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#ultimately I do prefer the route disney took
professordickinson · 2 years
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The source of my inspiration was when I saw Camilo's version of Bruno it rlly got me feelin' some typa way 😫😫😫. Here's an Evil/Dark Bruno AU If Disney took the basic route and made Bruno out to be the bad guy (albeit with some nuance because of how his family treated him so he turned into the monster people said he was). He actively tries to make the magic disappear or is the reason why the magic is going out because he hates his gift and he wants to strip everyone else of theirs as well. Ok, I actually have a couple of variations of evil/dark Bruno, this is the least compelling one but i wanted to draw it out still and put it out there. His whole treatment in the movie reminded me of Hector from Coco, like he just got completely estranged from the family and shit which is...not a great feeling. Man deserves to be upset.
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esandcasg · 4 years
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B Dog’s Ranking of Star Wars Films
Some months ago Big A challenged me to list my order of Star Wars films, from worst to best. Having re-watched a number now in recent months I felt it time to get this down on paper. Admittedly I haven’t watched all of them, so this might need updating in the months to come.
Let me know your thoughts or add a similar blog!
11. The Last Jedi
It is something of a tribute to Disney that it took me some time to decide my least favourite Star Wars film. There were two obvious candidates but in the end I went with the Last Jedi. Admittedly, I feel that The Rise of Skywalker is a worse film, but I give the honour of the shittest Star Wars film to this steaming pile of crap because it set the precedent for what was to follow. The whole film is based around the idea of doing something different with the force and the Jedi, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was done in such a bad way. I’ve recently re-watched it and it felt like 90% of the film is treading water whilst they develop the Reylo relationship. “What shall we do with the other characters?” I don’t know, stick them on a spaceship being chased by a Star Destroyer? “Fuck me, that’s brilliant.”  I recently read that Rhian Johnson’s biggest regret with this film was not being able to do his usual private showing to close friends before it came out due to security issues. I regret that too, cos they’d have told him what a big pile of crap it was.
10. The Rise of Skywalker
The true level of shittiness of this film has been discussed a lot; it was so bad that it even inspired a B Dog film rant blog. The first ever, if I am not mistaken? The fact that they have had to release information intermittently to explain the gaps in the story says it all really. A total turd. 
Don’t worry, my swearing will ease now along with my hatred.
9. Attack of the Clones
My ninth favourite (or perhaps more accurately, the third worst) Star Wars film introduces the prequels into the story with Attack of the Clones. I don’t hate this film like I do The Rise of Skywalker and The Last Jedi, so we start to move out of “hate” and more into “meh” with AotC. I don’t hate it, I don’t particularly like it. I nothing it (nod to #BigAsFilmReviews).
This film has a few things going for it, namely it features a young Hayden Christensen, who of course has a strong resemblance to a young B Dog, and it includes Anakin and Padme’s brilliantly written, acted and directed romance scenes. “You are in my very soul, tormenting me.” Beautiful. I jest of course, it was total cringe. But the issue that I have with this film is that it doesn’t feel like Star Wars. At least with The Phantom Menace there are elements that align with the prequels like the scenes of Tattoine. AotC just feels like a bit of a misfit. I wonder whether it was where George began to get a raging hard-on for green screen and prioritising wanky graphics above, you know, a decent storyline, and that impacts things? Or maybe he started flirting with the darkside long before this? But generally it is an entertaining enough film, just a bit shit.
8. The Phantom Menace
I struggled for a while with the order of Attack of the Clones and The Phantom Menace but in the end decided I preferred this one. But it’s a close one.
The issue that I have with this film – even above Jar Jar and the awful dialogue – is that I don’t get the target audience. There is loads of content for kids such as (the aforementioned) Jar Jar and the pod race, yet it is effectively a film about politics and features things like trade blockades. I mean, the opening crawl features gems such as “The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute... While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events.” 
I watched it with Sebastian and he didn’t have a clue what was going on, but he sat there patiently waiting for the arrival of arguably my favourite Star Wars character in Darth Maul. But as I mentioned above, TPM still feels like Star Wars and the lightsabre fight sequence at the end is enough to get it into 8th place. But we are still very much in “meh”.
7. Solo
But not for long as we start moving into “like” territory. I like this film. But the issue that I have is that it’s not really Star Wars. It’s a decent sci-fi film but I can’t associate Alden Whatshisface’s portrayal of Han to the original. It is largely forgettable mind; I have watched Solo once and couldn’t really tell you what it was about. Something to do with Solo and Chewie and Lando, and they went through an asteroid field, and Emilia Clarke got sold or became a slave, and the Falcon got wrecked. That’s all I remember. But I do remember feeling like the whole “Kessel Run” idea was totally different to what I had in my mind – I figured it was a famous smuggling run - and if they really had to do a backstory on Han then they could have come up with something better.
6. Revenge of the Sith
Probably the only prequel that I will stand behind. It is flawed, largely because of the overuse of green screen which can’t be easy for actors/actresses (exhibit A: Natalie Portman who is pretty wooden yet claimed an Oscar a few years later in Black Swan), but I feel like RotS is actually a fairly decent addition to the Star Wars portfolio with the actors starting to get used to the methods of Lucas or perhaps even pushing back a bit helping the script flow better. Hayden Christensen seemed a bit more comfortable playing a more complex and evil character than a loved up teenager, for example. However, there is still a large amount of Lucas “style over substance” going on still and the Darth Vadar “Noooooo” bit at the end is like something from an 80’s Arnie film. “I’ll be back, Kenobi.”
5. Rogue 1
I really enjoyed this film right up until the last few minutes when the arrival of Leia almost ruined it. I don’t quite know why, I think it just felt shoe-horned and unnecessary. There are other flaws that don’t align with the start of A New Hope and the characters lack any real depth, but overall I’ll let all this slide as it was a pretty exciting and well-made film. With Rogue 1 I am sensing stronger feelings… there is good in these films. I can sense it.
4. The Force Awakens
The first time I watched this film I didn’t like it. I think because I just expected too much – or something different - and I didn’t particularly like the way they killed off Han without the film or trilogy really getting going. What was the point? I thought Rey was totally wooden too. But I’ve watched it three times now and the last time – just before TRoS came out – I actually really enjoyed it, bordering on feeling that it was brilliant. I admit it is a fanboy tribute, but… if the cap or evil sith mask fits and all that.
3. A New Hope
It will come as no surprise that the podium spots are reserved for the original trilogy, and we move into love – of course - with A New Hope. It is slightly controversial to have this one in third place as I know a lot of people see ANH as the best of the lot, but I just prefer the other originals being honest. Whilst it is undoubtedly a great film, I find it more of a setting the scene kind of film: it’s a bit slow going in places and even as a kid I don’t feel it had the same levels of excitement as the other two. The toys that I played with weren’t the X-Wing and Tie Fighter from the Death Star scene, it was the AT-AT (I had two) and snow speeders from Hoth, for example. And re-watching them recently with Sebastian it has been the one that I struggled to sit through the most. I guess ultimately it is laying the foundations for the whole Luke vs. Vadar/good vs. evil element, which is what drew me into Star Wars as a kid.
2. Return of the Jedi
I know this film has flaws, but I love it. Well, the old version before Ol’ George started adding shit like the band in Jabba’s palace and another Vadar “Nooooooo”. But the whole film is great: the sequence at the start concluding with the fight over the pit of sarlaac through to the three phased fight sequence at the end. As I have said to you both, I have recently watched the original trilogy with Sebastian and he told me that he was exhausted at the end of the film, and I guess it’s that sort of excitement that I still associate with RotJ. One interesting thing is that watching the recently has opened my eyes to how hot Carrie Fisher was back then. I never really got it. No wonder my dad used to pop in for the Jabba’s Palace bit.
1. The Empire Strikes Back
And therefore the winner goes to the masterpiece that is The Empire Strikes Back. I don’t have anything negative to say about this film, and for me is in a league of its own compared to the other ten films, and up there with one of my favourite films ever. The Hoth fight scene, Yoda training Luke and the cave scene, Cloud City and then Vadar and Luke crossing swords for the first time. From start to finish it is exciting and so well made. But it’s also interesting to have a good vs. evil film finish on such a dark note, with the good guys going off to lick their wounds. In a lot of ways that is also what appeals about this film; it’s not just a straight up good guys win type of scenario.
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longliveninokuni · 5 years
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The Love Potion
Part of the EOA Ship Appreciation Week over on Discord.
The link on ff.net if you prefer: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13204284/1/The-Love-Potion
When Dona Paloma wants a man, she'll do anything to get him. When she gets a love potion, will she use it? What'll happen? And how can our favorite wizard fare with her request?
A/N: This is part of the Ship Appreciation Week over on the EoA discord server. Wanna join so you can't miss next year? The link's on someone's Tumblr page; I'm sure you guys can find it. ;) So what we have here is an admission: I, LongLiveNiNoKuni, ship canon Esteban and 18+ Naomi. Don't like it? Don't read it. And since this is an appreciation WEEK, you can expect another story tomorrow, and the day after that, until the 15th. Today's theme is "love potion", and I had a very dark idea before this one. Stay tuned for the author's note at the end for more. As for now, ENJOY!
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based, fanfiction. Elena of Avalor is owned by the Walt Disney Corporation and Craig Gerber. Please support the official release.
Doña Paloma was pissed. Looking at those two lovebirds standing over there talking. Arguing. Giving each other clever insults and banter that that stupid man saved for that sleazy wench. Doña Paloma frowned at Estéban, teasingly insulting his girlfriend Naomi, who laughs and gives him a cleverer insult.
Yes, Doña was jealous that Estéban was ignoring her and giving her subpar insults so that he could give his best ones to Naomi. Ugh. Disgusting!
As she looks between the two, Doña has to wonder how these two even got together. The age difference between them is very noticeable. Why Naomi? Why choose to be with her? No one else questioned or complained about the relationship because everyone was just happy and relieved that Estéban found love and happiness after all the terrible things he was forced to do with Shuriki. He's finally happy.
But why did it have to be Naomi?!
Doña took a deep breath. No matter, she can fix this. She's been thinking about it for a while, a solution to her problem, the best way she can have Estéban and his better insults and banter with her. She starts heading toward a carriage to the castle.
And when she gets there, she immediately heads towards the library, where a certain wizard and his workshop lie. Why is she heading there? Well, for one reason, and one reason only.
"I need a love potion." Doña Paloma stated bluntly, a hand on her hip.
Mateo turned to her with a brow raised. "What? A love potion?" Seeing her nod, Mateo turned to her fully. "Why do you need one?"
Doña Paloma smirked. "A man caught my eye, and I want him."
Mateo squirmed a bit. "Well, I don't think that's a good idea. Forcing a relationship never ends well."
Doña Paloma growled. "Look, I want that man to look at me and insult me the same way he does with his girlfriend."
Mateo crossed his arms. "Girlfriend? Insults? Are you talking about Estéban?"
Doña just waved him off. "Of course, I'm not, it's someone else!"
Mateo raised a brow.
Doña groans. "Fine, it is him. What does it matter?"
Mateo uncrossed his arms. "It matters because you and I both know what Shuriki put him through, and you're gonna do the same thing? You'll be no better than Shuriki."
Doña rubbed her arm. "I'm not gonna force him to do anything; I'm just gonna help him realize his feelings for me."
"With a love potion?" Mateo said with a pointed look.
Doña waves him off again. "Does it matter how it starts? All I want is to have Estéban for myself."
Mateo blinked again in disbelief. "Do you even hear yourself?"
Doña huffs. "Why won't you give me the potion?"
Mateo pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath, walking over to a shelf, pulled out a book, and placed it on the table between them. Then he opened to a page that shows a potion. "Love potion:" he reads from the book. "A potion that will make the person who ingests it immediately fall in love with the first person they see. The person will do anything their 'beloved' tells them without question and resistance. The effects will last depending on how much the person drinks. One drop is 6 hours, half the potion is 12 hours, and the whole potion is 24 hours. After the effects wear off, the person who drank the potion will not remember anything they did while under the potion's effect." Mateo then squints at a little hand-written note on the side. "Beware: do not ever make. The person who asks for this will have total control over the person they want to give it to. While the person who ingests it will not remember anything, it can have disastrous effects depending on what the controller requested them to do. I repeat: DO NOT MAKE!" After Mateo read the page, he looked to Doña Paloma. "Now do you see why you shouldn't use it?"
Doña Paloma only thought about it for three seconds before saying. "Just because I shouldn't use it, doesn't mean I couldn't use it."
Mateo only started at her blankly before closing the book. "I'm not gonna make it."
Doña groans/growls. "Fine! I'll find someone else to give me one!" She then turned and stomped out of the workshop.
"It's kind of impossible to get one! Only I know how to make it!" Mateo called out to her retreating form.
Doña Paloma was pissed as she made her way to her emporium. How dare that wizard not make her a love potion! So, it could have disastrous effects on the person who drinks it, so what?! Although, now that she's thinking about it, it'll only last for a day at most. And he wouldn't remember anything when it wears off. She stops walking and groans. Even if I did get the potion, it would be ultimately useless! She thought. It's more like a date rape potion from that description.
Doña then sighed. What was she thinking? Why did she care? She never had feelings for Estéban before, only when he started courting Naomi. Was she jealous?
Doña sighed again. "This is stupid." She decided to forget about the potion, forget about Estéban, and starts focusing on the massive sale she'll be having for the upcoming ball that Elena was throwing. Yeah, focus on getting the money from the people, then get super drunk from-
She stops walking as she sees Estéban and Naomi. Kissing.
All the jealousy and rage she pushed aside came back tenfold. She needs a way to have Estéban to herself!
When she enters her emporium, she finds the place empty of customers. Except, for one person.
A cloaked person was standing in front of one of Doña Paloma's item racks when they turned to face her. Their face is shrouded in shadows, but then they spoke. "Excuse me; I'd like to talk to the proprietor." He said.
Doña was a little suspicious of the man and spoke with caution. "And why do you want to talk to them?"
The figure spoke again. "I'd like to offer them something that'll make their desires a reality."
Doña's still suspicious. "And what would that be?"
The figure pulled out a vial of pink liquid. "A love potion. And not just any love potion."
Doña rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "What's so special about your love potion?"
"The effects are permanent."
The next moment, Doña is at this man's face. "Doña Paloma, I'm the one in charge here and the person you're looking for. So, about this love potion, you said it's, permanent?"
"Yes. Well, until the person under the effects kisses their true love. But I'm sure you'll be able to make sure that doesn't happen." He chuckles darkly.
Doña smirked. "How much?"
The man gives it to her. "Oh, I think the experience will be payment enough."
"What does that mean?"
The man doesn't respond. He instead walks past her and out of the emporium.
Doña looked at the doors that the man left from then back at the potion in her hand. Then she smirks. Perfect. Now I'll have Estéban to myself, and he'll give his best insults to me only! Then Doña thinks of how to make Estéban drink the potion.
It was the night of the ball, and Doña had a plan. She poured the love potion into a cup and filled it with punch. Once she finds Estéban, she'll give this drink to him, he'll fall in love with her, break up with Naomi, and then he'll give her all his best insults, and she would do the same. It's perfect!
Doña walks around, trying to find Estéban. When she does, he's with Naomi. Again. And this time they're laughing. Why? Well, doesn't matter, could be another bicker battle. Soon Doña won't have to worry anymore, walking closer to the couple, holding the cup close and ready to give it to Estéban so that he will love her and not Nao-
As Naomi raises her left hand to her lips to try not to laugh too loud, Doña spotted something sparkling on her ring finger. A ring. An engagement ring.
Doña stopped walking, standing frozen in place. Then she sneered at the couple. He proposed?! PROPOSED?! Has Estéban lost his mind?! Is that why Elena wanted to throw this ball, to announce their engagement? All these thoughts and more flooded Doña Paloma's mind as she let her anger fester.
Estéban can't marry Naomi. He just CAN'T! She's of commoner blood, non-noble birth. She has no proper stand other than being a former grand council member and being Elena's best friend. She's never even had any etiquette or manners for high society before that quinceañera, and even then, she lost most of them and never acted like that again. She'll embarrass Estéban and the royal family whenever royal dignitaries would visit the kingdom, probably losing a lot of chances for alliances and trade routes. She'll ruin the kingdom! How could Estéban not think of the consequences of marrying her?! If Doña was chosen, she'd make sure none of that happened.
Estéban shouldn't marry Naomi. He can't! And Doña Paloma was going to make sure of that. Once he drinks the potion! Then he'll be in love with her, she'll have him all to herself! They'll have better insult battles, and she'll make sure to secure trade routes and alliances with other kingdoms by making sure they don't argue with visiting royalty around. She will make sure everything is perfect, and she'll do that by controlling Estéban, ONCE HE DRINKS THIS-
Doña stopped. She just stops. If she gives this potion to Estéban, he'll be in love with her. But that love wouldn't be real. It'll be forced. Everything that she says they will do will be forced! She'll be no better than Shuriki. Maybe a little better though, Shuriki never used a love potion to make Estéban do things for her. He'd just do it. Out of fear. Anything.
Doña sighed. What was she thinking? Estéban's already had enough people forcing him to do things he didn't want to do, and enough unhappiness and misery for a lifetime. Doña looks at the two laughing; then they rest their foreheads against each other. Happy and full of love. Doña hasn't seen him this happy since he was reunited with his family four years ago. And she was going to take that all away. Doña may be jealous and petty.
But she isn't heartless.
Doña walked over to a random plant and dumped the drink into its soil. She then leans against a table and groans. "Uuuugh, how could I be so stupid?"
"I've been asking myself that since you came into my workshop." Doña turned to see Mateo walking over to her and stopping next to her.
Doña huffed. "What? Came here to gloat?"
Mateo smirked as he shrugged. "Not really, just here to stop you in case you did anything harmful." Then he leans on his hand. "So, what made you change your mind?" He asks.
Doña looked over to the couple, laughing again. She sighs. "The bastard already suffered for 41 years from Shuriki. If we were together through a potion, it wouldn't be any different other than that a potion was used." Then she smirked. "Plus, if we were together, we'd probably kill each other within a week." Then she smiles genuinely at the two. "Those two, they know when to back off, when to restrain themselves. I always knew, but I guess my jealousy blinded me."
Mateo smiles. "So, what'll you do now?"
Doña smirks. "Why, help Naomi with their insult war by giving her some ammunition that only I know about her fiancé."
Mateo's eyes went wide. "They're engaged?!"
"Oh hush, I'm sure the announcement will be made before the end of the night." Doña waved him off. Then she left him there, but not before yelling out. "By the way, change the name of the 'love' potion! We both know it isn't." And now she left him, standing with his mouth agape at the news.
Doña walked up to the happy couple, grabbing Naomi's shoulders. "Oh, there's the happy couple I've been looking for! How are the two of you doing?"
Estéban looks at Doña, giving her a wary look. "Doña…"
Doña Paloma waves him off. "Oh Estéban, you can't keep hogging Naomi all to yourself, so why don't you go off to Elena? Tell her to make the announcement before another person spots the ring on Naomi's finger." She smirks at the horrified look on Estéban's face and Naomi's blushing face. "Oh relax, I just want to congratulate the young girl, give her advice on how to deal with you." She smirks at his angry face.
Estéban sighs before grabbing Naomi's ring hand and kisses it. Then he excuses himself from the young women to find his cousin.
Once he leaves, Doña turns to Naomi with a smirk. "Want some knowledge about your future husband for your 'friendly' arguments?"
Naomi's eyes widened before she smiled mischievously. "What d'ya got?"
Later that night, Elena called out to everyone to stop and listen to an announcement: Chancellor Estéban Flores and Harbormaster/Royal Advisor Naomi Turner are engaged! Everyone cheered for the two, excited that there will be a royal wedding in the near future, and it's the most tortured resident who's having one no less!
And in the back, Doña Paloma was leaning against a wall, watching everyone congratulate the two. Doña sighs, realizing how devastating everything would have been if she'd used the potion. She's also thinking who was the person who gave it to her? And what if the potion had done something differently than what the man said? What if he was lying? These questions and more shall remain unanswered for Doña doesn't really care. The man could've been trying to teach her a lesson. Whatever the reason, she was glad that he did give the potion to her. She never would've been able to give that highly classified information to Naomi. Doña smirked as she sees Estéban blushing with embarrassment, apparently, Naomi decided to use some of that information early. Doña Paloma chuckled evilly, glad that her mini revenge plot has succeeded. And she did tell Naomi to come to her again if she ever needed more. Yes, everything was going fine.
As the view pans out of the ballroom, a lone figure is standing on the rail above the indoor fountain. Lowering his hood and revealing his blue hair, the figure is shown to be Marzel. Turns out, he was there when Doña made the request to Mateo for the love potion, hiding behind one of the couches and eavesdropping. When the conversation ended, he offered to Mateo to make sure she realizes what she's doing is wrong. So, Mateo gave him a vial of regular love potion and a cloak, and Marzel made his way to Doña Paloma's emporium. How he got there before her is a complete mystery.
Marzel smiles at the work he did. Now all that's left to do is to get rid of this cloak and join the rest in celebration!
A/N: Sooo, this story could've been extremely dark. It involves Shuriki using the love potion on Esteban for a day so he couldn't resist her "requests" that she gives him throughout the day. Then it ends after a night of...bed things, and the potion wears off. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE OF THE LOVE POTION IN THIS VERSION IS THAT ESTEBAN WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED EVERYTHING! And the night would fully end with Esteban crying at the things Shuriki made him do, and Shuriki accepting Esteban's crying as the only music she will ever here. Why do I torture the characters I love? But hey, I didn't write it, so it didn't happen! This is supposed to be a week of love guys, even I can acknowledge it. The man's been through enough, let him be happy this week! And with that said, thank you for reading and try not to get yourself killed. ;)
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thehallofgame · 6 years
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Review (Revisited): Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
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Release: 2010
My Rating: 8/10 (up from 7/10 in my original review)
Kingdom Hearts Review Series: 1/8
Review under the cut,
Author’s Note: Typically I try never to repeat games on my blog. However, when I posted my Birth By Sleep review it was actually an archived copy from back when I started reviewing games as an exercise in 2014 and I hadn’t actually played it since then. When 2018 began and I was choosing my review series for the year I thought long and hard about making Kingdom Hearts 2018′s series and ultimately decided against it. And then, between the fact the old computer I play Tomb Raider on (the series I chose instead) dying and needing new parts, Kingdom Hearts III -still- projected to come out this year, and my need to play the series beginning to end before Kingdom Hearts III comes out I caved. The good new here is I can go over this review, give it desperately needed edits and an updated opinion. I’ll also be reaping my just deserts via having to play all the Tomb Raiders along side the Kingdom Hearts games this year, on top of everything else I want to play. Playing this again has also allowed my to develop a route list of my favorite path through the game (how to juggle all three characters and make the timeline make to most possible sense). I’ll upload that the second I’ve got it digitized and formatted.
             When Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep was announced many of us didn’t stop to ask for details before rushing out to buy a PSP. It was a game that’s very existence promised so much: answers to lingering questions in the Kingdom Hearts series, a convenient starting point to newcomers and perhaps a fresh perspective on the series. Some of those expectations were delivered, some less so.
             Birth By Sleep rewinds the clock to about ten years before the events of the first game, putting the player in the shoes of three different Keyblade bearers, each with their own individual story. These three routes can be played separately or all at once.
              I purchased this game a week after release but it took me four years to finish for the first time. The game is structured in such a way that it encourages playing the three stories in sequence, but I didn’t enjoy the interweaving nature of the three character arcs until committing to playing through all three plotlines simultaneously. I preferred the game this way, but unfortunately there’s not an easy method of switching between save files. You can neither choose to load another character’s file in game nor easily return to main menu to do so. In fact the player must quit the game entirely and reboot it to do so.
             The three stories occur during the same time period, with each character experiencing different angles of the story. Playing all three at once generally establishes a better feel of a complicated story, but also highlighted continuity errors where character show up in the same place at once or take inconsistent amount of time to travel from one place to another.
             Additionally, rather than clarify the Kingdom hearts universe, the addition of Birth By Sleep serves mostly to complicate it by adding more layers to the mystery of what kingdom hearts is, who the keyblade wielders are (and just how MANY of them there even are/were) and who, precisely, has been masterminding all these evil plots that cause young heroes to set out. This said, the story is heartfelt and emotional, with emphasis on the power of friendship. If you’re a returning fan of Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy the game provides some fan service in the form of cameos by a good portion of Organization 13 and one Final Fantasy character. As always, the game also visits several Disney worlds, some Kingdom Hearts staples and others new. Their inhabitants make appearances, and occasionally your character will from a relationship with them that will allow them to D-link with the character, allowing new unique abilities.
             As the three stories are complete the game gives you an overall completion score. The more completion you amass, the more of the post end-game story you unlock, including an extra level that ties off the game’s story and leads into the rest of the series. Unfortunately, the ability to unlock all the post game content is tied directly to the difficulty setting of each completed path, as well as the completion of some truly arbitrary goals.
At first the game does a good job of keeping the worlds interesting and juggling the different characters so that you never feel like you’re repeating the same steps three times in a row. However in late game the levels begin to drag and there’s less variation between the story each character experiences in the same world. For some the game may begin to feel grindingly repetitive.
             It is not helped by the fact that unless one invests time in exploring the combat and crafting system the enemies can sometimes suddenly level hike, leaving the player frustrated. Basic combat and exploration mimics other kingdom hearts games with the player obtaining simple abilities like jump, dodge and attack that get expanded on as the game progresses. What is new, however, is that in addition to magic, there are combat abilities that can be activated at will. You scroll through a wheel on the left side of your screen and trigger commands with the triangle button. These abilities will level up and will then can be used in a crafting system to produce new commands. This is a large part of character growth and customization that does need to be managed.There is a in-game store that can supply new moves, but its prices quickly grow steep and the best moves are only revealed after crafting them or finding them in treasure chests on the games’s levels.
Some of the other features the game pushes are less helpful. The D-link system mentioned above takes the place of traditional summons. This is most useful early-game before the player’s list of commands is very long. D-linking fully restores HP and gives characters access to new abilities from the character they’re ‘linked’ with. Another feature, the command board, is a board game themed mini-game in which characters are used as game pieces and the points earned on the board become experience. This can be useful for leveling commands, but can become somewhat tedious and is luckily completely ignorable. Meanwhile, the Mirage Arena takes the place of the Coliseum in other Kingdom Hearts games. There, online or off, you can battle through tournament style events to earn experience or participate in some of the mini-games present throughout the game’s levels.
Combat makes up a large part of the core gameplay, and it’s fast paced and usually quite varied. Bosses present decent challenges without becoming too bad, unless the player has fallen under level (or under-crafted, as the case may be.) Shotlock commands allow the player to charge a special, crowd-clearing attack. Finally, the limit break system is generally fun and satisfyingly powerful. In later game it is even possible to limit break the limit breaks, which is even more fun. However, limit breaks also include special abilities and finishers that can become minor hindrances. This is usually related to being stuck in a limit break enemies that just spawned in are strong towards, or having to watch lengthy animations play out after all the enemies have already been destroyed.
It’s worth a quick note to mention Birth By Sleep is a game that encourages the player to install disc data to a memory card to reduce load time. An investment in a larger memory card for this purpose is highly recommended because the load times in Birth By Sleep are ubiquitous, and even with maximum amount of data installed, the game bogs down in acts as simple as opening the menu.
Graphically Birth By Sleep heavily recalls the other Kingdom Hearts games with its anime styling and bright, solid colors. This also helps cover up the PSP’s graphical limitations which only very rarely become apparent. The worlds perhaps tend toward small, especially as most areas are reused three times. Some worlds and stories are significantly more expanded than others, which can be a little awkward.
Birth By Sleep was an experience plagued with highs and lows. It answered some questions but smugly left players with many more, as is the series’ wont. Furthermore, the game has a decent story with power that’s hampered by confusion and redundancy, generally good pacing that sometimes ground to a sudden halt, and a feeling that the game wasn’t quite everything one was expecting. Like most other Kingdom Hearts games what this needed more than anything else was a thorough edit. Taken as a whole Birth By Sleep is a game you either forgive and love anyway or remain exasperated with forever. It is probably not the best entry point for new players which is a little disappointing in a prequel, but if you’re a longtime fan it’s definitely in need of a play. 
My opinions have softened somewhat on a second pass through the game, probably because now that I’m fore-armed with knowledge of plot twists the story makes more sense. That said, there is something rather stubbornly smug about how confusing the game’s story is, and it could have done more to welcome new players. Especially as it’s now been re-released onto more mass market systems. That said I still believe it’s a solid outing and on-par with Chain of Memories and 358/2 Days as must-play Kingdom Hearts Spin-Offs.
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attacksoftheclones · 6 years
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THE LAST JEDI REVIEW
SPOILERS ahead, you have been warned. Also #long post.
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I had so much faith in this film. I had so much faith in Rian. With overwhelmingly positive reviews from critics, I know my opinion on this film lies within the minority – but here it is anyway.
To get my thoughts on The Force Awakens out of the way, my problems and gripes with the film were the same of that of many others. To sum it up, yes I agree that it was a retread of A New Hope and I thought it fell short greatly in terms of world building. When you have a galaxy from a long time ago in a place far, far away, the possibilities are endless – I didn’t want to see a Tatooine 2.0 or a third Death Star renamed as Starkiller Base. I also felt that the lack of explanations given paired with the abundance of questions it produced tarnished much of it. What additionally disappointed me about Episode VII again much like many other people, was additionally how much more childish it felt compared to other Star Wars films, an obvious attribution to Disney’s reign on the franchise following the six installments of Lucas’ story. There were things I liked, though. I thought Finn was an interesting character and really enjoyed the idea of having a stormtrooper that defected to the Resistance and I anticipated exploring the mentality involved in both making that decision and how such a decision would have consequences in The Last Jedi. I of course enjoyed having a female heroine and finished the film aching for answers on her past just as everyone else had. Of course, what I was most desperately excited for following The Force Awakens was the return of Luke Skywalker.
Whilst I have been vocal (on twitter) about the issues I did have with the film, my excitement for The Last Jedi was in no way diminished. I do not dislike the sequel trilogy for the sake of a preconceived agenda, I would say I was very open to this film. The trailer already established a clearly beautifully shot and notably darker take on the trilogy, something I have come to prefer as a prequel fan as I like the complexity that comes along with it. My excitement was further enhanced because The Last Jedi was the first Star Wars film I was going to see in a cinema and I was keen to feel the excitement of a midnight premiere. I knew experiencing the opening credits for the very first time simultaneously with everyone else, booming with John Williams’ iconic score would be thrilling to say the least. And it was.
The opening was strong, Poe and BB-8 were as endearing as ever. Surpassing his mandate from General Leia and at the risk of increasing the already dangerously high casualty rate of the Resistance, we are introduced to an “at all costs” Poe in this film that largely sets up his arc for what is to follow – which turns out to not actually be much, much like the rest of this film. I never disliked Poe Dameron in any way following The Force Awakens but I knew this film had to really “ignite a fire” in the character for me to become attached to him solely because the previous film produced very little Poe content to go off of. We know he is a fantastic pilot and anything further than a more hot-headed attitude really isn’t established for Poe in this film. Poe spends his time battling his superiors Leia as well as the newly appointed Admiral Holdo, suffering the disappointment of being demoted for the recklessness that we see from him in the opening scene that costs the Resistance more than they can bear. Poe’s arc ventures little from arguing and to be fair wouldn’t have been as dissatisfying if it weren’t so ridiculously dragged out by director Rian Johnson as the only arc for the Resistance, other than suffering from a low supply of fuel. Yes, it was good to see a more of the reality of war in the Star Wars universe which hasn’t really been explored since the animated series Star Wars: The Clone Wars (although being aired on Cartoon Network of course did limit this in areas). We watch the spirit of the Resistance suffer and dwindle, but this unfortunately is carried out through an ultimately pointless and boring side arc of being low of fuel and being tracked by the First Order that left me sighing every time a scene transitioned back into one at the Rebel base. Whilst part of this of course is also due to the anticipation of desperately wanting answers to Rey and Luke’s futures on Ahch-To, the overall story for the Resistance is a back and forth, cat and mouse quest where nothing is ultimately achieved by the end of the film.
Which brings me to: Finn and Rose.
Finn, or should I say the writing of this character, disappointed me in this film and I left incredibly frustrated. From the trailers and TV spots I expected to see Finn and new character Rose (who I was enormously excited to see for both diversity reasons as well as her portrayal by the amazing Kelly Marie Tran) infiltrating the First Order undercover where we would ultimately see Finn finally rid himself of the burden of his unfinished business with the Order, particularly with Captain Phasma. I hoped to see Finn tackle the trauma of returning to the place that birthed him into a life of indoctrination and anticipated a showdown between himself and Phasma who was ultimately representative of his suffering. Instead, Finn (after disappointingly initially attempting to escape the Resistance) along with unknown Resistance mechanic Rose are sent secretly by Poe to put an end to the tracking of the Resistance fleet by the First Order. This arc was convoluted and even positive reviews will tell you that their adventure is unnecessary and unexciting. Providing little to absolutely nothing for the ending of the film, Finn and Rose’s adventure felt like a trip right out of Star Wars especially on Canto Bight, where every alien species in sight was blanketed in brown and absent of the diversity and colour we were introduced to in the prequels. The character shrouded in secrecy by Lucasfilm up until the release of this film, DJ (portayed by Benicio del Toro) whom Finn and Rose meet along the way (much to their later dismay) was additionally not at all worth the mystery that surrounded him and delivered nothing but a petite punch to what little direction this film had. When the time came for them to go undercover as First Order officers, the battle I so looked forward to seeing between Finn and Phasma was short and as a consequence anticlimactic. If that were not disappointing enough, by the film’s end pairing Finn and Rose together romantically with little foundation for this plot point felt cheap and took away from the heroic moments they did have throughout the film. Whilst I don’t personally believe any romance is necessary between Rey and Finn at all or for any character for that matter,The Force Awakens did poke at the possibility and this was only furthered by Finn’s constant mentioning of Rey throughout The Last Jedi. This caused any romantic direction for Rose and Finn to additionally seem one sided on Rose’s part.
Luke. I struggle to decide where to begin in writing about one of my all time favourite Star Wars characters in this film, mostly because I am genuinely insulted at how the character whose heart and spirit was the savior of the original trilogy was treated. Despite Mark Hamill making it publicly known that he initially completely disagreed with the direction Johnson wanted to take Luke in in this trilogy, I did not fear a change for Luke Skywalker. I was excited to see what could torture Luke’s soul so much that he would isolate himself from everything and everyone he has ever known and place himself alone on an island with the sole purpose to die there (as he makes clear in the film), wishing for the Jedi to come to an eternal end. I expected something, being either an action from Rey or a reminder of his old self, to eventually charge him back into action, allowing us to see a changed Luke Skywalker but one who still held all the heart-warming elements of his personality we have come to love. I know this would have been a predictable route and that we were told to expect the unexpected, but I will not shift from the belief that this is what would have been most true to Luke’s character.
Luke acknowledges early on that leaving the island as a one-man force against the First Order will do little to change the drastic state of the fight and I agreed with this. I agreed with his feelings of failure and disappointment after having his nephew destroy his new Jedi order and the unquestionable devotion he put into it. After all, this was a character we know has always followed his heart and to have that backfire would undoubtedly shake him and his core values. What I did not agree with was the extremely snarky attitude of the character, one that would leave Rey hopelessly chasing after him in circles around the island. One that would leave her to sleep without comfort and shelter, one that would refuse to train her despite two small lessons he agreed to give her in some cold-hearted attempts, in which once realising that she had great potential leads him to abandon her in her fear. Luke never returns to the fight with Rey in the Millennium Falcon, although we do at least get to see him momentarily revisit it. He doesn’t oversee the training of a new apprentice. Luke remains on the island and in an utterly bizarre end, he projects himself apparently so powerfully through the force into battle with Kylo Ren whilst actually still in meditation on Ahch-To and somehow gains a cocky and uncomfortably amusing persona (he slow motion dodges Kylo’s hits and winks awkwardly enough to almost break the fourth wall) as a now all powerful Jedi master. This effort presents him as seemingly immortal until it is over and we see Luke disappear into his cloak in front of a sunset much like Obi-Wan’s death in A New Hope. However much like the final confrontation with Kylo Ren it is confusing, unclear and most of all dissatisfying as it doesn’t even feel real, especially as we have never seen the force used in this way before and much like Leia’s use of the force in this film it is quite jarring. I’m already preparing for the “Is Luke Skywalker really dead?” theories, although I do believe with the film’s ending that the answer is yes. It is clear that this trilogy wants to be free of the burden of appealing to original fans of the franchise in ridding itself of Lucas’ founding characters to entirely become its own – which whatever that is, is also totally ambiguous in this film’s cluttered and shambolic end. The destruction of the Skywalker lightsaber was infuriating to say the least, not only as a metaphor for Disney’s cleansing of anything remotely Lucas in this franchise but as an insult to the franchise’s most iconic characters – Anakin and Luke. I felt as if I were witnessing a punch in the gut to Luke saying “I am a Jedi, like my father before me”. The way this trilogy began already majorly undermined the victories of Return of the Jedi, but this film went even beyond that as if it were to render it meaningless especially with the characterisation of Luke. I unapologetically hate everything Disney has done with Luke Skywalker especially as I truly believe that in his heart he is truly the child of his mother, Padmé and this film unlike the original trilogy following the prequels was in no way reflective of that. And I’m not even going to give time to that bizarre green milk and fish scene.
In no way do I mean disrespect to the amazing Carrie Fisher when I express criticism of Leia in this film and what she was given to do. Of course as always it is amazing to see Leia doing what she does best – where she is in a position of power as General Organa and fighting ever so bravely for the Resistance. As mentioned before, I was incredibly disappointed with the Resistance arc considering the Star Wars universe provides endless possibilities for arcs that exceed dwindling fuel supply. Yes, I understand that this was supposed to be more of a ‘war film’ than previous episodes and thus resources and lack of them are a reality of that, but considering this has never been an evident problem particularly during Star Wars: The Clone Wars and additionally how exaggerated this difficulty was by the duration of the arc it took me out of the film. When Rian Johnson and others had stated that Leia’s ending had been left untouched and that she leaves this film with a definitive and dignified end, I expected something big from Leia. Instead we largely see Leia pondering in this film and reprimanding Poe. No I did not want Leia killed, but considering she spent the majority of this film in a coma I feel an actual end to her story here would have been more effective. I hated that she was sidelined by a coma as if any other storyline other than her being unconscious wouldn’t have been better for her. She’s the Leia and she deserved to be able to leave a lasting punch in The Last Jedi. I was so excited to see Leia use the force, but what we saw was the moment that took me out of the film the most. It was quite frankly cringe worthy and uncomfortable to watch and I’m sure many who did enjoy the film would still agree. I felt as if I were Han Solo, desperate to shout “that’s not how the force works!”. I feel that with the knowledge of Carrie’s passing, with some clever editing they could have easily given Holdo’s final act for the Resistance to Leia. It would have truly showcased Leia as the ultimate Resistance fighter. Instead, I fear a poorly executed off screen death.
The Last Jedi has long endured the speculation of force ghosts ever since its’ predecessor, particularly with the release of concept art for the return of Anakin’s force ghost. An appearance of Obi-Wan was practically expected by many including by myself, especially as his voice was heard in The Force Awakens and it would have been fitting to see his reintroduction with the recent news of the Kenobi standalone film. It would have been the perfect way to tie all three trilogies together for continuity purposes, which I already felt this trilogy was in need of. Despite my pro-prequel agenda which I will admit to without shame, I believe this was completely necessary for this film. To have the return of Anakin particularly would have served so many uses whether he spoke to Luke, Rey or Kylo Ren. In an era that lives in the shadow of Darth Vader (who has several mentions in this film), if anyone’s input was needed it was the man behind the mask’s. Instead, original trilogy nostalgia was again used to drive the audience with the return of the clumsily edited addition of force ghost Yoda. If you know me personally you would be aware that I am not a fan of the character at all, but with that aside the Yoda we did see I still believe to be out of character. I do not believe that Yoda would have encouraged the complete removal (well literal burning) of the Jedi teachings even after the rise and fall of the Empire. Modifications and large ones at that yes, but a complete disregard for them I do not feel he would be an advocate for. I fear such a lack of rules regarding force users now will pose more problems for future films more than anything else as it now seems unclear who gets to hold a lightsaber and who does not.
Rey and her parentage continued to be built up throughout this film and I won’t lie and say it wasn’t my number one question going into this film. I did expect her to be no one, but I also expected some sort of alternative (and original) reason for her strength with the force. Whilst I don’t expect every strong force user in the galaxy to be a Skywalker or a descendant of someone related to or in affiliation with one, Rey as the daughter of some unknown junk dealers will not leave this movie free of Mary Sue claims (although I don’t intend to promote those claims either). If she had the force and had undergone training both in the previous film and in this film she would be free to express such strength but without it, Rey feels poorly written and left me not caring for her as much as I had truly hoped to in this film. The lightsaber plot point was also completely thrown out of the window with it now not so seemingly belonging to Rey anymore. Rey was barely trained in this film, so nothing should have changed since just weeks earlier in film time. If we are being told to accept that she is so powerful on her own, why is her power continuously linked to Kylo Ren’s by Johnson in this film? Rey also felt extremely poorly written by Johnson due to a very clear lack of continuity with the character between this film and the last, especially considering that The Last Jedi picked up just moments from The Force Awakens and Rey should not have suffered any discrepancies in character at all. Of course she was not going to be as bubbly and excitable as she had been in the previous film, but so much about Rey was wrong in this film. The Rey who had no problem telling men to stop taking her hand and that she would not give them anything became a Rey that suffered forced and utterly unnecessary sexual tension and who became flustered at the sight of a shirtless man. It is completely out of character for Rey to have even considered trusting Kylo Ren, as if he had not just killed someone she saw as a father figure just weeks before when all she has ever wanted was family. Rey cries at Kylo Ren proving yet again even after a brief team up with her that all he wants is power, again as if she should not already hate this man with every fibre of her being. Even Rey’s identity quest is yielded to Kylo Ren as it is he who reveals her parentage to her. Rey is never left to stand on her own in this film, instead she is forced into a somewhat parallel arc with Ren that never allows her the same independence as she exemplified in the dynamics we see within her friendship with Finn. Rey desperately needs to be written into some sort of solidarity where she can finally have her own concrete idea of herself and I believe this would most effectively occur in a situation where this trilogy’s big three finally unite and share the same path (and in doing so additionally allowing for a more concise end to the frayed path The Last Jedi has created).
Lastly, Snoke. His early scenes with Kylo Ren genuinely had me thinking that the character was far more terrifying than I had initially ever expected. I knew that the intention was for him to be more evil than Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious and I began to prepare myself for this. However, the first issue I found with the Supreme Leader was that we still are never offered a backstory or context for the character. We know Snoke is old and lived to see the rise and end of Darth Vader. So where was he during that time? How did he come to power? Why does he not know that it was Vader who defeated the Emperor and brought down the Empire, returning to the light as Anakin Skywalker? Rey is apparently made eventually aware of this, but neither Kylo Ren nor Snoke seem to be aware despite having far more of an interest in the man that the galaxy feared the most. The other great conflict I had with this character was that for someone apparently so powerful, he was killed so easily. For him to not have the ability to sense a lightsaber being turned against him by his own apprentice was the thing I was most surprised got through the writing room, especially considering the reason Vader was never able to overthrow the Emperor all those years was because Palpatine would have sensed such a betrayal through the force. Someone supposedly more powerful than Palpatine not being able to do the same was unrealistic and disappointing particularly because I enjoyed Snoke and Kylo’s scenes in the first act of the film, as well as the first act of the film in general.
Overall the film felt crammed, messy and long. Much of the film could have been shown the light of the editing room again to tighten the many series of events occurring simultaneously. Whilst beautifully shot with some breathtaking cinematography and stunning visuals, some shots felt included for the sake of showing what magic could be worked with the camera and CGI in 2017. This film suffered from the weight of a tiresome back-and-forth battle with an inconclusive end that didn’t seem to forge any path for its sequel and where neither side of the fight ever actually ever feeling large enough to dominate the galaxy in the way that the Empire did. The film was crowded with characters but barren of any development for them, in some cases true character not seemingly present at all. This film suffered from the consequences of mystery box storytelling, where no reward is gained by the audience because the “mysteries” that have been hyped up detract from all else. “I am your father” is arguably the greatest cinematic reveal of all time, but it was not advertised to be that way prior to the film’s release, allowing it to have its’ full intended shock value effect. A movie sold to audiences as one that holds great reveals and twists in an already established and ever-expanding universe was bound to disappoint, especially with fan culture today. Additionally, the humour of this film was often jarring and too “2017” for the Star Wars saga. Not already being a fan of Kylo Ren as a villain in any way, I would surprisingly have to say Adam Driver gave the best performance. However it is hard to say where Kylo Ren goes next, having now eliminated both his enemies (Han and Luke) as well as his accountability to the Supreme Leader. I additionally found the soundtrack for this film to be the least memorable Star Wars score to date, although Rey’s Theme made a welcome return.
Ultimately I know many people have loved and will love this film and I think everyone has “their” Star Wars. Mine is clearly not in this era and I’m happy to accept that. It isn’t because my ‘ship’ or theory did not come true, but rather my worst case scenarios did. Yes I’ll see Episode IX, but I now have a completely new idea and set of expectations for what Star Wars is today and it just doesn’t happen to be my favourite. Again, I never wanted to hate this trilogy for the sake of it and I had no intention to. I am of course also ready to accept that there are those with opinions that are the complete opposite of mine.
Now if you need me, I’ll be rewatching Episodes I-VI.
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rememberthattime · 3 years
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Chapter 58. EuRoad Trip, pt 3
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Ah, fall. Crisp air. Colorful leaves. A reprieve from the heat of summer.
To fully enjoy my favorite season, Chelsay & I continued into the third and final phase of EuRoad Trip: “Fall”, with stops in the Dolomites, Bavaria, and the German Black Forest.
The change in season wasn’t gradual for Chelsay & I: we went from summer to fall in a matter of hours. Like, the three-hour drive between the Italian Riviera and the Dolomites.  
Over the course of our drive, the setting went from Mediterranean chic to the Sound of Music. We’d left pastel-colored homes along the sea to log cabins dotting the mountainside. I love this setting.  Obviously, I enjoy the Mediterranean, but it’s hard to beat an alpine autumn.
The Dolomites might be the perfect destination for fall. The air is crisp and clean. The leaves are changing. Charming villages sit at the base of undulating green fields, capped by towering limestone spines.  The shops have a Swiss alpine theme but not in a kitschy way – it’s authentic. This is just how they’ve always been. Timber homes surround the tiny village, with potted flowers hung from every window and balcony. When planning, I was most excited for this leg of the trip, and it was meeting my expectations before we even left the car.  
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Our first stop was a picnic high above the Val di Funes, a picturesque acclimation to our new alpine surroundings. Chelsay and I enjoyed some of our recent garlic truffle spread investment, while Indy frolicked and grazed about the sloped green fields.  
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It was pretty overcast, but we weren’t bothered: it fit the cozy, fall atmosphere. Our only worry was that the next destination, Seceda, required some level of visibility.
Seceda is a unique mountain peak. A gradually ascending green field gives way to a sheer cliff, with limestone spines looming in the background. It looks like if the Cliffs of Dover were transplanted into the Italian Alps. That said, not even Seceda’s prickly spires could pierce this cloud cover.
We took a gondola to the peak but were soon shrouded in thick fog. We couldn’t see 20 feet in front of us, let alone Seceda.  Though dense, the clouds were moving quickly, so we decided to roll the dice and stick around.
It’s pretty easy to pass the time with Indy: we teased him with weird noises, laughing at his reactions. We played fetch with anything we could find. Then when Indy got tired, we pulled up Ray Harris Jr and the World War II podcast. Chelsay would forecast potential gaps in the clouds while Ray educated us on FDR’s preference between pencil or pen.
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There were a few near misses. Chelsay spotted incoming breaks in the fog, we’d frantically stir with excitement, but ultimately, each proved impervious. Still, there was hope.
After an hour, we were just starting to question whether staying was worth it. But Chelsay thought there was one more break that might work out. It was excruciating to wait, but slowly, the shy rock began to reveal itself. This was it!
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Not only did the clouds part, but blue sky began to appear and then… a burst of sun. And what’s that? A rainbow?!  What an epic setting.  The soft glow of sunshine against the limestone crag.  Fog still rolling quickly, but abruptly halting against Seceda’s impenetrable cliffside. The clouds shot up like waves hitting the coastline.
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This was one of the lasting memories from the trip, and we celebrated with a tortellini feast that evening.  We’d stopped at a grocery store earlier to pick up picnic supplies – an Italian grocery store. I’ve never seen so much pasta. And it all looked so delicious that we couldn’t settle on just one: we bought two types of tortellini and three different sauces.  We enjoyed our tortellini sampling from our alpine chalet while watching World War II in Color. Ray hooked us.
The next day marked our first real physical activity in at least a week – since the calanques in Cassis. We were taking the 6 mile Tre Cime pass through pretty challenging conditions.  Yesterday’s quick moving clouds were stagnant and heavy today. Whenever the weather was too much, Chelsay, Indy, and I would find shelter in the ‘refugio’ huts along the path, warming up with hot chocolate.
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After the hike, we stopped at Lago di Braies, a teal alpine lake set between evergreen slopes. The setting looks like a screensaver, but the real highlight was once again Indy. Without his frisbee or other toys, Chelsay and I had been using sticks for fetch throughout the trip. So now every stick Indy saw was a toy.
He’d dart along the shore trying to tempt Chelsay and I into playing with him: “Maybe masters will like this stick?  Oh, here’s a big one! Will they like this?  How about a wet stick?”
Eventually we gave in – I threw the stick as far into the lake as possible (owner’s tip: that burns the most energy), and he’d inevitably plunge after it.  Indy once again drew an audience with everyone taking pictures of our goofy dog in the otherwise serene setting.
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That was essentially our last activity in the Dolomites, but before moving on to our next destination, I want to quickly mention the phenomenal food. It’s Italy, so obviously it was delicious. But it wasn’t just pasta and breadstick – it uniquely Italian-Austrian. Ricotta pizzella (alpine pizza), truffle ravioli, venison, and every type of dumpling imaginable.
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After the Dolomites, we’d turn north and head back to London, driving through Austria, Germany, Belgium, and France on the way. The main focus of this trip were the Loire Valley, Cote d’Azur, and Dolomites, so while planning, I essentially just looked for spots along the return route. Ultimately this included three destinations + one we spontaneously added along the way.
The first stop in our return journey was Neuschwanstein Castle.  Yes, we’d already visited Neuschwanstein, and yes, our goal this trip was to explore new destinations. But there was a delicious currywurst place we visited the last time so Chelsay and I HAD to visit.  …I guess the views are pretty magical too.
Jokes aside, Neuschwanstein is very special to me. It was the first adventure Chelsay and I embarked on after moving to London in 2015. I laugh at those two inexperienced travellers, somehow learning that Mary’s Bridge was closed only after landing in Munich. I think back to our can-do spirit to capture that Hero view anyway, and how giddy we were at our success. I think back to the Rick Steves audio tour through Munich, our white sausage breakfast and bowl of coffee, and the hot chocolate from Beluga. And yes, I think about the currywurst from Neuschwanstein.
More broadly, Germany is very special to Chelsay and I. We visited every October while in the UK: first Munich, then Berlin, and then Rothenberg. There’s something about Germany’s dense forests, and heavy ethos (fog, food, their accents, etc) that just fits fall.
So, now consider all of this history as Chelsay and I ascended the hill up to Neuschwanstein. It’s about a 30-minute walk, and I was giddy with anticipation the whole way… basically saying exactly what I just wrote above: “Remember the currywurst Chelsay!?”
Indy was similarly excited but for different reasons:  we passed a few horse drawn carriages and he DID NOT like them.  He ripped out of his collar and ran back down the hill.
After calming him down (aka distracting him with a stick), we continued up the hill and came to Mary’s Bridge.  It was weird not hopping any fences this time.
We arrived just as the sun was setting. Keep Chelsay & I’s history with Neuschwanstein in mind as I describe the setting… Soft light draped the Castle. The sky took on a pink glow. The valley below faded into the shadows.  Indy nervously trembled from the heights.  It was just as magical as the first time.
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As we left the Castle and made the long descent back to town, we were just as giddy as 2015. Unfortunately the currywurst restaurant wasn’t waiting for us at the bottom, so we audibled to the nearby town of Fussen and a neighborhood beerhall. It was clearly popular with a line out the door, and the currywurst had its own page in the menu under the title “Reminders of Home”.  
The currywurst lived up to this place’s popularity, but I want to specifically remember how unique Chelsay and I felt in this restaurant. We were clearly the only native English speakers there. That might be the case normally, but it was especially true during Covid.  
This was clearly Fussen’s beerhall – owned by the locals.  The place where patrons come to relax after a hard week of making pretzels or whatever they do for work. Families were connecting and talking about Bayern Munich or the latest season of Dark. It felt comfortable, even if Chelsay and I were outsiders. It would be like if a German were dropped into a Buffalo Wild Wings.
We hit the road again the next day, but not before a brief walk around Schwansee, the lake nestled below Neuschwanstein. Obviously the Castle was the highlight from 2015, but I remembered I really enjoyed our fall walk around the lake. Also, we had to get some of Indy’s energy out before our drive.  This trip’s walk felt nostalgic but was made even more fun with our newest family member.
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Our next step was Beilstein, a tiny German village along the Rhine. If Chelsay & I thought Cliousclat (population: 600) or Portofino (400) were small, Beilstein only has 145 residents!  It took about 15 minutes to walk the entire town, but it’s incredibly charming: like an authentic Disney village.  
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I’ll briefly mention this story.  It’s a good thing touring Beilstein was so quick, because I needed extra time to bring Indy to the vet. Before returning to the UK, we needed a local vet to administer and provide proof for a tapeworm treatment. The closest vet was a 20 minute drive, so I plugged it into Google Maps and set off.
Well, it seems Google Maps users aren’t frequenting Dr Frank Feiden, because the app took me to an elementary school. I had zero service so couldn’t call, so I was stuck driving in circles around this children’s school… which I’m sure looked suspicious. Finally I gave up, and decided to interrupt either four teachers’ or four parents’ smoke break to see if they could help. Shockingly, they knew exactly where he was and shared the most precise instructions I’d ever received (classic German). It was a bizarre situation to find myself while on vacation, made even more bizarre when the person next to me at the vet had lived near Southlake. We bonded over our shared love of Mi Cocina.  These experiences again made me feel like part of the community despite being such an obvious outsider.  
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Alas, just as we were starting to feel at home, it was time to return to London. Our last day of the trip. I’m now 6000 words and 10 pages into this three part EuRoad Trip post, but still plenty of stories to tell.
First, we made a short stop at Eltz Castle, a romantic palace well hidden in the Black Forest. The castle is uniquely vertical, but I’ll remember this visit for Chelsay falling on the walk down. She’ll hate me for writing this, but hopefully we can remember and laugh.  Very similar to my tumble at the Sete Cidades in the Azores.  
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Finally, our last stop on the road trip was Dunkirk. This was the spontaneous visit I alluded to earlier. Dunkirk wasn’t initially in the plan, but after 20 hours of Ray Harris Jr telling us about Operation Dynamo, we decided we visit Dunkirk Beach for ourselves.
It was extremely windy when we visited, as Storm Alex was moving through with winds up to 60 mph. It was raining too, and the raindrops felt like bullets as we ran along The Mole. The chaos felt fitting though, as this was the location where 300,000 British and French soldiers chaotically escaped the charging Nazi army.
The Mole, a sea break that the British used as an escape dock, is well removed from the city… and hardly marked. You drive through an industrial center and park in what appears to be an employee lot. In fact, I only found The Mole because I crawled Google Satellite View searching for sea piers along Dunkirk beach – there weren’t any other articles or traveller blogs about how to visit.
But this solitude made the pier feel that much more important. This was the place where 300,000 lives were saved, providing the Brits with necessary troops to withstand the Battle of Britain. If not for Dunkirk, would the UK have fallen to Hitler? Then, could the Nazis have focused their forces solely on Russia, and the US after?  It’s hard to call this retreat a victory, but the Allies escape along the very pier I was standing was vital, and the moment felt similarly significant.    
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The trip from Dunkirk to London was a disaster – I’m sure it felt a bit like those soldiers on Dunkirk Beach.  We again took a taxi from Calais, but the driver decided to go directly through the center of London, costing us about an hour in gridlock. Then when we arrived at the house, I found I’d lost the key in transit – brutal. It was 9:30 pm so the property manager wasn’t available. We called a locksmith, who determined the backdoor was the best lock to open. I store the gate code on my phone, but my battery had died, so I had to hop the fence to let the locksmith through.
This must have looked suspicious to our neighbors: pitch black, man jumping fence, commotion in our backyard. Sure, that’s suspicious until you consider Chelsay, Indy, and ALL OUR BAGS AND INDY’S CRATE WERE ALL STILL OUT FRONT!
Anyway, the locksmith and I are in the back.  The back lock turned out to be a tough one, so he had to use a drill. He wasn’t wearing glass so a piece of metal shot into his eye. I had to remove it. Brutal.
Then a helicopter showed up.  …
The neighbors had called the Hampstead Police, who sent a chopper for a potential B&E. The helicopter hovered over us for 30 seconds, before two officers arrived, batons at the ready. They realized what had happened before calling out on their walkie talkie: “Call of all units.”  Were there MORE on the way!?  
Anyway, we finally got in and FINALLY changed out of our wet clothes from stormy Dunkirk. All that said, we woke up the next morning and were totally fine. I made myself some coffee, and the whole thing just seemed like a bad dream. Similar to Chelsay falling at Eltz Castle, I think we can laugh about it now.
Okay, now that’s really it. The conclusion of our EuRoad Trip. 16 days. Six countries. 2500 miles. Two seasons. One crazy pup.
I know I’m wrapping this up quickly (sorry, I’m now on page 11 and nearly 7000 words in), but the past two weeks were truly special. Although we’d gone six months without any international trips, lockdown really enabled this journey.
We had plenty of vacation days. We didn’t want to fly, so we drove. This simple equation brought us to extremely charming and authentic places we never would have visited otherwise. Starting with the Beauty & the Beast phase, driving south through France’s Loire Valley, stopping at chateaus, provincial hamlets, and the charming fishing village of Cassis. Moving into the Summer Chic phase, with hot temps along the ritzy Riviera, including stops in Nice and Portofino. And finally, concluding with the Fall phase, passing through the jagged Dolomites landscape and fairy tale castles of Bavaria and the German Black Forest.
This was likely one of our last European trips, but each destination exhibited why we live abroad. New places. Exciting experiences. Escapes from the routine.
Our EuRoad Trip was another reminder of how far you can go in just a few hours.
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