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#tua quotes

The Umbrella Academy — We Only See Each Other at Wedding and Funerals  {Sentence Starters}

  • “Nice dress.”
  • “Hit him! Hit him!”
  • “Is that my skirt?”
  • “Ex-squeeze me?”
  • “You’re safe, now.”
  • “You should leave.”
  • “You’re actually here…”
  • “I didn’t sign up for this.”
  • “Can we go home, now?”
  • “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
  • “There is no mystery here.”
  • “I vote for running, come on!”
  • “Stay strong. I believe in you.”
  • “You should stop talking, now.”
  • “Oo, that’s one badass stapler.”
  • “On your feet and come with us.”
  • “Well, it would if you were smart.”
  • “Well, sober up, this is important.”
  • “And he is, he’s dead! Yaaaaaay!”
  • “Do you even know how to drive?”
  • “I don’t know, you have a better idea?”
  • “This is your home. And always will be.”
  • “You never know when to stop, do you?”
  • “Forget about him. I’m glad you’re here.”
  • “Save the lecture, I was already leaving.”
  • “Eternal peace… it’s probably overrated.”
  • “You should have locks on your windows.”
  • “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend.”
  • “You must know your way around the city…”
  • “I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust.”
  • “Are we leaving? Fabulous, I’ll get my things!”
  • “No need to get your little panties in a bunch.”
  • “I can save you some time: they’re all locked.”
  • “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives!”
  • “Of course you don’t know, you’ve been gone.”
  • “You don’t belong here. Not after what you did.”
  • “I’m afraid there’s just nothing special about you.”
  • “Stay strong. I believe in you… you, not so much.”
  • “Thought it was pretty good, all things considered.”
  • “As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive.”
  • “Remember how he used to look at us? That scowl?”
  • “Wanted to get your autograph… add it to my collection.”
  • “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. You won’t be going home.”
  • “You know, after all these years, I find it strangely comforting.”
  • “The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.”
  • “Thank Christ he’s not our real father so we couldn’t inherit those cold, dead eyes.”
  • “Will there be refreshments? Tea, scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner.”
  • “Same thing that always happens… I made a wish, and it came true, and I couldn’t take it back.”
  • “Every time I close my eyes, I see a diarrhetic hippo about to shit on my face. It’s terrifying!”
  • “He was a monster. He was a bad person and a worse father. The world’s better off without him.”
  • “Hate to rush you through any kind of brooding moment you might be having, but, come on, man, we’re starving!”
  • “Oh, I remember your snacks. I’m pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.”
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Oh no
<p>: <b>Nico:</b> You know I can recognize the symptoms, Jason<p/><b>Jason:</b> What symptoms?<p/><b>Nico:</b> The wishful eyes? Hopeful gaze every time he passes by? Drawn by sea-green eyes and messy black locks? How long?<p/><b>Jason:</b> How long what?<p/><b>Nico:</b> How long have you been in love with Percy Jackson?<p/></p>
10 notes · See All

the umbrella academy as shit my friends have said

Luther

“I would like to give thanks to my right hand, it helped me through hard times and it always came through.”

“We don’t even know if he canonically has a dick.”

“You can’t run from your mistakes forever, I’m faster than you dad.”

Diego

“People like it when I use my mouth.”

“If you’re going to assert dominance can you do it outside.”

“What’s the word for eye fucking but like competitively?”

Allison

“I manipulate others into doing what I want by giving them a false sense of authority and superiority.”

“Pay child support you ginger thot.”

“You put the u in beautiful.”

Klaus

“It’s now canonical that the dragon from Shrek eats ass.”

“Thots make the world go round.”

“Live by the aesthetic die by the aesthetic.”

Five

“Your sins are many and your time is short.”

“He aged like a bottle of milk ngl.”

“God is punishing me for being an asshole.”

Ben

“Sometimes you’ve just got to Macarena through the anxiety.”

“I’m living my life through a cartoon duck.”

“Life is meaningless and goldfish have mouths.”

Vanya

“Some actual human interaction does wonders for character development.”

“Glad to hear that the child abuse is mutual.”

“My stomach has performance anxiety.”

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