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sheonvinyl · 4 years

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the snl standby line ~experience~

um. wow.....

so i’m making this post mostly for myself and to have a documentation of these memories while its all still pretty fresh in my brain, but i figured i would share it on here too just in case anyone wanted to read it or chat about it all w me. (side note: if u were in the line too PLS hit me up we MUST discuss)

basically, long story short is my friend and i slept on the streets of nyc for three nights in below freezing degree weather, got standby tickets for the live show and were able to get in......like i was THERE. for the snl LIVE taping.

feel free to keep reading below the break if you want an extremely detailed description of the whole ordeal and my personal experience that no one asked for dsjkhfksdjh

to be frank our journey did not start out as we had originally planned lmao. when harry announced that he was doing double duty my friend and i immediately were like. let’s start planning bc we’re 100% going. that resulted in a lot of amazon prime orders and reading up on blogs about tips and tricks in order to plan. we were trying to gauge how far in advance we were going to have to get in line in order to have a good chance. we got a lot of our info from a twitter account/blog run by these three women who have been to every show this season and been in the standby line every week so we trusted their advice. they have been so many times that they apparently have a relationship with the security ppl and are in contact with them. and obviously since it was harry this week, there was a lot more buzz about it and higher stakes of actually getting a ticket. people had been tweeting about lining up on MONDAY in order to be in the front of the line. this account reached out to people and nbc and said that security didn’t want anyone lining up before thursday and if people did, they would be asked to leave and not allowed to get back in line again. finding this out made us panic a bit bc we didn’t want to get thrown out for breaking the rules or anything like that. we originally decided to finish up our days at our internships on wednesday, head back to our apartment, gather up all our supplies and head to 30 roc around 10 so that we could be ready to get in line at midnight aka when it would officially be thursday.

however, when i woke up wedensday morning amidst all the news about harry’s tour dates etc. there was an update that there were ~20ish people in line already. and that set us into a panic. we were confused if they were going to be thrown out or not bc they lined up before thursday, but periodically as we checked throughout the day security didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. so we made the decision to get to the line as quickly as possible after work. not sure i’ve ever moved faster in my life than i did when i got home and immediately threw anything i thought would be remotely useful into my duffle bag. the state of my room right now? despicable.

we make it to the line a little bit after 8 pm and after an initial assessment, we were around #70-80 in line. and based on that, we decided to stay and set up camp bc we thought our chances were pretty good. (for reference: when the standby tickets were handed out on saturday morning, we were 86th and 87th in line so the number definitely fluctuated based on when people counted us and people maybe being in the bathroom during the count etc.)

everyone around us in line was super super super nice and the ppl we met thru it will def be homies for life. we went through too much together not to be bonded for life ksjdhfksdh. shout out to aisha @teafull specifically !!!! we really did that luv......miss u and kristina already babes xoxoxox

wednesday night was definitely the worst sleeping-wise. our set up originally was a waterproof tarp on the ground and then a yoga mat that my friend used as a bed and then our two camping chairs next to the yoga mat. for the first night, i slept in the camping chairs using one to sit in and having my legs propped up on the other one. we each had two blankets and were wearing more layers than i could ever count. we bought a shitton of feet warmers, toe warmers and hand warmers in preparation, but we didn’t really get the hang of using them until the second and third night lol. i woke up probably every hour and a half on wednesday night bc i was either uncomfortable or just so unbearably cold. every time i woke up i made sure to move my toes around bc i was so paranoid i was going to get frostbite lmao.

thursday was better. we actually got the hang of the hand and feet warmers!! we figured out that if we were wearing shoes they didn’t really work because they were being suffocated and they needed to be in open air to work properly. they worked exponentially better if we didn't wear shoes bc they were exposed to the cold air and heated up really well so that’s a useful piece of information out of this i guess?? sdjhkds. at this point i think there were about 150 people in line. the line wrapped from the back of the nbc building on 6th ave/avenue of the americas around to w 48th street as far as the nintendo store which ends right at the today show plaza (and it got even longer over the next two days).

one of the worst things about the whole experience would probably have to be the incessant comments from passerbys on the street. they would look at us and speak about us as if we weren’t there. they would also film or take photos of us in the LEAST discreet ways possible which was very irritating. and made me feel like a literal zoo animal on display. i heard comments like “they know the show is on SATURDAY right?”, “they’re doing all of this for that one guy from one direction?”, “do your parents know you’re doing this?”, “you’ve got to be kidding me”, “they’re going to freeze to death for not even a guaranteed ticket to see this guy” and by far the absolute worst one and most offensive thing i heard, “they’re like the modern day homeless”. i could go on a whole separate tangent about this because it makes me so FUCKING angry, but i was very close to confronting some people because of the impeccably inconsiderate, insensitive and blatantly classist comments people were making straight to our faces. additionally some people in line were being harassed by people from radio stations (or people posing as employees of radio stations) that clearly had the agenda of making it seem like fans of harry are dumb and unaware of world issues etc. you can read a more well-written and detailed account about it all on aj’s blog here. but i’ll reiterate that they definitely chose the wrong group to mess with!! the issue was dealt with in record time and i’m proud of and thankful for all the people who stood up to that asshole and put him in his place. he deserved it.

i slept the best on thursday night into friday. probably because i finally had the common sense to buy GLOVES (someone lmk why i thought it was okay to come without them ??? ) as well as buy an extra blanket at a barnes and noble nearby. one of my roommates was also kind enough to bring me her yoga mat and two extra pairs of pants to add to my layers. those two extra layers 100% made a difference. not much happened in the line on friday besides a little bit of drama between a couple of girls at the front of the line who apparently left for 10+ hours that day and (to my knowledge) weren’t kicked out of the line. i don’t want to speak too much on it because i wasn’t directly involved in any of it and only heard it by word of mouth. however, i will say i think there was definitely some suspicious activity from some people that were in line who were for example, using lawn chairs (which are specifically prohibited on the snl webpage) and abusing their break times.

at 7 pm on friday, the line was shifted so that the beginning of it started at the doors to the nbc studio. i think they do this mainly so that the pages who hand out the standby tickets have easier access to the line? but i’m not positive. our new area was now on 6th ave, smack dab in front of the rear end of 30 roc, basically where the line had originally started. with the amount of people in line (probably around 200 or so at this point on friday) it STILL wrapped around to west 48th even after the shift. and then not even 20 minutes after they moved us was when snl interns came down with CARTS of slices of WATERMELON and CHERRIES !!!!!!! when i tell you i lost it.....

i didn’t get a good picture of the cherries but you get the idea. one of the interns giving us info about what was going on said that harry “was very specific about giving you guys cherries and watermelon” sjkdfhksdjh. and because of his previous behavior w the kiwis i was like....well he’s not playing watermelon sugar then we’re just going to have to prepare for something else. and let me tell you, i have never been more happy to be wrong in my entire LIFE.

additionally, a couple of men, who i believe worked for snl or nbc, came around with carts of soup for all of us. they didn't confirm or deny that harry sent them (which makes me think he probably didn’t), but the two options were either chicken and sausage or split pea. yes, that’s correct. SPLIT. PEA. when they told me that, i shrieked in their faces, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING” and they just looked at me so weirdly and go, “......no? like which one do you want......” skdjhfkjsdh. they definitely thought i was absolutely off my rocker (which i certainly was, but that’s besides the point). i’m pescatarian so i chose split pea, and if there’s one thing to know about me it’s that i absolutely ABHOR peas, but i ate it anyway. i had to use all of the oyster crackers as well as some pretzel crisps that i brought with me as a snack in order to make it bearable LMAO. however, regardless of if harry sent it himself, it was a really nice gesture and i’m thankful that they were kind enough to provide us with some food. the snl staff also sent down hot chocolate and coffee and pizza over the course of the three days which was very much appreciated as well!

we were a lot less separated in our new spot on 6th ave so everyone in line was able to hang out with each other a lot more which as really fun!! a girl near us had brought cards against humanity and a group of 7 of us played for what felt like over an hour or so which was really good time. aisha won and no, i am not salty about it at all !!!!!1!1!11!11!!!!

it was really difficult to sleep that night as well because we were on a much busier road with a lot more lights. it also felt colder and windier despite windscreens that staff put up around our barricades (see the poor quality pic of my friend and i with one of them below LOL). i think everyone was really on edge for the next morning so i’m sure that didn’t help with sleeping either. we settled down to go to bed a little past midnight and i woke up at least three times throughout the night to readjust my blankets and sleeping position or check the time.

finally saturday morning came. my friend had to shake me awake at 6:30 am bc i was finally able to doze off again, but the panic in me immediately activated and i was UP and ready to go. we still hadn't come to a full decision on if we were going to choose dress rehearsal or live yet so we were definitely on edge. we basically wanted to wait until the pages came to us and ask them how many people chose live vs. dress so that we could choose the show we were more likely to get into. however, deep inside i know that we both desperately wanted tickets to the live show. we had been keeping track of other people who were farther up in the line via their socials and seeing what they were choosing too. surprisingly (at least to me), a lot of people ahead of us decided to choose dress rehearsal rather than live. in theory, it makes sense because you’d hopefully get to see more sketches that might get cut for time as well as “spend more time” w harry. my friend and i (who is probably the biggest snl fan on the planet, no lie) would’ve been happy with either, but we both definitely wanted to witness the show that everyone else was going to watch on tv.

when the pages got to us we found out that it was basically split 50/50. an equal amount of people decided to do live vs. dress. for either show we chose, we would’ve been in the 40s for our standby ticket number. and because of that, we decided to SEND IT and sign up for tickets for the live show (and partly because all our friends in line were also sending it w the live show too!!!). we were tickets #41 and #42 and we honestly felt really really good about it, but we didn’t want to discuss it too much or get our hopes up in the event that it didn’t end up working out.

after that, the actual standby line experience was basically over. we IMMEDIATELY grabbed all our stuff and ubered back to our apartment. our roommates were already up and they greeted us with lights up blasting through our alexa akjhfkdfh. saturday was also conveniently my university’s homecoming weekend, and as seniors in college, my friend and i felt that it was important for us to go. i won’t go into too much detail about it bc that’s not really the point of this whole post, but my friend and i REALLY had ourselves a DAY on saturday. i actually don’t know how we pulled this off. we ended up showering for probably 40 minutes each to scrub the grime off our body and then day drank from 11:30 to maybe 5 pm........like??? whomst???? luckily, i was able to squeeze in a nap before we had to start getting ready for check in at 10 pm back at 30 roc, but i was 110% hungover when i woke up.

we got to 30 roc at around 9:30 and were told to go to the nbc store to check in. from there they cross-checked the name on your ID and name on your ticket and then lined you up in order based on your ticket number. i don’t think i realized how many people actually ended up lining up for the standby line until we were there....people had ticket numbers all the way up #267 or something. that’s CRAZY!! after a bit of waiting (maybe half an hour?) a security guy came out and told us that they were going to starting bringing the group up into the corridor and get the process moving. he made it clear that this wasn’t a guarantee to get in. the first 40 were taken and then after about 5 minutes they sent probably the next 40 or so (including us in the front of that second group). from there, we did a security check and waited in the hallway outside the peacock lounge (anyone who’s been to a taping of snl, jimmy fallon or seth meyers might know what i’m talking about). while waiting there we saw a few people trickle in and go through a security check as well. those people included zoey deutch (!!!!!!) - who was rocking this INSANE red plaid suit combo as well as the cutest bob i’ve ever seen - as well as GLENNE aka jeff’s wife who was also serving looks™️ with her outfit.

security then moved us farther down the hallway closer to the elevators and this is where we all started getting really nervous. i had no concept of time bc my phone was running out of battery and i turned it off bc i was paranoid if they saw it they would ask me to leave skdjhfs. it was only a matter of minutes before we knew if we were going to make it in or not. the staff had us line up two by two and kept counting and recounting us. then one of them grabbed a stack of wristbands and counted us one last time before he stopped at ticket #30 and said “congratulations all of you have a seat in the show”. the energy in the room was SO CHARGED. he was handing out their tickets and was urging them to put them on as quickly as possible and then they were ushered into the elevators. side note: there’s rumors that lorne michaels (creator and head of snl) reserves 30 seats specifically for the standby line. so that might be why he originally stopped at ticket #30.

my friend and i were holding each others hands as if our lives depended on it bc it was really make it or break it at this point. a couple minutes later he goes down the line again while counting us and stops after maybe 15-20 people behind us and again goes “congratulations, you have a seat in the show”. my legs literally almost gave out. my friend couldn’t speak to me bc she was trying so hard to hold in her sobs. i had to put on her wristband for her bc her hands were shaking so much LMAO. they quickly usher us into the elevator and as soon as the doors close all of us in the elevator start screaming and cheering bc WE MADE IT!!! but we quickly quiet down because we had been told beforehand that if we were excessively screaming during the show that we would be removed. i’m pretty sure that during dress rehearsal the staff said someone was shouting distracting comments at harry during the pauses and they were kicked out. someone else was also kicked out for drinking which......blows my mind. but anyway.

when they elevator doors open we are ushered SO FAST into the studio and into seats. i almost got split up from my friend bc the page tried to sit me in a single seat and i was like “no no no, i’m with her”. luckily they were able to sit us together on the back wall of the section that was facing front. they weren’t actual seats, but rather a large cushioned bench. most of our standby line peeps were sat in the right-most section of the studio which was sad that we couldn’t sit next to everyone, but also glad that my friend and i were sat together.

the taping started no more than 10 minutes after we got there. it all happened so quick and i don’t think i’ve really fully processed everything that happened. i won’t talk too much about the sketches because you can all just watch them yourself but i’ll talk a little bit about some of the behind the scenes things that we witnessed.

1. the way in which harry RAN between scenes and sketches was INSANE sdkfjhsdkjfh. right after the monologue he basically LUNGED off stage. a staff member (i think its a woman who does wigs for the snl cast) was moving so fast past the main stage after the cameras cut that from what i saw, the way harry had moved so quickly made her TRIP and harry IMMEDIATELY scooped her up basically DRAGGED her backstage skjdfhksjdhfdjkshk. it all happened so fast i still can’t tell if i imagined it happening or not but it was crazy. either way, harry was on the MOVE.

2. one of my fav sketches by far was the lamaze class one. harry did SUCH A GOOD JOB SFKHSKJDHFSD especially w the accent????? (he actually did so many accents throughout the show i’m so proud of him). he broke a little bit during the lamaze one but as far as i remember that’s the only time he broke?? which??? that’s honestly impressive, especially for the sketches/jokes they were doing (don’t even get me started on the Sara Lee sketch....). also i wasn’t openly jealous of heidi gardiner because of how harry was holding her and caressing her but i was jealous. i will not speak more on this topic.

3. the slow/ballad version of lights up.............BREATHTAKING. there was not a sound in that studio literally everyone was so mesmerized by it. it was honestly gorgeously performed and the back up vocalists did SUCH and amazing job!! the music stage wasn’t really near us but we still had a good view of harry himself and THAT OUTFIT. it was......chefs kiss.

4. when the ballerina photos came up on the screen there was an audible GASP that ran through the audience. i shrieked. i almost grabbed the woman’s hand whom was sitting next to me and i did not know. that is all.

5. WATERMELON SUGAR !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!! y’all. have i got a story for you. when the drums hit right before the first “high” my friend and i went FERAL. we were on the edges of our seat the WHOLE song. i had such the urge to stand up and dance but we couldn’t out of fear of getting kicked out ksjhdfkjhs. the entire song we had our hands in the air grooving to it, i was flailing my limbs as MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD to jam out to it. additionally, if you watch the performance back you can actually see that harry’s hands are shaking and he’s fiddling with his soundbox on his back during the beginning of the song. we’re pretty sure that his earpiece wasn’t working so he was freaking out a bit. he started to dance a little, but you can kind of tell that he was a bit stiff, maybe because of nerves. then at one point, he looks to someone off stage to his right and he smiles at them and laughs a bit to himself. after that, he starts looking around at the audience up above and there are times that harry looks over to his left EXACTLY in the direction of where my friend and i were sitting/dancing. my friend who has literally ANALYZED this performance from watching it so many times claims that 2:15 is the exact moment that he looks over sees us flailing our entire bodies. and right after he looks over is when he really starts moving and grooving himself and appearing to look a bit more comfortable. while we don’t know FOR SURE if he really did see us or started dancing bc he saw us jamming out, i do want to mention that we were literally the ONLY people in the studio moving like that. we were in the back corner by the sound guy and one of the exits and sitting next to a middle aged married couple who were looking at us like we were certifiably crazy. we had a view of almost everyone in the audience because we were in the last row and as far as we could tell, we were the only ones that were jamming out as hard as we were. so take with that what you will. but from this time forward, i will go on with my life believing that my uncontrollable bodily reactions to hearing watermelon sugar LIVE perhaps made dear harold feel a little less nervous and more comfortable to do his thang :-)))))

i don’t think i’ve clapped harder for anything in my life than i did when he finished performing watermelon sugar and when he signed off the show. i teared up watching him go around to his band and all the cast members giving them the BIGGEST hugs. you can clearly tell that every single person on that cast had the best time with him this week. heidi and cecily both mentioned in their instagram posts about how agreeable he was to everything and how he has to come back to host again. it was clear that he had SUCH a fun experience and he did SO WELL!!!!! i have no doubt in my mind that he is going to host (or do double duty) again at some point in the future. so to those who were in the standby line and didn’t make it in to the taping for live or dress, don’t lose faith. there will for SURE be another opportunity to do this whole thing again. i am so so proud of everyone who was brave enough to face the elements for even a chance to get a standby ticket over these past couple days. you’re all so strong and such warriors. this is certainly not the last time he’ll be doing this.

as grueling and testing as the whole camping out on the streets and standby ticket experience was, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. i’m a senior in college and was privileged enough to be able to skip some classes and call out of work in order to do this. i figured that this time in my life is probably one of the only chances where i’ll be able to actually drop everything and sleep on the streets for three days to see one of my favorite people in the world. and in the end, it was all worth it. i couldn’t be prouder of harry and what an amazing job he did last night. this journey is something that i will cherish forever (and will definitely be telling my kids about in the future).

feel free to message me or drop in my inbox if you have questions or want to come chat about it all ! thanks to anyone who actually had the patience to read this whole thing. i’m so sorry for how unbearably long this was dkjfhsdkjhsdk. much love to you all. treat people with kindness :-)

#its embarrassing how long this actually took me to write #im so sorry sdkjfhksjdh #please excuse any and all typos/grammatical errors #this was basically written as stream of consciousness #now i have to go deep clean my room #wish me luck !!!#harry styles #harry on snl #snl #text

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migleefulmoments · 4 years

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Abby is the 1 who needs a reading comprehension lesson. An anonymous person said 'You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.' Abby's reply was 'Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring.' Am I crazy or is that totally 2 different things? Sometimes Abby is so blind it makes me crazy. Also, if u could do a follow up to her blatherings re her post it would be great. I'm just gobsmacked over it.

I see you wrote another post clarifying it was Cassie who made the comments you quoted but the entire coven’s comments after Cassie just get more ridiculous- “fact” after “fact” of lies and nonsense comparisons. It’s batty that they believe any of the lies- but they believe them all!

Anonymous asked: My grandpa doesn't wear his wedding ring because he used to work as an AC/heating repair man (he even taught college courses on fixing heaters at one point) and then was just not in the habit when he retired. That doesn't make his and grandma's marriage less valid. Rings are a symbolic thing that most cultures don't even do. You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.

cassie1022 answered: Oh yay, fun. (Cassie -always so charming) My dear Nonnie, once again, reading comprehension eludes someone that believes in the Miarren myth. Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring (and yet Abby pops in below to claim the same but then argue that it IS the ring coming and going that looks suspicious. Let’s pretend that cc rings were real- he didn’t wear them every day regardless of what Abby claims.). Some people don’t wear them because they work with their hands, like your grandpa, and some just don’t feel comfortable wearing them. Let’s be real though. D has never shown an aversion to wearing rings. He’s worn them quite often, even while playing a show (yes, but he also took them off. It’s his prerogative. Until he says he’s getting divorced, it’s none of our business). There was a time when the only time he DIDN’T have a ring on was while he was in character (so what? He has had his wedding ring on most times we’ve seen him. You are counting individual photos as entire days and that isn’t accurate)

That being said, let’s examine. When was the last time you think D fixed a car, operated heavy machinery, or, like your grandpa, fixed an AC unit or heater? (You have no idea what he does in his spare time. This is a gross comment-some people do things with their hands -build things- because they enjoy it) (Maybe if he could do that, people wouldn’t be making their own sweat gravy when they go to TSG.)(So now we start with the lies and mischaracterizations. FUN. There are two comments from TSG claiming A/C was broken. Since likely Mia doesn’t own the building, she has no control over the A/C being broken).

As I’ve already said, rings aren’t for everyone, but I’ve also pointed out that D has been an avid ring wearer most of his life, and there is more than enough photographic evidence to support this. Also, most couples that exchange rings don’t usually stop wearing them in the first year of marriage.(And he hasn’t stopped wearing his now has he?) That’s when it’s usually a point of pride and you want the world to know you are someone’s spouse. (Does Darren seem like the kind of person who is worried about “the world knowing he’s someone’s spouse”? He’s pretty open about his relationship and taking his ring off for an hour or two isn’t indicative of anything).

You know what DOES make a marriage less valid? No legitimate officiant.(LIE) There are only a handful of states where you can officiate your own marriage, and guess what? Louisiana isn’t one of them.(He didn’t, Joe did) You need an ordained minister and in addition to that, the minister must register in the parish where the marriage is taking place.

So, if this makes me a “narrow-minded fool,” so be it. I’ve been called worse. (It definitely does).

ajw720 I needed to laugh this morning, thank you nonnie.(I would imagine you need to laugh a hell of a lot more than you do Abby) You people really don’t get it (Oh lord). Also, it isn’t JUST the ring (which is very suspicious especially as he deliberately takes it off at random times, there one minute gone the next) (Here abby argues it isn’t the ring.... except it is the ring) , it is as @cassie1022 pointed out, no officiant (LIE) , weird wedding algorithm (the fact that Abby truly believes there was a guest algorithm says everything there is to say about Abby’s judgment and the cc nonsense) is FAMILY HONEYMOON (a joke) constant babysitters (LIE) d’s complete lack of enthusiasm (he practically said he was bored and realized at the last moment that that was bad) (Desperate Abby, you're so desperate) , talked about pooping exes as opposed to how life changed with his bride (and you don’t get that this is was keep from speaking about his personal life? How long have you been a fan? Joking about something to distract from having to answer something private is spot-on Darren), speaks more passionately about his jacket then his wedding (we done got hitched) (This means nothing Abby...NOTHING. He wrote a boring post about his jacket and you’ve been losing your shit over it ever since. IT meant nothing...it was a coat he wore to an event. You only like it because he was boring and serious. It was the farthest thing from Darren I’ve ever read.), announced the engagement using a reference to the wrong freaking franchise (I can’t...this is one of your dumbest arguments out of a lot of arguments. It was a JOKE Abby, a joke. He used the franchise that made the joke funny. Darren doesnt’ own a franchise) , FIVE FUCKING encagement rings (LIE), the last of which is an advertisement that she is paid to wear and they haven’t even tried to hide this fact (LIE), utter lack of chemistry (again desperate Abby) , the weirdness with his non-relationship but clear friendship of sorts with his ex co-star (It’s not “weirdness” it’s a nonrelationship-you said it yourself). , the way she is promoted that is beyond excessive for someone who isn’t famous (This entire rant is unhinged. Nobody is promoting her, he’s living his life with her. Like we expect he would with his wife. There is nothing untoward with their behavior together. The fact that you have to label it “promotion” says that it worries you a lot). the fact that the sold their entire wedding to about 100 sponsors )(LIE) (I am sure there are more than we even realize), the clear references to fandom at the sham mockery (OMG Abby, give it up. Nobody cares about you), and that this allegedly private couple also released 85% of their wedding for public consumption (They released 27 photos. That is HARDLY 85% of their wedding. You saw a lot of the same photos posted by their friends and it upset you but they didn’t release 85% of their wedding. It was a 4-day event and the wedding events started at around 3 pm and lasted until after midnight -27 is not 85% of 10-ish hours of celebration).

If it was ONLY that he randomly took his ring off depending on how the wind is blowing, fine, that is evidence alone of nothing. All of these things, and hundred and hundreds of other facts (which are ALL LIES). (inconsistent timelines (Darren doesn’t owe you a “consistent timeline” that’s asinine) they don’t know where they met each other RC handshakes (You know that isn’t a handshake- they were photographed together right before the “handshake’ you won’t let go of and he’s heard introducing her as his girlfriend ), D running from her every moment he can, etc, etc)(Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night), are clear evidence it is fake that is beyond a reasonable doubt (Bwahahahahaha you are conning yourself Abby) . Him kissing her in her bar is his job. I suggest nonnie you pay attention to the details (Which ones- your lies or the real details?) And please pay attention to the captain, he hasn’t even been subtle lately, he has been fairly blatant (Le sigh, he isn’t the captain. He’s a dude who loves his boyfriend Will and writes children’s books that are not cc Bibles) .

Happy Thanksgiving Nonnie! I hope you can tear yourself away from reading blogs you disagree with long enough to enjoy your friends and family! Cheers!

notes-from-nowhere What love are you talking about, anon? M doesn’t love D and she makes this clear every chance she get (LIE- there is nothing that suggests MIa isn’t in love with Darren). Do I have to remind you how she denied to D’s mom one red carpet to celebrate her son? (LIE Abby fabricated) Or to D’s dad to be honored for his military past?(another LIE Abby fabricated) But why listing all of her actions when you know very well this is only the surface.

Btw, I still have to know a singer/actor lost a finger because of a wedding band. Anon, try again, this attempt failed. (SMH)

leka-1998 You know what I like about this instance in particular? Apart from the fact that the ring isn’t off the whole time, he’s still wearing the other one here.

After 284719 years, she should also know what the language D’s mom speaks is called. Seems she doesn’t care enough. (Another LIE that Abby fabricated)

Also, former platonic roomie says hello. (LIE)

ajw720

They still can’t explain away B/enny, the man D just praised for his new album yet D hasn’t even mentioned his brother’s (I can’t explain it but it has nothing to do with Darren and Mia. You’re the one making it a problem) . The man that mocked fandom on his IG by referring to M/oulin R/ouge when posting about the fraud in NOLA (Nobody-especially Ben Hudson- gives a shit about fandom Abby. You’re a nobody) The man who seemingly officiated the wedding (Again a LIE) And the one who appears to have a dog (yes he does, he lives with his girlfriend, Joanna, and their two dogs) . Hey remember just a few weeks ago when PBB dropped her teeth in the dog’s bowl? Funny as we know she and D don’t have a dog (Nope, they clearly don’t- stop trying so hard).…

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345: How to Use Circadian Fasting to Improve Health & Slow Aging With Dr. Amy Shah

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345: How to Use Circadian Fasting to Improve Health & Slow Aging With Dr. Amy Shah

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This podcast is sponsored by Jigsaw Health, my source for magnesium. You probably know, if you’ve read my blog, that magnesium is responsible for over 300 biochemical reactions in the body. It impacts blood pressure, metabolism, immune function, and many other aspects of health, including hormones. It’s known as the master mineral and it’s one of the few supplements I take regularly. And I have found a specific way to take it that works best for me in very specific forms because if magnesium is taken in the wrong way it can lead to digestive upset or if it’s taken too quickly it can cause all kinds of problems. So, I take two supplements. One called MagSRT which is a slow release form of the dimagnesium malate. The slow release technology makes it easier on the digestive system. So I don’t get any of the digestive disturbance that comes with some forms of magnesium. I take this form in the morning and at lunch. So, two capsules with breakfast, two capsules with lunch. And at night, I take a different product MagSoothe, which is magnesium glycinate which is magnesium bound with the amino acid glycine to help sleep. And in combination, I noticed the biggest effect from those two particular products. You can check them both out and save by going to jigsawhealth.com/wellnessmama. And the code wellness10 will give you $10 off any order.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

Katie: Hello, and welcome to “The Wellness Mama Podcast.” I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and wellnesse.com, that’s Wellnesse with an E on the end, which is my new line of personal care products like hair care and toothpaste that are completely safe and as effective as conventional alternatives. And this episode, I am so excited to have today’s repeat guest Dr. Amy Shah, who is a double board-certified doctor and nutrition expert, with training from Cornell, Columbia, and Harvard University. She’s also one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram @fastingmd. And drawing from her background in internal medicine and allergy and Immunology, as well as her own wellness journey, she has dedicated her practice to helping her patients feel better and live healthier, using integrative and holistic approaches to wellness. She has a list as long as my arm of accolades and awards but she’s also just a great voice for moms and women in health in very practical ways. And in this episode, we go deep on the idea of something called circadian fasting, which even if you’re not into fasting at all, it’s a very easy intro way to get into fasting with a lot of really profound benefits. So she explains how you can use this simple method as a method of anti-aging for a lot of aspects of health. She really goes deep on the research and how you can implement it. Really fascinating episode and I can’t wait to jump in. Here we go. Dr. Amy, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Dr. Shah: Thank you so much for having me again, Katie.

Katie: Well, your first episode was so popular and I loved our conversation that I knew I wanted to have you back on. And I have seen you posting so much right on Instagram and about one of my favorite topics that I knew we had to have an in-depth conversation about it and that is fasting in all of its forms, but specifically, circadian fasting which you are a big proponent of. So to start broad, can you explain what that means? What circadian fasting is?

Dr. Shah: Yes. So, I know Katie, you’re a busy mom. I’m a busy mom. And I know a lot of your listeners are busy in so many different ways. And I was trying to think of a way to incorporate intermittent fasting in my life that made sense into a busy life with a family. And when I found the science behind circadian rhythms, which is basically that every single cell in our body has a clock and if you can tune your body to this clock, everything works better: your gut, your brain, your immune system, your hormones specifically. So I’m combining the science of circadian rhythms with the science of intermittent fasting. And that’s what circadian fasting is. And so it sounds really complicated, but really, it’s super simple.

It’s basically not eating three hours before bed, and then going to bed, and then waking up and having breakfast and so there’ll be a break of between 12 to 16 or 18 hours between the last time you ate food the night before, and the first time you eat food the next day. And so it’s something that’s maybe a little stretch if you’re someone who’s a typical American who eats, you know, 15, 16 hours a day, but it’s not so much of a stressful stretch that you can’t incorporate it into your busy life.

Katie: Yeah, and I think there’s an important distinction here that we can talk about because this kind of lines up with the idea of time-restricted eating or time-restricted feeding. And I know, there have been a lot of studies on this by people like Dr. Satchin Panda, and others. And the data really is compelling when they look at time-restricted eating and different windows from eating in even just like a 12-hour window or an 8-hour window.

I know they’ve done research on cancer patients and all kinds of different scenarios and found that eating and even just a little bit shorter of a window is important, but I feel like circadian fasting is supportive in another degree as well, which is that you’re kind of timing this with the body’s natural rhythm, with sleep and with light in a lot of cases, because typically we’re sleeping when it’s dark. And so avoiding eating after dark and avoiding eating during that time. But what does the data say that you’re seeing about the benefits of time-restricted eating and especially in circadian fasting when you’re timing it with your sleep?

Dr. Shah: Yes, so great questions, and absolutely in the science, scientific literature, this type of intermittent fasting is really considered time-restricted eating or time-restricted feeding when it comes to animal studies. And so the animal studies have been quite robust. Dr. Panda is one of the lead researchers at the Salk Institute and they talk about it’s not, you know, just what you eat, it’s when you eat. You could feed animals, the same exact diet, but you restrict the time that they eat it in. And they have less disease than the animals who are eating all day and all night long. And it makes sense, Katie, because think about it, our bodies are set to have a metabolism time and a repair and renew time and because we can’t be doing everything all the time.

So there has to be a timing a time where we actually repair and renew. And the trigger for that for us is nighttime, and the trigger is no food. So for example, when your body senses that there’s no food coming, it switches on the repair renewal pathways, which we so badly need. But if you think about it, it’s like having guests all the time.

So if in a typical Western diet, we are having guests all the time, all day, all night until the very late into the night, sometimes 11, 12 midnight. So it’s like, how could you ever clean your kitchen, deep clean your house if you’re constantly entertaining guests. And so you think about it the same way, like if you’re constantly eating when are you ever gonna get to deep clean and repair your cell and that’s why they think that timing your food, as well as restricting your food and making good food choices are all equivalently important in long-term health.

Katie: Got it and I know it’s… I’ve done a lot of research kind of a deep dive into this as well in the past few years. And the research in general about fasting really is incredible and there’s so many different types, obviously. And everything from water fasting, which they’ve done studies with chemo patients on, all the way to just eating in a time-restricted window. And then, of course, everything in between. Are there any other benefits that we know from the literature on fasting in general? And can you get these same benefits from shorter-term circadian fasting versus a water fast? Or are there a time and a place for a water fast as well?

Dr. Shah: So you mean like an extended water fast versus kind of the shorter windows?

Katie: Yes.

Dr. Shah: So definitely there’s so many benefits of fasting for 24 hours or even I know you do even extended fasting like 3 and 5 days. And I think that the benefits of those are enormous, you know, because you really get into the autophagy zone, which is basically happening at all levels. It’s happening right now to you even if you’re not fasted, but it really ramps up at the 24, at the 48-hour, so there are life-lengthening benefits, anti-aging benefits, metabolism benefits that happen with longer fasts, but you can get so many of those benefits even with this shorter windows of fasting.

And so I think that what I was really shocked at was Ruth Patterson’s study which looked at breast cancer survivors, and they looked at women who had a history of breast cancer and had them do either like, you know, 13 hours of fasting or no fasting at all, just regular advice because they said, “You know, we wanna give these women who are breast cancer survivors, the least stressful activity, don’t want to bombard them with long fasts because they’re already possibly, you know, suffering in other ways.”

And so they did this short fasting intervals, kind of like what we’re talking about with the circadian fasting and they only fasted about 13 hours a night. And they saw over the long term a 34% decrease in breast cancer recurrence. And for me, that is enough to say, “Hey, you know, even in people who have not had breast cancer that has big implications for us as a society, because it’s one of the first big human trials, looking at shorter fasting intervals.”

Katie: Gotcha. And I feel like my listeners probably do have a pretty good idea, but for anyone who hasn’t heard the term autophagy before, can you explain that to us?

Dr. Shah: Yes, sure. So, you know, there is a process that happens in our cell. It’s basically self-cleaning of the cell. So when autophagy is happening and this happens in certain states. It happens with, you know, intermittent fasting can definitely stimulate it, exercise can stimulate it, heat stress can often simulate. So basically, what happens is, your body turns on this process or turns up, I guess I should say because it’s always happening at some low levels, turns up the process of cleaning up our cells. They take out the garbage, they clean out the cell. It’s actually like a self-cleaning method. And the reason why that’s so important, Katie, is that we know that when you’re looking at aging cells, they’re really not doing as much. Their autophagy levels are just lower and slower.

And as the cell gets older, it’s almost a way you can age the cell. If you look at a cell under the microscope, when it isn’t undergoing that self-cleaning process, it just looks older, not functioning as well as a younger cell that has a robust autophagy process. So if you can boost the levels of how much autophagy you’re doing on a regular basis by intermittent fasting or exercise, like why wouldn’t you do that? It’s like a free anti-aging tool that you can use because that cell, under the microscope looks as young as a younger cell. And you can imagine that there is actually no medication, no cream, no other thing that we have in this world that actually does that. So that’s kind of the very exciting part of autophagy. It’s not just for disease, but also for anti-aging.

Katie: Awesome, I think that’s a good segue too. So let’s talk about the aging component, because hopefully most people listening don’t have something like breast cancer or worrying about that recurring or a serious health problem. But fasting has a lot of implications in the aging process as well, from what I understand. So if someone is just looking to kind of age more gracefully, what can fasting do there?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, so just like I told you every skin cell, every cell in our body has a clock, even our skin cells. So the example of skin seems to hit home for women really well because if you think about it, our skin has cells that have clocks as well. And so what they found in a study was that, hey, if you eat late into the night, your skin actually ages faster, you have more UV damage because your cells never get a chance to do that cleanup process, that sweep kind of repair process.

And so you end up having less UV damage when you are doing time-restricted feeding or time-restricted eating, so circadian fasting, in other words. And so for women, less UV damage means less age spots, less wrinkles, and basically, you know, having younger-looking skin that comes from no cream, but comes from actually activity that you can do for free.

Katie: I love that. And so when you talked about fasting and especially longer fast, I wanted to have a note here specific to women because I know there’s conflicting advice about if women should do long fasts in general, and if so, if there’s any special considerations, and I’ll be the first to say that even though this is something I do relatively regularly, it’s not something I recommend across the board or to anyone.

It’s just I know, what works for me after a lot of years of experimentation. And importantly, making sure my hormones and my gut were both in a really good place before I started doing long fasting. But you mentioned there are some benefits to longer fasting, do you have any special considerations that you would give to women, especially if they’re considering that, and is this something you do as well?

Dr. Shah: Great question. So I am that person who tried, you know, longer fasting and failed and learned the hard way that it wasn’t for me, but that’s not to say that I won’t do longer fasting but what I tell women especially and not every woman, like you said, everybody’s very different, depending on your genetics, depending on your baseline health status, your gut and your hormones.

But for many, many women in childbearing age, they have a hard time with longer fasts because we think that our bodies, hormonally, are designed to protect against long-term starvation because we, you know, in the case of if we were going to carry a fetus, potentially, our body is protecting us, and turning off ovulation or turning off the ability to carry a baby, if it senses that you’re in starvation, or long term starvation. So what happens to many people and what happened to me and what could happen potentially we still don’t understand exactly is that you start fasting too aggressively for your own body, and maybe too fast and what you end up having is hormonal disarray.

Your body starts to turn off the signals for ovulation and then you get, say, a missed period or you get a longer cycle or you get an irregular cycle. And those to me are danger signs when someone is fasting that, hey, this is an alarm that your body is setting off that, hey, we don’t feel like your body is capable of carrying a child. And even if you’re not interested in getting pregnant, that’s a sign that you are going a little too hard on the fasting or a lot too hard. And for me, that actually did happen. I first, you know, started fasting really aggressively. First, I started, you know, 16 hours of fasting every day. And then like day three, I start to get really, really hungry and really tired.

So I tell people that that’s another sign, your hunger, your cravings, your mood, and your energy are great markers, non-invasive markers of how a health plan is going for you. If by day three, four, five, you are feeling exhausted, you’re having cravings, you’re feeling moody, your sleep is disturbed. That’s a sign you need to back off. But say you don’t listen to those signs, like I didn’t listen to those signs. And this happens to a lot of other women. And you just keep going and you’ve tried to even do more aggressive ones like 24, maybe 30, 48, and you notice that now, “Oh, I missed my period, I’m always usually at 28 days. And now, I didn’t have one for, say, 35 or I didn’t have one at all.” That, to me, is a sign that there is something off. The health of your cycles is the health of a woman’s hormones. It’s a sign. So that’s when I back off.

Now, there’s very few studies on this. There’s a couple of animal studies that looked at very aggressive, prolonged fasting in rat studies, and they did see a halt in ovulation. But I tell women, “Listen, this is not something that you cannot do just because, you know, at the extremes, it could be too aggressive for you. Just work yourself up.” So the long answer to your short question is work yourself up to that position, just like you mentioned, you really worked on it and you worked on working your body up to that point.

And so if you have been doing intermittent fasting or circadian fasting or anything, and for, you know, months and maybe years, and you want to try a extended fast, that is something that you could do in a crescendo fashion. So now I’ve worked myself up, so I do a 24-hour kind of a dinner to dinner fast, once a month. According to the research studies that were done on the Mormon population, they do a Sunday fast, and they have found enormous differences in cardiac outcomes in people who do that Sunday fast versus people who do not even when they try to control for all the other health practices that, you know, Mormon population may do differently than the general population. They still found that the Sunday fast was an independent item or independent activity that improved cardiac outcomes in that population.

Katie: Yeah, that’s a great point. And like you said, working up to it, I think is key. And like with any study, we can use studies for good kind of general information. But I’m a big proponent of at the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our own health and we find our best health when we figure out specifically what works best for us based on experimentation and genes and testing. And so if I’m doing a long fast, I’m definitely testing first. I’m letting my doctor know. I know my level is going in. I’m testing coming out to make sure I haven’t messed, interfered with hormones or hurt my thyroid. I’m very cautious of that.

And I know a lot of people like that seems like a lot and something I feel like I need to do if I’m going to do extended fasts and something not everybody necessarily is willing to do and that’s why I’m like, I don’t think long fasting necessarily is for everyone. But that’s why things like circadian fasting are amazing because you can get, like you said, not all but most of the benefits with much shorter fast like that. And I feel like it’s been a common theme in research and even just a lot of experts will say, you know, don’t eat late at night or don’t eat right before bed.

That’s recurring advice. But the research really supports that. Even if that’s the only change you make. Like you said, I feel like you get such a boost by not eating late at night. Are there specific guidelines that are helpful? For instance, like I feel great when I stop eating at like 5 or 6, like pretty early in the evening, even though I’m not going to bed at 8:00. Are there guidelines for helping figure out that kind of sweet spot ratio of how far in advance of either sunset or bedtime?

Dr. Shah: Yes, so I love how you’re phrasing it. There’s so many benefits of, you know, people will criticize me and say, “Oh, my God, you’re promoting this very unhealthy practice that’s restrictive.” And what I come back with them is, you know, actually what we’re doing as a status quo is the unhealthy practice, which is eating late into the night, telling people to eat every couple of hours. Like, that is actually the unhealthy recommendation. So not eating three hours before bed should be a standard recommendation for better gut health, for better sleep, you know, for better mental health.

And what I usually tell people is, when I work with people, I say, “You know, start with that, and do, say, 12 hours in the beginning, if you’ve never, ever, ever tried this before.” That would be a good spot to start. And, you know, of course, check with your doctor because not everybody fits into that category. But many, many people can start at the 12-hour point. So maybe it’s like from 7 to 7. And then, just like you’re mentioning, Katie, I am the same way, like, say you get used to the 12-hour thing and that’s still a big improvement off of what you were doing before. And then three days a week, you push that, so you may push that, meaning eat your dinner even earlier.

So maybe you decide with your family that, hey, we’re gonna eat a very early dinner tonight and, you know, this seems so crazy to some people and so doable to others. So it really just depends on your lifestyle, to maybe eat dinner at 5, or maybe end your dinner at 6, a couple of days a week, maybe non-consecutive days. And see how you feel in the morning. That’s when I think the magic really starts to happen is when you stop eating at 5 and then maybe you don’t eat again till 8 or 9 in the morning after a fasted workout. And that’s when you actually gonna get into that autophagy and into that metabolic switching zone. That’s when you’re gonna see even additional benefits from doing this kind of fasting.

Katie: And another area that I think I’m curious your take on so I’ve noticed I feel better when I eat lunch as my biggest meal because it tends to be higher in protein and just higher in food volume, which then gives me more time to digest all of that before bedtime, even though I’m still eating a smaller dinner. Do you know if there’s any research that backs that up, I know, in some countries lunch is the bigger meal and dinner is lower?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, I think that, you know, the research really does look at 12 to 5 being a good digestion zone. And, actually, very interesting because this is where Ayurveda, like, Eastern medicine and Western medicine kind of agree is to eat the bulk of your meals between that. Exactly what you just said, between the hours of 12 and 5, where you’re, kind of, you know, maybe eating a smaller dinner, and you’re eating a no or smaller breakfast. And that seems to be the kind of strongest digestion and that is something, like, I love when Eastern and Western medicine agree on something.

And that’s one of the places that seems to be really powerful and agree, so exactly when I described the circadian rhythm because people will say, “Give me some guidelines like some bumpers.” And I say, “Okay, well if you ate the bulk of your meals between 12 and 5 and then maybe stopped eating around 5 or 6, a couple of days a week, and then you’re stopping your blue light and I know you’re a proponent of this, too, say, you stop all the blue light 90 minutes before bed because this is all kind of circadian sinking. And as you know, one bout of blue light delays your melatonin by 90 minutes.

So say you stop everything, the blue lights, 90 minutes before bed and you just use, you know, either blue light blocking glasses or you just use no blue light, just a very soft yellow light or no light. And then you read a book, or do your skincare routine, or play with your kids, or whatever it may be to wind down, maybe there’s some meditation in that, and then you go to sleep ideally, say, 10:00, okay? And then 11:00 you get usually one hour after you go to bed, you get this huge burst of human growth hormone HGH, which is the hormone that repairs your injuries. That’s the one that everybody loves for skin and muscle repair and making you feel younger and more energetic, so you get that big burst.

So they call it beauty sleep for a reason because there’s actually is a burst. You get a second smaller burst right before you wake up as well or early in the morning as well. And so say, then you know about all these sleep studies that show that you have, there’s so much benefit in sleeping about eight hours. So you wake up, say, at 6 a.m. and what I recommend people do is get some sunlight. Get some sunlight, if you live in a place that even has some daylight between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. go outside barefoot, if you can, get some daylight and really start your day in a very positive fashion. You will see your energy levels skyrocket.

If you can fast, do a fasted workout before you break your fast even better. So that’s kind of like rough goalposts throughout the day. And I tell people listen, I understand people have different schedules, you know, you may work a night shift, I get it like this is not supposed to be, you know, right for 100% of the population. But if you’re someone who’s like, “Hey, I want some goalpost to figure out how to do this, and try it for my own body,” that would be something I would suggest.

Katie: Yeah, I love everything you brought up. And I think just two important things to echo and to go a little deeper on, the first being, like eating in that shorter window and not snacking. I feel like a lot of adults will sometimes consider that advice. But then they’re hesitant to not give their kids lots of snacks or to not just feed kids whenever they’re hungry, even if it’s late at night.

And so I’m really curious your take on that as a parent because I know, from the research I’ve read at least, even any break that we give ourselves from digestion is really beneficial like you said to the liver, and in so many other ways, including during the day. So while we think we only eat 3 meals a day, when researchers actually look at it, most people in the U.S. eat up to 17 meals a day, because every time we ingest even just like a mouthful of food, our digestive process starts. And we don’t really give our bodies a break from that. So I’m curious, how do you navigate this with your kids and are there any other considerations?

Dr. Shah: Okay, so let’s be honest, Katie. During quarantine, it’s been like a total snack/eating fest in our house. And we had to really curb that exact problem is that, you know, when you’re home and you have access to food, you have access to the kitchen all the time, there’s a tendency to really snack a lot more. And you’re right, in the American culture for children, especially there is almost not more than two hours that go by without someone eating something. And so what I have roughly done with my own kids, and I think it really depends on the age of your children. But what I’ve done is…my kids are 10 and 12. And they do really well with kind of a 12-hour fast, which basically is not like a stepping stone.

But basically, what we say is after dinner, they have a dessert. And we allow dessert after dinner as their dessert-of-the-day kind of thing. And then they don’t eat anything after that, until the next day. And that way that kinda gives bookends to the day like I always say, we’ll save it for dessert or…you know, because they’ll be asking me for a snack or sweet snack and they’re like, so innocent, these children, of course, for them, their taste buds are going to be lit up. Their brain is going to light up when they eat a processed sugary snack. And so they’re going to want that much more than a piece of fruit, for example.

So the way I kind of navigate around that instead of saying, no all the time, I say, you know what, if there’s something, like, a homemade chocolate dessert that you wanna have, you save it for once you finish your meals for the day, and then we’re gonna basically stop for the rest of the night. So they eat their one snack or whatever dessert after dinner, and then they’re done for the night. And the reason why I say 12 hours is a good benchmark is that it’s basically three hours before bed, and then they wake up and they can eat breakfast again. And that’s, you know, with growing children, you always want to weigh the risks and the benefits of a lot of this stuff.

Katie: I definitely agree. And I also love that you brought up light. Because I think this is an area that we’re just starting to understand the research on and people are kind of finally coming around to, but it can be really, really dramatic. And I think it’s easy to discount because unlike food, we don’t feel an immediate energy boost, or we don’t necessarily feel the immediate change from changing our light habits. But over time, I’ve seen the results of this in my lab work and certainly in my sleep quality and in my kids’ sleep quality.

So I think this is a big one for parents that you touched on. And I’d love to go a little deeper on it because, like you, we’re big fans of the morning sunlight as a family, and I’ll drink tea or coffee outside, often, non-caloric, so I’m still in that fasting window. But that makes a huge, huge difference in sleep both for adults, and especially in kids. And I know for parents, like anything you can do that makes your kids sleep better, you wanna know. So talk a little bit more about how we can use light to our advantage, especially hand in hand with this type of circadian fasting.

Dr. Shah: So exactly what you said, you know, sleep is at, you know, every time I read the research on sleep, and I know that your audience and my audience is so in-tune with this. And we’ve heard all the benefits of sleep ranging from the brain benefits, the gut benefits to the hormone benefits to the, you know, there’s just benefits on benefits. But there’s, children especially, are sensitive to this light, dark cycle. And I think that what we do wrong as a culture is, you know, we don’t do morning sunlight outdoors and get nature time. And then we don’t have an evening wind-down routine. And then the children, just like us, are wound up at bed. And just like I said, you know, one bout of blue light.

So one show in the evening is delaying their melatonin release by 90 minutes, and you need that melatonin release to actually feel sleepy. And so what I usually recommend to people and what I do myself is that about, you know, calculate 90 minutes before their bedtime, and then that’s when the devices and everything turns off. If you do, you know, allow them to have that depending on their age. And then maybe you do an evening routine, just like the adults do an evening routine. My children have an evening routine that they do, and maybe that includes a little bit of reading. Maybe that’s a little meditation practice, maybe that’s just, you know, talking softly, going over your day in the darkness.

And it’s so crazy, Katie, that this is like weird to people. Because, you know, if you think about it for hundreds and thousands of years, that’s how life was. I mean, until, what, smartphones didn’t even come out till, you know, I was in college. I think I started using… No, actually way later than that. It was computers and email that we started using in college. And then so you can imagine that it wasn’t too long ago, that turning up blue lights was standard because there wasn’t, you know, it was really just the TV that you could be using. So we really need to reset the way we, you know, set up our kids for the night so that they can get a restful sleep as well.

Katie: Absolutely, yeah, I think that’s so so important. These little things can make a huge, huge difference. And also when it comes to light is the issue of vitamin D and sunlight. And I would love to hear your take on this because I know that the research shows that vitamin D levels are really important for a whole lot of aspects of health and that it’s not just a vitamin, it’s actually a pre-hormone.

And right now, of course, we’re seeing data about vitamin D being important for good outcomes with upper respiratory infections. We know it’s tied to the immune system. We know for kids and hormones, it’s vitally important and that you definitely don’t want to have very low vitamin D levels. And I’m a big fan of getting moderate sunlight for this reason and also testing vitamin D and supplementing, if necessary. But it seems like you are also a fan of getting sunlight in appropriate amounts and vitamin D through the sun, but I’d love to hear your take on that in detail.

Dr. Shah: Katie, you summarize it amazingly well. Honestly, because I think that what you have to understand is vitamin D is an immune modulator. And that’s a fancy way of saying that it works with the immune system. It works like a hormone. It works in a way that we have not seen any other vitamin work. In fact, when I was in immunology fellowship, it was hormone of the year, because of its effects on the immune system that we’re finding out now are huge. And I do believe that much of the population has a vitamin D deficiency.

In fact, the correlative studies on COVID and vitamin D are very, very interesting. So what they found is that when you looked at vitamin D levels, the people who were deficient, just had very, very much different course of COVID than people who had adequate D levels. And so not only did we know that it stops you from getting respiratory viruses, but it’s sure that it can improve your outcomes once you are infected. And so that has been really interesting in the situation, but we know that it works like a hormone.

So if you’re trying to balance your hormones, vitamin D is imperative, testing your levels is imperative. I do believe, again, like you in getting moderate sunlight and so what people may say is like, “Okay, well, like how do you weigh this against the dermatologist recommendations of sunscreen all the time?” And so what I do for myself and, you know, it’s not perfect, but this is what I like, is if I can get a chance to do sunlight in the morning, which I do most days like you do, I go out without any kind of sunscreen or anything, basically first thing in the morning and get that morning sunlight.

So it’s really good for my circadian rhythms, get a little bit of vitamin D, and then start my day. And then, you know, later in the…if you live in a very hot place like I do, like, you know, the afternoon sun is quite strong in summer. So that’s when I’m wearing sunscreen and not spending more than, you know, 10 minutes bathing in the sun. So that’s basically how I couch both sides of the story here.

Katie: Got it.

Okay, so if you don’t mind, can you take us through… I know you’ve kind of mentioned parts of your daily routine. But for you as a busy mom and a doctor and someone who is up on the research and understands circadian fasting and implements all of this, can you kind of walk us through what a day might look like? I know there’s no like average day, especially right now. But just kind of some of the things that you do daily in what order?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, great. So let’s start with waking up. So I wake up about 6:00 and I did that because I trained my body to start to sync with circadian rhythm. So naturally, I wake up around then. I will go barefoot outside. And I know not everybody has the opportunity to do this. If you live in a high rise, you’re not gonna walk out in your pajamas like in barefoot so just keep in mind that obviously you can change all of this or some of this. So I walk outside if I can, get a couple of stretches in the sunlight, sometimes I will do my gratitude right there. So it’s done for the day. Gratitude statements changes everything even if you just name two or three things you’re grateful for, especially around this time where mental health can really suffer.

And so but you can say, “You know, I know this is happening to me, but I’m so happy to have my health and the health of my family. And I’m so lucky that I have a home to sleep in, and a home to be, you know, quarantined in.” So then I go inside and I get ready for the day. And usually what that means is a workout first. So then I’ll get ready in my workout clothes and my sneakers and I’ll go, if I can do a nature-based workout, I will do that. So there’s studies, Katie, that show that rhythmic exercise is really, really calming for the brain. So rhythmic exercise is like walking or skating or swimming. Something that, you know, you develop a breathing rhythm and a movement rhythm.

It’s almost like moving meditation and so I love to incorporate some of that into my day if I can and I try to do it fasted. And first thing in the morning in nature because, you know, as moms we love to multitask, and this is like getting all of those things in one. And so then after that, I will usually shower and then break my fast and usually when I break my fast I break it first with water throughout but with a tea and nuts. And the reason why I do that is that whenever you’re breaking your fast you don’t wanna like immediately eat a huge meal. And this is more important when you’re doing longer fasts, but I also think that in general I just made it a habit of kinda starting with a smaller meal or smaller snack, I guess I would call it and start with the tea and nuts and I just kind of kinda go slow with that.

And then I will have my full meal. And my full meal in the morning is really not that big. It’s usually a deconstructed smoothie because right now I got sick of having smoothies. So it’s really just berries and veggies and nuts. And what I do is I take it with me to work and basically, you know, I’ll have it. I’ll have the berries probably on the way to work and I’ll have some of the other stuff throughout a little bit in the morning. And then I won’t have anything until about 12 depending on when I break the fast. You know, sometimes I’ll break the fast. Say, so if I’m giving you a typical example and I woke up at 6:00, and I started working out from 7:00 to 8:00, then I’ll break my fast at 8:30 or 9:00.

And I do that because there is some evidence that if you’re trying to maintain muscle mass or trying to build muscle mass, you can time your protein kind of one hour after you break that fasted workout to retain some of the benefits of weight training. And so I do that. And my protein will be something like usually a plant-based protein either black bean sprout, or tofu hummus, or it could be a…sometimes if I’m in a rush it will be like a vegan protein shake or a chia pudding, something like that.

And then I’ll have, I always, always plan to have two big vegetable-based meals a day. So usually it’s at 12:00 and 5:00. And the reason why I do that is because there’s so much benefit in feeding your gut bacteria, prebiotic fiber, so fibrous foods, especially from vegetables can be transformative to your gut health. And, you know, gut health is immune health. And gut health is hormone health. So that’s what I do for those meals. So it could be a stir-fry, it could be a soup, it could be a salad, but something plant-based, vegetable-based, I mean, and very, very heavy on the vegetables. And then I will come home from work and spend time with the kids. And I usually, what I do is about 8:00, I will really, 7:30, 8;00, we really turn off all the blue lights.

So all their computers, iPhones, everything around 7:30, 8:00 go off. And so everybody knows they can’t text me after 8:00 because I probably won’t answer till the next morning. And so I know that if it’s an emergency, they have the home line or whatever. So then basically, that’s when I do my wind-down routine. So the kids have a wind-down routine, I have a wind-down, my husband has a wind-down routine. And then we basically wind-down, I do my skincare, I do my prep for the next day, do a little more gratitude or a little meditation if I can, and then it’s lights out at 10. And that way I know I’m getting about eight hours of sleep every day. So that’s kind of a rough outline of the day.

Katie: I love that. And I love that you mentioned gratitude and just kind of bullet journaling a couple few things a day, I think that also makes a much bigger difference than we ever can anticipate just to shift our mindset like that. And I know you’ve also posted something on Instagram that I loved recently, “That which you don’t change, you choose.”

And I feel like, you have so many great quotes about focusing on the positive and focusing on the things we have the ability to choose and to impact which, especially right now seems ever-important of, you know, because we can feel so uncertain and so helpless at times, but yet, we still all have the power over things like this. Like when we eat and what we eat and who we spend time with. With our family, you know, whether we go outside in the morning. There’s so many small positive changes that we can make that make such a big difference. And I love that that’s your focus in so many of your posts.

Dr. Shah: Yeah, and I think, Katie, and right back at you because I honestly really, really can relate to so many of your posts. They are so thoughtful. And I think that what I’m trying to tell people is what works for me. Like, I was in that dark place once and here’s how I got out. And, like, right now with this whole, you know, COVID thing and quarantine, I also struggled a lot in the very beginning because what we don’t know makes us anxious, like the future and the past are what our anxieties come from, right?

And so what I had to do for myself is I had to say, “I need to focus on what I can control.” And so that’s what I was sharing with people. I said, “Hey, you can control only you and your own practices and your own habits. And if you would do that, that will take your anxiety level way down and bring your happiness level way up.” Because as soon as you finish the task of, say, going outside in the morning and getting some sunlight, as soon as you finish the task of like, hey, I finished my meals at 6 p.m. you feel accomplished, you feel like you are controlling your environment and you feel good about that. And so anxiety goes way down and that’s what I found was so helpful for me and that’s why I share with a lot of people online, too.

Katie: I love that. I’m curious, just on a personal level, any supplements or like beauty routines or things that you’d give advice to women especially?

Dr. Shah: That’s a good question, Katie. I am so anti-supplements only because I just hate having to think about a million things in the morning to take, and so I’m very big on minimizing how much you take every day because these are all things that are modulating your body that can be best done by food. But if for targeted practices like for example, you know, melatonin has been really helpful for me to shift my sleep schedule. So if you’re someone who is thinking about trying the circadian rhythm and trying to get back on track and you’re just so off, you don’t even know where to start, I would say, “Hey, maybe you try taking melatonin about 90 minutes before you want to go to sleep and maybe you just take one milligram,” because most, you know, store-bought melatonin is at very, very high dose and so or you use another kind of natural sleep remedy, chamomile or something like that.

You try that before bed to kind of reset your rhythm and I do that every time I travel or if I’m off schedule because of, you know, other things going on. And I do love vitamin D as we discussed. That’s one of the only supplements that I take on a regular basis. And then I like adaptogens like ashwagandha, I like amla, I like Rhodiola. Because I feel that when you are in the situation, there are certain points in your life and you may be in that point right now where your life feels like you’re doing everything right, but you really need support on the stress-control hormone balancing aspect, that’s when these adaptogens can really be helpful. And I do use them from time to time when I’m in those states.

And that’s really what I’d actually use when I was in my own kind of dark place and I had to take my health back to a different level. I am a fan of omega-3s, but I’ll be honest, I’m not so great about taking them all the time. I really try to eat a very, very good diet and hope that I’m getting, you know, at least some of that from there. And then other than that, sometimes I take magnesium, which is a nice way also to calm the body down in the evenings. Something like a natural calm or whatever. And then, during this time, there are lots of people who’ve been asking me like, “What about vitamin C?” And I am a huge fan of vitamin C.

And I think that if you’re someone who wants to boost up or support your immune processes, and you’re doing everything else, right, and you wanna add some vitamin C, I think it’s a very safe supplement because vitamin C is one of the vitamins that you can pee or poop out if you have too much. Like, there are some vitamins A, D, E, and K where you can overdose because your body is not capable of… It basically stores in the fat instead of being excreted. But vitamin C is quite safe and can be taken at very high levels. And once your body doesn’t need it, you’ll just pee or poop it out and that’s it. So during this time, a lot of people have chosen to do that and I think that is definitely something that’s valid.

Katie: I love that. Any advice just kind of, you know, and when this airs hopefully we’ll be in a little bit different of a scenario right now. But just from like mom to mom, any advice in navigating this kind of constant changing dynamic with families and with all of that brink of health and for just how we interact?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, you mean social aspects or just in general?

Katie: Both. I feel like people are kind of in a definitely increased stress right now, just because of, and when you said uncertainty is one of the biggest factors in stress. So is loneliness. And so a lot of us are having to navigate like isolation plus extra time with kids plus extra chaos. Anything that you’re finding that’s helpful?

Dr. Shah: That’s a great question. And I think from mom to mom, I think my children are in the same situation. I think that being outdoors and, you know, the calming effects of nature has really transformed us and every time someone asks me what to do is get outside, go for a walk, move your body, be in nature, you will feel so much better. And the other technique is that gratitude is like practices with your children like, hey, isn’t it so great, you know, aren’t you so grateful that you’re able to go for a walk right now? Or aren’t you so grateful that you can still learn from home and you don’t have to attend school? And really flip the script so that you’re not always talking about anxiety-producing things.

And now, in the beginning, this is so bad. But, Katie, we would watch like the news every evening, because we were, you know, all of us were in the state of like, constant change. And there was so much going on that we would just like, watch the news. And then, of course, after like, a week of that it got really old and really anxiety-producing and I couldn’t sleep well even if I’ve turned off the TV way before bedtime. And so what I realized is, hey, I need to compartmentalize and only consume the news when my mind is mentally ready for that. And so I only do it like twice a day now. And because for me as a physician, I need to keep up on the science and the literature. So twice a day I check in on what’s going on in the world. And then I don’t look at it after that.

Katie: That’s a great point. I think I’ve had to limit. I actually have done that for probably a decade now. I just like limit exposure to the news and to most aspects of the media. And I realized I am not any less informed about the world or like, the world hasn’t ended, because I’m not aware of all the things going on at all times. And my stress level is dramatically less. And I think right now you’re right, that such an important point is in whatever way it works best for us individually, like limit the sources of that because all of them are stressful right now. There’s always so much uncertainty and we do have control over what we let in and I think that’s a really, really important point.

Dr. Shah: Yeah, I think it makes your mental health better. And, you know, honestly, I think that, for me, I get so much more from discussions with really educated people. And so what I’ve been trying to do is having some real-life phone, or FaceTime, or online discussions with people who are very, very well-versed, so you get the benefits of relationship and get the benefits of conversation without having that scary kind of anxiety-provoking headline of the news. And that’s what I’m trying also when I do my Instagram updates. I try to be really like as if a friend is talking to a friend instead of being like attention-grabbing and anxiety-producing with my headlines.

Katie: I love that. And then lastly, as we wrap up, I know I need to respect your time, you’re a busy doctor, but are there any books, podcast sources of inspiration for you right now that are helping you keep things positive or that you’ve just read and loved lately?

Dr. Shah: Oh, that’s a great question. So I have really, really loved a new book. Have you ever heard of David Goggins?

Katie: I don’t think so.

Dr. Shah: His book is “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. And it is so, so inspirational because it’s talking about someone who really went through a lot of struggles in his life. It’s kind of a biography. And it’s been so inspirational to me because I just look at his life story, and it really gives us perspective on how to be strong. It’s almost like a combination of biography and self-help. But I really, really have loved it. And I know you love reading, so that’s a great one. It’s right up your alley as well. I love your podcast and I think it’s a really great source of information. And that David Goggins’ book is really life-changing, you should check it out.

Katie: Awesome. I’ll make sure that is linked in the show notes as well as your website and your Instagram, which I’m a big fan of like I said, I follow it. But I really appreciate you being on. I hope this encouraged a lot of people to consider circadian fasting, which I think is the perfect, gentle intro into fasting. And if even if that’s all you ever try, like, Dr. Amy, explained, there are so many benefits. I would love for you guys to give it a try to let us know how it goes on Instagram or in the comments. But, Dr. Amy, thank you so much. I know how busy you are. And it’s truly an honor that you’ve spent time with us today.

Dr. Shah: Oh, Katie, thank you so much for having me on. It was an honor and pleasure.

Katie: And thanks as always to all of you for listening and sharing your most valuable asset, your time with both of us today. We’re so grateful that you did. And I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/circadian-fasting/

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runwiththieves-blog · 7 years

Text

I’M GONNA DO A QUICK LIL INTRODUCTION HERE SISTERS! bc i’m lame and new!!! well i’m not new to the fandom etc but this is a fresh blog and this is the first time i’ve ever posted my writings anywhere for the general public (who happens to be searching for harry styles smut) can read it and I’M GEEKIN TBQH!! anyway, hi hello – i have a name, but im gonna let u guys call me T, even tho my name starts w H. H would get too confusing should this work out the way i’m hoping it will! so i’m T. and i like writing and harry styles and so i thought i, along with everyone i scream about H to in the wee hours of the night, would probably find it beneficial if i had blog where i could do that and ppl who actually want to read about how i want him to spit in my mouth! i’ve been a silent lurker of the tags for awhile now (shoutout to @stylesunchained, @permanentcross, @jawllines, @canistay-haz for the inspo behind me finally making this godforsaken blog) (please be my friend) (i’m very intimidated by all of u). so yeah i hope this works out, and if not then it was fun to share this little bit of a something with all of u! and if it does then i’ll likely post a pt 2 to this! if u like it like/reblog if ur into the kinda thing ig :) also my praise kink is jsut as alive as harrys and my ask box is always open to discuss either one <3

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front ‘f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

Harry’s your best friend and then you realize a lot of things, mostly that you’re an idiot

7k+, smut, overuse of the word ‘because’

It’s when you’re sitting on the couch next to him that you have your ’oh god’ moment where you realize that you’re actually really into him.

Harry hasn’t done anything to provoke this. He’s literally just sitting there, being his angel-like self because he can’t help it, it’s just who he is and you’ve accepted that. He’s beautiful and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you can feel it down to your toes when you look over to him and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest because he’s already looking at you, like he knows.

“’S wrong, pet? Not in the mood t'cuddle w'me today?” His voice suddenly breaks the comfortable silence you had fallen into, and you feel yourself flush down to your chest because this is Harry calling you out for being weird with him. You’re pretty sure there’s supposed to be at least a three month pining window before he starts to notice.

He’s Harry, though — not megastar Harry Styles, or the Harry his fans have dreamed up in their fantasy worlds where he takes them on luxury getaways whenever he has downtime (you guess they have no idea that he would rather watch romantic comedies and drink wine on the comfort of his own couch). To you, he’s the Harry who held your hair back while you threw up the first night you met at one of Nick’s parties. He’s the Harry who then proceeded to make his home, whenever he got to hangout with Nick and the rest of his friends, right beside you. He’s the Harry who insists that you sleep in his bed with him whenever you’ve had a bit too much to drink (and when you haven’t), instead of crashing on the couch (there are a gazillion fully furnished bedrooms in his house, you’d never have to crash on the couch, but you always crawl into bed with him instead of pointing that out). He’s the Harry who sort of just wiggled his way into your life and heart four years ago and forced you to be his best mate, whether you liked it or not, because he liked you.

So of course he notices when something is off with you. He always has, so you’re not entirely sure why you thought he wouldn’t notice when you went dead silent and put three miles between the two of you, when you had just been curled up against him like you always were on nights like this (and nights not like this, just kind of whenever the two of you were in the general vicinity of each other).

“Jus’ getting t'be a bit sleepy, I think. Think ’m gonna call it a night soon,” you say, and then you spare a glance to the clock on the wall, and it’s barely half ten, and Harry knew damn well that you almost never fell asleep before midnight, and if you did you’d wake up at three in the morning unable to get back to sleep.

The lie seems to do it’s job, though, because he doesn’t press you for further explanation, despite the fact that he’s looking at you in a way that lets you know he knows you’re bullshitting him and he’s bound to find out whatever it is that’s clearly bothering you. It almost feels like a challenge, but you know that this isn’t a game, and Harry gaining knowledge of your newest revelation would change everything, and probably not for the better.

It’s when you’re putting your answer into action that he presses further, because you’re grabbing for your keys, instead of announcing that you’re going to sleep with a kiss to his cheek, or wherever you can reach, and heading up the stairs to his bedroom. “Y'not staying?” He questions, and he’s got a pointed look about his face, and he really looks genuinely concerned, because you’ve never not stayed after a night like this. “’M supposed to meet m'mum for brunch,” you say, and you know it’s a lame excuse, because you’ve stayed over at Harry’s and went to work the next day with no problem. It also doesn’t help that he knows there’s no way your mum isn’t in town, because she would have texted him and made dinner plans a week in advance. They were close like that and you momentarily hate them for it.

He’s looking you over from where he sits and you don’t know if you’ve ever felt more small or intimidated in your life, and all he’s done is look at you. That’s all he’s done all night, really, and you feel like you’re about to claw your way out of your own skin because of it.

The three month pining window would kill you, probably, so scratch that.

“Has anyone ever told you what an awful liar you are? I mean, I know I haven’t, but that’s because you’ve never lied t'me,” he says, and the words send chills all over you skin, because you’ve been maybe not necessarily caught, but he knows there’s something going on, and you don’t know how to get yourself out of this one.

“I’ll cancel,” you finally tell him, accepting defeat, but not admitting to the lie. The fact that there is nothing to cancel isn’t something either of you bring up, even though you both know it.

“Wanna tell me why you’ve been a mile away fr’m me all night, while we’re at it?” He murmurs, and you just shake your head, setting your keys back down on the coffee table and fitting yourself into Harry’s side. “I just didn’t want t'bother you, s'all. You’ve had people all over you for a month now, w'your album 'nd all. Wanted t'give you your space,” you explain, even though you know he’ll see right through that excuse, too, if he really thinks about it, but it’s not nearly as opaque as the brunch thing.

It’s when he calls her cute and tucks her head under his chin that she knows she’s in the clear, for now at least, and she smiles silently.

—–

You’re in his dressing room helping him get ready for one of his secret shows when it happens again.

It’s nothing different from what you’re usually doing when you get to go to one of his shows, even did it the last couple of years that One Direction toured. You’ve seen all his bits and helped him cover each and every part of them at some point or another, so seeing him without clothes has never had a very strong effect on you (okay, well it did, because you’re human and you’re not blind to the fact that Harry’s gorgeous, but you did a damn good job of hiding it).

And he’s not even naked now, not really — he’s wearing a pair of black boxer briefs, and he’s got his shirt covering his arms, and you’re standing in front of him buttoning (and smirking up at him when he unbuttons one more of the top buttons, even though you know not to even try to start at the top and fix him up proper) from top to bottom, like you always do. It’s become something you just do, no questions asked and for no real reason, because Harry is perfectly capable of buttoning his own shirt. You just like to do it, you suppose, and he’s never had a complaint.

Your fingertips drag across his lower abdomen by accident, before you’ve finished, though, and you swear you feel like your entire body’s on fire, and he hasn’t even touched you.

“I like this shirt,” you tell him as you drag your hands over the fabric covering his tattooed chest to smooth it out. You don’t even know why you said it, it’s like you were trying to distract him from the much more intimate, in your head at least, touch before, even though he probably didn’t even notice or think anything of it if he did.

“’S the ruffles, innit? Makes all the girls wild f'me,” he says, and you know he’s teasing, but his smirk lets you believe for just a moment that he’s flirting with you.

He’s not. It’s something you decide quite easily for the both of you, because it’s easier to shut your brain down that way than let it wonder if, maybe, possibly, he might be feeling everything that you are. You’re a very humble and grounded person, and ironically enough, you pride yourself in being just that. You wouldn’t dare let yourself believe that Harry Styles would ever have any romantic interest in you.

“’S too bad I only care that this one’s wild about it,” he says, kissing your cheek, but it’s so close to your lips, just barely brushing against the corner of your mouth, that you feel dizzy from more than just his statement.

Well. Maybe that changes things little bit.

Because you’re the only one in the room with him, so it’s not like there’s some other girl lurking in the shadows that you didn’t know about. Also, he almost kissed you. Like, really kissed you. Mouth to mouth. Does he know he almost did that? Does he know that you feel like you’re going to pass out the more you think about it? Also, what does that even mean? Why does he only care that you’re 'wild’ about him? There are so many questions and you feel like you’re going to start screaming any second, so you decide a shot of tequila is the best option right now.

–

You’re standing at the side of stage when you realize there’s no coming back from this.

He’s performing 'Woman’ and you don’t think you’ve ever witnessed anything as provocative as this. He’s really into the song, is the thing, and you’re certain he could tell any girl in the building to drop her panties for him, and they would in a heartbeat. You’ll pretend that you aren’t part of that group.

Until he’s looking to the side of the stage, like he’s looking for someone, and once his gaze finds yours and stays there, you realize it’s you that he was looking for.

And oh. Oh.

You are definitely, undeniably part of the Drop-Your-Panties-For-Harry-Styles group. Very much so, indeed.

He’s got the microphone stand between his legs and he’s practically grinding against it as he just stares at you — he’s been doing that a lot lately, and that’s another one of the many realizations you’ve had in the past week with Harry.

You swear you nearly pass out when he sings the line ��you flower, you feast,’ with the biggest smirk you’ve ever seen before he’s looking back towards the crowd.

And then you have to go. You have to leave and go to his dressing room for the rest of the song, at the very least, because you’re so fucking confused. Where did all of this even come from? Why is he suddenly acting as if he just can’t resist you anymore, like he’s been longing for you this whole time. Was he just lonely? Horny and unwilling to put any effort into finding someone to get his fix with? Was it just a joke? Because the ache in your heart and between your legs was no joke.

You consider leaving the entire establishment when you hear the beginning chords of the last song on the setlist, so that you don’t have to face him afterwards, but instead you find your way back to the side of the stage and watch proudly as your best friend absolutely rips this crowd apart with his talent. You want to cry sometimes because you’re so proud of Harry, you really do. You think you probably will when he heads off on his first headlining tour in a few months. Cry because you’re proud, but also because you’ll be without him for the majority of those three months. The thought tugs at something in your chest, probably your heart, and it makes your eyes sting just for a second, until you’ve pushed the tears off for the moment.

For now, you’re watching on with a smile you just can’t help as he belts out the last few lines of 'Sign of the Times,’ and you want to join in, but you’d die if his microphone were to pick up your awful howling, as well. So, you wait for the end, and then you cheer and scream with the rest of the crowd in front of him. You notice that he spares a glance back at you, and you send him a nod back as you continue your cheering, watching as he practically personally thanks each and every fan in the crowd until the stage has gone dark and the lights in the main establishment have come up, and everyone’s pushing and shoving their way out.

You’re grinning because the star of the whole goddamn show is walking over to you before he is anyone else, and you’re beaming as you wrap your arms around his neck. “You were fucking incredible,” you tell him against his neck, and you take the kiss to the top of your head as an acceptable way to say 'thank you.’

–

It’s when the two of you are back in his dressing room that you feel the tension build again, and you swallow the lump in your throat as you replay his question over and over again: “Where did you go after 'Woman?’”

You want to scream, shout, throw things; not because you’re angry, but because when the hell did Harry get so confrontational? Or was it just something he was doing because you were being noticeably weird with him?You don’t like it at all, despite the fact that you’re always telling him he needs to speak up more. You never meant with you.

“Had to use the loo,” is the answer you give him, and he cocks an eyebrow at you not a moment after you’ve spoken.

“You feelin’ okay, then? You were gone for four songs after that, and I talk a lot,” he says, and it’s so matter-of-fact that you know he sees right through you, just like he had the other night when you told him you were going to brunch with your mum.

When you don’t say anything for a minute, he presses on, stepping closer to you. “I don’t understand what you’re tryin’ so hard t'hide from me, babe. First the other night, now this — what’s going on?” He questions, and his stare is intense, and it wouldn’t be if were anyone else, but as always, he’s Harry.

“I’m fine, H, just have a lot on m'mind,” you try, feeling absolutely defeated, because try as you might, it really is impossible to lie to Harry, especially when he’s looking at you the way he is. He knows something is up, because you’ve never hidden anything from him. He knew your deepest, darkest secrets three days into your friendship. He knows more about you than any of your exes ever have, and you think that could be part of what scares you so much about him. You feel like if he ever finds out, the chances of you losing him are far greater, and the idea puts a pain in your chest, because what would you ever do without Harry?

You can’t help but miserably stutter and stumble over your words when he asks you who you’ve been thinking about, rather than what, but what catches you even more off guard is him stepping until he’s nearly got you pinned against the wall of his dressing room, and you’re breathing is heavy as you stare up at this beautiful, sweaty boy who just wants to know why you’ve been treating him so differently.

“You’re all I’ve been thinkin’ about, 'f that’s any sort of encouragement,” he tells you, and you want to speak, you do — you want to say something, fucking anything, but you’re frozen and your heart is about to beat right out of your chest.

“You don’t mean that,” is what you say, for whatever reason, and you feel awful as soon as you see the way Harry’s eyebrows furrow and his lips form into a tight line, but he’s not moving away from you at all. If it were possible, you feel like you’re drowning in him even more so.

“I — of course I fucking mean it,” he argues, his eyes unmoving from yours. “I can’t believe you’d fucking say that. Have you not noticed that I spend every bit of free time I have with you? You’re the first and last person I talk to every morning and every night, and the first person I run to when I have news, 'r just something to say. You’re the first person out of everyone I know that I run to after I come off stage — of-fucking-course you’re all I think about,” he says, and although his words are nice and make you feel all warm inside, he sounds angry, and that scares you, because Harry’s never been actually angry with you.

“Harry, I — I’m sorry,” you say, and your voice is nearly a whisper and you feel like crying, because he was honest with you, and you all but said you didn’t believe him, and honestly, how could you be such an idiot? You’ve got the most beautiful man in the world standing in front of you, telling you you’re all he thinks about, and you tell him he doesn’t mean it — who does that?

“I really — I’m so sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just — it’s kinda’ hard t'believe, innit? That the person you’ve got feelings for has them for you, too?” And you realize there really is no going back after you’ve said that out loud, but hopefully it could fix what’s just happened here if he knows the only reason you said it is because it’s just a tad bit unbelievable.

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front 'f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

And that’s how you die.

–

At least, you thought you were dead because you’re pretty certain Harry’s pillowy soft lips are what Heaven is made out of, and if you were experiencing those, you had to be dead, right?

Except now, he’s got you in the back of a car, and his hand is sliding up your thigh, beneath your skirt, and it’s then, with his lips on yours, that it happens again.

You realize that he’s probably not going to be able to come back from this, either. You don’t know when it happened, or why it seems that you both had the realization that you’re fucking mad about each other at the exact same time (not that it isn’t convenient, it’s just strange), but you’re here with him and it feels like he’s using his mouth to promise a lot more than just a few heated kisses.

You pray that this isn’t just some dare, or an adrenaline thing, because you’d have to be blind or just not paying attention to not see that Harry gets hard each and every time he performs to a crowd. Like, fully erect, you’d noticed, and of course you had always teased him for his evident praise kink (’even the twitter fans know, Harry, it’s not a secret’).

But from the way he’s pulling away to whisper praises in your own ear, about how badly he wants you and all that he wants to do to you, how long he’s wanted to do these things to you, you’re starting to realize that this is very real and you aren’t being fucked with at all.

Well, you will be, hopefully, but in an entirely different sense of the word.

You’ve somehow found your way onto Harry’s lap now, because apparently the silently pining over each other thing did a bang up job of sexually frustrating both of you, so you jumped at the opportunity. If you died in a car accident on the lap of Harry Styles with his tongue down your throat, so be it.

–

It’s only five minutes later when you realize you’ve pulled into the driveway, but it feels like it’s been hours, and your lipstick has gone to hell already, and your shirt is hanging off your shoulders, and so is Harry’s because as it turns out: you’re just as good at unbuttoning his shirts as you are at buttoning them.

Despite your messy states, you both thank the driver as you exit the vehicle, and the rush to get to his front door would be funny to absolutely anyone else, but you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to get into bed with someone. Hell, he could get the door opened, closed, and locked again and take you in the corridor and you wouldn’t care. You don’t need a bed, you need his cock. And then you wonder when your self conscious started talking like a porn star.

“Are you goin’ to laugh a'me 'f I try t'dirty talk you?” He asks, and it’s a ridiculous question, because he has no idea how much you’ve fantasized about being the one he’s whispering filth to. “Absolutely not,” is of course your answer, and it’s breathless and you’ve already let your shirt hit the floor, and you’re dropping your skirt at the bottom of the stairs, leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties, which are totally cotton and not matching and not sexy at all, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, because he’s pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and is picking you up to carry you up the stairs a second later.

“Take me t'bed, please,” you murmur in his ear, kissing along his jaw with your arms and legs wrapped tight around him. Everything about this is so, so, so urgent and is happening so fast, and you wish you could slow it down, even if only for a second, because it’s all so much, but it’s not enough at the same time. And you kind of want it to be perfect and remember every little thing, as cheesy as that really is.

He’s got you on his bed in no time, though, and you’re practically shaking, because that’s when it happens again. That’s when you realize this is really about to happen. You’re about to fuck your best friend, and the thought should be terrifying, if for no other reason than all that you’re risking in doing so, but you’re smiling up at him as you grasp the nape of his neck and pull him down towards you so that he’s fitting between your legs and his lips are back on yours for the first time since you got out of the car. “Want you,” you whisper against his mouth, and you realize when you press up against him that there’s no foreplay even needed, because you’re already soaked through the fabric of your panties, and you can still feel where he’s been hard since he left the stage tonight.

“’S that — do you want that?” You ask, and it’s sudden and probably sounds ridiculous, considering the situation you’re currently in, but you think it’s an important question to ask. “This, I mean. Me,” you clarify, blinking up at him, and you doubt seriously that he thinks your awkward quirkiness is cute at all right now, no matter how many times he’s implied how adorable you are because of it.

“You’re the most ridiculous person I know,” is his answer, and you’re starting to think you’ve heard more insults tonight than compliments, which is weird because you always thought Harry would be the type to tell you that you’re beautiful and kiss every inch of your skin. Turns out, he’s still just as good at picking at you even when he’s got you pinned to his bed and your lips swollen from kissing him so much. “Yes, I want that. This. You,” he says after a moment, and you’re blushing as he repeats your own words back to you in confirmation.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” is the next thing out of your mouth, because apparently filters don’t exist anymore, and he shrugs before shaking his head. “Was hoping t'get my mouth on you first, actually,” he tells you, licking over his lips, and you’d swear it was for dramatic effect, but it was also really ridiculously hot, so you can’t even be mad at him for being a walking cliché.

As much as you want to argue with that, because you want him inside of you now (and you also argue with him about whatever it is he wants to do before you eventually give up and do it), he’s looking at you like he might die if he doesn’t have his mouth on your cunt in the next two minutes. How could you deny him, really? It’d be wrong and unjust.

Or: you really want his mouth on you, too, but you’re willing to let Harry seem more desperate to please you than you are desperate for him to eat you out, even though you’re certain that’s not the truth by any small means.

You don’t know when he took his pants off or your underwear, you must have missed it, unfortunately, but you’re watching him as he kisses over your thighs, and you feel sort of like you just got to fast forward to the good part. It’s when he licks over you completely and presses harder on the upstroke against your clit that you know that’s what happened.

You don’t know if you moan or if you scream, because you’ve tuned everything that isn’t Harry’s mouth on you and the little noises he makes against you all the way out, and you feel a little bit like you’re floating as he sucks at your clit, and your hands had flown to his hair the second he’d started that.

“Fuck, Harry, please,” you whine, and you don’t even know what you’re asking for, but you know you need more of anything he’s willing to give you. “Taste so good, baby. ’S it feel as good as y'taste?” He murmurs against you, and his voice vibrating against you may be hotter than anything you could possibly think up for him to do to you — and you’ve thought of a lot. All you can do is nod and give his hair a tug, grinding up against his mouth, and you wonder if he notices that you’re practically riding his face while he fucks his tongue into you, licking in and around your entrance, and you could cry from how good he’s making you feel. But also because it’s Harry who is doing this to you.

It’s the Harry who would rather stay in and cuddle with you than go to a party packed with A-listers. It’s Harry, whose preferred method of clearing out a cake batter bowl before putting it in the dishwasher, is the the two of you licking it clean. Harry, who would do anything and everything for you, and never make you feel like it was anything less than what he wanted to do. It’s Harry, and he’s told you a million times how much he loves you, and even if you roll your eyes at the sentiment from time to time, you know he means it, and you always say it back.

“Harry,” you say, looking down to him and the pleasure is almost overwhelming, so it pains you to make him stop, but you just want to be as close to him as humanly possible. He can devour your cunt afterwards, or later, or something. You’ll fit him into your schedule. “I — Harry, up. Come back up here, please,” and your voice is cracking, so you swallow as you look down at him, and you don’t know why you’re near tears, but you definitely are, can feel them welling in your eyes.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?” He whispers, holding you by your wrists, his thumbs gliding against the skin soothingly. “Why’re you cryin’, sweetheart? Talk t'me, please,” he murmurs, and he sounds so panicked, and it makes you feel bad because how could he ever think he’s done something wrong? This perfect, wonderful, amazing man hovering over you is clearly unaware of how fantastic he truly is. He’s looking at you with concern in his eyes, and you know he wants to comfort you, especially when you feel the warm tears trickling down your cheeks, because it’s Harry, and he won’t leave your side for hours if he ever catches you crying. Which, you don’t mind so much. But you know he needs his answer now, or he’s going to end up thinking he’s done something wrong, or to hurt you, and it’ll all be over, and you refuse to let that happen.

“No, no, no — ’m fine. Perfect, actually, just — I love you, ’s all,” is what you say, and you give him a watery smile, even when your voice gets a bit quieter and doesn’t sound nearly as rushed there at the end, because you know he knows that, especially now. There’s no way he could ever doubt it, you don’t think. He lets out a throaty laugh as he pushes his hair back where it’s fallen against his forehead, his hands dropping down to yours, holding them tightly as he leans down to kiss you for maybe the hundredth time since you first started about an hour ago, even though it feels like it’s been a lifetime. “I love you, too, you silly girl,” he assures, kissing you once again.

“No, Harry — I mean I really love you,” you murmur, breaking the kiss for a second just to say that, because you need him to know that it’s not just something you’re saying, or even being said in the same sense as you’ve always told each other. He’s looking at you with an amused expression and shaking his head, but in the fond way that doesn’t hurt your feelings. “That’s what I’ve always meant, Y/N,” he confesses, and it hits you like a ton of bricks, because it really feels like everything suddenly makes sense and all is right in the world, a love song is playing in the distance (and it’s not just in your head, so you must have missed when he turned that on, too), all the dumb things that are said in books and movies are happening to you, and you want to appreciate the moment for what it is, but you’re also going to scream if he doesn’t fuck you into his mattress soon. There’s time for talking later.

“Please, please, please fuck me. Now. Please,” and you don’t realize you’re begging for him until you’re begging for him, and it has you blushing down to your chest. “Haven’t even gotten m'dick out yet, 'nd you’re already beggin’ f'me? Love me that much?” He teases, because of course he does, but you look up at him with a new sort of determination your eyes.

You’ve got your hand on the bulge of his briefs not a second later, working over him through the fabric, and it makes your legs spread instinctively when you feel the patch of wet where the head of his cock is pressed against the fabric. It’s then that you decide you’ve had enough, and you’re doing your damnedest to try and push his boxers down. You eventually give up and he laughs and stands to tug them the rest of the way down, and it almost sounds animated, the way you gasp when you see him bare, hard, and leaking for you.

It’s not that you didn’t know Harry was a monster — he’s woken up with enough morning wood pressed against your ass and your thigh for you to be more than completely aware of just what you’re getting yourself into (or what’s getting into you, actually). But knowing it’s all for you and because of you that he’s this hard is a lot to take in.

“Y'still wan’ me?” The question catches you off guard, but you nod almost too enthusiastically for it to be anything other than embarrassing. “Tell me,” is the next thing he says, and your eyebrows knit together in obvious confusion, but your features soften as he lays you back against the bed again and offers more information on what he’s wanting from you exactly. “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside your wet cunt,” he says, and it makes you bite your lip to keep from moaning, just because Harry’s filthy, as it turns out, and your thighs are glistening with how wet you are from it all. “Want it so bad, Harry. Want — wanna’ feel you, please, all of you, every goddamn inch of your cock. Wan’ you t'fuck me until I can’t take anymore,” you whisper, and it seems to have done the trick, because the head of his cock catches on your entrance where he’s sliding between your folds, and you can feel him start to press inside of you.

You really think you could blackout when you feel the whole of him settled snugly inside of you, but it’s not until he starts to move that you have dig your nails into his shoulders and drag them down his back as he fucks back into you. “Fuck me,” you moan, your head tossed back and your hips grinding up against his. It feels so good, is the thing — he’s so big, not just his cock, but everywhere, and he’s got you pinned to the mattress as he drives into you somewhat relentlessly, and he’s stretching you so wonderfully, because he’s thick, too, and it hurts in the best kind of way.

“Wanna’ ride you.” The words leave your lips before you’ve given them permission, but Harry’s smirking at you wickedly, so clearly he’s on board with the idea. You know he is when he’s pulled out of you (and you want to die because of that) and he’s got you on top of himself now and is unhooking your bra. “Feel like I owe your tits a personal apology for not paying attention t'them sooner,” he tells you, and you lean down to kiss his stupid mouth, rocking back over his cock. You tease him like that for a long minute, just grinding against him and feeling him against you, before you’ve decided that you quite miss the feeling of him inside of you.

You start to tell him that, but then it hits you that you’ve got the power now, so you take him into your hand after that, lining him up, and you sink down on him slowly, smiling into the kiss you’re giving him, because you can’t even begin to count the number of times you’ve dreamed of this moment exactly. It feels so good to be fucking yourself on Harry’s cock, and you don’t pass up the opportunity to tell him that this time. It makes him groan as he stares up at where you’re properly bouncing on him, and you notice when his eyes drop down to watch where he’s fucking in and out of your pussy, and you swear you feel him twitch inside of you at the sight. “Takin’ me so well,” he praises, and apparently you’ve got a bit of a praise kink, as well, and you throw your head back when you feel him begin to thrust up into you, the head of him nudging against your most sensitive part each time. “Harry, fuck,” you breathe, your fingers curling and nails digging into his chest.

You’re so torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to hear everything he has to say, that you’ve settled for just kissing his neck and his jaw, leaving a lovebite or two in your wake, listening while he tells you how beautiful you are (you were right, he is into that), how good you feel, how you’re going to make him cum, and God — you hadn’t even allowed the reality of that sink in yet. Through all of this, you had completely forgotten that you had a goal, something you wanted to accomplish, because all you’ve wanted is to be as close as possible to him this whole time.

Now, however, you really want to make him cum, and you want it inside you (you’re very much on birth control and if you were to get pregnant, having a baby with Harry wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he wouldn’t be the first former member of One Direction to become a father). “Want you t'cum inside me, yeah? Fill me up,” you tell him, and you feel it when his grip on your hips tightens and he helps you fuck yourself over him faster. “Not until you cum on my cock,” he replies, and you clench around him at that, fucking down harder each time. “Need y'to touch me,” you whisper, grabbing for his wrist and guiding his hand towards your clit, “here.”

Your moans get louder the second he presses the pads of his fingers to your clit, rocking your hips harder, with more determination to get off. “I wanna cum,” you whine, and you want it so bad, now that you’ve remembered that’s part of all of this, that you could cry. You were a bit spoiled when it comes to getting your with Harry, you could say, because his fingers are quick and just right on your little bundle of nerves, rubbing in tight circles and applying just enough pressure. “Know y'wanna cum, baby. Wan’ y'to. Wanna feel y'squeezin’ me,” he murmurs, his teeth grazing over your ear. “Can y'do that f'me, angel? Come for me,” he continues, but his voice is so low and he sounds just as wrecked as you feel, and you can feel his lips brushing your skin as he speaks.

And then you’re pretty fucking sure you did, in fact, die this time.

Everything goes black, your lips parted in a silent scream, but not because you’re not trying, but everything feels too fucking good and you can’t even make a sound, aside from the pathetic sobs you’re letting out into his shoulders. You can feel your cunt pulsing around him, your clit throbbing beneath his fingers, and you’re sure he’s drenched with you, but it evens out because you feel him releasing inside you not even a minute later.

This time you moan his name, grinding yourself on his cock while he empties himself inside of you, fucking him through his orgasm, despite how tired and sensitive you are, praising him and thanking him with each and every movement, milking him for all he’s worth as you listen intently to the string of curses and your name falling from his lips.

You feel him dripping down your thighs the moment you slide off of his cock, but you only move to straddle the lower part of his torso, making a mess of his abs, and you can’t begin to explain how little care about that when you lean down to kiss him. “Thank you,” you whisper, and you don’t know why you say it, but it feels like something that needs to be said, because you are thankful for everything that’s just happened.

“I love you,” is his response, a smile tugging the corners of his lips up, and you can’t help but kiss him again. “For how long?” You question, and you’re about to explain what you mean, because you just want to know how long he’s known he loved you, like this, but he answers you with “probably forever” before you can elaborate, and it makes your heart skip a beat. He’s decided to answer the question in the ‘how long are you going to love me’ sense, you realize.

You blink down at him, like you’re surprised, but he’s just wearing his signature smirk and you feel a bit lightheaded. He seems so sure of everything he’s told you in the last day or so, and it’s so scary, but it makes you wonder how long he’s felt this way and how he figured out that you finally realized that you felt this way, too. Was he sitting on the couch beside you, staring at you instead of paying attention to The Great British Bake Off, too?

“How’d you figure out that I was just cranky ‘cos I realized ‘m in love w’you?” Is the next question you ask, and he shrugs, staring up at you and letting his fingertips drifts over your skin. “Jus’ know you, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “‘Nd I remembered how red y’had gotten when y’mum told y’that we’d end up t’gether, ‘nd then y’started tryin’ t’push me away, ‘nd I knew you’d realized she was right. Plus, I did the same bit t’you when I realized. Remember when I’d hardly talk t’ya’ when I was in Jamaica? Wasn’t just ‘cos I needed t’focus on m’album,” he explains, and you laugh, because everything really does make sense now.

You’re laying down beside him, curled into his side in what has always been your favorite position when you speak again. “I love you, too,“ you nearly whisper, and you’ve got a smile curling your lips, your hand wrapped around his wrist and your other arm slung over his chest where you’re resting your chin to look up at him. “Probably forever.”

#harry smut #harry styles smut #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #if u like this please tell me i need validation #mw #that's my tag :)

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shortqueershakespeare · 4 years

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Aw man :( What's up? Also do all the 5 times tables for all the questions posts! Alternatively (or additionally, up to you) do all the even numbers!

i love my anons so much you guys make me feel loved

i just saw some posts from my exes and it was a shock because I didn’t realise I was following them

imma do both these suggestions so here we go its gonna be a long one

2. How old are you? - 21 4.What’s your star sign? - Pisces 5. What is your favorite color? - Blue 6. What’s your lucky number? - 14 8. Where are you from? - The UK 10. What shoe size are you? - UK 3/4 12. What was your last dream about? - My ex apologising (idk why since he wasn’t really in the wrong but we were friends again in the dream so i woke up sad) 14. Are you psychic in any way? - don’t think so 15. Favorite song? - rn either wonderland by Taylor Swift or Midnight Love by girl in red 16. Favorite movie? - Legally blonde immediately comes to mind 18. Do you want children? - Yes 20. Are you religious? - nope 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - nope 24. Baths or showers? - showers as regular, baths as a treat 25. What color socks are you wearing? - no shit I’m wearing rainbow socks why am I always so on brand 26. Have you ever been famous? - nope, nor do i want to be 28. What type of music do you like? - pop, indie pop, indie, alternative, folk, rock 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - depends on thickness, one or two 32. How big is your house? - 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, living room, a bathroom, a shower room, a toilet, a pantry and another room 34. Have you ever fired a gun? - no 35. Have you ever tried archery? - yes! 36. Favorite clean word? - squiggly 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - i think i ended up hitting 52 hours in second year it was terrible 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - i don’t think so?? 42. Are you a good judge of character? - HA! when it comes to judging if people are good for one another, yes, for me, no 44. Do you have a strong accent? - i don’t think so, i guess its quite southern 45. What is your favorite accent? - irish 46. What is your personality type? i think i’m an enneagram 2 do with that what u will 48. Can you curl your tongue? - yes! 50. Left or right handed? - right 52. Favorite food? - avocado 54. Are you a clean or messy person? - messy 55. Most used phrased? - that’s so on brand 56. Most used word? - gay 58. Do you have much of an ego? - don’t think so 60. Do you talk to yourself? - yes its the main way i practise languages 62. Are you a good singer? - i’m decent but am not used to my voice drop 64. Are you a gossip? - yeah 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - call me by your name is that dramatic?? pride?? idk 66. Do you like long or short hair? - god i’m never having long hair again 68. Favorite school subject? - drama n languages 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - no but i’d love to! 72. Are you scared of the dark? - no, i actually love the dark, i find it really calming 74. Are you ticklish? - yes 75. Have you ever started a rumor? - don’t think so 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - yes, i’ve been director of a play when i was 18 78. Have you ever taken drugs? - no 80. How many piercings do you have? - zero 82. How fast can you type? - NOT VERY 84. What color is your hair? - i don’t think anyone ever expects my answer, but rainbow lol 85. What color are your eyes? - blue 86. What are you allergic to? - as far as we know, nothing 88. What do your parents do? - mum is a teaching assistant, dad used to be pilot, his current job is too complicated for me to understand lolll 90. What makes you angry? - being taken advantage of, my friends being treated unfairly. 92. Have you already thought of children’s names, and if so what are they? - i love the name archana and scottie for girls, i like archie, ash or Dan for boys 94. What are you strengths? - I’m empathetic, generous and caring. 95. What are your weaknesses? - i’m stubborn, self-sacrificing and ruthless. 96. How did you get your name? - I picked it myself! i had a shortlist of ten, got mum to veto some, tried them all out with my two middle name options and narrowed it down from there 98. Do you have any scars? - most notably one from a fishhook, and then lots of pet/chicken wire/falling over scars 100. Color of your room? - white 2: Tiny house plants or huge house plants?

- Tiny 4: Do you prefer painting or drawing? - drawing

What's your favorite type of sweets/candy? - flying saucers (i’m losing the will to format and honestly i’m impressed if u get this far this is mostly just therapy at this point)

Do you fold laundry or hang it up a closet?

- fold

When's the last time you saw a duck?

- two days ago

What's your go to comfort movie?

- moana

How old were you when you stopped sleepign with stuffed animals?

- bold of you to assume i stopped

Would you rather have Ice cream or a popsicle?

- ice cream

Dogs or cats?

- dogs purely because i have a puppy and i could never betray her

Do you have any tattoos/peircings?

- no

Would you rather live in a library where you can read all the books or a theater where you can watch every movie that shows?

- library

Do you consider yourself artistic?

- creative, yes, artistic, no

Do you have any siblings?

- 3

How long have you been on tumblr?

- since 2013 i think

If you had to live in the same world as movie or show what world would it be?

hogwarts

Vine or tik tok?

- vine

Do you sleep in matching pjs or just random clothes?

- random tshirt

Who's your favorite fictional character currently?

- draco malfoy or merlin

What was your first fandom?

- merlin

What place do you want to visit the most?

- spain or south america i think

If you could change one thing in history with no negative consequences, what would you change?

- eradicate genocide??

What was the first ship you obsessed over?

- MERTHUR

What's an appropriate guilty pleasure of yours?

- fucking vanderpump rules

Do you have any collections?

- washi tape

Do you have any specific kind of style?

- gay

Are there any conspiracies you believe in?

- no

How many blogs do you follow?

- 896

If you had to describe your tumblr with only 5 words what would they be?

- gay, pets, chaotic, writing, art

What hemisphere do you live in?

- northern

What's something from you loved your childhood that you still proudly like now?

- harry potter or football or spiderman

02:Ever been in love?

- yes

04:How tall are you?

- 5 something

05:How much do you weigh?

- no idea

06:Any tattoos do you want?

- yeah, some transition ones, some lyrics, some watercolour, some langauges

08:OTP?

- merthur

10:Favorite bands?

- stornoway, panic! at the disco, fall out boy

12:Favorite song?

- take care of yourself by maisie peters

14:Zodiac sign?

- pisces

15:Hair Color?

rainbow

16:Favorite Quote?

- “the world is seeming really huge right now. i need something to hold on to”

18:Favorite color?

- blue

20:Where do you go when you’re sad?

- my bed or outside

22:How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

- 20 minutes

24:Turn on?

- lip biting

25:Turn off?

- being too passive i guess? i’m a big sub

26:The reason I joined Tumblr?

- harry potter fandom i think

28:Last thing that made you cry?

- unexpectedly seeing photos of my exes

30:Meaning behind your url

- i’m a slytherin and a friend called me the shakespeare of insults

32:Last song you listened to?

- the good side, troye sivan

34:Last person you talked to?

- school friend

35:The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

- friends

36:Favorite food?

- i swear i’m gonna change my answer every time, pancakes

38:Last place you were?

- WE’RE IN QUARANTINE

40:Last time you kissed someone?

- september i think

42:What color underwear are you wearing?

- blue w/ bananas

44:What color bottoms are you wearing?

- black and white

45:Wearing any bracelets?

- 4 rainbow, 2 trans

46:Last sport you played?

- tennis

48:Last prank call you made, doing?

- n/a

50:Favorite movie?

- moana 2. cloudy skies or clear blue

4. coffee pot or tea pot

5. matching or mismatched dinnerware

6. lambs or calves

8. wheat fields or cattails

10. picking apples or strawberries

12. comfy sweaters or flowing sleeves

14. trimmed hedges or overgrowth

15. piglets or foals

16. daffodils or tulips

18. yellow or green hues

20. crows or owls

22. hanging baskets or pots

24. pancakes or scones

25. birch trees or oak trees

26. toadstools or chanterelles

28. straw hats or dungarees

30. crackling fire or babbling stream

🎨 do you have any hobbies you regret quitting? would you consider starting them again?

- lots of sports, yeah

🎟 what are some artists/bands whose music brings back childhood memories for you?

- kelly clarkson, show of hands, basshunter, avril lavigne

🎻 if you began learning a new instrument today, which one would you pick?

- guitar

🔭 what’s your go-to topic to learn about when you’re bored?

- lgbt history, languages

🎞 what movie(s)/TV show(s) do you find comforting to watch?

- parks and rec, b99, the good place, cxg, chuck, one day at a time

🕯 do you have any self care activities you do routinely?

- writing

☕️ what’s your favourite hot drink?

- chai latte

💌 what’s something you love about the last friend/family member you texted?

- i could literally text her being like “i have not done anything ever” and she’d be like “i’m so proud of u tell me everything”

📆 what are you looking forward to in the next year?

- going to viennaaaa

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

- outgoing

4. Are you easy to get along with?

- yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

- yes

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

- either people who need fixing (disastrous) or people who care as much as i do (excellent)

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

- my best friend

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- everyone i drunk texted tonight

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

- clean (taylor swift), wonderland (taylor swift), midnight love (girl in red), place we were made (maisie peters), she (dodie)

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

- yes and no

15. What good thing happened this summer?

- i fucking committed to putting myself first

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

- fuck no i respect myself

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

- no

20. Do you like your neighbors?

- i don’t know them well but yes

22. Where would you like to travel?

- baby we’re in quarantine i would settle for going back hom or visiting a friend

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

- my late nights with the puppy

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

- wow, my chest

26. What do you do when you wake up?

- grumble that i have to be up, play animal crossing til i properly wake up

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

- oscar, jules, umme, katherine, char

30. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

- okay well ben platt immediately appeared in my mind but i think there would have to be someone dominant to balance it out so maybe ryan reynolds?

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

- okay so currently nothing really, but tennis and i used to play rounders, football, netball, gymnastics, judo, swimming, sailing

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

- without tv, youtube exists

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

- welcome to my life right now

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

- compassionate, caring, independent but likes to spend time together, plans fun dates

40. What do you want to do after high school?

- go to uni so well done me

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

- usually i’m sad or concentrating real hard (or reading a fic)

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

- ooh, ocean because definitely life??

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

- puppy

46. What are you paranoid about?

- being unloveable

48. Have you ever been drunk?

- yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

- white and navy

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

- my body?? or my self confidence

54. Favourite store?

- tiger or lush

55. Favourite blog?

- ballym

56. Favourite colour?

- blue

58. Last thing you ate?

- oreo chocolate

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

- i think for writing when i was younger

62. Been arrested? For what?

- no

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

- okay so context, my ex was about a foot taller than me so when i went for a kiss i totally missed and hit his chin and it was very sweet and utterly hilarious

65. Are you hungry right now?

- nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

- equal

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

- tumblr

70. Names of your best friends?

- okay i’m just gonna go with who i drunk texted tonight so, oscar, umme, char, katherine, jules

72. What colour are your towels?

- blue, purple, grey

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

- one or two

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

- in this house, at least 10, at my childhood house over 100

75. Favourite animal?

- tiger

76. What colour is your underwear?

- blue w bananas

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

- clotted cream vanilla

80. What colour pants?

- black and white

82. Favourite movie?

- moana

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

- gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

- crush

88. Last person you talked to today?

- kat

90. Name a person you love?

- hannah

92. In a fight with someone?

- no

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

- at least 10 in my room rn

95. Last movie you watched?

- johnny english reborn

96. Favourite actress?

- rachel bloom

98. Do you tan a lot?

- a bit

100. How are you feeling?

- a lot better than i was when i started this tbh

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

- yes but lets not rn

103. Can you spell well?

yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

- yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

- yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

- yes

108. What should you be doing?

- taking the dog out and sleeping

110. Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?

- welcome to my life

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

- my sister i think

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

- yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

- no

116. Are you listening to music right now?

- yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

- yes

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

- no

122. Is cheating ever okay?

- i would say no, but i don’t think things are black and white

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- eh not really

125. Do you believe in true love?

- i believe in many true loves

126. Are you currently bored?

- nope

128. Would you change your name?

- already did

130. Do you like subway?

- yes

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- oscar

134. Can you count to one million?

- i could but i have the attention span of a goldfish

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

- oh who knows

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

- closed

138. Curly or Straight hair?

- curly

140. Summer or Winter?

- winter

142. Favourite month?

- september

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

- dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

- both

146. Was today a good day?

- yeah i think it was, i just got overwhelmed

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“the universe is seeming really huge right now. I need something to hold on to”

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

okay its a russian grammar book we don’t need that energy at ten past 1 in the morning

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