I haven’t shown you the 13 reason Shinnie list, and I wanna see that 69 in my post count, so I’ll show you guys right now >:3
TW: Abuse + Self Deprecation
sometimes i feel like i’m 12 again, unsure and powerless. sometimes i can’t muster up words to talk to the ones i love. i know there were good memories and that there are people who love me… but… the bad won’t let me remember. i think if i would’ve been more beautiful, then it wouldn’t have happen.
I know I don’t talk about it a lot here because I think it could trigger someone but I have been feeling the urge to self harm for a long time and if someone could suggest something to control it, I would be so grateful.
I really don’t want to do this but the thoughts won’t stop and I’m afraid if someone found out I wouldn’t be able to explain it.
“I find that hard to believe, coming from an Autobot.” They mean no ill will to the seeker speaking, but after several days of severely cold weather and more than one power outage, Shockwave had no patience for that good old Autobot pity.
I want to know that people on here like me bc I’m feeling so unworthy of everything today and that I’m hated
TW: Venting, self depreciation
Despite what may look like, I’m not laying down playing games all day because I’m lazy. Actually, I’m really struggling right now.
Please don’t ask me do put even more things in my to-do list that I’m gonna fail to accomplish today.
And please don’t make me feel even worse, I’m already hating myself more that you could understand.
Janus: Oh look, a bitch.
Remus: Darling, that’s a mirror.
Janus: I know.
Remus: I’ll fight you. No hesitation. Don’t make me fight you.
Tw: ed, food mention, eating discussion
i feel so pathetic. i nearly passed out today because of lack of nutrition. i cant even finish a piece of fish. shes mad at me (i know she cares and is just worried). how do i make her understand that the feeling of this piece of fish in my mouth makes me want to retch and brings me to tears. how can i make her understand that i can barely stomach the sight of it unless I’m in the dark where people aren’t looking at me, no bright lights and voices, they’re so loud n I dont want them to look at me. eating salad nearly caused me to throw up. how can i make her understand that the thought of someone looking as me as I eat makes my skin curl n lose my appetite. i cant stop crying. im lucky i havent gotten a panic attack. the thought of eating right now makes me want to cry.
i just want to be normal for once
the fact people actually enjoy me as a person is astounding
Tw /// very heavy themes of depression and mentions of s/h.
“awww thank you~ you’re quite cute yourself, even with that mask on~ but don’t be so surprised, besides why would someone ask out someone like me? Surely they can do better!
"and if someone were to try to start dating me they would probably dump me after a week hahaha! I don’t think I’m ready for dating yet. and I’m a joker! Who do you know that would want to date a joker who isn’t already dating one?…..
It’s not like anyone could truly, wholeheartedly fall in love with me anyways………
Me: *sees body positivity/positivity post*
I think i am overdramatic but not in a funny way, I am overdramatic to myself and I act helpless and I make a hugeass deal out of everything. It isn’t that fucking hard to get up and do the fucking work but my lazyfuckingass won’t and then complain about being helpless and then go to a psychologist. Literally my psychologist is confused too, he be like why wont u work if u wanna do it so bad? And am like uhm I don’t know ooh my god I hate myself I can’t do anything oh nononono and he be like uhm bro I just asked u-
you’re not a crybaby 2ble, i hope you feel better soon :(
some days I’m pretty chill like “yeah I’m just here having fun, people are nice, this is nice! 💕✨🌸”
but then the next day I’ll be like “yeah no actually this is terrible, I’m so fucking annoying and everyone is probably just tolerating me out of pity 💀 because I seem like a very fragile yet good-intentioned person… but still very annoying”
and it’s getting old tbh, I’m exhausted 😐
Guess I’m watching Lemonade Mouth tonight…
TW S3LF H4RM!!!! (stay safe lovelies)
when i was at my friends house i let her cut me because i thought it would be fun considering i have a blood kink… until i realized the cuts that she made are deeper than what i did. im new to self harm so it barely did anything…. but hers was so deep… it bled forever and it was so much better than what i did. when i first cut it was with an exacto knife and it didn’t even break the skin (kind of embarrassing) but my dad saw the marks and called them “pussy scars” and told me they weren’t deep enough and that i was doing it for attention…. and i couldn’t stop thinking about how compared to what my friend did, my scars were basically nothing:(
tags are weird so I’m just gonna
me, posting angst on Valentine’s Day? no, because I didn’t finish this until today, the day after Valentine’s Day.
either way, whoops.
Word Count: 3,816
Characters: Logan Sanders and Virgil Sanders, Roman Sanders (mentioned), Patton Sanders (mentioned), Character Thomas (mentioned)
Trigger Warnings: cursing, self-hate / self-deprecation, anxiety per it being Virgil angst, a mention of death in passing, an outsider’s description of two(?) panic attacks
Please tell me if I missed anything that should be tagged. Otherwise, enjoy.
When Anxiety first arrived in the “light side” of the Mindscape, Logan had been the one to find him.
The logical side assumed he was the only one awake, per it being past midnight, but he was still careful to not risk waking the other two as he headed slowly from his bedroom upstairs to the kitchen. Yes, he feared the consequences he would face if Patton discovered he was up so late, but he did not fear the other side enough to stay in his bed and attempt to get some rest.
Sleep could wait, his work and the coffee he was going to grab could not. It was simple as that, truly.
He might even be able to grab a bit of a snack to go with his hot drink. A bit of hunger had crept up on him as he worked, so… toast, maybe? It would be simple and easy to make, as to not disturb the other sides with his noise. Plus, he could put Crofters on it.
Yes, toast would do for a snack.