The story about the man with a bigger ass than Roier
(Translation under cut)
Quackity: First of all we need to make something very clear; Roier no longer has the biggest ass in Mexico. Someone took the title from this guy
Roier: Okay, let's tell it- Well do we say where we were or no? I think yes, right?
Quackity: Uh- yes. Yeahyeahyeah
Roier: Okay, guys, do you all remember the ESLAND* hotel? We went to this same hotel but to eat, and as we were leaving there was this man with a massive ass- enormous-
Cellbit, laughing: We were like- chatting- and out of nowhere this guy with an enormous ass just appears, all caked up- (laughing too hard to speak)
Roier: But- but I mean, this bastard was stopped like this, look look look! (Roier demonstrates) He was turned around like this, and then he looked over like this-
Quackity: I'm g- look, I'm going to tell you exactly in the way that it happened, look look look-
(video cuts)
Quackity: We were leaving- we drank last night so my voice is a little fucked- We were leaving to go drink, and suddenly while leaving- it was like one in the morning, right? One thirty in the morning, in the same hotel we went to for ESLAND*- and this guy passed by- but he was like- he was a guy and I swear to you he was passing by like this- (demonstrates) Some of the- The biggest ass cheeks I have ever seen in my life! In my life!
Roier: But- but in truth- people, compared to me I hadn't ever met someone with such a big ass- it was like two enormous bowling balls like this (makes tongue clicking noises)
Cellbit: Perfectly aligned, like- spherical
Roier: Yes, perfect- I mean, his pants were glowing- his pants were glowing, man!
Cellbit: Yes- I was crying like how much (makes distressed noises) -the biggest ass!
Roier, in a half-crying voice: The pants- I'm tired, boss-
Quackity: It's was so symmetrical, dude- It was an incomparable symmetry, man.
Cellbit: It was a perfect symmetry- and he looked behind himself like (demonstrates) "Hello- Hello where are you going to?"
Quackity: Nonono I- when I saw this it messed me up and I said- and I said to Cellbit- I said to him-
(Cellbit starts laughing)
Quackity: I was concerned! I was concerned! Guys, imagine me, my fucking worried face- and I was actually very concerned and I said "Cellbit." And he went "What? What happened?" "I found Roier's competitor."
(Cellbit and Roier giggle)
Quackity: And Cellbit fucking turned around and went "NO WAY." It was like- I compared it to the sun. The sun is always there, and you can't ignore it!
Roier: You can't!
Quackity: Because it's so fucking bright! That was how this guy's ass was! In truth it was a beautifully symmetrical sight. And it's actually very sad because [Roier] is no longer number one. Now he's number-
Roier: Now I'm number two-
Quackity: You're number three because his two count for lighting up this part of the world, man! You're number- (laughs too hard to speak)
*Thank you to @cokemcyt in the tags for explaining this: #for anyone who doesnt know the ESLAND awards are awards for spanish speaking content creators and one time they took place in mx city!
⭕Papá, ¿sabes que el niño que se sienta junto a mí en el cole se llama Mateo y está enamorado de mí?
🔘 No hija, seguro que le gustas porque eres un encanto... pero estar enamorado es un poco exagerado.
⭕Pero papá, ¿no significa lo mismo?
🔘No amor, estar enamorado significa mucho más.
⭕Entonces, si él me ayuda a colorear, me cierra el delantal, lava mis pinceles, me da la pieza más grande de su merienda, me dice que soy muy bella, me alisa el cabello con sus dedos, me ayuda siempre con mi mochila, me lleva de la mano y siempre se despide con un delicado abrazo y un besito. ¿No está enamorado de mí?
🔘Lo siento hija. Tienes toda la razón... No sabía de todas estas cosas. Tal vez, Mateo esté más enamorado que muchos adultos.
‘ te juro no quería hacerlo... lo siento ’ termina con esa gran frase que alguna vez escuchó en una canción; esperando que la muchacha terminara de escribir la dedicatoria. ‘ ¿listo? por favor, envíalos a las dos direcciones que te di ’ incluso había tenido el descaro de elegir el mismo arreglo floral. ‘ ay, basta... no necesito tú mirada juzgadora ’ dice a la persona de al lado que ha estado escuchando todo su plan para disculparse con las afectadas.