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#tw depression

my medication does work really well, but still every now and then i have an off day

so see you all tomorrow, i hope your night is better than mine. i’m gonna go take some melatonin and hope i wake up in a better state than i am right now

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bad news! the asshole who spiked my depression on that space camp thing i went to in december for 2 weeks and i then became friends with because he stopped being an asshole is an add hole again! and now to my other friends! and probably me now too because of what i said (i kinda snapped at him)! fan-fucking-tastic.

luckily a bunch of my friends are all on my side so that’s something at least

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me, randomly, at 2:42 am: Q and Eliot were the only depressed characters i could wholeheartedly relate to that had a potential to overcome their mental illness and have happy lives but the writers fucked it up, and even though i know that doesn’t mean my life will also end in ******* or simply unhappily, the whole thing makes me feel absolutely miserable and powerless over my irrational belief that i will never be happy

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i had the most painful experience of my life this christmas past (which is saying something trust me) and i spent the better part of two or three months not only riddled with s*icidal thoughts and loose plans but everyday i felt and unendurable sense of pain and heaviness in my heart, i had anxiety attacks during lectures out of nowhere, id fall asleep during critique sessions because staying awake was exhausting and my mind couldn’t rest enough to sleep at night. despite my teen years being quite similar this was a new kind of pain i also had no one to support me, new city, new people, no one i knew enough to reveal this all to.

over the months after it started to ease day by day, i would stop getting hot flushed of panic every time my phone buzzed, i slept on occasion, then regularly. and the next thing i knew life was almost normal again.

i share this out of the desire to let you (whoever is reading this) especially if you are on the younger side that all emotional pain, no matter how heavy, encumbering and choking it may be, does fade. it doesn’t necessarily fade away entirely but you stop asking yourself several times a day “is this it, am i going to feel this dead forever, when does this end?” and whilst it is unfortunately something you can only live through to truly understand and apply to yourself, i hope that this is in some way a comfort to you. 

no matter how painful, your pain will ease. 

please do what you must to wait it out

messages always open to all

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I just wish I could feel like I felt when I was a kid. Not because I really care about being a kid, but it was before the depression and anxiety kicked in. I just want that to be gone from my life and that was the only time where it wasn’t present.

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TW: Depression

Yoosung

It becomes increasingly obvious to not only him but you as well that something is clearly amiss. 

The way that you Dodge questions and the way that he sighs, it is as though there is something that both of you don’t talk about. He doesn’t know how bad it really is for him and he disregards it as well as tries to just push it out of his mind. You do what you have to do but it gets so hard to stay together and not cry. 

Yoosung didn’t realize how awful he felt until you came around and he realized that his mood shifted so drastically when he was talking to you that he figured out really fast that he really needed to take a step back and look at his life and the grief he was still suffering with. You helped him see that he needed to work on himself and he’ll forever grateful for that. 

Learning that something was wrong was the first time, but that didn’t make his pain just go away. It’s a battle for him every day, and it gets a little easier to work with but it still has it’s moments where it’s really hard for him to deal with what is bothering him.

When you two really start dating, he notices that it’s not right for you, either. Your smiles are just a bit dimmer and your wistful looks are just a bit too somber for what he’s used to thus far, and he learns rather fast that you’ve got your own kind of struggles that you’ve been dealing with. 

He admires that you saw him in pain and tried to help him, but he wants to be able to be there for you in your time of need just as much. It was only fair, and how could either of you get better without the other person fighting with you for the same thing? 

There are days when neither of you has a lot of energy but those are the days that you both work together. You’ll be laid in bed, but the other will take the steps to do one thing and vice versa. He’ll cook, or you’ll cook. Chores will get done one by one but with collective work. 

Then, it’s okay to lay back on the couch and just talk. 

Talk about what’s wrong and how it can be made better, or how you can learn to keep walking with this. There are moments with a lot of tears and a lot of pain, but the fact of the matter is, you’re both trying to get better together so life can feel much better than it did. 

Things won’t always feel like this. 

“I’m always going to be here with you, Y/N. I promise.”

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Invisible weight in hand. I feel it.

My fingers wrapped around a make believe crescent moon. I feel it.

Head forced to the side, by invisible pressure. I feel it.

How easy it would be to press down. To give up.

I feel it.

I never thought in detail how I would do it. I just felt it.

One day out of the blue, the weight and pressure just appeared. I just felt it.

It’s not always there. Most of the time I don’t feel it.

Most of the time I can go weeks without feeling it.

But sometimes. Sometimes the weight and pressure come from nowhere and I feel it.

I feel it, but I don’t speak it. I can’t speak it. I don’t allow myself to.

So instead I talk to invisible people in my head, and explain to myself why I feel this.

I once had real weight in my hands. For fun. 

But before I used it for fun, the first thing I felt was how easy it would be.

How easy it would be to turn invisible pressure to my head into real pressure.

To press down, like I feel my invisible hands do every time. I felt it.

But I won’t.

I don’t want to die. 

So I keep on going.

Invisible pressure at my head, and weight in hand. I keep going. 

I keep feeling, until I’m ok again.

~original work

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Sometimes I am like a porcelain doll. Empty, hollow. No emotions, no heart, simply nothing.

And nothing? Nothing is great. 

Nothing means I can pretend to feel whatever I want.

Nothing means I can read a book and fill myself with whatever emotions it evokes, without shame. 

Nothing means that when I finish the book, I can shelf those emotions without worry of feeling them again. 

But, sometimes I feel like a stuffed doll. 

So full with emotions. 

Emotions that i don’t want to feel. Emotions that make me feel so hopeless. 

Emotions that fill my head with awful thoughts. 

Yet I’m still a doll, so I wear a smile and play the part. 

I tell myself these emotions are pathetic, that I’m pathetic for feeling them. That it’s my fault I feel this way….

I wish I was always porcelain.

I wish that I felt nothing always. Because feeling anything is worse than feeling nothing.

~original work

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i just saw in the tags of someones post that theyre trying to rationalize the idea that taylor may have a loved one who is sick right now and that taylor said she will speak out more and what that means in terms of her silence and i guess what upsets me is that i dont know a single person whose life hasnt been turned completely upside down over the last few months. people have been fired, people have been evicted, people have relapsed in their depression or addition as a result of the rapid change in circumstances, people have lost siblings, parents, and grandparents to covid among other things we’re literally all going through it and im not gonna sit here and say i know how shes feeling or tell her how she should approach whats happening in her life cause we all deal with things differently, but despite all of us also experiencing this we r still here. we’re still posting, signing petitions, protesting, sharing links, making donations. like yes, there could be a lot going on in taylors life but i just i strongly feel that there is a lot going on in everyones lives. and the fact that her fans, her black fans who have shown up time and time again despite her repeated silence, who on top of coronavirus have to deal w the burden of this rise in white guilt, police brutality, and overt racism are asking for more and its being met yet again with silence is not only frustrating but infuriating. theres a huge disconnect and lack of empathy on taylors part.

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Haven’t really felt the urge or desire to come on here lately. Spending a lot of time working on myself and being on my own. It’s a long process, and it’s been really fucking hard. How I haven’t give up yet - I don’t know. Shocked that I’m still around - but proud to be fighting as hard as I can.

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curls into a ball and cries a sec bc im shitty but then decides that by curling into a ball and crying im being even more shitty hbgvhdbfdkbhcgvcbh hate myself guys 

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Description: Chuuya gets insecure about his weight, so his s/o decides to make him feel better.

Warnings: Insecurities/self-hate, implied depression

(she/her pronouns)

Notes: I got this idea from this post I found on Instagram (I also may have put in some of my insecurities lol):

image

Keep reading

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I was talking about this with a friend the other day and figured it might be helpful to share. If you’re having trouble motivating yourself to eat because of depression/other reasons, try watching tv/a movie/YouTube while you’re eating your meal or snack. I’ve noticed that while my brain is paying attention to whatever I’m watching, I’m kinda just mindlessly shoveling food into my mouth like I’m at the movies eating popcorn and not rly thinking about the food itself. This is especially helpful if you’re one of those people who always needs to be doing two things at once. Eating will become your second ‘thing’ you need to be doing while you’re watching TV.

Obvs this won’t be a foolproof trick that works for everyone (I’m sure a lot of people already eat while watching stuff too), and if you’re expected to eat meals with others it isn’t really appropriate to do then, but I figured it might help at least someone. Also, remember that eating a sleeve of crackers is still better than not eating anything all day.

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my depression has got worse with the world, so much so that i go to bed wholeheartedly feeling that i wouldn’t have any regrets if i were to drop dead anytime, and then my cat places his head on my feet and falls asleep and i want to live for him and him only

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y’all my body dysmorphia has been so bad lately. i went for a 2 hour walk and did an intense 45 minute workout and i hadn’t eaten all day. then i stress ate a huge soup from panera and now i feel disgusting and if it wasn’t 1am i would go for another walk

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The world is… in a funk, to say it lightly. It’s screwing with me. I will admit, I’m struggling mentally. The depression is not… suffocating. But it’s just looming over my shoulder constantly. My anxiety bailed ship… I just… feel numb. I’m trying so hard to get that cry I need to happen so I can feel a bit better. I am concerned though that if I get rid of the depression, I’ll go manic again, and with the anxiety at it’s lowest low it will be harder to control myself.

Man, I just need a hug… A really long hug.


(side note, if you would like me to add another tag, let me know, id like to avoid triggering others!)

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