soul like they did to his body, but either way he’s been through hell on Earth.”
Otto thought back to the dungeon they had found Laurent in, hazy but conscious, shackled to the ground. The memory of Laurent crawling away from the team like he didn’t know them, like he was afraid, hurt like a knife. Laurent had passed out almost as soon as he’d been carried to the car. From fear, pain, or exhaustion, or possibly a combination of any, Otto didn’t know. His cries and pleads to not hurt him still echoed in his head.
“It isn’t over yet,” he said in a lifeless voice. A wave of exhaustion washed over him. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to sleep next to Laurent, his lively and loving Laurent. He wanted him to be okay.
Josephine frowned, taking notice of Otto’s tone. “This isn’t your fault. You know that?”
Otto shook his head. He shut his eyes, trying to breathe through the guilt.
Josephine gave up cleaning his shoulder and kneeled in front of him, squeezing his hands.
“Look at me,” she said, waiting patiently until Otto’s eyes found hers. Her hands felt cold against his skin, and he could feel her steady pulse from her fingertips. “Those Crown people – they’re to blame. That Michael guy I replaced, he is to blame. Not you. You didn’t know.”
Otto winced at the mention of the old medic’s name.
Josephine tried to be sweet, but she was wrong. She was new, only been with them for two months, and she didn’t know everything. It had been all his fault. He’d trusted the wrong person. He’d made enemies, he’d been their target, and Laurent had sacrificed himself to protect him.
Otto sniffled, hanging his head. “I trusted Michael.”
“I’m sure all the others did too.”
Josephine held his hands until his breathing evened out and he managed to give him a convincing enough smile affirming he was okay. He let Josephine finish patching him up without protesting. He even accepted a pill, not stopping to ask what it was.
Half an hour later, he flicked on the lights to his room. His and Laurent’s room.
He had tried to plead with Josephine to get to sleep in the bed next to Laurent’s in the hospital room, but Josephine had been unbending. Deep down Otto understood her reasoning, but as he lay down on their bed, alone for yet another night, he gravely considered sneaking in to sit beside Laurent until morning and deal with the consequences later.
The alarm would wake him up in a few hours. The team would have an early meeting regarding the previous day’s operation, then assemble a crew of a few of them who would go and seek out the people responsible for what had been done to Laurent.
Laurent would wake up and be heard.
The crew would prepare.
Otto would not.
Josephine had been right. He needed rest. He needed to be there for Laurent. The medicine Josephine had given him had been a great help in calming the storm inside of him, and with most of the rage gone, staying behind and getting to take care of Laurent had started to sound like the best possible thing. Isn’t that what he’d been praying for months? To be with him again? Why had he been so eager to leave his side at the first given chance?
Otto hugged Laurent’s pillow against his chest. It had been so long since they had been together. He just had to wait for a bit more, until morning, when they would finally get to talk again. Otto would hold his hand. He would never let him out of his sight.
Yet before all of that, there was one more night to tackle, undoubtedly either entirely sleepless or full of nightmares.
The Crown crest might have been permanently burned on Laurent’s skin, but Otto felt like it’d also been carved on the insides of his eyelids, because it was all he could see when he closed his eyes.
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anonymous-dentist · 11 days
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if it means anything those people are pretty obviously wrong, i mean i'm pretty sure breaking dawn is one of the most popular ao3 spiderbit fics so i think alot more people agree that you write very well!!!
It’s not even that lol, it’s that they’re calling me a hypocrite for getting pissy about Dad Phil headcanons while including my own in my fics
But the ones I do include don’t change anything? Like, absolutely nobody noticed that most of my headcanons were included in my fics until I told you guys over here
But they really got pissy about the ‘not showering’ jokes that are in a total of… three fics? And it isn’t canon in any of them? Like, in the vampire fic, it’s implied by Cellbit, if not clearly stated, that he’s only going with Roier’s showering joke to remain undercover and that he does bathe as regularly as he would for the time period when he isn’t actively trying to kill a prince. Or the merpepito au where it’s, again, historically accurate, but also explicitly stated by me word-of-god to be fake and just Roier trying to keep himself from staying in love with a guy he’d met once.
And then there’s Breaking Dawn where they aren’t even jokes at all, it’s plot-relevant and it’s meant to display his dissolving mental health as he’s obsessing over something essentially futile, and, as we’re going to see in upcoming chapters, as his mental health improves slowly thanks to his friends hanging out with him- not just Roier, but also Bad and Max and Baghera and even Pac and Mike- he’ll start taking care of himself again. It’s showing, not telling, how bad off he really is during what was one of the lowest points of his life in canon: the time Felps was kidnapped and Cellbit started his obsession with getting revenge against Cucurucho and destroying the Federation. In the fic, he even says that he tries to shower as often as he can when he’s living in his apartment or when he’s going to be around other people, but he doesn’t always have water there, and he’s currently living out of his office. While getting no human contact, because what he’s doing is bad for his health! He’s just an extremely unreliable narrator!
And, really, is it even a headcanon if the characters themselves have this conversation multiple times in canon? There’s the long running gag of Cellbit being like “Of course I haven’t showered yet, it isn’t Saturday” despite being the only character on the server with a bathroom and shower built into his house.
Maybe I’m feeding the trolls, but I’m PISSED. You can insult me, you can insult my family, but my writing is one of the few things in my life that matters to me. Don’t insult that.
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whumpsday · 2 years
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Kane & Jim #26: Understanding Part 2
Masterlist
content: vampire whumpee, whumper turned whumpee, whumpee turned caretaker, past starvation, past death wish / past suicidal ideation, discussion of pronouns
hey all! the events of this drabble (which i have decided to add to the main portion of the masterlist as “chapter #23.5″ due to its relevance) are referenced here, so read that first if you haven’t already!
sequel to Understanding Part 1
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“Dad wouldn’t have wanted the monster that abused his son to wear his clothes!”
Kane heard Jim’s sister shout from the kitchen, his blood running cold. He quickly removed the jacket that had belonged to Jim’s father, folding it and placing it on the mug table in front of the couch. He was grateful that Jim had gifted him some long-sleeved shirts, and that he was wearing one now. Having his skin uncovered made him anxious, like he was just waiting to be burnt, his bare skin an invitation.
Even still, he wrapped his arms around himself, wishing for the garment back. He’d grown attached. But he knew there was no way he could wear it now.
He’d elected to stay upstairs despite the threat of the huntress. Last time she’d come over, he’d stayed downstairs, and Jim had left him alone with her. She hadn’t hurt him, just like Jim promised she wouldn’t, but it was still scary. Kane wanted to be where Jim was. Being with Jim made him feel safer.
The monster that abused Jim.
It was an accurate description. He could see it in the way Jim looked at him, sometimes, Kane’s own fear reflected back in his savior’s eyes, especially since he’d started getting strong again. He knew Jim was afraid of him, and for good reason. Humans were fragile.
Kane wanted to wrap Jim up in a hug and tell him it was over, that he’d never hurt him again. To repeat back all the things Jim always told Kane to make him feel safer.
Kane wanted to wring his past self by the neck, to scream at himself to leave Jim alone.
No. No. Stop. Violent thoughts are bad.
Suddenly, Kane could smell blood. Anyone else would have mistaken it for Jim’s, but not him. He knew the smell and taste of Jim’s blood better than anything else, to the point where he could tell this was just slightly different. It had to be his sister’s blood.
Kane swallowed the excess saliva pooling in his mouth. He wouldn’t be getting it, he was sure. That was fine. Jim fed him adequately. He wasn’t starving anymore, far from it. He was so, so grateful.
But there was a new voice in the back of his head, now. One that didn’t exist before his tenure with the hunters, or had at least been so quiet as to be unnoticeable. Not the old voice- the rude one that sometimes told him things the old him would have said.
No, this voice felt even older than that. Like something that had existed long before he’d even been born. Something that had existed as long as vampires.
BLOOD. YOU NEED BLOOD. YOU NEED AS MUCH BLOOD AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET YOUR HANDS ON. YOU MIGHT NEVER GET ANY AGAIN. YOU NEED IT YOU NEED IT YOU NEED BLOOD.
Kane shook his head, trying to ignore it. He was fine. He was okay. He was fed. Jim was merciful. He was allowed to eat, here, despite everything. Even though Jim didn’t have to... anymore. Almost too good to be true.
The humans returned from the kitchen. Jim’s sister- Liz- held out his bowl, the one Jim always used to feed him, her blood pooled inside.
“Here.” she said curtly, her steely gaze contrasting the gift.
Kane looked down at the delicious-smelling bowl, then back up at her. “I’m allowed?”
“What else do you expect me to do with a bowl of blood?” she asked, rolling her eyes.
Use it as a taunt. Tie me up and dangle it just out of reach until I scream and cry because I need it so badly. That’s what hunters do. You’re a hunter.
Though he was no longer in desperate need.
Kane gingerly took the bowl from her. “Thank you, ma’am.”
-
Jim hated the idea of Liz being fed on, even indirectly, but he knew this was a one-time thing and wasn’t harming Liz in any way. He was glad she’d showed him how to work the thing: he probably would have worked himself up into an anxiety attack doing it on himself alone, even with the recent experience he’d had feeding Kane.
And he was glad Kane was getting a treat. It was his fault Kane had starved for a month more than he needed to. As horrible as Kane had been to him, at least Kane had never starved him. On the contrary, he’d gotten him any food he wanted.
Jim had actually gotten really good at cooking in there- he’d been pretty good before, but when he’d started requesting expensive ingredients and Kane just got them like it was nothing, Jim was proud to say he could crank out a restaurant-quality dish. One of his few joys in captivity.
It was nice that Kane was getting something extra to eat, too. Especially after what he’d been through.
As Kane tipped the bowl to his mouth and drank, Jim noticed the jacket folded neatly on the coffee table. He’d honestly forgotten it was Dad’s until Liz reminded him, just a jacket he didn’t wear too often anymore and he thought Kane would find comfort in.
Fuck. I’d told him it was his to keep. Jim knew the importance of having something that was his. The things Kane had allowed him were all he had in captivity.
And, well, Liz had conceded that it was fine. It wasn’t like Kane was taking it away and leaving.
“Thank you.” Kane stood up, having finished licking every remnant of blood from the bowl. “I’ll go wash this.”
“Just put it in the dishwasher, I’ll run it after dinner.” Jim said. Kane turned the corner with a nod.
Jim pointed at the jacket and raised an eyebrow at Liz. You sure?
Liz rolled her eyes and shrugged. I don’t care. Do whatever you want.
Jim picked up the jacket. As Kane returned to the living room, he held it out. “Here. Think you dropped this.”
Kane looked down at the jacket, then back up at Jim. “It was your father’s. I couldn’t possibly.”
Jim waved the concern away. “Dad barely even wore it. It’s not like it was his favorite jacket in the world or anything.”
“Are... are you sure it’s okay?” Kane asked tentatively. Jim didn’t miss how his eyes flitted to Liz for a second.
It’s not me he’s scared of here.
Honestly, it was refreshing. Jim could deal with Kane being scared of Liz, she didn’t live here. Kane being less scared of him was great. Progress.
“Yes, I’m sure. Liz agreed. Take it.” Jim pressed the jacket into Kane’s hands with a warm smile.
Kane hesitated for a second before putting the jacket back on. “Thank you.”
Jim could feel an awkward silence about to creep on. He wanted Kane and Liz to get more comfortable with each other, since Kane would be staying here for... the foreseeable future. Luckily, he had the perfect idea.
He clapped his hands together enthusiastically. “Who wants to play Uno?”
-
Liz suppressed a groan. He wanted her to fucking play Uno with the vampire?
Well, it was apparent that Jim wasn’t planning on sending him back down to the basement, and she did want to spend some time with Jim before heading back home, hour-long roundtrip and all.
“Sure. Count me in.” She plopped herself down on the floor, cross-legged.
“What’s Uno?” the vampire asked.
“It’s like crazy eights. You’ll like it.” Jim turned to Liz. “Kane and I used to play cards all the time back... uh, before. Well, for the first few years. Gin rummy, cribbage, spite and malice. We were about the same skill level, so it worked out for the most part.”
The vampire opened his mouth as if to say something, before closing it again.
“The hell is spite and malice?” she asked.
“It’s like, competitive solitaire. Kane taught it to me. Anyways, lemme go grab the cards?”
It was clearly a question aimed at the two of them. Liz couldn’t tell whether he was asking because he knew they would be uncomfortable with each other, or if he was asking permission. She figured it was the former, or at least hoped it was. Jim only reverted back to asking permission for everything on his bad days, and he didn’t seem to be having one of those.
“Go.” Liz said.
The vampire gave a shaky, unconvincing smile and nodded.
Jim hesitated a moment before nodding back, “Two seconds!”, disappearing up the stairs and leaving her alone with the monster.
The vampire stood awkwardly, staring at her.
Liz gestured to the floor near her. “C’mon. Might as well take a seat if we’re gonna play.”
“O-okay.” He shuffled closer, nervously pausing a few feet away from her.
“I don’t bite.” she said bitterly. She knew it was a petty dig, but to be fair, she fucking hated him.
The vampire flushed red with shame and sat on his knees, opposite her on the floor, glancing at the stairs Jim had gone up.
Liz sighed. “I’m not going to hurt you.” She hated how much he reminded her of-
No. Don’t compare the vampire to him.
“Um, I wanted to thank you.” the vampire blurted out.
She cocked an eyebrow. “What for?”
His words came quick and anxious. “I know it wasn’t for me, but Jim told me that you were the one who found out where I was and arranged for him to get me out of there. Thank you. I know it was for Jim and not me, but thank you.” His eyes burned with intensity. “And for bringing the blood-draw. I’m glad it will be easier for Jim. I told him he didn’t have to worry about feeding me, but he insisted. Said, um, I wouldn’t go hungry in his house.”
“...Yeah, sounds like him.” Liz remembered when she was little, when they’d run out of money and Jim still hadn’t gotten the hang of being head of the household after their parents died. He never let her go hungry either, whether it meant giving up his own dinner or stealing. Jim had changed a lot since he was fifteen, but that was one thing that hadn’t.
“He’s very kind.” the vampire agreed, wringing his hands in his lap.
You don’t deserve his fucking kindness after what you did to him. Die.
But she’d promised to be nice, so with a quick glance at the stairs to make sure Jim wasn’t in earshot, she said it nicer.
“Honestly, and to be clear, again, not gonna hurt you, but it might be better if you were dead.”
To her surprise, the vampire nodded in agreement. “I offered, said I wouldn’t struggle, but Jim turned me down. That was, um, just before he started feeding me.”
“You wanted to die?” Liz asked.
She’d... dealt with similar issues, when Jim first got taken. By the monster sitting right in front of her. Before the hunters had taken her in.
“Yes. I begged the hunters to kill me many times, but they never allowed it.” the vampire mumbled, refusing to look her in the eye. “It was different when Jim said no. I wasn’t begging to die because I was in too much pain, it was because I thought he would send me back there. But he said he never would.”
Liz was horrified. She’d never met a hunter who would do what Kane just described. She didn’t know any of the hunters who’d held this vampire personally, their compound was about a four-hour drive away- she’d just heard about the vampire from a friend of a friend who knew a guy who left the organization.
She knew the vampire had been tortured, something that already made her disgusted with those hunters. They were supposed to do what they did to protect people, not to carry out some sadistic vengeance. Killing vampires was supposed to be quick and clean. To deny one death when he was begging for it to escape torture...
“That’s fucked up. What those hunters did to you. Most aren’t like that.” Liz informed him.
“They’re not?” the vampire asked.
“We’re not.” she confirmed. “Listen... that shit’s over, alright? Jim’s got you covered now, and you know he’s a softie. He’s not gonna hurt you.”
“Yes. He’s far kinder than I deserve.” the vampire agreed.
Liz didn’t argue. “Listen. All I want is for Jim to be happy and safe. Is that what you want too?”
“Yes.” the vampire agreed instantly. His usual timidness disappeared into confidence.
She nodded seriously. “Then we’ve come to an understanding.”
Jim finally came back down the stairs. “Hey! Sorry that took so long, couldn’t find ‘em for a bit. Haven’t gotten these out since the last time Laken visited. How’re they doing, by the way?”
“They’re fine. We haven’t made any, uh-” Liz realized that talking about how she and her hunting partner hadn’t made any kills recently probably wasn’t the best idea in present company. “They’re fine.” she repeated.
The vampire cocked his head to the side. “Are you speaking of one person or two people?”
“Oy vey. I’m not explaining nonbinary people to a hundred year old vampire.” Liz said, taking the deck from Jim and shuffling it as he sat down.
Jim turned to him. “Sometimes people aren’t guys or girls, and sometimes those people use they instead of he or she. You don’t need to worry about ‘getting it’, just respect it and use ‘they’ when talking about someone who uses it. Okay?”
The vampire nodded. “I understand. The hunters used to call me an it, even though I’m a he. I’m grateful that... I get to be a he again.”
“Yeah man, you do.” Jim gave him a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder.
Liz felt a pang of guilt hit her. She’d referred to the vampire as ‘it’ for years, as one usually did for vampires, right up until she met the guy. As much as she hated him... seeing him for real, in person, made everything a lot less abstract. Not just some scary monster she had to protect people from.
She’d killed a lot of vampires in her life. But even though this was the one she hated more than anyone in the world, he just seemed... sad and scared. She remembered how hurt he’d been when she first visited last month, huddled on that air mattress, starving and covered in half-healed burns. The fear in his eyes reminded her of Jim after he’d gotten back.
Rage boiled beneath the surface. It was Kane’s fucking fault Jim had been that way in the first place. She hated him.
But she’d play nice. And not just because Jim asked her to.
-
“Take seven cards.” Liz instructed him, having finished shuffling the deck.
“Yes, ma’am.” Kane said, obediently taking them.
Jim took his own. “You don’t need to call her that.”
“Yeah, I’m only thirty. You’re probably way older.” Liz agreed.
“One-hundred-fifteen.” Kane confirmed, correcting her earlier assumption that he was one-hundred. “Almost sixteen.”
“No shit, almost one-sixteen! You finally gonna tell me when your birthday is?” Jim asked, before turning to his sister. “He’s weird about birthdays.”
Kane hesitated. His uncelebrated birthday had always just been a cruel reminder that he was unworthy. A stain on his family’s reputation. Best left forgotten.
But why should he care about his family now? His family... kept humans, just like he’d done to Jim. Bellamy had told him nearly a century ago that the act was despicable, and it had taken Kane far too long to see he was right. But now that he did...
Why would he care what his family thinks anymore?
“July seventh.” he mumbled.
Jim smiled. “Seven-seven. Lucky.”
Kane couldn’t help it. He started laughing. He hadn’t laughed in a very long time, and he was doing it too hard, he could tell.
“What’s so funny?” Jim asked.
“Lucky.” he chuckled.
Jim frowned. “Oh, I didn’t mean...”
“I am, actually.” Kane decided. “I’m really lucky to be here.”
He may have had bad luck being born without the ability to use persuasion, he may have had terrible luck being caught by the hunters who found him- some of a very small amount of hunters who would torture his kind, if Liz was to be believed- but he was beyond lucky that someone as merciful as Jim had taken him in.
The smile returned to Jim’s face. “Alright, let’s play.”
-
sorry this took a billion years lol
canon drabbles posted in-between #25 and #26:
Jim’s Nightmare
Bloodsucker
Jim’s POV to some of the events of Crunch
taglist:
@badluck990​
@ceph-the-writing-spook​
@cicatrix-energy
@crying-wings​
@crystalquartzwhump​
@cupcakes-and-pain​
@cyberneticfire​
@darlingwhump​
@deluxewhump​
@down-in-the-whumps
@elrysdoesstuff
@extemporary-whump​
@extrabitterbrain​
@harri-00​
@inpainandsuffering​
@interdimensional-chaos​
@kira-the-whump-enthusiast​
@lactose-intolerant-egg​
@lilac-and-lemon-whumps​
@littlespacecastle​
@little-whumpee
@melancholy-in-the-morning​
@msjessmahler
@myhusbandsasemni​
@mylifeisonthebookshelf​
@neverthelass​
@nicolepascaline​
@nine-tailed-whump​
@no-terms-and-conditions-apply​
@octopus-reactivated​
@oddsconvert​
@onlybadendings​
@owencarvourenthusiast​
@pumpkin-spice-whump​
@quietly-by-myself​
@quirkykayleetam
@ramadiiiisme​
@redwhump​
@scp-1296​
@secretwhumplair​
@the-whumperfly-effect​
@thecyrulik​
@thegreatwhodini​
@themarlo​
@whump-cravings​
@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump​
@whump-me-all-night-long​
@whumpthisway​
@whumpilicious​
@whumpshaped​
@whumpwillow​
@whumpworld​
@whumpy-writings​
@whumpyzombie​
@wits-and-wrongs
@wolfeyedwitch
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dirtyoldmanhole · 6 months
Text
@/damoselcastel was kind enough to show me a bunch of the FE:Fates visual works artbook pages the other day!
and because i am continuing to be .... brain rotted (lol) ... grabbed a copy since there was more than a few relevant pages/official artworks, and wanted to have a high res/color corrected version of these pages for art refs to slap on my reference boards! if i'm looking at them every day now for the past three months they better be accurate!!!
anyway! it came TODAY!!! :D :D pakidge
IT WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO COME UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH AAAAA
god dang this thing is THICK, now this is what i call a proper artbook! a little hard to see here but you can see by both the front and the spine that it's a chonker -- the two tellius artbooks combined are thicker but they're also a bit smaller elsewhere.
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rest is under the cut b/c it's me promptly going feral :P
(and seeing who's on the spine ahhh!!! honestly that's really cool and super appropriate given his subtle plot/character relevance?! super fucking cool to keep seeing nintendo nod at him in symbolically relevant places, but not too overtly )
SPEAKING OF I SHIT YOU NOT GUESS WHICH SPREAD THIS THING FELL TO FIRST
I SHIT
YOU
NOT--
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stone cold, swear to you, straight up didn't intend that but this was literally me irl then:
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:')))))))))
(also HE GETS A WHOLE SPREAD???? and a turnaround?!!!!!! even freaking corrin's nohr noble design gets like an EIGHTH of the page
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gunter gets treated SO WELL in this artbook i'm on the floor trying not to sob like i'm sixteen again and begging for any zihark scraps
also this is so much more high res than what's on my reference board the nitpicky artist in me is literally crying for joy about FINALLY HAVING A HIGH RES REFERENCEEEEEEEEEEE
also what the fuck the architecture is so cool???????????
THE WORLDBUILDING I AM WILDING
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for real tho i remember my first conquest playthrough my jaw was on the FLOOR being genuinely amazed at how cool the worldbuilding was especially on the nohrian side with the gothic vibe and y'all don't know how useful this is going to be to replicate nohrian motifs in all of my drawings/probable comics/doujinshi/etc.
[foams at mouth]
this artbook also covers EVERYTHING
like there's a healthy amount of character work , but there's also enemy designs (always thought fate's enemy designs were unusually kickass, like some of these folks could be outright characters themselves), the architecture stuff above....
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my room lines....
OH MY GOD THIS MEANS I HAVE A THIRD SET OF TRANSLATIONS I CAN CROSS REFERENCE TO FUCK YES
sorry for shitty blurriness it's just me vibrating in excitement lmao i'll upload it in the high res chunk
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.....
hellooooo sir~~~~
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(you knew i was going to be posting that shot >:D )
his possession CGI gets a full fucking page too ajlsjsjkskjhhjshjg
HE GETS TREATED SO GOOD HERE Y'ALL, SO MANY FULL PAGES???????????? is this what it's like to be brain rotted over a major character i will never know the feeling lul
(there's actually at least two other gunter fullbody artworks in here, those have already been scanned/uploaded properly by others so i won't post 'em here unless y'all want em!
and then lastly!
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to finish it off, god this cover progress is so cool, kozaki knows what he's doing.
and i'm pretty sure gunter's linework gets changed halfway through, his expression's somewhat different than on the final! and i'll be posting that along with the other high res/cleaned up scans! just need to figure out if my scanner's gonna do a better job than my phone or vice versa.
[tries to stay composed] [fails]
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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fideidefenswhore · 6 months
Note
If someone came to you tomorrow and said we need you to make a movie or TV series about Anne Boleyn who would you cast (for Anne or for any other characters you would include)?
I would need a time machine for some of them (unless we were doing a series about her through flashbacks of those who survived her...could be great, actually), such as:
Sarah Foret as Mary (Howard) Fitzroy, Duchess of Richmond:
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The above would be like, her in the 1550s? Sarah Foret circa 2004 is truly how I envision Mary in the 1530s tho:
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(Left)
Ok, good a starting point as any, let's go with the rest of the relevant Howards:
Lotte Verbeek or Caitronia Balfe as Elizabeth (Howard) Boleyn, Countess of Wiltshire (these would be perfect if we began around 1520), Natasha McElhone for late 1530s
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Colm Meaney as Thomas Howard, 2nd Duke of Norfolk:
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Jeremy Irons as Thomas Howard, 3rd Duke of Norfolk (1540s...for earlier I can't think of who has the right juice to pull this role off, maybe Pablo Schreiber?):
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Now, onto the Boleyns,
Either Aidan Turner or Ben Barnes as Thomas Boleyn, Earl of Wiltshire (again, circa 1520, they are actually the right age for this, had to remind myself of this, too), Tobias Menzies for late 1530s
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Theo James (this is cheating, unless I'm casting an AU where the Boleyns rise and do not fall 1536-, aha...unless?, but I know he can convicingly play a wide array of ages from Time Traveler's Wife) or Leo Suter (more accurately aged) for George Boleyn, Viscount Rochford, or somewhere in between, Jonathan Bailey:
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For Mary Boleyn, I'm going to shortcut again and go with a previous documentary casting, Elizabeth McCafferty (I loved Lois Brabin's acting but it's really clear the casting department wanted to play on the 'contrast' btwn sisters for BSR, the one confirmed portrait we have of Mary suggests that she was actually brunette with amber eyes, not the ScarJo typecast that has had such staying power):
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For Jane (Parker) Boleyn, Viscountess Rochford, I would cast Morfydd Clark:
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Phoning in the Henry&Anne, I'm going to stay with the casting of the newest Borman documentary short (I simply love it, so),
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But I'm going to try my hand at Henry VIII circa 1540s and cast Eric Keenleyside:
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I've stayed in the familial but I'm also going to play my ace of casting Sarah Pidgeon as Margaret Wyatt (hopefully BSR has broken the mold and in the future we're going to get the full cast of AB's confidantes and friends, among them:
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purgemarchlockdown · 29 days
Text
New Apple
(Also Known as: Nott Broke, I am now writing the WKTD-Amane Cross Analysis. This is also the Trans Amane Momose Thesis)
(CWs: Cults, Child Abuse, Child Death, Body Horror, Homophobia, Transphobia.)
(Spoilers for We Know The Devil and Milgram.)
I am a unrepentant fan of the Visual Novel We Know The Devil. I love it dearly, I think it's one of the best Things ever made.
I am also a...fan, to say the least, of Amane Momose. I think about her every day. And as a result I've thought about these two things together a lot. I think there's a lot of thematically cohesion that can be derived from putting the two together.
Since this is Milgram Focused, I'm going to put an explanation for what the plot of WKTD is first before continuing.
WKTD is a 2015 VN about Three Bad Kids at a Christian Summer Camp who are sent to meet The Devil one day in a cabin in the woods. This game is about Queer Religious Horror and has great prose and you should play it-
Now, there are already comparisons that can be drawn to Amane's cult and the game's main premise, but let's discuss each of the three kids first.
No Prince For The Princesses
Starting with Jupiter. Jupiter is the tomboyish good kid of the bunch or, more accurately, tries her best to be the good kid to minimal success.
Laughing off a head injury isn't all that Jupiter's good at; she has the best grades in class, and coaches make her starter on whatever team has the most pressing need for someone who can do sports. She's a perfect role model, except for how she always misses the winning goal and she always blanks on the last question. She leads when no one else wants to, which is always.
Jupiter can keep up until right when it matters the most. It's here where I mention Jupiter snaps a hairband against her wrist, a common tactic used as an alternative to self-harm.
Her place in the dysfunctional group of problem kids becoming clear as her issues with being the perfect good kid and her immense self-hate and loathing start to seep through. Jupiter struggles under this weight of expectations and pleasing others but tries to pretend she an:
Neptune: ascetic monk at not giving a shit.
To her own detriment, she hangs out with the Worst Group in the Camp of Worst Kids just so she can get them to stay away from her. If they just like her enough then they won't bother her. Even if she personally dislikes them and how they act.
Not that she...enjoys acting like this. She's disgusted by the idea of the Counselor liking her. Because:
Jupiter: He likes people he can make a little uncomfortable and won't give any trouble about it.
Though as Venus says, that's exactly why he likes their group.
Jupiter is someone who's resigned to reality being like this. To being considered a bad kid even though she tried so hard. Sure it's unfair and people have tried a lot less than her but:
Jupiter: You can still get better at this, if you try, you know?
Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!
Anyway, Jupiter Kisses Girls. She Likes Women. She's a Lesbian. She has a Seven Minutes in Heaven Scene with Neptune where they Kiss-
That kiss having a lot of relevance to how (specifically) a t1 Amane attempts to approach certain taboo ideas and concepts.
Jupiter: It's not real if we don't say it out loud, right?
Amane tends to talk around things in T1. It's not immediately noticeable but it's prevalent in a lot of her speak. Specifically when taboo ideas come into play. Instead of saying anything directly she talks around it.
(Apostle and Death)
Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour.
This is my favorite example, as Amane is just calling her parents unkind here. But, Amane isn't really good at talking around things. In the same VD, when faced with the knoweldge that she's being underestimated she immdieatly talks about her genuine feelings about being treated like a child, and being talked down to because of it. Being very forward and open about her own emotions.
Outside of that we have instances of her showing interest in things that are believed to be taboo, or at least in things discouraged by her community.
(20/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)
Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……
She even disrespects the blue flag in Purge March, the flag representing "discarding vulgarity"
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Considering both how a lot of the generally aesthetics of Magic and Purge March seem to be considered frivolous. And her being forbidden to go to an amusement park.
T1Q5:When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride? A: That is a place I should not go to.
I think we can infer that these things are consider vulgar and wanting them anyway. She wants something outside of what she has. Something that she tries to Hide in her interrogations. (Interrogations)
T1Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.
T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.
(Put a pin in these interros, we are Going to come back to them.)
It's wrong to want such a thing, she knows this well. That's why she doesn't say it out loud. It's not real until she does. No one can punish her for it if she doesn't say anything.
Except...they Do. Same with Jupiter, people who didn't try as hard to get into the "proper, good girl" summer scouts got in when Jupiter didn't. Amane studies so hard and yet she only gets a 83% when Kotoko is tutoring her.
(20/06/18)
Kotoko: There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.
She just blanks at the last question.
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Misses the winning goal.
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Something about Her is...inherently holding them back from this illustrious standard of being a good girl. It's just, impossible for her to be one. She knows this herself.
Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl
And even though she tries, she Can't do anything to change that. In the same way that no matter how hard Jupiter tries, people instinctively understand that she's something Other somehow. The both of them being harmed over and over again in an attempt to live up to ideals that they will...never be able to live up to.
The system of We Know The Devil works like this, you choose two kids and leave one behind each hour. Leave one behind enough and they become the devil. The worst kid out of all of them.
Jupiter does her best but her best is never going to be enough. So if she gets excluded enough times...
Even the best kid has the devil inside her.
Jupiter wants to touch, to hit, to pull.
Venus: I wish I could be meaner. I wish I could be so much meaner.
She's never going to be able to make up for this incessant greedy Want.
Her hairband snaps here, she can't keep the devil away for much longer, and she knows it.
Jupiter: You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good… Jupiter: But then they said we don’t believe that anymore and it’s only what’s in your heart that matters. Jupiter: Just when I think I got it right, they changed it. Jupiter: I can try hard, but I think… Jupiter: God knows my heart isn’t really in it. And that was my only shot, right?
Amane considers love a showcase of mercy,
T2Q9: What does love mean to you? A: To spread mercy with no limits.
And considers her punishments love.
T2Q2: Do you believe you were loved? A: Very much deeply.
I suppose when you think about it, trying to beat the devil out of someone is mercy.
But, you can't really do anything about it if someone does want the devil.
Jupiter: It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much.
In each color ending, the devil gets destroyed. The devil only getting one moment for whatever they wanted.
For revenge, for love, for "please take me back."
One Singular Moment to live as they are before having it burnt out of them.
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...Someone had to have opened that door at the end of Purge March
(Milgram T1 Glitched Character Voicelines)
Amane: Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!
Lukewarm, I Spit You Out
We have more bad kids to go through, so let's talk Neptune.
Neptune is, to be blunt, a self-proclaimed bitch. She doesn't act like she's supposed to belong her which is exactly why she belongs here. She uses profanities, sneaks alcohol into the camp, and the summary of this game calls her a mean girl. Though this meanness of hers betrays a certain amount of care and worry for her group, or, at least they like to think of it that way:
Neptune is very kind or possibly super mean and hates us. But that's okay. She's really funny.
This kindness of hers comes out in many ways. She's concerned for Jupiter, trying to get her to actually give a shit about herself, especially when she does so much work.
Neptune: I mean like, aren't you doing fine? Neptune: Aren't you trying harder than literally everyone else here? Neptune: You're so chill about everyone's bullshit it makes me so mad and then you won't extend even the slightest of that chill to yourself and that makes me EVEN SO MADDER. Neptune: Can't you just be a little less…good?
And wants Venus to get out of his egg, to let himself be a bit of a bitch, and stop apologizing for himself when he is doing nothing wrong.
Neptune: Wait, I got it. I dare you to not say sorry for the rest of the night. Jupiter: Oh my god. Venus: I can do that! Jupiter: …can he though? Neptune: No it's perfect. Neptune: It'll fix something annoying, and this will make everyone's life easier, and all of us win. Venus: Is it really annoying? Neptune: You shouldn't have to apologize for things you don't need to apologize for.
Neptune deeply cares about the people around her, it just comes out as harsh words and actions. She wants to make Jupiter's life a living hell so that she's forced to say that it hurts.
Neptune: People are supposed to get hurt by things. It's fucked up to not. It's not good for you.
Though, as Venus calls out, the way Neptune acts doesn't fully come from self-confidence.
Venus: ...your problem Neptune is. Venus: You think being mean is more honest. Venus: But you're just as bad as Jupiter. Venus: And me.
Neptune, like the other two, deeply hates herself. Like Jupiter she has a consistent "tell" that shows she's the devil. She throws up this black ichor-like substance. Poison really. The only thing she can say. She's a bad kid through and through.
Now, Amane is self-proclaimed annoying.
Es: Regardless of whether you’re a child or an adult… you are beyond annoying. Amane: Oh, my. I am honored by your praise. Es: As I said. Amane: (giggles)
She takes Real Pride in being, a little shit to people.
20/06/03
Fuuta: ……huh? What’s your problem? You’re just leaving all your meat? What a weird kid. Amane: You say that, but you’re not eating all of your food either. ……are you not able to eat your vegetables? Even though you’re an adult. Fuuta: Huh, what, so you’re just eating grass? What are you, a rabbit or something? Since you’re just a brat, you should be eating your meat properly. You won’t grow if you don’t. Amane: ……you make some really funny jokes, don’t you, Fuuta-san.
This behavior is mostly present in T1, mostly cause T1 is Amane's testing period. She's trying to see what she can get away with. These behaviors disappearing by T2 because she learns that she can't get away with much. Introducing us to a less playful, more angry and genuinely despairing Amane. (Of Blessedness and Punishment)
Amane: This is unforgivable! I won’t forgive you! (screams)
That isn't to say Amane doesn't genuinely want to help out though, even with her more aggressive attitude. In fact she goes out of her way to "help" Fuuta and responds to Yuno's questions and worries honestly and patiently.
(23/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)
Yuno: By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.
Amane is kind, genuinely so. She helps the cat, she tries her best to "guide" people back to the better path. The problem is, is that her want to help gets tied up in her community and her worldview. Causing more harm than she would like, it's almost like she can only spit out doctrine when that isn't the case.
Amane: Hm. Is that so? Are the prisoners who weren’t forgiven feeling lost right now? Maybe they need our faith as well.
Outside of that, Amane is rather opinionated, she tries to keep it down but it seeps out anyway. She's expressed numerous times her frustration with being treated like a child (ie: being treated like she has no rights of her own.) And expresses that openly and bluntly.
(20/06/13)
Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san.I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?
It's easy to call her annoying or petulant for this, especially when Shidou (seemingly) is just concerned for how how a child is in prison of murders. And again she Does act annoying on purpose.
But Shidou is being actively patronizing and forcing his view of Amane Onto her. When Amane rebukes this, instead of apologizing or reevaluating he dismisses what she says. Something that deeply frustrates her.
Neptune: I'm an evil bad slut right? I'm a bitch and a flirt. Neptune: I'm a bitch because I let people know when they walk over me. Neptune: I'm a flirt because boys keep talking at me. Neptune: And this is somehow my problem, because they can't get over themselves and leave me alone? Neptune: How is that fair? Why should I get hurt by that? It makes me so mad! Neptune: Why would I be anything but MAD about all this stupid obnoxious BULLSHIT.
You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?
Amane cares a lot about being treated Properly, about the people around her being treated Properly. She can't really...accept injustice. She broke one of her cult's doctrines because she wanted wrap up what was probably a Small Wound at worst judging by the state of the cat. She's not going to waver just because the people around her believe otherwise.
Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either……
Amane believes in the idea that people can get better, and wants to see people get better even if she can't. She's going to help even if she has to be Violent to do so.
Neptune: You asked me to come out. So I'm coming out. The door opens and it's her but it's not her She grabs Venus and crushes him against the wall like he's a little doll.
Amane: Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––
When Neptune's the devil she forcibly tries to turn the other two kids into the devil alongside with her. She knows this whole situation is a nightmare and wants to force the two into accepting who they really are, even if it meant hurting them.
Why should they be the ones to suffer when their trying so hard to be good? Why should they be suffering when they already ARE good?
Neptune: Doesn't it feel unfair? You're already good, so why do you have to try so hard to be good? It makes me mad. They want you to prove you're good. But you're already so good. What is that? Why do they do that?
We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged
Why does She need to prove that she's righteous when the people around her can break the same rules she does and get away with no consequences?
I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart
It's just so Unfair. Why is she the one getting hurt for no good reason? Why was the cat the one who got hurt for something that wasn't even its fault? It's just not right. None of this is right.
Neptune: Does that kid look happy to you? Well I guess we have different opinions and you will have to stop me from making him into what he is trying very hard not to be.
Help Me God, I'm In Love
We have one more kid to go through.
Venus is known for being very much a doormat, and very easy to push around. A small detail when their sitting down to listen to the Bonfire Captain's story is that Venus tries his best not to take up space.
Venus sits with his legs crossed, taking up as little space as he can, which is at most not very much.
And As mentioned before he constantly apologizes for himself, even when it isn't even his fault. That dare Neptune gives him? He immdieatly fails it, the sorry is an instinct, he does it automatically.
Though even then, Venus is known to be...a bit of a little shit. Maybe even quite Mean. He has a bite to his words and can be extremely judgemental. Not that he seems to notice .
Jupiter: Do you think he notices how much of a jerk he is sometimes? Neptune: I wish.
Amane: An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.
(I Love how Amane implies that she thought Mikoto was too boring to be an artist. Incredible.)
Not only that but he's strongly opinionated, often surprising the people around him with them and how pointed and critical he can be. The people around him being so used to how shy and docile he seems.
Jupiter: Why not you. You're safe. You're like a puppy. You're harmless. Venus: …did you lose your nerve? Jupiter: Except when you talk.
He doesn't mean to be mean on purpose, he doesn't even like being mean, but it just comes out of him. He can't stop himself. He's so angry and bitter about certain things that his real feelings bleed out of him.
Neptune: Wow Venus I'm ALMOST impressed. Neptune: You are, deep down, kind of a little shit. Venus: I didn't mean it in a mean way. I wasn't teasing. Neptune: That's so much worse, Venus. Venus: I guess I just don't get it? Venus: I don't like being mean and I don't want to be mean so I try really hard not to be mean. Venus: I don't get any of the 'just kidding' because it's not just kidding.
But Venus is easy to pick on, he smiles weirdly, he tries his best to avoid causing too much conflict, and the idea that Venus is "not like the other boys" get floated around pretty early depending on what interactions you chose, and Jupiter and Neptune discuss this their 10AM interaction:
Neptune: Are you seriously worried about him? Jupiter: Maybe. A little. Jupiter: He's weird. Not in a bad way, necessarily? Jupiter: But maybe in a bad way, possibly. Jupiter: Sometimes I don't even know what he is.
Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.
There's something....different about Venus, like Jupiter and Neptune before him. Everyone can tell, and thus treats him differently for it but he's just not exactly sure what that...Is.
And it's so Frustrating.
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Venus: …I don't know what's wrong with me.
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Venus: But I can't. Not when it comes to this. Jupiter: What is "this"? Venus: Whatever they want out of me that's not fixing radios. Venus: To be tougher? To grow up? To-what's that?
He's jealous, so deeply jealous of Jupiter and Neptune and he doesn't even know why.
Venus: I'm mad about a lot of things I guess. Jupiter: Liar Jupiter: You're not mad. Jupiter: You're jealous. Jupiter: Why are you so jealous. Jupiter: It's flattering. But it's weird. Venus: I don't know.
Muu: ……hey, are you listening to me? What are you staring at……? Amane: I’m not staring at anything. Muu: Liar, you definitely are……
Amane: ……cake……
He wants...something from them, he doesn't know what but it's something important to him. Something that would make him feel like he's himself and not...whatever he is. It's not even like he necessarily minds being different. He doesn't even think he can be anything else.
Venus: I know I'm bad at getting anyone to like me and I'm weird and everyone else can deal even though I can't, but I can't. Venus: I'm just going to be like this. I'm not going to be any different. Jupiter: You're asking to get beat up. Venus: I don't care.
T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? A: Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy.
This deep want appears in Everything he does. Everything he does is to somehow get that Thing he Wants the Most. He can attribute it to something else but everyone can tell he wants Something.
Neptune: Venus, your problem is that you are very nice. But you want something. And you think being nice is going to give it to you. But it never will. And until you figure out what it is you want. Every kindness of yours will be full of that want.
Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world!
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Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!
That isn't to say he Isn't afraid of being found out. Of having the kind of person he is being revealed. In a game of truth or dare he chooses dare because:
Venus: I mean, it's kinda like Jupiter said? Truth is embarrassing and dares could get you hurt. Getting hurt is way less scary.
But then the contradiction of this gets pointed out to him, people can be embarrassing with dares as well. It's easy to hurt and embarrass someone.
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I've already mentioned that Amane hides...a lot, she tends to talk around things and use double meanings and what not. But she also doesn't want to seem frivolous or wasteful. She wants to stay seeming mature and smart and pure. Being immature is dangerous to her, another reason for people to view her as useless and weak. Another reason to get hurt.
She isn't that. She can prove it. She's not greedy or materialistic.
Venus: I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be that sort of person at all.
She doesn't want anything.
Venus: I want them within me and without me. All through and about me. I want feathers in my lungs and eyes on my skin. I want my heart to see and my lungs to fly.
Nothing at all.
T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.
This is when I reveal Venus is Trans.
Venus is Trans! She uses She/Her, I've been using He/Him for her previously to reveal she's trans like how the VN reveals she's trans.
Venus wants to reveal the truth, to be seen as she is, to have:
That wing to see the truth and that eye to lay it bare.
She wants to be honest and live as herself. To really Be Her. When she becomes the devil she says it's nobody's fault but hers. She wants this. She wants this so much.
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She's not doing it cause she was forced or coerced she did it cause she Wanted To. She wanted to do it so badly. She does it with such glee it's honestly terrifying. She killed out of hate and duty and Enjoyed It.
The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, to let it in.
And Amane Did.
Smoke and Honey
Amane Momose is undeniably monster-coded.
Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.
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Amane: Right now, I am both Amane Momose and I am not. I am speaking on behalf of our faith.
Amane: Yes. It is only natural for a person(/human) to apologize to another for breaking a promise. Es: … Amane: Why are you looking so doubtful? Are you not human?
This happy pinky promise hurts to break
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There's so much to discuss that if I did do it in detail we would get so set off track very badly, but Amane Momose is Other. She's the Other, she's not human. She's never Been Human. Atleast not by the standards of her cult.
In the Milgram Cat Symbolism, Cats has been highly associated with sin. Yuno portrays her cat self as the most honest but also sinful version of herself. Kazui does the same. Amane being the cat, implicates her as a sinful force in the world. Something dangerous and terrifying that needs to be destroyed.
Amane Momose, somehow, is a threat to normal human existence (at least in the existence of the cult.) She's too opinionated, too dedicated, too Bad of a kid. Having her exist at all as she is, is a threat. She doesn't Want to stop being herself, she's supposed to want to stop. Humans aren't supposed to act like she acts. What if that stubbornness was directed at something against the cult?
Adults also hate perfect kids who love the world so much they can't stop themselves from saving it.
We Need to Destory The Devil No Matter What or Who it is. To choose someone to act as the scapegoat, the worst girl, the one kid too weird, too strange, too threatening.
What does Amane do? She's already a liability, just a child, useless and unhelpful. What if she was destructive? Better to teach her now to be better, right?
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It's not like she isn't destructive, it's true. She does harm. Horrible harm actually. I completely understand wanting to restrain her for those reasons.
But, she had One Moment, and it was ripped away from her.
Jupiter: If I taste what it's like, I know, there's no way I'll be happy being human ever again.
I Wonder what else is left for her now.
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