It’s an an insane thing to realize you are completely and utterly alone in the world
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what if
what if everyone hates me
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Me: Okay I think I'm not splitting anymore, it's all gonna be great from here on today C:
Close friend: *starts acting like an ass*
Me:...I hate everyone and everything and I want to hit my head against concrete.
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“have you ever just cried because you’re you”
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Why is everything so heavy? 😖
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me, with both:...
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Why do I always ruin everything?
All I want is for someone to understand me
For someone to love me for who I am
And for someone to take care of me
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The feeling of emptiness it's back. It's worse than usual, it's terrifying, it has never been this strong before.
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Having a personality disorder is insane cause it literally makes you unlovable like when you are a kid you are deprived of that love and safety and you spend the rest of your life chasing it only to realize you will never ever get it the personality disorder that resulted from the lack of love in turn has literally made you unlovable totally and completely everyone hates you the fear anxiety rage shame that eats away at you everyday the constant and inevitable rejection it’s an endless cycle of hell for anyone involved the mood swings knowing that anytime you let the fun crazy persona slip and they see how depressed empty and anxious you really are is no fun after all cause nobody really loves you they just love the way you make them feel always discarded the second the mask begins to fray
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I’m not in the mood right now, ask again in 5 minutes when my entire personality does a 360 again
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Please let me die
Please
Please
Please
I can't handle myself anymore
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I don’t care anymore. Just let me go.
This is all meaningless and pointless. I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m trying to survive something I never had a chance to begin with.
This place only brings me sadness and paint, just let me leave.
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the anger i feel towards ppl i love when i’m splitting is indescribable like i want to block them on everything and never speak to them again but then 5 mins later im sobbing over how much i love them it’s exhausting
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splitting on someone and then splitting back but loathing yourself because how dare you think any thoughts even implying that theyre not an amazing perfect human being what were you thinking they can't do anything wrong!! its shameful that you would have thoughts like that. oh they cant read your mind?? oh well they might as well have, they don't deserve to have to deal with your bullshit mental illness you should block them you shouldn't be in their life anymore you're a constant burden on them no wonder they abandoned you. why were you even mad at them in the first place?? its totally reasonable that they would leave you. with your issues?? pfft yeah you're basically destined to be alone forever.
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Trying to get a borderline or a narcissist to "split white" for you is fucking disgusting and the amount of times I've seen people advising others on how to do it or people asking for tips regarding that topic is infuriating. We are not here for you to manipulate. It is not okay for you to manipulate us for your own gain. You wouldn't do it to a neurotypical, so stop fucking treating us like we're some toy for you to mess around with.
DNI: Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social/Histrionic abuse believers, fakeclaimers, pro ana/thinspo/meanspo + blogs that are predominantly about eating disorders (excluding recovery blogs).
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