#tw depressing stuff
It really hurts my heart that I genuinely do not believe that another person is capable of loving me. Who put that in my head and why the fuck did it stick?
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I can't take the silence anymore,
when I'm in bed all by myself
nobody to talk to
I feel alone
I can't stand being this lonely
Not able to be alone for a single day without breaking down
why am I so fragile?
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Blood is so pretty...
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Tw: ED / SH / Shitty poetry
It’s hard to see yourself in the mirror when all you see is shame.
I see my mistakes like a fiery rage,
prepared to toss me into the flames of my self pity.
I disgust myself.
The dysmorphia eats away at my flesh as my bones break and the cartilage erodes away.
I tear apart my skin because I hate it’s appearance.
It appears to be strong,
but it’s surprisingly supple.
It takes in the blade like it’s a warm embrace.
I can’t hide from the intrusive thoughts in my brain;
jump, shoot, crash.
Lethal thoughts lead to lethal actions and I’m afraid.
I Carve a pretty picture on my skin,
Because it doesn’t look as good on paper.
I’m prettier when drenched in blood,
I smear it on my legs.
I’m cracking and I’m crumbling,
steadily falling apart.
What am I supposed to do?
I have broken my own heart.
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Last time I weighed myself I was 310…I’m officially under 300 at 297
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oh shit, here we go again
znowu to samo się powtarza czyli rozerwanie mojej osoby pomiędzy tumblr i całym odchudzaniem a oderwanie się od tego i mienie opinie innych a dupie ja nie wiem już co dobre ryczeć mi się chce bo jest to cholernie trudne może i nawet idiotyczne ale wiem ze jak teraz się od tego oderwę to nigdy celu juz nie osiągnę
nie wiem nawet kim jestem kurewsko to trudne
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I gave myself to you. All of me. Every little detail.
But you? Oh, no. You give yourself to anybody. And you try to make me feel special? Special for what exactly? For receiving the same as everyone else?
I don't get why you call me a "friend". You tell me some shitty things about yourself, sure. But what else? You don't even give a shit about how I'm doing.
You just wanna talk about yourself, and the things YOU care about. Whenever I try to talk about something I care about, you doesn't give a fuck.
Is it too much to ask? Someone who wants to listen to me. Someone who cares about the stuff I like, just because I like them. Well... I guess so.
I hate this. I hate being a girl. I hate feeling clingy.
I feel like if I was a boy, I would not be played like this.
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Remember the time you thought you never could survive? You did, and you can do it again.
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Tw: kid mentions, parenting mentions, negative self talk, self doubt, sad girl hours
So, like, as most of you know, Im old. Im 25, turning 26 in february. I want to have kids in the future (like in the next 5 years maybe) but the thought fucking scares me. I dont know if I would be a good mom. I dont wanna fuck my kids up like I am. I dont want my kids to suffer mentally like I do. I know in my heart of hearts that I would love my children, but I dont think love is enough to be a good parent.
Ya know? Like everyone harps on the baby stage. FUCK THAT. The baby stage seems the easiest imo. What terrifies me is the thought of raising a preteen/teenager and navigating things like internet access, the topics of sex, consent, the dangers of being groomed etc.
I just want to be a good mother one day.. I want to raise kind, loving, caring, human beings. I want them to go forth into the world prepared. But then I look at myself and wonder how the fuck I would ever do that when I cant even pull my own mental health out of the shitter.
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You love to see it
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❗ tw; sh mention ❗
I was bored and in pain, so I made this.
I hate period cramps so much 😻
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