#tw mental illnes

[waywardsunlight]

Belos doesn’t have narcissistic personality disorder or any stigmatized disorder ya’ll associate with villains because that’s unhelpful and also not really him. Belos has ADHD and here’s why: 

Starts a scene with a goal, totally forgets what he’s doing. Good example: That scene that got cut because he was talking with Hunter and then went on a tangent about how boring human books are. He’s the evil villain version of “walks into a room, forgets what he went in there for”. He does this pretty constantly. He acts without thinking a lot which causes this, he doesn’t consider his actions or how they’re going to kick his *ss later. Belos really has trouble focusing on tasks and completing them. He’s very impulsive.

Belos LOVES to talk with Luz about his interests and tell her stuff she does not need to know especially... like... since she’s 14 and he’s way older than her but he views her as an adult and therefore she’s a “friend”. He’s very chatty which could fall under the kind of chatterbox category of needing to share information and not always paying attention to the energy of the other person in the conversation and not letting them get a word in. Not really having a sense of danger is a big one because Luz gets him a few times and he knows she’s dangerous for him but he literally walks up to her and is like “Hey hey pay attention to me hey” and Luz is like, “I’m gonna k*ll u”. 

And finally, Belos and Luz have a lot in common with their special interests, personalities, and energy. I think they both also have depression which is more obvious in Luz later in the show but Belos has constant tiredness and insomnia based on his... everything, he has angry outbursts quite a bit, he’s lost a ton of weight which is probably from being sick but also could be that he’s not eating properly. And I don’t want to speculate too much on this but other than his one goal that’s keeping him going he doesn’t really have an interest in life or continuing to be around and if he finished his goal he’d have to face those emotions and he can’t.

Concluding thoughts... yeah, Belos definitely has something going on. It doesn’t justify his behavior. He’s still a person who is capable of some horrible stuff whether or not he’s mentally ill because he still made those choices and probably would’ve made them again because he’s informed by culture and relationships as much as mental illness. Also as I wrote this I wanted to be clear that I have ADHD and depression and these are things I recognized that we have in common and also in common with Luz. If you have ADHD or depression and you don’t agree with my opinion, that’s totally fair.

#long post #emperor belos #the owl house #adhd #also please don't use this to diagnose yourself I'm not a doctor #tw mental illnes

[lupuspluvio]

Ahh Kian the hell I put you through

#tw blood #tw mental illnes #sims 4 simblr #sims 4 #aewl extras #ts4 edit #would not be this way without my rents so thanks for all the source material #these are wips #i have hundreds not joking but i just go in game and take more #do i have a story? yes but idk where i want to start it lol its got his birth to his death

[ratsly]

I knoe that I am mentally ill but I think I might be deeply deeply insane (problematic) anyway I just got discharged from the hospital because I haven't been able to breathe for three weeks and I didn't want to go to the hospital because I legitimately thought it was a punishment for eating bad and gaining weight lately and also a little bit that some god creature was doing this to me because I haven't been working hard enough.

So for the last two weeks I've been exercising every day because I thought it would help me atone for all the junk food (i eas raised wrong to think like this and also used to be catholic [another form of being raised wrong])

But actually it just turns out that I've just had pneumonia for the past three weeks and have been letting it go untreated because I thought I deserved it. And i do this a lot. So idk. I should go back to therapy but 9 months my therapist stopped scheduling appointments with me and I assumed it was because she just didn't like me as a patient and found me annoying/insufferable. So I just said "well this is how it goes" and moved on. But then it turned out that not only did she email me to schedule an appointment but I RESPONDED confirming and I just forgot completely that she emailed me?????? So now I just assumed that because I skipped that appointment that she and all her colleagues hate me now so idk how to go back but it's the only place I can afford.

But anyway I have steroids and antibiotics now for the pneumonia so soon I'll be able to breathe again and I won't feel the need to starve myself and exercise through pain to try to "cure" myself (already ate 2 burgers) and I made a deal with the god creature that if it didn't kill me via suffocation as a punishment i would go back to therapy so i guess i should email them. And obviously go back on my meds which i couldn't afford for 2 months and then just bleh about forgot. You know.

Anyway sorry for screaming into the void and being crazy and using problematic words

#tw mental illnes #tw sickness #tw ed #tw catholicism

[aromanticannibal]

Hello I am once again asking you to listen to Feldup's new album (edit: ive made a rec post)

#I just listened to stared at from a distance the song (after waters which I had already listened to) and it has fundamentally altered my #brain chemistry #some info on the guy : he's french and also does YouTube videos on horror and internet horrific phenomenona but his music is in english #it's indie alternative rock for the most part #in stared at from a distance (the album) some songs are pretty long. I advise you to have lyrics under your eyes #his singing isn't for everyone but I personally love it #big tw warning for csa and sa in general in some of his songs because he's a survivor and sings about it. General warning for mental illnes #ig. don't listen when you're in a bad place I'm not even feeling that bad and started at from a distance (song) just killed me #he's really really really good and he deserves to have more fans of his music pls give it a try #if you don't want to bother with the full almums I'll make a rec list of my favorites from his two albums once I'm done listening #feldup #stared at from a distance #a thousand doors just one key #French artist #music recs

[goozeghost]

I've no excuse for this one, lads

#cry of fear #simon henriksson #tw scars #tw smoking #he's a catboy ig #s/o to mental illnes for this one #also s/o to pika for saying 'david with photoshop' and being the funniest mfer here #he's just scrunkly ig

[tearsofabandonednymphet]

#prescription drugs #drugs #drugs tw #benzo #benzo addiction #benzodiazepines #piink #pink aesthetic #mental illnes #depression #anxiety #junkie #mentally ill

[totouchthcstars]

Look who just woke up- is that JASON RALPH? No, I must have been mistaken, that’s QUENTIN COLDWATER from THE MAGICIANS. I heard he is 28 and stuck here just like everyone else. Even in the 20’s, they still give off a A BEING SHY AND ANXIOUS AND OFTEN NOT BELIEVING IN HIMSELF; DETERMINED TO MAKE UP FOR HIS MISTAKES; EVEN WHEN IT COMES WITH A HIGH PRICE; SOMETIMES NOT KNOWING WHEN IT WOULD BE BETTER TO LET SOMETHING GO impression. They’re known to be quite INTELLIGENT, but have a tendency to be INTROVERTED on their bad days.

Gender/Pronouns : he/him

How long have they been in Sydney : in reality, Quentin arrive only recently, however, in his fake life, he came to Sydney for treatment and college

Which suburb do they live in? tba

Personality description : Quentin is always shy and insecure, worried to say or do the wrong things and generally, not trusting strangers very much. While he is loyal to the end towards his friends on the other hand, he still has troubles to express his feelings and needs on most days

Memories of their real life :

Quentin… my poor precious boy who always thought there should be more in life than what the eye can see

he did always believe the fictional world of Fillory does really exist

Q was suffering from isolation anxiety, and did even spend some time in a Mental Health Clinic because of major depression (medication included)

He is still pretty anxious at times, and not very self-confident either, but it is getting better: He is having good and not so good days at this point

Q does remember Brakebills, the friends he made there - especially Eliot and Alice - and the struggles and hardships they got through.

He remembers how they all managed to bring magic back into the world, however, he has no idea what the price of it was (loss of memories and a fake life) and he also does not know anything yet about his later death.

What was their fake life like : 

Q's fake life had not really been much better than his real one. As a boy, he did not really have any friends expect those hiding between the pages of books. He was shy, uncertain, and an easy target for bullying.

Maybe it was because of the early death of his mother and his father not knowing how to raise the boy himself, seeing the man was having his own mental issues since that day.

When Q started to talk to his imaginary friends, his father did send him to a lot of doctors, but nothing really helped.

It was only when Q turned 18, and got the money from his heritage, that things got a little better. He found a place at a college in Sydney, and a therapist he was going to regulary to work on his trauma.

Quote: "Most of my life I've been in and out of hospitals, and you know, just suicidal thoughts and notes, and…a lot of notes. Attempts, and meds, and therapy, and then I found Brakebills, and all that went away. I thought that…Did I do something brave to save my friends? Or did I finally find a way to kill myself?"

Hobbies: Books, books, and.... a lot of books. And self-tought magical tricks

personality type: INFP - Quentin is fiercely loyal, he's thoughtful and caring. He'll solve any problem in order to help save his friends and even the world. People with an INFP personality are analytical yet idealistic

theme song: Secondhand Serenade - Fix You

#Quentin Coldwater tbt #mental illnes tw #self harm tw #drugs tw #muse intro #thebridge: intro #about Quentin Coldwater tbt

[anemoianomaly]

I could never actually want to die cause like. There are kittens to feed milk to. There are plants to grow. There are little bees to save from the pool. There are beautiful sunsets every day. The world is full of art and no personal problem of mine could ever make me truly want to abandon it

#mentally illnes #rambles #tw sui implied

[deathinfeathers]

After two weeks the exorcists would return. "Its time for your judgment."

The first thing to go is always her flimsy grip on reality.

She'd lived her whole life toeing the fine line between perfect rationality and absolute, irrevocable madness. The version of Eluthéria that the universe gets to cope with depends, all too heavily, on factors outside her meager scope of control. Like a flag in the wind, her ever fluctuating faculties never evolve in one direction for very long.

Belphegor had put her best foot forward, trying to mitigate the damage this state of being would cause, both herself and her environment, but no amount of happy pills would've kept her chugging along merrily through these past two weeks.

It was simply too much.

The fallen angel lies in the same position, facing the same direction she has been for the past 72 hours—the only clue indictive of the possibility that there might still be life in her veins, the steady rise and fall of her rib-cage.

The sound of voices does not rouse her from this state of Catatonia.

There is no response.

#Tw: mental illnes #Tw: imprisonment #Tw: abuse

[themaninthemoon45]

My 16 years old self watching me letting a mentally unstable guy destroy my life 'cus I don't know how to get away from him

#toxic #toxic relationship #abuse #abusive relationship #mental illnes #depression #i need help pls #hate #pain #tw

[rosietaeyongswife]

love in the dark | lee taeyong

LOVE IN THE DARK PARING: lee taeyong x reader GENRE: angst, break up, established relationship WC: 4,5k SUMMARY: taeyong was your perfect boyfriend ever since both of you have started dating. you were his first true love and his life wasn’t great when you were absent. taeyong gave you his all and everything you have ever needed but it wasn’t enough. people changes and develop while growin up, and maturing. more freuquent fights between you two are growing on both of you. issue with literally everything from your side was getting worst. taeyong gave you love, and you did love him but you couldn’t love him in the dark anymore. TW: cursing, usage of drugs, mental illnes (depression), addiction

“y/n i made breakfast.”

  voice of your boyfriend made you shift from your position. you checked time and it was 8:20 in the morning on saturday. your lovely boyfriend woke up before you just to surprise you with another special breakfast he made for both of you. 

“coming.”

  even after all this time you were dating each other he still does that. a little things you have never imagined about when you first met taeyong. gulit tripped over you as you were walking again towards kitchen knowing damn well you have never done such a things for him.

“i made some kimchi toasts and egg, here you go.” before taeyong put down plates he kissed you in the cheek as he always do to welcome you in the morning. “your tea will be done in a few seconds.”

“taeyong.” you sat down. “i told you so many times to not wake up before me just to make breakfast. i can do it myself.”

“you don’t like my meals?” he pouted. “if you want to, i can-”

“no, it’s not about that. i love your meals but i don’t want you to do it all the time. you desevre rest and i should do these kind of thins more often.”

“it’s not a problem at all. i enjoy doing it.”

  taeyong smiled softly and your heart ached at the sight. meeting person like lee taeyong was almost impossible among people these times. he was everything a girl possibly wanted because taeyong was caring. he was lovely. he was gentleman. he loved you. he respected you. he wanted the best for you. many would kill for that because at the top of that taeyong was the most handsome guy you have ever laid your eyes on. ideal.

   but taeyong was also person with a lot of issues who met you in a similiar condition. well, therapy with mr. park maybe wasn’t helping at all but at least you met there love of your life as you supposed at that time. being seventeen year old with a depression sucked and going to therapy only made your issues wider. your mother was concerned but at the same time couldn’t believe you. how could a teenager had a depression? she would always brushed it off until you almost killed yourself by impuls. she called all the right people and that’s how you found yourself in a therapy with mr. park. you supposed he was sociopath or psychopath because of the way he was talking.

“y/n, how many times do we see each other?” older man with crossed legs asked while touch the globe. “hmm?”

“four times a week.”

“exactly.” he smiled. “isn’t it weird how many times do we meet? i am a stranger whom you vent to because of your issues with mental health. i listen to you and then we should find solution but there’s none at this moment. you’re lazy for not doing anything with it.”

“excuse me?” you smirked. “aren’t you suppose to help me? i’ve been here for two months and there is no changes.”

“because you won’t take an action. you’re still stuck in a same cycle.” he rolled his eyes and threw globe on the floor. “you’re revolving around yourself but you don’t want to step further to see it from other point of view. i’m here to help you realize that.”

“i am so done with your bullshit mr. park. you always tell me this. always.” you shrugged. “and your ass advices doesn’t work on me. i’ve tried everything. i did things you asked me to and guess what.” you bended. “i feel the same fuckin way.”

  mr. park was watching you as you stood up.

“because you’re not trying. you have to see it yourself. if you don’t want help you will never recover.”

“you know what?” you took your things “fuck you. i don’t need your bullshit which never helps. bye.”

  you stormed out of the room at the same time as someone from room in front of one. he bumped into you which almost made you throw hands at him. as soon as your eyes locked together you forgot about being mad at boy who bumped into you. he has pretty silver hair and bueatiful eyes that soften when saw you. few seconds passed and none of you break an eye contact until someone asked you to move.

“sorry, should’ve been more careful.” he spoke with soft voice. “my bad.”

“no, no. it’s not a problem at all.” you smiled awkwardly. “i also should pay attention.”

  boy looking at you smiled wider and you could swear he looked like some kind of an angel.

“then we’re good.”

  you looked at him but turned around as soon as you felt he was still staring. a guy was looking at you as you leave but you didn’t turn back. after he bumped into you, you could notice room he left. it was room number eight. number eight was room belonging to mrs. kim jisoo who was an addiction therapist and psychologist. many freaks attendt therapy sessions in place called “health clinic kim&choi”. daily there is a lot of screams or weird guys trying to knock someone down. you witnessed most of this but the worst rooms were eight and twelve on second floor. people entering these rooms were most fucked up ones since one room was for addiction and second one for the worst ones. guy who bumped into you must be a problem.

  you met him once. then twice. once before visit. another time when both of you were going towards clinic. after sixth time you got to know his name. taeyong. lee taeyong was guy intrested in you since the very first time he saw you when you were fighting with mr. park during christmas eve. without knowing each other well taeyong asked you out on dates and months passed by while being with each other.

  that was past. old taeyong was gone for a long time since both of you started dating. new taeyong and new you found peace of mind while being together. falling in love was something you have never expected and here you are. five years later living in small house you bought for your first big money. house was symbol of your love and bond you had together. 

“taeyong we should break up.”

  guilt was tripping all over you when you looked into taeyong’s eyes. of course both of you saw it coming somehow since your therapist warned you about love and your ignorance towards feelings and relationship. taeyong knew it all. taeyong knew you could never love him at the same level as he does.

“y/n.” he took your hands inside his. “i know you still got issues that are hard to maintain. i understand it fully. i also know i love you more which is fine with me. we don’t have to break up because i’m good with it. all the past five years was best time of my life, y/n.”

  you knew he would say that but it was hard for you to be in relationship with him since you know you only hurt him more and more.

“but you shouldn’t be good with it.” you hissed. “i loved you and i do but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to give you my all. my heart breaks even more when i see all the efforts you put into us. you deserves better.”

“no. don’t say that.” taeyong was panicking inside. you couldn’t leave him. “you’re most important person in my life and i can’t lose you. if you leave i’ll be no more good. you made me better person. i love you y/n. don’t do it to me. i won’t be able to handle that.”

“i can’t.” you wipped tears. “i can’t taeyong. i want you to be happy and i feel like you’re just restircted by me.” taeyong’s puppy eyes was filled with tears. “i want you to be best person ever without me. i keep bringing you down, can’t you see? i’m still stuck in depression while you overcome addiction. you made it but i am stuck. it’s growing on me and i can not be with you as it’s tiring for both of us. i hurt you.”

  taeyong got down on his knees holding your hand while sobbing crazy.

‘“stay, please. i can’t live without you. i overcame drugs because of you.” he was crying even more. “thanks to you i am best version of mysel. you don’t love me the way i do? it’s fine! i don’t mind but please y/n.”

“taeyong, it’s so wrong. you can’t stay with me.”

“don’t leave. y/n i beg you..”

  you knew if you answer him or look at him you would give in. you knew he had to get his eyes off of you so you could leave because you can’t do it with him watching you. taeyong’s sobs got louder and your heart breaks in half. you took your hand of his and you went to bedroom for your bags with your things.

“i’ll be back for rest in a two days. good bye taeyong.”

  he tried to scream and say something else but you closed the door of your house. you wanted taeyong to keep it. even tho it was mark of your realtionship it belonges to him and only him. it’s taeyong who poured his whole heart to make it room as beautiful as it is. he arranged everything he can and make it look like dream land. you’ll miss this place. your first house with first love.

  your mother welcomed you with tears in her eyes. only time you visited her was when something goes wrong between you and taeyong. last time was two years ago when taeyong and you had argument about your medications you took at the time. he noticed you didn’t take them for few days and your well being was bad. he was so scared of you and you had enough of him so you went to your mothers flat in centre of seoul. she was almost crying when she saw you but today she was crying. her only child come backs again after argument with only person who could understand them.she was thankful for taeyong since she could never understand you and never took you seriously.

first time your mother and your boyfriend met was when both of you were dating for a year and taeyong was upset with your mum because you called at the seven pm to tell him your mother wanted to stop your therapy. taeyong har rage inside of him when he opened the door of your old flat. all he could hear was you crying and your mother screaming.

“are you crazy mrs. shin?” he screamed while rushing to living room. “you don’t want your daughter to be better? to be finally healthy? you don’t fuckin understand what she’s going through. you’re her mother and it’s you who should support her. you!” your mother was shocked. “are you going to leave her at her own with her problems? i suppose you know exactly what would happen. leave her on the therapy since she needs it. i want her alive.”

  you didn’t care about anything at that time since you heard your boyfriend spoke to your mother. both of you were surpised as taeyong was literally burning with rage. she looked confused at him.

“as far as i know i am her mother and i know exactly what’s best for my child.” taeyong laughed sarcasticly.

“oh you know? then why she doesn’t trust you? or therapist want her to attend therapy since her mental health is so messed up? she needs it and you want to fuck it up! so pathetic.”

“i had no idea-”

“because you didn’t take your own daughter seriously. instead of doubting her you should be the one who encourage her to change.” your mother was embarrased. “y/n take your things and you can stay tonight at my place. good bye mrs. shin.”

  without anything else you took pijamas and all you needed. your mother was looking at you amused when you left her flat. it was so new. someone told her truth. someone made her realize what a damage she was making. 

  taeyong was scared to the core when he was watching you at his bed. 

“i can go sleep on the couch, you have a place here.” he kissed your forhead. “if you anything scream.”

“no.” you grabbed his hand. “stay here with me. it’s your bed after all. and i wouldn’t mind having you in the same bed.”

  taeyong looked at you with smile. he was proud you trusted him and he felt amazing by it since he helped you through a lot.

“our little y/n wants to sleep with me. cute.”

  you made space for him as he was laying down. you felt asleep in his arms safer than you have ever felt.

  you didn’t came back for rest of your things since you had to be in work doing makeup’s for small advertaisments. everyone was fast because director was late and everything was gettind delayed while you have to be at another place in an hour. it was direcor’s fault but no one actually blamed him since he was big name in a industry. this day can get any worse.

  it’s almost midnight when you get into your car finally able to go home after work. your thought wondered about your now ex. you wanted to know what he feels right now but it was impossible since it would only make things worse. after checking if you have all your stuff you turned engine on. twenty minutes and you will be at your mum’s place. able to relax and have quick shower to wash away all the thoughts you had for past few days. 

  suddenly your phone rung. you had to park the car on a empty alley. you answered the call.

“hello, is that shin y/n?” a female asked. 

“hello, yes it’s me. what happened?”

“i’m calling from university hospital in seoul. i am nurse and my name is park sooyoung and i want to inform you that lee teayong is at hospital. he is on surgery and has stomach cleaning since he overdoesed on drugs. please, we want you to come her as soon as possible since you have to fill up patient’s card and you were the only person in his phone to call during emergency.”

“yes ofcourse.”

  your whole world stopped. it’s impossible, it can’t be happening. taeyong let go of drugs four years ago and he had never thought of getting back to it. he overcame his worst addiction and now he overdoesed. your hear was beating and your whole body was shaking as you run to the hospital. few people were looking at you as soon as you get to the reception point.

“i’m lee taeyong’s..” you had to lie. “wife. i am his wife. he overdoesed tonight. where’s he?”

“oh mrs. lee?”

“yes, we’ve been married for a month but i haven’t change my last name yet.” 

“oh, i understand.” she smiled at you. “right now he is under coma before second surgery. he is on third floor, room number 61. you have to fill up his patient’s page so please here it is.” she handled you peper and pen. “fill it up. give it to me and go there. doctor will explain everything to you as soon as you show up.”

“sure. thank you.”

  your tears dropped on a piece of paper while you were signing it. you saw foggy text because of tears in your eyes. everything was so messed up and you just couldn’t stop shaking. addiction history - you had to write down cocaine. it was driving you nuts. everything took you less than five minuts. you were runing on the third floor and through glass you could see your boyfriend getting ready on a surgery. nurses were all on him while you could only look through the window from the outside. soon after doctor showed up.

“are you his relative?”

“i am his wife.”

“okay then.” he closed the door. “your husband took deadly amount of cocaine which caused his heart to stop. he was lucky his friend visited him because five more minutes and your husband was dead. we have to clear his whole body and get rid of cocaine from his body. we have no idea when he will wake up.” you were crying even more. “was it his first time? was he addicted?”

“t-taeyong was drug addict.” you wipped your tears. “he was addicted for two years and for four years now he is free of it.”

“durig this period of four years he had never used cocaine?”

“no, he haven’t! we spend together majority of time and we do check’s up.”

“okay.” he write down something. “do you know what could cause it?”

“w-we broke up few days ago.” you sobbed crazier. “i wanted to break up and that’s propably it.”

“sure. he needs support right now so please take any private issues aside and support him tonight. he needs it as hell since his state is very bad. we will try to do our best.”

  he walked away and you sunk on the floor. guilt was exploding in you when you watched as nurses took taeyongs to surgery room.  it felt like fever dream and you didn’t want to be in that because you were blaming yourself. your boyfriend was fine for past four years. therapy, medicine and you helped him get through it. he had never touched any other substance and one day fucked it all up. you don’t know what you do if he dies. researching on internet just in 2017 almost 14,000 people died on cocaine overdose. you prayed for your taeyong to be better. prayed for him to wake up. he can’t leave world like that. not him.

“your therapist and clinic know everything now mr. lee.” doctor handled him papers. “they wanted to make an appoinment with you and talk about it since you might have long term side effects after overdose. please, do check up in every two weeks.”

“yes. good bye.”

  taeyong looked embarrased at you. shame. he felt shame when you were driving him to house we used to share. place was empty for two weeks. surgery was done and taeyong’s body accepted treatment well. doctor did they best to bring him back to life. and you haven’t left the place not even once. you stayed in hospital day and night until he woke up. you helped in treatment and taking care of him. bought everything needed, and first thing you do before taking him back to home was to go to pharmacy to buy all the medicines he needed.

“listen y/n. i’m so sorry for what happened and what a hard time i caused you-”

“not now. you don’t have to be sorry taeyong. it wasn’t complectly your fault and i understand. also, we don’t have to talk right now. you jus get out of the hospital. let’s take you home and you should rest. maybe a good bath even?” you smiled lightly. “after that we can talk.” taeyong just nodded.

  of course you were mad at taeyong for past events but you weren’t so cruel to start an argument inside of the car while he just was out of hospital. 

  also your madness went down after you met taeyong’s old dealer called chanyeol. you knew him pretty well because of first year of dating taeyong while he still was going through recovery so finding him wasn’t an issue at all. chanyeol was in club when you bursted into place with anger painted on your face. he looked confused when he saw you. without wasting any minute, you went to him and slapped him in the face so hard he fell. while he was screaming at you, you punched him on the nose causing it to break. few curses let slide from your mouth and he knew why were you there. he also knew taeyong was cocaine free and while chanyeol sold him drugs he made him overdose. security took you out while you were calling chanyeol names and deep down he felt guilt.

“i heard you broke chanyeol’s nose.” taeyong mumbled while being covered under the blanket. “is that true?”

“who told you?”

“mark.”

“yes it’s true. motherfucker sold you cocaine even tho he knew whole story. you are his ex friend and after all that he chose to sold it to you.”

  he giggled lightly.

“i would kill to see you breaking his nose.” you slapped his shoulder. “i want to thank you for everything. i was immature for it and i am so sorry. you didn’t have to help me during my stay in hospital. i don’t know.” he was shameful. “i was just broken. you left and i just wanted to let go of feelings and i had to.”

“taeyong promise me you’ll never do it again. i almost had heart attack because of you. i don’t want you to get hurt or die. you were free for four years now and in just one night you almost died. you’re lucky as hell. please, don’t do it again ever.” you knew how easily taeyong could get trigger for drugs. “i’ll stay. i won’t leave you but please.”

 suddenly his eyes light up and he was holding you tight in a hug. you had to promise him that because you know now he is going to do drugs when you leave.

 it was first time when you two broke up and get together. first but not last.

“glad to know you enjoy it at least.” you hummed as you were about to eat toast. “did clinic call?”

“not yet.” he smiled. “they will propably in a few days, don’t worry y/n.”

  six months later from overdose you were still with taeyong. you couldn’t leave him because of few issues with it. you were scared that another time will end up with taeyong’s death. it’s not what you would want to happened. you were trapped into relationship. it wasn’t healthy at all and taeyong knew this. taeyong also knew he isn’t going to do drugs again but when he see you’re still with him he can’t help but not tell you.

  people grow and change, that’s what happened between you two. past few years gave you life experience you never expected. your depression was fading away only issue you had was your emotions and rather lack of them. mr. park explained it to you - you simply don’t love lee taeyong and guilt is haunting you down. he was giving you everything while you couldn’t do the same.

  taeyong’s accident also changed your view on world. no one expected to stay the same after what happened. his friends would visit you more frequently and you would check on him just to be sure taeyong won’t do stupid things again.

  at the other side, your boyfriend got soften. he wanted to treat you the best because you helped him with so many things it was almost impossible to do. also, you gathered strenght. past few weeks you were focused on yourself. self love. that’s what you needed first which lead to a lot of fights between you and taeyong. it was you who would start them since taeyong would only agree with you and try to calm you down.

“now it’s me who have to deal with consequences of your actions.” you snapped. “not you. not your friends but me. don’t you see i also suffer?” taeyong was looking at you in disbelief. “we would never have to go through it if you just could let me go. break up was the best option for us but no.” you hissed. “don’t leave me, stay.” you mocked. “i am so done. i am with you but i still feel guilty even tho as i’m looking at it now it’s not my fault.”

“y/n please. i am so sorry for everything. i apologized hundred of times and i still will. how else should i do? i love you from the bottom of my hear and you still don’t love me. i need you in my life and i don’t complain.”

  your fight was going on during party at doyoung’s house. he had birthday and invited all his friends with their partners. everything went smoothly unless taeyong pissed you off. today you were fed up of everything and your relationship with taeyong. 

“i don’t care. i wanted to leave and instead i am traped with you.”

“then leave.” he shouted. “then leave me, the fuck.”

“for what? for you trying to overdoes again?”

  you didn’t wait for any response and just walked away from him leaving taeyong alone by the pool. as far as you were getting the more you regretted. you were too harsh on him. on your sweet boyfriend who loves you the most in the world. when you felt guilty you turned and went back to the pool but there was no sight of taeyong.

“hey, taeil.” you screamed. “have you seen taeyong?”

“no, i haven’t.” he smiled. “go ask mark they both were talking not so long ago.”

  running into house full of people you noticed mark.

“no, i don’t know. maybe he left already?”

  running through alleys of doyoung’s neighbourhood was pretty much tiring since this place is huge. taeyong couldn’t go so far. while asking few people you were loosing hope of seeying him tonight but at the end of dark alley you could see a male with water in the hand.

“taeyong.”

  he turned back and saw you. tears. there was shadow of tears on his face and you knew you fucked up.

“what do you want?”

“i am sorry. i should never used such a words.”

“you’re not happy with me. shit. five years by each other is a long time don’t you think?”

“it is. taeyong i am sorry but i mean what i said.” you looked down. “our life is too messed up for us to be together. i feel like you’re the only person i know but we’re too different now. i-” taeyong felt it coming and knot in his stomach tightened. “i don’t love you taeyong, i am sorry. i wish i could love you the same way as before. i can’t do it. it’s draining me down. i wished to meet my perfect boyfriend and i met you. maybe you’re too perfect for me?”

“i am not. you deserve so much better and i am a fool. fool for everything i’ve done but i did it for love. i have never stopped and i will never stop loving you.”

“i know taeyong. i think it’s our good bye. i hope we will never see each other again for sake of our happines and well being. you’re example of book’s boyfriend and you should love someone who is on your level. i am still trying to love and i am sick of it. it’s fine, i understand how things went in our life. i know.” taeyong was crying again. “don’t cry. you will meet your other half.”

“do you think it’s necessery?”

“of course taeyong.”

  both of you were laying down on your bed. in an hour people will come here because they are intrested in buying this house. it’s the last time both of you were in yours house. last time both of you see each other. last memory of you two. taeyong promised you to be good and to not do drugs anymore. he will take care of his health. you at the other side will change your whole life and you can’t stay in seoul so that’s why you’re moving to daegu.

  taeyong learnt you a lot of things. thanks to him you got to experience love, happines, pain, gratefulness, friendship and everything. he stopped trying to change your mind. he understood you’re leaving. you’re not in love him as you used to.

“you made me miserable and i still loved you. thank you y/n for building me and helping me develop myself.”

“thank you for showing me proper way of living and your love.”

  it’s done. lee taeyong is no longer your boyfriend and you’re free of him. you had to be cruel to be kind. you’re doing it just for taeyong’s sake and happines. he will be grateful to you one day for your actions. as for now all good memories and time with taeyong became core memory in your brain that you will never ever think about again. 

  you’re not the only ones. people been here before as every other couple. people break up with each other when their time comes to an end. it’s never ending cycle and there is nothing to regret. but you wanted to live not only survive. life to fullest without worrying and being hold back. 

#nct #nct imagine #nct scenarios #nct taeyong #lee taeyong #lee taeyong au #lee taeyong angst #angst #nct au #nct angst #taeyong scenarios #taeyong imagine #lee taeyong scenarios #addiction #kpop #kpop au #lovers to exes #second chance #adele #spotify #playlist #taeyong fluff #taeyong x reader #leetaeyong

[lupuspluvio]

I'm going to cry i hate my brain the amount of shit in wips is insane

#non sims #tw mental illnes #perfectionism man... its so stupid but its like a literal block in my head #goes witht the low self esteem and depression i guess #dl

[diaphanous-autumn]

It’s been a long time...

...since my last post. I don’t even know if anyone’s still following this project. So many years without a word from my side. Too much stuff happened in my life and I needed some time for myself VERY badly.

I’ll write the reasons down under the cut, but list the TW beforehand. Please understand that these are no excuse for my disappearance but an explanation. I wish I had done things way different than I did.

TW: mental illnes, medication, therapy

TW: death of family member(s)

The reasons for my abrupt silence were:

1. I’ve been dealing with bipolar disorder that got out of hand. My medication wasn’t helping at that time and my therapist changed too frequently so I couldn’t settle in. We don’t have many good therapists and most of them don’t want new patients, so I had to go to the local speciality hospital to get semi-treated. There my therapist in charge changed almost monthly. I hated it. During that time, I tried to use my problems as fuel for my game. But depression withheld me from doing process. Only during my mania I was able to do some stuff and even then I got heavily distracted and completed other stuff. I couldn’t continue this way.

2. In the last few years I lost two very important and pillars of my life. My dear grandmother died shortly after my last post. My grief is long-lasting and it took even longer to understand that everyone grieves in their own way and that there is no timetable or guide how to grieve. The worst thing was: my father was affected by it most. He loved his mother even though there were rocky roads in their relationship. And I guess that grieve inside him was eating him up inside. I wish I would have been there for him during that hard time. 3 years ago I lost my father. He was only 51 years old. This was very hard to grasp for me. I couldn’t understand or accept it, but that’s what it is. His birthday is nearing and I still keep on thinking of him. I recently was able to get back to stuff I did before with him. Playing games I associate with him or listen to specific songs... The problem was: I did associate Ciel Nocturne on a very personal level with him. I didn’t bear to look at it and it made me sick.

3. Work took over most of my lifetime. Before starting the game and halfway through I had no job anymore. I started an apprenticeship and after 2 years of it I had to quit because I got sick too often. Shortly after I started another one that I had to quit after 1 year due to grieve and you guessed it- sickness. Depression made it hard to even get out of bed and that lead to stress and heavy migraine attacks. I felt worthless.

4. The ongoing drama inside the community wasn’t good for my mental health. I took things too personal and I didn’t want to be part of a toxic community. I got some very weird messages throughout development and my game got described as “some game where you play a girl that heteroes up a mansion with some white-haired guy” What? It made me unnecessarily angry and I took it personal because in the end, most stuff I put into the game storywise was my life experience!

5. Adding to the community trouble, I’m still very much pissed that my game got decrypted and my stuff used for own purposes. Someone stole my voice sound files and used them in their game. My scripts got ripped. Images from CN were still in the thieves’ game folder. Was this really something I could put myself through?

I had so much time to think about the game, the story and everything revolving around it. I decided I’ll start anew, I would love to rewrite the story a bit and come back with a completed game someday. I won’t post progress here and I learnt that I should make this thing in my own pace, without people or even myself pressuring me.

So... if you read all of this, thank you so much. This means a lot to me.

I’m really sorry for keeping up the silence until now. I hope I can reach some people with my game. So this might be my last post until I’ll release it, I guess.

Thank you.

#ciel nocturne #ciel nocturne (game) #rpg maker #rpgmaker #horror game #pixel horror #tw: mental illness #tw: death #tw: therapy #tw: medication #rpghorror #rpg maker horror

[mctherofdragons]

Fred Supporting His Girlfriend With Mental Illness Headcanon

A/N: A little self indulgent headcanon about Fred supporting his girlfriend if she had a mental illness. I am speaking from my own experiences here, and understand people have different experiences/needs. I just wanted to write something comforting for those that would enjoy it! I don’t have a taglist for headcanons, which is why only a few moots are tagged! 

Warnings: Mental illness, depression/anxiety symptoms, low self esteem, medication, food mention, showering/hygiene, hospitalization/s*icide attempt mention, etc. 

Tagging a few mutuals: @vogueweasley​ @cherryweasleys​ @hufflepuffhaze​ @gcdricreads​ @thisismynerdyself​ @weasleyclaw​ @gryffindors-weasley​​

Fred doesn’t pretend to understand everything about what you felt. But he does his best to be empathetic. 

Fred always validates how you were feeling. 

“I hear you, y/n. I know.” 

He reads books and articles to understand what you were going through a little bit better. Which is saying something, because reading isn’t his favorite hobby. 

He knows when to give you space and when to give you extra love. 

“Did you take your meds?” 

“Ah, ah. We can start this episode after you take your meds, lovebug.” 

He’s learned to bring you all your favorite snacks during a when eating is hard. 

Sometimes he has to convince or remind you to shower, but he never judge syou for it. 

Afterward, he helps you into a pair of fuzzy pajamas and lets you cuddle with him. 

Sometimes, he lets you sit between his legs as he brushes the tangles from your hair. 

He notices you crying.

“This is embarrassing.”

“Hush, babe, you just need some extra help, s’all.”

Sometimes, he can tell when you’re down by single glance.

His cure is always the softest little kisses on your temple, pulling you closer to him so you can feel his warmth.  

He gets really good at calming you down during a panic attack/anxiety attack. 

Kneeling down next to you on the floor, helping you do the exercises your therapist taught you. 

“Y/n. Do it with me okay? Four thing you can see....three things you can hear....two things you can touch....one thing you can taste.” 

He hands you a little mint or a candy, too, just like you’d ask him, for grounding. 

The first time you told him you’d been hospitalized before, he didn’t freak out like you’d expected. 

“You don’t think I’m crazy?” 

“No, I think you’re resilient and brave. I’m glad you’re still here with us. I’m glad you didn’t leave this world before I met you.” 

Fred respects your boundaries and knows love doesn’t cure mental illness. 

Fred does know, however, that love is patient, kind, and unconditional. 

No matter what, he loves you to pieces, brain chemicals and all. 

“I’m sorry I’m like this.” 

“Stop it, love. They’re just your brain chemicals, right? C’mon, have a cuddle.” 

#fred weasley headcanon #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley #tw mental illnes #weasley twins #weasley twins headcanon

[longitudinalwaveme]

Roscoe isn’t feeling too well. Neither is Lashawn (just for slightly different reasons). 

This is a scene from “Wild and Whirling Words”, a fanfic of mine. It’s based on the period early in Geoff Johns’ run when a seriously mentally ill Roscoe was locked up in Iron Heights. 

The green swirls around Roscoe exist only in his mind (they’re a visual representation of his hallucinations). The horrid state of the cell (and Roscoe himself) is courtesy of Warden Wolfe and the charming staff of Iron Heights. 

#flash rogues #the top #peek-a-boo #iron heights #fanart #tw blood #tw mental illnes

[phantasmtastic]

i meant to write more today - as valentine’s if my favorite holiday but i’m just so filled with emotion.

in two hours - it will not only be my birthday but i will officially be sober for a year. it was this time last year i was having a complete break down - and ended up in the hospital. finally got on the right medications, started going to the gym again, showering every day, taking care of myself, etc.

i still have a long way to go. but it’s so wild how far i’ve come. thank you so much - for those who stuck by me in this journey. thank you so much. i love and appreciate you all. <3

#tw alcoholism #tw hospital #tw mental illnes #tw hospitalization #tw mental hospital #ooc tbt.v