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#twilight resurgence
phil-dwyer-stan-account · 2 months ago
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The feminine urge to create an entire vampire army just to avenge your mediocre boyfriends death
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haletwinsstan · 6 months ago
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Edward Cullen:
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jacobblackswig · a year ago
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emmettsleftnut · a year ago
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Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella
Jasper: Ok Emmett, we're here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?
Emmett: Was I... supposed to?
Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat
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Emmett: Ok so... like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we'll go with chicken.
Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.
Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I've seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-
Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don't doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.
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Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.
Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.
Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.
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Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have... vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?
Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.
Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.
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Jasper: Ok so I'm not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like... the only thing I can think of that it could be.
Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.
Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?
Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here "mushroom shaped pasta" thats like, the same thing right?
Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.
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Emmett: OK, chicken?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Mushroom shapes?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Leaves?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they'll get big and strong, right?
Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.
Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?
Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I'll meet you at the register.
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BONUS:
Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED
Jasper: We did great, obviously
Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn't do great
Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.
Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure
Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.
Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please... chicken.
Bella: Mmm
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: Oh
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: ..
Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.
Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.
Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we're finished.
Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.
Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have... salad!
Bella: Em, that just lea-
Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we're finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.
Jasper: We have mushroom pasta
Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?
Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh
Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?
Jasper: Mhm, we thought we'd suprise her with her favourite.
Edward: Jasper, it's called mushroom ravioli, and she's only ever eaten it once, and I'm like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don't even thi-
Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.
Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?
Bella: Absolutely not
Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally... Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.
Bella: Honestly thank you
Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see
Bella: Absolutely
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edwardsvirginity · a year ago
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People on facebook have a lot to say about twilight recently
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thirstyforbettertwilight · a year ago
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maybe smeyer wrote Rosalie's backstory to make the reader hate her or smth but damn did it make me (and apparently the whole fandom lmao) appreciate her more. she got revenge in the most satisfying and dramatic way she could and mad props to her for that.
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magnificent-paulsonn · 12 months ago
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My issue with the Cullen’s house.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful building inside and out, but there’s one thing that nags at me. How the hell was it not extremely stale? It would’ve been lived in, sure, but it’s Vampires - even if they breathe, they’re lungs don’t work like they should so no oxygen would be present should all windows and doors be closed. Aside from Edward’s bedroom door-thing, there was absolutely no windows that had been opened. Surely Bella would’ve felt the fact there was nothing breatheable in there? Coupled with that and the fact they were cooking something, which releases a gas or two, she would’ve been a little dizzy, at least. 
Even if it is open plan, you still have seven undead, unbreathing vampires inside, so her scent would’ve been disgustingly concentrated. Nasty.
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dani-dandelino-main · a year ago
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I won’t even get too deep into how Leah was a Bible character who was considered “ugly” and “unloved” compared to her sister and was unfavored by their shared husband. So yeah, SMeyer literally took the name of an ugly and unloved woman and named it after the one female character who was turned into a wolf and had her agency taken/became unable to bear children.
***Also, kinda weird but could maybe be looked over, in the Bible, Rachel was Jacob’s wife. Yet SMeyer thought it would be cool to have her as his sister.
I literally just realized this whole in the phone with my best friend and now we literally cannot sleep and just keep talking about this.
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meduseld · 9 months ago
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Waiiiiiiiiiiiit a second. Did Stephenie Meyer accidentally make an M/M pairing canon. Like, you know Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined? She genderswapped everyone BUT Bella/Beau's parents. That way all the canon pairings still happen and SM could keep it hetero. But SM. You made Sue Clearwater a dude: Saul Clearwater. And if canon pairings remain, and the events will proceed roughly the same..... Charlie gets to hook up with a dilf and I for one am happy for him
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poweranon · a year ago
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Edward: “I’m the most dangerous predator on the planet.”
Me, thinking about toe mouths: “Yea sure buddy.”
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twilightbimbo · a year ago
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Solstice pt 1: Twilight AU
This is an expansion of the Twilight universe with my OC characters!
                                    home is where the heart is
                                    and i’m afraid
                                   i’ve lost my way
Samson
“Why do you think you’ll win? I know when you’re bluffing,” I chided, laughing. Esther rolled her eyes with mild amusement. Esther is the most competitive one in our family and she always tries to best me in poker, despite the fact that I have the gift for sniffing out inauthenticity. 
“‘Cus you suck at poker,” Esther pulled up the corner of her lips in a slight smirk and laid out her winning hand. 
“Har har,” I huffed in frustration. I felt my eyebrows furrow as I realized what was happening. “You assholes!” I exclaimed. Suddenly, the cards of Esther’s winning hand became fuzzy and resembled a glitching computer monitor and then smoothed out into her true, losing hand. I looked up at Esther who was nearly hysterical, tears in her golden eyes from laughing and clutching Chip’s arm. 
“Sorry, brother,” Chip smiled softly and brushed a lock that fell out of Esther’s bun and brushed it behind her ear. I booed loudly and pushed the deck of cards off the dining table between Esther and me in mock anger. 
“Clean that up, Sam,” Sunny said to me without even looking in my direction as she walked past with a basket of laundry. Sunny liked to blend in more than the rest of us. “Keeps us humble,” is one of her favorite phrases. Sunny is the matriarch of our family, even though she is the youngest of us. Technically. 
“Sam, if you couldn’t cheat, you would be terrible at poker,” Stella yelled from her upstairs bedroom. Stella didn’t need to yell, she could even whisper it and we would be able to hear her. But, Sunny forces us to act human at all times, even in our own house. Where no one can see us. Or hear us. Sunny’s word is law. 
Nathalia 
If I was human, I would be panting from running this hard and far. Actually, if I was human I couldn’t run like this at all. I still let air rush in and out of my lungs naturally, tasting the forest around me. I had been feeling the urge to see the ocean lately. I miss home. But, I can’t go back there for a lot of reasons. Mainly because it’s always sunny down there. So, the Oregon coast is perfect for my needs, it’s overcast here the majority of the time. And it felt familiar here, the beach was always a constant for me until I died.
 I have been on the run for three years. That is so dramatic to say, but it’s true. I’ve been through nearly all of California, eastern Oregon, and about every rural area in Washington. I haven’t been around the general public in what seems like forever. If forever means three years and three hundred and sixty-two days. I’ve missed normalcy. I’ve missed being able to call a place my own. I miss belonging to something.
The trees began to clear as the river widened and gray light bled between the branches above as they became more sparse. I slowed down into a more relaxed jog, my damp hair starting to cling from my shoulders all the way to the small of my back. I relaxed my pace completely as I could see the river desperately reaching the ocean, letting my bare feet sink into the mossy and wet forest floor. I walked slowly until the ground turned into sand. I tilted my face up towards the sky and let the gentle rain kiss my face. 
The waves crashing is familiar and it eased some of my longing. Longing? God, I’ve become so pretentious. In my human life, I couldn’t stand being alone for longer than hours and now I’ve gone years. I guess loneliness changes you. 
While I was roaming in Washington, I heard there were vampires who tried to pretend to be humans and go to school and stuff. I was transformed only a year after I graduated high school and I didn’t get the chance to go to college. I had my eyes on the University of California, Los Angeles. But, here I am. Not alive, but also alive. On a beach. In the middle of fucking nowhere. 
“Hey! Aren’t you cold?” A voice called out to me from down the beach. I’ve been practicing for this. I turned my head slowly, trying to be careful of the speed of my movements. I looked down at myself briefly. I was wearing a thin, gray sweater with jeans. And barefoot. It’s probably in the low forties right now and getting colder. So much for attempting to blend in. I looked back at their direction and while I was definitely too far away, I smiled tentatively at them. 
“Got thick skin!” I yelled back, shrugging. The person behind the voice was an older man, the wind carried his scent towards me. I could smell the warm blood and as he slowly approached me, I could hear his faint heartbeat. It would be too easy. In half a second I would be right in front of him, pushing his head back to expose his neck. His red cap would fall off and in my frenzy, I would probably tear apart his windbreaker. Blood on the sand. My eyes red. 
Nope, nope, nope. I’ve gone three years without tasting human blood. I’m not going to fuck this up now. I turned on my heel and went back to the forest, as soon as I was certain I was covered by the thick swarm of trees I took off sprinting. 
Where am I supposed to go now? I need to get better clothes to blend in. I need to find a place to live. “Live”. To be frank, I had it pretty easy. I never had to worry about this kind of stuff. In the distance, I can hear cars sporadically driving on the wet pavement. If there are cars, there are people and if there are people, there are clothing stores and libraries. I changed my direction in order to run parallel to the highway giving myself about a half a mile distance between me and the road. 
It wasn’t much longer, maybe twenty miles or so before I saw neon light tinge the fog and the smell of car exhaust got stronger. Smelled disgusting. I thought about how I would be able to wander into some random mom and pop shop to get clothes without sticking out. I’ve been practicing my self control but it’s much easier when I hold my breath. How can I go without talking to the small town locals without seeming like a bitch? I guess the only thing I can do is hope what they say about first impressions isn’t true. 
Luckily enough for me, the river, which had dwindled down to a creek, ran close enough to the highway so I could wash my feet and legs so I could look less dirty and homely. Unfortunately, about every person I passed stared at me. Everyone has dressed appropriately for the wintery beach weather. Except for me. 
The first clothing shop that looked like it could have clothes for people “my age” and nearly completely empty was the first one I walked into. I bought nearly everything. Well, bought is a loose term. It was about four days after my transformation that I realized I had an ability. A “super talent” he called it. If I want someone to do something I want, they do it. It’s never something intense like falling in love with me or giving me their kidney or anything like that. It’s small stuff like if I want their approval I got it. If I want their coffee, they hand it over. Small stuff like that. 
The shopkeeper handed over around six hundred dollars in merchandise with a bright smile on her face. I made a mental note to make an anonymous donation as soon as possible. Sometimes I felt bad about swindling people, sometimes I felt like it was a necessary evil. A girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. 
It wasn’t that hard finding the library after the shops, and lucky for me, the librarian allowed me to stash my shopping bags behind her desk. The public computer whirred to life slowly, I could practically hear the viruses worming around. I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for, or even where. I tried local listings, Craigslist, even some dark web shit. It wasn’t until I caved and made a fake Facebook account that I was able to find a single bedroom apartment to rent. 
The man who owned the place was rather kind. I hardly had to use my ability to sway him to let me live rent free for the next foreseeable future. His name was Ernie and he had quite the beer belly and a bald spot on the back of his head, reminding me vaguely of a freshly cracked egg.  I assume that he felt quite flattered that I was flirting with him. Actually, it could have been the innate human experience of being my prey who is inevitably lured to his death by my inhuman womanly charm. Who could say?
The apartment was painfully small but fully furnished. I couldn’t say if it was fully furnished as a part of the lease, which I did not have, or my newfound landlord was just too caught up in our conversation. I’ve been told I dazzle people. Whatever that means. A large full length mirror hung in the bedroom and I took a full look at myself for the first time in a long time. 
My dirty blonde hair was a mess. I think I can see a dread forming in the curly mess. My black eyes peered back at me in disbelief, how could I let myself go like this? Dark circles clung around my eyes covering the splatter of freckles on my face, I looked like I hadn’t slept in weeks. More like years, I chuckled to myself. I need to feed soon. An uncommitted corner of my mind thought aimlessly about what animals are in my vicinity. The other portion of my mind looked back in the mirror. I still was pale as before, still more beautiful than I ever was as a human. It’s weird, feeling this conceited but it was true. My very nature was to lure humans in, even more so with my ability. I can get humans to literally lay before me, neck exposed. But, I promised myself a while ago to never feed on humans again. 
This place was definitely not intended to be left fully furnished, a laptop laid on the desk in my new bedroom. I realized I never learned about this town before I decided on it. The ocean picked me. I wiped the laptop and set it up under my preferences. This time, password protected. My google search reminded me I’m currently in Brookings, Oregon. I had made a mental note earlier when I saw the welcome sign out of the corner of my eye on my way into town. 
Oh, perfect! I exclaimed internally. There is a local community college that happened to offer marine biology courses. Marine biology was my intended major before this happened to me. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I’m being an idiot and making stupid choices by surrounding myself with humans. But, honestly, I’m lonely and I don’t think I can take this punishment much longer. 
Part 2
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phil-dwyer-stan-account · 5 months ago
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Forgive me if someone else has already thought of this. But fuck the Breaking Dawn trial. I don’t want to see them stand around and talk. I DONT want to see Alice’s vision of them fighting in the movie. I want to see a huge baseball game between the Cullens + the witnesses vs the Volturi. If the Cullens win they’re innocent and if they lose they’re guilty.
Everyone including the volturi wear baseball uniforms but the volturi’s have black capes.
Supermassive black hole plays in the background.
Renasty is the baseball.
My heart is content.
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haletwinsstan · 6 months ago
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Carlisle: we call this a traumatic event
Carlisle, looking at Emmett: not a ‘bro moment’
Carlisle, looking at Rosalie: not a ‘major L’
Carlisle, looking at Alice: not an ‘oof lmao’
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jacobblackswig · a year ago
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foreverrunningwithwolves · a year ago
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Lmao why is Angela on brand though 😂
Credit to this user they are hilarious 😂
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thirstyforbettertwilight · a year ago
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the cullens better be invested in wildlife preservation. reading about them hunting bears and mountain lions was more heart-wrenching to me than maybe reading about them killing random creeps. humans are terrible, animals are beautiful. i think you’re protecting the wrong species here. 👀
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magnificent-paulsonn · a year ago
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I know there's a lil disk horse on what Esme's job would be
So naturally I've decided to join!
Here's a proposition:
Esme, as a special ed teacher. Like, in one of the behavioural schools. You know, where autistic kids + people w/ disablities and learning difficulties get more help.
Am I projecting? Yes. Did I need someone like her during childhood? Yes!
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emokingeddie · a year ago
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tell me one time twitter has ever lied.
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justpastryvideos · 2 days ago
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lunastwilightblog · 7 months ago
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Twilight Saga & text posts part 8/? with 10 posts instead of 8 ✨ Mostly in HD 🌙
(Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & Aro only)
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