Imagine the Beast pirates finding out you're a witch
For plot's sake, I'm going to make witches be like a race of humans (like the long arms or whatever the fuck Apoo is) that is thought to be extinct from over hunting by slavers and the world government not liking them.
During your first time at Onigashima
Page One: *was blackmailed into showing you around* Your file says you were promoted because you killed a rear admiral. Is that true?
You: yes, but I found the battle to be disappointing, so I'd rather not go into it.
Page One: that's fair, anyway first thing thing you need to know about the skull dome is it's haunted as shit.
You: *pretends to be surprised* oh, no way
Page One: yeah, there's a Goryo, from the Kurozumi family, that keeps most of the spirits in line. But occasionally one of them will misbehave, or maim someone.
You: *starts making plans to make a spell to make yourself invisible to spirits* that's good to hear...sort of, I guess.
Page One: *spots Ulti, whom he ditched two hours ago* fuck, shit, let's get in here for a few minutes. *Pushes you into the nearest room*
You: *suddenly face to face with Kaido and the All-stars.*
Queen: We're busy here, what's the meaning of this?
You: I think we're hiding from someone.
Page One: No!... well yes, we're hiding from Ulti.
Ulti: There you are pay-pay! *Drags him off*
Kaido: Is this that newbie that killed the rear admiral last month? *Grinning*
You: Yes sir
King: *nods his head in approval of you* wait over there quietly as we finish.
Three hours later
Kaido: it has gotten late, it seems I won't have time to talk with you today.
You: Very well, we can talk another time. Might I be excused for the night?
Kaido: do you need someone to help you find your way back to your rooms?
You: no I remember the way. Good night *bows your head and dips out into the hallway*
Kaido: *after a minute he realizes you left without something to light your way, so he gets up to call you back*
In the Hall
You: *subtly nods at a spirit, dressed like a Wano nobleman, in hopes that he won't notice what you are as you pass him in the hall*
Spirit: *Stops and side eyes you, over his shoulder, as you walk to the end of the hall* You there! Peasant, come here and let me look at you.
You: *pretends not to hear him and keeps walking*
Spirit: I am talking to you there! Come here! *Uses his powers to pick you up and deposit you in front of him, where he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. Only to yank his hand away and start yelling* You're a witch! Kaido, you promised me no witches!
You: *covers his mouth and starts wrestling him to the ground and hissing* shut up, shut up, shut up!
Spirit: *Kicks you off and screams* This hag is assaulting me!
You: HAG! Who are you calling a hag, that's so rude!
Spirit: *shoves a finger in your face* I will have your head witch!
You: *bites his finger off and eats it (it's not cannibalism)* and I'll take your name and flesh for your insults, and arrogance.
Spirit: *screams in fear* Kaido!!
You: *consumes his spectral form bite by bite*
Kaido and King: *have watched the whole thing in shock from the doorway*
You: *senses them, and whips around to look at them in horror* shit
Kaido: ...so the rumors about you are true?
King: *is empathetic* it's okay, we're not going to hand you over to the world government. Endlings are safe here.
Kaido: *still not over what you just did*, and you ate him.
You: to be fair, he wasn't what he was claiming to be. He wasn't a goryo, he was a Jikininki.
Kaido: and you fucking ate him.
King: *elbows Kaido to get him to focus* You did well on your first day here, you got promoted, and rid us of an annoying liar in the same day.
You: thank you sir, but I'm only just a lowly captain.
King: not anymore, you received another promotion, you're now a tobi roppo.
Kaido: I don't remember approving this.
You: that really isn't necessary.
King: oh but you're doing it, you did just eat the only person who could control the ghosts and yokai here.
You: *mutters sarcastically to yourself* oh gee I wonder why you have that problem.
King: what was that?
You: I said I think using my powers so publicly will cause trouble.
Kaido: hmm... actually I have a few of the ghost I want to be shinuchi, and I have an idea of a break-down of several ghost units that would be useful... *grins at you, and winks, as he points a finger gun at you,* you're hired
King: They already work for us sir, and if you don't mind I'd like (y/n) to work under me.
You: why so you can take me under your wing?
King: Actually I lied, we'll be handing you over to the government, purely for that pun.
You: wait no, I'll behave!
Commission me
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