#tw: references to suicide | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

screamingatanemptyroom · 2 months

Text

Please Fix the Story - Side Part - Liam

LAST SIDE PART! Liam's story. I really hope you guys enjoy! This has been a wild ride, and I can't wait to move on to whatever is next!

Masterpost linked here

_______________________________

“Every dragon has a treasure.”

Grandfather spoke seriously to me, his large silver form towering over my small one. I never felt fear or discomfort facing him, despite his enormous size, however, because his eyes were always filled with warmth and love.

“Like gold?” I asked, rolling on the ground to scratch the new scales on my back. “Or diamonds?”

“Treasure for a dragon is much more than a simple shiny object.” Grandfather watched my actions with a toothy grin. “It represents something much greater than that. A treasure can’t be owned by the dragon, quite the opposite in fact.”

He reached out a claw, flipping me over and patting the dirt and grass from the ridges on my back. I looked up at him, stunned by the seriousness in his gaze. “A dragon’s treasure is whatever owns his heart. It is a piece of their soul, the truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. If something happens to the treasure, it destroys the heart of the dragon… so we protect our treasures with our lives.”

“Wow! I want a treasure!” I tried to fly, but my immature wings could only lift me a few feet before I fell back down to the ground.

“Oh Little One, you will.” He assured me. “Every dragon does.”

“Wait... then what’s your treasure?”

His eyes grew very sad. “My treasure was your grandmother. I loved her more than life itself.”

“My grandmother? I shook my head, confused. “Where is she?”

“She passed, Child. She had to leave me first.” His eyes had tears in them. “Dragons are nearly immortal, but there are still far too many things that can end our journeys early.”

“I thought you said if something happens to your treasure…?”

“Her death destroyed me… I wanted to follow her.” He stared out at the sky. “But your parents had fallen in the same battle… and I couldn’t leave my Little One alone. You were just an egg then.” His eyes focused back on me. “I will always miss her, my heart will never be the same. However, she would want me to care for you, raise you well. You are our grandchild, a living proof of her existence, and I am fortunate to have the chance to be your family.”

I rushed over and hugged Grandpa’s leg. “It’s okay! Don’t be sad! I love you!”

“I love you too!” He smiled again. “And one day, Little One, when you find your treasure, I hope that you both know nothing but peace and joy. “

“I’ll find my treasure! And then you can live with both of us!”

His large claw rested gently on my head. “I would love that.”

I went to sleep that night, dreaming of family and a bright future ahead.

The next day, I lost everything.

_______________________________

I was playing in a field, chasing butterflies. I scampered after a bright blue one, capturing it gently between my claws.

“Pretty!” I admired its big blue wings. “I wish I could fly like you! Grandpa says I need to grow a few more years before my wings will be big enough.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “But I practice anyways! When I can fly I’ll go looking for my treasure! And then I will grow up big and strong and protect everyone, so no one has to be sad like my grandpa ever again!”

The butterfly flapped its wings nervously, and I opened my claws to release it. “Go home, butterfly! Bye bye!”

I watched as it flew away… directly into a blue portal that materialized in front of me. The poor creature was incinerated as I stared, horrified.

“What is going on…?” A glowing blue figure stepped out. It looked somewhat human, but not at the same time. I briefly wondered if it was like Grandpa, who could take a human form when he needed to be smaller. As I considered this, the being stepped closer, its eyes focused directly on me. Feeling uneasy, I backed away a few steps.

YOU ARE A DRAGON?

The words were spoken and at the same time wrote themselves in the sky above me. I knew how to read, Grandpa had taught me, but I had never heard of a being that could speak written words into existence.

“Y-yes! I’m a mighty dragon like my grandpa!” I puffed out my chest proudly, but after a moment my shoulders still shrank back in fear.

YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN.

“Chosen? For what?”

YOU WILL BE A MIGHTY HERO, TRAVELING TO MANY WORLDS, SAVING THE UNIVERSE. YOU WILL BE GIVEN UNIMAGINABLE POWER AND WEALTH. YOU WILL BE THE GREATEST DRAGON TO EVER EXIST.

“… cool.” I thought it over. “Can my grandpa come?”

NO. THIS WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED BY YOUR DEPARTURE.

“Oh… no thank you, then.” I started backing away. “I have to go home now.”

YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. REFUSAL WILL NOT BE ALLOWED.

I turned away to run “GRANDPA!”

“CHILD! RUN!” I saw my grandfather, his large silver form flying desperately towards me. In his eyes I saw a look I had never seen before, no matter how many dangers we had faced since my hatching.

He looked scared.

“GRANDPA!”

YOU MUST ACCEPT YOUR FATE.

Power made of blue fire wrapped around me. My grandfather was close enough to breath his own fire towards the unknown being, but it disintegrated into nothingness as it neared it.

“LITTLE ONE! NO!”

A terrified cry. Tear-filled eyes. A look of anguish.

My last memory of my grandfather, before my home realm was destroyed.

And then I was truly alone.

_______________________________

I was taken to a new realm, a realm only for me. Nothing else could live there. Insects, plants, even moss and mold… they would appear briefly, live just long enough for me to dream that this time, things would be different, before withering away. Death was my constant companion in this realm. Each time a new living creature or plant would arrive, I would tell myself not to hope. Hope would only result in more pain. But still my young heart beat quickly with it each time I discovered something new.

But soon, loneliness would no longer be my greatest fear. The System began dragging me into lower realms, telling me to play my part.

I will never forget my first mission.

It was a high school world. My character was a bully, one that tormented the hero and heroine relentlessly. His father was a very wealthy and influential man, and this boy leveraged every once of that prestige to make others miserable.

When I arrived, I was scared, confused. I had never been a human before, much less in a place of only humans. Even as I tried to orient myself to my new surroundings, however, I was given a mission:

My mission was to die.

In the story, character failed to separate the hero and his love. In this end his misdeeds were exposed on the internet, and the entire world turned against him. Even his father disowned him, cutting off financial support, which had been the only affection he had bothered to bestow upon the boy.

"EVIL! VILLAIN!"

He received thousands upon thousands of messages like this.

"WORTHLESS! DIE!"

Near the end of the story, the villain took his own life. My mission was to continue with the villain’s role as written, while the hero’s story would be changed to save the realm.

I refused.

My grandfather had always taught me to be kind to others, and to myself. I couldn’t bully the two leads, any more than I could harm myself because others wanted me to. I was still a dragon, at least at heart, and I would stay strong.

When I changed the ending, the world faded around me with a simple glowing message:

MISSION FAILED.

I was back in my dragon form in my prison realm, and standing in front of me was an angry young man.

“Are you happy?” He asked me, his eyes cold.

“I don’t understand. Who are you?”

“Obviously you don’t understand!” He pointed at himself. “I am the hero.” His finger turned towards me. “YOU are the villain. We each have our parts to play.”

“I don’t want to harm others, or myself.” I backed away, showing my teeth in a way grandpa had taught me to scare off bad guys like him. “Go away!”

His response was a vicious smile. “Do you know what happened to that world? That lower realm we had traveled to?”

I shook my head.

“Show him, System!” With a wave of his hand a portal opened up next to me. I tried to back away further, but paused at the sight inside:

My character refused to jump off the school roof, as the original ending dictated. As my character was surrounded in blue fire and slumped to the ground, the entire world began bending and warping. The world slowly began to cave in on itself, turning into nothingness.

It was a familiar sight to me, and as I watched, golden tears dripped from my eyes.

It was exactly like the destruction of my home world.

“You killed them.” I whispered, horrified.

“No. YOU killed them.” He leaned forward, and the madness in his eyes terrified me. “You didn’t play your part! The world became unstable and collapsed. Do you understand? All those children you met, all the teachers and parents… every single person you met in that realm… dead. All because of you.”

My small claws covered my head, trying to hide. “NO!”

“Oh yes, what a wonderful villain you turned out to be.” He laughed. “You bring nothing but pain and destruction to those around you, and you need to learn to follow the rules.”

“…”

“You must accept your fate, Villain.” He left with those parting words, which would haunt me each moment going forward

_______________________________

I changed shortly after that. Each time I was dragged into a lower realm, I would get my mission, and fulfill it as simply and quickly as possible. I avoided bullying or harming others, only possible as my mission was almost always regarding the ending for the villain. But the ending required was always terrible.

Death continued to be my constant companion, this time my own. Countless missions of death and destruction, until they all blurred into one another. I never knew if my obedience to the mission changed the fates of these realms or not as Adonis and the System would never tell me. I could only hope.

I matured into adulthood, but nothing changed in my suffering. I had almost forgotten who I was. I had no name but "Villain", I had no purpose but to be defeated so that others could thrive.

I did take some solace in that my current compliance did not make them happy. My race towards the ending of each realm irritated Adonis, which I learned was the name of the hero who would visit me occasionally in my realm.

“You are moving too fast! I don’t have any time to do my part in the realm as you race towards your own bad ending! If you can’t play along…” He trailed off with a threatening tone.

I looked at him without interest. His words meant nothing to me. “You cannot threaten me.” I told him, feeling numb. “You have already destroyed everything I love. My family is gone. I am alone.”

And I was alone.

On the rare nights I wasn’t dragged into the lower realms to die, I would dream of my home. Of watching dragons fly freely in the sky. Of my grandfather and his loving smile, of his dream that I would find my treasure and live out my days in joy and peace. Each time i dreamt, the details would fade a bit more. I was losing my sense of self, of any purpose other than that which had been forced on me.

I was a dragon, my grandpa said that was something to be proud of.

But I slowly I turned into something else, something twisted. I was becoming the villain I had been named and nothing more.

If life had continued on that way, I don’t know what my ending would have been. A dragon is immortal, but there are still ways to cut their journeys short. Death of hope, destruction of the soul, is one of those ways. I was heading towards a point of no return.

And then I met Bel.

_______________________________

We first met in a lower realm, where I was an assassin, she the heroine. She was lost, confused, and acting totally out of character for the story, which shocked me. I hadn't known there was another traveler like Adonis. After we ran into each other, she spoke to me normally, even kindly, overwhelming me by even the brief interaction. When she asked my name, I responded “Villain” the only one I could remember.

She misheard and called me Liam.

I didn’t correct her, it was the best name I had ever been called. We drank coffee and talked, and it was the happiest time I could remember since the destruction of my world.

But all good things must end, and there was a counter to finish this mission. Our missions in this world were the same: the death of the assassin. Seeing her worried gaze on me, I realized this was the first time someone had showed me concern since my grandfather.

I didn’t want her to be sad.

I drank poison, pretending to drink her cup by mistake, and walked away.

Death was my constant companion, but I didn’t want her to see me die.

I saw her a few times after that, mostly in non-human or monstrous forms. She remained the same no matter my appearance, which made me start to wonder a very dangerous thought: would she still be so kind if she knew I was a dragon, a villain?

I buried that hope deep within my heart, not wanting to examine it too closely. But soon it would be difficult to ignore.

_______________________________

Adonis cast her into my realm. He was punishing her, trying to force her to agree with accepting the path and bonds of fate. He knew she would suffer in my realm, slowly having her life drained from her. He must have expected her to cave, to turn back to him in less than a day.

I too thought she would return to the Higher Realm. Initially I treated her coldly, not wanting to have any hope that she would be different than any other living animal or plant that appeared in this place. She would leave here, and it was best I wasn’t too attached.

But Adonis and I both underestimated the wonderful stubbornness of Bel.

She felt the draining effect of the realm, yes, but refused to give in, wanting to stay. I hovered over her, watching her increasingly pale form with increasing anxiety. I had to do something, but what could I, a prisoner and villain, possibly do?

When I got pulled into the lower realm once more, it was a horror story, a world of vampires. I adjusted to my new form, and instead of heading straight to my destruction as I typically did, I found Adonis instead.

“Are you enjoying the company, Villain?” He asked me with a sarcastic grin.

“I actually go by Liam now.” I responded blandly, my fear of him long ago corroded by time and countless deaths. “And yes, I’m happy for her presence.”

Adonis’ eyes filled with rage. “You are NOTHING to her. Nothing but a villain. And don’t get too comfortable, she will be leaving soon.”

“That’s up to her, isn’t it? She wasn’t too happy with you last time I checked.”

He swung his fist at my head in anger, but it was a useless move. I was a vampire in this world. Compared to me, his human form might as well be moving in slow motion. I dodged his arm easily, and knocked him to the ground.

“She doesn’t belong there!” He spat out.

"Why not?" I hoped he would say something to help me figure out how to help her.

Fortunately he obliged. “Her very nature is that of a heroine. Your realm will reject her, slowly destroy her. Just like your pathetic and evil nature keeps you alive and well in your little prison. You can’t change your nature, Villain. That evil place shares your energy, but will only drain hers until she dies.”

I felt relieved at the extra information, but also horrified at the same time. “You do remember that you were the one to put her in that realm, right? Were you trying to kill her?!”

Adonis smiled. “She just needed a little reminder of who she is, and what she needs to do.”

“And what is that?”

“She needs to accept her fate.”

At his words, I reached out, grabbing his neck and lifting him off the ground. My nails pierced the skin of his neck, his blood dripped down my hand onto the floor and I felt my fangs pierce my gums, preparing to feed. I held back though, not wanting to taste his blood. It smells terrible. I assume the energy within must be very contaminated by his self-absorbed soul and ruthless nature. I thought, my brain slowly making a connection.

Wait… if blood carries energy, and the essence of one’s nature… Then I might have a way to help Bel.

Even as I felt excited about this revelation, I felt a sharp pain in my back. I turned, just in time to see the heroine of the story holding a stake, stabbing it through to my heart.

Adonis laughed as my hand released him and I stumbled backwards, clutching at my chest. “See, monster? The heroine will only ever despise you and kill you if she can.”

“That’s not Bel.” I muttered, feeling my life fade from me. “That woman is a character from this world.”

“Bel IS the heroine, Villain, she will be the prototype from which all heroines will derive their fate. She can only be the heroine. Just like you can only be a monster. She will never stay by your side." He stepped closer. "I’m just waiting for her to realize the truth of what you are and what she is. And then she’ll return to me. Return to where she belongs.”

The last thing I saw in this realm was his confident smile, and the heroine’s blank uncaring stare.

I died painfully in that realm, but it gave me an idea. I fed her my dragon blood, filled with the same energy as the realm that imprisoned us. It sustained her briefly, but I worried that it was only delaying the inevitable.

We spent the time together, getting to know each other better. She was kind, curious, outspoken. She found the humor in everything, and slowly I found myself joking alongside her. A deep certainty grew within me.

She was my treasure.

Just like my Grandpa said. Not an object, not something that could be owned. My heart belonged to her. I, who had lost any home since the destruction of my own world, had found it: by her side.

I took a chance, showed her my true self, my heart in my throat the entire time as her eyes studied my dragon form.

She smiled, and the love I felt was overwhelming. I was drowning in it. For the first time in a long time, I felt that I was something more than just a villain, a monster.

I was a dragon, and she was my treasure. I would protect her with my life, protect her happiness, no matter what.

_______________________________

But our story, at least the first time around, was not one with a happy ending, but a tragedy.

I proposed. Asked her to marry me in the mermaid realm. She agreed, and we had a wedding. She had made a deal with the sea witch to marry her true love, and at the moment we said “I do” her mission was complete.

We returned to my prison, to my realm.

And she was dying.

I felt my heart dying with her. A part of me wanted to force her to return to the Higher Realm, to be safe. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ask her to buy her safety with her freedom. I could only allow her to make her own choice, and stay by her side. I remembered vaguely my grandfather telling me about my grandmother’s death. And I understood. I couldn’t resume my hopeless lonely existence I couldn’t continue without her.

I would stay with her, and I would die with her.

But the end I expected didn’t come. The System made a deal with her and I watched on, holding my breath, as she agreed. And as she disappeared, I panicked.

“LET ME FOLLOW HER!”

The System studied me, looking at me closely without emotion or curiosity. It was as if it was solving a mathematical equation that I was a part of.

SHE HAS MADE A DEAL, YOU CANNOT FOLLOW HER.

“I’ll make a deal too! Take anything you want, please just let me follow, let me protect her!” My heart, my soul was tearing in two, she was so far from me, and she was in danger.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.

“You can have ME! You can have your perfect villain! I’ll play my role, I’ll never once step out of line or rush to the end! You can have the puppet you always wanted.”

... YOU WOULD SACRIFICE YOUR FREE WILL?

I didn't hesitate.

“For her? Anything.”

Words scrolled in front of me. The deal the System offered. I would be allowed no memories, but I could follow her to every world. I wasn’t worried about not remembering her. She was part of my soul, my treasure. I could no more harm her than I could rip my own heart from my chest. But the cost.

Oh, the cost.

It was a deal with the devil, but still I considered it. The System, sensing my hesitation, spoke again.

SHE HAS COMPLETED FIVE WORLDS ALREADY… BUT WITHOUT PURPOSE SHE IS IGNORING THE POWER AVAILABLE TO HER. HER WILL IS FALTERING. CALCULATED CHANCE OF SUCCESS IS LESS THAN ONE PERCENT.

“If I take this deal and help her? Does it improve her chances?”

UNKNOWN. SIX WORLDS.

I felt my soul tearing apart. The System was demanding I put not just my freedom and will on the line, but countless worlds that I had saved before. If I agreed, I would have no defense. I would be the monster, the villain that Adonis called me.

Not Bel’s Liam.

The System’s monster.

SHE IS STARTING THE ELEVENTH WORLD. AT CURRENT CALCULATIONS, SHE WILL GIVE UP IN THE TWELFTH. THE DEAL WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, AND ALTHOUGH YOUR OFFER TO HAVE A PERFECT VILLAIN WOULD GREATLY SIMPLIFY THE PROCESS... YOU CAN BE REPLACED. YOU ARE UNNECESSARY. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ACCEPT.

Bel needed me. I had a choice, and I willingly made it. And even if I damned my soul for eternity, I would burn happily for her safety.

I pressed “Yes”.

_______________________________

“Every dragon has a treasure.”

A young child sat in front of me in the park, his eyes wide with wonder. His dark hair resembled my own, but his eyes…

His eyes were just like his mother’s.

“Like pirate treasure?!” He asked excitedly, and I couldn’t help but laugh, remembering a long ago conversation with my grandfather.

“No, much better than that! A dragon’s treasure can’t be owned, because it is the treasure who owns the dragon’s heart. The truest home a dragon can have is by his treasure’s side. And so, we dragons protect our treasures with their lives.”

“Wow! Do YOU have a treasure, Dad?”

At his question, I looked over to the side, where Bel and our other three children were. They were sneaking up on a couple sitting on a park bench, a handsome man in a suit, speaking to a young woman wearing a loosely fitted dress.

“I'm sorry but I have to go." The man said dramatically.

"Where are you going?! And why?"

"I can’t tell you what’s going on, Penny!”

“Why not?!” The woman he called Penny cried. “Please, Charles, Don't leave! You don’t understand, I really need you here! What’s going on? Just talk to me!”

“It’s for your own protection.” He paused. “Wait, why do you really need me here? Is something going on?”

Penny looked away. “Never mind.”

“STOP RIGHT THERE!”

PSST!

Our little girl, Hannah, raced forward with her sister Selina and her brother Adam, all wielding small spray bottles.

“Who are you…?” Charles tried to ask, only to be pushed down in his seat by the horde of children.

“You two have terrible communication skills!” Hannah put her hands on her hips, glaring at the male and female leads. “And at this rate you two are headed towards a bad end.”

“What?” Penny shook her head. “We communicate just fine!”

“If that is what you think good communication is, I hate to see what you think bad looks like!” Adam rolled his eyes. “Just because you both are technically speaking words in the same language does not mean you can communicate.”

“Yeah, what they said.” Selina, the quiet one of the three, finally spoke up.

“Listen you little…” Charles started to swear, but stopped, sputtering, when Selina sprayed him in the face.

PSST!

“Sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the stupid coming out of your mouth.”

Charles tried to stand up, a hand raised threateningly, only to scream in pain as Bel put him into an arm lock and expressionlessly forced him back onto his bench.

“Hands to yourself, and listen to the children.”

“Why should I listen to these snot nosed brats?”

“Because even children have more common sense than you two. Also if you don’t listen I’ll just beat you both up until you agree.”

“YEAH! OUR MOM WILL BEAT YOU UP!” Hannah shouted.

“AND THEN OUR DAD WILL EAT YOU!” Adam added.

Hannah looked back at her brother, whispering. “Dad doesn’t eat people!”

He shrugged in response. “They don’t know that.”

Selina stepped forward.

“First” She pointed at the hero. “Charles here is leaving to deal with assassin’s hired by his estranged father. They told him that if he doesn’t return home to take over the family business, they will have his love…” She pointed at Penny. “YOU… killed. He’s worried that if for some reason he doesn’t make it, that you would blame yourself. So he hopes to keep you in the dark, to protect you.”

“How did you know that?!” Charles burst out, and then looked chagrined as he realized he had confirmed her words.

“You really are trying to protect me? You’re not trying to trick or dump me?” Penny looked relieved.

“I’m sorry, Dear, I just was worried… I love you!”

“I love you too…”

PSST!

Selina sprayed Penny this time.

“What was that for?! We cleared the misunderstanding!” Penny wiped her face with hand, annoyed.

Hannah and Adam joined their sister.

“Oh really? You’ve talked about everything?”

“Not hiding any story-changing, unnecessary secrets?”

Penny paused, looking guilty. Charles panicked, holding her hand. “What is it? No matter what, we’ll face it together!”

“Like you were going to face your family?”

“… Sorry.”

“it’s okay. I’ve been hiding a secret too.” She glanced over at the three bright eyed children and their brandished water dispensers with a shudder. “...I’m pregnant.”

“…” Charles sat back, obviously shocked.

“I knew you wouldn’t be happy!” With a cry, Penny tried to run away.

PSST!

All three children sprayed her back down into her seat.

“Nice try, heroine, but avoiding difficult conversations and living in unnecessary misunderstandings isn’t gonna happen around us!” Hannah smiled, the expression strangely threatening for a child.

“Fine.” She timidly stared at the hero. “What are you thinking?”

Charles stood up, and wordlessly hugged Penny into his arms. “I love you!” He spun her around in a circle, and then panicked, setting her down gently. “I’m sorry! I picked you up while you’re pregnant! Is our baby okay?! Should I take you to the hospital?!”

Penny laughed. “Baby and I are fine.”

He hugged her again, this time very gently. “I won’t leave you. We’ll face everything: this pregnancy, our families… side by side.” He knelt down in front of her. “Marry me?”

“We’re already married?”

“That was an arranged marriage, let’s get married because WE want to!”

“YES!” The two hugged again, while the three children and Bel looked on approvingly, with polite applause.

“Not bad." Adam commented.

"Yeah, some good listening, some compromise…” Hannah added.

“They’re still both idiots.” Selina muttered under her breath, and then forced a smile. “I mean, good job!” She gave a halfhearted thumbs up, which the other two mimicked.

“Um… thanks.” The hero and heroine paused, staring confused at the three. “Who are you guys? And how do you know so much about us?”

The children took a fancy pose. “We’re the Hero Rehabilitation Unit! Although we’re missing our other brother who’s over there with our dad!” Hannah pointed at us. “He’s a big villain dragon and is awesome! Our Mom is an almighty inhuman existence that can travel to infinite worlds!”

“What…?

Bel pulled them away. “Just ignore us, and don’t keep secrets from each other from now on! Communication is the key to a healthy marriage!”

“Mom! You were supposed to pose with us!”

“I never agreed to that!”

I watched my wife argue with our children, once again feeling relieved again that she had taken this whole: having-four-children-at-once thing in stride. We hadn’t been sure what to expect, given our different natures. But four eggs all at once… was definitely still a shock.

After the hatching, we had moved back to the vampire world that we had been before. Selina the familiar was a godsend during those crazy first months. Watching her quip and sarcasm her way through four newborns, including her namesake, had been entertaining. Although her sense of humor definitely had rubbed off on the kids.

And now they have grown. However, being half-dragon, half-immortal System, they aged a bit slowly. At least they could all freely change between dragon and human forms since birth, unlike a full-blooded dragon like myself who could only change at adulthood.

Bel saw me staring, and gave me a smile. The love I saw in the expression made my heart beat faster. I loved my wife more every day. Although I HAD been worried at first, after the System and Adonis had been defeated. She and I both knew the deal I made, what I had done to follow her. I was terrified that she might leave me now that she knew everything. She could have shunned me, never saw me again, and I wouldn't have blamed her for it. Her response at the time, instead, had healed my fractured soul.

"When I look at you, Liam, I don't see a hero or a villain. You agreed to the System's deal, yes. You risked countless worlds, putting my safety in front of all of their lives. But if you hadn't, I would have failed, and the whole universe would still be heading for destruction. Some may judge us, some may agree with us. All I can say is, given the same choice as you... I would do the same."

I still felt guilty at times, but as I traveled the realms with my wife and children, saving worlds. I slowly made peace with the past. No one would be enslaved by fate again. We would save realms like my home world from destruction. Just like my grandfather wished, we lived out our days with joy and peace. I hoped our happiness would allow my grandfather's soul to rest.

I smiled back at Bel.

“Dad!” My son Kellen called my attention again. “You didn’t answer my question! Do you have a treasure?”

I smiled at him, and then nodded and pointed over at his mother, Bel.

My wife. My love. My heart. My home.

My treasure.

#writing #please fix the story #tw reference of suicide #fantasy #dragons #love #the kids!#return of the water bottles #i'm so happy #the end!!!!!!

72 notes · View notes

onehundredandeleventropicalfish · 1 year

Text

getting emotional about the last issue of sandman again (cw for major comic spoilers, discussion of suicidal thoughts)

because like. so we learn pretty early on what dream's deal with shakespeare was, allowing him better access to his creative potential in return for two plays, and we know this because we get midsummer night's dream, which was commissioned by dream for the actual titania as a parting gift before the faeries left earth forever

but we don't learn the second play until right at the end, after dream is dead, after the funeral, after sunday mourning and exiles, both of which make really beautiful endings to the story in their own right

the second play is the tempest. and there's a lot of the play that neil gaiman quotes in this issue, but i'll focus on the specific two that shakespeare reads aloud

the first is our obvious one - prospero's address at his daughter's wedding.

Be cheerful, sir. Our revels now are ended. These our actors, as I foretold you, were all spirits and are melted into air, into thin air. And like the baseless fabric of this vision, the cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, the solemn temples, the great globe itself, ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve, and like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

it's a beautiful passage, and exactly what to put at the end of this story - prospero is reminding everyone that stories are just stories, they aren't real and can't hurt anyone, but also they are the one thing that lives forever. humans are shaped and formed by our dreams, by our stories, we come from them, and in the end, we return to them.

now, prospero is the character we focus on in this issue. because there's a three-way parallel here between dream and prospero and shakespeare himself.

dream and shakespeare have both lost their sons, were both irreparably changed by that. both regret decisions they've made in their lives, and wish to leave the path they've found for themselves, but don't feel they can - their responsibilities are too great, they have no choice but to be what they were born to be. both wonder what might have happened in a world where things were different, but they know that could never have been

and prospero is the balm to that. prospero has made mistakes in his life, he's in several ways the antagonist of this story, but at the end, he gets to put it all aside. his daughter lives, and is happy. he gives up his magic - the source of his power, but also his suffering - and abandons his role, leaves the island he'd been ruling for decades. and this is his happy ending.

when shakespeare asks dream why this play, why he wanted that ending, instead of some great tragedy or drama, something more fit for a king, dream responds "because i will never leave my island."

and we see throughout the issue that that was personal to shakespeare too, it was a wish fullfilment for both of them.

but then we get to the epilogue, the second quote i'm focusing on. because shakespeare doesn't know how to end the play, until he has that conversation with dream.

this is the tempest's epilogue, in full:

Now my charms are all o'erthrown/And what strength I have’s mine own/Which is most faint. Now, ’tis true/I must be here confined by you/Or sent to Naples. Let me not/Since I have my dukedom got/And pardoned the deceiver, dwell/In this bare island by your spell/But release me from my bands/With the help of your good hands.

Gentle breath of yours my sails/Must fill, or else my project fails/Which was to please. Now I want/Spirits to enforce, art to enchant/And my ending is despair/Unless I be relieved by prayer/Which pierces so that it assaults/Mercy itself and frees all faults.

As you from crimes would pardoned be/Let your indulgence set me free.

like most shakespeare epilogues, it's a direct address to the audience, talking about the play. prospero is asking forgiveness from the audience for all he did wrong, but then reminding them that he's only human, don't we all want to be forgiven? and after all, all of this was just a story. he only wanted to create something for you. so applaud the ending, tell him it was worth it, and only with your permission can he finish the story, and finally leave.

and that's the thing, about dream's particular brand of suicidal thoughts. being dream of the endless has been weighing on him for centuries, if not millenia, he longs for an escape, but he knows he can't. when they see it's breaking him his siblings try and convince him to leave, like destruction did, but it's not in him to abandon the dreaming like that.

and that amount of responsibility, of staying alive because you owe it to other people - it's a relief, then, when a battle comes along that's too great for you to face, but there's also a lot of guilt in it. because he gave up. and he knows he did. letting the kindly ones win was the most selfish decision he's ever made

and you might say, well, he's dead, he doesn't have to face it, but that's not wholly true. because all three of the last issues deal with some version of dream after death.

there's the dream of him hob has in sunday mourning, which isn't the true dream, he's dead, except of course it is dream, because he was only ever made of dreams anyway, so does it really matter whether it's real or not?

in exiles the protagonist talks to both morpheus and daniel in the desert, and for dream this was two very different time periods, but to the man crossing the desert, they happened simultaneously, so if time can be warped like that in dreams, who's to say that the ripples of morpheus won't continue long into the future?

and then we have the tempest. dream has appeared after death as a dream, as a mirage, and finally, in perhaps his truest form, as a story.

when dream said he will never leave his island, shakespeare reminds him that all men can change. and this is the fatal flaw of dream - he doesn't see himself as a man, as a person, as anything but the entity which must fulfill his function. he tells shakespeare that men have stories, men change - he does not

and when we end this entire 75 issue run with the epilogue from the tempest, dream is prospero. even after death he's still reckoning with the guilt of making that decision. even now, he won't allow himself that freedom.

and that's the reminder, that all of this was just a story - dream's story. the reader is a character in sandman, all of this was created for us. did he manage to create something beautiful enough, despite the pain? can he be forgiven for the decisions he made along the way? if eventually he gave up, does that make all the time he fought so hard for meaningless?

and he can't be free of the story until we answer that all important question - was it worth it?

to which the answer can only be of course it was.

#you did good kiddo. take your rest. it's okay #interestingly enough the tempest isn't the only play that refers to the afterlife as a dream #hamlet does too (which you know is the piece inspired by shakespeare's dead son)#but that's just me and my shakespeare nerd #i've won literal monetary awards for my writing on shakespeare but here i am rereading sandman and crying #so you all get to cry too #neil gaiman you madman give me your writing talents #the sandman #sandman comic spoilers #dream of the endless #....it feels weird to tag shakespeare in this #wake #mine #meta #suicide tw

540 notes · View notes

genshin-impact-updates · 1 year

Text

Character Teaser - "Wanderer: Ashes" | Genshin Impact

When we place our hopes in something that does not belong to us, we doom ourselves to despair.

But if despair does not lead to destruction, something new will rise from the ashes.

youtube

#genshin impact #genshin impact updates #official #genshin impact news #scaramouche #wanderer #HERE HE IS LADS #i'm so curious to see how they're gonna do his redemption #Youtube #HANG ON NOW. IS THAT ANOTHER BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY REFERENCE.#like this is very sad but HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE #tw for uhh. suicidal thoughts ig?

456 notes · View notes

dont-f-with-moogles · 4 months

Text

The Envelope

Characters: Dazai x Reader Word count: 937 words Osamu Dazai is one of the regulars at the café where you work. Whilst conversations with him are never dull, your tireless to-and-fro often takes you away from the subject of his ever-growing tab. Instead, you are forced to sidestep his constant invitations into a ‘lover’s suicide’ and remind him that such a pursuit can be accomplished alone by any individual in possession of a good life insurance policy. If anything, the living spouse would then at least profit financially. And yet, Dazai neither seems satisfied with your responses nor deterred in his efforts to change your mind.

One day, at the end of a long shift, you were approaching the double doors, keys in hand, when Dazai slouched past the glass. Startled, you opened one door to admit him. It had been some time since he had visited the café and the lateness of the hour only added to your sense of trepidation.

“Just thought I’d stop by… I’m sure you missed me!” he called out jovially. As he perched upon one of stools which lined the counter, you set your ring of keys down noisily.

“Oh, I made do with the customers who actually pay their bills,” you snapped back at him. Your hands flexed at your sides; suddenly you wished you still had something to occupy them with. “Still, it has been a while. I saw on the news that there were arrest warrants out for the ADA…”

“It was horrible,” Dazai agreed mournfully. “Prison was the worst! My cell was tiny, the company was just dreadful and don’t even get me started on the food!”

There was always something so captivating about his performance, even if that’s all it ever was; an act. And yet, the dull, monochrome day-to-day was flooded with colour in his presence. For one so preoccupied with death, he possessed the singular ability to rouse the world around him into life. Hearing his voice after all those weeks was enough to lift your lips into a shy smile. Despite yourself, your earlier resolve was already crumbling. With an effort, you tore your eyes away from his own.

“Look Dazai, it’s closing time and I need to get home. How about I make you a coffee to go? Consider this one - and only this one - on the house. I guess it's the least I can do after everything you’ve been through.” Fumbling, you laid down a fresh filter and sprinkled in several, hasty spoonfuls of ground coffee.

“Actually…” Dazai drummed his fingertips upon the counter. “…I’m here to ask you out.”

The handle of the kettle almost slipped from your grasp.

“I know, I know!” he waved away your protests before you had even uttered them, “…but hear me out, just once more will you? I’ve been preparing for this moment you know!” To add further mystery to his words, he slid an unmarked envelope across the bar. “I even asked around for advice on what to say to you!” Dazai leaned back so luxuriously on his stool that you were certain he would fall. Quickly, he righted himself. “That being said, my cell mate was nothing short of psychotic. He insisted that I get you fired from your job and isolate you from your loved ones so then you’d have no choice but to crawl to me!”

“Wow. What a romantic.” Somehow, you managed to flatten the tremor in your voice. It was fortunate that, by now, the rich coffee decoction had dripped down into the lower basin, for you were able to occupy yourself with an open cupboard. You made a performance of retrieving a fresh takeaway cup before he could notice the warmth in your cheeks.

"So…” Turned away from him, you smiled down into the empty cup. “...you were thinking about me whilst you were in there…?”

”…of course. And, whilst I didn’t take that man’s advice… I did come prepared.“

Finally connecting his statement to the white envelope, you placed the items down and returned his attention.

"Six months’ tab paid up.” Dazai winked roguishly. “Plus tips.”

“Who did you rob?” You turned the paper over in your hands, conscious of the deepening flush upon your face.

He laughed. “Would that matter to you?”

In answer, you placed the envelope over on the other side of the counter.

“I guess in the end, it wasn’t so hard to figure out what to say.” Dazai rose, hands stowed in the pockets of his trench coat. “I just had to prove to you that I’m a man of my word…” He nodded and, taking up the coffee you had made for him, turned to leave.

As Dazai approached the doors, he spoke again. His voice was losing its theatrical quality with every word. It was as though he was breaking character; opening up to reveal some hidden quality. There was something new there; something nervous, tentative, sincere. “…I’m also doing a little better now, I think. Maybe, someday, I’ll die with a beautiful woman… but first, first we’ll live.” He gave a small sigh. And, with that, he raised the cup in a brief gesture of farewell.

“Wait-”

Dazai glanced back over his shoulder, eyebrows lifted in interest.

“Maybe… this time, I’ll let you take me somewhere…” You were untying the white bow of your apron with clumsy fingers. “There’s just one condition…”

He opened his mouth to reply but you interrupted with a raised hand.

”…I’m not heading anywhere near the riverside with you, got it?”

He laughed. Then, pushing his palm against the glass, he held the door open to the fading evening light.

Part 2 (NSFW)

#needed some Dazai fluff #now we're all the waitress #shall I write the nurse next? lmao #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai x fem reader #dazai x you #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs fic #bungou stray dogs fanfiction #dazai-typical suicide references #tw: sui mention

49 notes · View notes

spectralsleuth · 6 months

Text

OK SOME PEOPLE ASKED FOR IT SO HERE. LSoW reference. I have literally used a different tool and brush every time I've drawn this year because I'm still learning clip studio, so sorry if anything looks janky. I have never colored anything in my life, so I'm trying to slap color on things more often this year as well. (If anyone has tips or tricks feel free to comment)

(I filled the blank spaces on the paper with my pokemon from my heart gold nuzlocke lol.)

#rottmnt #tmnt #LSoW #my fic #LSoW reference #my art #tw: suicide

60 notes · View notes

glitteringcrab · 2 days

Text

Deus Ex Machina

Season 2, Episode 3: "Auto-erotic assimilation"

Okay, we all remember this thing, right?

Or maybe you remember what it looked like when ALL of its parts were in use:

And the yellow liquid Rick poured on the poor creature (and drank himself) before using the machine was supposedly to synchronize (and kill) all versions of himself according to the creators' commentary (if it isn't something they simply made up on the spot during the recording).

Season 6, Episode 7: "Full Meta JackRick"

Morty puts on his meta goggles and... uh...

UM... WHAT????

#will this particular machine be used again???#and if it will WHY WOULD IT SOLVE ANYTHING???#or does the “deus ex machina” refer to the Omega Device???#I'M SCARED #Rick and Morty #suicide tw #Omega Device

20 notes · View notes

pufferfishartblogorsth · 9 months

Text

the title for this one is kys

(reference under cut)

77 notes · View notes

gallifreyanhotfive · 2 months

Text

That's very healthy of you, Fivey /s

#i pulled this up on tardis wiki during a discord conversation and figured id post it here too #in reference to the most recent random facts about dw concerning 5 needing to be taught to swim #fifth doctor #doctor who #dw #dr who #classic who #comics #dw comics #gus goodman #tw: suicide mention

17 notes · View notes

lvminisciel · 3 days

Text

You are a god, and i am your scales.

not even close to a compliance,

i am but mere scales, flocked around

bits of me will soon fall into the abyss

as you soared with your grace

amidst grayish hue

dutifully, every single being within me

shall worship you with no argue, unquestioning, unyielding.

not even close to an envoy,

i live on day by day

believing that i am covering you, safeguarding, protecting—

even when Your might is greater than all of us combined

i am but a mere mortal devoting my insignificant existence to you,

an omnipotent immortal who shall rule this bountiful land

dutifully i tread my path

whatever appeal you shall i serve

i am more than grateful to be alive within your grasp

please do use me to your heart's desire

a being dedicated to you and only you

if it is death you adore,

my carcass shall be handed to you on a silver platter

if it is life you crave,

then i shall travel between realms

even if it meant trapping my soul in the process

if it is love you yearn

then i repent, my Lord,

for i have none to give

nor do a temporal frame such as i

deserving of such decorum

please forgive my incompetence, your Highness

you may have my skull in exchange, if you wish

#tw // implied gore #tw // implied suicidal tendencies(?)#when i tell u sebek would've gladly sell his soul for his lord #ths man knows no bounds #n hes truly passionate of his loyalty #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #twst #twisted wonderland #miè writes ✍️#miè's poems #notice how the 'i' are written in lowercase; whereas any term referring to his Lord begins w/ uppercase?#its cz he deemed himself as a lowlife compared to his Lord the almighty #idk ive always seen sebek yelling out 'humans!!' even if hes half human himself as some form of insecurity of his #bc hes not as great as those of a full-blooded fae #even tho thats not true #alas; hes still a boy. hopefully he'd soon realize that he's just as worthy with the way he is #WHY DOES THIS TURNED INTO ME RAMBLING #miè rambles.. i guess

19 notes · View notes

inky-duchess · 1 year

Text

Writing About Drugs

Writing about drugs and addiction can be challenging. Like it or not, drugs are a part of society. I strongly urge all writers to do their own research into this topic and handle it with the upmost respect and care.

Your Character's Journey Into, During and After Drugs

If your character happens to use drugs or is a recovering addict, it does not make them bad people or mean that they had must have a bad upbringing. People do drugs for all sorts of reasons and it isn't an indicator of moral virtue or lack of it.

Most people start using drugs voluntary to try them out. Some people start using drugs as a way to influence their mood or 'help' another problem. Experimentation doesnt always lead to addiction. People can use drugs without becoming dependent. Your character may be feeling lost at this time or bored or disenchanted with their situation or suffering.

If a character begins drugs regularly, they may deny they have a problem. Most drug users hide their habits from others which an lead to some risky behavior. They may start forming relationships with other users to hide their use or sustain it.

Characters who begin to fall into regular use of drugs may start to compartmentalise their use. They will become more adept at hiding their use, sometimes even scheduling their highs.

A character will start to act differently while using drugs, even look different. Some drugs cause weightless due to nausea and lack of appetite. Their behaviours will usually be blamed on something else or waved away. A character may become irritatable and defensive when asked questions.

Addiction is usually around the time a character loses control over their use. They may begin to engage in longer binges, high doeses and lose control of their life outside of drugs. Relationships may break down, jobs may be put in peril and the character may begin to take more risks.

Addiction is an illness and left untreated it can kill your character. However, they may shun help out of shame or fear of judgement, or may be too anxious to try help themselves. Your character will have to come to terms with their addiction and its effects on their life. Only when they've accepted it can they move on.

Withdrawal can be harsh on your character depending on what drug they use and how long they've been using. The side effects of withdrawal can cause a character to fear getting clean. It can be a long exhaustive and often painful process.

Characters who get clean can fall back into using drugs. Sometimes this can be triggered by stress. Falling back into drugs can pose issues such as lead to a higher risk of overdosing. Getting clean is a long process and they will need a lot of support.

Kinds of Drugs

Dissociative drugs: Dissociative drugs alter perception leaving the participant feeling a disconnection with the world around them. Examples: Ketamine and nitrous oxide

Depressants: Or sedatives calm the participant, slowing the breathing and reaction of the participants. Examples, GHB and benzodiazepines

Stimulants: Stimulants are the opposites of sedatives, perking up and hypering the participant. Examples: Cocaine and amphetamines

Psychedlics: Are an 'Hallucinogenic' drug. They cause changes in perception, thought, emotion and consciousness, altering your mind. Example: LSD, Mushrooms

Opioids: Are made of extracts of poppy or opium. They decrease pain and sensation in the participant. Example: heroin, morphine, codeine, heroin and methadone. They are classed as narcotic analgesics - meaning they decrease pain reaction and sensation.

Common Drugs and their Side Effects

Cocaine: Cocaine a short acting but powerul drug upper drug. Cocaine comes in powder form, most commonly snorted it can also be injected (after being liquified) or smoked, known as crack. Cocaine is fast acting but the effects usually last only 30mins. One becomes more alert, your heart rate and pulse races, your pupils dilate, you may be hyperactive, you will sweat and your mouth may feel dry. Cocaine in long term uses often causes mood swings, digestive problems, heart issues. It may even cause a person to become violent and sexually aroused. Overdoses can bring on heart attacks, strokes or epileptic fit. Cocaine is an expensive drug, due to its high value and the short life span of the high. Cocaine comes from the coca plant and is often cut would other 'fillers' even things such as baking soda which means every dealer may have a different combinations. Cocaine is extremely addictive and hard to withdraw from. Cocaine comes by many names: coke, blow, snow, tokoyo, crack.

Ecstasy: Comes in pill form but can be crushed to be snorted. Ecstasy takes longer to work than other drugs (20-70 minutes). The high can last from anywhere to 2-6 hours. Esctasy brings on a euphoric high that can make sensations and emotions more intense. Heart rate, temperature and blood pressure go up, causing nausea and in some cases hallucinations. People may sweat, experience dry mouth, heightened sense of anxiety, difficulty passing urine and experience a bout of depression known as a comedown. Ecstasy is also known as E, XTC, pills, yokes, MDMA, MD.

Methamphetamine: Another upper. It effects the central nervous system. Meth comes in many forms, rocks, pills and crystals. Meth is dissolvable in water or alcohol. It is odourless and tastes bitter. Meth can be smoked, snorted, injected or swallowed. The effects last between 4 to 12 hours. Meth gives the user a feeling of adrenaline, causing euphoria, arousal. Meth also causes compulsive behaviour, a lack of appetite, rapid breathing, nausea, panic attacks, paranoia, hallucinations and psychosis. Meth rots teeth causing long time users a spate of dental issues. Meth is also known as crystal meth, yaba, chalk, glass, tina, chriostal, ice, crank, zip and christy.

Speed: Speed is a stimulant that comes as powder or tablet. Like other drugs it can be snorted, swallowed or injected. Speed comes as a pinkish or off-white powder. Speed can be rubbed onto gums and mixed into drinks. The affects start within 20 minutes, lasting up to 4-6 hours. Speed brings on energy, widened pupils, increased breathing, heart rate and blood pressure. It also brings on diarrhoea, teeth grinding, increased bladder use, sweating, headaches, and jaw clenching. Speed can make somebody more active, talkative but they can also become more aggressive, more irritable, depressed and suffer bouts of psychosis. A user can build up a tolerance meaning they have to use a higher dose to feel the same effects. Speed is also known as phet, billy, whiz, sulph, base.

Ketamine: Ketamine is actually an anaesthetic used in medicine. Ketamine is a dissociative and psychedelic drug. People feel detached when using it, relaxed and euphoric. Ketamine comes in white powder, pills and if taken from a medical source, liquid. Ketamine can be snorted, swallowed (wrapped in cigarette paper), mixed into drinks and injected. Some users have hallucinations. A user may suffer stomach cramps, vomit and issues with coordination. Ketamine is also known as K, Ket, Special K, Horse Tranquiliser, Vitamin K.

Cannabis: Cannabis comes from the cannabis plant. Depending on how the plant is grown, it can have different levels of potency. Cannabis comes in many forms. Cannabis resin/hash (is a black or brown lump formed from the resin of the cannabis plant. It is comes in blocks.) Herbal cannabis/grass / weed (made from the dried leaves and flowering parts of the female parts of the plant. It is often smoked). Cannabis oils (is oil extracted from the plant, sold in droppers, syringes or capsules). ‘Shatter’ (cannabis extracted using a solvent. This produces a glass-like substance which is smoked in a pipe), Edibles (food products infused with cannabis such as baked goods or sweets). Cannabis is commonly smoked, the ground dried leaves rolled with cigarette papers in a joint. Effects start instantaneously when it is inhaled. Ingesting cannabis leads to a delay in effects. Cannabis gives the user a sense of calm and relaxation, giddiness, bloodshot eyes, dry mouth, increased appetite, paranoia, mood swings, mild hallucinations, troubles with coordination and memory and in some cases psychosis. However, cannabis also has medical purposes such as helping with anxiety, act as pain relief and help with nausea. Cannabis is legal in some countries. Cannabis has many nicknames: weed, hash, hashish, weed, pot, ganja, grass, bush, herb, puff, spliff

Magic Mushrooms: Magic mushrooms are certain breeds of mushroom that when ingested cause a high. Mushrooms are usually sold dried and raw or in liquid fom or capsules. Mushrooms can be eaten or stewed in tea. Effects vary from types of mushroom or personal factors, usually beginning an hour after ingestion. Mushrooms distort sensations, giving the set feelings of giddiness, euphoria, energy, joy. It can also cause the user to lose track on time. Mushrooms can cause stomach discomfort, nausea, sweating followed by chills. Also known as mushies, shrooms. liberties, liberty caps, magics, golden teachers, truffles, fly agaric,

LSD: LSD is a hallucinogenic drug, coming from a fungus known as ergot which grows on grasses such as rye. LSD usually comes as a piece of paper to be ingested or sucked. Effects begin about a half hour and can last up to 20 hours. LSD causes distortion of senses, hallucinations , paranoia, thoughts of suicide, effects on judgement, delusion. It is known as acid, L, lightening flash, blotter, dots, flash, hawk, cheer, liquid acid, lucy, micro dot, trips, tabs.

Codeine: Codeine is a painkiller widely available through doctors and over the counter in tablets, liquid or capsules. It is an opiate. Short term effects are relaxation, effected temperature, confusion, dry mouth, pinpoint pupils, itchiness and issues breathing. Longer term effects can cause breathing problems, constipation, low sex drive, irregular periods and liver issues.

Methadone: Not to be confused with Methamphetamine. Methadone comes as a blue/green liquid. Methadone is often prescribed by doctors to help heroin users manage their cravings. Methadone causes slower breathing, pain relief, drowsiness, dry mouth, lower blood pressure, constipation, pinpoint pupils, sweating, itching, pain in the joints, dental issues. Like some drugs, a user can build up a tolerance which can encourage them to use higher doses. Alcohol is extremely dangerous when mixed with methadone. Known juice and phy.

Heroin: Heroin is an opiate. It acts a sedative. Heroin comes as a powder, usually brown or white. Heroin can be injected, snorted or smoked. Effects start quickly usually lasting for hours. Heroin can give the user a sense of security, pinpoint pupils, dramatic mood swings, relief to pain, nausea, lack of appetite, lower sex drive, constipation, drowsiness and effects breathing. Like some other drugs, you build a tolerance, so users take more and more to reach the high, which often leads to overdose especially if the user has been clean for a while. Heroin is dangerous when other factors such as alcohol is involved. Heroin also wreaks the cough reflex which can cause a person to choke. Heroin is known as H, smack, gear, skag, junk, brown, china white, dragon.

#Tw drugs #Tw suicide #Tw withdrawl #tw drug use #tw overdose #writing reference #writing resources writing advice #writing resources #writing reference writing advice #writing advice writing reference #writing advice writing resources #Writing about drugs #Writing about addiction #writeblr #writing advice #writers on tumblr

122 notes · View notes

generic-sonic-fan · 5 months

Text

Old Time's Sake

Summary: The robot once known as "Metal Sonic" attempts to ask Amy Rose for a favor.

TW: suicidal thoughts

---

It crashed into a pot of petunias on the porch, ceramic shattering against the wooden panels of the house. Shredded pink blossoms settled against purple, yellow, and blue plating, only to be shaken off by the onslaught of shudders that battered its frame.

Neo pulled itself to the door just as the knob twisted from the other side. Amy Rose stared down.

“Metal? Oh my goodness, you look- what happened?”

It grasped the frame of the door and pulled itself upright.

“No, it’s okay, stay right there. Or actually, I’ll bring you in!”

Amy Rose grabbed its arms and pulled it through the door. It simulated her gripping hard enough to damage its plating. A reprimand shot down its spinal strut response. She did not lose or even tighten her grip, however, as she led it to her couch.

She sat it down. “Stay here. You’re going to be okay. I’ll get Tails on the phone and he’ll make you right as rain!”

The name switched its self-preservation programming from hostile to cooperative. Calling Miles “Tails” Prower would result in Sonic’s arrival, so it must not allow Amy Rose to reach her cell phone, so it must attack her, and she would summon her hammer and then-

It lept off the couch and embedded its claws into her shoulders. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open to match the exact ratios of panic it had recorded from her on Little Planet. In an instant, her hammer was in her hand.

The force dented its torso plating. It crashed into a wall. It waited for more blows, simulated the damage from other instances in which she’d demolished Badniks, anticipated, anticipated. It looked at her to find her stationary despite her vitals being elevated beyond even what might be registered in ordinary combat.

It pulled itself out of the wall and approached.

“What is going on with you?”

It scratched at her, but only pierced air as she stepped away.

“Would you stop that? I can’t help you if you’re going to attack me!”

Neo recalled her being more intelligent than this. It pointed to her hammer, then pointed to its own frame.

Her panic unfroze and dripped down to a facial expression that would be unrecognizable if it were not for the events of the past two weeks. It was an expression of Sonic towards hurt Flickies. Of a young “Rosie” uncovering a broken robot on a snowy day.

Her hammer disappeared. “You want me to hurt you?”

Neo gave an affirmative ping before the shudder of a reprimand could stop it.

“No. I’m not going to.”

It lunged forward, piercing the skin of her arm, the tips of its claws coming away with blood.

“I’m not going to hurt you!” Amy Rose shouted. “Don’t do that again or I’ll call Sonic!”

Neo froze.

“Not that I don’t think I can smash you to pieces myself, but that I don’t want to. Tails tells me that you’re not working for Eggman anymore.”

That was the point. Without Dr. Ivo Robotnik’s interference, Neo was without purpose. Neo should be destroyed. Neo should be destroyed. Neo should be-

“Did you ever want to work for him in the first place?”

Neo looked at her.

“Did I. . . make a mistake, that one time in the snow?”

It lowered its gaze.

“Because you just seemed so sad, sitting abandoned there. Like you’d given up.”

It could not feel ‘sadness’. It could hardly recall the memory file; data input from that time had been minimized to best preserve power. It had been out of standby mode for only a minute, knocked back into active mode when she had saved it from the path of the falling tree.

And it could not give up. Its prime core directive demanded as much. The reminder triggered reprimands, and a shudder up its neck joint rattled it out of the memory.

“Here, can you write?” Amy Rose retrieved a pencil and pad of paper from a table at the end of the couch. “Let’s sit down so that you can tell me what’s going on instead of barging in and being rude.”

It shook its head.

“Then I’ll go get my phone so you can type.”

She walked backwards, keeping her eyes fixed on its frame until she slipped behind a door. She returned with her cellular device, cased in pink with charms dangling from the corner. She unlocked the screen and extended the device in its direction.

“You’re either telling me what’s going on or you’re leaving.” She said.

Neo took the phone and typed, “this unit cannot give up.”

“Seems like that’s what you’re doing right now, huh?” She smiled with only half of her mouth. “Back then, I just couldn’t leave you there to die. Or deactivate, I guess. I thought at the time that you might miss Eggman. He gave you more headpats back then.”

“This unit did not wish to be left there.” To fade into nothing. It could not be nothing.

“But did you want to go back to Eggman?”

“No other beneficial course of action.”

“I could have brought you to Tails.”

“The result would have been deactivation.”

“He could have reprogrammed you, like he did just now.”

“Exposure to Tails increases likelihood of exposure to Sonic by 94%. Deactivation would have followed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Negative. This unit-”

She did not wait for it to finish typing. “That’s not true. Sonic isn’t just some bloodthirsty monster out to get you. He just wants to protect people. Every time he beat you up it’s because you did something to deserve it.”

“Define: ‘something to deserve it’.”

“You don’t know what you did wrong? I thought you wanted to be good now.”

“Define: ‘good’.” Neo stepped forward. “Define: ‘good’.”

“Good! As in, not hurting people!” Amy Rose pointed to the scratches on her arm. “Or kidnapping them!”

“67% of this unit’s missions did not involve hurting or kidnapping sentient organics.”

“Or animals! Not hurting or killing plants and animals either. Really, it’s not that hard and you missed the bar. That’s why Sonic fought you so often.”

“24% of all encounters with Sonic the Hedgehog did not involve other organic beings.”

“Because he knew that you were going out to hurt people, or to help Eggman get things to hurt people with.”

“Why did you return this unit to Dr. Ivo Robotnik?”

“I-” Amy Rose held her breath for two seconds. She directed her gaze to Neo’s foot plating. “Because I thought it was where you’d be happiest.”

“Incomprehensible. Elaborate.”

“Did you like it, when you kidnapped me?”

Neo was prepared to repeat its prior statement before its optics swiveled to the same angle as Amy Rose’s. It stared down at its body, the remains of lines and hues of purple, shaped in a way that it did indeed ‘like’. And it compared the sensation to that of returning to Dr. Ivo Robotnik’s lair with the then-little girl in hand.

It remembered depositing her in the cell, before turning to meet its creator. It remembered a soft hand on its forehead plating. It remembered his words.

“Excellent work, my finest creation!”

Even the review of this piece of data in its memory banks brought an echo of euphoria in its processor. That it was once finest. That it once completed excellent work.

“Yes.” Neo answered. “This unit liked when Dr. Ivo Robotnik praised it.”

“But did you like seeing me afraid? Did that make you laugh or make you happy?” Amy Rose asked.

“That data was irrelevant.”

“And did you like hurting animals?”

“That data was irrelevant.”

“And do you like hurting Sonic, or do you just want to be praised for it?”

Neo generated fifteen different responses, but only five made grammatical sense and of those, three were non-sequiturs and the other two were objectively false.

“That’s what I thought.” Amy Rose said.

“This unit must destroy Sonic.” It snapped. “If it cannot destroy Sonic, then it must cease existing.”

“You don’t have to do either. You really don’t. I know you will never believe me. . . but you don’t.” Amy Rose stepped forward. She then sighed, before gesturing further into her house. “Follow me.”

Neo followed her past her main living area and into a room covered in decorative scraps affixed to the walls with a bed against the far wall. She opened the door to the closet and retrieved a roll of red ribbon. She retrieved scissors and snipped a scrap off the end. She then manipulated the scrap into a bow knot, before turning to face Neo.

“Here. This is the ribbon I gave you that day. I’m giving it back to you.”

This was not the ribbon that Amy Rose gave it the day she returned it to Dr. Ivo Robotnik. Dr. Ivo Robotnik had seized the fabric and thrown it into the incinerator before Neo had shut down for repair. This new ribbon was, however, of the exact same color and material composition ratio as the previous, suggesting that this roll of ribbon was the common origin of the two.

“This time, though, you get to choose what to do with yourself. You get to go wherever you’re happiest.”

“Even if this unit is happiest when determining how to destroy Sonic?”

“If that’s where you are happiest, then I’ll beat the crap out of you with this.” She summoned her hammer again. “Because I am happiest when I’m making sure my friends aren’t getting hurt.”

“And if it is unknown where this unit is happiest?”

“Then keep going until you figure it out.” Amy Rose deposited the ribbon into its hand.

She clasped her palm against its fingers. It loosened its joints, allowing her to curl its fingers around the fabric. She then let go.

“You should go.” She pointed to the door. “You don’t want to be here, and I don’t want you here.”

Neo cocked its head.

“Because I’m still really mad at you.” She gripped her hammer tighter. “But that’s something we can talk about when you figure out if you want to be better or not.”

Her statement was illogical. If she was mad at it, then she would not be giving it a gift. It could not understand. But it could understand her command, so it left her bedroom, walked through her living area, and passed through the exterior door of her house.

The door shut, and it heard two locking mechanisms engage behind it.

Neo stood in the darkness looking at the bow in its hand.

#this is a snippet from my longfic #but I think it also works wonderfully as a standalone work #heavy reference to that sonic mania christmas short #metal sonic #amy rose #sth #complex inquiries #tw sui ideation #suicidality cw

33 notes · View notes