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prince-honeypaw · 3 months

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WARNING: This post contains mentions of terminal illness and parental death! Proceed with caution.

♡ There are no secrets kept between Tamaki and Mirio. They've grown up together since they were just developing their quirks and have been attached at the hip for just as long. Where Tamaki went, Mirio was never far behind! They're in perfect tandem.

♡ Up until their first year at UA that is.

♡ Going to a prestigious hero school was already very stressful for Tamaki, but that wasn't all that bore down on his frazzled mind. Not long before he was accepted into UA, his grandmother had passed away. She was his only living family member after his mother passed from a terminal illness when he was rather young, which meant that he was hopping from foster home to foster home his entire first year. It was terrifying for him!

♡ He was so afraid of being alone again.

♡ Mirio was at a loss on how to help his closest friend. He knew that Tamaki was struggling with moving every month or so, but nothing he tried seemed to alleviate that stress. From putting time aside to help him try to regress or taking him out to do something fun, it only ever ended in Tamaki going home in tears.

♡ It wasn’t until he started his work study with Fatgum that someone finally found the solution to—at least one of—Tamaki’s anxieties. He was adopted by the BMI Hero and finally had that stable living situation that he desperately needed in order to thrive! And, with that settled, Tamaki’s little slowly started to come back out one step at a time. He was hesitant to let Taishiro know about his regression, but Taishiro is one of the most understanding and open minded heroes out there. Different strokes for different folks!

♡ And, while happy that Tamaki was starting to feel better enough to regress again, Mirio couldn’t help but feel this little twinge of disappointment. Disappointment in himself for not being able to help his best friend when he needed it most. He tried his best to not let it get to him, but oh did his smile not quite reach his eyes for a time afterwards. He was afraid of not being needed anymore.

♡ Soon after, things went back to how they used to be! For the most part. New routines filled the cracks and became the new norm... Up until another wrench was thrown in the cogs a year and a half later.

♡ UA's dorm system was implemented for the safety of the students, but Tamaki feels like it was an attack on him personally. He had gone through so much to settle in with Taishiro! He paced and fretted over the new stressor for days upon days before it was time to move in. Taishiro promised that everything would be peachy keen, and that he'd always have his home in Esuha when all was said and done! It wasn't like he was being exiled.

♡ His words went in one ear and right out the other the moment he had to pack away his regression gear, squawking and fretting that someone would find out! He couldn't- He shouldn't- He WOULDN'T! And, regretfully, he didn't. Taishiro said that if he changed his mind, he'd have it all packed and ready to go when he saw him next, but Tamaki was stubborn in his decision.

♡ Moving into the dorms was suspiciously simple to Tamaki. He didn't drop anything, didn't trip up the stairs, didn't spill water on the new carpet in his dorm- And having dinner with the rest of his class wasn't a disaster either. It was actually... Very fun! Nejire was in the dorm across from his own and Mirio was just a floor away, so he didn't feel as alone as he thought he would be.

♡ It was nice. Something he would have to tell Taishiro about later.

♡ However, he hadn't noticed just how much later it had gotten! The sky had grown darker and most of the class had already disappeared into their dorms, leaving a chilling quiet to bear down on his mind. He'd been so content with the company of so many familiar faces that it never occured to him that his schedule had been thrown off entirely.

♡ First was brushing his teeth. Then was taking his medication with a bottle- A bottle he didn't have. That was fine, it was fine! There was no need to freak out, okay... He could just skip that part and take his medicine with a glass of water. Then he could get dressed and get Lilliput r- Lilliput was still at home. Okay... Okay, that would be harder to do without, but he didn't need to freak out! He... Papa could fix it-

♡ Like the shatter of glass, Tamaki's already slipping headspace crashed to the floor with that realization. Papa wasn't there. He was all alone now, all alone without the comforts he'd grown to rely on when the world felt so much bigger and he felt so... so small. Tears fell hot and thick, hiccups burning his throat. He was alone, he was alone, he was alone, he—

"Tamaki?"

♡ His breath caught and he snapped to attention. Mirio, suddenly understanding the situation with only a look, wore an expression that was as warm as sunlight, reaching out and taking Tamaki's hands.

"Hi there, sunshine! What's going on up here?" He asked with a gentle tap of his fingertip to the baby's forehead. Tamaki blinked through the tears and immediately jammed himself into Mirio's comforting presence and fit against him like a puzzle piece, hiccuping when he managed to speak. His words were jammed together between panic and his headspace, but Mirio nodded along as though it was just another conversation.

♡ Because, to him, it was! He knew baby Tamaki just as well as he knew big Tamaki, through timid mumbles and teary babbling, Mirio understood him. Rough thumb pads gingerly wiped the still falling tears off his ruddy cheeks, and Mirio spoke in a soft voice he knew was just for him.

"Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha! I still have some of your stuff on hand, remember?"

At the slow nodding, Mirio smiled, "That's right, so we can text your papa that you need your stuff and go get it after class tomorrow, 'kay? It's no big deal."

♡ Tamaki, still sniffling, echoed the words, "No big deal...", before letting Mirio guide him through his nighttime routine with what they had. A sippy full of water and a puppy plush suited him just fine, but following Mirio to his room was just inevitable. He felt so much less lonesome with him there and Mirio couldn't find it in himself to take Tamaki up to his own room.

♡ So, they settled in for the night in Mirio's dorm. Tamaki picked out a story on his tablet while Mirio washed the spare pacifier he kept around for Tamaki when he would stay over. With the pacifier clean and the sippy refilled with fresh water, Mirio returned to tuck in under the covers and pop the soother in Tamaki's mouth. They were in for a night of reading fairy tales and just being together.

♡ Tamaki barely lasted more than five minutes before he dozed off, his head resting against Mirio's chest. The thrum of his heartheat against his ear was like a lullaby soothed him into letting out a murmured, "N'ni, Mewi..."

♡ While holding Tamaki in his strong, scarred arms and stroking calloused fingers through indigo blue locks, feeling Tamaki's breathing slow into a gentle purr of sleep... Mirio wonders what he ever had to worry about in the first place.

#//I started writing this before finding out that Mirio was in 3B #//So I reject canon and put the funny man in 3A #tw: parental death #tw: terminal illness #long post #sfw agere #bnha agere #Agere Tamaki #Agere Mirio #Honey HCs

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wellthebardsdead · 5 months

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Astarion being able to smell and taste Tav’s blood and he detects they have something the likes of terminal cancer. At first he doesn’t say anything, he’s just using them for protection and food after all it’s none of his business. But then he starts to fall in love. His heart breaks hearing Tav speak so hopefully about their future after getting rid of the parasite. And he realises the disease is going to take them away from him and with no cure in sight he’s left with one option… and his heart is too selfish to ever let them go after feeling genuine love for the very first time…

So he Ascends against their wishes, and turns them, giving them his blood too so they can walk in the sun together and he can try to give them their hopeful future… however dark his new twisted nature may ultimately make it in the long run.

#ascended astarion #astarion acunin #astarion baldurs gate #tw: terminal illness #tw: cancer

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moralpuppet · 6 days

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In your main verse, how do you envision Orel growing up? His family, his beliefs, stuff like that?

Okay so if I had to give some key notes this is going to be long and rambly, and feature talk of depression , death , terminal illness so please be careful going through ... starting from the end of the episode honor here you go ....

OFFICIALLY UNRELEASED CONTENT / END OF THE SHOW

talking about Grandpa Puppington / goth Orel / I mention terminal illness and death here so please skip over if needed !

Orel by the end of the show is 13 . It's not ever OFFICIALLY announced but we know from season 1 his birthday is after Halloween and before Christmas . He never fully recovers from being shot and as they said in the last episode he continues to limp even in deleted scripts that follow episodes that never made it because of the shows cancellation .

We know that in unreleased scripts he loses his grandfather on Easter after Clay basically condemns Orel's Grandpa to Orel's bed as a death bed when Arthur Puppington ( Orel's Grandpa ) comes to Clay seeking reconciliation as he is terminal .

Orel comes home to Arthur every night and tells him about his day , getting a new perspective on lessons , as we know , Orel usually mistakenly gets wrong/misguided by . Arthur is essentially a grounding perspective and helps Orel become a little more wary of what he trusts .

Orel at this time seems , at least in the scripts , to have not forgiven Clay but he's still caring about Clay , at least still showing that he has some respect and generally loves him as his father still . He prays to God for Clay and Arthur to reconcile in hopes that it would stop Clay from "getting any sadder " I quote he says " he can't afford to get any sadder " . Of course that never happens and they never reconcile .

After Orel loses Arthur , he becomes a Christian Goth for a while sort of not denouncing his faith but not fully committing to it either. He is essentially lost and he's in this state of grief for a few weeks until Reverend Putty can't stand seeing him like this anymore and snaps him out of it .

That's it for unreleased stuff really ... Here's where headcannons come into it .

HEADCANNONED STUFF !

Relationship to faith after Goth Orel tm ! Found family

Things don't necessarily go back to normal but Orel is now finding that returning back to focusing on his faith is actually helping him with the grief and loss . As my good friends @ rvrend and @ dollene have built up he comes to Reverend Putty more and more , finding that the good reverend is more like a father figure to him than Clay but not quite making that leap because of the views he was raised on that he must honour his biological father . Noellene too is far more motherly than Bloberta . She is more emotional unlike the emotionally withdrawn Bloberta .

Orel also is a far better brother to Shapey and Block , teaching them to do stop motion animation too and helping them get schooling by teaching them at home so they could enroll in a public school .

FAMILY / CHRISTINA AND DOUGHY

Eventually , in his late teens to early adulthood ,Orel finds an interest in architecture of religious buildings , something he could sculpt out of clay and design in other ways like he used in his stop-motion videos / my friend scribbs actually suggested this one . And of course all the while he and Christina are still very much sweethearts.

His relationship to Clay and Bloberta become estranged but he still invites them to important gatherings, probably had to kick Clay out of his and Christina's family home for being a violent drunk a few times . Clay and Bloberta are still stuck together ! Block and Shapey become a fireman and a police officer ! Orel and Christina of course get married and have a family of their own like in cannon.

Lastly , I will say Doughy , Orel always wanted to stay in touch and still be his best friend but I quite like the fan headcannon by the fandom that Doughy is incredibly jealous of Christina due to actually having a crush on Orel since childhood and maybe sadly he pushes Orel away .

Orel always keeps his faith .

OKAY so that was a lot but if you ever want to ask any more questions or for me to elaborate on anything let me know !

#[ ✟ ] 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙘𝙝 / 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 .#✟ 𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 / 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .#thank you for the question sorry about the info dump ! i tend to sit on all this information i mean i've had this blog almost 2 years so ye #tw: death mention #tw: terminal illness

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yaksha-lover · 2 years

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This AU got me thinking about this, what if Reader has a very serious illness? I'll divide this into two categories:.

1. Their illness can be cured but it takes a lot of money and time, although it takes a lot of time, but at least they are well taken care of in some way.

2. Their illness is incurable and they don't have much longer to live. But it's up to everyone to become a vampire or not,accept becoming a vampire to live a long life or refuse and die in peace?They might die in happy,peace and sadness but also they know before they die, they are not lonely because they lived and enjoyed such happy memories until the end.

cw: terminal illness, reader death, grieving

1. Whether you were being kept at the mansion or stayed there willingly, Lilia would get you the best care possible. He can afford any expensive treatment, and would go to any lengths to help you be comfortable in the extended period of time. Plus, your friends would help in any way they could, they would take your care very seriously. Epel will stay with you if you’re bedridden, bringing you whatever you need and trying to entertain you. Ace and Deuce will hang around too, and while Ace focuses more on trying to make you laugh, Deuce is a very diligent caretaker, fussing over you. Jack won’t let you lift a finger to do anything, he’ll gladly take care of it for you, and he’ll also be the one to kick the others out for you to sleep or have alone time.

The other residents would take time to come to see you too. Idia actually leaves his room for once to bring his consoles to your room so you can game together. Jade and Floyd would stop by, and while you might be wary of them at first, you’ll find that they’ll be uncharacteristically gentle with you. They’ll bring you food from the Mostro Lounge (still Azul’s restaurant in this au), whatever you’ve been craving. You’ll witness the rare sighting of Leona awake when him in Ruggie come to bring your newly designated therapy cats. On days when you want both company and quiet, Riddle will bring you a book he’s picked out for you, and sit by your side while you read together. If you don’t have the energy that day, he’s happy to read aloud to you. Rook would bring you fresh flowers he’s gathered himself every day, citing that he wishes to brighten up your room. He’d also make sure to keep remarking about your beauty, especially when he can tell you don’t feel your best. Kalim comes too, and with his endless smiles and positivity, it’s easy for you to forget about everything going on for a while.

2. If your illness was incurable, Lilia would take you aside and ask you if you’d like him to turn you. It would be the most serious you’ve ever seen him before, but he would mean it earnestly. No tricks or teases, he wants you to know the option is there if you want it. Either way, he’ll respect your choice, and he understands that living as a vampire isn’t for everyone. Lilia knows there’s countless reasons you wouldn’t want to continue on that way. If you chose not to become a vampire, everyone would do what they could to make your last days happy ones. They would do their best to make sure you knew how loved you were. It would be very hard on your friends, especially Epel and Ace who don’t understand why you won’t choose to live as a vampire, but they would put aside their feelings to make the most out of the time you have left. They will come to understand eventually, it’s just hard for them to accept that you’re gone. Malleus is stuck between his grief and understanding that even if you became a vampire, your lifespan is would never have matched his and you still would’ve left him far too soon.

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scinglives · 1 year

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open starter. m/f/nb tw: terminal illness

Ben had been avoiding this conversation for weeks now, whilst he got test results back. Everyone knew something was going on with him. He had lost weight, he was always suffering from pain, he wasn’t his old self. But now he had to tell them the truth, that he had secretly been looking in to it and well, he got the results he had been dreading. “Will you – sit down I need to talk to you about something.” He said nervously, his whole mouth feeling dry as he looked across at the other. Where did he start? How did you tell someone you love that you were dying?

#tw: illness #tw: terminal illness #tw: cancer #indie rp #open rp #open starter #open roleplay #open to everyone

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hermesserpent-stuff · 9 months

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Ive been rewatching the Justice League 2001 animated series cause its been a while since I watched it. and the bit were luthor finds out he has a blood disease from kryptonite was something I had forgotten about. I was listening to music when a full idea tapped at me.

tw: terminal illness discussion

preface, in my chilly batson au lex luthor and mirror master, sam scudder are friends.

anywho, I was thinking how that scenario would play out. I would edit it a bit, that the same experiment with kripotnite in his youth that caused him to loose his hair also gave him the underlying disease that was not caught till recently (this way it can be his fault but also not from carrying a radioactive rock in his pocket that he should have been keeping in a case om gosh luthor you idiot) it would be fairly similar to the show where he cant really accept it at first. But Superman is not the one trying to comfort him, its an actual friend. Luthor tries to solve it because that's what he does, but he also is less focused on revenge against superman for 'causing' this. He eventually settles into focusing on legacy and grows further withdrawn. He spends more and more time with the rogues as he finds a replacement. He finds it hard to see a world without him in it, but he finds that he does not want to be forgotten if he can not save himself.

there is a lot of late night crisis's of realizing that he is dying. and coming to terms with that.

he strikes me as the type to keep working and running the parts of the company that he can, because work makes him happy. But he also spends a lot of his final days playing chess. He sees some of his words of advice impacting the younger rogues and wonders if that is what it means to be immortal. To influence the future beyond his own life by speaking into the lives of those younger than him.

he leaves a lot of his anti-superman gear to the rogues. Just in case. He never did much trust superman not to snap or get fully mind controlled one day. and he trusts the rogues more than most of the other villains he has worked with.

anyways. i was listening to:

youtube

#tw: terminal illness #chilly batson au #lex luthor #sam scudder #mirror master #hermes speaks #random thoughts #Youtube

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amethyst-noir · 6 months

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8 weeks ago I lost my mom, the most important person in my life.

I knew it was coming and by the end I was so just telling her to go to sleep for "as long as possible". It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm glad that the last thing we ever told each other was "Ich hab dich lieb. Ganz, ganz viel." (I love you. So, so much.) She was barely there, mentally, by that point but she understood that and she said and back and meant it.

It's a phrase we told each other multiple times every day, for years, and it was always sincere and an integral part of our relationship.

It matters. To me, it matters a lot. I was there just in time, in the afternoon on that Friday 8 weeks ago. I left at about 16:30, and got the call the next morning that she passed at around 5 in the night.

I also promised her to see her "tomorrow". I kept that promise, in the only way I could. I stepped into that hospital room for a few minutes and tried to wrap my head around what happend. I said goodbye. I'm not religous, so the only thing I could to say was that I hoped our atoms might one day be reunited in one way or the other. We're all made of stardust, aren't we?

I'm dealing with it. Badly, but I'm doing it. I have no other choice. By now I have written so many different versions of this post. I guess I just want to share it somehow. My mom has become a very introverted person over the decades and I want to shout it into the void that she was there, that she was loved, and that she will be missed for as long as I am here.

Fuck cancer.

I love you, Mama, and I wish life had been kinder to you.

#tw: death #tw: cancer #tw: terminal illness

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iamtheshriekingguineapig · 10 months

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IT'S THE DAY BESTIE!!!!

It's blursed Nero Pig day! The day of his blursed birth! Happy Birthday, Nero Pig, my cursed icon.

The only thing is, I think it's tomorrow, actually, that is the blessed/cursed anniversary of his birth- and I only say that because there's a little bit of a backstory to Nero Pig.

So, a year ago tomorrow is the day that my Dad died. Which, like, sounds terrible- but, like, hear me out-

We were estranged, hadn't talked in years. I didn't even call him "dad" anymore- that's a title reserved for my step dad. And I knew he was going to die, because he had terminal cancer. It was one of those matter-of-time, but we don't know when sort of things. He lived pretty much exactly the 6 months they gave him in his prognosis though, so...there's that.

Anyway, even though we were estranged, I was still obviously torn up about it. It was rough. So, like any self-respecting Gen Z, I was obviously curled up in bed scrolling through tumblr to distract me from my woes, chatting with the mutuals. We were talking about my url and how I'm jokingly referred to as "nero" in my friend group, one thing led to another and I said basically that I needed a Nero/Guinea Pig fusion to represent me on the social medias.

And @avaantares went "give me an hour"

And thus was the birth of this abominable photoshop creation. It actually took a lot of work to get the colors to match right- more than an hour's worth of work. And she did it just because I was sad, and she wanted to cheer me up.

And, I don't know, guys- it is just a dumb little icon based off of an even dumber joke. But I'm a disgustingly sentimental person, and so something like this just reminds me that even when things suck, my friends (internet mutuals and people I actually get to touch grass with) will be there to help cheer me up. It's sappy and stupid but it does actually mean a lot to me.

So thanks to everyone who helped make that shitty day better, whether you knew what you were doing or not. Thanks, @avaantares, for making the cursed thing (it's better than a long furby, and somehow more cursed). Thanks, @princesssakurasylveon for helping make this the anniversary of the Most Joke of all time, instead of just something sad. Thanks @sunburn-faded (a.k.a., Mint, My Behated) and @spoiler1001 and everyone on the DMC discord (I know I'm never on there anymore but I promise I still like you guys!) for cheering me up when I was down. I'm really grateful for you all, you depraved heathens, and I just want you to know that.

So, yeah, sorry to make it fairly sad and incredibly feely and mushy, but I'm Like That. And I really do appreciate what everybody did for me a year ago, even if you didn't know you did anything.

So, happy Blursed NeroPig day! May he reign forever and ever, amen! We'll celebrate him next year with much less sappiness and with all the adoration his blursedness deserves.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

#devil may cry #the guinea pig has spoken #the guinea pig answers #tw: terminal illness

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beautifulhigh · 10 months

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I wonder how much criminal trouble Owen would actually be in if what he did was found out. When Robert initially asked him to help, Owen hesitated because he didn't want to take a life, but Robert assured him that he wasn't asking Owen to kill him, but just be there, clean up the evidence, and be the one to "find" him. At the very least, I guess Owen would be lying to medical professionals and potentially police...there would probably be a police report, right? Maybe some kind of destruction of evidence, but it's evidence of a suicide, not murder, so it doesn't seem all that serious of a crime. He didn't have a legal obligation to stop Robert from killing himself. Not that this makes it not traumatic for Owen to go through, of course! I just don't think there will be any issue of potential criminality on Owen's part, especially considering the "logic" of this show. Like if Carlos can threaten a man with a gun and almost kill him and not get into any kind of legal trouble, I think Owen is safe, regardless of whether he tells TK and/or Carlos about it!

Owen absolutely, 100%, broke the law:

Code Section Health & Safety 166.45-51 Euthanasia Condoned in Statutes? Mercy killing or euthanasia is not condoned or authorized by Texas law, nor is any act or omission other than to allow the natural process of dying.

I had to Google this and about a dozen prompts for Samaritans and helplines popped up. So yay for that I guess?

Owen was aware of what Robert planned to do. Failure to intervene, the omission of action, makes him guilty.

Owen watched as his brother ended his own life and did not intervene to save him. That makes him guilty because he did have a legal obligation to stop him. One could even argue that his role as a First Responder meant he had even more of a duty to preserve life.

The plan was (and we assume carried out) that Owen would remove the evidence that Robert took his own life, which is as its simplest terms him covering up a crime.

Owen absolutely broke the law. No arguments, no room for doubt. And, unlike Carlos, done with rational thought and planning.

(Carlos was still in the wrong, but there are degrees of wrong.)

Robert wanting to end his life is one thing, and I get why he wanted to do it while he still could. I get why he wanted to do it at Owen's so his family would be spared finding him (in time or too late, neither option is enjoyable). Plus Life Insurance policies pay out for terminal illnesses, not suicide. This way his family are saved from the pain of knowing he deliberately took days away from them, from the guilt of not finding him in time, and they are financially taken care of. It's why he couldn't just check himself into a motel or throw himself off a bridge. He needed to die "of his illness" to tick all the boxes and that needed help.

Now disclaimer: I get why suicide and attempted suicide remain against the law. If there is a crime in progress then it means emergency services can force entry into a locked property. In an ideal society it would not result in any charges being pressed against the person who felt that it was their only option and they would get the help that they need.

Anyone helping them? That's the legal minefield and I am not getting into the moral rights and wrongs of that. All opinions are valid on that and I'm not about to launch into a debate on that. This isn't what that ask is about.

What Owen did, regardless of the reasons for doing it, was illegal. He assisted in the suicide of someone, did not do anything to intervene, and then covered it up by removing evidence after the event. That's prison time as the State of Texas has that on the same level as murder.

(Damn, the trigger warnings on this are plentiful. If I missed something let me know.)

#jen answers stuff #anonymous #owen strand #robert strand #tw: assisted suicide #tw: death #tw: suicide #tw: attempted suicide #tw: terminal illness

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dontyoufeelcalmer · 2 years

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more hilson post-canon hc scenes

[ image id: two illustrations of Greg House and James Wilson from the t.v. show HOUSE M.D. The first illustration shows the two men cuddling together, huddled behind a campfire next to their car. The second illustration shows them holding hands in front of a campfire with a modern tent and trees behind them. /end id ]

+ a lo-fi version under the cut bc I like it

#hilson #house md fanart #post canon #trans james wilson #tw: terminal illness #fuck cancer #dontyoufeelcalmer #clip studio #cspaint

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bearlyloved · 1 year

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♡ ❝ I felt what it means to be loved once...truly loved and to love in return. She was a child. She wasn’t mine. She belonged to him. The man who created me...I was supposed to be a mother, she hadn’t had one of those. I was supposed to protect her and keep her safe. But Sarah’s life was on a timer. It was never up to me how long she would live. And maybe had I not been so meek and soft; she would have - ❞ Bracing for tears down her velveteen cheeks. ❝ I wish I was stronger. I wish my body could - I could have kept her fighting for longer. ❞

Paws pulled at her ears. ❝ And when she was gone... that was it. The man who had sewn me together and given me life couldn’t even bare to look at me. He didn’t even sell me. He just gave me away. Because that is what I mean to him; nothing. I failed him. I failed Sarah. The circus is the only place I could ever find love now. ❞

OPEN

#— ୨୧ all i ever wanted was the world . ic #open starter #no way was i gonna write this to anyone specific it's weighted #tw: child death #tw: terminal illness #;-;#my baby girl been through a lot

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alsoaless · 10 months

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𝑺𝑬𝑳𝑭 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑨 ; once upon a time , in a universe that we all know and love , in a place not too far away , there was a boy called alessandro lombardi and for fourteen years he was happy .

𝘁𝘄 : 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 + 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 . 𝐢 .

fair haired child , curled into his mothers side as they both lay in the vacant room staring at the ceiling , the breeze from the window warm and lifting the nets in a gentle flow . he is ten years old and his cheeks are warm when he finally looks up and asks , " are you going to die ? " voice quiet . his mother smiles down at him and instead of answering she says , " alessandro , it's rude to ask a woman when she is going to die . " they both laugh then , night growing longer until he falls asleep right there beside her .

one year passes , jobs all over milan , she stands at the side of the shoot pridefully as she watches her son , calls to american man ignored … if that is even still his number . alessandro waves from the distance behind the camera and she waves back , lit up by his presence , her baby boy growing up so fast . when she catches a cough in a piece of tissue , splinters of blood are concealed quickly by folding it away . later they go for dinner at his favourite restaurant to celebrate and she barely touches her food . " you need to eat your vegetables , " he tells his mother with that scathing tone she uses on him and she laughs uncontrollably , worth the pain that racks her rib cage . " now , remember who is in charge here , my little dove , " she tells him , pulling a card from her pocket and slipping it across the table , " happy birthday , " he tears it open with a grin , picture of a green spread field adorning the front and handwriting inside . there was never a better person to spend his birthday with .

another year passes and a card lands on the doormat , fingers eagerly finding it , a post mark from the united states . his mother sits him down this time and she tells him : " my darling , it is important to me that you read this card . he is your father , " but alessandro despises this . " i will never meet him . i will never love him . you are the one i love , the one who raises me ! " twelve years old but more articulate than ever , anger and rage expressed towards absentee father perhaps misplaced , never understanding how he could be so unimportant , how his mother could be so forgettable that he would never return or even care to know him ⏤ he returns the sentiment . when the woman starts to cry then it breaks his heart and he finally stops his tangent , fingers prying hers away from her face , " mamma , please don't cry , i don't want the card , " but she just looks at him , takes his face in her hands , " that's not why i'm crying , " words spoken so quietly they could have been missed . their eyes meet and in that moment maybe he know the truth but he doesn't ask again … it's rude to ask a woman when she is going to die .

thirteen and he refuses to leave his mothers side . she is bed bound these days more often than not , a fight between the two of them … power struggle . he tells her that he will care for her but she tells him that he must go to school , that he must go to his jobs , that he he must live his life to the fullest . the fact hers is almost over is silent . his grandparents come to the house with the nurses and the nannies and lull him into complacency to clear out bins with bloodied tissues and medical supplies but they are old and ailing , barely able to get around … more often than not they simply sit with him and wait out who will stay conscious the longest : he always wins . he sneaks into his mothers room and lays on the floor next to her bed listening to her breathe to make sure she's alive , wakes at the sound of ever cough and places cold flannel to her head . " please don't leave me , " he begs her and she looks at him with tears in her eyes , " i'll never really leave you , " but that isn't good enough . his heart isn't broken because he hasn't accepted the truth , denial and love thicker than any reality . he is not a selfish boy , he is loving to a fault but sometimes all the love in the world is not enough .

fourteen , a normal day where he is awoken by his grandmother laying on the floor of his mothers bedroom ; a day better than most because she sits up to talk to him when he says that he needs to go to a shoot that he recently landed . he asks her , like he does each and every time if he should just stay but she tells him … " i'll still be here when you get home , my little dove , " fingertips cold against the skin of his cheek . he goes out with his nanny who stands there and when the cameras are flashing , he looks over to the space his mother had once been hoping to see a warm smile but her gaze is fixed down on her phone messaging someone or another . he can't blame her for it , can he ? she isn't his mother , his mother is at home but when he gets back he knows he will share the details of the day and she will offer him that hazy look she always does sitting against her pillows .

that night it feels like a lifetime before he gets home and climbs onto the end of the bed , launches into his tale of the day about some person or another that he met ; gossip or just comments that won't be memorable in the future . " that's nice , " his mother tells him and that seems like about all , laying there , her eyes drifting shut , iv line in hand resting as she brings it into her lap , " i'm tired now , my love , " she tells him and he is replying … he is halfway through a response , " i'm not finished with my s- mamma ? mamma ? " grabs out to reach cold limp hand , tugs at blankets , shakes at shoulders as the panic grows more and more intense , " wake up , i need to finish my story … you're not meant to fall asleep , " confusion not really hiding the truth that deep down he knows that she is gone but his fingertips cling to her shoulders stronger than he clings onto any hope and when he begins screaming out her name then the nurse rushes in , his grandmother is slow but she appears in the doorway , hand over her mouth … his grandfather is saying a prayer in native tongue and the nanny that was on duty that night is in tow … trying to prise him off his mother . and maybe it is human nature that he doesn't want to let go of the only person he believes has ever fully loved him but it's surprising his father doesn't hear him screaming all the way from new york city that day , tears in his eyes as he yanks out the iv line , the slow trickle of liquids at first and then he is on the ground , unfamiliar , unknown arms around him trying to drag him away . that night his mothers door is shut and he doesn't enter to lay on the ground , he just lays outside staring into the great abyss and thumbing at the crack of light underneath , " you were supposed to listen to me finish my story , " he whispers and for the longest time , he's not sure he feels a thing at all .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 . 𝐢𝐢 .

at the funeral he sees the american man but he is just a stranger . he stands at the side of his mothers open casket , a cross hung around her neck and her makeup done in a timelessly beautiful way ; the woman that he had spent his entire loving , worshipping , feeling loved by laying there cold and dead . the american man does not speak italian anymore except a few phrases he remembers from his travels and he turns to his son who is more like a stranger and says nothing ��… his mouth opens and closes and alessandro stares at his mothers closed eyed face and wishes she was only sleeping . the american man clears his throat , his grandparents standing in the doorway of the church while everyone else filters outside ; " alessandro , " he unfolds a piece of paper , words scrawled and begins to speak in italian that makes sense but the words all sound off , as if they belong to someone else , " i'm sorry about your mother . i know she was a great woman and i know that i'm very late but i would really like a chance to do the right thing for you . i want to give you a home . " maybe that is the first time he feels something since the night his mother died , all the anger , all the rage that floods through his veins and tars sting his eyes . it felt like his world was ending but he reaches forwards and pushes the american man , knowing not enough english to be able to articulate his feelings in a way that will be understood . in italian , he begins to scream , " you should be the one who died . it should be you ! what have you ever done for me ? "

alessandro learns over the new week that he does not really have much choice , his grandparents not taking guardianship for him due to their ailing health . father ( stranger ) unwilling to leave him behind , talks of home that make no sense as if he does not understand this is his home . he resigns to the idea , all the spirit and fight to stay attached to milan seeming to be reduced to nothing . life takes him in its hands and takes away all his choices , leaves him unable to choose anything but the inevitability of getting on that plane to new york city to live with a man who he has loathed his entire life . oh , how he hates him for it , how he swears he has never felt his fathers love and he never will . the whole thing fills him with a spite that he can never quite manage to swallow and even his suitcases are packed with that in mind , traces of his old self left behind in the airport that sunday morning as he and his father climb side by side into first class and as they strap in , the flight takes off , he turns to his father and in perfect english he says : " i am going to hate you until the day you die . " the bluntness is shocking … his father blinks , clears his throat and then asks the flight attendant , " how long is this flight , sweetheart ? "

back in new york city alessandro meets his new step mother … a woman that is nothing like his mother , her hair bleached blonde , roots visible and aesthetic enhancements something that he cannot describe and yet … perhaps she is favourable to his father . no matter what he does then she makes excuses for him , comes to his room every night and gossips with him about the real housewives while he ignores his english teacher : for the longest time the two of them do not know a single thing the other is saying but at least he tolerates her , doesn't give her daggers , thinks her a lot like his mother was who will be disposed of by the horrible new york city father ( description like an omen , like a monster , the most despicable human being ) . in those early days then he is paraded around , presented to his fathers mother and father who stare at him down their noses in horror about his lack of english language , whisper things they think he doesn't understand . his new grandmother gives him fake smiles while his granfather just ignores him and they all think he doesn't understand when they tell his father , " this is what you get for keeping secrets ⏤ what are we going to do with this boy now ? he doesn't even speak english , laurie , you just left him out there to be raised like some kind of orphan . "

to be so unwanted is a new feeling , the awkwardness of each interaction jarring and even though he adapts quickly to his new environment it is never enough for his paternal family . he is a sign of his fathers shortcomings , of some kind of shame that he has brought home … a reminder of his fathers imperfections and choices and how they came back to haunt this family . like a perfect family portrait with a smear over , that is how he feels , that he has no sense of belonging anywhere … a whole new world unravelling in front of him that he never wanted . all the opportunities would be traded to just have his mother back , just to hear her voice one more time . every night for that first month he sits on the downstairs balcony and cries into his knees wishing for a rewind button . he doesn't see his father lingering in the darkness , unmoving , fingers twitching as he considers whether he should open the door and speak to the son that he abandoned fourteen years ago .

this will be the rest of their lives . the secret : he never really wants to open the door .

#tw: terminal illness #for the context of the para everything before his dad would have been spoken in italian but obviously it needs to be in english IAOHFISKHFS #paras #tw: death

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