I turned 23 a few days ago and it’s still so fucking surreal to me that I havent killed myself yet
HUGE TW FOR SUICIDE
Pls, if it triggers you, don’t read it
So, i need to vent a bit
3 years ago tried to kill myself
I wont say how or why, but I “almost did it”. I don’t remember what happened after my attempt on doing that for at least a week, I just know what I’ve been told. That I was found by my grandma and my father who I haven’t seen since I was a child, that they just thought I was sick so they let me sleep, that my mom got home not much later and she realized what happened, cuz I’ve tried before, I was told she took me to the hospital the fastest she could and that the Doctors didn’t knew how the fuck I was still “alive”. I was put on a hospital bed for three days and then they sent me home cuz the danger had passed and my mom took care of me that time
Since that happened, my memory is the worst thing, as if it wasnt crap before, and nothing seems real
See, I’m bpd, so I already had that kind of feeling before, but at that time, I wasn’t diagnosed, just suspected (I was underage) to be bpd, anyways, I had those feelings before, but they werent as strong as they are nowadays, my life havent got better since then and nothing makes sense
So… I wonder from time to time
Maybe I died that day? When I tried it? I died for real, I got what I wanted
And now I’m post-living some kind of hell I can never escape of
Cuz I cant sleep
And I’m getting symptoms of COVID
I just dont know
Am I a good person?
Am I like you?
Am I a monster like you?
PLEASE TELL ME IM A GOOD PERSON I BEG YOU
what if I just killed myself cuz im so sad…
i just want to be skinny again..
last year i had severe anorexia, and i was so small and i loved it
now i’m ‘recovering’ and getting fat
i hate it
i want to be small again
when i’m finally gone
i’ll have left many songs
they’ll be hard to listen to
you’ll want to turn it off
but please listen all the way through
just please keep it on
play every single song
while everyone cries
and says their goodbyes
only play them in order
you’ll start to hear my disorder
until my last song plays
don’t deny my death wish
don’t disrespect me
give my mom a kiss
and someone please
hug my brothers for me
when my bf goes to bed tonight, ill probably relapse and self harm again. i just feel really heartbroken right now. i dont want to do this anymore.
Why can’t you see that I’m not really fine.
*holds up a champagne flute filled with pills like I’m doing a toast* and here’s to hoping I don’t make it! *chokes it down with a bottle of NyQuil*
Suicidal depression is not wanting to be alive but you don’t want to die either
“You both have issues”
Ya he agrees with right wing policy that will kill people and jokes about how suicide is a cure for depression,
And Im just trying to live my life and be queer
Bleh. Someone coughed behind me in the store. Hope I got the corona so I can finally fucking die lmao
You wanna know what would be really interesting?
An oc who’s family would care if they committed suicide
I sit on the railing of a tall building, I’m exhausted. It’s freezing, and my arms are exposed, so many scars cover my arms. I know in all reality I am alone. No one would notice my fall. I sit there, wondering. Do I want to do this? Do I desrve this? I do, don’t I? I inhale, I exhale.
“It’ll be quick and easy,” I whisper, I know I’m afraid. I watch the cars zoom by in the dark of the night, street lights, glowing to light their way. Stars gleam down on me, soon, I will be apart of them. I will be apart of a constellation that people look at and say “hey, that’s beautiful.” And god, how id love that. How amazing, would it be to be beautiful? To be loved?
Because right now, all I am is a ugly, worthless, unlovable, human. A human unworthy of love. A bruised, and bloodied one. And good god how I do look disgusting. I know it’s worthless to keep on trying. Day after day, I try to smile, be happy, help others. Nothing ever works. Nothing. I want to get better.
I know this is the way.
So, I take a deep breath, I hold it. ‘It’ll be quick. No one will notice.’ I say to myself over and over
And finally, i push off.
And I’m falling. Falling, falling, falling to my death.
I will be a star.
Apart of the sky.
Apart of a constellation.
Apart of a galaxy.
Apart of a universe.
okay lets start with the fact that you dont deserve your small, shriveled up walnut balls.
I am in a loving, caring, supportive relationship of almost seven months with a wonderful, beautiful boy. i could never ask for anyone better. he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love him to death and
you, sir, with your walnut sized testicles, should take your ugly ass self off anon. you wanna post shitty things? at least. AT LEAST have the basic, human decency to get off anon.
bro, i’m not one to tell people to kill themselves, but you have sunk to an unbelievably low level and i’m disgusted that asshole people like you get to interfer with me and my partner’s lives. I’m sick to my fucking stomach. you’re a worthless piece of shit and i’m not sorry. you dont deserve the ground you walk on.
you’ve shat on both me and my partners lives. you (and said walnut sized balls) need to get yourself the FUCK away from me and my baby.
Anyway, here’s to hoping I just up and die soon.