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lily-janus · 8 months

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The Hardest Thing

hey guys! I finally did my first Big Bang yayyy! For now I'll post the first chapter and hopefully post the rest soon after! Ty so much for @bonker-bananas for the amazing art she made for this fic! @tss-storytime

summary link (check it out for all the content and trigger warnings for the entire fic)

Word count: 4,359

Chapter 1 - Don't Worry, Virgil!

It was a day like any other. Nothing special or note-worthy about it. The weather was a bit cloudy but there was no storm, no thunder, just a light breeze and some clouds that dimmed the light of the sun slightly.

Virgil was walking on his usual route to school, the familiar sights doing nothing to ease his nerves.

He didn't know why he felt so anxious, his eyes kept darting around as if expecting some creature to jump from the bushes or… something. And no matter how much breathing exercises he did, his breath kept hitching and there wasn't enough air in his lungs-

"Virgil?"

He suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder and jumps a few good feet in the air before he realizes it was only Janus.

Wait… Janus? When did he…

Virgil blinked, looking around, he spotted Janus' house a few feet behind them… he didn't even notice he walked past it, never mind that Janus joined him in their usual meeting spot in front of it…

Janus puts his arms up in surrender. "Sorry, you just seem a bit jumpy today." Janus says gently, Virgil's shoulder slumping after his initial panic.

He grabs his left arm with his right, nails digging into the sleeves of his hoodie trying again to do his breathing exercises. "Yeah… sorry, just one of these days…" he mumbles. "I got this vague feeling that something bad is coming…" he trailed off, it sounds so stupid when he says it out loud…

Janus raised a skeptic eyebrow at that and Virgil wanted to kick himself for saying anything. It's obviously just his stupid anxiety acting up for no reason, he should know better than to listen to it.

But still…

"I know it sounds stupid but-"

"Oh heavens no! I think you're right! Look, behind you!" Janus points behind Virgil.

Virgil rolled his eyes. Of course Janus would mock him for it, what else did he expect? He should have kept his mouth shut…

"Very funny Janus-" but he's tackled to the floor before he can finish his sentence.

His entire body immediately tenses up even more than before and he feels his lungs being crushed by the weight above him as he struggles to breathe, clawing and writhing on the floor in a desperate attempt to get away, to run from the unknown threat, to-

"Sneak attack!" Remus shrieks in delight.

He slamps in relief and exhaustion when he realizes it's just Remus and his annoying sneak tackles… really, how many times did he need to explain to him that these are not fun for someone with a high functioning anxiety like him?

Virgil groans, struggling to breathe under his weight. "Remus… we talked about this…" he chokes out.

Remus giggles, crushing Virgil even more as he uses him as leverage to get back on his feet, offering his hand to him once he's up.

Virgil glares at him before ignoring his hand and standing up on his own. "You gotta stop doing this, man, I'm jumpy enough as it is." He folds his arms over his chest, hugging himself tightly. That attack did not help his nerves, if anything it made them tense up more.

"Sorry, V, couldn't help it." Remus grinned apologetically at their anxious friend. "Why are you jumpy anyway? Nothing special is happening, just a boring school day." Remus shrugs.

Virgil rolls his eyes at the question. He stopped counting the amount of times he tried to explain to his friends how his anxiety works, they just never seem to listen. The fact that there's nothing happening nor anything to be worried about doesn't mean he won't worry.

It just means his brain will come up with things that might happen and make him worry about those, which is honestly worse than having one, clear and specific thing to worry about.

"He says he feels like something's about to happen" Janus snickers.

Virgil flushes, he again regrets voicing his imaginary concerns to Janus. "Hey! I was right a few times before!" He protests, tacking his hands into his hoodie pocket. His anxiety isn't always wrong…

"You were also wrong a lot of the times" Janus points out, because of course he did. "Just breathe, Virgil, you're safe, we're all safe, ok?" Janus says soothingly.

For now…

Virgil thinks then sighs. "I know but-"

"Great! Boring talk over! Now let's get to the good stuff." Remus rubs his hands together in anticipation.

Well… those words coming from Remus' mouth never led to anything good, maybe his anxiety was right today…

"Ah, surely nothing bad will follow this statement." Janus smirks, gesturing for Remus to continue.

"Today's a very special day!" Remus starts excitedly.

Virgil frowns as the three of them started walking again towards school. What's special about today? Was he missing something or is Remus just making stuff up for fun? Wouldn't be the first time..

"Tuesday?" Janus raises an amused eyebrow.

Remus pouts. "No silly! It's my birthday!" He says, complete with jazz hands.

Virgil frowns. "Isn't that in two weeks?" He asked as he looked at the date in his phone to confirm his question. It wasn't any of them's birthdays, what is Remus talking about?

Remus shrugs. "Potato tomato, it's the same thing!"

"It's really not…" Virgil tried to say but was interrupted by Remus' annoyed groan.

"Ugh you two are so boring! Let's just skip school and have a fun time together! You know, to celebrate." Remus looks at his friends hopefully.

Virgol huffed, he's not boring, he's cautious. There's a difference, why would they risk getting in trouble for nothing?

"Celebrate what? It's not your birthday yet darling." Janus pointed out.

Remus shrugs again. "It's someone's for sure! So let's celebrate them!"

Remus is being weirdly insistent about this…

Janus chuckles. "That's not how this works."

Remus pouted. "What are you, birthday police? C'mon, let's get out of this stupid place and have some fun!"

Janus was still chuckling, shaking his head. "Sure why not, not like any of my parents will notice anyway… or care, I'm in."

Not surprising, Janus' parents were usually either too busy arguing or trying to best the other in everything than to actually pay attention to their son and his behavior. Suffice to say, holidays were a nightmare. And Virgil should know, since Janus made him accompany him for some for moral support, he couldn't blame the guy for needing it.

Remus whooped in triumph and they started walking in the other direction.

Did they even think about waiting for his response? Or did they just assume he'll follow them like a puppy?

Virgil froze in place. "W-wait, skip school? My parents will kill me!"

Unlike Janus' parents, Virgil's parents micromanaged every tiny detail in Virgil's life. They weren't too strict like Remus', but they knew everything about everything concerning him and his actions at any moment… or at least tried to.

Janus and Remus helped him get away with some things in the past, but it wasn't an easy task. The fact that he's diagnosed with an anxiety disorder makes them even more protective of him than any other protective parent he's seen.

Don't get him wrong, Virgil loves his parents to bits… he just wished they'd give him some room to breathe every once in a while…

Janus rolled his eyes, going back a few steps to look Virgil in the eyes. "No one's going to know, ok? We'll fake sick letters from our parents so the teachers won't tell them, it'll be fine, don't you trust me?"

Of course he does… that's not the point he's trying to make. They didn't think this plan through enough… his parents will surely find out…

Virgil hesitated. "Of course I do, I just… I'm worried-"

"You alway are, Scare Bear! Now let's go! School's for losers!" Remus shouted in delight as he ran forward.

Janus sighed. "And now we have to follow to make sure he's not breaking anything… or anyone." He snickers to himself before running after Remus.

Both of them leaving Virgil no choice but to follow.

Virgil looks back in the direction of the school for a few seconds, before shaking his head and following them. Not like he can face school alone anyway.

"What are we doing at a grocery store again?" Janus asked, faking a yawn to show how bored he was. "I thought this day would turn out to be exciting."

Virgil was standing awkwardly next to them, trying his best to look like he's supposed to be here and not like a guilty student who's skipping school. He wasn't sure he's doing a very good job…

There were a few grown ups browsing the shelves, some of them eying the three of them suspiciously… though it might just be in Virgil's head.

"It will! I just need to find… ah ha! Gotcha!" Remus snatched something off one of the shelves and showed it to his friends.

Janus smirked at the sight but Virgil shook his head violently.

"Graffiti? Seriously? Remus, we could get in serious trouble for this, let's just go to the arcade or something." Virgil insisted, looking around fearfully.

What is he thinking? Does he want to end up in prison?

"Ugh you are sooo boring! C'mon it'll be fun, don't be a buzz-kill! Here, I found a purple spray bottle for you!" Remus shook the bottle in front of Virgil's face.

"Yeah Virgil, come on, we won't get caught if we'll be cautious." Janus piped in, picking a yellow spray bottle from the shelf.

"You don't know that! What if someone sees us? What if a cop walks by? What if-" he, once again, tried to get some sense into his impulsive friend. But he was cut off… again. Why does he even bother?

"Virgil, my guy, relax, we're not planning a murder just some silly writing on walls! We can table murder for later." Remus slang his arm around the back of Virgil's neck, grinning wildly.

Relax? Relax?! How is he supposed to relax when his friends seem determined to break so many rules today? And drag him down with them?

You don't have to go with them, you can go back to school and make up an excuse for being late. They're the ones that want to do this, not you…

"No murder, Remus, ever." Janus sighed then turned to Virgil. "If you don't want to join us, you don't have to, but we want to have fun with you too, it's your choice."

Virgil scoffed, there was no choice, it's not like he can go home when he's supposed to be in school, and he can't show up this late to school either, and wondering the streets alone is out of the question.

"Whatever…" he mumbled, taking the purple spray bottle from Remus.

He sighed as he turned the spray bottle in his hands, why is it so hard for him to make himself be heard?

"That's the spirit! Let's go!"

"If we get caught I'm killing both of you and then myself." Virgil said as they paid for the spray bottles and walked out of the store.

"If you're trying to threaten me you're doing it wrong, that sounds like fun!" Remus laughed.

….

"Hey, you! Stop right there!"

Virgil froze, his hand still up in the air with the spray bottle, in the middle of spraying his drawing on the wall.

He knew it! He fucking knew it! This is it, they're all going to jail, their parents will bail them out but then ground them until they're 30! How did he let himself go with this stupid, pointless, risky plan?

He would have stayed there, frozen, if Remus hadn't grabbed him by the arm and pulled him effortlessly with them as they ran before the cop saw their faces.

They stopped after a few blocks to catch their breath and Virgil wasted no time punching Remus in the arm. "I fucking told you! Idiot, we could have been arrested."

"But we didn't."

"But we could have."

"But!" Janus jumped in. "We didn't, so let's stop this annoying arguing hm?"

Virgil sighed. "Can we just go to the Arcade now? You know, like every normal kid does when they skip school?"

Remus grinned. "You got it, V-man! But you bet I'm cheating to get all the tickets and buy the coolest prize!" He giggled.

Virgil shook his head. "It's like you want to get in trouble…" but he followed his two friends anyway.

Janus slowed to walk beside him while Remus walked at the front, smirking as he watched their wild friend.

"So, what do you think he's hiding?"

Virgil frowned. "What?"

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Oh please, don't tell me you didn't notice, he's been acting weird all day."

He hesitated. He did notice something was off about Remus' behavior today. He seemed way more insistent and careless than usual but… hiding something? Remus is always so blatantly honest, what would he feel the need to hide from them?

"It's Remus… he always acts weird." Virgil pointed out, refusing to admit Remus might be hiding secrets from them, making Janus roll his eyes.

"Different weird, trust me, there's something he's not telling us, something he tries to avoid thinking about. I bet his super strict parents punished him again or something. He always acts out in protest when they do that, what do you think?" Janus explained, seeming to enjoy speculating about their friend's personal life, which wasn't surprising.

He remembered one time, he was being more quiet than usual and Janus was utterly delighted when his endless probing finally broke Virgil and made him confess about his fight with his parents the other day.

Virgil shrugged. "How should I know?" He tried to end this conversation as quickly as possible, he didn't like talking about Remus behind his back… literally.

Janus shook his head. "It's not about knowing, the fun is in speculating, c'mon, just guess something." He urged him.

"Ah… I don't know, secret crush or something?" Virgil tried, hoping that's satisfy Janus.

Janus snickered at that. "Maybe, now that will be an interesting development."

"This is stupid, he's right here, why don't we just ask?" Virgil asked, slightly confused. Janus always does this, making things overly complicated instead of just being direct.

Janus looked at him like he just said the dumbest thing ever. "Where's the fun in that? Besides, he could have told us all day but didn't so obviously if we confront him about it he's just going to deflect and get defensive." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He's also insanely good at reading people and predicting their reactions, it's honestly scary sometimes.

"How have we been friends since forever and you two still manage to confuse me?" Virgil mumbled.

Janus snickered. "It's part of our charm." He said easily.

Virgil huffed a laugh. "Calm down Charming."

"Hey! Are you two done flirting?" Remus joked, "because it's time to get your game face on! We're here!" He gestured to the Arcade dramatically.

Janus and Virgil rolled their eyes with a smile and followed Remus inside.

The Arcade was as loud and colorful as Virgil remembered, with endless beepings and sounds emitting from the hundreds of games that lined up the place, the colorful lighting moving around and changing constantly.

The three friends looked around with growing excitement, looking at all the games and weighing their options.

"Hey! Janny! Check this out!" Remus suddenly shouted, pointing excitedly at the DDR game at the center of the Arcade. "Bet I can still beat you to the ground at dancing!" He grinned provkingly at Janus.

Remus was all talk, no one ever has been able to beat Janus at dancing, in DDR or not, his graceful way if moving his body was unbeatable.

"Now, Remus, I know what you're trying to do…" Janus started, "but we both know, you have never beaten me in the classic game of Dance Dance Revolution, and you never will." Janus smirked at Remus smugly.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and show us what you got?" Remus challenged, grinning wildly.

"Hm gladly, just you watch and learn, my parents didn't put me in dance lessons for nothing, see how a true master does it." Janus said, walking towards the game with his chin up.

Virgil and Remus watched him go. "You just love provoking him, don't you?"

"Virgil, buddy," Remus put a hand on his shoulder, "it's my reason for living."

Virgil snorted, "you're awful."

Remus grinned at that. "Why, thank you Vee, I try my best. You have to admit how entertaining he is though." He jerked his head in Janus' direction, already deep in his dancing, eyes glued to the screen and legs gracefully going for the right arrows, clearly smiling.

Remus sighed contently, patting himself on the shoulder. "I know how much he loves dancing, you're such a good friend Remus! Why thank you, Remus!"

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Dork…" he muttered.

"Hey! I heard that!" Remus punched his arm playfully, making Virgil laugh.

They then heard a faint ping coming from Remus' pocket and he fished out his phone to check what it was.

As he read whatever message it was, his expression started to change to… something Virgil never saw on him before, and something he quickly decided he didn't like at all. After a moment's hesitation, he tapped Remus lightly on the shoulder.

Remus jumped as if he got zapped by lightning, quickly locking his phone and turning around sharply to face Virgil, looking at him as if he forgot he was there.

"You okay, Re? Who messaged you?" Virgil asked with a frown of concern, he had never seen him act like it before… maybe Janus was right and he was hiding something…

Remus blinked a few times then grinned his usual grin, though it felt… off. "Eh, nothing important, just some stupid chores my parents asked me to do when I come back from 'school' "

"Um… okay? You just seemed a bit-"

"Know what? Changed my mind, this place is boring! I have a better idea, let's go!" He went to grab Janus and dragged him outside with him, Virgil worriedly trailing behind them.

What aren't you telling us, Remus?

…

"Remus, why are we at your house-"

"Shh" Remus shushed, "no one can know we're here, we're supposed to be in school remember?"

Virgil rolled his eyes, "you said that way louder than me but okay mister Stealth."

Janus snorted quietly at the comment as they continued to walk towards Remus' house.

But when they neared the front door, Remus took a sharp turn, going around the house instead.

Virgil and Janus exchanged worried glances behind Remus' back as they followed him.

"Remus, dear, you know how much I love sneaking around but… what exactly is your plan here?" Janus whispered to him as he stopped in a seemingly random place in their back yard.

"Do you know what my dad's job is?" Remus asked, turning to face his two friends.

Confused, they both shook their heads.

"Yeah neither do I, but I do know how to get inside his secret office, no one is allowed in there but my dad, which is why today we're gonna pick inside." Remus explained excitedly, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

Every part of Virgil's brain and body screamed at him to not do exactly what Remus just suggested, his mind already came up with at least 30 things that could go wrong and quickly going up to 50 scenerios.

Virgil bit his lip in hesitation, "I don't know Re… maybe it's a secret for a reason, what if there's something dangerous inside?"

"Oh c'mon, it's my boring ol' dad! It's probably just some personal stuff he's ashamed of or something." Remus dismissed Virgil's worries, like always… Seriously, why does he even bother?

"What do you say, Janny? You're usually not as boring as Emo over here."

Virgil huffed at that as Janus considered this. He then shrugged, "I must admit, I am curious to see what your father's up to, though I doubt it'll be too interesting, or even close to dangerous. Remus' dad is… many things, but exciting is not one of them."

"Yes! Knew you'll be on board, now." He turned to the wall of the house, considering it for a moment before pressing on random places on it. "Saw him do it so many times." He explained when he was done.

For a moment, nothing happened, then a soft beep of approval was heard and a section of the wall sunk down to the floor, revealing a hidden passage.

"That's… kinda overdoing it for just personal stuff you're ashamed of…" Virgil pointed out as he looked into the passageway. Bad potential scenarios are up to over a hundred now.

Remus groaned, "fine, stay here as a look out or something, me and Jay will check it out, I heard chickens like it outside more." Remus teased, making Janus snicker and Virgil roll his eyes.

"Well sorry for being cautious, geez." He tacked his hands into his hoodie, watching Remus walk inside.

"You really want to stay here? Alone?" Janus raised an eyebrow at him.

Virgil hesitated for a moment, glancing at the passage then out in the street… where anyone can walk by… and think Virgil's weird and suspicious for standing in someone else's yard for so long…

He sighed, he can't believe he's actually letting them convince him to do this… But if there's something he hates more than this dangerous plan… it's being alone.

"...whatever."

Janus smirked and walked inside, Virgil soon following, the 'door' closing behind the three of them. Making Virgil jump and turn towards the once open door… that's not a good sign…

They all walked in silence, trying to be as quiet as possible, and taking in the strange, secret passage they found.

They soon came into a bright lighted room, full of strange looking devices and various tools scattered around each of them, it almost looked like-

"A lab?!" Remus screeched in bewilderment, "I've had a secret lab in my house this whole time?! I should have snuck down here a lot sooner, damn!"

Janus shook his head, "what happened to 'be quiet, no one can know we're here'? " he asked with a smirk.

Remus just shrugged, "there's a limit to how long I can stay quiet and did you see what we found?!" He grabbed Janus' shoulders, shaking him in excitement, "my dad's a secret scientist! How freaking cool is that!"

Janus broke away from his grip, "apparently cool enough to forget what personal space means." He huffed, straightening his clothes, "but I admit this is… not what I was expecting, I wonder what your dad is researching."

Remus nodded at that looking over the various devices curiously.

"Holy shit, is this for real? …we should probably not touch any- Remus!" Virgil said in a panic when he saw Remus pick up a strange watch, "put that down! We don't know what it can do-"

A secret lab is like, horrible scenario number 122, complete with them accidentally activating some sort of doomsday device and bringing the end of the world!

"Geez, calm down, will ya? Nothing happened!" Remus huffed, putting the watch down.

"Yet.." Virgil added quietly, "this place gives me the creeps, let's get out of…" he trailed off, tilting his head as he looked at a full body-sized mirror… that didn't seem to reflect the room they were in, "...here." he finished quietly, frowning.

Virgil tilted his head, looking at the strange 'mirror' more closely. Its frame had strange carvings and drawings on it that looked like they're depicting battles. At the top of the mirror there were three small figures and a sentence in a language Virgil has never seen anything like it before…

"Vee? Everything- wow what is that?" Remus came to stand near Virgil, staring at the strange mirror and reaching a hand towards it.

Janus stopped him, "idiot, what do you think you're doing?" He growled at him.

Remus shook his head, seemingly waking up from something, "s-sorry, I just had the weirdest feeling…" he mumbled.

"Okay, this place is crazy, I'm leaving-" he paused, looking around in confusion, "ah… guys? Where's the passageway?"

They all started to look around, but all the walls seemed solid and closed with no openings. Janus and Virgil turned ro Remus, looking at him hopefully.

"Hey! I only saw him get in! I didn't think-"

"Yeah that's the problem! You don't think and somehow you always manage to convince me and… now we're stuck here! We don't have any food and no one knows where we are… I knew I had a bad feeling about today, but you two never listen to me!" Virgil yelled, breath becoming shallower with every word until he was panting.

He's tired of doing things he doesn't really want to do, he's tired of always following his only friends around and feeling as though it's his only choice…

And he's tired of constantly being scared of everything.

"Virgil, you need to breathe-"

"No! I have a right to panic, stop telling me to fucking calm down! News flush, telling someone anxious to calm down is not calming!" Despite that, he tried catching his breath without much luck.

"I'm…" they both turned to Remus at the sound of his unusually weak voice, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Virgil reached his hand to try and ground himself… and realized a second too late he wasn't leaning on a wall… but the strange mirror. His hand suddenly sunk into it, like it was made of water, and he cried in alarm when it started sucking him in.

Janus and Remus grabbed at his free arm, trying to pull him out, but nothing worked.

Before any of them realized what happened, the three of them disappeared into the mirror, leaving the lab quiet and empty.

#The Hardest Thing #tss big bang 2023 #tw peer pressure #tw anxiety #tw toxic friendship #Lily writes #amphibia au #tssstorytimesubmission2023 #tss storytime 2023

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sansxfuckyou · 11 months

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It's fungal not floral

Summary: There's a lesser known counterpart of Hanahaki, a fungal disease, it festers in your lungs just like the sister disease Hanahaki does, but instead it comes up due to some form of hatred- the only way to save yourself is to let go.

But, George has a hard time doing that when it's someone he holds very close to heart.

Warnings: Crying, toxic friendships, graphic depiction of disease, body horror, check tags for further warnings.

Authors Note: banger idea and spike in emotional viscosity is because of @sobredunia who splayed her heart out on the table for me while I was writing this and all of a sudden shit got real, I really hope this fic did the idea justice, also my writing style changed since I last wrote for them so I think it'll be a quaint 4K word punch to the gut, also snf cause I am a total slut for red/blue pairings, and not as important but this fic a second of two things, one being giving George plant motifs (done over here the first time) and the second time someone has eaten eggs in one of my fics, and it's George, again, what the fuck.

George heaved a heavy sigh as he ran the flat edge of a butter knife along his tongue where fungal spores threatened to gather, making the color more pastel than it already was. One hand kept his mouth held open, the other held onto the butter knife tightly. He knew exactly why this was happening to him- he hated someone, he just didn't know who. He had already eliminated those who he knew it couldn't be from his list of people who he was close to.

He had scratched out Wilbur, Sapnap, Dream, hell, even Quackity, but he's begun leaning towards Quackity being the one whose causing this mess of his respiratory system. He couldn't possibly hate any of them, could he? No, no he couldn't, they've stuck with him for this long what good would it do him to push them away (even if for his own health).

George wants to keep dwelling but he feels a constriction in his chest, he drops the scraping knife and wheezes out a couple coughs. Bright, neon, green spores come pouring from betwixt his lips and leave his mouth dry on the way out. His throat feels raw and dry, like someone took chalk dust and slathered a steak in it, he knows it's wet underneath the dry casing. Breathing feels different now with the consistent fungal casing on his trachea but he won't cut them off because they're his friends.

His hands grip porcelain tightly, he loves them all so much, why? Why does he have to release one of them? Cut ties with them, he might as well just isolate himself, ghost all of them see if that gets rid of it. Tears are welling up in his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to just drop all of them like that, it'd be cruel. He's choking on his own breath as he sobs, his tears hit the sink and slide down the curved ivory, glistening in the LED light. His body quakes, he doesn't want to let go, he doesn't care if one or two of them are bad for him, he doesn't want to let go.

They've done so much for him!

How could he just pick and choose until he stumbles across the one that's causing this?

He can't.

He'll just suffer instead.

He'll suffer and stay quiet about it because his friends care to much they'd make a big deal out of it.

---

George doesn't stream today, he was supposed to do another shock stream for some god awful reason except with some weird damage loop around so they'd have to protect each other.

Instead George can barely bring himself to get out of bed; his sheets all have spores layered on top of them, a green tone or that of mildew. He wakes up his jaw agape and he can feel the mycelium that's dug into his tongue and between his gums. His hands feel heavy with the mushrooms that had formed over his fingers and the sheets- he yanks them up and the growth shreds easily. He would yawn, but all he can bring himself to do is blink as he looks around his partially sunlit room. His mouth is dry and chalky, even more so than usual. His case has gotten worse over the last couple weeks, he's stopped leaving his apartment entirely, ordering groceries and wiring over the money.

He swings his legs over the edge of his bed, when his feet touch the hardwood ground it feels carpeted with the amount of spores and developing mycelia. He simply looks blearily around his room til his eyes land on his alarm clock, it's almost ten, his stream with Sapnap was supposed to start ten minutes ago. He grabs his phone as he stands up and stumbles to the kitchen, he cringes at the sight of concerned texts from Sapnap. He can't fess up to what's really wrong and he doesn't want to lie either, he leans against the counter as he hesitates to open them up.

George feels his hand shake as he places his phone face down the counter.

(it hurts him to ignore them just as much as it hurts them to be ignored)

The last space that isn't absolutely covered in spores because even if he's in his deathbed he has some decency. He doesn't even know what he wants to eat, he just knows that salt helps kill mushrooms. He grabs a bowl he's used three times in a row with nothing more than a rinse in between and grabs salt from the cupboard. He pours a sizable amount into the bowl, it tastes like shit no matter how he waters it down but it makes the casing in his throat die down. He opens his fridge, it's seemingly bare, a carton of eggs, a bottle of milk, lettuce, and little bits of leftovers that have no doubt gone bad. He doesn't want to fill his fridge with food he won't eat, it's hard to down much of anything that's a solid given his current state.

He pulls out the eggs and milk, he places them down beside the bowl and flicks on the burner, a pan already waiting as he prepares the eggs. With the amount of salt in the bowl it's sludgy even with two eggs and a bit of milk, he whisks it haphazardly- his mind is elsewhere and he doesn't know how to fix it. All he can think about is how this isn't helping, about how he isn't letting go, about how he isn't really fixing his disease. He knows logically just distancing himself isn't actually letting go and cutting ties, but at least they might take him back if he only distances himself until this over.

His phone buzzes loudly against the counter and he cringes a bit, he flips it over to find another concerned text from Sapnap. In a burst of foolishness he flicks it open and starts to type out a response faster than he can stop himself- but at least he catches his actions before he can send it. He deletes the entire message before he can read what he wrote and he really should respond but he doesn't. Instead he checks to see if anyone else messaged, he finds worried texts from Karl, Wilbur, Quackity, his parents, and a couple others.

But not Dream.

Dream hasn't texted him in forever despite how much George tried to reach out, tried to make arrangements; he'd move mountains to get an ounce of attention from him. The constriction in his chest grows tighter and he hacks up chunks of coral mushroom, they're bright pink and he swears red droplets are on them. He tastes iron in his mouth but he ignores it as he shuts off his phone again and focuses on the eggs. It's fine that Dreams ignoring him, it's fine that he won't respond, it's fine that he isn't getting what he needs- he won't tell that to Dream though. No one needs to know what's tearing him up inside to the point of spores taking residence in his lungs if he can't figure it out himself.

(he knows exactly what it is but he won't let himself realize)

George bitterly swallows down the heavily over seasoned meal, it burns what little of his taste buds still work at this point in time. He's been on this diet for a month now, just to kill the mushrooms, they take most of it anyways. He's sure his body is fine even though he's destroyed all his mirrors to never look at his sickly form again. He hears his phone buzz again, he doesn't look at it.

And again.

He ignores it.

And again.

He forces down the last of his breakfast and grabs his phone, he doesn't open it, he doesn't want to see what plea for a sign he's still alive he's getting from Sapnap. He left him on read that's good enough, that shows he's still breathing doesn't it? His phone keeps vibrating in his hand and he can't tell if it's from messages or his own hand shaking.

He ends up on the couch, it's coated in spores of a mildew hue and a neon tone, they match the black leather terribly. A puff of spores burst up when George drops down on the couch and he simply hates this sensation. He knows it won't go away until he let's go, but he doesn't want to, he'd sooner die than give up one of his friends no matter the cause. He leans his back along the arm rest, the ground around that side of the couch is thick with mycelia and forming mushrooms. Poor Sapnap, he must be so worried about George, poor everyone, all of them keep sending texts, asking him if he's okay- and he's just not responding. He's hurting them and in the process he's hurting himself as well to extents he can barely comprehend, someone has to get hurt and this time it'll be everyone.

Tears rise to his eyes and throat aches as bursts of spores go off in his lungs, he hack and coughs until he's practically choking on the cloud of damp spores. They float down the floor, spattered with the crimson of his blood and glowing with a new genus prospering inside of his chest. His form is slumped over the armrest of the couch, his rib cage resting on the tainted fabric with his arms hanging over the edge. His body is so sore, his mind is so tired, he just wants to sob and not have webbed mycelia crawl ever closer to his lips.

But he can't let go of whose causing this, he doesn't want to, he isn't ready.

(he knows this is killing him but why should he let himself live like this)

His phone keeps buzzing, but he's in too much a haze to even bother checking just to confirm it's Sapnap. He's sure it's just some pleading question as to what's going on and he's not answering the questions he's being asked. He grips his phone to toss it to the other end of the couch before trying to get into a comfy position where he'll be able to hack a lung out easily.

---

3 messages unread

Sapnap: please just tell me whats going on George was it something i did? is this on me, if it is i can try and make it right

im coming to England just to find out myself George

---

More time passes and somehow this is the third time this month George has ordered a box of salt, kosher, Himalayan, black, table- he's tried every kind and none of it helps him anymore. Now he uses it to scrub his dishes and wash his clothing and the sheets because if it won't kill the spores in his lungs then maybe it'll at least help him lie to himself about his state. Maybe if his clothing isn't covered in fungus he won't feel so dirty, maybe if he slept in clean sheets he'd feel better about himself.

He lays in bed, the sheets are clean and he relishes in the fact, he's achieved it with god awful amounts of salt in his washing machine (the poor thing must be in agony). He knows that he's absolutely terminal by now, he feels faint consistently and his everything aches no matter what he does to make it stop. He sees his reflection in the black of his phone screen and he wants to vomit with how zombified he looks.

Mycelium creeps outward from his lips like lichtenberg fractals and his skin, now disturbingly thin, bulges where thick roots of mycelia wrap around his veins and shoot down his spine. His eyes look hollow and when he opens his mouth it's all white, the thick casing of spores crack when he moves his tongue- he's shocked he can salivate at this point. When he looks at his hands he sees them in a glaze of mildew hues, neon green, and red from all the times he's raised his hands to cover his mouth when he coughs. His hair no longer retains it's dark hue, it's lightened up with the fungus sapping his nutrients and the spores latching onto individual strands, causing it to clump.

He looks like a monster.

He's glad no one has seen him in months, they'd all run screaming if they saw the hideous creature he's become.

He doesn't want to move anymore, he has no excuse to just stay in bed aside from the fact he's literally dying. No fungus tries to hold him down and his sheets are thin and light, he just sees no reason in getting up even though he's hungry. He should eat, he really should, he knows the food in his fridge is rotting and the door dasher must be getting concerned with the fact he only buys salt, bleach, and Tylenol these days (even if he was buying healthy the mushrooms on his apartment door are also a red flag).

His phone buzzes and he picks it up, a message from Sapnap, he's tempted to just ignore it but when he sees the preview he's just confused. Why the fuck would Sapnap need to know if he's changed his lock since last time he visited? He gives a quick two letter response before turning off his phone, silence washes over his dark room. The lights are off and the blinds are down but light still filters in between the cracks, despite that the luminescent mushrooms that have taken residence inside of him glow under the skin and on the hardwood floor.

And then he hears his apartment door open.

Panic briefly washes over him, but then he hears Sapnaps voice calling out a meek 'hello?' and he can rest easy again. How stupid, panicking over someone breaking into his apartment, it'd obviously be Sapnap just visiti-

Wait.

Why is Sapnap at Georges door?

Last time George checked they did not live anywhere remotely close by.

Just to investigate George limps out of bed, on the way to the door he grabs a Tylenol and downs it dry. He knows it won't start working for a couple minutes, but if Sapnap really is at the damn door and he isn't just hallucinating he'd rather have it kick in than not have it. He pushes open his bedroom door, vines of mycelia trail down the white paint that's peeling away as spores integrate themselves into wood. He walks- he stumbles, gripping onto the nearest wall for support as he makes his way to where his couch rests. He finds a concerned Sapnap looking very, very confused and almost sick with worry as he stares at the mycelium littered across Georges apartment.

"Sapnap what the fuck are you doing here?" George choked out, his mouth didn't want to properly form all the words and his voice felt higher than before with how little he used it, it was quiet. Sapnap still perked up at his voice and turned to face his sickly friend.

He rushed over to capture George in a rib crushing hug and despite the fact he was shorter he still managed to lift the Brit with a worrying ease, "fuck, you're okay, you're alive- I was so scared George," Sapnap only barely managed to choke out the words, the chill rooted deeply into George seeped into him but he didn't care. He was hesitant to release his grasp on his frail friend, "I thought you were dead."

George gives him a questioning look, "and you hopped on a plane to Britain just to make sure? Are you fucking insane?" His question comes off a little bit roughly but if anything he's touched by the sentiment, still worried about what would happen if he was dead and Sapnap was stranded here.

Sapnap gives a bit of a laugh, "they say love makes you do crazy things don't they? Or is that not a saying in Britain," Sapnaps hands rest on Georges wrists and what little untainted blood remains in the Brits body goes to his face. He looks pale as a ghost and the slightest blush on his face looks like blood on a wedding dress with how much it stands out.

The warmth Sapnap gives off is addicting and George slips his wrists from the grip before interlocking fingers instead, it anchors him into reality, this must be how ghosts feel, "everyone's heard that saying," he sounds so sure of himself, he steps a bit closer to Sapnap before leaning into him. He feels dead, he feels so dead now that he has someone healthy and alive to compare himself to, it's like he's wasting away, "I'm sorry."

Sapnap gives George a perplexed look as he leads them over to the couch, the leather is torn in some spots (it wasn't last week), "what for? I'm sure you had your reasons, maybe you thought it would help the Saprophytis in it's onset, I'm just glad I got here before it could kill you," he gives a hum of as he guides George to just rest. He ends up on top of Sapnap to some extent, ankles resting on the armrest, Sapnap places his chin on the top of Georges head as his partner nuzzles into him, "so, care to cough it up?"

"I think I'll try to avoid hacking up mycena and coral mushrooms if I have a word in it Snapnap," George said with a forced chuckle, a puff of spores filter past cracked lips at the singular laugh.

The spores aren't much more than a red mist these days, at least it wets his painfully dry lips. The red settles onto his terribly stained shirt and it blends with the preexisting blotches of spores and blood. He finds himself coughing, he brings up his hands to his mouth and his entire body shakes as he draws his knees to his chest- he slumps a bit lower on Sapnaps torso. When he pulls back his hands they're dripping with crimson and red chunks of coral mushrooms, he feels disgusted in himself. No one should have to see that, especially not the only one to haul so much ass to check if his friend was okay.

George stared at his hands in horror for a brief moment, Sapnap only looked intrigued and mildly worried, "fuck I'm sorry," he mumbled out as he wiped his hands on his pants, they were covered in bloody hand prints from the cuff to the waist- he heaved a sigh but couldn't help a smile when Sapnap wrapped an arm around his midsection.

"You can't help the symptoms," Sapnap stated with a shrug, he rested his hand atop Georges, "now, I'm begging you, cuss out whoever you hate so much that it's done this to you," George gives him a hesitant look, "please."

George glances to the side, "you won't get mad at me?"

"Of course not, I wouldn't get mad at you for evading death, George that's stupid," Sapnap said, he gently ran his thumb in circles across the top of Georges hand, he could feel the mycelia under skin and the almost scale like make up of the spores on Georges fingers- it was different, but it was still George.

"It's Dream, I just, he won't respond to my messages, he won't reach out, he hasn't talked to me in months but he streams, so I watch, see if there's a hint as to why he's been giving me the silent treatment, but there isn't," George explained, his breaths were short with how crowded his lungs were. He had to pause to hack up chunks of coral mushroom, stringy bits of mycena came out along with it. They looked like guts in his hands, coated in a sludgy blood, he tossed them to the floor, "he just wouldn't give me attention no matter how much I was begging for it."

Sapnap nodded a bit, he gave a hum of understanding, "and you hate him for that?"

George nodded fiercely, "I guess so, I can't think of anyone else who could be the cause this," he hacked and coughed again, the blood dripped from his forever stained crimson hands as chunks of fungus tore up the casing in his mouth and throat- he could feel them again despite the sting. He threw the mushrooms to the floor before wiping down his bloody hands, he noticed the drops of red on his friends hoodie, "sorry."

"Don't worry, shit happens," Sapnap said, his casualness shocked George, but it was the least he could do despite the fact he was fearing for his partners life given how much blood he's hacking up and how malnourished he feels, "is there anything else on your mind?"

George paused, "I don't think so, I just wish he'd pay more attention to me sometimes."

"What? Am I not enough? I spontaneously paid for a flight to fucking Britain just to check in on you and that's not enough," Sapnaps voice is playful even as he takes Georges bloody hands in his own.

George rolled his eyes a bit as he let his knees drop from his chest, he pushed himself a little bit higher up Sapnaps torso, "yeah, definitely not, you didn't even smuggle me some pop over the borders," he sounds playful as he speaks even though his voice is cracked and raw due to lack of usage over the last few month.

Sapnap brought a hand to Georges chin, tilting up his head a bit, "I love you dude, you know that right? You know I'd jump through some insane hoops just to make sure you're feeling good?" George nodded a bit, only to be taken aback at an unprompted and chaste kiss.

There's an awkward silence.

"Shit I shouldn't've done that, jumped the gun on my end," Sapnap said, grasping for excuses and apologies as a distinctive red rose to his face, "tasted kinda bloody anyways."

George simply stares at Sapnap, the words registering, "the first time you kiss me and all you can think of is how bloody it tasted? What a romantic," a lilt of laughter rests on his voice and he shies away from Sapnaps form just a bit.

"What else am I supposed to do!? Compliment you on your dry lips, say that your veins are looking absolutely magnificent? Throw me a bone George," Sapnap said dramatically, raising the back of his hand to his forehead as though offended at such a thought, he's caught off guard when George pushes him into the sofa slowly, "well someones taking things fast, you seem like the kind of guy who'd want a candle lit dinner before we get down to fucking, have I misjudged you George? My dear partner in crime how badly have I made assumptions about you?"

Georges face heats up, "I was gonna kiss you again, but now that you mention it, yeah, I do want a candlelit dinner before we kiss," he's smirking a little bit.

"What about premarital hand holding?" Sapnap asked, he looked smug as he spoke despite the fact he was pinned under another person, albeit a person whose weaker than a wet kitten.

George gasped in faux shock, "how scandalous! I'm shocked you could even say such a thing," his exclamation dissolves into laughter as he goes on with the bit, he leans down and kisses Sapnap again; this time he can actually relish in the reaction such a simple motion garners.

He splays himself atop Sapnap, back pressed to his torso, he can feel his partners heartbeat reverberate in his frail body. He let's himself slide into the crack between Sapnaps side the backrest of the couch, he rests a good portion of himself on top of Sapnap. He's, to put simply, smitten with his friend at the moment- he can't really blame himself for it either. Kissing the guy who decided to fly on over to Britain on a whim, just snuggling on the couch, a dream come true.

Georges phone buzzes, it's probably just Karl. He sits up a little bit before pulling it out of pocket only to find it's Dream, yikes. Maybe if he sent the message two hours earlier he would justify it with a response, but he just fessed up to hating the guy. He places his phone on the coffee table, a hit of coughing catches him off guard and keels over Sapnap to choke out whatever's in his trachea. He finds himself coughing for a solid fifteen seconds, he convulses like a cat choking on a hair ball until a chunk of fungus the size of a meatball dislodges itself. He feels gross, but he also feels like he can breath again with the saprophyte in his lungs disappearing bit by bit.

He leans back to look at Sapnap who is simply staring, "so am I still hot or did that just wave a massive red flag in your face?" He wipe the blood from his lips with the back of his hand and for a second Sapnap is stunned (the likeness to a vampire in those actions is blood chilling in the best way possible).

Sapnap stifles a laugh at the words, "George do I even need to justify that question with an answer?"

George gives a hum of amusement before resting against Sapnap again, he's smirking, "good point, I'll always be hot as fuck, even when I look and feel like shit," he can't help the way he arches into the warm touch resting on his spine.

"I think cute would be a better word to describe you, but go on," Sapnap said playfully, George gave an offended gasp, "who texted you?"

George shrugged, "someone that fucked up big time if he wants my attention now," he finds himself flustered when the hand on his back pulls him down and into a hug.

"That means you won't die right?" Sapnap asked quietly, practically whispered into his taller friends ear.

"Obviously, I couldn't just die on you after only two kisses anyways," George said, his tone was cocky.

His confidence simply melted away when Sapnap placed a kiss to his cheek with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face- he really was turning this entire day into a warm embrace.

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ask-the-t-sanders-sides · 2 months

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...you're right, OJ.

Logan. I know you're scared to, but you need to tell the others how you feel. I see you, I hear you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're being treated like shit.

I tried. They didn't listen. Not the first time, not the second time, not the third, not the fourth, not the fifth, not the sixth, not the seventh, not the eighth, not the ninth, not the tenth. They NEVER listen. They never FUCKING do.

-§0&?π $@πd3r$

#🍊#sanders sides #ts sides #tss #tss rp #rp #logan sanders #sander sides #ts logan #ts logic #orange sanders #orange side #orange #tw toxic friendship #tw possession

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writingquestionsanswered · 6 months

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I was the toxic friend anon. Thank you! I've been going through therapy about what happened when I was younger and revisiting that just reminded me how I wish someone told middle school me she was a bad friend.

I think sometimes people don't realize it. From the outside, it can be difficult to see what's going on inside the friendship. Especially when the toxic person is good at hiding what they're doing or the behavior is normalized in some way. I'm just glad you got out of that friendship and are talking to someone about it. I hope writing your story will provide some healing and closure for you as well. ♥

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#tw toxic friendship #tw toxic people #tw toxicity

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cynical-crypt · 1 year

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so, before i start this rant up, i’d like to thank the proship community for being such a lovely place to be, and i’d like to talk to a very specific anti from afar.

so for some context, i used to be in a friend group, which, in the year or two of reflecting i’d had to myself, i’d realized was HORRIFICALLY TOXIC. before joining that friend group, i was a thick-shelled internet kid who wasn’t scared of anything and cared about everyone. being IN that groupchat? i became an oversensitive, overbearing, terrified, hateful son of a bitch. no thick shell, no compassion, and that was only within a few months of me joining. there are still remnants of what that groupchat did to me! i’m still quick to jump the gun and defend myself even if it was a joke. to this day i can’t tell when someone is pulling my leg or not. out of that whole group there was maybe one good person who i’m still friends with today. they were one of the unlucky ones. so, to put it simply, this group was a clusterfuck of whining, writhing, oversensitive little twitter babies who thought that everything they didn’t like had to be destroyed. they harassed and kicked out every single person who didn’t agree with them until they were all gone. all but me, because i was already in a horrible mental state at the time and at that point i would’ve done anything just to keep having people to talk to. i went along with every pitchfork-n’-flame plan they ever had even if i felt horrible about it and they’d all get angry at me if i hesitated for even a moment. i was dragged into drama that had nothing to do with me and there were no breaks. the specific person i’m going to talk to, who i’ll call SJJ, would constantly vent in the groupchat and start screaming and bitching if nobody replied. SJJ was the “ringleader” of our circus and they were the one that ruined me. in the beginning i thought they were cool and i looked up to them because i thought they were hilarious and were fun to talk to. that was a mistake. they lectured me every time i had an opinion they didn’t like, they forced me into pitchfork harassment parties, everything, up until i broke and became just as whiny and bitchy as them. this went on for a year or so before i finally snapped on them and got kicked out. and, yes, i got kicked out because a fucking 12 year old (not exaggerating) thought they were gonna be all badass and stand up for SJJ, so they pretty much cornered me until the only thing they’d accept is “no, i hate SJJ and don’t want to talk to them,” and that was enough to have me completely banished from the friend group.

skip 2 years, i’ve recovered mostly from the damage that group did to me, and here comes SJJ waltzing into my dms to “apologize.” in that they claimed they had changed, which then proved a few months later to be a complete lie. their dni listed people who are proship. it took me months to finally accept that i thought that way and that i was happier that way, and it took me 2 months to gather the courage to tell them we needed to stop talking to each other permanently so that i’m not invading their space anymore. they then talked down to me as if i were a 4 year old. i told them to stop treating me like a child, which they completely ignored. i tried desperately to have a civil conversation explaining why i’m cutting them off, but of course, they turned it into a shitstorm just like they had with everyone else. after we blocked each other they apparently ran to twitter and exposed my name to literally everybody publicly and then accused me of sending “pedophiles” after them when *RANDOM* people told them to at least blur my name out. they deleted the post but then made a huge thread bitching about how i’m “the worst person on earth.” and as far as i know they also deleted their twitter account. i had nothing to do with the comments and i wasn’t even the first one to find out they were posting about me. that was one of our mutual friends.

so... to SJJ, fuck you, from the very bottom of my heart. you tried to turn me into some kind of zombie for you to send to harass people who didn’t deserve it. you hurt me repeatedly and then were surprised when one day i didn’t bounce back up at your feet like a stupid fuckin puppy again. you ruined people’s lives and you destroyed what will i had left at the beginning of our time together. i don’t know why i ever trusted you. i don’t know why any of us ever trusted you. hell, i don’t know why people still trust you. i don’t know why people still can’t take one look and realize that you’re a narcissist. maybe even YOU don’t realize it. look at how you treated people in the past and how you do now, you’ll realize eventually: you’re the worst kind of person there is.

there were two paths i could have taken. i could have continued to be a zombie and be abused by you, or i could have taken the opposite in which i am enveloped in a loving, safe community where i can be myself without anyone to try and control me. which did you THINK i was going to choose?

to the proship community, thank you. my time healing from hatred has been nothing short of wonderful and i’m so glad to have a safe space to hang out where i’m not being battered for my differences by people who are supposed to be my “friends.” this place is loving and accepting and i couldn’t ask for a better pocket of tumblr to be in. you’re all awesome.

i know SJJ is suffering. continuing to despise them will change nothing, but it cannot be helped right now. all i can hope is that one day life for them gets better and they do not continue to pour their hatred into other people. nobody deserves what i or any of their other victims went through. SJJ, i’m sorry. i know you’re hurting. you might be a terrible person, to me at least, but if you somehow manage to find this, please know that despite everything i still hold hope that you’ll change, even if that hope is lost on you. it doesn’t matter now.

#proship safe #jay rant #anti discourse #tw abuse #tw toxic friendship #putting those tags just in case #if youve had a similar experience dont be afraid to talk to me about it if you need #long post

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pale-pastel-girl · 3 months

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vent // MANY potential triggers, warnings in tags

the past year and a half has been awful.

so many good things have happened and i’m so grateful, but the bad things are fucking BAD.

went NC with my sexual predator of a father, lost my best friend who i felt so safe around that my repressed CSA memories came back slightly (we had one misunderstanding and they ended the friendship nearly immediately), been dealing with aforementioned CSA repressed memories, and i found out that my IL’s have never liked me, they managed to fake it incredibly well for YEARS, and now they’re trying to essentially make us homeless (financial abuse).

all of this started in september of 2022. my hair has been falling out since it all started. my bpd symptoms are acting up again. i’m terrified my husband is going to cheat or leave, and even though i know it’s the bpd talking (he’s literally an angel), god does bpd make it feel so real. i’m either eating nothing for days or binging. my blood sugar keeps spiking and dropping from cortisol spikes. sleep is HELL. it’s been hell all my life, but it’s gotten so much worse. my psychosis symptoms are getting so fucking bad. i’m seeing and hearing things every moment of the day.

but i feel fucking terrible for needing to vent and not doing well. i feel like i’m not allowed to be upset about any of this because at least i’m in an area that isn’t being actively bombed. me, my family, and my people aren’t being genocided.

i don’t know how to keep it together. i really, really don’t. i do my chores everyday and i feel so goddamn grateful to be able to do them. but i process shit mentally when i clean. and i process when i’m not doing anything too. i cannot escape. i can’t escape the realization of being r*ped by my father. i can’t. i’m being fucking eaten alive yet i still feel the need to express gratitude.

i don’t want to do this anymore. but i don’t have a choice. i have to keep going.

#tw csa #tw trauma #tw abuse #tw vent #tw bomb mention #tw disordered eating #tw toxic parents #tw dysfunctional family #tw financial abuse #tw possible homelessness #tw bpd #tw bpd vent #tw toxic friendship #tw swearing #tw medical issues #this whole post is just run on triggers #i’m sorry

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shower-man · 5 months

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>be me

>enjoying the idea of obsessive friendships in media

>accidentally girlbosses too close the sun and gets multiple toxic obsessive friends all of which I have had to cut off

#tw toxic friendship #tw obsessive behavior #not even getting into that one guy who almost murdered someone for “flirting” with me #im just built like that #tw obsessive love #gotta add that tag cuz of the tags now #oopsies

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luciehercndale · 5 months

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We used to be friends.

I hope I'm not imagining it but this week I feel so much better in terms of mental health. This might have to do with a friendship I've decided to end with a person I've realized was toxic. I met this person at uni and we hit it off because she was easygoing and I truly enjoyed spending time with her and talk to her. I thought we had formed a tight bond after a few months but then I noticed how she liquidated me with just a flat answer every time I opened up to her and shifted the conversation to her life and herself. At some point, I felt like she started treating me like her therapist because she often asked for advice on life stuff and who was I to deny her? She was my friend. After a while, I told her that I'd noticed this behavior and that I felt like this friendship was one sided because it was always me listening to her and her barely paying any attention to what I said and excusing herself with phrases like: "sorry for interrupting you". She said she was sorry and she'd try, but obviously, she continued, and it got worse. I told her more than once how I felt but still, you can imagine she persisted. Until I was fed up. Literally fed up. She also told me she hated when people used her (because she is very accommodating) but that's exactly how she treated me. I was too accommodating and that's on me, but I also gave her love, and I feel like she never appreciated it and went after people who only treated her like trash. After days of thinking about this and talking to my therapist, I've realized that this person was draining all of my energies and I felt tired after engaging in conversation with her. As if I was only giving and barely receiving. My therapist also suggested I was "motherly" with this person (a situation that reflects my family dyanmic) and that's why I enabled her to put me in this role. So, after over one year, I decided to put an end to this so called friendship. To me, it was friendship. To her, it was probably just a kind of relationship where the victim becomes herself the perpetrator and hurts people who genuinely care for her.

I do not deserve to be treated this way and this person was surely not a friend. I'm glad I've realized it before it got worse. Perhaps removing this person from my life lifted a burden off my shoulders. Because I feel better and lighter, and energized. It's better to be by myself than with people who don't understand the value of friendship.

#Tweety.txt #tw toxic friendship #tw toxic behavior

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belanova · 1 year

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Idk Man I love fucking neurona duo (c!rubius & k!Quackity) so much they're those duos where it's obviously toxic and there Is no doubt about one of them on the Verge of stabbing the other, but they're so fucking petty that its actually hilarious

Like Quackity Will break a random thing in rubius' house and Rubius kills him only to turn around and suddenly aware that Quackity killed all of his pets accidentally

Like hell even in the stream where Quackity got his memory erased he couldn't do his monologue properly cause he was stuck under Rubius' basement, why? Because he had a thing from Rubius inventory so he kept him so he Couldn't break out when he was offline and keep him there forever until he got the ítem

They don't even trust each other in the revolution where they need to team to beat luzu Quackity wants to keep him obeyed by taking titi hostage and his picture until the mission Is over and if he doesn't keep the promise Rubius is allowed to kill him

AND THEY STILL STICK TO EACH OTHER, despite burning rubius' store and kidnapping his pets, despite rubius constantly killing and sending Quackity to jail for whatever inconvenience, or their constant backstabbing of each other they STILL go back to each other

Its the most ironic part that at this point of the series the only people these two trust are each other after Rubius making him the most hated of all and Quackity only person to be able to remember Is him, they tell each other more than each respective's love interest

in quackity's mind when you feel like the person Is terrible or worse than you then why feel bother to act better? So It makes Quackity comfortable not presenting a fake versión and hell even doing terrible things together with Rubius cause who else Is he going to tell him? (vice versa with Rubius he likes Quackity for his codependency and viewing him as Easy to manipulate)

Because they both need things from each other Rubius Is the only one usually awake when Quackity wants to be online and such they talk to each other, so fufilling Quackity's need for companionship and smooches off of his stuff while for Rubius its also companionship because EVERYONE hates him even sapo peta doesn't like him for his constant so despite how much brags about Quackity being under his thumb he needs him as well due to being his only friend on the server, so they both feel safe to act terrible in each other's presence when they can't in with their love interests (Luzu & Vegetta)

They hated each other completely at the beginning! All k!Quackity wanted to do is get revenge on C!rubius for exploding him with a mine and taking advantage of him not knowing anything, so he then his first thing Is explode him with a mine as well AND THAT'S WHAT STARTED THE DYNAMIC! Completely trying to get revenge in each other and trying to show up the other in minor ways like dressing up better than other or just plain ol who can kill this one person better than the other

ultimately they both need to get away from each other cause even tho i see Rubius as the more manipulative of the two in the friendship due k!quackity's actions against him either being on accident or in self defense K!Quackity knows he's terrible for him, he searches the Bear for that reason because he likes that Rubius will abuse his power as a cop so i don't know if Quackity can be entirely removed of the responsibility in the dynamic due to him encouraging It for his sake so that's why i phrase It as both instead of just rubius

after 6 months of doing this they've felt completely comfortable in each other's toxicity and somehow found It to Fit in each other perfectly that way, that its probably the strongest relationship in karmaland due to nobody being able to break them up only themselves due to their constant rivalry companionship and mutual feeling of having nobody else so they might as well be terrible together so they make this weird system now with the horn that makes i when Quackity is seriously in trouble Rubius will drop all of his usual acts and be Quackitys personal bodyguard so despite anyone's Best efforts these guys are never going to leave each other anytime soon

I realize this sounds extremely horrible to Outsiders (Or people not that good to spanish) and yeah that's kinda the point, i want to clarify this all of this plays out tonally like if Tom and Jerry were humans LOL

Tldr: i'm a k!Quackity apologist first Quiero ese rata noruega alejos de el 🤬 funny duo

#k!quackity #rubius #neurona duo #karmaland 5 #karmaland #dumbasssaysthings #tw codependency #tw manipulation #tw toxic friendship #actually shit now thinking about it the tom and jerry comparision is probably the best way to describe them #especially considering how Quacks calls Rubius a Rata Noruega 😂#sorry if i sound like a crazy person doing this rant they've completely gotten in my brain #Btw i don't clarify this type of friendship i hope thats obvious if you're in a friendship w/ somebody like this LEAVE THEM 😭#i should've called them petty duo augh that just occured to me #whatever neurona duo sounds coolee

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