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#tw // suicide
sp-ghoul-au · 3 days
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what happened to neil,,? was he always like this or did something happen?
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its really a mystery...
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I have not stopped thinking about Next Benedict since I first heard about his death and I have been devastated ever since. But now that his death has been ruled as a suicide people are making it seem like "maybe it wasn't so bad after all". No. That attack sent him to the ER. That attack drove him to suicide. Maybe it was because of the emotional effects of the attack or maybe the head injury had messed with his mind and caused him to take the wrong amount of medicine on accident, either way, his death was still completely related to the attack. I am so annoyed and frustrated every time I see someone say that his death was his fault. No matter what, his death was still a result of that attack. On another note, regardless of anthing, this is nonetheless a devastating event that has taken a toll on the entire world. Being someone who has dealt with suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts, I was shaken and devastated to hear that nex's death was a result of suicide, whether intentional or not. Hate crimes ruin lives, sometimes even take them. If the world were kinder, things would be so much better. Rest in power, Nex
^^^
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(tw suicide ment) bpd culture is isolating for hours and then when nobody welcomes you back when you’re finally done, just going back to isolating for hours again. you feel so stupid for this but it makes you wonder if any of your friends would actually care if you killed yourself
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sophieinwonderland · 10 hours
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Anti-endos: "bullying people to the point of attempting suicide is fine as long as they survived"
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You would think that this might be an "are we the baddies?" moment for them.
Not only does the anti-endo "safe space," post this, they intentionally invade inclusive spaces to do so in order to "get attention."
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Congrats! You got attention!
Are you proud of yourselves now? Do you feel accomplished sharing with other systems how you don't care if they attempt suicide as long as they survive? Does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
And what of you, anti-endos?
How "safe" do you all feel in this so-called "safe space" that intentionally tries to attract attention from people they claim to be trying to be safe from, and doesn't care if their side bullies people to the point of attempting to take their lives?
Are you all comfortable with this?
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okie dokie @quixtrix
Gonna also tag @dextraicarus1994 since he’s a splinter cell fan and most likely has information to add to this discussion
We've heard the phase "everyone is the hero of their own story" at least once and while it's debatable if that is really true of everyone , there are some people who genuinely and unquestionably believe themselves to be the hero
And Sarah Fisher is one of those people
Unlike my Jade post, I'll be working somewhat backwards when it comes to evidence of my theory, primarily because one of the things that convinced me that Sarah has a hero complex was something that happens closer to the end of the first season
In the last episodes of CLH, we learn about Sarah's name and backstory. Her childhood where she got her father arrested , her military education and finally the death of her father
Sarah is a confusing character and until we get season two , theres so many questions surrounding her and very few, if any, answers to those questions
Did Sarah plan everything that happens in the show? If not, how much was Sarah's plan? Was her conversation with Dolph and Marcus genuine or an act? Or some combination of both?
What does Sarah really want out of all this? Did she have any involvement with Rayman becoming Ramon? If so, she's now the last of the board of directors and thus is in complete control of Eden, so what else can she possibly want?
And despite knowing first hand Eden killed her father , why did Sarah forego her human body and become a cyborg spider , essentially another cog in the machine that murdered her own father?
Is Sarah even "Sarah" anymore?
Then it clicked into my head that, the entire sequence of Sarah inside the VR , experiencing her past mistakes and trauma?
Can be read as a test of Sarah's convictions
Or other words, from her perspective ,she was on the hero's journey
And what's a common trope heroes experience? Challenges against their beliefs
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Now obviously Sarah's character doesn't actually fit into the hero's journey , at least not without some twisting here. That is not important, what's important is that Sarah believes herself as the hero regardless of her actual circumstances or position in the world
Take note of how the hero's journey is about transformation specifically, as I want to draw a parallel to the anime/manga known as Land of the Lustrous. I don't want to spoil too much of that series as this is meant as a CLH post (I also need to catch up) but there is three pages from Land of the Lustrous I want to share
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People who know of this series knows exactly what I'm implying about Sarah with this comparison, but for those who don't know what this manga is about: these three pages only has one character in them
Land of the Lustrous (or Houseki no Kuni) is a story set in a world where humans went extinct, but other humanoid lifeforms evolved from that extinction with one of those being immortal and genderless beings made of gemstones
The main character is one of these gem people called phosphophyllite ,phos for short, and their story is basically:
"what if the ship of theseus was a living being with a conscious?"
Keeping spoilers as minimum as possible, Phos , physically and mentally, undergoes drastic changes throughout the narrative both from circumstances beyond their control and the choices they've made
I believe , much like Phos, Sarah herself is a conscious ship of theseus
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I want to bring attention to the connections between Bullfrog and Sarah , both in design and in narrative
Sarah's hair is the same colour as Bullfrog's hood , as well as being styled in a way that resemblances said hood. Both of these characters have colour palettes that share similarities with each other , in that they both primarily wear a monochromatic uniform with silver
They both also happen to have eye colours that's some shade of gold . Dolph's mother in the manga also has gold eyes. Coincidentally, both Bullfrog and Sarah are characters Dolph began to trust after he killed Alex for his betrayal
Bullfrog however leans more into wearing white while Sarah leans towards black, which happen to be colours used to represent themes of conflicting opposites , such as yin and yang or good vs evil
The other difference between them is Sarah has green accents while Bullfrog has red, which makes Bullfrog's palette more warmer while Sarah's is colder , fitting considering their personalities
Funny enough Bullfrog is a cold blooded frog hybrid. Meanwhile Sarah was is a human with a warm skin complexion
Red and Green are also opposites on the colour wheel, much like how Bullfrog and Sarah are opposites in the conflict between Assassins and Templars
Red and Green however, are complimentary colours too
As of season one we have very little regarding Bullfrog's life before the events of the show, but I'm betting my kidneys his life has some uncanny similarities with Sarah's
Remember how I said Sarah doesn't fit the hero's journey without twisting some things?
Bullfrog is an undeniable loyal, genuine character who does what he does out of the kindness of his heart. Bullfrog's heroism comes from caring for others and wanting justice
Sarah however, I believe has a hero complex that drives from her ego and a desire to control others
You can even say Sarah is a twisted remix of a hero
We can actually take a guess what experiences Bullfrog may have had in his life by comparing Sarah's life itself to the hero's journey set up, but let’s just focus on Sarah
I just want to have it at the back of our minds that Bulfrog’s life has likely paralleled with Sarah’s when we go down these points
Call to adventure: This is obviously when Sarah leaves the wasteland with Sam, her father , into Eden
Supernatural aid: Sam meets up with Marcus, who hacks the systems to help Sam and Sarah out
Threshold, beginning of transformation: Sarah snitches on the watch dogs
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I want to put some attention to this moment of Sarah’s life as it has had a significant impact on her. Not only did her father loose custody of her and she was placed into Eden’s child care system (or whatever they do with Ray kids who expose their parents doing anything illegal) and was exposed to even more brain washing propaganda without any outside influence (her father) , but more importantly this was the first time in Sarah’s life where she had power over someone else’s fate
When Sam asks why Sarah did what she did, she replies “we have to do the right thing”. Looking at her body language , Sarah is not happy to be doing what she’s doing but fully believes, with no doubts despite her pained expression , it’s what she has to do , it’s the right thing to do
It seems odd, that Sarah was this heavily brainwashed and Sam was unaware of it up till this moment. Considering the wasteland is well, a literal wasteland I doubt there was much after school activity programs to influence Sarah this much. Sam seemed like a very attentive single parent so I can’t imagine the guy would let such pro Eden propaganda influences, such as the Rayman kids’ programs, anywhere near Sarah. Considering how young Sarah is in this flashback as well , she wasn’t exactly at the age of sneaking off and hanging with the wrong crowd
Unless Sam wasn’t Sarah’s only parent
Having a quick skim of the Splinter Cell wiki, Sarah’s mother in the games is a woman called Regan burns. Regan and Sam were on opposing sides during their military careers but that didn’t stop them from having a stormy affair, which lead to Regan becoming pregnant and having a troubled marriage with Sam. In the games Regan is cryptanalyst for the NSA , but who is Regan in the remixed universe?
During his introduction Bullfrog rambled about how his ancestors memories live on in his DNA , which is a reference to how in the assassins creed games people can use technology (or other means depending on game) to travel through the memories of their relatives (both close and distant) and learn information from them, it’s even how some get their assassin training
In some stories of the franchise, the main character is the direct child of an assassin, which puts further emphasis on bloodlines and their importance in the assassins creed
Just so happens, the templars use technology to travel through memories and bloodlines play an important role in their organisation , just like the assassins they’re up against
So it’s possible that, in this universe , Regan was a Templar and how she raised her daughter is what influenced Sarah “to do the right thing” and how Sarah was exposed to propaganda such as Rayman’s shows right under Sam’s nose
If Regan was a Templar, that could explain how Sarah not only knew about the order, but managed to get into the position she currently has in show. Regan’s influerence may also have given Sarah (and to some degree Sam) some advantages other people could only dream off, such as an opportunity to have a comfortable life in Eden and her military education
Thanks to Regan, Sam was still allowed to communicate with his daughter despite being a traitor
Dolph , as a fellow soldier in comparison, was taken from his mother and not even allowed any contact with her. He suffered so much just by virtue of having “good genetics”, Dolph and his mother in comparison did not commit any crime and yet ended up with a worse life than Sarah and Sam
If Regan is alive or not in the show does not matter now, what matters is that she was present in Sarah’s life long enough to make an impact on the girl
I do want to say while this was the beginning of Sarah’s transformation, the little girl wasn’t beyond saving at this moment in time
But Sarah, as stubborn as she is, doesn’t want to be saved
Sarah wants to save others
Challenges and temptations: Sarah’s years in the education system and her military training
Revelation , death and rebirth: Sam dies and Sarah makes the choice to become a cyborg
During their last conversation, Sarah brings up that thanks to her good grades, she’s been given the opportunity in becoming a cyborg. Sam is heavily against it , the two argue
Something interesting to note here is how defensive Sarah is of Eden , telling Sam “if Eden was so bad, you wouldn’t be in probation you’d be in jail” , and that he should be grateful Sarah is being given this opportunity at all “despite being the daughter of a traitor”
Sarah does not trust Sam to know what’s best. Not only for his daughter, but also not even for himself
When talking about how Sam died and her grief over losing her father, Sarah asked herself “was he right?”. Worth noting, Sarah never tells Dolph the answer to that question
That’s important because while it shows that Sarah did have doubts about Eden , no , herself , when it comes to how the world works, her behaviour in the last episode tells us exactly what the answer to that question is:
Sarah decided the answer doesn’t matter
What mattered was protecting her father from HIMSELF, and she failed
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This was the moment Sarah’s fate was sealed
This was the moment Sarah shallowed her doubts, made the conscious choice to become a cyborg that would set her on the path to become sigma and never looked back
Regardless if she was influenced by Eden propaganda or her mother, Sarah came to her own conclusion about something that day: “order and peace will come through control and rules”
Sam , and all those innocent people, would still be alive if they just did what they were told
If Sam just did want Sarah told him to do
Before I talk about the last two points of the hero’s journey, transformation and atonement , I want to go back to that moment in Sarah’s childhood. The one where she had power
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At an incredibly young age , even if it was just this one moment, Sarah had power over the lives of others and influence over what happens to those lives. This likely also made Sarah feel responsible for those around her , particularly feeling strongest towards her own father and his well being. This is where Sarah’s hero complex stems from
I’ve talked a lot about the hero complex, but what exactly is the hero complex?
“Noted author Laura Berman Fortgang, described the Hero Syndrome as a phenomenon affecting people who seek heroism or recognition, usually by creating a desperate situation which they can resolve and subsequently receive the accolades from. This can include unlawful acts, such as arson and attempted murder.” (Link here for further information about this)
We can actually see Sarah display this behaviour early on in the show, particularly in her treatment of team Ghost. The planting of bombs into their skulls under her control is the most obvious example but there’s two others I want to talk about
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In the ending of episode 3, Sarah swoops in to rescue Dolph from his own suicide attempt. What she tells Dolph in this scene is damning evidence of her need for control over other people
“I’m the one who decides where and when you die”
Knowing in hindsight that she’s a Templar cyborg , she likely purposely planned it so that the news would catch her “saving” Dolph and label her as a traitor
Why exactly? Can’t really say, but I bet some part of it is just to give Sarah a little ego boost , convince the world she’s the underdog hero she sees herself as
But we can go further than that , in that Sarah wants control over how people live their lives, not just when those lives end in how Jade is treated by her
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It’s really easy to assume Jade’s role in the show is due to sexism , and that’s possibly very much the case still
But comparing the role Sarah assigned Jade to the other ghosts, it really makes no sense that Jade was made to play the femme fatale
Dolph and Bullfrog were given jobs that they already do on the regular (Dolph stealing an item using his cyborg tech and Bullfrog sneaking into the building) and while Cody was (presumably) meant to be the one wrestling, Pey’J has the strength and body build to fill in Cody’s absent despite his lack of skills and experience in wrestling
Jade though? She clearly has no clue how to be a seductive temptress, and Sarah must have checked over the ghosts’ profile. Meaning she seen Jade’s profile and seen what she’s actually capable off
Unless Sarah didn’t actually want Jade to do her job
You know what else is common in hero stories? Damsels in distress
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I think much like what she did for Dolph in episode three, Sarah’s plan in episode two was to rescue Jade. That obviously did not happen , but my point stands Jade was made a femme fatale so that Sarah can boost her own ego
It’s been brought up on Reddit that Jade’s hair (especially when styled by Sarah in the femme fatale look) resembles Sam’s hair
The two also have green eyes, and wears a hat that casts a shadow over those eyes
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We could go a shippy route with this, but this post is already extremely long and I think there’s more interesting things we take from this than Sarah’s weird sexual fantasies
Whether it’s a subconscious thing or something Sarah is fully aware of, Jade reminded Sarah of her father
or rather , how Sarah views her father
I’ve talked a lot about Jade already over here but the point I want to bring to this is that Jade is a passive character in this show. Sam in contrast is not a passive character, but it’s likely Sarah wishes he was
I don’t think Sarah was ever intentionally ableist towards Sam , but combined with her having power over him which makes her feel responsible for his well being from a young age and her believing in the Templar belief that control is the path to keeping everyone safe, I do think Sarah doesn’t respect Sam as a capable adult, especially his life choices that lead to him taking part and dying in the wasteland war
I don’t know what this really means for either Sam or Jade as characters or if these similarities will play a part in season two. What I do know is that this shows Sarah isn’t above trying to mold people to her liking
Which brings me the final two parts of the hero’s journey
Transformation: Sarah becomes a cyborg Templar
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”The Ship of Theseus is a thought experiment about whether an object is the same object after having had all of its original components replaced”
Since almost Sarah’s entire body is fully robotic , is it still Sarah’s body, or Eden’s property?
On the off chance that Sarah's brain is also robotic, is the things going through her head Sarah’s thoughts , or Eden’s programming?
Is Sarah even Sarah anymore?
Throughout this whole post I’ve spoke about Sarah , her hero complex and what may have influenced her behaviour. I don’t think Sarah came out of her transition into a cyborg member of the Templar order unscathed
While the ground work for Sarah’s hero complex were present, Sarah was once an innocent little girl who deeply loved her father. Sarah was not born into this world with an ego , she wasn’t born with an intense desire to control other people
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Sarah wasn’t born with blood lust in her smile
It was not just Sam who died that day in the wasteland, Sarah’s humanity and connection to other people died with him
There’s something odd about the fact Sarah is the only member of the board of directors who is a cyborg , we know this because Ramon killed the rest way too easily. We also know from Ramon , that people who make it to the top don’t stay at the top
Much like Phos in HNK, Sarah is very much a victim of drastic change due to her own choices and circumstances beyond her control
and finally
Atonement and return: ???
I don’t really have anything to add to this part , mainly because Sarah’s story isn't finished yet
We’ll have to see how things play out in season two it seems : )
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life-is-okay-rn · 2 days
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I know i said no more vents but here’s another
ough
drown me shoot me throw me out the window push me off the roof poison me stab me decapitate me murder me kill me make me stop existence make sure i was never born my chest hurts my head hurts i’m hungry i should die my parents should die i need to move away why do i have boobs why is my voice so high
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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discatded · 2 days
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It's weird, being so used to pain and dying and slicing your own neck that the absence of pain and dying and slicing your own neck feel like... a loss. Like part of your routine has been abruptly taken from you and you don't know what to do with your time anymore.
You make do.
(Rebloggs appreciated!! enjoy :3)
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spookyowlman · 3 days
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// saw something on twitter (unfortunately the original post is gone) and it inspired me to do this
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fairycosmos · 1 year
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instead of killing myself i will watch documentary about the ocean
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A six year old wanted to be run over by a truck so he could be with his family, but he ended up dying from hypothermia... if that isn't one of the most heartbreaking statements to read I really don't know what else to say, because this is just a child. A six year old boy. The world has failed you. The world truly has failed the children of Gaza in so many ways.
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animentality · 1 year
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All the links to the above charities here.
Brianna Ghey's family:
STA:
Gallop:
Mermaids:
GI:
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werewolfetone · 1 year
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Oh that's what it means is it
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suspected bpd culture is genuinely believing your cause of death will be suicide because you are aware that this disorder is slowly eating away your hope and energy to continue living, making it impossible to live normally.
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xiranjayzhao · 6 months
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This Sept 11 marks the 50th anniversary of the US-backed coup that overthrew Chilean president Salvador Allende, the first democratically elected Marxist president in Latin America
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What followed was a 17-year military dictatorship that killed, tortured, or imprisoned tens of thousands of leftists. The US had no problem supporting it. Declassified documents have proven that Nixon and Kissinger conspired to destroy Chile's economy under Allende and allow right-wing forces to oust him to prevent him from inspiring other developing countries.
I'm reading the documents now and here are some of the most heinous passages:
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On the day of the coup, as the presidential palace was being bombed, Allende took his own life with an AK-47 gifted to him by Fidel Castro. This is from his last broadcast to his people:
"Workers of my country, I have faith in Chile and its destiny. Other men will overcome this dark and bitter moment when treason seeks to prevail. Go forward knowing that, sooner rather than later, the great avenues will open again and free men will walk through them to construct a better society.
Long live Chile! Long live the people! Long live the workers!
These are my last words, and I am certain that my sacrifice will not be in vain, I am certain that, at the very least, it will be a moral lesson that will punish felony, cowardice, and treason."
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bronzetomatoes · 4 months
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blueskittlesart · 4 months
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Now that you're gone
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