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croctears · 3 years

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a part two to this maybe? dk, again this is unedited and i’m trying my hand at a more flowery language. hopefully it isn’t too flowery lolol.

the cultural terms are further explained at the bottom.

Envy, with its tendrils green with jealousy, wraps itself snug around our little beating heart. Yet we continue to let it consume us, basking and boasting in the covetous desires. And again, do we have the capacity to ingest the wants of the human soul?

“They’re so pretty!”

Cherry blossom petals frolicked to the lilt of the wind in merry pink blushes, kissing the tips of her fingers. They slipped by cheekily, never getting caught, leaving only the tickle of velvet left as the aftertaste. Hsien-Chen sighed. It was the first spring since they moved to the capital; the flowers here are different from the ones in the countryside.

Her little sister ran ahead, giggling in glee. Two small buns sat atop her head, thin hair pulled tightly in a clean, smooth updo. The smile stretching across her face was far wider than any of Hsien-Chen’s when she was that age—not that she could remember ever being this carefree. After one fateful meeting with a messenger of Death ( her mother sobbed over her for days, thanking the Heavens and Yánluówáng for being merciful and not taking her daughter away), Hsien-Chen became a silent child.

According to Mama, she’d met Heibai Wuchang, more specifically the white counterpart of the duo; Xiè Bì'ān, the White Guard.

“No, you’re mistaken,” Her mother had shaken her head, frowning at Hsien-Chen’s recounting of the event. “That’s not a woman, and you’re lucky you didn’t meet Fàn Wújiù instead.”

Was she supposed to be grateful? Grateful that the White Guard, Xie, had taught her to make amends and become a better version of whoever she was going to grow up as?

She should be thankful for an opportunity many hadn't had the chance to get.

But why is it still so difficult to be angelic?

Round and round it goes, slippery and thick—soft as the finest silk in China, lithe as the strings of guzheng. Round and round envy goes, around the souls of men. Do we not notice it, or do we take no notice of it?

Hsien-Chen swallowed a lump of saliva lodging in the ridges of her throat. Her hands shook, palms sticky with sweat. Tucking the piece of parchment into the elaborated pieces of her robes, she hurried across the study room, sock-covered feet making no noise against the smooth wooden paneling.

She couldn’t believe she was going to cheat.

On a national exam, no less.

Pinpricks of moisture dotted her forehead, satin clothes sticking to her underarms. Hsien-Chen shook her head firmly.

No, it’s not her fault she’s always second to that Luo family’s brat. They are better off than her parents, providing him with more possibilities and renowned tutors when she only had herself to depend on. Was it wrong to sneak in answers she already read through? It was merely referencing.

Tighter and tighter, over the limbs and minds. Tighter and tighter envy’s fingers gripped our souls, dragging down, down, down. Tight was the constraints, yet our eyes were still clouded with discontent.

“Did you hear? The daughter of the Wang family had four wedding proposals today! One of them is a son of a businessman.” Hsien-Chen’s companion exhaled dreamily. “She’s beautiful, it’s no wonder!”

Hsien-Chen snorted, wringing her arm out of her friend’s hold.

“She’s your neighbour, isn’t she? The Wangs’ young miss.” Her friend asked. An innocent question that made her blood boil to a degree she never knew was possible.

Oh, how Hsien-Chen hated that girl next door. Always adorned with bracelets, necklaces. On her dainty feet always a pair of expensive embroidered shoes, no less than a noblewoman’s. And as if her being spoiled wasn’t enough, the girl was born with such elegant features, big brown eyes, small upturned nose with pink lips.

Oh, how Hsien-Chen hated her. They’re the same age, but Wang Jing appeared to be on a whole other level. And she knew, no matter how hard she tries, she’ll never reach that league. Her chest tightened, breaths coming in short angry heaves.

“She’s fooling around with their gardener’s son.” Hsien-Chen blurted without thinking. Whether it was true or not was up to the discernment of those who heard.

“What?” A handkerchief covered her friend’s face, widened eyes barely containing the disgust and excitement at the unexpected news. “That’s so wrong! Such a disgrace. Don’t you think people should know about this?”

Hsien-Chen shrugged. “Do what you will.”

Deeper and deeper envy hauls men, smooth and gracious through the waves. Deeper and deeper our beings go, into the sea of envy’s poison. Can we swim, or are we nonchalant with our foreboding demise?

“I wish I never had you!” Hsien-Chen screamed, clutching her head. Hysterics enveloped her, lashing out at the crying boy. Her son. Her older daughter held him protectively, hand rubbing furiously at her tear-streaked face.

A raised hand. A sharp smack. The boy wailed, clutching his red face.

“Mama, stop!”

“You too! I hope you die along with your good-for-nothing father!”

The vase broke, shards flying as Hsien-Chen swept more decorations off the shelves. Her children cried louder and louder and—

“Stop crying! I’m leaving. I’m leaving! I deserve better than this life!”

The slam of the door silenced the young ones for a moment and Hsien-Chen could feel the cogs of her brain turning again. Children were noisy, or her children were noisy. Lan’s kids were docile beings, same goes for Yi’s twin boys. Filial, gentle souls, unlike hers.

How she despised her children, her simpleton husband.

How she despised her life.

The back room was serene enough for her to collect her thoughts, a tired groan escaping her chapped lips as she sank down to the dusty floor.

Despair. That was the word for what she was feeling.

Despair, resentment, bitterness.

Envy.

“I’m better off dead.”

“Sure you are.”

“Who are you?” She whipped around in shock, clutching her heart. In front of her was a man, young and tall. He had an air of masculine handsomeness, the kind you normally feel around young warriors or generals. An austere smile danced on his thin lips, bulging biceps placing down a heavy-looking mirror in front of her.

“Who are you?” She repeated.

“I believe a mirror was supposed to be delivered here.”

“I believe not.” Hsien-Chen crossed her arms, shooting him her best scowl.

“Are you sure?”

He pulled the cloth off, and the mirror. The mirror was…

The mirror was the exact same one. The one she saw in the storeroom of the old couple her mother worked for. The same mirror Xiè Bì'ān showed her future.

“No,” Hsien-Chen shuddered, backing away from him. “Is this a joke to you?”

“You’ve met my partner, I believe. Xiè Bì'ān.” The man was grim, unsmiling. “I too should believe you know who I am.”

“Fàn Wújiù?” It came out a frightened squeak, quivering with dense fear.

“My partner has a kind soul. Me? Not so much.” The Black Guard of the Heibai Wuchang muttered. “He did warn you many years ago. That was your chance.”

Hsien-Chen fell to her knees. “But my family…”

He laughed scornfully. “Weren’t you wishing they were dead a few minutes ago?”

“Please sir! Please just—,” Hsien-Chen felt tongue-tied. What was she even begging for? A second shot at life? She already knew an opportunity like that, an opportunity many hadn’t had a chance to get would be better off not given to her.

She’d already wasted the first one.

“Is your- is your friend here?”

The Black Guard was stern, but nodded. “Outside.”

And true enough, the White Guard was standing there, hands behind his back. He had seemed like a woman to five-year-old Hsien-Chen, but now, she saw clearly he was a man. Albeit slender with delicate features, his elegant stance was somber once he spotted her.

Hsien-Chen was mildly surprised that he was taller than the other guard.

“It’s your time now child.”

“I know.” Hsien-Chen wrung her hands nervously. “I think I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For wasting your time. You could’ve gone to another child. Maybe they’d listen to you.”

Xiè Bì'ān brushed back his hair. “It was fate. There’s nothing to be done now. Don’t fret.”

Her lips parted, then she closed it again. She could see Manchurian cranes against the orange-daubed skies, fishermen’s songs loud enough for her to hear.

Her husband must be coming home any moment now.

“What would I be if I had listened to you then?” She turned to face the white-clad man, but he refused to answer.

“You have to come now.”

“I guess we are arresting you right now.” Fàn Wújiù nodded to his partner.

Hsien-Chen stretched out her hand, hoping to feel the plush texture of the cherry blossom once more.

“I guess this is it.”

So indeed, the waves roll, swallowing the cries of regret and frantic yelps of realisation. For it is too late if we notice at the brink of death, now may we rest well in the icy comfort of envy’s clasp.

first off, this story takes place during the qing dynasty, after the imperial examinations were passed for women.

i'm personally not taoist, but had derived lots of taoist myths as inspiration! partly bc i'd grown up listening to these stories (: i hope you learn a thing or two about Chinese culture, though my version in this story is definitely tweaked.

Heibai Wuchang is "Black and White Impermanence" literally, and are deities in Chinese folk religion that escorts souls to the underworld. grim reaper, if you may. the white counterpart is Xie Bi'an while the black counterpart is Fan Wujiu.

as for Yánluówáng, he's the king of the taoist underworld. the mirror that is referenced in my previous story, Mirror of Retribution is a mirror used by the Yánluówáng to judge dead souls when dealing out punishments.

#writing #writing community #writeblr #writers community #writer #ayo im struggling so hard with this istg #i cant get the words to flow bc guess what #yeah ive been coding for the past month and all i can think of are python string commands #一croctalks #一crocwrites

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gingersnapwolves · 4 years

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today’s 3 AM notes:

Instead of writing 911 fic like a nice fan asked you to, consider: The Untamed characters as first responders

this is what hyperfixation looks like friends

okay but seriously

Wei Wuxian in Buck’s role as the badass, risk-taking, does dumb shit and looks great doing it firefighter

Is raising A-Yuan and everyone on the crew is like ‘wait he has a kid?’

New to the crew as he left home at 16 (thrown out by his mother), dropped out of high school, fell in with a bad crowd, may have been in a cult for a little while? he’s not actually sure. A-Yuan may or may not be his child, there’s a lot he doesn’t recall exactly, but when he got out he brought A-Yuan with him because the situation was pretty bad.

Is always ready to climb a roller coaster or jump from one building to another

Lan Wangji: I know there’s a temptation to make him the police officer but I love him as a paramedic

Never blinks at anything. Sees the wildest shit and just says ‘mn’ and starts doing his job.

Comes from a family of doctors. Lan Xichen is a renowned neurosurgeon. He’s viewed as a bit of a black sheep because he has an unfortunate adrenaline habit and after one in-the-field tracheotomy he never went back.

When Wei Wuxian joins the crew and starts pulling off stunts, he Disapproves Very Much. Angry at his own boner. This??? This is what he likes???

Wen Qing is the other paramedic, obviously.

Meng Yao as the other firefighter. Technically brilliant, has every handbook and manual memorized, can handle any situation. Instincts aren’t bad but he can’t teach them to himself and it really annoys him.

One good thing about a complete AU is I don’t have to deal with Meng Yao possibly being evil because I can just skip over all that shit.

On the other hand, he is very clinical and analytical in the field to the point where it can worry others. Meng Yao never thinks “maybe if we took a huge risk, we could save both these people”. Meng Yao chooses the one with the best chance of survival and saves that person. Does not lose sleep afterwards. Will probably fight with Wei Wuxian about it a lot.

ETA: Obviously, obviously, has an enormous crush on Lan Xichen, who visits his brother at the station occasionally.

Fire Captain Nie Mingjue because he’s the only rational adult in the story. Also, those biceps, that chest, mm honey yes.

Nie Huaisang as the 911 operator. This stuns everyone who meets him. He’s a complete flake, flunked out of college, never knows whether he’s coming or going. Nobody believes that once he’s plugged in and on a call he is the coolest person under pressure they will ever meet. They have literally talked to him on the radio but still don’t believe it was him. He must have a twin. With the same name.

Jiang Cheng as the police sergeant that they work with frequently. He and Wei Wuxian fell out of touch for a while. Now they argue whenever they see each other.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is always telling the other firefighters about how he has a little brother who’s a brilliant and amazing police officer, and Jiang Cheng brags about his older brother who fell into a bad situation but managed to pull himself out and get his shit together for the sake of his kid.

It gives everyone migraines when they realize these two are the brothers they are constantly talking about.

“But you fight literally all the time!” “Well, yeah, we’re brothers.”

Jiang Cheng has a K-9 partner because Wei Wuxian had a bunch of therapy to cure his phobia when he decided he wanted to be a firefighter.

So much hurt/comfort potential! So! Much! I mean, how many times do the characters in 911 end up in the hospital???

Okay now that I’ve basically written the whole fic in a tumblr post, I’ll be going...

#send help #I need an intervention #fic stuff #the untamed

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brohamand · 7 years

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Good Grief: The Music of 2016

LINK TO THE MIXES:

https://open.spotify.com/user/abarhamand/playlist/44RLEiy6mjUOJ3pwoQgvqK

This was a tough year. Between the election and all of our heroes dying, hope was in limited supply.

And then in December, I started my annual tradition, 12 years running, of compiling my favorite music of the year into a set of mixes. Since then, I have been reinvigorated by the joy of music, finding retreat from relentless news headlines and social media updates in my headphones. It sounds silly given how meager the thing is, but I truly hope this playlist brings you some small bit of happiness in 2017.

As usual, each mix covers a genre or two to help make it actually listenable. This year, there are four: 1. Rock/Indie-Rock; 2. Country/Folk/Americana; 3. Pop/Rap/R&B; 4. Electronic/Dance.

For the past few years, I’ve combined all the mixes into one Spotify playlist. So read on to see where the “breaks” are if you want to jump to a specific mix.

Thank you for listening, and thanks to my brother for the cover photo. His work can be viewed here.

Happy listening,

Adam

TRACKLIST:

MIX I – ROCK/INDIE-ROCK (80 min.)

1. Finally – CYMBALS EAT GUITARS // Pretty Years

2. Shut Up Kiss Me – ANGEL OLSEN // MY WOMAN

3. In a Black Out – HAMILTON LEITHAUSER + ROSTAM // I Had a Dream That You Were Mine

4. Your Best American Girl – MITSKI // Puberty 2

5. Ful Stop – RADIOHEAD // A Moon Shaped Pool

6. In Heaven – JAPANESE BREAKFAST // Psychopomp

7. I Can't Give Everything Away – DAVID BOWIE // Blackstar

8. 33 “GOD” – BON IVER // 22, A Million

9. You Want It Darker – LEONARD COHEN // You Want It Darker

10. Conceptual Romance – JENNY HVAL // Blood Bitch

11. Dog Years – MAGGIE ROGERS // Dog Years Single

12. Cry All Day – WILCO // Schmilco

13. Dopamine – DIIV // Is the Is Are

14. Kiss Me When I Bleed – WHITE LUNG // Paradise

15. The Getting There – PETE ASTOR // Spilt Milk

16. Dave’s Song – WHITNEY // Light Upon the Lake

17. Wanted You – TWIN PEAKS // Down in Heaven

18. Photobooth – PETAL // Shame

19. Headache – GROUPER // Paradise Valley EP

MIX II – COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA (79 min.)

1. Old Friends – PINEGROVE // Cardinal

2. I Have Been to the Mountain – KEVIN MORBY // Singing Saw

3. New Shoes – CALEB KLAUDER & REEB WILLMS // Innocent Road

4. We Should Be Friends – MIRANDA LAMBERT // The Weight of These Wings

5. Rich – MAREN MORRIS // HERO

6. Daughter – BRANDY CLARK // Big Day in a Small Town

7. The Last Hawk – SHOVELS & ROPE // Little Seeds

8. What It Means – DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS // American Band

9. Old Men Young Women – LORI MCKENNA // The Bird & the Rifle

10. Biloxi – HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER // Heart Like a Levee

11. Heaven – LYDIA LOVELESS // Real

12. Blue Rider – SCOTT HIRSCH // Blue Rider Songs

13. In Care of 8675309 – LAMBCHOP // FLOTUS

14. Highway Anxiety – WILLIAM TYLER // Modern Country

15. Behind the Armory – CASE/LANG/VEIRS // case/lang/veirs

16. Call to Arms – STURGILL SIMPSON // A Sailor’s Guide to Earth

17. Mele Kalikimaka – KACEY MUSGRAVES feat. THE QUEBE SISTERS // A Very Kacey Christmas

MIX III – POP/RAP/R&B (77 min.)

1. Ultralight Beam – KANYE WEST feat. CHANCE THE RAPPER, KIRK FRANKLIN, THE-DREAM & KELLY PRICE // The Life of Pablo

2. Best to You – BLOOD ORANGE feat. EMPRESS OF // Freetown Sound

3. Work – RIHANNA feat. DRAKE // ANTI

4. Dis Generation – A TRIBE CALLED QUEST feat. BUSTA RHYMES // We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service

5. LA – DAWN RICHARD feat. TROMBONE SHORTY // Redemption

6. Daddy Lessons – BEYONCÉ feat. DIXIE CHICKS // Lemonade / Daddy Lessons Single

7. Solo – FRANK OCEAN // Blonde

8. UGH! – THE 1975 // I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It

9. Hallucinations – DVSN // SEPT. 5TH

10. Guwop – YOUNG THUG feat. QUAVO, OFFSET & YOUNG SCOOTER // JEFFERY

11. Summer Friends – CHANCE THE RAPPER feat. JEREMIH & FRANCIS AND THE LIGHTS // Coloring Book

12. Blk Girl Soldier – JAMILA WOODS // HEAVN

13. The Greatest – KING // We Are KING

14. untitled 06 | 06.30.2014. – KENDRICK LAMAR feat. CEE-LO GREEN // untitled unmastered.

15. Cranes in the Sky – SOLANGE // A Seat at the Table

16. Time – SABINA DDUMBA // Homeward Bound

17. Body – DREEZY feat. JEREMIH // No Hard Feelings

18. How Does It Feel – KAMAIYAH // A Good Night in the Ghetto

19. Police Get Away Wit Murder – YG // Still Brazy

MIX IV – ELECTRONIC/DANCE (76 min.)

1. Open Your Eyes – SCHOOL OF SEVEN BELLS // SVIIB

2. Tilted – CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS // Christine and the Queens

3. Florida – THE RANGE // Potential

4. Nautilus – ANNA MEREDITH // Varmints

5. Three Sides of Nazareth – NICOLAS JAAR // Sirens

6. Go! – M83 feat. MAI LAN // Junk

7. Ch-Ching – CHAIRLIFT // Moth

8. Do It Right – MARTIN SOLVEIG feat. TKAY MAIDZA // Do It Right Single

9. What Happened To Us? – SHURA // Nothing’s Real

10. Closing Shot (Radio Edit) – LINDSTRØM // Closing Shot Single

11. Tell You No Lie – FLOORPLAN // Music/Tell You No Lie Single

12. If I Was A Folkstar – THE AVALANCHES // Wildflower

13. Occupied – THE RADIO DEPT. // Running Out of Love

14. Higher Level (Bicep Remix) – ISAAC TICHAUER // Street Lessons Remixes EP

15. Arrive, Arrive – IAN WILLIAM CRAIG // Centres

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