#u get points for trying I guess

[b4kuch1n]

wizard looking for a way home (aka wizard of dark space)

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #wizard leon babeyy! #thank u to cosme for hangin out with me while I figure this one out lol #this! is the piece I used for the ''speedpaint'' thingy btw. I'll try to put together the video over the next month or so #lol. usually when I make wizard leon designs I riff with what comes up and think abt like. maybe his affinity in this set #like ''oh he'd do fabric talismans. oh he'd levitate. he does poppet stuff'' #that at most. but this. the moment I started fleshing this one out I was like #oh he's really lost. for a very long time. to the point he's learned so much he's forgotten what many of the things on his suit does #like lmao I guess I can Not be normal about any astronaut leon huh!! its chronic for me #I couldnt get to some of the questions folks asked with this one. so this video will probably not be comprehensive #but I'll make another when those things come up!! #fksjdfk sorry lads most of u guys asked abt colors but idk if this ones the best for that. its got a preddy concrete palette #guess I can save talking about the more insane color stuff for when that comes up too... #we'll see!! hope it's gonna happen #for now. one more wizard leon for the book. have a good night lads! #tie a yarn round ur wrist dont forget the way back

[literalfuckingfreak]

also while im on it i dont care how magic a character is not everyone needs to have colored eyes. its like. fine to give people dark brown/ black eyes even if theyre "magical" or some shit.

#like i get it but #idk this is a problem i have with magnus fans mostly #like outside of the fact that i dont like giving poc characters european features for no fucking reason #the whole point of it is that you CANT tell that hes Fucked Up just by looking at him #and mfs are out here like :) actually he has neon green eyes #FREE ME. sorry. #only character i accept as having weird eyss is elias #bc . look at him. or jonah i guess cuz its his eyes but #elias is supposed to have a creepy ass stare. #and anyway point is i feel like you can have that with jon but iirc he doesnt have the same powers as elias?its a different kind of eye shi #OH yeah. u can have that with jon too without needing to make him have colored eyes. idk i dont really care i dont actually interact #with magnus fandom outside of elias shit anymore generally #i think the point i was trying to make earlier was it makes sense for elias to have his creepy grey eyes because he SEES like actually sees #and jons (I AM LIKELY VERY WRONG. I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TMA) jons whole thing is knowing shit. yk. #feel free to correct me if you think im wrong or if i dont understand/ am misremembering canon here

[the-owl-tree]

at some point i need to practice legs but until then uuuhhh yay legless bodies yippee

#sneaka peeka....trying to figure out the outfit i want her in #if u guys can guess who this is u get a point

[cerealmonster15]

SONG NO. 69 HEHE for the 80+ song one

aehehehehehe hello alda beloved alda ty for indulging me in my silly little game even tho u dont go here 🧡

you rolled TELL HIM, by the exciters. a song i only know from when i was in high school and one of the concert musical things we put on was Return To The Forbidden Planet. that's not relevant to here tho lol

you said before u liked The Boy With Red Eyes [beloved son boy kalim] so i chose to put him here hyping up his bestie jamil, who is still in denial about the whole thing lmao

[pick a playlist and send me a corresponding number for a DOODLE]

#gaminegay #twisted wonderland #twst #jamiazu #sort of. hes not there but like thats the point here LOL #cereal tries to draw #kalim al asim #jamil viper #asks #i guess i wont tag azul since hes like. not actually here LOL #i went back to tiny guy zone bc. any time i try not tiny guys #i get stressed and never like how it turns out kjlsdfjdl #and also i like drawing tiny guys teehee #okay bye THANK U ALDA MWAH

[glitteratti]

trying to make a character playlist when i have barely listened to music lately…agonizing experience tbh. i NEED a soundtrack for imagining nico in situations!!! anyway check our my latte art from today this is my best so far ^_^

#.txt #i still need to work on getting the color contrasts all nice but it came out soooo pretty #tbh at this point my main struggle is that my stems? i guess you would call them #are always wayyy too thick rather than a nice thin line. but we are getting there!! #shoutout to coworker hayden for actually trying to teach me unlike how my coworkers at my old job were just like ‘idk i just do it’ #i love u making coffee i love u making lattes i love u learning about coffee tasting notes and dialing in espresso #and figuring out how to correct it when it doesn’t come out good and adjusting the grind and time #I LOVE U COFFEE!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water #my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort #bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle #the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum #isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year #program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to #get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying #as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol #hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of #sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess #but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it #hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not #causing it. ugh symptom management i guess #unrelated

[frecklystars]

Holy shit. Thank you guys for all of the asks. I got exactly 50!

I meant to respond to them when I got home from work last night, but I didn’t have enough energy by the time I was done reading these. I’m still incredibly exhausted today, it’s like all of the energy is completely sapped out of me since I was in the emergency room the other day.

The heavy ache in my chest definitely lessened while I was focused on reading what you guys wrote last night. The reminders that my TF F/Os still love me is something I really need to hear, something I probably have to tell myself multiple times... I spent so long being conditioned to believe otherwise.  

A few of you also reminded me that Starscream had gone through heavy abuse, and he wouldn’t support someone who treated me the way Megatron treats him. It helped me feel better... I think that’s what got through to me the most. I’ve seen so many commissions/fics my ex-friend showed me where she was being manipulative, and that she would be loved for it. Seeing all of that visual representation of her being so tenderly loved by these characters while she was hurting me at the same time, for so many months, it really did some damage and made me internalize the belief that all transformers characters would want to hurt me the same way and love her for it. Especially when the characters she commissioned and talked about the most often were forming into PTSD triggers. For almost a year now, I have just assumed that all of those characters she wrote and commissioned, including Starscream, would encourage her to hurt me and that they would love to see me getting hurt. I don’t choose to feel this way, it’s just... trauma. 

But a few of you wrote about how... canonically, Starscream was so fucking pissed when he was abused, especially in RiD2015!! He was so broken up and angry just like I am!! His entire 3 episodes focused on him repeating how unfairly he was treated, how much he wanted to hurt Megatron for all the times he was put through emotional/physical pain, how years had passed since he escaped being tied to his abuser and yet he was so, so angry and still worried that he wasn’t strong enough bc that is what he was conditioned to believe for millions of years. I want to think that same bot would look at me and see himself in me, and hold my hand through this and tell me it’s gonna be okay and it’s gonna get better and he’d never want to treat me the way my abuser treated me. How could he bear it if his little starflower looked at him the way that he looks at Megatron? I don’t want to think he would support my abuser’s actions, no matter how many fics or commissions she has stating otherwise. When I escaped a toxic situation with someone else 3 years ago, I turned to Starscream for this exact same reason, I looked to him for support. He helped me get through it. Now, I need him again after facing treatment that was absolutely horrific, except I’ve been conditioned to believe he would hurt me too; I just feel so sad when I look at him and I wish I could feel loved by him again. It’s been really, really, really hard. Hearing other people tell me that he loves me and would never want to hurt me really helps, I need to be reminded of that, because I absolutely can’t believe it when I try to tell myself.

I’m sorry I’m not able to respond to your asks at the moment, I’m extremely exhausted from. everything. Today has been difficult as well so I will be offline for the rest of the night. I don’t know if I’ll be online tomorrow. 

I’m not 100% sure when the commissions will open up, I was really hoping it would happen this week but I didn’t expect to have that panic attack Tuesday, it really drained me. I am hoping that I’ll have comms open by next week, it all depends on how I’m feeling. I might spend more time offline to limit seeing any potential triggers bc I’ve been very fragile since I went to the emergency room, things that normally wouldn’t make me spiral before are probably things that I will have more trouble handling right now, at least until I can calm down again. Normally it takes me about 3 to 5 days to calm down from a severe panic attack like that. But I gotta spend another $400 on new glasses tomorrow morning so... I really do need to open comms soon :’) They will absolutely be open within the next 2 weeks, I just don’t know exactly when. Anyway, thank you guys again for the nice messages, I really needed them and you helped me feel less alone last night ❤

#woof #and all of the asks were nice!!! thank you!!! #im sorry i gotta turn anon back off :( #i didnt get any bad messages or anything but im just cautious #dw i wont keep anons off forever. some of u were asking me to keep it on #i just dont want to read something negative or see any reminders of my abuser #bc then when im at my concert i will be more prone to having flashbacks instead of enjoying charlie puth bangin out the tunes #but ill turn them back on uhhh when im feeling a little better i guess #i just got some ppl trying to talk to me abt my abuser last week like 'ooh shes posting abt u!' #'shes spreading rumors about u. thought u should know' well i DONT want to know! thank u! #anyone who brings her up telling me what she's 'posting about me' is automatically blocked at this point #if she wants to spread rumors that is her problem. and i dont wanna know about it #bc shes dead to me and im keeping it that way ❤ #anyway. to all the ppl who wrote 50 nice messages!!! thank u! i needed them #i will reread them the next couple of days while im feeling rly sad and missing my starlight #god i cant wait to get the hyperfixation back. i cant wait to feel safe w/ them again. #one fucking day

[arcadequeerz]

I just do not give a single shit about lg-bt-q disc-ourse anymore.

#Cade.Txts #sorry i jsut do not care. #i dont give a fuck about what flag someone does or doesn't use #i dont care about what people call themselves. stop trying to decide shit for othrr people #shut up and fuck off n leave people alone. u dont havr to 'understand' to be respectful #Idc if people use the blue 'gay' flag who cares. use whatever flag u want. #shut the fuck up about mspec gay people we're doing nothing wrong n if i have someone try n start #some shit w me about how i personally identify i will maul them through the god damn internet. shut up. #eat shit. i dont owe a explanation to u about why i'm abro ply gay n if u demand me to explain #im going to tell you to fuck off. #who the fuck cares what people call themselves. u might not like being called queer or whatever n thats cool #but some people do and thats nit a fucking slight aganst u. #and i say 'you' as just in general i guess. this isn't pointed at a specific person. #i dread pride month every year because people r going to throw some shitfit about something snd i jsut #i dont care. can we care about shit that fucking matters instead. #if u legimately call urself a exclusionist in 2023 your a shitstain and do nothing for the community. #grow the fuck up or get the fuck off the internet. #sorry i saw shit n i got mad lol. i'm so tired of peoples bullshit. worry about shit tht matters n not #how someone else identifies or what someone calls themselves- or what flag someone uses. #i'm just going to be unabashedly full of rage now. #i'm queer n trans n im pissed the end.

[zymstarz]

how many variations of "x reader" does a man have to blacklist and users to block before tumblr stops giving him almost exclusively those posts

#zymtalk #NO DISS TO PEOPLE WHO READ THOSE BUT #okay first of all. why am i getting posts for shows i dont even know in my feed. im trying to remember the main one i get but IDK #SO I FORGOT WHAT IT IS actually emphasizing my point #second of all THEYRE SO LONG AND THEY NEVER HAVE THE 'open full post' THING MEANING YOU SCROLL PAST THE ENTIRE THING BC THEY #ARENT CUT SHORT AND :ooohhhh: #THIRD of all I DONT INTERACT WITH THESE outside of blocking users who write them sorry :( not ur fault #unless u post weirdo pr0/sh!p ones. then it IS your fault get help or die #AND I ADD A NEW VARATION EVERY LIKE. 3 POSTS I GET meaning its 95% of my blacklisted phrases and tags #AND STILL NOTHING...... #sucession. the show is called sucession #THATS LIKE THE MAIN ONE I GET WHY AUUGJUHUGHGGH #also SPECIFICALLY the BAYVERSE TMNT MOVIES? WHATS THAT ABOUT? #that one i understand the tmnt connection i guess???? but even then...... what are you doing here. get out of my house. #ITS THE ONLY TIME BLACKLISTING A TAG OR PHRASE HASNT WORKED EITHER [spongebob bwomp sound]

[hella1975]

‘you don’t seem too happy tho :(’ cunt I’ll bite you

#THE ACTUAL CHEEK OF HER LET ME CALM DOWN BEFORE I RANT FUCK MEEEEE THIS GIRL THIS GIRLYPOP EVEN #right so I’ve got a mate that I fell out with a couple weeks ago and she’s not confrontational but she IS the type to hold grudges #and express them in like. really petty ways. so like we settled our argument ages ago and I moved on bc i have a life #BUT IT’S OUR OTHER MATE’S BDAY PARTY TODAY AND IM NOT THAT CLOSE WITH THIS MATE BUT THIS GIRL IS HER FLATMATE YEAH #SO EVEN IF THAT MATE DIDNT INVITE ME DIRECTLY THEN THIS OTHER MATE THAT I AM CLOSER WITH WOULD HAVE #bc basically me her and another girl make a trip like we’re very close and it’s a very rigid trio set up #like you CANNOT invite two and not the other yk? guess what she fucking did #i only FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS PARTY BC THE THIRD GIRL IN OUR TRIO VERY CASUALLY WAS LIKE OH WHAT R U GONNA WEAR #AND I WAS LIKE??? TO WHAT??? AND SHE WAS SO BAMBOOZLED BC THATS HOW MUCH OF A GIVEN IT WAS THAT ID BE INVITED #BC MY MATE INVITED HER BUT NOT ME #and I’ve known that since yesterday morning but I was like okayyy okay im saying nothing am I fuck getting aggy bc I didn’t get INVITED #like that’s embarassing I’m staying silent. which I stick to until suddenly 5pm today #my mate that invited the other girl but not me messages me going #‘are you coming?’ GIRL??? AND THEN PROCEEDS TO TRY GASLIGHT ME LIKE ‘I MESSAGED YOU ABOUT IT’ #YOU DID IN FACT NOT #AND I CANT PROVE SHES BEING INNOCENT AND PETTY BC WE FELL OUT AGES AGO BUT IT CERTAINLY FUCKING FEES LIKE IT #and even tho id acc like to have gone to that party I cut my nose off and was like nah im gonna sit this one out it’s just awkward now innit #and she was backtracking by that point bc i think she thought she’d just make me feel marginally uncomfortable and then I’d crawl over #like no bitch!!! and yeah I was a bit mardy on text and she HITS ME WITH THIS #‘are you okay’ ‘yeah you two have fun’ ‘you don’t seem too happy tho?’ YOU FUCKING RECKON??? #furious tbh im scheming over how to retaliate even though i KNOW i shouldnt #petty petty girls grow up pls #hella goes to uni

[ankhisms]

wrote a lot in my silly little diary im trying to just keep in the habit of writing in it every day and maybe itll help in the long run. realizing ive been veering into my old unhealthy coping mechanism of self isolating and idk why but its a hard one to break im just aaaaughghhhghhhhhghh ok ok. have to just try my best

#was struck by feeling like im always standing outside of a door of a room where everyone i know or want to know is inside #and i can hear everyone talking and laughing but i cant bring myself to open the door and i dont feel invited in even if i know thats not #true and that people love me and care i still always have a sense of feeling nervous and like people are going to get tired of just how i am #in general at some point and i dont want to doubt people but i guess it just comes from a life time of being manipulated and hurt u know #anyway. rambling too much now. need to try and drag myself to take care of myself in whatever way i cam

[luxrayz64]

i hate ink vac so much I miss having a sprinkler already. give her (kelp charger) BACK

#splatoon 3 sheldons picks please........ plese #theres zf charger I guess.... (kicks the dirt) its probably fine #charger w sprinkler and killer wail 6.0.... save me kelp charger save me #espeon cries #i dont know why I latched onto kelp charger so hard in the last week but I really enjoyed it #something abt splatoon 3.... it just feel a little different trying to play charger here #I feel kind of discouraged but im also not in a great headspace rn so im trying not to take it too seriously #apparently you dont need a modded wii u to get pretendo running so I might try that out at some point

[munamania]

also. this trip has been making me fully realize how much my hypermobility affects my life lmao and like. i guess just how connected my issues are it’s almost like my body is a whole interconnected unit

#but not by my shitty connective tissues ba dum tss! anyway. #this has actually been several months in the making. and then years if you really think about it. but mostly this year ive been really #sitting with it. like yeah this causes chronic pain for me. it affects me day to day like every moment. trying to figure out how to #reduce pain my body has been compensating for so long i have to reteach it how to function. u know #and also i really would love to get some mobility aids for myself for rougher days at least but lol. money #maybe i will at some point or ill try to diy #ive been using a tip from tiktok it said to use a scarf and tie it at night. dont have a scarf so ive been using pants #and it helps sooo much with keeping my shoulders in place it's so nice #abby talks #and then i have to specifically try to position pillows to support my knees. what i really need is one of the like #big triangle pillow things. my mom has one and i would use it at pt. gave my knees and hips such a break ugh #i will say this is an instance where tiktok is really helpful bc having people who also have these conditions and #relating it to neurodivergence and talking abt the way it all interacts and genuine ways to help yourself #is so nice. bc you know a google search is just gonna be like You might have loose joints if your joints are loose. like ok i’ll go fuck #myself i guess