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#tsukishima crack
starjaeyun · 1 month
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gatekeeper — tsukishima kei !
— tsukishima assures that he is not embarrassed of dating you, you think otherwise
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warning/s : fem! reader, misunderstanding 😁 & a small fight at the beginning, profane language, tinsy bit of angst, fluff & crack from the second half ‘til it ends
note : had this little idea while writing a kageyama drabble so they might be quite similar
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“just give up already”
y/n’s tip-toeing came to a stop. seriously? this was the 4th time this week! with an annoyed groan, she turns around, fists clenched, brows furrowed, and it looks as though a tick mark was formed on her forehead. behind her stood her oh so loving boyfriend, tsukishima kei, who somehow always catches her trying to sneak in the volleyball gym.
“oh c’mon kei! why won’t you let me watch your practice?!” tsukishima sighed, “we’ve talked about this” he grumbled, why does she have to be so stubborn?
“don’t talk like those romanticized, toxic boyfriends on wattpad!” y/n hits his arm, which barely does any damage to him, “and don’t act like them as well!”
tsukishima raises a hand to fix his glasses, “are you saying i’m toxic?”
“i never said that! i just said don’t talk and act like—”
“so you’re implying it?”
“well, you’re going to be if you carry on with that bullshit!” tsukishima grows silent and stares at y/n, who had seemed to be reaching the highest point of her annoyed meter, which would then slowly escalate into anger.
after a few seconds of silence, he spoke, “take these, don’t wait for me and go home. cool your head” in each of his hands were his hoodie and an umbrella, which he brought with him on the way to the gym incase it might rain before they’re able to go back to the locker rooms. with y/n giving no sign of taking it, he placed it on her foot and carried on walking past her.
“i don’t understand you” tsukishima comes to a halt, looking back almost immediately upon noticing y/n’s change of tone. crap, was i too harsh?
“why are you acting like that if you’re embarrassed of me?” he couldn’t tell whether she’s sad or angry.
“acting? acting like what? and what do you mean embarrassed?!” his tone immediately gave away his nervousness.
“in school or when you’re with someone else, you avoid and act like you don’t know me but when we’re alone, suddenly you’re taking care of me! make it clear whether you love me or not to save both our time because i am not about to start losing myself for a boy who can’t love me the way i deserve!” it’s clear that she wanted to say more so tsukishima stayed silent. “if you’re going to love me, at least be honest with me! am i embarrassing or not?!”
“of course not!”
“then why?!” it was a miracle that y/n was not crying nor shouting at the moment.
tsukishima fully turns his body this time, “what’s embarrassing is my explanation…” and the mood suddenly lightens.
“TSUKISHIMA, YOU BASTARD!” tanaka and nishinoya’s yelling made tsukishima sigh.
“you call me selfish but keep shimizu-senpai’s sister all to yourself” kageyama grumbles
tsukishima stands still. hands clasped together behind his back and head bowed down. he looks like a child getting a scolding, or how the the freak duo looks whenever daichi catches their slip ups.
nishinoya and tanaka kneels in front of the first year. head bowed down as if they were praising him, and that they are.
“on this day, we honor you. congratulations on getting a shimizu!” they say in unison.
“you’re overreacting” tsukishima simply says.
“nope, i, too, would congratulate you tsukki. no offense, but you’re not exactly the ideal boyfriend” yamaguchi says with a finger under his chin.
“mhm! so you better treat her right tsukishima! she’s like our little sister” sugawara’s smile does not look comforting at all.
“call me if you need help in buying gifts!” daichi volunteers happily.
“and me if you need advice!” asahi adds.
“why are you guys taking my job?” shimizu comments while giggling. “but, i do think that tsukishima is just right for my little sister” she turns to look at her sister who was now playing around with kageyama and hinata, “she’s as chaotic as those two, he’ll be able to handle her. so i trust that i won’t have to worry much?”
“of course” tsukishima didn’t seem like himself at the moment. his eyes seemed to have soften at the sight of his girlfriend. he smiled, though not too obvious.
“why are you smiling like a male lead in a drama?” tanaka teased. and though tsukishima hates expressing his emotions to his teammates, he certainly loves poking their annoyance scale, “because this is what it’s like to love and be loved”
“Why are you making it seem like kiyoko does not love me back! she does love me! right? right?” tanaka gave kiyoko hopeful eyes and received no response aside from her turning around.
“I’m not talking about platonic love”
“WHY YOU—“
“KEI!” apparently, while he successfully annoyed the second year, his girlfriend heard what he said and would definitely never let it go.
“when have you been so sweet?! love and be loved? seriously?!” she bounced up and down, hands on tsukishima’s shoulder for support.
“she’s no different from the freak duo, i’m afraid” sugawara comments and laughs along with the third years.
“but am i really that beautiful that you had to gatekeep me from your entire team?” she laughed, still bouncing, and tsukishima only stood there with his smile never seeming to fade.
“if that were me i’d be receiving his train of insults by now” hinata says, joining the rest of the team as they watched how tsukishima seemed to be a lot softer around y/n.
“you’re such a gatekeeper kei!” she teased, this time, she stopped bouncing and have started poking her boyfriend’s sides.
“that he is! how dare he gatekeep kiyoko-san’s sister?!” tanaka kneeled back down on one knee with a hand on his chest.
nishinoya followed suit, “and what’s annoying is that she reciprocated his love!”
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© starjaeyun on tumblr | do not steal, copy, translate or repost
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tobxiyu · 5 months
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✶ BF TEXTS !
featuring. akaashi, tsukshima, nishinoya, shirabu, kageyama, kozume, hinata.
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© tobxiyu , 2023.
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leti666bigboss · 1 year
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featuring: the majority of karasuno
genre: crack mainly
warnings: cussing
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hmperil · 11 months
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hii i rlly love ur works. can i request how the haikyuu boys would act when their jealous? please include ushijima!
! haikyuu boys being jealous !
includes : ushijima , bokuto , tsukishima
(a/n) thank you so much , of course ! feel free to request anytime because it really helps with ideas and motivation. have a lovely day ! <3
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bokuto : I feel like he would go full emo mode, would march up to his (s/o) and the guy she was talking to and wrap his arms around her waist and just *intense pouting* , wouldn't stop holding his (s/o) for the whole day because he was scared he was going to loose her. took him a lot of convincing him that it was just a friend and that she only loved him to get him out of emo mode .
ushijima : wouldn't be able to notice his jealousy at the start but as he gets more and more jealous everyone around him would be able to see that seething look of anger on his face . except his (s/o) who is completely oblivious and just keeps on talking to her friend, who slowly backs away as he sees ushijima come closer, she stares at her friend blankly in confusion until she looks back and sees her bf who simply puts his arm around her dragging her away . would be quite hard to calm him down, takes a lot of hugs and words of reassurance.
tsukishima : would refuse to admit he was jealous and just stare daggers at the guy his (s/o) was talking to. even after would bully the guy endlessly. surprisingly wouldn't be salty towards his (s/o) that day cause in the back of his mind he was worried she would find someone better than him, like ushijima tsukishima would take a lot of reassurance that she only loved him.
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(a/n) I wrote his as fem reader but if you would like it as gn (s/o) I can rewrite it and post it again with different pronouns !
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lilacrwses · 2 years
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▸ someone asks his s/o out
ft. multiple characters
genre: fluff, crack
notes:reblogs are a big help:>
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Would probably be the most calm among them. He would let you talk to the stranger, would be there if you'll be needing help. If the person asking you is persistent...then let's just say he's gonna be less as calm as before.
“I'm not sorry but my s/o has already told you that they're not interested. Why don't you go ahead and flirt with somebody that isn't taken, hm?”
AKAASHI, TSUKISHIMA, Sugawara, Suna, KITA, Asahi, Megumi, Terushima,
He'd be the one to give the stranger a unfriendly smile. I'll tell ya he has his eyes closed in a smile, it's probably creeping the stranger out. So before you could even reject him he'd be already scratching his nape in embarrassment slowly walking away from you.
“Well would you look at that, It hasn't even been that long since I've left you alone but you already have some ugly ass strangers flirting at you? Better keep you by my side baby, wouldn't want you to be with anyone else would I?”
KUROO, Tendou, Tsukishima, ATSUMU, Gojo, Geto, OIKAWA, Suna,
This mf doesn't even know that someone is flirting with you. You already told the stranger no multiple times but he wouldn't just go away. You'll either go to your boyfriend's arm and cling onto him or he would finally notice and teach the mf a lesson.
“What's up darling?-- Oh hello..? , I don't remember you being anyone of my s/o's friends, and I don't really know why you keep on bugging on my s/o either-- Although I appreciate it but you should be apologizing to my s/o not to me.”
Bokuto, USHIJIMA, Kenma, Sakusa, IWAIZUMI, Kageyama, NANAMI, Kita, Itadori, YUTA, Yaku
The moment the stranger steps closer to you it’s already finished. If the stranger would forcefully grab your hands he wouldn’t hesitate to throw a punch for you. Convinces himself that it’s self defense, probably would regret it a bit when he gets in trouble for that. But Hey! At least you’re safe.
“I hope that there won’t be a next time but if you even try to think about it I’ll be sure that you’re nose isn’t gonna be the only one that’s bloody.”
Osamu, MEGUMI, Atsumu, BOKUTO, Daichi, Geto, TANAKA, Ushijima, KYOTANI, Matsukawa
Would film the whole situation and would report it to the station after. The stranger apologizes but he’ll still report it.💀
“What am I doing? I’m obviously documenting this. You’re harassing an innocent citizen. Yeah you’re sorry, but I’m not. — Hey baby, are you ok?
SUNA
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wonderoustime · 8 months
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you: i love smart people, smart is sexy! tell me a fun fact!
them: lobsters communicate by pissing on ea-
you: shut up shut up shut up
tsukishima, bokuto (he just learned this), oikawa, kuroo, saeko, kita (he secretly likes teasing and annoying you with stuff like this)
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fornshinoyaz · 9 months
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how to: lose feelings for an idiot
kei tsukishima x fem!reader
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how to lose feelings for a CERTIFIED, government approved idiot. it should be easy right? wrong. you are absolutely, positively, done for. you have no idea why you’re writing the guide book when you can’t even get past the first step! first step, the only important step really: don’t have your best friend be kei tsukishima. then maybe, just maybe, you’d have a chance.
or
where tsukishima is horribly oblivious to his best friend’s very obvious crush on him.
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status - ongoing :) !!
tags - best friends to lovers, college au, tsukishima lacks awareness, volleyball player tsukki, fluff at times, it’s very silly, takes no bullshit!reader, but also emotionally supportive!reader, pining, slice of life, slow-ish burn ? maybe ? i think it would be
tags (pt.2) - best friend!kageyama, childhood friend!yamaguchi, for the sake of au you all go to karasuno university (lmao) & the lineup is the exact same as in the series, the volleyball aspect doesn’t rlly matter much here
content warning - swearing, suggestive jokes, all in good fun
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CHAPTERS !!
01. how to: forget about a witch
02. how to: not get hit by a volleyball
03. how-to: breathe when’s he’s around
04. how-to: overthrow the government
05. maybe guides are overrated
taglist - open, send an ask to be placed on it :)
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kiwanopie · 1 year
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Top 5 Haters in Haikyuu!!
cw: crack. devious behavior. hating is a craft that these five have mastered
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5.) Oikawa
Not as bad as some of the haters on this list because he only Gatekeeps. But that means any restaurants, bars, cool hang out spots, even some of the clothes that he wears; you’d have better luck pulling teeth than getting that information out of him. One time one of his fangirls asked him how he keeps his skin so clear, to which he responded: “just don’t touch it:)” knowing good and well he spends an hour every night steaming, pre-cleaning, and putting vitamin C on his face before laying on his silk sheets. (Because they don’t absorb moisture 😉)
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4.)Atsumu
Mostly toward his brother but also applies to some of his everyday life as well. Will laugh if you fall and eat shit in front of him, and then from that point onward will chuckle every time you pass that spot and go “lmao watch out.” Dickhead. And he gatekeeps sometimes. “where’d you get that jacket from?” “oh nah this is the last one. they gave it to me before they closed forever. honestly they probably wouldn’t even sell this to you bro. you don’t really want this jacket fr.”
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3.)Suna
Hating’s a lifestyle, really. You not really a hater if you not a little passive about it. Uses the term “That’s crazy…” religiously. One time the power was out at Atsumu’s place during a snowstorm and he responded with a picture of him next to a space heater while on the game with the caption “we good over here tho. this 2k go crazy.” also don’t let me bring up gatekeeping without showing you this interaction between him and Aran:
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2.)Sakusa
Atsumu can’t even brag to people that he’s actually heard him laugh without adding the fact that it was because he whiffed a spike and fell into the net mid game. And it’s not that he actually puts effort into being a hater, it’s just that he has this horrible trait that if something is funny enough he will laugh, regardless of the circumstances. It’s just… most of the time that something’s either embarrassing or kind of mean. And it’s not even a haughty laugh - it’s a snort. One time, Bokuto flubbed his lines during a broadcasted interview so bad that in the middle of his stuttering he started to choke on his spit. And while his publicist is praying that this doesn’t get any worse, Sakusa just: “*snort!* fuck. sorry, sorry.”
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1.)Tsukishima (duh)
Do I even have to go into detail? Comes from a long line of haters. Akiteru being skipped was only happenstance, he’ll hate enough for the both of them. Actively prays on the downfalls of the people around him, not even his friends are safe. Yamaguchi once ran face first into a glass window and he let out a belly laugh loud enough to scare the birds off. Is physically hurt when his enemies win. Hinata texted him before his big game to celebrate him making it to the olympics and he got a fever. He’s a grade A hater. Professional even. Constantly sending out bad vibes, if something bad happened to you today it was him. It's because he wished for it. And every time he gets more powerful.
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one of the words in these paragraphs is improperly spaced and i hope it physically hurts you to see it 😈 anyway reblog for the true haters out there <3
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sucka4pain · 1 year
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𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬! (Ft. Black fem & male y/n)
Disclaimer: these tweets are from real accounts and I just put haikyuu characters and what user they would have so the original tweets are not mine!!
A/n: lowkey might make a part two who knows🏃🏻‍♀️
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keisukebajimipatron · 7 months
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My favorite Haikyuu moments
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This moment always makes me choke with laughter
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HAHAHA Tsukishima being himself
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And of course the meat dance
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sunberry-rhi · 3 months
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Tsukikage arguing in the background in the middle of daichi's thoughts...
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easybrainrot34 · 6 days
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✨Short lil headcanons Pt 2 Icks Addition✨
Enjoy :)
Ayyoooh here’s the monthly content drop. Hope this doesn’t flop 😅👌🏻
Characters: Semi, Atsumu (hint of spice) Akaashi (Bokuto mentioned) Tsukishima, and Ushijima
Semi is one of those "ya I only listen to obscure artist" / " yeah, I like them, but now they're two mainstream" guys. IM SO SORRY BUT LIKE?? he's a musician and just something tells me that he either listens to these obscure artists that no one really knows about (and lowkey arnt that great) and old 80s rock music but in an elitist way.
Atsumu not only keeps track of his body count, but also cares about others 💀💀. And I mean like notes app of all the peoples names. He doesn't care in a slut shamey way, in like a how freaky/ experienced are you way. His body count is in the 30s btw.
Akaashi not only doesn't use social media, but has that "social media is childish" look on it. Like this man has a Facebook, that he hasn't posted on since like high school, has an Instagram, because Bokuto made it for him, and uses Youtube that's it. It's not so much that it's in a super obnoxious way, but like if you try to tell him some Internet drama, he'll kind of roll his eyes and will go "why does it matter?"
Tsukishima thinks skincare is "girly" and uses 3 in 1 💀💀 God I feel this one in my gut yall! Like u could be doing a face mask and could offer him to do it with u and he would go "umm..no thanks". Also with the 3 in 1 he would be like "it saves time" like sir what ru so busy doing that you can't take two seconds to separate the three in your shower routine?? On top of it though he'll bitch that he has acne.
Ushijima sleeps in the complete dark and silence. This is psychopath behavior first of all. Second tho, he will be like "ya it needs to be quite or I'm not sleeping." And this is something he will not compromise on. I'm talking not even using ear plugs or eye mask kinda shit. You better just get used to sleeping with some headphones on, he's not budging on this.
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kats-fic-recs · 6 months
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"ushijima wakatoshi has a small penis"
Kindaichi finds graffiti in the Miyagi Youth Camp bathroom. Who wrote it? And more importantly, IS IT TRUE?
My thoughts:
This is just straight up crack. It made me smile
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leti666bigboss · 1 year
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I've been wondering how Noya's reaction would be if you looked at him for too long and when they asked you what's wrong you just said "you're so beautiful". You can write?
[10:27 a.m.]
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you were almost halfway through your maths class. the lesson was getting more and more boring with every word your teacher said and you were trying so hard to pay attention especially since your grades were already not at their highest, but you just couldn't. not when he was sat right next to you. giving up on whatever the teacher was babbling on about, you just let your eyes slowly shift to the boy beside you. noya had already had detention for two weeks straight and he couldn't venture to fail maths, so he was trying his best to focus on the lecture. the concentrated look on his face really accentuates his features; his brown slanted eyes, his eyebrows- slightly frowning, nose wrinkled, mouth sort of pouting. he wasn't understanding anything either, instead, he could feel your gaze on him. you were daydreaming, full-on staring at him, so when he turns around and looks at you a flush creeps up on your face. "what's wrong?" the question caught you off-guard, making you blush even harder, but something in the back of your head was saying 'just let it out', therefore that's exactly what you did. "nothing, you're so beautiful" now it was his turn to go red. but, noya is noya, trying to play it cool and all, he gave you a smirk while still somehow managing to stutter "y, you think so?" "yeah" awe transformed his face, maintaining the eye-contact. he just beamed at your answer, turning back to face the rest of the class, completely lost in thought. the small dialogue the two of you just had instantly gave him an ego boost, and though this idea might have not crossed your mind, you just made his whole entire day (entire week, actually).
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tesalicious2 · 1 year
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So, something that really makes me laugh is the weird family that is part of the Tsukishimas/Tanakas
It’s starts out with Akiteru and Saeko getting married
Kei is not happy at all
Not only that but he’s supposed to do a speech with Tanaka (who insisted on being called big brother or Ryuu, (Kei called him Little Brother once and Ryuu threw a fit))
At the wedding, they give their speech, people cry and laugh, blah blah blah
Tanaka gets drunk as all hell and confesses his love to Kiyoko, he’s 21 at the time
It sticks with her this time because it’s not ‘I love you marry me!’ Kinda confessions, it’s a sweet soft thing, going through the whole list of why he like her (few are superficial, most about how’s she’s kind and sweet)
She tells him the next morning that she wants to go out
Yamaguchi and Yachi are at the wedding too, as a couple, they drink a little bit mostly watch others break down
Kuroo is there with Kei, as a couple too, but people think they’ve been together for about 4 months (that’s how long they’ve known) they’ve actually been dating since Kei’s second year
Drunk Ryuu and Drunk Saeko attacks Kuroo, going on and on about protecting Kei’s innocence and the shovel talk (he will remain suspicious for the rest of his life, but still loves him for Kei)
Kei laughs and pulls Kuroo away,
By the end of the night; Akiteru, Saeko, and Ryuu are wasted, Kuroo and Kei are missing, last seen drunk and kissing in a corner, Yamaguchi, Yachi, and Kiyoko are tipsy
The next morning, they all head to the Tsukishima home, Akiteru’s mom makes curry and a hangover cure for the wasted folks
Yamaguchi (the demon) plays the videos from last night, Kei admits that Kuroo and him have been dating for years
Everyone is shocked except Ryuu, Tadashi, and Yachi
8 months later, Kiyoko and Ryuu are getting married,
During their wedding, Ryuu somehow ropes Kei into getting black out drunk
It ends with Kuroo carrying Kei to the hotel, princess style, Kei babbling on about how he loves him and about their wedding
A drunk Kuroo cries and they end up getting a noise complaint
Kiyoko and Ryuu have two kids, a boy and girl, twins
They are confident and a little loud but the boy has more poise and the girl has more spunk; They both have their moms good looks but Ryuu’s eyes and hair,
Akiteru and Saeko have two boys and a girl, in that order
The eldest has more of Saeko’s personality but is quiet, and more enthusiastic about what he likes; has Carmel hair, Saeko’s eyes and Akiteru’s face shape and body, his hands are thicker
The middle boy is surprising like Kei in personality, more sarcastic but gets fired up easy; he has Saeko’s hair color, her more slender face, Akiteru’s body structure and more slender hands
The youngest is Akiteru in personality but can get quiet; she has oddly Kei’s bright blond hair to her shoulder, heterocromia (one eye Saeko’s, one Akiteru’s), Saeko’s body but less curves, Akiteru’s sharper jaw
Unfortunately, gay marriage isn’t legal in Japan but if it was Kuroo and Kei’s wedding would be formal
Kei would take Kuroo’s last name, their rings are black with a moon and a cat engraved on them, Tetsu getting the moon, Kei getting the cat
Their kids (if biological in an abo world), would be a boy and girl, not twins
Tetsu’s smirk, Kei’s sarcasm, but is very kind and mischievous, she will plan pranks on people; she has Kei’s long legs and eyes, Tetsu’s black hair, shoulder length and it’s a mess, she can get the length straight but her bangs get messy
The boy has Kei’s hair, Tetsu’s eyes and bad bedhead (but not in the same style) and bulkier frame; he is more quiet, and introverted but will add an occasional jab, and will go along with his sisters plans because he is just as mischievous as her
They also have two cats,
Yamaguchi and Yachi do get married and if it’s the summer, she wears a floral princess dress
Everyone from Karasuno is there (same as Ryuu’s wedding)
They have a one girl and a large dog
The girl has blond hair, Yamaguchi’s eyes and freckles, and Yachi’s petite frame; she is very nervous and has social anxiety, is sweet but gets roped into chaos, and eventually becomes confident, she protects what she loves and can get loud if pressed
Their family is odd and full of chaos but everyone loves each other, even if Ryuu is still suspicious of Tetsu
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dakato · 10 months
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Took part in a Sendai Frogs Big Bang event on Twitter a few months back and had an absolute blast!! You can find the fic here and moon's accompanying art here
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