#tw amatonormativity

[our-arospec-experience]

my arospec experience is constantly fighting the "in-denial of romantic feelings" allegations 💀

yeah :(

#our arospec experience #arospec #aromantic #aro #lgbtqia+ #queer #tw amatonormativity

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

My mum was talking about how she could tell that two people were together romantically “because of the way they look at each other” and that pissed me off.

Let people stare with heart eyes at their friends. Let them look softly at their qpp. Let them gaze with longing at their pet. Let them look like they might pounce on a hotdog at any second.

Why does literally everything you do have to be defined by amatonormativity??

#slightly jokey #but the sentiment still stands #amatonormativity #tw amatonormativity #aromantic #aspec #aroallo #arospec #aro

[arocrows42]

FUCK AMATONORMATIVITY

I was holding hands with my aro friend at lunch, and someone said, "I'm sorry, but you two look like the perfect goth couple" and like........ 1st we did not look goth. Low effort emo if that. 2nd we are fucking aromantic . Yeah she's cute but .we r not together. Nor will we ever be. She's nonpartnering and (I think) I have a squish on somebody else. Just bc we look hot as fuck and we're holding hands does not mean we r a couple

#my posst #aro #aromantic #tw amatonormativity

[noxwithoutstars]

saw a post about how love =/= romantic love so therefore love is “actually the whole point” (the notes are funny).

Here’s a reminder that yes, love doesn’t have to be romantic so yes love can be important in all of someone’s relationships but to others, love is irrelevant in life and love is not another way of describing affection, compassion, etc. Saying you don’t love someone doesn’t mean you don’t care for them.

#aro #loveless #nox talks #amatonormativity #tw amatonormativity #love #info #some of the notes were like “so you don’t love your friends… that’s sad” 😭 #no but i adore them so so much you wouldn’t even know #affection

[arology]

raging at how people like to invalidate some aromantic's experience of distancing themselves from the concept of love , including towards family , pets , hobbies , whatever , by saying "love isn't just about people" and "love isn't just about romance" 🙄🙄🙄

#aro #text #thoughts #loveless #aromantic #love #tw love #amatonormativity #tw amatonormativity #hello its just that the word makes me uncomfortable #idk why love is supposed to be a universal savior #tw arophobia #invalidation #arophobia

[gemstarstarlight]

From the pews

Welcome, God.

I sit in church. Week by week, I endure. I listen, I understand; I try to understand the perspectives, the worldviews, of a people that are increasingly not like me.

I hear people say that God’s design is families, that God works in families. That single people exist, and God has provision for that, but the main story of the Bible is families. That ultimately God designs for us to be in families, and that means marriage and children.

I think of God working in a highly patriarchal society where a woman was truly safer married than single, where everyone came from a family (where blood family was very important but could also could mean member of a household, a servant of a family or a second cousin of a patriarch or any number of things that were bigger than just the initial top family unit), where divorce would be worse for everyone involved and the woman was immediately vulnerable, where being a widow was a terrible fate for women because they couldn’t provide for themselves, and many of the passages on singleness in the Bible are in the New Testament where it was a bit more safe and normal for people to be single and devoted to God.

I think of Adam and Eve, childless before the Fall.

I think of the pages in the Bible God put in about slavery, where slavery was a practice in the Bible, but in God’s initial design for Israel (that Israel frequently failed in) it was temporary, treated like an indentured servant, and it was only for specific circumstances and not to be born into. I think of how slaves were given rights, rights that weren’t seen in any other culture at the time. I think of the more broad and more easy-to-interpret-as-bad ideas about slavery (that slaveowners in America absolutely took advantage of without realizing that slavery outlined in Leviticus wasn’t racially motivated or permanent or assumed subhumanity) were actually in the New Testament, in a culture that was Greco-Roman, distinctly not Israelite or following the laws outlined in the Torah, and there was little slaves could do to not be in their position. I think about how God actually called the Israelites out of slavery in Exodus, which speaks much more loudly about his opinion on slavery than anything else.

I think of God, working in cultures regardless of what they value most and what they consider normal, understanding we have preconceptions about how the world works and putting in structures and ideas so we can follow him even in an “imperfect” society with ideas we haven’t even thought to question yet.

I think of God putting revelation knowledge in our church fathers, encouraging us to follow the Bible the best way we can. I think of how many of them were single. I think of the monasteries and abbeys, men and women living in communities of singleness with each other, leading other communities to Jesus. I think about how until the Protestant Reformation, the pendulum had swung so far in the other direction that people who wanted to serve God weren’t allowed to marry, even though Peter, considered the first church father, had a wife. I think how even in Peter’s case, we only know about him being married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law, and that much more emphasis was put on his devotion to God.

I come home. I drink tea, alone in my house. I stare at the pride pin on my backpack. The mark of the single, the mark of the childless, the mark of the person who will almost certainly be unable to give her body to a husband. The orange and white and blue of those without attraction, but not without love.

I think of the sacrifice and sacrament of marriage, the intention being a mutual serving, of loving as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her, of submitting as to the Lord and not to men, of choosing to trust even if you don’t know or understand yet.

I think of the people who have loved me unconditionally. I think of the people who have encouraged me to submit my life to God, even if I don’t understand why yet and fear for the future. I think of those who have held me as I weep for the future I have lost, but tell me to trust God and that he has a place for me no matter what.

I think of the people I love and who I can care for. I think about the people I speak for, who I speak to and why.

And I wonder.

If I have devoted my life to God and gotten a sea of people who love me and who I can love in return, is that not a family?

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭68‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

#christianity #philosophy takes #religious discussion #this is a long one #asexual #aromantic #aroace #tw amatonormativity #thanks! it’s the trauma

[ober-affen-geil]

An autistic woman I know had to deal with saying that no one would be able to date her for long anyway. If she had a more “mild type of autism” it would be different because they can “look more like normal people” For added context: She is ace and and openly uninterested in romantic and or sexual relationships. I don’t understand what would make someone go out of their way to say that to someone. I am autistic and queer too and the comment got to me. Don’t know why.

Hey anon.

If the comment you mean is the ableist and amatonormative one said to the woman you know then it probably got to you because it's ableist and amatonormative and applies to you as well <3. Beacuse WOOF that is a powerful cocktail. Damn. I'm sorry we still hear people say stuff like that with no apparent awareness of what they sound like.

#tw ableism #tw aphobia #tw amatonormativity #tw arophobia #hey nonny nonny

[catullansparrowlet]

This Valentine's season I had the absolute pleasure of trying to convince my sister there's more to life than romance alone. When I told her one can have a fulfilling life with hobbies, friends, work or whatever she replied with "Ugh, that's so boring! I don't want to live alone like that, I need a man!" She's twelve.

What is amatonormativity doing to our children's brains?!

#without a partner life has no meaning #tw amatonormativity #I knew our mom has fucked up ideas about a woman's worth but FUCK #The young one may not know how mom suffered by my dad's hands but damn that scared me #It's one thing to be told that you'll never be happy and that you have to jump the first man you see #(which sucks but she's 12- what does she know?) #But this repeated is terrifying and insane #I'm too aroace for this

[genderkoolaid]

amatonormativity doesn't just make us devalue platonic love but also overlook platonic abuse. speaking as someone who had a physically abusive friend, friends CAN be abusive and that abuse is not less serious than familial or romantic abuse.

#m. #amatonormativity #abuse tw #platonic abuse

[it-is-only-a-novel]

Reminder that it's aphobia if you tell an aspec that they need a partner to be happy.

Yes, even if you told them first that you accept them the way they are, and you're just "expressing concern".

#it's okay not to know about amatonormativity #but you are invalidating them #and that's aphobia #tw aphobia #fuck amatonormativity #amatonormativity #aspec #non partnering #aro #aromantic #ace #asexual #aroace #taging with ace tags because this is for all aspecs who choose to be non partnering #or choose to partner differently #also non aspecs of course #yes I'm preaching to the choir #but I needed to say it #M's post

[our-arospec-experience]

gotta say huge fan of people asking "who's your crush" and when I say nobody they say "yeah you're lying bro just tell me" and I say "no I dont" and they say "you can trust me I won't tell anyone"

Love it

:/

#Im assuming this is sarcasm lol #But yeah it sucks #our arospec experience #arospec #aromantic #aro #lgbtqia+ #queer #tw amatonormativity

[zonatcannibalism]

"Aspec people are not monsters, they still feel love" Aspec people are not monsters beacuse we are living breathing human beings and not some cartoon villain. Some Aspec people don't feel love, not romantic love, not platonic love, nothing. Some allo people don't feel love too, even if they do feel attraction. That doesn't make us any less valuable. That dosent mean we don't have any feelings. Were not valuable beacuse we can fit your idea of what's good and "human", were valuable beacuse were people not hurting anyone and just trying to live our fucking lives. WE ARE NOT MONSTERS. were just different then you. The whole idea of love, romantic love, platonic love, familial love, a bond that is the most valuable thing ever and nothing can defeat, is something that some people could never reach, just beacuse we don't understand what it is. And thats ok.

#loveless aro #aspec pride #acespec #asexual #amatonormativity #dehumanisation tw #aromantic #aro #arospec #aro pride #ace pride #rant post #loveless

[immortalarizona]

listen. I have never watched Riverdale and never will. but that doesn’t mean I’m not sO FUCKING PISSED at the polycule ending.

I’m not mad about the polyamory (I would like to stress this point for anyone who wants to come after me for this post), I’m mad that Jughead Jones, one of, like, the two aroace characters in media people have actually maybe heard of (the other being Yelena Belova) is part of this romantic, sexual relationship.

he’s ace!!!

he’s aro!!!

and it fucking stings that the writers thought it was okay to erase that aroace rep when there’s next to none for us to begin with.

fuck your amatonormativity and fuck your queer erasure. we aspecs deserve better.

#“bUt aRi aTtrAcTioN iSn’T aCtiOn!!1! hE cOuLd sTiLL bE aRoAcE iN riVeRdaLe!1!11” #yeah I’m aware of that but I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT WAS WHAT THE WRITERS WERE GOING FOR #and do you fucking think your average allo is gonna read it that way even if it was??? #also tbh I Do Not trust allo writers to tell that kind of story without perpetuatinflg erasure #can’t have shit in detroit I guess #tw aphobia #asexual #aromantic #aroace #riverdale #riverdale finale #aroace jughead #anti riverdale #fuck amatonormativity

[mx-misty-eyed]

that trope where a character doesnt want romance until they find ~the one~ but reverse it. give me a character that centers their life around finding a partner until they realize that amatonormativity is bullshit

#i was gonna say ‘bonus points if they’re aro’ but actually? #bonus points if they’re allo #because i think aros are generally more aware of this stuff than allos by like. a lot #by which i mean like every allo i know has an extremely amatonormative point of view #idk if i phrased that in a way that makes sense #aro #aromantic #aroace #tw swearing #crow

[mirrorofliterature]

amatonormativity is one of the most harmful forces in society, actually.

it’s incredibly structural, and invisible, and if you don’t live outside striving for the monogamous ideals, it can be incredibly normalised to a very toxic extent

amatonormativity:

- contributes to abuse (people staying in relationships because they are manipulated into thinking that some romantic relationship is better than none)

- high divorce rates

- unhappy marriages

- unhappy relationships

- inability to live alone

- devaluing of friendship

- is underpinned and underpins ableism (disabled people’s humanity is often judged on their capacity for sex and love, particularly romantic)

idk, maybe we should take this seriously? all a lot of freedom movements - particularly feminism - are striving for are giving people choice on what to do with their lives.

amatonormativity is the societal norm. it is real, it is not good for anyone. relationship anarchy is cool.

anyway.

#amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia particularly #and discussing the social stigma on polyamory obliquely #tw abuse mention #divorce #I just think measuring how human someone is based on anything other than the fact that they are alive is always going to end badly #I saw a post earlier saying that aphobia is largely albeism #and oof I agree #particularly when it comes to people who have disorders like NPD or BPD #they are so dehumanised #like just treat other humans with basic respect and dignity? #literally the bare minimum

[greenteaandtattoos]

Does anyone else on the arospec feel incredibly isolated from almost everyone? I don’t mean in a, “they can bond over same-sex relationships/being trans” way, I mean in a, “I no longer see things through an amatonormative lens but almost everyone I talk to does” way. 

The entire concept of love has been shifted drastically for me, but for other people, it’s rigid, inflexible, set in stone; romance is romance, friends are friends, there’s a line, it’s absolute, it’s simply the way things are. 

But so much of that confuses me, now. How can something be inherently romantic? How is teasing and complimenting people considered flirting, which is considered being romantically interested in someone? How is acting or looking at someone in a certain way somehow different between friends, lovers, family? How is platonic intimacy considered simply a stepping stone to romance? How is being emotional with people a sign of attraction? How?

I just don’t understand. And not being able to understand these things leaves me isolated from others, sometimes entirely, and it can be so exhausting sometimes. It’s exhausting to always have to justify why you don’t see things the same way they do, because the way they see things is “right” and “that’s just the way things are”, because “it’s a part of being human”. 

And, unfortunately, a lot of that comes from the LGBTQ+ community, especially when it comes fandom spaces. If you speak up about a same-sex/gender couple perhaps not being romantically interested, or you headcanon someone as aro, it’s always, “why does this happen when it’s a sapphic/mlm couple/lesbian/gay headcanon?” 

The implication that we are homophobic because we don’t see love in the same way others do hurts. The way that so many people see fans who want aromantic representation as simply not supporting gay people. Or when we speak up about people continuing to ship a confirmed/implied/coded aromantic character in romantic relationships, and we’re told to “stop taking it so seriously”. 

Arophobia is isolating, and unfortunately, it’s everywhere. The way society has regulated people’s lives, telling us how to be happy, who to be happy with, the rules of happiness, has long-since ingrained internalized arophobia into everyday life, and it’s so hard when you’re aware of it, but can’t do anything about it because no one wants to step away from their easy, comfortable ideals.

#lgbtq #aromantic #aro #tw// arophobia #amatonormativity