#tw medical abuse

[undercovercannibal]

Hannibal 2.01 & 3.13

#might post another edit later today #cause this one is quite rough #will graham #hugh dancy #hannibal #hannibaledit #hannibal parallels #hannibal 2x01 #hannibal s2 #hannibal 3x13 #hannibal s3 #horror #horroredit #body horror #tw body horror #tw blood #tw abuse #tw medical abuse #userrlaura #hannibal e: kaiseki #hannibal s2a #hannibal e: the wrath of the lamb #hannibal s3b #*mine: gifs #*mine

[schizopositivity]

Why it's hard for schizophrenic people to get treatment and diagnosis for physical health problems:

• Having "schizophrenic" in our charts makes a lot of medical professionals automatically not believe us. Especially if it is a problem that they can't instantly see themselves. They may think we are either delusional or having some kind of tactile hallucinations. They could see it more as a "psychiatric problem" rather than the physical medical problem that it is.

• If you have flat or blunted affect, they may not believe you, especially if you are describing pain. They have the expectations that you would be screaming, crying, grimacing, etc. When you are straight faced and monotone and say "I am in extreme pain right now" they will likely not believe you. And this paired with medical professionals views of chronic pain just makes them not believe you even more.

• Alexithymia makes describing your symptoms very hard, and even harder to describe how the symptoms affect you. The medical professional goes off of what you tell them, if you are vague or don't have the words, they will not understand you or not believe what you are describing. Either way that will hinder your road to treatment and diagnosis.

• Having memory problems, or trouble keeping track of things can also hinder your care. If you can't remember, or even remember to write down how often a symptom occurs, how long it lasts, how it felt in the moment, and how it impacted your life at the time, they may once again not believe you. Diagnosis often requires some sort of timeline or prevalence of symptoms, and not keeping track of that could keep you from diagnosis.

• They may avoid prescribing pain killers (even if you need it) because the fact that schizophrenic people are more likely to abuse drugs than the general population. And while that fact is true, it doesn't mean that someone in extreme pain does not deserve the right to pain killers just as much as anyone else who needs them.

• Being part of a disenfranchised group while also being schizophrenic can have compounding affects on your physical health treatment. Being low-income, being a person of color, being assigned female at birth, being transgender, being intersex, any other disenfranchised group or any combination of these will impact how you are treated by the healthcare system.

• Fear of medical professionals, or fear of Dr.s offices can impact the quality of your visit. You may feel too frightened to tell them how you really feel, you may just completely avoid going into the building at all. This can happen to anyone but is especially common for schizophrenic people due to our paranoia, inability to advocate for ourselves, lack of self esteem, historical medical abuse or personal experiences with medical abuse. Plus we can have doubts about the quality of our care because of any of the other reasons listed above.

And all this occurs while we as schizophrenic people, are at higher risks of several physical health problems (you can read about it here):

#i will make a part 2 on how i personally deal with these issues #this itself is just to raise awareness #schizophrenia #tw medical abuse #schizophrenia stigma #sanism #flat affect #blunted affect #memory problems #memory issues #alexithymia #medical abuse #medical neglect #tw healthcare #tw drs #tw painkillers #tw medication #tw drug abuse

[anonymouspuzzler]

awright who let puzz play psychonauts again and start Thinking

It Never Ends! I am once again thinking about Psychonauts and specifically thinking about Loboto. Even More Specifically, I replayed the first game Yet Again recently and on hitting the scene where Loboto removes Dogen’s brain, had a moment of “huh, he’s like, way more measured and composed than I remembered,” and God Help Me that sent me on a horrible unending spiral of Revisiting and Thinking About and Theorizing On Things. And Now You Must All Read My Discoveries As Well. (placed under readmore because 1) this is gonna get long and 2) my god there will be major spoilers for Every Psychonauts Game.)

Welcome To The Thunderdome. Let’s Begin. In particular I am going to present to and discuss with you Three Distinct Things I Am Thinking About Loboto Based On In-Game Evidence That I Will Extrapolate, Present, and Argue To You All:

Cal’s childhood lobotomy did not, in fact, remove his psychic powers, only cut off his ability to consciously access and utilize them. He is still unconsciously using psychic abilities at the point that we see him in the games.

One of the most prominent impacts of the lobotomy on Cal appears to be his inability to recognize when he is doing harm, and to a certain related degree, how to interpret other peoples’ responses to him. When Raz helps recover his “moral compass”, Loboto actually becomes significantly more unstable as he struggles to process this, having likely gone most of his life without these capabilities.

Both of the above are causing some variant of Mental Projection to occur in Loboto’s mind, creating multiple conflicting archetypes/personas similar to what’s happening in Cassie’s mind.

So let’s go through each of these one by one! In excruciating detail!!

1) Cal’s childhood lobotomy did not, in fact, remove his psychic powers, only cut off his ability to consciously access and utilize them. He is still unconsciously using psychic abilities at the point that we see him in the games.

So for this one, we’re going to go through my evidence from “most textual” to “a little more speculative” in roughly that order. Obviously, none of this is explicit, but I’m doing my damndest to use things that can be fairly reasonably cited from Actual In Game rather than too deep in fanon/speculation.

The most textual example of Loboto having lingering psychic abilities despite his lobotomy is, in fact, his mental world in Psychonauts 2! This is something that’s a little more obvious on a rewatch/replay.

When you’re going through the game/level the first time, Sasha especially spends a lot of time discussing how Loboto’s mind must have been booby-trapped and messed with by his employer, because otherwise Loboto wouldn’t be able to resist the construct and otherwise give the agents the degree of run-around he’s putting them through. On a first playthrough, that makes perfect sense, especially when this plus additional evidence leads the agents to conclude Loboto’s employer was a mole within the Psychonauts itself. Obviously, a psychic from the agency messed with Loboto’s head and left all these psychic booby-traps for their coworkers!

But once you reach the end of the game and go back and look at this again, you realize, hey, wait. Loboto’s boss wasn’t a psychic at all! Quite explicitly!

Now I’m going to take a moment to argue against my own argument here, because there is evidence that Gristol would have been able to psychically fuck with Loboto despite not having psychic abilities himself.

[Image ID: A screenshot from a cutscene in Psychonauts 2, showing the receptionist at the Motherlobe levitating a ThinkerPrint Reader (a small brain-shaped disc with a blue glowing eye symbol in the middle). End ID.]

We see in-game that these little brain-disc-things - which Gristol would have had access to via Truman, since Truman has one on his person - are able to provide some limited degree of psychic power even to people who don’t otherwise have those abilities. Namely, the front desk receptionist is able to telekinetically lift one and scan Raz with it when he arrives, despite dialogue later on suggesting she isn’t a psychic herself. It’s entirely possible Gristol used that to fuck with Loboto’s head and place all those psychic booby traps.

But ho ho!! Now I’m going to counter-argue this counter-argument, to get you all back on board with my original argument!! Because despite this possibility, it’s also pretty textual that Gristol is a fuck-up who’s not very good at planning. The entirety of Psychonauts 2 is a display of him not really having any back-up plans for any possible hiccups in his original plan (as soon as Lili reveals a boyfriend he didn’t know about, his response is Fake A Coma), and of said plan being undone mostly by his own sloppy work (shipping his own body back to the base in a poorly-taped box with a key to his former residence in his pockets). The thought of this same man having the capability and foresight to set up numerous highly effetive psychic booby-traps in the brain of his hired help, just in case that hired help got captured and psychically interrogated… it doesn’t feel likely.

(Now that I write it all out, in a lot of ways it feels like Gristol just… forgot about-slash-disregarded Loboto after he did the dirty work of kidnapping Truman and swapping the brains. Like, he only appears once in Gristol’s Big Special Mind-Ride of his Brilliant Plan, at the very end, in a barely-held-together-backroom type of area, and Gristol never so much as brings him up by name. Heck, in retrospect, I wouldn’t be surprised if Gristol deciding to Play Coma was equally as prompted by Guy Who Knows Everything, Who He Completely Disregarded and Left For Dead, falling out of a luggage rack unexpectedly right in front of him and Five Guys He's Trying To Fool Into Thinking He's Normal All The Time Truman. This is all totally off the topic at hand, though.)

Anyway! So Gristol being able to do anything significant and sophisticated vis-a-vis “psychic traps in Loboto’s mindscape” is wildly unlikely. While there’s still other possible explanations - Gristol maybe having other psychics in his employ in the Delugianaries or secret police, for example - that’s purely speculative and not supported by the text in any kind of reasonably-explicit way, which is what I’m trying to focus on for the purposes of this argument. Hey, you know what is explicit in the text, though? Loboto once having psychic powers, to a degree that he was using telekinesis Very Capably as a Literal Infant. That, combined with all the above evidence (plus other circumstantial stuff we’ll get into in a second), means the most likely answer to “how is Loboto resisting the agents and the mental construct?” is “his psychic powers are still There, and acting subconsciously to protect Loboto in this situation, even though he’s no longer able to access and use those powers by conscious effort”.

Now let’s get to evidence of a “still textual, but not as compelling” flavor. For this, we’re going to go back to the original Psychonauts, and also touch on Rhombus of Ruin a bit.

As some of y’all probably remember from messing around in the original game, because there’s still some of that point-and-click inventory flavor, you can try to use the psycho-portal on characters that don’t have mental worlds, and you’ll get some flavor text explaining in some form or another why you can’t do that. This includes Crispin (you get a note from Loboto saying he’s protected “his patient” from psychic procedures, Haha Hey Man Uhhh How Did Y), Sheegor, and most pressingly for this line of argument, Loboto himself, who claims his shower cap is protecting his mind from being entered.

This Is All Well and Good until Literally The Next Day In-Universe when his mind is able to be entered. Twice, in fact. Please recall that the start of Psychonauts 2 is, at a stretch, maybe a few hours after Rhombus of Ruin. (“Haha well Puzz clearly they just retconned it so they could do a Loboto mental world–” no. That’s not Fun and it’s not Text. This overthinking-ass essay is about Engaging With The Text As It Stands.)

So what’s different about the first time Raz (et all) attempts to enter Loboto’s mind (in the original game) and the second-slash-third time (during and after Rhombus of Ruin)? Nothing that would particularly have an impact, except for one big thing: in the latter cases, Loboto is either “immediately in the presence of” or “has just barely left the immediate presence of” Like A Lot Of Psilirium. You Know. The Rock That Dampens Psychic Powers. Which leads me to believe Loboto’s psychic powers are still active, just in an unconscious way (protecting him from psychic invasion without him even realizing it) instead of in a way he has to consciously act on.

Now, why am I categorizing this as less compelling evidence than Loboto resisting the mental construct later on? Because unlike that case, there actually is a reasonable, textual alternative to the answer of “yeah Loboto’s still unconsciously psychic”. The answer is named Coach Morceau Oleander.

Unlike Gristol, Oleander has a lot going for him on the level of “could fuck with Loboto’s mind a bit to put up some psychic defenses”. For one, Oleander is a psychic, and despite everything, a highly trained and very powerful one. (Like, much as he’s kind of a goofy fuck-up, Oleander’s also implied to have been an agent for at least as long as Sasha and Milla, and he’s able to hold his own in a fight against both of them at once - it literally takes Ford flying in and de-braining him to win that confrontation.) Two, we already have textual evidence of Oleander messing with people’s brains to his own ends, in the form of both Linda (though in some ways that could loop back around to supporting Loboto Is Still Psychic, since he seems to have had some degree of a hand in that) and more prominently, poor ol’ Boyd. If he was able to do that much involuntarily with Boyd, it doesn’t seem out of the question for him to hop in and put up some psychic defenses for more voluntary subjects like Crispin and Loboto. It would also make sense for those defenses to either wear down or wear off once Loboto was in the presence of Psilirium, thus continuing to explain why Loboto’s protected in the first game but not in any of the games following.

So - taken on its own, not particularly decisive evidence. In combination with the much-stronger “resisting the mental construct” example, though, I’d say it presents a pretty strong case.

Now comes my most tenuous and speculative example. This is about as much as a stretch I’m going to let myself go with any of these - a case of “well you can extrapolate this from the text provided, I guess, even if it never says it explicitly to any kind of degree”.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those rightfully opting out. It is time to talk about Loboto’s Fucking Prosthetic.

[Image ID: A full rotation of Loboto’s “Monstroboto” character model, which shows him shirtless with the full prosthetic right arm visible. It is attached to his torso with several straps and has a single visible hinge at the elbow.]

Look at this thing. This is a fucking mannequin arm with a pepper grinder on it. How Is This Thing Able To Operate With Any Kind of Sophistication Without Telekinesis. Like, the man is gesticulating and grabbing objects and tapping his little knife fingers, how in the Hell.

There’s a lot of reasons this is tenuous evidence at best. For one, we only get this super clear view of the entire prosthetic construction inside Loboto’s mind, which means it’s extremely possible it’s abstracted, metaphorical, or an abstracted metaphor in one form or another. (I don’t interpret Loboto’s exposed brain as textual in the “real world” for this reason - we only ever see it exposed in his mental worlds, and in both cases in a scenario where him having an exposed brain under the cap serves some kind of symbolic/metaphorical purpose - but for several reasons, the prosthetic feels more grounded in reality despite this. Anyway, that’s all a tangent regardless.) There could also be hidden mechanics that allow it to move the way it does, or it could just be an abstraction of the art style (though again, I’m trying not to let out-of-story things like that be answers to these questions). But it’s really hard to imagine the Hinged Peppermill With Claws having the range of movement it does without Loboto unconsciously moving it with telekinesis.

For that matter, I feel similarly about his eye lenses - we see them moving around independently, zooming in and out without him touching them, and so on, and like… how? How?? Maybe it’s just that I’m not biomechanically minded-slash-informed, but “yeah he’s just moving them psychically without realizing” does feel like a more viable answer than any alternatives, if not one with a ton of super obvious and textual evidence behind it. Once again, though, in combination with other evidence, it does have more weight behind it.

In summary: Loboto’s able to resist psychic interference, actively fight back against trained Psychonauts in his own mind, and move his various prosthetics and augments in highly refined ways. All these things, especially taken all together, make the most sense if you assume his psychic powers are still acting subconsciously, and he’s just not able to consciously access and use them in the ways he did pre-lobotomy.

2) One of the most prominent impacts of the lobotomy on Cal appears to be his inability to recognize when he is doing harm, and to a certain related degree, how to interpret other peoples’ responses to him. When Raz helps recover his “moral compass”, Loboto actually becomes significantly more unstable as he struggles to process this, having likely gone most of his life without these capabilities.

This is going to be a little less “I cite direct evidence in support of my argument” and more “I point out specific scenes and instances of behavior, how I’m interpreting them, and why I’m interpreting that way”. Hopefully you will stick with me here.

So, as I stated waaaay back at the start of this, what set me off on this whole journey was going back through some of the original Psychonauts cutscenes, seeing Loboto in action, and going, “Woah, hey, he’s like way more measured than I remembered him being”. So let’s go into more detail on that and unpack it a bit!!

There’s a consistent and distinct pattern of behavior Loboto exhibits in his scenes in the first game: screeching, in-your-face Mad Scientist rambling, and then suddenly, these dips into like… oddly quiet, composed, weirdly Professional (if decidedly eccentric) behavior. The cutscenes with Dogen are a really good example - he has his big INSANITY OF A MANATEE THIS WILL ONLY HURT TILL YOUR BRAIN COMES FLYING OUT speech, but in-between and especially after that, he kind of quiets down and starts acting like an Actual Slightly Eccentric Dentist. (In fact, here’s the full transcript of the scene that sent me down this whole rabbit-hole, for context:

Dr. Loboto: Oh, good boy! There's that pesky brain. Here's a tissue. Now don't you feel better, my dear lad? Dogen: [Now brainless] TV..? Dr. Loboto: Of course! Right here. [Loboto picks up Dogen's brain off the floor.] And THIS bad tooth, we'll just drop it in the ol' garbage chute. Now don't chew solid foods for the next six hours!

It really knocked me off balance seeing it, so I made a point of going and watching the full Lili’s bracelet clairvoyance cutscene in full, to see if he behaved similarly there. And he didn’t! He’s full Mad Scientist Haha Crazy there, the entire time!! I had to think on it for a while, and I realized there was one major difference - Lili continues to be defiant and difficult in conversation the entire time, while Dogen responds pretty calmly and doesn’t start freaking out until it’s clear His Brain Will Be Removed, which is also when Loboto starts going more Mad Scientist again. (Again, below’s the full transcript of the Lili scene for context.)

Dr. Loboto: Well, I've reviewed your chart, little girl. The bad news is, we're going to have to remove your brain... strap it into an armored battle tank, and have it shoot down innocent civilians with its concentrated psychic death beam! Lili: I'm gonna kill you so much. Dr. Loboto: The good news is that your insurance is going to cover the whole thing. So! ... Hey, is it getting warm in here? Lili: No, I'm trying to set you on fire through this stupid hat! Dr. Loboto: What a delightfully mean little brain you have! Just what we want! Here, do me a favor. Tell me if this smells like... YOUR DOOM! Heh heh! Lili: I-I can't smell anything. Dr. Loboto: Curses! [Lili laughs at him] You're a stubborn little ball of phlegm, ain't ya? Well, that head cold won't protect you forever, little girl, and when it's gone you'll be sneezing a different tune. A tune in the key of... brains! HAAA HA HA!

His last big cutscene with Sheegor really hammers everything home. He’s full Mad Scientist again, he’s screaming and experimenting and Actively Threatening and Tormenting Her the entire time. Then Sheegor leaves and just, measured and nonchalant as anything: “When you're a dentist, you have to learn to have a sense of humor, you know. It helps to calm the patient down.” (It’s also worth noting a lot of the torment, at least to me, comes off as kinda “dipshit older sibling who commits to the bit of teasing Way Way Past where it’s all in good fun for the younger sibling”. Like he just keeps Going and Playfully Backing Off and then Actually Still Going. It’s so awful it loops around to being funny again. I'm so so sorry Sheegor I love you and you don't deserve this but I am laughing)

I think Loboto really, unironically, genuinely thinks this is what he’s doing in all these situations. He’s a dentist, he’s got all these difficult patients around, so he’s going to joke with them! A bit of friendly teasing and playing up his eccentric behavior to get them to calm down for the procedure! At the point where all this is happening, I think he’s genuinely incapable of comprehending-slash-accepting that he’s actually doing harm and that they’re actually, rightfully scared of him. Not in a like “oh uwu he didn’t know he did anything bad he’s just a nice guyyyy” way, but in a “his brain is literally, textually, physically damaged in such a way that he cannot comprehend this” way. As far as he can tell, he’s doing some freelance dentistry (plus or minus a few things, you know how it is when you’re doing work-for-hire type stuff, you never know what the client’s gonna ask you for) and sometimes he’s gotta joke around when he gets a patient that’s nervous or difficult. All in good fun!

Then, of course, we get Rhombus of Ruin and the mental compass. If you’ve played or watched that game, you know all this already. Raz recovers the mental compass from the vault and Loboto’s demeanor completely shifts again. He recognizes aloud, for the first time since we’ve been introduced to him, that he has done Horrible Things. (We will see him continuing to do this in his level in Psychonauts 2, but we’ll get to that.) He seems, very genuinely, saddened and horrified with himself as he says all this. Raz has very literally reintroduced Physical-Slash-Psychic Capacity To Recognize Harm to Loboto’s brain. Given what we learn about Loboto’s past here, it is very much possible that this is the first time he has had this capability since he was a very young child.

Another thing that happens is, in rapid succession, Loboto chooses to Immediately Make Reconciliatory Actions (releasing the Psychonauts, telling the fish henchmen to leave), and then also Blow The Building Up Right Now. For No Clear Reason. For Zero Benefit, In Fact, The Opposite Of Benefit, He Also Has to Frantically Escape This Now. It’s completely illogical, erratic behavior that’s in conflict with itself. And that pattern… kind of stays consistent from that point out, actually! Almost his entire appearance in 2 is him very literally arguing with himself, acting in erratic and conflicting ways - pretty much going to the Psychonauts for protection and redemption yet also actively giving them the run-around and preventing them from finding his boss; alternately trying to connect with or get pity from the agents, then being aggressive or insulting towards them, then being kind of playfully, teasingly antagonistic at worst. While Raz reintroducing his moral compass is probably objectively a good thing for Loboto in the long run, in the short-term having that level of major, major change in his damaged brain seems to have significantly destabilized his behavior and sense of identity (we’ll get into that in just a moment) in ways that make him much less predictable and more erratic compared to how he was pre-RoR.

In summary: Loboto at the time of the original Psychonauts is eccentric and dangerous, but he’s also consistent and stable in his behavior and identity, acting consistently as a freelance dentist who plays up his eccentricity, teasing or otherwise joking around in an effort to “calm down” his “patients”. It’s likely he’s physically unable to comprehend that he’s doing harm and scaring people, due to the brain damage from his childhood lobotomy. Raz reintroducing his moral compass in Rhombus of Ruin fixes this, but makes Loboto much more unstable and unpredictable as he grapples both with the harm he’s done over the years, and with trying to suddenly live with a brain function he hasn’t had for most of his life.

3) Both of the above are causing some variant of Mental Projection to occur in Loboto’s mind, creating multiple conflicting archetypes/personas similar to what’s happening in Cassie’s mind.

In connection with the above, It’s Time To Talk About the Multiple Lobotos.

[Image ID: A screenshot from Psychonauts 2, showing two Lobotos in his mental world - one in bright light sitting in a dentist chair on the right side, the other standing in the shadows on the left. End ID.]

Every time we see Loboto’s mental world, there are multiple distinct, individual, and simultaneous versions of Loboto Himself in operation. Not different and distinctly individual personalities, like Fred and Napoleon. Not separated alter-egos representing a part of oneself, like Edgar and El Odio, or Bob and Turnip-Bob. Not even fragmented personalities that appear one at a time, like the different versions of Ford. There are multiple versions of Loboto that are Just A Loboto - literally the most different they get is “one time one of them pretended to be a whaler” - operating at the same time as each other, in the same scenes as each other, interacting with each other, sometimes in direct opposition to each other. There is only one other place in the entire series where we see this happening.

[Image ID: A screenshot from Psychonauts 2, showing the “librarian” Archetype of Cassie O’Pia tearing up a book with Raz on the left side and her three other Archetypes on the right. End ID.]

THAT’S RIGHT BABY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I FINALLY RETROACTIVELY FOUND AN EXPLANATION FOR THE CALLY O’PIA AU anyway where was I. Yeah.

The way the different versions of Cal operate in his mind and interact with each other is more similar to Cassie’s Archetypes than anything else we see in anyone else’s minds. The only major differences are “Loboto’s Archetypes aren’t flat paper illustrations” (and I think it’s remarkably easy, even reasonable, to assume that’s a Cassie-specific stylization that Raz only retains because Cassie directly teaches him and he’s thus using her Archetypes as a reference point - Cassie’s a writer; what reason would everyone else in the world have to render their Archetypes as if they were illustrations in a book?) and “Loboto doesn’t refer to or treat the other versions of himself as Archetypes” (of course he doesn’t, I don’t see any reason or scenario where he could have reasonably learned about Archetypes, in either a psychological or psychic sense - he literally does not have the knowledge or the language to do this). Honestly, interpreting the different Lobotos as different Archetypes explains a lot about how they act, what they’re doing in Loboto’s mind and why they’re in the parts of the story they are. I am going to talk about each individual version of Loboto and what I think they’re doing Archetype-wise based on the text now, because none of you can stop me.

Psychonauts 2 Loboto #1, AKA Patient Loboto: This guy, and Psychonauts 2 Loboto #2, tie in the most to the above discussion on Loboto becoming more outwardly unstable after recovering his mental compass, and so I’m going to refer back to and expand on that with the both of them. This Loboto is explicitly the one we see in the patient chair during those cutscenes in his level, the one we see speaking to Raz directly in the poster hall section, and I would argue he’s likely the version we see at the very start of the level in the office construct (or at the very least, he's the one "running" Loboto at that point, in the same way the Librarian is "running" Cassie when we first meet her). He’s the version of Loboto we see most blatantly grappling with the return of his mental compass - he regrets the things he’s done in the past, he’s seems to be vying to connect with the agents on some level, he’s genuinely upset about being tricked and about being unable to tell Raz what’s up with his boss. This puts him in direct conflict with…

Psychonauts 2 Loboto #2, AKA Doctor Loboto: This guy is also the result of Loboto’s Newfound Ability To Recognize Morals, but in the opposite direction. He’s the one who’s fully embracing the identity he’s built as an amoral mad-scientist-for-hire, figuring he’s better off just continuing the path he’s already on and disregarding the new knowledge that It’s Wrong, rather than go through all the trouble and misery and Active Risk To Self of trying to Be Redeemed. Basically, he’s the one looking at OG Psychonauts version of Loboto and going What If We Just Went Back To That Actually. Fuck Character Development. He is, obviously, the one we see as the dentist in the cutscenes in Loboto’s level, as well as pretty textually the one who grabs Raz from behind the painting in Lili’s section.

Monstroboto: Back to RoR now! This one’s pretty textual as well - this the uncontrolled, untethered, don’t-know-or-care-if-it-hurts-someone version of Loboto. (As I type this, I realize it’s worth noting, this version of Loboto is very obviously “playing” as he attacks, in the same way I observed Psychonauts 1 Loboto having a playful tone to his antagonism, as if he’s not recognizing that he’s actively hurting and terrifying people while doing so. All his attacks are either that, or actively retaliatory. I'm Simply Saying I Can Read Some Subtext.) Between that and the exposed brain, it’s pretty obvious this is representing the post-lobotomy Loboto (how he sees himself? How he thinks others see him? All that’s speculation, mine friends…) - wreaking havoc on Loboto’s ability to engage with other parts of himself and develop a fully fledged mindscape.

First Mate Loboto: This one’s a little more speculative and could mean a lot of things, but bear with me. As above, this could well be the part of Loboto that wants to distance himself from what he became after the lobotomy - whether that means ignoring it entirely and trying to go back to how things were “before”, or more likely, based on his dialogue, trying to move on and grow past it; “sail for new waters”, in his own words. It’s also possible he’s something of Loboto’s idealized self - he’s just as eccentric and dramatic as the real deal, but at least more theoretically heroic and adventurous - and/or, tying into a lot of the themes of the RoR version of Loboto’s mind, kind of a childish “what I want to be when I grow up” version of himself. (We see lots of nautical themes in Loboto’s childhood, after all, with the sea life toys and the little sailor boy outfit and all; while it’s certainly speculative, it’s not a huge leap to think little Loboto might have wanted to grow up to be like, a sailor or something of that ilk.)

Young Loboto: This one’s pretty obvious; he’s very literally the Inner Child. (You Know. Like Psychology.) Just like Li’l Oly in Oleander’s mind, this is the part of Cal who was Very Hurt when he was Very Young and has never had the means or opportunity to process it - he’s just stuck in that mental vault, buried away, playing out what he’s experienced over and over and over again as a helpless, outside observer. (I think it’s Very telling that Raz releasing the vault and, in essence, establishing a connection between Inner Child Loboto and the other parts of himself is what restores Loboto’s ability to use his moral compass.)

So, in total, we’ve got five distinct Lobotos in play through what we see: Inner Child, First Mate, Monstroboto, Patient and Doctor. And, in a case very similar to what we see of Cassie’s Archetypes, each of these versions of him are a result of a Very Specific Point in his life and a subsequent need to fulfill a Very Specific Purpose for his continued functioning and survival. The Inner Child is, well, Loboto As A Child (and less literally, the version of him that’s kind of holding on to his trauma so the rest of the versions of him don’t necessarily have to reckon with it); Monstroboto is what’s taken over post-lobotomy; First Mate is what he either Wanted or Wants to be and isn’t because of said lobotomy; and Patient and Doctor are the two options he has post-recovering his moral compass, either continuing on the path he’s already on, or abandoning it for the hard road of Trying To Be Better.

And again, much like Cassie, none of those Archetypes on their own are getting the job done on their own. Doctor and Monstroboto are extremely destructive and don’t seem much able to form meaningful relationships because of it, Patient is an erratic coward who’s constantly miserable and collapsing under the weight of What He’s Done, Inner Child is a Child, and First Mate is a cartoon character. It’s very likely that a theoretical healthier, more functional version of Loboto would have to reconcile these different Archetypes the same way we eventually see Cassie do, or at the very least get them on terms where they’re not Actively Opposing Each Other At All Times.

In summary: Loboto has multiple Archetypes active in his mind the same way Cassie does, and much like Cassie, the Archetypes being in conflict with each other plays a major role in his instability, especially post-RoR. Again like Cassie, it’s likely Loboto would have to reconcile his different archetypes - especially the ones in direct conflict, as we see in his mind in Psychonauts 2 - in some form or another to become more mentally stable.

SO IN CONCLUSION, I hope this Rambling Essay and Cited Evidence has convinced you all that:

Loboto is still psychic, but his powers only manifest unconsciously, and he isn’t able to use them by conscious choice as when he was a child. (Whether or not it’s possible for him to eventually re-access those powers consciously is very much a “your guess is as good as mine” situation - Loboto's the only lobotomized psychic we see in the series, and no other in-game sources on the history or results of the practice.)

Regaining his moral compass for the first time since childhood makes Loboto behave significantly more erratically and unpredictably, in no small part because–

Loboto has several mental Archetypes in direct conflict with each other, especially after regaining his moral compass.

What does all this mean? I’m gonna be honest. I don’t know. I just wanted to get all this out of my head. Now it lives in yours instead. Have fun!!

#anonymous puzzler writes #long post #like really long. like REALLY long. i'm so sorry I hope tumblr cuts it properly for all your sakes. #psychonauts #caligosto loboto #psychonauts spoilers #psychonauts 2 spoilers #rhombus of ruin spoilers #tw medical abuse #ask if you need anything else tagged y'all ty! #god help me i just needed this all Out Of My Head. This Is How I Live Out Here

[wheelie-sick]

a conversation I had dug some shit up. growing up with a severe chronic illness is extremely fucking hard and sometimes I feel like the only one here who had serious problems as a kid.

I do not remember a time before I was sick. I do, unfortunately, remember exactly how sick kids are treated in hospitals. it is not with kindness or compassion or care it is by being held down while you scream and sob from fear and pain while medical procedures are done on you against your will because you are 5 and have no rights and therefore everyone disregards your opinions on treatment. and all this is happening while your parents, who are supposed to protect you, watch. in fact, holding you down was their suggestion. no one bothers trying to get you to consent to treatment by actually telling you what the fuck is happening they just assume that because you need it there is no reason to ask or explain. it is being touched and looked at without permission, it is having your privacy violated time and time again, it is going through experiences that would traumatize adults without any coping mechanisms because you are a kindergartner and are still just trying to learn to be a person. I had no support, no knowledge, and no say. it was awful.

I was not treated in a children's hospital, I was treated in the medical center in my small town. I was expected to behave like an adult about treatment while I was still learning my ABCs. there were no child life specialists, no pediatricians, no one who knew a single fucking thing about how to treat a child like a person. I was treated like a medical doll.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #physical disability #physically disabled #cripple punk #cripplepunk #tw medical abuse

[nanomooselet]

Visual Motifs: Tesla

So, one of the benefits of an adaptation like Stampede - a retelling, rather than just lifting from the page - is that they know where it's leading, and they can add context or foreshadowing. For some characters, they can even add presence. In addition, Stampede is required by the limits of the medium to do some streamlining. From all I've heard about their consultations with Nightow, their concern was with themes first.

But there an issue arises in Tesla. What is there to say or do for her? She isn't a presence; she's an absence. There's not much you can add without undermining the gutwrenching horror and thus the thematic impact of her character.

But Orange found a way. In fact, they found multiple ways.

Tesla can never let anyone know what she wanted because she was so thoroughly stripped of action or speech. While she lived no one cared to listen to what she had to say, and she's forever silenced by death. Nightow had to bend the rules to give her a last, ambiguous word.* Memories and assumptions are all that's left. Those are all undoubtedly themes in Trigun. I think it's all still true in Stampede, with an obvious exception.

After all, silence is a statement.

Congratulations to Orange on making it even more horrifying. Though I'm at least reasonably sure that she wasn't conscious in suspension... I hope she wasn't. I suppose it adds to the argument to suggest her fate in the manga was kinder.

It also opens the question of what happened to her in the Fall, but helpfully (?), Nightow had already introduced a means of resolving it. It tidily both suggests a possible future plot point and further characterises Knives in the way he protects what he loves. He says her discovery was to him "but one grain of sand", and he's a fucking liar. (Also, note Dr. Conrad in the picture on Tesla's file. Nai had to learn he was involved somehow.)

My trash boy never disappoints.

Personally I do believe it's jumping the gun to assume Knives actually bears her consciousness, but she had a profound effect on him, much as red geranium petals are now foundational to Vash's identity. While the icon of the Eye of Michael represents a number of things (I'm gonna talk about them too, if I ever get around to it), the variation on it used in the Windmill Village isn't so ambiguous. The arrangement turns up over and over.

Behold the single most obvious way Tesla's made more "present" in Trigun Stampede. (It's sure beholding you.) The motif of Tesla's eye is as central a symbol in Knives as geranium flowers are in Vash. Tesla might not literally be a ghost, but she haunts Knives anyway. He's determined that she'll haunt everyone else too, though they may not know it's her. In his mind, he's her avenging angel.

But he isn't the only one who holds onto her.

And a certain panel in Maximum...

Though those particular eyes actually represent the eyes of humans. Eyes weren't prominently linked to Tesla in the manga, but this may have been the inspiration.

Speaking of the manga... what about Rem? Though we know it or something like it occurred, in Stampede we don't see the confrontation with Vash where she confessed to her anguish over failing their sister, and how far she was willing to go ensuring he wouldn't be hurt. I understand feeling that it flattens her. The narrative is being dictated by Knives in that moment, who wasn't there to witness it and had a vested interest in removing Rem from the story.

That doesn't mean there's no sign Tesla haunted Rem. If Tesla hadn't suffered what she suffered, maybe Rem would have served an uneventful term as Navigation Officer before going back into cryosleep, while the SEEDS fleet peacefully continued on its journey. It was still because she failed Tesla that Rem adopted and raised the twins. Knives's anger/fear at the perceived betrayal by both Rem and Vash still led to him crashing the fleet, Rem's death, and all that happened in its wake.

It's an interaction we never witness - it may not even have been a direct encounter - and yet Tesla, through Rem, instigated the plot. And that's also still true.

Comparing the discovery scenes in Stampede and the manga directly, there's a change. The flower Rem left as a memorial for Tesla in the manga (looks like a white lily, which represents innocence and purity in the Japanese language of flowers and is often used for funerals) is instead a red geranium.

I'd chalk it up to reinforcing Rem's connection with the flower and minimizing the 2D background painting budget, except...

Almost every time the twins as children are together on the screen with Rem, a geranium in a glass dome is there too. The only time it's not present somehow is when they're visiting the Plant room at the start of ep twelve.

And when they find Tesla, there's a shot where this happens:

The red petals are almost invisible in the darkness... and then pop out when she's revealed, like a wound. As if they emerged along with her.

The geranium, to Rem, represents Tesla. When she can, she has it accompanying the twins. The presence of this small, red, glass-bound thing - suspended, mute, so easily stripped of its petals - is perhaps an inadequate gesture, just as Tesla herself never grew to be what she could have been, and adopting the twins may not make a difference. But Tesla can be with her family in spirit and her baby brothers will get a chance to grow. That's all that Rem can do for her now, a regret she bore until the end of her life.

In Stampede, Rem and her successors are positioned as Knives's most direct ideological opposition in a number of ways, and I think one of them is in how they honour the memory of Tesla. Would the twins' older sister have wanted the vengeance Knives wreaked in her name? Or would she have had the grace to hope the humans would learn better? Would she have been happy those who came after her were given the love and the choices that she wasn't?

She can no longer choose. No one will ever know.

And that brings me, finally, to how Tesla haunts Vash.

Unlike the manga, in Stampede it's not as though Vash has any reason to fear being abused, or dismembered, or consumed, or exploited. In the manga he very much feared all those things, and accused Rem of raising them to continue the experiments. He was very angry and frightened to realise he was surrounded by humans and he was "not like them". But in Stampede Vash might as well be a human.

That's definitely a way Stampede thematically diverged from the manga. Nai's the one who's perfect and more like a Plant, because of his powers. Right?

It's Vash who tends to be physically closest to the geranium.

In the SEEDS database, Vash and Tesla are in the same folder, while Nai has his own. There are all sorts of potential reasons, but in my mind it'd be because their colouring matches (yellow-blonde hair, blue eyes). It's Vash (his hands on the left) who notices there's an extra file and starts scrolling through them. He unlocked the database, and he caused the jars of what was left of Tesla to be revealed.

He wears red. Specifically his outfit is red over black - his shirt and pants. And his eyes are the first ones in which Plant patterns are highlighted.

Ever noticed that Tesla's missing both arms?

But it's hardly as though Vash is in any position to understand what Tesla felt, or what she wanted.

And it's not as though Knives, in his loneliness and fear and denial of responsibility, would puppet his sibling for the power to take revenge.

Right?

* Don't get me wrong. Nightow's relaxed approach to worldbuilding could have made her reveal in Maximum a plot hole, but it's not. Plants really are weird enough that just about anything seems possible. Nightow created the impression that discovering her remains was so painful for the twins they came to a mutual, unspoken agreement to avoid mentioning it, let alone using her fate as a rhetorical tool. When Knives finally does bring her up, it's just before trying to meld with and then imprisoning his brother aboard the Ark. To me, it feels like his declaration of total war.

#trigun stampede #trigun meta #tw body horror #tw medical abuse #trigun tesla #(but i repeat myself) #no more space left in my soupy brain this one fought me to the last #tl;dr can i just give the poor child a HUG #uh. watch the uh. bits and pieces

[is-the-post-reliable]

Human Experimentation without consent is evil even if it doesn't harm anybody. I hope you expierence medical abuse so you can understand that and how dehumanizing it is.

Okay I know I said I wasn't going to respond to anon hate anymore, but just in case I wasn't clear in the orginal post:

Experimenting on people without informed consent is not morally acceptable. I didn't explicitly state this because I figured it was obvious and that nobody would assume otherwise. Hence why I said 'this specific instance was not likely to have caused the participants any physical harm.' Because if informed consent was not given, then it would be psychologically harmful.

#anon #ask #anon hate #tw medical abuse #not a fact check

[altocat]

Can I have some dark hcs about Babyroth? For research purpose 😇

It's Sephiroth Hurtin' Hours. Let's do this.

Sephiroth was not permitted to get close to other scientists and orderlies after Gast leaves and Hojo takes over. Hojo does everything in his power to effectively isolate Sephiroth so he'll be more reliant on the things Hojo teaches him without outside interference.

As a result, Sephiroth is more than often achingly lonely, only having himself or Hojo to talk to. And since he's so strange and off-putting, most of the other scientists don't really want to talk to him anyway.

The constant isolation, procedures, and general antagonism through Hojo often gives way to terrifying fits of extreme rage and aggression within Sephiroth. While he is generally a skittish and polite child, he will sometimes lash out violently, not caring who he hurts. It doesn't satisfy him though. And he only just gets punished for it later.

There are days when Sephiroth simply refuses to leave his cell at all, lying under his bed balled up and not really talking or moving. He doesn't want to perform. He doesn't want to fight stupid training simulations. He doesn't want to get cut up on Hojo's table. He's just...tired. Tired and hopeless.

When he's in this state, Sephiroth simply withdraws from the world altogether, his eyes glassy and his body scrunched and fetal. He won't sleep or eat, won't really do anything at all. He simply....stops. As if he'd like nothing more than to just curl up and die.

Hojo often has to come to collect him whenever he gets like this, unless it's a severe emergency. There's been a few times where Sephiroth's symptoms have required the help of strong antidepressants, especially if he stops eating. Hojo MIGHT be a bit more lenient during this period, at least until Sephiroth perks up again.

Sephiroth often has periods of being completely nonverbal, mindlessly obeying as commanded, but not really engaging. He's more or less on autopilot.

Lots of the medications prescribed to Sephiroth as a child are further continued during his adult years, but at an even higher dosage. They are cyclical most of the time, per Sephiroth actually needing them.

He seems better when he's with Angeal and Genesis. And the fact that he's occasionally on any medications is kept a massive secret from the public. Not even a single leak on Silver Elite.

Sephiroth often has difficulties dealing with his body due to the many procedures he underwent as a child. Sometimes, he still does feel instinctual needs to react as he did in the past--nonverbal behavior, detaching. He has significantly more control over himself now, but the need is still there.

#asks #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #crisis core #sephcanons #sephiroth #hojo #babyroth #TWs for...MULTIPLE reasons #tw medical abuse #tw depression #tw child abuse

[writing-biting]

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE since I've drawn something for @nerves-nebula 's neglected AU, but the whole Krang-Donnie thing has me by the throat and my mind would not let me rest until I drew SOMETHING, so here's this!

(Extra doodles and lineart under the cut)

#teenage mutant neglected turtles #tm(n)t #tmnt donnie #tmnt krang #peppermint doodles it #tw medical abuse #tw implied torture #tw abuse #tw injury

[feelingthedisaster]

i dont undertand the need of lgbtq+ to hate on aspecs

"we need to discuss other issues that cause more deaths/urgent problems on the queer community" okay, lets talk about them, its important, lets talk and spread awareness and...wait you arent doing that, you are wasting time hating on aspecs instead of using that time to talk and spread awareness on those issues

"they arent opressed like we are" first, when being lgbtqia+ became a opression olympics? second, are we forgetting corrective rape, conversion "therapy" is still legal even in those countrys who have "banned" it, medical abuse/malpractise?

"they arent queer" im not gonna get into the same argument over and over

"an aro man harassed me" because he is a creep and a bad person, not because he is aro. all communities have bad people on them, it doesnt mean the entire community is bad

but most importantly, can we stop focusing on hating on each other for absolutly nothing and "they are crying wolf" and focus on the massive waves of transphobia? or queer teens on the streets? or the violent hate-crimes? lets stop this senseless arguments that dont help anyone and focus in something that actually puts lives in danger instead of "i dont want them in my gay club/bar"

get your priorities straight

what do you actually want? hate on aspecs for not being opressed enough or spread awareness about the opression you suffer?

#first and last of this type of posts #all this shit no good for mental health #but i need to get it out of my chest #what did the aro/ace community did to you? #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #tw rap3 #tw rape #tw hate #tw hate crime #there were only mentioned but add the tws just in case #tw medical malpractice #tw medical abuse #tw conversion therapy

[underestimated-heroine]

Hot take but doctors (and the vast majority of healthcare professionals) show their fatphobic asses virtually 100% of the time. You're supposedly so concerned about your patient's weight that you feel the need to do something about it regardless of the nature of the appointment and regardless of whether you're really their doctor. Thus, do you A) refer them out to/even just suggest a specialist, B) attempt to ascertain any real information about their diet which--when you get right down to it--you actually know fuck-all about because you are not them and you do not watch them eat, or C) give them a smug, condescending lecture about losing weight without attempting to ascertain any real information about their diet/exercise habits, including asking them to record those things and bring them up for a follow-up appointment?

(not saying doctors should do any of those things, btw)

This is all ignoring the eating disorders these unhelpful, unkind, unethical lectures may be exacerbating. The psychological problems. The issues with self-image.

I see this shit on YouTube now like "Dr. Wayne addresses accusations of FATPHOBIA!" and it's some shitty white plastic surgeon who was born with a six-pack bitching about what a health hazard being chubby is and how fat people need to "lIStEn To ThEir dOcTOrs" with no research to back himself up, no sincere attempt to see fat peoples' side, nothing. Just regurgitations of the tired, hateful rhetoric he was taught by the barbie-faced, sili-boned piece of shit he did his residency under. No critical thought. No personal research. Nothing.

Like you're a healthcare professional? Yes? Okay then yeah there's an incredibly high chance you're fatphobic. In healthcare, fatphobia is a torch passed from one jerk to another, and you're all too privileged and overworked to question that or do better, apparently. The least you could do is find enough honor to be honest about that fact, seeing as that's considerably less than the bare minimum.

#personal #tw medical abuse #tw medical neglect #fatphobia #tw eating disorder mention

[fatliberation]

would you be willing to share some of the survey results on this blog? not necessarily people's personal experiences, but just overall findings/conclusions/trends?

Yes - I received over 200 responses, so here are some of the (unfortunately) common experiences I found:

(Big TW for medical abuse here.)

Of course "LOSE WEIGHT!" was by far the most common one, in other countries too - even for things like sinus issues and migraines. in one instance a doctor even suggested weight loss to cure anxiety and depression... without any prescribing medication.

There were multiple reports of outright verbal abuse and public humiliation towards fat patients, including refusal to help a patient get up from falling

Misogyny, misogyny, misogyny. Women and AFAB individuals reported their symptoms being downplayed and receiving incredibly sexist and false information from male doctors

An AFAB person's fertility is valued more than their quality of life

There was a trend of doctors/psychiatrists claiming they can “cure” autism by selling vitamins

"You're too young to have pain / X problem" was VERY common

A lot of pain / breathing problems were blamed on anxiety, even when patients did not have an anxiety diagnosis

Doctors dismissing symptoms as the patient being drug seeking because of assumptions based on race

Quite a few participants shared with me that they were taken seriously ONLY after posing a threat to themselves

Gaslighting, saying that someone's past trauma never actually happened to them

And the number one thing I saw the most of - participants expressed that they no longer wish to seek medical care (to the point where their symptoms progress) because they are afraid of experiencing more trauma.

To the 200+ people who filled out the survey and shared their experiences with me: THANK YOU. I read every single entry. Some of them kept me up at night. You all deserve justice. I believe you. Keep fighting.

#medical gaslighting #medical gaslighting survey #tw medical #tw medical abuse #fatphobia #racism #misogny #ableism #inbox

[shyjusticewarrior]

Gotham Jim ignoring Oswald's claim of abuse from Hugo Strange in Arkham

vs.

Batman Unburied Bruce heartfeltfully apologizing when he found out Hugo Strange was abusing Arkham patients

#gotham #tv #jim gordon #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #batman unburied #spotify #bruce wayne #batman #dc #ed nygma #the riddler #king tut #rogues gallery #professor strange #hugo strange #tw medical abuse #parallels #character criticism #character analysis #character appreciation #media commentary #arkham asylum

[smoov-criminal]

i think we need to talk more about medical trauma. so many of the things disabled people go through at the hands of healthcare workers are absolutely horrific and cause lasting damage, both physically and mentally, but i think we really need to start understanding these experiences as actually traumatic and not brush them off

some doctor put bipolar and bpd in my chart years ago (pcps shouldnt even be able to diagnose these disorders), none of the doctors ive seen since told me about them, and i was then medicated for bipolar without my consent (i was told that lithium would treat my anxiety, but in my chart they note it as treating bipolar). there are several pain medications that i can't try because they interact with the lithium.

and when i talk about this happening i have the urge to minimize it and say "yeah it sucks but it's fine" when no! it's not fine!! i was medicated without my consent!!! im still feeling physical side effects from the drug interactions i had with the lithium. this is super fucked and this sort of thing happens to people with a disturbing amount of regularity. every disabled person i know has a medical horror story, but lots of people brush it off as a kind of shitty thing to deal with instead of actual trauma.

if you're dealing with stuff like this, im so sorry you've been treated this way. you dont deserve this, and if it's been traumatic for you you deserve to talk about and process that safely

#disability #disabled #cpunk #cripple punk #ableism #medical ableism #medical trauma #trauma #medical abuse #tw medical abuse

[abrahamvanhellsingjournal]

Entry Three: Date November 23rd 1898

Things have not been going as planned in the past several days. My attempts in finding more about the biological functions of vampires, and specifically Dracula have come to a stand still, due to Dracula healing far too quickly for any head way to be produced. Trying to keep the incision open with forceps does nothing for the flesh will just heal around it, and cause the forceps to get stuck forcing it to be cut out, not very productive for either myself or Dracula.

I find myself frustrated by it, as I go down in an attempt to conduct a dissection, only to be thwarted in any attempt by the ridiculous regenerative ability. I am attempting to understand it, for when Dracula was staked, his body did not react in the same way, and in fact, that particular wound is still in the process of healing. I suspect it will leave quite the nasty scar behind when fully healed.

Back to the problem I have with not being to dissect the specimen, I wonder if an oil made from garlic or using tools made of silver would work better than the steel tools I am currently working with, for it does seem to slow when cuts are made with such instruments, though a butter knife is hardly the right instrument to conduct any kind of surgery with. On another note, I am quite surprised to find that Dracula seems to be able to feel pain, for when I first used the butter knife on him in a fit of scientific frustration, he seemed to hiss in pain, and tried to twitch away from the source. He also has displayed similar behaviors when my forceps have gotten stuck in his flesh, and are subsequently ripped out, though it is a lessened reaction compared to the butter knife made of silver.

#abraham van helsing #alucard hellsing #dracula #hellsing #rp blog #speculative biology #vampire #tw unethical practices #tw unsettling #typical early medicine #which means ethics are not really a thing #and I imagine it would be even more so in the case of Alucard #so fair warning #this blog is going to be getting more unsettingly as I go one #as what was done to Alucard was deeply unethical even if he is a monster #tw medical abuse #tw medical malpractice #tw surgery #so yea I'll figure out the cws as time goes on as I've never had to do this for my blogs before

[nanomooselet]

So I was writing a dream sequence, and I wrote a line for Knives. Then I was suddenly struck with a horrible suspicion and went to the right issue of TriMax to check if I was remembering right.

I was. So now you all get to know it too. It regards Tesla, so you know it'll be a fun one.

Here it is: The scientists didn't intend to harm Tesla.

This absolutely doesn't absolve them of culpability in her fate, to be clear. It was a horrible thing they did to her, and she continues to be an open wound in any version of Trigun that has her in it. She couldn't consent to any medical procedure, she was a child - and it also makes Knives in Maximum strapping Vash down in July to measure his Gate against his will extra specially hypocritical. (My man's always trying to outdo himself on that front.)

But they didn't mean to hurt her; they didn't vivisect her in the process of examination. They only scanned her to examine her, that was all. They did it a lot, and the equipment was very crude - unlikely to have been designed for the purpose they used it for. I imagine her rapid rate of growth and maturation exacerbated the issue. But they did have concern for her life. She seemed fine, at first.

It was just that they were so excited by this discovery they forgot that damage can be cumulative: because she was scanned so many times and the equipment wasn't built for the job, she developed multiple tumours - as well as, judging by the symptoms, radiation sickness. They began to operate, trying to save her. They failed.

Project is closed.

She was in pieces because... well, she'd ceased regenerating. They couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again. Again, this was a cruel and terrible thing. I bring it up mostly because it has an interesting implication/resonance regarding Knives in Stampede. (Apart from that I very much doubt we've seen the whole of that story just yet.)

Knives tells Vash that he's sick, and he'll cure him. I have to wonder if the scientists told Tesla something similar. Because after he says that, Knives starts cutting into Vash, pulling out the stuff he thinks is "bad", and ultimately leaves his brother a silently floating husk that's... technically alive.

But he has no intention of harming Vash. No, sir.

And he's done it again, folks. The gold medal in the Hypocrisy Olympics goes to: Millions Knives!

#trigun stampede #trigun meta #tw medical abuse #the line was “something else killing you. i'll cut it out” #if you're curious

[identitty-dickruption]

you guys need to stop falling for the “cis kids are prescribed the same healthcare we reject from trans kids” bullshit

it’s not a privilege when “cis kids” get prescribed hormones or are “allowed” surgery. these kids are often (if not always) intersex. they often are not given a choice about going through these health procedures. intersex kids deserve body autonomy, and sometimes this means letting them NOT take hormones if that’s what they want

#intersex #intersexism #tw intersexism #tw medical abuse #queer