#tw: cancer

[dilemmaontwolegs]

The Bucket List || CL16

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!reader Summary: Life changes in the blink of an eye with a diagnosis and you are forced to face your mortality with the help of Charles Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, implied smut, grief, implied character death.

WC: 5.8k

Story || Death Scene || Two Years Later || Bucket Moments || Five Years Later

The winter break was meant to be a time for Charles to relax but one simple act had put an end to those plans. It had been a little joke between lovers while you were getting dressed. Charles had seen an opportunity and taken it, cradling the swell of your breast in his palm and giving it a quick squeeze.

“Honk, honk!”

You gasped at the sudden pain that flared and rubbed at the aching area. Charles was immediately sorry, apologising profusely as he brushed your hand aside and massaged it gently for you.

“It’s ok, Cha, this one’s been a bit tender lately.”

“What do you mean?” His concern was palpable and his hand flattened so the palm was pressing into your flesh. You couldn’t hide the wince at the spot he touched and he couldn’t hide the fear in his eyes.

“What?!” You stepped away and grabbed your breast, almost immediately feeling what he felt as your heart began to hammer hard in your chest. “It’s probably nothing, boobs are lumpy all the time.”

“Yeah…” he murmured distractedly. “We should probably check just to be sure. Right?”

You tried to nod casually but it was too hurried. “I mean, just to be sure.”

Everything moved quickly after that. The exhaustion was no longer jet lag. The low red blood count was no longer anaemia. The lump was no longer just fatty tissue.

“What happens now?”

You looked at your boyfriend, but his eyes were fixed on the doctor who had been explaining the test results. Charles had done all of the talking while you sat in a state of shock. You didn’t even feel like you were inside your own body but floating somewhere in the room and watching from outside.

“We could take a biopsy to be certain but the tests so far are quite conclusive and I wouldn’t recommend waiting. We could fit you in to remove the tumour in the next couple of days and have you home for Christmas.”

You knew this already. He had spoken about removing the lump. You couldn’t bring yourself to call it a tumour because, benign or malignant, it made it too real. Removing the lump was the extreme simplification of what he really meant. Mastectomy. Double to be precise. The risk was too great to leave the other breast untreated, apparently.

“We’ll take the surgery as soon as possible.”

You blinked at Charles, waiting to see if he would even look in your direction before making such a decision but his chin was resting on the tip of his steepled fingers. He leaned forwards, digging his elbows into his knees as he always did when he was deep in thought.

“No,” you rasped. “I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can,” Charles replied without even looking at you. He had hardly looked your way since the first appointment a week ago.

“I’ll give you two some time to talk,” Doctor Hall said softly as he rose from his chair and left the room, the click of the door closing too loud in the heavy silence.

“It’s my body, Charles,” you whispered, your throat too hoarse to manage anything louder.

“I know that, but this is your life we are talking about.”

“We don’t even know for certain that it’s…that it’s…”

“It’s cancer,” he said with a sigh, “not saying it doesn’t change the test results.”

Your eyes burned, your tear ducts working overtime all week. The harsh lines on Charles’ face softened as he saw them well on your waterline before spilling over. Pulling you into his lap, he cradled your head to his chest as you ruined yet another one of his shirts with your makeup and tears.

“Mon amour, we will get through this but we have to trust the doctors.”

“I won’t have boobs,” you whispered as your voice broke.

Charles curled his finger under your chin and tipped it back as he searched your eyes for the answer. He found what he was looking for and dropped his forehead to yours with a shake of his head. “You will still be the most beautiful woman in the world. And I need you in the world, mon amour, do you understand that? I need you to fight this.”

A few days turned out to be just one after the oncology department received a large, anonymous donation. The private room in the hospital was filled with bouquets from friends and family, their floral scents were almost able to erase the tart smell of bleach. You still felt numb to the entire experience and Charles watched on with concern as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

Your reflection was the same, yet it wasn’t. Permanent marker pen lined the skin that would soon be permanently marred. The outlines accentuated what would be taken from you and you turned to your side profile, trying to imagine waking up without the pieces of your body Charles had loved.

“The surgeon said there are options, if it’s really that important to you,” Charles said as he pushed off the doorway he had leaned against and walked into the room. “But you don’t have to think about that now.”

You let him drape the surgical gown over your arms and they fell limp at your side while he tied the bows to keep your modesty. “Come and lay down with me,” he murmured as he took your hand and led you to the bed. You hadn’t been sleeping well, neither of you had.

It was narrow but Charles made space for you to lay in his arms with his chest pressed to your back. Monaco was alive outside the window you faced but the sounds didn’t reach you. Instead of watching the cars on their journeys you turned your eyes up to the cloudless sky and spotted the gulls that danced in the salt air.

“I lo-.”

Charles’ chest shuddered with the breath he took before he kissed your temple and whispered, “Don’t.”

“I need to tell you.”

“We promised, not until you wake up.”

“But what if I-”

“Don’t,” Charles begged, a wet drop falling into your hair. “Please.”

A knock sounded at the door but you kept your eyes firmly only the white feathers of the bird that landed on your windowsill outside. Charles pressed his lips to your temple once more before releasing you from his hold and climbing off the bed.

“I’ll be right there when you wake up, mon amour.”

“I…I’ll see you soon.”

He smiled sadly as you caught yourself from saying what you wanted to say, that sad smile remaining while your bed was wheeled away. You craned your neck as you were taken further down the hall, wanting to memorise the way he looked in case it was the last time you had the chance.

As promised, you woke up bleary eyed and groggy to those gold and green eyes, his hands holding yours tenderly as he sat beside your bed.

“Hi, beautiful,” he greeted as his smile brightened your day. It was a true smile, one you hadn’t seen for over a week, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and revealed the dimples in his cheeks. “I love you.”

You felt drunk as the anaesthesia still circulated your body and you were sure you slurred the words you had been banned from telling him before. “I love you.”

You dozed in and out of consciousness until the pain relief began to wear off and breathing itself hurt. The bandages across your chest irritated your skin and the stitches pulled with every little movement. Charles noticed it all.

“I’ll see if they can give you anything for the pain.”

You caught his hand before he could leave and winced as the IV line in your hand tugged uncomfortably. “I’m hungry.”

Charles chuckled, knowing you would be after eating nothing before the surgery, and cradled your cheek gently. “Maman’s on her way with your favourites. I’ll be right back, baby.”

Charles arrived back with a large bag of hot dishes from your favourite restaurants around the city and the promise that the nurse would bring some medicine around soon. 

“We’ll have someone come and move you up to the ward shortly,” the kind nurse said after she had given you another dose of pain relief. “You’ll be able to see your visitors there.”

You thanked her since you knew your parents would have been waiting with Pascale, Arthur and Lorenzo too. Charles had been keeping them updated since you woke up and his phone was constantly going off with notifications from your friends. 

“How are you feeling?”

You placed your fork down into the empty bowl and Charles whisked it off your lap and tidied up the rubbish with the need to keep himself busy. “I don’t know,” you admitted as your head began to clear from the anaesthesia. “Two weeks ago we were partying in Baku and now we’re here. I still don’t know how this even happened. What if they made a mistake? This was all done so quickly.”

Charles carefully tucked the sheet back around your body after helping you to lie back down. “Mon amour, this is one of the best hospitals, they wouldn’t have done this unless it was the right decision for your health.”

“I know, I know. I just don’t know how to feel anything right now, except confusion.” You took his hand as he sat back into the chair beside your bed and kissed his knuckles. “How do you feel?”

“Me?” His brows pinched together as if he hadn’t been thinking for himself, and he really hadn’t. All of his thoughts and feelings had been focused on you. “I’m relieved, I suppose. You are here, I get to kiss you and hold your hand. That is good.”

You smiled at the hope in his voice. “I don’t remember a kiss.”

“Ah,” he hummed with a nod as he leaned closer until his lips were so close you could feel the heat of them as he whispered, “This one.”

You were warned that day two would be the hardest. The hard drugs had worn off and what you were supplied with took away the dull throbbing ache when you were stationary but did nothing to prevent the sharp pain of moving. 

Charles had just lifted you back into bed after helping you go to the bathroom when the surgeon arrived with a forlorn look on his face. Immediately you felt the air leave the room.

Doctor Hall started with the good news, that the surgery went as planned with minimal bleeding from the tissue removal, but then there was a pause. Your fingers tightened around Charles hand as the doctor flipped the piece of paper on his clipboard over and clicked the end of his pen. 

“When we began the removal of the tumour we found that the shape wasn’t exactly as we expected from the ultrasound.” He drew an oval shape on the paper before adding webs spindling off in all directions and pointing to them. “We removed as many of the tentacles as we could find but they are invasive and so we would like to start chemotherapy as soon as you have recovered from the operation.”

Charles' knee shook the bed as it bounced nervously. “Chemo?”

“Does this mean it is definitely c-cancer?” you stumbled over the word as you said it aloud for the first time.

The doctor nodded. “We were quite sure before but pathology confirmed it with the sample we sent.” 

“What about Christmas?” you asked. “Can I still go home for Christmas?”

The doctor nodded again and you exhaled in relief. Christmas had been organised to be held at your house for months and it would give you a chance to do something normal after your life had been thrown off the rails. You needed this Christmas. 

“We will schedule you in for after New Years, but you wouldn’t want to delay it much further than that.”

“Thank you,” Charles choked out for the both of you as you fell silent and he left. “What are you thinking so hard about, beautiful?”

“The menu. It needs to be special. And I want to invite everyone.”

“What, slow down, what are you talking about?”

“Christmas, Cha, I need to start planning now.”

Charles knew you were deflecting, pouring yourself into a future task so you didn’t have to think about the present. You had already gone through enough, so he bit his tongue and took a second to clear the thoughts he wanted to voice. Instead, he asked, “who, exactly, is everyone?”

“Slow down, you’re meant to be relaxing,” Charles warned as you rushed around the house for a last minute tidy up. “Don’t hurt yourself, baby, let me help.”

“I love you, but please leave this to me. I know where everything is.”

“I do too,” he exclaimed, falling silent when you picked up a remote that had stopped working. You had asked him to get the batteries for it the night before, but he hadn’t been able to find them. 

“Second drawer in the kitchen,” you said as you tossed it to him and folded the blanket you snuggled under with him every night. “But you knew that right.”

He sent you a charming smile as he backed out of the room. “Of course, honey.”

You chuckled at his retreating figure. “Thought so.”

You had just finished lighting the scented candles around the house when the front door opened and Arthur breezed into the living room. 

“Merry Christmas, ma chére. Shouldn’t you have your feet up?” he tutted as he kissed your cheeks, careful not to hug you since your chest still hurt. 

“Merry Christmas, Tuthur.” His smile lifted at the old nickname and it only grew as you said, “You know how well your brother cooks. Be glad I don’t have my feet up.”

Everyone arrived steadily after Arthur and as the night grew colder every seat in the living room was taken by your guests. You could have imagined it being just like every other family Christmas as you sat on Charles lap and listened to Joris recount how he had spent the winter break so far.

You could have imagined it being just like every other family Christmas, but it wasn’t.

You were self-conscious in a way you never were before. The dresses you had loved so much were now something you couldn’t bear to wear as it accentuated the changes in your body. You had taken one shopping trip with Pascale so you could buy some presents but by the time you had got home there was a photo circulating the F1 WAG pages. The comments had nearly made you sick as they compared your flat chest to that of a young boy, or joked that the championship wasn’t the only thing that was lost at the end of the season. 

You knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out but you doubted they would feel any remorse, anyone who could say such things through a keyboard didn’t have the emotional capacity to feel guilt. 

When midnight came and went, so too did the guests. Tipsy and jolly, they said their goodbyes and well wishes until the house fell quiet except for the music playing softly from the speakers. Charles pulled you into his arms and gently rocked you side to side as you laid your head on his chest. “Merry Christmas, mon amour. I didn’t know what to get you this year, so I was absolutely selfish and got this.”

Charles stepped out of your embrace as he dropped to one knee and held a ring out. Similarly designed to his mother’s, the ring was timeless and elegant with a large princess cut diamond. “Will you make me the happiest man and marry me?”

You had waited years for the question but the answer that fell from your lips went against every fibre of your being. Your hands covered your mouth but there was no silencing the words as they hung in the air. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Confusion slapped Charles’ pink cheeks and he swallowed twice before his voice could work again. “Why not?”

“You know why,” you whispered. 

“No, I don’t.”

“Because I’m sick, and I don’t want to make plans if I’m not going to be there to…I just don’t think now is the right time.” You took the ring from his fingers and sighed with longing. “It’s beautiful, Char.”

“Hold on to it for me,” he said as he stood up and closed your hand around it. “When you beat this, I’ll be waiting, mon amour, however long it takes. I’ll wait for you.”

You held the ring tight as you closed the distance and put all the words and emotion you couldn’t articulate into a kiss, deepening it until you were breathless and needy. “Come to bed,” you breathed against his lips.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He looked pained by the very idea, or maybe it was the weeks of celibacy after your surgery.

Lacing your fingers together, you took a step towards the stairs and gently tugged him to follow. “You could never hurt me.”

The moment had been weeks in the making as the chemotherapy took its toll on you. For days after the treatment you had been ill and Charles had been at your side with a bowl ready for when you emptied the contents of your stomach. Then your muscles ached and you could barely hold your own weight up to walk. Just when you thought the worst had come to pass you felt the first strands come loose.

“Hello, my dear,” Pascale answered your call, only to be met with a hiccup. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“M-my hair,” you stammered as you looked at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Charles had been out shopping but you saw his face appear behind you as you turned to show him what filled your gripped fist. “It’s my hair.”

“I’ll be over shortly, just let me lock up the shop,” Pascale soothed before ending the call.

“I just brushed it,” you hiccuped as you touched your hair again, more of it floating to the tile floor. “It won’t stop.”

“I know, baby,” he murmured as he took your hand and brushed the hair from your palm. “Maman will know what to do. We’ll get through this like we have everything else, together.”

Pascale promised she could have a wig made for you if you wanted one but it was already late in the evening and you knew she was exhausted from working all day. You did however accept her offer to shave the rest of your head so at least the patches of missing hair didn’t stand out as much. Charles had sat with you in the bathroom and held your hand the entire time before asking his mother to shave his next.

“No, I love your hair,” you argued as he pulled his shirt over his head to save it from getting covered in the short dark strands.

“I told you we are doing this together,” he replied as he kissed your knuckles and nodded to his mum to proceed.

It took a while to get used to the smooth feel of skin on your head but you came to prefer it to the wig that Pascale crafted, somehow finding hair that was almost the exact same shade and texture to your natural hair. The moment you got home from any outing you would pull the wig off with a grateful moan just as you used to do with your bra.

“Are you going to be alright? Maman said she can come and stay with you.” Charles sat on his suitcase so he could zip it closed before looking up to where you sat in bed with a book on your lap. “I don’t like leaving you here alone.”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured him. “It’s only for two nights.”

His team had let him get away with having one extra night at home before going to Bahrain for the 2024 pre-season testing, but it was still too long away from you in his eyes. You would have been with him but you were due some follow up tests.

“You’ll be so busy you won’t even have time to miss me,” you teased, spurring him to climb onto the bed and cage you beneath him.

“I miss you every second we are apart.”

You recognised the number calling your cell phone because you still had nightmares from the last time they rang. A pit of dread was already opening in your gut as you hovered your finger over the green button. You debated not answering the call but if you didn’t answer it then he would try Charles’ number next - and he needed to focus on driving.

You wished you never answered the call.

You had been quiet the entire drive from the airport to the hotel Charles was staying at. He wasn’t one to push you to talk before you were ready but he was certainly worried when he reached across the gearbox and placed his hand on your lap. He spared a glance to you as he gently squeezed your thigh but still you didn’t react, or take his hand, or even blink.

You didn’t remember the walk from the car to the hotel room. You were busy thinking about how you were going to break Charles’ heart, something you had never imagined you would have a hand in. You never wanted to hurt him, you loved him more than life itself, a life that was going to be shorter than you had once thought.

Charles stood quietly in the doorway to the bedroom, your suitcase still in his hand. He watched as you pulled your wig off for the first time since leaving Monaco and listened as you sighed heavily. His feet only carried him closer when you pulled a piece of paper from your pocket and held it out silently.

“What’s this?” Charles asked as he unfolded the note you had written on the plane. You had almost 10 hours to think of everything you wanted to do while you could and his eyes scanned over the list. “Baby, what is this?”

“It’s my bucket list.”

“A bucket list?”

“It’s a list of what I want to do before I die.”

“I know what a bucket list is!” He took a breath and ran his hand over the fuzz that had grown back on his scalp before lowering his voice as he shook the paper. “Why am I holding yours?”

His green eyes blurred with tears as you bit your lip and looked at your feet. He was already shaking his head in denial, wet droplets soaking into the list.

“My results came back…”

“Non, non, baby, non…”

“I’m sorry, Charles,” you choked as he fell to his knees and let the paper fall to the floor. His arms encircled your hips and you cradled the back of his head to your stomach as he cried against you. You finally let your own tears fall, the tears you had held back since you received the news. “I’m so sorry.”

Charles missed testing the next morning as he held you in his arms. The tears had long run out but the sadness still remained. He had laid with you all night as close as your bodies would allow and together you had seen the sunrise over the desert. He had listened to you quietly recount the doctor’s words but most of it made no sense to him. 

Metastasized. Stage four. Terminal. The information ruined him.

“How long?” he finally asked. He looked at the paper that was still on the bedroom floor before clearing his throat and trying again. “How long do we have?”

You didn’t know if answering him would help or not but he was waiting for an answer as you rolled over to face him. The last three months had taken a toll on him and dark circles rimmed his eyes and they no longer held the same brightness. They were only going to dim more at the news. “Six months, maybe a year.”

He was silent, but you knew it wasn’t because he hadn’t heard you. Emotions warred behind his eyes before he climbed out of the bed and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

You hated the silence but the screaming was worse. The painful wail echoed around the room and you felt it shatter something deep in your chest, before something shattered in the bathroom.

Pulling your knees up to your chest, you held yourself together while Charles fell apart.

You weren’t sure how long he screamed at the universe, how many times he asked it why, what he had done to deserve to lose someone else he loved. You weren’t sure how long it took him to clean the blood from his fist and wash his face of the tears before he unlocked the door and slipped back into the bed.

“Whatever you want, mon amour,” he promised as he unclenched your hands and curled his body around yours. “Anything you want to do, we’ll do it. We’ll do it all together.”

You stood at the edge of the lookout and smiled at Charles as he took the photo, another one for the memory box you were making together. Charles kept his promise, taking you everywhere around the world with him to tick off the items on your bucket list.

You had watched him win his home race for the first time and gone to a couples cooking class.

You visited all the Disneyland Theme Parks you hadn’t been to before: the Tokyo one when he raced in Suzuka, the Chinese one when he raced in Shanghai and the Floridian one when he raced in Miami. 

Charles had taken you to Iceland to camp under the northern lights and to Pamukkale in Turkey where the blue waters were meant to work miracles. It hadn’t cured the illness that ravaged your body but each activity you crossed off cured some of the sadness in your soul.

“It’s bigger than I imagined,” Charles commented as he looked up at Christ the Redeemer. “What size shoes do you think he wears?”

“Well you know what they say about big feet.”

Charles’ head fell back with a laugh. “You cannot say that about Jesus.”

You fluttered your eyelashes innocently as he stepped closer to take a photo of you together. “I was going to say he wears big socks, get your head out of the gutter.”

“Of course you were, mon amour.” Charles’ lips curled up in amusement and you relished the way his eyes crinkled before you rose onto your toes so you could kiss him before the smile faded. 

The flash of his camera captured the moment and you reluctantly pulled away as the sun began to set on another day spent living. The days were getting tiresome, your energy flagging as the medication changed from treating the illness to managing the pain. You had read enough to know that time was running out.

“We should get going, don’t want to miss our flight to Vegas.”

“About that…” he trailed off as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and placed it in your hand. “I made a list of my own.”

Marry the woman of my dreams.

“I can only do it with you by my side.”

—

Pascale had created a beautiful headpiece for your wedding but when it came time to leave you hadn’t been able to place it on your head. A year ago you had only dreamt of the day you married Charles and in all those imagined scenes you had your hair styled up like she had crafted on the wig with pearl pins and a delicate tiara. But a lot had changed in a year, you had changed. 

“Oh, sweetheart, you look beautiful,” she said as she wiped her eyes. Your own mother was speechless as she pulled you into her arms and held you tight.

“I’m going to ruin my makeup if you two don’t stop crying.”

“Honey, let her go,” your dad said softly as he placed a hand on your mother’s shoulder. “It’s time.”

Your throat felt as if it were closing and for a second you held on tighter before you both opened your arms. “I love you,” you said to them all as you looked at the proud but sad smiles on their faces. “Thank you for making this possible, for both of us.”

Your father grabbed the wheelchair you had been using, the exhaustion sometimes too much for you to handle, but you shook your head. “I’m going to marry him on my own two feet.”

You knew Charles had a lot of help organising the wedding because there was no way he could have done it on his own. The entire paddock had come to a standstill at the end of Media Day and you found yourself walking down a makeshift aisle on the grid to the starting lights. 

Hundreds of friends joined your families on the track and you had no doubt that Charles had flown them all there at his own expense. 

“When you said married in Vegas, I thought you meant the White Chapel,” you whispered with a giggle.

Charles' smile grew at the sound and he took your hands in his. “That’s something tacky Pierre would do.”

“Hey,” the groomsman objected beside Charles. “Elvis isn’t tacky. Focus on your own wedding, mate.”

You laughed at the exchange before Lorenzo cleared his throat and your eyes widened as you realised he was the celebrant. “Is this legal?”

“The online certificate I got says so,” he said with a wink. “But if you’ve changed your mind I can skip the legal bits.”

Your eyes lit up with amusement. “No way, I’m not going to miss having you as a brother-in-law.”

“And I thought we were here because you wanted to marry me,” Charles joked. He had waited so long to marry you but now that the moment was here he was in no rush for it to end. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, where you were lighthearted and smiling. Where you weren’t lost in thought but present in the moment, with him. 

“I do,” you said with a grin before peeking back at his older brother. “Does that count, can I kiss him now?”

Lorenzo wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s not quite, shall we get started?”

Charles could hardly keep still with his excitement. “Ready, baby?”

You reached into a hidden pocket in the dress and pulled out the engagement ring he proposed at Christmas with. Slipping it into your finger, you gave him a serious nod. “Now I am.”

—

“Good morning, Mrs Leclerc.”

You smiled as Charles kissed your shoulder blade and rolled you over to face him. He had already showered and dressed for the day before climbing back into bed with you and you peeked at the clock to see he would almost be late. 

“You should be at the track already,” you hummed between the sweet kisses he peppered across your skin. 

“Wasn’t going to miss watching you wake up as my beautiful wife for the first time.” His smile wavered as he kissed your forehead before pressing the back of his hand to it. “How are you feeling?”

“A little tired, but last night was worth the lack of sleep.”

He smirked and traced your lips longingly with his eyes. “Definitely worth it. But you don’t feel hot or cold?”

“Focus on FP1, Cha,” you said with a little push for him to get out of bed. “You’re going to be late.”

He playfully nipped your collarbone before getting off the bed and blowing you a kiss. “Rest up, mon amour, I’ll come back between the practices.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, more than the moon and the stars.”

“Hopeless romantic.”

“Love of my life. Fire in my loins. The apple of my-“

“Go away!” You tossed a pillow at him before falling back into the warm blankets with a laugh that turned to a yawn. “Profess your love to someone else and let me sleep.”

“Never,” he chuckled quietly as he watched your chest rise and fall into a steady rhythm. “It will only be you.”

Your health deteriorated rapidly after Vegas and your doctor urged you to return to Monaco, but you weren’t ready to leave just yet. There was only one thing left on your bucket list and it was within your grasp. Charles and Max were neck and neck in the championship but you had faith your husband would triumph in the end. So instead of heading home you remained by his side in Qatar and Abu Dhabi, letting him hire a medical team as a trade off for ignoring your doctor's advice.

It wasn’t just the season coming to an end and you could both feel it as Charles prepared for the final race. You didn’t have the strength to go to the track and see him start from pole, the prime position for the championship deciding race. You barely had the strength to stay awake for the whole race but you fought against the heaviness in your body and scanned the screens that had been brought into your room.

Pride made you heart light as you watched the world through Charles’ eyes. The onboard camera was clear ahead, all his competitors in his rear view, and as the laps passed by his lead grew wider. Charles was flying and he was taking you with him.

Charles took a seat on the centre podium as confetti rained down and fireworks exploded overhead. He wiped the sweat and champagne from his face before reaching into his race suit and grabbing the pen and paper he had tucked away.

Putting a strike through the last line he held it up triumphantly to the camera. “We did it, mon amour, we did it.”

You smiled as if he would see it and closed your eyes as you lost the battle. “I’m ready to go home now.”

The Bucket List:

Sleep under the northern lights 

Swim with sharks

Skinny dip (not with sharks)

See Christ the Redeemer

Bowl a strike

Go to every Disneyland once

Ride an elephant

Go to India for the colour festival 

Win an escape room

Learn to whistle 

Have a mud bath

Teach Charles to cook

Watch the Grand National horse race

Get a tattoo

Learn to use chopsticks

Throw beads at Mardi Gras 

Have my palm read

Try absinthe 

Ride a luge

Go to a rage room

Join the mile high club 

Catch a fish

Make a will

Bathe in healing waters 

Charles Leclerc - World Champion

Click here for the requested last day alive.

#charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #tw: cancer #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #formula one imagine #formula 1 fanfic #formula one fanfiction #f1 rpf

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: When Jake is tasked with taking his kids this festive season, he never though he’d get a call in the middle of the night that would change his life. Marriage is tougher than it seemed on paper—but whats harder than accepting your marriage is crumbling around you is watching you ex wife slowly fade away.

Warnings: Character Death. Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ANGST. Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Author Note: Masterlist subject to change as series is still a work in progress. Descriptions, word counts and titles may vary.

-> Chapter One: [The Diagnosis] The last thing you ever expected was to be diagnosed with breast cancer. To make matters worse? You’d been separated from the love of your life for just shy of a year. How do you tell the love of your life you might be dying? It’s simple really— You don’t. (Out Now) 2.1

-> Chapter Two: [Chemo & Charisma] Jake arrives in Rhode Island to accompany his three kids back to Houston Texas the next morning. He expects it to be slightly awkward, but something he doesn’t expect is to be cryptically seduced by you—his ex wife. (Out Now) 4.6

-> Chapter Three: [V For Vendetta] When your stomach can’t handle the Chemo medication, you empty the content of your stomach. While doing so, you and Jake come to a crossroads about your relationship going forward. (Out Now) 4.5

-> Chapter Four: [Parental Guidance] Jakes Mother simply cannot understand what he saw in you, your mother simply cannot comprehend why you left Jake. (Out Now) 4.1

-> Chapter Five: [Why Do They Call It Love?] Jake spends time with his side of the family and your kiddos in Texas. The lies quickly come to an end though when an overworked and overwhelmed nursing student makes the wrong call to your not so emergent contact. (Out Now) 5k

-> Chapter Six: [Chaos & Conflict] As panic consumes Jake after finding out about your current medical condition, Jake calls your mother to fill in the gaps. Nurse Lydia escapes being taken to her supervisor and Jake lets lose on his mother who tries to stop him leaving. (Out Now) 4.4k

-> Chapter Seven [Faucet Failure] Jake makes his way back to you after finding out the truth. While under sedation to give your brain some rest, you remember the good times and the bad with your husband. (Out Now)4.6

-> Chapter Eight [Oh, Honeybee] Jake can’t accept why you’d keep such a life threatening situation a secret and you can’t accept why he suddenly seems to care. (Out Now) 4k

-> Chapter Nine [The Pomegranate Theory] Jakes still trying to wrap his head around what’s happening with your health. Doctor Ignatii oversteps? And you settle in while Jake helps you write some of your newest book. (Out Now) 4.3

-> Chapter Ten [The Potato Head Society & The Other Guy, Jarred?] Jake helps you shave your head in hopes of keeping your power and control. Facing your own mortality makes you question your faith in a higher authority and Jensen and Jake met for the first, and what you hope, will be the last time. (Out Now) 4.0k

-> Chapter Eleven [The Man] When Jensen and Jake butt heads over who’s what to you, it blows way out of proportion to an extent so high, that Jake lashes out. (Out Now) 5.6

#was it over? // jake seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin series #jake seresin imagine #TopGun hangman #topgun fanfic #tw: cancer #tw: breast cancer #tw: stroke

[imtryingbuck]

Thirty

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky comes from a well respected family, he falls in love with a girl who prefers the simple things in life. Follow their journey through the years.

Word count: 5,109

Warnings: angst, heavy use of pet names. Engagement. Wedding. Death (Cancer) someone makes an appearance. Swearing. Fluff.

A/N: No description of reader other than she has curly hair.

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

~Two and a half years ago~

The barbeque get-together that Howard and Maria was throwing was in full swing, Y/n and Bucky along with Steve and Sam was sitting at a wooden bench laughing at something that Tony had shouted to Morgan – his daughter.

Y/n sat there with Bucky’s arm around her shoulders listening to whatever he was talking about with the boys, every now and again he would press a kiss to her temple. Her eyes drifted over to where her dad and George was manning the grill, chuckling softly as George pulls Howard closer and all but force him to dance along with the music that was playing through the speakers. Every time her eyes caught her mommas and Winnie’s both women smiled brightly and turned to each other to whispering to each other.

“Son, come here” George shouted.

“Be back in a second pretty girl” Bucky told her, getting up and walking over to his dad and Howard. Maria and Winnie soon following, as well as Sam and Steve. Then Tony and Pepper – his wife. Then Rebecca – Bucky’s sister – joined them.

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion she went to get up but Morgan came bouncing over to her “Auntie Y/n do you like my wings?”

“I do sweetie”

“Do you want some?”

“I do”

“I can ask uncle Bucky to get you some”

Chuckling at the four year old she nodded “I would appreciate it if you did”

“Then we can match all the time and be fairies”

“That would be amazing-“

“Morg come here darling” Pepper called for her daughter.

Morgan turned to face her mom and confused Y/n even more by asking “Did I do good mommy?”

“You did sweetheart” Pepper replied, smiling at Y/n.

Everyone moved closer together as Bucky moved towards Y/n, smiling softly he took her hand in his.

“Y/n I love you more than anything in this world. You are my light, my happiness, my sweet Bunny. I am forever grateful for meeting you that day in the woods, because if I didn’t I would have never known the true meaning of love. Bunny will you do me the honours of being my wife?” Getting down on one knee he holds out a box, inside a gorgeous diamond ring.

“Yes” she whispered, tears threatening to spill over. “Yes I’ll marry you Ducky!”

Jumping up her picks her up and spins her around, placing kisses all over her face and finally her lips.

Everyone erupted in cheers. Congratulating the couple on their engagement. The moms had the audacity to act as if they hadn’t seen the ring before, the dads wiped their tears before anyone could see them.

“I love you Bunny”

“I love you Ducky”

It had been two and a half years since they were engaged, there was a few setbacks that made them not rushing into marrying.

First setback was their new home, both sets of parents paid for it as an early wedding gift, it was a beautiful house she had to admit but for Y/n it was way too big just for the two of them. A large gorgeous kitchen, two living rooms, two offices – one going to be turned into a library. Six bedrooms. Yes six. Three and a half bathrooms.

Gorgeous but way too big.

Not wanting to upset anyone or seem ungrateful she placed a huge smile on her face as she hugged her parents and surrogate parents turned in-laws. Moving in and redecorating took longer than planned.

The second setback was Bucky taking over his dads company. There was a lot of business he needed to take care of and Y/n understood, so the wedding got pushed back once again.

The third being Y/n’s biological father showing up.

She was walking down the street with Bucky, Steve and Sam. The plan was to buy some more furniture for the house, and Steve and Sam just had to come too.

The guys went into one store as Y/n went to get a drink from across the street. Everything was fine until-

“Y/n? Y/n” She couldn’t understand why that voice sounded so familiar to her ears until she turned around.

“Hi baby…wait don’t you recognise me? Y/n it’s me, your dad.”

No. No this was not happening. Nope this was a very bad nightmare, come on Y/n wake up.

“Surprised to see me aren’t you? I got out on good behaviour”

Nope, nope this was just life taking the mickey out of me. Wakey wakey Y/n!

“Why are you being weird for? Come and give your old man a cuddle”

The thought of touching you makes my skin crawl. Where the hell is Ducky when I need him? No no no no stay away from me!

“Look how you’ve grown baby girl”

Why aren’t you moving Y/n? What is wrong with you? Ducky? Ducky where the hell are you?

“Bunny? Can you get away from my fiancée, like now!”

Ducky you’re here! Thank God! Please get him away from me!

“Fiancée? Wow my little girl is all grown up indeed, she’s getting married man!”

“Wha-Bun do you know this man?”

“Did they change her name when she was adopted?”

“Who are you?”

“I’m her dad”

Bucky stood straighter at the man’s words. Placing his body in front of hers as a shield he looked back at the store hoping Steve or Sam would see and come out, he needed to get his Bunny way from the monster solely responsible for the pain and suffering she went through.

“Get away from her” Bucky voice dropped low.

“She’s my daughter”

“No she isn’t, don’t ever come near her ever again.”

“Why what are you going to do? Bet I can still control the little cunt. Y/n get here!”

It was a good job that Bucky had been standing in front of her as her foot moved on its own accord.

“Don’t. Don’t call her that”

Sam looked outside pulling on Steve’s arm when he noticed the way Bucky was standing in front of Y/n, and the way she was trying to make herself look smaller behind her fiancés back.

Jogging across the road, Steve slapped his hand on a cars bonnet when the driver nearly ran him and Sam over. “Buck what’s going on?”

“Sam take Bunny down the street. Now”

“Okay-okay. Sunshine come with me sweet girl” coaxing her hands away from Bucky’s jacket as she gripped on for dear life. “Come on Sunny, I got you”

Sam wrapped his strong arms around her shielding her from the prying eyes of strangers he led her down the street, already knowing where to take her. He heard Bucky tell Steve to ring Howard. Sucking in a breath and pulling his best friend, his Sunshine closer to him when he heard Bucky saying who the man was.

Fifty-four minutes later – Sam timed it – the bell ringing chimming over the door signalled someone had entered. He sat them both in the far corner, he watched as she sat on the floor in the corner as she stroked the large black and white cat in her arms.

“Bun?”

“Over here Buck” Sam answered. That’s when he saw Bucky, Steve, Howard, George and Tony. Each of them having blood on their clothes.

“Bunny, baby-it’s me Ducky” Bucky had to tell her when she flinched when he touched her knees.

“D-Ducky?” hearing her sound so small broke their hearts, wanting to go back and beat the prick up even more.

“It’s me baby, who’ve you got today?” he asked referring to the cat in her arms. It wasn’t uncommon for Y/n to come to the cat café on Main Street, sometimes when things got too much for her she would go there spending hours just playing with the cats, sometimes she even helped out the staff if they were busy.

“Mr Nibbles” great name for a cat that nibbled on anything and everything. Who was currently nibbling on her jumper.

“How are you feeling Bun?”

“Stupid”

“Why do you feel stupid baby?”

“I always thought that if I ever saw him again I would call him all the names under the sun, you know? Or at least hurt him but no I just stood there like a frigging idiot not knowing what to frigging say because I’m frigging stupid!”

“Bun you’re not stupid so don’t ever call yourself that ever again. You wasn’t expecting him to appear baby, it’s not your fault-“

“I froze Bucky! I frigging froze an-an-and I didn’t know what to do. I-I-I-“

“Y/n breath-“

Shaking her head, she couldn’t, she needed him to know why she froze. She needed to explain. She couldn’t let him think she was weak. “I recognised his voice straight away, of course I did it haunts my nightmares. I turned around Bucky an-and I wanted to tell him how much I frigging hate him, how much I wished it was him that died and not my mama. I wanted him to know that no matter h-how much he thought he won he didn’t because he didn’t, did he Bucky? No-no-no-no he didn’t. He didn’t. He didn’t”

Not being able to stomach seeing his daughter struggle and stumble over words anymore Howard pushed Bucky out of the way, knocking Mr Nibbles off his daughters lap and pulled her into his arms.

“You’re right angel he didn’t win, he never will baby and I promise you that right now” he spoke with determination to make her understand that she had not only won by living a life surrounded by so many people who loved and adored her. Howard knew that everyone Y/n had around her all thanked whoever had brought her to them, because he did. Every night. Y/n was the light that brightened their lives. The sweetest, kindest, warmest souls out there and they were lucky to call her daughter, sister, fiancée, friend – hell even acquaintance. No matter what she saw the good in people, always happy to help family, friends and strangers.

But not only did she win she also survived. She survived the abuse she suffered, the orphanage, the bullying, the attack done by Brock. She proved the doctors wrong when they told Winnie and George that she wasn’t going to survive the attack from that bastard, by opening her eyes. She survived when she stood in the witness box of the court room and she told a room full of strangers what not only her but her mama had gone through.

Howard Stark was proud to call her his daughter.

Bucky had the wedding date pushed back once again, on the account of Y/n had been too scared to leave their home.

Months passed and Bucky was notified that Y/n’s biological father had been found in a ditch, dead. Nobody knew what or who did it, not like it mattered.

The fourth and final setback was Maria’s cancer diagnosis.

One night when Bucky and Y/n were asleep in bed the phone ringing woke both of them up, Bucky answered groggily sitting up straight away when he heard Tony’s voice on the other side sounding like he had been crying.

“Buck?”

“Baby w-we need to go, come on get dressed”

“What is it? What’s gone off?”

“Bun…it’s your mom. Baby she’s in hospital-” Though she could see his lips moving she just couldn’t hear the words he was speaking.

Getting out of the bed and rushing to her side of the wardrobe she put on whatever clothes she grabbed first. Practically flying down the stairs she rushed out of the house. Bucky following behind closely, trying to get her to slow down but it was no use.

Arriving at the hospital she instantly found Tony, running straight up to him she asked what had happened.

“Dad found her in the kitchen coughing up blood. Y/n/n I-I don’t know much more, Albert – Howard’s brother - rang me telling me to get here as soon as I could.”

“B-but she’s okay right? She will be won’t she Tone? Tony?”

“I-I don’t know Y/n, I don’t know”

By the time Bucky had gotten to them he saw brother and sister holding on to each other crying.

After multiple blood tests the doctor sat the family down the next day as Bucky waited in the waiting room with George and Winnie. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this but the results came back and it is stage four cancer. Lung cancer can be treated with surgery however the mass is too big for us to go down that route, we can also slow it down with the help of chemotherapy but sadly it will not cure it-“

“H-how long do I have left?” Maria interrupted, her hand gripping Howards.

“I can’t say for certain, it varies with everyone-“

“Can you give me a rough estimate? I’m sorry that I keep interrupting you”

“Don’t apologies, I understand. With treatment between seven to sixteen months, maybe even longer. Without treatment a few weeks to a few months” the doctor said regretfully.

“Months. Okay. Okay. That’s okay. When do I start treatment?”

“We can start the process next week”

“Okay, I’ll do it. My daughter is getting married soon a-and I want to see her walk down the aisle, you see” Maria smiled as if she hadn’t just found out that she’s dying.

The doctor smiled too “I’ll make sure that you see that happen”

Truthfully Howard, Tony and Y/n didn’t hear the rest of the conversation – their ears going fuzzy when the doctor said stage four cancer. Only snapping out of it when the door closed behind the doctor, leaving the family to come to terms with the results.

Telling Bucky and his parents, Winnie burst out crying at hearing her oldest friend was going to die. George trying to comfort his wife and best friend. Bucky took Y/n’s hand and took her outside for fresh air.

“It’s not fair Ducky, it’s not fair” she cried “It must be a mistake, it has to be. Yes they made a mistake!”

Even though he knew it was unlikely, he agreed with her. “It’s not fair baby, I know. Maybe they got it wron-“

“There’s no maybe Bucky. They got it wrong! My momma isn’t dying, she isn’t!”

“I know Bunny I know” he didn’t know what to say, so he just stood there and held his fiancée tight in his arms as she soaked his shirt through with her tears.

When Maria heard that Y/n wanted to push the date back just until things had settled down, she was against it at first she tried to argue with her daughter but ultimately got cut off with a coughing fit.

Now six months after her momma’s diagnosis Y/n was standing in the hotel room in front of the ceiling to floor mirror in her wedding dress. Wanda was behind her fixing the back of the dress and her hair at the same time. Nat was taking photos of everyone. Maria sat in the wheelchair she had been using for the past few months, Winnie sat next to her holding her friends hand. Both mothers crying at the image of Y/n in her wedding dress and at the fact that their babies were marrying each other, finally.

On the other side of the city Bucky was doing the same. Standing in front of ceiling to floor mirror in a hotel, Steve helping him fix his tie. Sam taking photos of them all. George and Howard sitting on the bed next to each other drinking whiskey. Both fathers feeling an overwhelming sense of pride at seeing Bucky standing there in his suit, knowing that in just in two hours that he will be marrying the love of his life.

Bride and groom to be both excited and nervous at the knowledge that they’ll be joined as one in two hours.

It was time to leave for the church when Nat stopped Y/n. “Bucky told me to give you this when we was on our way” handing over an envelope Nat gave her best friend a kiss on her cheek before helping Wanda with helping Maria into the car.

Finally seated in the car she opens the envelope containing a photo. At first she was confused as it was just a topless photo of Bucky until she turned the photo around.

She burst out laughing.

‘This is a reminder of what I looked like before we got married.’

“What is it?” Maria asked chuckling.

Showing her momma the photo and telling her to turn it over Maria too started to laugh, which made everyone else intrigued, one by one everyone started to laugh.

Bucky sure knew how to make her nerves settle even when they were apart.

When Steve saw Y/n in her dress he knew Bucky was going to cry. It was going to be the easiest fifty bucks he was going to win. Yes he and Sam made a bet on whether Bucky would cry or not. The bridemaids and groomsmen were in places, Nat and Steve, Wanda and Sam, Rebecca and Tony. Pepper was to help Morgan as she was the flower girl. Winnie had pushed Maria down already and were both waiting for the music to play along with everyone else.

The music had begun and everything was going perfect just like they had practiced but as Y/n put one foot out she just couldn’t move.

“Angel…”

“Dad-dad-I-something’s wrong”

“Nothing’s wrong sweetie, come on James is waiting for you angel”

“No-no it feels wrong. I can’t-“

Bucky looked at Steve, then his dad they both saw the pure fear in his blue eyes. George nodded to his son and smiled reassuringly before making his way out to see what was going on.

“Hey what’s wrong?” he asked seeing father and daughter standing there, Howard shook his head.

“I want you to walk me down the aisle as well George. Please.”

Oh how his heart leapt in his chest.

“Ar-are you sure darling?”

“Yes, it’s only right. That’s if that’s okay with both of you?”

“Of course” Howard and George spoke at the same time.

The music started again and everyone’s attention turned to the double doors as the three stepped over the threshold. Friends and family smiling as Howard, Y/n and George walked by, some of them muttering about how beautiful she looked.

Bucky stood there with tears streaming down his face at seeing his Bunny. Nat and Wanda rolled their eyes when they saw Steve smiling and Sam shaking his head, knowing they had put a bet on their friends reaction.

Reaching him Y/n smiled softly at Bucky, giving both Howard and George a kiss on their cheeks she took Bucky’s waiting hand.

“I thought you ran away” Bucky whispered.

“No never, just wanted your dad to give me away as well”

As the pastor greeted everyone and began the ceremony Bucky couldn’t pull his eyes away from Y/n, nor could she with him.

“James you may read your vows”

“My beautiful Bunny, I love you more today than I did yesterday and I’ll love you more tomorrow than I did today. For as long as I am alive I promise to not only to keep loving you in the purest form but I promise that I will never let you ever second guess my love, loyalty and devotion for you. You are my soul mate, my better half, my Bunny. I promise in front of everyone here to cherish you, to honour and sustain you, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to you in all things until death alone shall tear us apart”

Reaching out to wipe the tears that had fallen on her cheeks, the pastor waited for Bucky to move backwards before telling Y/n that it was her turn to read her vows.

“My beautiful Ducky-“ she started knowing he always blushed when she called him beautiful or pretty. “I have loved you since I knew the real meaning of it. When I look at you all I see is my future, our future. Like I told you on our first date its always been you. You’ve always been my beacon, my happiness. You have saved me so many times I don’t think you realise how many. I will always love you more and more as our days go by and that’s my promise to you. I promise in front of everyone here to cherish you, to honour and sustain you, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to you in all things until death alone shall tear us apart”

It was now her turn to wipe the tears that fell from his bright blue eyes.

“Rings please” Nat and Steve stepped forward handing the rings over “James repeat after me- With this ring I, James, take you, Y/n, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.”

Repeating the words, making sure his voice was strong so she knew he was as serious as he has ever been, he slips the ring on to her finger.

“Y/n repeat after me- With this ring I, Y/n, take you, James, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.”

She too repeats the words, she puts the ring on his finger.

“Y/n and James, you have come here today before us and before God and have expressed your desire to become husband and wife. You have shown your love and affection by joining hands, and have made promises of faith and devotion, each to the other, and the receiving of the rings. Therefore, it is my privilege as a minister and by the authority given to me by the State of New York, I now pronounce that you are husband and wife. James, you may kiss your wife”

The whole church erupted in cheers as Bucky took Y/n’s face in both hands and kissed her passionately.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Barnes”

Their first dance as man and wife was to Unchained Melody, as they danced on the dance floor Y/n noticed the way her dad was looking at her mom, and how George looked at Winnie. The same way Bucky looked at her. Full of love. Nothing more, nothing less.

Y/n caught her momma’s eyes and nodded.

Winnie stood and helped Maria stand. Howard shooting straight up as her legs were lightly wobbly. Before he could ask what was going on Y/n spoke “Instead of doing the traditional father and daughter dance, I would like my father and mother to dance alongside me and Ducky, the same for Winnie and George”

As the music continued both sets of parents danced on either side of their children. Bucky couldn’t stop looking at his wife, his heart soaring at being able to call her that now, his trousers tenting too. Don’t judge him.

As the night draw close, Bucky and Y/n thanked everyone for coming and took their leave back to the hotel that Bucky had gotten dressed, celebrating on their own. As husband and wife.

The next morning they were off on their honeymoon. Greece.

Six weeks after being married and four weeks after coming back from their honeymoon Y/n sat on the toilet checking her watch every few minutes, the white pregnancy test seemed to have grown eyes as it was staring back at her. Bucky sat on the side of the bath, his knee bouncing, checking his own watch.

“Baby it’s time”

“You check I’m too scared”

A noise between a laugh and a sob made it way out of Bucky’s mouth as the positive sign was there.

“What? What does it say?”

“Positive. Bunny your pregnant!”

Standing up and taking the test from his hands not really believing him, Bucky got down on his knees his hands going straight to her stomach, lifting her shirt up he kissed the flat surface.

“Ducky…we-we’re going to be parents”

“We are my love”

The bathroom filled with laughter mixed with cries.

And then the phone rang.

Arriving at her parents’ home as fast as they could, Pepper greeted them. “In their bedroom” is all she said.

Running up the stairs Bucky tried to get her to slow down without blurting out the reason but it was no use. She needed to see her momma.

“Momma-I’m-I’m here”

“Oh my sweet girl” Maria croaked out, looking weak and so small in the double size bed. Her hair long gone, skin wrapping it’s self tightly around her skeleton. Though she didn’t look like herself but a shell of what she once was, Y/n thought her momma was still as beautiful as she was the day they had first met. “I’m so pr-proud of you, y-you know that don’t you?”

“I know m-momma”

“Oh b-baby plea-please don’t cry, I’m always go-going to be with you. Always.” Taking her daughters hand in her frail one Maria knew it wasn’t long until she left her husband and children behind to head up to the pearly white gates in the sky.

With her family around her, she was happy. Her eyes scanned the room, her husband on her right holding her hand, her only son who she was so unbelievably proud of everything he achieved in his life sitting on the chair close to his father, Pepper who she was proud to call her daughter-in-law standing behind Tony. George standing against the wall, the man gave her the life she had from the moment he introduced her to Howard. Winnie-her dearest and longest friend tucked in George’s side. Bucky who she help deliver when he decided that he had been in the womb for long enough, the one she was proud to call her son-in-law even in the short period that he had been married to her daughter, standing by his parents.

And her pride and joy, Y/n. Though she wasn’t biologically hers yet she never treated her any different to Tony, no never. Maria’s love for her daughter was pure and real, she always wanted a daughter and she knew she could leave this world happily knowing she had the sweetest, kindest people to call her daughter.

“Momma, I ne-need to tell you something”

“Wha-what is it sweetie?” Y/n leaned in so she could whisper to her the news. That she was going to be a grandma again.

“Oh swe-sweetie th-that is amazing” gesturing for Y/n to come closer so she could whisper in her ears. “Make sure they know that I love them e-even t-though I wo-won’t meet them”

“I w-w-will momma. Promise”

Thirty minutes later hand in hand with her husband and daughter, surrounded by her loved ones Maria closed her eyes and took her last breath with the only regret being that she wasn’t strong enough to meet her unborn grandbaby.

Two weeks later it was time to say goodbye properly by burying Maria, Howard couldn’t find it in himself to stand long enough to do the eulogy. Tony couldn’t find the words to do it so Y/n told them that if it was okay with them she would.

Now standing there in a church packed full of family, friends and strangers she started to regret saying she would do it. But she couldn’t fail her momma, not today.

“As many as you know I’m- I was adopted when I turned eight by my parents. I was brought into their home, their lives, I was accepted and loved by them. I never once felt out of place growing up or felt alone, I never felt like I was different because they always made sure I knew I was truly loved. My momma was always there for me when I needed her, she was the best person to go to for help and advice. She was the best mom ever and I was truly blessed to have her as mine. There’s no doubt in my mind that my momma will be with my mama and be talking her ear off” she stops as everyone chuckles. “Maria Stark was the one of the best women I have ever met, she didn’t care about your past, whether you was rich or poor, as long as you was kind-a good person she was happy to talk to you. She helped anyone who needed to be helped. She saw good in those damaged and I’m the perfect example of that.”

“My momma wouldn’t have wanted people to cry at her funeral so please don’t, dry your tears and smile. Smile at the memories of her, smile at remembering how she was, smile when your think of the name Maria Stark and all the good that comes with the name. Maria Stark was an incredible, strong, beautiful woman, please don’t ever forget her. On behalf of my father and brother I would like to thank each and every one of you for coming here today to celebrate the life of a wife, mother and friend, thank you”

Y/n steps down from the podium, her hands shook as she moved towards Bucky who stood up and took her hand in his. “I’m so proud of you baby” he whispered into her ear.

As her momma was placed into her final resting place and the flowers started to overflow Y/n stood back and let everyone say their final goodbyes first. As everyone moved away and started to go back to their cars all that was left was Howard, Tony, Bucky’s parents, Bucky and Y/n.

Y/n looked to her right, her breath hitching caused Bucky too look over at her. Following with his eyes at what she was staring at he released a stuttering breath.

Howard caught onto what Y/n had saw, putting his rose on top on the pile of flowers and saying his goodbyes to his wife, his only love, he moved over to his daughter. Kissing her forehead, he squeezed his eyes shut before whispering.

“Your momma wanted to be buried next to the woman who gave her, her daughter”

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A/N: I wrote Maria’s death whilst listening to For Whom The Bell Tolls by Bee Gees…and I had to stop three times because I was ugly crying.

Tags: @cjand10 @unaxv @mcira @bisexualnikkisixx @kneelforloki @kandis-mom @sagebarness @sandyruston @scott-loki-barnes @nikkivillar @saltedcoffeescotch @scentedharmonymiracle @examinarei @sarcastickiddo @sadboiabby @unholyhuntress @8crazy-freak8 @ijustneedpopcorn @moonbeampillgoth @imcinnamoons @elmo-1066 @violetwinterwidow01 @suz7days @adoredire @ozwriterchick @randomrosie01 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @emerald-writes @justafangir1 @sibsteria @spencerreidisagorgman @sapphirebarnes @bruher @hawkinsavclub1983 @onlyonetifosi @parisadams @unabashedstarlightcrown @nash-dara @allofffmypeaches @loki-laufeyson68 @behindmygreyeyes @missvelvetsstuff @pigeonmama @lizslibrary @gloriouspurpose01 @gaya-is-weird-af

#marvel #tw: cancer #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barns x y/n #Through The Years #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes series #James Barnes #Bucky Barnes angst #bucky series #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes fluff #James Barnes angst #james barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes friends to lovers

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 4

Hey, guys! This story is coming along at quite the clip. I have part 5 already done. I have the specific plot beats mapped out and you are in for a wild ride.

Enjoy more Lauren being awesome, Steve being a history buff, and liking alt rock. A bit of tw for allusion to cancer. It's where Penny and Wayne talk so if you want to skip it just know that Penny isn't acting herself in this chapter and is handling the grief badly.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

***

Lauren tapped her lip thoughtfully. “I suppose I’ll grant you Robin being better than me on the sheer fact that she’s your soulmate. But it was this close.” She held her finger and thumb so close together they were almost touching.

“Platonic,” Steve assured her. Lauren raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not her type,” he added with a shrug.

“That’s fair,” she said. “I hate it when people assume that just because you’re opposite genders that you have to be romantically linked.”

Steve nodded. “As if other types of love don’t exist.”

Eddie winced. Steve caught his eye and blushed.

“I mean you can love friends and family, that’s not romantic, right?”

When no one answered, he continued. “Like one of the kids I used to babysit, Dustin. The one that built the CV tower. God I love that kid like my little brother. But I’m not attracted to him for fuck’s sake. All I’m saying is love is more then just romantic. Hell, the Greeks had a half of a dozen or so types of love.”

Eddie leaned forward interested. “Yeah, like what?”

“There’s love for the gods, love for your brothers in arms, love for your family, romantic love, and sexual love,” Steve said, naming them and counting his fingers. “I think there are more than that, but I don’t really remember.”

Oliver frowned at Steve. “Aren’t romantic love and sex the same thing?”

Steve shrugged. “You’d have to ask them, I don’t know. But I never thought so. You don’t have to be in love to have sex and you don’t have to sex with a romantic partner.”

Lauren launched into music and her tastes to quickly change the subject as Penny was starting to frown about the sex talk.

Eddie started talking to Gale about how she liked school now that she had finished kindergarten and resurfaced to Lauren and Steve’s conversation a few minutes later.

“You can’t honestly believe that Speak & Spell is the superior album,” Steve groused. “It had one hit on it and I wouldn’t even call it that.”

“I just think the band lost a little something when Vince Clarke left is all,” Lauren murmured.

Oliver sidled up to Eddie and nudged him with his elbow. “Do you know what they are talking about?”

Eddie just shook his head, enthralled. He had seen Steve passionate about sports before but this was new.

“Some Great Reward has some of the best songs on it,” Steve continued, unaware he was being watched. “God, I remember the first I heard ‘Lie to Me’, it was like someone understood me for the first time in my life.”

Lauren snorted. “You just used that one because it was the one that would raise the least amount of eyebrows.”

Steve laughed. “Maybe a little, but I was serious about that song. I must have listened to it a dozens of times my senior year of high school. But yeah, I really connected with that album.”

She hummed. She had a feeling it had to do with that girlfriend he brought up earlier, but she would wait until there weren’t so many prying eyes and listening ears.

“I’ll give you Depeche Mode,” she said. “But please tell you don’t like Tears for Fears, please...”

Eddie barked out a laugh. “Stevie boy here has both of their albums.”

Steve just shrugged. “I’m not about to feel shame for liking a good band.”

Lauren opened her mouth to argue when her mother interrupted.

“Steve, Eddie?” Penny called out. “You will have to be sharing a room.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide as if he hadn’t considered that.

“It’s okay, ma’am,” Steve said with his most charming smile. “We’ve shared a room a couple times before, we’ll be fine.”

Eddie nearly choked on his own spit. While that was true, he didn’t think it was a wise thing to say in crowd of strangers.

Penny blinked at him. “Excuse me? You’ve shared a room with Eddie before?”

Steve batted his eyelashes at her innocently. “Sure. Often times when playing their D&D game it’ll go late in the night and they’ll end up sleeping over. My house has a lot of rooms, but not that many. So we’ll often double or triple up in a room.”

Gale looked up from her toys she was playing with on the floor. “Just how many rooms do you have?”

Penny shushed her. “We don’t talk about that sort of thing in mixed company!”

“In addition to my parents room and mine,” Steve said steadfastly ignoring her, “three other bedrooms, plus another room in the basement that could be converted into a guest room in a pinch if I had to.”

Penny turned purple. “That’s enough of that talk.”

Wayne stepped in before his sister threw hands with one of his boys. And yes, Steve was his. He just didn’t know it yet.

“It’s not a sin to talk about money,” he said. “Not talking about money is how those in power stay in power. It’s why I’m in a union at the plant. Steve can’t help where he’s from anymore than you can. The size of his house isn’t going to change just because you don’t want to hear it.”

Penny’s jaw dropped. She looked around at her children and then ducked her head. She got up and headed for the kitchen. Lauren got up to follow, but Wayne held up his hand and shook his head.

“I’ll deal with her.”

Eddie stood there with pursed lips trying not smile. But it was hard. Wayne rarely stood up to Penny because he had known for years that she was Grandma’s favorite and her kids were treated like royalty. Not like him and Wayne and in his early years, Al.

His grandma was a sweet old lady who loved him, but he knew that Penny and her kids got preferential treatment because they lived close. It was hard not to be at least a little bitter about that.

“Go Uncle Wayne,” Lauren said with a low whistle. “Classism goes both ways and Grandma would have had a fit if she had seen how Mom acted today.”

Eddie let his smile break through. “Who’s up for some cribbage?” he asked pulling a deck of cards out of his leather jacket pocket.

All three of the Nelson sibling bounced up and Gale ran to the hallway to grab a cribbage board. She pulled out four pegs and then looked at Steve.

He held up his hands. “I’ve never played before, so I’ll just watch.”

Eddie cocked his head to side. “You haven’t? Huh, I thought everyone knew how to play.”

Steve just shook his head.

“Tell you what,” Eddie said, sitting down around the coffee table. “We’ll play a couple rounds of cribbage and then we’ll play something you know how to play.”

“Do you guys know rummy?” Steve asked wiping his hands on his front of his jeans.

“Yeah,” Lauren said with a grin. “That’s a fun one. We’ll play that one next.”

The other kids nodded and Steve settled into to watch the weirdest card game imaginable played on a wooden board with little plastic pegs like rejects from the Life game.

*

Penny rounded on Wayne but the seeing the look on his face caused whatever argument she had to shrivel up behind her teeth. Her shoulders slumped and she ran her hands over her face.

“Fuck, Wayne,” she murmured. “I’m sorry. I just have all this rage inside. She could have tried to beat it. There were medicines and things she could have taken to give us a little bit more time with her and she just didn’t… take it.”

Wayne wrapped her in his arms and held her.

“And we almost had two funerals this year,” she continued into his shoulder, “and I’m just on my last raw nerve.”

Wayne nodded. It was touch and go for Eddie those first three days in the hospital and every was waiting on baited breath to see if he would come out on the other side.

Hell, his favorite moment that week was Eddie’s surgeon staring Sheriff Powell in the face and telling him under no uncertain terms was he allowed anywhere near her patient until she was sure he was going to live. And then by the time Eddie was out of the woods, the government had pinned the murders on someone else.

Eddie stayed under for another couple of weeks so he never got to see how bad ass his surgeon was. But Wayne did, Steve did and they were both very grateful.

“I know, Penny,” he murmured, holding her close. “It’s been such a rough year for us Munsons. How’s Danny handling it?”

Penny snorted. “You’d think it was his mama that died, not mine with all the wailing and carrying on he’s doing.”

Wayne laughed. “Sounds like our Danny.”

Danny and Penny were Hawkins High sweethearts that moved to Ashland to be closer to Penny’s mom when she slipped and fell.

“He’ll be home from work in an hour or so,” Penny said. “You wanna help me make dinner?”

“Whacha making?”

“Just chicken and rice,” she said, pulling things out of the fridge and cupboards.

“Sure.”

*

Steve tallied up the points from their five games of rummy and then threw the pen down.

“Fucking hell!” he hissed. “You’d think I’d be used to getting skunked by fifteen year olds.”

Eddie laughed. “Nah, I’m pretty sure Oliver just cheated.”

The teenager was on his feet in an instant. “I didn’t!”

Lauren put her hand on his arm. “They’re teasing you. Chill.”

Oliver sat back down.

Then the door opened and a man stepped inside. He had curly red hair, a barreled chest, and an easy smile. This was obviously Danny Nelson.

He spotted Steve right off and made a beeline for him. “You must be Steve, Eddie’s told us all about you.”

Steve stood up and shook his hand. “Thanks for having me so last minute.”

“I’m just glad Eddie’s got someone looking out for him,” Danny said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I can smell my wife’s delicious cooking.”

Steve nodded.

Soon they were all called for dinner and Steve was seated between Eddie and Lauren.

He could tell that whatever Wayne and Penny had talked about had sorted her out and she seemed a lot less hostile. But that could have also been the calming presence of her husband, Danny. He had tucked her into his side as they ate, and she leaned into his touch.

It made him grieve the lost of what his family could have been if his grandmother hadn’t died.

Maybe they still would have fallen apart, but maybe they would have been like this.

But he also knew that he had to be grateful for that money not because of the things he had gotten, but because it gave him the chance to find his own family in the monster-hunting party that were his friends.

***

Pt 5|Pt 6|Pt 7|Pt 8|Pt 9|Pt 10|Pt 11|Pt 12

And that's how my husband's family introduced me to cribbage too. It is sooo hard to follow.

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @emly03 @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @vecnuthy @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #dealing with grief #minor character death #tw: cancer

[frownyalfred]

“I have five months to live and you’re making me do this alone?!”

but it’s Bruce and Clark. Bruce with terminal, quickly-metastasizing cancer and Clark just. Leaving, because his brain literally can’t handle the idea of his best friend dying. Can’t watch him go through chemo and see him wither away. And Bruce being furious.

#tw: cancer #cw: cancer #someone rewatched house md ok #the way wilson yells that at House??? #omg it kills me #bruce wayne #batman #dc #superbat #clark kent #superman #thoughts #fic ideas? #so sad tho #Bruce is like why won’t Clark even look at me???

[maceofpentacles]

trigger warning for cancer!!

just got off the phone with my dad and my corgi, macy, does have bladder cancer. the vets have been taking their time trying to figure out everything but they finally got back to my dad today to tell him the news. we have 3 options for treatment and none of them are cheap. i hate to do this but i’m in the process of moving 2 more hours away from my family and i want to help them out as much as i can while also not having to ask them for money.

i’m not asking for donations, i’m really not, i sell divination readings so if you’d like to help my parents, myself, and most importantly — macy, please consider buying a reading from me! i have p*yp*l, v*nmo, c*sh*pp, ko-fi, and z*lle ((message me for that))

i’m more than willing to offer multiple readings for a lower price, i’m just desperate to help my parents and my dog. we have 4 dogs in total so having to spend a lot on macy is going to cause issues for everyone in the house so please, please consider sharing this post so people can potentially buy a reading from me.

this is a post that no one ever wants to make but here are some silly pictures of macy begging for my siblings food!!

#personal stuff #tw pet health #tw pet sickness #tw cancer #tw: pet health #tw: pet sickness #tw: cancer #witchcraft #witchblr #witch #tarot #tarot reading #oracle #oracle reading #runes #rune reading #pendulum #pendulum reading #bone throwing #bone throwing reading

[buddiebeginz]

Aaront tests positive for the BRCA gene

#emmerdale #aaron dingle #rr031824 #rr24 #(mar 2024) #myedgifs #mill cottage #ada #adblack #adfo #gifset #adhr #adh #tw: cancer

[sznofthesticks]

thanks for the tags @honeybee-taskforce @heartstringsduet @welcometololaland @strandnreyes and @paperstorm

also thanks to @actualalligator for the tease tidbit tuesday tag, this is me tagging you back if you'd like to share something today!

i've been in kind of a slump lately, i forced myself to write these words a few days ago. so have this unedited snippet that i don't even know if i like enough to keep in

She sat in her childhood bed, reminiscing on her past life here. When she was 15 and convinced herself that Salim was best for her. That she could be happy with him. She never would have imagined her life now. In a loving and committed relationship with a woman and living with her a year into the relationship. Not married, but living together, spending all their moments together. Getting ready together, making coffee together, eating their meals together, watching bad television shows and movies together, and loving all of it. She’d been away from her for twenty-four hours now, they’d barely talked, and it was tearing her apart. She wiped away her tears, connected her headphones, opened the Facetime app, clicked on Nancy’s contact, and waited for her answer.

Nancy picked up on the second ring, “Hi Baby!” She said with the biggest grin on her face, but her eyes were red and puffy. Both of theirs were.

“Hey,” Marjan laid back in bed, lying on her side. “How was your day?”

“It was all right, work was weird. It’s weird without you there, and everyone definitely felt it. You’re the glue of the 126 firehouse.” Nancy chuckled.

“Aw, that’s kind of sweet.” Marjan paused, “So, I found out why my parents wanted me to come home. I knew my dad was sick, but he has lung cancer.”

“Oh my god. Marj. I’m so sorry,” Nancy wasn’t quite sure how to comfort her through a screen, and over a thousand miles away, all she wanted to do was hold her.

Marjan stayed silent for a moment, trying not to fall apart.

tags under the cut

no pressure tagging: @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @reyesstrand @nancygillianmvp @zitasempri @ladytessa74 @literateowl @bonheur-cafe @kiwichaeng @alrightbuckaroo @whatsintheboxmh @herefortarlos @my-little-tilly @fallout-mars @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-tk @jeysbvck @sugdenlovesdingle @firstprince-history-huh @your-catfish-friend @vineofroses @carlos-in-glasses @thisbuildinghasfeelings @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm @lightningboltreader @sanjuwrites and open tag

#my writing #wip wednesday #tw: cancer #marjan marwani #nancy gillian #911 lone star #nancymarjan

[lailoken]

Yesterday, my dearly beloved dog, Byrd, passed away. He had been dealing with cranial bone cancer for about a year, and though he held up well for most of that time, he recently took a very bad turn. I was told two different times in my own divinations that he would require euthanasia towards the end, and while I hoped it might not prove true, I prepared myself for the likely reality. I pled with the Bone Mother, asking for her to take him siwftly when the time came and spare me of having to be directly involved. However, I was informed, in no uncertain terms, that it was necessary for me to take on this responsibility with open arms; partly as a way to honor and usher the spirit of my companion, and partly as a vital piece of my own Chthonic work.

When the time came, I was quite sad and afraid, but I carried out my promise with all the grace and faith I could muster. Ultimately, he slipped away within less than five seconds—totally at peace and surrounded by love—despite being told that the process generally takes between 1 and 8 minutes to run its course.

After bringing him home, we carried out the rites we employ for our beloved dead, such as washing the body, anointing it with holy oils, and then lovingly adorning it with hand-picked flora in a ceremony of remembrance. Mourning portraits were also taken, as a way to reframe our final moments with the dead as something beautiful and meaningful. I share those portraits here now, as a reminder of the sanctity and beauty that can be found in death, if you open your heart to it.

I will forever cherish the blessing of your memory, my darling friend.

#personal #grief #pet death #cw pet death #tw: pet death #animal death #cw animal death #tw: animal death #cw cancer #tw: cancer #death #chthonic #Byrd #bone mother

[imagining-supernatural]

Tomorrow

Summary: Just angst and depression, bruh. Remember, I let you guys vote for either this fic or the fluffy one and... well...

Platonic!Reader & Dean & Sam

Word Count: 1583

TW: Hospitals, ed, cancer, avoidance

-----

“That was the hospital,” Sam said once he hung up. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Dean with tired eyes. “Y/N’s there again.”

It hurt, but it wasn’t a surprise. “What happened?”

“She collapsed. They’re running tests now to see why.”

Y/N had been getting worse for months now. She hid it, but after it got to a certain point, to the point where the hospital got involved, she couldn’t hide it any longer. Dean grabbed his jacket and keys. “Let’s go.”

The ride was silent and familiar. It was the third time in as many months. The first time was just to pick her up. Y/N had gone to get a sleeping pill prescription, and the doctors wouldn’t let her get behind the wheel, saying that she would be a danger in her current state. The second time, she’d been so sick that her roommate insisted she go. Sam and Dean had been called because they were still on file from the first time.

And now she collapsed.

If only she would tell them what was going on with her.

*****

“They shouldn’t have called you.” I hated seeing Dean and Sam here. They shouldn’t have to take care of me. I was an adult. I could do this on my own.

Well, theoretically.

The Winchesters shouldn’t have to worry themselves about me. Sure, we grew up together, but that doesn’t mean they need to watch my destruction.

“They said you collapsed,” Dean said, pulling over a chair beside the hospital bed. God, I hated hospital beds. I hated everything about the hospital.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. I use to hate hospitals. Now though, I found a strange sort of comfort.

“I had them remove you as my emergency contacts last time. They shouldn’t have called.”

“Well, they did. Why’d you collapse?”

Why does anything collapse? Governments, buildings, organs… too much pressure.

At my lack of an answer, Sam sighed and came to sit on the edge of the bed. “We’re worried about you, Y/N.”

“They shouldn’t have called you,” was all I said. I’m an adult. I don’t need people looking after me. I should be able to do that myself. They could worry about their own problems.

“Why not?”

So far, my favorite part about living on my own was the independence. I could do whatever I liked. Whatever I wished. I just wish people would stop worrying about me because of it. I was on my own, so I should be on my own. I hadn’t talked to either Dean or Sam since the last time I was here. That was a whole month without any Y/N problems hanging off their shoulders. Now the hospital ruined that streak by calling them.

“I took you off my contact list. It’s unprofessional, really. And probably against HIPAA.”

“Why did you take us off your list?” Dean clarified Sam’s question with a sigh. He knew that I’d understood the first time. So he should also know that I wasn’t going to answer this time.

“They said they’re keeping me here overnight. You guys should go back to whatever you were doing. I’ll be fine.”

They shared a look and Sam stood up. “I’ll go find a nurse.”

He shut the door behind him. It was just me and Dean now.

“He’s going to get answers, Y/N. You might has well just tell me why you collapsed.”

Dean was raised right. Sam too. I suppose I was also raised right, but the lessons just didn’t stick for me like it did for them. The three of us. The fearsome threesome. A force to be reckoned with back in high school. Back when life was simpler.

“Have you seen the news? All those hurricanes and earthquakes? Man, I would hate to be there.”

He knew I wasn’t going to give him a real answer, so he just sighed heavily, pulled his baseball cap down over his eyes, and slid down the chair until he was comfortable enough. He was going to have to go to the chiropractor if he fell asleep like that.

“Dean, go home. Get some sleep in your bed. You have a game tomorrow that you need to be ready for.”

“Surprised you even know about that,” he mumbled, not moving.

The school sends out weekly emails about all of the events happening on campus I still get them even though I dropped out a month ago. Of course I know about the football games.

I’m not very good at being a real person lately. There’s just too much happening. Too many strings to keep track of. A to-do list that keeps getting longer and longer. More failures that keep piling up in the corner of my closet. I can’t do it all, so some things had to go. Dean and Sam just couldn’t see how much more free they were without me.

I guess they would figure that out soon enough.

“I forgot to eat,” I finally say out loud. It’s not completely the truth. I knew that I had to eat, but I just… didn’t.

Dean peeked at me from under the bill of his hat. “What?”

“That’s why I collapsed. They’re going to give me whatever I need then send me home. That’s it, okay? Nothing to worry about. You guys can go home now.” I closed my eyes, knowing that Dean was going to blow this completely out of proportion. If I had to hear it, I didn’t want to see it too.

“How do you forget to eat?”

It’s a lot of work. You gotta figure out what you want to eat, then see if you have everything to make it, then if you don’t you have to go to the store and spend money and time and be around people. And if your roommate is home, then you run the risk of having to be in the kitchen with her too and small talk is just something that I can’t do. Then, after all that hullabaloo, there was no guarantee that I wouldn’t just puke the food up in a few minutes.

It’s just easier to… not.

“Y/N, c’mon, what the hell?”

This would have been so much better if the hospital hadn’t called them. Dean was all about eating right. He cared about his body. It got him his athletic scholarships. It was his future. He was going to be in the NFL. He had to worry about that shit. And Sam? His future was all about being a personal trainer. It was his job to figure out the right way to eat and exercise and all that crap.

I was the brains. Well, I used to be. I used to think I was.

Funny how fast things change.

“Go home, Dean. Take Sam with you. The hospital’s got my back now. You have a game tomorrow.” I settle further into the bed.

“When was the last time you ate?”

The worst part of hospital beds was getting comfortable in them. It was impossible on a good day, but with wire and tubes sticking out of you? It was better to just resign yourself to a very uncomfortable night.

“Y/N.”

“And it’s not just the hurricanes and earthquakes. There was a giant tsunami too. It’s like the earth is trying to tell us that we’re not welcome anymore. Crazy.”

“I don’t care about that right now. Y/N, when did you last eat?”

I was so tired. And all this probably wouldn’t matter in a few weeks anyway. Dean had a game tomorrow. “If you don’t leave, I’m gonna call security.”

His mouth dropped open. I couldn’t stand to look at him anymore, so I stared straight ahead at the door instead.

“Y/N, what the fuck is going on with you?”

The door opened and Sam returned with a nurse and a doctor. It was never good when the doctor came back in. Especially with a nurse. I addressed them, rather than my friends. “Can you get them out of here, please? I don’t want them here.”

“Y/N, I don’t think that’s a good idea given—”

“Get them out of here!” I yelled suddenly, finding some hidden reservoir of energy to protect my friends from the ugliness that the doctor was about to tell me.

Dean and Sam protested, but they were too nice to fight against the nurse as she pushed them out the door. As soon as they were gone, I slumped back against the pillow.

“It spread, didn’t it?” I asked weakly.

The doctor nodded sympathetically. “The tumor in your brain that we found a month ago is growing faster than we thought, and the cancer has spread to your spinal cord.”

It didn’t take ten seasons of Grey’s Anatomy for me to know what that meant. “How long do I have?”

“It’s hard to say, but…” the doctor flipped through a few pages on my chart. It was just a stalling technique. It couldn’t be easy to tell a twenty-two-year-old girl that she was going to die soon. “I would say somewhere between three weeks and four months.”

“I can go get your friends, if you’d like. You don’t have to go through this alone,” the nurse offered.

I just shook my head. A single tear trailed down my cheek, but other than that I was able to keep all of my emotions buried deep. “No. They need to go. Dean has a game tomorrow.”

*****

SPN Tags: @missthang2734 @hugwinchester @iamnotsaneatall @angelicshinigami @youtubehelpsmesurvive @sgarrett49 @mogaruke @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @sandlee44 @goldenolaf25 @smoothdogsgirl @ocholove @valisiofdauntless @emoryhemsworth @carryonmyswansong @percussiongirl2017 @x-waywardaf-x @babynovak05 @kleinkariertebetrachter @akshi8278 @calaofnoldor @mylovelydame21 @sucker-09 @idksupernatural @miraclesoflove @i-should-prob-be-asleep @all-will-be-well-love @blueaura @anthoniastark @buckys-estrella

#dean x reader #sam x reader #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #angst #tw: cancer #tw: hospital #tw: ed #I wrote this years ago when I was going through shit #And now that I've gone through worse shit #it turns out that I react the exact same way #but more aggressive lmao #aggressive isolation

[1863-project]

So...I got the worst possible news on Murphy's 15th birthday on Sunday (3/3). It's...not diabetes.

TW: discussion of cancer.

Murphy has a tumor on his adrenal gland and two nodules on his pancreas. He's really too old to biopsy at this point without putting him at risk, but his symptoms weren't diabetes after all...he might have pancreatic cancer, and whether he does or not, he's basically in hospice care with me now that he's stable.

I knew my time with him was limited already since he's 15 now, but this hurts every time. The best I can do is keep him happy and loved until it's time, whenever that is.

He's at home, he's eating all his favorite foods, and he's so, so unbelievably loved, and I hope he knows how loved he's been for so long.

I made myself a little ribbon for him. I know he doesn't know what this represents, but I want everyone to see just how devoted I am to him.

However long we have, you are loved, Murphy, and I will continue to love you forever.

#cats #Murphy #tw: cancer

[pastafossa]

A friend wanted to see a picture of my old kitty and I couldn't get a good one of him at the moment (he's snoozing upstairs) so I went looking for some old ones before he got cancer. And damned if it made me cry looking at them but whatever.

My faithful old kitty Cato. Sleeper next to my pillow for 16 years, my constant shadow, hopefully for a little longer.

And there are many, many, many sections of TRT that were written and edited one-handed since he likes me to hold him like this.

I love him so much.

#tw: sick pets #tw: cancer #not even gonna use the other tags cause this is mostly just for me and anyone here who's been following it #rare pic of me with him but it perfectly captures my 'what can you do?' face cause i can never tell him no #my old boy who's been with me through so much #so much writing done with him on my lap or in my arms or on my legs #i wish he could be there for all of it

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter One: [The Diagnosis]

Summary: The last thing you ever expected was to be diagnosed with breast cancer. To make matters worse? You’d been separated from the love of your life for just shy of a year. How do you tell the love of your life you might be dying? It’s simple really— You don’t.

Warnings: Mentions of Cancer Diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Separation. Marriage issues. Mentions of death.

Word Count: 2.1k

Author Note: I've put so much love, passion and time into this series. I'd love to hear all your theories and concepts as each chapter is released.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

December 31st 

Jake Seresin tried his best to hide the wet tears that fell down his cheeks as he sat with his kids on the lounge of the home that he had tried his best to keep as tidy as he could. There was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of frustration, a lot of fear and unbelievable sadness that surrounded Jake and your three small children. The unknown was truly tragic, terrifying and treacherous, but Jake wasn’t about to let his kids see the way he so desperately wanted to cry. He didn't want his kids to know how truly broken he was. 

“What did mum get you for Christmas daddy?” Little Lenny asked cautiously, knowing the emotions were still raw for them all. He was just six years old but Lennox Seresin knew his life had changed forever. That something had been ripped from his heart never to be returned. 

Jake held the small present in the palm of his hand, the present he had yet to open. The present he wasn’t sure he wanted to. It felt like something he’d held before, the weight felt all too familiar. It haunted him the more he carried it around, held it in the palm of his hand and contemplated the inevitable. 

“I dunno buddy, you reckon I should open it?” Jake asked as he kissed his son's head. “S’not Christmas anymore.” The Naval Aviator had recently shaved his head, it had been the closest to a number one he’d ever had. It was in solidarity, union. A decision he made in the blink of an eye but one he did not regent or ever would. 

“We haven’t taken the tree down yet.” Lucy added her two cents into the conversation as she laid her head on her father’s thigh. “Mum would be upset if you didn’t open it dad.” Jake knew that much was true, you probably would be pretty bent out of shape if he never opened it. 

“Alright, I better open it then huh?” Jake shook the small perfectly wrapped box he could hold in the palm of his hand. He heard what sounded like a rock rattle inside. His heart nearly exploded inside his chest. 

Fuck….Jake knew what it was and he really didn’t want to open it. 

But before we get to that we need to go back a little. So settle in, grab your tissues and emotional support water bottle and hold on for dear life. Because this Christmas isn’t your average festive Christmas fic: No—this one’s something much more heartbreaking. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~

November: 2nd 

“I need you to take the kids for Christmas—“ It was the first thing Jake heard come through the phone as he held it up to his ear. It had been a few days since he’d last heard from you, not that you owed him daily check ins or regular updates, you owed him nothing, after all the two of you had been separated for just shy of a year now. January had been the start of his new beginning, Lieutenants Jake Hangman, soon to be divorced, couldn’t hack it as a husband, Seresin. The title was pretty long winded and riddled with self pity, but Jake wouldn’t ever let himself forget how much he’d let you down as a husband. As a father, as best friend. 

The two of you had been college lovers. The star crossed kind of lovers with Jake being the very definition of Mr Popularity and yourself being the well mannered and reserved library dweller. You’d only stumbled across each other's paths one day in the unlikely event that Jake needed to borrow an actual hard copy of a Douglas A Howard book on the Ottoman Empire. 

He ran right into you—and to this day had never stopped loving you. His Honey. 

“Are we not splitting it between my family and yours like we said?” Jake frowned as he stepped out of his truck in the car park on base. You could hear the familiar jingle of his car keys as he shut the door of that black F150 he loved so much behind himself. 

Your contact remained unchanged, it was simply Honeybee. That term of endearment that illuminated his entire phone screen never boded very well in Jake's favour when it came to his meaningless conquests. Hard Deck Badge Bunnies were a dime a dozen, but they were never you. Never the woman he longed for the most. Never the woman Jake let down more than enough times to count on two hands. 

They were never you, because you left him January seventh at approximately four thirty in the afternoon. Jake would never forget that moment, that unimaginable heartbreak of finally coming to the gut wrenching conclusion that you had a limit. Hearing your voice through the phone as he pulled into work made him remember that you were across the country with his three kids in tow. You weren’t his anymore, he’d loved and lost you and didn’t know how to fix what he’d broken. 

“I thought we were gonna—“ 

There wasn’t an easy way to explain to your ex husband how you were sitting in the doctor's office as you spoke to him looking at your last mammogram results. Aggressive Breast Cancer, Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma. Merry fucking Christmas. So, you interrupted him with a quick explanation, one so out of character and born out of pure panic to keep your newfound diagnosis of stage three breast cancer that needed to be treated as soon as possible before it could progress. 

“I’ve been invited on a friend's trip, we’re going—“ Jake pretends not to hear the slight pause you took in your explanation, he decided it was because you feel guilty for dumping the kids on him like this. He knows you're not a bad mum, that’s why the kids he loves so dearly and with all his heart spend more time with you in Rhode Island than they do with him in North Island. “To Banff, yeah they booked a few rooms in the Sunshine Village but it’s a no kids trip.” 

“You deserve it.” Jake doesn’t want to argue, it’s what ruined your marriage to begin with. The constant arguing back and forth over everything under the sun. But what Jake knew now that he didn’t back then was that over ninety percent of the time those arguments started because you were just begging him to love you the way you deserved. He’d never put you first a day in your marriage even though you’d selflessly followed him across the country to whatever posting, away from your family and friends, birthed his children, twins with heads just as big as his. You gave him love and support and thought he’d do the same in return. 

But the reciprocal love in the form of equality never came no matter how long you waited or gave Jake, the love of your life, your best friend, the father of your children, the benefit of the doubt. It was you who cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. It was you who stayed home night after night wondering when Jake would be home. It was you who stayed up riddled with anxiety that his last mission would be just that. It was you who heard the rumours about your husband in every city or small town you moved to. That he was a lady killer, a smooth talking guy with a cock sure attitude. He was the prize at the end of any lucky ladies night. 

Except for you. But you never questioned your husband’s loyalty, never once asked or believed what everyone told you. That’s just who Jake was—a charismatic man with a heart of gold that was often overlooked. He was the best of the best and he’d stop at nothing to get where he wanted to go, to the very top. If Jake Seresin had to move a mountain to achieve his dream of becoming Commander of the Pacific Fleet then he was going to move that mountain. It was one of the reasons you’d fallen in love with his very closested dorky self. 

You just never expected him to drop that very mountain on top of you and bury you alive under the pressure of keeping three beautiful kids alive, working, making sure there was food on the table for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The endless hours of housework that went unnoticed or the constant stress of being the default parent while deployments passed and new assignments came around. 

Love sometimes isn’t enough, and Jake, despite the endless love you had for the man who made you a mother and a wife, wasn’t enough. He didn’t love you the way you loved him. Endlessly and without hesitation. Jake had always been your number one priority along with your kids, but you weren’t even on his list. 

Jake knew he messed up when you told him you were leaving, he begged you not to, begged you on his knees to stay, that’s he’d change for you, be a better man for you and the kids. That he would do better, be better, be the man you fell in love with. But it was too late. 

He wished he’d listened to you all the times that you had begged him to, so now? He didn’t want to argue, not with the woman he loved so dearly and missed so badly. 

“I’ll take the kids, no problem, just tell me when I need to be at the airport and I’ll meet you guys there.” 

You’d expected a fight, some sort of push back or argument to come from the other end of the phone call as you sat in your doctor's office with eyes trained heavily on your mammogram. But it never came and that made you sure that your ex husband had well and truly fallen out of love with you the way you wished you could with him. At least he cared enough before to argue, now? It was just passive stupidity. 

“Okay, will do.” You pressed your lips together in an effort to not blurt out that you had asked your doctor if you were going to die and she had told you that she couldn’t answer that. In your mind that was a yes, yes you were dying and you felt like you couldn’t tell the one man you’d ever loved that you were taking that one way ticket to the place he’d once told you he wished you’d go in one of your long winded arguments. Hell. “I’ll uh—I’ll get the kids organised and explain what’s going on and I’ll text you all the information, sound good?” 

“Sounds like a plan, Honeybee.” Jake had yet to kick that old habit. He cringed as the terms of endearment left his mouth and stilled in his tracks. “All good on my end.” His attempt to stumble awkwardly through his mistaken term of endearment didn’t go unnoticed by you in the slightest bit. Your stomach filled with butterflies at the terms that had slipped past your ex husband's lips on the other end of the line. 

You missed him, you missed what the two of you used to be before things got so complicated. You missed the gentle nature of Jake's charisma before he fell so deep into the persona he played up for his colleagues and country. The Hangman. Always leaving people hanging, including his wife. 

Jake was just and always would be simply Jake Seresin to you. Your now ex husband but still and forever the love of your life. 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon, bye Jake, have a good day.” You hung up before your tears could spill from your lower lash line and left out a heavy sigh. As you closed your eyes and imagined what it would be like to be held in this moment by the man who promised he’d be there for you in sickness and in health, you reminded yourself why you left. You weren’t good enough for him to love you the way you deserved. How could you expect him to love you now when he couldnt even fix a fucking faucet when you asked? 

“Okay, so what’s the next step?” Your doctor just looked at you with sympathetic eyes that told you this wasn’t going to be easy. She took a deep breath and handed you a treatment plan that was in her opinion, the best case scenario for your specific type of cancer.

“You fight for your family, Mrs Seresin.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21@tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer

#was it over? // jake seresin #jake seresin #tw: cancer #tw: breast cancer #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x female!reader #top gun fan fiction #top gun fandom #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader

[imtryingbuck]

Seventy

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky comes from a well respected family, he falls in love with a girl who prefers the simple things in life. Follow their journey through the years.

Word count: 3,104

Warnings: angst, heavy use of pet names. fluff. swearing. death (cancer)

A/N: No description of reader other than she has curly hair.

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

In the fifteen years that has passed Bucky and Y/n became grandparents to a whopping eleven beautiful grandchildren. Each one of them being well and truly spoiled by their grandparents.

Georgia and Billy got married six months after they proposed to each other, two months later they found out they were having a baby. Natalia was born three weeks prematurely, though still tiny she was strong, always kicking her little legs out and had a set of lungs on her. Two years after Georgia gave birth to another baby girl naming her Scarlet after Billy’s favourite superhero character the Scarlet Witch.

Another two years go by and she gives birth to another baby girl named Aurora, or Rory as Y/n always calls her. Four years later Georgia rings her mom to say she’s pregnant again, the whole family getting a shock of a lifetime when they find out that she was pregnant with triplets. Two girls and a boy, Marya, Django and Rebecca, named after Wanda and Pietro’s parents and Bucky’s sister.

Jamie had three children with his now ex-wife, Nicole, though they divorced and she remarried they remained good friends and were amazing at co-parenting with each other. Ryder, Levi and Angel. Angel was born on Bucky’s birthday which he did not shut up about.

Stevie and his boyfriend Ryan had adopted a baby girl when she was a month old, she had the most brightest green eyes Y/n had ever seen. She was born with a cleft lip and her biological mother didn’t want her which was truly a shame as Quinn could melt anyone’s heart just by looking at them.

Sammy and his girlfriend Eva surprised everyone by announcing that she was pregnant, she had been told when she was younger that she was never going to be able to get pregnant which was something she had come to terms with, but she gave birth to a healthy baby boy who they named James, after Bucky and Eva’s dad.

Howard passed away in his sleep two years after Georgia got married. Y/n and Tony held his hands when he passed. He was buried with his one true love, Maria. With Grace on one side and on the other was George and Winnie. 

Grace and Bunny’s Haven became successful, another two Havens in different locations had been build and were now being used by men and women. There were plans to build a fourth Haven but it had to be put on hold.

In a year they must have seen hundreds of faces and heard similar stories. No matter how many times she heard them it didn’t stop her heart from aching each time.

Bucky’s and Y/n’s marriage was just as strong as it had ever been, Steve mocked them once for being sickly sweet so Bucky grabbed Y/n by her hand and pulled her into him and kissed her, both putting on a little show for their friends. That was until Georgia was sick.

She was pregnant at the time.

That’s their defence anyway.

The love that they had for each other continued to grow as the years went on. He was still her Ducky and she was still his Bunny. Natalia once asked Y/n if Bunny was her real name and she had to explain that it was a nickname, then explained why her grandpa called her Bunny, the little girl smiled before running to tell Georgia that her grandmas real name wasn’t Bunny.

Two weeks before Y/n and Bucky celebrated their thirty ninth wedding anniversary Y/n started coughing up blood, Bucky rushed her straight to the hospital panic filling his veins the whole time he drove there.

After blood tests were done a doctor sat the couple down and told Y/n that she had cancer. It was terminal.

It took her back to when Maria had been told the same thing, and just like Maria she didn’t cry no she asked questions whilst Bucky held her hand tighter and tighter to the point where it was hurting her but she never once removed her hand away from his. She needed him. Needed him to help ground her.

Y/n begged Bucky not to tell anyone, at least not until after their anniversary which he hesitantly agreed.

They spent their anniversary at the cabin they had been renting for the past thirty nine years to celebrate the date they became one, through the whole week they were there Bucky cried, he couldn’t understand why it was her that had cancer, to him it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she out of all people had been diagnosed with cancer, it’s wasn’t fair after all her kindness and love she shared and gave to others that she was going to be dying a slow death.

He couldn’t understand how she remained so calm throughout her diagnosis and the week they were away.

“I’ve lived an amazing life Ducky, everything will be okay I promise” she told him as she held him in her arms, wiping his tears off his cheeks and kissing his forehead.

A week after finding out that she had terminal cancer she and Bucky sat their kids down, their hearts breaking at seeing and hearing the most important people to them crying, shaking their heads in denial, Y/n got up and grabbed a hold of her children squeezing them into her chest tight, telling them how much she loves each and every one of them. She couldn’t stress enough of how proud she was of them. Bucky joined in on the family hug, all six of them crumbling together on to the floor.

Telling the group plus Tony was difficult too, all of them in denial about what Y/n was telling them. Each of them couldn’t believe that the strongest one out of them all had been diagnosed with a vile disease such as cancer.

Even with getting chemotherapy to try and slow down the cancer she was becoming weaker not like it stopped her from doing her work at Grace and Bunny’s Haven. Bucky tried and failed to get her to slow down but she wouldn’t, couldn’t as she wanted to continue being there for those who came to her for help before she passed.

“Nanny sweetie” Y/n looked down to see Quinn staring up at her with those wide green eyes that she loved so much.

“You want a sweetie darling?”

“Yes pwease nanny”

“Who am I to say no to you huh? Go ahead and get one sweetheart”

“You spoil her too much you know mom” Stevie said as he came into the living room where she was.

“I know I do but look at them cheeks”

Stevie stood by the couch and stared down at his mom, his heart ached at seeing her looking weak, something he never thought he would ever see or say about his mom. To him she was the strongest person he had even known and possibly would ever know. It had been just over a year since her diagnosis and though she was getting chemotherapy it wasn’t doing much other than delay the inevitable.

Two months prior Y/n and Bucky celebrated their fortieth anniversary, their children planned and organised a party for them at their home. Family and friends were all there to celebrate the love and memories of their time together.

Y/n cried at the surprise and seeing all their loved ones all together, Bucky cried knowing it was the last anniversary they were going to celebrate.

“H-how are you feeling today mom?”

“I’m okay don’t worry about me pumpkin”

“Mom-“ he sighed softly he knew she was still putting up a front, still trying to keep up a positive outlook though all those around her could see her smile fading everyday. “How are you, really?”

“I-I’m scared of dying if I’m honest Stevie, b-but like I told your dad I’ve lived a great life so I’m okay with what’s happening”

Stevie sits next to his mom holding her hands as he started to struggle with keeping his tears at bay. The strongest person he knows had just told him that she was scared. He didn’t realise that he had tears falling from his eyes until Y/n reached out and wiped his cheeks.

“Oh don’t cry my dear boy, everything will be okay I just know it”

“B-but you’re going to die mom, your d-dying an-an-and I can’t do anything to s-stop it from happening” Stevie stuttered out, he was always the one out of the four siblings that wanted to help everyone and anyone, he always felt like he had failed somehow if he couldn’t help people.

“St-Stevie look at me- oh my sweet boy everything is going to be okay I promise. You can’t control this and neither can I but everything will be okay”

“B-but what do I do without you momma?”

“Live your life to the fullest, love until your heart and soul are content, make memories and for the love of god keep being yourself Stevie. And when things get tough just look up at the sky night or day and just know I’m looking down on you, even though I’m not going to be here physically doesn’t mean your getting away from me, alright?”

Stevie nods with tears running down his cheeks, hugging his mom tightly and promising her that he will do everything she told him too. They separate when Quinn comes stumbling over with chocolate all over her face, smiling widely not understanding the conversation between her dada and nanny.

A month after having that conversation with Stevie, Y/n took a turn for the worse. Bucky knew the end was near for his Bunny, when that realisation hit him he went to the toilet and puked up.

On Wednesday 20th August, Bucky stood from the doorway watching his wife, his one and true love, his Bunny sleeping in their bed, his coloured eyes went from her face to her chest to make sure it was still rising.

“Y-you watching me sleep Ducky?” Her soft voice whispered filling in the quiet room.

“Of course my sweet Bunny”

“Duck-“

“Not today baby please”

“I-I don’t think I have another d-day in me Duck”

“Pl-please Bun”

Y/n smiled weakly, slowly patting the bed for him to come over. Holding his hand she raised his hand to her lips where she placed a lingering kiss to his knuckles.

“I-I don’t want the kids being in the room when I go Ducky, please promise me that they won’t be here.”

“Why?”

“It’s not fair on them to see me go Ducky, so please promise me”

“I-I promise Bunny, I promise”

Hand in hand for about thirty minutes, Bucky slowly stood and stumbled downstairs to grab his phone. Ringing Georgia his voice shook as he told her that she needed to get everyone to the house so that they could say their goodbyes, leaning heavily against the counter his heart cracking when he could hear his oldest child breaking down on the other end of the phone, he could hear Billy’s voice cracking in the background as he tried to get their children ready.

Coming off the phone to Georgia he rang Jamie to tell him the same, he knew he was currently with the twins. He rang Tony, then Steve asking his longest friend if he could tell everyone else, he simply couldn’t have that conversation once again. Climbing the stairs and heading into their bedroom Bucky sighed a breath of relief when he noticed her chest still rising and falling, he let her know that everyone was on their way. 

“Duck, have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Every day for the past forty three years” Bucky admits with a smile.

“Thank you for the best years of my life James, you’ve al-always made me happy you know? You’re my world, my light, my better half my love, I’ve lived a life full of happiness and I’ve known true love because of you, so thank you Ducky”

Bucky makes no attempt to wipe the heavy stream of tears away, he tries to find the words to tell her how much she means to him but before he could find them the bedroom door opens revealing his greatest achievements.

Their children.

Bucky sits back and lets his children and best friends say their goodbyes in their own ways, his heart feeling heavier and heavier the longer they are there. He sits there with his hand in hers watching his Bunny smile at each member of their very large family, he knows that she accepted her fate the moment the doctor told her the news, he knows even though she’s scared of death and of the unknown that comes with it, scared of leaving her loved ones behind and of the thought of never seeing any of them again.

Despite the ending of her story coming to an end so soon she still keeps a smile on her lips, trying to show her family that it’s okay, it’s okay that she’s going to be going to sleep soon and never waking back up.

After an hour of being surrounded by the people who meant the world to her she gives Bucky a look silently telling him that it was time. Choking back a sob he tells his children and best friends that they needed to leave, each of them confused until Y/n speaks up and tells them that she doesn’t want any of them being there, each of them trying to protest - fear and the truth of what was happening making them stay in place, until Bucky gave them all a single look. 

The family they created stumbled out of the room, holding on to each other. Before shutting the door behind him Tony took one last long at his baby sister, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him.

Bucky climbing into the bed next to his only love clinging to her like a lifeline.

“I love you Bunny, I love you so much Y/n thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be yours. I-I love you, I love you.” Bucky whispers as he sees the eyes belonging to the only woman who he’s ever loved purely and deeply, the woman who he watched give life four times, the woman who gave his life meaning. The woman who he’s loved since he was an innocent little child who didn’t really know the meaning of love, starting to flutter closed.

“I’ll be with you soon my love” he again whispers, so terrified to speak any louder as she would hear the way his voice cracks, he needed to be strong for her. He couldn’t let her down.

Georgia walked into the room with slow timid steps. Falling to her knees with a loud thud she releases a gut wrenching sob which has her brothers, uncles and aunts flinching and bowing their heads.

“Wh-when do we get to give nanny her birthday presents?” Rory asks innocently, completely unaware of why everyone was crying.

Standing in front of so many people, many she knew, many she didn’t. Georgia though her heart ached as she stood at the podium next to her mommas coffin she smiled. Smiled at seeing that so many people had come to say goodbye and pay their respect to her beautiful mom, smiled at seeing them all dressed in bright clothes. Georgia told everyone that she didn’t want anyone wearing black.

Georgia smiled at seeing all the people who had gone to Y/n to seek help had arrived at the church. The air got caught in her throat when she saw the four women and the first man who were the first people to arrive at Y/n’s sanctuary were all sitting together.

“My mom was the greatest woman I had ever met, strong and beautiful. Her heart knew no bounds, she always saw the good in people. My mom was my best friend, the person so many people could turn to for help or a shoulder to cry on o-or just someone to hold them. My mom is and will always be my hero. Her laugh was infectious and so was her smile, my mom would make jokes about things that weren’t really funny but she would laugh and you just couldn’t help but laugh along. She truly was an inspiration to me and too many others. Her love for my dad was beyond words, she loved him so deeply and wholeheartedly, so purely. I am beyond proud to say that I am the daughter of Y/n Barnes”

She looks towards Billy who nods slowly as to encourage her to continue. She wipes the tears from her eyes.

“My dad was incredible, funny, loving and one of the kindest men I had ever met. My dad was the reason why my mom was able to create Grace and Bunny’s Haven, he supported her every step of the way, supported strangers and friends. His love like my mom’s knew no bounds-“ the feeling of her throat drying and closing has her coughing lightly.

“I’m sorry. The love my dad had for my mom was so strong that everyone who knew or just saw them together could see how much he loved her, could see that my mom was his whole world. I am beyond proud to say that I am the daughter of James Barnes”

Looking sadly at her father’s coffin lying right next to her moms she breathes deeply. “On behalf of my family I would like to say thank you to all those that have come today, thank you for donating money towards Grace and Bunny’s Haven, thank you for your kind words and stories of how our parents touched your lives. Tha-thank you”

Steve watches his niece as she steps down from the podium, her hands shaking as she moved towards Billy who stood up and took her hand in his. “I’m so proud of you baby” he whispered into her ear. He smiled at the memory of Bucky doing the same to Y/n when she spoke at Maria’s funeral.

He looks at the two coffins lying there, knowing that his two best friends were in them, knowing that one died of cancer and the other of a broken heart, made his eyes sting with unshed tears.

Y/n passed away in the arms of her Ducky.

Bucky passed away with his arms around his Bunny.

And side by side they were buried next to their parents.

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A/N: I was listening to Elvis Presley Bridge Of Troubled Water and Always On My Mind writing their deaths…and when I say I was sobbing I mean I was s. o. b. b. i. n. g.

Tags: @cjand10 @unaxv @mcira @bisexualnikkisixx @kneelforloki @kandis-mom @sagebarness @sandyruston @scott-loki-barnes @nikkivillar @saltedcoffeescotch @scentedharmonymiracle @examinarei @sarcastickiddo @sadboiabby @unholyhuntress @8crazy-freak8 @ijustneedpopcorn @moonbeampillgoth @imcinnamoons @elmo-1066 @violetwinterwidow01 @suz7days @adoredire @ozwriterchick @randomrosie01 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @emerald-writes @justafangir1 @sibsteria @spencerreidisagorgman @sapphirebarnes @bruher @hawkinsavclub1983 @onlyonetifosi @parisadams @unabashedstarlightcrown @nash-dara @allofffmypeaches @loki-laufeyson68 @behindmygreyeyes @missvelvetsstuff @pigeonmama @lizslibrary @gloriouspurpose01 @gaya-is-weird-af @capsbestgirl77

#marvel #tw: cancer #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barns x y/n #Through The Years #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #Bucky Barnes series #James Barnes #Bucky Barnes angst #Bucky series #Bucky Barnes fluff #bucky barnes x y/n #James Barnes fluff #James Barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes friends to lovers

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

[wellthebardsdead]

Astarion being able to smell and taste Tav’s blood and he detects they have something the likes of terminal cancer. At first he doesn’t say anything, he’s just using them for protection and food after all it’s none of his business. But then he starts to fall in love. His heart breaks hearing Tav speak so hopefully about their future after getting rid of the parasite. And he realises the disease is going to take them away from him and with no cure in sight he’s left with one option… and his heart is too selfish to ever let them go after feeling genuine love for the very first time…

So he Ascends against their wishes, and turns them, giving them his blood too so they can walk in the sun together and he can try to give them their hopeful future… however dark his new twisted nature may ultimately make it in the long run.

#ascended astarion #astarion acunin #astarion baldurs gate #tw: terminal illness #tw: cancer