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xrosekissed · 1 year

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my overly long harcest takes,

bc by god there’s too many ships in this category and i gotta organize my thoughts on them for my own reference.

but first, as a general note for this blog, viktor is a fictional character and there are 3-4 versions of this character - comics vanya, s1 vanya, s2 vanya (different characterization imo), and viktor (this change in characterization was conceived after elliot’s coming out, so i see it as a different interpretation of the character). my favorite iteration is s1 vanya, so while i fully respect elliot page and am extremely happy about his coming out, i’ll mostly be referring to this character as s1′s vanya. i won’t tolerate any transphobia on this post or on my blog.

also important, my score out of 10 is how much i like the ship, not an objective ranking!

luther/diego (luego) - i buy it. i totally fucking buy it. i feel like they had a bunch of sexual tension in the (superior) s1 with all that rivalry and angst between them. could 100% imagine that boiling over + them having insane sex (i think diego would enjoy luther’s ability to pick him up and push him around like. so much. extremely soft gentle dom luther/bratty sub diego. like cmon.), but could also imagine their character arcs/personalities/individual strengths really complimenting each other in a romantic storyline. 8/10.

luther/allison (alluther) - generally sweet through s1 and s2, and i very much admire tua’s guts in canonically doing this ship. sorta... assassinated by s3, in a way that felt very reactionary to mainstream fandom culture’s opinion on the ship, so... that wasn’t bodacious. but aside from that, if i’m just looking at the first two seasons, i’m not super into alluther - i like my ships to have more heat and drama, and there’s just not a lot of that with them for me. a valid and cute ship, just not my thing. 5/10.

luther/klaus - agh i wish i liked this one more. wild child x by the book golden child? very fun, conceptually. i don’t feel romantic chemistry from their actors and i don’t find a romance between these guys super interesting to think about. 2/10.

luther/five - tbh i’d never really thought about them together, but it’s kinda growing on me as i make this list? world-weary bitter motherfucker five x moody but earnestly sweet manchild luther... luther could help five learn to like... enjoy things. five could help luther build a healthy self-esteem. they’re both emotionally-stunted as hell, but i think they’d make each other better, as they each have a lot to learn from the other. their banter delights me. also, i hc adult Five as just. being short for no reason other than bc god hates him, and considering the old man Five actor’s height, i think it’s actually just canon. and i love me a height difference! 8/10.

luther/ben - hmm. ok two routes for this one. luther/og ben or luther/sparrow ben. luther/ og ben is like. 1/10 for me, not super interesting, namely because we never see them interact, and luther doesn’t talk a bunch about ben in s1 + 2. but luther/sparrow ben? better! not my cup of tea, but i don’t hate it. 4/10. maybe a 3/10 as the final score for both versions as a whole.

luther/vanya (lunya) - i’m kinda here for it. you already know... the height difference. i’m incapable of shutting up about that trope ever. and they have perhaps the most in common out of all the hargreeves (isolation trauma, self esteem issues, big tempers they keep carefully hidden, a passion for music, treated very Distinctly by reg). i love thinking of young luther being just a little too soft for and protective of young vanya, and i love the idea of them having these little bonding moments that snowball into something more. also they have Angst and Tragedy and that’s yummy food to me. 8/10.

diego/allison - while i can feel some tension in their s1 fighting and s3 night out, i’m not compelled by this one. maybe i just like them with other characters too much to get too into it? i get why people would be into it, but i’m not. 2/10.

diego/klaus (kliego) - absolute banger ship that i 1000% see all over canon. unbelievable chemistry and a perfect dynamic. they just. work well together. opposites attract, and these opposites visibly love each other so much. i think this ship’s crazy popularity when she show first dropped makes me feel like when a really good song has been overplayed, so i don’t consider myself a kliego superfan. i am nevertheless... a fan. 7/10.

diego/five (fiego) - ughhh i understand this one so much but i cannot get into it. like it’s genuinely bizarre how much i can’t get into it. this is literally such a high-quality ship that should fit my type to a tee, but... i just don’t get hyped about it. 5/10.

diego/ben (biego) - i don’t feel it. i know they really loved each other and i know the hug between them in s2 was adorable, but i don’t know that they’d play off each other in ways that i find interesting. diego/sparrow ben doesn’t do it for me either, their interactions don’t captivate me like luther and sparrow ben’s do. 2/10.

diego/vanya (viego) - i like it more than the other ships i’m not into, but i’m still not really into this one. the scene where they talk about grace in s1 gives me a little bit of a vibe, and i know they’re a thing in the comics, but i am lukewarm. better than cold, but still lukewarm. it could grow on me if i read some very good fic? 4/10.

allison/klaus - can’t get into them as anything but best friends, i just can’t. they’re both very pretty, and the best friends thing is likely part of the appeal for their fans, but i don’t feel it myself. 1/10.

allison/five - OHHH i love this one. holy fuck do i love it. snobby mean psuedosiblings that have a thing about power and control and appearing perfect. it’s possible that allison’s the only one five could see as an intellectual equal in his family. i think five thinks klaus and vanya and ben are smart, but i think allison is who he’d pick as a 4d chess opponent. i can see sooo much potential for a fascinating and complex relationship in a world where these two are super into each other. a criminally underrated ship. 9/10.

allison/ben - i think i like it? not sure why, seeing as they hardly interact, but allison seemed quite torn up about ben’s death, and just based on their personalities/experiences/damage, i think they’d have a super interesting and fun dynamic had ben not died. imagine their banter....... excellent stuff. 7/10.

allison/vanya - another lukewarm one. i don’t not like it, it’s just not for me. i absolutely find their dynamic in s1 interesting, but not in a romantic way. i did feel some chemistry w allison/viktor in s3, but nothing to write home about given the way the show has such a hard time acknowledging their anger at each other post s1. 3/10.

klaus/five (klive) - i see it - i see klaus flirting with five a lot, i see five having a massive soft spot for klaus for no reason other than that he loves him extra, but i can’t get deep into it beyond generally thinking it’s fun. 6/10.

klaus/ben (horrance) - i like this one so much. i think it was my first harcest ship? just... their codependency. their banter. their anger at each other. grief giving way to a sad bitterness. their devotion to each other - ben wants klaus to fucking live, klaus wishes ben weren’t fucking dead. insane. makes me insane to think about. also the way ben lounges on the motel room bed in this needlessly suggestive way and winks at klaus? yeah that wink was what sold me. oh god, also i guess they hooked up in s3? poggers. 8/10.

klaus/vanya - yknow what? i like it. very underexplored. lots of potential for angst and fluff and mutual destruction as well as mutual growth. love thinking about klaus intentionally making vanya flustered by saying klaus shit, love the idea of vanya surprising klaus by turning it back on him someday. the way klaus remembers vanya crying about them stepping on ants as a kids does something to me, man. 7/10.

five/ben - i’ve read one or two really good fic about them, and seen some very sweet fanart, but i’m just not super invested in them together. 1/10.

five/vanya (fiveya) - utterly sensational. angst, tragedy, pining, childhood crushes, banter, devotion, hope. like... agh. they just have Something, in every scene they’re together - she’s the end of the world, he’s the accidental harbinger, but they could save each other. also it’s just... so fucking fun that proud, no-nonsense five chose shy and sensitive vanya as a best friend. that they chose each other. they see things in each other that no one else does. 10/10.

ben/vanya - i think i kinda like the idea of them in an au - maybe one where vanya can see the dead? she thinks she doesn’t have powers, just hallucinations of her dead brother. they’re both bitter and lonely, but just want to be loved, and are capable of great kindness. god it would be amazing actually, i’m really talking myself into liking them together lmao. 7/10.

#literally congratulations if you read all of this #im a habitual underwriter so this is the length of the odyssey to me #ive been kinda not in the tua fandom for the past year or so but #idk... im feeling a little pulled in by it again now #harcest #reference

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rappaccini · 4 years

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every single hargreeves sibling in the umbrella academy is queer, but not tumblr-queer. in fact their dynamic as a whole is that of a queer found family. in this essay, i will

[edit: the bulk of this text was written well prior to june 2020. a few notes were added as of 7/10/20, and they’ll be noted as such. for the most part, it discusses season 1-era tua.]

because i guess we have to have this conversation... so. what is “heteronormative?”

traditionally, a relationship, consisting of a cis man and cis woman, who marry, and have sex in order to conceive biological children.

to break it down:

the relationships must contain two (able-bodied) people.

they must be people of the opposite sex.

they must be cis.

(they must be of the same race/culture/religion)

they must be attracted to cis people of the opposite sex.

they must be around the same age.

they must marry, or intend to marry.

they must have sex.

they must desire to have, and have the kind of sex that can result in children.

(and therefore they must be of the ‘right age’ to be able to produce biological children, here defined as ‘twenties to forties’)

they must intend to eventually produce biological children.

and people who are ‘heteronormative’ desire that, and fit seamlessly into that mold.

they also likely perform traditional gender roles (which tend to be patriarchal), and align with traditional gender attributes in the way they dress/present themselves physically.

i feel like the concept of hetero = normative is too simplistic and doesn’t take a LOT into account.

‘hetero’ does not by any means mean ‘normative’ even though so many people believe it does.

surprise-surprise, queer people can be in heterosexual relationships. you can be bi/pan, and date someone of the opposite sex (and you are statistically very likely to do so), and that doesn’t negate your queerness. you can be trans, and date someone of the opposite sex, and that doesn’t negate your queerness. sorry if the terfs made you forget that.

and even hetero cis couples... aren’t necessarily ‘normative.’ because the definition of normal is just so, so narrow. and because the definition is narrow, people who don’t align with it will be treated with extra scrutiny.

children who were adopted, even by heterosexual cis parents are still going to have to deal with people treating them differently because they were adopted.

children who were born to parents who were not married, only have one parent, or have stepparents will have the legitimacy of that family questioned, and looked down upon.

hetero, cis couples who choose not to have children, or cannot have them are going to be subject to scrutiny and constant questioning as to Why They Can’t or Why They Won’t.

hetero, cis couples who choose not to marry are going to be questioned and frowned upon.

hetero, cis couples that are interracial, intercultural, or between parties who don’t share the same religion are going to be questioned and frowned upon, and their children are going to be treated differently.

hetero, cis couples with a significant age difference in their relationship are going to be stared at and have the legitimacy of their relationship questioned.

a hetero, cis couple in which one or both parties do not align with traditional gender roles (female breadwinner, male staying home) or gender expressions (men being more stereotypically ‘feminine’, and women being stereotypically ‘masculine’) is going to have the legitimacy of that relationship questioned.

hetero, cis couples who do not have sex at all, or do not have the kind of sex that can result in children, or for the reasons of producing children, are going to deal with that sexuality being frowned upon.

don’t get me wrong: being able to legally have their rights available to them is a Big Deal. and they’re at less of a threat for violence. but those stigmas are going to affect how people see them, and how they relate to one another.

the legitimacy of that relationship is going to be doubted. and doubted. and doubted. and explained away. and doubted. and diminished as Less Than Genuine. and condescended about.

you are going to be stared at. and pointed at. and glared at.

you are going to be questioned, over and over and over, about

what you’re really doing

how mature you really are

whether you really like them like that, or whether they really like you like that, whether it’s not because of some kind of manipulation on one of your parts

what’s so wrong about the Normal Category You Should Like that made you be with someone outside it.

if you’re selfish, for stealing One Of Ours away. don’t you have enough already? don’t you know, that we’re entitled to them?

or if you’re selfish, for leaving Us for One Of Them. don’t you know we deserve you? that we’re entitled to you?

whether you secretly hate yourself, for being with someone Like That

whether you’re unknowingly Victimizing Yourself, or Victimizing Someone, because of the ‘inherent power dynamics’ (in quotations bc that definition sure does change every two minutes)

whether something’s biologically wrong with you, that’s preventing you from doing the Right Normal Thing

whether something’s mentally wrong with you, that’s making you do this

whether you’re after them for their money or status, or whether they’re after you for your money or status

whether you have such low self esteem that you’d let this happen, because you can’t want this, can you? you’re just being pressured into it, aren’t you? you’re just confused, aren’t you?

whether it’s just a temporary fetish, or a roll in the hay before they leave you for someone Like Them, or you leave them for someone Like You

whether you’re actually convinced that it’s going to last Given The Statistics

oh, gosh, you’re not going to have kids, are you? would it be right for them, to grow up with parents Like That? what would other kids say? what would other parents say? what kind of example would you be setting? are you sure you can raise them right, given who you’re having them with?

people are going to walk up to you and tell you what they think of you, positively or otherwise. and you will have asked for none of that attention.

you may be attacked, depending on where you live and what kind of partner you have.

you may be cut off from friends and family members and neighbors and communities and workplaces. they might not want to have you in their life, or you might have to make difficult decisions about having them in yours.

it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation: if everyone treats you as queer, .... are you queer?

(well, not exactly, but your perception and treatment has enough overlap to make the experience similar. not the same, but similar.)

though once again, hetero =/= normative, and if you’re queer, dating a cishet person, the relationship’s queer, because you are. if you’re cishet, dating someone who isn’t, the relationship is queer.

and, need i remind you, for a very long time, particularly in the united states, where fandom tends to takes its cues from, interracial straight couples were not allowed to marry, had no legal protections, were ostracized by society, and faced violence because of who they chose to love, reproduce with and have sex with.

and in many places in the united states (and around the world), it is still extremely stigmatized.

so. are the hargreeves siblings heteronormative?

luther only shows textual and subtextual interest in cis women who are presumably straight, and he is very devoted to a singular relationship with a singular woman. though he has yet to have sex at the start of the series, he does so by the end of the first season under dubious circumstances.

yet, when he does have sex, it’s when he’s blackout drunk, so there’s a real big question mark over that incident. did he want to have sex with that rave girl specifically? is his desire to only be with allison an expression of his feelings for her specifically, or an admission that he doesn’t have sexual feelings towards people he isn’t already romantically interested in? does he desire sex at all?

and yet, the woman he loves is black.

that may not matter in tua-verse 2019, but it matters in our-universe 2019.

and it’s gonna matter a lot in s2, which will be set in the early 1960s, in the american south.

and yet, depending on what’s going on with luther’s body, he might be infertile. he might not be able to have his own children, even if he wants them.

and though, as far as we know, he is a cis man, his lack of consent to his body’s alteration and the trauma it causes him (he self-harms, notably) can be read as a trans or intersex narrative.

luther keeps getting called ‘number one’ by diego and reginald, specifically to antagonize or diminish him, when he insists on being called ‘luther.’ one can read this as an example of deadnaming.

and though he’s the Leader of the family, and the clear replacement to the academy’s father figure, and each of the siblings accept him as such (even diego ultimately falls into line when shit hits the fan), he’s the only one who had yet to truly leave the house and he has no career of his own. he isn’t conventionally masculine at all, despite being physically imposing and having a leadership role; he’s sheltered, sensitive, artistic and chaste, all attributes that aren’t traditionally masculine.

diego is a cis man (as far as we know) who is conventionally masculine in both appearance and personality, constantly demanding to be the head (and therefore, patriarch) of the family, and has had at least one sexual and romantic relationship with a cis, presumably-straight woman, and prides himself on his ability to have sex with women (see: his conversation with luther in the library).

yet, he is interested in kinky sex, and despite wanting to rekindle his relationship, he has no desire to settle down with his ex-girlfriend, who is of a different race than his own.

and yet, he flirts confidently with klaus, and has a notable soft spot for him.

and... yet he’s got that Vibe with his robomom-who-isn’t-his-mom.

[we’ll see about lila. this is about s1-era diego. not enough info to draw concrete conclusions for analysis purposes yet.]

allison is a cis woman (as far as we know) who styles herself in a conventionally feminine way, has shown textual and subtextual interest in only men, and had a biological child with her husband (ergo, she’s had sex at least once, with at least one man, and because of the nature of her power, she was definitely into it, or it would not have happened). she’s the ‘mother’ to luther’s ‘father’ in terms of the family dynamic.

yet, her husband is white. and her love interest, luther, is too.

again: that may not matter in tua-verse 2019, but it matters in our-universe 2019. and it’s about to matter a whole fucking lot in the 1960s in the american south, where season 2 is set.

it is not a coincidence that those two men look so much alike. allison may be faking it with patrick, but it’s clearly the real thing with luther.

did allison have her biological daughter claire because she genuinely wanted to be a mother?

or did she think a baby would be a way to complete that picture-perfect nuclear family image she begun creating by mindwiping patrick?

or did she realize that she was having her too late to do anything about it?

or did she think, love me some publicity. sure i’ll have one. where are the cameras? how much can us weekly give me for my ultrasound?

or was it all of these things?

or none of them?

allison has a husband in patrick. why does she have a husband?

[only discussing s1-era allison, and patrick. we’ll see about raymond. like w/ lila, not enough info yet, though my money’s on it also being about passing for a woman in the 60s, and needing a husband for that purpose.]

because she rumored him. she tricked him into loving her, and reshaped his personality to make him her partner.

why did she rumor him? because she wanted to be loved, and didn’t know how to approach getting it without manipulation.

and she thought, if i’m married to this man, surely the marriage will make it real.

it didn’t.

and, because allison is a hollywood starlet who’s a tabloid front-pager... you know how much of a boost celebrity relationships, weddings, pregnancies and babies are.

it was just as much about pantomiming a relationship in search of affection as it was about gaining the acceptance and adoration of her audience.

... she was trying to pass. she literally constructed a nuclear family with lies and manipulations, in order to pass as ‘normal’ and win love and acceptance from people.

and it still fell apart, because it was built on lies and manipulations on her part designed to make her seem like she isn’t who she really is.

specifically, because patrick caught allison in that lie, and got blasted all at once with the knowledge of who allison is and what she can do (aka, that she is not ‘normal’ and that he was ‘tricked’ into being with someone who is passing as ‘normal’ who he never would’ve been with otherwise)

insert queer reading here: allison passes as straight, and to maintain that appearance, she marries a man and suddenly, he learns the truth and is upset that she doesn’t actually care for him.

,,, insert trans reading here: allison passes as cis, and passes herself off as cis, marries a man, and suddenly, he learns the truth and is upset that he was ‘tricked’ into being with her.

and, she’s a career woman. she defers to luther in family matters, but she’s the one who went out into the world and made a living for herself, using her abilities to do so, while he stayed home.

it was as an actress, which is a gendered profession that’s conventionally feminine, and she did it by manipulating the masses, but she sure did build that resume.

klaus certainly isn’t. he wears conventionally feminine makeup and items of clothing, is emotionally expressive, and is quite open about his attraction to (cis) men, none of whom he marries or intends to marry, and none of whom he intends to have children with.

klaus’s gender identity is currently in flux, because while he’s been mentioned to be not necessarily cis by word of god, until that’s confirmed in the text of the show, we can’t assume he actually is or isn’t. is it more likely, given the context, than it otherwise would be? sure. is it canon? not yet. which is why we can’t take their word for it.

he has a stable relationship with dave, but we know exactly nothing about it.

but i do doubt that they Would Have Married, because klaus would’ve been in a relationship with dave, a man from the 1960s, when... well. first of all, would they have wanted to? if so, how would they be able to, given the time?

and the setting and context of the relationship, being one between soldiers in a war zone, isn’t exactly domestic. shit happens in war zones that doesn’t happen in civilian life.

did dave think of himself as gay? straight? queer? or was it just a one-off attraction? did it matter?

he doesn’t have any interest in children, or in adopting a traditional gender role.

five is complicated.

while he still wears the gendered uniform the children wore in their youth, and has the worst of diego and luther’s stereotypically-masculine tendencies, one must consider the context of his behavior. mainly, that he’s a pragmatist more concerned with practicality than gender performance:

though five has traditionally masculine traits, he developed them in a completely isolated environment. he didn’t adopt them to be ‘manly,’ he did it because if he wasn’t self-sufficient, violent, and proactive, he would die.

five wears whatever’s in front of him. though he spends years working at the commission, it’s notable that their agents (hazel and cha-cha, for example) dress similarly, and therefore androgynously, and he would have done the same. when he returns to the academy, he puts on the gendered hargreeves uniform, not because he likes it, but because it’s there, it’s familiar, and it fits his body.

the presence of female agents at the commission means that being an assassin isn’t gendered in their organization’s context.

if five were genderswapped, she/they/insert-pronoun-of-your-choice would still be a determined, prideful little shit who solves problems by snapping necks and Relying Only On Themself. just with a different haircut and a skirt, because of that gendered uniform reginald enforces being the only outfit available.

five’s own experience can also be read as an allegory for trans dysphoria, if one chooses to:

five is in the Wrong Body, and miserable because society will not perceive him to be the person he knows that he actually is, and people mistake him to be that person, which he finds deeply demeaning and insulting. (... but notably, his siblings don’t. right away, they treat him like the person he tells them he is)

he’s ‘going through puberty twice.’ he’s enduring some pretty intense hormones that are going to be necessary to endure if he wants to finally get the body he needs.

he is also tempted by the commission through the promise of a new body that fits how he sees himself on the inside.

(did five choose the women’s bathroom while at the commission? i’m not sure, but it’s possible, so i’ll put it.)

five also shows a desire for romantic love specifically, wanting it badly enough to project a relationship onto a mannequin that he genders as female.

delores isn’t his friend. he treats ‘her’ the way an old man would treat the wife he’s been married to for decades. the bond he’s created with that mannequin is a way for him to pretend he’s in a romantic and sexual relationship.

... look. there’s a 90% certainty that he fucked the mannequin. we can Feel it.

what we don’t know is whether he... was using the mannequin as a way to fulfill his desires, or whether he’s asexual and fucked the mannequin because he needed some release in the throes of puberty, because he just wanted some kind of intimacy, or for any other reason.

he didn’t have to choose a mannequin in a traditionally-female mold. he also didn’t have to gender it. he didn’t have to give it a traditionally-female name and traditionally-feminine personality traits. but he did. because he is attracted to those qualities, at the minimum. (and, depending on one’s reading, may be projecting onto her)

five wants a committed, long-lasting, mutually caring relationship.

likely with someone who probably presents as female.

whether he wants it to be a marriage outright isn’t clear, but the relationship he wants would function as one.

we don’t know if he’s had sex as an agent working for the commission, but if he has, we also don’t know how he feels about it.

whether he wants children (adopted or of his own) is unknown, but regardless, given the current state of his body, he can’t be in the situations that would lead to their conception.

he’s going to be celibate until he gets his adult body back. and maybe even after that too.

five’s age is... a complicated factor. he’s both older and younger than his peers, the hargreeves, and he’d been raised to see them as his exact age. conversely, they’ve been raised to see him as theirs, and they continue to do so after he’s trapped in his teenage body.

and there’s the Fiveya Vibe.

ben is a cis man (as far as we know) in androgynous clothing, but his sexual preferences are undefined

in terms of gender:

as a ghost, he’s dealing with feelings of displacement, of missing a body that he feels should be his.

and even with his body, he’s got the horror to deal with, which can also be used for a dysmorphia allegory.

we don’t know whether he’s had sex or not. we don’t know whether he misses it, or wishes that he could have it, or has no interest in it at all.

we know that he cares deeply for klaus, and given that he flirts with him, and seems very cagey about klaus’s strong relationship with dave, it’s more likely that he has romantic feelings for him than he doesn’t.

is he dressed that way willingly, or is that just what he died in? would he want to dress differently if he had a choice?

we also know nothing about how he perceives gender roles. he’s klaus’s caretaker, which isn’t a stereotypically masculine role, but that’s about it.

and as a ghost, he can’t have children, whether he wants them or not.

vanya is also complicated, much in the same vein as five. fitting, considering the Vibe.

vanya is textually and subtextually attracted to men.

[i’m discussing s1 vanya here, but it’s worth mentioning that as of s2, it’s confirmed that she is textually and subtextually attracted to women too, which doesn’t negate that she also likes dudes. not that the biphobes get that.]

(salt: sorry you all just turned your brains off when you realized that ellen page, Known Lesbian, is playing a character, and thought that her sexual orientation was more important than her ability to do her job [but only hers, of course. only the gay woman’s matters when she plays a character who isn’t gay. all the straight guys playing queer get a pass. we know why]. but as far as we know, vanya’s genuinely attracted to men. don’t take that away from her just because you personally think the men she likes are icky, and don’t know how to reconcile that.)

vanya’s interest in children is questionable. she works with them, but is she good with them? does she like them? does she want any of her own?

consider that she’s been on a strong medication since she was a very young child, and the effect that could have on her body: can she even have them?

vanya has a career, but it’s in an industry associated with femininity: she’s a musician, and a music teacher.

she was introduced to music by her father, who did gender the children heavily in their clothing, and likely in their approved hobbies. said hobby was reginald’s wife’s.

vanya does desire romance and sex, and her failure to obtain that is a point of shame for her. she wants those things.

when allison confronts vanya about her lack of experience, it’s not clear if vanya’s being truthful about having been in a relationship (given the fiveya vibe, the subtext suggests she’s referring to him).

it’s... very possible that, barring that childhood crush subtext with five, she genuinely hasn’t dated or had sex before leonard.

not for lack of interest, but for lack of confidence.

vanya throws herself into a relationship with a man she’s known for only a few days.

she initiates sex with him and enjoys it. she wanted it, guys. she wasn’t ‘confused,’ she wasn’t ‘pressured’ or ‘manipulated.’ she wanted. to have. sex. and she got it.

said man is cis, white, presumably-straight, and her exact age down to the day, but the relationship has no chemistry.

it does not have no chemistry because vanya is Secretly Gay and Performing Heterosexuality.

it has no chemistry because leonard is the one who has no romantic or sexual feelings. he’s pretending to love her to be able to influence her. and vanya in turn is throwing herself into this relationship, not because she is Pretending To Like Men, but because she’s so desperate for love that she’s willing to take what she can get and sprint with it to make sure she won’t lose it.

the point is that the relationship is a farce and it’s meant to creep you out. that is why it is Like That.

vanya’s relationship with gender is what’s most complicated.

vanya, if the opening scene of the show is any indication, comes from russia, where her namesake is masculine. add that to the arguably-masculine aspects of her dress (and her medication being pushed on her from a young age to contain herself) and you have an argument for a trans narrative.

vanya doesn’t adhere to many conventional standards of femininity in terms of how she dresses. initially, she does not wear makeup, ties her hair back, and wears loose-fitting, featureless clothing.

some of her appearance is due to her lack of confidence, and desire to not be noticed. as she grows in confidence and begins dating, she begins to take on some conventionally feminine aspects of dress: she lets her hair down, wears brighter colors, and puts on makeup. she’s ready to be noticed, and is confident enough to feel good about being seen. that’s after only a few days of this, so given time, she might have become much more adventurous or revealing (or even much more feminine) in her clothing choices.

and in her final form, she wears more dramatic makeup, but maintains a suit, which is conventionally masculine; part of how she dresses is just because that’s how she likes it. she can like it for any number of reasons.

and it’s worth noting, she grew up being forced to wear skirts as part of her ‘uniform.’ her decision to not do so as an adult can be read as an act of rebellion just as much as it is an expression of personal preference.

and just to reiterate: wearing suits and dressing androgynously does not make a person gay. being gay makes a person gay. if you think that Dressing Like That automatically means she’s Clearly A Lesbian, you need to consider why you think that.

and once again: the Fiveya Vibe. something’s up there. it sure as shit isn’t platonic. and it sure as shit isn’t familial.

so no. none of them are. at all. if anything, the hargreeves siblings are all queer.

so. what is “queer?”

well, if you’ve been in certain circles of the internet drenched in terf logic, it’s a slur. and i mean, it was. and then it was reclaimed, and given a place in academia, and used as an umbrella term** for “not straight” until a bunch of terfs started insisting that it was a slur again. but i digress.

**(the show is....... called ‘the umbrella academy.’ it falls into place that easily.)

like how ‘hetero’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘normative,’ ‘queer’ does not necessarily mean ‘gay.’

queer CAN mean gay.

it can also mean bi, pan or virtually anything that isn’t straight, including asexual or demisexual.

it can be applied to someone who isn’t cis.

but given the prevalence of gender roles and gender performance, a cis straight person who doesn’t perform the prescribed physical or emotional expectations for someone of their gender may be mistaken as otherwise.

just as a queer person can present themselves with conventionally straight/cis attributes, and still be queer, a person who isn’t queer can present with conventionally queer attributes

and if a queer person can pass for a person who is not queer, they will often be assumed to be, and treated as, a person who is not queer. so, a person who is not queer, who has conventionally queer attributes can be are assumed to be, and treated as, queer.

queer also means 'outside the norm,’ which is a thing a lot of discourse tends to forget these days.

as mentioned earlier, given the prevalence of ‘hetero = normative,’ and of gender roles, and certain ‘acceptable’ physical presentations of gender, a cis straight person who doesn’t perform the prescribed expectations for someone of their gender might be mistaken for, and therefore treated as queer, though they themselves are not.

conversely, a queer person can present with conventionally cis/straight attributes, and still be queer. and people may not treat them as such, because of those external expectations about said attributes (granted, once you come out, are outed, or your queerness is known in some way, Things Change).

yes, your sexuality can influence how you dress, how you behave, and what kind of career you pursue.

so can your occupation. and your income level. and your personality. and your hobbies. and your anxieties. and the mood you were in when you woke up on one particular morning. and the amount of clothing you have left in your closet as you inch closer to laundry day.

dressing a certain way doesn’t make you a certain way.

a gay man can wear a full face of makeup, but when he wipes that makeup off, he’s still gay. a gay woman can also wear a full face of makeup, but putting that makeup on doesn’t make her straight.

and people act in different ways for different reasons. especially as we get closer to gender equality, and we start breaking down the barriers keeping men, women, and people who aren’t men and women (who we’re just starting to acknowledge) from pursuing lives that don’t line up with the traditional norms they’ve been held to.

regardless, we aren’t There Yet. we still subconsciously make those associations.

so,

you might be assumed to be, and therefore treated as queer for

not wanting romance at all

wanting romance with someone who isn’t of the opposite sex (this includes people who don’t quite fit into either of the binary categories we often consider when discussing biological sex)

wanting sex or romance with someone of a different race or culture than you, who is Not Like You, which will require you to leave the boundaries of your own race/culture and enter an uncertain middle area that scares the shit out of a lot of people

not in the least bit because of the possibility of children resulting from such a union, who will have an uncertain standing in society and whose existence challenge that society’s distinctions.

not wanting sex at all, or wanting it with multiple people

wanting to have sex with someone who isn’t of the opposite sex, or with multiple people

not being cis

wanting to have a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who isn’t cis

having kinky sex that can’t or won’t result in children

having lots of sex without a desire to conceive children

not wanting children at all (especially if you’re a woman)

dressing, behaving, speaking and carrying yourself in a way that doesn’t align to the standards for your gender (or, for the one everyone assumes you are).

(again, the way people perceive and treat you has enough overlap to make the experience similar. not the same, but similar.)

by that logic (a logic that views ‘acceptable’ relationships in such a narrow margin, which is a logic that is inherently illogical) relationships that are queer, or are to be treated as queer:

do not necessarily consist of only two (able-bodied) people.

do not necessarily consist of people of opposite sexes.

do not necessarily consist of people who are exclusively cis.

(do not necessarily consist of people who are of the same race/culture)

do not necessarily consist of people who are attracted to the opposite sex

are not necessarily married, or do not necessarily intend to marry

do not necessarily have sex

do not necessarily desire to have, and have the kind of sex that can result in children

do not necessarily intend to have biological children, or children at all.

and by that logic, queer people, or people to be treated as queer, desire those sorts of relationships

and... are very likely to not align to gender roles or attributes. once you’ve crossed one boundary, it’s a lot easier to cross another.

and because we tend to assume that things outside our societal norms are ‘bizarre,’ and ‘strange,’ and unfortunately, because we tend to assume that the norms of our society are for its well being,

things that are outside the norm are often believed to be ‘sick’ or ‘unwell,’ which conflates the strange and different with illness, badness and depravity.

the abnormal relationship is scary and strange, and it must be fixed by forcing it or its contained parties to adhere to the norm. or, if they cannot or will not conform, hiding it from view, or destroying it and/or its contained parties.

and historically, queer people have been targeted for discrimination and ostracization. they are different, therefore they are sick in the head, and depraved, and they need to be fixed and set up with good, normative partners, who they can have good, normative sex with, to produce good, normative children whose good, normative lives will be clearly defined by the good, normative categories society has designed for their parents.

again, a straight cis interracial couple, though it is straight and cis, tends to be treated as queer. especially in the united states, which, again, has a hideous historical context of anti-miscegenation, outlawing mixed marriages, and punishing people in such relationships, or who desire such relationships, by denying them legal rights, isolating them from society, disallowing their children a place in society and opening them up to physical attack (and, yes, even killing them).

a straight couple in which one or both parties are queer, whether they’re trans, bi, both, or something else, is queer, because the queer individual (or individuals) in that relationship will be treated as queer by their society. and, if they have children, they will likely be treated as such too.

once again, you can be in a het relationship and it can be queer.

and once again, even if you’re straight and cis, you can be treated as queer. isn’t exactly the same thing as being queer, but those experiences have so much overlap for a reason.

so. again. they are queer people. the relationships they have with each other are queer.

how are they queer? given that they are A Literal Family???

well, the academy isn’t a family in the traditional sense*.

*the traditional sense:

siblings are biologically related, from the same cis-mother and cis-father, who are heterosexual, and of the same race.

siblings are born into a nuclear family in which both parents are married, or at the minimum, in a committed relationship.

siblings are of the same race.

sorted according to a hierarchy, based on the age at which they were born, with the oldest sibling expected to take the most responsibility.

the hargreeves:

are not biologically related.

they were born to single mothers, none of whom are related, and have no biological father.

were adopted, but not to form a family.

they, children of several different races from several different nationalities and several different cultures, were adopted so reginald hargreeves could get them alone with him, and so he could have power over them for eighteen years.

he didn’t give them a last name because he’s their father. he gave it to them as a sign that he owned them.

were raised accordingly.

they grew up knowing they were not related, and they were raised like child soldiers, and like child stars.

their ‘parents’ are an emotionally distant ‘father’ who uses them as test subjects and exploits them for media attention, and a ‘mother’ who is an unaging, nonsentient robot who is literally incapable of standing up to their father in any way.

they were trained to compete with one another, and to resent one another. and to never develop emotional attachments from one another.

they grew up in a hierarchy that wasn’t based on birth order, as they were all exactly the same age. the hierarchy was based on a set of standards their father made up as a means of controlling them.

they grew up isolated from all other children their age, and were raised in a way that made them fundamentally different from other children, and specifically taught to regard themselves as inherently different to all other people, including their peers.

they did not develop Traditional Sibling Bonds. they refer to each other as ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ out of obligation, because it’s the simplest term for what they are for each other.

instead, their bonds hovered between romantic, platonic and sexual, but were stunted and undeveloped because of those toxic rivalries and intimacy-adverse behaviors instilled in them.

and now they’re back together.

now they’re ready to be together, and the show is the story about how they go about accomplishing that.

a group of eccentric, damaged people who’ve been rejected and othered by society, who come from difficult family backgrounds, who are going to find belonging in one another. who have different definitions of love/family/home than are conventional.

for all intents and purposes, this is a found family story.

they’re a family who are in the process of finding each other, and by the end of the show, they’ll figure it out.

the found, or chosen family dynamic is queer.

... queer people have a long and unfortunate history of being rejected, harmed and turned out by biological family.

once that happens, you have to make a new one.

your new one is made up of people who probably aren’t related to you, who are likely of a variety of racial and cultural backgrounds, who are likely also queer, who’ve likely also been rejected, harmed or turned out by biological family, and by greater society.

all those stories about a group of plucky young people who Don’t Fit In With Their Dysfunctional Families and have Histories of Abuse, and who Find Solace In Friendship And Come To See Their Friends As True Family?

there’s significant overlap with the queer found family.

so. they aren’t biologically related, and the situation in which they were raised is decidedly not that of an adoptive family in anything other than name. it isn’t incest-incest. but they did grow up together, and were taught to refer to each other as siblings, which, for the purposes of our view of their relationships, makes it pseudo-incest.

and hey guys... pseudo-incest... is also queer.

aside from found family being somewhat pseudo-incestuous...

(it’s a community that’s familial, platonic, romantic and sexual all rolled into one. it’s not a given, but it’s sure as fuck not unexpected for those dynamics to overlap, or shift from one to the next, and those dimensions can all exist within one relationship at the same time.)

(for example: you can think of your friend as your sister, who you might also have hooked up with before, and might hook up with again, even if she’s dating someone else. the ambiguity comes with the territory, and it’s unique to every person and every relationship)

(keep in mind: queer people travel in packs; there’s safety in numbers and the dating pool is limited. if you went to a public high school in the suburban midwest, you KNOW that all the out queer kids stuck together, and that they were all dating each other, and that friend group’s dynamics got real messy because of it)

and aside from protective measures one sometimes needs to take...

(for example: while in a homophobic area, for safety, referring to your wife, with whom you share a last name, as your sister)

before gay marriage was a thing, you had to find creative ways to take care of your partner. if you can’t marry your partner, how do you ensure that they can visit you in the hospital, or make medical decisions about you? how do you transmit property and wealth to them after you die? how do you ensure that your instructions for how your body will be handled will be respected, and not fall in the hands of estranged relatives who you left because you’re queer?

you adopt them.

i shit you not, before gay marriage, it was quite common for same-sex couples to be legally parent and child. some of those couples even went on to abolish their adoptions and get legally married once obergefell v hodges happened in the us.

so. you could be married to your... daddy. how about that.

so. the hargreeves siblings are a found family. a queer found family. and aside from an aspect of each of their individual characterizations and narratives lining up with a queer reading, their relationships are leaning towards the queer in the text of the show (klaus with ben and diego), or context that queers them in the eyes of society (allison and luther, vanya and five).

klaus is flirting with both ben and diego. whether he’ll end up with one, both or neither, we don’t know, but that flirting is happening in the text of the show and it is reciprocal. given the massive context of tua being totally down with wild, kinky, taboo and out-of-the-ordinary relationships... it is very likely that as of season 1, he’s intended to have some kind of romantic arc with one or both of them.

fiveya have a vibe that’s present everywhere in the subtext of the show, and their connection, and their inability to be together, is what essentially causes season 1. they’re a het pairing, but not normative. and there are some very queer things about them as individuals that makes it qualify.

and... if they get together (read: when five is physically an adult again, whether that’s sooner or later), there’s that age difference. it’ll be there no matter what, because five is mentally 58, whether he’s in his old man body, in his same-age-as-everyone-else body, or whether he’s in his late teens to early twenties.

especially if aged-back-to-legality five dates thirty-something-by-then vanya. age differences are stigmatized, especially ones between older women and younger men.

(said dynamic is clearly fine in the show’s eyes, what with hazel and agnes. those parallels between hazel and five are absolutely intentional.)

and allison and luther, after decades of pining for one another, finally get together as a romantic couple: this is not implication, it is not subtext, it is not a writer or director sneaking in a kink, it is not the actors happening to have chemistry or ad libbing and getting away with it. they have a dance sequence, a kiss, several love confessions (allison gets one in 106, luther gets two in 109 and 110) and a season-long arc about getting together and admitting their love for each other. as of s1, they’re supposed to end up together. like fiveya, sure, they’re het, but they are by no means normative.

... season 2 is going to be set in dallas, texas, in the 1960s. they are going to be an interracial couple. who share a last name. in the american south. in the 1960s.

wish them fucking luck, and pray the writers aren’t stupid enough to decide to spring a We’re Not Good For Each Other, We Should Never Have Gotten Together narrative on them in THAT context, break them up for good and give them New More Suitable replacement love interests of the same race (which, because of the context of the situation, turns this into a ‘stay with your own kind’ story. it probably isn’t intended as such, but if it happens, that’s how it reads).

it’s worth mentioning that, as legal siblings, the hargreeves can’t get married.

and that in the 1960s, klaus wouldn’t be able to marry any of his paramours, and allison and luther wouldn’t be able to marry either (being that they’ll land prior to 1967, when miscegenation is illegal in texas).

and that, obviously, five and vanya can’t be together for a long fucking time.

and that each and every one of them is involved in some kind of questionable or ‘deviant’ sexual behavior that isn’t tied to straight sex with a partner of the Right Age, in order to conceive a biological child. it’s not necessarily queer sex on it’s own, but it’s sex that is treated as queer, being practiced by characters who are heavily implied through their construction to be queer (therefore, since queer people are doing it, it’s queer sex).

diego has kinky mask sex with eudora, and ties up klaus, who is aroused by torture and bondage.

he also goes on a very romantically-charged moonlit walk with his pseudo-mom, who Lets Her Hair Down, shoots him a Look, and announces that she’s ready to Be Her Own Person as they’re holding hands. hm. what’s up with that.

klaus canonically has had frequent sex with many men, and flirts with his ghost pseudo-brother.

they name-dropped patrick swayze. you know the scene they’re talking about. the ben-klaus vibe is not supposed to be platonic at all, or they’re genuinely that incompetent at establishing a platonic bond.

luther has drunk sex with a furry and beyond that... he abstains from sex altogether. which, culturally, is considered incredibly abnormal for a man to do.

allison mindscrewed at least one man (and likely many other lovers, whose genders we cannot assume), and conceived a child with him in some very dubious circumstances.

vanya initiates sex with a man she barely knows, a thing that is considered abnormal or ‘wrong’ for a woman to do.

additionally, the audience will learn the man she sleeps with a murderous manipulator who wants to harm her, but vanya at the time thinks he is her new boyfriend and has knowledge of this. not only did she initiate sex, but she initiated sex with a Bad Man.

the fact that she initiated sex at all gave the fandom a fucking meltdown and led to all kinds of bad takes like ‘leonard Forced Her’ and ‘vanya’s so desperate to make people think she’s straight that she did that’

because god forbid precious pure little baby vanya (who the fandom infantilizes constantly) initiate sex. god forbid a grownass woman have sexual feelings for a grownass man who she likes, who’s bad for her, who she doesn’t realize is bad for her yet. because that ~never~ happens, not to good women.

(because only a Wrong Dirty Woman who Probably Had It Coming would feel that way and do that, and we’re not allowed to sympathize with Wrong Dirty Women because they Probably Had It Coming, but we still sympathize with vanya, so instead of addressing that big ol mental yikes pit, we have to do some olympic-level mental gymnastics around it to conclude that she must not have wanted it and was Only Confused, or Only Pretending, or that she was Actually Forced).

five fucked a mannequin.

tentacles. what do you think they’re gonna be used for.

and that some of them may not have sex at all, or for a very long time.

... can ben fuck?

klaus, vanya and diego are all mourning the deaths of love interests which as of season 1, is supposed to matter a great deal to them. (lol we’ll see about that.)

allison and luther haven’t even kissed in the non-nullified timeline yet. they’ve held hands, confessed their love, gotten together, and that’s it. maybe they’ll wait for a while, maybe they’ll literally just decide to never do it.

five can’t for a long time, for obvious reasons.

so. the hargreeves siblings are a queer found family. they’re queer people, who have sex and relationships that we consider to be queer, who are queer with each other.

so. yeah. uh. maybe the real umbrella academy was the queer superpowered nonconventional group of kids that may have been raised together but will truly find each other and become the queer found family they actually desire and need along the way.

(as of season one, anyway.)

#tua hc #tua meta #tua #tua s2 spoilers #the spoiler's tiny and it's already public knowledge but it matters to some ppl #so i tagged accordingly.#tumblr has destroyed my nested bulletpoints! they're still intact on my blog tho so that's fucking weird #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #harkids #tua tv

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