#txf.txt

[carefulfears]

what many of you do not understand, though several of you do, is that dana scully is a severely embarrassing and deranged freak who always suffered under the pressures of both society and her military catholic family and if she wants to throw her life away for a weird lil obsessive guy because she thinks he’s passionate and kind and funny and makes her feel alive then that’s literally just her business

#have a snack and watch the pilot again #txf.txt

[nefertitisfjordd]

Just thinking about how Demons is a classic badass Scully episode—she comes to Mulder’s rescue and fusses over him and plays doctor to him and fights for justice for him and shit.

but it also must’ve been, like, an ungodly long day for her having to chase around after him like a toddler who somehow keeps getting outside. She gets left at his mom‘s house in Greenwich, Connecticut and then chases him back to Rhode Island where he gets his brain drilled, only to chase him back to Greenwich again. and when she finally finds him he almost shoots her. like it’s just been a really long day for her.

But at the end of the day she still just holds him and comforts him. it’s just such a testament to the unconditional and unwavering love they have for each other.

It’s a multifaceted episode and I love it.

#the x files #txf #idk just some half baked thoughts on demons #she also didn’t know if he did it or not but said fuck it we ball #I think that’s the definition of ride or die #and if it ain’t like that then ion want it #x files #txf.txt #and don’t even mention gethsemane being next #like bro come on can she not catch a break #all while dying from cancer

[tomcriuse]

#txf.txt #fox mulder #dana scully #john doggett

[carefulfears]

scully always has this energy of like “this man is on my last nerve, he’s insane, i cannot roll my eyes hard enough, he’s exhausting me, when will i get a break……anyway take him more than 5 inches from me and fucking watch what happens”

#it’s my favorite thing about her #txf.txt

[carefulfears]

scully meeting mulder like “okay i am NOT gonna fuck my teacher this time” vs mulder meeting scully like “don’t trust the spy….don’t trust the spy…..”

[10 minutes later she’s naked in his motel room, he is telling her every secret that he knows]

lol, what kind of greek tragedy is this

#just a hysterical dynamic! #and he never EVER doubts a partner again. even though he probably shouldn’t have trusted the rest of the spies. #txf.txt

[carefulfears]

the main reason why i literally don’t care about anything less than continuity in the x files is because so many of the things they did were just for vibes. why was mulder colorblind in one episode and then never again? for the vibes. why was mulder afraid of fire in one episode and then never again? for the vibes. why was it snowing in north carolina in spring at mulder’s funeral? for the vibes. so a 20-something girl could write prose fic about it being fitting that the ground was hard and unrelenting as he was lowered into it. is that not enough????

#i am finally releasing this from my drafts after MONTHS because of all the timeline discourse #'rush' is set in november for the vibes. 'rain king' is set in august for the vibes. #don't worry about it ❤ #txf.txt #and this is what i love about this show!! they did so much shit just for the symbolism or for the energy!!! #even if it didn't Make Sense #so don't come at me about this show not making sense. i see it and i like it

[carefulfears]

sometimes i just want to cry over mulder’s fish and the way that we see both scully and doggett go to his apartment and feed them during the months he was missing and the fact that scully must have kept feeding them even months after he was dead and just to be loved so much that people come tend to your environment and keep your home and feed your fish long after you’re gone

and that the first thing he notices when he comes back is that one isn’t there. and how scully tried so hard, she tried so hard to find him and to keep him safe and to keep his work going and to keep those damn fish alive, and the first thing that he says to her when they walk back into that apartment is that one is missing

the way that in that scene, he says that he’s having trouble processing, that he doesn’t know where he fits in. you can be loved so much that multiple people come feed your fish and maintain your apartment after you’re buried in the ground, you can try so hard to keep everything going for someone else, but the world keeps spinning, and time goes on. fish die and baby bumps grow and answered prayers aren’t always miracles

he came back covered in scars to a clean apartment and a fish tank missing 1 molly and where does he fit in inside a world that hasn’t waited for him, no matter how hard she tried to make it stop

#nurse she’s rambling about the fish again #he loves those fucking fish #thinking about how they’re in scully’s apartment after he leaves in s9 #anyway i know it didn’t do things perfectly but i love ‘three words’ for this dynamic #she is SO pregnant in that scene and he has missed EVERY day of it #and she has a new partner and the fbi wants him out and what is there even for him to miraculously resurrect to #having this baby and solving x-files were things that she wanted to do with him #and as far as he knows she’s been doing fine alone and with her new partner #he doesn’t know that she wept on the floor of a hospital and slept clutching his shirt in his bed #that she had to be Ripped off of his corpse and that she watched that fish die and she couldn’t stop any of it #‘don’t quite have my legs under me yet’ indeed #txf.txt #three words

[carefulfears]

i so love the scully that only exists around mulder. with her cheeky dirty jokes and her eye rolls that no one else sees and her tears. there’s something so special about how she exists next to him, outside of the pressures, and the image that she’s constructed.

#he’s not ahab at all actually #txf.txt

[carefulfears]

very underrated moment in the iwtb bed scene is when scully says that she’s lying awake “cursing god,” and mulder asks what’s wrong and she tells him about her patient and how this little boy is going to die and there’s nothing anyone will do. and the way that they talk about it for a minute and then he whispers, “just go to sleep. let me curse god for awhile.”

actually the most romantic sentiment of the movie, i think! to say, you rest, i’ll take this shift. you don’t have to give it up, but let me hold it tonight. bearing witness as a love language etc

#happy birthday iwtb you fucking crime against nature of a film #also #in that scene #the way that she says ‘you think it’s because of william’ a little defensively #and he says ‘i think OUR son left an emptiness in BOTH of us that can’t be filled’ #that language matters so much because he’s not saying like….you’re struggling with this because you’re fucked up as a mother bc of your loss #he’s saying WE have this burden. i know because i have that too. this is OURS. in the way that he is ours and loving him is ours #txf.txt #iwtb

[carefulfears]

the x-files is inherently a tragedy in several respects but one of the most visceral to me is the dichotomy of devotion and destruction...mulder and scully were never truly going to win, they were never truly going to gain more than they lost, but they have to continue. and they have to continue because they love the world and they love each other that much, to never give up on either, but the further they dedicate themselves, the further they sink themselves. there is no escape and it is tragic and reverently honorable at the same time.

#txf.txt #who up our-ing their boros

[carefulfears]

one thing that stands out to me about the IVF arc is the way that, for as much as i make fun of her for asking her coworker if she can have his babies, scully asking mulder to be involved in the biggest process of her life (and the most important thing in the rest of her life) is such a healing and reverent experience. like he says “i’m absolutely flattered,” but it’s so much more than that. it’s like…spending your whole life feeling like you should’ve died at age twelve and then being told someone just wants more of you, more and more and more, in everything.

#it reminds me of 'sixth extinction' / 'amor fati' #when he quite literally was tied down and couldn't speak #and the way we hear him try to SCREAM when his mother just leaves him there #but his mind is Silent from the moment he hears scully in the hall begging to see him #and he couldn't crack a joke or run out the door #he literally just had to lie there and feel it #feel it on his Skin #her hand holding onto him #her tears falling onto his face #listening to the overwhelming depth of her fear that she is failing him and her devotion and her dedication to finding a way to help him #her Pleas for him to just 'hold on' #'i think that...if you know...if you could just find a way to hold on...i need you to hold on...please...' #everybody go listen to the civil wars' cover of 'talking in your sleep' #i don't think it can be overestimated how much of an impact that had on them and the lightness and healing in s7. that he Had to hear it #and then with the baby thing it's like...he CAN'T deny her that. he HAS to say 'yes' #there's no part of him that's capable of denying her something that she desires this badly. enough to ask for outright #and so he HAS to let himself be wanted and be invited into this unimaginably important and personal thing #let himself be a part of something bigger. be SEEN as someone who is valuable in a way that's bigger #and again he can't run from it and he can't deflect it and he can't hide from it. he has to just accept it #txf.txt #per manum

[carefulfears]

how many of you would get mad at me if i said that mulder fucking another woman while wearing scully’s crucifix necklace is one of the most romantic things to ever happen….like, gothically and punitively so….it’s like….well, it’s like…it’s like “aw boohoo he has to get laid because he’s so sad his partner is gone” but like for a person who never allows themself any indulgence or respite or attention, who therefore only has sex as penance. only in blood. and it’s like…yes, it’s self-harm, in many ways, but in many ways it is also confession. crucifixion, as a laying down of sin. bless me father, for i can’t save them, and i miss them anyway. crucifixion as being watched over…when he asked maggie, “why did she wear this?” and maggie answered, “because i gave it to her.”

#when you don’t believe in god but you believe in her so you give yourself religious guilt #he literally……he puts it on for his first case without her. for his first time away from home without her. #and therefore endows this kind of omniscient presence into it #it really is like being watched over. confession. #‘vampirism as an allegory for devotion and religion and abuse’ episode i am sorry i was not your mother #not everyone got it but i did #like….top 10 television episodes of all time. not just this show. #txf.txt #3 #also it’s an admission. #it’s an admission that he can connect with someone and desire that type of connection #he’s capable and maybe he wants it. maybe it means something. #the trust and care that existed between him and kristen has existed with 100 other women and never been anything more than #friendly and respectful #but maybe when it really comes down to it he does want to be seen in another light and that is a lot to admit

[carefulfears]

my favorite thing about fight the future is that it’s the pinnacle of x-files just doing things for the vibes. mulder gets shot in the head? he will shake it off. how did they escape antarctica when stranded with no gas? through love and perseverance babes

#copied verbatim from my twitter #but i just mean it THAT much #ftf #txf.txt #if you come on my post talking about continuity and realism i will literally block you

[carefulfears]

thinking about mulder asking scully's mother why she wore a cross around her neck if she was such a skeptic, and maggie answering "i gave it to her," and putting it back in his hand. and that mulder puts it around his neck, carries it on him through the height of desperation and grasps for connection. his own version of catholic guilt, of being watched over. of holding onto something not because you believe in it, but because you don't have anything else. because it was given to you.

#something very hmm religious and symbolic i think! #about him fucking another woman with scully's cross around his neck #a symbol that only has meaning to him of her and through her #a representation of her #'i might not believe in god but i believe in you i speak to him through you' etc etc #devotion through supervision even in self-loathing #i'm obsesseddddd #3 #txf.txt

[carefulfears]

i love mulder’s finger still being wrapped in folie a deux because of the fluidity of time……it hasn’t been that long, since the latest damage. there are still scars. bones still haven’t healed. and even so.

#and even so- on to the next. #and even so: there is no time to heal #so often we forget that they carry each week with them. but in this episode he still needs fresh bandages. #txf.txt #folie a deux

[carefulfears]

the x-files said "what if we had a male lead that was so weird but so nice" and that's why the character design has never been outdone

#txf.txt