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lilywoood · 1 year

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You've got a mail 8/15

I originally didn't plan on posting anything on Tumblr anymore but I'm having some issues with my AO3 account so to be sure that I'm not loosing anything I'll start to post here again.

Tag list : @comablog2 @justsmilestuffhappens @gxtop @chrrlees @hardychick89 @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor@leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serena040506 @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Words count : 2340

Song : L'Enfer - Stromae

She failed him, she let him down when he needed her the most, she ignored his calls, ignored the signs, ignored his pleas and cries…She failed him.

He’d always been there for her, he saved her more times than once, he heard her, saw her, found her when she was lost, freed her from the darkness, saved her from misery and she failed to save him in return, she let him drown in his own despair, she ignored him blindly believing that his smiles were sincere, that his laughs were real, that his happiness wasn’t faked, she was so blinded by her new beginning she forgot all about him, she ignored how he was wearing a mask even in front of her, that he was lying, hiding and suffering all alone.

The guilt was eating her alive, consuming her, she couldn’t help but replay all their last interactions in her head, trying to see if she could see the signs now...she couldn’t, the more she tried to remember the last time they talked with one antoher, the more she realized that they hadn’t seen eachother face to face in a really long time, he’d been avoinding her yet she never questionned it, putting it on his busy schedules, thinking he was back on the dating game, she never wondered why he was always canceling dinner night nor did she wonder why he didn’t want to come over anymore, the answers, the signs had been there all along yet she ignored them.

She hadn’t left his bedside in three days, she refused to leave him alone, refused to abandon him once more, refused to make the same mistake twice, he needed her and she needed him to wake up, his room was disturbingly quiet, they had removed the machines only leaving the respirator as his current state didn’t allow him to breath on his own.

He should have woken up by now, the doctors had assured her that he was out of danger, but for some unknowns reasons Buck remained unconscious, as if he refused to come back to reality, as if his psyche was trying to protect him from the outside world, protect him from someone or something but Maddie was determined to discover what it was not knowing that the answers to all her questions would come to her sooner than she expected.

They were all sitting patiently in the hallway across from his room, all pretending to feel remorse, regret and sadness for Buck, watching without discretion as to when Maddie would come out of the room to only pretend to support her through this difficult time.

They were a bunch of hypocrites and their very presence made TK's blood boil, how dare they show up here, how dare they pretend to care about Buck when they were responsible for his condition, when they were the cause of his torment, Buck may have swallowed the pills but in the young man's eyes they had each taken turns shoving a pill down his friend's throat.

He was blinded by rage, anger and disgust, and was about to go and show them exactly how he thought when he felt someone pulling him in the opposite direction.

-Carlos, he marveled, what…why did you stop me

-I know that look, he replied sympathetically, I understand that you don't hold these people in your heart, but causing a scene here and now is probably not a good idea.

He nodded dejectedly and dropped on the nearest chair, Carlos joined him, letting a separating seat between them. His heart sank at this gesture, as he would have liked to feel him closer to him, would have liked to feel the comforting warmth of his body against his own, would have liked to hold his hand,to feel him pass on some of his courage.

-So you and Buck, Carlos hesitated, stumbling to breach the heavy silence.

-Just friends,TK reassured him, avoiding his gaze, he understands how I feel, he tried.

-While I didn't, he chuckled bitterly.

-No...not that kind of stuffs anyway, TK sighed, grabbing the other man’s hand softly stroking it with his thumb, but…he fumbled, that…that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to tell you about it one day.

-Okay, Carlos croaked his gaze fixed on their hands.

A new silence fell between the two men and unlike the others this one was neither heavy nor stressful, it was a simple pause in their conversation, a simple halt allowing them to sort out their restless minds.

-Why do you hate them, Carlos demanded suddenly, Buck’s team why do you hate them.

-It was because of them he ended there, TK explained without going into details, they bullied him until he ended up there and now, he chuckled drily, now they want to pretend in front of his sister that they care about him, that they’re there for her, he whisper shouted, where were they when he was drinking himself to sleep, or when he decided that sleeping was useless and that by staying awake he would avoid the nightmares.

-What do you want to do, Carlos asked, do you want to tell his sister.

-I told her to ask her boyfriend, he sighed, I didn’t feel like I should be the one telling her.

-You want to confront them.

-I hate hypocrites, I hate the fact that they’re not there because they’re worried, he growled, they’re here because they want to save their asses.

-Okay, then go and make them regret, Carlos smiled encouragingly, make them feel bad.

-I will, TK grinned hugging him, thank you…for everything, he added raising from his seat.

-What else are friends for, Carlos smiled.

-I...

-I know TK, he replied, I'll be waiting for you when you're ready, he added, now go.

He always felt like words were more impactful, more influential and destructive than any kind of weapon, he’d always felt mesmerized, fascinated, draw to their power, after all words could start a war as much as it could bring peace, words were a cure as much as it was a curse, word could shape as much as it could destroy and in this case, in this day at this precise instant words have been his friend’s doom.

He could hear it now, could hear their venoms, their mockery, their poison, he could hear what Buck was hearing every single days, could understand his friends pain and despair, could see why he would go to such extremes. He never heard so much nastiness, so much malice and viciousness in his life, never would have thought it could come from people who were supposed to have his back, rage and anger were now blinding him and the desire to make those traitors pay increased the closer he got to them.

He was only a few feet away from them when he suddenly felt doubtful, was this really a good idea, was it really necessary to expose them while Buck was still in a coma, while Maddie was only barely holding on, was this really for the sake of his friend or for himself, millions of questions crossed his mind causing him to suddenly stop in his tracks.

He took one last look at Carlos who gave him an encouraging smile and that was enough to revive him and give him the strength and courage to confront the 118.

Bobby was the first to enter his sight, soon followed by the rest of his team, they were sitting close to each other and hardly noticed his presence, busy with the animated discussion their chief was having with his own captain.

As if on cue, Owen reached out to him, smiling slightly, urging him to join the conversation, a rapid glance was all TK needed to understand that his father was serving him revenge on a silver plate.

-You must be the famous TK, Bobby said, flashing him his fakest smile. Your father was just telling us about you and your prowess, he chirped.

-My prowess,he articulated with a twitch of his lips.

-Yes,Bobby continued, I wanted to thank you personally for saving Buck's life, too.

-He's the one who's saved mine on several occasions, T.K. remarked, striving to maintain his composure.

-How did you meet, Eddie interjected, He never told us about you, he gestured to the rest of the team.

-Therapy, the young man countered, squinting at Eddie sideways.

-Well, it looks like we don't know a lot about Buck, he quipped, between the suicide attempt, the therapy and now the Texas friend, he gestured frustratingly.

TK took a deep breath and exchanged another subtle glance with his father, his frustration and annoyance growing as Eddie's interventions increased, the fact that the 118 nodded and allowed this kind of remark only served to cement his already poor opinion of them.

-Do you even know why he tried to kill himself, T.K. snapped,Do you have any idea about what he's going through, he groused.

-Maybe he wanted a little more attention, Eddie shrugged uncaringly.

A dry, sinister laugh escaped TK, as his gaze roamed over the rest of the team he quickly realized that all seemed to have the same opinion about Buck as did their teammate, that all seemed to have the same incorrect perception of his friend, the one of a spoiled brat whose failure to get his way led him to choose the utmost solution.

-You really think he did all this for attention, he cackled disbelievingly.

-Why else, Chim interjected, Buck has always been a drama queen, he will never admit it to himself, but subconsciously I think he was just seeking some extra attention,he mused.

TK laughed maniacally, clutching his sides and shaking his head at the sheer amount of ignorance, disillusion and spite those people possessed, not once had the 118 considered themselves responsible for Buck's actions, neither of them seemed to believe that their abuses and noxious behavior might have caused the current incident.

-You wouldn’t know what’s an attention seeker is even if it was in front of you, he declared after calming down.

-And you would, Eddie scoffed.

-Yes cause I’m one, he revealed glancing at his father, I’m an addict, he added, I oded thrice, he revealed smiling at Hen supporting look, my captain had every right to doubt my ability as a firefighter but he didn’t, he smiled fondly remembering how his father was set on second chance, he could have gone behind my back, he could have told his chiefs that I wasn’t stable enough for this line of work, he could have, he insisted, but he didn’t because he respect me enough to confront me, to share with me his doubts about my abilities, he leaned over Bobby, his eyes never leaving his, trust and respect is essential between a captain and his crew, he disclosed, I might have my differences with my team but at the end of the day I know that I can trust them, he shared, same can’t be said about you, he half shrugged.

-Oh please, Eddie scoffed, don’t act as if you know him better than us, he waved off, we’ve been working with him for years, we know everything about Buck, he added jamming his hands in his front pockets, you’ve knew him for what a months or two, he snarked before being cut off

-Time doesn’t define how deep you know someone, TK retorted, I’ve knew him for three months and yet I know more about him than any of you, he raised his chin defiantly still focusing on Bobby, did you know that the reason he over exhaust himself during his recovery time was because he didn’t want to disappoint you, he asked Bobby, because you’re his hero, his model and he didn’t want you to think he couldn’t handle it, he hummed, did you know that after the tsunami he hadn’t be able to take a bath or a shower for two weeks because he was afraid of drowning, he asked looking at Eddie, better did you know he was the one who convinced his domestic abuse survivors sister, your girlfriend, he emphasized, to take a chance on you, he frowned, there isn’t a single selfish bone in Evan’s body, he snared, everything he did he had the 118 in mind, he added, the lawsuit you seem to reproach him, it was for you and he had every right to go through it, he laughed, but it could’ve been avoided if you had an ounce of respect for him, he snarked at Bobby.

Guilt and remorse could be read on their faces, none of them dared to speak after the young man's revelations, none of them foresaw how their bullying would affect Buck.

-It was you, Maddie asked in an accusing tone making them all realize that she’d heard everything, from the beginning it was you, she continued with a grim expression, you knew what was wrong with him, you knew why he swallowed all those pills and you stayed quiet.

-Maddie, Chim started.

-Try to take even one step towards me and I swear to God you will bitterly regret it, she menaced.

-Please let me explain, he begged.

-Explain what, she chuckled, explain that you bullied my little brother over some bullshit, she roared, that you bullied him to the point he tried to unalive himself, she scoffed, explain how you lied to me for months telling me I was worrying over nothing when you knew damn well what was the issue, what else is there to explain Howard, she barked drying her tears with a sweep of her sleeve.

-We didn’t, he stammered, it’s not what we wanted, he tried miserably

-No but it’s what you did, TK interjected before being interrupted by people running past them and toward Buck’s room, doctors and nurses were screaming orders at each other, sirens and red lights were blaring, making them quiet down instantly, making them stare at each other, making them dread what was happening.

#911 fic #911 fox #season 3 buddie #buddie #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #911 ls #crossover fic #tv 911 #angst #you've got a mail

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