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kimmiessimmies · 25 days

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What Went Before: James and Leona

Before we get into the next chapter of the story, it's good to have a little recap of all that went before regarding James and Leona. It's long, but hopefully interesting. Read under the cut below!

James (with a blanket around his shoulders) met Leona on the rooftop of The Factory, the Honeycomb Hills nightclub, in February 06. Up until that point, we had seen James as a carefree and especially attachment-free university student. He had a reputation for not making commitments and had many one-night stands. As things stand now, we know there was a lot more to it than met the eye, but at that point, none of that was clear yet.

James immediately noticed Leona wasn't quite like the other girls he'd met at university. She didn't judge his lifestyle and as it turned out in the conversation they had that first night, Leona knew what it was like to have baggage.

She told James about her past during which abuse had played a big part, and her story resonated with James. Of course, James had his own issues, but he had never told anyone about any of it because to him, it seemed everyone else lived a happy life. To hear Leona speak so openly about the horrors of her childhood, really touched something in James.

The next morning, Leona was gone. She had left a note thanking James for the great time they had, but no number.

During the weeks that followed, James found he couldn't get this fascinating girl off his mind. His friends immediately jumped on this thinking James had finally developed romantic feelings for someone. Initially, this annoyed James. But the more they said it, the more he thought it may be true...

Eventually, he decided to look for the mysterious Leona. And he found her. Again on the roof of the nightclub. She confessed she had been thinking a lot about him, too, but Leona's past had made her terribly afraid of commitment. However, James also didn't want any commitment, and they agreed to start a casual, open type of "situationship."

As time passed, James continued to be in doubt. He had never experienced the feeling of being in love, but deep down, he really wanted to. Was this it? This thing with Leona? He was very unsure. Yes, he liked her. Yes, he felt comfortable with her, and she was easy to talk to. He even told her about everything that had been troubling him for so long and, eventually, also about the self-harm... But was he in love? Somehow, it didn't feel that way...

In May 06, James' sister Eva got married in Monte Vista. Everyone had received a "plus one" invite, and James decided to bring Leona. Now, this seemed like a big commitment, but for James, it was sort of a test of his feelings. He still secretly wanted to experience feeling in love, and maybe this could be, or become, it after all? For Leona, it was a free trip to Monte Vista, so she was game. James' mum, Patty, was quite annoyed by James bringing Leona to the wedding. He didn't even call her his girlfriend, so why was she there?

Months passed, and James realised that, no, this wasn't love. But it was a good thing they had going anyway: commitment-free, great sex, and good talks on top of that. Everything between James and Leona was open and honest. They gave each other their freedom and spoke freely about just about anything. Neither one of them wanted this to be a relationship, and they were fine with the other person sleeping with other people, too. Not that either of them did. The randomers James had sex with before had always been because sex distracted his mind, and he didn't need to do that anymore now. And Leona was also fine with having James to booty call whenever she needed to get her kicks.

Leona was there for James when his thoughts became too dark. Until the night when James told Sadie about part of his issues, no one except Leona knew about any of it. Even though his friends have caught on that James isn't okay, they don't know what's up. Leona is still the only one who knows everything. But she never stayed the night. She didn't want to, and he didn't really feel the need to have her close in that way either. James and Leona were never cuddly.

Since Sadie started university in October 07, James and Leona saw a bit less of each other. Not that they saw each other on a daily or even weekly basis before, but since then, it became less. Not because James fell instantly in love with Sadie (he didn't), but because Sadie's start at uni also meant she returned to The Hot Wings and all the plans (and songs) that had been gathering dust on the shelf for a year and a half finally took off.

In January 08, after their smashing debut album release performance, James and Sadie slept together (pictured above is Sadie, not Leona). There had been a lot of built-up tension, and that night it had to be released.

James told Leona about it the next day. She was surprised but obviously fine about it. From the way James talked about Sadie, Leona did suspect there might be a bit more to it, but when asked, James waved that away.

Leona also told James during that same conversation she felt they were keeping each other steady, but neither one of them was actually moving forward with regard to their respective issues and that she was thinking of getting professional help for hers.

And that takes us to where we are now. It's worth noting that James hasn't seen, let alone had sex with, Leona since Sadie started spending the night with him.

We'll see Leona again very soon when the story continues.

#atoh #what went before #recap #ts3 #the sims 3 #sims 3 #james wyler #leona walsh #tw: abuse mention #tw: self harm mention

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allelitewrestlings · 1 year

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#jon moxley #wrestlingedit #aewedit #aew #aew dynamite #all elite wrestling #dynamite: s04e46 #tv: dynamite #ours: gifs #maker: s #*#tw: addiction mention #tw: self harm mention

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user-needs-new-hyperfixation · 9 months

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Do you have any headcanons about scars that William got while performing his role as Lord of Crime?

My headcanons about this are just angst angst and more angst 😅 I can only imagine that any scars he got in the midst of committing murder haunt him. I can see him avoiding his own reflection in any state of undress, desperate not to face the reminders of his crimes. I do think there might be a few that are less bitter; maybe he actually had a target who kept up with him in a fight, and it felt fair the whole way through, and when he emerged victorious but bleeding Moran bandaged him up and clapped him on the shoulder and said something about battle scars well-earned. Or he killed someone in a way that directly saved their victim, ala the Baskerville kids, and it's hard not to feel a bit more at peace with that, and a bit more okay with the scars that result.

Side note but for some reason this sent me on a mental tangent about how while William is repeatedly and obviously compared to Christ, for some reason I always associate Albert more with the aesthetics of religion (maybe it's because of the confessional.) It's almost like in my head William is protestant but Albert is Catholic, even though realistically they're probably both loosely Anglican. And that got me thinking about Albert with stigmata. Maybe self-inflicted, but more intriguingly, maybe coincidental. Maybe he just keeps getting wounded in odd ways that start to map out a distinctive pattern, and that makes him absolutely spiral. Honestly...what did Albert ever do to deserve the things my brain puts him through?

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #tw: self harm mention #asks #headcanons

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candiid-caniine · 5 months

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explain to me why the hell so many 16 year olds think they're magically exempt from the rules lol.

#not just from the rules of. you know. what legal age means #but also from the fact that i do not want blatant self harm blogs following me #fuck all the way off kid #tw: self harm mention

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enjomo-arch · 1 year

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𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 + 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐏

I. BODY HAIR

1. Stubble

Ace has a small stubble of growing black hair at the center of his chin almost a little goate and minor hair peeking along the line of his jaw. He does shave it off sometimes mostly when it gets too stoublesome and itchy.

2. Happy Trail

A little bush of hair growing around the belly button and reaching all the way down under the waistband. Yes, he doesn't shave his balls.

3. Chest Hair.

Ace has a considerable amount of chest hair growing on the surface of his pecs.

4. Arm Hair + Leg Hair

Mostly forearms in his case and little hair, wavy going along his legs. He does shave his legs when just like his stubble they get too itchy. Once per two weeks though he wouldn't shave his arms or chest hair.

II. SCARS

A. Nose Scar.

Ace has a slightly faded nose scar. He gained it during his youth in the Foosha Village when once, Ace as a kid went to the jungle to hunt a bear and got hit directly in his face when the bear attacked him with it's claws. It was the first time Ace went to hunt something bigger alone and returned to the bandit hideout badly injured and pretty defeated about his loss against the animal.

B. Impel Down Shackles Scars

His wrists have burns that Ace gained during his time spent in the prison. His wrists and ankles were tightly locked in the Sea Stone shackles which caused him pain whenever he tried to move or adjust his position. Considering Ace had his arms locked above his head all the time it was painful to sit still in one position but whenever he tried to move the stone would scratch his skin off, leaving burns.

C. Slight Burns from the Grey Terminal incident.

Ace despite having a fruit that makes his body made of fire, when he was a child and the great fire blew up in the Grey Terminal, his skin got slightly melted on his chest, arms and legs. Thanks to Dadan who protected Ace while running with him through the fire he didn't suffer massive injury unlike her.

D. Self Harm Scars.

During his lowest moments with depressive episodes, when Ace couldn't hold his anger and grief after learning that Sabo died on the sea he started to hurt himself. The cuts on his thighs aren't much visible but he still feels ashamed to pull his pants off below his waist in front of someone. Detalied post about Ace's self harm can be found here.

E. Marineford + Post Surgery Performed by Trafalgar.

Ace doesn't get directly hit by Akainu while protecting Luffy. The hit makes contact with his body however it doesn't break through his flesh thanks to the quick reaction of Law who arrived just on time to use the Room and swap Ace and Luffy's places with random boulders before taking them away to the submarine in an attempt to escape from the war. Though Akainu's magma made contact with Ace's body and empowered by the haki the shock going through his entire body stopped his heart process and melted the whitebeard tattoo on his back. The scar upfront is the result of his skin melting and Law's surgery process to save Ace's life.

F. Gunshot Scar

The scar Ace gained during his first adventure in the New World while being with Spade Pirates. On the first Island they'd get surrounded by Navy ships and Ace took a shot with a bullet made of Sea Stone.

G. Minor Battle + Hunting Scar

Name speaks for itself. Ace's whole body is adored by scars he gained during his youth while hunting with Sabo and Luffy, battles against Bluejam pirates and then battles against Navy's vice admirals.

#「009」 𝗠𝗘𝗧𝗔𝗦 #「002」 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥 #tw: scars #tw: self harm mention #wohoo finished the thing #/ long post #ii. hiken › my art .

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victorluvsalice · 1 month

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Valicer OT3 Week, Day Five: Nontraditional Soulmates

In the home stretch of @ot3-week's OT3 Week, and we've come to a good one today -- "Nontraditional soulmates!" Which, of course, is a perfect opportunity for me to bust out the Soulmates AU I came up with for the trio! :D I did two fics for this for last year's Polyship Week, and this one is sort of the sequel to the first, "Day Four: Soulmates." (The second being "Day Six: Drabble(s)," and coming even later in the timeline.) That story dealt with Victor running into Alice in the Whitechapel marketplace and accidentally activating their soulbond, only for a slightly-panicked Alice to run, leaving Victor to report the discovery to his other soulmate Smiler alone -- here, we have Alice, having mostly gotten over her initial "SHIT IT'S MY SOULMATE I'M NOT READY" reaction, finding her way to Victor via the bond so they can actually talk -- only to hesitate right outside his door...

All right. Here we are. No turning back now...no matter how much I kind of want to turn back.

Alice rocked anxiously on her heels, staring at the door in front of her. It was a pretty plain, ordinary door, all things considered. Little more than a flat piece of wood with a handle attached. Oh sure, there was a bit of perfunctory decoration in the form of a couple of shallow squares roughly dug out of the front, and the usual assortment of nicks and dings acquired from daily living, but other than that – it was an uncomplicated door for an uncomplicated building. There was nothing special or interesting about it at all, really.

Beyond the fact that one Victor Van Dort, her soulmate, was behind it.

Alice swallowed, worrying her lip with her teeth. It is so bizarre to just – know he’s there, she thought. With the sort of rock-solid certainty I don’t have about anything else in my life right now. But then – he must know I’m here, right? Why doesn’t he just – open the door? Spare me the trouble of knocking? But then again, he didn’t try to chase me when I ran from him in the market...perhaps he assumes that I still want to make the first move. And since we can only share emotions, not actual thoughts, I can’t really correct him. She sighed. Bloody hell – whoever or whatever force tied our lives together, it could have given us proper telepathy instead of just its poor cousin.

“It could have,” Cheshire agreed, sitting by her feet. “But it didn’t. Time to turn thought into action and spur him forward in the process.” He gave her a trademark grin, teeth glittering in the dim light of the hallway. “Or purrhaps spur forward someone else.”

Don’t you lot even think of intruding, Alice scolded, giving him her best glare. I mean, yes, he probably knows about you and Wonderland already, and how mucked-up my mind is, but – my stomach’s already in knots about this. She ran her thumb over her wrist, tracing the faint line that only she – and Victor – knew about. I don’t need the stress of having to wrangle you or Caterpillar or Hatter or God forbid the Queen of Hearts into the bargain.

“Have it your way,” Cheshire said, fading to eyes and smile. “Though I think you’ll soon find it’s not only us who can intrude.”

And with that, he was gone – predictably before she could ask him what the hell he meant. She looked up and down the hallway, but there was no one else there – and none of the doors to the other flats in this place looked ready to open anytime soon. “Maddening,” she muttered, shaking her head. “As if I needed any help in that regard...”

But he’d had a point before he’d vanished – nothing was going to happen if she didn’t make it happen. Alice ran her fingers through her hair to neaten it a bit, brushed off her skirts, then plucked up her courage and rapped smartly on the door. A moment later, it opened –

Revealing, of all people, Nanny’s new bartender at the Mangled Mermaid.

Alice stared. The bartender – one Smiler Alton, if she recalled correctly – stared back. Then, just before it could get awkward, they snorted. “Oh – that Alice,” they said, apropos of nothing. “I didn’t think I lived in that coincidental a universe.”

“...beg pardon?” Alice said, for lack of anything better.

“What she said.”

Victor appeared in the doorway behind Smiler, looking as confused as she felt. “Uh – hello,” he greeted her, before turning his attention to his – roommate? “‘That Alice?’”

“From the Mermaid,” Smiler explained, glancing up at him. “She’s Nan’s old charge – dropped by a couple of times to talk to her. Didn’t expect to see you under these circumstances,” they added in her direction.

“When it comes down to it, neither did I,” Alice said, tilting her head. “You and Victor live together?”

“Ah – yes,” Victor said, twisting his tie. Alice found herself resisting the urge to fiddle with her own blouse’s collar as the nerves poured off him and into her. “I – I d-don’t know how much the b-bond told you, but...well...”

“Hi,” Smiler cut in, sporting their namesake expression. “I’m your other soulmate.”

...Not even “beg pardon” seemed sufficient for that. “What?” Alice blurted. “You – but – what?”

“Yes, ah, sometimes – sometimes you can get two,” Victor said, shooting Smiler a look before favoring her with an awkward smile. “It’s, um, k-kind of a long story...how about you come in?”

“There’s tea and biscuits in it for you,” Smiler promised, stepping out of the way.

No, I want you to explain to me what the hell you mean by “sometimes you can get two” right now – but before Alice could put words to tongue, she caught sight of Smiler’s arm, resting against the door frame. Specifically, their wrist, leaned up against the wood above their head. Even more specifically, the thin scar running along said wrist –

That looked very, very much like the kind one might get if they’d taken a blunt spoon to their flesh in a desperate attempt to end their life. Alice swallowed and nodded. “I – I think I could use some tea right now, thank you.”

#ot3week #valicer #prompt #fanfic #valicer soulmates AU #soulmates #victor van dort #alice liddell #smiler alton #tw: self harm mention #self harm mention #(since the thing Alice is worried about is the fact that she accidentally hurt her soulmate when she tried to cut her wrists in the asylum #that is what is making this moment so awkward - Alice feels super guilty about it :( )#anyway the soulmate AU makes its return!#I did want to write about this moment and Alice stressing out about meeting her soulmate #only for Smiler to open the door and whoops you have TWO soulmates Alice #who are already in a relationship #but lucky they're poly so when you fall in love with Victor it won't be a problem #another AU idea that I would happily develop out a lot more if I had the time and energy #so many freaking AUs so little time #well enjoy these little snippets at least #I enjoy making them #queued

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flameandignite · 7 months

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#tw: self harm mention #haven’t been able to stop thinking about hurting myself and i don’t know what to do #i can’t get on meds rn for a whole bunch of reasons otherwise i would’ve done that a long time ago #so i guess i’m just going to power through it until things improve or i can’t anymore

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likeadeadbattery · 2 months

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OH FUCK I THINK I HIT MY FIRST STYRO ON MY THIGH DAMNNNNNNN

#idk what to tag #tw: self harm mention #hitting styro

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gaybabything · 3 days

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Just found out one of my best friends befriended me because when we were 13 I gave her a hair tie and she saw some cat scratches on my arm, thought it was self inflicted, and wanted to keep an eye on me. I love her but why'd she have to stereotype me like that

#tw self destruction #tw: self harm mention #tw mention of sh #sh mention #sh ment tw #tw sh related #tw sh implied #there as SO MANY tags related to sh

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fivenightsatfreddysfanfiction · 7 days

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Afton-Herrera Moments 2

Alex shows a few cracks under pressure.

TW: mentions of self-harm

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Date: Unknown Location: Somewhere in Florida

Something soft and white thumped Router in the forehead as he entered the den of the mercenary base. He scrabbled to catch the offending object, already irritated with his morning thus far.

“What the fuck, man?! What is this?!” he snapped, tracking the trajectory of the thing tossed at him back to Panther, the older man just lounging in his chair with his feet up on the coffee table and attention on the rickety television nearby.

“Ya left a mess by the bathroom sink last time, so I figured you were out of stock,” Panther huffed, gesturing idly in Router’s direction, “Next time, wrap up before you drip all over the place. Making Medic twitchy makes it hard to keep ‘em under control.”

Router blinked in confusion before looking down at the object in his hands. His cheeks colored upon recognizing the roll of bandaging gauze. So much for making sure he’d cleaned up all evidence…

“What, not gonna try and talk me out of doing it again?” he spat out, stress rising both at being discovered and at what his partner’s response could be. Panther just snorted.

“I ain’t your dad, punk. Do whatever the fuck you want; it’s your life. Just don’t make a mess that’ll make my weapons twitchy and keep your stock up through the supply drops,” he retorted and waved a hand dismissively at Router before reaching for his bottle of beer. “Give me a head’s up if you plan on dropping dead so I know to turn down any clients looking for your skill set,” he added as an afterthought.

Router just stared at him for a bit, then laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m not that fucked in the head. Just a lil something for a hit of a high that doesn’t dull my brain,” he replied, pocketing the roll as he went to join the other mercenary. Panther passed him a bottle of his own and the hacker grabbed it before tossing himself back onto the couch. He smiled to himself as he opened it.

How refreshing, to have someone acknowledge his control over himself and not argue with him over what he wished to do with himself. To be respected like this, this was all he ever wanted.

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Present Day

“Hm, win some and lose some, and you only get this one on account of some dipshit DDOSing the server!” Alex griped, drumming his fingers over his keyboard as he read over the losses of his game character’s inventory. Some interesting loot he’d found, a few guns he’d scavenged off of earlier kills, and a decent chunk of money he’d collected from the numerous caches and NPC enemies he came across; not terrible losses in game, but an annoying blow to his pride. Too bad he wasn’t anticipating something like that, he would have set up something to monitor the server activity and slap back anything trying to mess with his session. Oh well.

A window on his second monitor scrolled text upward at a steady pace, a myriad of consolation messages and heckling in varying ratios and colors. Alex sat back and looked over the text, reading through some of the messages to pick what to respond to and what to disregard. In the window of another bit of software, he could see the art he’d commissioned to represent himself settle into an idle pose to match his current silence, a character dressed in light military gear with an icosahedron for a head, eyebrows and a mouth the only facial aspects to allow for expression. Alex had been amused by the design and tipped the artist extra for it.

“No need to get aggressive, it was out of our control,” he finally replied to the messages on the monitor, moving his microphone on its arm a bit closer to his mouth now that he wasn’t focused on the game. And wasn’t that rich coming from him? A situation he didn’t have full control over and the most he felt was irritation that didn’t even last long enough to have him plotting vengeance. “If you wanna blame anything, blame the crappy infrastructure this game’s server was built on. Can’t even handle a DDOS within the first five minutes of attack. Gotta have a better defense in place so attackers waste themselves trying to breach it and don’t have resources to spare for the actual attack.”

He watched the responses to his words for a moment, banned a couple people getting dangerously close to violating the terms of service for the platform he was on, and hummed again. “Kind of a shit game in the last few minutes, but we pick up and go again. All you can do when you’re given a crap hand,” he said with a shrug, moving his cursor to click on the game window and respawn back at his character’s base for another session, “is try again for a better one.”

Like striking a deal with BellaRosa for a new life for himself and his brother, leaving behind Panther and Router to live as Sydney and Alex. There were still hardships and shitty circumstances they faced, but they clawed their way through somehow.

But Alex had a lot of Router still in him, memories remaining largely in place. Couldn’t say the same for Sydney, who lost so much of Panther between his past death and his current life that Alex struggled a bit to recognize his old mercenary partner. Sometimes.. sometimes, he wondered if he wished he got back all of Panther, in those tiny dark moments of his dreams when those memories arose.

“Before we dive back into the hellfires of this game, let’s take a break. I could use a drink,” Alex declared, clicking out of the game and into the other software, switching active tabs to send a stream of his favorite music to the various people watching his gameplay along with a looping screen of his highlights reel. He muted his microphone and pulled his headset off with a sigh, hanging it on the arm before pushing it aside.

This little side gig was fun to do on the weekends, something he started doing on a whim to try and work out his desire to return to mercenary work. Playing extraction games soothed the itch and was actually pretty fun once he grasped the rules and put his own experiences to it for more successful sessions. One of the people he regularly saw in another shooter game suggested he livestream since he was doing so well with his various plays and tactics and there would surely be people interested in seeing him pull those off. Wasn’t long before he had a streaming identity and a character to represent himself to his viewers. He’d considered just a camera on his face before dismissing it for the security risk it could provide. What if Sydney came into his room during a stream? Pantera’s identity would be leaked and the whole household could be put in danger. The virtual streamer concept was the better fit for him.

Heading downstairs, Alex glanced over the rest of the house to take a headcount of the inhabitants. Gregory was studying the working of Freddy’s hand and wrist carefully, the animatronic having removed the casings of his hand and arm to give him a better look. His upcoming exam would be to build an upgraded hand and attach it successfully, so seeing him take this engineering aspect seriously was good. Alex made note to quiz him on the software side of the upgrade later, no need to let Damien have all the fun.

Vanessa was out of the house, shopping for new clothes with Stephanie Daughn and Alex’s cousin Meera. It was the only way she could be out and about without Sydney following at her heels like a shadow. Those times Alex wondered if Afton had managed to break Sydney in some way, the way he took his bodyguard role so seriously when it came to the blonde woman. In those moments, Alex couldn’t think of him as Panther at all, could only worry that he brought him back wrong.

In the kitchen, Alex raised a hand in greeting as he headed for the fridge to grab a bottle of water. Sydney nodded in return, focused on chopping vegetables for whatever he planned to cook for dinner. Alex watched him for a few moments, sipping at the water as he compared his brother to his memory of Panther once again and mentally squirmed to evade the feeling of disappointment. He loved his brother, so why couldn’t he shake those urges to compare and contrast and point out differences to himself?

The blade of the knife tapping rapidly against the cutting board pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up to see Sydney frowning at him, a knuckle raised to tap at his lips in signal. Alex fished his phone out and opened his custom app, holding it so the camera could capture his hand movements. “/If your face freezes like that, I’ll get the blame for it./” Sydney lectured with a faint scowl, fingers deftly signing out the words. He’d improved a lot with his use of sign language over the months. “/Something on your mind?/”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Alex replied with a sigh, waving the question away almost bitterly. Panther wouldn’t have asked that, would have just pointed at a cooler of beers and told him to grab one and watch the game with him if he was looking out of sorts. Sydney prodded at him, reminding him of things Alex didn’t want to think about, wanted to ignore.

“/Doesn’t look like nothing when you’re still frowning like that while we’re in a good place./” Sydney signed with a raised eyebrow. Again with the prodding into his business, trying to get into his head. Alex huffed in irritation. Why couldn’t he do that to others like he used to? Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone when he knew that he didn’t like the hovering?!

“Just had a bad game, okay?” he finally answered, grabbing for the one thing he could truthfully use as a shield, “What’s with the interrogation?!”

“/I was just asking!/” Sydney signed sharply, eyes wide and alarmed expression on his face, “/What the hell, Alex?/”

“Well, don’t! Like you said, you’re not my dad, so quit trying to act like it now!” Alex snapped and immediately cringed internally, wishing he could claw those words back.

Sydney only stared at him in confusion, head tilting as his brows furrowed together. No recognition of the words; another memory only Alex carried, adding to the gulf between him and the Panther he’d sought to save. Did he get the short end of the stick in this deal after all?

And thinking that just made Alex’s stomach twist, regret and self-loathing burning under his skin. He had Sydney, so that should be enough. It should be enough. He hated the tiny voice that crept into his thoughts, calling him a consolation. Sydney didn’t deserve that, not with all he’d done to try and do right by him.

His grip on his phone tightened as he moved to put it away. “/No, I’m not your dad, but I am your brother. Is that-/,” Sydney signed before the camera lost focus on his hands and further translation was lost.

Alex leaned back against the fridge, taking another drink of water and imagining it as the pungent taste of beer, the plastic of the bottle for hard glass, the smell of chopped vegetables for the plant decay of the Florida glades. “It’s nothing. You don’t remember, so it doesn’t matter now,” he muttered.

That was the crux of the issue, wasn’t it? Sydney didn’t remember. All the things Alex as Router admired Panther for, the way they worked together so well, understood each other, gave each other space.. Sydney didn’t have that, or barely had shadows of it. Even Pantera was just another source of frustration, a pale imitation of Panther, far too weak and lacking Panther’s power. It hurt even as he had smiled shallowly at Pantera’s foray into delivery jobs. Sydney hadn’t told him about his plan to go back into mercenary work, hadn’t requested he join in as the tech specialist, the hacker, the partner and equal he had fought hard to be seen as, and still held himself back from his true strength as Panther.

Silence lasted quite a while, and Alex glanced over at his brother, eyes narrowing slightly at the expression on his face. Sydney was looking aside, as if listening to something else with an uneasy and contemplative frown. After a moment he sighed and went back to chopping vegetables, gesturing with one hand to dismiss Alex.

That was weird. Alex scowled just a bit before turning away to head back to his room. He refused to acknowledge Gregory and Freddy looking at him in concern, pointedly keeping his eyes on his path up the stairs, water bottle in hand. He still had a game to finish and maybe he can take out his frustrations on some dumbasses in the next extraction zone.

#tw: self harm mention #panther #router #fnaf au #parlourverse au #the herrera brothers #vr protagonists #bits and pieces

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