Text under cut. for obvious reasons hsfkd
Virgil: Logan, you do realize we’re adult and we reached out our definite size a while ago, right?
Logan: *sipping his 5th brick of milk* your point being?
Logan: you’re rolling your neck and shoulders a lot lately…
Virgil: just a little rough neck…
Logan: why don’t you straighten up?
Virgil: why would I change my orientation?…
Logan: I meant your back…
Roman: Which Disney couple would we be?
Virgil: Rapunzel and Eugene
Roman: so I get to save you, my damsel in distress with beautiful hair
Virgil: and I get to hit you with a frying pan!!!!
Roman: How about we choose a different one?
Virgil : really Remus, why are you like you are??
Remus : hmmm -
Logan : these films aren’t for children, Patton.
Patton : But Remus wants to know what’s in a human being? He really wants to and says he isn’t scared!
Logan : He’s six.
Patton : I won’t lie to him.
Logan, checking his calendar : Tell his therapist in approximately ten years about your reasoning for letting him persuade you into watching horror thrillers with him.
Remus : I think I argued myself into this mess. Children are horrible advocates for major life decisions.
[The Dark Sides are out for a walk in the park, they see an outdoor birthday party]
Janus: Let’s steal the birthday presents.
Remus: Let’s kill the kids.
Virgil: LET’S NOT!
Remus : Sometimes I just need to jump into the darkness and scare some serial killers, so I don’t freak out. Can you relate to that at all?
Virgil : I’m.. I’m anxiety! When I walk down the street, it’s like holding hands with my paranoia and my adrenaline rushes. We just walk down the streets, skipping a bit for the extra energy.
Remus : Fair
Logan: Roman, give me the kazoo.
Roman: Aw, why?
Logan: It’s two in the morning, and you’ve been playing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on it for five hours straight. Come on, give it.
Roman: *hands over the kazoo*
Logan: Thank you. *leaves*
Roman: *pulls out another kazoo*
Janus: Hey Roman, did you ever notice that there’s a ‘U’ in 'stupid’?
Roman: Well, there’s also an 'I’ in it too
Patton: How does it feel knowing that people think you’re smart?
Logan: It’s pretty fun sometimes. People just assume that everything I say is correct.
Patton: How do you mean?
Logan: Hey Roman! Did you know that I’m 5'11 but 6'5 in dog years.
Roman: Woah… I wonder how tall I am in dog years…
Remus :,,, I’m an adult,,,
Roman : You are
Remus : so,,,
Roman : yes?
Remus : I made a blanket cave.
Roman : AWWWW
Remus : it’s in front of my bed and I want to have a “sleepover” in my cave, on the floor, right in front of my really comfortable bed
Roman : Do it.
Remus : MAYHEM! I WILL! NOBODY’S STOPPING ME
Roman: Hey, have you noticed that things ending with ‘ie’ are nice and cute? Like cutie, sweetie.
Patton: Son, would you like me to pick up some McDonald’s?
Virgil: yes 🤤
Patton: What is that emojI? Where is it?
Virgil: uhhh scroll right alittle bit it’s next to this one 😠
Virgil: there’s also a beaglepuss somewhere
Virgil: it’s a new one they also added a worm
Patton: Where is the worm?
Virgil: animal section
Patton: There is an animal section???
Virgil: ok dad 😂 get me a double cheeseburger please and medium fries
Janus You’re mom showed me your report card. What do you have to say?
Teen Virgil: It is what it is
Remus: Do it, Thomas! Say the N word!!
Thomas: I am scared, I am so scared-
Virgil: Do it! Look at the meme, say the world.
Janus: You know you want it~
Thomas: N-.. Ni..
Remus: YES! *giggles hysterically*
Thomas, breathing hard: .. nice!
Virgil, cheering: HE DID IT!!!
Roman: So are We going to the mall?
Virgil, sarcastically: No we’re going to… that country you always say
Roman: … What?
Virgil: You know… That country you always say when you’re being sarcastic… I never heard of it before you started saying it
Roman: Oh! For the love of God and all that is holy, don’t say you mean Narnia
Virgil: That’s the one!
Roman : someone told me monsters don’t exist.
Roman, opening a door : but then I found this in my closet -
Remus, sitting on a toilet seat in the air : I snort dick before nap time.
Roman :.. yeah.
Remus : Also I think Disney sucks
Roman : MONSTER
How to eat hot food
Logan & Patton: wait until food is at a normal eating temperature
Janus: it’s totally not hot at all *screams and face turns bright red*
Remus: WITH YOUR BUTT
Roman & Virgil: take a bite, scream ow fuck that was hot, repeat
Janus: Ah, I see you’ve come back to apologize.
Virgil: Oh, no. I just didn’t want the delivery guy to think you ordered an entire pizza for yourself.
Thomas: Well, you made a lot of people here very nervous.
Remus: Oh yeah? That’s because they’re a bunch of bitch-ass white boys.
Virgil: I hate to break this to you, but you’re also a bitch-ass white boy.