#tw mentions of euthanasia

[horatioandalice]

I'm afraid I have some bad news about Harriet.

Yesterday morning when I got the budgies up, I noticed that she wasn't able to use her right foot. (The picture attached was taken before she lost the use of her foot.) I thought that maybe she and Pippa had had a fight, or that she had injured it in some way, so I toweled her and gave her some of Pippa's leftover pain meds and looked at her foot. There wasn't any visible sign of injury, but she was definitely unable to move her toes. By an unbelievable stroke of luck, my vet had an opening at 2pm, so I took Harriet in to get looked at.

Unfortunately, the prognosis is not good. The vet found a significant amount of bruising in Harriet's abdomen, indicating that she likely has some kind of organ dysfunction that is resulting in pressure being put on the nerves that control her right foot. The most likely causes, according to the vet, are either kidney cancer or reproductive disease. Because budgies are so small, and because of Harriet's age (she's 9) and relative fragility (since she's already had surgery for reproductive issues), the vet isn't confident she would survive the major surgery required to determine the problem, and the odds are there wouldn't be an effective treatment anyway.

So the decision has been made to try to keep Harriet comfortable with anti-inflammatory pain meds and in a hospital cage until her quality of life declines enough that it will be kindest to euthanize her. She is still allowed out with the other budgies, so she's not totally isolated, and as of this morning she is still eating well, destroying toys, and being very active and vocal (her wonky foot doesn't slow her down at all!), so right now she's doing well. She has already outlived all my other past budgies by three years (!!!), so although of course I will be heartbroken to say goodbye to this little fierce warrior, I am grateful for whatever time we have left.

#budgie #budgies #budgerigar #parakeet #bird #pets #cute #fluffy #Harriet #tw: sick pet #cw: sick pet #sick pet #euthanasia mention

[lifeinpoetry]

It's okay now for me to write a little about the family crisis that was going on from March-May on top of the mental health stuff now that my sister has made a public post about it.

My niece, S., was born at the beginning of March but came down with meningitis by her second day of life. There were failures at all levels of care for both my sister and baby S., both of them nearly died, and S. wasn't released from the NICU until the very end of April.

Right now they're in the wait and see stage of seeing what effects the illness had on S. but we're all hoping for the best. Can't say much more because it wouldn't be fair to my sister and S.

Major depression has lifted for real this time, it's been weeks of being at my regular level of depression though more stuff re: to the schizophrenic side of things recently but that's probably stress-related because Bear, our dog, is at the point where we're discussing quality of life. It's bringing up a lot related to previous putting off of care for both humans and pets in crisis/near crisis moments. Remembering the overdose at 17 where the parent that was home discovered me and allowed me to take a shower and just generally took no action until my other parent got home and took me to the ER, couldn't walk without support by the time we got there. Is it a freeze response for that parent that they can't jump into action, I honestly haven't ever gotten an answer.

I know I really need to get back into posting, btw. Hopefully they've fixed the issue which was making unique spacing in poems impossible, I was not made for the screenshotting life.

#personal #overdose tw #pet euthanasia mention tw

[br1ghtestlight]

I always forget the general view of euthanasia is soo different for people outside of canada like an american leftist will be like euthanasia should be legalized its the morally correct option and im like EXCUSE ME??? before I remember in other countries it's mostly viewed as a humane choice for ppl who are terminally ill and already dying in a hospital etc

somehow canada decided it would be a good idea that anyone who is mentally ill or disabled or homeless or a drug addict has free access to killing themselves BEFORE they get any access to treatment or social services so euthanasia here is like..... seen as a bit of a conservative way of uhh encouraging poor people to kill themselves so we dont have to deal with them anymore <3 its not very popular in leftist circles

#people who are dying of terminal cancer who only have weeks/months to live choosing euthanasia is totally fine imo #encouraging anyone w/ mental health issues or who struggles with poverty to Just kill themselves because we dont have social supports #or a functional medical system to take care of them so them dying is literally easier. now that I dont agree with #canada getting a little too liberal w/ its use of euthanasia I fear #txt #tw suicide mention

[icewindandboringhorror]

Bad news, got back from the vet and my beautiful baby son is going to have to be put down soon, probably tomorrow or the next day, so send him best of wishes for his next few days~ Luckily, he's actually not in a lot of pain (for now, hopefully he won't be) and is acting pretty normal, so I'm hoping he won't suffer at all and everything will be peaceful for him.

#pet death tw #death mention #let me know if I need any other tags #I would post something to help pay for his euthanasia expenses or etc. but I don't know of any secure methods #since I don't know much about stuff like that. I've heard that like on paypal and ebay and stuff people can still get your real name #and some information from their payment receipts or whatever sutff like that. thats part of why I've held off on selling clothes and sculpt #res for so long is trying to find a way to do it that's the most safe. aside from literall yhaving to start an llc and open a business bank #account and run everything on an entirely sepreate thing just so it has no association with my name and etc. #and obviouskly I don't feel like figuring out all of that stuff right now lol #I am busy just trying to make my beautiful meatloaf son comfortable and spend some time with him whilst I can #It's sad. but I'm glad the issues were caught before he was in terrible pain or anything. So suprisingly it was actually a pretty easy #decision. I would rather him go out while he's feeling okay and relatively content then wait until he's in severe #pain or extremely lethargic or etc. So it seems all very sudden but . It's better that way for him. #anyway #of COURSE this has to happen during a heat wave also.. hhrgghhh... #more fuel for my vendetta against summer lol.. Not that it's the season's fault but. something bad happening in the winter #vs. seomthing bad happening in the summer which just adds an extra layer of 'oh yeah on top of everything else #you're going to be sweating and nauseous and chronically uncomfortable!' is like.. >:T #Also for him. part of the issue is lung cancer which has spread and caused a bunch of fluid to build up in his stomach (which is what I #noticed. even though he's acting perfectly fine and normal his stomach was weird and bloated suddenly) #but if part of the problem is his lungs (which look absolutely crazy on xray) then him breathing in hot shitty thick air is definitely #not as comfortable as if he were able to be nice and cool and snuggled in some blankets. etc. etc. #ANYWAY ghhb... send him much luck and positivity!! Really hoping he can make it through the next day or so without #taking a turn for the worst. So hopeing for a peaceful quiet exit and not like tramatic sudden things. etc. etc. #cross your fingers pray to your gods whisper to the night sky so on and so forth. whatever you do that's meaningful to you.

[trans-axolotl]

Sorry that this topic is heavy, but your posts are always very well thought out and I value your insight and antipsych perspective. What are your thoughts on some countries (now possibly including canada) allowing medically-assisted euthanasia for young mentally ill people if they request it? There was a story recently about a belgian terror attack victim being euthanized at 23 at her request. I personally believe that committing suicide is a right that every person should have because I think that punishing suicide attempters is the worst thing you can do for them, and ultimately, it’s their life and they deserve ultimate autonomy over it. Not that I think suicide should be encouraged, either, and having a specific government-endorsed suicide program seems sort of bad…? Like euthanizing young people comes with a lot of ethical complications — but I don’t know how to express why it feels weird given my personal beliefs about suicide being a right. (additionally, it feels even weirder because I do support these types of programs for the elderly (although i know what an ethical minefield those are too)). What are your thoughts?

Hey, anon. Thanks for bringing this up!

I have a lot of mixed thoughts about MAID (Medical assistance in dying) and also about what it means to consider suicide a right and in what ways I think that should play into mad organizing.

Firstly, I think the way that Canada's bill C-7 was written and the way it's being put into practice is just blatant eugenics. The rhetoric while legislators were debating and passing the bill made it clear the way they saw disabled lives as unworthy. In a context where many disabled people are forced to live in poverty, where treatment is often impossible to reach, where accessible affordable housing is often nonexistent, where the medical system is filled with ableism and stigma--it is incredibly fucked up to add suicide as an option on the table when there are so many coercive factors at play. Instead of working to make society more accessible and do things that improve the quality of life of disabled people of any age, the government and doctors are using MAID as a way to completely ignore structural ableism and spread narratives that disabled lives are not worth living. I am incredibly, incredibly infuriated about the way MAID was expanded in Canada. I would recommend that people check out the amazing work of the Disability Fillibuster to learn more about MAID in Canada.

Although I don't think every instance of MAID is inherently unethical, I am VERY wary of any bills that expand MAID like Bill C7 because I think that in the context of an ableist society that already doesn't consider disabled lives worth living and tells marginalized people every day millions of reasons why they wish we were dead, MAID bills will come with dangerous levels of coercion that cannot be safeguarded against. For example, the American medical system, with a long history of eugenic sterilization, medical experimentation on Black Americans, and widespread institutionalization, is not a system I ever trust to be able to handle the power of MAID without treating marginalized people's lives as disposable. (Link to read more about the history of medical experimentation: content warning for antiblack racism, sexual exploitation, slavery, and medical abuse of many types. )

At the same time, I am deeply invested in noncarceral approaches to suicide, and I believe that in order to effectively fight against psychiatric incarceration, we have to expand our understanding of the right to autonomy. The psych system, like many institutions of total control, weaponizes a fake concept of safety to justify depriving people of autonomy. In the context of prison abolition, Mariame Kaba and Andrea J. Ritchie use the phrase "carceral safety" to talk about the ways that police use the rhetoric of "safety" to continue perpetuating a violent system of incarceration:

"The state’s carceral safety robs our communities of the conditions and nutrients that would allow true safety to grow, forcing us into the position of constantly reaching for more security from the very institutions that make us collectively less safe." (from Reclaiming Safety, August 2022).

Similarly to police and prisons, the psych system wants us as mentally ill people to believe that the only way safety and suicide prevention can occur is within institutions where autonomy is deprioritized and any kind of abuse is acceptable if it can be explained as a "life-saving" measure. So part of noncarceral suicide prevention involves rethinking the way we think about autonomy, and prioritizing autonomy and freedom as inherent rights, regardless if people are making risky or harmful choices about their own wellbeing. Suicide should never be criminalized and I think that a step towards decarcerating suicide requires us to embrace the importance of autonomy.

Rethinking autonomy to include the right to harm ourselves is something that I think is an important topic to grapple with in noncarceral suicide prevention, but I think it's one we also have to be careful with and approach with a lot of nuance when talking about it publically. Approaching suicide prevention with a bodily autonomy framework does not mean that we need to support government-sanctioned suicide, does not mean we need to advocate for eugenic policies, does not mean that we should advocate suicide for marginalized people who are already so used to being told that the world wants them dead. Suicide prevention is incredibly important to me, and it will never feel liberatory to me if I'm using my understanding of bodily autonomy to promote suicide in any way. Liberatory suicide prevention includes more than just noncarceral crisis response and helping people map through their distress. It also includes advocating for the material conditions we need to survive in our everyday life, and in my mind, that includes things like advocating for disabled people to have our basic needs met so that we don't have to live in poverty, inaccessible housing, and aren't coerced into suicide through eugenicist bills like Bill C7 in Canada.

Definitely think there is a LOT more to say on this topic and that my opinion is not the only way of looking at this, so I absolutely encourage followers to jump into the discussion.

#personal #psych ward tw #antiblack racism mention #suicide tw #euthanasia tw #medical assistance in dying tw #eugenics tw #ask to tag #antipsychiatry #antipsych #mad pride #psych abolition #prison abolition #i don't even know what to tag this as

[therapardalis]

//Pet problems under the cut -short version, he's not well but still alive.

So my arse of a cat, long-time and deeply loved companion that he is, is driving me crazy.

I don't know his exact age (he was a stray) but he's at least 8 years old, which makes him a senior-ish kitty. He's been not-well for a while (weight loss, moving more slowly), but I haven't been able to afford vet bills, so I've been thinking that as long as he's comfortable and 'himself' I'll let nature take its course. When he's not, I'll arrange the final goodbye.

So this morning I thought the Time Had Come; he was loafed on the couch, huddled, and didn't purr or respond much when petted. Just ... sat. And I thought ... 'well.' and started making inquiries for a vet to visit us and put him down.

Except by the time I was done sobbing over him and at the lovely and understanding lady on the phone, Himself was up and about, all bright eyed, 'talking' and purring like nothing in the world was wrong!

Son. Of. A. Bitch. I cried my eyes out, and he's all chipper and full of beans. (I'm very glad about this, but ... seriously? XD)

#the fourth wall has a door in it (ooc) #pet illness tw #euthanasia mention tw

[stitch-taocc]

The euthanasia thing?

well since he gets them mixed up, he thinks that alt!dusk's name is euthanasia.

What does euthanasia do? Well...

it kills you.

What has stitch been trying to do for... a while now?

well, I'll let you fill in the blanks.

#burlapasks #the mod #stitch taocc #taocc #the amazing oc circus #tw death #tw euthanasia #tw suicide mention

[burning-thistles-bt]

tw: mentions of real animal death

cw: descriptions of animal genitalia

I have only ever (knowingly) dealt with two intersex animals at the shelters I've worked at so I tend to base any of my intersex animal characters (ex.: Airleap) on them and...

one of them just died :(...

the first one was from a while back, a little gray and white kitten who had mutated genitals that caused his penis to be "at an angle" so to speak. one of his testicles were missing and he lacked any urethra so we had to cut a hole for him. previously he had issues urinating (obviously), but now he's a perfectly happy kitty who, as far as we last know, was adopted out happily with no issues save for minor leaking sometimes

the other was very recent, a black lab adult pup who came to us and was misgendered as a female at first, but then was discovered to have not only an underdeveloped penis and testicles but also a uterus. everything seemed fine with them until this morning their spay incision burst, which was awful in of itself, but then it was realized that urine was spilling into the uterus, especially during heat cycles, and that infection had been building for their entire life. it was so severe that they had to be euthanized for quality of life concerns (the infections would be constant; there was little to no way they could be prevented without extensive, expensive surgery that the shelter can't cover).

I'm no stranger to animal deaths, working in a shelter environment, and I don't normally talk about them like this, but I felt it was... important to mention, because, at least in my fandom circles, I have seen a lot more of a push for intersex characters and talking about intersex people in general. But I feel like what is often neglected is that it's not just another "queer label." It's not like being gay or lesbian; those are neurological, mental, emotional---they're labels to define your sexual or romantic attraction. Being intersex is physical. While it's identity is apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, I feel like it is distinctly different in a way I just can't find the words to describe, nor do I feel I have any authority as a cisgendered person to claim, but...

It's not just a label. It's what they are. It's what they deal with.

As far as I have come to understand, intersex is a wide spectrum, with things as minor as---for a cat example---XXY chromosomes classifying as intersex, because, on a biological stance, they are technically portraying both male and female characteristics, even if the only physical female characteristic is the tortoiseshell patterning, and the rest of their body and genitals follow male characteristics. For a human example, I have seen some say that cis females able to grow a beard can classify as intersex, as they are presenting stereotypically physical male characteristics. But on the farther side---and what I think some people often claim "all real" intersex people are---there are hermaphrodites with both male and female sex organs. And then there are those in-between, with underdeveloped female or male organs, or some combination of what's previously been stated. There are many varieties to intersex.

But I think that's as far as people ever think about it. Being intersex is natural, and being intersex isn't wrong, but I don't think people ever want to talk about or acknowledge the medical side to being intersex.

And I did too. Even though I knew (or was told) sometimes "there were complications" and "well sometimes doctors will stitch vaginas so that the baby presents as only male which can lead to issues later on," I didn't really absorb that there are real medical concerns that can come with being intersex.

Not for every intersex person. But for those like Nova the dog? ...There certainly can be. I remember thinking, briefly, after I had suspected and then it was confirmed that Nova was intersex, "I wonder if she'll have any urination issues like Roman (the cat) did?" Before I dismissed it because "no, no, she looks and acts perfectly fine, so therefore she's fine. And even if she does, Roman was fine, so she'll be fine too." And while I certainly couldn't have changed Nova's fate considering how bad the infection was already, I wish I had said something and brought it to earlier attention.

I'm not sure if there's any lesson to this but...

I want to encourage intersex positivity. But I also want to encourage talk about all aspects of it, rather than just as a "label" people use. I'm no expert on it, and my experiences with beings who are intersex only lie with animals not people, but I thought it was worth saying something on what I have experienced, because it's real. Being intersex is real.

#lolling thoughts #intersex #intersex character #intersex animal #lgbtqia #animal death #tw animal death #death #euthanasia #tw euthanasia #tw death #animal shelters #serious #not bt related #most every online intersex person ive seen tends to also identify as trans and says that being intersex and trans are separate identities #which i agree with and thats why i mention how it just feels different from other lgbtqia identities #because... i dont know... i suppose it still is an identity #but its not an identity like being 'trans' or 'cis' its an identity like being 'female' or 'male.' like... physically? #i guess its the sex vs gender topic that i feel like needs to be talked about or more accepted #like trans cis and/or enby are your gender but your sex is fem male or intersex #but then theres also people who identify as 'trans intersex females' or similar #so its not like theyre labels exclusive to their category yknow? #gender and sex are complicated and fluid and to me most every answer is acceptable #identify how you feel comfortable

[scpaftermathau]

In an hour my beloved maltese-shih tzu cross of nearly 17 years will be put to sleep. I have no intention of working on this blog until I have finished grieving. Anyone who wants to complain about this can fuck off.

RIP Beanie; 1st August 2006 - 27nth June 2023

#euthanasia #senior dog #haitus #sad news #greiving #tw euthanasia mention #i'll miss her

[pocketramblr]

So I made myself cry while writing a synopsis for a fic I wanna write. It's a scene where a ghost is euthanised.

well i can definitely see why you might cry about that yeah

#tw euthanasia #anon #pocket talks to people #tw euthanasia mention

[of-thought-will-life-and-death]

I’m posting this on here and on twitter, ‘cause they are the only accounts of mine that aren’t really associated with my work.

I love my job, and my work is really rewarding most of the time. However, I wish people had more understanding of the fact that being a vet is hard, especially with wildlife.

It's long hours and a lot of work with very little thanks. Being a wildlife vet adds on after-hours rescues and the fact that 75-80% of wildlife patients have to be euthanized. It's easy to get into a rut where you feel like you're doing all this work for nothing.

If your patients never survive anyway, why should you keep putting in all of this effort? And the ones that survive help make it worth it, but I have not gone a single day in a month without having to euthanize at least one thing.

That wears on you, no matter how desensitized you are to it. My family jokingly calls me the Grim Reaper, 'cause I take as many lives as I save. Most days, I can laugh about it. Tonight, as this critically injured loon lays her head in my hand and closes her eyes, I can't. 

There's no actual point to this post. I just needed to get it off my chest. If you have to take something from it, thank your vets a little extra next time you see them. I love my job. But I'm fucking tired.

#vet med #tw: euthanasia mention #veterinary #tw: animal death

[lifeinpoetry]

Hi I'm so happy to see you on my dash again :) Your blog has always felt like a safe space to me. How are you doing? I hope you're well. Thanks for posting the free Palestine reading list.

Hi, thank you so much, lovely <3

Had been holding onto the links for a while and even posted to my then brand-new Bluesky account but kept thinking I should post the links I'd bookmarked here but wasn't sure I wanted to jump back into posting regularly anywhere. The ongoing genocide felt more and more urgent and keeping silent while I had a platform felt like being complicit even though the only place I was truly active on was Goodreads.

I am okay. I wasn't okay for a good long while, but I think I'm in a likely short-lived easing of the depression/anxiety/hallucinations that have made up the past year.

I don't know if I wrote about this but we had to make the decision to have Bear, our then-14/15-year-old poodle, put to sleep because his health had gotten so bad. We had taken him in from the streets when he was 1-2 year(s) old after his owners had their house foreclosed and left him behind. I miss him all the time.

Baby S had brain surgery to put in a shunt and is doing a whole lot better though she does have PTSD/medical trauma. Baby A is nearly two, boisterous and as clever as Houdini in freeing herself from anything with straps/play pens/etc. We became a family placement after she was taken at birth by social workers and nearly adopted out to non-family.

These two small humans have made the past year bearable even though I'm not a parent and have never wanted to be a parent. I love them with all my heart.

The rage is gone now that the verbal/emotional abuse is over, has been over for about three years (?), and it doesn't seem it will return. I thought rage was just part of my natural make up but it isn't, it was a response to being attacked daily with no true response, deflection, or attempt to end the conversation that was acceptable. People would tell me to walk away, to change the subject, to say to agree to disagree and I tried all these but it was hard when the majority of the time it would lead to them raging and let's be real, it's near impossible to walk away when you were in your room minding your business and the other person is looming at the door.

I know that's old news but I've been thinking about it a lot because of the babies. I'm glad I can be my best self, feel no desire to snap at them, and have tapped into a well of patience for both myself and them.

#asks #anonymous #personal #emotional abuse tw #medical trauma mention tw #ptsd mention tw #pet euthanasia tw #long post

[robuttsinyourthighs]

Mouzer departed this world today, June 15th 2022, at 4:08 PM. She was just a little shy of 22 years old. The plan for her to leave us on Friday at 1 pm fell through when she took a more severe turn these past couple of days. She could no longer move more than 2-5 feet without needing to sit or completely lay down to recover. She couldn't use the litter box unless she was placed in it, but she still tried to go to it every time so we had pee pads laid out everywhere for her and she tried to get to them. Mouzer was not eating any more than a couple bites of food or a few laps of soup (wet food and water blended). I knew if I waited until Friday she would deteriorate to a point I wouldn't want to see her in and that she wouldn't deserve to suffer through.

I miss her so much already, but knowing she is no longer suffering is a huge relief. I couldn't have made it through this without the help of my friends who shared and donated to her GoFundMe and especially one of my best friends, Lauren.

I love all of you and if you have pets please give them a little extra loving today for me.

I'm still paying off a credit card and debt to my friend from Mouzer's initial medical excursions so the GoFundMe is still open.

#pet loss #euthanasia #death mention #death mention tw #tw pet loss #pet death #tw pet death #mouzer #Eldritch kitty

[im-fuck3d-90]

i fucking hate my mother and i hope she kills herself after I leave (and my dog has to be put down; he better not have to go to a goddamn shelter to die thinking he's unloved and completely betrayed)

#tw vent #tw parent mention #tw death mention #tw suicide mention #tw euthanasia mention #tw mother mention #i don't even wish death on my ex who ruined my life #both my fucking parents can die a fiery death and rot in hell #she fucking could've appealed the damn insurance bullshit that i'm dealing with rn but she chose to do fucking nothing #istg it feels like a last ditch effort to keep me under her thumb bc no one in my next house can give me an injection #she never fucking tells me shit about my treatment and when she does she makes sure i'm on my laptop wITH MY HEADPHONES ON SO I CAN'T HEAR #i hope she dies #i hate her #she's the only person i hope kills herself #i'll never say that but i won't be sad if she does

[screams-from-the-vet-clinic]

"Your dog isn't going to pass the sock he ate on his own", we say

the 10mo toy poodle that this woman keeps in her bathroom for 10 hours a day who destroys everything because he's bored, the baby who's hips and spine and shoulders you can feel so clearly because of the terrible but expensive raw diet she feeds him and the fact that he's been blocked with this sock for at least two weeks now

"i have a business trip," the woman says. it isn't about the money, she just doesn't want to do the aftercare. the dog is just a burden to her. she tells us to euthanize him.

we will not euthanize him. we give her options: go through with the surgery herself or surrender her to us. it sounds like she will surrender him.

you sit on the floor with him for a half hour. he's tired and soft and its more like cuddling a stuffed animal instead of a dog. he wags his tail at every single person that talks to him. one of the vets considers paying for his surgery and giving him to her mother-in-law. we take pictures of him to send to people who may want him. the receptionists call every rescue they can think of to find someone to take him. i think about asking my aunt who could afford the surgery and would love this dog, but i do not want to guilt her into it. he is a wonderful dog and we know he will be adopted quickly no matter where he goes.

the receptionist finds a poodle rescue a three hour drive away who will take him and let us do the surgery. i offer immediately to drive him to his foster the day after his surgery. i cannot take him into my own home or pay for his surgery but i can do that.

we are all relieved that this little dog will have a better life, with someone who will love him and treat him right.

we tell the woman we have a place for him. she is silent for a moment. "i think i will keep him," she says at last. she signs the estimate for the surgery.

#vet #tw: animal abuse #tw: euthanasia mention

[monzaemonrambles]

i can’t sleep and i’m suddenly suicidal and want to self harm

i cant put an exact reason but brain just says i need to die and that feels right

out of all of my friends i should be the only one to die and i’m the only one who deserves it. weak little girl who couldn’t protect her brothers. sad sack of flesh and fat. small insect. broken machine.

#tw suicide #tw self harm #i think i have trauma maybe. i don’t know. maybe. i could just be making it up in my head to feel sorry for myself. #one of my first therapists used to joke about me having ptsd and now i’ll probably never know #sometimes i think i dojt have mental illnesses and they’ll discover that i’m some super secret kind of fucked up that people didn’t even #know existed. like i’m some secret third thing and they have to put me to death because i’m barely human at that point. not even enough to #be mentally i’ll. i’m just a sick animal and i need someone to put me down #euthanasia mention