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#um idk wheat?
oakskull · 2 years
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heyyyy guess who finally did a dtiys that he's been trying to get around to for ages?? it's oak! the original was done by my beloved mutual @teamranchers go check out his art and also the @dailyteamrancher acc it's v cute and I love it
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#jimmy solidarity#tango tek#team rancher#rancher duo#double life smp#double life#i tried to make it look like tango was In the wheat but it didnt turn out as planned#which makes sense because if never tried to paint something like this before sjdjjs#but!#i still really like how this turned out#one of the rare pieces that i think looks better online#idk i just think it captures more of the ethral afterlife vibe i was going for with the white dots#<- added too many in one place to be flowers like the original and went wild with a new plan#also did a clous sky for the furst time in water color#it was Super fun#also also i didnt make the um halo bit around jimmy white bc i didnt feel like it would pop enough in the lighter area of the sky#also i changed the colors of tangos outfit a bit to be more samey so he sort of blends into the wheat they stand out against the bg#how did i do 🥺🥺🥺#if i had a critic of this though itd be that the color is too dark in the bottom of the drawing#it sort of draws the eye there when the focal point should be jimmy and tangos face#one of the things i have yet to do (surprisingly- considering my inspiration for using watercolors in the first place) is learn how to do#gradients in water color#which makes sense in the matter that i started w/ watercolor pencils and used the actual pencil part to get my gradient#but i feel like i should like#practice#bc thats like basic swtaching LMAO#ive rambled enough#implied character death#hindsight after writing most of these is that one downside of the digital photo vs the real life paintinf#is that some of my shading on the arm isnt visible
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crocodilerocked · 3 months
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yume-fanfare · 11 months
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the sandwich post just has me wondering what kind of bread u guys eat
#i have bread opinions#because see. um.#here the word 'sandwich' is only used to describe the ones that r made with sliced bread#like → 🥪 this one i guess?#the ones made with . more baguette-like bread are called 'bocadillos' n they're like. idk the Good and filling ones#the ones in pokemon scarlet and violet are Bocadillos#like that game mechanic is so real its existence fills me with joy#so like that kind of bread is usually good by itself it's not dry even if you don't add oil or butter or anything to it#unless it's like. whole wheat bread. that one is often dry there are few that aren't#but then again im not exactly talking about baguette bread .#at least the one that's sold as specifically baguette here and the french one that i remember is. a bit too thin to add filing to it?#and here it goes stale within like a DAY#of course bread is best eaten fresh but it's nicer if it lasts just a little bit longer.....#i get that lasting longer is kinda the appeal of sandwich bread#and also the fact that it's pre-sliced but it's not the kind you eat when you want Good bread#(i live in humidity land)#anyways. where was i going with this.#ah right yeah the bread here is usually at least a little wider than traditional french baguettes (?)#but in the end the technique and outcome of the crust and such depends on the bakery and#yeah i don't know what else i wanted to say mitsuru moment over#i love bread#mar's midnight rambles#additional disclaimer i actually still don't know how to make sandwiches in pokemon violet
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cheolhub · 11 months
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bro what flower would your moots and anons be?
oooo fun i dont know flowers that well but haha
MOOTS
@ncteez TULIPS bc i think she is the most beautiful person ever (inside and out) and tulips are my fave fave fave just like hon, the loml (who deserves a gordita crunch rn) i love u til forever
@toruro i saw u love daisies but i ALSO love daisies and it just makes sense for you. it’s so simple but so pretty 🥹🫶🏽
@onlyseokmins U JUST REMIND ME OF ROSES!! ur so elegant and hot to me and idk like… if we were on the bachelor, id give you all my roses
@honeyhypen MY BABIE. definitely a lily bc i think ur just… really great and u remind me a lot of home (hope thats not too weird ><) and i grow lilies outside my house haha
@hwanghyunjinenthusiast an iris! bc bc bc i actually dont know, u just remind me of the color purple >< BUT LIKE ALSO THE FLOWER IS SO GORGEOUS AND IM SO FOND OF U LIKE I LOVE U SM OK
@majestyjun CHERRY BLOSSOM! u remind me a lot of the color pink and you’re just so sweet so naturally i picked cherry blossom for u heheh ily
@lovelyhan peony bc kai is my beloved and peonies are also my beloved. u remind me of pretty flowers in general so it was rlly hard to pick 🥹
@hyuk4ngel 🥹🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹 ORCHIDS bc i love u and i know ur just so gorgeous and ur very comforting so, yes, orchid
@circlesol KEIR … OK WE DONT TALK THAT MUCH BUT IM KINDA IN LOVE WITH U SO IM PUTTING U HERE WHERE U BELONG. UR A PANSY (this sounds like a slur and im so sorry) but like the animal crossing flowers i have planted all around my island shhsd ur just so lovely to me and i think pansies and you just make sense ilysm
@kimkaitual bex pls dont be scared… ik we’ve been moots for a VERY short while but u make me smile sm 🫶🏽🥹 im gonna say ur a sunflower
@heesbaby DAFFODILS BC I FEEL LIKE U SMELL GOOD? sorry… um anyway ur gorgeous and shine so bright to me so ofc im gonna choose daffodils
@agustdiv1ne dandelions 🥹 not rlly a flower but they are in my eyes and i think they’re so cute and fun just like u. they were literally my favorite growing up and u kinda remind me of a childhood bff i had so maybe thats it hahahshs
@luvrkives im gonna say carnation bc they last forever and i also grow them outside my house hahshs mainly bc you’ve been my moot for forever and ever and ily
ANONS
🍀 okay i know i alrdy used it, but there is literally no other flower to describe u other than sunflower. U ARE SO FUCKING SWEET ILY SM
🎐 LAVENDER. like i dont even have to explain this. u are the color lavender to me and u are the scent and u are the flower/herb?
🧚🏽‍♀️ u are dahlia just bc i think ur a hottie and yeah… dahlias are THAT flower. real talk, i love them and u <3
☁️ jasmine bc u just give off that vibe like and u also give off “i smell good” energy IS THAT WEIRD ?? idk but ur very healing and i use jasmine a lot bc my health sucks heheb
dead plant i typed in flowers that are easy to keep alive and chose the prettiest of them all and that one was begonias HDHSHSH no but seriously, they are very pretty just like u<3
🌾 I MISS U. but also im gonna give you the sword lily flowers bc they kinda look like the wheat emoji shshdb and also bc looking at them makes me happy. I MISS U FR COME HOME.
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hi um have followed your blog for a lil wile bit now and just. wanted a place to rant a little and feel heared. also to preface this is about medical stuff but i dont want any help or answers i just was support. im sorry if im breaking the rules.
so for the past few months, ive been able to eat less and less. it started with lactose stuffs so we just thot it was my lactoce intolerance getting worse. we checked in with general practitioner(sry am american- dont know terms for not :< .) for yearly physicals and was told to just avoid lactose. then learned it wasnt just lactoce but all milk, and then worked over to gluten? or wheat? and just this weekend it progressed to the point where everything i eat makes me have stomach pains.
so as my family was super duper conserned, and i couldnt eat, we ended up going to a urgent care(like emergency care but for not super fast emergencies. just need doctor faster than could get gen practitioner). did a tiny bit more tests and was given a new diet that i cant eat half of, and that isnt making it better. im going through the things i should be able to eat on the diet and finding problems- idk idk i just. ive gone to doctors a few times for this now and it keeps getting worse and i feel like i just keep getting brushed off- i know im not giving the most concrete symptoms and im not showing anything obvious for whats wrong, but it still just. it sucks. even trying to explain to superiors is hard cause i dont want to get into it and still get brushed off- idk idk idk i just wish someone treated it as not just a lil stomach ache or annoying new diet and more that i can barely eat anything and what i cant can make me stuck laying down for hours on end- >:[[[[ thank you for letting me share this stuff here- just having a place to rant about so so nice-
Oh you poor thing! That sounds horrible and so scary, especially since no one is helping you and you don't even know what's happening and why! I'm so, so sorry you have to deal with this and I'm sending all my love! ❤️
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berryicet · 8 months
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:3
Hey, now that you've read homestuck, I can tell you about my classpected ii and sburb insanity au:]
I'm kinda a classpect nerd, I like classpects and my favourite thing to do when I get into some new media is try to classpect the characters. It also sorta helps me understand the characters and try to break down their personalities/goals/motives. Also I like drawing the characters in god tier outfits
So anyways, I have a list of all my classpected ii characters with their dream moon and lands too, under cut↓
(I'm sorry if any of this is is ooc, I haven't even thought about ii in a WHILE and also haven't reread homestuck recently, but I'll still try my best to give a short explanation for why I chose each classpect and land of the characters)
MePhone4 - maid of life, prospit dreamer, Land of Wheat and Uranium
Originally, I made him a maid of heart because of the whole "mephone's emotions" being a kinda big part of his character, but eventually switched to life. I'm gonna b honest, I can see parallels between him and Jane! The biggest one is their reviving powers, a main trait of a maid of life. But there's also their stories, with how Jane was controlled by HIC, a tyrant and coloniser, who also spread her influence through her company Crockercorp. Sounds very much like Mephone's story with being raised and controlled by Cobs, also a tyrant and coloniser who spread his influence through his Meeple company. Also they're both kinda rebellious and refuse to do what other ppl tell them to do, are cagey about their feelings and emotions and also a lil short tempered.
But erm, yeah. I chose Land of Wheat and Uranium because. Um. Idk. I just thought it would fit him. I'm not that big on metaphors through plants, but I'm sure someone smarter than me can analyse and say why wheat would fit mephone
MePhone4S - bard of doom, derse dreamer. He has no land.
4S doesn't have a land because in my AU he's not a player, but instead mephone's sprite. But I still have him a classpect and dream moon just because I wanted to :3
Bard of Doom fits him SO WELL. LIKE, IT'S LITERALLY PERFECT. NOTHING ELSE FITS BETTER. a bard of doom invites destruction or brings destruction through doom. They don't directly CAUSE doom or DESTROY things WITH doom, they're more like harbingers. Doom follows them around. And that's exactly what happened with 4S. When he came up, some chaos happened, then mephone5 appeared and killed mephone4. He brought doom with him and invited it through him. And inevitably killed mephone4 because of this. Also bards of doom would be short tempered and kinda assholes. Very much MePhone4S.
MePad - maid of space, prospit dreamer, Land of Cables and Frogs
I made mepad a maid of space because I feel like space fits mepad as an aspect. She's patient and, quote, "takes things as they come". It's also listed that at their worst, a space player is "detached and apathetic". She's also a maid because. I felt like making him twin with mephone:3
OJ - mage of blood, derse dreamer, Land of Scripts and Shards
Made him a mage of blood because a main characteristic of a mage is that they're often burdened by their aspect, which they can access directly and in abundance. Mages are also inclined to take all the burdens for themselves to help everyone else, and I feel like it very much fits OJ with how he took on everyone's problems and made a hotel to help everyone, which ultimately became a burden for him.
Paper - rogue of heart, derse dreamer, Land of Mirrors and Iteration
Heart players are often concerned with themselves and their arc often includes a journey of self discovery and self acceptance. A rogue of heart, particularly, finds it hard to accept their aspect at first and try to run from it. I feel like it would work with paper, with how he'd try to run away and get rid of EP. Also heart players have a running theme with "dual or split personalities", most obviously with Dirk and his gazillion different splinters, but also Nepeta, with how she has a different, "roleplay" personality she uses in text.
Made a drawing of the LoMaI, and also mentioned how the mirrors in his land are sorta like windows to other doomed timelines. More often than not, it shows dead papers from those doomed timelines. Kinda fucked up lol. I also made him have 2 sprites, in which he split his original sprite into two, first one being EP, but the other one being the trickster version of him. Think I'll just call him Candy Paper.
Paintbrush - prince of time, derse dreamer, Land of Burning candles and Delay
Prince of time is literally so perfect for them. A prince of time destroys time or destroys with time, while ghosting their opposite aspect. A prince of time would be impatient and short tempered, would rush people or waste time by dwelling on something too much. Oftentimes, a prince is pushed by other people to start destroying their aspect. I feel it fits with Paintbrushes arc and how he was slowly being pushed over the edge by the other contestants and would become more short tempered each episode. The "ghosting the opposite aspect" would also mean that they'd have some sort of creative hobby or space aspect traits. Literally perfect for Paintbrush
Chose LoBcaD because a Prince's land would have an overabundance of their aspect, which would push princes to start destroying it. Paintbrushes land has an overabundance of time. Time passed by incredibly slowly and stretches SO much, while the enemies have basically no time at all and pass by like a flash (they're super fast basically). Both of these would incline Paintbrush to start destroying the time or using time to destroy enemies. His land is very dangerous because of that through..if you can't bend time you'll most likely be killed by an imp before even stepping in lol
Lightbulb - witch of breath, prospit dreamer, Land of Gas and Turbulence
Breath players are described as expansive, flexible, driven and leave an impact wherever they go. They like to sweep others up like a breeze but can also be hard to hold down. They CAN be good leaders, but in a more "personal" way, often by pursuing their own stories. I feel like this ties in perfectly with Lightbulbs character. She's a witch because she can often manipulate and twists other's freedom to her advantage, and also that time she literally manipulated the future by being a bit of an airhead.
LoGaT is land comprised entirely of gas. The only solid ground is the starting land, that way lightbulb would have to learn how to manipulate the gas into a solid form to be able to stand on it. The downside to it though is that no one else can get around her land without her help.
Fan - knight of light, prospit dreamer, Land of Gleam and Clovers
I feel like the light part is pretty self explanatory. He likes to learn stuff, but mostly if its something he's interested in. And he can get pretty nosy about it too. A knight exploits their aspect or exploits through their aspect while also protecting others, so I felt like that fit him too
LoGaC is mostly dim and unlighted, save for the few gleams of light that peek through the clouds that cover the entire sky. In the few spots illuminated, lots of clovers grow. Fan would have to learn how to exploit them and use them to their fullest potential.
Cabby - sylph of light, derse dreamer, Land of Murk and Boxes
Again, I think the light part is pretty self explanatory. Chose sylph of light specifically because I thought she kind of reminded me of Aranea. I don't have much else though bcs I don't know her character all that well
LoMaB is completely dark and littered with boxes everywhere. Though sometimes the boxes can hold very items n such. Cabby would have to learn how to use the items a d her powers to light up her land and give herself luck
Test tube - thief of space, prospit dreamer, Land of Trinkets and Frogs
Any scientist character is legally obligated to be a space player. Sorry I don't make the rules, that's just how it be. Thief because test tube can sometimes get pretty eccentric and fixated on her goals.
LoTaF is exactly what it says on the tin. Land full of trinkets and frogs everywhere
Bow - thief of heart, derse dreamer, Land of Cloth and Bells
Another character who's arc centered around their self image and personality. And especially with the bot arc we had, it solidified her aspect even more. She's a thief because she'd always steal the spotlight on the show and at times even feel like she's sucking out the emotions out of everyone else with how hyper and emotional she got.
LoCaB land isn't soil, but actually a pretty thick layer of cloth. There are many bell towers littered around. Everything her thief of heart needs
YinYang - heir of spacetime, derse and prospit dreamers, land of Stars and Frogs
The heir of spacetime I feel is also very self explanatory, as the YinYang symbol itself is about time and space. Balance n all. They have that calliope/caliborn situation going on, where they're technically two players but share a body. Though what makes it interesting is that - with cherubs, one has to take over the body at some point. So if they ascended, it would just be one of them. But Yin won't take over Yang or vice versa, they'd continue to be 2 people in one body even after ascending. There's multiple ways this could go but I kinda went the boring route and just made the spacetime aspect. But you can think up something more interesting if you'd like:3
Knife - Knight of doom, derse dreamer, Land of Ash and Radium
Any space aspect land has frogs by default, but I chose Stars as the second thing because I feel like they perfectly connect the space and time aspects, needing matter and time to form.
He's reckless and exploits fate. I felt like I already explained everything about knights and doom in the other parts, so you can come to your own conclusions
LoAnR is a toxic wasteland and you need protection to walk through it. Test tube had to make one for Knife so he wouldn't immediately die.
Nickel - mage of mind, derse dreamer, Land of Threads and Earthquake
He's a smartass. Yes that perfectly ties in with the mage of mind classpect. Also a plot twist, he's not the one being burdened by mind, but instead being the one burdening others with his smart ass-ness.
I haven't thought much about his land so the name is mostly subjective.
Clover - heir of hope, prospit dreamer, Land of Dreams and Choir
Any time I'd go to a classpect analysis blog, they'd say about the same thing about heirs of hope - they are almost like mary sues. They seem to almost have an angel on their shoulder, always being protected by danger. Things always seem to go their way. And that's exactly the stereotype clover portrays. So I don't think there would be a more fitting classpect for her
LoDaC is the nicest land out of all of them. It's almost like heaven, almost perfect. Definitely everyone's favourite to visit.
Balloon - knight of heart, derse dreamer, Land of Reflection and Electricity
Again, kinda forgot why I went with knight of heart other than the fact that it just felt right.
His land is also mostly subjective
Suitcase - mage of rage, derse dreamer, Land of Night and Seas
About the mage of rage -
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LoNaS is pretty self explanatory too
Taco - prince of mind, derse dreamer, Land of Memories and Paths
Prince of mind because she "destroyed" other's perceptions of her in S1 by playing up a persona, such using mind to destroy mind. Also manipulating Microphone. Prince of mind felt very fitting
LoMaP is another subjective and more abstract one.
Microphone - page of heart, prospit dreamer, Land of Caves and Sparks
Her arc reminded me of Tavros and Vriska's arc, which is mainly why I made her a page. Heart because she can be pretty self centered and absorbed at times
LoCaS is a dark but very pretty and colourful place, though beware, the sparks are extremely hot and sting
Candle - witch of void, derse dreamer, Land of Dark matter and Obscurity
Witch of void is another self explanatory one. Void because she's super mysterious n stuff. And witch because. She's very witchy
LoDmaO is completely devoid of light. It's actually impossible to light it up through the normal means of a candle or lightbulb or something, because the light is instantly absorbed in all the darkness. Candle found a way to get around by manipulating the darkness away into making light spots.
These are all the characters I have explanations for. The rest are those who I classpected, but haven't thought in-depth about and mostly went by intuition
Apple - prince of breath, derse dreamer, Land of Storms and Clouds
Marshmallow - seer of rage, derse dreamer, Land of Paths and Martyrs
Salt - prince of light, prospit dreamer, Land of Radiance and Spotlight
Pepper - witch of heart, prospit dreamer
Bomb - rogue of time, derse dreamer
Pickle - knight of light, prospit dreamer
Silver spoon - prince of hope, prospit dreamer
Lifering - heir of life, prospit dreamer
Blueberry - mage of void, derse dreamer
Cheesy - knight of hope, prospit dreamer
Baseball - page of blood, derse dreamer
Soap - sylph of space, prospit dreamer
Trophy - bard of heart, derse dreamer
Tea kettle - sylph of life, prospit dreamer
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morganpdf · 9 months
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Top 5 sandwiches?
now this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! these are in no particular order but lets go
theres a sandwich at a local store that's like a turkey salad blt. with avocado on toasted bread (usually white but sometimes i go for wheat) and boy!!!!!!!! it fucks
#13 from jersey mikes on tha rosemary bread. my go to order (Provolone, ham, prosciuttini, cappacuolo, salami, and pepperoni) (for reference)
when i splurge at the deli counter i get horseradish cheese & that paired with deli herb chicken OR salami. its so good. but my homemade sammies are usually that cheese, salami or chicken, mayo, and mustard (i am.. not a food mastermind but it tastes good to me and thats what matters)
the food questions are so hard bc i dont generally stray from the beaten path dsfsd. um. theres a restaurant here that serves the fuckingest torta de birria that i would eat every day if it was feasible (it is not)
ive never had a plain philly cheesesteak so idk abt that but i had a spicy one a year ago that was really good. it gets a place here
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purplesurveys · 1 year
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1555
What is something you want but can't afford to buy? A projector in my room. I’ve always planned to get one of those so that I’m not always stuck watching on a smaller screen - whether it’s my phone or laptop - but bigger priorities always get in the way every month. Then again I always feel uncomfortable making gadget purchases, and I largely save those for either my birthday or Christmas.
What is something you want but aren't sure if you should splurge on it? Tae’s Mute Boston Bag – my brain’s been through a million internal fucking debates on whether I should get my own or not because the thing’s market price keeps going up lmao. 
Do you prefer ham or turkey with your stuffing and mashed potatoes? I’m gonna go ahead and assume this is a Thanksgiving thing and skip this. The closest thing we have is Christmas ham, but then again I’m not sure if any family here has it with the stuffing and mashed potatoes you’re talking about.
Do you usually eat wheat bread or white bread, or are you gluten-free? White. I never liked the texture of wheat bread.
What type of church do you like the most, if any? Not sure what this question is trying to ask since you just kinda have to go to a church that operates under your denomination, and it’s not like church-hopping is a thing people do hahaha...but in any case, I’m not a fan of the church and just attend to a Catholic one every Sunday out of obligation.
Was anyone rude to you today? No, not today. But boy did I come head-to-head with a really rude delivery rider yesterday...I get that we all have rough days, but idk, I hadn’t done anything to give him a reason to be short with me. I tried to be understanding, but he kept up quite a schtick until I lost my temper with him and in the end I gave him a not-so-generous review afterwards.
Which lost friend do you most wish you could be friends with again? I haven’t lost friendships that I regret.
Have you ever had a friend turn against you? Not turn against, but I had a couple of friends stop talking to me and my ex (then my best friend) all of a sudden, back in Grade 7. Like we were our own group, that’s how close we were, until one day when they just dropped ties with us. They must have had their reasons so I didn’t (and still don’t) resent them for it, and if anything it just taught me that people will do such things sometimes and you’ll just have to move on. What is your town known for? Being a pilgrimage site. And a bunch of rice cakes.
Do you live in the town you grew up in? Yeah, we just moved villages but pretty much the same area, yup. 
What was that good year that you had? 2014 and 2021 I’d count as really great and happy years.
Did you make a memory jar for this year? If so, is it full? I don’t keep those. I did have a since-discarded memory box when I was in a relationship, but otherwise I don’t keep one for my life in general.
Do you want to make a memory jar for next year? No. I think this blog and my camera roll already serve a similar purpose.
Are you optimistic? Generally. Being pessimistic doesn’t lead me anywhere, as I’ve learned.
Do you think people ask too nosy questions? (in real life) Oh for sure. Come to the Philippines and spend a weekend with a Filipino family and you’ll learn just how irritatingly nosy people are capable of being.
Do you think you would be happier if you had more money? Well, I would. I’ve never been wealthy or privileged enough to treat money as a passive thing, and I always actively seek it to be closer to both necessities and luxuries. That being said, that motto about money being able to buy happiness is something I can really relate to.
Who's youtube channel would you like to guest star on? JOLLY or Good Mythical Morning.
What was the last thing you purchased off of Etsy? I’ve never bought anything from there. I don’t even know if I can get stuff from Etsy, where I’m from.
What is something currently on your wishlist from Etsy? I don’t even have an account. Is there a Target near you? Um, no.
Which is closest to you: Target, Walmart, Kmart, or Meijer? 🙄
Where did your Christmas tree come from? I have no idea, my parents bought it years ago.
Would you rather be an elf or a reindeer? Why? Neither. Who do you go to when you're lonely? Or what do you do when you're lonely? I just deal with the loneliness myself and try to nurse it by watching stuff that makes me feel less lonely.
Are you alone? Yes.
Are you ok? I’m always ok during weekends. I feel like I’m happiest during weekends, these days.
What color is your favorite sweater? I don’t have a favorite.
Name 10 things that are on your Christmas list this year. Hahaha 10? That is a lot...my wishlist will be largely the same as last year’s, which is just “get me anything BTS-related, doesn’t matter if it’s original or not.”
Silver or gold? Silver.
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felicityphoenix5 · 1 year
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um. hi. scowen?
How would I rate them, 1-10: solid 7 if we're talkin rats 14 if we're talkin empires
Why I would pair them: just cuz yknow 👍
Thoughts on their dynamic: (imma go with empires for this one) THEY. THEY THEY THEY THEY THEY. BESTIES UR HONOUR <33
Do I think they'd raise anything together, be they pets or children: wheat (empires) and plants (rats)
Is there a dynamic I prefer for them: nope
Would they live together: YES
Could I pair them as anything but platonic: in empires, no. no. in rats, yessssssss nods nods
Do they have nicknames for each other: yes. maybe. idk
Song I associate with this pairing: i have absolutely no idea by me
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meerest · 3 years
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So, I have a dream diary app that wake me up and prompts me to do words. These are some of my faves
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kazoosandfannypacks · 2 years
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5, 6, 34, 47, 59 and 22 for the asks!
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
I would say, in terms of "if they're trying they can definitely make me smile, no question," definitely my little brother or my older brother.
6. is it hard for you to get over someone?
Yeah, kinda.
34. most embarrassing moment
Oh BOY do I have a story for you, darling.
So I'm doing dish crew while I'm at my first semester at Bible college. I'm walking around in the very noisy dining hall (its lunchtime so it's packed full of people) and thinking to myself how weird it is that I can even sing to myself while walking around and no one can hear me becauae it's so loud in there.
Well, as I was putting a stack of glass plates on a shelf in the dining hall, the plates fell. They shattered- and it was, like, twelve really pretty looking dessert plates. I just told you it was so loud I could barely hear myself think, but as soon as those plates hit the ground with a soul-shattering crash, the room fell silent, and every eye in the room turned to me, standing over a pile of broken glass. I tried not to cry and comforted myself knowing that was probably the most embarassing that would happen to me for a while.
It wasn't even the most embarassing thing that happened to me that hour.
59. why i joined tumblr
To post Newsies incorrect quotes. That's pretty much it.
22. description of crush.
Okay let's see here, um. Blue eyes, like the sea on a tranquil day. Brown hair that somehow shines in the sun like a ripe wheat field. A charming smile. Very nice, a bit of a flirt but still respects women, loyal to the end. Older than me, probably by about two hundred years, give or take, and also really enjoys piratey things. Also, has a hook for a hand because he once double crossed the wrong person and was set on a path for revenge- oh, you meant real person crush????? Like, describe someone I have a crush on who isn't fictional? Someone who's not Killian Jones as portrayed by Colin O'Donaghue in ABC's Once Upon A Time??? Um, there was a guy at school I guess who was super godly and a great friend but nothing ever could've come from a relationship anyways and I don't think he liked me and I haven't seen him in eight months so I guess no one right now maybe idk?
Thanks for the asks <3 ily!!!
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honeycombcorin · 2 years
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i lik e usually never mind spam sasks or like messages or wheat ever espesssially if itas like um like a this reminded me of you. idk i like being thought of you k noe like i like making fir friends
#t
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iwadori · 3 years
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OH HAHA, so essentially wheat bread is just normal bread, but they are made with wheat.. IDK um- (and yes they are very great)
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like this.. 🚹, also i am doing vv great! I've got exams for the whole week but i am okay 😀
Yeah ive never seen wheat bread before 🧍🏽‍♀️
Oooo looks nice
I’m sending u brain juice for ur exams
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Survey #415
“your skeletons are building  /  your closet’s getting tight  /  are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?”
Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Besides my cat, Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. Have you ever felt replaced? On more than one occasion. -_- Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? I don't remember. The last job I got was at a deli, but idk if it's the last thing I applied for. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What financial class are you? I don't know the actual income ranges, but I think lower? I'm not the one who handles the finances in this house, but I know we're definitely poor. What poster is hanging closest to you? A Metallica one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. I'm afraid of men. Do you think you’re fat? Everything on me is fat except my ass. :^) What does your mom do that annoys you? She's always right. At least she thinks so. How much older than you have you dated? However old Juan was in high school. At least four years. Last person to call you beautiful to your face? Idk. What color are the walls in your room? Off-white. Would you ever consider piercing your lip? It's been pierced forever now. It's like, part of my identity by now lmao. Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move? Try sun poisoning. Flesh bubbling up and all that shit. Did you speak to your father today? No. Name the people you miss RIGHT NOW? That's... a long list. Jason, his mom, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Julia, etc. etc. I'd rather not dwell on all the people I could possibly list. Do you have a brother? Yeah. He's technically my half-brother, but my brother all the same. Have you ever kissed on a boat? No. Do you mind being cold? Nah. I'd FAR rather be cold than hot. Are you afraid of falling in love? You bet your ass I am. What is something you wish you had more of? Adventure. When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up? I've actually noticed myself do that before, ha ha. I don't think it's something I do regularly? Do you write how you speak? Pretty much exactly how I speak. In the past week have you cried? A few times. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? HA, yes. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Nnnnnope. Do you bathe your pets regularly? I have a cat and a snake, so no. What was the last animal you saw and was it a pet? My cat is sleeping right next to me. Have you ever had an ear infection? I had so many as a baby that I had to have tubes put in my ears. Then I had two WICKED ones a few years ago because my former doctor is a fucking idiot who didn't dry out my ears at all when she tried to wash my ears out of wax. The interior of my ears were just so wet that the ear infections I got in both were fucking excruciating. What’s your favorite thing to order when you get Chinese food? Just pork fried rice and eggrolls. Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? No, not for that specifically. When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly or do you blast it? I honestly blast it, lol. What’s your favorite online radio site? I don't have one. Do your parents have any authority over who you date? Definitely not now at 25, but they didn't control who I dated when I was younger either. Have you ever watched an anime series start to finish? Multiple. Would you rather date your first or last ex again? If you're talking my first "real" partner as my first ex, I'd still rather date my last ex. I don't think it's smart for me to ever be with Jason again. What do you miss about being a little kid? I miss that confident belief I had that I would figure it all out one day. That I'd have a good, prosperous future. Look at us now, kiddo. When’s the last time you babysat someone? It's been around a year, at least? I think? I really didn't want to because I don't feel comfortable being the provider for a kid, but Ashley really needed me to. What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Have you ever used nose spray? Yeah, I actually have a prescription for it, but I neglect to use it most of the time... Are you close to your grandma? They're both dead. I didn't know Dad's mom very well at all, while Mom's mom and I never got along very well. Do you like Twizzlers? NO. Ugh they taste awful. When was the last time it stormed really bad where you live? A few days ago. Afternoon storms are common this time of year. Have you ever cried because you couldn’t be with someone? You have no idea how many times. Have you ever taken Ambien to fall asleep? Yeah, regularly when I was in the psych hospital. It didn't work for me, though. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yes. How often do you use Flickr? I only ever check my friend's page for her meerkat photos. Have you hung out with any guys recently? No. Do you use Febreze on your furniture? Yes. Have you ever skipped school because you were tired? Yes. Have you ever lived in a house with a basement? No. The last two people you kissed, what’s something they have in common? They're both very loyal. When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? Honestly, probably not since I started recovery have I been TRULY happy. I thought I was getting back on track. Do you have anything that does not belong to you, or that you aren’t allowed to/supposed to have? No. Honestly who was the last person to tell you they love you? My mom. Are there any specific words that trigger bad memories for you? "Taco soup." I'm not kidding. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? No. Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? Yes. She did, but hey, was for the better I'm positive. I didn't need to date him. Got in too much trouble. Have you ever fallen asleep in an opposite sex’s bed? Yes. If you had more money, do you think that you would be a happier person? I fucking know I would. Being poor your whole life will do that. Money CAN buy some degree of happiness. How old were you when you spent your first night away from your parents? I'm unsure, but I know later than most little kids because I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom. Do you prefer white or wheat bread? Wheat. What was the last thing you prayed for/about? I don’t pray. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonald’s? Hmmm... I don't THINK so, but I won't say there's no possibility. As a kid, where did you want to have your party at the most? Chuck E. Cheese, probably. if your friend is dating someone ugly, do you voice your opinion? Um, no? Who the fuck cares if someone who isn't dating the person thinks they're unattractive? That has zero effect on me. Do you consume more ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce? Ketchup. Are you more sympathetic towards animals or humans? Animals. Animals aren't jackasses. They're pure and innocent without a speck of willing evil in their hearts. Is there anything you want to live to tell your grandchildren? I don't even want children, so. What is the first thing you do when you get on the computer? I check KM. What do you mainly watch on YouTube? Let's plays, tarantula and reptile channels, WoW goldmaking channels... really a loooot of stuff. YouTube is pretty much my TV, so I gotta have lots of topics of interest, ha ha. What do people most pick on you about? How I'm always on the computer. Just don't. Would you rather go to the mountains or the beach? The mountains. If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe light pink. How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved? Two. If you have pets, do they ever get table scraps? As a snake, Venus obviously doesn't, and Roman doesn't, either. He learned as a kitten that eating human food is a no-no. Have you ever been on a diet? Many times. Have you ever been the victim of an ingrown toenail? A slight one that I could fix myself. Still hurt like a bitch. What’s your favorite romance movie? The Notebook. What do you dip your chicken nuggets in? Ketchup, normally. Is there someone that you would kiss right now if they wanted to? Yes. What’s the nicest meal that someone else has ever cooked for you? *shrug* How many friends do you have of the opposite sex? Two. Would it suck to have to share a bed every night? Not really. I loved sleeping with Jason when we briefly lived together. It was comforting. What will your next piercing be? Probably my nostril again. Do you have any weapons for personal protection? No, but I want one.
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scarluxia · 3 years
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Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".
CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.
My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.
While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.
My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.
I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.
Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.
So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.
Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.
Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.
Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)
She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."
Um, no, but my father did.
I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL
Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.
My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.
Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.
It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...
HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.
Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.
You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.
Anyway, I've gone off topic...
I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.
Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.
Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.
Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.
I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.
Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!
Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.
I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.
So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.
"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.
"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.
"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.
"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.
Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.
Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.
So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.
So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.
And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.
As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.
They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.
Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.
Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"
Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.
So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.
Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.
Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!
Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.
They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.
They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.
They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.
And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.
In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!
I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!
They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.
Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.
They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.
Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.
I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.
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overthemoonwithme · 3 years
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Hi!!! 15, 4, 26 and 30 <3
ooh thank you for asking :)
(I talk about states a lot so just for clarity for the most part states are divided according to language, though a lot of languages have been erased in this process. I come from Kerala and speak Malayalam)
4. favourite dish specific for your country?
Kerala Porota. It’s a type of flatbread native to my state, and particularly the northern “Malabar” region where the city that I grew up in is located, Kozhikode. It’s delicious. Particularly good with beef fry or fish or egg curry. Not to be confused with the north indian ‘paratha’, which is made from wholemeal wheat flour and has stuffing inside. It’s also interestingly popular in Singapore (maybe because there’s a lot of Tamil migration?) so when I was there in the 6th & 7th grade I’d have it every day for lunch in my canteen so it’s very special to me.
15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?
https://twitter.com/SrishtyRanjan/status/1352594770015744001
does this count 🙃
Um...okay so I was very proud of this english pun when I made it in 2019 but I’m going to leave it as is for any hindi speakers on here:
“She said I shouldn’t mutter but it’s I love world peace!”
26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?
Until recently the portrayal of Indians was obviously very stereotypical, racist and gross, but honestly I’m more scared of the way in which Hindutva (right wing Hindu/Brahmin supremacist conservatism) has entered American media, but is being portrayed as positive representation. Why don’t we see many muslim Indians, Bahujan Indian families in American media? Because NRIs are a powerful group who have been working towards creating a homogenous view of Indians that is upper caste, beef hating, usually north Indian but if not then Brahmin/non-dravidian, BJP/modi supporting and so on. Shit like Never Have I Ever is, to me, so much more dangerous than stereotypical characters like Raj because it does stereotype Indians while appearing progressive, but it does it in a way that is useful to oppressor groups. 
https://wearyourvoicemag.com/never-have-i-ever-seen-a-show-so-casteist-and-racist/
https://feminisminindia.com/2020/05/15/netflixs-never-have-i-ever-savarna-storytelling-irresponsible-ignorant/
This has been happening over the course of many years, and I’d say begins with the mainstreaming/appropriation of Brahmanical Hindu symbols into everyday American life. Something like Karma for instance which is so normalised, actually originates in the caste system. Privileged people are and oppressed groups are in those positions because of deeds in the past life..it’s gross. There’s also a lot of literature on Yoga nationalism. 
Like...woke Indian hindu kids with no idea about history call Blackpink using Ganesh imagery “appropriation”, but they don’t realise how that was actually exported by supremacists in India to make their ideology more palatable to westerners.
30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family?
No i don’t think so? Endogamy has too much of a strong hold..my generation is literally the first where people are marrying outside of the state on my dad’s side and second on my mom’s. There are probably people in the extended family but idk about them.
Sorry idk how much of this is easy to follow if you’re not Indian but I’m procrastinating on an assignment so this was just word vomit 😭😭
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