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#tw: anxiety
httpdwaekki · 1 month
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soothe | h.j.
summary: you were well aware of jisung's anxiety, but you notice he takes a certain interest in the ink on your skin.
wc: 966
warnings: brief mentions of anxiety, mentions of the reader having tattoos. not proofread at all. lowercase intended.
a/n: i used to color and trace my tattoos when i got anxious so i was just thinking about ji doin the same thing. also it is very late and i'm running on a solid 4 hours of sleep but i wanted to write something so now we have this LMAO. anyway i hope u enjoy and as always, drink water, eat something, and take ur meds. <3
my library
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(pictures are not mine! credit to owners!)
you were well aware of jisung's anxiety. you yourself suffered from it so you understood, the feelings and frustrations that came along with the sinking feel.
you weren't always sure what would trigger the uneasy feeling in the boy, but you were there no matter what. you knew sometimes you just had to put on an anime and hold him until he felt better.
other times you'd sit and listen as he voiced this thoughts running rampant in his head.
however there was something new that you noticed you would lay with him. he'd trace the ink along your skin, drawing every line and every shading etched into your soft skin.
you noticed it when you were laying on your bed one day when the ugly feeling settled in his tummy once again. jisung was in front of you, his back to your chest, yours leaning against the head board, arms wrapped loosely around his torso, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on his stomach.
jisung was barely paying attention the show lowly playing on the screen. not that you were either, hyper focused to gage any change in his demeanor, making sure he was relaxing.
that's when you felt it, the soft brush on your arm, right where your favorite flower was inked into the skin of your forearm. you glance down, watching for a moment, as he traced the lines one by one before moving on to the next section of art.
you couldn't help the heat the rose to your cheek, as he careful recreated the marks so beautifully etched onto your skin. as you watched you had an idea. you place a soft kiss to his hair before lightly tapping his tummy.
"get up for a second bub, i'm gonna grab something quick." you felt him tense, turning his head towards you, hesitating for a moment. "i'll be right back jagiya, i promise. less than 2 minutes." he slightly nodded before sitting up. you place a kiss on his shoulder as you scoot out from behind him.
quickly making your way to your office, you find exactly what you were looking for. you quickly grab it, making your way back to your room. you find jisung in the same place you left him, expect he looked zoned out, toying with the strings of his hoodie.
you sit beside him, placing a gentle hand to his puffy cheek. you looks up, boba eyes shining with worry. you could practically see the thoughts clouding his pretty mind. you give him a smile before placing the bag of colorful markers in his lap.
he looks down at the bag and back to you, confusion now present in his eyes. "so you could color them in if you want." you shrugged, getting up, kissing his forehead before moving to lay behind him once more.
you lightly pull him back into your embrace, arms finding home around him once more. his head positioned on your collarbone, under your chin, relaxing into your touch.
a few moments later you hear the sound of plastic rustling and the familiar sound of markers clashing against each other. once he found the color he was looking for, quietly taking the top off, and begin carefully coloring each one in.
you had a perfect view at his art from above him. your other hand continuing the soothing circles on the skin of his stomach. you smile and you watch him go from coloring to watching the tv. you place a kiss to his hair once more, as he finishes coloring in your ghost. he caps the marker, placing it back in the bag, before carefully setting the colorful ink on your bedside table.
he turns around as he makes his return to you, his turn to wrap his arms around you. you gladly take him into your arms as he shoves his face into your neck. you stay there for a moment before he places a kiss in the junction of you neck and shoulder.
"you okay, ji?" you asked softly. he nods, "i'm okay baby, thank you." he gives you one more squeeze before pulling back.
"what would i do without you, hm?" he asks, placing peck to your lips. your lip turn upwards slightly, "i'm just helping you, jagi, you deserve to be happy." he kisses you once more, this time with a bit more passion.
"you're gonna make me start crying." he mumbles against your plush lips. "okay well don't do that, cause that'd make me sad." you shake your head. "how about i order us some take out and we just stay like this for the rest of the night?" you offer, staring into his boba eyes.
"and if you wanna talk later, i'm here to listen okay?" he nods, falling back into your embrace. "i love you okay? i'm always here, whenever, where ever, you say the word i'm there." you place a kiss to the side of his head.
you feel his breathing start to become uneven, panic arising in your chest. "ji? hey, hey, talk to me baby." you pull him back to look at you. big eyes now brimmed with tears. "what's going on in that head of yours, hm?" ask, rubbing his cheeks.
he shakes his head. "nothing, i just really fucking love you. i don't know what i ever did to deserve you." he says, tears slowly making their way down his face.
"you're you, you deserve everything i can give you and more, okay?" he closes his eyes, nodding his head. you place kisses over each eye lid and finally his forehead.
you pull him back to you, and that's where you stay for the rest of the night. wrapped up in each other, eating ramen before falling asleep in each other's arms.
p.s. new username ah !! i used to be voidreams but i wanted a change hehe. but i hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are always appreciated but never expected :3
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irondadmadlads · 2 months
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Irondad Prompt #208:
Peter: Do you ever feel like you can’t breathe when you can breathe and you’re like “why can’t I breathe?” so you start freaking out but you can breathe so now you’re just hyperventilating and—
Tony: Peter, that’s anxiety
Peter: That’s what now?
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dilemmaontwolegs · 8 months
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I know your request are closed. But I just wanted to send this one in while is still remember it.
Can you do one with reader having bad anxiety and lando her boyfriend is there to comfort her. Like she is picking at her nails and shaking her legs and he put his hands k her legs and hands to stop her.
Also I love your aftermath serie for lando :)
Meet the Parents || LN4
Lando could feel the slight vibrations shaking the table and he could see the carafe of water rippling with each bounce of your knee. Slipping one hand beneath the tabletop, he ran long soothing strokes up and down the skin, feeling the jittery movements calm until your shoes settled flat on the tile floor.
“We can go, love,” he offered quietly as he took your hand. Your palms were clammy against his skin and he looked down to see the nails bitten back to the quick. The cuticles were even worse, inflamed and red from picking at them in your anxious state. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
You dragged your eyes away from the fixated space beside the door and found Lando already getting to his feet. “B-but they are your parents,” you stammered as a fresh wave of panic crested. You were meant to be introducing yourself to them, the next step in your relationship with Lando and you feared how cancelling at the last minute would be taken by the people Lando loved most.
“And you are my girlfriend,” he said as he pulled you to your feet and kissed the corner of your mouth. “I don’t want you being uncomfortable, love. They’ll understand.”
You bit your bottom lip as you tried to lie and say you were fine but he saw right through the weak words. Leading you to the door of the quaint cafe, not far from where they lived in Glastonbury, he opened it and was greeted by a friendly smile. You barely had time to process that his mother and father were in front of you before the older woman wrapped her arms around you with the same energy her son had.
“You’re even more beautiful than Lando described!” Cisca pulled back with a warm smile that eased some of the anxiety in your chest and you found yet another similarity between the mother and son.
“We were just heading off, mum, I was about to call-”
“It’s okay, Lan,” you said softly as you squeezed his hand and gave a reassuring nod before smiling back at his mother. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”
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undercoverpena · 7 months
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this could be the anxiety-induced depression talking, but: if you’re wandering aimlessly unsure what you’re doing—you’re not alone. if you feel like you’re surrounded by people, shouting and screaming, but no one can hear you, and you feel so alone, i promise, it’s going to be okay. if you’re staring at an empty document, the curser blinking and blinking, feeling like you can’t write, like you’re broken, I promise you’re not—and there’s always tomorrow, or the next day, or the one after that where words might flow. and if you’re thinking you’re a fraud, like a massive imposter—like you’re being weighed down by rocks, sheets and your own expectation—it’s okay, I am too. while I’m not sure if any of that brings any comfort, I hope it does. because you’re not alone, and neither am I. and sometimes, we just need to hear that, and be told that if the best we can do is take an hour at a time, a day, a week that is very much okay. and sometimes, just admitting that it’s not okay, is also okay. okay? 🩷🫂
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zimthandmade · 8 days
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What do you think the night before Mello and Matt’s death was like? Were they grieving? Were they happy they got to live for as long as they could?
Also, would they have already been together or would they have proclaimed their love the night before their deaths?
I gotta know what you think!! x
I have a scenario written out for this but we're here for visual art not literature, so I'm gonna break it down as short as I can.
As far as I’m concerned, we don’t really know what Mellos canon plan was with the whole kidnapping thing but I don’t think Mello would’ve so easily accepted to go on a kamikaze-mission just to help Near reach his goal. The man had a plan to get out of this as a winner. So I don’t think him and Matt were actively closing off their lives that evening. But they knew their plan was risky as hell and it's wearing down on Mello big time in either universe.
That evening includes Mello overthinking, pacing, absolutely losing his shit, having anxiety/panic attacks, Matt trying to calm him down, Matt talking Mellos ears off about Zelda lore as a distraction method and them finally surrendering to sleepiness.
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In 2.1 they would already be together for almost 2 years but I like the idea of a last minute love proclamation in a moment of intimacy. Highly recommend reading Bedsheet Confessional by @not-orphaned-account, which is pretty close to what I imagine went down that night.
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----- My other socials Commission Info Let's drink some Ko-Fi! 🍵
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neishroom · 9 months
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cleo mood board
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autumnblooms · 10 months
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You’ll be alright
Still not over anxiety ridden Mountain - in reference to this post
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ms-fandomgirl · 5 months
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BBHG: Onigiri (Ch. 5)
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Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader
Words: 3,151
Summary: A chance encounter in the Shibuya Train Station leaves you with a sore shoulder and a mysterious bento box. You’re willing to write the incident off and move on, otherwise preoccupied with navigating a new city and a new job, but a bombastic blond, meddling friend, and fate itself seem to have other plans.
Genre: Pro Hero AU, fluff, strangers to lovers, medical setting
Links: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist | Cross-posted on Ao3!
Warning: This chapter contains descriptions of anxiety/panic attacks. It doesn't get too out of control, but I wanted to let you know just in case. If you don't want to read it because of this, message me and I can send you a summary.
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Onigiri - An extremely popular, portable food made from white rice formed into triangular or spherical shapes often wrapped in nori. Popular fillings within onigiri include tuna mayo, grilled salmon flakes, pickled plum, and salted cod roe.
TWO WEEKS LATER
Good Smelling Asshole: Had to pick up an extra patrol just now. Can’t meet for lunch. Sorry.
You frowned as you sent a ‘thumbs down’ that came straight from the heart. Three small gray dots appeared immediately after, followed by a gif of a crying baby. You knew he was calling you out for your inevitable pouting, but you couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped your lips at the sight.
“Oooh is someone texting a boy?” a voice teased over your shoulder. You jumped in surprise, clutching the phone close to your chest out of reflex. Hina cackled at your reaction, leaning against the wall in support.
“You’re so in trouble! I’m gonna tell mom,” she gasped out between laughs.
You rolled your eyes before shoving her shoulder. “If you tell mom, then I’m not sharing my onigiri with you for lunch.”
She immediately straightened at the offer of food, pushing off the wall to stand by your side once again. “I’m guessing room 3307 won’t have any visitors today?”
You shook your head. “Extra patrol shift. And you?”
Hina looked away at your question, eyes downcast. “I don’t know. He was just supposed to be gone for the weekend on a mission, but I haven’t heard anything yet. Not that I was expecting to hear anything once he got back, of course, but, well, you know-”
She trailed off, and you gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
“Then we’ll just have a long overdue girl’s lunch,” you said with finality.
Hina grinned at your statement, nodding in agreement before heading toward the break room door. “I’ll meet you at our regular spot in the park in a couple of minutes. I need to grab a jacket first.”
You followed her out of the door, turning left toward the elevators while she continued down the hallway towards the lockers. The park she mentioned was directly across from the hospital, a little block of nature within the towering skyscrapers and technology. It was well kept with a small pond and clean pathways, and you loved eating there when you had the time.
Stepping out of the hospital, you shivered as you pulled your scarf tighter around your neck. Even though springtime was supposed to mean nicer weather, a cold front had blown in, and you were suffering the consequences. Despite this, the sun was shining, and you were determined to have a good time outside. It had been a while since you had been able to do this, after all. With Bakugou being himself, you now had lunches in room 3307 to avoid prying eyes, although you would privately consider this change in routine well worth it.
You nodded to a young sidekick on patrol as you waited at the crosswalk, idly watching as he passed. That was another change that had happened recently as well. Security had increased across the city, heroes and law enforcement set on edge as time continued to pass and the parade day villain continued to be at large.
Striking in dark alleys and empty streets, three more heroes had turned up unconscious, toxins flowing through their veins from a simple pinprick in their neck. The symptoms were getting worse too. One man was found in a pile of his own vomit, while another heroine continued to have sporadic seizures even within her comatose state.
The media outlets were calling him ‘Basilisk’ now, which you thought was a terrible idea. For one, that wasn’t even how basilisks worked. A basilisk paralyzed its victims by a single look, not by a shot to the neck. For another, and much more important reason, giving him a name meant giving people something to fear, and that fear meant power. You had seen this shift firsthand. The ICU: Quirk Related Injury unit had been busier than ever, as other villains took advantage of this paranoia to cause destruction and mayhem of their own.
You shuddered at the thought, almost rethinking your choice to eat in a public space as you crossed the street. However, the hesitance faded as you made it to the park, watching children play on the colorful playground nearby as you made your way down the path towards the pond. While there were some nice picnic benches set up along the way, you bypassed those in favor of a bench set slightly back into the woods. It was surrounded by trees, offering more privacy, and it had a beautiful view of the water making it your favorite spot.
You had just finished setting up your bento when Hina arrived. She rubbed her hands together, eyes glinting as she took in the assortment of onigiri before her. After several seconds of deliberation, she reached for one in the shape of a star with a slight dusting of sesame seeds on the top. She took a bite, humming in satisfaction as she tasted the spicy tuna mayo filling.
“How come you never made my lunches so cute?” she complained, holding up the star with the top point bitten off it. Before the madness of the villain attack had occurred, you often switched lunches with her.
You laughed, rolling your eyes as you picked up an onigiri yourself, this one shaped in a traditional ball. “You never graded them like you were Gordon Ramsay.”  
“Mhm, and I’m sure that’s the only reason too,” she said, tilting her head to give you a knowing look.
“Well, I always was an achiever child.” You raised your chin, pretending to flip your hair behind your back. “And I’m sure the reason you chose that jacket was because it’s your warmest?”
You eyed her choice of outerwear skeptically. The indigo letterman with white trim was swallowing her whole, yet she somehow managed to pull it off. On closer inspection, you noticed that the scrunchie in her hair even matched the color of the golden ‘S’ embroidered on the front left pocket. 
“Of course it is,” she huffed. “Why else would I wear it?”
You hummed low in your throat at her defense but said nothing else as you reached for another onigiri. If you teased her anymore, you knew she’d start spouting nonsense about a pot calling the kettle black, and you didn’t want to have to confront those thoughts yet. After all, Bakugou was just good-smelling asshole who you ate lunch with, nothing more to it.
Instead, you gazed out at the water, watching joggers dart by and children playing a game of tag off to the side. “It’s so peaceful here. You’d never guess anything was wrong.”
Hina nodded in agreement. She swallowed her food, taking her time to collect her thoughts before responding. “I think that’s how it should be; you know? Yeah, we shouldn’t be reckless, but we can’t let the fear of one person force us into hiding. In the end, that just makes him stronger.”
She chucked then, trying to lighten the mood. “Besides, it’s one man within the whole of Tokyo city. There’s no way he can be everywhere at once. And with so many heroes around, the odds of something happening to us right now are close to zero.”
The world had a cruel sense of humor. 
The words had no sooner left her lips than a blood-curdling shriek cut across the water. You were on your feet before you had even pinpointed the location of the trouble. Scanning the surroundings, you froze as you saw a small group of people gathered around the playground on the far right of the pond. You began to run towards them, ignoring Hina’s calls from the bench.
A heavy weight sunk into your chest as you finally neared the group, the screaming now replaced with the frantic sobbing of a mother cradling her child to her chest. The girl was twitching violently, her mother using all her strength to keep her from accidentally injuring herself.
“What’s going on?” you gasped out, kneeling down beside the mother. She was hysterical, unable to get out a coherent word. Turning to the crowd, you desperately searched faces for an explanation, but they were in shock, a depressive silence encompassing them. You reached for the child to examine her closer, but the mother flinched away, cradling the girl closer to her chest.
A sharp demand formed on the tip of your tongue, but you repressed it, knowing it wouldn’t help the situation. The mother was beyond reason, and if the situation continued, the girl could sustain irreparable damage before you could help. 
Instead, you took a deep breath, activating your quirk. The scent of lavender began to waft through the air, growing in strength until the stench clung to everyone in your vicinity. Your breath was quickening from the exertion, heart rate picking up pace, but the girl’s tremors had lessened in intensity, and the mother finally began to take steadying breaths.
“She was just running around on the playground when she suddenly collapsed! I don’t know what happened. She was my perfectly healthy baby girl this morning,” she sobbed.
You leaned closer to the girl whose tremors had now finally subsided. You were about to sigh in relief when you noticed a slight foam begin to form at the corner of her mouth. In an instant, you grabbed her and turned her to her side, rubbing her back firmly. She shuddered as she heaved onto the ground, body going slack after emptying the contents of her stomach. However, her breathing had evened out, and you deemed her no longer at risk of choking on her own vomit.
At her peace, the mother once again reached forward, touching her child’s sweaty forehead before gently sweeping her blonde hair off her face. The relief you had felt vaporized in a second as a hard, cold fear replaced it. With shaky fingers, you reached forward until your hand gently cupped her head, tilting it so the sunlight could better illuminate her profile.
There, on the side of her neck, was a small pinprick the size of a needle.
After your discovery, things around you became a blur. You were aware of a voice projecting through a megaphone, the crowd parting, and the rattling of wheels against uneven pavement. You were aware that the girl was no longer in front of you, being wheeled away on the gurney. You were aware of the hushed words of praise thrown your way and the crowd beginning to disperse now that the disaster was over. Yet your heart continued to race in your chest, and you were still frozen in place, a cold sweat breaking out across your body.
“You did so well.”
A warm hand was placed on your shoulder, and the trance was broken. You looked up, giving a shaky smile to Hina as you got to your feet. The decision was a poor one, as your head immediately began to pound at the sudden movement, and you stumbled back a few steps. Hina reached out to steady you, but you waved her off, a wave of embarrassment hitting you now that you realized just how long you had been out of it.
“I hope I did enough. Her breathing evened out in the end, but she was in bad shape.”
You stretched your back, hoping to dispel the tension still coiled within your body. It didn’t work.
“We should probably head back.”
You turned to leave, but a hand caught your wrist. You turned back to Hina, noting the furrow in her brow as she spoke to you. “Are you sure you’re okay? Don’t you want to rest? I know you overused your quirk just now. I’d never smelled lavender so potently before.”
You sighed, shaking your head. You still had an uneasy feeling in the bottom of your gut, but you were sure that it would go away if you just checked on Chargebolt and your other patients. “I think I’ll feel better if I just get back. to work. Make sure everything’s settled, you know?”
Hina squinted at you, and you could tell that she, in fact, didn’t know. Nonetheless, she didn’t press further. Instead, she wordlessly followed you as you made your way back into the hospital and toward the ICU wing, pressing your bento box into your hands before parting ways.
You were standing in front of room 3307 before you realized you had even arrived, your mind still stuck in the park despite your best efforts. However, when you opened the door to the room, you were immediately sucked back into the present as a pair of ruby red eyes stopped you in your place, and the familiar smell of cologne wafted over you. He was in front of you in seconds, stance casual but eyes scanning you from head to toe. You looked at him in a similar manner, noting his hero costume and tousled hair.
“Are you okay?”
“How are you here?”
Your words tumbled together, questions asked at the same time. For once, Bakugou yielded first.
“I came as soon as I heard there was an incident near the hospital. Then the Doc told me that you and your friend were the ones involved, so I decided to wait around, just for curiosity’s sake.”
He smirked as he said it, attempting to bait you into action. All you could do was give him a weary nod in return, watching as his mouth dropped in concern at your lackluster response.
“What’s wrong?” he pressed again, but you dismissed his question with a shrug of your shoulders.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired.”
He narrowed his eyes at you. “Bullshit. Your hands are shaking, and your eyes are all glossy, like you’re about to start bawling.”  
You casually clenched your hands into your fists, but you’re sure he noticed under his scrutinizing gaze. To your chagrin, he was also right. Your hands were most definitely trembling. You took a deep breath to calm yourself before responding, but the air got stuck in your throat, and then you were choking.
You gasped for air, but you never seemed to be able to get enough of it. The panic that had been creeping around the periphery of your mind finally descended upon you, and you weren’t sure if the wetness on your cheeks was from your coughs or a final release of all the emotions you had been keeping in control of until now. It felt like your death was inevitable, whether from asphyxiation or from shame. You thought it would never end, your chest overflowing with that feeling of inescapable anxiety morphing into a dark looming presence threatening to consume you. 
Until another force fought back.
You were enveloped in warmth, head pressed against a hard chest and back rubbed by a pair of large hands. His words were hard to distinguish amid the midst of jumbled thoughts, but his breathing was steady. You latched on to it, attempting to copy the rhythmic pattern of breath in, hold, breath out. Eventually, it became easy, and you realized that Bakugou was softly giving you instructions that matched his actions. You stood like that for several moments more, until the weight of your actions caught up to you, and you pushed away, looking anywhere but his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” you muttered. “It’s my stupid quirk. If I overuse it, then I get like, well, like that. I thought I had it under control this time. I wish you didn’t have to see that.”
His arm came forward to touch you again in comfort, but it dropped as though he thought better of it. Instead, he shifted on his feet, letting a small silence fill the room before he broke it with his next words. “Every quirk has its limits. That’s not something to apologize for.”
You still didn’t raise your gaze, so he continued. “And it’s not stupid. It’s incredibly useful. You were able to get a handle on the situation and help save that girl because of it. If anything, it’s one of the most heroic quirks I’ve heard of.”
At this, you give him a skeptical look, to which he grinned. “I’m serious. Being able to calm people down and diffuse a situation is a hell of a lot more useful than a lot of other quirks, like being able to grow sticky balls from the top of your head, yet somehow that idiot became a licensed hero.”
You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips at his not-so-subtle jab. “I guess you’re right. Plus, it’s why I wanted to become a doctor, after all. I thought it could help.”
“Damn straight I’m right. I always am,” he preened.  
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Has anyone told you that you’re actually the worst?”  
“Everyday, if I can help it,” he retorted. 
You shook your head, turning away from him, but you had to admit that he had helped, tremendously so. Your chest felt lighter than it had since you first heard the scream in the park, and the overwhelming anxiety and panic was now replaced with a quiet weariness that would hopefully go away after a long sleep.
“Thank you,” you murmured.
“Don’t mention it,” he replied, yet he said it with such sincerity that you couldn’t help but smile in response.
You nodded, turning your focus to Chargebolt and his chart notes. Unlike the newest victims, he had no further complications besides his unconsciousness. You supposed it was a blessing when compared to the alternative, although you wouldn’t necessarily consider anything about the situation good until he woke up. The toxins were still a mystery, and while nothing was on record, you had overheard that a cure couldn’t be finalized for everyone until the authorities had actually caught the perpetrator himself and taken samples from him. Therefore, it was now a waiting game of which held out longer, the toxins or the Basilisk.
You set down the chart, turning back to Bakugou to let him know the updates, or lack thereof, when a noise halted you in your tracks.  
“Did I die and go to heaven? Because you look like an angel.”
The voice was weak, barely a whisper, but it sent a shock through the room nonetheless. It wasn’t Bakugou who had said that terrible pickup line, and it certainly wasn’t yourself.
You pivoted on your heel so quickly that you almost fell over, gripping the side of the bed for stability. Bakugou was just as fast, appearing at the bedside in an instant. You peered down with your mouth slightly open in awe, and electrifying yellow eyes stared right back at you.
Pro-Hero Chargebolt was awake.
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A/N: Thanks for reading and being so understanding about the two-week break! This holiday season has turned out to be super busy, so I apologize about that and also for posting a day late. Also, I know that this chapter has some potentially sensitive content in it, so if you have feedback, please let me know respectfully!
As always, reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated, but please do not repost here or on other platforms. However, fan arts, edits, or anything like that are beyond amazing and totally welcome! If you have a question about it, just ask me.
Tag List: @lavender99, @gold24fish, @bqkuho3, @satorulicious, @cringeycookies, @summrwalkr, @nyxmania, @poopoobuttsy, @st1rvoid, @kitzusune, @nindevorak, @stxrrielle, @cax-per, @kisskissshutmydoor, @kazuumii,  @nnubee, @neutralevilxx, @idk-sam
If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments! Also, if the tag list DIDN'T work, please let me know as well.
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incompleteninny · 1 year
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The sixty-seventh free, unedited chapter of my upcoming book, “The Heist at Cordia Aquarium” is now available on its website (or click here to read from the beginning).
It's dark. Cramped and humid and hot. Thea tightens her arms around her knees; each breath comes rough. Haggard. Harsh against her throat, dry and raw as it is.
It's my fault. I could have said something; I could have stayed out of this and let them find someone better. Then Ivan could become a wrestler; Waylon could help whoever it was that needs him. But no, I'm selfish. I took everything from them.
Her thoughts bounce around inside her head, repeating — never-ending. Those that she escapes just add to the weight of the air around her. Floating at the edge of her perception, like specters waiting for another turn to haunt her.
She presses her head into her knees and she wretches. A dry, tearless sound — just as it's been for a while now. How long am I going to sit here, useless?
[...]
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nowritingonthewall · 7 months
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I just called to say I love you
Fandom: Star Wars
Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader
Words: 1500
Summary: When you are worried about Poe on his mission, he tries to put your mind at ease.
Warnings: Mostly fluff with some sprinkles of angst, reader is extremely anxious in the beginning, no gender specific descriptions of the reader but Poe refers to them as Beebs’ mommy
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The buzzing of your holopad made you wake from your troubled dreams with a start. Still in a daze, it took you several seconds to become aware of your surroundings and realize that you must have fallen asleep on your bed after tossing and turning for hours.
Slightly disoriented you groggily tried to grab your holopad from your nightstand, when you realized with a jolt that there was only one person who would try to contact you at this time of night. The reason why you hadn’t been able to find any proper rest for more than three weeks now: Poe.
Suddenly wide awake, you quickly unlock the holo call while trying to find some clothes between the sheets in case you would have to jump into action immediately.
“Poe?!”
“Hey, Koyopoo!”
“Are you all right? Do you need back up? A mechanic crew? An emergency medical team? Substitute transport?”
“Actually I just – “
“You didn’t accidentally blow up another X-wing, did you? Did you blow up another X-wing? Please tell me you didn’t blow up another X-wing!”
“No honey, I just – “
“Why didn’t you contact the control room? Did Lt. Prebun mix up the frequencies for the emergency channels again? I swear, this guy…”
“Sweetheart, could you just – “
“I told you, you should have taken more pilots to the rendezvous point, didn’t I? I told you…”
You were half way finished with trying to pull the next best shirt over your legs when your sleep-deprived brain finally caught up with the lack of urgency in Poe’s voice. You hesitated.
“Wait, why… why are you so calm?”
“Because you seem to be excited enough for the two of us?”
“Sh… sorry, sweetie!” You tried your best to calm down taking a deep breath before asking, “What do you need?”
“First of all, I need you to relax, bups, everything’s fine!”
“I am relaxed!!!” you shot back with the calmness of an exploding death star.
“Snugglebums…” he cooed gently.
“Kriff, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just… slightly on edge.”
“I know, pumpkin, that’s why I wanted to tell you the we’re all okay as soon as the comms were safe to use again.” His voice was so soft and soothing that you could actually feel some of the tension being released from your body.   
“Also…”
There was always an ‘also’ with Poe, wasn’t there. As if reading your thoughts, though, he immediately assured you, “Everything is fine, really! I just… I just needed to hear your voice.”
Even through the blurry image generated by your holopad you could see the warmth and adoration radiating from his eyes as he lovingly touched the screen of his device.
You could only imagine how much of a mess you probably represented right now, with your tousled and tangled hair sticking up from your head in every direction, your puffy eyes heavy from sleep deprivation and your face crinkled with worry lines. Yet Poe’s eyes seemed to glisten as if he was looking at the most precious treasure in the galaxy. He might have been at the other end of the universe and yet you could sense his feelings for you flowing through you, warming your heart and soul as if he was right there beside you.
Despite your best attempts at trying to sound serious, you weren’t able to keep your emotions out of your voice. “Poe, you know what the General said about keeping the comms clear during missions...”
“I remember, peachy!” He grinned. “But I have a very important message for you, you see?”
“Wait, what, you do? Hang on a second…”
Switching into mission mode again, you frantically rummaged through your sheets looking for your datapad to write down Poe’s message. When you finally found it, you unlocked it as quickly as possible, nodding in Poe’s direction, “Okay, I’m ready, shoot!”
“Right.” He cleared his throat a little overdramatically.
“I just called…” he began.
“I just called…” you repeated typing as fast as you could.
“…to say…” he continued.
“…to say…” you repeated, wondering why nobody had informed you that the secret code for transmitting messages had obviously been changed again.
“I love you!”
“I love… Pohoe!”
“Awwwww did you hear that, Beebs? Your mommy loves me!” The mischievous glint in his eyes accompanying his cheeky smile was framed by the most gorgeous crinkles in the galaxy.
Fighting very hard to refrain from simply covering the holo projection in smoochies, you tried to remember your professional training when you asked him cautiously, “Poe, what did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?” He raised an eyebrow without losing his scrumptious smile.
“Well, for starters, you calling me Beebs’ mommy usually means that you fear you might be in trouble.”
As the transmittance became a little wibbly-wobbly, you were only able to catch a few excited beeps before you could hear Poe again, “Beebs wants to know if you love him, too!”
“Changing the subject, are we, sweetie? Of course, I love him, too!”
“I’m sorry, peanut, I don’t think he heard that.”
“I love you, Beebs!” you exclaimed a little louder.
“Whaaaaat?”
“I love you, Beebs!” you basically screamed at your holopad.
“Geez, babe, there really is no need to wake up half the base!”
Spinning around you nearly fell of the bed when you realized that the man you had assumed to be several systems away was suddenly standing in the door to your room.
“I am going to ki…” – “kiss me?” he chimed in hopefully.
You were about to tell him that he got it half right and look for a pillow or maybe something not so soft to throw at him, when the relief of seeing him safe and sound took over and you leapt to your feet closing the distance between the two of you in a heartbeat. Throwing your arms around him, you bury your face in the crook of his neck, not quite succeeding at suppressing a few sobs of relief.
Whatever cheeky grin or witty comment might have been on his lips, was quickly wiped away as he pulled you as close to him as humanly possible. “Hey, Koyopoo,” he whispered softly, placing a gentle kiss on top of your head.
You allowed yourself to cling to him just long enough to convince yourself that he was actually back and safe in your arms before pulling back to examine him for possible injuries. At least that had been your plan. Which was significantly hampered by the fact that Poe was not ready to let go of you yet by a long shot.
“Poe, sweetie, just lemme…“ – “I’m fine,” he said, knowing exactly what you were about to do and not loosening his hold on you one bit.
“The last time you said that you had to spend two weeks in intensive care,” you pointed out,  drawing a sheepish giggle from him. 
“I’m fine, love,” he repeated a little softer before pulling you even closer to his chest. Closer than you could remember ever being held by him. Close enough for your relief to be dampened by concern.
“Poe, what happened on that mission?” you asked him softly.
“Nothing. I mean, nothing to worry about. I just really really really missed you, boo.”
Gently cupping his cheek you scanned his face carefully, finding nothing there but pure sincerity and endless affection.
Before you got the chance to lean in for a proper kiss, you felt a nudge to your knee, which was followed by a few impatient beeps.
“Oh yeah, Beebs would like to tell you that he loves you too!” Poe explained laughing.
As you knelt down to give the little droid a few belly rubs, he began to wiggle excitedly and chirp happy beeps at you, which became even happier when you leaned forward to place a little kiss on his dome.
“Oh, so *he* gets a kiss?” Poe pouted.
“That’s for bringing him safely back to me,” you explained partly to him and partly to the little droid. “Thank you, Beebs!”
“I had a little to do with it, too, you know.” As he crossed his arms as if he had been mortally offended, his pout intensified.
“Sure you had, flyboy!” you grinned, patting his knee sympathetically.
“C’mere!”
Pulling you back up and into his arms, he gently rubbed his nose against yours before hugging you even tighter than before. As your head came to rest on his shoulder, he put his cheek against yours, tenderly swaying you both from side to side, as if dancing to a silent and soothing rhythm.
“Baby, we really need to find a way to help you relax and stop worrying so much whenever I am on a mission.”
“Mmhhmmmm…” you hummed against his shoulder. “You mean like when you start pacing across the landing pad three hours before my scheduled return? Like when you personally double-check each first aid kit on our transports? Like when you ask my mech at least five times if they are sure my wing is in ship shape condition before every flight? Like when you nearly lost it with the new comm officer for losing contact with me during our last mission?” You raised your head to be able to look at him. “That kind of relaxing?”
“Hold on, I didn’t… how do you even know about this?”
Unable to hide your smile, your gaze flickered involuntarily towards BB-8, prompting Poe to grumble, “You little snitch!”
Appalled by the accusation, the little droid rolled backwards chirping a few indignant beeps that were followed by a long and sad one.
“No, no, of course I am not mad at you, buddy!”
“Whoooeeeeeeh! Bleep blob da blibbo?”
“No, I have no idea why they are wearing my shirt on their bum,” Poe laughed before turning back to you. “Sweetiepie? Why *are* you wearing my shirt on your bum?”
Letting out a groan you leaned your forehead against his shoulder. “Because.”
With a chuckle, Poe pulled you closer towards him.
“I think I kind of like it.”
“Really…” you murmured into the fabric of his flight suit.
“Can I tell you what else would look really good on your bum?”
“Mmhmmm? Of course you can,“ you mumbled as you nuzzled your face deeper into the crook of his neck.
With the fast decrease of adrenaline in your system now that you were back in his arms, you could feel the last weeks of worrying catching up with you quickly and your head was growing heavier by the second. If it hadn’t been for Poe holding you upright as you melted into him, you probably would have collapsed already.
“Maybe some other time,” he smiled. Keeping you steady against his chest, he carefully guided you to your bed. After gently helping you to lie down, he took a moment to smile at the way you seemed to be drifting back to sleep already.
Having made sure that BB-8 was properly docked into his charging station, he swiftly got out of his boots and his flight suit before climbing into bed right next to you.
As he pulled the cover over both of you, you snuggled up against him laying your arm around him, melting into his comforting warmth with your head tugged safely beneath his chin. Slowly stroking his hand up and down your back while leaving the softest of kisses on your temple, he could feel you smiling against his chest.
“Hey, Poe?”
“Mmhhhm?”
“I love you, too!”
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Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this little blurb, I would love to hear from you 💜
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undercoverpena · 1 month
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anyone else just climb into bed with a quiet brain, and then the lamp gets turned off and the brain demons come out to play. all ‘why did you say this’, ‘remember that thing from three years ago, yeah you were terrible’ and ‘you didn’t do this, stupid’—like can’t we pick up this failure mentality in the morning, like damn?
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batwynn · 9 months
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Some examples of stims I did while growing up until I was forced to stop each one by an adult in my life:
Humming/whistling
Copying bird whistles
Chewing on my hair
Chewing on pens/pen caps/pencils/etc.
Matching a sound from around me
Repeating words/phrases frequently
Making ‘weird’ sounds with my mouth
Tapping something/tapping a finger or foot
Singing what I was doing
Blinking in patterns
Constant doodling
And undoubtably more that I don’t even remember.
The result of being forced to stop stimming no matter what stim I tried:
Constantly anxious. Constantly.
I started picking at my skin and pulling out my hair.
More outbursts and/or more shut downs.
I formed a stutter under even the smallest amount of stress.
I became less social. Didn’t talk as much. Didn’t feel comfortable communicating to anyone.
I was markedly less happy.
Restless and unable to focus because stimming helped me work with my ADHD side as well.
Confusion, hurt, and isolation because I was then aware that I was ‘weird’.
I formed a huge distrust of adults around me, including family. Which lead to me getting in trouble for not ‘respecting authority’. (Aka: I asked questions and didn’t take what everyone said as a fact.)
I developed depression.
Oh, and I was still bullied for being ‘weird’ so stopping stimming didn’t even help that. Surprise!
Eventual outcome as an autistic adult:
Constant anxiety that I often can’t source and don’t know how to sooth anymore.
No self soothing techniques work or feel ‘natural’ anymore.
I lean heavily on disassociation to get through the day and/or during stressful moments.
I’m accused of faking it, lying, etc. by people because I learned to mask my autistic traits as best as possible.
Frequently don’t have the language for when I’m overwhelmed, and frequently misunderstood when I try to explain that something is bothering me like fabric texture or sounds.
Treated like I’m incompetent, a child, or a collection of both if I don’t behave ‘perfectly’.
Talked down to a lot.
Still picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. 🥲
Constantly feel like I’m lying about who I am/ frequent identity crisis and impostor syndrome mix up.
Trouble with relationships/friendships to different extremes. (Ex: I was groomed as a kid/teen and didn’t know until I was in my late 20s. Have trouble keeping friendships because I just don’t know how to interact with people the ‘right way’.)
I had to teach myself a lot of ‘regular’ social cues and behaviors by mimicking people around me. That unfortunately doesn’t alway work, and/or comes with accidentally mimicking a personality trait/quark/etc. which leads to people thinking your mocking them or copying them.
A lot of rage for the people who treated me like shit my entire life for being autistic.
Moments of feeling very small and childish when things are out of my control.
Feeling guilty/uncomfortable about some things I like because they’re considered childish. (Ex: stuffed animals.)
Fear of any and all interactions with strangers. Fear of not being able to predict where the conversation will go. Fear of extreme negative reactions even when it doesn’t seem realistic for that to happen.
And more that are so ingrained in my life that I don’t even recognize them anymore.
I can’t not think about how my life could have turned out if those adults had let me be comfortably autistic. I can literally see physical differences in old photos of me, where I just stopped being me. Where the happiness and honesty were bullied out of me. And were my stims and behaviors that bothersome? No, actually. I had already learned to do different stims in different environments so I wasn’t being noisy when I needed to be quiet etc. But that wasn’t good enough, so every stim and every ‘weird’ behavior had to stop. Why? Because these adults had a power over me and other children like me, and they liked to abuse it.
It’s abuse. The end.
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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year
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Hello! I want to make a petition for jason todd with a reader who basically has a personality and background of yui komori, that is, she is super kind, sensitive, shy and who went through a very traumatic situation related to kidnapping and abuse and who because of that she is very scared and has post traumatic stress disorder, i hope it's not so dark for you and i don't want you to write this if you don't want to.
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⚠️ I don’t believe I accurately depicted PTSD in this…like at all, most of my info on it came from the NHS website on PTSD. So please take this depiction with a pinch of salt.⚠️
Jason has a body littered with scars, wether it be the ones on his body, his heart or his mind. Scars that could turn anyone away and despite knowing that he has the ability to push you away whenever he wanted, to offer you an opening to leave when things started getting serious, he never could when you held his face in your hands and looking at him with those worried eyes of yours; Looking through him and into his soul as though he was anything but a broken man.
Jason becomes soft, sweet and overbearingly domestic when he’s with you because all he wants for you in your relationship was the best treatment, for to him, you were the most precious thing to have ever walked into his life and he never wants to take advantage of that. To Jason, to take advantage of a good thing were a bastard move and those who did that sort of thing weren’t worth their salt nor worth their partners time nor love.
There were days where Jason would stop reading and instead watch what you were doing from the corner of his eye, smiling to himself as he vowed to himself to never let moments like these slip from his fingers, to never let you slip from his fingers and protect you to the best of his abilities.
Jason would be willing to do anything you wished/desired, he believes that if he were to find some interest in your hobbies, he’d find all the more things to share with you and receive in return. It’s his most favourite thing in your relationship, when you share things and in return learn even more things from the other.
Jason has always been taken aback by everything you did for him and even though you knew he could do them himself but you always insisted that you could help him as payment for everything he’s done for you in return and how you felt helpless and or useless for standing on the side lines whilst he patches himself up from his nightly vigilante activities.
He’d always tell you that it wasn’t your responsibility to clean up after him but whenever he’d come home, nursing a couple more bruises and cuts then usual, you were already out of your shared room with the first aid kit with a determined look on your face as you tell him to sit on the nearest flat surface as you disinfect his wounds and ice his bruises.
Meanwhile Jason would stare at you adoringly, only snapping out from his stupor when you tended to a particularly nasty would on his side causing him to hiss out a harsh ‘fuck.’ Causing you to drop everything in order to apologise profusely for causing him more harm and it wasn’t until then that Jason clocked how you became rigid and on the defensive within the blink of an eye; all the while with a frightened look upon your face and how you’d made yourself look small compared to him as though you were trying to show that you were of not threat to him.
Jason took this sudden moment of realisation to recall the moments where his aggression would slip out accidentally and how you’d react by way of flinching, backing yourself into a corner, your breath hitching in your throat, avoidant eye contact or straight up apologising for things you had nothing to do with whatsoever.
Originally he was pissed that you had past experiences of what he assumed were abusive and or manipulative relationships but was quick to realise that by giving into his anger would only make you more hesitant in opening up to him about your past, your problems and might even cause a crack in your relationship.
So he calmed himself down through some deep breathing, clearing away his mind of some violent thoughts aimed towards the people that had dared in laying their hands on you with harmful and the most vile of intentions; before looking over at your scared form with soft eyes and said; ‘you should never be made to apologise for things that aren’t your fault or doing, sweetheart. You just caught me by surprise is all, we’re alright, we’re okay.’
‘You. did. nothing. wrong.’ He states firmly but what broke his heart even further was your soft response of ‘okay.’
The next time something similar happened was when you began experiencing nightmares of your time being a sacrificial lamb for a household of vampires, stuck in the middle of nowhere. You honestly thought you were going to die there with how often they fed off you that you still got the scars from every place that they’ve ever fed from.
sometimes you’d have moments where it was as though you were stuck in that household again, experiencing the piercing of fangs digging your skin again and again, and again, and again, and they’d always occur in the parts of your body where you’ve been bitten before, one, twice, even multiple times. You would even remember the feeling sensation of lightheadedness from how ‘carried away’ they’d get during their feeds.
It didn’t matter whether or not they needed to feed on you as often as they did but it wasn’t like there was anything you could’ve done to defend yourself. You were a human going up against the supernatural, you were fated to loose that fight real fast and you didn’t wish to think of what could’ve happened has you died trying; you wondered even less about what they’d do to your body afterwards.
you reframed from looking at them when you got changed for bed or went into a shower. Hell you barely looked into any reflective surface in fear of your eyes drifting towards the fang marks that littered your neck and be transported back to that hellhole.
One night, it had gotten so bad to the point where you couldn’t bring your self to going back to sleep and seek a safe haven within the kitchen, where you helped yourself to liquid magic in the form of tea/coffee; Focusing on the taste and the way it goes done your throat more so then anything but also being hyper aware of your situation, going so far as to bring down with you a metal bat that Jason got for you.
Not those aluminium ones that bent after a couple of hits, but bats mad out of proper strong stuff that would do more damage to the recipient of the blows, rather then the bat itself.
So when Jason awoke to you not being in bed, he’s immediately presuming the worst has happened and is quick to act by flying down the stairs, but back in the kitchen the frantic sound of feet clambering down the stairs had you already on your feet, bat in hand as you readied to defend yourself.
‘Woah! Sweetheart! It’s me!’ Jason would say, hands in the air when he noted the bat in your hand. ‘Nightmare?’ He’d ask, having been in your place a fair share of times. So if there was anyone to note the signs, it was Jason. ‘Yeah.’ You said weakly, still gripping the bat despite feeling better knowing that it was only Jason. Your body however was still very much coming down from acting upon your inbuilt fight or flight instincts.
‘Mind if I join you?’ He then asked, gesturing to the space next to you.
‘Please.’ Was all you said.
‘Okay.’ With that Jason made himself a strong coffee and stood on the other side of the kitchen as to give you space but he could tell you appreciated him not delving deeper into it and he couldn’t blame you, the trauma of the past never truly goes away and it’s never an easy topic for one person to tackle on their own.
Right now you can both attempt in catching up on those shows you’ve been meaning to catch up on tougher.
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