#two hair shades to think abt constantly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

1moreoffkeyanthem · 4 months

Note

my wife my life, i have ojv brainrot -- will you please go into crazy amount of detail about what the style boys look like to you in the ojv? what kind of outfits they like to wear? comfort sweaters/shirts? <3 also i love you i am waving $50s and shouting louder than everyone else to be noticed i'm the ride or die bi disaster ojc kenny of the irl

ASHFVGKKVHLJK MY DARLING WIFE HI AND FUCK YEAH!!!!! Helllll yes!!! Ok ok I’m bouta go *rm Jersey voice* AWF!! (This is gonna be so long im sorry)

So OrangeJuiceVerse style my BELOVEDS!!! Ohhhhh my god these two own my entire goddamn soul! And smh they’re so pretty in their own right!!!

OJV Stan… he is a fucking stereotypical DREAM MAN! Kyle is down astronomically bad. Like I’m talkin tall dark and handsome, total sweetheart, inherently boyish charm that just makes everyone adore him! His heart of gold and that deep melancholy he sometimes gets behind those sapphire eyes make him all the more alluring! So this is what our affable Everyman looks like to me:

He is TALL (hit his last growth spurt between sophomore and junior year), like tops off at a lil over 6’2 and is the second tallest of the ojverse Star Seven also he’s BUILT AS HELL?!? In high school his physique could be attributed to the myriad of physically demanding hobbies he cycled through (football in particular when he started dreaming of going pro rip to that) and work on Randy’s Fuckass Farm (fuck u randy). But when he’s older he gets softer, sure (best pillow ever) but keeps working out JUST so he can hold every animal ever like a BABY!!! If you want an approximate art reference of young adult OJV Stan, @bunytime ’s drawings on here for SURE! Like he is tall and strong and BUILT FOR HUGS!!!

Blue blue BLUE eyes like not scary stare into your soul but this soft deep shade that reminds you of calm waters and gemstones peeking from the depths of the shadows of his brows. Just gentle waves and clear dusk light.

Ojv Stan didn’t go through the ever popular bleached hair headcanon, most of my Stans didn’t, but this one bc on the brink of a SadSack episode he mentioned getting Kenny to pierce his ears and dye his hair and (this was before they were dating) Kyle was like NO!!! Bc he always loved Stan’s classic all american look and knows him well enough to know that he would’ve hated it a few days later.

DIMPLES!! TWO OF EM!! And his smile is SO sweet his whole face splits omg my sweet boy!!! And he has tiny, almost imperceptible random scars in various places from childhood tomfoolery, especially on his hands bc he sometimes rivals Kenny in recklessness, and those hands are so rough but so TENDER when they touch you and he’s so aware of his own size and inherent ruggedness that completely juxtaposes his personality and it’s so!!! (God forgive me I’m thinking about nsfw ojv style hcs now)

Aight so OJV Stan IS greasy to some extent, c’mon he’s very Boy, but (this is important) only when he’s having a rough time mentally. Like he’s one of those people where while his horrendous lack of style doesn’t change much, you can tell by the stubble and the gross hair when he’s not doing well. Uhhh later down the timeline he has a beard tho. The bear jokes definitely emerge.

And for his style choices ohhhhh my god this man CANNOT fuckin dress!!! I’m constantly putting ojverse Stan in my clothes bc WHAT is this guy doing wearing the “Bigfoot is real I made s’mores with him” shirt and he is GENUINELY confused when he can’t wear jeans to something formal. His socks are STUPID and GIMMICKY and never match, and his wallet has a million keychains HIS BACKPACK omg like every stereotypical veggie boy he has alll the vegan loser pins and patches. Animal activist Stan forever.

A very casual dresser tbh, t shirts and jeans, sweatpants, hoodies (that have mostly been confiscated by Kyle) like he truly sucks at clothes unless he’s going stupid abt a Halloween costume. He kinda relies on Ky to know what looks good on him irl, bc Kyle is VERY reactive when he’s dressed a certain way and Kyle climbing him= ah yes I look Not Disheveled right to jail for both of them.

Oh KYLE!!! From Stan’s pov??? OJV Stan is a huge fucking fantasy loser and he only knows the word “ethereal” bc he’s a nerd and it describes Kyle. On GOD OJV Kyle is so pretty!!! Like Stanley Down Bad Marsh is ENTHRALLED!!! Always, like since he knew what beauty was, beauty was Kyle.

Ojverse Kyle keeps his hair a little past his shoulders since like freshman year of high school, his HAIRRRRR lord those gorgeous red curls, Stan simply cannot get enough of them, that ponytail, the half bun, the little braids Marj used to do when she and Ky would hang solo… dear god Stan will not shut up about his beautiful elf kings hair. Like hair wise if u want a reference picture the homie @grimsbane ‘s long hair Kyle EXEPT

My guy, OJV Kyle is TINY. Not as short as Kenny and Tweek, but close and definitely skinny to the point where if he misses a meal EVERYONE is on his bony ass bc 1) diabetes and 2) they all know his past with eds and no one’s gonna let that shit get its claws on him again! Unfortunately, OJV Kyle has a really hard time gaining weight, but as an adult he’s fully recovered, just kinda slim and at risk of health problems from the damage he did, but he’s mostly ok.

Ky topped off at 5’7 and was the tallest of the m5 in 7th grade and then EVERYONE but Kenny surpassed him WHICH he was pissed abt for a while. But he kinda stopped caring once he and Stan got together bc Stan wasn’t thattt much taller at first (and then this mf got huge) but Kyle was… VERY INTO THAT! It’s so unserious bc when they’re older Kyle’s like dude just fuckin toss me around and Stan WILL NOT because he’s NERVOUS and also traumatized from the ONE time he reinjured Kyle’s bad knee during Super Best Spicy Time (yes that’s what his loser ass named the sex playlist) but when Ky gets in the mood he wants to be manhandled frfr (I will do a nsfw headcanon post prolly) like the SIZE DIFFERENCE kyle is so spicy 100% calls the shots out here climbin Staniel like a tree.

He’s pale as fuck, cannot tan at allll this dude will not go outside without sunscreen bc he IS Sheila’s son and had it drilled into him that they are pale redheads and uv rays are not their friend, BUT his freckles are faint and so prettttttyyyyy he doesn’t even hate them bc Stan loves them and Kyle loves Stan (losers) he’s got a little group of them on his left cheekbone that Stan INSISTS looks like a heart aaaaaaaaaa

Good lord those eyes. Like you look into them and you are LOST in the most beautiful woods you have ever SEEN!!! I’m serious his eyes look like a forest, green and threaded with occasional brown like tree trunks and they are MAGNETIC!!! He is POINTY too like his features are sharp but his eyes are comfortable and it’s just a beautiful balance.

I’m fully of the belief that this lil redhead is a CHRONIC CLOTHES STEALER!!! Sneaky lil fox like if he’s comfy at home he’s 100% wearing Stan’s lame ass “earth day 2013” hoodie or some shit BUT!!!

His actual clothing is VERY much hot professional dark academia vibes the sweaters, the reading glasses, that hair, like he’s so cute in his button ups and when he stops wearing cargo pants so much in college (man likes pockets change my mind) Stan is SALIVATING bc he can see the sbf’s lithe legs better and he wants to SNAG him smh down horrendous. Kyle wears a lotta green, bc we ginger losers know that’s our COLOR and he looks GORGEOUS in jewel tones what a PRETTY BOY!!! Favorite item of clothing is DEFINITELY Stan’s Peace Love Pine Trees hoodie!!!

They do have friendship (lovers) bracelets that Kenny made them btw

Ok I THINK that’s what I got for now on what they look like but lord knows I’ll probably be more insane later NINA MY BELOVED WIFE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS

#south park #sp headcanons #asks #this made me so happy #style #them #ao3 shit #my shit #OrangeJuiceVerse #stan marsh #lmm voice: look at my son #kyle brovlofski #look at this I learned something today ass bitch #ojv

2 notes · View notes

itheume · 4 years

Photo

the original flock star

#maximum ride #max #( we really live like this huh #this isn't max's final design but it is a sketch that looks super bad if u reverse it so Dont do that #god bless so jimmy p gave the flock super speedy healing #so he wrote it to be a.) kinda neat and b.) help out w pacing so that no one has to recover for too long #but it's also a double edged sword bc the amount of times max had gotten her nose broken #and no one like ;;; set it or anything #it's Bent #ft. max writing on the blog about how she tried to pierce her ear w an eraser tooth like ????#idk i just think she accidentally jammed it in there and now it just looks cool #ear infection who ??? intense pain and discomfort where ??????#i would like to personally thank jp for putting max's hair between light brown and dark blond bc now i have like #two hair shades to think abt constantly #might just make it dark brown #as a gift to dr martinez ;;;;; no recollection of her hair color oop )#arting #( now that i've drawn max im v aware of angel and gazzy and the fact that i have not drawn them yet #i have a sketch of iggy and gazzy but that's months old whoops )

26 notes · View notes

kookiesjoonies · 4 years

Text

rule breaker — jhs | part ten.

rule breaker | part ten: ramen & froyo.

a/n: this chapter is quite a few days late, but i literally had the worst case of writer’s block of my LIFE. i started this chapter, n then completely scrapped it. and i’m glad i did, bc the first draft was SHIT. LMAO. anyway, come talk to me abt hoseok n yn please. i want to hear your thoughts. especiallyyyy after this chapter! thank u all for reading! xo

main pairing: choreographer!hoseok x idol!reader

side ships: vmin, namkook

word count: 5.1k

warnings: fluff, angst, wet dream (dunno if that qualifies as a warning, but uhhh just in case lmaodskjd), masturbation, squirting

— SERIES SUMMARY

your career as an idol comes first, end of discussion. and to make sure that you stay on track, you implement two foolproof rules to abide by:

rule #1: no distractions. rule #2: no mixing business with pleasure.

and those rules seem simple enough to follow. that is, until you develop a crush on your new choreographer.

Dance practice was over and you felt like you’d just run a marathon. No, wait, scratch that. You felt like you’d run five marathons. Dancing with Hoseok was no joke. He always pushed you to work harder, to do better. And any time you were convinced you couldn’t perfect a move, he’d encourage you and offer you a thousand reasons as to why you could.

Both of you were drenched in sweat. Your grey crop top soaked and dark in certain areas, perhaps revealing a bit too much of what was underneath. Hoseok’s hair was sticky and wet against his forehead, and he’d pushed it back since practice ended.

You’d have been stupid to ignore just how attractive such a simple gesture made him look. Still, you tried your hardest to push such thoughts out of your mind. You shouldn’t be thinking of him in such a way. But you blamed it on the sensual dance routine that you’d just completed with him.

Jimin was just supposed to be late to practice, but he ended up having to skip it all together. Which meant that every single sexy move you were supposed to do with your best friend, you’d done with Hoseok instead.

At first, it was awkward. You didn’t know where to put your hands, and he was hesitant to put his on your body as well. Eventually though, the two of you relaxed into one another. The feeling of his fingertips on the bare skin of your hips was exhilarating, as well as the feeling of his length being pressed against your ass while you pushed back against him.

The way that he watched you in the mirror, the way way his pupils had clearly dilated, sent immediate relief washing over you. You weren’t the only one affected by the routine the two of you were performing. But at the end of the day, it was just that. A performance.

And that’s what you’d keep telling yourself, even if deep down, you didn’t believe it even for a second.

“Well, I don’t know about you,” Hoseok began, lifting the bottom of his muscle tank top up to his face to wipe the beads of sweat trickling down, “but I worked up quite the appetite.”

Your eyes shot down to admire his perfectly sculpted abs that were practically begging for your touch, your tongue poking out to wet your lips at the delicious sight.

“Y/n?” Hoseok was speaking again, this time albeit a little louder, which snapped you out of your trance.

Embarrassed, your neck straightened up so that you could now look at the man towering above you face to face. And you willed your cheeks not to turn red, hoping and praying that he didn’t catch you checking him out.

“Huh?” That was all you could muster up, unsure of what he’d even said to begin with.

To your surprise, he offered you a chuckle in response.

“I said I was hungry. You want to go grab lunch?”

The two of you’d never hung out outside of the studio before, so you were a little taken aback by his suggestion.

He could sense your hesitation, and he stuttered as he tried to play it off nonchalantly.

“Or, uhm— we don’t—, we don’t have to. I just figured—“

You cut him off, a small smile creeping it’s way onto your face. He really was adorable when he rambled.

“Hobi, we can get lunch. I just wish I didn’t have to go out in public looking so gross.” You were half joking, half serious.

Your hair felt greasy, you weren’t wearing any makeup, and your athletic clothes were sweaty and sticky. So, you were definitely not fit to be seen in public at the moment.

“You don’t look gross.” Hoseok was quick to reassure you, matching your smile with a wide one of his own.

“No?” You asked, wanting him to compliment you one more time. Even though, you weren’t sure why you wanted him to do so so badly.

“Nope!” he shook his head, “you look like you’ve been working hard.”

You internally groaned. Not exactly the kind of compliment you were hoping for, but it would do, you supposed.

“In that case, did you have a place in mind for lunch? Or..?”

“There’s this place down the street that has the best cooked ramen!” you found it adorable, the way he was so enthusiastic even while talking about food, “Is that okay? I mean— do, uhm— do you like ramen?”

A tiny giggle left your mouth before you could stop it, and you offered him a quick nod of your head.

“I love ramen.”

“Great!” he grinned, “let’s go then!”

Turns out, Hoseok was right. This place did have the best ramen. You were sure you could slurp up at least ten bowls of it.

Your choreographer was sitting across from you at the small round table. The place was quaint, small, and yet surprisingly busy. Various K-Pop songs boomed through the speakers overhead, and the hustle and bustle of the restaurant workers never seemed to cease. The sound of the other diners mumbling bounced off of the walls, and the aroma of the foods being cooked in the kitchen were to die for.

“So,” Hoseok spoke up after practically inhaling a few bites of his ramen, “do you like the place?”

You didn’t hesitate in answering, “Yes! I can’t believe it’s been so close to the studio for so long and I never knew about it.”

“You’re welcome.” He winked at you, a playful gesture that for some reason, had your heart doing flips in your chest.

You gathered a small bunch of noodles with your chopsticks, bringing them up to shove the food into your mouth.

“Aren’t you nervous people will recognize you?” Hoseok questioned, taking a sip of the soda that was sitting beside of his bowl.

You shrugged, chewing and swallowing the bite you’d just taken before answering him.

“It’s just part of the gig, you know?”

“No,” he admitted, “I don’t know. How do you do it? How do you deal with people constantly invading your privacy?”

“It’s not easy,” you answered honestly, “but I’ve been doing it for almost six years now, so. I’d like to think I’ve gotten used to it.”

“You handle it well. The way you carry yourself, even with all of the pressure you’re under, it’s admirable. And the fact that you’re so— so kind, so down to earth, even with the millions of fans you have.. it’s amazing, really.”

His series of seemingly never ending compliments were successful in creating flutters in your stomach. You were sure your cheeks and the tips of your ears were tinted pink, and your spine tingled as you happily took in every single one of his words.

“Hobi,” you couldn’t hide the grin that was now plastered across your face, “you’re too sweet.”

This time, it was Hoseok’s turn to blush. You’d said something so simple, yet it had the apples of his cheeks tinged red. He’d hoped you hadn’t noticed. But you did, which only made you want to continue your compliments further. If it meant seeing him like that, all flustered and shy, you’d compliment him twenty four hours, seven days a week.

Even if, technically, you shouldn’t be trying to make him blush. But at that exact moment, you couldn’t be bothered to give a single fuck.

“I mean it,” you continued, swirling the few remaining noodles around in the bowl below you, “you’re so kind to me, always. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

He glanced away from you then, turning his attention to watch the waiters walk in and out of the kitchen. You didn’t miss the dark shade of red that had taken over his entire face. And yeah, you found it undeniably adorable.

Before you could say anything else to him, a familiar sounding song blared from the sound system above you. You couldn’t help but to laugh, shaking your head as you listened to the low beat of take me.

Hoseok faced you again, a smirk present as his ears perked up to listen.

“Hey, that sounds kind of familiar.”

“Never heard this song before in my life.”

You kept a straight face, for the most part. But Hoseok didn’t miss the glimmer of playfulness in your eyes.

“Ahh,” he decided to play along, finishing up the last few bites of his meal, “a shame you haven’t heard it. The artist who sings it, she’s truly something special. Insanely talented, an incredible dancer.”

“Maybe she’s just an ‘incredible dancer’ because she has such a good teacher.”

“Nope!” he was quick to shut you down, “she’s talented because she’s hardworking and she never settles for anything but the best.”

If you didn’t know better, you could’ve sworn he was flirting with you. And maybe he was. Or, maybe you just wanted him to be? But then, why did you want him to be? Your brain was scrambled, too many thoughts running a million miles a minute.

The sound of footsteps approaching your table pulled you out of your own head, and standing before you was a tall, lean yet muscular man with dark hair. He had a freckle just under his bottom lip, which you were quick to note was quite cute. You assumed he was a fan, but as soon as he addressed the man sitting in front of you as Hobi, you quickly realized he was here for him and not you.

“Here’s that movie you wanted to borrow.” The younger boy handed a disk over to his friend, and you watched the exchange curiously.

“Ahhh! Thank you, Jungkookie! I’ve been wanting to see this for ages!” Hoseok quickly stuffed the film into his bag at his feet.

“Hmm,” you observed, tapping your manicured nails on the top of the table, “Jungkook, I presume?”

He seemed shock at the mention of his name. Or rather, at the sound of familiarity laced in your tone.

“Uhm, yeah..?” he cocked an eyebrow, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

Your attention turned to Hoseok, and you pointed a finger at Jungkook.

“Is he the one who thinks I’m a diva?”

Hoseok had a mouthful of soda, and damn near did a spit take at your obvious call out.

“You told her?!” Jungkook slapped his hyung’s shoulder, and you watched as Hoseok soothed the abused spot with his hand.

“It just slipped!” The older male was quick to defend himself, and you couldn’t help but to laugh at the whole ordeal.

“Guys,” you said, “it’s fine! Jungkook, I’m sorry that you think I’m a diva. I’d like to think I’m not, but your own opinions can’t be helped.”

“She is not a diva, I promise. She’s anything but.”

You couldn’t help but to smile wide at the sound of Hoseok defending your name.

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Ahhh, I shouldn’t be so quick to judge, or to assume. I don’t even know you. I apologize.”

He bowed in front of you, and you waved him off.

“I promise, it’s fine,” you assured him, “I accept your apology. Any friend of Hoseok’s is a friend of mine.”

He sighed, relieved.

“In that case, could you get Jimin’s autograph for me? I’m like, his biggest fan.”

Hoseok groaned before bringing the palm of his hand up and dragging it down his face. You just laughed, nodding your head once in response.

“I’ll see what I can do. You should come by the studio with Hobi sometime, you’ll probably run into Jimin there.”

“Really?!” He lit up like a kid in a candy store, and it seemed as though his older friend had had enough.

“Okay!” Hoseok said, shooing Jungkook away from the table, “You’ve fulfilled your purpose of dropping off the movie. Thank you!”

“Awww, but hyung!” Jungkook pouted, “I was hoping I could join the two of you, and you know, tell her a secret of yours since you told her one of mine.”

You perked up in your seat, gaze shifting to Hoseok as you eyed him curiously.

“What secret?” You asked, hearing Jungkook snicker to your side.

“Ignore him.” Hoseok groaned.

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave,” Jungkook held his hands up in front of him in defeat, “but you should tell her, is all I’m saying.”

“Tell me what?” You asked, intrigued and confused all at the same time.

Hoseok shook his head.

“Nothing, he’s just an idiot,” he insisted, laughing the entire situation off, “we should uhm— grab froyo after this, if you’re not busy, I mean.”

“Ugh, the key to my heart.”

He smiled at your immediate acceptance, flagging your waiter down and digging in his pocket for his wallet.

You did the same, unzipping your purse to retrieve your credit card.

“No, no, Y/n. I got it! My treat.”

“Hoseok, I can’t let you—“

Before you could argue further, the waiter was walking away with Hoseok’s money. He was unbelievable.

He paid for froyo, too. Despite your arguing.

The two of you were walking along the river, enjoying your cups of frozen treats. It was spring, nearly summer, so the weather was just right. The sun was shining beautifully on the water beside you, not a cloud to be found in the sky. It truly was a beautiful day.

“It doesn’t shock me that your favorite color is yellow.” You started, dipping your spoon into your birthday cake flavored yogurt.

“Why not?” Hoseok retorted, bringing a spoonful of his own dessert up and to his lips.

“Because it’s a bright, happy color. And you are a bright, happy person.”

He flashed you that big, toothy grin that you’d grown to adore so much.

“Alright then, what’s your favorite color?”

“Red.” You answered without hesitation.

He shook his head, quiet laughter exuding from his throat.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he insisted, “red just matches your personality perfectly.”

You cocked a brow, licking a bite of froyo from the spoon.

“How do you figure?”

“You’re full of fire, full of passion. A force to be reckoned with, you go head first into everything that you do and you don’t stop until you’ve achieved your goal.”

“You got all of that from the color red?”

“Mhm.” He just nodded at you, his smile never once faltering. Your damn heart was doing the flipping thing again and you feared it would leap right out of your chest if he looked at you like that for a second longer.

“Okay,” you said, dipping your spoon into the bowl, “you have to try this. It’s so good.”

You lifted the plastic utensil up to his mouth, and he only hesitated for a moment for allowing the sensation of birthday cake flavor to flood his taste buds. His eyes lit up, and his tone was enthusiastic.

“Mmm! That is good! I’m not usually a giant fan of cake flavored things, but I’d eat that.”

You fake gasped, bringing your free hand over your chest.

“How dare you! Birthday cake is the best flavor!”

“Pffft, no way!” he was quick to shut you down, gulping down another bite of his own treat, “brownie batter is. Here, you try.”

He was bringing his spoon up to your lips in an instant, and you poked your tongue out to give it a test lick. Usually, chocolate flavored ice cream wasn’t your favorite. But this was incredible.

“Aww, man! I like yours better!” You pouted, and Hoseok’s heart sank at the sight.

He knew you were being playful, but still, he couldn’t help himself.

“Here,” he held out his bowl to you, “we can trade.”

You shook your head, refusing the gesture, “I can’t take your food!”

“Yes you can! Please, for me. I want you to enjoy this.” His voice was kind, sincere. How could you say no to that?

“Only if you’re sure.” You said, hesitantly switching your bowl out for his.

“I’m sure.” He smiled at you again, and you felt like you’d been grounded down to the earth once and for all.

You didn’t make it home until the sun was about to set. Having too much fun with Hobi, you decided you could afford to stay out for a bit. He really was wonderful company, he seemed to make even the simplest of things fun. You’d hoped you’d get to hang out with him like that again in the future, the near future, to be exact. It was different than when the two of you were in the studio.

There, you were working. But today, you were out having lunch and enjoying spending casual time together. It felt like it went on forever, yet not nearly as long as you hoped it would last all at the same time.

However, you were happy to finally be in the comfort of your own home. Practice had kicked your ass today, and you were exhausted, grimy, and in desperate need of a shower and a nap.

Taehyung wasn’t home either, so you were home alone and excited by that fact. Very rarely did you ever have time to yourself and yourself alone. Except, you weren’t alone. And you didn’t know that until you walked into your master bedroom and saw Jimin sprawled out on your bed.

He nearly gave you a damn heart attack, had you shrieking like a banshee and clutching your chest.

“Jimin! What the fuck?!”

“It’s your fault for giving me a key.” He was flipping through a magazine, unfazed as ever.

“You could’ve texted me and told me you were coming over!” You scolded, and he just grinned.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“I hate you sometimes.”

“Liar.”

You walked further into your room as you rolled your eyes, picking up a pillow and tossing it forcefully at his head.

“Hey!” He whined.

“Why did you show up here unannounced?” You questioned, lying down beside of him on your king sized bed.

“Wanted to see how practice went.” He turned the page, and you peered over his shoulder to see what he was reading. Of course it was a fashion magazine.

“Fine.” You answered simply, and your best friend was shutting the catalog instantly.

“Damn, one syllable is all I get? Must’ve been better than I thought.” His smile was mischievous, and you had half a mind to smack it right off of his face.

“We danced. I learned the routine, and you did not. Which means you’ll have to work extra hard trying to catch up tomorrow.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what you were trying to do.

“Dude, shut up. You know I could learn it in my sleep, and you also know the ‘routine’ isn’t what I’m asking about.”

“Jimin,” you groaned, “don’t start.”

“Was it hot? Did you get off on grinding on Hoseok?” He wiggled his brows, and you flicked his nose with your thumb and middle finger.

“Ow!” He cried out, bringing a hand up to rub over the sore spot you’d just created.

“Don’t ask stupid shit like that.”

“Come on, Y/n. It’s me. You can talk to me about this shit.” He tried to convince you, and somewhere inside of you, you wanted to.

Because yeah, maybe you did get aroused from Hoseok’s hands on your ass. And maybe you did get a little wet when you were grinding against his thigh.

But who wouldn’t have? He was a fairly attractive man, after all. It didn’t mean anything. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

“I’m going to take a shower.” You quickly changed the subject, swinging your legs over the side of the bed.

Jimin couldn’t help but to roll his eyes.

“You’re so fucking stubborn.”

“I know. Are you spending the night?”

You heard him sigh, a sad sigh that made your heart clench.

“I would, but... I don’t want to make Tae uncomfortable.”

“I get it. But you’re welcome to stay, you know that. This house is plenty big enough, and we always hang out in my room anyways.”

“Yeah, I know. But I’ve already pissed him off, or whatever. I’m sure me staying here would just add to that.”

You frowned, wishing that you could do something, or say anything to ease his obvious hurt.

“I love you, Chim.”

“Love you.”

Normally, you’d stay up until at least midnight. Tonight, however, you were exceptionally exhausted and were lying in bed by nine.

Your satin sheets felt extra comfortable underneath you, and your eyelids were heavy. Friends played on the big, wall mounted television in front of you, and the sound of your air conditioner running was lulling you right to sleep. Before you knew it, you were slipping into a state of blissful unconsciousness.

You weren’t sure how you’d ended up in Hoseok’s apartment. And you definitely weren’t sure how you’d ended up nearly naked underneath him on his couch. You were squirming below his touch, his blunt fingernails lightly scraping down your stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

His hips were rutting into yours, Hoseok’s hardened length rubbing along your soaked, clothed core. You were a moaning mess, slews of curses and praises spilled out of your mouth, letting him know that you were fucking loving everything that he was giving you.

“Hoseok, please don’t stop.” Your voice was quiet, barely above a whisper as you clutched onto his back in an attempt to keep yourself grounded. You felt like you were floating, like you were in a completely different time and place.

“God, I’ve waited so long for this,” he was growling lowly into your ear, his fingers descending south and flicking the thin strap of your thong against your hip, “waited so long for you.”

You yelped at the feeling of the string stinging your skin, your shriek turning into a whiny moan as you felt his hand begin to slip into your panties. You couldn’t wait for him to finally be where you needed him most. You didn’t care if his fingers were inside of you, his tongue, or his cock. You just needed some part of him filling you up. You needed it in the same way that you needed oxygen to survive, and you feared that you would die if he didn’t touch you right here, right now.

His head was hovering above yours now, and you were sure he was about to lean in for a kiss. Which had your pussy clenching around nothing. It had just occurred to you that you’d never kissed him, and all you wanted was to taste him. You were sure he’d taste delicious, sickeningly sweet.

Instead of his lips pressing against yours, though, they parted. And he began repeating your first name over and over again like a mantra, gradually getting louder and louder as the seconds ticked by.

One final yell of your name had your eyelids shooting open, the sound of Hoseok’s voice being replaced by the low tone of your brother’s. You blinked once, and then two more times for good measure. It took you a whole minute to realize that you were at home. In your bedroom, not in your choreographer’s apartment.

“Tae?” your voice was groggy, “what time is it?”

“Past ten. I could hear you from down the hall, it sounded like you were in pain so I came to check on you,” he said, cocking his head to the side as he stared down at you, “must’ve been one hell of a nightmare.”

Embarrassment immediately came over you, and you were thankful for the dark lighting of the room because you were sure your face was similar to the color of a tomato.

“Yeah— uh, just a... bad dream. I’m good.”

“If you’re sure.” His voice was laced with genuine concern, and you almost laughed. Such a protective older brother.

“I’m good, Tae. Swear.”

He nodded, mumbling a goodnight to you before turning to leave your bedroom.

You called out to him before he could shut the door.

“Hey, wait a second!”

“Yeah?” He was confused again, and you worried your lower lip before you spoke.

You weren’t usually one to meddle in his personal life, but this time, you felt like you had to. Or, that you at least had to try.

“You need to talk to Jimin. He thinks he made you upset, or mad. At the very least, you should tell him you aren’t angry with him.”

“Noted.”

That was all he said before he was shutting your door, and you couldn’t stop the dramatic roll of your eyes. Typical Taehyung.

You pushed your hair back and out of your face, grimacing as you felt the beads of sweat pooling on your forehead. In your half asleep state, you’d almost forgotten what you’d been dreaming about. You let out a groan as the images flashed through your memory.

Not only were you dreaming about Hoseok, but it was a wet dream. Surely, you hadn’t actually gotten aroused by it.

You bit down on your bottom lip before sliding your hand underneath your duvet, pressing your fingers against your underwear to test for any dampness. You gasped as you were greeted with soaked panties, hissing through your teeth as your fingertips barely grazed over your clit.

Before you really knew what you were doing, your hips were bucking up and into your hand. You pushed the cotton fabric to the side, letting your middle finger drag along your slick folds. You sighed at the feeling, your head tilting back as your eyes screwed shut. It was almost unbelievable how drenched you were just from a fucking dream. And a dream about your fucking choreographer, to beat it all.

You moaned at the images of Hoseok during practice earlier flooded your mind. He was so hot, and so sweaty. The way his fingers curled around your thighs had you wondering what it would feel like if he was the one touching you right now instead of yourself.

Maybe it was wrong, but you didn’t care. You kept yourself focused on Hoseok as you used your middle finger to circle around your throbbing bundle of nerves, whines and praises of his name slipping out of your mouth.

You dipped a finger down to tease your slit, imagining the entire time that it was him. You slipped a single digit into your heat and keened at the sensation. Hoseok’s fingers were much longer than yours, and you were sure he could have you cumming with them in no time.

Still, you decided to work with what you had and began to fuck into yourself until you were knuckle deep. You added a second finger and moaned at the stretch, your thighs beginning to shake already.

“Fuck, Hoseok!”

You picked up the pace of your fingers, curling once you found that spot that drove you absolutely mad. Using your free hand, you allowed your index and middle fingers to vigorously rub at your clit.

It was too much, too soon. Your walls contracted around your fingers, and your legs convulsed. Your thighs were trying to squeeze together and you were arching off the bed as you felt your lower stomach knot up, fire spreading from head to toe and making your toes curl.

Your orgasm hit so hard that you were practically screaming, Hoseok’s name being the only word left in your vocabulary. This was harder than any orgasm you’d had in a long time, and you could feel your juices squirting out and all over your hand and wrist. You squealed at the feeling, using your fingers to fuck yourself through your high.

Your breathing was erratic, and stars were circling above your head. You groaned as you pulled your hands away from your cunt, wincing at the emptiness.

An arm rested over your eyes as you attempted to stop panting. Slowly, you felt like you were back on earth again and the black dots you were seeing went away.

There was no fucking way that just happened. You did not get off while thinking of Hoseok.

You were furious. And you wished that you were mad at yourself, but the only reason you were angry was because you’d had to get yourself off. You wished it would’ve been him doing it instead.

Against your better judgement, you grabbed your phone off of your nightstand. It was eleven now, and although Hoseok was sure to be asleep, you needed to hear his voice. For what reason? You weren’t sure. Either way, you were scrolling through your contacts to find his name, pressing the call button with a bit too much enthusiasm.

When he answered the phone, his voice was raspy, deeper than usual. You were right, he’d been asleep.

“Hello?”

“Uhm, hi.” You said, voice shy and almost inaudible.

“Y/n? What time is it? Is everything okay?” He sounded worried.

“I’m okay! Uhh, it’s past eleven. I’m sorry for waking you, I didn’t mean to.”

Yes you did.

He was beginning to sound a bit more awake now, and you heard him yawn on the other line.

“It’s alright, I just wasn’t expecting you to call. Or, call this late.”

“Yeah..”

It was silent for a few seconds, neither of you knowing quite what to say. You couldn’t exactly tell him that you’d just made yourself squirt to the thought of him. And he wasn’t about to tell you that he was glad you called.

“What are you doing up?”

“Uhm—“ you stumbled, trying to come up with any excuse other than the truth, “I couldn’t sleep.”

You heard him chuckle, and it was as if all of your worries and nervousness evaporated at the sound of his laughter.

“Not that I’m not flattered, but.. why did you call me because you couldn’t sleep?”

You groaned internally. Why did he have to ask such questions?

“I just... I don’t know. I wanted to talk to you, is all, I guess.”

“Okay.” He seemed satisfied with your answer, and you sighed in relief.

“Hobi?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you FaceTime me until I fall asleep?”

As badly as you longed to see him in person, you figured that this would do for now.

“Absolutely.”

He was calling you instantly, and you smiled as soon as you laid eyes on him. His hair was disheveled from sleeping, and his cheeks were a bit puffy. Suddenly, the other side of your bed felt a bit too empty. And you wondered what it would feel like if he were laying beside of you.

↼ masterlist ⇀

a/n: if you’d like to be added to the tag list, just send me an ask, message, or reply to this post! let me know what you think of the series, i love hearing your feedback. enjoy! xo

tag list: @ppersonna @neouihobi @vanteatj1n @55west81st @jjiminah @cesthoney @vaehyungsworld @ggukiyo @devotedlywriting @consensual-trashtalk @w1tchcraftt @threedecadesofawkward @chocobetterknot @americano-sprite @yoongisabby @hobi-love @justpeachyjoon @excuseme-youpretty @sunkissed725 @amoreguk @koostime @cobbiebaexqueen @imluckybitches @taefect94 @parkmaeri @bts-7-forever @gukniverse @untainted-memories

a/n: tumblr won’t let me tag certain people for whatever reason. so if you’ve asked to be tagged and don’t see your name, that’s why! i apologize. :/

#hoseok #jung hoseok #hoseok smut #hoseok imagine #bts #bts smut #bangtan #hoseok x you #hoseok x reader #hoseok x y/n #bts imagine #hoseok angst #hoseok fluff #bts fake social media #bts texts #bts fake texts #bts smau #jhope #bts reactions

309 notes · View notes

an1malcannibal · 4 years

Note

hi ok when i watched ninjago as a kid i hated kai for some reason but rewatching it has made me appreciate him like he deserves. anyway do u have any kai hcs ud like to share

So sorry for the late answer! Glad u changed ur mind abt Kai.... he is SO important.... Anyhow, here are some more headcanons!

-I headcanon that like.... all elemental masters are varying shades of Not Human.... every elemental master has certain non-human traits that may or may not get passed down (claws, sharp teeth, patches of scales, weird eyes, etc), SO, because Kai (and Nya but we r talking abt Kai rn) is the child of not just one but TWO elemental masters... he’s one of the most non-human humans in all of ninjago! I hc he has sharp teeth (SHARK GANG SHARK GANG SHARK GANG-), and his eye color is red! With slitted pupils (like a cat!) and maaaaaybe claws (I’m thinking he develops like... black demon claw hands as he gets older, or he gets them after he uses his powers like.... a LOT. Love the idea that the non-human traits get more pronounced as an elemental master uses their powers more.....) so yeah. Kai and Nya are cryptids.

-Kai is completely heat proof (all fire elemental masters are completely fire/heat proof). He chills in lava pits with Cole as its the BEST hot tub.

-Kai, contrary to what one might think, feels VERY cold all the time. He constantly needs to dress in layers to try to keep warm, because his body is constantly expelling so much excess heat, that there’s really non left to warm himself up. AKA.... he naps in the sun like a cat! The ninja have a spray bottle to use when he does something bastardly (get OFF THE FRIDGE KAI-)

-Kai has. A small mullet. No I will NOT elaborate just trust me.

-he has piercings! Like 4 on each ear!

-shoving my Kai height headcanon in here. He is 5’10 (but he wears heeled Chelsea boots in his casual outfits so that can bump him up to 6 ft sometimes). I HATE short Kai like it drives me absolutely MAD with rage. I genuinely can’t imagine him as any less than 5’8 at the LOWEST.

-Kai has mental health issues, as well as adhd/autism (watch how hard I can project guys!)

-Kai paints his nails a lot (usually red or black)

-he is bisexual and a trans man! :)

-Kai weighs like. 130 lbs on a good day. (Childhood malnutrition will do that to ya folks)

-Kai’s hair is naturally super fluffy and spikey and sticks out EVERYWHERE. He styles it now so it’s more manageable, but when he was a kid he looked FERAL his hair was such a mess.

-hehe. Black winged eyeliner? Yessir.

-yknow how they switched his scar around for the redesign? What if he just.... had a scar on BOTH EYES!!!!! I say yessir.

-he fuckin. He fuckin LOOOOVES Britney Spears.... king shit.....

-he likes dogs well enough but he ADORES cats (real recognizes real)

-(yes I’m implying Kai is a cat. He is a cat.)

-Kai is still TEEEERIBLE with technology.... he has no social media’s on his phone and doesn’t even have any actual accounts. He just has 3 apps from the App Store on his phone: 1. YouTube 2. Spotify (or the ninjago equivalent) 3. And Minecraft (he likes to build elaborate structures and houses then blow them up). This unintentionally makes him even more of a cryptid to the ninjago population. Why isn’t the fire ninja on Twitter????? WHY?????

-Kai has really impressive pick pocketing skills (fellas he was like 8. He could not have completely run a shop on his own at 8. He definitely pickpocketed money on the side)

-zanes death hit him so hard because he was in love with him but didn’t realize it. Kai never had time to fall in love or have kid crushes. He never got the opportunity to know what being in love felt like so he had NO clue he was in love with Zane..... it confused him how much it hurt when Zane died. Like a physical wound.

And done! Here r just a few of mine! I have a lot more! U can check em out under the ask tag I think, or the Kai tag! Hope u like em!!! Again sorry for the late reply bro I wanted to think em out! :]

#HOPE THESE WERE OKAY BRO #thank u so much for the ask 🥺#i STILL be having kai brainrot #working on my sons of garmadon kai au rn....#hehehehehehe....#yall gonna CRY #man i love angst.#morris.txt #ninjago #kai smith #ninjago kai #kai ninjago #ask #morris hc’s

92 notes · View notes

nad-zeta · 4 years

Text

Match up 🌅

Hello! I hope you’re doing well during these uncertain times ^^ I found this blog after my tumblr break and I’m always hungry for ikemen content so here we are. I’m also happy to see more fans of harry potter, the arcana, castlevania, and black butler!! But intros aside, may I request for an ikemen series matchup?? (any boy from the three games im okay) Thank you!!!

I’m gonna break this down into categories so I wont get confused as I write it and I hope it’ll be easier on your part too ^^

About me: she/her, Aries sun/Gemini moon, intp-a, Slytherin, enneagram 5, love language touch

Interests: writing, drawing, watching cartoons/anime/musicals/stageplays, history, culture, philosophy, fandoms in general ^^

Personality: I see myself as an aloof type of person until you become a close person to me, then I’ll never shut up about my interests that can go from fluff to nsfw to angst in a snap. Basically a mess inside and out. I also have quite the temper once you reach the end of my patience so I try my best to keep a cool head (keyword: try) ^^ I also dont have a filter when it comes to swearing and can be apathetic at times so I try not to be around children too much. However if you ask me for advice or just plain comfort I don’t mind and will do my best.

It’s probably obvious from my previous description but I’m very awkward around people and I find it hard to connect, but once I do find people who I can relate to I try my best to keep the friendship ^^

I do value the opinions of people who matter to me and try to learn from it. As for dealing with problems I fluctuate from taking them head on or just outright ignoring them. I also have this tendency to bottle up my emotions until I can’t anymore and it all comes flowing out… I’m also not easily grossed out by things unless its bugs then pls get me out of here. Good food is a surefire way to lift my mood!!

Fun facts abt me ig

1. I dream to be a diplomat once I graduate

2. I get way too engrossed in analyzing politics

3. Im just a nerd for languages (know a lot of words but cant speak)

4. I have a sweet tooth, but I cant stand too sweet sweets (dark chocolate all the way)

Hi love! Thank you so much for the request <3<3! I hope you enjoy it and have a super good day! And soz for making you wait soooooo long for this O.O! Also i hope this satisfies your thirst for more ikesen content <3<3

Content warning: swearing or should i rather say one swear word lol

So I match you with……………….. Nobunaga

So I was definitely between three bois that being Nobunaga, Shingen and Yoshimoto

The first time Nobunaga meets you after you rescued him from the flames of the burning building, he is in awe. He is amazed at how a mere woman was able to pull a man x2 her size from a burning building. He was even more intrigued with your aloof personality and at the fact that you had no interest in receiving any reward or compensation for saving his life. He at that moment decided that you must be some sort of lucky charm sent from the heavens to protect him. He took you back to Azuchi Castle with him and named you as the Oda princess. Mamabear was incredibly suspicious of you, of course, no shocker there given your cold, distant unapproachable exterior. It didn’t help that you slapped Nobunaga’s hand away after he tried to make an unwanted advance, causing mama bear to fume at you. Your patience was wearing thin with the man who now held a sword at your throat, threatening you. Luckily Nobungaga defused the situation before you could complexly loose your temper.

You work incredibly hard for the castle and its people, you took pride in your work, and it definitely showed. Even Nobunaga was impressed with the excellent work you were doing and has noticed that since your arrival things around the castle has been running much smoother. He summons you to his room to thank you and to give you the opportunity to *ahem* warm his bed. To which you just replied “No fucken chance in hell”. He narrowed his eyes and asked why not, to which you just answered, that you had only just met a week ago and that you weren’t that type of girl. Nobunaga was shook he had never been refused before, he also found your lack of filter genuinely amusing. The way you would just swear and just say whatever was on your mind.

You looked around his room and couldn’t help, but notice is vast collections of historical artefacts. Your eyes lit up in curiosity at all the fantastic pieces. Nobunaga couldn’t help but smile at his lil lucky charm who seems to have made herself at home in his room now looking at all his collection of art and trinkets. He would walk up behind you and explain the origin and backstory of each of the pieces. The two of you actually spent the whole night talking about history and different cultures. And that is when you accidentally let it slip that you were from the future. This definitely caught Nobunaga’s attention. At first, he didn’t believe you, but after you showed him the contents of your handbag, he was convinced.

You found yourself slowly but surely opening up to the man as time progressed. You nightly visits to drink tea in his room and chat for hours had become somewhat of a regular occurrence. Nobunaga absolutely loved the way your eyes lit up whenever you would talk about topics that interested you. He also loved how open-minded you were, listening and valuing his opinion. And you loved how open-minded he was, the two of you learned a lot from each other, through these regular tea dates.

Nobunaga had found out that you loved stageplays/musical so he would often find you randomly in the middle of the afternoon and drag you with him to one of his random nearby territories. He wouldn’t tell you where you were going, just simply put you onto of the horse and ride. He loved the way your eyes lit up as you neared the stage and figured out his plan. He would always reserve the best seat for the two of you and ensure that Masa had made the two of you the best snacks to munch on during the show. You count help but smile a bright, radiant smile at the sweet raven-haired man.

You looked over at him, devouring the sweets that Masamune had managed to sneak into the basket. Both of you loved these trips away cause it meant that the two of you could indulge in sweet sugary candies away from the watchful gaze of Mother dearest. After the show, the two of you would spend hours discussing it over even more sweets, at one of the nearby tea houses. Needless to say, the two of you had spent so much time together its no wonder that you were head over heel for each other.

Your relationship with the devil king started off a little rocky cause of your crazy awkwardness, but luckily Nobunaga actually found it really cute and lived for those moments when you would say or do something super awkward and turn a deep shade of red. For you see, this feared ruler is also a bit awkward and clumsy when it comes to love. For example, when he asked you to become his one and only queen, he did so in the cutest way possible. While the two of you were having tea after a show, he started to doodle a little picture on a napkin, at first the two of you were drawing the equivalent to memes and giving it to each other for a good laugh, but then he gave you something you never expected. A clumsy doodle of himself confessing his love for you, you couldn’t help but smile and kiss him right then and there. After all, you can go from fluffy to NSFW in 0,2 seconds, luckily the two of you kept things PG in the teahouse.

Nobunaga loved how diplomatic you were and after you told him about your dream of becoming a diplomat, he was right there by your side supporting you. You had found out about the conflict between him and Shingen and of course you just had to do something. You at this point had Nobunaga wrapped around your little finger, so when you requested that he share custody of the Kai with Shingen, he agreed as long as you act as diplomate between the two.

One day a powerful daimyo and his daughter came to visit. To say that you didn’t like the pair would be an understatement. The woman would constantly pine for Nobunaga’s affection and make your life a living hell. You couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous, sad and frustrated as since they came to visit you hadn’t seen Nobunaga at all. Of course, you bottled up all these emotions and put on a smile, pretending like everything was okay, but honestly, you were ready to bust. You reached your tipping point at the banquet. You hadn’t seen Nobunaga all week as he has been in and out of councils. You waled into the hall to see the woman all over Nobunaga. You went to take your seat beside Nobunaga like you had done for countless banquets and that’s when this woman made the rudest comment towards you “Um excuse me you filthy maid, the servants quarters are back there, and if you don’t leave Nobunaga and me alone I will have to call a guard over to escort you to the dungeons”. Honestly, you were shook, even if you were just a maid, that didn’t give her the right to act so rudely, just because she has some fake ass title. You slammed your fists on the table finally losing your temper and boy oh boy did the insults fly. TBH you even threw in a few insults from their home language, just to prove that you aren’t just some daft woman.

Needless to say, the woman was looking around to the fellow warlords to help her out of back her up, but they were all way to busy howling in laughter at their princesses foul language. Finally, the woman looked to your lover for aid. He simply chuckled and started to speak. “It seems there has been some misunderstanding as to who this woman beside me is” He looked down at the daimyo’s daughter giving her the cockiest grin. She was now looking at you with a devious smile, thinking that Nobu was about to summon you away.

“For those who do not know, I will make my intentions clear and known. This woman beside me is my dearest fireball, the love of my life, my equal and my queen, she is and will be the only woman in history fit to rule the world by my side.” He took your hand in his and gently tugged you to fall into his lap, he then kissed your temple and continued “To her, I give my heart, body and soul” He then pulled out a beautiful ring and asked, “Will you marry me, my dearest love”. To say the daimyo’s daughter was shook would be an understatement. You simply nodded, while wrapping your arms around your fiance’s neck to meet his lips in a passionate kiss.

Other potential matches……………..Shingen

Hope you enjoyed it dear ^_^ ❤🥰@hilarythemermaid

#oda nobunaga #ikesen nobunaga #nobunaga oda #ikemen sengoku nobunaga #matchups #ikesen matchup #match ups #matches #nobunaga matchup #submission

25 notes · View notes

najilas · 4 years

Text

did you just see NAJILA TAMIMI pull up on campus for the new semester ? they're the TWENTY-ONE year old in DELTA ZETA ALPHA right ? i heard they're a PRESIDENT . it makes perfect sense because they’re DECEITFUL , but at the same time DEBONAIR . i wonder when the black sheep is going to drop the big secret that they RECENTLY HAD AN ABORTION AND DIDN’T TELL THE FATHER . anyway , i constantly hear them blasting GLORY AND GORE - LORDE , tell them to keep it down , it's quiet hours .

hi babes!! my name is mari, i’m 21 & my timezone is brt !! najila is a new character of mine so i’m still figuring her out a bit but ?? i am so excited to play her here akndjaskdn here’s a bit abt her !!

tall, blonde, and beautiful. born with a silver spoon doesn’t even begin to describe najila tamimi, daughter of sillicon valley billionaire hassan tamimi and former super model saskia van hall. life for najila was easier than most, but the combination of brains and beauty left by her parents meant the pressure to be perfect was high.

mostly, she succeeded. she managed being volleyball team captain, science olympiad champion, and student body president all while maintaining a 4.0 gpa and a fairly stable social life. the overachieving was something she got from her father. from her mother, however, she got the impeccable looks, perfect hair, and beautiful smile which made everyone either hate her or be her best friend. and really, those are generally the extremes you get with someone like najila.

on the outside, she is a selfless, extremely loyal, ride or die friend who will hold your hair while you puke and not even mention it the next day. she will make sure everybody loves you, get you in on the biggest parties, introduce you to anyone who’s anyone in the area you wanna work with, buy you ultra expensive gifts just because they reminded her of you. but she does have a hint of backstabbing bitch which means she will likely tell others about the things you did in a semi judgemental tone if you do anything that steps outside her lines of “perfect, elegant, and classy”. and if she hates you, be prepared to suffer, because she knows just how to play the victim whilst spreading vicious rumours about you.

so, is najila tamimi a good person? it’s hard to tell. but if you try to claim the contrary you will first have to scroll through her instagram page which is just as filled with her doing volunteer work and attending the mosque on fridays as it is of her at fancy parties with beautiful people.

the truth is she’s a mess of contradictions and it’s as easy to love her as it is to hate her. she appears to be the most humble person in the world despite all her beauty and wealth, but deep down is incredibly proud of all she’s accomplished and incredibly afraid that one day she’ll be dethroned.

despite having been offered modeling jobs a thousand times over, najila mostly declines them because she is too busy and has no need for the money. she’s also too ambitious and has big plans to make her mark. she’s majoring in physiological science, with a literature minor. her plan is to go to medical school and then work with an organization such as doctors without boarders, and work in research later in life. the literature minor is more of a hobby, really, as she loves it but not enough to pursue it and knows she won’t have enough time to study it later in life.

being as focused as she is on achieving her goals and exuding an image of perfection, seeing the two lines on a home pregnancy test turned her world entirely upside down. once it was confirmed, she knew she didn’t have long to make a decision. in discussions about abortion, najila had always had a clear stance, “it should be the woman’s choice, but i don’t think i could ever do it” and yet it seemed like the only thing that would not jeopardize the perfect future she had planned for herself.

she felt incredibly guilty during the entire process and those who are close to her may notice –– as much as she will deny it –– that something has changed. she barely eats or sleeps lately and is throwing herself into her studies and president duties more than ever. but the beautiful smile is still ever present on her face as she attempts to move on as if nothing had happened. what’s important is that no one ever finds out what she did, and this stays behind as the only imperfect stain in her otherwise perfect life.

wanted connections !!

best friend (f/nb): honestly i feel like this would be a very blair/serena type thing where they can be bitchy and fight a lot but at the end of the day they’re ALWAYS there for one another and it’s that sort of thing where ‘no one talks shit about my best friend except for me!!!’ i’d imagine najila told them about the abortion but nowadays tries to pretend like she’s fine and nothing ever happened.

would-be baby daddy (m/nb): could be a fwb, one night stand, ex boyfriend, wHATEVER the point is najila didn’t say anything about the pregnancy and feels incredibly guilty just looking at them and there’s bound to be lotsa drama when it gets out.

frenemies (m/f/nb): because with this combination of nice and bitchy there’s bound to be a lot of those!!!

party friends (m/f/nb): najila is a great party buddy cause she’ll stay up until 6 am, pay for ur drinks, and knows just the right amount of drugs you can take in order to get fucked up but not die!

sibling like relationship (f/nb): tbh i’d love this to be a younger delta zeta girl who najila just full on adopted and is probably grooming to become sorority president in the future. acts like their mother and would ruin anyone who tried to hurt them.

rival (f/m/nb): please i NEED a spicy rivalry !! probably someone who sees right through najila’s bullshit and thinks she’s a two faced bitch who doesn’t deserve all the credit she gets. she will definitely throw a lot of shade and spread nasty rumours so beware !!!!!

exes (f/m/nb): there’s so much we can explore here !!! naj is bisexual but is closeted af (type of girl who says kissing other girls at parties doesn’t count!!!!) so tbh i’d love a girl who she truly loved but wouldn’t assume her so it was a dramatic breakup through and through. but tbh she’s the type of girl who seems to always be dating so ??? exes who are still friends, exes who still hookup, exes who can’t even look at each other, i want them all

and honestly anything else we can come up with bc some of the best connections come from brainstorming anyway !! that is all !!! ily pls plot with me goodbye

#rushqs:intro

16 notes · View notes

lookwhatilost · 5 years

Text

i. i must’ve passed out unintentionally at some point. im not happy abt it. I didn’t take my makeup off yet. my teeth aren’t brushed. I do this a lot and I worry abt how damaged they must be getting, jst bc I’m stupid and drink too much. I dnt think I drink that much, I mean maybe in general, but not last night. I had, what? the flights at area two, the spiked seltzer and Moscow mule at cityside, the two beers when I got back to the apartment—wait, no, that actually is kind of a lot. im not sure when I got so desensitized. I check the clock—2AM—so i actually haven’t been knocked out for as long as I thought. two hours, probably. it could be worse. the cat is still awake and still being credulous with me. he’s warming up to me again, but it’s a little disheartening to redo this dance with him each time I see him. remember me, dammit. i remember you. I dnt think I’m being entirely fair to him, though. he’s a cat. i can’t rly apply my human understanding of anything to his behavior. either way, he’s waiting outside the bathroom for me when I go in to attend to my teeth and makeup. he follows me. he falls asleep next to me. i feel a little bit validated. part of me thinks being the kind of person that animals like effortlessly is the mark of some inherent goodness, but I know it’s illogical and this took effort. i want to jst believe there’s goodness here, and in my absence of any real examples, I’ll assign depth to something like this. sometimes it’s all you can do.

ii. the sun doesn’t have any business being up at five-something, but it is, and I dnt think there are shades in this room. well, I’m not sure, maybe there are, but I didn’t have the foresight to look for them or close them. llewyn has moved, he’s in his actual bed now, but he seems to have taken notice of the fact that I’m awake. I try to rest my eyes a little bit. i know i won’t be able to sleep with the sun in my eyes, but it’s restful anyway. I have a long day ahead of me and i want to ease into the morning. i think i drifted back off but I can’t tell. llewyn has moved again. it seems like he wants to cuddle now. impeccable timing, as always. ive heard ian’s alarm go off a few times in the other room but they’ve still not come out of it. i have to leave soon. i wanna actually physically say goodbye but I’m worried they’re avoiding me. the last time we had a goodbye moment, i kissed them on the cheek and that probably made them rly uncomfortable. I’m not even sure why I did that. i think they’re the only person im comfortable showing any kind of affection towards but that doesn’t make that action any less weird. especially given... i dnt want to think abt that shit anymore, actually. i can’t without feeling ashamed and very, very stupid. it’s not like that anymore, but i wonder how much has to happen and how much time has to elapse for something like that to not actually matter anymore. i wonder if it ever won’t. it’s probably not personal. not everything that affects me is abt me, sheesh.

iii. the iced coffee at cumberland farms tastes the same as the iced coffee everywhere else, but i can’t get it here often, and it’s very inexpensive. it can’t help but occur to me that 24 ounces of coffee is 7 calories, and the calorie counts are printed on the packages of the food I got—250 for the sandwich, 150 for the hash browns. i marinade on the thought for a little bit before deciding what to do with it. I eat my food and drink the coffee and try not to remember. I do anyway. I’m trying to think of different numbers. this is a pretty substantial takeaway breakfast for $3 and change. better than what i probably could have got at mcdonalds. the sandwich is kind of soggy but it’s not bad. the hash browns are better.

iv. five hours in the car fly by my nose and im back home, kind of. i think I’m still trying to figure out what “home” means. this place is familiar. it’s where i live. my roommate’s dirty dishes from yesterday morning are still in the sink. mail that the cat knocked off the counter on my way out is still sitting on the floor. 24 hours have passed since I was last here, but it looks like nothing has been touched. I may as well have just stepped out for a cigarette.

v. very rarely does anything change in a days time, but when enough of them pass, everything is suddenly different. i slept on this couch more times than I could count before i was even on the lease, like I’d known I’d someday live here and wanted to warm myself up to it. and I’ve lived here for a while now, going on 8 months to be exact, but it simultaneously feels much longer than that, and as though it hasn’t actually been that long. a lot has happened in that time, but mainly to evan. ive witnessed many things that he’s done but have branched out very little myself. i transferred at my job abt a year ago but im still doing the same work I’ve been doing since i was 19. i still have the same friends but i see increasingly less of them. i get into the same car and travel the same roads that take me the same places. i still drink jst as much.

vi. my body has changed a lot, but the things I’ve always hated abt it are still there and the changes have jst given me more to resent. i look in the mirror when I get out of the shower and it’s all the same. the face with the perpetually stupid, bovine look plastered on it, the same masculine jaw, broad shoulders, breasts that are too far apart, more noticeably so since they’ve gotten smaller, the laparoscopy scar on my navel, the clusters of freckles that are jst pigmented enough to make my skin look blotchy, the perpetually inflamed hair follicles on my thighs, the knobby knees, always covered in bruises, the leg that’s slightly shorter than the other. the counter in the bathroom is high enough that I can’t see my labia but I know they’re there. I want to go a day without debating whether to cut them off with the sharpest knife I can find. it’s not today. the weight loss did little to make me feel better abt the way it all looks—the size of my jaw and shoulders is more apparent now that they are less hidden, my eyes bug out, it’s hard to contort so that my ribs aren’t visible somewhere, my hipbones poke through my clothing. I dnt think I’ve ever looked so bad in my life. Im going to cover up.

vii. I look at the date on my phone and saw that it was the 24th and for some reason identified that this was the last time I’d see that number on a calendar before I turned 24 myself. It doesn’t seem to make sense that I’m that old now. I know it’s not old, too, but it doesn’t seem like that should be me. I still think I behave like a child in a lot of respects, and the thought conjures a memory of my old therapist insulting me, saying that I had the mental tendencies of a child in grammar school. when she told me this initially, I replied to her sarcastically: “well, shit. maybe I should see a therapist abt that” and she told me not to come back to her practice. I cried on the way home despite how cognizant I was of the absurdity of the situation. “grammar school”—who even calls it that? it stuck with me nonetheless. it’s hard to have a therapist fire you, even with the knowledge that the therapist in question was not very good, without wondering if you’re a basket case, if help will always be lost on you.

viii. my job isn’t the worst but the labor feels pointless and it rly intensifies my feelings that I’m fighting never ending monotony to wring out very little in the way of satisfaction. i think you rly have to love this job to do it as a career, or maybe you need to have a specific personality type that makes it easier to engage w. im not very good at socializing and i think im getting too old to keep making excuses for myself abt that. meg and ash are always nagging me to sell more but i dnt feel comfortable enough to make small talk w these people, let alone sell them stuff. i feel like i sound so stupid when I speak aloud. i use a lot of fillers in my speech and it’s rly hard to talk abt hair without sounding like a bullshitter. something is very insincere abt the language that’s involved. i know i know what im talking abt but I dnt know how to sound like i know what I’m talking abt, and it’s hard bc the latter is a lot more important.

ix. I can’t tell if people sincerely aren’t making sense today or if im foggy bc i kept waking up and going back to sleep. this guy keeps saying that the last woman who cut his hair used a 5 on the sides and a 9 on the top but she cut it all w scissors. that definitely doesn’t make sense. i dnt think they even make a 9. why would she be using clipper settings to describe a scissor cut? the top here is at least 3 times as long as the sides and back are. im not going—oh my god, i can’t deal w kids who scream during their haircuts—insane, right? stuff like this makes me rly doubt myself, too, like there are bigger gaps in my knowledge than—wow he rly jst is not tiring himself out w this screaming, huh—i feel there are. what if this actually is a coherent way to describe a haircut? maybe he rly is jst stupid, but I also think that when you write people off as “stupid” all the time, it reflects—god, why is his baby sister screaming now too? nothing is even fucking happening to her—worse on you than it does on them. it’s always the biggest idiots who are so self-satisfied to think that. but im not self-satisfied at all, im very insecure and it’s constantly apparent, but everyone is insecure abt a lot, and that doesn’t doesn’t equal intelligence. I wish I had a sounding board. and i rly wish that kid in Niya’s chair would stop crying.

x. everyone in the salon today seems like they’re in a bit of a weird mood, it’s not jst me for once. the phone is annoying me a lot more than usual today. i feel like it’s ringing every 20 minutes. niya is always very avoidant when it comes to taking haircuts, but meg is lagging today which is unusual. it was busy, too, but i keep getting shafted where tips are concerned. most of my regulars who were due to come in around this time came earlier this week, and usually they’re the ones who tip me the best. the radio station that’s on is very weird too, distractingly so—it’s gone from bowie, to panic at the disco, to nirvana, the police, florence and the machine, neil young, lord huron, rhcp, crowded house. it’s not intolerable, but i can’t seem to follow any sort of genre or time period theme and im paying more attention to figuring this out than i am what im supposed to be doing. it’s that point in the night where people generally stop coming in and I know I haven’t made very much. I’ve counted... $24. weird. are they playing “brick”? that’s a throwback.

xi. i remember my ex being rly into mystics despite not understanding them very well. i forget what he was doing w my natal chart, but he told me once that 24 would be a rly significant year for me. i asked him why and he said that’s all he could figure, there was nothing in the way of further details that he provided. i know I said something back to him abt hoping that id be married by 24—so stupid. granted, i would have been 18 or so at the time and 24 seemed very distant at the time. but that was 6 years at the time, now it’s less than 3 weeks. ive changed a lot, mentally at least, but my circumstances haven’t rly. maybe on superficial levels. yeah, i support myself financially and i have a job in a field i could realistically work in for the rest of my life if I wanted to do that. but im still jst as unsure abt what I want and what’s going to happen to me. i feel like I’m more “sought after” in a few ways, but my phone is jst as dry as it’s always been. i was hoping the move would have been good for me but im very scared abt doing it alone. and i might still do it, i jst dnt know what the timeline is going to look like and there’s no promise of me turning over a new leaf for real and finding my inspiration jst bc my scenery has changed. every time ive moved when I was younger, it jst dug me deeper into loneliness. but i was a child and it wasn’t my choice. but there’s no way for me to rationalize asking my actual lived experiences. maybe that’s the big thing that’ll happen to me at 24? or maybe instead of getting married, I’ll break a marriage up. i know that’s not going to get that far, you know, w kenny. i probably shouldn’t joke abt it, though.

xii. it looks like Evan is home from friday’s already and i rly dnt want to be around him right now. im still feeling rly hurt abt him pulling the plug on the massachusetts move without making any effort at all to sort his finances out or secure some additional income that wasn’t the precarious extra dollars he’s been getting from porn. he keeps sinking all of his money into bar tabs and impulse purchases and takeaway food. and his cars. i wish he would jst be honest w himself abt the cars already. he needs to sell the honda and be done w it before he has to replace the engine and drop another two grand on repairs. i dnt know why he never listens to me. im rly growing to dislike him, but we’re in this together whether i like it or not, and im not going to lead him astray when his financial problems are dragging me down w him. i think i am going to be a hypocrite and go out alone tonight. kenny’s bar is doing that bottle opening thing tonight, right? but i dnt rly want to be around kenny right now. but he might not be there. but i also get a weird satisfaction from being around him I’ll bet it’s going to be a madhouse there, too, and i rly hate crowded bars. but it’s something to do. maybe i will get lucky and someone will talk to me and we’ll have a decent conversation and I’ll never see them again after. why is that my ideal?

xiii. god, running out the last hour on the clock is always hell. no one ever seems to come in, so it feels like a huge waste of time, but when people do come in, i get very irritated. so I’m not sure what i actually want from my time here. i think im jst too fixated on how being stuck here until close almost every night is hurting my ability to expand myself socially. but what would i even be doing if i wasn’t here? i think i would jst be finding a way to waste time. id be sinking hours into doing nothing like I do all the time. i have a lot of time on my hands, in the grand scheme of things. i have literally no idea where it all goes. i drink a lot of it away bc i am generally too uninspired to participate in my hobbies, and i think that feeds the darkness bc they make me very happy. at least w cooking, yknow, i have to eat. i have an organic need to engage w that one. all else has been falling through the cracks, though. i dnt think ive picked my bass up in 3 weeks.

xiv. Kenny’s bar looks like it’s absolutely mobbed and I’d be upset if I went all the way out there only for me not to be able to sit down anywhere. it looks like Evan went back out. that works. i have beer at home. I’d be smarter to save the money anyway. i want to support kenny and the rest of the guys, even though I dnt have a lot of nice things to say abt him. his brewery is cool. it’s cool to have something with so much potential come out of your home town, even if i dnt entirely identify w that place as being my home town. but it’s better than saying that im from alabama, even though i feel like my childhood is more tethered to mobile. i think people would make weird assumptions abt me if I said that. people are rly unfair to what the south is actually like. i dnt know. but their growth has been nice to watch. seeing something you’ve supported since the beginning grow to the degree it has makes you feel pride even if it has nothing to do with you personally. and ive had so many good moments there, w ian, w my family, in general. i met justin there and im happy abt that, even though i dnt know what’s going on w justin. i dnt think justin knows what’s going on w justin.

xv. looking at my shelf of ian souvenirs is making me miss ian, even though we were jst together, even though we’re seeing one another again in 2 weeks. I wish I could engage w them in a more stable way. seeing them reminds me of being a teenager and breaking into the apartment i used to live in on governor’s island. and since the base went out of commission not long after we moved, i was the last person to live in that apartment. i went back into my first bedroom and the evidence that it used to belong to me was still apparent, but the floorboards had been warped and the wallpaper was very faded out. i felt weird being back, nostalgia and warmth pitted against the instinct that i wasn’t supposed to be there. i wasn’t supposed to see it—a rosy memory colliding w irrefutable proof of the passage of time. ive been very unfair to them, ian, in so many respects but it’s all very mixed and complicated. i look at this person, and i see so many years worth of history, but the familiar messy gold hair is framing a slightly different, slightly fuller face. they talk abt people i dnt know very well, stories set in a city ive spent very little time in. it’s disorienting. i feel like when im here alone, im always confronting their ghost, in places we used to go together, in things we used to talk abt doing but never did—a final hike on a trail that closed before we got the chance to go together, their name scratched in the wall of a dive bar, things they’d always point out on the side of the road, small pieces of their essence scattered across a place they are no longer a part of. i wonder what I did to deserve any preservation, too. i see this person who I truly am proud of, who i rly do think is going places, and that respect gets interpreted into feelings of inadequacy. that there’s no way someone like this can look at me and see anything other than an unstable failure. i dnt think any other person knows me more fully, for better or for worse. worse is dominant. i know it is. my intuition is always screaming at me that they hate me, that they left bc they wanted to get away from me. literally none of that makes sense. i know they dnt lie to spare my feelings, but i feel like they almost have to be. i wonder why i can’t trust that im cared for. i wonder why I can’t have an evaluation of another person that i dnt immediately relate back to myself.

xvi. it took two beers for me to realize that I haven’t eaten anything since i was in boston. i need to stop doing this shit, but im still getting my calories if im drinking them, right? i feel like it doesn’t make sense for recovery to be as difficult as it is, but my emotions have always interfered w my hunger cues, and my body is so accustomed to constantly being hungry that it’s not something i even notice that much anymore. I’ve been getting weird pins and needles feelings in what I’m assuming are my intestines as I’ve upped my intake and I’m afraid of them rupturing and me bleeding out internally when I’m home alone. such a pathetic way to die—having your own blood and bile and shit poison you. I doubt I’m on my deathbed, i think my system is jst on the slow path to returning to normal, but i wasn’t expecting physical symptoms aside from weight gain, which on its own, i could live w. my ednos was never as restrictive as it was until somewhat recently. my problem was generally concerned w binge eating and compensatory behavior, usually fasting or short periods of restriction or exercise. all punishment based. i can’t help but find it ridiculous that i ended up w an eating disorder despite never caring abt my weight. even when I was a high school freshman and overweight, i didn’t care. i think it’s because i dnt outwardly self harm anymore, and that self-destructive need has translated into other conduits. the scars this leaves are much more socially acceptable than what I was left w when I was younger and carved “dumb whore” into my thigh. i can’t believe i did something so stupid. im glad that finally isn’t visible anymore. i can’t believe that i’m almost 24 and still, to some extent, do shit like that.

xvii. i still have that vacation time that I took to look at apartments in massachusetts, and since that isn’t going to happen, i want to take a poorly planned solo vacation. i looked at places to stay in DC, in chicago, in nashville, but i left discouraged. nashville is too far, Chicago is too expensive, DC seems too dangerous. i think my perpetual anxiety prevents me from taking full advantage of my freedom. and I can be free. 24 hours ago, I was in Boston and I didn’t have to tell anyone I was doing that. I’ve navigated a strange place on my own. I lived to tell the tale, but I also wonder what the point is of stuff like this if I have no one to share it w. No one to reminisce w. it feels like a waste of money. almost nothing feels worth what I spend on it––time, money, calories, stop thinking abt calories.

xviii. i open another beer, basically on an empty stomach. i need to stop drinking like this, it’s not even negotiable anymore. i know this is a problem. i need to stop. i dnt know if I want to stop. i want to drown in bliss but I feel none. alcohol amplifies everything I feel, and when I’m feeling good, it’s generally very good, but when it’s bad, it gets very bad. i feel weird now so it’s amplifying the negatives. they do not need that. no, i dnt need that. i know this is an addiction. im scared, but not scared enough to do anything abt it.

xix. i still have Rebecca on social media despite everything. she’s moved, she’s no longer in my proximity, but i still have her on things even though I have no motivation to keep any sort of peace with her. I remember when things happened, when i was too drunk to stand up and she insisted on forcing herself on me anyway, after the fact she kept saying all this stuff to me abt how she wanted me to be her girlfriend and i jst sort of laid there and said nothing. i had nothing to say. i wasn’t processing what’s happened, i jst kept thinking “this is bad. that was bad” to myself. and then she never rly follows up, a small acknowledgment of culpability, maybe, but she’s moved in w some boyfriend now. it’s weird that people can do awful things to you and move on like nothing happened, and you have those moments stuck in your head, keeping you stunted, keeping you away from living uncorrupted, uninhibited, the way you should engage w it. i think of how demoralizing it is to have your perception shattered by a 30-something woman who still laughs at nyan cat shit. i think of how most discussions of sexual assault in the mainstream act as though only men are capable of it, as though it’s only ever happening in heterosexual contexts. i think of how everyone who bullied me in high school probably does not even remember it. i think it’s absurd to compare the two things but I dnt laugh.

xx. i want to talk to Justin but i have nothing to say. i dnt know what I should talk to him abt. i dnt know how you’re supposed to do this stuff. im comforted by the fact that, since he was w someone for 10 years, he’s rly out of the dating loop, and he have no idea what he’s doing either. but it’s a red flag, you know. I think we’re jst friendly. and I’m okay w that, I need friends. i want friends. i never see fati anymore these days. things w evan are polluted. ian is very far away. it occurred to me that i know very little abt him, aside from us getting along, but do we actually? how would I know? it’s not uncommon to have good conversations, for most people. but he knows more abt me than I do abt him. i dnt think i could name a single one of his interests if prompted. he probably couldn’t name one of mine that isn’t “drinking”. I’m not sure if I’m willfully ignorant of reality or if im jst assigning negativity to something without a lot of basis. i wonder why im incapable of living in the moment and not thinking too deeply abt what happens to me. i figured out what I’m doing w all the time on my hands.

xxi. everyone has been telling me lately that i should try to monetize my cooking and I dnt know if I believe them. i can’t imagine I’m as good at it as people say. i dnt trust it. im not even sure if it’s a passion, rly, i think my eating disorder has corrupted my relationship w food and i have to push harder to be interested in it normally, and this is how i cope. i might jst be on a kick. and if it actually is a passion, do i want to ruin it by making it into a living? i didn’t feel one way or the other abt hair when I went into it. it was a neutral activity. to grow to hate it is not a loss. i only care abt being good at it bc directly dealing w people makes my failures feel very personal when they happen. i know good food is something you can’t fake. i made ian spring rolls yesterday and they insisted I not watch them eat. i respected the request, but i needed to see the look on their face. I’m annoyed I didn’t. everything was eaten, I know they wouldn’t have done that if they hated them. but I only have my family to go off otherwise, and they would definitely lie to me. so i dnt know. i feel like support is untrustworthy. i know the people who won’t be honest w me, i dnt entirely trust praise from the people who I know who aren’t shy to say “it’s not my thing, I’m not crazy abt it”. i dnt know why i can’t accept that I’m good at anything.

xxii. there’s no reason for my scale to be out when i’m “trying” to “recover” but i will not put it away. i step on it anyway, and it looks like i’m 103lbs, fully clothed, stomach full of beer. i know it’s bad, but i get a weird amount of gratification from seeing it. it’s very hard to maintain a weight that low, so it feels like an accomplishment, even though it isn’t one. it’s been months since i had a period, and that adds to the sense of satisfaction. but it’s not good. obviously. it’s really getting in the way of me wanting to work out and actually improve my body. i’m fatigued. i’m foggy. i know the fact that i’m depriving myself is partially responsible for my terrible mood. i know i already had a heart problem, why on earth would i make that worse for myself? i’ve been having a few normal eating days, so i still won’t admit to myself that i’ve relapsed. i had a lava cake 5 days ago! there’s a quarter stick of butter in that! and an ounce of chocolate! i didn’t care, so obviously i’m doing something right. i know i’m not, entirely, but i’m staying positive. either that, or i’m extremely in denial. there’s still chocolate in the cabinet. no, of course i am not going to eat it.

xxiii. meg scheduled 6 people on tomorrow, so it looks like i’m not going to make any goddamn money again. my aunt is coming in, so i’ll get a little more from her, but the cash i take home there is so very inconsistent. i feel like the more money i save, the more i worry abt it, like i should have more by now. like i’m going to struggle forever. the stuff i’m buying now won’t matter in a few days, but that anxiety is always going to be over my head. i need a career change. i know that. i keep forgetting that pete gave me money for college, so my “i dnt want to be in debt” excuse is a lie. i keep telling people i’m considering going to college again but i know i never will bc i haven’t actually gotten any better at managing my time and being disciplined. i think i’m better at pretending i am, but i’m not. even if i seriously wanted to, i wouldn’t be motivated enough to actually take the steps required to re-enroll. it’s all too overwhelming. i feel like that feeling alone is a sign i’d fail.

xxiv. I’ve been saying this thing to myself a lot lately to self-soothe: “god’s in his heaven” and i dnt rly know what I mean by that. i dnt know if i believe in stuff like that, I dnt have any reason to believe that there’s any kind of order or force that presides over anything. is that what I’m talking abt? we’re all preoccupied w our own things, attending to our own futures, making our own peace to the best of our abilities? maybe? am i saying that we’ve all been abandoned, ignored? then why do I find it comforting? i dnt think my inner monologue makes a lot of sense, but i only ever talk to myself these days. maybe I’m talking abt myself in an idealized way, but I look back on the past 24 hours and see my good mood i woke up w descend, the 900 calories I’ve consumed today, the $24 I’ve made, the singular text thread I have w ian, the nothing I’ve done in the handful of hours I’ve been home, the three empty beer cans. i know i’m constantly in my own head, constantly picking myself apart, picking everything else apart. it accomplishes nothing. it’s useless self-flagellation. i’m constantly raking myself over the coals for shit that doesn’t matter, constantly agonizing over situations that aren’t actually that deep. i think that’s a way in which i lie to myself. i spend all day beating myself up over the inconsequential while never giving due attention to my actual flaws. even if i was, saying that i’m useless and stupid all the time still does nothing. it’s abt meaningful action, and i’m so bad at that, and i’m doing this exact thing again. i think i do it so i have something to point to, to say “i’m working on myself” when i’m jst being mean and self-righteous abt it. where has it gotten me? what do i want from it? do i think i can bully myself into change? do i rly think it will make me do anything other than resign to complacency? 24 hours, and a lot has happened, but i’ve still gotten nothing done. another will pass, and nothing will change. then enough days will pass, and i’ll notice everything is different, and i’ll still feel jst as stuck. i will be meaner to myself abt it. and that’s what i’ll do. over and over, until the end of time. Evan jst got home. he said something abt how sad i looked. he asked me what was wrong. i wish i had the guts to say any of it to anyone’s face, let alone his. it’s fine, it’s fine, i tell him, God’s in his heaven. whatever it is i actually mean by that.

#blog #literally do not feel obligated to read this. It is very VERY long #like my complete stream of consciousness from the past day #the stupid piece of shit bojack episode super extended directors cut #an essay in which i talk abt literally everything thats eating me and provide no solutions #the most disgustingly honest ive ever been on main #god's in his heaven

1 note · View note

jeezperseus · 5 years

Text

A PLOTTING CALL IN TWO PARTS.

like for a msg !

CHARACTERS & INFO.

perseus hayden alexander xavier lehnsherr.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— adopted son of charles xavier & erik lehnsherr. nineteen. pansexual. accidentally married. regenerative healing & healing touch. fc: nick robinson. generation why by canon gray.

split knuckles, impulse tattoos, red solo cups, the copper taste of blood, post-ripped jeans, a story told in two parts, peals of laughter strong as vodka, shaking hands shoved in pockets, greasy fast food, low flying planes, cuffed shoes, the soft notes of a piano, a baseball bat in the back seat.

barbara “bobbi” morse.

APPLICATION / MUSING TAG

— former agent 19. thirties. bisexual. divorced. enhanced. fc: jessica alba. emotionless by drake.

gentle hands, biting remarks, unknown skill, non-disclosure agreements, hidden stashes of cash, studyblr accounts, handmade bullets, a tongue taught to deceive, coffee-mug rims, set shoulders, precise results, minimalism, lilting accent, a broken mirror, clean test tubes, red-painted nails around the hand of a gun.

andromeda rosalie isley-quinzel.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— adopted daughter of pamela isley & harleen quinzel. twenty-one. pansexual. single ( see below ). precognition. fc: lana condor. finest hour by cash cash.

whispers from a voice both soft and powerful, sloppily cut hair, pointe shoes, paint stains on every article of clothing, cassandra foretelling the trojan war, dirt under your fingernails, a love a week, the gold tinsel of a crown, unexplainable dreams, bundles of flowers, the soft rustling of worn cards.

roman darkhölme.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— son of raven darkhölme. twenty-four. pansexual. enchanted. persuasion & power absorption. fc: miles heizer. lost boy by ruth b.

the unexpected answer, washing your hands, casual disinterest, stacks of cash, little clear baggies, practiced ease, a silver tongue, whispers of the past, old cobblestone streets, bad decisions in the best way, sweaters and flannel, the burning of flowers, white lab coat, fear of the unknown.

loki.

APPLICATION / MUSING TAG

— the god of mischief. 1000s. fluid. open marriage. fc: daniel gillies & katie mcgrath. wild things by alessia cara.

dark skies, a long steel dagger, fog coming in, green & gold banners held high, the twisted around truth, stories told from a thousand tongues, crooked grin, a crown just out of reach, salt in wounds, ourborous, contrary to a point, blood superiority, loneliness as something else, eyes in the back of your head.

winona falcone.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— daughter of sofia falcone. twenty-six. bisexual. single. darkness manipulation. fc: shay mitchell. take me to church by hozier.

expensive fur, champagne glasses, hands covered in blood, instagram perfect, beautiful but deadly, the rich kids of gotham, sharp edges for a reason, dark hair in waves, a product of a situation, cherry stems tied with your tongue, heels on a hardwood floor, the many shades of red.

skylar helix mccoy.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— daughter of hank mccoy. twenty-two. lesbian. single ( see below ). genetic atavism & genius intelligence. fc: jennie kim. 400 lux by lorde.

a field of vibrant yellow flowers, the yipping of a small dog, fangs bared, constellations of words, no apologies, thousands of discarded ‘what ifs,’ the call of the wild, a small crescent moon necklace, pride without arrogance, false confidence, spitting blood, intelligence without direction.

CHARACTERS & WCS.

perseus hayden alexander.

a former foster care sibling.

it’s been a while, but he’s a pretty memorable kid / hasn’t changed much at all. until age 5 / 2004, percy was in foster care + went through a bunch of homes. this is someone who was in one of them! probs knows stuff abt him that even he doesn’t/doesn’t rem. the possibilities!

first relationship / current enemy. TAG

basically, it was percy’s first relationship back in his teens !! cute lil puppy love except he’s awful so not puppies more like … squirrels. like his first everything !! and then they broke up n it didn't go great !!! since then it has evolved and gotten much much worse - they’re now totally and completely against each other, hate each other, and will fuck w each other when given half a chance.

first relationship / current enemy.

barbara “bobbi” morse.

old mission target.

bobbi worked with shield for a very long time! she went on various missions, undercover and classified and the like. on this particular mission, this is someone she was targetting. what for is up to you, but the options are rather open to interpretation. just generally something that would have set them against shield’s desires.

rival.

bobbi being widely competitive when it comes to just about anything (science, training, lecturing) is bound to attract some friendly competition. they’re constantly versing each other, even in the simplest things, like giving out test results or getting ready.

ex that ended on bad terms.

it’s a common story. girl meets person, girl dates person, girl and person breaks up, girl literally hopes person dies in a fire. for whatever the reason, they didn't part ways peacefully. and you bet your sweet ass she plays the part of scorned ex great.

andromeda rosalie isley-quinzel.

poly ship. ( 0 / 2 ) TAG

andy has baggage, certainly. she’s a past weapon x detainee, unbeknownst to her, adopted from a broken family, and had her heart broken by the first person she dated. she’s serial dated for years. but these people, they made her stop & start to appreciate love for what it is again. this connect can be filled by someone of any gender.

ex. TAG

andy was younger and very awfully naive. she’s never really gotten over it. for whatever reason, they broke up— it could have to do with her slightly overbearing personality, or general attitude, or whatever, totally up to you, but it was the other muse’s decision to break up, leaving andromeda heartbroken and now seeking out love in places it’s not.

former prediction.

andy PREDICTED something about this muse, in the past. how long ago and what is up to you. it was something SERIOUS, though, and most likely bad. it could be as wild as death, or marriage, or a death in the family, or a regret, etc. it’s rly up to u !!

roman darkhölme.

childhood love.

this is honestly rly cute. they were lil lil kids when they were friends and were super cute n close. they got fake “married” once or something. they were just best friends who grew apart. now roman is hella dif. he’s manipulative and a total fiend and it’s like “where’s that cute lil kid who promised to fight off all the bad guys in my life??” like … cute n sad.

enemy.

they see him for what he is: a manipulator. they either have past experience with him or are just adept ( VERY adept; he’s good at hiding ) at noticing him. they don’t enjoy him. not his view of the world, his actions, or his drug dealing. roman doesn’t like them for a point. he doesn’t like being exposed.

clientelle.

the darkhölme-mccoy drug dealing business is going great, actually. paragon is full of just the type. and with roman’s skill of persuasion, they haven’t gotten caught yet. this is someone that roman knows from that particular side of his work. he sells them drugs.

loki.

someone he had a kid with.

the other side of the story. not someone he fathered/mothered, but rather someone he had a child w. can be any gender for obvs reasons. how old the child is is up to u!!!

someone he pretended to be someone else with, extendedly.

for them, he pretended to be a different person… for a very extended period of time. it’s a trick he played often, but for them it was honestly excessive. the nature of their relationship is up to you, but upon coming to paragon this person finds out that loki is LOKI ! god of mischief, stories, lies, what have u. they’re probs pissed lmao

asgardians.

while most midgardians known them as the god of mischief / alien asshole, this character knows a side of loki outside of the lore. they’ve met their kids & can even remember little loki, just around causing mischief, not trying to overthrow odin & what else. they have a better understanding.

winona falcone.

older sibling.

the oldest falcone ! mwahaha. so it’s this whole big thing that WINONA IS THE HEIR, but she wasn’t always. she has an older sibling who was disinherited from the family & cast out. a big ole family disgrace that none of them like to talk about. the reason behind this is up to you ! but it can range from being a MUTANT to a DEGENERATE to being SOFT to whatever. sofia is a pretty uptight gal.

best friend.

she’s not trying to replace raph. she didn’t think she would actually ever be given the chance, and for good reason. i mean, look at what happened to the last guy who took the spot. but they’re friends, for whatever reason ( and, damn, do the people commenting on her instagram posts speculate ).

ex.

she’s always been the exception that proves the rule. her sexuality is no different in that she’s not hte most comfortable with it. it’s just another thing she never told sofia about, lest her position as heir was to be threatened. that makes her exes an interesting story, especially considering she won’t acknowledge some of them.

skylar helix mccoy.

hateship to ship.

open to fem aligning nb & girls / both have reputations that proceed themselves ! sky obvs bc she had one inherently n bc of what happened & the other for w/e reason. pref an xkid. they knew each other when sky was younger but they didnt get along & when they reconnect , they dont get along right either. theyre a PLAYER really. like new girl on their arm every month. sky becomes one of the girls, rly. and sparks fly. and shes mad abt it. they have this antagonistic hatefuck relationship. and she finds herself starting to rly like them, falling in lov w them, unbeknownst to their own feelings (that shes the ONE). and like that

tutoree.

girl is, in fact, a genius, though people of many have expressed their disbelief at such a fact. she literally didn’t have education for eleven whole years of her development and is still ahead of her peers. she tutors in her free time. while totally organized, studyblr style, her teaching style leaves something to be desired in her paraphrasing of many a thing. ( vicki vc king george iii did what? sky vc fucked half of england )

someone who knew her before.

she was a prodigy child. famous beyond her years. even now, she’s on vogue lists, has millions of instagram followers, the whole thing — but for different reasons. this person knew her before she got taken, and are likely a child of the xmen or someone who was at xaviers. they remember the fearless child, ready to dive into anything, the kid who was always the top of her class. brash and happy, but kind, in a way she no longer is.

#* ━━ ◤ ᴹᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿᵀᴿᵁᶜᴷᴱᴿ ᴰᵁᴰᴱ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴴᵁᴿᵀ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᴬ ᴮᵁᵀᵀᶜᴴᴱᴱᴷ ᴼᴺ ᴬ ˢᵀᴵᶜᴷ / ooc . ◢

4 notes · View notes

glassesrink · 7 years

Text

hhhh tagged by @sttchingllies so here’s 30 facts about me:

ppl irl call me den or den den and i love it keep calling me that pls if ur reading this feel free to call me that too

my fave english teacher got me into musical theatre back in my first year i think?? bc we bonded about les mis but sadly my school never did theatre bc all the budget went to sports

i kinda distanced myself from it until now bc i know i never have the chance to ever do it and i didnt want to get invested in it...... look at me now lmfao i still don’t do it but im planning on joining an organization for musical theatre this semester in college

speakin of the first musical i ever watched was wicked when it came to manila in 2014

i have problematic hand/arm health??? it does not go well with me being an artist/fine arts student but ya know im trying to make do

i’ve been drawing ‘seriously’ since 4th grade so i was like...... 7 or 8? i like to think i’ve improved a bit

my new fave thing rn is buzzfeed unsolved bc i love??? supernatural/unsolvable cases but like im fuckin TERRIFIED of those as well??? what am i doing to myself

so my middle name is “nicole” and i hate it for a lot for reasons but also i was named after nicholas cage u h

i was supposed to be a creative writing student before turning to fine arts but i didn’t get into the school that had creative writing

i hate ferris wheels. i will literally cry on a ferris wheel

i never expected to like BOM the musical as much as i do now tbh?????? i don’t like south park humor at all but im rly surprised that it became one of my fave musicals?? it’s like my top 2??

tho maybe it’s bc of kevin price and i relate to him a whole fricking lot Oops

i have a younger sister and our age gap is fuckin 16 years

idk if u can tell but my fave color is pink??? i also like red and black

i havent listened to this album in like?? 2 years i think but whenever someone asks me what my fave album ever of all time is the answer is always gonna be patrick stump’s soul punk

IT’S SUCH AN IMPORTANT ALBUM TO ME??? it got me thru bad times in my last few years of high school and patrick stump in general was such a huge inspiration to me at the time??

im not sure if it’s obvious but i’d literally die for my friends

my fave colors to work with are always warm colors :”0 they’re the best but when dealing with shading my go to is always cool colors against warm

the most influential media for me was CCS??? it sparked my interest for magical stories and fashion which would eventually lead me to start drawing lots

im surprised when ppl describe me as “passionate” and “energetic” ???? bc..... i often see myself as always exhausted ???

i tried watching harry potter as a kid but the fuckin opening scared me for some reason???? i only watched harry potter around two years ago

my fave disney princess was mulan??? and honestly as i got older the more i speculate that i think i had a crush on her

i have a thing.......... for ppl with curly hair........ oops

i have an old vocaloid cover channel when i was like??? 12? 13? i recently found it again and holy fuck i sound awful

ask me what my fave movie is i’ll never give you a definite answer tbh

i realized i like girls in my 2nd year of high school but honestly the older i get the more i realize that i probably did like girls ever since tbh??

im still constantly confused by my sexuality??? i don’t stress out abt labels tho but still....... confused

i get car sick easily but boats/planes/etc are okay for some reason? it’s only ever cars i get sick in

my first concert was bastille back in 2015!!

im 5″1 im TINY

okay im not gonna tag anyone bc im shy aksdkasjk but uhhh if u want to pretend i tagged u wink

#rin rambles #thanks for the tag leeloo !!

2 notes · View notes

stingchronicity · 7 years

Note

do............. all of them

omg emily thank you ily

Purple: 10 facts about my room

1. the walls are a terrible shade of green (not my choice)

2. my favourite poster on my wall is my Brain Salad Surgery poster and sometimes i spend hours just looking at Keith bc he makes me happy

3. i don’t have any shelves so i keep my records lined up on the floor and there are so many of them that they take up approx. 1/3 of my floor

4. i have a glass drafting table that i love, and when i did more graphite drawings i used to have it tilted up all the time, but ever since i started doing more paintings, it’s been set flat (plus there’s a bunch of shit on it)

5. there is a caricature of myself and keith emerson holding hands on my wall (done by a lovely woman i met in the last hospital i stayed in)

6. i also have a lot of my own art on my walls (foxtrot painting, abacab fantasies, steve winwood painting, bloody piano, rush logo, smirky tony banks, red keith, a thing i did for david bowie, a bloody flower, and the valentine i made for keith)

7. i have 4 (used to have 5) calendars on my wall and they’re all out of date

8. i have a copy of queen’s Hot Space vinyl on my wall and also a ceramic mask with balloons on it

9. the records i can see from the spot i’m sitting at right now are Honky by Keith Emerson, the first Asia album, The Kids Are Alright by the Who, and Love Beach by ELP

10. i keep the following things on my bed: first off i have my purple/pink/blue comforter and the matching sheets and pillow cases (2 pillows), and then i have a throw blanket that’s black and white and very soft; a really thin and cool to the touch Mickey Mouse sheet that was my mom’s in the 70s (i like to snuggle it in the summer bc its somehow always cold); greg lake pillow (from my own redbubble); a star shaped rainbow pillow (i call him carl !!) which i got from my sister; a hello kitty bunny (don’t remember the character’s name) plushie with a carrot (i call him keith ♥️️) which is one of the toys i had as a baby; Mr. Bonks the giant panda plushie which was a valentine’s gift; and most importantly !! keith blanket (from the amazing @moogotron) and keith pillow (which i bought myself) !! my most prized possessions !!

Blue: 9 facts about my family

1. we’re chinese/costa rican

2. we usually just speak english but sometimes we speak ~spanglish~

3. i have a love/hate relationship with my sister

4. i’m decently close with my parents although my dad can be an asshole

5. my brother is dead to me bc he gave me PTSD and basically killed my innocence

6. my entire family is fairly ableist except my mom who at least tries to be understanding

7. i have one nephew (age 6) who is my brother’s child, and two nieces (aged almost 2 and the other is 1 month) and they’re my sister’s children

8. i have 2 kitties !! they’re twins from my old cat and their names are Coda and Kenai (from Brother Bear) !! coda is my smol and good prince and he spends every night in my bed (he’s actually asleep next to me rn) and is like,, in love with me (krista calls him a “humany” bc hes like the opposite of a furry). kenai is enormous like a vet once told me he’s the largest cat she’s ever seen and its true he’s very bode and that’s like,, the only way to tell them apart bc they look exactly the same except their weight, and kenai has a kink in the very end of his tail

9. i’m not that close with my family i don’t know what else to say

Green: 8 facts about appearance

1. hmm my hair is really dark brown and it’s feathered

2. i have a singular white hair that i was born with and still have

3. i have long legs but short arms

4. smol and sad (but perky) boobs

5. i do like my cute nose and lips

6. i have a really tiny waist and rather wide hips

7. i’m 5′7″?? idk

8. my back hurts rn

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood

1. it was terrible

2. i didn’t have a childhood

3. we were extremely poor and everyone ignored me bc they were too busy dealing with my siblings’ legal trouble and such

4. my body was used and nobody cared

5. i was a “gifted” child so nobody read me bedtime stories or helped me or like,, spent time with me after the age of like 4

6. i never really had friends, and nobody my age lived near me so i spent every weekend alone and neither of my siblings seemed to even remember i existed, nor my parents, so

7. my dad yelled at me so much for bothering him or asking him questions or asking to hang out with him that i’m perpetually scared of people yelling and will cry if someone yells at me

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

1. i do not even think i can fit in 6 facts about my hometown

2. its less than 700 people

3. more churches than homes

4. we have a single eatery and basically its a parking lot with a tiny building where you go up to the window and order things like hot dogs (theyre actually p good not gonna lie)

5. ummmmmmmmmmmmm

6. i hate it

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

i don’t want any of my friends to feel left out here so i’ll give u a fact abt my closest pals

1. @moogotron is a slut (jk heres a real fact abt her: she once fell out of a stationary car and now has a scar on her temple)

2. @auroreamethyste has the same special interest as me !!! eeeee !!! (actually when i first thought of a fact for you, my mind went to the nutcracker story but i don��t know if it’s okay to share it XD)

3. @dumbfaceadventureland knows so much about birds???? i am truly amazed and whenever i see birds i think of her

Pink: 4 facts about my parents

1. my dad has seen pink floyd like 3 times

2. my mom once had a fax conversation with jon bon jovi

3. todd rundgren took my dad sledding in the 80s (they lived in the same town, woodstock NY)

4. my dad was in the studio with the band when foghat recorded “slow rider” (to sum it up my dad knows a lot of famous musicians)

White: 3 facts about my personality

1. aaa difficult question hmm well i spend about 3/4s of my day in a childish mood where i kinda feel like i’m 5 years old and i want to cuddle up in cute pyjamas and stuff idk how to describe this it just happens

2. bold and brash (aka belongs in the trash) seriously though i’m not bold or brash at all (but i do belong in the trash)

3. i’m more like a soft mouse who likes to spend a lot of time thinking

Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things

favourite material items?

1. keith pillow !! and keith blanket !! the two most wonderful objects i own they’re so soft and covered with my beautiful keith

2. i carry them around constantly like, literally everywhere i go i take keith pillow with me (easier to carry than keith blanket, though i take him with me sometimes too)

Black: 1 fact about the person I like

1. beautiful blue eyes, soft sandy brown hair, plays a various amount of keyboards, is in emerson lake and palmer

eeee thanks again !

#ask #/long post #emily #dumbfaceadventureland

4 notes · View notes