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kywaslost · 1 year

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Hello, i never really do requests & this may be a sensitive topic so please don’t feel inclined to do it. platonic aizawa x reader, who has a poor mental health and he finds them trying to take their own life and reader tries to pretend everything’s fine (they don’t want to burden anyone) until aizawa gets them to open up? maybe he sees sh scars.

Talk to Me - Aizawa

A/N: Hi!! I hope this turned out alright! Feel free to dm me if you ever need to talk <3

Warnings: mentions of sh, attempted suicide, drowning, proceed with caution

The sun had set hours ago, coating the city in a blanket of calm darkness. Aizawa strolled along the riverside, watching as the city lights danced across the waters, leaving a shimmery glow in its path. It’s been a very slow night and Aizawa had only stopped a few petty crimes from taking place. Ever since the League of Villains attacked his students during the summer camp, and Bakugou had been rescued, villain activity had drastically decreased. At least for now.

Eraserhead had a few hours left of patrol so he spent some time walking along the boardwalk of the river, enjoying the peace and quiet that came with it. The sound of water soothed him in a way nothing else ever could. And as Aizawa looked ahead, it seemed as though someone else felt the same way. A figure sat on top of the railing of the boardwalk ahead of Aizawa.

He was confused at first, because it was a bit past three in the morning and he hadn’t seen anyone out and about in about an hour. It didn’t really matter to him who it was and what they were doing. For all he knew, they could just be searching for their own sense of peace. He thought about saying something, but was in no rush to reach the person on the railing. He walked at his own pace, keeping an eye on his surroundings. He was still on patrol, after all.

As he got closer he could start making out certain features of the stranger on the rail. Their h/l h/c hair hung over their eyes slightly, but Aizawa could see the back of the sweatshirt the figure was wearing. Aizawa had seen it before, one of his students. Why were you here late at night? Were you here alone?

He had only taken his eyes off of you for a moment. He didn’t think anything could have happened in the split second his eyes wandered from you to the area around him as he searched for anyone who may be here with you. There isn’t any possible way something could have happened to you in that split second.

There was a loud crash in the water, and as Aizawa whipped his head around, you were gone. He couldn’t see you anymore, and the sound of splashing water didn’t sound right to him.

“Y/N?” he called out worriedly. “Where did you go?” Shouta ran as quickly as he could over to where you had been sitting a mere few seconds earlier. He stepped up on the first bar of the railing, leaning over to get a better view of the water below. His panicked eyes searched the dark waters below him. It was a big drop between where you were sitting and to the surface of the water.

Aizawa’s heart rate spiked when he caught the slightest glimpse of a hand under the water. The closer he looked, he could see your hair disappearing deeper and deeper under the surface of the water.

Without a second thought Aizawa quickly tied his capture weapon around the railing and jumped over the side, slowly yet somehow quickly lowering himself closer to the surface of the water. When he was close enough to ensure he wouldn’t harm himself, Shouta jumped down into the chilly water.

It was even darker under the surface of the water. And Aizawa was quickly sinking deeper as his clothes filled with water. He didn’t have time to spare. You had jumped much earlier than he had, which means you were even deeper under the water and even less time than he did. Forcing himself deeper under the water, the pressure grew around him. Whether it was his anxiety, lack of oxygen, or just the building water pressure, Shouta was unsure.

As the pro hero extended his arms to push himself further down, he felt something hit his hand. He frantically reached out again, finding whatever had hit him and gripped it tightly, pulling it upward with all of his strength. His chest hurt and he was about to gasp for air while he was still underwater. Putting all of his trust into the fact that he was holding on to you and not just something else, he used his capture weapon to pull himself and what was hopefully you up to the surface of the river.

His head broke through first and Aizawa gasped deeply, taking in the much needed oxygen. He pulled you up harder, now watching as your head broke through the surface as well. You were unconscious, head falling this way and that. Shouta pulled you tight against his chest as he lifted the two of you out of the water.

When he reached the boardwalk again, now soaking wet and feeling 20 pounds heavier, Aizawa gently laid you down on your back and felt for a pulse. It was there, and stronger than he thought it’d be, but he could hear struggling wheezes coming from your mouth.

“Hey hey hey,” he said worriedly, smacking your face lightly. “Come on Y/N, wake up, please.” Aizawa tilted you on your side, using his knees to support your back. “Breathe for me kiddo.” He patted you back harshly to try and force the water from your lungs. “Please.” Shouta was beginning to panic, tears brimming his eyes from fear. He needed to call for help, but he also needed to get you breathing properly.

You looked so pale and your lips were beginning to turn a light shade of blue. Aizawa was beginning to think that there was nothing he could do for you. Until a sharp cough made its way past your blue lips. You tilted more onto your stomach and began coughing up water. Aizawa sucked in a breath, beyond grateful for your progress. He continued to pat your back harshly, gathering your soaking hair in his other hand and you coughed and gagged up everything in you.

When you could finally breathe properly you rolled onto your back, which ended up with you against AIzawa’s lap, and gasping harshly.

“Shh,” Aizawa soothed, running a hand through your hair. “I’m right here. You aren’t alone. You’re safe Y/N.”

You burst into tears, reaching up for Aizawa’s free hand and gripping it tightly. Your teary e/c eyes met Aizawa’s worried black eyes. You begin to choke on your voice, babbling out apology after apology.

“M sorry. So sorry, ‘zawa,” you sobbed. “‘M sorry.”

“You’re alright,” Aizawa smiled down at you. “You’re safe now. Save your voice. Calm down first.”

Eraserhead took deep breaths with you, guiding you through various breathing and grounding exercises. When you had finally calmed down, exhaustion taking over, Aizawa spoke again.

“Why?” he asked through tears. “Why would you try to do this to yourself?”

You only shook your head, gripping Aizawa’s arm tighter against your chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Shouta said quietly. “I’m not trying to pry, but I want you to know I’d like to listen, if you want someone to talk to.” He looked down at you again, except this time he noticed something else worrisome. Your skin was still pale, but you were gaining back your color. That wasn’t what scared him, though. It was the thin red lines he saw littering your arms under your sweatshirt. Your sleeves had ridden up when you gripped his arm, giving Eraser a full view of your terrible coping mechanism.

“Oh Y/N,” he whispered, tracing a thumb over your cuts. “I’m so sorry I never noticed something was wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Your voice was rough and Aizawa could see straight through your lie.

“If nothing were wrong I wouldn’t have caught you trying to drown yourself in the river.”

“I don’t want to worry you more than I already have,” you muttered. You pushed yourself to sit upright, then attempted to stand. Your vision began to fade around the edges and you stumbled. Luckily, Aizawa stood up quick enough to catch you before you could fall back to the ground.

“Let me help you,” he pleaded. “I’m a pro, this is what I’m meant to do.” You only shook your head, falling back into Aizawa as he tried to support your weight. “WHere are your parents, Y/N?”

You shook your head, answering, “Not home. They’re both out of town for a week.” Your breathing picked up as soon as you realized your situation. Your attempt had failed, and now you had to go back home where you’d be all alone for a few more days. No one would be there for you.

“Hey, calm down,” Aizawa reminded you. “I’m going to bring you home with me for a few days, just until your parents come home.” He slid an arm under your knees, picking you up and pulling you close to him. “Rest, Y/N. We’ll talk more about this later. I’m right here, you’re safe.”

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dontmean2bepoliticalbut · 10 months

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-(800)-273-8255

#us politics #twitter #tweet #alejandra caraballo #the new york times #2023 #us supreme court #scotus #cancel student debt #student debt #student debt forgiveness #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #ron lieber #biden v. nebraska

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transfaguette · 7 months

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google searching how to ethically threaten suicide to student loan lenders over the phone

#suicide tw #student loans

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intersexfairy · 10 months

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the NYT suggested people die to cancel their student loans. i am not fucking kidding. we live in hell.

#gonna go walk into the ocean /j #dont have student debt just fucking Done #julian rants #suicide tw

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grey-viridian · 9 months

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My Student Spirit × Major Grom crossover

Олег Волков умер. Сергей отчаянно сжимает в руках злополучную бумагу, насквозь пропитанную слезами. Его тело всё ещё трясётся, глаза смотрят вдаль, не видя ничего, и он словно всё ещё ощущает знакомое прикосновение, эти родные пальцы в его волосах. Рука тянется к непослушным прядям… Ничего. Некому больше взьерошить ему волосы, поправить чёлку, похлопать по спине, поддерживая в трудную минуту, держать за руку, когда страх сжимает горло… Рука сама находит лезвие, словно во сне, ведь что есть жизнь, если рядом больше нет его.

...

Ухмылка Птицы становится ещё шире, когда он наконец триумфально распрямляется, держа в руках волчий кулон. Так вот где ты был всё это время… Взгляд скользит по блестящей металлической поверхности, когда внезапно руку с кулоном накрывают призрачные голубые пальцы. - Э-э-э, не так быстро! Птица лишь звонко смеётся и вертит украшение в руке, словно дразнясь. - Ты ведь не можешь его коснуться, правда? Он встречается взглядом с холодными голубыми глазами призрака. В них плескается чистая ярость в перемешку с едва заметным отчаянием. Птица же словно и не замечает этого, наигранно невинно улыбается и подкидывает кулон вверх, ловя в самый последний момент и крепко сжимая в ладони. В ответ на это Волков лишь злобно скалиться, словно раненый зверь, загнанный в угол.

AU где Олег погиб в Сирии, а его дух оказался привязан к волчьему кулону, который он перед отъездом оставил Серёже на память. Птица может видеть призраков, потому что он сам мистическая сущность. Он скрывает от Разумовского факт смерти Волкова и начинает искать способ избавиться от последнего, чтобы тот не сумел испортить его планы. Однако всё рушится после того, как Серёжа находит документы о смерти друга и пытается покончить с собой. Птица спасает его, и в последний момент Серёжа успевает увидеть Олега. Но уже поздно, и Птица нашёл, как избавиться от бывшего наёмника…

#crossover #my student spirit×major grom #my student spirit #major grom #serovolk #sergey razumovsky #oleg volkov #my art #I'm not a writer ok #but i'm trying #tw death #tw suicide #nothing graphic #just mentioned

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 4 months

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Big Year wrap up post / things that I'm thankful for

Every year is a year of ups and downs or at least that's pretty universal. I don't think anyone ever has a year or everything is completely good or completely bad.

The good was plentiful for me this year.

I remember back when I was in Corpus Christi and I had read the book The Secret and I started out making my list of what I wanted for my life.

The list went something like this #1. A teaching job.

#2. an actual house with a front and back door and a yard, #3 was $30,000 in the bank.

I don't know where I came up with that number it was just a number I thought would be a good financially stable number.

I have had a teaching job for the last 6 years.

I have had a house for the last 2 years.

And I'm still working on that number but at least I do have a savings account that I'm not constantly having to dip into. And this year I finally was gifted a washing machine by someone at work. I still don't know who did it but they were incredibly hind. It only works on one cycle but it works and that has saved us so much time and money. Being Mobility challenged it was horrible looking clothes to and from the laundromat. Plus trying to cough up the money each time we needed to do laundry was another problem. I am still in awe of the fact that if I need to do a small load of clothes I can just go and do them and be done with it. We have a clothesline in the backyard and honestly that is all we need.

Work has been a bit dicey this year but it is not because of the kids it is more because of the parents and the administration. And I don't really see that changing so I must figure out ways to deal with it.

The parents are getting younger and less educated and do not understand some of the things I say into in class. Which means I need to mask myself even tighter than ever.

That is one of the few things that really sucks about this year and the last couple of years as far as my autism.

At one point I had so many people on staff that I could absolutely be myself with and they were okay with it. One by one though those people left because this isn't the greatest school system to work for. The principals tend to back the parents and not the teachers and there is absolutely no discipline whatsoever in any of the schools.

The kids know this and the parents know this so especially if the parent is Rich or a part of the school system the kid gets to do whatever they want with no consequences.

And this is scared a lot of the yòd teachers away.

I am NOT young and I'm slightly disabled because of my vision and my lack of Mobility so I suck it up because I can't go anywhere else at this point.

I want to retire to another place but as far as a job this is really the only one I'm capable of doing.

I guess it's a part of being autistic that if you see something that's wrong you want to call it out. At least that is the way it is with me. And from that now you really can't do that without getting in trouble. Everyone knows what's wrong and no one wants to fix it. People just want to turn them line die. I made that mistake about three three years ago with my previous principal. When she said there was an open door policy I believed it like an idiot and or for the record if someone says there is an open door POLICY THERE IS NOT AND YOU WILL JEOPARDIZE YOUR JOB BY BELIEVING IT.

For speaking out about anything I thought was unfair, she got me alone and absolutely eviscerated me. She brought up all kinds of petty little things having to do with my work ethic that no one else would have ever called out, she called me unprofessional, she called me hard to work with, and she gave me the worst Job review I have had in 45 years of working.

To this day I have nightmares about that and her the same way I had nightmares of my abusive stepmother that I was subjected to for 7 years. Only the principal did that much emotional damage in 2 hours.

So yes having the masks so tightly at work does suck but it is a job and it is the first time in my life that I have not had to work multiple jobs in order to support myself.

And of course the credit for all of this goes to God because I could not have done any of this of my own free will. I am weak and I am scared and I am full of every Neurosis in the world so whatever strength that I have come to know throughout my life definitely was god-given. I utilized it and I made my own but it had to come from God first. And speaking of that

My 11th eye surgery was a success. I had a corneal transplant and it has been going wonderfully thank god. Right now I am just waiting for the surgeon to tell me I can go ahead and renew my prescription. He has been very picky and says that my eye would change so much throughout the year there was no use getting a new prescription because I would have to throw it out in 6 months anyway. But I would have been willing to do that if I could have just been able to see better with my classes. Right now aside from driving I don't even wear them because my eyes have changed so much and now I can't see anything with my glasses at all. Getting around town, and thank God this is an extremely small town, I feel like I do more from muscle memory anyway. I have no one to drive me so I kind of have to do this.

But thank God I can see!!!

Other than that hubby and I have been healthy all this year and thank God for that.

Of the bad things I have had to survive the big two that weigh on me the most is losing two people I loved very dearly. One I knew my entire life and she was like a second mom to me. I still dream about her constantly. She died at 8:00 if 93 and she had a wonderful life and was surrounded by children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and we did get to talk on the phone right before she died and that was a blessing. Even knowing I couldn't see for crap I still drove 3 hours out and 3 hours back to her funeral and God bless me I made it only with God's care. It was scary going.

The other one is my friend Ben who took his own life a few months ago. It is so hard for me not to be mad at his ex-girlfriend because I believe her breaking up with him after 10 years directly led to his suicide. But we are not responsible for the actions of others. Many people reached out to ben, myself and a couple of teachers who worked with us that now have moved on reached out to him constantly. I thought at least he had talked to them they thought he had talked to me and he did not talk to any of us.

It wasn't out of the blue thing. He was always very depressed and very sensitive. And he would make posts on Facebook about being alone and not having friends and not having anyone that understood him. And with each of these posts I would reach out to him and tell him I loved him and I wanted to talk and I was always there and nine times out of 10 he would not reach back out to me. It had been 8 months since we had spoken or since he had taken me up on one of my offers to talk and at the time he killed himself. It was and still is very hard to deal with.

And honestly is far as bad things go, that was it. Yes a few parents made my work life miserable for a while. Yes I walk on eggshells at work now after getting written up twice for something no one in any other school district would have ever written me up for. But when I look back at the truly bad things that happened last year there's only those two.

I miss writing a lot. I would write huge fan fictions, essays and poetry. Sometimes I would write 8 to 10 hours a day in my spare time, when I had a day off or in between jobs. Now the only writing I do is on this site. All of my Muses have dried up. I don't have time to enjoy things like I used to. I don't have time to completely submers myself in whatever band or piece of media I have always been into. The most time I get is maybe 45 minutes for a documentary here or there. I always think when I have a vacation like Christmas break or spring break that I'm going to sit down pick up an old thick and either rewrite it or expand on it. I

And I never do. I don't even have the time at night to indulge in the Daydreams and fictional ideas that used to lead me into sleep. I am so exhausted now I am asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. If I'm not asleep then I am awake watching a movie with no other thought in my head.

Thanks to and after school staff meeting where the art Department supplied us with supplies enough to make a Christmas painting, I have discovered I really enjoy painting. And I'm hoping maybe to do a little more of that this year or at least try it out.

If you took the time to read this, bless your heart. And I hope the year was kind to you and that next year will be even kinder.

Vaya con Dios!

#year end post #teaching #work #students #parents #autism #tw: suicide #tw: death #good times #bad times #Spotify

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eggs-can-draw · 1 year

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Doodles on stream with the discord!!! We got really angsty after like 30 minutes lmao

#eggs can art #tw suicidal ideation #tw blood #tw eyestrain #naegamigiri #shuichi saihara #mahiru koizumi #kyoko kirigiri #hajime hinata #makoto naegi #tumblr user eggs-can-draw #sayaka maizono #?#chihiro fujisaki #mukuro ikusaba #the sixteenth student hiding somewhere inside the school. the one they call the ultimate despair. watch out for her.#junko enoshima #so much angst I gotta recover a little #I have decided that My Shuichi is actually the actual Shuichi #can’t believe they included my oc in drv3 then flanderized him/j #I just won custody from spike chunsoft he is Mine now #thinking so hard about he so so so fucking hard #also Naegi and processing trauma #also Shuichi postgame asking Naegi how he Got Over It and Naegi explaining that like. that’s not how it works #you’re gonna carry it for the rest of your life #you just learn to live around it #and to let yourself be happy despite it #closure is a myth #there’s just. living #expecting to be able to cut it off entirely is setting yourself up for failure

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hmsmilkbone · 6 months

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massive jjk spoilers, especially if you're anime only.

man. I hate that Nanami never worked through his trauma. I mean, obviously that's the par for the course for every adult sorcerer we've seen, outside of MAYBE Yaga. But Nanami refusing to marry so long as he's a sorcerer. Saying no one would care if he was gone. His depression and ptsd had him cornered, and he coped by cutting himself off from anyone and everyone that loved him.

Gojo, Yuuji, and Nobara would be hard to keep at arm's length, and I can see how Nanami would struggle to cut himself away from them. I feel strongly that he would have lived if he hadn't experienced the reconnection to his ideals via Gojo introducing him to Yuuji (as well as the baker he visited on his lunch break.)

I hate that the trauma keeps being inflicted on him and others as they struggle through what could have been avoided. As much as it seemed Nanami was at peace in Gojo's hallucination (afterlife? In between space?), I think he was just so depressed and exhausted, and it hurts my heart to no end that he died there.

No payoff. He fights and fights and fights, and for what? His character arc had so much potential. Death is certainly A TYPE of conclusion for a character, but it feels so lazy. For Nanami to have pushed himself to find optimism for the future as well as care and concern for others despite the odds, and have it reward with suffering and death. Idk. I really cannot fathom what the thought process is. He would have been down and out of the fight easily.

I have considered if maybe he was killed because his passive suicidal tendencies were easier for him to stomach if they took the form of self-sacrifice, but I don't know. I'm not sure that question will ever be answered, and I know it hurt him so much that Yuuji had to see him die. Just so unfortunate all around. His growth was not realized in a meaningful way, and it is very upsetting.

#nanami kento #depression #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #tw suicide #suicide #i get that he probably wanted to go down this way #and that he'd written off life a long time ago #but part of life is accepting and doing the hard things #and- yes AND- doing something to improve the situation #he was to some extent trying by keeping the kids out of the fight #and that was 100% the right call #but it's hard to see the writing in jjk allow good characters to choose outcomes that do not challenge them #there's so much potential there for him #seeing his character be allowed to be reduced to 'suicidal mentor passing off the burden to his student' hurts #maybe that's how he was when the series started but that's not who he was when he died #idk i need to think on this more bc this is such a hurtful character #and his fate really stings especially if you struggle with depression and suicidal ideation #such a slap in the face #and again... for what? to further traumatize yuuji? idc man.#gojo satoru #itadori yuuji #tw depressive #jjk spoilers #jjk spoiler #jjk #jjk text post #jjk text #I apologize if this comes off the wrong way i have so many thoughts about it and knowing we have to see this come to pass soon is hard #jujutsu kaisen

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fishandshesmygills · 7 months

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#suicide tw #all my problems from yesterday suddenly seem so insignificant #someone at my college killed himself. we had classes together #i didnt know him well but he was close w some of my friends #i thought i could power through and do all my things and set aside processing time for later but i could not!#and had a panic attack in the student center (my friends were there and made sure i was ok)#im. im having a moment

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cistematicchaos · 1 year

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ID: a screenshot of a short essay with text reading:

“We Don’t Deserve To Be Demonized

To the editor:

We all know about the anti-trans legislation being pushed by Youngkin. This is for the supporters, for everyone who isn’t sure or just doesn’t care:

You can ignore it but there’s bigotry in Virginia and from your support or inaction, you’re stoking the flames. I’m one of the many trans teens in Virginia and this legislation is just another sign not only are our rights in danger all over the world but in my state.

This legislation isn’t going to save anyone. It won’t protect children from sexual assault or keep the “perverted trans kids” away from your kids. The only thing it’s guaranteed to do is kill trans people.

Whether at the hands of bigots encouraged by the hysteria or even at our own hands in our desperation to escape this hell it’s creating, this legislation will kill us. But we’re not disappearing. Genocide has never eradicated queer people and never will. If it could, don’t you think we’d be gone already? You think your legislation can do what lynches and beatings couldn’t?

We’re not staying silent. We’re not monsters. We don’t deserve to be demonized just because you don’t understand our identities. You’re trying to control us as if you’ll manage what your bigoted predecessors failed but we all know things are changing. Even ACPS is pushing back.

Let me be clear: each death of a trans person following this legislation is murder. Each of you who write this legislation, each of you who claim neutrality or quietly agree, are all complicit in that. But if there’s one thing that I can guarantee about all of this, it’s that no matter what you do, from hate crimes to rallies to legislation, we will never disappear.

Our existence is not your decision.”

END ID

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 3 months

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It's a bit hard for me to fully understand how bad first grade was for me. Not because the schoolwork was difficult, because I felt too challenged in a academic sense. I struggled, but not because the work was difficult, but because of the racism I dealt with.

My biggest problem that entire year had to of been my teacher. Starting from mispronouncing my name and refusing to say it properly. Accusing me of cheating on my projects because of how well they were done. While I did get help, she assumed my mom had always done all the work for me.

She liked to try and embarrass me, looked for opportunities to call me a trouble maker and would loudly announce my "bad" behavior, despite her simply mixing me up with students with similar names or appearances. Never apologized to me when she was wrong, which was every time.

Called me slow, would make comments about how long it took me to do activities, especially writing.

There were so many things she did that entire school year that added up. But the most disrespectful thing had to of been when I asked her for our Thanksgiving classroom play, if i could be one of the natives rather than the pilgrims. I'm native american, I'm the only native american in this class, I don't want to be a pilgrim. Guess who was a pilgrim?

And she made sure the native men were loud and ruthless and the native women were scared of everything and screamed and shouted in fear so easily. While the pilgrims were calm and collected, from the men to the women and they helped these poor natives.

My mom and me shared similar opinions on the play and she even talked to my teacher about how harmful it was to teach kids our history like that. The she should do better and emphasized the proper way to say my name. Which she pretended she just didn't know, I never corrected her. (My mom knew this was a lie as I was known to be very quick to correct people and sometimes hostile if they didn't quickly amend it. So yeah... Also, she continued to mispronounce my name unless my mom was there.)

I almost forgot, I am a very quiet person, especially then. I only talked if I had to or liked you enough to talk to. She said even though I met the curriculum for the next grade, in fact, she had kept lowering my reading level until she got in trouble, that she wanted to hold me back for a year. She got an earful from my mom for that one, and I didn't get held back.

So that was what it was like in the classroom. Outside of it, I was often physically assaulted by four girls.

There was this one who was in my class and she made it her mission to stand next to me in line so she could force me to talk. I never did, so she would twist my arm, pinch me, punch me, try to bend my hand back, saying I just had to say something and she'd stop. She never got in trouble for it and it's not because she never got caught, many times I caught my teacher's eye while she was physically harming me, she'd smile and look away.

While I was outside of the classroom, outside of line, there was a group of three girls. They come up to me, make comments, grab my stuff, my belongings, corner me. I remember one weekend I got my nails done, they were yellow with glitter. They saw my nails asked if they were real, and proceeded to rip off every single nail. My best friend saw, alerted her mom who did work there. Not much came from that, they continued to harass me, they just made sure my friend wasn't around and her mom.

So yeah, it was really traumatic, dealing with so much every day at school. I remember walking to the bus one day, it was really windy, and I thought about how much I wished it would pick up more and knock me into the wall. Enough to hurt and kill me. I thought about death a lot that year. I didn't realize until I got older how much it truly affected me.

Also, fun fact, I ended up going to school with those girls again, we moved but in fifth grade I went back to that school, that teacher still taught there, and one of those girls was in my class. She never talked to me, she did give me dirty looks for getting questions correct if she didn't.

And later in middle school I ended up having several classes with all of them. I could tell they recognized me, but never said anything about it. No apologies. Nothing.

The one who twisted my arm, I never saw her again at the very least. But yeah, what a fucked up year, huh?

#Sorry just remembered some of these things tonight #I didn't understand at the time that they were being racist #I've always felt different #And never in a good way #And so i thought for a long time after that - that there was something wrong with me #I wondered what i did to deserve that treatment #What was wrong with me and why did i stay silent?#And now I just look back at it and realized I wasn't the problem #And the school was the problem #The people in the office made similar remarks anytime i was in there #They didnt care about it #And so what could i have done?#The one time a problem got reported the students hardly got in trouble #And I was treated as the troublemaker #So yeah there wasn't much i could do back then #Anyway im going to sleep now #tw racsim #tw abuse #tw bullying #tw suicidality #I remember always saying before i recognized how bad that yesr was thst i would never want to repeat the first grade #I hated first grade #And little by little i started to piece together why and even now I'm remembering things #This was also when my bio dad was a drunk and abusive #Such a great and fun time for sure #Damn fuck that year

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capshino · 1 year

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there was a suicide on campus on Monday and the Univeristy emails us like "remember to reach out to our mental health services we're here for you, here's the suicide hotline number" like clearly that shit is not working

#capshit #suicide mention #tw suicide #my heart aches for that student #i cant say that i understand them or am in the same boat but Ive teetered between climbing on it #we're suffering and all you can offer us is condolences #meanwhile our last chancellor had custom multi million dollar ferrari collections #and we have to pay fucking 5+ dollars for a cheese sandwhich #and struggle with homelessness and failure #and then they wonder why we're failing courses and killing ourselves on the streets #a little pressed tbh

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 8 months

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i saw that you were confused about catra's bpd coding so i'd like to help you out with a video https://youtu.be/-CMS2bHsGyM?si=zlTxow3lc1haaD3A

[tw: mention of suicide and mental health issues]

ah, actually i've watched this video! after i finished the series and was unsatisfied with the ending, i searched up character analyses in the hopes to understand her better, and this was one of the videos that popped up.

the symptoms certainly do line up but i still wonder if that was on purpose. because a lot of these are common with tragic villains. fear of abandonment, suicidal tendencies, self destructive behaviour, mood swings, etc. all of these i've observed in a bunch of other sympathetic villains.

so either all these villains are bpd coded, or it's just an odd coincidence. anyway, the creators of SPOP hasn't confirmed this theory so far so it's still just a headcanon.

i appreciate seeing mental health issues being represented in media, but i do wish they were represented in heroes more often. especially the more demonized ones like schizophrenia, DID, BPD, antisocial personality disorder, NPD, etc. i feel like these are mostly reserved for villains/antagonists and it often bleeds into real life, where people think anyone with these disorders are automatically evil or toxic. this has been a tangent, but i've wanted to talk about it for a while now.

anyway, thanks for sending this to me. i appreciate it!

#as a psych student #the amount of times i've seen people casually throw around the word “narcissistic” or “sociopath” is so irritating #same with “gaslighting”#gaslighting isn't the same as lying or just being an asshole in general #get that into your minds please #spop #spop critical #spop salt #spop discourse #spop criticism #she ra #tw suicide #tw mental illness

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