#uhh i'm afraid but

[flightdescending]

badly frankensteins the thing

#i forgot to put the underbelly back whoops #oh well #timelapse included to show that originally i didn't think it needed wings but it didn't read dragony enough #i think it's perfectly possible for a wingless FR dragon but the thing i made just there needed something #maybe big spikes or something #uhh what else #i gave it baragon ears because i hate how few fr dragons have EARS #PUT EARS ON THE BEAST #BIG OL EARS #the spike is not necessary i'm not afraid of the baldness it is also a baragon thing lol #i haven't even scried a single one of these guys but i do realize that they have a lot of terts that play with their baldness #but i think that's lame i dont think that they should look like naked paper dolls before you put a tert on them #oh also i wanted it to be kinda bipedal #too many quadrupeds in this menagerie

[bumblingbabooshka]

This is literally one of my favorite moments for both Harry Kim and B’Elanna characterization. I think a lot of people forget how soft hearted and altruistic B’Elanna specifically can be while Harry, of course a friendly and sweet individual, devotes himself most often to the mission, his friends and Starfleet’s ideals. Harry’s been shown to be much more down-to-earth and less fantastical in his thinking than either Tom or B’Elanna. The only time he gets in major trouble with Janeway and breaks protocol is because he wants to be with a woman. This is distinctly different to me than Tom’s (attempting to save an alien world) and B’Elanna’s (giving a robot race the ability to reproduce) transgressions. His other biggest infraction is begin a mutiny which he does in order to save Janeway & Chakotay. He doesn’t get in trouble for this which is why I put it last but again it seems different from Tom or B’Elanna to me because it’s For The Ship it’s For The Captain it’s a crime which displays his loyalty to Janeway instead of one which demonstrates him going against her ideologically (as shown by the lack of punishment). In that way I think B’Elanna and Harry balance each other well. B’Elanna is a person who seems very nervous and defensive when in conversation with others, who thinks of herself as a person who is ‘bad’ and doesn’t believe in herself much. Meanwhile Harry seems to be at ease with most anyone he speaks to, attempting to befriend even Seven of Nine right away. He’s confident in himself and his abilities and out of everyone (yes even Tom who seems most often to just become frustrated) would be the one to push B’Elanna and break through her defenses. That’s to say it makes perfect sense that B’Elanna would be absolutely enamored by this person who views her as inspiring, would be struck by that while Harry views it as just a weird question. 

#I do n't know if I'm being coherent enough...but I really like this scene!!! #and I really like both B'Elanna and Harry Kim!! #st voyager #You might say 'It's just bc B'Elanna's been with these people' #BUT I REALLY think that Harry wouldn't have gone through with the whole 'participating in a play exit'...I think if it was Harry the episode #would have been one of those that ended with him looking sadly out a window like 'It's damn hard to follow protocol sometimes...' but he'd #see no other option #I REALLY hope I'm being uhh understandable HEHEH #whenever I ramble like this I'm like 'Bea you're not making any sense' #also thispost is dedicated to the folks who yell at me (affectionate) about putting the majority of my post in the tags HEHHEHE #I finally di d it...I put the whole post up there... #I was really going to just put 'This is one of my favorite characterization moments' up there and put the rest of that in the tags #but then I was like no...they need the whole thought process #labeling Harry Kim as just 'sweet boi uwu' and B'Elanna as 'fiesty angry lady' is a real disservice to their characters #and might be rooted in some OTHER things #like CERTAIN preconceptions #I think Harry's biggest established fears are not being particular special and being underestimated or babied #But none of those fears seem to drive his behavior the way B'Elanna's do #....God I hope this information is correct I always put this shit in the tags bc I'm afraid someone's gonna reblog this like #'Bea none of this happened what are you talking about' and I'll look it up and I'll be like what WAS I talking about #B'Elanna Torres #Harry Kim #Harry's fears also demonstrate that he thinks of himself as 'good' and more worries others won't be able to see it or he won't stand out #enough for it to matter - again much more confident than B'Elanna

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

;-;

#saw someone say that a post about hanger was about their undiagnosed diabetes and now I'm going to spend the #rest of forever terrified that every time I get hangry (which happens! while prepping dinner almost everyday! bc I'm hungry and impatient!) #that actually I'm two inches away from a diabetic coma or something #even though I definitely eat healthier than a lot of people #like I'm kinda chubby but I eat healthy food for the most part and I'm not like that overweight or anything #I have a naturally heavy/curvy body type so that plays into it a lot #idk I just have like. several diabetic grandparents and am always always afraid. hashtag hypochondria 😔 #uhh anyway pray for me! I am Alone and the anxiety is HITTING

[4lph4kidz]

jane crocker... *head in my hands*

#you know i rly do not want to be one of those people who outright rejects canon only to replace it with someone much less interesting #but on the other hand i think the way she's handled in canon and post canon especially absolutely fucking sucks and i'm not afraid to say #like yeah that whole thing it's unsalveagable to me sorry #i don't want to ignore interesting character flaws by any means but uhh. UHH #anyway. goodnight

[strawberriivulpine]

for valentines day i think i'm gonna try and make these into keychains for me and @father-lance!! we're in a multifandom minecraft thing and that's where these slight design changes came from (like the ripped pants and the cat ears)!

they're matching. :) they're supposed to be holding hands...

its a VERY long story how this crackship kinda... ended up being a thing that we actually both really love? but long story short our gayness accidentally bled into when we were playing our characters and it just kinda... ended up being really cute!

they're not actually together in the rp HOWEVER this will not stop us from having it in our own noggins

#lego monkie kid #lmk fanart #strawberriart #lmk #lmk wukong #i am honest to god too afraid to tag the fear and hunger fandom bc #a. i know nothing about it #and b. i am so afraid of the reactions LMAO #but that's just cuz i'm terrified of posting art for fandoms i am not a part of #uhh just know that this guy's daan from fear and hunger (and hes slightly moonscorched) #also we call it vitamindshipping #since that's the vitamin that the sun gives and #daan's a doctor :) #so uhh #vitamindshipping

[rawliverandgoronspice]

though I just want to put a caveat to my own gamedev takes, just so you're fully aware of where I'm coming from: while I'm starting to have a couple of years of gamedev under my belt (closer to 10 than to 5 let's say), my experience with AAA is overall limited to only a couple of years, it is a very western/european one (so not japanese, even if I have been in contact with the Japanese side of the industry on occasion), and a bulk of my time has been spent on AA or indie too. So while I'm starting to know a bunch of people, I Know Stories/Have Lived the Stories, and I'm getting experience under my belt, my observations are in no way all-encompassing and remain relatively surface-level compared to what someone who was there for forty years could be saying instead (there's not many of those but I have to assume some exist!), and they are, of course, very biased to my own experiences! keep an open mind, and remember I do be stupid and driven by hrrrgngngngn!!!! which, while being the standard gamedev experience, does not make me great at being objective or accessing a higher truth than most :/

#thoughts #personal #gamedev #ultimately still baby #:/ #and sleep deprived #which isn't helping matters #but there's a ton of formative gamedev memories I didn't unlock yet!! #never been laid off (yet)!! #never had a project cancelled five seconds before release!! #never got an outrighteous nightmarish experience with an overbearing indie Auteur!! #(though uhh this one is the most likely to happen and I did get issues just not to the point where it caused me Damage) #(also I'm afraid the overbearing indie Auteur is uhhh me probably for sure u_u) #(which does grant me a protection against facing similar entities maybe?? not really but I call bullshit very fast) #(some would say) #(too fast) #(maybe)

[cawareyoudoin]

Hey guys, uh, medical question: can you develop an unwanted reaction like, say, headaches, after months of taking a type of medication and being fine? Asking for myself.

#the dose didn't change the only thing is that i'm much more stressed out now so it might be that #but i also did take a few days off and the headaches seemed to stop so... #and it's always right around the time they stop working so uhh i'm afraid that's a nail in my being functional with adhd coffin #idk i'll talk to my doctor of course just wanna know #medicine #health #adhd #meds #cawpost #caw caws #help #headache

[cloudsrust]

"I'll be your mirror" by Velvet Underground in Crowley's playlist -> I'm dead, discorporated, gone, reduced to a million of weeping atoms I'm-

Also the idea of Crowley diving into his Bentley after the "naked man friend" moment and just blasting Queen's "I'm in love with my car" to """get back""" at Azira while screaming inside (&outside) <- Real.

#the cloud can speak oh boi #Good Omens #<- gonna start tagging so others can mute if I become even more insufferable (it will happen <3) #Was I expecting either I'll Be Your Mirror or Pale Blue Eyes for his playlist? Yeah. Was I hoping for After Hours to be there also? y ea h; #Lowkey glad Old Fashioned Loverboy isnt on there because that could've actually been the final nail in my coffin after what we got lately a #TAKE ME TO CHURCH THOUGH EXCUSE ME- #did AO3's spectre posses the one managing the GO PV account??? UHH??? #Would've expected Unknown or From Eden more but my god they just went DIRECT WITH IT #CROWLEY DARLING YOU GONNA BURN STOP- #Am I really unwell over a playlist? Oh my god what is GO doing to me- #also the other songs I uhhh- still gotta listen to them 👉👈 I'm not as cultured I'm afraid A- #Now I shall go culture myself in music whoop-

[xannerz]

i miss making art

#its been a while since i've drawn or done any resin/clay work #i needed to take a break but i think now i'm just too scared to jump back into it again #b/c im afraid of disappointing myself #ik my sketches will be stiff and ik that im gonna be second guessing myself w the other crafts #its a mental block maybe i can push through it this weekend #helping a friend move on sunday and i gotta run other errands tomorrow but uhh i'll make time #xangoeswah

[keeps-ache]

sketching with pen. it's nice outside

#just me hi #hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #low battery but i'm #i'm goin :) #by the way if i say 'low battery' i will clarify if it's my computer #cuz 90% of the time i'm talking about me #but yeah #uhh #it IS really nice outside #if i wasn't deathly afraid of snakes maybe i'd take a walk #(and also mosquitoes ;-;) #also a guy here said that he saw a bigfoot in the forest so there's that too #i'm not scared of bigfoot but the idea of some guy in the woods wearing a ghillie suit waiting to pounce is terrifying #and ALSO raccoons #and also i kind of want to go Invisible Mode rn so #just chillin #gonna hafta go to bed soon :/ #i say 'have to' because if it was up to me i'd be up til 3 #but eh #sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #big sigh big exhale big release of C02 from my internals #hm #okay i'm shipping off #see ya :)

[tenderflint]

people who thought skinamarink was good/scary i want to study you. not in a mean way i just really really really don't get it like i did not experience what you experienced

#like. i'm not afraid of cartoons and dark houses idk #and the dread was not uhh well executed imo #i actually hated this movie but if you liked it i really love that for you #ari rambles

[mayonakano-archive]

*chuckles* i'm in danger!

#leoposting #vent in tags #uhh my dad wants to talk to me bc im turning 18 tomrrow so. that'll be... something #i go to talk to him and he tells me to go away for a while so he can 'get things together' like???????? okay?????? #like... i'm mostly just afraid that he's gonna tell me that i need to get a job NOW or else he'll kick me out or something lol #the threat of homelessness after HS looms over me like a fucking atomic bomb and tbh i blame that a bit on why im struggling to even #write my essay; much less apply to colleges #like... i feel. i feel like telling your child you are going to kick them out in college when they have (likely) p severe mental illness is #not a good idea? but... alright. to each their own #i just pray i get a decent scholarship and can get away from here... #worse comes to worst i have a small backup plan even if it doesn't work in the long term... #which... really should not be something someone should need to have...

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #if I can make it through the next two weeks I'll be alright. but damn if it isn't gonna be rough #court date next week and dr appointment the week after. but then I'll be back on track with changing my name and then getting hrt #big changes. but changes I need. changes I tried to start back in February. #I try to have yearly goals. big overarching themes and shit. 2022 was just getting away from my patents and accepting being trans #and then it ended up being a year for processing old trauma. which uhh. really culminated in the February attempt to end all that shit #but February was the start of the new year for me. the start of getting all that personal work externalized. being out and unapologetic #the move this summer has thrown things a little out of shape but I'm working to get it back on the rails #if I can get things sorted by the end of this year then next year is the start of forever for me. #it really will be a “first day of the rest of our lives” vibe. new name. finally getting the meds I need. idk exactly how hrt will go though #I need to do independent research to see if I need to go through health provider or if I can find a clinic independently #been meaning to do that for a hot while but I have been so overwhelmed with other stuff I haven't had the energy. #but like. looking back it hasn't been bad. I was afraid I would lose this year to the move. but that's adhd time blindness speaking #even if it takes four months to move and mentally recover that leaves eight still. that's still a lot of time. I have time to work with #every day I'm still alive is a day I have available to get done the things I want to in order to live happily. #sure I'm damaged as fuck. but that doesn't mean I can't get some good work done. I can make friends and have fun and help people #idk. I'm still in a melancholy state from the heavy dissociation I experienced on edibles. I think I might not do that again #losing control of my head isn't great because my default is suicidal and depressed which isn't super pogchamp of me #I'm gonna do it again once more just to have a second experience because a single data point isn't good data so I want two. #but I don't expect to want to do it anymore. I wonder if the high amounts of stress and anticipation I'm experiencing right now affect it #of course it would. prior mental state of going to affect the trip. that's kinda obvious I guess. maybe I try it again in two weeks #anyway. life keeps going and there is no expectation to fall behind on. falling behind means there's an acceptable pace. which is false #well. that's not true. capitalism and all that. there's a minimum pace for somebody. but that's where community comes in to help I guess #I'm rambling now. bye I'm gonna go take a shower and be really sad about having a dick and balls #it's tragic cause they're really nice dick and balls too. Just not for me. I wanna be a cool guy without even a single ball to his name #is that too much to ask? I just wanna be a man who's a woman who's a man but in a different way than the first time he was. #also. I'm tired of straight guys on dating apps hitting me up. like bro I know you're just gonna want to view me as a woman. no deal #bro is gonna have to be at least a little gay. cause I am not gonna swing like that. better be at least a little bi #some dude's bio was like “let me love the woman inside of you” and like. no thanks please go obsess over femininity somewhere else #straight guys who include nonbinary in their profile because they really just see it as woman 2: gender boogaloo ☠️

[rotisseries]

i got straight jacket by theory of a deadman stuck in my head for some reason

#I wear a 36 longgg... white is my colorrr... a little tight in the shoulderrr... but you know it still fit me gooood... #I wear a 36 long!!!! white is my color!!! a little tight in the shoulder!!! but you know it still fit me GOOD!!! #ANYONE CAN SEE WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH. AN INNOCENT BOY AND A. PSYCHOPATH. A WEEKS WORTH OF DATING THEN YOU TALK ABOUT MOVING IN #(TALK ABOUT MOVING TOO FAST) MY MOM DISAPPROVED AND MY FRIENDS WOULD SAY. TO BREAK THE GIRL'S HEART #BUT I'M TOO AFRAID. HER CLICKBAIT BODY WAS A TRACTOR BEAM!! SHE'S A TESLA MODEL X WITH THE LUDICROUS SPEED!!! #THE SEX WAS GOOD BUT WE ALWAYS FIGHT I TRY TO LEAVE YOUR SORRY ASS BUT END UP SPENDING THE NIGHT!! #YOUR SWEETNESS MY WEAKNESS YOU'RE MEAN THOUGH INGENIOUS NOTHING COULD COME BETWEEN US UHH HAVE YOU SEEN US??? #I'VE LOST IT YOU'RE TOXIC I BOTCHED THIS I'M NAUSEOUS MAN I GOTTA BE #OUT OF MY MIND!!! BE GOING CRAZY!! CAUSE IT DOESN'T FAZE ME!!! YEAH THE WAY YOU TREAT ME SO BAD I MUST BE #OUT OF MY BRAIN!!! HALLUCINATING!! GIRL IT DOESN'T FAZE MEE!! YEAH THE WAY YOU TREAT ME SO BAD I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND

[vivitalks]

x

#hey i love the mcelroys #to a degree that is teetering on dangerous levels for me #im wading into this water narrowing my eyes going 'this feels...familiar...' #but i am also decidedly not wading back out so uhh #hard to say whether i havent sensed danger yet or if im in the pull of the whirlpool and am powerless against it at this point #but either way here i am at 1:30am watching haunted doll unboxings #and stardew valley gaming streams #like...........i don't know what's happening and/or if i should be afraid but whatever it is it's here and i'm existing with it #this is my truth now. i'm living my truth and my truth is i love the mcelroy brothers #stuff

[iveleclerc]

face reveal for this app because this arrived!

#i'm never taking this off i'm afraid #anyways uhh hi? #face tag