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#u thought u would feel nothing cuz this person is a stranger to u
stranger-rants · 1 year
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Hey👋🏿 I’m just copying and pasting a post I tagged you in because I’ve seen this topic get brought up in the Billy fandom a lot recently and I’m breaking my brain trying to understand where people are coming and thought your input might help me better understand if u don’t mind sharing any of your spicy takes? From other post of ur I know redemption arc make uncomfortable as well. Which I respect I guess I just don’t know why that would be for some so I’m asking. Might also help become more critical of redemption narratives cuz I right now love a good redemption.
Being genuine I thought redemption and recovery were like synonymous terms? I guess I have seen redemption used in a way that can be weird but idk
Tagging @stranger-rants cuz I’ve seen them bring this up too and maybe they don’t mind responding to my question. I want to understand in good faith where other people are coming from when they feel hesitant about redemption arcs I like thinking of characters being redeemed or even myself being redeemed. So I think I’m just genuinely overlooking points being made cuz I just don’t understand what other people mean in fandom cuz redemption looks different to me ig. It’s about wanting/ desiring to get healthier what ever that may look like for a given situation (that’s how I currently understand it but either way I find it’s important to understand what common consensus is how other people understand it? Cuz if not u know miscommunication)
I think this largely depends on how “redemption” and “recovery” are defined.
Redemption is primarily a religious term that has been taken out of its context and applied to other things much like other religious terms (e.g. “canon”). Redemption can be the act of saving someone from sin or the act of being saved from sin. For example, we could say “this [insert entity] redeemed them” or “saved them” or “they were redeemed” or “saved” from sin - sin is the key word. When this term is applied outside of a religious context, the implication of “sin” often remains. So, when people argue over whether or not Billy deserves “redemption,” it’s more so about whether or not he can be saved from his “sins” or past wrongdoing. Did his death redeem him? They argue over and over. (That’s also where we get the “Billy is an accidental Jesus figure” meta, as his death arguably redeems him and in fact results in the “salvation” of the town, but I digress). While we can use the word redemption to talk about how antagonistic characters can “change,” I am personally uncomfortable with some of the connotations of this word as they are applied to people who did harm while their agency was compromised or they were under duress, even if they made the “choice” to say and do hurtful things. The reason being is that it forces the individual to view themselves as a sinner who needs to be saved in order to avoid eternal damnation which is an extremely Catholic viewpoint that I know can do more harm than good (citation: My family is Catholic.)
I want to introduce a different word than redemption: restoration. We use this term in “restorative justice” to talk about ways harm (not sin) can be undone or repaired. Restorative justice is a voluntary process that the victims or targets of harm and the perpetrators of harm undergo to restore relationships and/or provide opportunity for personal growth and healing. The aim is not to eternally punish someone, but rather to recognize that harm was done and hold perpetrators accountable not just through the courts or prison or the threat of eternal punishment by a divine power. Billy is a teenager. He did some genuinely hurtful things to Max and to Lucas. Any of those things could have easily been resolved through counseling and restorative circles. Nothing he did was so egregious that it would be impossible for them to sit down and talk with a trained mediator. All of this could happen effectively if Billy was removed from his abuser’s house and given time to recover* from his trauma enough to be able to reflect on what he did while he was surviving. The whole thing would help him to process everything much better without feeling a crushing amount of guilt and shame that might not help him be a “better” person at all. I mean, look what Vecna did to all those traumatized kids. That’s just a reflection of how a punitive mindset can prevent healing and perpetuate rather than stop the harm.
*Recovery is about the individual, so I don’t particularly view it as synonymous with redemption or restoration. Instead, it could be considered as something that occurs parallel to those things. For me personally, I think recovery is less effective when it is done in the context of “redemption” depending on how people define “redemption.” If redemption is based on a single act (i.e. Billy “dying” for his right to be saved from his “sins”), then okay… maybe recovery could have happened had he actually lived, because that would involve the people around him accepting that his single selfless act supersedes any harm he did to anyone at any time and they’re more likely to support his recovery journey healing from his trauma. However, people often treat redemption like a “character arc.” It’s a long process that the character has to go through in order to prove they’ve been “washed clean” from their “sin.” I don’t think this helps with healing or recovery at all. Instead, it traps people within cycles of guilt and shame that can do more mental and physical harm. Allowing people the time to mentally and physically recover by addressing their mental and physical trauma through medical care and mental health care is more important to me, and it’s more beneficial to the long term healing of the community that they may have had a harmful impact on while they were just surviving.
Side note: I’m from Upstate NY, which is on Haudenosaunee land. There’s a story that I think illustrates this concept of recovery and restoration well. It’s the story of Tadadaho. This story is interesting because it’s not influenced by “western” European concepts of good and evil, nor influenced by Catholic concepts of sin. I would recommend anyone to read about it.
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bookshelf-dust · 9 months
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Sorry this is long ash lol just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Thats all I wanted when I was by myself.
Right. I never thought I'd open up about this lol, especially to a stranger online. But I get you… I'm a really skinny black male, and where I live, people look at me as if I'm anorexic or dying from disease or something, even when I clear it up that I'm not. I constantly have to deal with my relatives telling me about my body, and it's aggravating, cuz some of them are adults, so I'm kind of forced to respect them and take everything. And that hurts, because it's not as if I suddenly lost a lot of weight or anything. I've always been like this, have been to multiple doctors and many have commented on my body not being average.
Being a black male, everyone expects me to be all gangster and macho, and being in high school at the time, that really fucked with my already present insecurities. Not to mention I was in the closet and gay. So, everything was hell. So much so that I refused to go outside for anything aside from school. I used to get in to fights with my parents just because they would want me instead of my siblings to go to the shop right around the corner lol. I was so insecure that I would go into the bathroom or my room and hide from family members visiting. It didn't help that I was a lonely kid in school, and my parents were Christian and kind of the cause for what was happening to me, so I kind of had no one to turn too. That resulted in an extremely underage me going online and seeking validation from old disgusting perverts who had no qualms taking advantage of a child. Long story short, I ended up sending a whole lot of child porn nudes to people. That was until I went on grindr and lied to this one particular man. He called out my bs and gave me some advice. Told me to delete the app.
There is a lot to this day that I still struggle with, but after disregarding everyone and focusing primarily on me, I kind of got better. I dropped out of school for my mental health. My parents didn't agree with me. But they didn't understand when I said it was breaking me. That I couldn't take it anymore. So, I took matters into my own hands. They threatened to make me homeless, but I stood my ground, and I'm glad I did, cuz If I didn't... I don't think I'd be here today.
But anyways, as I was saying. It was hard, but I started focusing and lying to myself, till the lies eventually came true. Yes, I still have those days where things are shit, but I'm much better than before.
It took 2 years for me to reconstruct myself, and if it wasn't for Larry, Twiamz, Ravon, Stan(worldofxtra), Megan the stallion, Cardi, Nicki, cupcake, Ethan Jewel and etc. I probably wouldn't have made it lol.
Oh, and I know that you're wondering what the female rappers, and Ethan had to with this lol. Well, It's simple really. They taught me to love myself. To walk my body. They gave me confidence. And stan was like a free, personal therapist lol.
I can't tell you for sure that things will get better, but what I do want you to do is continue to fight. It's okay to feel how you feel and whine, but don't let it fully consume you. There is nothing wrong with going down. Sometimes things are just way beyond fixing. But u only get one life. So, fight like hell for it. Don't worry about the others. Fuck the others. Anybody can be the star when they wear confidence like their skin.
this is probably all over the place, but its raw lol and yes, I know, I say lol a lot😒I do it when I'm anxious.
you are such a sweetheart. i really appreciate you taking the time to say all of that to me and it means a lot that you felt comfortable enough to open up like that. i know it isn’t easy. and i’m really proud of you for getting through all of that, and i’m so glad that you’re feeling better. i’m glad that those people could help you too. i haven’t thought about some of them in a really long time. i’m glad that you can love yourself, because you deserve it. you always have deserved it and you always will. and i appreciate you being so raw with me. i understand about being anxious, and it means more than i could explain that you talked to me at all.
the thing with me though is that i’m just done. i don’t really have it in me to fight like other people do. i’m not sure what it is that i’d be fighting for. i’ve already let all of this consume me, and i know that’s probably disappointing to hear, but it’s true. this is all i think about. for awhile i tried to listen to other people, to people i know care about me, and think that things would get better. but i don’t believe it anymore. not even a little bit. i know that i only get one life, and i think i’m okay with that. i don’t really think there’s anything left for me. i’ve realized that i’m just not going to have what other people have. i won’t ever be this confident and happy person, and that’s okay. i don’t have it in me to keep going anymore. i don’t believe that good things will happen, that things will change or get better. that’s just who i am. i wish i felt differently, you know?
but it’s alright. i love you. thank you for being there for me. you are going to live a beautiful life. and i am grateful that you shared all of that with me <3
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lady-lycany · 2 years
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Please don't get me wrong on this one, I understand the good will behind it but-
I realllly dislike the "everyone is valid" or "I love all ..." posts.
It's the biggest hypocrisy... cuz you never know, who you include with this. Just because there's one thing, u have in common with a person, or just because there's one special thing, u like about a person, won't make u love them. Most of the people, you know nothing about, except the things, they want you to know... and usually, they won't talk about the bad things about themselves.
U don't know, if you would love the people on the internet, or if they're valid. They're strangers. U don't know what they support or do...
Because even bad people can feel addressed by your nice words. And that makes it somehow "fake friendly" cuz as soon as someone you included turns out to be an a**hole, it ruins the whole message....
u know what I mean?
idk.... thought about this everytime I saw a post like that :}
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angeldiaries777 · 4 months
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long vent (lgbt things mental illness,family, religion is mentioned, feeling guilty.) could be triggering to some i don't know. read if u want. skip if u want idc
when people use lesbian as an insult
thank you so much for noticing !!
fucking accidently went in idc mode (fellow mentally ills will understand what im talking about yk that mood and yk how intense it can be when you're over everything and resort to oversharing which makes anxiety worse) and blurted some things out to my entire family. outing myself wooohoo. i mean i'm not concerned for my safety. or anything but it could make things weird.
im a complete idiot and i say whatever i think at the moment so guess who got forced out of the closet it was so cozy being gay in peace not telling a single soul. i mean people had made jokes before about it. a lot. but i always thought how it was obvious that i liked guys aswell. which hello i still like boys. ofc I'm pretty and very feminine so its not like it was a glass closet. like now both my mom and sister have a clear picture which is so upsetting because i resented them both for such a long time and have very complicated relationships with both. and I didn't want them to know this about me because now it can be used in arguments to hurt me. its just been so casual to me thats the thing. its just been very depressing for me sometimes. coming to terms with it. nothing u haven't already heard typical gay kid. praying for it to go away back when i believed in god. promising myself to marry a guy. wanting my parents approval and validation so badly. being disgusted by my own thoughts. see to me things like sexuality or whatever are so chill and don't define how i see a person or interact with them but to others especially people from my culture its a huge deal fuck even to rando strangers and friends is a big factor on how they see you and think of you. like i've literally known since i was 4. still clearly not a fucking phase like half of the people i knew growing up. and so many people are sooo accepting and amazing. i didn't want it to define me though. because its not everything about me or my life. its just a fraction. ofc when you're a young teen figuring it out you never know. never labeled it never associated publicly with the community. but ive been thinking lately. about how i literally wanted to go my entire life without anyone finding out. or atleast be out of highschool. (not like i attend anyways) a part of me says fuck them if they have a problem with it yet its hard for me i feel like if i am not thinking about it sexually i can never have it. like there's this melancholy surrounding my attraction to girls? even guys. just myself i think i have a very negative lense about them. cynical almost. i'm not gonna rush into anything because i don't need nor want that. if i can't have everything ive wanted with whoever i choose to love one day (yes love is a choice.) then why would i want something unworthy of me as a person. anyway ive tried to research it cuz i don't have anyone to discuss it with and haven't found anything on it yet but i wanna get to the root of the pain and the guilt. fun.
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Made all ur pain my pain tho it drove me insane n u hurt me u hurt me u hurt me so i thought fuck it ill hurt u the same . I didnt ever want to. unlocked this new dark side. wanted u to feel the way u made me feel but now things dont feel real.. Kan any of this change .? Told u last week i didn’t ever wanna speak but now it’s another week n Ur on my phone screen constant repeat . My eyes hurt from crying. but Blame me for it all even wanting to leave Cuz u never listened to me at all . Tell me to tell my therapist i need help for being so impulsive . U triggered my flight and now my fight but it’s ok it’s ok daddy i said for u , its ok id rather b nothing at all . saw ur face b4 my downfall. Say i don’t think at all I’ll say it was all thought out cuz i’ve been here b4 just like u. We travel the roads less traveled afterall . I ate ur breadcrumbs and u smiled cuz u fed me. i was thirsty N u gav me things dehydrating. How culd u continue to lead me on with such destructive ways of thinking. told me U didn’t feel the need to tell me things after saying u were so honest. A perfect sonnet. Brite eyes sing over me the songs i always wondered lovers would love about like how lovers shuld b tied together thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather . We speak to each other like we r trading wedding vows so why why why do we still scream and yell . I guess i jus don’t feel so listened to anymore n so ill keep kissing these strangers
i think Ur beautiful to have all these songs but sometimes U don’t want to sing i just wish U culd pick me but somehow U can’t promise ill B the last cuz i wasn’t the first cuz u met another and another so i won’t b the last.
Call it unrealistic realistic but a commitments a commitment and i have all this Love to give . mayb it’s Tru u won’t B the last person i’ll love forever but I will love u and choose to love U as long as forever exists and it does so i’ll love U even if i stop loving myself i’ll love U even if it sends me to hell i’ll love U even if hell is me and only myself …, i think ive tried to fill in the blanks of what u gave me by overextending myself , Swallowed a watermelon seed swore id grow 5 more feet just to b two times twice two people , double the One person i lie to myself i am and Should b . We had dreams we had dreams and now they’re all things that can’t B . who’s to blame mayb it’s no one mayb it really was just Me . Try to make it equal u like doing that don’t u so do it. Convince urself i’m just as evil pls just do it so it just saves U .,, guilty conscious u said it drives U insane then why did u look me in the eyes and tell me all of those lies why’d u Liee and compromise everything We plannnrd for all for one lonely nite .
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st-hedge · 2 years
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(Calamity AU, botw era) while scavenging for guardian parts in the gerudo highlands, Ganon shows Link that the guardians he had always thought to be dead can be revived with spark of energy if u know how the mechanisms operate and they still keep imprints of distant memories
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dailytatsu · 3 years
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Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!
Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let���s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7
Thanks for the request! ✨
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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao
Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).
Gn! Reader
I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters _| ̄|○
Sorry for any mistakes!
Request are open!
Genshin Masterlist
Second part ->
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VENTI
To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.
Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.
But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.
The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?
His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.
Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!
He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.
Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.
Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.
Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.
He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.
The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.
But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-
As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.
Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.
“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.
“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.
“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”
He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.
This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.
Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.
The song is cursed.
One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.
It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.
The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.
A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.
The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.
As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.
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ZHONGLI
Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.
Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.
Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.
How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?
Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.
He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.
The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.
You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe
“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”
“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”
“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”
Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.
Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.
Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-
For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.
Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.
Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.
Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).
He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.
You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.
Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.
He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.
With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.
Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.
Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!
But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.
Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,
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XIAO
Tried to kill you.
I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??
Sorry, but he had a point.
Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.
Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.
Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.
And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.
Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.
Nice(n’t) to meet u.
What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?
Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.
No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.
He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.
(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)
You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.
He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.
It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.
“That song… ”
“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.
It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.
Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.
He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?
You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.
That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.
I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.
If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.
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SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI
Also tried to kill you.
Well, the puppet tried to.
And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.
But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.
Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.
She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.
When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.
In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.
Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.
She knew that you would found a way to be back.
It’s better like this.
And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.
There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.
Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,
Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.
As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.
Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.
When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.
Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.
You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.
Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.
You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.
Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-
“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”
“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”
Well yes, but actually no.
“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”
“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.
“I’ll allow it.” She said.
Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.
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r u open for sum douxie requests? Him Falling in love with king arthur's daughter💕who's innocent n kind but she isn't happy at camelot she wants to be independent n arthur's like NOPE so she runs away n meets douxie again centuries later n is now a total badass witch but she's sarcastic n mean cuz girl has been THROUGH IT😔 but slowly she warms up to him n falls in love with him all over again cuz with douxie she cant help but be soft💕😭 *u can ignore this ask if u want my English is bad😅*
i absolutely loved this request! i think i did things a bit differently but i'm a sucker for love and i couldn't help it lol. i loved writing this, thank you for requesting and i hope you like it!
•••
Back To You (Douxie x Fem!Reader)
Warnings: none i think
Genre: Fluff, some angst
Fandom: Tales of Arcadia, Wizards
Summary: See request
Word Count: 3379
Reader uses she/her pronouns!
•••
Being king Arthur’s daughter was already hard enough, but being a witch didn’t make things easier. (Y/N) loved magic, even if her father wasn’t a huge fan of it. She started taking an interest in it at a very young age, and her own aunt ended up being her teacher.
As (Y/N) got older, her magic grew stronger as well and even though she knew her father loved her, she could also see the way he looked at her sometimes; he looked at her like she was a stranger, a monster even.
Life in the palace was always a bit boring. The princess didn’t have many friends and most of the time would end up feeling lonely. But that all changed once Merlin decided to get a new apprentice.
They hit it off right away. (Y/N) was excited to have someone around her age close to her and the boy was happy to be surrounded by so many talented people.
But of course, he was a bit nervous about being so close to the princess at first, and he didn’t really understand why she was around so much until he saw her do magic. He was mesmerized and extremely surprised, to say the least.
‘’I didn’t know you could do that,’’ he said once the girl was done with her spell.
‘’What do you mean?’’ The girl asked.
‘’Well, you’re the princess and everyone in the kingdom knows that but it’s not known that you can do magic,’’ he explained.
‘’Oh,’’ she murmured, a bit sad but not surprised. ‘’Well, my father doesn’t really like magic so I guess he’s always been a bit disappointed at my love for it.’’
‘’Come on, why don’t we take a walk around the castle?’’ He offered, trying to cheer her up.
Their friendship grew stronger with every passing day, and it didn’t take long for the young boy to start developing feelings for the sweet princess. She was a really powerful witch but she still had her feet on the ground and remained kind as always; he loved that about her. He also loved her smile and the way she made him feel when they were together.
(Y/N) could tell that there was something going on with her friend; she noticed how nervous he got when she was around, the way he stuttered and blushed. She thought that it was very cute, and it didn’t take her long to realize why he’d been acting like that. But she was still afraid of being wrong, so even though she also had feelings for the boy, she remained silent.
They were oblivious about the way they felt about each other, but everyone else wasn’t. They pretty much acted like a couple already to the eyes of strangers, and also to the eyes of the king.
The relationship between Arthur and his daughter had never been worse. The more she practiced her magic, the more they grew apart. They’d barely talk to each other. (Y/N) hated this, she wanted to be close to her father, but she knew that it would be useless to try to work things out; her father disapproved of anything she did or said. She was supposed to learn how to be a proper princess and future queen, and soon it would be time for her to get married. So of course, her closeness to Merlin’s apprentice was alarming to Arthur, and he decided to confront her at dinner one night.
‘’So, tell me about this apprentice boy,’’ he said to her. He’d requested to have dinner alone with her, and they were seated face to face with each other.
‘’His name is Hisirdoux,’’ she mentioned. ‘’And is this what you wanted to talk about? My friend?’’
‘’Well, he’s not just your friend, right? Rumors travel fast inside the castle, my dear.’’
‘’We’re just friends,’’ she mumbled loud enough for the king to hear.
‘’You sound almost disappointed at those words,’’ he pointed out. He made a pause to drink some of his wine and then he looked at his daughter. ‘’I don’t like him.’’
‘’Here we go…,’’ she sighed and sank in her seat, not wanting to hear what her dad was about to say.
‘’He’s a wizard apprentice, (Y/N). Could you imagine what people would say if you even thought about being with him?’’
‘’What does it matter what people think? I can do magic, too, father. I know you’ve been hiding it from the rest of the kingdom, hiding me. I’m tired of being a secret, of not being myself.’’
‘’For the sake of the kingdom, you should get married to an appropriate suitor.’’
‘’For the sake of the kingdom? Why don’t you just admit that you can’t accept the fact that I’m a witch, father? Are you really that ashamed of me? Or are you actually afraid?’’ The princess said in a defying tone.
‘’Young lady-.’’
‘’No, you’re not gonna do this anymore,’’ she interrupted him. ‘’Why can’t you just accept me? It’s like you don’t even want me to be happy. Magic makes me happy, Douxie makes me happy and I’m tired of you trying to control me just because you can’t accept people who are different!’’ (Y/N) got up from her seat and started walking away.
‘’Where do you think you’re going?’’ Yelled her father.
She stopped walking for a second to turn around and look at him. ‘’Away from you,’’ she answered. What he didn’t know was that she really meant it; she would go as far away as possible.
Once she got to her room, she started packing some of her stuff, and when she was done she decided to write a letter. She knew she would go and say goodbye to Douxie, but she wanted him to know some things that she wouldn’t be able to say out loud.
A couple of minutes later, she was ready to go, to leave that place for good. It was late at night but she knew her friend would still be awake, so she decided to head over to his room. Just as she was about to walk out of her room for the last time, she heard some guards approaching. The princess cursed to herself but quickly remembered that there was another way for her to leave without being noticed, Douxie’s room and hers were connected by some secret tunnels they’d made with magic a while back, tunnels that extended throughout the entire castle.
Once she reached the boy’s door, she started knocking like crazy. Douxie opened the door almost immediately and even though he was happy to see her, he could tell that there was something wrong.
‘’(Y/N), what’s wrong?’’
‘’I’m afraid we don’t have time for that, Douxie. I don’t really know how to say this but I wanted to tell you that I’m leaving,’’ she said.
‘’What? Where?’’
‘’I don’t know, to be honest. Somewhere my father won’t find me, somewhere I can be free.’’
He was shocked, to say the least. Deep down, he knew she wasn’t happy with her life in the castle, but this news still surprised him. ‘’I’m going with you,’’ he said and started looking for some stuff to pack. She grabbed him by his shoulders and stopped him.
‘’No, Douxie. I can’t let you do that, okay? You still have a lot to learn from Merlin, I know you have potential and I just can’t take this opportunity for you.’’
‘’But I want to be with you, wherever you go.’’
‘’Trust me, there’s nothing I’d want more, but we can’t,’’ she paused to take a deep breath; she could already feel the tears forming in her eyes. ‘’I wrote you a letter, there are some things I’d like you to know.’’ She grabbed the piece of paper and handed it to him.
‘’(Y/N), please…’’ He begged, he didn’t even know what he was begging for, he just knew that the situation they were in was extremely unfair.
‘’I know my father will be here any minute with his guards, you have to pretend like you haven’t seen me, okay?’’ Her tears were already falling down her cheeks, and so were his. She grabbed the boy’s hands and looked him in the eye. ‘’Promise me you’ll do that, Douxie. You have to act like you have no idea about me suddenly disappearing, yeah?’’
‘’Yeah,’’ he nodded. ‘’I promise, (Y/N).’’
She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist, holding on to each other as if their lives depended on it. When they pulled apart, they pressed their foreheads together.
‘’Thank you for everything, Douxie. I’ll miss you so much.’’
‘’I’ll miss you, too, (Y/N).’’ They finally pulled away and she walked over to his door, hoping no one would see her. She opened it a little and when she saw that no one was around, she knew it was time to leave. The girl looked back to Douxie one last time and smiled at him. When she was about to leave, she heard the boy speak. ‘’I will find you, (Y/N). I won’t stop until I do, I promise.’’
‘’I can only hope you will,’’ she said before walking away.
(Y/N) was right, it didn’t take long for the king and his guards to get to his room. They were looking for the princess, but she was nowhere to be found, and Douxie was just as oblivious to the situation as everyone else.
After the guards made sure she wasn’t hidden in his room, they left. As soon as the door was closed, the boy fell to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and started crying; he just couldn’t believe what had happened. He couldn’t believe his favorite person was gone.
He knew she was a witch, a powerful one, which meant she’d be able to live for a long time, just like him, but the world was a huge place and deep down he knew there was the possibility of never seeing her again.
Douxie tried to calm himself down, took some deep breaths, and ran his hands through his hair. Then, he remembered the letter, the last piece of her that he had.
He grabbed it and quickly opened it. First, he admired her handwriting, beautiful as always and then he started reading.
Dear Douxie,
If you’re reading this, it means that I’ve finally left. Deep down I think we all knew the palace wasn’t my place, I just never belonged inside these walls, but that doesn’t erase how much it hurts me to leave you.
You changed my life, Douxie, turned all the black and white into full colour, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. You’re so important to me, I don’t think you understand how much you matter to me. You were my first real friend, you taught me what it meant to fully trust someone with your entire heart… and I guess you also taught me what love is. It’d be useless to try and hide it any longer, it’s been a while since there was something more than just a friendship between us. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you sooner, to do something about it, but I didn’t. All I can say right now is that I love you, that I’m in love with you and that I’ll do anything I can to go back to you; I mean it, Douxie, I won’t stop until we’re together again because I know in my heart that these feelings will never go away, you mean the world to me.
Thank you for always being there when I needed you.
(Y/N).
Douxie didn’t know when he’d started crying, but he couldn’t stop. He covered his mouth with his hand to silence a sob, and then he wiped some tears off his face.
‘’I love you, too, (Y/N), and I’ll find you, no matter what,’’ he mumbled, making a promise to her once again, and also to himself.
...
900 years later
(Y/N) was just walking around the streets of Arcadia, minding her own business when suddenly she bumped into someone.
‘’Oh, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful,’’ she said, apologizing to the person in front of her.
She barely even paid attention to the whole situation and was ready to keep walking, but she stopped in her tracks when she heard a voice. The same voice she’d dreamt about hearing again, the same voice she’d missed ever since that day in the castle. He only said her name, but that was enough for her heart to start racing.
(Y/N) turned around and their eyes locked, time seemed to have stopped. She barely had any time to properly react before his arms were wrapped around her body, and instinctively her arms did the same thing.
‘’Please tell me this is not a dream,’’ he said once they pulled apart.
‘’Douxie,’’ she mumbled, still unable to believe that it was really him. He let out a sigh when he heard her; he missed hearing her say his nickname, the one she’d given to him, the one he ended up using all the time because it reminded him of her.
‘’It’s me, (Y/N), I’m here. I said I would find you, that’s what kept me going for so long.’’ He said, truly speaking from the heart.
‘’I started losing hope a long time ago, to be honest,’’ she said. She wanted to hug him again, to tell him how much she’d missed him and how she was still head over heels for him, but she couldn’t. The past had changed her, she had to change in order to survive and she’d learned to be afraid of trusting people, even the ones she loved the most.
‘’What are you even doing here, though?’’
‘’I honestly don’t know, I just kind of ended up here I guess.’’
There was a pause between them. It all happened so fast, just a few minutes ago the hope of seeing each other again was nonexistent.
‘’I missed you so much, (Y/N). There’s so much I want to talk about and so much I want to hear from you. I-I can’t believe it’s really you.’’ She smiled at him, not really knowing what to answer. ‘’I still have your letter, there hasn’t been a day in which I didn’t think about it and what you said in it.’’
(Y/N) opened her eyes. She thought about that later almost every day, also remembering her words, her confession.
Douxie noticed that there was something wrong, it was evident in her silence, in how tense she seemed. He tried to grab her hand but she refused, taking a small step backward.
‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ He didn’t get an answer, just a scared and worried look in response. ‘’Look, do you think you could meet me after work tonight? I’d like to catch up with you and talk about everything, I guess.’’
‘’I- uh, I don’t know, I-.’’
‘’Please, (Y/N). I think we owe it to each other.’’
She took a deep breath and made eye contact with him for a split second. ‘’Okay, tell me where do you work.’’
Douxie’s shift was about to end. He was nervous, he couldn’t wait to see her again. When they saw each other earlier, he noticed she was acting a bit weird. Of course, he hadn’t seen her for nine centuries, but that wasn’t the (Y/N) he remembered. She was different, distant and cold. Deep down, he even thought if maybe he’d already lost her, nine hundred years was a long time after all.
He was closing the restaurant when he saw the girl approaching him.
‘’Hey,’’ she said once they were face to face.
‘’Hi, I’m glad you came.’’ There was a small silence between them. (Y/N) started playing with her fingers, trying to calm herself down. ‘’Listen, I know it’s late but would you like to walk around while we talk?’’
‘’Of course, yeah.’’ They immediately started walking.
‘’I have so much I want to say, but first I wanna hear about you, (Y/N). What have you been up to?’’
‘’Well, trying to put these last nine centuries into words would be a bit difficult. I haven’t been doing much, really, just trying to hide my magic from everyone, seems like I’ll always have to.’’ She mumbled the last part, but he could still hear her. It was evident she was talking about her father, who she hadn't seen since that night in the castle. ‘’What about you?’’
‘’Pretty much the same thing, I guess. I don’t usually stay that much in the same place, though. You know, always looking the same could raise suspicion.’’
‘’Yeah, tell me about it. After a while some people just start spying on you because they know there's something going on, or at least that happened to me.’’
They reached a bench and decided to sit down. (Y/N) tried to keep a bit of distance between them, something that the boy noticed, and he tried to hide his sad expression at the girls' action. They stayed quiet for a bit, the girl admired the stars while also allowing herself to enjoy the boy's company, even if deep down she knew she shouldn't have.
"I'm in love with you, too," said Douxie, breaking the silence and immediately creating a bit of tension in the air. "I still do, and I know I always will; my biggest regret is not telling you sooner, when we were together back in the castle." The girl opened her mouth to say something but Douxie didn't let her, he grabbed one of her hands and slowly caressed it before he kept talking. "Finding you is what kept me going for so long, I said it earlier, but it's true. This may seem like I'm trying to rush things but I think we've been apart for too long to keep waiting, (Y/N)."
He slowly grabbed her face and ran a finger along her cheek, pulling her closer to him, but she pulled away. "I can't, Douxie. I truly can't."
"What do you mean? Did you find someone else? Do you not love me anymore? It's okay if you don't, nine centuries is a long time-."
"I do still feel things for you, but these last years have been very hard, Douxie. I've learnt not to trust people, even those closest to me. Please, don't take this personally, it's not your fault."
He slowly nodded and then made eye contact with her. "I understand, I know how you're feeling, trust me. I also understand if you're not ready, and I would wait for you for a hundred lifetimes, my dear."
"I want to be ready, Douxie, I truly do. I want to be with you, it's what I've wanted ever since we'd walk around the castle, running away from Merlin or my father." She paused for a bit, taking a deep breath; it's like she was at war with herself, she'd been for a long time, but she was tired of fighting, of hiding, she wanted to let her walls down. "Maybe we could take things slowly," she said. They looked at each other and he caressed her cheek once again.
"Of course, my love, anything you need."
She leaned on his hand and closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth after so many years. "Would you kiss me?" she asked.
He simply grabbed her face and slowly pulled her closer to him, and finally their lips touched.
"I love you so much, (Y/N)," he whispered once they pulled away.
"I love you, too, Douxie."
They sat side by side and the girl rested her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to, they both knew what they were feeling at that moment. They were finally complete, and it was like every single bad thing they had to go through was worth it, because it had led them to that moment, to their encounter.
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red-doll-face · 3 years
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Here is a request for slashers if they're open. My brain does a thing where I am affectionate w a person but if I get nudged away (even if it's just to readjust the position), it goes "oh no. They don't want u to touch them. Do not touch ever again or they will get mad at u. U disgust them." Even tho touch is my love language & it hurts, I just won't touch. If confronted, I will get confused & panicky cuz "u didn't want me to touch? Im respecting ur wishes? Did I miss something?" Its a mess.
Requests are indeed open, I’m sorry I take foreverrr to do these but i hope u enjoy! I don’t know what to call this tho. For simplicity’s sake I’m calling this nervous reader lmao, idk what else to call these.
Slashers x gn nervous Reader
Jason Voorhees:
Jason can very much relate to the feeling. When he first meets you, he’s sure that you’re frightened. He restrains from being too close to avoid coming off as overbearing, doesn't want to touch you because if you flinch he’ll be so hurt. He just assumes he disgusts you. Based on the reaction all of his other victims have when they see him, he’s sure you’ll probably be the same.
Once Jason is sure that you don't feel that way, he’s a cuddle monster. He wants to be close all of the time, holding hands, letting you sit in his lap, you name it. He’s so starved and quickly decides that touch is his love language too. He’s not even sure how he’s lived this long without it.
The only time I can see Jason maybe gently sort of setting you down elsewhere and walking off is when he senses strangers on the property of what once was Crystal Lake. He’s out the door before he can even see your hurt expression, Which is worse because this might lead you to jump to conclusions.
If you distance yourself from Jason, he immediately is thrown off. He can’t directly ask you if he’s done something wrong and when he tries to initiate affection with you and you don’t reciprocate whole heartedly, he’s at a loss.
He’ll get on one knee while you sulk on the couch and give you a silent plea to tell him what's wrong. You can panic and try and avoid it but he is certain there's something going on and he wants so badly to know what he’s done to put you off. You tell him and he immediately is shaking his head no, he could never be mad at you, never be disgusted with you. You’re the most breathtaking person he’s ever had the pleasure of holding, the first, most likely.
Jason nods because he understands how you feel. In the future, he’s persistent about how you feel when he untangles himself from you, making sure you’re ok.
Michael Myers:
In the later stages of your relationship, Michael is insatiable when it comes to being in contact with you. For a long time, towards the start of your relationship, he didn’t like it. It felt weird. All of the touch he's experienced prior was so clinical and sterile that he doesn’t quite know how good touch is supposed to feel. He’s so touch starved that he’s almost positive he doesn't even need it.
Slowly, he builds a tolerance for it, much like one does with alcohol, constantly checking his boundaries and letting him control the situation and he’s all for movie night, huddled up on the couch, or waking up with his head on your chest. His own personal pillow.
There are, however, moments when his need to make someone tremble with fear and then blodgeon them to death with a can opener from their own kitchen becomes too strong, so he tries to keep away from you. In the past, he might have used you to satisfy similar desires of a sexual nature and may have really hurt you but he knows that it’s not always enjoyable to you.
Then, you stop touching him. Much like Jason, he starts to think you’ve become sick of him. Sick of his coldness, his muteness, his withdrawn demeanor. Maybe you’ve moved on and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care but he doesn't think he can see himself touching anyone but you now.
It gets to the point where he comes home one day and you look heavily troubled, expressions he’s seen on your face before, only in the event that something terrible has happened. You ask to speak to him and he obliges.
You explain that you don’t think this relationship is working, that you’re pretty sure he’s disgusted with you and how difficult this event is because you didn't even want to talk about it but it's been hurting you for too long.
His response is to stand up very slowly, pick you up and lay down with you over him, simply laying there. Hopefully, knowing you’re the one person he would ever allow to participate in this intimacy is enough to show you that you mean more than you think you do to him.
RZ Michael Myers:
This Michael is more perceptive to your touch than his counterpart, your touch sends little shivers down his spine and as soon as he gets pretty used to it, he’s eager for more. This also takes some time but significantly less. He’s enamored with the idea of returning to a somewhat normal life. Your affection grounds him in that fantasy as much as being a murderer might take him out of it.
As he establishes a relationship with you, he may even be the one to start touching you instead of the other way around. He’s read books and always wondered what it might feel like to have someone genuinely touch him without fear in their eyes. Without malice.
An unsuccessful ‘day at work’ might have Michael feeling a little het up though. He can be moody and more rageful. Neither you nor his hobbies can calm him. He seems colder than usual in these states and can come off as very standoffish.
So when you try and touch him and he shrugs your hand off his shoulder, he can’t or isn't in the state of mind to address your frown and worried look. Michael, instead stomps off somewhere to be alone for a while; maybe take his anger out on something else. Some unsuspecting soul or maybe even a poor animal in the wrong place at the wrong time.
After he’s calmed down some, he returns and almost forgot about that sad little gleam in your eye before he left. Michael remembers when he sees you blankly staring at the TV, pointedly avoiding his gaze even as you utter a weak welcome home. It’s not very welcoming. He sits stiffly beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. You’re closed off from him and he doesn't like it at all.
Migrating towards you slowly, he eases you into a familiar hug, his big bear hugs that are a little tight but inviting all the same. His huge torso and long arms seem to swallow you in his warmth. You hardly reciprocate. You look a little surprised. Though he never addresses it verbally, (which is probably better for you) Michael offers a single glance that communicates everything he needs to say. Don't ever think that again.
Thomas B. Hewitt:
Thomas’ self esteem issues and self image are not good. He honestly doesn’t like to imagine what he looks like to other people unless it can be as a threatening man you don’t fuck with. Meeting you, he realizes that it’s good to protect his family but he’d rather you not see him as someone only capable of harm. Tries his best to get the point across that while Hoyt may be adamant that horrible things happen to you, he’s not going to let them.
Thomas has received affection but always a familial affection. A pat on the back from Monty, proud claps to his shoulders from uncle Charlie, and hugs and kisses from his dear Mother. Nothing so foreign as a strangers touch over his arm or a soft embrace.
Unfortunately, Thomas can get reactive when you attempt to touch him without his mask on. He’s absolutely settled on the false reality that you’ll see his face and immediately decide that you never want to touch him again. Interacting with you with his bare face? That's a no for Thomas.
He puts on his mask that covers the scarred skin over his face and you look dejected. He was preparing for you to pressure him but instead finds himself trying to find out why you won’t touch him now. It’s not his face, is it? You respond with your reasoning. Thomas is so confused. How could you think that you disgust him? That he doesn’t want you to touch him?
He’s quicker than the others and immediately sweeps you up into his arms and holds you as close as humanly possible. Feeling disgusting and like some sort of burden is a feeling he’s so familiar with and if he can take it away from you, he will.
Will aggressively initiate touch with you for the next week or so just to solidify the fact that he cares about you and won't reject you just as you didn’t reject him.
Bubba Sawyer:
Bubba is a great cuddle buddy and partner. Hugs are his favorite and he hugs his brother all the time, lifting both Nubbins and Chop Top into the air for some brotherly love. If you’re smaller than them he’s all about picking you up and perhaps a little rough housing with you. He’s careful though or at least there are attempts made to be careful
Bubba, though he could easily spend the whole day doing nothing and everything with you, has work. Chores, butchering. Cooking, and tending livestock. Plenty to do at the sawyer house and he does most of it. Suffice to say there are times when you want to lather attention all over him yet he has to go back to work.
So caught up in work that he doesn't get what's going on til way later, when you’ve had time to stew in your emotions, firmly telling yourself that Bubba is annoyed by you probably. He’s baffled and confused at your silence, your crossed arms. The little furrow in your brow. He can already tell there’s something upsetting you.
Honestly, Bubba is so affectionate I can’t see him being the kind of person even capable of alluding to the fact he might be disgusted by you. How, if all he wants to do is love you? You may bring it up as a joke that you thought he didn’t like you and he almost seems offended. Not like you?
Bubba can squash any feelings you may have about that and then some. He will not let you drown in insecurities, not on his watch. This man will do everything in his power to make you feel beautiful because you really are.
I’m sorry these are super long but thanks for requesting!
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vrisrezis · 3 years
Text
My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)
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- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you
- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does
- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh
- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking
- she’s like no. I’m serious ?
- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane
- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her
- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic
- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen
- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you
- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that
- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)
- also you’re cute while you’re drunk
- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already
- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training
- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕
- but she does eventually
- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^
- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh
- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well
- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case
- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason
- much more protective in battle though
- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions
- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it
- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point
- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead
- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?
- still likes to take care of a drunk you
- quick pecks on your lips are very often
- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it
- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you
- she kicks his ass
- but he’s not wrong
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- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf
- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it
- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow
- it makes more sense now
- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is
- the gal is clingy af what can she say
- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting
- just an excuse to hold you though tbh
- at times will get tongue tied
- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting
- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”
- and now you date
- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker
- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^
- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after
- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often
- very needy
- big cuddler
- just like “CUDDLE ME”
- so demanding
- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it
- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”
- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it
- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever
- she eats all the food
- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point
- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc
- she likes buying you clothes tbh
- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls
- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane
- it would be a dealbreaker actually
- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways
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- vision of course will not understand his feelings
- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good
- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light
- tony quickly tells him that is not the case
- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious
- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?
- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes
- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest
- he’s just bad at it
- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far
- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries
- tony is in pain watching this btw
- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”
- in a relationship he is very sweet
- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all
- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that
- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed
- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you
- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely
- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for
- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that
- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection
- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you
- loves kissing your hands
- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light
- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you
- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing
- which you of course understand
- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you
- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything
- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children
- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you
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- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏
- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?
- she just loves spending all her time with you
- probably met you before wandavision
- so you’re probably already together
- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”
- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .
- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god
- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you
- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you
- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision
- you two are always together btw
- loves dancing with you
- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it
- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh
- holds your hand often
- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably
- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too
- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious
- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you
- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again
- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you
- you aren’t just like.. some person to date
- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously
- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot
- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”
- she’s just so overly sweet with you
- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie
- likes you playing with her hair
- she loves a good cuddle
- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear
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- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly
- and probably flirts a lot
- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it
- he can be quite protective as well
- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous
- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow
- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much
- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe
- probably has some dumb handshake with you
- honestly he acts like a close friend to you
- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe
- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful
- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”
- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare
- has you listen to his favorite music of course
- especially the love songs ;D
- will just dance with you to the music he puts on
- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae
- and then he tells you how he feels for u
- now u date <3
- lots of forehead kisses
- cuddle bug absolutely
- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off
- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous
- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much
- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart
- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^
- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏
- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it
- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho
- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun
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- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him
- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are
- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you
- over time it just... happens
- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works
- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you
- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass
- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie
- the way he looks at you makes it obvious
- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes
- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better
- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though
- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with
- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous
- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you
- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard
- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps
- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso
- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”
- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet
- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor
- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you
- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has
- so it causes him to worry like all the time
- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^
- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship
- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this
- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too
- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to
- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(
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- finally
- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute
- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever
- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything
- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”
- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time
- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over
- Sam always has something to say abt it also
- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky
- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient
- he was also nervous asking you out but yk
- when dating him he becomes very protective
- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh
- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though
- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare
- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it
- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again
- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him
- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it
- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky
- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability
- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others
- lots of handholding
- he loves hugging you for long periods of time
- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him
- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you
- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm
- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids
- though the thought scares him it is something he desires
- we all know he calls you doll
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papers4me · 3 years
Text
Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 9 (part 1)
“ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~
What an ep for my girl tohru! She completed her growth thanks to kyo’s rejection. really, It was so hard, cruel, understandable but above all so necessary for her to reach a logical realistic conclusion that “I can love/want things from the bottom of my heart, but at the end I can’t force or bound them to me, I won’t regret loving/wanting them, but I’ll move forward regardless, no more standing still”.
-The fear of being alone:
Aren’t we all? We’re scared to face the word after breaking bonds, changing, not getting what we want, having to start over. Such feelings run deeper into us all. Both tohru & akito were scared to face the word without the old comfortable bond that they got used to:
Tohru realized today, that she cant keep talking to a cold photo, can’t live according to her mom’s expectations, to fulfill her mom’s wishes, can’t narrate her daily life to her mom & fill her life with other ppl’s own issues to distract her self from facing her own loneliness & from looking deeper into what should she do with her life. As she fell in love with kyo, tohru started talking to him! forgetting to inform her mom abt her life’s details, thinking abt what will she do “after graduation?”. As kyo asked in se02, ep2. Graduating highschool is ur mom’s wish, What would u wanna do after?” Tohru didnt have a response of “an after”cuz her mom wasnt there to tell her! Tohru has to choose “the after” herself!!!! “The after” was being with kyo & starting life together! figuring what to do next together! She no longer alone! she found her most precious person!
Except: he cant be with her. Again tohru is scared. What to do now! she wanted a bond but is forced to leave it. Loving kyo was stage 1 to be free from her grief. Moving forward without kyo is stage 2 to learn not to repeat the painful journey again! She didnt let go of her mom & kyo easily. It was hard, scary but she must do it. You must respect their wishes & move on. As scared as she is, there will be sadness & happiness ahead.
Akito realized she cant keep an empty box, cant keep fulfilling her dad’s wishes to “be loved & special” cant bound the zodiacs to her for good. They may love her or not, it doesn't matter, if they wish to leave for whatever reason, she cant force them to stay.
Except now that the zodiacs are leaving, what does she have to live for? who will be with her? she isnt good with strangers? she never met anyone who wasnt forced to obey her & be grateful for her. Strangers cant be forced to love her! what will she do now? stretch you hand for a greeting. Tohru told her, make a friend, they might refuse you, but hey might accept u too, I’ll make it easy, Hi, I;m tohru, whats ur name?
The power of true love: ( reality vs fiction)
In fairy tales, the princess fix the prince. the prince save the princess. The prince kiss the princess, she wakes up & they be happy ever after. Except real life has no prince & princess, You cant always be saved, you cant always save others, pure intense true love cant always be the answer!
Yuki was first when tohru needed physical saving. he saved her twice! Yuki’s nickname in school ”the prince”. Yuki is always cool, thoughtful & kind. Yuki always knew what to say & do! he deserves tohru’s romantic love more than kyo, right? But “ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~ . Yuki didn't feel this way towards tohru, granted no one (excepts kakeru) knows the reason why he loves her fondly (she’s his mom figure). The official” prince isnt the one for her. Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Yuki has someone who sees he isn’t cool, perfect or a prince “ granted no one knows abt machi, yet! ) XD
In tohru monologue: she didnt think abt saving, that's not why she loves kyo. She stated normal, silly, mundane things! a shy smile, awkward kindness & the likes. Stuff ppl love abt each other in real life. You dont say, I love my husband cuz he saved me from a burning building in the 7th floor! lol. But fiction is so full of this. Princes saving princesses.
Tohru didnt fix kyo, too! as much as her love helped him greatly to find hope, the best writing choice is that tohru’s love also brought despair to kyo! To him, she’s the symbol of hope, peace & comfort! she’s also, the symbol of despair, torment & unease! EPIC! The kyo who’s stuck in the past cant be with her, the kyo who will move beyond trauma, abuse & broken soul will be with her. The duality is all on kyo’s shoulder: what will he choose? Can he choose in his state now?
In fairy tales the princess wakes up after the kiss. In real life, we don't. Tohru didn’t. Regardless if she fainted during or after the kiss. The kiss fixed nothing. Kyo’s despair in seeing near-dead tohru in a not-so-subtle mimic to his nightmare, has manifested itself into the sweetest kiss upon seeing her conscious & talking. Kyo isnt good with words, his actions are his words. When he’s scared, sad, in trauma: running away. when he’s  fond of her, grateful for her existence: head knock, head pats, hand holding & a kiss. Still the kiss fixed nothing. Kyo is still traumatized more than ever now. Tohru still feels rejected “even if I’m not with you, plz live”.
Talking fixes everything. It didn’t here, kyo & tohru talked & showed their most vulnerable side to the other, but still didn’t meet half ways, regardless of all the love. That’s cuz they keep missing each other’s best timing. Kyo is stuck in the past while tohru has moved forward. even if in her mind she’s the one who stood & he moved. this shows they aren’t on the same wave yet. Before meeting each other again, kyo must learn from his mistake like tohru did. He must face his ultimate demon: his dad. The one who created the current broken kyo.
Rebelling against parents: ( sign of growth & freedom of choice):
Rebelling against parents  is a sign of a desire to choose one’s path, decide one’s own future. Away to express an oppressed desire.
Yuki rebelled against his mom in se02. he told her I’m not going to the college you chose. I’ll chose my path. I’m not staying away from Ayame. My bro is good in my book. I chose who I want to be with. He told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.
Tohru rebelled against her mom today. told her I’m not wasting myself doing only what you I think you’ll approve off. You might bot forhet kyo, thats ur choice, But I DO. I love him even if you might not approve of him, Even if he rejected me, my feelings wont change, but I’ll move forward from the grief & pain. mother. She told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.
Kyo WILL rebelled against his disgusting dad. He MUST. It is his turn now. He’ll tell him I’m not wasting myself being locked in a cage. I have a future! I’m not a monster. I am LOVED! I might not 100% sure why I’m loved, but the truth cant be hidden. I have ppl who love me! cheer for me! I want to live! enough of death! mom & kyoko died, tohru nearly did, but I’m not gonna die! I’m not killing ME! I’‘ll do what MOM didnt do! I’ll do what YOU couldn't do! I’ll live! He’ll tell him what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.  I cant wait! I’m in tears just thinking abt it! Kyo was punished enough! time for happiness!
Side Notes:
While I’m impressed with tohru’s growth, as they did her justice in this ep, this doesn’t erase that the buildup for tohru’s own journey & trauma was mediocre. There is a reason ppl commented ” omg tohru, you can love your mom AND kyo!. ” Grief is illogical, long process & it sucks that we weren’t allowed to experience tohru’s grief & her mom’s role in tohru’s abandonment issues. Huge lost opportunity that a good conclusion ep cant erase! but like tohru, I’m moving on ~
The path of growth for kyo will start by rejecting the demon: his dad. No. other. option. Hold abusers accountable for their crimes. Stop their madness. Tell them off.
We know kyo is baka! that’s his trade mark, the endearing baka! a lot of characters in the show think so! I love it, but I’m craving baka-yuki! XD! really, yuki is cool, level-headed & smart, but let him be baka too! this only shows up in tiny microscopic doses, but they’re my fave doses of yuki! it humanizes the “perfect prince”, the “gifted high status rat”! Thus him not seeing kyo running the other side, is my fave look on him! XD.
I appreciate that kyo & yuki put their differences aside when they’re with tohru. You cant tell yuki is hella pissed off with kyo, but he restrained himself. His gaze while full of anger is also full of sympathy as he heard/saw kyo’s panic upon the thought of loosing tohru. He understand they both only mean the best for each other, but also tried they both keep missing each other & not meeting half way! Also, yuki being the only one in the hospital is realistic & endearing. No need for them all to be there & yuki lives with her & is so close to her.
kyo not being the hospital is fantastic! thank you writer-San! why would kyo go to the hospital after thinking his nightmare came true? kyoko /his mom warned him, you’ll hurt another person.. he did.. he didn't cause her fall... but caused her sadness & hurt.
Momiji’s reprimanding gaze is my fave look on him! Also, the best response to what akito did. Akito isnt used to such judgemental gaze. Kureno grabbed her cheeks, gently told her you shouldn't do that, the old maid told her you are right, Dr. Hatori erased her mistakes from ppl heads & bodies, shigure being either cold or kissing her ass, coxing her to yet torment another zodiac in his grand scheme to break the curse as happened in the beach arc.
You bet hana & arisa will be there next ep! Arisa will meet kureno & akito for sure. To path the way for their romance as seen in the ED.
Shigure’s “remorse” is a whole can of worms. Playing with ppl’s hearts & feelings to gain someone’s affection is no laughing matter. Each time blood is shed, he contributed somehow. he didnt force anyone to hurt the other, but he played with matches & never got hurt.
Shigure must be glad akito stabbed kureno. Not cuz he’s sadistic or bad person. He isn’t, but cuz akito stabbing kureno is akito cutting her bond with him. Go shigure, your girl removed her lover with blood. Kureno is punished for sleeping with ur girl by blood! so, when is ur punishment for sleeping with ur lover’s mom? none? ok.
The animation is good. They didnt villinize akito by drawing extra manic features like se02. Kyo’s broken & tormented face once again epicly drawn. However, akito’s slaps on tohru’s face were comedic, unnecessary & such bad taste! Stop using violence for extra drama, furuba!
Also, tohru, I love you, I understand you are broken but charging at a person, who has a history of violence & physical abuse & holding a knife, is stupid. No other description. I’m glad she didnt accidentally kill you in her initial rage.
Everything akito’s redemption, kureno & shigure are part 2 in my review.
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dianapana · 3 years
Text
SH Day 2: Fashion Statement
Modern AU, OOC
@sasuhinamonth
Bullies exist everywhere you look, in school, at work, on the street and most of all, on the internet. Countless bullies hide behind the anonymity the internet provides them in order to bring down strangers for no apparent reason. But there is always a reason, jealousy, an inferiority complex, a superiority complex, or plain and simple the bully is a pile of trash and no one should call it a human being. One of the worst things one can do when being active on social media is read the comments, because no matter how many positive comments there are, one bad comment outweighs them all. Scrolling through my Instagram I see the perfect example of this issue. Hinata is barely an acquaintance, I have not seen her since middle school almost a decade ago, she’s not active on any social media, or at least she wasn’t until today. The picture in front of me brings back all of my past thoughts of her, how pretty her face looked, how refreshing and pleasant her lower voice tone was; out of most people I was aware of at the time, she was one of the least annoying. The only thing that bothered me at times was her meek demeanour, how easy she’s fold under the pressure of bullies; and it would appear that she had not changed in that particular category.
The picture was there, I liked it, I looked through the comments, I saw all the negative ones, I saw them misgendering her due to her short hair and baggy clothes, I saw them calling her names; and then there was nothing, because the picture no longer existed. Much like in school, the bully applied pressure on her, and she caved in on herself and chose to hide.
I wish I had taken a screenshot of the picture to post myself, but that would have been an invasion of privacy. She looked older and more mature, her hair was much shorter than in middle school, almost a buzz cut. She had always worn baggy clothes, but her style developed to streetwear, all in all, the picture was, in my opinion, a work of art. But as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. I can’t explain why it bothers me this much the fact that she took it down, but it just does.
I hate all the entitled fucks that think people own them anything. Females do not own them femininity, males don’t own them masculinity and gender non-conforming people don’t own them an androgynous appearance. Gender and fashion style are different issues, they can reflect each other or not. People use clothes for various reasons, as art, as means of expression, or they use them to hide. We talked about this during one of my courses in gender studies in university and it fucked with my brain how many people, young people that are supposably ‘woke’ heard that for the first time. I was shocked how many were unaware of things that I consider common sense.
I have the urge to reach out, assure her that the shit those incompetent fucks commented is the furthest thing from fact. Maybe I also feel guilt, because I was aware she was bullied in school and never helped, my apathy always made me so sure that it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t my issue to fix, it wasn’t my battle to fight, and this isn’t either; but I’ve also learned to understand that being quiet might not be as hurtful as actively attacking the person, but it’s damn near close enough. So, I click on her blank profile and shoot her a short message. ‘the pic looked nice. U didn’t have to delete it just cuz some ppl don’t know what style is’
It was partly to comfort her, and partly to prove to myself that I’ve become better even in the slightest. I press the lock button on my phone and the screen turns black, I put it screen down on my bed and leave the room trying to fool myself and the universe that I don’t care if she replies or not.
I return to my work desk, continuing this charade, I am actively trying to not think about it, but the more I try not to think about it, the more I think about it. There is something about a 24-year-old Hinata looking the way she does, yet listening to haters, that just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m still in deep thought about the issue when my laptop dings, letting me know I received an email. I half expect it to be Hinata, but it’s work-related and my focus turns to that for the time being. Work keeps me busy for the remaining of the day, enough to push the whole issue out of my mind for real. In a blink of an eye over 9 hours have passed.
I wasn’t able to fully finish everything I wanted, due to some issues but I have to call it a day, since I worked overtime quite a lot. I go back to my bedroom and pick up my phone ready to order some delivery for the night when I see that Hinata responded.
“That was very thoughtful of you, thank you for the kind message.”
“I agree that I shouldn’t let myself be brought down, but it’s devastating in the moment.”
“I’ll try again.”
Her last message makes me click back on her profile to see that she reposted the picture with the caption saying ‘fuck you’. A sense of pride flows into my body, and I can’t fight the urge to comment as well, ‘fuck them all’. I go back to our little chat.
“Im glad u decided to post it again.”
I’m trying to formulate a compliment that doesn’t sound weird, I don’t feel like we are close enough for me to call her beautiful or pretty without it sounding like I am flirting, stunning sounds extreme, sexy and hot feel somewhat disgusting; yet all these five adjectives describe her, because she is beautiful, pretty, stunning, hot and sexy. I’m in the midst of this internal battle when I receive a reply.
“I am too. Thank you again”
I don’t feel like I deserve thanks, so I decide not to write back ‘you are welcome’, but I still want to compliment her so I click back to look at the picture, seeing whether having the picture in front of me will help. I’m lowkey annoyed when I get a notification that I have a new message from her, I am hell bound on finding a compliment and she is hell bound on stopping me. Either way, I click on the message, but upon reading it, my annoyance dies.
“I’m actually in Konoha for the first time in forever. I was thinking…if you maybe want to meet up? I’m here for a month, let me know if and when is a good time for you 😊”
Under normal circumstances, an invitation to ‘hang out’ from any former classmate be it elementary, middle or high school would annoy me further and I’d turn it down immediately. But for some reason, the idea of meeting Hinata after so many years, seeing what she is up to, interacting with her now as adults, makes me oddly enthusiastic. I reply before I can overthink the issue.
“Sure, we can meet, I’m free every Wednesday and throughout the weekend.”
Her reply is almost instant. “That’s perfect! See you Saturday” Reading her message makes me forget what day it is, so I have to look at my phone’s calendar; Saturday is the day after tomorrow, in less than 48hs I will see Hinata. My feelings are conflicted, they lay somewhere between nervousness, which is new, and giddiness, which is even newer. In order to calm myself, I do what I always do, set a goal. By Saturday I’ll have an appropriate compliment for the picture and her, it will have more impact if I say it face-to-face anyway, yes that’s the reason I want to see her, so I can feel as if I completed this little mission of mine, no other reason…
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hottie0 · 3 years
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k so i had an idea for a chameron ao3 series of all the fics being conan gray songs but i got lazy and only wrote 1.5 stories for it so because i’m not acc gonna do it imma share the ideas i had cuz someone might find them useful so (btw these will be copied directly from notes the first time i wrote them, they can also be used for other ships if u want but i made them for chameron):
grow: a year after hs cam and charlie run into eachother in vermont and then u see a bunch of flashbacks of old nights and things at welton. they exchange numbers at the end or smth. (i did this one)
idle town: charlie can’t sleep at his new school. he reminisces and whatever. a little more focused on cam. he looks over at the other side of the room but cam isn’t there anymore. instead it’s his new roommate who he doesn’t even know the last name of. end it somehow.
generation why: pre-canon cam and charlie just talking on the roof. banter. romantics ensue on cams behalf. charlie doesn’t feel the same way. that’s why charlie treats him the way he does.
crush culture: charlie pining after cam. a bunch of little things cam does to push charlie over the edge. charlie talks to neil and neil says cam likes him too. he doesn’t. charlie kisses cam one night while studying and cam rejects him and they argue. this is the night of neils death. that’s why cam didn’t find out through charlie and everything hurt a little bit more than it should’ve.
greek god: cameron’s being made fun of all the time by charlie and he knows charlie likes him and idk tbh this one got deleted and idk what i had written
lookalike: pre-neils death cam and charlie dated in their time at welton then broke up which caused tension going into senior year. the dead poets knew. when the dps started charlie got a gf and wouldn’t stop talking about her. her name was elaine. he brought her to a meeting and she looks just like cam. damn.
the other side: falling out of love. the process.
the king: cameron accidentally reads a poem charlie had written for/about him. he stresses all day and acts weird. everyone else is like ??? at night cam decides f it and confronts him. it ends cute
comfort crowd: night time. tomorrow morning charlie was meant to leave welton so all his stuff was packed up. hed already punched cam so it was tense. to say the least. cam randomly gets up out of bed and charlie is like wtf?? cam fuddles around then he’s like “u coming” they go to the cave and have a meaningful talk and if they end up cuddling then that’s their business
wish you were sober: charlie and cameron get drunk in their dorm. cam can’t hold his alcohol well so he gets wayy more drunk. he tells charlie some personal shit. some of which includes the fact that he used to have feelings for charlie. charlie has feelings for cam. he’s sad and sends cam to bed.
maniac: short one. they’re at the same bar a few years later. not with eachother but cam knows charlie’s there. charlie is talking shit abt cam and calling him weird and blah blah. but just that night, charlie had called cam desperate after years. cam thinks abt everything. he gets up and leaves but doesn’t leave w/o saying a big ol’ f u to charlie. this ones so mean to charlie. sucks. anyways.
online love): they’re doing long distance because charlie got expelled. they break up over the phone. aw. make it depressing. maybe by them being interrupted before rly saying goodbye and shii.
checkmate: they’re playing chess idk i couldn’t think of anything better. just cute and fluffy cuz i say so.
the cut that always bleeds: cameron is in a problematic relationship w a girl he met at uni. they just went through one of their fight episodes. cam went back to his room but he needed company. he decides to go to charlie’s dorm for comfort. but they haven’t spoke since that evening years ago. charlie says “i thought i’d never see you again” yadda yadda cam tells charlie everything and they just hold eachother. the gf is like “plz take me back” so cam does and he never sees charlie ever again. cry abt it.
fight or flight: charlie has a gf but little does he know she’s cheating on him. he ends up catching her with her side piece in their apartment. it’s cameron. there’s a whole wtf moment and the gf is like “u two know eachother???”. cams like “i swear i didn’t know” the girl leaves but cam stays. they argue or whatever or just talk not sure yet. then they kiss and charlie says something dumb and it ends. also cameron is hot as shit in this btw.
affluenza: probs short. when charlie is getting ready to leave cam is like “so money can’t buy happiness” and charlie’s like tf did u say to me. they talk abt where charlie’s going and whatnot and money. “i can’t do the things you do charlie, don’t you get anything” charlie leaves feeling a bit more guilty.
(can we be friends?): cam and charlie’s life growing up together. cute moments of them falling for the other. “now charlie knows why he and cameron could never be friends.”
heather: charlie and knox are together. cameron likes charlie. one night charlie is drunk and it’s just cam and him in the dorm. charlie ends up kissing cameron as a joke and cameron doesn’t know. there’s a fic like this. after the kiss it’s never the same. knox doesn’t know what happened. cameron has to watch them be all buddy buddy and shit- even if they’re not out to the rest of the group, cam knows. cameron knows not to interfere with their relationship no matter how much he wants to. he chooses to sit and watch and keep all his feelings inside.
little league: charlie stops by a cafe one night because he has nothing else to do. it turns out it’s open mic night. someone gets up to read. that someone is cameron. cameron performs a poem called little league. charlie remembers things. he leaves before the poem is over. /OR/ Cameron is an adult, he's a doctor or smth bouj, he has a family, a house, the embodiment of the american middle aged straight white man dream life. But sometimes, in secret, he takes Welton's Yearbook out of the shelf, and he traces Charlie face, and he remembers.
the story: cameron and charlie are late-night swimming in the lake together. they’re fantasizing abt whatever and charlie says “we should run away” they continue the convo like they did the others. a few days later charlie brings it up again, seriously this time. “what? dalton are you on something?” no. they get into an argument and shit. about a week later cameron wakes up to charlie sneaking out, but this isn’t sneaking out like dps meeting sneaking out, he’s running away. cam: “charlie? what are you doing up?” charlie: “this is your last chance. you coming?” cam: *thinks* no.
fake: ratting on keating and more angsty mess
overdrive: first kiss moment. they’re meant to be studying but they got distracted and are just talking instead. charlie’s like “cam have u ever kissed sum1” cam: “i think u know the answer to that dalton” charlie: “do you want to” cam: “ha! that’s a laugh! who can i find within a mile of here that i could kiss” charlie: me. whole carpe diem whatever- “charlie are you kidding do you know what would happen if someone found out!?” “so i won’t let them” but they kiss and it’s cute
astronomy: au: cam never ratted out keating but neil still died but just that whole thing never happened. ok. ever since neil died both cam and char were different. their relationship was tense. before it had been perf and everyone was envious of them but after neil everything changed. cameron was more agressive and easily irritable. charlie was more reserved and quiet. they tried to fix it but they decided it would be best to split. they still saw eachother in hallways and stuff, but were no longer roommates. after a couple months, they were strangers.
people watching: a view on the cameron/charlie relationship from other people. they’re opposites obv. when ppl were first informed they were taken aback to say the least. but when they see how they are together they get it yk? yeah u do.
ur welcome for my genius guys u need it.
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floodnetworks · 3 years
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how do you deal with shitty transphobes on the internet? i'm probably being too sensitive but it really fucking hurts that cishet people and a large group of lgb people will never respect my identity.
i might not b the best person to ask this cuz i kind of just dont care at all what strangers think of me. i love myself & i love my trans community & nothing anyone says can make me feel bad about it. but being sensitive is ok, i know how u feel, generally i dont care abt other peoples opinions, but every once in a while i do get sad about the fact that so many people in the world would not see me for who i am or respect me for it. its hard.
i dont really deal w things like that online bc i just keep to my little circle of cool people on tumblr, every once in a while tho someone on my art blog will be degrading towards me for my transness which sucks, but then i remember that they are a complete stranger with no real bearing on my life & they have an extremely limited and negative worldview and i dont care about the thoughts of anyone who is so dedicated to mindless ignorance.
i think the best thing to do is hang out w other trans people (irl if possible but online too) cuz it helps u feel accepted and loved and unaffected by negativity. thats what i do.
i would hate to tell you to just grow a thicker skin and stop feeling bad about it, because truly you should not have to, its unfair and horrible and its completely understandable that it makes you feel upset. but the best way to avenge yourself under such impossible circumstances is to focus on loving yourself and other trans people and reaffirming that no matter what they think, transness is beautiful and precious and many many people will accept you for who you are.
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floralcalaveraa · 3 years
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MEET THE MUSE
Rules: Answer in-character. Repost, don’t reblog.
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► NAME ➭ He waves around proudly at the imaginary crowd his mind conjured, assuming a performance that one would put up when live on camera for an interview. Typical Guzma, thinking that he is all that, but he is not. “Hey y’all~” He says with a chipper, sing-song voice to continue convincing ... the dashboard? “Clean the wax outta yur ears; I’m only gonna say this once and I expect chu to say the WHOLE fucking thing when you call me. It’s Guzma Kehlani Kaliko- I’m joking.” The emotion in his performance stops abruptly at the end and he acts like normal again. But then again ... when was he ever normal? His voice is modest now. “Just keep it up to Guzma.”
► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭ Guzma doesn’t hold back on widening his eyes upon registering the question and emphasizes the reality of his words when he curls a curl on his finger and bats his eyes, pretending a coy nature. “Yeah~ So if anyone out there single too and you want a good sex, come on down; my number is-” And then a convenient beep censors the sound of his voice because Guzma is doing too much.
► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭ “Hmm, I’m aight right now. Is not like ... I’m going through anythin ...” He asks himself, looking at the sky for an answer. “Or am I?”
► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭ “Who isn’t? I know I am. Like, when’s a rich white guy gonna give me all his money ya know? Those fucking billionaires don’t know how to spend it, like, give me your money I’ll show you.”
► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭ All that talk from earlier? That magic disappears. Guzma falls silent for a moment, but tries to salvage his enthusiasm from earlier. “Weeeeeeeeeeeell ... they never married to begin with? Yeah, very telling of their relationship, ya know?” ‘I don’t want them to ever marry. That is not love, I wouldn’t attend to it should it ever happen.’
NINE FACTS!
► ‘BIRTH’ PLACE ➭ “In. This. Stupid. Region. Called. ALOLA!” Each word came with a jumping stomp to the ground, like if this tantrum would make the region he chanted out loud crumble in his stomps.
► HAIR COLOR ➭ He grabs a strand of his hair, stretches it out, and watches it recoil back to its original curly condition, feeling a bit shy to divulge. “It’s ... it was my daddy’s hair color. I didn’t like that. So I colored it to look like my mami’s ...”
► EYE COLOR ➭ “A stupid fucking grey. Can you believe that? Not even the universe wants me to own anythin’ gold like damn give me a fucking break.”
► BIRTHDAY ➭ “...” He remains silent, connecting the dots about this scheming universe. “Y’know, this life really doesn’t want me to be first in anything; July 2nd.”
► MOOD ➭ “Now that I made that realization, I’m feelin’ pissed.” Guzma says with a relative ‘ :-) ’ expression and relaxed voice.
► GENDER ➭ “A guy, wish I was a God though or somethin ...” A hand grabs his chin lightly, but pensively. “Or a bug ...”
► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭ “OOOh summer’s are sexy! Ya feel me?”
► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭ “I know I’m gonna sound like a cheesy old white lady but like, watching the sunset be kinda romantic tho-”
ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE!
► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➭ “I either hate or love the people in my life. Never in between-”
► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭ “Oh that’s fucking cute, yeah. It only exists to the right people though, not bitches like me.”
► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭ Who ended his confidence? This question. It’s going to make him mention Her name. Her. And that scares him. Madam Prez. He sinks into his chair in shame. “I ... I’m the one that messes up.”
► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭ “Yeah, I’m a real heartbreaker~” But his pride ends when he is left at the thought of the  loneliness that comes after break-ups.
► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ “... Yeah.” It is brief, in fear that entertaining it more would make him reveal the reasons why. After all, he wouldn’t want to bad-mouth Lusamine, no matter how vile she was to traumatize love for him.
► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭ “No because then they’ll smell my b.o ya know?”
► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭ “Not that I know of ... I don’t know-”
► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ “I guess ... I know that there were times I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying ‘I love you’ to someone ...”
CHOICES!
► LOVE OR LUST ➭ “Lust hell yeah 😎” Love.
► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭ “I don’t give a fuck I just crave a refreshing drink right now; all this talking and answerin’ invasive, personal, intimate, scar-opening questions to a complete stranger has my throat all dried up like yo sex life.” Giving drawn out answers does nothing to help.
► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭ “I have my stinky siblings at Po Town. Sure they can be annoyin’ as fuck eatin’ my food, wasting water, stanking up the bathroom, wasting money, leaving the house messy, and all that, but I wouldn’t want them any other way.”
► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭ “Aw c’mon! Both are sexy! ... Aight, the one that will end with me gettin’ laid- ...” He sighs. “Aight, the one that would get me to know my companion better.”
► DAY OR NIGHT ➭ “I like to feel dramatic in the night. Like, ‘staring out from the window, musing about yo regrets and desires while seeing nobody but chu outside thinking about yo life’ kind of dramatic.”
HAVE YOU EVERS!
► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭ “Apparently not cuz my parent’s ain’t find me yet haha!”
► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ “’Falling up the stairs’ sounds like some Loony Toons shit if I’m honest- Just imagine, you falling down the stairs, but then rewind it to make it look like you fell upward. Lol.”
► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭ A hand grabs at his chest, at his heart, as he yells at the top of his lungs, “GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING MONEY!!” Stability. Love. Healing. Those he had to let go in fear of having them punished by Lusamine. Honor. Respect. Freedom. And in truth, money, to support his family.
PREFERENCES!
► SMILE OR EYES ➭ “Oh I love both; a smile in someone that doesn’t do it often though. And eyes, those that are gold, blue, or green are pretty ...”
► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ “Ain’t nobody gonna beat me and my 6′9″ ass. ‘Sides, I love my shorties anyways.”
► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭ “Attraction. Not askin’ anyone to be smart in order for me to like chu-”
► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ “I only get casual hook-ups, night-stands ... C’mon, just look at me-”
FAMILY!
► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ “Talkin’ bout the one in Po Town? Yup.” He nods proudly, not acknowledging his biological one.
► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ “Baby, I got a fucked up life-”
► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ “Yeah. Best decision I ever made or else I wouldn’t find the real family I have now.”
► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ “I kicked my own ass out before my daddy did.”
FRIENDS!
► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ “Ooh that Plumeria, I can’t stand her! Her big butt be hogging up the whole sofa when we watchin’ t.v! Do you understand how irritatin’ that is?!” Seconds after this ‘wrath’, he bursts into laughter.
► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭ “No because they are talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, sexy friends.”
► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭ “Oh come on don’t make me pick n choose- Plumeria and Gemali (his Golisopod) has been my longest, how about that?”
► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ “Oooo it’s just me, myself, and I baby- Ain’t nobody gonna understand my twisted mind better than I.” Can be deciphered by Plumeria or Lusamine.
tagged by: @obliviouskind​ wrow cryus, having a spot for love .. u know cyrus if u say josefina’s name 3 times she will appear easy as that
tagging: @maxskulline​ , @akuromatico​ , @kyohansha​ (me🤝erik: making you do this twice. BUT OKAY SRSLY U DONT HAVE TO ONLY IF U WANT-) , @unovasgambler​ , @theprxfessorpair​ (hemlock!) , @draconscious​ , @littlesilverplatinum​​  (me🤝myself, hand-gripping my other hand: making you Erik do this twice.)
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HARD COCK CAFE > OLIVE GARDEN iN TIMES SQUARE????
Tha security guards there were giggling while asking me if I had a drank in my purse at Hard cock cafe !! excuse MOi??? i have NEVER blacked out in ANY circumstance under the influence of alcohol! except at Von where the owner touched my belly button! (And maybe 1 more or 2 or 3 more times) i only have chewing gum and cigarettes, a blue condom from Ag Urgent care i'm afraid to use, and my hello kitty house key in my purse !! I tried to eye tha area to find a hot daddie but.... No luck SIGHHHH. V sad, v disappointing, lots of asexual - "it's strictly business"- vibes. Olive garden is MUCH better. (ask for anydrink with italian rum and Its a Guaranteed black out.not that I would kno ab tht tho.)
CELEB SIGHTINGS OF THIS WK:
i saw debby ryan in a vanity fair commercial and frank ocean biking on a Benz bike in tha city . and amy poeler in a neuromarketing article online this week and now i feel like i was neuromarketed in a Neuromarketing article? I love science and psychology!!!!!!
Fashion tht im obsessed with RN!:
-Marie Antoinette Accessories + 90's Kristen dunst's FACE```
-Carrie bradshaw's grungey purple corset tryna b
80's madonna
-Heatwave attire : blazer with nothing inside , lingerie ONLY *most recommended to wear to ur local bodega cuz u hav GOT to b tha hottest 1 at tha deli<3*
-Crochet knit wear / crochet lingerie
-Full pussy out as the NEW LOW RISE!!! ! Inspo by julia fox. Tha queen herself wears it w a bald /Brazilian pussy but as a body positive and pubic hairadvocate, I personally enjoy a landing strip with a pussy tat. ^ ^
FASHION WEBSITES I FOUND VIA SKOOL THT R ACTUALLY SUPER HELPFUL N COOL:
-wgsn.com (trendspotters run it and track fashiontrends + emerging brands/designers/store fronts)
-fashionsnoops.com (online forecasting + fashion
trend analysis service)
-snapfashun!! (LA+ European retail reports n merchandising trends. They have a fashion library n it's updated 14 times a year!)
Ur ex fiancé from La is cyber stalking ur friends thruthe dog's account and is tryna explain how he's new ly single/see how ur doing/n want 2 know what Yr face tat looks like????? i think i will spend the rest of my Life wondering why some people can bring out some emotions in me i never knew i could feel, some i never thoughtWERE possible to feel, and i think i will s pend a lot more time than i originally thought 2 unlearn the intensity of those emotions And to never again mistake it for "love.' And i will have to accept i'll never get the apology i truly deserve from ppl from La that "moved to Ny to have a fresh start" ... when they know they got more drama here than back west. Closure comes from within i know but some people best know it's on site .
i miss dancing w strangers in Le pain to Ol town road. We were all thinking the same thing, did we ever really think we'd dance to billy rae cyrus at a club when we'd grow up ? And sneaking bottles into jane hotel and dancing on the table tops while getting free clothes from designers, I love my life n i love all my friends I get to make memories with and I fukin love myself !!!! I want everyone to know ..... I'm in my hate male era!!!! and adderal era!! and taking NO shit era cuz i know im gullible but i sure as fuck am not stupid!!! ERA!!!!!!! Unemployed and omw to Washington, LA, then Mexico ERA!!!!!!
AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ( Comment tht u heard
me scream if u heard me scream thru tha screen!!!!!) Til nxt week maybe?? :3
Xoxo, Ur fav gossip girl, bushwick baby, n
Taiwanese-Rockaway-princess,REN!!!!!!!<3
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