#u will have to take bi women at their word about their own lives. i know it's hard but u can do it i believe in u.

[pussyistheforbiddenfruit]

There is no such thing as a nongoldstar lesbians. Nongoldstar lesbians are homophobic bisexual women which is why they have a festering hatred for goldstar lesbians aka female homosexuals.. because goldstar lesbians are proof that all their dumb excuses are bullshit lies, that it is actually easy for a lesbian woman to not fuck a man.. because it’s not in her nature to.

Almost all of their arguments are based off of lies, such as that nasty anon who used rape victims. No goldstar mentions rape victims, everyone knows rape is nonconsensual. The thing is however if you consented to sex with a man, you’re not a lesbian. Lesbians are completely incapable of consenting to sex with a man because it goes against their homosexual nature. This isn’t about rape, forced prostitution, lesbians living in hyperconservative places where they have absolutely no option. Lesbians using beards to avoid being disowned by their families. Nongoldstar “lesbians” know this but they’re manipulative homophobic bisexual women who use these womens stories to explain away their obvious male attraction. My opinion is that lesbians allowing bisexual women aka “nongoldstars” to colonise their own sexuality & space has done insane amounts of damage to lesbianism itself. Before transwomen preyed on lesbians with “girl cock” and “transbian” bisexual women preyed on lesbians first with their nongoldstar garbage, both transwomen & bisexual women hate “goldstars” because they’re both predatory homophobes. U should ask urself why it’s ONLY lesbianism the only sexuality that doesn’t centre men, that has been split into two parts, the lesbians & the “lesbians” with a MALE history.

Yep lesbians are too spinless and allowed bisexuals and trans ppl to conquer our sexuality its fucking sucks.

I already explained my opinion about non-goldstars, alot of them are bi thats obvious however i also believe their could be an exception for that one who had sex with a male in highschool i know i said some but alot of women are weak minded and doormats tbh 🤦🏽‍♀️ especially when she is young she probably pushes her disgust to the side and felt traumatized by it.

Of course its not in our nature to do so, then we wouldn't be lesbians lol. Another reason they hate us cause of that internalize disgust, inferiority complex and victim mindset they got..maybe even guilt too but idk about that especially they way so freely and happily roleplay as us lol.

Of course both of them would hate goldstars, bi women are male adjecent and transwoMEN are well men 😂. No shocker there but bi women its absolutely disgusts me i dont expect better from men but i have exceptions for women.

I agree alot of them are predatory and male minded, they view their same sex attraction the same way men do, they use and objectify lesbians, feel entitled to our pussies, its fucking disgusting and now they want our word too.

Then wanna cry and play victim when we wont date (fuck) them 🙄

All of this trans shit could be avoided if lesbains grow a pair and fight back, like fr stop the fucking asskissing and validation seeking omfg its pisses me off, lesbians are the reason there spaces are being ruined in the western world, stop being whiny little bitches and fight DAMN, its so annoying, i dont even care about the trans bullshit anymore because its so stupid and could easily be solved and its also cause i dont live in a country where that affects me directly so i dont feel like its my place to talk about these things 😅

But i also kind of disagree with your last sentence there its not only lesbians who have those two things too, gay men have them you see "gay" men getting married and making women pregnant too, they put them in the forefront of homosexuality too alongside with "lesbians" who fuck males. Ppl hate homosexuality period. but ofc lesbians more cause as we dont worship males and dick like good women are suppose to do.

Ppl also take gay men seriously too, gay men dont have to worry about their "reputation" being ruined they can fuck and get women pregnant ppl still believe they're gay, but lesbians we are on "thin ice", ppl dont wanna take us seriously and will use any excuse not to.

Which is why they LOVVEE non-goldstars and sneakdickers they prove them right that the only way to know if u like women is through males and they must serectly like dudes still.

Honestly i dont care what male worshippers and males say about us anymore who gives a fuck if they dont take lesbians seriously? Its not like lesbians going to go extinct or disappear cause they dont believe us im tired of talking to a bunch of brick walls about this obvious shit.

Even though i know now its a different type of erasure instead of pretending that we dont exist they are invading our space and stealing our words, welp if lesbians dont fight back i guess they gotta say bye bye to their spaces and their words. Me though? I couldnt care anymore I know i will forever be attracted to only women even if the word didnt exist or is being used incorrectly now.

[missbaphomet]

Evidence of sappho being bi is super frail. Sorry but u will have to find someone else to cheer u on for sucking dick :( must be hard for u :(

User @bisexual-books put it so much better than I could ever hope to so I will quote her in her entirety.

Short Answer:

Here is the deal: No one knows the exact truth about Sappho.  What we have is fragments of poems and some very flattering words from the Alexandrians.  Besides having a ballpark of when she lived (600’s BC) and where (Lesbos), we know almost nothing about her. 

But that’s really not the point.  

Sappho wrote lyrical and romantic poetry about men and women because it was her job.  She got PAID for this, presumably.   We don’t know how she really felt about any of it.  It certainly seems like she cared about the people she wrote about, and maybe she did.  Or maybe she was just a really good writer.  

Our culture is full of generalizations about history and historical figures.   But it is only when Sappho is claimed as bisexual that people wring their hands about how we don’t know for sure.  Applying any label to a historical figure is technically dicey, but it is only the bi ones that have to prove it 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt.   The word lesbian, used to refer to women who are attracted to women, didn’t even exist in her time, but you don’t see people interrogating lesbians over historical inaccuracy. 

Longer Answer with Historical Context (or, Ellie finally gets some use out of her Classical Studies degree):

The context of Sappho’s relationships with women is kind of complicated. Sappho ran a  thiasos, a sort of informal finishing school for young unmarried women. Upper-class families would send their daughters to these academies for instruction in proper feminine behaviors, as well as music and poetry recital, before they transitioned into married life (Krstovic). Aphrodite, the goddess of love, was the patron deity of the thiasos, and Sappho frequently used symbols of Aphrodite -  flowers and garlands, perfumes, incense, and outdoor scenery – as part of her love poetry to the young women under her tutelage (“Sapphos”). Many of Sappho’s poems were actually marriage songs for these girls when they left to marry men.

Sappho’s thiasos may be considered the female counterpart to the male education system. In the Athenian Greek world, it was common for older men to take a younger boyfriend, and this was an important part of training the boy for his adult public life , providing him with connections he would need to operate in a democracy. In Plato’s Symposium, Pausanias (himself an older lover), describes the relationship in terms of education. “When the former (the older lover) has the power to contribute towards wisdom and distinction, and the latter (the younger beloved) needs to acquire education and accomplishment” (Klink p.196-197). So if you want to talk about cultural differences, and how you can’t apply modern definitions to people in history, there’s your first point: When we talk about Greek homosexuality or Sappho, we’re talking about pedophilia, not the adult relationships that define modern gay/lesbian, bisexual relationships.

So Sappho was probably writing to under-aged girls. Athenian Greek readers would have probably seen an echo of their own pedophilic system in Sappho’s poetry. Whether or not they respected it the same way they respected their own male system is debatable, and given that women had such a poor role in Athenian society, they probably didn’t. But they would have recognized it as the same system, even while believing it to be “inferior”.  Greek men saw female forms of the pedophilic system elsewhere. By 100 CE, Plutarch described Spartan women taking girls as lovers, as the explicit female counterpart to the male practice (Klinck 197). This may be late archaic Greek idealization of the past, but it introduces the idea that men would have been aware of women following similar homosexual practices. In Plato’s Symposium, Aristophanes talks about women who love women and equates it to heterosexual love, in that both heterosexuality and lesbianism were inferior compared to male homosexuality. He treated lesbianism as a joke, but he is clearly drawing parallels between it and male homosexual practices of the time (Klinck, 196-197).

But for all her same-sex love poetry, Sappho didn’t seem to have a queer reputation until 100-200 CE, nearly 800 years after her death.  The earliest reference to Sappho’s sexuality doesn’t come until the second or third century CE, from a papyrus based off the earlier work of Chamaeleon. “She has been accused by some people of being licentious in her lifestyle and a woman-lover.” (Klinck, 194-195) “Woman-lover” is pretty clear, but take a minute to look at the word “licentious.” The verb is ataktos, meaning “not properly regulated,” “out of line,” or “unmanageable.” This word is important because it tells us about her sexual reputation.

By the Athenian period, women from Lesbos may have has a reputation for “unmanageable” sexuality, in much the same way the modern Western world stereotyped certain races and nations as more sexual. They may have especially had a reputation for oral sex, a more “slutty” act than ViP intercourse in the ancient world. In Wasps, a play by the Athenian comedian Aristophanes, the character Philocleon says he snatched up a flute-girl when she was going to “lesbianize” a man at the party, meaning she was going to perform oral sex with him (Klinck, 195). The effect is to equate the country with “unmanageable” sexuality. Other references to lesbian actions are less clearly oral, but definitely sexual in nature. The joke seemed to be that women from Lesbos were so sexual, they’d even do anything, even each other.

So Sappho’s reputation was one of “unmanageable” sexuality, whether she was writing homoerotic poetry about girls or lusting after younger men.  When people imply that Sappho’s male relationships were made up in order to make her seem “straight,” they are forgetting that those stories did nothing to improve her reputation, but just made it worst. In one of the most popular stories about Sappho’s love life, told by Ovid and comic poet Menander, Sappho falls in love with a beautiful young male sailor named  Phaon who will not have her. Finally in despair, she commits suicide by throwing herself off a cliff into the sea. The point in making her fall in love with a man was never to make her seem safely straight. The point was to make a joke at her expense, about how she was so sexed up, that even as an ugly old woman she was throwing herself at young men who would never be interested in someone like her. Ovid and Menander weren’t saving her reputation; they were painting her as a slut. As 21st century bisexual women, the stereotype parallels seem obvious to us.

The later focus on Sappho’s licentiousness, either towards women or men, may also be the product of shifting sexual mores. After all, there are nearly 300 years between Sappho’s life in (circa 570BCE) and her appearance in Athenian comedies and philosophies circa 300BCE, and nearly 800 years before she is discussed in poetry treatises in (200 CE). Research Anne L. Klinck observes, “Attitudes towards sexuality changed in the fifth and fourth centuries BCE, and perhaps the poetry of female passion came to be regarded as unseemly” (196).

No one knows how Sappho’s poetry was originally published while she was still alive, but by the Era of Alexandrian scholarship in the second and third century BCE, her works were collected into a standard 9 volumes, none of which exists today, but we know that the whole first volume was made up of heterosexual marriage poetry, family, and religion. Because of her lustful reputation, her works were targeted for censorship first by Bishop Gregory Nazienzen of Constantinople in 380CE, and again in 1073 by Pope Gregory VII ( Krstovic). Most of Sappho’s work exists in fragments and scraps, and only one full poem still exists. Many of these came from Alexandrian textbooks of poetry and style, in which only short pieces were quoted as examples, because it was assumed the reader would have access to the full poems. These Alexandrian textbooks were not re-discovered until the renaissance. Other Sappho fragments come from 19th century discoveries of papyri scraps preserved in the Egyptian desert, and early 20th century discoveries of scraps used in the paper-mache liners of Egyptian of coffins (Krstovic), and more recently a lengthy portion of a poem about her brother was discovered on another  papyrus scrap (Romm).

In the 19th century, Sappho became a symbol for a growing movement of women-loving-women, even giving them her name. In the 19th century, women who loved women were frequently described as sapphic women, even if they also had relationships with men. The distinction between lesbians and bisexual women wasn’t nearly as important as our culture makes it out now. Later the sapphic movement took its name from Sappho’s homeland, the island of Lesbos. The association came about because of her love poetry written towards the young women she taught at her school.

But the ultimate question: did Sappho write love poetry to men? The answer: not many, but yes. . Because of  Sappho’s association with lesbians over the last few hundred years, modern writers tend to ignore her bisexuality. When discussing her supposed lesbianism, author’s will ignore evidence that she wrote of love between women and men, such as the epithalamia (marriage poetry), and many of the fragments are ambiguous, but clearly lack feminine endings. Some translators will purposely translate these ambiguous fragments with  feminine pronouns to imply a female love interest, even when those endings are not clear in the source material. When translating Sappho in her study of homoerotic elements, Klinck gives an example of a fragment that is frequently translated as the feminine participle when the actual word is optative, and another example of a fragment with a masculine ending that “may not be significant” (Klinck 201). Translators can sometimes be forgiven for this oversight – many of them are trying to strengthen the argument that Sappho really was as queer as her reputation – but it is not necessary to risk misinterpretation to do that.

tl;dr:

If there is a conspiracy afoot to fake Sappho’s poems about men to erase her lesbianism, we’ve never heard of it.  But we have heard of a lot of lesbians whine that in honoring the full spectrum of what we DO know about Sappho, we’re taking something away from them.  This is bullshit and biphobia talking.

We may never know the exact truth, but what we do know looks pretty damn bisexual to us.

 - Ellie and Sarah

Works Cited

“Sappho.” Encyclopaedia Britannica. Encyclopaedia Britannica Online Academic Edition. Encyclopædia Britannica Inc., 2014. Web. 27 Feb. 2014.

 Krstovic, Jelena. “Sappho: Overview.” Gay & Lesbian Biography. Ed. Michael J. Tyrkus and Michael Bronski. Detroit: St. James Press, 1997. Biography in Context. Web. 21 Feb. 2014.

 Klinck, Anne L. “’Sleeping in the Bosom of a Tender Companion’: Homoerotic Attachments in Sappho” Journal of Homosexuality. 49.¾ (2005) :193-208. Database name. Web. 20 Feb 2014.

 Romm, James. “Scholars Discover New Poems from Ancient Greek Poetess Sappho.” The Daily Beast. 28 Jan. 2014. Web. 27 Feb. 2014. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/01/28/scholars-discover-new-poems-from-ancient-greek-poetess-sappho.html

In conclusion: die mad, biphobe

#baph bleats #asks #biphobia #a special thanks to bisexual-books #sappho #sappho was bisexual

[kiefbowl]

hello ms kief i would like some advice but i also respect if u dont want to. basically, i am having a mild sexuality crisis bc i think i might be a lesbian but i have identified as bisexual for a decade now (i thought i was a lesbian prior to this) bc i dated a boy (whom i didnt even want to date but he was my friend and i felt guilty after i said no and my friends said i should give him a chance) except now i dont know how to tell if im faking or not either way??? i think dick is gross but ive heard some osa women think that?? but i like pussy so i feel like then i should feel the same abt dick if im bi? but what if i like men just less? because i think i like men emotionally? but is that just friendship??? i dont know how to tell when im attracted to anyone at all tbh and i thought i was asexual for a while and i am simply very confused so any advice would help please and thank you xoxo

As long as I've been on tumblr "outed" as a "terf" (or whatever), I've had women come to me for advice, and I've learned through trial and error and growing up a couple things about giving advice which is this: 1. don't assume anything - only speak to what they've written 2. only answer the question they ask 3. assume you can't make anyone do anything 4. try to be socratic and lead them to answer their own questions. I am always very, very specific with the words I choose when answering advice-like questions.

Through this time, I've had a lot a lot a lot of women come to me to help them "figure out" their sexuality. I generally try to keep my advice along the same lines: I literally can't tell you that, you have to figure it out yourself, you can only do that by living, you don't need to have an "identity" to go live, your sexuality is more than what you are but what you do and what you do should be enjoyable for you...generally, along those lines. Additionally, if someone is asking if they are specifically a lesbian, I give them my advice and then say they should also ask lesbians about their experiences, since I'm not one. What strikes me about this particularly ask, anon, is you seem to be focusing on the identity rather than the experience. You have said yourself you have 1. identified as bi for 10 years (so you're confident you like women) 2. you like pussy and women (good - so do lesbians) 3. you're not sure if you actually like men (very normal if you're a lesbian). You seem scared to identify as a lesbian for fear you're wrong - okay so don't identify as a lesbian. What's stopping you from just dating women? You like women, you don't know if you like men. Stop dating men. Just date women. Maybe you're bi, maybe you're lesbian - if you don't know just be honest about that with yourself and the women you date. In the meantime - go enjoy being a woman loving woman. You know that's true about yourself, so why worry about the word you need to attach to it right this second? Some women you meet will not really be interested in your uncertainty - and that's normal and you shouldn't be mad at them about it, they have every right to be like "no thanks, good luck" and bounce. That's why you're being honest in the first place, so that people can take you as you are.

Through dating and living - you can become more comfortable with the other part of the truth: is it exclusive same sex attraction? But why do you need to be sure of that part now to live your life truthfully (the uncertainty of your identity) and date women exclusively (the fact you know you like women and want to date them)?

Also, talk to lesbians. There might be lesbians that share your experiences, and there might be some lesbians that don't get what you're saying at all. I don't know what it's like to realize I'm a lesbian, because I'm not a lesbian, but I've had a lot of lesbian mutuals over the years that talk about their experiences growing up, and they run the gamut (which should come as no surprise since, you know, lesbians are people...). I can tell you my experience with realizing I was bi: I thought I was straight for a very long time bc I was subconsciously suppressing my same-sex feelings due to internalized homophobia, and it wasn't until college the light bulb went off that I realized that my attraction to women was attraction to women, not just random thoughts I had to say "no" to. I feel equally capable of attraction to men and women. I see an attractive man I think he's attractive; I see an attractive woman I think she's attractive: I don't have a lot of hang ups on why because my bisexuality is the why. But I don't feel repulsed by any part of the human body, not even to the penis or vulva. Probably also due to the bisexuality :) I don't know a lot of bisexuals that came to it the other way around, having to figure out the opposite attraction part second, since every facet of our society supports it. But, I can only talk about my experiences.

Anyway - live large, be honest to the people around you, don't wait to "know" things before pursuing the life you want. And good luck!

[bi-sapphics]

that biphobic positivity post is so ridiculous its almost funny if it wasnt so destructive. what? they think the bi women are gonna strut in and hold the doors in for all the cishet men to run in?? "COME ON IN BOYS! THIS IS A BI SPACE NOW! BOYTOYS, ATTACK!"



I mean, did they mean it in a, "oh, i dont want it be a *bi* space" as in like, bringing in men..?? but if theyre talking about sapphic spaces, that shouldnt actually be a problem. do they actually know what sapphic means? do they know what bi means??? man, i wish we didnt have to deal with this stuff from inside our own communities so much.

tbf, the lines right before that were kinda weird... like wanting it like the "old days"? where cops would drive us into bars and not even let sapphics hold hands in public? "feminist" love? idk if u were just paraphrasing but sadly they were dropping a lot of other weird ideas in there too :[ whatever. bisexuals are gonna live forever

i was paraphrasing yeah, it wasn't worded the exact same down to the letter but it had a lot of the same concepts and i did take specific ideas listed in the post.

but yeah it was really sketchy and suspicious, and i worry for what else we're gonna be attacked for unprovoked in the near future if it was literally just a positivity post that didn't inherently imply including or excluding bisexuals in the first place, yet made a rude comment about them/us anyways.

i don't get it tbh, there was no sensible reason to add that part except to call us bihets lmfao 😭

(i'll also say now that it was a radfem post and included 'or trans' in the same sentence, but that's always a given when it comes to them!)

#chase answers #bi tag #biphobia #bimisogyny

[menalez]

Y'know when reading this discourse about bisexual women and lesbians I was inclining more towards understanding and agreeing with side that puts lesbians over bi women but it was your own shitty ass behavior that made me reconsider everything.

"There was just one woman who called bi women as cocksuckers"

No, there are plenty of lesbians who have done that and y'know it (your lovely bestie desisapphic excuses it too). They are generally not radfems but they do exist.

Stop saying bi women getting concerned over such remarks is "harassing lesbians".

And please pretend that you guys don't perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals legit reblogged one of your posts about bisolationist (who's a bi male csa survivor) saying that he's lying about his rape. As a csa female survivor I was appalled by this behavior. These are the feminists I am supposed to look upto?

And a lot , a lot of homosexuals love to say that bisexuals lie about their highest rates of r*pe and ipv even though every study done on it proves otherwise.

Idc if you believe biphobia isn't real or not. But there is a widespread form of prejudice that bisexuals face at the hands of both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

And every fucking time you guys just love to say "well it was just ONE of us" when it's so many fucking of you.

Bi women on this app have been continuously calling that out but you don't care. They're just lying no?

Bi people may or may not have privilege over homosexual people. But they sure as hell aren't privileged in general. Straight people don't treat them like royalty ya know? Actually try listening to a bi person who has overcome their internalized homophobia and the way straight people have treated them.

Bi women who identify as lesbians are bad evil lesbophobes. But straight people who identify as bi are not evil. No it's the stupid bisexuals that are the "spicy straights" right? No matter what the case it is always bi women's fault. They aren't affected by any other community at all! Right? Bi people don't go through any actual struggles (again in the words of your bestie desisapphic).

And have you guys ever thought that us lesbian women, as and straight women too don't have to firsthand experience to know what bisexuality is and that we should at least not police what it is like to live in a homophobic society as a bisexual? Like I generally don't see many known bi radfems here make lesbophobic comments. The only ones I have come across are eldopoism somebody and femaleinsight.

And lastly maybe maybe just consider that some of those bi women who seem lesbophobic go through internalized misogyny or homophobia which makes them shit on their own ssa and entertain moids more. That they're nothing but victims of patriarchal mindset too. It might change your perspective a lot.

weird u think not tolerating lesbophobia is putting “lesbians over bi women”.

“plenty of lesbians have done that!! and ur bestie desisapphic excuses it” just sounds like “all lesbians i disagree with form a unit and are best friends and never disagree” to me lol but im nearly sure i never argued only one lesbian in the entire world has ever uttered those words. im pretty sure my argument was that lesbians aren’t anymore likely to say such things than any other group and that it’s not enough of lesbians to justify stereotyping lesbians and being lesbophobic. but interesting how u twisted that!

“stop saying bi women concerned over such remarks are “harassing lesbians””

even tho i never said taking issue with such remarks is lesbophobic or harassing lesbians. i myself have taken issue with such terminology, but again it doesn’t mean im gonna accept lesbophobia in response to it either. it’s such a double standard that u think lesbians responding to lesbophobic OSA women by using misogynistic language is bad, but responding to that same lesbian with lesbophobic comments should be given a pass. both are bad. that’s where i stand and that’s why you wrote me this long ass message whining at me.

“please pretend you don’t perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals..”

weird. we’re mutuals now? based on what? bc i thought mutuals were supposed to be people that follow each other, but now mutuals are just people who reblogged my post that i didn’t agree with or respond to or ever interact with myself? also love how u just pretended like i can’t possibly be a victim of CSA myself lol.

i read thru the rest of ur rant but it was more of u putting words in my mouth, making assumptions, and insulting me for arguments i haven’t made bc u don’t know how to read. also acting like i said bi ppl get treated the exact same as hets (weird bc i said the exact opposite of that) or like i said only one gay person has ever said anything bad about bi people (weird bc i never claimed that) or that gay ppl can’t have prejudiced ideas about bisexuals (weird bc i said biphobia as in an individual prejudice is possible and some gay ppl do display it) and more just to get mad at me that i don’t look past lesbophobia. cry more about it ig or maybe take it up with the ppl u actually take issue with instead of putting words in my mouth & then whining random people are my best friend or mutual even when that isn’t the case whatsoever to justify ranting at me.

[frogtanii]

memories were a fickle thing. oikawa was never one to dwell on the past but recently, that’s all he’d been doing.

ever since most of the house suddenly... removed themselves from meiko, tooru had had more time on his hands than ever before.

he filmed his videos, maybe went to go pester iwaizumi a bit (when he didn’t have his hands full with management), and then waited for that one day a week where he got to let loose for a bit and drop his inhibitions.

kyōtani and yahaba were the best companions for the job — kyō was intimidating and mean looking which scared away any creeps and yahaba tended to be funny and sarcastic which alleviated any possible tension that could’ve crept up.

all in all, they were a great trio, perfect for distracting one another from whatever was going on in their lives.

of course, they had to deal with kyōtani’s inadvertent panty-dropping but with a couple of snide remarks from tooru and yahaba, they were golden.

oikawa enjoyed his time with them, because when he was out there, in the club surrounded by his friends and other drunk, sweaty people, he didn’t have to think. he didn’t have to remember.

he didn’t have to think about why meiko seemed to be so keen with his best friend and not him. he didn’t have to remember the countless times he cried himself to sleep because he just wasn’t good enough, why wasn’t he ever good enough??

but now, the object of his pain and inferiority was coming with him, invading his last safe haven where she didn’t exist. his escape door was closing and as dramatic as he felt, he knew that this would be the end of something, something he genuinely cared about.

tooru sighed, his eyes falling upon his face in the mirror. he looked great (obviously), but something akin to regret and fear swam in his brown orbs.

ugh. that’s so not what he was going for. more glitter?

of course, the answer is always more glitter. digging through his makeup drawer, oikawa pulled out one of his more extensive (and expensive) eyeshadow palettes along with his blending brush and opened it up, spreading a hefty amount of turquoise glitter across his eyelid.

a loud knock sounded at his door, jolting his hand and sending a streak of pigment smearing across his cheek. “fucking hell,” tooru muttered, placing the brush and eyeshadow down before opening his bedroom door.

out in the hall stood meiko, clad in a way too short, way too slutty, hot pink dress, uneven fishnets, and 6 inch stilettos that she could barely walk in.

internally, oikawa was cringing at the foundation crumbling by her bright red lipstick and the concealer flaking around her black eye but he kept it together, too tired to deal with her bitching about his response to her appearance.

instead he stepped aside to let her into his room, her eyes trailing all over his (clearly superior) outfit as she stumbled into the doorway.

“is that what you’re wearing?” oikawa suppressed his eye roll at the question as he nodded, moving back towards his mirror to wipe off the stray glitter from his cheeks.

meiko scoffed, plopping down on his bed like she owned it while running a hand through her tacky extensions. “okay but isn’t the glitter a bit... much? like, you aren’t gonna get girls that way,” she tittered, tapping her acrylics on tooru’s 800 thread count bedsheets. “like, i love the lgbt or whatever but you look like super gay.”

oikawa tensed in front of the mirror for a split second before reaching down and grabbing his lipgloss just to spite her. “oh do i? funny how i just happen to be a member of the lgbt or whatever and just so happen to also be attracted to men. funny how that turns out, huh?”

he could hardly keep the venom out of his voice, earning him another annoyed scoff and an eye roll. “i said no offense.”

no, you didn’t, tooru thought, but he didn’t bother voicing this, knowing that in the end it didn’t matter. he could never be just the guy she wanted (macho, tall, big arms *cough cough* iwaizumi) and to be frank, he was kind of tired of trying.

“are you ready to go?” he asked, pulling on a couple rings and throwing on his chains and necklaces. a quick glance over to miss newborn deer revealed her picking her thong out of her ass and he internally groaned.

this was going to be hell.

“this is hell!” oikawa yelled over the music to his two companions while meiko was conveniently lost to the bathroom — something about needing to “refresh her smell” before meeting kyōtani.

yahaba gave him a concerned look while kyō made an understanding hum, gazing out onto the dance floor with his drink in his heavily tattooed hands.

if kyōtani wasn’t one of his best friends and unfortunately entirely straight, oikawa would’ve definitely hit that and he completely understood why meiko wanted to but kyō was a hard nut to crack. he rarely took women from the club home with him because although he didn’t seem like it, he was a hopeless romantic, a sucker for domesticity and a ring on a finger.

tooru was once like that, long before meeting meiko. he wanted to be with someone he was comfortable with, who he didn’t have to worry about anything with so he could just focus on the little things but as time went on, he became more and more cynical.

everyone who wanted to be with oikawa, wanted to do so for his looks or his fame and once he finally found someone who he thought would actually be the one, she was pulled away to be with other people (he wasn’t enough to keep her).

“hey,” kyōtani’s gruff voice knocked tooru out of his thoughts, kyō’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “you think too much. stop.”

oikawa couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, earning him a small smile from his fuzzy headed friend. kyō was a man of few words but he always knew exactly what to say to get tooru out of his head.

a gift, truly.

actually this whole place, these people were gifts and he wasn’t going to allow meiko, the wicked bitch of the west, take it away from him. not if he had anything to say about it.

besides, if anyone could crush meiko’s spirit, it would be none other than kyōtani kentarou.

℗ poker face

a gift, truly

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - well! this ended up wayy more kyōtani heavy than i originally planned but i’m lichrally in love w him??? i couldn’t Not but anyways!! in case u didn’t gather it, oikawa is bi!!! v hot v sick && thus officially begins his arc!!! don’t forget to feed me <33333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @sazunari • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @amberalisa • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @babierin • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq smau #haikyuu x reader smau #haikyuu #haikyuu smau #hq x reader smau #haikyuu angst #hq angst #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #kenma x reader #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader #akaashi x reader #daichi x reader #sugawara x reader #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #sakusa x reader #tw toxicity #tw toxic relationship #tw toxic behavior #tw toxic people #haikyuu social media au #hq social media au #℗ poker face

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

#reddie #notsfw #reddie smut #reddie fic

[mommyhorror]

reading the back&forths between a certain bisexual and lesbian women on here (orbiting radblr) is a bit scary. The bisexual woman in question keeps saying that she doesn’t deserve to feel isolated from lesbians and gay men (homosexuals) because she too feels homosexual attraction … like they have an obligation to soothe and sympathize with those who are not homosexual (aka exclusively attracted to their own sex, not attracted to the other sex). it’s a bit weird and getting annoying actually because if u sit back and reread what youve written, you want lesbians to be your mommies. No lesbian is allowed to say “actually I don’t need to fix the bisexual problems Bc I’m not bi and i keep being asked to do so by people who purposely misrepresent my sexuality & role in the LGB” without getting a long angry response. this person even said that bisexuals are the most common in the LGB. if that’s true/what you believe to be true then…. Why don’t you speak with other bisexuals on the matter? why does it need to consistently fall back on lesbians? I think it’s because bisexuals can often be a very nebulous group, as they/we don’t identify with the same language (the word bisexual) & conversely, lesbians are an easy target as you know exactly who you’re addressing when you say lesbian. There was even the assumption that a particular lesbian she was in convo with was a radfem when she was not. Imo, that points to the assumption that lesbians will always be there to “represent” / be inside and inclusive in radical feminist spaces. So I think they are taken for granted, and their role is magnified.

I don’t necessarily want to make a call out post & tag her bc … I just feel like it’s probably not going to be productive considering the other responses I’ve seen her make. & I also am not trying to attack, but rather have a larger convo, if other women&radfems agree. But I don’t think this should keep falling back onto lesbians & therefore going nowhere bc she keeps demanding the same things from them. I also think the convo is a bit larger than just her recent posts, it’s something that vaguely causes friction & then I don’t see the discourse for weeks at a time. But it does keep popping up. I’m bi with a preference for men so I feel like I can/should say something since feelings are stirring when I read these posts.

I do think about separatism and the idea that het women would have a much different (grieving) process about “losing” potential/current men to date&marry etc. But I also see those as a bit of a far-off concept, something we’d need to address when we actually cross that bridge. It even comes off as a sort of fantasy. because for right now, we don’t live in a separatist world or community, we all live away from eachother in patriarchal societies & we communicate almost exclusively online (I’m talking about HERE & now specifically, and my experience here). Right now, het women don’t really need to give up men if they don’t want to, they’re just reading suggestions that they do so if they’d like to move onto separatism in an ideal future. No one is saying it’ll be easy or anything, it will most likely be a massive change/psychological adjustment. again, come to that in your own time & pace yourself if it’s something you actually want to pursue. anyways my point is, it’s not reality rn. You can either choose to live your life now in a way that reflects your future ideals, or you don’t. No one is forcing you to. If your hangup is that this could “make you a bad radfem” then …??? idk being a good radfem is not something someone else can validate for you. And it’s important to recognize when you’re demanding lesbians validate that for you. Because how else will we ever be in community with one another? right now the focus on bi/het fears of abandonment feel a bit conceited. That’s my take

#bisexual #lesbian #LGB #radfems pls touch #radfems pls interact #Im nervous to share my thoughts lmao #If ur reading this I’m not trying to attack u I swear #separatist discourse

[spacewhre]

Frankie aka “Catfish” Morales NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Sleepy. After a good round, Frankie is exhausted, he’ll make sure your cleaned up before he crawls back into bed and cuddles you. (Frankie so hesitant to admit it but he loves being the little spoon, there’s something about your figure curled around him that makes him feel oh so safe.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Frankie loves your chest, he loves to rest his head there and listen to your heartbeat, he’s like a big baby, the gentle thump thump of your heart and your rhythmic breathing make him feel safe. He’s always in awe of how soft you are and will subconsciously rubs small circles on your wrist, ribs, neck while getting lost in thought.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I’m a disgusting person)

He’ll never finish before you, he wants you to be fucked out before he’ll let himself go, and when he does, he likes to be inside you, you use protection of course, but sometimes you beg him to finish on your chest.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Praise. Frankie loves it when you tell him how much you like his cock. He practically melts every time you moan from pleasure, practically gets off on making you feel good. In the moment, anything you say goes straight to his cock, the little “yes”s you pant out, or the sweet nothings that spill from your lips still send butterflies into this man’s stomach.

(See kink for more)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s pretty experienced. He hasn’t had many partners, but he learned how to please though porn. you were even surprised the first time he went down on you, he lapped at you like his life depended on it, and afterwards you couldn’t believe it when he told you that he rarely got the chance to go down on his previous partner.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Frankie is a sucker for missionary, he loves to look into your eyes and run his hands through your hair. That being said, he’s also a huge fan of taking you from the side, spooning you as he slowly thrusts between your clenched thighs

You love to hear his obscene groan as you finally let him enter you. At this angle, you hear and feel his hot breath against your ear, sometimes he even nibbles it, that makes you giggle.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Frankie isn’t too serious, but he loves to make things romantic and tender. Sometimes you’ll be fooling around and bodily functions happen, you’ll both giggle like teenagers, but it never offends anyone.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Frankie never thought about grooming until he got into serous relationships, as a single man, he keeps things clean, but when he’s with you, he’ll keep it short and neat.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...) 

This man is very intimate, in fact, the first time you two we’re together, he almost blurted out his love for you fight there and then. The sight of your body splayed out on the white sheets made his heart almost burst, instead of dying right there and then, he kissed the life out of you. Even farther into your relationship, you’ve never lost the passion, he’s a sappy kinda guy, and still feels sparks fly whenever you’re around him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Frankie loves porn. Not the bad kind though, Over the years he’s refined his tastes, sometimes even paying for subscription based sex work. Don’t get me wrong, if given the opportunity he’d rather be with you, but sometimes he enjoys taking the time to please himself, this is his time to be selfish, naughty even.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Praise. Praise makes Frankie combust. Hearing you beg for him, or tell him just how good he is drives him crazy. Every compliment makes his cock twitch, and when you catch him off guard and say something really filthy, it’s takes all his self restraint not to cum there and then.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

bed. To be honest he just feels weird doing it anywhere else.

Occasionally he’ll fuck you in his truck, especially if you say something that gets him going.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You. Specifically your thighs. He loves having them wrap around his back as he eats you out, and how they quiver and shake before you cum.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Frankie is not a fan of being called daddy. It makes him feel weird. He imagines having kids of his own one day, and dosent want to associate the word with anything sexual.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Frankie loves eating pussy. He lives for it, that man devours you like it’s his last meal at any given chance. Hell, he’s definitely cum in his pants just at the sight, sound, and taste of you. That man knows exactly what he’s doing, even if he isn’t the most experienced. Also he loves to suck your clit and watch you tremble with overstimulation

Frankie does like getting head too, his favorite is when you come around and sink to your knees out of the blue. Just to make him feel good. (Also you’ve definitely given him road head, resulting in a dent on the back of his trunk.. )

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and steady wins the race. This man has control, he’ll fuck two or three orgasms into you before he lets himself go.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He rather take the time to worship you properly, but that dosent mean that he’s not opposed to a quickie.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Frankie is open to spicing things up (in fact he’s mentioned significant interest in a threesome.. the idea of being pleasured by you and another man is something he thinks about.. a lot)

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

Frankie is really good at holding it together and fucking a couple orgasms into you before he lets himself spill. But when he’s between your legs, this man absolutely looses it, he’ll cum from eating you out, and he’s not even embarrassed by it.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Frankie is willing to use a wand on you, he likes how the vibrations travel down whiles you’re around his cock, but he prefers to use his hands.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s not a tease.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Surprisingly, Frankie is very vocal. He’ll grunt and groan and make incredibly erotic moans while inside you. When he gets especially worked up, he becomes completely pussy drunk and babble absolute nonsense.

Sometimes he’ll murmer some praises in Spanish while you suck him off, but you’ve never been able to make out what he’s saying

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Frankie is definitely bi curious. He definitely has a preference for women, but he has sucked a dick or two in his life, and has really enjoyed it.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s not especially long, but he’s thick. The farther down you go, the harder it is for you to wrap your hand around him..

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Normal, he’s pretty contained when it comes to his sex drive, and dosent think with his dick.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Quickly. Fucking you wears him out, after you’re all cleaned up and content, he’ll pass out with his head against your chest, your heartbeat lulling him off into a deep sleep

That was my first attempt at smut.. hopefully practice makes perfect!

@zeldasayer

#frankie catfish morales #frankie morales #triple frontier #pedro pascal #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x y/n #headcanon #myrtyn writes #myrtyn gets embarrassed #pedro characters

[bisluthq]

Ok i really don’t get gaylors recent obsession with emily dickinson??? but really, gaylors fail to see taylor for who she is. she is exactly the girl they despise her to be. and that doesn’t make her a lesser person???

I mean again in these situations I like to share my own Gaylor journey and for new readers who I have a lot of recently (welcome it’s a hellhole idk what to tell u) here’s the vibe.

I’ve known about Taylor Swift since 2007 when one of my best friends in high school discovered debut and the MySpace. We were both weird theatre kids but she’s extremely straight and I am very gay. We both sang - her well and me okay but we always did talent shows together - and both liked musicals and country music for the storytelling. I was obsessed with Carrie Underwood. So when she found Taylor Swift she immediately shared this with me because it changed her life and it like… didn’t resonate with me. And I found her annoying. And I found her branding annoying tho I didn’t know the word branding yet but like I knew the liner notes and stuff annoyed me.

I didn’t hate her because like I liked her lyrics well enough and she sang much better than me but worse than Carrie and like I supported my friend right but like I didn’t like it and part of my issue was it portrayed a kind of girl I just couldn’t relate to. Carrie’s stuff was aspirational, Tay’s stuff just felt unrelatable to me at that time.

But I like followed her, finding her mildly annoying, then finding her hot all of a sudden almost like problematic movies and books that have the girl walk in and suddenly the boy yk sees her? And she was also always super hot right even with the glasses? Ya that was me with Taylor in Blank Space MV after which I followed her on Buzzfeed and HuffPo and other outlets I liked circa 2014/15-whenever. And I had a lot of opinions and was like defending her about the Snakegate stuff because I was like “but why” and anyway.

Then Rep dropped - and I listened to Dress, and it sounded gay to me. And I hadn’t known about any Kay shit right I just heard a song so DEEPLY sapphic to me as a gay woman that I was like “what’s this about” and the internet told me it was Karlie Kloss and then I made up my own headcanon about how that worked because I’m doomed to live in reality and did follow Taylor so knew they weren’t friends since 2016 tbh and so my headcanon was like “half of Rep is about this mean bitch and half of it is about a sweet sweet person who is lovely” (who I knew to be Joe but entertained as a random muse when I started this blog because I was like WHO KNOWS FOR SURE but again tragically doomed to live in reality so it stopped being fun WHEN I KNEW FOR SURE). Then Lover dropped and like the MARKETING was so problematic or soooo bi that I was like “I’m just gonna believe she’s like a bit bi.”

Then, running this blog, I learned there is literally no truth to Kaylor and Karlie is like tragically heterosexual. The Lover era stuff is still gay but also she’s like dumb sometimes so idk.

And like I’ve gone back to a more avid stance of where I was in 2014-2016 when I was like “I love her lyrics, she’s so hot, and she’s entertaining but she’s quite problematic - same as everyone that famous tbh - and that’s okay I can still like her” and there is happiness dudes.

But also I’ve like… not ever actually thought she represents me like I thought she’s bi enough to write songs about it and I still think she might be bi enough to like drunk kiss girls idk but that’s like not like my lived experience as a gay person who has experienced an actual but very mild hate crime and stuff. Like it’s not really the same. And I don’t expect her to be that ever? So the problem is these girls who HATE straight women like justifiably taking this woman who is… not a gay icon… and like heralding her as fucking Sappho upsets me because SHIT ON HER. She is literally EVERYTHING you hate. She’s rich, white, obsessed with dick, and like wears her boyfriend’s initials on a chain round her neck. I find all of that cute lol and like fun but if you hate that vibe HATE HER don’t make up an AU.

Like that’s just unhealthy and sad and I hope they find wlw singers and also enjoy some mlm singers too because Lil Nas and Sam Smith are two of my FAVORITE artists and lyricists tbh and speak a lot to me as a gay person.

#nat talks the konspiracy

[atknz]

* miguel bernardeau , cismale + he/him | you know santiago atkins, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to i wanna get better by bleachers like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole   (   golden cross necklace squeezed between his fingers to suppress anger, a worn out book of mormon hidden beneath his nightstand, a tired smile    &    weary laugh echoed down the halls  )    thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is JUNE 25TH    so they’re a cancer, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

                       tw for .    religion, religious trauma, repressed gay ness, suicide 

TLDR: dumb but kind jesus lover who doesn’t know being bisexual exists.  IF YOU WANT TO SIMPLY SKIP TO CONNECTIONS AND PERSONALITY, FEEL FREE TO DO SO!!

insp.  jason from bare: a pop opera, shelby from the wilds.

santiago was born to marina ruiz in 1996.  a low-income waitress from madrid, spain. his father is unknown. one day, when marina was at work, she served a group of young men who described themselves as members of the church of latter day saints (mormons), they were american men sent to madrid to carry out their mission of bringing as many people as possible to jesus christ. they were nice, tipped well, and invited her to church.   feeling down on herself, marina figured there was no harm in doing so and her life was completely changed when she became a full fledge member of the LDS church.  santiago, two at the time, had no choice but to follow in her footsteps.    

life for the two wasn’t bad afterward. marina met a man, Beck Atkins, who quickly became a father figure for santiago. the two fell in love, got married merely five months into their relationship, popped out about four more kids (in which she legally changed santiago’s last name to atkins so that it wouldn’t be obvious he was from a different relationship) and, when santiago turned seventeen, the family of seven set their sights on SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH - beck’s hometown.

santiago was in utah for a year before starting his very own mission. he branded a name tag that said ELDER ATKINS, suited up and was shipped to north carolina with a companion, elder brett, as the two went door-to-door in an attempt to save the lives of residence in NC and bring them closer to jesus christ.  between all of the door slams, threats to get off the lawn, and being made fun of, the two always wore a smile and shared a laugh. as thick as thieves is how people would describe santiago and elder brett - which is known to happen when you’re with each other 24/7 and sharing bunk beds.

                            “ one thing led to another and soon i would discover:                               i was having really strange feelings for steve (elder brett) ”

hi if u guessed that bi-repressed santiago would soon fall head over heels for his companion, you’re abso-fucking-lutely right.  however it wasn’t unrequited, the kiss behind the church van four months into their mission taught him that, but santiago was a coward. as much as elder brett was prepared to stand before the church and declare his love - santiago was certain it was a phase, he’s liked girls before, he’s just confused. besides, the scripture, he thought, was very, very  clear.   so they hid it for another year and eight months.

SUICIDE TRIGGER WARNING:        long story short: in a para i’ll get into some day, elder brett had had enough of the secrets, the lying to his family and lying to himself about who he was, at the end of their mission he told santiago he wanted to come out - with or without him - and santiago freaked. he knew it wouldn’t take long for the church to put two-and-two together, and had some extremely harsh words to say to his boyfriend about the decision. about how he was only bored, there were no girls on the trip, he didn’t actually love him, no one could actually love him.     but santiago didn’t know that elder brett was dealing with other demons and, essentially, that came as a last straw for the him. he just remembers a stream of tears pouring from his eyes on his way back to salt lake, the crush of a hug from his mother and father as they apologized for what happened to his friend.    ( in which his dad so lovingly added that elder brett may not make it to the celestial kingdom after ruining god’s plan by ending his life too soon.  )      END TRIGGER WARNING

he stayed at home for a few more years, until remembering a place in NC called irving that he and elder brett felt was quaint and cute, deciding to move there officially in late may. 

BRIEF PERSONALITY  AND  HEAD CANONS.

kind, almost to a fault. he truly is full of love, light, and care. he’s constantly wearing a smile on his face, loves to give hugs and advice and wants the best for everyone.  HE WILL GIVE YOU A HUG UNANNOUNCED

kind of an idiot who is shit at context clues, always finds it strange when people are mean. has never touched a drop of alcohol and doesn’t swear. catch him saying “frick” religiously

jesus christ is his best friend.

has a dark side with an insane amount of anger issues ever since he was a kid. it’s one of the reasons his mother thought the church worked so well because they taught him how to suppress that emotion and... smile instead of feeling it.     which obviously isn’t good, as he could have a tendency to black out and realize he’d completely smashed his tv to bits or punched a hole in the wall.

he’s not 100% sure of his sexuality. he knows he’s into guys so he basically decided that must mean he’s gay but is extremely confused because he also finds himself having crushes on women.  someone sit him down and tell him that bisexuality / pansexuality exists bc he’s HARMED

                                      CONNECTIONS 

he was on his mission in / around irving two years ago ,  2019 - knocking on every door and asking if he and his companion can share the story of jesus christ with them... so pls give me a connect of someone who either entertained the idea, slammed the door in his face or threatened him to get off their lawn.

bad influence. he never touched a drop of alcohol, doesn’t cuss, doesn’t even drink coffee. pls he’s so boring

bible study friends lmao

A FRIEND WHO HE CLUNG TO!! their personality doesn’t matter but it’d be hella cute if they were usually irritated by santiago and he had no idea. he’s like haha ur so funny when ur mean i love u <3

BASICALLY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING 

TBA IM SO TIRED

#i can write this i've read scriptures from the book of mormon #irvingintro #am too tired to finish writing connections... #this was too long im sorry? #///// #suicide tw

[ohnobjyx]

Hi, im wondering about recent clip of D/D/U. I guess yibo is a playful person with his friends. I saw how he teased CX and being pampered by his U/N/I/Q hyung. Im rarely interact with ant!s but due to that clip (CX) all his cp fan happy while leaving hateful comment to B/X/G. Its hurt me when they so hateful to h-o-m-o but okay to h-e-t-e-r-o. Why oh why!?!?! This is only my sharing thought. I love reading ur opinions btw. BJYXSZD!!!

Hi, fabellevixxi95! They are talking about TTXS 200719′s episode, for those who are wondering when did this ask happen (yes, I know, I do answer late).

First of all, there are a lot of CPs featuring dd with a lot of people. His old bros from UNIQ, any female with whom he interacts beyond a “hi”, DZW, etc.

(There’s a really noteworthy douyin from DZW explaining the concept of “CP” to his mother: “when you’re very good bros, people start naming your friendship as CP, (...) like the one I have with WYB”. Golden).

I really can’t judge anyone for adhering to a CP, since it’s the same thing I’m doing, but leaving hateful comments, insulting, and outright refusing to back down and apologize for their insults is not right. Be careful of those people, sometimes they aren’t even fans, but antis trying to stir up problems. Don’t engage, block and report if they’re going against the guidelines of the platform they are in.

Okay, since that part is out now, I leave my thoughts about this CP under the cut.

Disclaimer: fake fake fake.

To be honest, I looked into dd-CX CP out of curiosity, to compare a little bit. I couldn’t even find the name of the CP at first, but it was apparent soon enough as to why: they use the same bjyx initials with the “xiao” being CX’s name. However “bjyx” as a CP name has long been taken over by bxg.

I think many people prefer him being with CX (or any other female celebrity actually) because of 2 reasons:

Homophobia. It was difficult for me to realize that a lot of people are lowkey homophobic. They won’t say “ew, gays”, but they’ll say “it’s obvious he’s with a girl instead of with a man, he can’t be gay”. They are much reluctant to admit the possibility of anyone being in a relationship with a person of the same gender, though they’ll often defend themselves with something along the lines of “hey, I have many queer friends, I’m not homophobic!”

There’s a type of fan (let’s call them gf-fans) that fantasize with the possibility of being their idol’s partner. This, in gg and dd’s case, happens much more often with female fans, who then will grasp at straws to continue believing that their idol is completely straight. Thus why they’re much more willing to see a CP with a female idol (when they accept that their idol might not be single): they feel much more identified with a female than a male.

There’s also a curious phenomenon with these “girlfriend-type” of fans: imo, they’re much more open to an hetero CP because they know it’s just rumours and that it’s much more likely to be false, so that fulfills their fantasy of maybe someday meeting their idol and making them fall head over heels in love with them.

(That’s why many bxg pay a lot of attention to what mtjj outright refuse to discuss about. Like hotpot).

It has often been commented that dd’s CP with CX is one of the most “solid” ones, even though CX has said:

She and dd had collaborated twice in a couple choreographies by the time she went for the first time (prior to dd’s birthday special in 2018) to TTXS, and she said both times they hadn’t said a word to each other outside of work.

She called dd “modern monk” in his birthday special last year, and said that he lacked interest in women.

They started to get along much better when they hosted a skateboarding variety show together in 2019, most likely due to shared interests and work related issues. That had to make the CP reach its peak, because I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of these fans nowadays.

(They got comfortable enough for dd to say that she is very heavy, because he couldn’t carry her princess-style, which she didn’t appreciate at all. Trust me, no idol would have liked that).

Dd started to treat CX as a friend, so it probably made people’s eyes fall out of their sockets, because his interactions with women are scarce and very controlled. It is to the point that some fans say he must be gay because of the nature of his interactions with women.

But... I kind of understand him? People tend to forget that he grew up in South Korea, at the age when boys and girls start to interact and make friends with people of the opposite gender. The majority of the boys usually play with other boys and most of the girls play with other girls, specially in countries so conservative as China or South Korea (it’s a generalization, but it’s what happens 🤷‍♀️).

So, at the age when boys and girls start to mingle, he was in South Korea, living in an all boys dorm and studying with other male trainees (from what I know, mixed dorms are extremely hard to find even for university students), in a society where skin touch between a boy and girl with no romantic relationship is frowned upon. I’m aware that there’s a spectrum of types of couples, but even holding hands is rare for some couples there (let’s leave the sexism that still exists in those countries for another day, but they certainly have room to improve in that issue).

Moreover, dd, for all he is bold when no words are required, is quite shy. He’s coming out of his shell, but many of his interactions with women come from a time where I think it was more shyness what made him “cold” (and many people had said that he’s shy rather than cold, and dd himself says “I’m a slow starter” meaning he needs time to be familiar with other people).

That’s why, from my pov, his stilted, uncomfortable interactions with women (in the past) steems from the environment he grew up in + knowing he’s being observed all the time. There’s a video of him dropping a pen, surrounded by girls in skirts in an event, and to pick it up, he drops carefully, facing away from the girls, and keeping his eyes locked on the pen.

(I’m leaving my own speculation about their sexuality for another post, but just as a spoiler, I’m between gay and bi, leaning towards gay for some reasons).

All in all, dd is a playful person with his friends. He has every right to be however he wants. The fact that he’s comfortable enough to tease his female coworkers is just proof that he’s grown out of his awkward phase and that he has found people he likes to work with, no matter their gender.

The fact that some people take friendship as a CP is a phenomenon that will gradually dispel once he works with more women. I really don’t understand the blind RPS with no real proof (beware of fanservicing), but I’m fine if it’s the CP of their project, ofc. So I hope the fans who want him to be straight because it fits their image of him or whatever reason can just accept that he’s living for himself, not for their fantasies. 

#yizhan #bjyx #cx cp #ttxs 200719

[illnessfaker]

[ cw: f-slur, rape mention ]

no reblogs pls. this is a long vent.

haha not to be a hysterical faggot crippled shut-in freak or anything but the way ppl talk abt the defensiveness around the f-slur that some gay/bi male users (and some transfem users) on here as if it's some kind superiority pissing contest thing and not primarily about...respecting the boundaries and experiences of those gay/bi male (and transfem) users. like...being on this site as a fag-adjacent person (i say that half-jokingly because it sounds silly on one hand but on the other that's the most accurate descriptor of my gender identity, lol) is becoming increasingly draining and upsetting with how "progressive" homophobia against gay/bi men is apparently becoming, like, a meme among lgbtq people and that's acceptable somehow bc lgbtq people aren't cishets or because it's "only online" and therefore doesn't matter.

like idgaf abt ppl who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem) using the f-slur in every single context possible. if they're affectionately referring to their gay/bi male (or transfem) friends with that word (so long as said friends are comfortable with it) that's one thing. who cares. i even rb'd something where a cis butch (iirc) lesbian was talking about a gay man she knew who she was affectionatly calling a faggot and the things she said warmed my heart. if they're throwing it around at every opportunity or using it as an edgy insult against random strangers on the internet, that's another. the users on here who do the latter also regularly display behavior that like...shows a pretty clear disdain for gay/bi men (or transfem ppl) not apart of their online or "irl" circlejerks and echo chambers, and that is in no way disconnected from their love of using the f-slur, lol.

the "it's only online and so it's unimportant uwu go outside" thing also really feels like such a spit in the face as someone who both lives in a rural area full of cishet white men with guns that might try to kill me if i walked out of the house in drag (not to mention i live with my bf and his family and his parents are homophobes themselves i'm sure), and is also someone with health issues that usually keep me at home and in bed when i'm not working. i didn't always live here but even in my hometown the only "lgbtq space" i had was the high school GSA which didn't do shit other than the day of silence and was attended by people i did not feel safe around (e.g. my ex-friend who was very emotionally manipulative and ended up raping someone.) i don't have any other lgbtq spaces to go to other than online ones. if i never joined tumblr i might still be a self-hating cishet girl, or i might be dead, who knows. like, i've accepted at this point that personhood isn't something i'm allowed in (outside of my whiteness) so fuck me i guess if we need to but the idea that other young, impressionable, and/or traumatized lgbtq people who only can meet other lgbtq people and learn about lgbtq things online for whatever reason don't deserve to have us make an effort on cultivating internet spaces that are as accessible and safe for them as possible, or that their experiences and feelings are somehow unimportant is just...vile. like ofc not everyone needs to "pander" to "logged on" disabled fags like myself maybe but if you have any kind of large following on social media maybe consider that the things you say and do on said social media have like...an actual effect on other people instead of pretending that it's "just online" and therefore consequences for your actions either don't matter enough (to you personally) or somehow don't exist.

but going back to the fag thing, most popular lgbtq tumblr users on my dash i see nowadays just...simply do not give a shit whatsoever about gay/bi men, to the point they're normalizing "progressive" and "acceptable" homphobia against us bc they've convinced themselves due to the bigotry some gay/bi men (often cis, white, and wealthy mind you) exhibit we are "the cishets of the lgbtq community," despite horrific violence still being committed against us every day and despite other lgbtq people being capable of engaging in that violence themselves. ppl make thinly veiled jokes and memes where the punchline is men having sex with each other or effeminacy as if those things aren't primary avenues for gay/bi men being abused, assaulted, and killed (including acts of abuse and assault of a sexually-driven nature), as if said jokes and memes don't serve to normalize the mentalities that drive homophobic hate crimes. it's not like...a coincidence that most lgbtq people who makes these jokes aren't gay/bi men (or transfem). this doesn't even get into how things like homophobia and anti-effeminacy can pretty much boot certain gay/bi men from manhood...or womanhood...or any place in gender altogether.

call me exlusionary if you want but i think it's fair to say that the chances of people who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem*) facing the repurcussions of those mentalities in any meaningful way, the chances of these people actually having lived as or going to live as "faggots" is any meaningful sense is slim to none, and that's why they're so comfortable participating in this shit, and that's why i'm triggered(tm) by them "reclaiming" faggot (which doesn't really involve reclamation bc calling random strangers on the internet or gay/bi men you hate a slur isn't reclamation you morons), because frankly if you're not apart of either of those groups, you're just not a fucking faggot. it's not your word just because some rando on overwatch called you it for picking hanzo in comp. period. end of story. it's also just extremely absurd to try and claim faggotry as something you experience while...readily and happily engaging in homophobia and fag-hate (which isn't synonymous with the former term but i'm talking abt ppl who probably seldom ever engage which discussions and theory surrounding how homophobia instrumentates itself in society - or at least that which doesn't conform to their worldview). within the gay/bi male community there's plentu of masc "straight-acting" gays who weaponize this shit against fem gays and they (should) get held accountable in the same way. you're not special.

and god, being told my gendered experiences as a fag-adjacent person where (white) cafab women are fully capable of engaging in social forms of "oppression" against me and other fags in undeniably gendered ways is somehow an outlier and therefore not reflective of broader social by (white) masc urbanite tbros with definitively more social standing than i'll ever have in my life, as if i somehow developed this understanding of gendered violence just based off my own life and not...the reported and sometimes even recorded experiences of countless other fags who get mocked and silenced because anything that deviates from a watered down, shoddy cis feminist take on gender is fake news(tm) or bordering on saying misandry exists (like no it doesn't exist but acting as if homophobic shit like anti-sodomy laws, for example, has zero to do with gay/bi men's manhood is just nonsensical). convos on here abt gender being mostly dominated by (white) cafab women or sometimes (white) masc trans guys is such a mistake lmao.

anyway i'm tired and stressed and pretty done with having "acceptable" homophobic shit shoved in my face on a daily basis both online and offline but nevertheless i must persist because i'm not lucky enough to have anywhere else to go, really. just...think critically abt ur actions regarding gay/bi male sexuality and gender-stuff pretty please. please.

( *disclaimer just in case that i definitely don't see transfems as some "type" of gay/bi men. there are transfems who identify with gay/bi manhood and/or faggotry. there are transfems who don't. that's entirely up to them. thank u. )

#op #🌙 #homophobia #gender #site culture #no reblogs -

[retvenkos]

OLIVE AKJSHDAS HELLO AND CONGRATS ON 2.5K!!!! could i request 🔥 with little women & star wars?? i'm bi, a gryffindor, libra & an infp!! i'd say im a bit of an ambivert. i like making people laugh and laughing at my own stupid jokes. i'm studying psychology & creative writing, and my other hobbies include listening to music, trying to teach myself guitar/ukulele, daydreaming, and hanging out with my friends (who i miss very much aksjdha damn u covid). thank u and hope u have a great day :')

Little Women:

I ship you with Jo March!

i think we could see this coming because the two of you are so similar, but honestly! it’s a concept.

you guys are constantly writing together, talking about your characters or just making incredibly ludicrous situations that would never happen in the novel but give you great insight into who the characters are as people.

you are both very people oriented people - you thrive off of spending time with people and swapping jokes and energy with them, so you both can fulfill your needs by hanging out together.

i also think that you and jo both have multitudes to your character - you’re open to a degree, but there are parts of you that are harder to get to know, and you would both find a lot of joy in discovering the other person (while discovering yourself).

jo is confident and you are charming, so together you are a force to be reckoned with  - passion with literally every tool to make your dreams reality - the world better watch out.

and for what jo lacks in understanding people’s emotions, you are very emotionally intelligent™ and can explain things to her. and even if she doesn’t fully understand everything, she’ll agree because it’s you and she can’t exactly fight you, now can she?

i think that you would bring some much needed balance to jo’s life, and she would add so much excitement to yours.

and your music? i think that jo would love it - listening to you play guitar would calm her and help her daydream, even if you’re still not very good. she says she gets a lot of ideas when you are around, just messing around with your music.

i also can see both of you at parties, hanging out with laurie in the corner and making jokes about the people who are dancing. you’d indulge someone and have a dance with them, but you’d be catching jo’s eye the whole time, laughing at the different faces she makes.

jo ca be a little possessive with the people that she loves, but i think you would be able to balance that out. the two of you are independent people, and if anyone can teach her that, it’s you.

you just have so much in common, and i’m a sucker for a good friends to lovers scenario, and the vibes the two of you have exude friends to lovers.

not to mention that the march sisters love you a whole lot and laurie is fond of you, too, so there’s so much to win, in this scenario.

Star Wars:

I ship you with Finn!

i know i said a while ago i shipped you with rey and that was a concept but i spoke to soon.

first of all, you are thoughtful, and i think that’s something that initially draws finn to you. this poor man has literally never had anyone care for him, being a stormtrooper, and the fact that you unselfishly care about him? it’s mind boggling.

he definitely tells you so in quiet moments, when it’s just the two of you, and it’s just very soft and sweet.

he’s so grateful to be in your circle, and he slowly falls in love with every bit of you - finn is so observant (y’know, from years of living in constant fear) and he notices so much about you.

both of you are rather slow to open up, and that’s alright! you’re both wary, and neither blames the other for their feelings which is important and healthy. wow, we stan.

and finn loves your jokes and your daydreaming - there’s just something about having the freedom to express yourself (and do so in a way that is so full) that makes him the literal definition of heart eyes.

and your music! finn would love it - he’s so eager to learn, he’d probably want to learn how to play ukulele/guitar with you. it’s so interesting to him to hear how people express themselves in ways that are so artistic and raw, yet removed from words, alone. he’s intrigued and wants to learn more.

and the little bit of chaos that i mentioned you had? i realized it’s your passion and loyalty to your cause. you believe in things so deeply and you’re creative in your attack of problems! you can definitely teach finn to think outside of the box, and he is loyal enough to trust your crazy plans.

oh! and if you ever feeling self-critical, finn feels you. he’s been there. BUT, he’s also good at walking you out of that place. he’s hit rock bottom a few times before, and he’s patient and caring with you.

and i also think that friends and family is important to finn, so your values match up, and that’s very important to both of you. i like that neither of you would compromise on your beliefs, but you are flexible and smart enough to find a way out of the problems you are in.

and i think as a defector, everyone wants to hear finn’s story, and at first, he isn’t really good with words and laying things out. you help him! you are always open to talk with him through everything, and you probably get him into writing - it’s easier to get your ideas down and there’s something really intimate in writing that finn would love.

finn is writing an autobiography, and i don’t know why that makes me happy, but it does. he deserves his story to be heard, and disney STOLE that from him

but aside from the sadness, i think that both of you could have a lot of fun on missions, together. he’s the practicality to your more emotionally driven decisions, and the two of you would just work really well together.

only the best for you and finn in my headcanons.

take part in my 2.5k celebration

#2.5k celebration! #celebration #lxncelotships #mutuals #i hope you like it sam! #i kind of went off with finn but he deserves the world istg

[fbdo1986]

rules: tag people you want to get to know better!!!

tagged by @wallaceandgromit aw i luv u julia!!!! 🥺

your name and what you would’ve named yourself: zoe and beth!!!! i fucking LOVE the name beth if i were named beth i would Not know how to fucking ACT

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): pisces sun aries moon libra rising!

when did you join tumblr and why: hmm like 2016 and i wanted to have a cute aesthetic blog

top 5 fandoms: at this point i really only post about stranger things and fbdo so. them

top 5 favorite films: (GD fjskks i love how obvious i am) ferris bueller’s day off, professor marston and the wonder women, cabaret, sing street, and jojo rabbit

go to song when you want to feel something: HMMM depends on the something but. golden dream by snail mail or wouldnt it be nice by the beach boys or karma chameleon by culture club

what’s your religion or faith if you have one: i’m jewish!!!!

a song that makes me feel seen: i’m putting a few because too bad. firestarter by haley blais and i get along without you very well by chet baker

if i could have any career: i want to be a research linguist! i’d love to release poetry as well but i don’t think i’d want to be a poet full time.

do you have a type?: because i’m bisexual and insane of course i do <3 lets just say i’m into heavy guys and generally people who make me laugh and are sweethearts!

what does my heart/soul yearn for: LOVE bitch!!!!!

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone: i’m passionate, empathetic, optimistic, compassionate, and thoughtful

favorite subjects in school: french english and like. history but only sometimes.

where does my soul feel most at home: my own home, my aunt’s home, and wherever i am when i’m with my friends

top 5 fictional characters: oh babey you know damn well who they are! for brevity’s sake i’m not including repeats from the same media though! cameron frye, nancy wheeler, holden caufield, blanca evangelista, and barbara maitland!

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: um. fiction rarely makes me cry (it’s changing more recently but for most of my life it hasn’t really) so the only time i cried at a tv show was at the end of stranger things season 3 when it’s after hopper’s death and it shows el crying reading his letter and theres a voiceover of him reading it. it’s the parent death!!! fuck off!!!

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the stars!

favorite kind of weather: when it’s fall and chilly out!!!

top 3 characters you kin with: (like julia said it’s just for fun) lindsay weir, mabel pines, and jeanie bueller (bonus points for cameron frye though bc hes like my twin soul... screams)

favorite medium of art: photography, poetry, and collage art!

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

favorite literary quote: hmm i don’t have one so i’m gonna pick a quote from the great gatsby thay i like! “When we pulled out into the winter night and the real snow, our snow, began to stretch out beside us and twinkle against the windows, and the dim lights of small Wisconsin stations moved by, a sharp wild brace came suddenly into the air.”

some of your favorite books: grace in the wilderness by aranka siegel (my favorite book), the catcher in the rye, the great gatsby, metamorphosis (i’ve read a lot of different books but recently the ones i’ve been reading have been quite disappointing)

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: i don’t have a location in mind honestly. just in a nice, cozy apartment or in a house where i raise a family w my spouse

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: the 80s and 90s! i wanna be an obnoxious bi when the bi community was taking root!

if you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?: bass guitar!!! one day babey one day

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you have a connection to?: none lmao i never really got interested in mythology

lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: (all the ones that are recent are arguably not cute so this isn’t all that recent) why do i look so angry????

fun fact, upon scanning my camera roll i sometimes thought pictures of sloane i have saved were me... IF ONLY GD

tagging!!!: @firedrillsarealarming,@trulyalpha, @twilight-byers, @zoja, @selkiefem, @lovesongmp4, @treasureislandpdf !

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello, I'm the last anon you answered to. I'm sorry if I came out as defensive because it wasn't my intention. In fact I've always thought that John was bisexual until I started questioning everything. ( I'm a bisexual guy myself and I'm perfectly happy with the way I am ! ) It's just that I feel like Yoko would just say whatever she wants on John to suit her agenda. John's sexuality had always been an interesting topic and dropping something like that would gaib her publicity this is why I --

I question the authenticity of her claims. She could have lied about it just to attract attention… And I’d be disappointed because John was in fact my idol and he gave me the strength to come out as bi to my family. But there’s so many anecdotes about him being homophobic that it just makes me sad and this is why I hardly doubt that he was a bisexual man…As for the Cynthia quote I heard her say something like “ John was afraid of homosexuality just like everyone ) in a video on Youtube –

I am very conflicted because I’ve watched videos of John ( interviews etc ) and many comments said that he was very skilled at manipulating people and wasn’t as honest as he appeared to be, which is why I doubt. John had always been the rebellious type and I started thinking that he was using the bisexuality topic to shock and make people talk about it which is disappointing. Was he dropping hints that he was bi to piss off people and make publicity ? This is what I believe : (There is also -

Something he said to Alaister Taylor where he said that he was trying to spread the rumor that he was gay or bi just for fun and he told him that he would never shag a man because just the thought of it turned him off… Yet he also told him that he adored Brian so much that he would have done anything with him ( he contradict himself here. ) So yeah I didn’t want to be rude. I apologize. I think I need reassurance. Could you please analyse everything I said if u don’t mind please ? : (

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Anon 2

At the very least all these years later isn’t it circumstantially suggested that John had very private gay encounters, and was uncomfortable making them public, yet wanted to hint at them so he could deal with this matter int he future? He was protecting his privacy and his ego, and perhaps wasn’t yet ready to reveal either his encounters or mixed feelings of bisexuality. His encounters have been protected by those with whom he was involved, people thameant a lot to him, no?

-

Anon 3

hey! by any chance, do you have knowledge of the quotes where john said “sex with girls felt like a performance after the first time” and “i was never sexually attracted to women before yoko”? i am SURE i’ve seen the first one somewhere on tumblr, though the second one is more of a quote of a quote so i’m not sure if it’s real or not dfkdjk thanks, anyway!

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Anon 4

Hello! Is it true that John used to be very attracted to the drag scene in St Pauli ( I guess that was the town I read about ) and that basically the drag / gay scene made him feel comfortable and at home? Says a lot about him!

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@tbhmarjj

I adore you, thank u for this blog and ur beautiful mind. i doubt johns bisexuality at times tbh considering he went to great lengths for publicity and he wanted to be an LGBT ally, be cool and outspoken and as he himself said it was trendy to be bi. but then again he was obsessed with Paul in so many ways and he was the embodiment of John’s ideal man. beautiful, talented, intellectual. I’ll be patiently awaiting ur posts exploring Paul’s views on johns sexuality.Thank u

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Hello again, anon! 

I want to begin by thanking you for getting back to me after I answered your ask and for clarifying where you were coming from when you wrote it. It really is quite hard to fully get the tone of a written message, especially one that is so short that you have no context to draw from to get the emotional meaning behind it. It really appeared to me when I read it that the concern was not who was saying it (Yoko) but about what was being said (John was bisexual). I can now see that was not the case and I appreciate that you’ve made that clear. 

I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the opportunity to include in this answer all of the other asks I’ve been receiving regarding John’s sexuality. It’s clearly a topic of great interest in this community. So I’ll be attempting to address all the points raised here. Again, this is nothing definitive; only my personal readings of the situation as I find it at the moment.

Before I do answer, though, I’d just like everyone to take a deep breath and a step back. Let’s try to examine this topic a bit more objectively. 

I understand that sex is kind of major in our society. Our notion of identity is tightly bound to our classified sexuality and gender. Sexual relationships (or amorous relationships) are seen as the epitome of human connection and the ideal everyone should be striving for. And people fundamentally want to be loved and not alone, so it makes sense that figuring out who is a potential companion (and if that companion is interested back) is such a big deal.

But despite these layers of meaning and societal pressures, we should keep in mind what sex represents, essentially, from an evolutionary point of view. 

For social animals who derive pleasure from sexual stimulation, sexual intercourse is – like all the other kinds of affection – a way to build connections. 

If you want to find examples in nature, just look at our ape cousins, the bonobos. The also called pygmy chimpanzee lives in a matriarchal society where sexual behaviour plays an essential role in strengthening social bonds, lowering tension and keeping the peace. Bonobos don’t discriminate between gender or age (except between mothers copulating with their own adult sons, so as to prevent cross-breeding). It’s the true “free love” society; evolution took “make love, not war” and ran with it. 

Our own culture seems more similar to that of bonobos’ northern neighbours, the common chimp. Their patriarchy is more conservative regarding sexual intercourse, which is mainly used for reproduction purposes, and their power structure is based around intricate political games, where males form alliances and try to get public support in order to overthrow the ruling party.

I find it endlessly curious to look at these two species, whose physical separation by the Congo river made them diverge so starkly in their social organization, and compare them to the struggle between these same two natures that we find in our own society. 

All this to say that, from a simply biological point of view, I have to agree with John and Yoko when they say that everyone must be bisexual. If sexual intercourse as a social behaviour is, inherently, all about establishing bonds and connections, the extent to which those connections are “allowed” to be built depends entirely on the hierarchal structure that same society is trying to preserve. In other words, what is classified as morally right or wrong is more reflective of the rules in place to keep that society working as it is, than it is of what is naturally present as a drive. 

If your brain is primed to seek pleasure and sexual intercourse brings you pleasure independently of the partner’s gender, then the partner’s gender should be inconsequential.

But unlike bonobos, humans are kind of touchy about touching. So there are other levels of information influencing behaviour. The processes of socialization – of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society – and enculturation – by which people learn the dynamics of their surrounding culture and acquire values and norms appropriate or necessary in that culture and worldviews – are as determinant as the genetic factors influencing behaviour. In fact, this added education can be so effective in curbing your “primal instincts”, that one might forget they have them in the first place. 

Thus, the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are a constantly shifting construct based on the various interactions between your genetic makeup and social influences. 

I just think that, in order to have this discussion, it’s important to separate the various levels of it and be clear about which we are referring to.

There is the basic evolutionary drive to seek pleasure and form connections.

There is the social education about that same drive and how it is allowed to manifest itself.

And integrating all these different signals and information – various potentials which manifested as attraction – there finally is a behaviour, a choice.

And finally, there’s the external point of view of other members of society looking in and trying to discern other people’s drives and how they relate to their choices (that’s us now). The problem is, we often throw our own drives and choices into the mix, especially with regards to something as personally defining as sexual orientation. 

So we have to make very clear in our minds what is the end goal here. Why are we interested in discussing this topic? Are we looking to discern as much of the truth as we can get it, objectively trying to understand these human beings? Or are we trying to confirm our own projections on them? And please, don’t take me wrong. All these are valid reasons to be interested in a subject. Often how it resonates with us, so personally, is vitally important to reaching a greater understanding about ourselves and learning how to communicate that to others. 

But in the same way a piece of music can make you have a transformative emotional experience that the artist didn’t necessarily go through, it’s important to remember that our own inner-life might be affecting how we examine others. Better be mindful of what we project, lest we think are finally seeing inside another person when in fact we are only looking at our own reflection. (And honestly, I believe getting to truly know ourselves in this processes can be a hundred times more valuable than knowing the other. By learning to recognize ourselves we can better understand other people and vice-versa.) 

So if it is important to you that John is bisexual, my honest opinion is that all the information can be read in a way that confirms it. We’ll hardly ever know for sure, and based on what we do know, that can certainly be the takeaway. 

But if we want to objectively examine John’s sexuality, we shouldn’t bring in a confirmation bias. Meaning that we should be emotionally detached from the outcome, as long as it is as close to the truth as we can get. But this is only where I’m coming from, and I’m a bit of a scientist. It’s totally fair if you’re not in it for the same reasons. Though again, working under the assumption that you want to know my stance on it, let’s proceed.

I understand your reservations regarding Yoko as an unreliable narrator. To analyse Yoko’s motivations would be an interesting topic, but one which I will not go in at the moment as I don’t feel sufficiently informed about Yoko as a person to give an extensive examination.  

But in my opinion, there is a whole lot of other information available from which to draw from other than Yoko’s statements. 

I also get your and @tbhmarjj‘s concerns about John’s declarations during the 70s. But it’s the same question I posed in the previous post: Was the “bisexual chic” fad of the 1970s merely a publicity stunt for those involved? Even if it was, did it make the experimentations undertaken any less true? Were they just faking it for the press or were they finally allowed to try and be open about it? 

Because I come from the biological background that places sex as a positive social interaction like any other, meaning that its purpose is to create bonds and the pleasure is our “reward” for doing it, I tend to believe that the behaviours were genuine. The drive there is real. As real as the internal constraints that would act on them as a result of societies shifting expectations and permissions. And this socialization is as determinant in the creation of sexual attraction as anything. So based on our definition of sexual orientation, all those bi rockstars of the 70s could have effectively stopped identifying as bi once the new social norm overrun their own internal drives and the previous less conservative status quo. That didn’t make them less bi when they were. 

It’s funny, but in terms of gender and sexuality, nothing is real so everything is. 

So yeah, I think that John could have been bisexual the second he felt he was. But because the social tide was likely to shift, it was better to also maintain a measure of deniability: it was just for show, it’s not serious, I was just taking the mickey out of you and you fell for it! Of course John was smart enough to leave space there to retract. He and Paul had mastered the art as communicators through song. They could claim them to mean everything and nothing as it suited them. As Anon 2 says, it’s a protective measure. 

So I think that at some point in time, John genuinely identified as bisexual. Now whether he acted on it or not is another questioned entirely. As Anon 2 points out, there are various circumstantial accounts, but these are always tougher to verify. 

I tend to believe Yoko when she says:

So did Lennon ever have sex with men?

“No, I don’t think so,” says Ono. “The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”

I ask what she makes of the people outside the building, the crowds still at Strawberry Fields.

Ono misunderstands, or mishears (or is simply focused on the last strand of our conversation), and continues to talk about sex.

“I don’t make anything out of it. When you’re not really interested in that sort of sex, you don’t think about it. Both John and I surprisingly were very passive people. Unless somebody made a thing out of it, if they made a move, I wouldn’t even think about it.”

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

At least I believe he at least never “fully” did it, in the sense of full-blown anal sex. I think there might have been “milder” homosexual interactions, such as handjobs, that could be rationalized as not entirely gay (the thing with Brian in Spain being one of them.)

Regarding the drag scene in Hamburg Anon 4 was asking about, I agree that it also provides information about John. Though I think it’s mainly about his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation (though the two are invariably linked in the construct as well).

Here are some quotes about it:

With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were ‘all harmless and very young’ and it was actually possible to speak to one ‘without shuddering’. Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. ‘There was one particular club he used to like,’ Tony Sheridan remembers, ‘full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.’

— In John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman (2008).

And according to Horst Fascher (bouncer at the Indra Club and the Kaiserkeller):

It wasn’t just girls that were on offer to young english rockers. Monica’s Bar was Hamburg’s notorious transvestite club. For one or two English musicians, Monica’s was just another part of the Hamburg experience.

HORST FASCHER: One night Monica said, “Come, come and look. One of your boys is in the séparé.” “And who is it?” And she said, “One of the Beatles.” “Let me look”. She said, “Be careful. Look only sneaky-like.” But I did. I grabbed the curtain, pulled it aside and there was sitting John in… in a position with that girl, and you know. He felt really ashamed and I said, “John, don’t worry man. I did that all before.”

— In The Beatles Biggest Secrets. [Transcription is my own and I’m not too certain of it.]

Though there certainly might have been an aspect of sexual interest to it, I think John’s fascination with the drag scene was also the kinship with the queerness he felt inside himself; mainly in regards to him wanting to express his more sensitive side, which is coded as feminine in our society. So I think seeing men indulging in femininity and nonnormative behaviour resonated with him.

Also, I think it’s even more important to understand John’s relationship with sex in general, regardless of the partner. 

To that end, the quote mentioned by Anon 3 is of special relevance:

When I was a kid, I wanted to shag every attractive woman I saw. I used to dream that it would be great if you could just click your fingers and they would strip off and be ready for me. I would spend most of my teenager years fantasising about having this kind of power over women. The weird thing is, when the fantasies came true they were not nearly so much fun. One of my most frequent dreams was seducing two girls together, or even a mother and a daughter. That happened in Hamburg a couple of times and the first time it was sensational. The second time it got to feel like I was giving a performance. You know how when you make love to a woman that the moment you come, you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything. The more women I had, the more the buzz would turn into a horrible feeling of rejection and revulsion at what I’d been doing. As soon as I’d been with a woman, I wanted to get the hell out.

— John Lennon to Alistair Taylor (Brian Epstein’s assistant), 1965. In his autobiography With the Beatles: A Stunning Insight by The Man who was with the Band Every Step of the Way (2003).

And another important passage is in reference to Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy:

Well, his thing is to feel the pain that’s accumulated inside you ever since your childhood. […] The worst pain is that of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. When I was a child I experienced moments of not wanting to see the ugliness, not wanting to see not being wanted. This lack of love went into my eyes and into my mind. […] Most people channel their pain into God or masturbation or some dream of making it. […] But for me at any rate it was all part of dissolving the Godtrip or father-figure trip. Facing up to reality instead of always looking for some kind of heaven.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Robin Blackburn and Tariq Ali for Red Mole (8-22 March 1971). [I really can’t stop pointing to this quote as one of the most important in order to understand John Lennon.]

As he reiterates in ‘I Found Out’ (1970): Some of you sitting there with yer cock in yer hand / Don’t get you nowhere don’t make you a man

To me, John’s pursuit of sex is, like most things in his life, essentially about filling this black-hole of emotional pain. He internalized the lack of love from his parents, which went into his eyes and mind, until he himself believed he was unlovable. This lack of self-esteem translates into a lot of pain and the need for an external solution for that pain. 

The external solution is not wanting to feel so vulnerable any more. This can be achieved either by trying to seize control, by exerting it over others or having them look up to you (e.g. “fantasising about having this kind of power over women”; “some dream of making it”). Or it can be achieved by handing control over and being taken care of (e.g. “people channel their pain into God”, “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul”.)

Sex as an activity can play into these various dynamics: it can be used to feel power over others, as John started out; it can be used as an escapist distraction, like a drug (e.g. “you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything”); and it can be used as giving yourself over and being loved, looking to receive that which you can’t get from yourself. 

As time passed and the first two solutions stopped working, I think John focused on the third: sex in the context of an emotionally close relationship as the ultimate intimacy and proof that he was loved. And because he wanted to absolve himself of responsibility, to be taken care of, his partner needed to be someone on the other end, someone who had control. In our culture, this reads as a masculine figure (e.g. “father-figure trip”). 

This may be from a female, whose masculine qualities were what attracted John in the first place:

In this intense, intimate and revealing original cassette recording of a private conversation in 1969 between John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the couple speaks primarily about Yoko’s past relationships, her music and art, and their random views on sex, love, promiscuity, and homosexuality. […] [Lennon] adds that he had never met an attractive woman that had sexually aroused him to any great degree.

— Description of the 45-minute audiotape auctioned in 2009 by Alexander Autographs.

I used to say to him, ‘I think you’re a closet fag, you know.’ Because after we started to live together, John would say to me, ‘Do you know why I like you? Because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.’

— Yoko Ono, interviewed for New York Magazine (25 May 1981).

Or the partner he was looking for could be found in the (often dominant) person he was most emotionally invested in his whole life. 

All I want is you / Everything has got to be just like you want it to

And in a society that establishes that the closest two people can be, the greatest intimacy they can share, the ultimate declaration of love is to live in a monogamous amorous relationship, is it any wonder that John felt he could only believe in their relationship if they were together like that? Is it any wonder that he would doubt Paul’s affections because Paul apparently wasn’t willing to express them like that? 

JOHN: It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

SHEVEY: But Yoko is a very independent person. Isn’t it— [inaudible]

JOHN: Sure, and so were the men I worked with. The only difference is she’s female.

SHEVEY: But you didn’t find it difficult to make that transition?

JOHN: Oh yeah. I mean, it took me four years. I’m still not – I’m still only coming through it, you know.

— Interview with Sandra Shevey (June 1972).

I know I keep posting this quote, but I don’t think he can make it more obvious than that: it’s not about the sex. Or rather, the sex is not the primary thing. 

He didn’t push all those years because he was uncontrollably horny for Paul. John just wants a physical manifestation, a more tangible “proof”, of his emotional connections. He wants to be able to hold hands, be held and perhaps also have sex with his best friend; he needs those proofs of love through the means of physical affection because he won’t believe Paul’s love for him is there otherwise (or that it’s as great as John’s).

Would society normalizing other kinds of relationships – such as friendships – to be as important or on the same level as amorous (romantic/sexual) ones, have helped John and Paul? Most likely. 

Would society normalizing same-sex amorous relationships have helped John and Paul? Perhaps. (For this one we would have to look more closely at Paul’s needs and desires.)

All this to say that John’s idea of sexuality was extremely influenced by society, and in his case, the rule “amorous relationships are the normative ones” outweighed the “heterosexual relationships are the normative ones”. 

The conflict occurred when from Paul’s perspective, the priority of the rules was the other way around. I think Paul was ready to ignore society’s norm and live his life with his friendship with John as the most important relationship. But he also wanted a heterosexual one. (But more on that on a post of its own.)

For now, I hope I have more or less managed to express my thoughts on the matter of John’s sexuality. 

Thank you so much for reading through all that and for reaching out in the first place! I truly appreciate it!

#John Lennon #paul mccartney #yoko ono #the beatles #asks me why #I'm not a homosexual or we could have had a homosexual relationship #he could be a real soft sweetie #paul is a concept by which we measure our pain #touching is good #and when i touch you i feel happy inside #the person I actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #alistair taylor #Brian Epstein #Tony Sheridan #Horst Fascher #meta #my stuff