#tw: negative thoughts

[incompleteninny]

The sixty-seventh free, unedited chapter of my upcoming book, “The Heist at Cordia Aquarium” is now available on its website (or click here to read from the beginning).

It's dark. Cramped and humid and hot. Thea tightens her arms around her knees; each breath comes rough. Haggard. Harsh against her throat, dry and raw as it is.

It's my fault. I could have said something; I could have stayed out of this and let them find someone better. Then Ivan could become a wrestler; Waylon could help whoever it was that needs him. But no, I'm selfish. I took everything from them.

Her thoughts bounce around inside her head, repeating — never-ending. Those that she escapes just add to the weight of the air around her. Floating at the edge of her perception, like specters waiting for another turn to haunt her.

She presses her head into her knees and she wretches. A dry, tearless sound — just as it's been for a while now. How long am I going to sit here, useless?

[...]

#heroku deleted my websites database so I'm a day late #did they send me an email that they were going to delete the free tier of databases? maybe #did I read it? most certainly not #and am I going to claim responsibility? I'll leave the answer to that open ended #anyway book tags #queer author #queer novel #queer lit #asexual protagonist #tw: anxiety #tw: negative thoughts #cat that thinks they're the protagonist

[papabearbobbynash]

Ignore this if you don't want read a bit of negativity

This Buck "new cognitive skills" thing is not looking promising in my eyes.

I mean it's probably related to the poker bts, what is not bad, but if we're getting the poker thing, it might mean the writers are pulling the more comical side on a storyline that is supposed to be serious... Once again, with Buck... I mean I can't be the only one upset with the last time this did happen.... Yes, I'm talking about the the sperm donor storyline where the writers could have focused on Buck formulating his process of thought regarding his role on the kid's life to then realize he didn't need to do that to feel worthy and at ease... and instead got the writers creating an episode that focused on how Buck didn't nut for weeks and then the only piece of actual info we got from his character mentality on the matter was on an interview with Oliver.

I mean it was implied Buck was going to deal with a ptsd, and we know the writers can do a decent ptsd storyline considering how they did Eddie's. I just hope they don't forget of actually showing the viewer the good stuff on Buck's character when trying to light up the mood of the show a little, because I don't want to judge before I watch, but I can't help looking at this part of the synopsis and feeling the writers are screaming "idk what else to do with this character"

#911 on fox #911 spoilers #911 speculation #evan buckley #tw: negative thoughts

[inadxquacy]

So where the fuck is Ellu? She was supposed to be back, right?

Absolutely but life had other plans for me. Yayyyyy…

In short: my training is 40hours/week, I’m still getting used to the place and have constant headaches, I’m overworked through work gigs (12 hour shifts will kill you slowly) and even better my mother was in a car accident so she has needed my help more than usual. Which is why last weekend instead of having even one day of rest I had to go to our cottage to make sure it’ll make it through winter. And this weekend you might ask? Two night shifts.

The weekend after this one? Might have to go to the cottage again and I have a night shift Sunday-Monday and back to training on Tuesday.

So yeah. Please kill me. The only thing cheering me up is the handsome doctors I get to work with in my training lol

#tw: vent #tw: negative thoughts #;ooc

[bylerboyfriends]

days just keep on coming 😟

#there’s no stopping them!! #what do we DO?? #living is scary and exhausting and repetitive and i don’t wanna do it anymore #tw: negativity #tw: negative thoughts #tw: sucidal thoughts

[spinxeret]

+ ( i just don't know anymore.

+ ( i don't know what the problem is anymore . i've tried to reach out to people, i've sent asks, i've asked to plot, i've dropepd meme and starter calls, i've shown excitement over writing with people, i've done everything but absolutely just beg people to rp, and in the end, i'm just left either ignored or feeling like i'm not good enough , whether it be writing wise, aesthetic wise, anything .

i could go on hiatus, but i know i'll just end up back here b/c i love mj so much , plus that won't really fix anything . so i just don't know . i'm just so tired of being hurt and let down when this is supposed to be fucking fun. )

#out of character talk ( ooc ) #tw: negative thoughts #tw: negativity

[vegalustirra]

I'm usually not one to dip my toes into such drama or politics for my own good, especially on Twitter. I have to force myself to stay shut & just observe. But this is something that I can't really stay quiet about for much longer. Just doing so has hurt me so much for so long.

I'm putting this under a read more because I don't want people to hear my ranting if they don't want to.

The whole situation with Palestine & Israel is something that has affected me for a long time now. I try to not let it take over in my thoughts. But there are some days where it overtakes me, making me breakdown as a result.

I have extended family there in Palestine on my mother's side & I have actually lost a few members of that part of my extended family. Early October last year particularly hit me hard when I received such news at work. Losing one of my cousins & nearly losing another cousin & an uncle made have a mental breakdown.

The fact that I have to hope, to pray every night that they live another day & can hopefully leave safely soon… It hurts my heart, it hurts my mental health.

Being here on this blog & watching my VTuber friends’ streams helps put me at ease to some extent. But I can never stop thinking about the well-being of my extended family.

I can only hope & support in any way I can until it finally ends.

#tw: death #tw: death mention #tw: politics #tw: genocide #tw: negativity #tw: negative thoughts #I'm not tagging this with the usual tags #for my own well-being

[chosenpogue]

today is one of those days where no matter what i do, i feel so unbelievably low. i felt fine earlier, but now... all i wanna do is curl up into a ball & cry my heart out.

#𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛'𝘚 𝘈𝘓𝘓. 𝘎𝘖𝘖𝘋 𝘛𝘈𝘓𝘒. ៸ ៸ ៸ ooc. #tw: negative thoughts

[mortuaest]

Large rant, sorry. Please ignore if any of the trigger warnings are going to be an issue. I need to get it off of my chest because if I rant on FB I get hit with a character limit and I should make a personal Tumblr which I think I have but dont remember shit about.

Ive been having severe, and I mean severe as fuck mental and emotional breakdowns because of the fact that its literally been almost a year (Its going to be a year October 29th) since I've had to put down Ice Cube, my ESA of 14.5 years. He had cancer in his cheek and it was placed right to where it would effect his quality of life severely negatively if we tried to surgically take it out, and he would possibly die on the table if we did it because of his age, and he was declining (He wasn't eating, he was drinking, he really wasnt eating as much as I wanted him to, he was spitting back up the pills I was giving him, he was suffering) and my mental and emotional health has been severely suffering each and every day that passes without him.

I have another cat, I got him in April, thinking I was alright. Which I was I guess. Im being reminded via FB memories and just my own fucked up brain wanting me to join him to where I'm legit giving myself until December 31st, 2023 to have someone. Anyone give me a fucking sigh to keep on living. Im going to be going through a program my friend suggested to make a will, making her I forgot the words she used but shes going to make sure that my will is listened to and Albert Whisker, the cat I have now is taken care of.

I cant keep on living, and the fact that this heartbreak is fucking me up so badly to the point where the large baggie of medications (ranging from insomnia medications to Very STRONG painkillers and such, as well as my daily medications the day of me going to attempt) is very tempting to take now. And I mean very tempting. Meaning I almost took it yesterday, after my first mental break and me physically hurting myself by slamming a brush ungodly hard into my head because I legit believe I deserve everything that has happened to me (The physical, emotional and mental abuse that I got for 20 some odd years from my mother, the severe car accident from last year, the rapes, everything. My friends being murdered or dying around me, loosing the only thing that even brought light to my life).

No one in my life cares. No one seems to care. Ive been severely struggling and each time IVe even bothered to reach out for help via friends. Since my father hates me for being trans and my sister doesnt give a fuck to even bother to help me. My mother was the cause of my two rapes/sexual assaults in my life and wants me dead because Im autistic. No one wants to help, or no one seems interested in even keeping me around.

Cosplay isnt helping. Video games aren't either. I havent felt any happiness since last year. I could deal with this if he was still alive. But at the same time Im lying to myself, I havent known what made me happy other than my past cat Ice Cube. I stayed for him since I love him. I had him since he was five weeks old. We bonded. Its not the case with Albert and I feel he loves me but we dont have the connection and never will.

Im never going to feel anything other than severe misery and depression. At least, that's what I 100% believe.

TLDR: Im severely struggling and dont know what to do anymore. I dont trust my new therapist even though she has stated more than once and my friend who also goes to her has stated more than once she wont send me to inpatient or CPAP and she tries to avoid hospitalization if we can. But because of multiple decades of PTSD, abuse, and being denied the proper treatment, help, support from friends and family that I should of gotten Im at the point where Im giving myself until December 31st to find a reason to stay alive and if I dont then Im letting my queue run out.

#狼{out of lusty ambitions} #狼{out of lusty ambitions}狼 #tw: negative thoughts #tw:mentions of death #tw: mentions of suicide #tw: cancer mention #tw: mention of loosing a loved one #tw: suicide mentions #tw: suicide idealiation #tw: plans of suicide #tw: mention of assault/sexual assault

[toges-wife]

【𝟐:𝟏𝟕 𝑨𝑴】

Tw: negative thoughts

Toge was patiently waiting for you to come home, it was 2 am and you weren't even picking your phone. It made him worried sick about you. Meanwhile you just weren't in your right thought, you wished that someone actually loved. You looked at yourself in the mirror in the store and you realised you weren't that pretty as you thought about it. They were right.. Everyone who pointed out your flaws was right.. You looked at toge's name on your phone and couldn't help but think how bad you are. You were ignoring your husband..

The only one who cared about you.

He was worried sick about you. Sitting alone on the edge of the window with a cup of coffee with his hands waiting for your car to appear in the road, he wanted to hold you closer and comfort you if anything was wrong.. You just were letting your negative thoughts come and get you. You were sitting in the car crying your eyes out remembering how everyone looks at you...

You wished to be accepted by your loved ones...

#tw: negative thoughts #tw: self negativity #i wish i was pretty #Honestly #I want toge to comfort me.. #inumaki #inumaki to/ge #jjk inumaki #inumaki fluff #inumaki toge #jjk #toge inumaki #jujutsu kaisen inumaki #anime #jujutsu kaisen #Just saying #I'm writing this at 2am #& crying my eyes out #i want to be pretty #like why

[starsaver94]

Do you guys still like me…?

#gotta love insecure thought first thing in the morning #answer honestly #please #stressed #tw: negative thoughts #star asks

[rhys-ravenfeather]

Off now.

Yeah, I’m sick and tired, literally, and just want to sleep as well as I can tonight, so I’ll keep this as short as I can.

To make a long story short: I didn’t have a good day.

I feel awful, I’m stressed out and worried, and I don’t know what I’m going to do...

On the plus side, I was able to finish coloring my latest drawing, and arrange a Zoom counseling appointment for next week.

So yeah...there’s that.

Well, I’ll see you guys when I see you.

#rhys-ravenfeather signing off #tw: negative thoughts

[valorandgold]

[TW ; negative thoughts

Honestly, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Yeah, I know, rare and dangerous for me. I’m just not in a good frame of mind about my blog though. This blog...it’s just there’s pretty much without much exaggeration a 2:1 ratio of active threads on the nsfw sideblog compared to active threads on this blog. With a few exceptions, most of the people I would RP with on this main blog are inactive or don’t want to RP with me and I can’t generate enough interest on this blog, though I suppose that’s partly my own fault in some ways. Still...it’s exhausting feeling like the only reason I get attention over here is for smut on the sideblog rather than the main and I don’t know what I should do about it. It’s honestly the sort of thing that kinda makes me wanna give up, and the main thing keeping this blog alive right now is my love for my muses, especially Petra and Junie

Don’t take this to mean I’m thinking about deleting or anything, nothing that drastic yet, but it does have me in a rut and I’m not sure how to dig myself out of it right now. Normally I’d reblog some memes. but even that’s not done a lot for me in the recent past. How to RP Blog? I can’t do RP blog, please send help, how do?]

#~Eph Speaks~ ;; OOC #~Eyes Without A Face~ ;; Dashboard Commentary #tw: negative thoughts

[raethethey]

hey its me. rae. im fine. im just having a breakdown rn and uhh idk how to deal with that really. like in a healthier way. whenever i was little and had an overwhelming experience or a day filled with anxiety i would shut down and escape to my room and turn on music and hug my blankie. but like thats not really dealing with the issue yk, its ignoring it until i forget abt it and then it happens again sometime later. i get stressed over the little things and they pile up. but idk when the mountain ever topples bc i pile it up behind me if that makes sense. just throwing it over my shoulder yk.

read at your own risk. i delve deep into traumas.

i grew up in a sheltered house, lower middle class, religion available to me. i didnt show up to school and have teachers pull me aside and ask me questions abt my parents and home life. but i did have issues. i apparently had a mother who occasionally abused alcohol (i guess i blocked this out and thought she was just smiley a lot) i had a father who decided a belt was more efficient than his hand when disciplining us, soap mouth washing was normal, holding his hand over my sisters mouth so the neighbors wouldnt hear her absolute monster of a meltdown screams (she could scream/ i was sitting on my bed watching this and covering my ears as best i could) yes he let her breathe but she was 7(?) she would just take a breath to scream again. i witnessed holes in the wall but never a bruise on my mother or father. (thats when cps was called) (thats when i realised i would become a statistic kid someday). i witnessed so many tears and yelling and walking out the front door (or even getting out of the car on a highway exit in the middle of a state we didnt live in to get away from him) i witnessed my mother connect with the ladies at church who didnt wear big hoop earrings or high heels or gaudy make up bc they grew up with 'bigger' struggles. (divorced parents, trailer homes, smoking, a sister who got pregnant at 14). i witnessed my dad struggle with someone who wasnt a good match for him but he was religious, death should happen before divorce. he would plead and beg and that sound when his voice cracked haunts me to this day. on the 28th of december when they gathered us to tell us they were divorcing i stood up, said, "i knew it." and went to my room until i had to pee or eat or go to school i dont remember. i lived between 2 separate houses until i turned 18 always lugging my sister around after she came back from boarding school for 2 years. i chose to live with my dad bc he was more financially and mentally stable. do i regret that? almost everyday. would i go back and change my choice? no.

im attending college rn with almost nothing in my bank account and no more help from dad. im scared bc im not smart, i believe i have learning issues bc not every teacher teaches the same and its been a constant guessing game as to whether ill pass or not based on them. i can apply myself when i get interested but if you lecture us like youre talking like a middle schooler abt the weather in an awkward convo with your crush, what the hell am i supposed to get excited abt?

how am i supposed to live in a home that expects more than i think i can give just because im an adult? with a man who doesnt understand social anxiety or burn out or depression bc he has the lord and faith and hope and he doesnt need to worry abt whats next. how am i supposed to recover from a night of not sleeping and watching youtube videos to drown out the thoughts (sometimes suicidal) and then be expected to get up at 8am and go apply to 7 jobs and grocery shop for your ass and clean the house and not take a nap that turns into 15hours of dead sleep at noon bc im adult and thats just what adults do.

no thats society. thats society fucking everything up for ill minds and those with disabilities and disorders and chronic sickness. society tells me i need to move out at 18 (when your brain only finishes developing at 27 ish). society tells me i need to figure out my life when im not even a 1/10th thru it. to get a degree at 22 a job at 23 bc youve interned somewhere for 2 years already and have that job for 50ish years, a spouse a house and kids at some point during that time and still be financially okay and be able to pay off student loans and hospital bills and mortgage and whatever else. society says fuck you all the fucking time and i cant fucking stand it.

im not ready to be 23. im not knowledgeable on how life works bc i was sheltered. we were poor we couldnt look stuff up willy nilly, if i did i was terrified i wasnt allowed to bc god is always watching, youll go to hell. i know nothing abt sex ed bc our teacher wasnt even fully certified. i know nothing abt taxes or bills bc we didnt have a finance class available. i know nothing abt dating bc no boys until youre 30. i know nothing.

when my parents split and i lived with my mom every other week, i searched everything under the sky in my room at night bc i was scared. i was scared my dad might find out that i thought [sally] was cuter than [sam]. that i was jealous of [jasons] body and the way it was shaped. that i liked the way [marys] voice sound bc she was cool on tv (she smoked) the way [johns] voice sounded bc it was lower. i read fanfiction as soon as i knew what it was. when i gravitated toward more mlm fics i was scared of those new apps coming out that let a parent see what their kid was doing.

when i graduated high school and didnt know what to do with myself for two years, i drowned myself in fanfiction and fantasies. when i was given an ultimatum of moving out or going to school and/or working i chose school bc by then i had found kpop. i fell in love with something for the first time in a while since fanfiction. i like the new language i hadnt really ever heard before other than psy's song that rocked the world. i realised ive always loved languages why not teach mine? thats popular. so i chose school, i dragged myself through months of mental torture and physical stress torture and im still doing it bc one day ill live a dream that was forced upon me bc i know im not ready for the world. and bc i chose school i met some of the greatest ppl. ppl who accept me for who i truly am bc that summer wasnt just abt kpop it was abt realising i was not a girl. i wasnt a boy either but goddamn idk what i am. so not only did i read abt gay men but i read abt gay anything. researching wtf was going on in my head. what exactly do i feel like, who am i attracted to, what do i want in life in a partner if i ever get one

and through all this in the back of my head im still thinking im not good enough for my dad bc he believes that even just who i am is a sin, im not good enough for mom bc i chose dad, im not good enough for myself bc im lazy and incapable of doing normal things and a wimp and a loser. im not good enough. i dont deserve this. i shouldve been kicked out years ago. thats how you know if youll make it (i wouldntve). theres smth wrong with me and my brain. the doctor said i had depression and gave me pills i didnt want bc pills make it real. there really is smth wrong with me. thats why they dont love me, they dont think im good enough. i havent been to a doctor in 6 years (1 covid hit so i just couldnt 2 i cant make the fucking phone call on my own) i know i have anxiety and worse depression. i think i have other stuff bc like i mentioned when i think theres smth wrong with me i research the fuck out of it.

cant even keep a best friend. the one in elementary moved, elementary-middle i moved schools, middle-high school stopped talking to me out of the blue, my church friend from elementary is still my best friend and has many the same views abt religion aa i do now and accepts me and loves me for who i am, but shes getting married this year. still have my college bestie but its only been 2 years. i hate myself for thinking 'wait until its been 7, he'll hate you then, but hes too nice to drop you to your face he'll just ghost you like the last one did'

cant commit to a partner either. first one was a mess, he had anger issues. second didnt respect the law. third one was 3yrs older and ready for marriage. 4th was going to the navy in a month. 5th (first girl) was in israel. i was the one who ended them all. my current partner is literally amazing and im scared the day they realise i literally cannot commit. we will dance around commitment forever until you get bored and realise i was just there bc i want to try but deep down know i cant and wont succeed. im scared the day they leave bc they think im playing with them and i unintentionally break their heart. im scared bc i know that will never happen, ill leave them before they can bc i dont want to string them along bc i cant commit.

well ive "journaled" for like and hour now and i need to pee. so thanks for reading if you did. im sorry if you were triggered. i dont want responses. i just needed to get this out.

#rae rambles #tldr: im sad #tw: depression #tw: mental health #tw: long post #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: religious trauma #tw: alcholism #tw: anxiety #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: gender dysphoria #tw: medication #tw: negative thoughts #tw: vent #delete

[bradleybeachbabe]

Hi! Congrats on your 700 followers bestie!!!

I have an ask but you don't have to write it if you're not comfortable with the topic, have a great day!

Until I bleed out for Hangman and reader ❤️❤️❤️

"Please stop"

"Talk to me"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I love you"

(maybe the reader tells Jake that she used to have thoughts about hurting herself back in the day)

hi! thank you so much <333

i’m so sorry but i’m going to have to deny your request. for someone who used to have those same thoughts about hurting themselves, i don’t feel comfortable writing your request. once again, i’m truly sorry. and i hope you understand that.

#tw: sh #tw: negative thoughts

[bloobluebloo]

For the majority of my life I attributed a lot of my unhappiness to my parents and the utter disregard they have for the things that make me happy. However, perhaps the issue here is that I am letting their opinions and potential reactions stop me from pursuing what I want. I mean, to be completely honest, there is technically nothing stopping me. Just have to get out of my own head and disregard the potential disappointment and arguments that will inevitably arise from me taking decisions for myself.

#tw: negative thoughts #admiral's log

[ironicandpunny]

i feel useless.

i feel useless.

ifeeluseless

ifeeluselessifeeluselessifeeluselessifeeluseless

#tw: depressive thoughts #tw: depression #tw: depressive episode #tw: negative thoughts #tw: negative self talk #i am useless #tw: suicidal thoughts #ironicandpunny talks #mental breakdown