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#tw: panic attacks

@nerdybirdboyTorturing Jay!


“I don’t know why this happened,” Jason sat on his bed, staring down at his lap. He tried his hardest to hold back his tears, the shame and guilt rising in him as anger and sorrow overwhelmed his soul, “I just - I know I said I’d stop, I promised but when I saw him about to kill you I-” reacted, killed him first. bruce reacted violently, angrily, and Dio - gods, Jason doesn’t even want to know how Dio will react to him killing again. 

“I’m fucked. I can’t control myself - what if I try to hurt you again to? You can’t trust me! I can’t trust me!’ He pulled in a ragged breath, finding it harder and harder to take in air and his breaths became faster and more shallow, “I can’t, I can’t Tim, I can’t do this again!” 

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Day Eighteen: Panic Attacks


Drink ice coffee, panic attack

Hanzo doesn’t drink ice coffee… but he does have a panic attack

As soon as Hanzo’s eyes locked with the elders’, his whole world froze

He couldn’t move, think or even breathe

Why on earth was one of the elders in America?

Had they really been tracking him all these years?

Why did they have to catch up to him now?

When he was happy, had a great relationship with his brother and was in love

Was this one of life’s cruel and twisted games?

A way to make sure he was miserable

All because of his past sins?

Keep reading

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I really wonder what it’s like to not have any mental illness. Like can you imagine not crying for an hour and a half immediately after waking up? Can you imagine not having to actively convince yourself not to hurt yourself by using skills you had to pay a licensed professional to teach you? Can you imagine not having a panic attack like every week? Holy shit y’all are lucky

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Sounds like you mean this soulmates fic, where Andrew and Neil can ‘visit’ each other. The events you’re referring to occur in ch. 7. - S

The visitor by Tuvieja [Rated M, 14004 words, incomplete, last updated July 2020]

Everyone has a soulmate, they can contact one another once they are teenagers but sometimes, when experiencing too much stress or trauma, soulmates may be able to “visit” each other before reaching maturity.

Neil and Andrew visit a lot

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/non-con, tw: panic attacks

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Oh yes, this one seems to be a classic! -F

One Day We’ll Be Free (But Today is Not That Day) by KatherineF [Rated: Not Rated, 3481 words, Complete 2019]

A unwanted gift arrives in the mail for Neil and the Foxes nearly a year after Baltimore, bringing back bad memories.

Or: Neil is given a flashdrive of videos of him while he was on the run. The Foxes all see.

(tw: panic attacks, tw: canon-typical violence)

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Hi! So far we’ve not been able to find any mdzs aus, but we had a bit more luck with My Hero Academia!  Enjoy! - S

Foresight Can’t Cure Stupid by nerdzeword [Rated T, 1150 words, complete, Aftg Bingo 2020]

Kevin is real tired of his friends doing things that set off his quirk.

BNHA AU for the Cupcake Bingo!

tw: implied/referenced abuse

Hero/Vigilante/Villain by Fire_Bear [Rated T, 4108 words, incomplete, Aftg Bingo, last updated Aug 2020]

Neil’s father and his associates are famous. They’re the heroes that defeat all of the villains on the Eastern coast of America. If Neil didn’t know the truth, he would likely be with them.

But he knows what his father is like behind closed doors, and so did his mother.

Now, with his mother dead and all on his own, Neil makes a fatal mistake. He plays hero.

And now he’s come to the attention of notorious villain group, the Foxes, and a man named the Monster.

tw: violence, tw: drug use, tw: panic attack

The Foxhole Hero Agency by inadequeer [Rated M, 11807 words, incomplete, last updated Aug 2020]

Saving people had felt good. It was the first real thing he had felt other than the crushing waves of grief and the strangling fear since his mother died. He could leave at any time. Wymack’s contract was for five years, but Neil didn’t have to stay that long. He could duck and run whenever he pleased, couldn’t he?

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: canon-typical violence


Andrew cosplaying Bakugo by @ladvy [tumblr, 2019]

The true twinyards fancast by @witherwaxian [tumblr, 2018]

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We’ve got enough to keep you reading for a while, anon!  There are both post canon and AU fics available, where either Neil or Andrew suffer from amnesia.  The fics we mentioned previously are all well worth a look.  In this post we listed mainly post canon/canon divergent fics (including the Kandreil fic you mentioned).  Enjoy! - S


  • ‘Pause and Restart my Heart’ series here
  • ‘Back to the Start’ here
  • ‘and in a flash, it’s gone’ here
  • ‘you’re not next before forever’ here (now complete)
  • ‘Until we go down’ here


  • ‘Times that try men’s souls’ here
  • ‘it’s fate that brought us here’ here
  • ‘ain’t no place like home’ here
  • ‘What the Fuck is Stickball and Who the Fuck is Stefan’ here

See Yourself In My Eyes by glam_reaper2 [Rated E, 8153 words, incomplete, last updated June 2020]

Title from “Lost” By Dermot Kennedy - Aka The theme song for this fic

Kevin was the first to leave. After graduating he signed a contract with a pro team in NY, making his way back to Palmetto at every opportunity.

The next year Andrew left, signing with a team in Boston and planning to do the same.

It was the summer before his senior year when Neil Josten, alone in Palmetto for the first time and trying to find his groove in the absence of his partners, went for a run…

It was the summer when Andrew and Kevin’s world came crashing down…

Side note: this fic is ENTIRELY medically inaccurate. Don’t @me I’m writing it for the angst 

tw: car accident, tw: panic attacks, tw: injury

Alive by The_GrxyWxrxn_91 [Rated T, 13674 words, complete, 2020]

Neil Abram Josten was dead. He had never been alive in the the first place. He was just a fake name on a few fake documents. A temporary person. He had lived for longer than he was supposed to.

tw: presumed character death, tw: implied/referenced rape/non-con

My name is Alex series by DarkBlueOwl [Rated G/T, 6496 words, complete, 2019]

Part 1: Meet my old friend Alex (G, 3903)

During a game Neil gets hurt. Alex wakes up to find a room full of strangers.

Part 2: Hello Alex (T, 2593)

A continuation of the fic, Meet my Old Friend Alex. This is from Andrew’s point of view.

Neil gets hurt during a game and Andrew handles it well. He doesn’t kill Number 14.

loving you is muscle memory by Talls [Rated T, 1452 words, complete, 2016]

Neil has temporary amnesia, and Andrew is disconcertingly attractive. This is especially disconcerting because Neil was pretty sure he didn’t swing. Nicky is endlessly pleased by the entire situation.

built this house on memories by modernpatroclus [Rated T, 4138 words, complete, 2016]

Prompt: OMG when i was reading ur last andreil fic i started thinking “okay but what if neil woke up and didNT REMEMBER ANDREW” CAN U MAKE THIS HAPPEN I WILL PAY U

Or: Neil gets amnesia and can’t remember anything past the night he was drugged in Columbia.

tw: injury


Art inspired by ‘Back to the Start’ by @rainbowd00dles [tumblr, 2020]

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This is so 🥺I changed it to reader rescues him, but Emily is a big part of the story!

It was a pretty light day around the office. Hotch and Rossi were in meetings all morning and afternoon and the rest of the team busied themselves with paperwork.

You didn’t have that much to catch up on so Derek tried to push his files off on you, but you stood your ground.

“Oh no you don’t-“ You told him with a laugh, taking the large pile that he’d placed on your desk and placing it right back on his. “This is why you shouldn’t procrastinate.”

“This is why you shouldn’t procrastinate-“ He mocked you in a high pitched voice, earning laughs from Spencer and Emily.

Emily gently nudged one of the files from her desk across to yours and you pushed it back softly.

“No!” You laughed. “I’m not helping anything with their files!”

“Even pretty boy?” Derek asked and Spencer’s cheeks turned bright red.

“Even the prettiest boy.” You confirmed sending a small smile Spencer’s way. His nose twitched softly as he turned back to his work.

A few hours passed and you were bored out of your mind. Hotch and Rossi were still in meetings and since you’d finished all of your files, you went to see if Penelope needed any help with data entry. When she told you she had nothing for you to do, the two of you chatted for a bit before you made your way back to the bullpen.

Derek has gone to the bathroom and you quickly grabbed a few files from Spencer’s and Emily’s desks before taking a seat at your own and getting to work.

“Not a word-“ You told them both upon Derek’s return and they both bit back small smiles.

That was hours ago. The sun was about to set any minute, which meant it was almost time for you to go home. You were bored out of your mind and it felt like it was taking hours for mere minutes to pass.

You found yourself in the break room, pouring yourself another cup of coffee you really didn’t need when Emily rounded the corner with a wide grin.

“You’ve got to see this!” She beamed waving for you to follow her.

“What?” You asked, taking a sip of your coffee.

“Derek asked Spencer to go grab him some paperclips from the supply closet and then locked him in there!” She laughed and your eyes widened in horror. “The two of them have been fighting to get the other to open the door but Derek’s holding the handle! Reid’s losing it!”

The supply closet lightbulb went out a few months ago and no one bothered to fix it. You usually propped the door open when you needed supplies, but knowing that Derek had trapped Spencer in the closet made you take off into a sprint.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked, chasing after you.

“He’s afraid of the dark!” You explained as she furrowed her eyebrows.


As soon as you saw Derek with a wide smile on his face and his hand on the door handle, your heart shattered when you saw it shaking with Spencer’s struggle to get out.

Above their laughter you could hear his soft whimpers on the other end and you pushed Derek out of the way and opened the closet quickly.

Derek and Emily shares confused looks as Spencer dropped to his knees and you wrapped your arms around him as he struggled to catch his breath.

“I’ve got you-“ You soothed him, rubbing his back softly as he clung to you. “You’re ok.”

Derek and Emily has no idea that Spencer was afraid of the dark, why would they? He’d only told you, his best friend, in confidence, and as soon as they found out they felt absolutely horrible.

They just wanted to play a little joke on him to make the time pass but didn’t realize how far they’d taken it.

Both of them apologized and once Spencer finally calmed down after a few minutes of you running your fingers through his hair, you offered to drive him home.

He was feeling better, but still accepted your offer anyway because he wanted to spend more time with you. Yeah, you were his best friend, but you were also his crush and he would’ve been a fool to turn down spending more time with you.

That night you fell asleep on his couch and he made a mental note to thank Morgan and Prentiss for locking him in the dark closet because if they hadn’t, you wouldn’t have saved him and he wouldn’t have gotten to spend the first night of many with you.

Send me some requests

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We’ve recced ‘I’m Here (Except When You’re Not)’ twice before, and although the other fics in those asks are not kandreil, they address serious issues and may interest you. The asks are Kevin dealing with alcoholism and Andrew helping Kevin through a panic attack. - A

Also check out…

  • ‘finders keepers’ series and ‘Recovery’ series here
  • ‘(Pas) Peur’ here 
  • ‘how did i get here’ here

you’ll never be nothing (you’ll always be everything) by orphan_account [Rated T, 15100 words, complete, 2019]

in which kevin finds love, home, and healing


exy isn’t kevin’s only boyfriend

tw: alcohol, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks

The Kandreil Continuation by zen_fox [Series, Last Updated 2018]

Part 1: Beginning, Building Bridges [Rated M/E, 15406 Words, Complete]

After the events of The King’s Men, Kevin tries to pick up the pieces of his life. Who is he outside of Riko Moriyama’s shadow? Apart from Exy, what does he want? Who does he want?

And most importantly of all: can he actually have any of it?

tw: implied vomiting, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: alcohol

Part 2: The Dream Team Reunited [Rated G, 7304 Words, Complete]

Seven years ago, Kevin Day came to Palmetto State University with a potentially career-ending injury. Four years later, he left with one of Exy’s most controversial friendships, and an on-court partnership that followed him out of PSU and into the professional leagues when Neil Josten joined the Coyotes last year. Now Andrew Minyard has joined their line, what’s next for these former Foxes?

(AKA: I wanted to make an edit for Tumblr in the style of a magazine spread, so I thought I’d whip up a quick fake interview to go along with it.)

NB: Art for this fic: Kandreil edit for The Dream Team Reunited by @onlycareaboutexy

Honeythief by MissKaedex [Rated M, 9155 Words, Incomplete, Updated Dec 2019]

Andrew was broken, but not beyond repair.

Kevin had issues, that had yet to be resolved.

And Neil was fine, he had always been fine.

tw: alcohol, tw: alcoholism, tw: violence, tw: depression


my three favorite boys art by @notquitewitches

Kandreil chess pieces tattoos art by @glasspunkart

the trauma trio art by @cowboymoonking

Kandreil doodle by @coldcigarettes

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Hang In There

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt: “Lay with me”

Rating: F for Fluff, (warnings: slight angst, mentions of nightmares and panic attacks)

You’d searched all over the tower for Bucky, but he was no where to be found. Groaning, you stomped into the kitchen to pour yourself a cup of coffee. Steve was sitting at the counter reading the paper when you flung open the cupboard and angrily pulled down your mug, practically slamming it down on the counter.


Originally posted by floatingpetals

              “Everything okay, (y/n)?” Steve asks, without looking up from his paper.

“No, I’ve been looking for Bucky for an hour and I can’t find him anywhere!” You groan, pouring yourself a mug of coffee and fixing it the way you liked before leaning against the counter and taking a sip. It’s warmth is soothing but not enough to curb your riding panic attack.

              “Did you check the training clearing? I bet he’s out there in the hammock that Sam got him for his birthday. He’s been real fond of it lately.”

You sigh, “I didn’t know that. I’ll check there next.” You finish your mug and lace up your boots to go on the hunt for Bucky in the woods. After walking to and around the clearing for a bit, you found Bucky lounging in his red hammock.

              He looks up and smiles when he hears you coming. “Hey Doll,” he murmurs, eyes crinkling at the corners with his grin.

As your walk towards him your resolve starts to crumble as the images from your nightmare flash behind your eyelids with each blink and your lip start to tremble before your burst into tears. Bucky is out of his hammock in second, his arms encircling you.

              “Doll, what’s wrong?” he asks, rubbing your arm.

You can’t answer as you cry into his shoulder.

              He continues to rub your arm and then moves you towards his hammock. “Lay with me,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss forehead. He lets you go briefly as he climbs back into his hammock. You climb in next to him and tuck your head under his chin. He rubs your back as your tears start to slow down and subside into hiccups. When you’re finally cried out, he kisses your forehead again. “Are you gonna tell me what made you so upset?”

You wipe your face on the sleeve of your sheet. “I had a nightmare,” you murmur, pressing your knuckles against your lips.

              “About?” he asks, softly.

“I lost you and it was gruesome,” you whisper and then shift your gaze up to meet his eyes, “then when I woke up, I couldn’t find you and I started to have a panic attack. I probably didn’t help myself by adding a cup of coffee to the mix.”

              His eyes soften, “I’m right here, doll, I’m not going anywhere. That was just a nightmare,” he says, soft and calm. You allow him to soothe you and you wrap your arm over his torso.

“I just needed to see you and feel you, to confirm that you were still here.”

              He chuckles gently and the sound rumbles through you. “I’m not going anywhere, you couldn’t make me.”

You take a deep breath and press your lips against his. “I love you, Bucky.”

              He cups your cheek and kisses your forehead. “I love you too, (y/n), so much.”  

You sigh and bury your face in his chest, breathing in his scent as it mixes with the crisp fall air. He picks up his discarded books and start to read to you. His voice rumbling through his chest and lulling you into a peaceful sleep.

Tagging: @angryschnauzer @persephone-is-here-omg @salimahbicharara-comun @soldatsaleannan @shreddedparchment 

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I hope you’ll enjoy this one!  It’s a very sweet, soft, summery bit of healing for one Neil Josten, with a side of found family and a giant heaping helping of supportive Andrew.  -F

You’re the Sunflower by Stjosten [Rated M, 40365 words, Complete 2020]

Neil and Stuart make a deal. Neil will stay at Stuart’s house for the rest of the summer and in August Neil can decide if he wants to stay or if he wants to go. His decision is already made. There isn’t anything here for him and he knows that if he stops running he will be as good as dead in a few months.

It’s unfortunate that this is the moment in his life when he finally meets a group of people that are willing to see past all of his never ending issues and give him a second chance at life. Even if they can manage to give him a thousand reasons to stay, he doesn’t think that it will be worth it in the end. He’s leaving and nothing is going to stop him, at least that’s what he keeps telling himself.

A summer trope filled story that takes place over three months.

(tw: panic attacks, tw: scars)

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Well,, RBG died, I had a hardcore panic attack, and I think I pissed off the last person who’s been willing to speak to me on a regular basis.

If anyone has cute pictures/videos of kittens rn they would be highly appreciated, but no pressure. I love you all no matter what.

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WhumpTober2020 No. 18

Panic! At the Disco

Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia


The Matron tells him it’s either ten laps in the pool or standing guard for the third night in a row, and Bruce chooses the pool for him. Bruce, who knows perfectly well how Buck feels about water.

Buck is pretty sure his brother simply doesn’t care.

Things between them have been very tense since the… the incident. Buck’s got a healthy fear of Bruce heating things with his hands, but he’s also not too fond of the idea of getting into water deeper than two feet.

He used to love swimming until he met the Matron. Sadistic slave-driver of a woman without an ounce of compassion in her bones, as Bruce says.

But Bruce is the one who drags him into the water, step by struggling step. Manhandling people is a lot easier when they’re running on five hours’ sleep over three days.

The feel of water on his skin is like an itch he can’t scratch. It circles his ankles, his knees, his thighs, his waist. It soaks through his shorts in seconds and drags at them. He starts thrashing when it reaches his chest and Bruce slaps him right across the face like that’s a normal human response to someone terrified of water.

Maybe it is. What does Buck know about normal human anything?

They reach the deep end and Bruce just–lets him go. Releases him into the wild blue yonder like he legitimately doesn’t care if his brother drowns or not. Buck tries to quell the panic, but it rears up and takes control of his limbs. He knows perfectly well that he should keep calm and tread, but his hind brain kicks in and under he goes in a flurry of limbs.

When he comes up, Bruce is cursing and trying to grab him, but he misses and Buck goes under again. Some rational part of his mind is insisting that all he has to do is reach like he used to and the water will flow with him rather than against him, but the fear overrides all. He feels hands pulling him down, pinning him in place, trapping him forever in the darkness where his lungs fill with fluid and his blood turns to lead. It’s all in his head. He knows that.

But the panic wins every time.

He will die down here. He almost wonders if that would be better than returning to the surface. Back to the Matron, to the sleepless nights, to the brother who branded him with a knife in the name of “ownership”.

Bruce doesn’t give him a choice He never has He finally manages to grab him, haul him to the side of the pool, and toss him out. Buck retches and sobs as water flows from his mouth and nose. Bruce thumps his back aggressively; if either of them feel him touch the brand, they don’t mention it.

When he can finally breathe again, he looks up to see Bruce’s disappointed frown. That hurts almost as much as the inevitable beating the Matron will dish out for his failure.

“Coward,” Bruce snorts, lip curling.

Buck just looks away.

Yes. I am.

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     Spiraling. Also on AO3 here. @whumptober2020
(This one is actually part two of this if you want to go read that first.)

    They all saw it.

    As much as they wished they could deny it, they all saw how Stiles was struggling.

    The young man was even more paranoid than usual, distrustful of anyone who wasn’t in their pack. When a freshman bumped into him in the hallway one day, Stiles had lost it. He had turned around, shoving the girl back against a locker as he shouted at her, begging her to just tell him what she wanted from him. It wasn’t until Scott managed to pull him away that he calmed down, still rambling about the girl’s malicious intentions.

Keep reading

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