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drowningyoursorrow · 5 months

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'CAUSE I'M YOUR JAZZ SINGER AND YOU'RE MY CULT LEADER

kai anderson x gn! reader

summary. - you've always been hypnotized by kai's upmost beauty that choked you and trapped you within his grasp. he would always disregard you and eventually, you gave up, but would he let you go? w.c - 1.5k

| heads up ! violence, swearing, kissing, drugs?, kai is an asshole

MOST often, you'd find yourself gazing upon his features as he spoke to the group, his determination inspiring you. You had a special fondness inside you at the mere thought of him, pushing away his harmful tendencies and brutal words. You weren't the most important in the group, you were quiet, weak in his eyes. Hiding yourself away from the world, too scared to be seen, and he hated it. But you had devotion and loyalty, that's what mattered to him.

You found each other at a coffee shop, where he 'accidentally' came across you and led you into a conversation. He took note of your fragility, and he saw how eager you were to finally talk to someone. Loneliness seeping right through you, it was pathetic, really. He felt a small ounce of pity within him as he realized how easy it was to draw you in. To manipulate you right into his little trap, reminding you of all the good that they're doing.

Your eyes captivated as he spoke so eloquently of what he's doing, and how he needed to see your admiration. Which you gladly showed him, all the things that flowed through you. All for him. He had always called you a sinner, and you began to embrace the name, you dutifully let him in.

Without knowing, you were already put in a cage that he trapped you in. It was almost as if you placed the leash onto yourself, with your own hands, looking at him in the eyes as you did so. Locking yourself into chains, just for him.

To you, ii was all worth it, every sacrifice you made just to see the look of approval cross his face and his arms encase you as he complimented you. That was how far he really ever went with you, just holding you, since that was all you needed. Kai took notice of the warmness of your body and your doting eyes whenever you looked at him. It was addicting, having someone so dedicated by his side.

Always floating in the back whenever a meeting was called, solely focused on him and his words. Every syllable coursing through your veins as you listened, it felt like a drug. As he spoke, he'd find himself looking your way, focusing on the love that displayed itself through your eyes. It began to feel like he was only speaking to you, addressing just the two of you in the room.

Like a black shadow emerging into a sunshine.

Your name had engraved itself into the back of his mind, your face suffocating him when he worked. It was terrifying to see the hold that eventually made its way around his neck, because no one should have this power over him. Especially you. He felt his eyes always reach for yours whenever you were near, arms itching to close you in. And to keep you, just for him to see. Nobody was good enough to view you the way he did.

It felt like a curse, a spell that kept him in a trance he didn't want to be in. Kai always ended up near your side, right when you came into his view. Like a damn dog.

He didn't want to be seen as weak because of some ignorant member can't seem to look away from him for once. But he bathed in your gaze, your words, even more with your love and devotion. He wanted to drown in it all.

But you were poison in his eyes, intoxicating but yet so harmful. He shoved away all the things he wanted with you, all the things that you made him feel.

Now all you faced were glares from him, his words cutting through you whenever he talked with you. Just burning hatred exhibited itself behind his eyes whenever you looked at him, but you were fine with that. You loved every part of Kai and if he viewed you so negatively, you'll change. You'll become someone better, just for him.

Wanting to switch your whole identity just to not make him hate you in any way, scared of what'll become of it. But Kai couldn't completely keep himself away from you the way that he liked. Sometimes he'd find himself knocking at your door and allowed you to love him the way you both wanted.

He'd guide you in, let you trace your fingers along the harshness of his features. Your delicate touch and embrace almost pained him as he watched as you did so, expecting some sort of pain. But he let himself relax into you, the comfort consuming his very being. Your words filled his head and everything began to feel like it was destiny, like you were made for him. You'd carve your love into his godforsaken soul, and he'd help you hold the blade, wanting all of it. Needing to smother in all of your fidelity.

All he ever asked was to be soaked with all that you had to give him, to drown in every part of you. His brows would furrow whenever you left when he awoke, leaving him to lie there alone. Kai knew you'd always come back, you were addicted to him as much as he was with you. He just didn't have the self-restraint he wanted. If he did, he wouldn't be at your doorstep every night.

He took you like he took his Adderall, the substance melting in his mouth as he swallowed it away. The faintness of addiction at the tip of his tongue, consuming every part of you that he can.

But Kai was cruel. You always ended up in tears whenever you interacted with him, his disregard of you was beginning to hit you. How he shoved you away when he pulled you in, and how he yelled at you to have some sort of dignity. His fragile fucking masculinity. You'd always come back, like a kicked dog still begging for attention from its owner. You were starting to realize how pathetic you were being, just for the likes of him. How you always ended up with bruises and cuts when all you tried to show Kai was appreciation.

Gently placing your lips upon the scars that he inflicted, they were reminders of him. You showcased it to the world, that he marked you. It was fucked up in a way, but it was what you had to offer, to present. Soon, you began to bandage them up, wince from the pain and sob into your sink as you did so. It didn't feel like love anymore, just endless suffering. It was all too sickening for you. You'd hide yourself away, not wanting to be seen like this anymore, ashamed.

You'd draw yourself away from him, falling back into the crowd that he had. Hiding yourself away as you started to be seen less and less. You were always at every meeting, the first person to arrive and the last one to leave. But eventually, Kai began to notice how you stopped showing up as frequently. Even if you did, you'd be staring at the floor, avoiding him. You locked yourself from him and no longer showed your longing the way you did before. All he saw was discomfort and regret surround you whenever he checked up on you, the love no longer there.

It hit him harder than he realized, at first he brushed it off. You weren't special, there were other people that would gladly do whatever the hell he wanted. But he never leaned into their embrace the way he did with you, he began to feel the emptiness take place within him. The burden swallowing him.

He'd kiss your palm and tell you everything's alright, watching as you pulled it away and wiped it. Avoiding his eyes as they studied you, heartbreak evident behind them. His hand would twitch, and his sorrow turned into anger, his face contorting into betrayal. He raised his hand and smacked you, watching you fall to the ground. Shakily, holding your head into your hands as you fought back sobs, not wanting him to see you be weak. But all you could do was sit up and stare at him, before he quickly rushed downward and shoved his face into yours.

Your faces molded into one another as you cried into the palms of his hand as he finally held you the way you wanted. Fitting perfectly into one another as you worshiped each other, tears escaping the both of you. Laughing incessantly into each other's ear as the familiar sensation firmly etched itself into both of your hearts. The love you had for each other seeping through your weeping as you rested into the other.

Even from all the pain that Kai has caused you, the scars that littered your skin because of him. You knew that you'd always end up wanting to be in his arms, and for just the two of you to be away from the world. Because all you ever really wanted, was just Kai Anderson. And you'll accept everything and anything that he had to offer you because of it. Because of your love.

Give me all of that ultraviolence

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- This was very rushed - Based off of Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey - Might write one short story every day this week - Not proofread

Hope you enjoyed and if you have any requests or questions please dm!

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evanpeters · 11 months

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Evan Peters in The Hollywood Reporter Drama Actors Roundtable (2023)

#evan peters #evanpetersedit #evanpeterssource #evanpetersdaily #dailymenedit #dailymencelebs #pedro pascal #kieran culkin #jeff bridges #damson idris #michael imperioli #flashing gif tw #ms*

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coentinim · 4 months

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JPM's cute little slit throat

I wanna lick it and and and and feel his windpipe move as he talks and kiss the most monstrous part of him to show my undying love and appreciation for his disgusting being.

Gif from @taintandviolent

#i might also be into gore idk #i want to eat him out but i mean the cursed wound #ahs #ahs hotel #tw gore #evan peters #james patrick march

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dream-girl-evil333 · 30 days

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evan4ever · 1 year

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can i request you to evan peters any character(or himself doesnt matter)x female has eating disorder he’s helping her like you know

I’m Here

Warnings: please please read with caution!!! This may be very triggering. ED (anorexia). Please reach out if you need help, there are resources and I promise you’re not alone 🤍

a/n: I contemplated writing this for awhile because it’s a deep and hard topic, but I’m hoping I wrote this in a way for anyone who struggles with this to know that there is help and people care. I’m linking an ED hotline, called NEDA. You can always message me if you need someone to talk to. Please don’t go through this alone 🙏🏻

I’m having this take place after you and Kit are released from Briarcliff

—

It’s been weeks. Weeks since you touched your favorite food. Weeks since you’ve ate more than a single bite of any meal before you. Weeks since you haven’t felt sick.

When you and Kit had finally been let out of Briarcliff, things were finally good. Having formed a relationship with Kit all that time together in that place, it wasn’t a surprise that he had asked you to come home with him, to be with him forever. Neither of you could imagine being apart after surviving for your lives together. So, of course you happily accepted.

You moved into his home, you spent months fixing it up, he went back to his job as a mechanic and you got yourself a job at a local diner. You were happy, Kit was happy. It was a picture perfect story and you swore nothing would make you feel anything like you did in Briarcliff. How could it? That place was hell and now you were free and living peacefully with the love of your life.

But with all the happiness you felt came an increase in your weight. Kit’s too, but that never bothered you. You loved it, in fact. He looked healthy and you fed him good, which he loved. But your own weight gain was a problem for you.

It didn’t matter that you were gaining because you were in a healthy and happy relationship. All you could focus on was that the number was increasing. It didn’t help that being nearly starved in the asylum had obviously made you drop an unhealthy amount of weight. You looked sick then, but standing that day in front of the mirror and observing your new curves, your stomach pouch and larger arms — something snapped in you. You hated the way you looked and you wanted nothing more than to look like you had the day you left Briarcliff.

So, you stopped eating.

Of course you didn’t want Kit to notice your lack of food intake, so you managed to take a bite or two of supper when he’d come home from work and stir around the food on your plate managing to make it look emptier than when you or Kit made it. And anytime he happened to question anything, you told him you had ate quite a bit at breakfast or lunch and you weren’t very hungry. You always reassured him. And he always bought it.

Your interest in food slowly dissipated. You had no desire to eat anything at all. Though the nausea from an empty stomach hurt quite a bit, your own mind didn’t let it win the battle. At some point, it became painful to eat a bite at all, like you had finally trained your stomach to hate food as much as your mind did. It was a sick and painful battle, but the way your body started slimming out and the number on the scale began dropping faster and faster was exhilarating.

Your goal was to hit the weight you had been when you left Briarcliff, but once you hit that number — you still weren’t satisfied. You wanted to lose more. So instead of allowing yourself to begin eating more, a healthier amount, you didn’t. You continued not eating and the number continued dropping.

You were sure Kit had no idea. He never commented on your weight, when you were larger and even now at a smaller size. You truly expected him to notice and to love it. Boys loved skinny girls. So why wasn’t he complimenting your weight loss? By this point, it was more than noticeable. Even your coworkers were impressed and had told you that you looked amazing. But never Kit. He always complicated other things about you, how your hair looked, your sparkling eyes, the way you looked nice, but never the size of your body.

Little did you know, though, that Kit had taken notice. It began on one of his days off where he realized you hadn’t stem anything all day, and by supper time you gave him the same comment you always had — that you ate too much throughout the day, you just weren’t that hungry. He quickly caught on to what was happening, how your body wasn’t only slimming out but wearing away. When he’s hold you at night, it was nothing for his arm to wrap around you twice if it could. Your ribs and your hip bones were poking out so far that it was worrisome. Your skin began paling and your hair brittling. He noticed all of it.

Your energy was gone at this point. It took everything for you to do your daily tasks, it pained you to get out of bed. If you could lay forever, you would.

It was getting bad. You had lost control and you didn’t even mean to. Of course you weren’t intending to become sick and frail, but your mind took over and would not allow you to become healthy again. Eventually, you believed Kit just didn’t care. There was no way he couldn’t see that you were sick, yet he never said anything. It spines you further that the man you love couldn’t see that you made yourself skinny so that you’d be more attractive, so much so that your life was slipping from you slowly.

Today was Kit’s day off. You stayed in bed when he got up, pulling the comforter up under your chin and wrapping yourself in it because you were so cold. You heard Kit moving around in the living room and kitchen but didn’t care enough to even wonder what it was that he was doing. All you wanted to do was disappear into thin air.

“Baby?” You heard his voice as he entered the room, looking over the thick blanket at him. You gave him a smile as he walked to your side and sat next to you.

“Good morning babe” you hummed quietly, trying to seem okay even though you knew you weren’t. He gazed down at you and you realized it was a look of concern that was on his face. He wore a small smile, but his eyebrows were pushed together and his eyes looked sad. “What’s wrong?”

He blinked a few times before looking down at his hands, you eyes flickering down to them too and noticing the muffin he held in them. You sucked in a sharp breath before looking back up to him confused. He let out a sigh, his eyes still on the muffin.

“Will you eat this for me? It’s blueberry.. your favorite.” He spoke quietly, almost scared to have asked. You clenched your jaw and pushed your own eyebrows together as a silent battle went on in your head. He was right, blueberry was your favorite. An blueberry muffins were expensive, so you guys didn’t buy them often. And now, here was Kit, holding one for you.

You wanted to accept his request, you wanted to shove the whole muffin in your mouth and melt into the sweetness of it. But your mind said absolutely not.

“Mm babe..” you hummed again, resting your head back on the pillow and closing your eyes and you shot him a smile, “I’m not hungry yet. I’ve only barely woken up. I will later?” Your eyes opened to meet his that held even more sadness. Your stomach turned when he seemed unhappy with your answers. He never pushed further when you declined food before, so why was he now?

You watched as he set the muffin on the nightstand next to you, his hands falling back in his lap as they clasped together and he stared down at them. You sat in silence wondering what was going on, fixated on his unreadable stance.

“I think we need to take you to the hospital.” He stated so quietly you questioned if you heard him correctly. Blinking a few times, you sat yourself up in the bed quick to pull the covers up to hide your bones that showed. You were nervous now at his sudden change in behavior today and the thought of going to the hospital made your pulse speed up.

“What?” You laughed nervously, shaking your head as if you didn’t understand. “Why would I need to go to the hospital?”

Kit still hasn’t met your eyes while yours were placed on him firmly. Your nerves grew with every passing second.

“You’re sick, y/n.” He said, sucking in a noticeably shaky breath. Your confusion and worry increased with his seemingly sadness.

“I’m not.” You disagreed, shaking your head. A deeper sigh left from his mouth and his shoulders slumped more than they were before, your eyes noticing the repeated clench and unclench of his jaw bone. “Kit..”

“We can get you help. There’s people out there that want to help you. I want to help you.” He spoke his last sentence in a whisper, a tear dropping onto his cheek. Seeing it pulled at your heart, realizing that he knew what was going on and was scared for you. “If we don’t get you help, your heart is going to give out. You can’t continue down this path and…” he sucked in another sharp, shaky breath, “and I can’t live without you.”

His eyes finally flickered at you, more tears dripping from his eyes to his beet red cheeks. His eyes begged you, pleaded with you to hear him out. You, at a loss for words, only stared at the broken man in front of you. You had for so long believed he didn’t notice and didn’t care when all along he had. You quickly thought back to all the times he’d offered you food, your favorite foods specifically. All the times he bought your favorite take out even though he could barely afford it, yet you denied eating more than a bite. All this time, that was his way of trying to help you. The only way he knew how that wasn’t taking you to the hospital. Now, he knew he had no choice if he wanted you to survive this.

“I’m okay Kit, really. I just haven’t been hungry—“

“You’re lying y/n.” His voice raised. It wasn’t a yell but it was a plead. “You’re not okay. You’re dying.”

The word dying made you flinch, because it was true. Your body was only weeks away from giving out on you and you knew that. You knew it and you didn’t want it to happen but you couldn’t fix it. Everything he was saying was true. But the thought of getting help and being forced to eat and regain weight was the worst feeling you’ve ever had.

“You can’t do this alone and I’m here for you. I want to help you get help, because I can’t give you the medical help you need. But I can stand by your side every step of the way. I am begging you.” He held your eyes in his, never looking away from them. He needed you to see how serious he was and how serious this situation was. If he could help you the way you needed, he would. He’d never force you to go to the hospital if it wasn’t your life depending on it. But he knew his love and guidance was not enough. He could fill your head with every compliment in the world, reassure you day in and day out that your beautiful no matter how you look, that you don’t have to kill yourself to be beautiful. He could tell you every day that you didn’t have to be skin and bones for him to want you, that he wanted you at your highest and healthiest weight just as much as he wants you now. But your health now wont allow you to be with him forever, and for that, he needs to help you get the correct help. “I’m begging you.”

Your eyes closed, no longer able to bare the brokenness he held. What you were doing may be killing you physically, but it was also killing him mentally. It wasn’t what you intended to do, of course not. You just needed him to open up to you for you to see it. And you knew everything he was saying was true and it was said out of love, from the very bottom of his heart. He was begging you to let him help you the only way he could.

It went silent again as you thought about his request over and over again. Your mind was telling you now but your entire being was begging you to let him. It was fucked up how strong the mind is. How much control it had over the person it belonged to. But you knew of you didn’t allow him to help you that you wouldn’t last much longer, and that was the amount of encouragement you needed to be able to accept his plea.

“okay.” You whispered, your eyes squeezing shut tighter. Suddenly, it felt like you could breathe. Like a weight was lifted off your entire body. Like everything you were fighting alone in was no longer holding you.

“Okay?” Kit whispered. You opened your eyes slowly and blinked through the tears that had formed allowing them to fall. Once your vision was clear and you were able to see Kit, you sniffled and nodded. He nodded along with you, a new small smile forming on his lips. “Okay.” He confirmed, standing from your shared bed and grabbing your hand gently to help you from it.

His eyes skimmed over your fragile body, the sight hurting him deeply. You noticed him doing so, but you didn’t shy away or become embarrassed. You were able to admit you needed help, and it was like your eyes opened wide and you could see the damage your mind was doing to you. And he could see it too.

“We’re gonna get you help, baby. Everything will be okay soon I promise.” He spoke softly, hugging you to him once you were dressed. You wrapped your weak arms around him and rested you head on his chest. Every move you made made you dizzy, and you held him for support as he guided you to the car and helped you in, bucking you and closing your door before entering the drivers side and starting it. His hand reached for yours as he began driving, taking the small thing in his tightly like he was holding it for dear life.

Your mind raced nervously the closer you got to the hospital, wondering what their point of action would be. You were scared they’d take you away or that you’d become a clinical experiment. Kit must’ve been able to tell you were scared, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

“It’ll be okay baby. You’re gonna be okay.”

—

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

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saintchaser · 10 months

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marauders, the pantheon and the valkyries smoking habits headcanons

remus lupin: mostly smokes weed, sometimes, not often, smokes cigarettes (when he does, they’re nicked from sirius). the kind of guy to cough around other people who smoke to make them feel bad

sirius black: sometimes rolls them, most of the time not. not a fan of weed, only uses it with remus. chainsmoker, and always has a cigarette before starting his day. only likes the heavier ones

james potter: doesn’t smoke cigarettes, only tried weed once and didn’t like it. passive smoker, he used to mind the smoke but got immune to it at some point, he knew he couldn’t stop his friends either way

peter pettigrew: occasionally smokes a cigarette (always rolled by him and has a lighter on him (unlike sirius), sometimes lends a cigarette). smokes weed more often, uses it to get out of his head for a bit

lily evans: always has a lighter on her. occasionally smokes, most of the time just to relieve stress, and sometimes uses weed. a bit of a hypocrite; smokes, but always tells others about the dangers of smoking

marlene mckinnon: heavy chainsmoker. rolls her own cigarettes but never has the patience to teach anyone else. usually smokes at night. hates the way weed smells, used it once and never again

mary macdonald: only smokes thin, scented cigarettes. always has to buy new lighters; either her or someone else loses them. doesn’t really like weed, but gets really giggly and hungry when she uses it

pandora lovegood: doesn’t like tobacco and cigarettes, with the exception that dorcas rolls them, only smokes weed. always gives people bits from her stuff, she and dorcas share a lot of it

regulus black: doesn’t smoke weed because he doesn’t like the smell, always scrunches his nose when he smells it. smokes at night, and chain-smokes. not many people know he’s a smoker

evan rosier: heavy smoker, started with nicking cigarettes from his father. often lends stuff to barty, who never has anything. enjoys weed sometimes, but prefers cigarettes. steals lighters all the time

barty crouch jr.: always begs his friends to give him stuff. he’s always got lighters. not a huge fan of cigarettes, but really likes weed. knows how to roll, but gets angry when people ask him to teach them.

dorcas meadowes: rolls her own cigars, never buys them. the only one patient enough to teach other people how to do it. only smokes weed with her friends, and gets really amusing when she’s high

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